August 7, 2025 • 21 mins
I adore butterflies. Their whole story fascinates me. The images of metamorphosis and positive change are embodied in them. We can learn so many lessons from them that can applied to our own lives as well.
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Laura Wakefield (00:00):
When you watch a beautiful butterfly landing on
a flower, do you ever thinkabout how powerful the messages
of their lives are for us?
Metamorphosis?
Adaptation?
Welcome to The JoyfulicityPodcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
I adore butterflies.
Their whole story fascinatesme.
The images of metamorphosis andpositive change are embodied in
them.
I love that they're bothdelicate and resilient.
They're beautiful, but far morethan just a pretty face.
(00:42):
They've existed on this planetfor about 130 million years, and
they come in approximately20,000 varieties.
Pretty impressive longevity.
Did you ever stop and wonderwhy they all don't look alike,
though?
Why there are so many speciesof the same basic insect.
So many patterns and colors.
(01:04):
So many wing sizes and shapes.
They could serve their purposesjust as well if they were all
one inch wide and beige, right?
Well, apparently not.
How do I know that?
Because if they could, theywould.
Nature is remarkably efficient.
Creatures that are best suitedto their environments survive,
(01:26):
where the weak do not.
So those with optimal traitsmost often live on to continue
breeding.
Over time, those desirabletraits are therefore passed on,
becoming the norm for thatparticular area and ecosystem.
For instance, if a group ofbutterflies lived in a field
full of red flowers, they aremost likely to avoid being eaten
(01:47):
by the local birds if they arealso red and blend in.
So the red ones have the bestchance of living long enough to
mate with other camouflaged redones, producing little red
butterfly babies.
Yes, I know, I know,caterpillars first, but I'm not
trying to be technical here.
I'm just making a point.
Eventually, in that field, redbutterflies will dominate,
(02:08):
though.
Does this mean that the redbutterflies are better and
stronger than the bluebutterflies?
Well, yes, in that particularfield, at least.
In the garden of blue flowersnext door, however, the blue
butterflies would have adistinct advantage.
They're all butterflies justdoing what they have to do to
(02:29):
overcome their circumstances.
If they look or act slightlydifferent from one another, that
makes them no less beautifuland no less legitimate in the
butterfly kingdom.
That's an extremely simplifiedexplanation of a scientific
process called adaptation.
Simply put, the secret tocontinued health, strength, and
(02:51):
even survival seems to beflexibility and the willingness
to change when needed.
What if the butterflies in thered flower field simply refuse
to adapt, though?
What if they all just decidedtogether that yellow butterflies
were the most attractive andperfect variety, so they only
(03:11):
sought out yellow butterflymates?
I think it's safe to say thatthe birds would have a
tremendous feast, and itwouldn't be long before there
were very few butterflies left.
If it was possible to move overto another bed full of yellow
flowers, altering theirenvironment altogether, that
might work, but staying in thered field while remaining yellow
(03:34):
wouldn't end well.
Stubbornness and perfectionistideals wouldn't work for them,
and they don't work for useither when we're trying to
progress.
We also must adapt to keep ourgoals from dying.
To find our own proper patternsthat work within our individual
(03:55):
environments.
There are endless differentways that these principles of
adaptability and flexibilityapply to us as human beings in
our lives, too.
For any aspect of your life,from relationships to
spirituality to exercise tocareer choices, to where to
live, how to live, how to think,anything that you can think of.
(04:21):
There's dozens and dozens ofvoices out there telling you how
it ought to be done.
And they're generally tellingyou from the way that makes
sense and resonates with them,and so they'll say things with
quite an air of authority.
This is right.
Everything else is wrong.
If you listen to me, you'll becorrect.
You'll be happy.
(04:41):
You'll be successful.
If you do it any other way,disaster.
And we can get very hung up onthat, especially if the messages
are coming from people that wetrust, like family members or
spiritual leaders or people inauthority, experts in the field.
Now, I'm not saying that weshouldn't have any kind of
(05:02):
guidance from anyone.
Of course not.
None of us should be soarrogant as to think that we
shouldn't take advice frompeople who maybe know more about
something than we do.
And we definitely want to haveoverarching value systems in
place in our lives.
You know, like when it comes toexercise, for instance.
Why is exercise important to usfor the health and strength of
(05:25):
our bodies?
Does it matter to us as aprinciple?
But then when we go to apply,how do we incorporate that into
our own lives?
That's where flexibility andadaptability come into play.
For instance, for me, I wastrying to be a runner because my
father had always been arunner.
And so I read all these bookson running.
(05:46):
But when I tried to become arunner, I talk about this in
another podcast episode, but itdidn't go very well for me
personally.
I wasn't any good at it.
And what ended up happening isI wasn't exercising at all.
I was running away fromexercising rather than actually
getting fit.
And so I had to adapt my waysof thinking in that area to
(06:07):
learn to do things that I loved,things that fit into my
schedule like dance and hikingthat, you know, first of all,
they suited me better, butsecondly, they were much more
likely to actually happen.
So that's a very simplifiedexample of an adaptation that I
made in my life away from whatsomebody else was doing, to
(06:27):
finding my own way of doing itunder the same overarching
umbrella of a commitment tofitness.
Within relationships, there's amillion different ways to
structure a relationship.
And sometimes I think we gethung up because our relationship
doesn't look like our parents'did.
or the way that we were alwaystold that it should.
(06:48):
And sometimes we end up endingperfectly viable, wonderful
relationships because theydidn't look the way we expected
them to, or we don't even enterinto them at all because
somebody else told us that thatperson isn't who we should be
with, even though maybe for us,they really were the right
person that was bringing us alot of joy.
(07:08):
I think the important part isn'tthe details of how you're doing
something, just like thebutterflies.
It doesn't matter if you're redor if you're blue, unless
you're in a red or a blue field,or unless you as a human have a
different temperament.
So we have to look at ourenvironments.
(07:29):
We have to look at ourbackgrounds and evaluate how
they apply to us now.
We have to look at ourcircumstances, our finances, all
kinds of different things, andthen adapt our overarching value
system to fit and to suit.
And I think a lot of discontentand a lot of unhappiness in
(07:51):
this life comes from trying toproverbially put a square peg
into a round hole and do thingsthe way everybody else is doing
them when they don't really suitus.
Going after a high payingcorporate career because we
think that's what success issupposed to mean.
When for us, success doesn'tmean that at all.
(08:12):
And we're miserable in thatjob.
We're miserable in that life orvice versa.
Maybe we've been taught that totry to go after a high paying
career is somehow immoral.
Like there are people thatreally have a hang up with
making a lot of money, eventhough we feel a drive and a
passion for moneymaking.
There's very few rights andwrongs that are hard, fast in
(08:36):
this life.
There are value systems thatare important, but the details
need to remain flexible, becauseyour temperament is not the
same as your neighbor'stemperament.
Your needs are not the same astheirs.
So many factors come into playin determining how to live our
(08:57):
life.
So the ability to be adaptableis critical to our happiness.
Stress is at the root of somuch illness, both physical and
mental illnesses in our societytoday.
And a lot of that stress, in myview, is coming from people
trying to live lives that theyjust simply aren't suited to and
(09:22):
just digging in because that'show they think that they're
supposed to do it.
When there's other lives outthere that they might be very
happy in and far less stressed.
Or, again, going after thestressful things that someone's
told us we shouldn't.
Maybe they've told you thatgood moms don't do that.
Good Christians don't do that.
(09:42):
Good people aren't like that.
But the problem is, you'regoing to hear those messages
coming from almost every side ofan issue.
So no matter what you choose todo with your life, somebody
isn't going to approve.
Somebody isn't going to likeit.
So the most important thing isfor you to become very clear in
what truly matters deep down atthe core of yourself, because
(10:07):
you're the one that's going tohave to live that life.
So stand fast.
Take the time to ask yourselfthe question.
Sometimes we don't even ask thequestion.
Life was kind of handed to us,you know, the religion that we
grew up in or we inherited thefamily business or maybe our
(10:28):
parents set us up with the girlnext door and we're meant to
live in this small town foreverright next door to our family.
And that's not what we want.
If it is what you want, that'sfine.
But taking the time in yourlife to unpack and to look at
the different aspects and ask,is this really serving me?
Is this really who I am?
(10:50):
Is this really what I want?
Right down to the clothes thatwe wear.
How many of us actually havewardrobes that even reflect what
we like?
We as a society have beenconditioned to do what everyone
else tells us that we ought todo, what we ought to wear, what
we ought to eat, what we oughtto believe in.
And it's a real sign ofemotional maturity, in my
(11:14):
opinion, to start to questionall of it.
Now, it doesn't mean that theanswers ultimately might be that
exactly the way you're doing itis exactly the way you want to
do it.
And that's wonderful, if so.
Sometimes just because you askthe question doesn't mean that
you're going to have to changeanything.
You might sit back and say, isthis really what I want?
(11:35):
And realize, yeah, actually,it's bringing me a lot of
happiness.
Then by all means, carry on.
But oftentimes, when you reallystop to ask the question, is
this the life that I want to beliving?
The answer comes back as aresounding no.
And sometimes it might feeloverwhelming and complicated to
(11:58):
make the changes that you needto make.
Sometimes it might ruffle somefeathers of people who are used
to you the way that you are andthat like you doing things the
way that you're doing them.
Not everybody's going to bethrilled if you step up and say,
hey, this thing that I'vealways been doing, I'm not doing
it anymore.
By the way, I'm going to bemoving.
(12:20):
Or by the way, I'm quittingthis job.
By the way, I'm ending thisrelationship.
Whatever it might be for you,it's not always an easy process.
But when you think about thebutterflies, it might just be
critical to your survival.
And I don't necessarily meanactually staying alive, although
(12:41):
sometimes it can be critical tothat because stress is such a
killer.
But there's more to you thanjust whether or not you're
actually breathing.
Are you actually thriving?
So when I say survival, notjust of your physical body, but
of your emotional strength andviability.
(13:02):
We don't want to just exist.
We want to thrive.
We want to magnify.
And we want to feel joy in ourlives and to be able to share
that joy with other people.
So ask yourself the questions.
Are there any adaptations thatI need to be making in my life
right now to get to that point?
And you might be surprised whatanswers come to you when you
(13:25):
take the time to do that.
Back to the butterflies for aminute.
Remember as kids, you alwayshad butterflies in the classroom
and you watch them go throughthe whole life cycle from
caterpillar to, I don't rememberanymore, but chrysalis.
And then they emerge as thebutterfly and you set them free.
And it's always a super funthing in elementary school to
watch the whole butterfly lifecycle.
(13:46):
That is kind of how we are too,though, when we're going
through this process offlexibility.
Sometimes we discover that wejust can't stay a caterpillar
anymore.
Caterpillar life was okay for awhile, but we're not contented
with that anymore.
(14:07):
The process to get to butterflystage where you can fly
sometimes is going to feel alittle bit constricting like a
chrysalis.
We're going to feel a littletrapped, perhaps, and a little
bit uncomfortable as we'refiguring all of that out.
But it's worth that price.
Sometimes we have to fight ourway out of there.
(14:27):
But it's worth the price toemerge as a butterfly that we're
meant to be and to have thewings to fly.
Because those wings are whatmakes us beautiful and unique
and individual.
It's kind of interesting to methat I don't know that a
butterfly is really receivingmost of the benefit of their
beauty.
I don't know if they can seehow pretty they are or if they
(14:49):
even care about that.
They're just living their livesand flying.
but we get to see their beauty.
So some of the reason that wedo the things that we do is to
bless other people, to showother people that it can be
done, to set that example forothers of how to become a
butterfly person.
(15:11):
I saw a meme the other day thatsaid, you can't speak butterfly
language to caterpillar people.
And I loved that because, youknow, bear in mind, like I said,
not everybody's going to besuper supportive and super
thrilled when you start to makechanges.
Even if you're emerging as abeautiful butterfly, they liked
you as a caterpillar becausemaybe they could control you a
(15:32):
little bit more there.
Or maybe they just felt morecomfortable with you there.
They don't know what to do withyou in butterfly state.
It's not necessarily importantto win everybody over to your
case.
It's not important.
always to just wait to start tomake the changes until
everybody's on board, until youhave everybody's support, until
you have everybody's approval,because that just might not
(15:54):
come.
It might not come.
And that's really, really hardwhen you finally are willing to
come out of your chrysalis andsay, this is who I am.
This is who I want to be.
This is what makes me happy.
And the support doesn't comebecause that happens sometimes.
It really does.
(16:15):
And it's heartbreaking when itdoes.
But take heart because there isa community for you out there
of people who will support youthe way that you are.
And those are your people.
So don't keep trying to speakbutterfly language if somebody
else is stuck in caterpillarlanguage, because sometimes you
just won't be able to getthrough.
(16:36):
And that's okay.
That's okay.
Sometimes it just takes timeand that support will come
later.
But what's important is thatyou're being true to yourself
because the message that you'resending in regards to that is
having an impact, even on thepeople that sometimes initially
don't seem supportive.
They're watching you.
Sometimes they're notsupportive because they
(16:57):
themselves are too afraid tomake the changes that they want
to make.
And sometimes when people arestuck in miserable lives,
there's this weird psychologicalneed to keep other people
stuck, too.
Or to justify the idea thatchange isn't possible.
Because if change isimpossible, then they don't have
to make change.
(17:17):
But if you go out and make thechange, then they can't stay in
that mindset anymore.
And so they want to reject youso that they don't have to
confront that idea.
It doesn't mean that you'vedone anything wrong to rock that
boat.
So go ahead and rock it.
Do it gently.
You also don't have to come outyou know, guns blazing, so to
(17:39):
speak, to vilify the people thataren't changing with you.
Everybody's on their own timeframe and they may just need to
remain a caterpillar for alittle bit longer or maybe
forever.
Maybe those things are workingfor them.
You don't have to changeeverybody right along with you
is the point that I'm making.
Just worry about yourself andfind the people that are meant
(18:05):
for you now that will supportyou now.
There's something kind ofmagical about going into one of
those butterfly, I don't knowwhat they call them, but where
you walk in and there's justthousands and thousands of
butterflies and they're landingon you.
I went to one in Key West onetime and it was just such a
(18:27):
fairy tale environment with allof these beautiful varieties of
butterflies flying around.
And I think what's sointriguing about them is that
they're so delicate.
And that's an important aspectof this.
We don't have to be abrasive tobe adaptable.
(18:48):
We don't have to be evenstrong.
Strength is something that isoften misunderstood.
And so we think we can't makechanges because we feel scared
or because we don't feel strongenough.
Just start walking.
Butterflies are super delicate,but they're one of the most
resilient insects in the historyof the world if you study their
(19:12):
story.
So it's okay if you feel alittle weak to start walking
toward that change andadaptability.
Don't wait until you feelstrong.
Just think about thebutterflies and all the
varieties and all the differentways and the choices that you
can make.
(19:33):
And that you are okay as yourown unique individual being with
your thoughts, your feelings,your ways of doing things.
And again, it doesn't mean thatyou don't take bits and pieces
from experts.
Of course you do.
Somebody that knows more aboutthis than you might have
(19:54):
something that they can teachyou.
So I'm not suggesting that wedon't listen to a lot of
different people.
but more that we take all theinformation that we receive and
we process it through theunderstanding that ultimately
the decisions are going to beours.
We're the ones that are goingto live with them, right or
(20:16):
wrong.
Sometimes we might make thewrong ones and that's okay.
Hopefully we learn somethingduring that process.
But we're the ones that aregoing to live with that.
And I, in my life, have hadtimes when I kind of got
pressured to do things thatsomebody else wanted me to do
that turned out to be very baddecisions for me.
And I would have been much,much better off in my life to
(20:39):
have made the decision that Ithought was correct in the first
place.
And that in and of itself was alearning experience for me.
Ultimately, I was responsiblefor the fact that I listened to
somebody else.
So always, always, always, theresponsibility lies with you,
but the potential for joy isalso within your power.
(21:02):
Have a great day, everybody.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
(21:23):
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
When you watch a beautiful butterfly landing on
a flower, do you ever thinkabout how powerful the messages
of their lives are for us?
Metamorphosis?
Adaptation?
Welcome to The JoyfulicityPodcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
I adore butterflies.
Their whole story fascinatesme.
The images of metamorphosis andpositive change are embodied in
them.
I love that they're bothdelicate and resilient.
They're beautiful, but far morethan just a pretty face.
(00:42):
They've existed on this planetfor about 130 million years, and
they come in approximately20,000 varieties.
Pretty impressive longevity.
Did you ever stop and wonderwhy they all don't look alike,
though?
Why there are so many speciesof the same basic insect.
So many patterns and colors.
(01:04):
So many wing sizes and shapes.
They could serve their purposesjust as well if they were all
one inch wide and beige, right?
Well, apparently not.
How do I know that?
Because if they could, theywould.
Nature is remarkably efficient.
Creatures that are best suitedto their environments survive,
(01:26):
where the weak do not.
So those with optimal traitsmost often live on to continue
breeding.
Over time, those desirabletraits are therefore passed on,
becoming the norm for thatparticular area and ecosystem.
For instance, if a group ofbutterflies lived in a field
full of red flowers, they aremost likely to avoid being eaten
(01:47):
by the local birds if they arealso red and blend in.
So the red ones have the bestchance of living long enough to
mate with other camouflaged redones, producing little red
butterfly babies.
Yes, I know, I know,caterpillars first, but I'm not
trying to be technical here.
I'm just making a point.
Eventually, in that field, redbutterflies will dominate,
(02:08):
though.
Does this mean that the redbutterflies are better and
stronger than the bluebutterflies?
Well, yes, in that particularfield, at least.
In the garden of blue flowersnext door, however, the blue
butterflies would have adistinct advantage.
They're all butterflies justdoing what they have to do to
(02:29):
overcome their circumstances.
If they look or act slightlydifferent from one another, that
makes them no less beautifuland no less legitimate in the
butterfly kingdom.
That's an extremely simplifiedexplanation of a scientific
process called adaptation.
Simply put, the secret tocontinued health, strength, and
(02:51):
even survival seems to beflexibility and the willingness
to change when needed.
What if the butterflies in thered flower field simply refuse
to adapt, though?
What if they all just decidedtogether that yellow butterflies
were the most attractive andperfect variety, so they only
(03:11):
sought out yellow butterflymates?
I think it's safe to say thatthe birds would have a
tremendous feast, and itwouldn't be long before there
were very few butterflies left.
If it was possible to move overto another bed full of yellow
flowers, altering theirenvironment altogether, that
might work, but staying in thered field while remaining yellow
(03:34):
wouldn't end well.
Stubbornness and perfectionistideals wouldn't work for them,
and they don't work for useither when we're trying to
progress.
We also must adapt to keep ourgoals from dying.
To find our own proper patternsthat work within our individual
(03:55):
environments.
There are endless differentways that these principles of
adaptability and flexibilityapply to us as human beings in
our lives, too.
For any aspect of your life,from relationships to
spirituality to exercise tocareer choices, to where to
live, how to live, how to think,anything that you can think of.
(04:21):
There's dozens and dozens ofvoices out there telling you how
it ought to be done.
And they're generally tellingyou from the way that makes
sense and resonates with them,and so they'll say things with
quite an air of authority.
This is right.
Everything else is wrong.
If you listen to me, you'll becorrect.
You'll be happy.
(04:41):
You'll be successful.
If you do it any other way,disaster.
And we can get very hung up onthat, especially if the messages
are coming from people that wetrust, like family members or
spiritual leaders or people inauthority, experts in the field.
Now, I'm not saying that weshouldn't have any kind of
(05:02):
guidance from anyone.
Of course not.
None of us should be soarrogant as to think that we
shouldn't take advice frompeople who maybe know more about
something than we do.
And we definitely want to haveoverarching value systems in
place in our lives.
You know, like when it comes toexercise, for instance.
Why is exercise important to usfor the health and strength of
(05:25):
our bodies?
Does it matter to us as aprinciple?
But then when we go to apply,how do we incorporate that into
our own lives?
That's where flexibility andadaptability come into play.
For instance, for me, I wastrying to be a runner because my
father had always been arunner.
And so I read all these bookson running.
(05:46):
But when I tried to become arunner, I talk about this in
another podcast episode, but itdidn't go very well for me
personally.
I wasn't any good at it.
And what ended up happening isI wasn't exercising at all.
I was running away fromexercising rather than actually
getting fit.
And so I had to adapt my waysof thinking in that area to
(06:07):
learn to do things that I loved,things that fit into my
schedule like dance and hikingthat, you know, first of all,
they suited me better, butsecondly, they were much more
likely to actually happen.
So that's a very simplifiedexample of an adaptation that I
made in my life away from whatsomebody else was doing, to
(06:27):
finding my own way of doing itunder the same overarching
umbrella of a commitment tofitness.
Within relationships, there's amillion different ways to
structure a relationship.
And sometimes I think we gethung up because our relationship
doesn't look like our parents'did.
or the way that we were alwaystold that it should.
(06:48):
And sometimes we end up endingperfectly viable, wonderful
relationships because theydidn't look the way we expected
them to, or we don't even enterinto them at all because
somebody else told us that thatperson isn't who we should be
with, even though maybe for us,they really were the right
person that was bringing us alot of joy.
(07:08):
I think the important part isn'tthe details of how you're doing
something, just like thebutterflies.
It doesn't matter if you're redor if you're blue, unless
you're in a red or a blue field,or unless you as a human have a
different temperament.
So we have to look at ourenvironments.
(07:29):
We have to look at ourbackgrounds and evaluate how
they apply to us now.
We have to look at ourcircumstances, our finances, all
kinds of different things, andthen adapt our overarching value
system to fit and to suit.
And I think a lot of discontentand a lot of unhappiness in
(07:51):
this life comes from trying toproverbially put a square peg
into a round hole and do thingsthe way everybody else is doing
them when they don't really suitus.
Going after a high payingcorporate career because we
think that's what success issupposed to mean.
When for us, success doesn'tmean that at all.
(08:12):
And we're miserable in thatjob.
We're miserable in that life orvice versa.
Maybe we've been taught that totry to go after a high paying
career is somehow immoral.
Like there are people thatreally have a hang up with
making a lot of money, eventhough we feel a drive and a
passion for moneymaking.
There's very few rights andwrongs that are hard, fast in
(08:36):
this life.
There are value systems thatare important, but the details
need to remain flexible, becauseyour temperament is not the
same as your neighbor'stemperament.
Your needs are not the same astheirs.
So many factors come into playin determining how to live our
(08:57):
life.
So the ability to be adaptableis critical to our happiness.
Stress is at the root of somuch illness, both physical and
mental illnesses in our societytoday.
And a lot of that stress, in myview, is coming from people
trying to live lives that theyjust simply aren't suited to and
(09:22):
just digging in because that'show they think that they're
supposed to do it.
When there's other lives outthere that they might be very
happy in and far less stressed.
Or, again, going after thestressful things that someone's
told us we shouldn't.
Maybe they've told you thatgood moms don't do that.
Good Christians don't do that.
(09:42):
Good people aren't like that.
But the problem is, you'regoing to hear those messages
coming from almost every side ofan issue.
So no matter what you choose todo with your life, somebody
isn't going to approve.
Somebody isn't going to likeit.
So the most important thing isfor you to become very clear in
what truly matters deep down atthe core of yourself, because
(10:07):
you're the one that's going tohave to live that life.
So stand fast.
Take the time to ask yourselfthe question.
Sometimes we don't even ask thequestion.
Life was kind of handed to us,you know, the religion that we
grew up in or we inherited thefamily business or maybe our
(10:28):
parents set us up with the girlnext door and we're meant to
live in this small town foreverright next door to our family.
And that's not what we want.
If it is what you want, that'sfine.
But taking the time in yourlife to unpack and to look at
the different aspects and ask,is this really serving me?
Is this really who I am?
(10:50):
Is this really what I want?
Right down to the clothes thatwe wear.
How many of us actually havewardrobes that even reflect what
we like?
We as a society have beenconditioned to do what everyone
else tells us that we ought todo, what we ought to wear, what
we ought to eat, what we oughtto believe in.
And it's a real sign ofemotional maturity, in my
(11:14):
opinion, to start to questionall of it.
Now, it doesn't mean that theanswers ultimately might be that
exactly the way you're doing itis exactly the way you want to
do it.
And that's wonderful, if so.
Sometimes just because you askthe question doesn't mean that
you're going to have to changeanything.
You might sit back and say, isthis really what I want?
(11:35):
And realize, yeah, actually,it's bringing me a lot of
happiness.
Then by all means, carry on.
But oftentimes, when you reallystop to ask the question, is
this the life that I want to beliving?
The answer comes back as aresounding no.
And sometimes it might feeloverwhelming and complicated to
(11:58):
make the changes that you needto make.
Sometimes it might ruffle somefeathers of people who are used
to you the way that you are andthat like you doing things the
way that you're doing them.
Not everybody's going to bethrilled if you step up and say,
hey, this thing that I'vealways been doing, I'm not doing
it anymore.
By the way, I'm going to bemoving.
(12:20):
Or by the way, I'm quittingthis job.
By the way, I'm ending thisrelationship.
Whatever it might be for you,it's not always an easy process.
But when you think about thebutterflies, it might just be
critical to your survival.
And I don't necessarily meanactually staying alive, although
(12:41):
sometimes it can be critical tothat because stress is such a
killer.
But there's more to you thanjust whether or not you're
actually breathing.
Are you actually thriving?
So when I say survival, notjust of your physical body, but
of your emotional strength andviability.
(13:02):
We don't want to just exist.
We want to thrive.
We want to magnify.
And we want to feel joy in ourlives and to be able to share
that joy with other people.
So ask yourself the questions.
Are there any adaptations thatI need to be making in my life
right now to get to that point?
And you might be surprised whatanswers come to you when you
(13:25):
take the time to do that.
Back to the butterflies for aminute.
Remember as kids, you alwayshad butterflies in the classroom
and you watch them go throughthe whole life cycle from
caterpillar to, I don't rememberanymore, but chrysalis.
And then they emerge as thebutterfly and you set them free.
And it's always a super funthing in elementary school to
watch the whole butterfly lifecycle.
(13:46):
That is kind of how we are too,though, when we're going
through this process offlexibility.
Sometimes we discover that wejust can't stay a caterpillar
anymore.
Caterpillar life was okay for awhile, but we're not contented
with that anymore.
(14:07):
The process to get to butterflystage where you can fly
sometimes is going to feel alittle bit constricting like a
chrysalis.
We're going to feel a littletrapped, perhaps, and a little
bit uncomfortable as we'refiguring all of that out.
But it's worth that price.
Sometimes we have to fight ourway out of there.
(14:27):
But it's worth the price toemerge as a butterfly that we're
meant to be and to have thewings to fly.
Because those wings are whatmakes us beautiful and unique
and individual.
It's kind of interesting to methat I don't know that a
butterfly is really receivingmost of the benefit of their
beauty.
I don't know if they can seehow pretty they are or if they
(14:49):
even care about that.
They're just living their livesand flying.
but we get to see their beauty.
So some of the reason that wedo the things that we do is to
bless other people, to showother people that it can be
done, to set that example forothers of how to become a
butterfly person.
(15:11):
I saw a meme the other day thatsaid, you can't speak butterfly
language to caterpillar people.
And I loved that because, youknow, bear in mind, like I said,
not everybody's going to besuper supportive and super
thrilled when you start to makechanges.
Even if you're emerging as abeautiful butterfly, they liked
you as a caterpillar becausemaybe they could control you a
(15:32):
little bit more there.
Or maybe they just felt morecomfortable with you there.
They don't know what to do withyou in butterfly state.
It's not necessarily importantto win everybody over to your
case.
It's not important.
always to just wait to start tomake the changes until
everybody's on board, until youhave everybody's support, until
you have everybody's approval,because that just might not
(15:54):
come.
It might not come.
And that's really, really hardwhen you finally are willing to
come out of your chrysalis andsay, this is who I am.
This is who I want to be.
This is what makes me happy.
And the support doesn't comebecause that happens sometimes.
It really does.
(16:15):
And it's heartbreaking when itdoes.
But take heart because there isa community for you out there
of people who will support youthe way that you are.
And those are your people.
So don't keep trying to speakbutterfly language if somebody
else is stuck in caterpillarlanguage, because sometimes you
just won't be able to getthrough.
(16:36):
And that's okay.
That's okay.
Sometimes it just takes timeand that support will come
later.
But what's important is thatyou're being true to yourself
because the message that you'resending in regards to that is
having an impact, even on thepeople that sometimes initially
don't seem supportive.
They're watching you.
Sometimes they're notsupportive because they
(16:57):
themselves are too afraid tomake the changes that they want
to make.
And sometimes when people arestuck in miserable lives,
there's this weird psychologicalneed to keep other people
stuck, too.
Or to justify the idea thatchange isn't possible.
Because if change isimpossible, then they don't have
to make change.
(17:17):
But if you go out and make thechange, then they can't stay in
that mindset anymore.
And so they want to reject youso that they don't have to
confront that idea.
It doesn't mean that you'vedone anything wrong to rock that
boat.
So go ahead and rock it.
Do it gently.
You also don't have to come outyou know, guns blazing, so to
(17:39):
speak, to vilify the people thataren't changing with you.
Everybody's on their own timeframe and they may just need to
remain a caterpillar for alittle bit longer or maybe
forever.
Maybe those things are workingfor them.
You don't have to changeeverybody right along with you
is the point that I'm making.
Just worry about yourself andfind the people that are meant
(18:05):
for you now that will supportyou now.
There's something kind ofmagical about going into one of
those butterfly, I don't knowwhat they call them, but where
you walk in and there's justthousands and thousands of
butterflies and they're landingon you.
I went to one in Key West onetime and it was just such a
(18:27):
fairy tale environment with allof these beautiful varieties of
butterflies flying around.
And I think what's sointriguing about them is that
they're so delicate.
And that's an important aspectof this.
We don't have to be abrasive tobe adaptable.
(18:48):
We don't have to be evenstrong.
Strength is something that isoften misunderstood.
And so we think we can't makechanges because we feel scared
or because we don't feel strongenough.
Just start walking.
Butterflies are super delicate,but they're one of the most
resilient insects in the historyof the world if you study their
(19:12):
story.
So it's okay if you feel alittle weak to start walking
toward that change andadaptability.
Don't wait until you feelstrong.
Just think about thebutterflies and all the
varieties and all the differentways and the choices that you
can make.
(19:33):
And that you are okay as yourown unique individual being with
your thoughts, your feelings,your ways of doing things.
And again, it doesn't mean thatyou don't take bits and pieces
from experts.
Of course you do.
Somebody that knows more aboutthis than you might have
(19:54):
something that they can teachyou.
So I'm not suggesting that wedon't listen to a lot of
different people.
but more that we take all theinformation that we receive and
we process it through theunderstanding that ultimately
the decisions are going to beours.
We're the ones that are goingto live with them, right or
(20:16):
wrong.
Sometimes we might make thewrong ones and that's okay.
Hopefully we learn somethingduring that process.
But we're the ones that aregoing to live with that.
And I, in my life, have hadtimes when I kind of got
pressured to do things thatsomebody else wanted me to do
that turned out to be very baddecisions for me.
And I would have been much,much better off in my life to
(20:39):
have made the decision that Ithought was correct in the first
place.
And that in and of itself was alearning experience for me.
Ultimately, I was responsiblefor the fact that I listened to
somebody else.
So always, always, always, theresponsibility lies with you,
but the potential for joy isalso within your power.
(21:02):
Have a great day, everybody.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
(21:23):
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
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