July 6, 2025 • 35 mins
What if your anger isn't something to be suppressed, but a powerful messenger trying to protect what's sacred in your life?
In this raw, unfiltered episode, Naomi opens up about a recent boundary violation at her healing practice that triggered a necessary wave of protective anger. She challenges the spiritual community's tendency to bypass anger in favor of "love and light," revealing how this disconnection can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical illness when we refuse to honor our body's warning system.
"Being angry is not bad," Naomi explains. "What's destructive is when you allow that anger to fester like a sore, get infected within you, and then create stories that aren't true." Her vulnerable account of confronting someone who threatened the safety of her practice illustrates how setting firm boundaries isn't unspiritual—it's essential for protecting our energy and those we serve.
The conversation shifts to Naomi's current journey through Cancer season, where she's embracing a fasting practice that's helping her shed not just physical weight but old stories, identities, and fears of not being accepted. "I'm tired of overworking, of trying too hard, of this hustle mentality that is so fucking toxic," she shares. "I just want to lead with my heart."
For anyone feeling triggered lately or questioning their emotional responses, this episode offers permission to honor all aspects of your emotional landscape. Remember: your anger might be the very thing guiding you toward deeper authenticity and freedom. Join Naomi in this intimate exploration of emotional intelligence, boundary-setting, and the journey back to trusting ourselves.
I'd Love To Connect With You..Send Me A Message!
To Connect With Me, Visit Me At: www.joyfulshaman.com
Follow Me On Instagram: @joyfulshaman
Have Questions Or Episode Ideas?? Email Me!
Naomi@joyfulshaman.com
Thank You So Much For Supporting Me & Energetically…The Collective
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the Joyful Shaman.
I am Naomi, your host with themost, and I am back again to
share stories, insight,inspiration and healing with you
.
So those of you that might befinding this welcome.
We are on the weekend of the4th of July technically
(00:24):
America's birthday but I think alot of people aren't really
feeling that patriotic energy.
We definitely honor everyoneand the ancestors that have come
this way to create this countrythat we live in and we are
citizens of and that we doappreciate in various ways, but
(00:46):
I think the overall energy isthey don't feel that everybody
has the same rights andindependence and freedom.
And there's so many things thathave happened this week with
the bills that got signed intolaw and what that could mean for
people, what that could meanfor people, especially those
(01:11):
that rely on state and federalgovernment programs and things
like that, and so the world justfeels like I just need to enjoy
myself and focus on myselfbecause there is so much
information that's constantlycoming into our faces.
And I myself, I've never been abig fan of 4th of July.
I like fireworks and thingslike that, but I'm patriotic to
(01:34):
a certain sense.
My parents live here and so Iwas born in this country and I'm
grateful to have my freedom.
So I'm grateful to be who I am,I'm grateful that I get to have
my business and be fully free.
But there's also a part of methat's like not everyone gets to
do that and I feel that what isthe sense of being an American
(01:55):
has completely changed from whatI believe was the intention
from 1776.
So I've definitely just beenresting a lot this weekend and
being in deep, deepintrospection.
But this week I want to talkabout what's been coming up for
(02:19):
cancer season and I also want totalk about anger.
I want to talk about angerfirst because it's definitely
been rising more and more, notjust within the collective or
this country or the world, butwithin my community and within
myself as well and in my pastcircles, like in June when I was
(02:44):
wrapping up gatherings.
Anger keeps coming up for people, and people I think needed to
understand and see a differentperspective on what anger is,
especially as women.
Women, we are entrained to keepour emotions in check and that
being labeled or being seen asan angry woman means a volatile,
(03:06):
unstable and a woman that isjust so up and down in their
moods that they're just seen asextreme mental illness when it's
so much, whereas really angeris just your body's way of
letting you physically knowsomething's not right and I need
to check in with myself and Ineed to voice it and I need to
(03:28):
find a way to understand itwithout it becoming rage.
Rage can be a destructive force, you know, if it's out of
control, imagine like a wildfire.
If it gets out of control it'sjust going to burn, burn, burn
and destroy.
But anger in and of itself is acatalyst, and so I have posted
this week on social media thisreally big post that actually
(03:52):
resonated with a lot ofdifferent people, of
understanding like rage or anger, before it escalates into rage,
because rage, I feel, isuntapped and suppressed anger
built with shame, guilt,resentment and past woundings
all jumbled up together thatjust create this giant fireball.
But anger in and of itself isyour body's way, your spirit's
(04:18):
way of saying like hey, thisisn't right, we've had enough,
this can't go on anymore.
This is putting our bodyphysically and emotional and
nervous system meltdown.
Mentally it's driving you upthe wall and making you second
guess yourself, making you go tothe extreme, putting you in
(04:38):
beyond stress mode, fight orflight mode and like we've had
enough.
You've got to voice something,you've got to say something,
you've got to make a change.
And so we need to be angry, weneed to dive in and lean into
when we're feeling anger.
And a lot of people were likeI've been doing some readings
and they're like I'm not angry.
(04:59):
And I said what do you mean?
You're not angry?
And they're like I don't reallyfeel anger.
And I was like you may not feelrage.
But I said but you're herebecause you're angry about
something else that's deeperwithin you that maybe you're
afraid to see or it needs to beuncovered.
And this is why you're hereasking questions, because you're
(05:20):
like why isn't this happening?
That's anger.
It's just.
Everybody feels it differentlyand sometimes, when we learn to
suppress it and keep it deepdown, it manifests in other ways
, beyond rage.
It might manifest indisassociation, it might
manifest in severe depression,it might manifest in severe
(05:43):
anxiety, mania, impulsiveactions, addictions.
Anger is a human, physicalemotion lets you know
something's not right, and so Ihave been really reflecting on
that, not just to provideanswers for my clients or for my
(06:03):
community, but also withinmyself.
I feel like I haven't gottenangry as much I get frustrated
and maybe that is the beginningof anger, but I haven't gotten
angry about something in aminute and maybe because I live
(06:25):
just a very quiet, introvertedlife outside of my workspace
that I just try to keepharmonious.
But I also realized thatkeeping harmonious and not
speaking up is building upenergy within me that can really
put me off the wall, so tospeak, when it just compresses
and it has to blow its top.
(06:46):
You know, I want to say thispast week I got really angry and
it wasn't part of actions thata person took that made me feel
unsafe, made my business feelunsafe, violated professional
and personal boundaries, but itwas also like I am a deep
(07:11):
protector of what I feel issacred and what I feel is secure
and that anyone or anythingthat crosses that boundary I
will fight you literally toothand nail to protect it.
And it was something that cameout of the blue.
It happened on Wednesday andWednesday I had a busy day of
(07:34):
Zoom calls, trying to meet withpeople for upcoming retreats,
and I was working with myco-host, cindy, who were leading
the Wisdom of the Goddessretreat in Isla Mujeres, mexico,
in November, and we had twoZoom meetings back to back with
two women who had registered todo like a discovery call, like a
(07:54):
meet and greet, like hey, let'sget to know you, get to know us
, let's see if it's a vibe,let's see if it's a harmonious
and mutual alignment for us toextend the invitation and for
you to join us if it's a goodfit.
And this is my screeningprocess for all of my retreats.
I am not a person that's justlike, yeah, sign up, because I
need bodies and I need money.
No, this is about healing, it'sabout connection, it's about
(08:18):
mutual energetic exchange withthe aligned people, because I'm
here to work with people thatare willing to show the fuck up
for themselves the way that Ishow up for myself, to the best
of my ability, and that'sfucking real.
Okay, and I'm not for everybodyand I will say no to you if
it's just not in alignment.
And so one of my biggest petpeeves in the retreat industry
(08:43):
is that people fucking blow youoff.
You know they'll be like, yeah,I'll register, I'm signing up,
we're communicating, we're set,you set the Zoom meeting, you're
sitting there and nobody elseis on the other side and I get
it.
It happens, but it's stillfucking rude because I don't
like to disrespect anyone else'stime and I don't like anyone to
(09:03):
disrespect my time.
So don't be a fucking cowardand just communicate if it's not
alignment, you know.
So that shit has been happeningto me for almost a year and I
know it happens to a lot ofpeople, but it's still
frustrating for me.
So those of you out there thatare listening, that are
interested in retreats, don't dothat to retreat leaders,
because, let me tell you, Iremember each and every one of
(09:25):
you, I put you on a list and ifyou ever apply to one of my
retreats again, it's anautomatic no, because that's my
boundary and it's not to be meanor upset or anything, but it's
just to say it's not respectful.
Time cannot be replaced andeven though it's a couple of
minutes or whatever, it's no bigdeal.
You're just moving on.
Be courteous and respectful tosay like, hey, I'm not
(09:48):
interested because in the future, if you are, that door will not
be open to you or it will beopen a slight crack with the
fact that there's going to besome strong ass boundaries.
So, needless to say, these twowomen did not show up this.
To say, these two women did notshow up the first one, I don't
(10:09):
know what happened.
Cindy knows her and I think shejust got caught up and that's
fine.
It was her first time and Itypically do like one reschedule
for that.
And then the second woman yeahwell, it's a woman that we
already had a second rescheduleand she blew us off again last
week and this week and I'm like,nah, it's not an alignment.
And unfortunately it justhappens to be another retreat
(10:31):
leader and an author and someonethat does TED Talks and likes
to promote that.
Well, she just kept puttingexcuses and didn't put it on her
calendar.
It's not an alignment.
And so I was already frustratedbecause I had a busy day on
Wednesday of taking care ofonline work, doing these
meetings, bringing my linens tobe washed by the laundry person
(10:56):
and then taking my dad to thedoctor.
And I was getting this callfrom a woman that I hadn't spoke
to in over a year and, mind you, she's only been to our
business with me and Cassie forone sound bath meditation last
year.
She's a woman that lives in thecommunity, who is older, like
(11:18):
late sixties, sick, has anillness and has mental illness,
and I've always been respectfulof her, but she's always crossed
boundaries and I think it'sbecause she suffers from her
mental illness and doesn't seektherapy and has no idea how to
(11:38):
regulate impulsive behavior, andso I've always just kind of had
this guard with her.
Well, she disappeared for ayear and so she called me.
I saw her call come in and avoicemail that said please call
me back at your earliestconvenience.
And I'm like, okay, I'll callher later.
After all these meetings, afterI take my dad, you know, like
three or four o'clock in theafternoon, I had another zoom
(12:01):
meeting at three 30 with myco-host for Shasta that's coming
up on the 23rd.
I was going to call her laterin the day.
I always call back people whenthey leave me voicemails at my
earliest convenience.
Like you said, the womanproceeds to call me repeatedly
on my business line like fivetimes.
And then I totally forgot shehad my personal number and
(12:22):
started blowing up my personalnumber too and I was like shit,
I have got to fucking block this.
This is some negative assenergy I'm feeling right now.
I do not need this stress and Iwas not in the mood after
having two blown off Zooms andso I'm off doing my things
running around, going to thebank, had to get a new debit
(12:43):
card this week because I had toshut it down because I fucking
clicked on a link on socialmedia to do some online shopping
and it was too good to be trueand it was fucking fraud.
That was a lesson I had tolearn and so I had to get a new
card and then take my dad to thedoctor and then drop off the
(13:05):
linens and it's raining.
I get six messages from Cassie,as you know, is my business
partner, who's working in theoffice on Wednesday and she's
like you need to fucking handlesome shit and I'm like what the
fuck's going on?
Apparently, this woman becauseI did not call her back
(13:25):
immediately or when she wanteddecides to Google where our
office is and shows up and, asyou know, we work in a
historical house with theacupuncture physician and four
other attorneys.
We are by appointment only.
There's no walk-ins.
That door is locked to protecteverybody.
It's not that type of businesswhere people are walking in
(13:48):
unless you have an appointment,and that's just common sense.
That's just how we operate ourbusiness.
This woman was repeatedly, fromwhat I was told by Dr Boatwright
and by Cassie, ringing thedoorbell and banging on the
glass, and it's single paneglass because the house is 120
years old.
And so Dr Boatwright heard itand had to step out from her
(14:11):
treatment with her patient toopen the door and be like hello,
who are you?
How can I help you?
And she said the woman wastrying to push her way in and Dr
Boatwright stood at the doorand she's like hello, how can I
help you?
And she asked, hey, is Naomithere?
And she's like no, she's nothere today.
And she's like okay, well,she's going to be back.
And she keeps trying to pushher way in and Dr Boatwright's
(14:32):
like she's not here today, howcan I help you?
And she's like well, is Cassiehere?
And she's like well, she's insession right now.
Manages to push her way inside.
She says I'm just going to havegoes.
No, and she's like but I'mgoing to sit here.
And then she asked her what doyou do?
And she's like when I'm anacupuncture physician?
She's like oh, I want to talkto you about that.
(14:53):
She's like no, I'm in session,you're disruptive, you need to
sit.
Did the woman stay seated?
No, cassie was finishing up asession with a longtime client
of ours who was a loud talker,so she didn't hear any of this.
And we have a side door in ourtreatment room that goes out
into the kitchen area that'sconnected to the house.
(15:15):
So she heard Cassie talking asshe's going to go wash her hands
and the client's gettingdressed.
So I don't know what this womanwas thinking, but she gets up
from the couch, I guess, andstarts saying hello, hello, and
then she starts knocking on ourtreatment room door.
Our door does not have a lockbecause you're not permitted to
have locks for safety reasons.
And so she's turning the knoband the client in there is
(15:39):
getting dressed.
She has no clothes on and she'slike I'm almost dressed.
I don't know if the lady heardit or not, because we have very
loud sound machines that blockout sound.
But Cassie heard something, acommotion in the front living
room area, and she comes out andis like hello, can I help you?
And she's like oh, I'm sorry,do you remember me?
And she's like let go of thedoor.
(16:00):
My client's in there.
She's undressed.
She's like oh, my god, I'm sosorry.
And she's like do you rememberme?
She goes, I know who you are,she.
She goes, you came to oursoundbite.
How can I help you?
Why are you here.
And she's like well, I came toget back on Naomi's schedule.
She's like okay, well, naomi'snot here, she goes.
Yes, this is the third timesomeone has told me she's not
here, she goes, but I am, shegoes, how can I help you?
(16:21):
And she said well, I want toget back on her schedule.
She goes I can't book you.
And she's like you can't put meon Naomi's schedule, you can't
just book me.
She's like no, she's like we'retotally separate businesses, we
just share an office space.
And she's like oh, she goes,have you called Naomi?
She goes, yes, but she hasn'tcalled me back.
And she's like well, did yougive her an opportunity to call
(16:45):
you back?
She goes well.
She's like well, I expect to becalled immediately.
And she goes that's how Naomiworks.
First of all, she she was reallyhonest.
She's like Naomi's not amorning person, which is a
hundred percent fucking facts.
Okay, I'm not a morning personat all.
And second, she's like she'snot here.
She has other businesses thatshe runs.
She's getting ready to travelto lead a retreat.
She's like she works online andyou know she's like.
She's like she works online andyou know she's like she'll call
(17:07):
you back at her earliestconvenience.
Like you left the voicemail.
And so she was like, oh, okay,and she's like.
She's like is there anythingelse I can do for you?
And then she started badmouthing a longtime friend and
colleague and I've talked abouther in my podcast.
Lonnie is another healer in thecommunity and she's been seeing
(17:31):
Lonnie for three years andapparently all of this
escalation happened becauseLonnie finally had enough of her
behavior, which was incrediblyunstable, and told her the day
before I can no longer see you.
And it was Lonnie's daughter'sbirthday.
And Lonnie was like I'm notgoing to let this woman's energy
affect me and affectcelebrating my daughter on her
(17:54):
special day.
And the woman did not take itwell, obviously, and was like
blowing her up and all of this.
And Lonnie was ignoring her.
So then she's looking us up andthen showing up at our office
and all of this within like 24hours and I'm like what the fuck
?
And so Cassie had to get her tostop.
(18:15):
You know she's like listen, youcan't be here.
Like Lonnie is a colleague ofours, anybody that wants to come
and work with us.
From another therapist.
We speak to one another becausewe want to know your history,
we want to know your medicalconditions.
We want to know what you'vebeen working on and we want to
know why you're coming to us.
If it's just a specific thing,a one-time thing, great, and if
(18:38):
you stay over there, that's finetoo.
But this was not the case andshe was escalating and
escalating.
Cassie finally had to tell herto stop and to leave and she
wouldn't leave.
If Cassie's like you need to go,and when she's texting me all
of this, I am so angry.
I remember sitting in my SUV,my dad's in the front seat with
(19:05):
me, it's raining, I have to getthe laundry bags out and go,
pull it into the laundromat.
And I'm looking at him and he'slike something's wrong.
And I was like I don't knowwhat's going on.
I said but someone showed up atthe office and created a scene
and a disruption and almostopened a treatment room door on
a client, pushed their way in.
Dr Boatwright had to step outof office.
Cassie had to handle this.
Cassie's like what the fuck,naomi, do you know what's going
on?
And I'm like no, and I just areso angry because I was like
(19:30):
someone just fucking violated awhole bunch of shit and this is
not fucking okay.
And I'm trying to beprofessional.
So I just screamed really loudin the SUV.
My dad's like do you feelbetter?
And I said momentarily and so Igo and I call my shit into the
laundromat and I'm trying tocall back this woman but I
forgot I had blocked her numbers, so I had to unblock her number
(19:52):
.
I called, thank God she did notpick up.
I left a very firm messagesaying I got your message.
This is my earliest convenienceat this time.
I also received messages fromCassie that all of this happened
today.
This is unacceptable behavior.
This is very unprofessional.
You just disrespected so manyboundaries.
You put my practice in unsafecondition.
(20:14):
I said you really could havecaused the situation.
Should you have opened thatdoor, which you should not have
even been at the house?
You should not have even beenat the door and I'm not going to
see you.
You are not a client of mine.
You have never been a client ofmine.
You will never be on my books.
I do not have that capacity andit's not in alignment.
And I told her don't ever callagain.
You are blocked and if you evershow up to our practice again,
(20:35):
you will be trespassed.
Did she get that?
No, she called back and said Idon't appreciate your snotty
attitude.
And a voicemail and she saidthat I was verbally abusive and
that she doesn't need it andthis and this in her condition.
And then I need to return tolove and she's not going to take
my threats.
I don't care.
(20:55):
Okay, I never care.
When I get to that point, I'mlike I've told you what you
needed to do, but I let myselfbe angry instead of like
swallowing it in and trying tobe the bigger person, because
I'm like fuck, no, you are notgoing to do that, you are not
going to cross over this.
And so that's my story aboutanger.
(21:19):
Lately, and I haven't felt likethat for a long time, and even
after I said that, I kept secondguessing myself of like did I
speak too strongly?
Because Cassie's like Naomi,you know she's got, she has
cancer and she's had cancer forlike several years, and she's
like maybe it's her cognitiveability.
(21:40):
And I was like no dude.
I was like she knows what shedid.
She got in her fucking car anddrove here.
She know I said all of this hasescalated because something has
happened.
I even reached out to Lonnie,and that's when Lonnie said I
had to do this and I said Lonnie, I'm not blaming you, I'm so
sorry.
I'm glad that you finally put astop to it.
This is what happened to us andI'm letting you know.
(22:03):
I put a stop to it right fuckingtoday, and I had to read her
her goddamn rights.
Okay, because if I was there inperson, shadow Naomi would have
come out, full demonic Naomiwould have come out.
And I'm glad I wasn't there,but I allowed my anger to come
up so I can feel it, so that Iknow like I'm going to protect
(22:25):
my business, I'm going toprotect Cassie, I'm going to
protect Dr Boatwright, all thetenants I'm going to protect
where we work.
I'm going to protect ourclients.
I'm going to protect the sacredbounds of our work.
I feel better about it.
And I had to cleanse the wholespace.
The next day that I was in theoffice I cleansed the whole
(22:46):
space, smoked it out, releasedeverything, reset the protection
lines in there, because I'mlike ain't nobody crossing this
fucking door ain't supposed tobe in here for nobody, for Dr
Boatwright, for the attorneys,nobody that's unsafe, not meant
to be here, will not cross thosedoors.
And I felt that protection.
(23:06):
I was like no, we are divinelyprotected.
So just a story to say if you'reangry right now, whether it's
angry about what's happening inthe country, whether it's in
your personal world, allowyourself to feel that anger and
ask yourself what's the deeperrooted thing, what is not right,
and how can I work with this?
And if I need to voicesomething, if I need to move
(23:28):
away from something, if I needto shift something, ask for that
clarity and don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid to be in thatsacred rage.
And if you got to fuckingscream, you got to, like, go
somewhere and do some boxing,some kickboxing.
If you got to go to one ofthose places where you like
smash shit to release that, doit.
(23:48):
Don't feel bad.
Being angry is not bad.
What's bad and what can bedestructive is when you allow
that anger to fester like a soreand get all infected within you
and then it infects your mindand then create stories and
things that aren't true.
And then you escalate from thatLike this woman.
(24:11):
She was not tolerant of someonesaying I've had enough, this is
not an alignment.
And she was like I'm going topush and I'm going to get my way
because no one tells me no andI want this and she was
weaponizing her illness tomanipulate and control, and
that's what made me angry.
I don't like manipulativepeople.
(24:32):
I don't like people who giveexcuses and they feel that you
have to accept it because as ahealer, you're supposed to be
loving life.
Honey, I'm not fucking lovinglife, I'm loving.
I'm going to kick yourmotherfucking ass if you cross
that boundary.
Now I'm going to say it withwords.
I'm going to be firm.
I don't like to get physical,but if I ever have to defend
(24:53):
myself, I'm fucking Mexican manthat cholo part of me is going
to come out, but I don't want todigress into that.
But you get what I'm saying.
Anger is a fail safe in yourbody.
That lets you know something'snot right and if you don't
listen to it, then it couldbecome deeper rooted, deeper
infection, and other symptomswill come of it that are very
(25:15):
destructive.
So that's the first topic Iwanted to talk about.
The second topic is, in thiscancery, watery season which is
actually going a lot better forme than it has in other years,
because I feel like I'm reallyin this grounded place I have
decided a couple of weeks ago,since June 22nd, to do this fast
(25:36):
to prepare for Mount Shasta.
And it was actually me havinglunch with Cindy and with
another friend named Sonia who'scoming to my Mount Shasta
retreat, and Cindy was tellingme that she does these water
fasts to just help her getspiritually sound and clear.
And we were talking about it inthe restaurant and it just lit
(26:01):
me up and I was like I want todo that, I want to challenge
myself to do a 21 day fast, andI thought I could do the water
fast and it realizes I have someserious GERD issues and when I
fast with just water, it just isreally really, really, really
uncomfortable for me.
So I'm like, okay, I can't do afull water fast.
(26:21):
I get that.
So I only eat like a tiny bit,and by a tiny bit I mean like
one or two pieces of fruit, alittle bit of cheese and just to
balance out healthy fats,proteins and a carb.
I mean I'm talking tiny, liketiny, less than a hundred
calories, just so that I cankeep going.
(26:42):
And I've been doing itconsistently and it's been super
powerful, like it's been mindover matter.
I'm really clearing, I'm gettingso crystal clear within myself
and I'm really starting to facesome things within myself that
need healing and right now, I'vebeen in this energy of like
(27:07):
resting, and I'm also been inthis fear of like not wanting to
be seen online.
I don't know what it is andI've been in my head about my
body and it's shifting.
I've lost like 21 pounds sinceI came back from Seattle and I
went gluten-free so since likeJune 1st and I'm consistently
(27:28):
losing weight, of course becauseof the fast, and you know, I'm
finally in this place where itdoesn't bother me.
I'm not triggered by food.
You know.
I feel a little hunger, but nota lot.
My energy is more balanced.
I can sleep well and I'msleeping a lot, actually, I'm
finally resting.
But I've also been contemplatingof like being seen and I've had
(27:49):
some worries about my retreats,you know, and going back to the
scarcity thing, about money andstability, and a lot of things
are being activated.
As I'm shedding weight, as I'mshedding old stories, I'm also
placing the mirror within myselfof like where I still need to
heal and where I'm evolving andwhere roots are of lack of
(28:14):
confidence or self-doubt oroverworking myself or feeling
like I have to prove, and Irealized I don't need to do any
of these things and I know thatI'm shifting into a person
that's being led by their heartand embracing and longing for a
deeper love of self.
Before I can share that love,and by standing in my truth and
(28:37):
by unleashing and opening up aprimal energy or maybe a former
energy or an ancient energywithin myself, maybe from a past
life, maybe from a childhoodthing, where I just wanted to be
wild and free and unlimited anduninhibited and unreserved, not
caring about what people think,not caring about what people
(28:58):
are going to say, if losingfollowers or losing this or not
being seen as my true self and Irealized like all of these are
still intrinsic fears of notfeeling like I'm good enough, or
not feeling like I have thecapability or the ability, or
not feeling or feeling like I'mless than Like.
(29:21):
There's this new, renewedenergy of me wanting to work
with high profile people andcelebrities, and it's because I
feel that when you're constantlyseen like that, you also long
to be seen by someone without anagenda, without wanting
something for you, and that theyhave a lot of healing that they
(29:42):
need to do as well, and thatthey're constantly being judged
and criticized and people areconstantly commenting and
creating stories about them andI feel for them.
I do, and maybe because of mypast working with celebrities
and really seeing them in theirtrue, natural state, I have the
ability, I feel, to just embodythat mother nurturing energy of
(30:06):
just like.
I'm just here for you, I seeyou for who you are, not what
you can do, not what you've done, you know, not because of your
status, of your money orwhatever.
Like there is no separation.
We're just two souls heretogether and I'm learning to
embody that of just well.
I need to stand in my essenceand in my true power and to
(30:28):
believe that within myselfbefore I can step up to that
level, because I really onlywant to work with people who are
ready to do that.
And so I myself am continuingto do the work and I'm really
grateful for this fast, becauseit's allowing me to take the
weight off and to shed, not justphysically but emotionally and
(30:49):
mentally, so that I can get downto the root level of this and
really dive into it.
My goal is to continue to do asecret fasting in between my
retreats and in my travels,because I want to get this
weight down, I want to get backdown to the way that I feel is
healthy for me and my weight andmy height and for my age, and
(31:14):
to be healthy and to be soundand to feel beautiful and
confident in my body even thoughI do feel beautiful and
confident but to really embodywho I really am, I have to let
go of this weight of 10 years.
And this weight that I have onmy body is old stories, old
(31:35):
identities, old patterns of whatI felt I needed to do or what's
right or to.
I was afraid of being judged, Iwas afraid of not being
accepted.
I don't give a fuck about that,obviously, you know, and I
think I'm just really tired ofoverworking, of trying too hard,
(31:55):
of this hustle mentality thatis so fucking toxic, you know,
and I just want to lead with myheart and just create and the
belief that when I'm leading, ifit's an alignment and
continuing to check myself, it'sin alignment, it's going to
come into fruition in the timethat it needs to, and so that's
what cancer season's beenbringing up for me.
(32:17):
I'm going to continue my fast, Ithink, until Thursday.
I'm actually going to havedinner with Lonnie, and we
haven't had dinner with eachother in like a couple of months
.
I'm really excited.
And then Friday, I go out oftown, hopefully with Cassie, to
meet a chef to see aboutcollaborating for retreats.
But I'm going to get back on itnext Saturday and I'm going to
(32:38):
take it all the way up to the22nd.
Do the retreat, come back, do afast before I go to San Diego,
come back from San Diego andfast for a whole month until I
go to England.
I really feel this feels reallygood in my body.
I have sustained energy, I feelwhole, I feel calm.
I have no pain in my body, noinflammation.
(33:01):
My knee is healing.
It's healed so well.
I can get up and down from theground easily.
Yeah, I'm just feeling good, butI'm also going in a lot deeper
within myself.
So I'll probably be making somevideos on social media.
But I'm also like I don't wantto create for the sake of fear
(33:23):
of creation, to get informationout there.
I want to create like how Icreate here, with a podcast with
you all.
That's how I want to create,like how I create here, with a
podcast with you all.
That's how I want to createonline.
And that requires me to rest alot and it does require me to
prepare, but I like to do itlike doing lives on Instagram
and I'm not a short form type ofperson, you know, when speaking
(33:47):
, but I do speak from the heart.
So if any of this resonateswith you today, I'm glad and I'm
glad that you're joining me andI hope that all of you are kind
of diving into your feelings.
I've been getting a lot ofclients who are very surprising,
who wouldn't come to me forenergy healing, been showing up
for their monthly appointmentsfor July and they're like for
(34:08):
the past two weeks I've been inthis emotional state where
everything's fucking triggeringme and I'm trying to understand,
I'm trying to regulate and I'mlike, yeah, man, we're going
through some big motherfuckingshifts and changes and it's
going to be rough.
It's going to be tough and yourbody's telling you we have got
to bring this into the light.
Let's remove any guilt, shame orany other negative feeling
(34:30):
around it or attachment, andlet's transmute this, you know,
and so I'm excited to seelong-time clients of mine shift
and change, you know, for thebetter, so that they can be
their best versions ofthemselves.
So I remember who they are, thatthey hold the fucking power,
that everything that they desirethey can fill it within
(34:50):
themselves first, and that'sconstantly a mirror for me, and
it's a constant work that I'mdoing every day and I'm proud of
all of you that are doing it,and I'm proud of myself of doing
it too, and I'm right here withyou.
I'm right here with you.
So, if you find this, know thatyou are a beautiful soul,
you're here, there's a purposefor you, and this journey is
(35:15):
about walking each other home toremember who we are and that
everything that we desire, theanswers, lie within us, and I
want you all to be well, takecare of yourself, Give yourself
lots of grace, love, nurture andcompassion, and keep having fun
and keep enjoying life.
Friends, it's summertime, it'shot, but have fun, embrace that
(35:38):
inner joy, heal that inner childand enjoy yourself.
Until we meet again, be welland Sat Nam.
Welcome back to the Joyful Shaman.
I am Naomi, your host with themost, and I am back again to
share stories, insight,inspiration and healing with you
.
So those of you that might befinding this welcome.
We are on the weekend of the4th of July technically
(00:24):
America's birthday but I think alot of people aren't really
feeling that patriotic energy.
We definitely honor everyoneand the ancestors that have come
this way to create this countrythat we live in and we are
citizens of and that we doappreciate in various ways, but
(00:46):
I think the overall energy isthey don't feel that everybody
has the same rights andindependence and freedom.
And there's so many things thathave happened this week with
the bills that got signed intolaw and what that could mean for
people, what that could meanfor people, especially those
(01:11):
that rely on state and federalgovernment programs and things
like that, and so the world justfeels like I just need to enjoy
myself and focus on myselfbecause there is so much
information that's constantlycoming into our faces.
And I myself, I've never been abig fan of 4th of July.
I like fireworks and thingslike that, but I'm patriotic to
(01:34):
a certain sense.
My parents live here and so Iwas born in this country and I'm
grateful to have my freedom.
So I'm grateful to be who I am,I'm grateful that I get to have
my business and be fully free.
But there's also a part of methat's like not everyone gets to
do that and I feel that what isthe sense of being an American
(01:55):
has completely changed from whatI believe was the intention
from 1776.
So I've definitely just beenresting a lot this weekend and
being in deep, deepintrospection.
But this week I want to talkabout what's been coming up for
(02:19):
cancer season and I also want totalk about anger.
I want to talk about angerfirst because it's definitely
been rising more and more, notjust within the collective or
this country or the world, butwithin my community and within
myself as well and in my pastcircles, like in June when I was
(02:44):
wrapping up gatherings.
Anger keeps coming up for people, and people I think needed to
understand and see a differentperspective on what anger is,
especially as women.
Women, we are entrained to keepour emotions in check and that
being labeled or being seen asan angry woman means a volatile,
(03:06):
unstable and a woman that isjust so up and down in their
moods that they're just seen asextreme mental illness when it's
so much, whereas really angeris just your body's way of
letting you physically knowsomething's not right and I need
to check in with myself and Ineed to voice it and I need to
(03:28):
find a way to understand itwithout it becoming rage.
Rage can be a destructive force, you know, if it's out of
control, imagine like a wildfire.
If it gets out of control it'sjust going to burn, burn, burn
and destroy.
But anger in and of itself is acatalyst, and so I have posted
this week on social media thisreally big post that actually
(03:52):
resonated with a lot ofdifferent people, of
understanding like rage or anger, before it escalates into rage,
because rage, I feel, isuntapped and suppressed anger
built with shame, guilt,resentment and past woundings
all jumbled up together thatjust create this giant fireball.
But anger in and of itself isyour body's way, your spirit's
(04:18):
way of saying like hey, thisisn't right, we've had enough,
this can't go on anymore.
This is putting our bodyphysically and emotional and
nervous system meltdown.
Mentally it's driving you upthe wall and making you second
guess yourself, making you go tothe extreme, putting you in
(04:38):
beyond stress mode, fight orflight mode and like we've had
enough.
You've got to voice something,you've got to say something,
you've got to make a change.
And so we need to be angry, weneed to dive in and lean into
when we're feeling anger.
And a lot of people were likeI've been doing some readings
and they're like I'm not angry.
(04:59):
And I said what do you mean?
You're not angry?
And they're like I don't reallyfeel anger.
And I was like you may not feelrage.
But I said but you're herebecause you're angry about
something else that's deeperwithin you that maybe you're
afraid to see or it needs to beuncovered.
And this is why you're hereasking questions, because you're
(05:20):
like why isn't this happening?
That's anger.
It's just.
Everybody feels it differentlyand sometimes, when we learn to
suppress it and keep it deepdown, it manifests in other ways
, beyond rage.
It might manifest indisassociation, it might
manifest in severe depression,it might manifest in severe
(05:43):
anxiety, mania, impulsiveactions, addictions.
Anger is a human, physicalemotion lets you know
something's not right, and so Ihave been really reflecting on
that, not just to provideanswers for my clients or for my
(06:03):
community, but also withinmyself.
I feel like I haven't gottenangry as much I get frustrated
and maybe that is the beginningof anger, but I haven't gotten
angry about something in aminute and maybe because I live
(06:25):
just a very quiet, introvertedlife outside of my workspace
that I just try to keepharmonious.
But I also realized thatkeeping harmonious and not
speaking up is building upenergy within me that can really
put me off the wall, so tospeak, when it just compresses
and it has to blow its top.
(06:46):
You know, I want to say thispast week I got really angry and
it wasn't part of actions thata person took that made me feel
unsafe, made my business feelunsafe, violated professional
and personal boundaries, but itwas also like I am a deep
(07:11):
protector of what I feel issacred and what I feel is secure
and that anyone or anythingthat crosses that boundary I
will fight you literally toothand nail to protect it.
And it was something that cameout of the blue.
It happened on Wednesday andWednesday I had a busy day of
(07:34):
Zoom calls, trying to meet withpeople for upcoming retreats,
and I was working with myco-host, cindy, who were leading
the Wisdom of the Goddessretreat in Isla Mujeres, mexico,
in November, and we had twoZoom meetings back to back with
two women who had registered todo like a discovery call, like a
(07:54):
meet and greet, like hey, let'sget to know you, get to know us
, let's see if it's a vibe,let's see if it's a harmonious
and mutual alignment for us toextend the invitation and for
you to join us if it's a goodfit.
And this is my screeningprocess for all of my retreats.
I am not a person that's justlike, yeah, sign up, because I
need bodies and I need money.
No, this is about healing, it'sabout connection, it's about
(08:18):
mutual energetic exchange withthe aligned people, because I'm
here to work with people thatare willing to show the fuck up
for themselves the way that Ishow up for myself, to the best
of my ability, and that'sfucking real.
Okay, and I'm not for everybodyand I will say no to you if
it's just not in alignment.
And so one of my biggest petpeeves in the retreat industry
(08:43):
is that people fucking blow youoff.
You know they'll be like, yeah,I'll register, I'm signing up,
we're communicating, we're set,you set the Zoom meeting, you're
sitting there and nobody elseis on the other side and I get
it.
It happens, but it's stillfucking rude because I don't
like to disrespect anyone else'stime and I don't like anyone to
(09:03):
disrespect my time.
So don't be a fucking cowardand just communicate if it's not
alignment, you know.
So that shit has been happeningto me for almost a year and I
know it happens to a lot ofpeople, but it's still
frustrating for me.
So those of you out there thatare listening, that are
interested in retreats, don't dothat to retreat leaders,
because, let me tell you, Iremember each and every one of
(09:25):
you, I put you on a list and ifyou ever apply to one of my
retreats again, it's anautomatic no, because that's my
boundary and it's not to be meanor upset or anything, but it's
just to say it's not respectful.
Time cannot be replaced andeven though it's a couple of
minutes or whatever, it's no bigdeal.
You're just moving on.
Be courteous and respectful tosay like, hey, I'm not
(09:48):
interested because in the future, if you are, that door will not
be open to you or it will beopen a slight crack with the
fact that there's going to besome strong ass boundaries.
So, needless to say, these twowomen did not show up this.
To say, these two women did notshow up the first one, I don't
(10:09):
know what happened.
Cindy knows her and I think shejust got caught up and that's
fine.
It was her first time and Itypically do like one reschedule
for that.
And then the second woman yeahwell, it's a woman that we
already had a second rescheduleand she blew us off again last
week and this week and I'm like,nah, it's not an alignment.
And unfortunately it justhappens to be another retreat
(10:31):
leader and an author and someonethat does TED Talks and likes
to promote that.
Well, she just kept puttingexcuses and didn't put it on her
calendar.
It's not an alignment.
And so I was already frustratedbecause I had a busy day on
Wednesday of taking care ofonline work, doing these
meetings, bringing my linens tobe washed by the laundry person
(10:56):
and then taking my dad to thedoctor.
And I was getting this callfrom a woman that I hadn't spoke
to in over a year and, mind you, she's only been to our
business with me and Cassie forone sound bath meditation last
year.
She's a woman that lives in thecommunity, who is older, like
(11:18):
late sixties, sick, has anillness and has mental illness,
and I've always been respectfulof her, but she's always crossed
boundaries and I think it'sbecause she suffers from her
mental illness and doesn't seektherapy and has no idea how to
(11:38):
regulate impulsive behavior, andso I've always just kind of had
this guard with her.
Well, she disappeared for ayear and so she called me.
I saw her call come in and avoicemail that said please call
me back at your earliestconvenience.
And I'm like, okay, I'll callher later.
After all these meetings, afterI take my dad, you know, like
three or four o'clock in theafternoon, I had another zoom
(12:01):
meeting at three 30 with myco-host for Shasta that's coming
up on the 23rd.
I was going to call her laterin the day.
I always call back people whenthey leave me voicemails at my
earliest convenience.
Like you said, the womanproceeds to call me repeatedly
on my business line like fivetimes.
And then I totally forgot shehad my personal number and
(12:22):
started blowing up my personalnumber too and I was like shit,
I have got to fucking block this.
This is some negative assenergy I'm feeling right now.
I do not need this stress and Iwas not in the mood after
having two blown off Zooms andso I'm off doing my things
running around, going to thebank, had to get a new debit
(12:43):
card this week because I had toshut it down because I fucking
clicked on a link on socialmedia to do some online shopping
and it was too good to be trueand it was fucking fraud.
That was a lesson I had tolearn and so I had to get a new
card and then take my dad to thedoctor and then drop off the
(13:05):
linens and it's raining.
I get six messages from Cassie,as you know, is my business
partner, who's working in theoffice on Wednesday and she's
like you need to fucking handlesome shit and I'm like what the
fuck's going on?
Apparently, this woman becauseI did not call her back
(13:25):
immediately or when she wanteddecides to Google where our
office is and shows up and, asyou know, we work in a
historical house with theacupuncture physician and four
other attorneys.
We are by appointment only.
There's no walk-ins.
That door is locked to protecteverybody.
It's not that type of businesswhere people are walking in
(13:48):
unless you have an appointment,and that's just common sense.
That's just how we operate ourbusiness.
This woman was repeatedly, fromwhat I was told by Dr Boatwright
and by Cassie, ringing thedoorbell and banging on the
glass, and it's single paneglass because the house is 120
years old.
And so Dr Boatwright heard itand had to step out from her
(14:11):
treatment with her patient toopen the door and be like hello,
who are you?
How can I help you?
And she said the woman wastrying to push her way in and Dr
Boatwright stood at the doorand she's like hello, how can I
help you?
And she asked, hey, is Naomithere?
And she's like no, she's nothere today.
And she's like okay, well,she's going to be back.
And she keeps trying to pushher way in and Dr Boatwright's
(14:32):
like she's not here today, howcan I help you?
And she's like well, is Cassiehere?
And she's like well, she's insession right now.
Manages to push her way inside.
She says I'm just going to havegoes.
No, and she's like but I'mgoing to sit here.
And then she asked her what doyou do?
And she's like when I'm anacupuncture physician?
She's like oh, I want to talkto you about that.
(14:53):
She's like no, I'm in session,you're disruptive, you need to
sit.
Did the woman stay seated?
No, cassie was finishing up asession with a longtime client
of ours who was a loud talker,so she didn't hear any of this.
And we have a side door in ourtreatment room that goes out
into the kitchen area that'sconnected to the house.
(15:15):
So she heard Cassie talking asshe's going to go wash her hands
and the client's gettingdressed.
So I don't know what this womanwas thinking, but she gets up
from the couch, I guess, andstarts saying hello, hello, and
then she starts knocking on ourtreatment room door.
Our door does not have a lockbecause you're not permitted to
have locks for safety reasons.
And so she's turning the knoband the client in there is
(15:39):
getting dressed.
She has no clothes on and she'slike I'm almost dressed.
I don't know if the lady heardit or not, because we have very
loud sound machines that blockout sound.
But Cassie heard something, acommotion in the front living
room area, and she comes out andis like hello, can I help you?
And she's like oh, I'm sorry,do you remember me?
And she's like let go of thedoor.
(16:00):
My client's in there.
She's undressed.
She's like oh, my god, I'm sosorry.
And she's like do you rememberme?
She goes, I know who you are,she.
She goes, you came to oursoundbite.
How can I help you?
Why are you here.
And she's like well, I came toget back on Naomi's schedule.
She's like okay, well, naomi'snot here, she goes.
Yes, this is the third timesomeone has told me she's not
here, she goes, but I am, shegoes, how can I help you?
(16:21):
And she said well, I want toget back on her schedule.
She goes I can't book you.
And she's like you can't put meon Naomi's schedule, you can't
just book me.
She's like no, she's like we'retotally separate businesses, we
just share an office space.
And she's like oh, she goes,have you called Naomi?
She goes, yes, but she hasn'tcalled me back.
And she's like well, did yougive her an opportunity to call
(16:45):
you back?
She goes well.
She's like well, I expect to becalled immediately.
And she goes that's how Naomiworks.
First of all, she she was reallyhonest.
She's like Naomi's not amorning person, which is a
hundred percent fucking facts.
Okay, I'm not a morning personat all.
And second, she's like she'snot here.
She has other businesses thatshe runs.
She's getting ready to travelto lead a retreat.
She's like she works online andyou know she's like.
She's like she works online andyou know she's like she'll call
(17:07):
you back at her earliestconvenience.
Like you left the voicemail.
And so she was like, oh, okay,and she's like.
She's like is there anythingelse I can do for you?
And then she started badmouthing a longtime friend and
colleague and I've talked abouther in my podcast.
Lonnie is another healer in thecommunity and she's been seeing
(17:31):
Lonnie for three years andapparently all of this
escalation happened becauseLonnie finally had enough of her
behavior, which was incrediblyunstable, and told her the day
before I can no longer see you.
And it was Lonnie's daughter'sbirthday.
And Lonnie was like I'm notgoing to let this woman's energy
affect me and affectcelebrating my daughter on her
(17:54):
special day.
And the woman did not take itwell, obviously, and was like
blowing her up and all of this.
And Lonnie was ignoring her.
So then she's looking us up andthen showing up at our office
and all of this within like 24hours and I'm like what the fuck
?
And so Cassie had to get her tostop.
(18:15):
You know she's like listen, youcan't be here.
Like Lonnie is a colleague ofours, anybody that wants to come
and work with us.
From another therapist.
We speak to one another becausewe want to know your history,
we want to know your medicalconditions.
We want to know what you'vebeen working on and we want to
know why you're coming to us.
If it's just a specific thing,a one-time thing, great, and if
(18:38):
you stay over there, that's finetoo.
But this was not the case andshe was escalating and
escalating.
Cassie finally had to tell herto stop and to leave and she
wouldn't leave.
If Cassie's like you need to go,and when she's texting me all
of this, I am so angry.
I remember sitting in my SUV,my dad's in the front seat with
(19:05):
me, it's raining, I have to getthe laundry bags out and go,
pull it into the laundromat.
And I'm looking at him and he'slike something's wrong.
And I was like I don't knowwhat's going on.
I said but someone showed up atthe office and created a scene
and a disruption and almostopened a treatment room door on
a client, pushed their way in.
Dr Boatwright had to step outof office.
Cassie had to handle this.
Cassie's like what the fuck,naomi, do you know what's going
on?
And I'm like no, and I just areso angry because I was like
(19:30):
someone just fucking violated awhole bunch of shit and this is
not fucking okay.
And I'm trying to beprofessional.
So I just screamed really loudin the SUV.
My dad's like do you feelbetter?
And I said momentarily and so Igo and I call my shit into the
laundromat and I'm trying tocall back this woman but I
forgot I had blocked her numbers, so I had to unblock her number
(19:52):
.
I called, thank God she did notpick up.
I left a very firm messagesaying I got your message.
This is my earliest convenienceat this time.
I also received messages fromCassie that all of this happened
today.
This is unacceptable behavior.
This is very unprofessional.
You just disrespected so manyboundaries.
You put my practice in unsafecondition.
(20:14):
I said you really could havecaused the situation.
Should you have opened thatdoor, which you should not have
even been at the house?
You should not have even beenat the door and I'm not going to
see you.
You are not a client of mine.
You have never been a client ofmine.
You will never be on my books.
I do not have that capacity andit's not in alignment.
And I told her don't ever callagain.
You are blocked and if you evershow up to our practice again,
(20:35):
you will be trespassed.
Did she get that?
No, she called back and said Idon't appreciate your snotty
attitude.
And a voicemail and she saidthat I was verbally abusive and
that she doesn't need it andthis and this in her condition.
And then I need to return tolove and she's not going to take
my threats.
I don't care.
(20:55):
Okay, I never care.
When I get to that point, I'mlike I've told you what you
needed to do, but I let myselfbe angry instead of like
swallowing it in and trying tobe the bigger person, because
I'm like fuck, no, you are notgoing to do that, you are not
going to cross over this.
And so that's my story aboutanger.
(21:19):
Lately, and I haven't felt likethat for a long time, and even
after I said that, I kept secondguessing myself of like did I
speak too strongly?
Because Cassie's like Naomi,you know she's got, she has
cancer and she's had cancer forlike several years, and she's
like maybe it's her cognitiveability.
(21:40):
And I was like no dude.
I was like she knows what shedid.
She got in her fucking car anddrove here.
She know I said all of this hasescalated because something has
happened.
I even reached out to Lonnie,and that's when Lonnie said I
had to do this and I said Lonnie, I'm not blaming you, I'm so
sorry.
I'm glad that you finally put astop to it.
This is what happened to us andI'm letting you know.
(22:03):
I put a stop to it right fuckingtoday, and I had to read her
her goddamn rights.
Okay, because if I was there inperson, shadow Naomi would have
come out, full demonic Naomiwould have come out.
And I'm glad I wasn't there,but I allowed my anger to come
up so I can feel it, so that Iknow like I'm going to protect
(22:25):
my business, I'm going toprotect Cassie, I'm going to
protect Dr Boatwright, all thetenants I'm going to protect
where we work.
I'm going to protect ourclients.
I'm going to protect the sacredbounds of our work.
I feel better about it.
And I had to cleanse the wholespace.
The next day that I was in theoffice I cleansed the whole
(22:46):
space, smoked it out, releasedeverything, reset the protection
lines in there, because I'mlike ain't nobody crossing this
fucking door ain't supposed tobe in here for nobody, for Dr
Boatwright, for the attorneys,nobody that's unsafe, not meant
to be here, will not cross thosedoors.
And I felt that protection.
(23:06):
I was like no, we are divinelyprotected.
So just a story to say if you'reangry right now, whether it's
angry about what's happening inthe country, whether it's in
your personal world, allowyourself to feel that anger and
ask yourself what's the deeperrooted thing, what is not right,
and how can I work with this?
And if I need to voicesomething, if I need to move
(23:28):
away from something, if I needto shift something, ask for that
clarity and don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid to be in thatsacred rage.
And if you got to fuckingscream, you got to, like, go
somewhere and do some boxing,some kickboxing.
If you got to go to one ofthose places where you like
smash shit to release that, doit.
(23:48):
Don't feel bad.
Being angry is not bad.
What's bad and what can bedestructive is when you allow
that anger to fester like a soreand get all infected within you
and then it infects your mindand then create stories and
things that aren't true.
And then you escalate from thatLike this woman.
(24:11):
She was not tolerant of someonesaying I've had enough, this is
not an alignment.
And she was like I'm going topush and I'm going to get my way
because no one tells me no andI want this and she was
weaponizing her illness tomanipulate and control, and
that's what made me angry.
I don't like manipulativepeople.
(24:32):
I don't like people who giveexcuses and they feel that you
have to accept it because as ahealer, you're supposed to be
loving life.
Honey, I'm not fucking lovinglife, I'm loving.
I'm going to kick yourmotherfucking ass if you cross
that boundary.
Now I'm going to say it withwords.
I'm going to be firm.
I don't like to get physical,but if I ever have to defend
(24:53):
myself, I'm fucking Mexican manthat cholo part of me is going
to come out, but I don't want todigress into that.
But you get what I'm saying.
Anger is a fail safe in yourbody.
That lets you know something'snot right and if you don't
listen to it, then it couldbecome deeper rooted, deeper
infection, and other symptomswill come of it that are very
(25:15):
destructive.
So that's the first topic Iwanted to talk about.
The second topic is, in thiscancery, watery season which is
actually going a lot better forme than it has in other years,
because I feel like I'm reallyin this grounded place I have
decided a couple of weeks ago,since June 22nd, to do this fast
(25:36):
to prepare for Mount Shasta.
And it was actually me havinglunch with Cindy and with
another friend named Sonia who'scoming to my Mount Shasta
retreat, and Cindy was tellingme that she does these water
fasts to just help her getspiritually sound and clear.
And we were talking about it inthe restaurant and it just lit
(26:01):
me up and I was like I want todo that, I want to challenge
myself to do a 21 day fast, andI thought I could do the water
fast and it realizes I have someserious GERD issues and when I
fast with just water, it just isreally really, really, really
uncomfortable for me.
So I'm like, okay, I can't do afull water fast.
(26:21):
I get that.
So I only eat like a tiny bit,and by a tiny bit I mean like
one or two pieces of fruit, alittle bit of cheese and just to
balance out healthy fats,proteins and a carb.
I mean I'm talking tiny, liketiny, less than a hundred
calories, just so that I cankeep going.
(26:42):
And I've been doing itconsistently and it's been super
powerful, like it's been mindover matter.
I'm really clearing, I'm gettingso crystal clear within myself
and I'm really starting to facesome things within myself that
need healing and right now, I'vebeen in this energy of like
(27:07):
resting, and I'm also been inthis fear of like not wanting to
be seen online.
I don't know what it is andI've been in my head about my
body and it's shifting.
I've lost like 21 pounds sinceI came back from Seattle and I
went gluten-free so since likeJune 1st and I'm consistently
(27:28):
losing weight, of course becauseof the fast, and you know, I'm
finally in this place where itdoesn't bother me.
I'm not triggered by food.
You know.
I feel a little hunger, but nota lot.
My energy is more balanced.
I can sleep well and I'msleeping a lot, actually, I'm
finally resting.
But I've also been contemplatingof like being seen and I've had
(27:49):
some worries about my retreats,you know, and going back to the
scarcity thing, about money andstability, and a lot of things
are being activated.
As I'm shedding weight, as I'mshedding old stories, I'm also
placing the mirror within myselfof like where I still need to
heal and where I'm evolving andwhere roots are of lack of
(28:14):
confidence or self-doubt oroverworking myself or feeling
like I have to prove, and Irealized I don't need to do any
of these things and I know thatI'm shifting into a person
that's being led by their heartand embracing and longing for a
deeper love of self.
Before I can share that love,and by standing in my truth and
(28:37):
by unleashing and opening up aprimal energy or maybe a former
energy or an ancient energywithin myself, maybe from a past
life, maybe from a childhoodthing, where I just wanted to be
wild and free and unlimited anduninhibited and unreserved, not
caring about what people think,not caring about what people
(28:58):
are going to say, if losingfollowers or losing this or not
being seen as my true self and Irealized like all of these are
still intrinsic fears of notfeeling like I'm good enough, or
not feeling like I have thecapability or the ability, or
not feeling or feeling like I'mless than Like.
(29:21):
There's this new, renewedenergy of me wanting to work
with high profile people andcelebrities, and it's because I
feel that when you're constantlyseen like that, you also long
to be seen by someone without anagenda, without wanting
something for you, and that theyhave a lot of healing that they
(29:42):
need to do as well, and thatthey're constantly being judged
and criticized and people areconstantly commenting and
creating stories about them andI feel for them.
I do, and maybe because of mypast working with celebrities
and really seeing them in theirtrue, natural state, I have the
ability, I feel, to just embodythat mother nurturing energy of
(30:06):
just like.
I'm just here for you, I seeyou for who you are, not what
you can do, not what you've done, you know, not because of your
status, of your money orwhatever.
Like there is no separation.
We're just two souls heretogether and I'm learning to
embody that of just well.
I need to stand in my essenceand in my true power and to
(30:28):
believe that within myselfbefore I can step up to that
level, because I really onlywant to work with people who are
ready to do that.
And so I myself am continuingto do the work and I'm really
grateful for this fast, becauseit's allowing me to take the
weight off and to shed, not justphysically but emotionally and
(30:49):
mentally, so that I can get downto the root level of this and
really dive into it.
My goal is to continue to do asecret fasting in between my
retreats and in my travels,because I want to get this
weight down, I want to get backdown to the way that I feel is
healthy for me and my weight andmy height and for my age, and
(31:14):
to be healthy and to be soundand to feel beautiful and
confident in my body even thoughI do feel beautiful and
confident but to really embodywho I really am, I have to let
go of this weight of 10 years.
And this weight that I have onmy body is old stories, old
(31:35):
identities, old patterns of whatI felt I needed to do or what's
right or to.
I was afraid of being judged, Iwas afraid of not being
accepted.
I don't give a fuck about that,obviously, you know, and I
think I'm just really tired ofoverworking, of trying too hard,
(31:55):
of this hustle mentality thatis so fucking toxic, you know,
and I just want to lead with myheart and just create and the
belief that when I'm leading, ifit's an alignment and
continuing to check myself, it'sin alignment, it's going to
come into fruition in the timethat it needs to, and so that's
what cancer season's beenbringing up for me.
(32:17):
I'm going to continue my fast, Ithink, until Thursday.
I'm actually going to havedinner with Lonnie, and we
haven't had dinner with eachother in like a couple of months
.
I'm really excited.
And then Friday, I go out oftown, hopefully with Cassie, to
meet a chef to see aboutcollaborating for retreats.
But I'm going to get back on itnext Saturday and I'm going to
(32:38):
take it all the way up to the22nd.
Do the retreat, come back, do afast before I go to San Diego,
come back from San Diego andfast for a whole month until I
go to England.
I really feel this feels reallygood in my body.
I have sustained energy, I feelwhole, I feel calm.
I have no pain in my body, noinflammation.
(33:01):
My knee is healing.
It's healed so well.
I can get up and down from theground easily.
Yeah, I'm just feeling good, butI'm also going in a lot deeper
within myself.
So I'll probably be making somevideos on social media.
But I'm also like I don't wantto create for the sake of fear
(33:23):
of creation, to get informationout there.
I want to create like how Icreate here, with a podcast with
you all.
That's how I want to create,like how I create here, with a
podcast with you all.
That's how I want to createonline.
And that requires me to rest alot and it does require me to
prepare, but I like to do itlike doing lives on Instagram
and I'm not a short form type ofperson, you know, when speaking
(33:47):
, but I do speak from the heart.
So if any of this resonateswith you today, I'm glad and I'm
glad that you're joining me andI hope that all of you are kind
of diving into your feelings.
I've been getting a lot ofclients who are very surprising,
who wouldn't come to me forenergy healing, been showing up
for their monthly appointmentsfor July and they're like for
(34:08):
the past two weeks I've been inthis emotional state where
everything's fucking triggeringme and I'm trying to understand,
I'm trying to regulate and I'mlike, yeah, man, we're going
through some big motherfuckingshifts and changes and it's
going to be rough.
It's going to be tough and yourbody's telling you we have got
to bring this into the light.
Let's remove any guilt, shame orany other negative feeling
(34:30):
around it or attachment, andlet's transmute this, you know,
and so I'm excited to seelong-time clients of mine shift
and change, you know, for thebetter, so that they can be
their best versions ofthemselves.
So I remember who they are, thatthey hold the fucking power,
that everything that they desirethey can fill it within
(34:50):
themselves first, and that'sconstantly a mirror for me, and
it's a constant work that I'mdoing every day and I'm proud of
all of you that are doing it,and I'm proud of myself of doing
it too, and I'm right here withyou.
I'm right here with you.
So, if you find this, know thatyou are a beautiful soul,
you're here, there's a purposefor you, and this journey is
(35:15):
about walking each other home toremember who we are and that
everything that we desire, theanswers, lie within us, and I
want you all to be well, takecare of yourself, Give yourself
lots of grace, love, nurture andcompassion, and keep having fun
and keep enjoying life.
Friends, it's summertime, it'shot, but have fun, embrace that
(35:38):
inner joy, heal that inner childand enjoy yourself.
Until we meet again, be welland Sat Nam.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.