July 12, 2025 • 23 mins
Do you ever feel like YOU are the weakest link in your very own life? Do you love yourself enough to make some changes?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Laura Wakefi (00:09):
Have you ever felt like you yourself are the
weakest link in your very ownlife?
Welcome to the Joy fulicityPodcast.
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
Do you ever wake up in themorning in just kind of a funk,
where you just don't feel ittoday?
You just don't want to do it.
You know, that's perfectlynormal.
(00:30):
We all have days like that.
The problem is when we feelthat way most of the time.
At that point in time, it'stime to ask ourselves some
questions about the way thatwe're living our life and some
thought habits and patterns thatwe have found ourselves in.
I mean, we know, right?
Usually, objectively, peopleunderstand that they're smart,
(00:51):
that they're talented, that theyhave all the building blocks in
place to build a fantasticlife.
We count our blessings.
We do all those things.
And we know that that life thatwe want is just right there.
And we'll do really, reallygreat.
We'll commit ourselves.
Maybe in January, we'll haveour resolutions or Monday
(01:12):
morning is kind of a big thingfor everybody.
This week's going to bedifferent.
And maybe we'll do great for aweek or a day or two or an hour
or two, or sometimes even forseveral months.
We'll just really dig in and dofantastic.
But before you know it, we kindof start getting back in our
very own way.
I'm not talking about the timesthat external things come in.
(01:36):
I'm talking about the timesthat we ourselves get in the way
of our very own progress.
Sometimes it might be because ofsome really bad habits or even
addictions that we've picked upalong the way to substances, to
our phones, that's a really bigone, to drama and negative
(01:59):
thinking.
Yes, yes, those can also beaddictive.
And we'll get ourselves out ofthat for a little while, but it
just creeps back in.
And we feel sometimes powerlessto control that.
It feels like that addiction orhabit just has such a grip on
(02:20):
us that we can't possiblyovercome it.
We don't have any willpower, wetell ourselves.
Or it can just be negative waysof thinking.
Maybe things that we weremodeled in our childhood by our
parents, or we've surroundedourselves with people who look
(02:40):
at life and think in certainways, and they don't always have
to be super, super negative.
Sometimes they can just belimiting beliefs that people
truly mean well when they saythem.
But they aren't serving us.
And we've surrounded ourselveswith a tribe of people who
continually put that messageinto our mind.
(03:01):
And so deep down in our psyche,even if intellectually we don't
believe it, deep down in ourpsyche, sometimes we do.
And those kinds of monsters cancrop up when we least expect
them.
Sometimes it can be that we'vedug ourselves into a life that's
just not for us, and weliterally just don't know how to
(03:22):
get out of it.
And so we try to start makinglittle small changes, but the
overarching picture of our lifefeels like it's preventing us
from going any further thanthat.
And sometimes, honestly, we'rejust scared.
That's often the case for mewhen I find myself unable to
achieve something that I want toso badly that I know I'm
(03:45):
capable of.
We have to be honest withourselves sometimes about
whether or not the goals thatwe're wanting are really
achievable and are really evenwhat we would want if we got
what we think we want.
But when we know that they areand we know that we do, And we
just still fall into these funkdays.
(04:07):
What's going on there?
This is usually when peoplereach out to life coaches, for
instance, when they just can'tget past this invisible barrier
that they don't completelyunderstand.
Today, I want to talk about howto push yourself forward when
(04:30):
you find yourself in thesesituations.
And again, in specificsituations, there would be more
specific guidance that would beimportant to give, you know,
based on somebody's personaldetails.
But these are just some generalthoughts regarding those
limiting self thoughts, limitingself behaviors that we tend to
have, because I have them too.
(04:52):
I have them too.
My little ghosts that kind ofreside in the back of my brain
and in the back of my my body,so to speak, that just pop up at
the most inconvenient times.
And I feel like I'm battlingthe same monsters over and over
and over again.
And I just wish I had some sortof, you know, magical weapon to
(05:14):
defeat them once and for all.
But the truth is, it doesn'talways take something huge.
Sometimes the answers are rightin front of our face in the
basics that we already know tobe true.
I say that to people often.
When they ask me a questionabout their life and their
problem, I'll say, if you reallythink about this, like really
(05:37):
stop.
With complete, totaltransparency and honesty within
yourself, you already know theanswer.
A good example of this comes tohealth and nutrition and
exercise and weight loss and allof those kinds of physical
things.
So often we read every book inthe library trying to find the
(05:57):
magic answer, or we visit everydoctor looking for that magic
pill that's going to help usachieve those things, when
really, truly, if you really arehonest with yourself, you
already know the answer.
Jillian Michaels, who is quitefamous actually in the fitness
community, I saw her one timelive in a stage performance and
(06:20):
she stopped and she said, youknow, I make a lot of money
coaching and teaching peopleabout weight loss, but really
every one of you knows that theanswer is eat less, move more.
It's really that simple, but wetry to make it into this big,
huge thing that feelsoverwhelming and we get caught
up in the details and we forgetthat at the core, that's really
(06:43):
the basic.
And that's really not that hardto do if we can eliminate all
the other noise in our mind thatgets us feeling overwhelmed.
And sometimes we cling to thatnoise to provide internal
excuses for ourselves.
If we can go down the rabbithole in this other direction,
then we don't have to fullyconfront the truth, that the
(07:05):
answer is so basic and soobvious and right in front of
our eyes.
What it really comes down to,ultimately, do you love yourself
enough to to take good care ofyourself and to support yourself
the way that you would someoneelse that you love.
(07:27):
Think about all the things thatwe do for our partners and for
our children and for thecommunity and for our coworkers
to support them and build themup and help them to succeed and
to teach them and guide them.
Are we doing that for our ownselves?
Or are we sending supernegative messages to ourselves
every day?
You stink at this.
(07:49):
Every time you make a mistake,ah, see, I knew you couldn't do
it.
Most of the negative messagesthat we hear in our lives are
going to come from right insideour own minds.
If you think about it, you knowthat's true.
Do you love yourself enough togive yourself the same grace and
(08:13):
support that you would give,say, your child?
Someone that you love and wantto nurture and take care of.
It starts first with the body.
Are you taking care of yourbody?
And I'm talking about the superbasic stuff.
You don't need to readeverything.
whole lot of technical booksabout this.
(08:35):
You can, if you enjoy that sortof thing, you can watch
YouTubes, you can do all ofthat, but it's not necessary.
You already know the basicanswers.
Drink more water, eat healthyfood, move your body, you know,
exercise.
It feels really, really goodwhen you do it, unless you
haven't done it for a while andyour habits are kicking in
(08:57):
telling you that it's going tofeel awful.
You tell yourself that enoughand guess what?
It's going to feel awful.
And if it is feeling awful, dosomething different.
You don't have to do theworkout program that somebody
else is doing.
And that's the problem withgetting away from the basics is
that sometimes we end up doingthings that really aren't for
(09:18):
us.
For exercise, I like to danceand I like to hike.
I like to do yoga a little bit.
I'm not very good at it, but Ienjoy it.
And that's what matters.
And so when I do those things,it actually feels really good to
my body.
Sometimes for the first coupleof minutes, I'm having to
overcome those bad habits andthose negative mindsets.
(09:41):
Oh, this stinks.
I don't want to do it, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
But once you get into it, youget in the swing of it and it
feels pretty good and you alwaysfeel better afterwards.
Don't you?
So how about instead of feedingour minds with those negative
thoughts in the beginning, wetell ourselves, hey, I get to
get up and I get to move my bodytoday and see what a difference
(10:04):
that makes, that one simplechange.
I love myself enough to feed ithealthy food, to get enough
sleep, to eat right, to move mybody, to meditate, to watch my
breathing, all of those superbasic things that honestly
everybody already knows.
But we want to fight againstthat.
Oh, my situation's different.
(10:25):
You don't understand how busy Iam.
I do this to myself all thetime.
I know, but I'm a single mom ofnine and I work hard.
So, you know, nobody has it ashard as me, right?
I mean, we do this inside ourmind.
You just don't understand,Laura.
You don't get how busy I am.
You don't understand that myhusband doesn't support me or my
kids are so demanding.
It's not about any of that,really.
(10:47):
It's really about do you loveyou enough?
to provide those opportunitiesfor yourself, no matter if
anybody else is supporting youor not.
Get up a little earlier if youneed to, to carve out the time
for that weight loss.
Take over the grocery shopping.
If somebody else is bringing inall kinds of junk food, have a
(11:11):
heart-to-heart talk with themabout what you're trying to do
and why.
If somebody truly will notsupport you when you are asking
for their support, it might betime to distance yourself from
that person or find someworkarounds and ways that you
can carry on without theirsupport.
You don't need the support ofeveryone around you to start
(11:32):
making positive changes.
And you don't have to go out onsort of a mission to make
everybody else change with you.
That will kind of repel peoplein your life.
They're used to you a certainway.
And it'll be unsettling forthem at first if you start
rocking the boat and making abunch of changes.
So just make them privatelywithin yourself and let them
(11:53):
watch what happens to you.
They'll get on board when theystart to see the changes in you
and may even come to you and askyou if they can join you in
this journey and ask for youradvice.
Do you love and respect yourselfenough to take care of your
mental health?
If you're battling deep-seatedissues from your childhood or
(12:20):
from abuse that you haveendured, serious stuff that's
causing depression down insideand really weighing you down, it
might be time for you to makean appointment to go see a
mental health professional.
You can't control everythingthat happened to you in your
life, but you do have the powerto take control of it now.
(12:44):
And sometimes it might meanthat you need professional help
in order to do that.
And there is no, and I repeat,absolutely no shame in doing
that.
You should, as a person thatloves yourself, seek out help
anywhere and everywhere that'sneeded to live your best life
(13:06):
and feel happy throughout theday.
It might be hard work.
Now, I'm not saying that theseworkout programs or these mental
health shifts are going to beeasy and all roses.
It doesn't work like that.
But the overall effect oftaking care of yourself, body
(13:27):
and mind will bring you morepeace in your life than if you
run away from it and don'taddress it.
Do you love and respect yourselfenough to take care of your
spiritual health?
And I'm not going to definewhat that should mean for you.
(13:51):
That's going to mean differentthings for everyone.
I do believe in God and I prayto God every day.
I'm not a churchgoer.
I don't attend any churches,but I am quite a spiritual
person and I pray to God.
But for some people, that'sgoing to look very different.
Maybe you are involved in acongregation at church that
means the world to you and aparticular religion that you
(14:12):
believe deeply down in yoursoul.
Maybe you're not religious atall.
Maybe you consider yourself anatheist, but you find spiritual
nourishment out in nature or inother ways in your life.
Every person will walk theirown personal spiritual journey.
But what's important is thatyou walk it.
(14:34):
Because we all do have aspiritual side to our nature,
whatever our belief system mightbe.
And it is a vibrant part of us,or should be, in the overall
health of a person.
So seek out spirituality inwhatever form resonates with
(14:56):
you.
It's important.
Like I said, some will find itin a church building.
Some will find it sitting by alake watching the birds flying
over the water.
And some will find it in many,many, many places.
But what's important is thatthat internal spiritual side of
yourself has time dedicated tonurturing and growing it.
(15:20):
Do you love yourself enough togive yourself that time?
Generally speaking, when wefind ourselves on those days
when we just don't want to do itor our bad habits are cropping
up over and over and over, doyou love yourself enough to give
(15:42):
yourself some grace for that?
Forgive yourself.
Do not beat yourself up becausesometimes for me, that's the
worst part of it.
I'll dive into whatever I'mtrying to improve at the time
and inevitably, because italways happens, I'll mess up one
day I won't do it perfectly.
That idea of perfection is verydamaging.
(16:06):
So when I don't do it perfectlymaybe I slip into a bad habit
that I was trying to overcomeand I'm really upset with myself
about it that's frustrating.
It is, but what's important isthat we don't then use that as a
sledgehammer to beat ourselvesover the head with.
You stink.
I knew you couldn't do it.
(16:27):
I don't have any willpower, thethings I was saying in the
beginning of this podcast.
We will start to beat ourselvesdown, and then you're laying
there kind of bruised and brokenemotionally.
That is a much harder place tostand back up from than if we
simply just shook it off andmoved on.
(16:49):
Okay, I kind of messed that upand be super honest with
yourself.
It's not about self-denial.
It's very important to alwaysbe very, very honest because
deep down in your psyche, youknow the truth, whether you're
admitting it to yourself on thesurface or not, you do know the
truth and you know when you arelying to yourself.
So if we slip and maybe don'tdo as well one day as we wish
(17:10):
that we had, maybe we blow theplan altogether.
We don't do well at work.
We don't do well with our kids.
We got snappy with them aboutthis or that.
We overslept.
Just, you know, those dayswhere you stub your toe in the
morning and the whole day justspirals downward from that.
You can get to the end of thosedays feeling pretty
discouraged.
Those days are some of the mostimportant ones.
(17:36):
Those are the days when yourbody, mind, and spirit needs
self-care and self-love themost.
If one of your kids tripped andfell, you wouldn't turn to them
and say, you're so clumsy.
What's the matter with you?
You'll never walk right.
You just wouldn't do that.
You'd say, it's okay.
(17:56):
It's okay.
Come on.
Step back up.
It's all right.
We got this.
You'll do better next time.
We would encourage them to keepmoving.
And we wouldn't shame them as atotal person.
It was just a mistake.
It was just a setback.
So evaluate it, figure out,hey, I wonder why that went
wrong.
Which part of my self-care wasI neglecting?
(18:17):
Because almost always I'll findon those days that there's
something that started it.
Before I really slid downwards,there was a few small steps in
that direction where I neglectedmy self-care.
Have I been doing mymeditation?
Well, maybe not tooconsistently.
Did I exercise this morning?
(18:37):
Well, no, because I was runninglate and I ran out the door.
So take a minute to evaluateand figure out kind of what you
did and then literally justoffer yourself forgiveness for
your weaknesses.
We all have them.
It's not a crime to haveweaknesses and to make mistakes
as a human being.
You're not a robot.
(18:59):
You're a person and no matterhow fabulous you are, you still
are going to make mistakes.
The most amazing person in theworld, the most talented,
gifted, wealthy, famous person,Beyonce, say somebody that's
just a complete star that shehas flaws too.
I don't know what they are.
(19:19):
I don't know Beyoncepersonally, but I promise you as
a human being that she hasthem.
And there's probably days whereshe, Beyonce, feels discouraged
and feels a little bit likemaybe she's not good at that or
maybe insecure.
Even those people have thosedays.
So why would we beat ourselvesup when we have them?
(19:41):
The best thing we can do isjust like we do for our kids,
just pick ourselves back up,start again the next day.
Just start over.
Every day, if you need to, justkeep starting over.
And over time, we will getbetter.
And we're going to go throughcycles, up and down, around and
around.
It's just how life goes.
(20:01):
And it's okay.
It doesn't mean you're notliving a successful life because
you didn't have a successfulday.
It's just a day.
It's really just a day or anhour or a minute.
Another thing that you can do isjust reset, because sometimes
we're going along and we'redoing fine and then those
intrusive thoughts come in.
(20:22):
Those doubts and those fearsand those temptations and all
those intrusive thoughts.
You know how they are.
They're like little devils onyour shoulder just poking at you
during the day to where youjust, you know, feel yourself,
the stress mounting and you feellike you can't move forward.
It's time for a reset.
And it can be very simple.
When you're having those slumpsin the middle of the day, just
(20:45):
stop.
Because if you keep trying towork through them, sometimes
it's going to get worse.
Just pushing yourself whenyou're feeling like that, it's
going to get worse.
A reset sometimes is in order.
And it can be very quick andsimple.
Just a couple of minutes tostop what you're doing.
Find a window and look outsideor walk outside if you can.
But even if you're just kind ofstuck at your desk at work,
(21:08):
stop.
Look outside.
Take five deep breaths inthrough your nose and out
through your mouth.
Reach your hands up as high asyou possibly can.
Just give yourself a reallygood stretch.
Stand up if you can.
If you can't, just sit there atyour desk.
Place your hands back in yourlap and think about three things
(21:29):
that went right today.
Or just three things thatyou're grateful for or that
you're looking forward to.
Three positive things.
And you'll feel so much betterso quickly.
It's kind of amazing.
Oh, and also take a second, likemaybe once an hour to check
your body.
I've started paying attentionto this and I've noticed that
(21:51):
I'll stop to do my sort ofattention check and I'll realize
that my brows are furrowed andmy jaw is clenched and my
shoulders are hunched up andit's subconscious.
I didn't even realize that Iwas doing it.
But that stress that we carryin our body actually translates
in our minds to the fact that weare under stress and it becomes
kind of a chicken and eggthing.
(22:12):
Which came first, the stress orthe body language?
But either one that you addresscan affect the other one.
So unclench your jaw, drop yourshoulders, and kind of take
that furrow out of your brow.
And it will be amazing how muchbetter you feel immediately
after doing these things.
Don't let a bad day get youdown.
(22:36):
You can always start againtomorrow.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
(22:58):
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
Have you ever felt like you yourself are the
weakest link in your very ownlife?
Welcome to the Joy fulicityPodcast.
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
Do you ever wake up in themorning in just kind of a funk,
where you just don't feel ittoday?
You just don't want to do it.
You know, that's perfectlynormal.
(00:30):
We all have days like that.
The problem is when we feelthat way most of the time.
At that point in time, it'stime to ask ourselves some
questions about the way thatwe're living our life and some
thought habits and patterns thatwe have found ourselves in.
I mean, we know, right?
Usually, objectively, peopleunderstand that they're smart,
(00:51):
that they're talented, that theyhave all the building blocks in
place to build a fantasticlife.
We count our blessings.
We do all those things.
And we know that that life thatwe want is just right there.
And we'll do really, reallygreat.
We'll commit ourselves.
Maybe in January, we'll haveour resolutions or Monday
(01:12):
morning is kind of a big thingfor everybody.
This week's going to bedifferent.
And maybe we'll do great for aweek or a day or two or an hour
or two, or sometimes even forseveral months.
We'll just really dig in and dofantastic.
But before you know it, we kindof start getting back in our
very own way.
I'm not talking about the timesthat external things come in.
(01:36):
I'm talking about the timesthat we ourselves get in the way
of our very own progress.
Sometimes it might be because ofsome really bad habits or even
addictions that we've picked upalong the way to substances, to
our phones, that's a really bigone, to drama and negative
(01:59):
thinking.
Yes, yes, those can also beaddictive.
And we'll get ourselves out ofthat for a little while, but it
just creeps back in.
And we feel sometimes powerlessto control that.
It feels like that addiction orhabit just has such a grip on
(02:20):
us that we can't possiblyovercome it.
We don't have any willpower, wetell ourselves.
Or it can just be negative waysof thinking.
Maybe things that we weremodeled in our childhood by our
parents, or we've surroundedourselves with people who look
(02:40):
at life and think in certainways, and they don't always have
to be super, super negative.
Sometimes they can just belimiting beliefs that people
truly mean well when they saythem.
But they aren't serving us.
And we've surrounded ourselveswith a tribe of people who
continually put that messageinto our mind.
(03:01):
And so deep down in our psyche,even if intellectually we don't
believe it, deep down in ourpsyche, sometimes we do.
And those kinds of monsters cancrop up when we least expect
them.
Sometimes it can be that we'vedug ourselves into a life that's
just not for us, and weliterally just don't know how to
(03:22):
get out of it.
And so we try to start makinglittle small changes, but the
overarching picture of our lifefeels like it's preventing us
from going any further thanthat.
And sometimes, honestly, we'rejust scared.
That's often the case for mewhen I find myself unable to
achieve something that I want toso badly that I know I'm
(03:45):
capable of.
We have to be honest withourselves sometimes about
whether or not the goals thatwe're wanting are really
achievable and are really evenwhat we would want if we got
what we think we want.
But when we know that they areand we know that we do, And we
just still fall into these funkdays.
(04:07):
What's going on there?
This is usually when peoplereach out to life coaches, for
instance, when they just can'tget past this invisible barrier
that they don't completelyunderstand.
Today, I want to talk about howto push yourself forward when
(04:30):
you find yourself in thesesituations.
And again, in specificsituations, there would be more
specific guidance that would beimportant to give, you know,
based on somebody's personaldetails.
But these are just some generalthoughts regarding those
limiting self thoughts, limitingself behaviors that we tend to
have, because I have them too.
(04:52):
I have them too.
My little ghosts that kind ofreside in the back of my brain
and in the back of my my body,so to speak, that just pop up at
the most inconvenient times.
And I feel like I'm battlingthe same monsters over and over
and over again.
And I just wish I had some sortof, you know, magical weapon to
(05:14):
defeat them once and for all.
But the truth is, it doesn'talways take something huge.
Sometimes the answers are rightin front of our face in the
basics that we already know tobe true.
I say that to people often.
When they ask me a questionabout their life and their
problem, I'll say, if you reallythink about this, like really
(05:37):
stop.
With complete, totaltransparency and honesty within
yourself, you already know theanswer.
A good example of this comes tohealth and nutrition and
exercise and weight loss and allof those kinds of physical
things.
So often we read every book inthe library trying to find the
(05:57):
magic answer, or we visit everydoctor looking for that magic
pill that's going to help usachieve those things, when
really, truly, if you really arehonest with yourself, you
already know the answer.
Jillian Michaels, who is quitefamous actually in the fitness
community, I saw her one timelive in a stage performance and
(06:20):
she stopped and she said, youknow, I make a lot of money
coaching and teaching peopleabout weight loss, but really
every one of you knows that theanswer is eat less, move more.
It's really that simple, but wetry to make it into this big,
huge thing that feelsoverwhelming and we get caught
up in the details and we forgetthat at the core, that's really
(06:43):
the basic.
And that's really not that hardto do if we can eliminate all
the other noise in our mind thatgets us feeling overwhelmed.
And sometimes we cling to thatnoise to provide internal
excuses for ourselves.
If we can go down the rabbithole in this other direction,
then we don't have to fullyconfront the truth, that the
(07:05):
answer is so basic and soobvious and right in front of
our eyes.
What it really comes down to,ultimately, do you love yourself
enough to to take good care ofyourself and to support yourself
the way that you would someoneelse that you love.
(07:27):
Think about all the things thatwe do for our partners and for
our children and for thecommunity and for our coworkers
to support them and build themup and help them to succeed and
to teach them and guide them.
Are we doing that for our ownselves?
Or are we sending supernegative messages to ourselves
every day?
You stink at this.
(07:49):
Every time you make a mistake,ah, see, I knew you couldn't do
it.
Most of the negative messagesthat we hear in our lives are
going to come from right insideour own minds.
If you think about it, you knowthat's true.
Do you love yourself enough togive yourself the same grace and
(08:13):
support that you would give,say, your child?
Someone that you love and wantto nurture and take care of.
It starts first with the body.
Are you taking care of yourbody?
And I'm talking about the superbasic stuff.
You don't need to readeverything.
whole lot of technical booksabout this.
(08:35):
You can, if you enjoy that sortof thing, you can watch
YouTubes, you can do all ofthat, but it's not necessary.
You already know the basicanswers.
Drink more water, eat healthyfood, move your body, you know,
exercise.
It feels really, really goodwhen you do it, unless you
haven't done it for a while andyour habits are kicking in
(08:57):
telling you that it's going tofeel awful.
You tell yourself that enoughand guess what?
It's going to feel awful.
And if it is feeling awful, dosomething different.
You don't have to do theworkout program that somebody
else is doing.
And that's the problem withgetting away from the basics is
that sometimes we end up doingthings that really aren't for
(09:18):
us.
For exercise, I like to danceand I like to hike.
I like to do yoga a little bit.
I'm not very good at it, but Ienjoy it.
And that's what matters.
And so when I do those things,it actually feels really good to
my body.
Sometimes for the first coupleof minutes, I'm having to
overcome those bad habits andthose negative mindsets.
(09:41):
Oh, this stinks.
I don't want to do it, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
But once you get into it, youget in the swing of it and it
feels pretty good and you alwaysfeel better afterwards.
Don't you?
So how about instead of feedingour minds with those negative
thoughts in the beginning, wetell ourselves, hey, I get to
get up and I get to move my bodytoday and see what a difference
(10:04):
that makes, that one simplechange.
I love myself enough to feed ithealthy food, to get enough
sleep, to eat right, to move mybody, to meditate, to watch my
breathing, all of those superbasic things that honestly
everybody already knows.
But we want to fight againstthat.
Oh, my situation's different.
(10:25):
You don't understand how busy Iam.
I do this to myself all thetime.
I know, but I'm a single mom ofnine and I work hard.
So, you know, nobody has it ashard as me, right?
I mean, we do this inside ourmind.
You just don't understand,Laura.
You don't get how busy I am.
You don't understand that myhusband doesn't support me or my
kids are so demanding.
It's not about any of that,really.
(10:47):
It's really about do you loveyou enough?
to provide those opportunitiesfor yourself, no matter if
anybody else is supporting youor not.
Get up a little earlier if youneed to, to carve out the time
for that weight loss.
Take over the grocery shopping.
If somebody else is bringing inall kinds of junk food, have a
(11:11):
heart-to-heart talk with themabout what you're trying to do
and why.
If somebody truly will notsupport you when you are asking
for their support, it might betime to distance yourself from
that person or find someworkarounds and ways that you
can carry on without theirsupport.
You don't need the support ofeveryone around you to start
(11:32):
making positive changes.
And you don't have to go out onsort of a mission to make
everybody else change with you.
That will kind of repel peoplein your life.
They're used to you a certainway.
And it'll be unsettling forthem at first if you start
rocking the boat and making abunch of changes.
So just make them privatelywithin yourself and let them
(11:53):
watch what happens to you.
They'll get on board when theystart to see the changes in you
and may even come to you and askyou if they can join you in
this journey and ask for youradvice.
Do you love and respect yourselfenough to take care of your
mental health?
If you're battling deep-seatedissues from your childhood or
(12:20):
from abuse that you haveendured, serious stuff that's
causing depression down insideand really weighing you down, it
might be time for you to makean appointment to go see a
mental health professional.
You can't control everythingthat happened to you in your
life, but you do have the powerto take control of it now.
(12:44):
And sometimes it might meanthat you need professional help
in order to do that.
And there is no, and I repeat,absolutely no shame in doing
that.
You should, as a person thatloves yourself, seek out help
anywhere and everywhere that'sneeded to live your best life
(13:06):
and feel happy throughout theday.
It might be hard work.
Now, I'm not saying that theseworkout programs or these mental
health shifts are going to beeasy and all roses.
It doesn't work like that.
But the overall effect oftaking care of yourself, body
(13:27):
and mind will bring you morepeace in your life than if you
run away from it and don'taddress it.
Do you love and respect yourselfenough to take care of your
spiritual health?
And I'm not going to definewhat that should mean for you.
(13:51):
That's going to mean differentthings for everyone.
I do believe in God and I prayto God every day.
I'm not a churchgoer.
I don't attend any churches,but I am quite a spiritual
person and I pray to God.
But for some people, that'sgoing to look very different.
Maybe you are involved in acongregation at church that
means the world to you and aparticular religion that you
(14:12):
believe deeply down in yoursoul.
Maybe you're not religious atall.
Maybe you consider yourself anatheist, but you find spiritual
nourishment out in nature or inother ways in your life.
Every person will walk theirown personal spiritual journey.
But what's important is thatyou walk it.
(14:34):
Because we all do have aspiritual side to our nature,
whatever our belief system mightbe.
And it is a vibrant part of us,or should be, in the overall
health of a person.
So seek out spirituality inwhatever form resonates with
(14:56):
you.
It's important.
Like I said, some will find itin a church building.
Some will find it sitting by alake watching the birds flying
over the water.
And some will find it in many,many, many places.
But what's important is thatthat internal spiritual side of
yourself has time dedicated tonurturing and growing it.
(15:20):
Do you love yourself enough togive yourself that time?
Generally speaking, when wefind ourselves on those days
when we just don't want to do itor our bad habits are cropping
up over and over and over, doyou love yourself enough to give
(15:42):
yourself some grace for that?
Forgive yourself.
Do not beat yourself up becausesometimes for me, that's the
worst part of it.
I'll dive into whatever I'mtrying to improve at the time
and inevitably, because italways happens, I'll mess up one
day I won't do it perfectly.
That idea of perfection is verydamaging.
(16:06):
So when I don't do it perfectlymaybe I slip into a bad habit
that I was trying to overcomeand I'm really upset with myself
about it that's frustrating.
It is, but what's important isthat we don't then use that as a
sledgehammer to beat ourselvesover the head with.
You stink.
I knew you couldn't do it.
(16:27):
I don't have any willpower, thethings I was saying in the
beginning of this podcast.
We will start to beat ourselvesdown, and then you're laying
there kind of bruised and brokenemotionally.
That is a much harder place tostand back up from than if we
simply just shook it off andmoved on.
(16:49):
Okay, I kind of messed that upand be super honest with
yourself.
It's not about self-denial.
It's very important to alwaysbe very, very honest because
deep down in your psyche, youknow the truth, whether you're
admitting it to yourself on thesurface or not, you do know the
truth and you know when you arelying to yourself.
So if we slip and maybe don'tdo as well one day as we wish
(17:10):
that we had, maybe we blow theplan altogether.
We don't do well at work.
We don't do well with our kids.
We got snappy with them aboutthis or that.
We overslept.
Just, you know, those dayswhere you stub your toe in the
morning and the whole day justspirals downward from that.
You can get to the end of thosedays feeling pretty
discouraged.
Those days are some of the mostimportant ones.
(17:36):
Those are the days when yourbody, mind, and spirit needs
self-care and self-love themost.
If one of your kids tripped andfell, you wouldn't turn to them
and say, you're so clumsy.
What's the matter with you?
You'll never walk right.
You just wouldn't do that.
You'd say, it's okay.
(17:56):
It's okay.
Come on.
Step back up.
It's all right.
We got this.
You'll do better next time.
We would encourage them to keepmoving.
And we wouldn't shame them as atotal person.
It was just a mistake.
It was just a setback.
So evaluate it, figure out,hey, I wonder why that went
wrong.
Which part of my self-care wasI neglecting?
(18:17):
Because almost always I'll findon those days that there's
something that started it.
Before I really slid downwards,there was a few small steps in
that direction where I neglectedmy self-care.
Have I been doing mymeditation?
Well, maybe not tooconsistently.
Did I exercise this morning?
(18:37):
Well, no, because I was runninglate and I ran out the door.
So take a minute to evaluateand figure out kind of what you
did and then literally justoffer yourself forgiveness for
your weaknesses.
We all have them.
It's not a crime to haveweaknesses and to make mistakes
as a human being.
You're not a robot.
(18:59):
You're a person and no matterhow fabulous you are, you still
are going to make mistakes.
The most amazing person in theworld, the most talented,
gifted, wealthy, famous person,Beyonce, say somebody that's
just a complete star that shehas flaws too.
I don't know what they are.
(19:19):
I don't know Beyoncepersonally, but I promise you as
a human being that she hasthem.
And there's probably days whereshe, Beyonce, feels discouraged
and feels a little bit likemaybe she's not good at that or
maybe insecure.
Even those people have thosedays.
So why would we beat ourselvesup when we have them?
(19:41):
The best thing we can do isjust like we do for our kids,
just pick ourselves back up,start again the next day.
Just start over.
Every day, if you need to, justkeep starting over.
And over time, we will getbetter.
And we're going to go throughcycles, up and down, around and
around.
It's just how life goes.
(20:01):
And it's okay.
It doesn't mean you're notliving a successful life because
you didn't have a successfulday.
It's just a day.
It's really just a day or anhour or a minute.
Another thing that you can do isjust reset, because sometimes
we're going along and we'redoing fine and then those
intrusive thoughts come in.
(20:22):
Those doubts and those fearsand those temptations and all
those intrusive thoughts.
You know how they are.
They're like little devils onyour shoulder just poking at you
during the day to where youjust, you know, feel yourself,
the stress mounting and you feellike you can't move forward.
It's time for a reset.
And it can be very simple.
When you're having those slumpsin the middle of the day, just
(20:45):
stop.
Because if you keep trying towork through them, sometimes
it's going to get worse.
Just pushing yourself whenyou're feeling like that, it's
going to get worse.
A reset sometimes is in order.
And it can be very quick andsimple.
Just a couple of minutes tostop what you're doing.
Find a window and look outsideor walk outside if you can.
But even if you're just kind ofstuck at your desk at work,
(21:08):
stop.
Look outside.
Take five deep breaths inthrough your nose and out
through your mouth.
Reach your hands up as high asyou possibly can.
Just give yourself a reallygood stretch.
Stand up if you can.
If you can't, just sit there atyour desk.
Place your hands back in yourlap and think about three things
(21:29):
that went right today.
Or just three things thatyou're grateful for or that
you're looking forward to.
Three positive things.
And you'll feel so much betterso quickly.
It's kind of amazing.
Oh, and also take a second, likemaybe once an hour to check
your body.
I've started paying attentionto this and I've noticed that
(21:51):
I'll stop to do my sort ofattention check and I'll realize
that my brows are furrowed andmy jaw is clenched and my
shoulders are hunched up andit's subconscious.
I didn't even realize that Iwas doing it.
But that stress that we carryin our body actually translates
in our minds to the fact that weare under stress and it becomes
kind of a chicken and eggthing.
(22:12):
Which came first, the stress orthe body language?
But either one that you addresscan affect the other one.
So unclench your jaw, drop yourshoulders, and kind of take
that furrow out of your brow.
And it will be amazing how muchbetter you feel immediately
after doing these things.
Don't let a bad day get youdown.
(22:36):
You can always start againtomorrow.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
(22:58):
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.