Jenny Baird - Coaching the Unconscious Mind

Episode Transcript

Laura Wakefield (00:00):
Welcome to The Joyful icity Podcast.
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
And today I'm thrilled to haveJenny Baird on as my guest.
Jenny is an accomplishedsinger, songwriter, and also a

(00:20):
music coach.
She teaches piano, guitar,voice, songwriting, recording,
all things to do with music.
She's been doing that a longtime and her latest passion is
something that she calls neuromagic coaching, and I had the
privilege of actually goingthrough a session of coaching

(00:41):
with Jenny and it was sotransformative to me that I
immediately on the spot afterasked her if she'd be willing to
come on and be a guest on myshow and she said yes, so I am
thrilled to have Jenny here withus today.
Welcome, Jenny.
Hi, thank you so much, Laura.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing great.
Loving some nice weather.

(01:01):
Springtime makes me happy.
So what is NeuroMagic Coaching?
It sounds really exciting.
It's a really fun title.
What is it?
Tell everybody what that means.
Yeah, so neuromagic is justsort of the title I put on what
I do.
What I do is that I'm certifiedin coaching the unconscious
mind.
I call it neuromagic becauseit's really just practical

(01:23):
neuroscience.
But as you experience, it feelslike magic.
How can you change so quicklyand how can you feel so
different?
in a holistic way and sobasically neuromagic coaching is
just coaching the unconsciousmind and getting into our
unconscious things that driveour thoughts and our feelings

(01:45):
and changing those things ratherthan just working with our
conscious thoughts which canhave a great effect traditional
coaching is mostly coaching theconscious mind the conscious
thoughts um but you know gettingwhere the unconscious mind is
is the magic so Well, yeah,because I think when we think of
coaching, we think this has gotto be really hard.

(02:07):
Like we've got to go throughendless sessions, unpacking this
and that.
And it just seems like kind ofa struggle because people
struggle on their own to solvethese problems.
They assume that it's going tobe a struggle in coaching as
well.
But I love on your website, oneof the first questions under
the coaching page is, what ifthis could be easy?

(02:29):
And that, of course, appeals tome and probably most people.
So tell me, how is that, thatthis technique makes it easy
rather than kind of a trial or astruggle?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
So the technique that I use, soI'm trained by Melissa Teers
and Simone.
So Melissa Teers is a premierhypnotist in New York City.

(02:50):
She's been in the field for 30years.
And so what they have foundscientifically researched over
the last 30 years is how weactually get into the brain and
change.
Well, it really has to do withmemory reconsolidation.
So the way that we used tothink memory worked is that your
brain takes a snapshot and thenyou have that as a memory.

(03:13):
Well, now we know that memoriesare actually valuable.
So whenever you pull up amemory, it becomes active again.
And anything that is in yourenvironment can get added to
that memory and then it getsrefiled.
And so your memories arechanging all the time.
Every time you bring up amemory, there's information

(03:36):
added to it from yourenvironment.
Well, I would imagine notalways accurate information too.
Is that correct?
Exactly.
And so, you know, there havebeen questions even with
lawsuits and things is how muchcan we rely on human memory to
because memory we now know ismalleable.
And so what the, what thecoaching that I do does is it

(03:58):
uses memory reconsolidation tointentionally change that memory
the way you want it to bechanged.
Now that sounds a little weird,right?
That sounds like, well, isthat, isn't that not true to
like change your memory?
Doesn't that make it like, thatwas what I thought when I
first.
Yeah.
That's my first impression ofthat idea is that, well,
shouldn't we be keeping thingsreal like that sounds like and

(04:22):
you know manipulating the truthso right but here's here's the
interesting thing is is whatwhat it actually is is let's say
that i have social anxiety andanytime i walk into a room i
want to crawl into a hole i'mactually talking about myself
here a room full of people thati don't know i want to crawl
into a hole well somewhere alongthe way I walked into a room

(04:46):
full of people and I had a badexperience and my brain
associated that experience witha room full of people.
Now, is there a reality thatI'm not safe when I walk into a
room full of people?
No, that's my brain'sperception.
So what I can do with memoryreconsolidation and with neuro
magic coaching is say, hey,let's bring that memory up

(05:10):
again.
That one time where the lasttime you experienced that social
anxiety, let's bring that up.
And you feel that feeling thatyou have when you walk into the
room, that like sinking in yourchest where you want to crawl
into a hole.
Okay, just shake off thatfeeling.
And how do you want to feelinstead, right?
I want to feel confident when Iwalk into a room and like I

(05:32):
could talk to anyone at anytime, anywhere.
And what I can do is I can go,oh, this is how it feels when
I'm confident.
And then literally what'shappening on a neuroscience
level is we now are attachingthat confidence to the trigger
of walking into a room full ofpeople.
And it's so like, sounds sosimple and so weird, but this is

(05:55):
actually how our brains workscientifically.
And that's what I help peopleto do with coaching the
unconscious mind.
And you, you know, youexperienced it.
It's a wild process.
You're like, how is thisworking?
It really is.
And I think what I'm thinkingwhen I'm hearing that is that,

(06:17):
you know, when I want tochallenge it and say we're
trying to substitute withsomething that isn't true, I
think in actuality, the thingswe're experiencing aren't always
true either.
Like you said, you walk into aroom, you feel unsafe.
That doesn't necessarily meanthat you are unsafe.
Right.
And it's all this stuff to thesituation.
Yeah, and a lot of it is aboutnervous system regulation as

(06:40):
well, right?
When I walk into that room andI feel like I want to crawl into
a hole, it's because my nervoussystem is saying, hey, there's
a threat.
There's all these people thatyou don't know.
And somebody, in my case,somebody might reject you.
So you should crawl into a holenow so that you don't
experience that.

(07:01):
And what I have been able to dofor myself and for others
around social anxiety and otherthings, but social anxiety is
the example, right?
Is able to say, wait, here'show we regulate our nervous
system so that we can look at anenvironment that our brain is
saying, this is dangerous.
And we can go, let's calm ournervous system down so that it's

(07:22):
out of threat and devote.
And then we get to decide howwe want to respond.
We don't have to do our brainsdefault because our brain is a
habit making machine.
That's part of this process ofunconscious coaching.
Everything we think, feel or doon a repeated basis becomes a
habit in our brains.

(07:43):
So like to your point, like,well, isn't that circumventing
the truth?
Well, really, your responsesare just a habit that your brain
has created.
This is the way I respond tothis trigger all the time,
period.
And so in some ways, it's allmade up.
Yeah, it's we're bringing somuch nonsense and garbage and

(08:06):
past stuff to a situation thatwe maybe can't even see it
clearly.
So we form a memory based on anassumption, really, rather than
the actual facts.
And right.
And like, sometimes that'sgood.
Sometimes you're like, I almostgot hit by a car when I didn't
look both ways when I crossedthe street.

(08:27):
You want that habit in yourbrain, right?
And there are other habits inyour brain that are not useful
to you anymore.
And that's what I do as acoach.
We look at your brain's habitsand we go, okay, well, that is
not the way I want to interactwith that.
You know, when I see my kiddoing something or my
significant other doingsomething and I fly off into a

(08:48):
rage, That's not really a habitthat I like.
It doesn't serve me.
It's not useful.
So what we do is we go intoyour memories, into your brain,
and we go, this is the way Ifeel when this happens.
This is just my brain'shabituated pattern in this
situation.
And then we shake that off.

(09:08):
That's not what we want to doanymore.
And we decide how we want torespond instead.
And we use nervous systemregulation techniques.
which are, I'll show you somelater, but they're so simple,
but they, what they do is, isthey just dissociate just a
little bit from this reallystrong in your perception,
negative emotion in myperception, negative emotion.

(09:29):
And then they create space foryou to go.
I think I can have a differentchoice here.
I think I can have a differentreaction.
So like a do over of a pastexperience, but with more
maturity or.
Yeah.
And so as you start to like,really imagine and feel what it
feels like to responddifferently on a synaptic level

(09:51):
we're like we're disconnectingyour brain's response to a
trigger and reconnecting it toanother trigger to another
actual actual neurologicalchanges that take place in the
brain when you do Yes.
So I'm not super scientific, right?
But I know the like, I know thelay person terms, right?

(10:12):
And so like, what's basicallyhappening is when I talked about
that memory reconsolidation,you're pulling up that memory,
you're lighting up the neuralnetwork where that negative
reaction is.
And then you're shaking it off,you're doing a little bit of
emotional dissociation from thatparticular trigger.
And that stays lit up.

(10:33):
And then you're lighting upwhat it would like the neural
network that it would feel likeof like, what does it feel like
when I'm confident?
Or what does it feel like whenthey respond peacefully instead
of with rage?
Man, it just feels easy andgood.
And like, I can totally imaginemyself like responding that
way.
And I want to be that person.
And as you're associated intothese feelings of who you want

(10:57):
to be, then you're just nowpicture that same situation, but
you feel this way.
And it's so wild to me thatthis is how it works, but this
is how it works.
Yes.
And, and I found that to betrue when I went through that
session with you that I wouldhave thought maybe that
recalling some of these things,and we're not necessarily

(11:20):
talking about severe traumas,you know, that may require more
intense therapy, but, but someof just the little habit
patterns and the little thingsthat we throw at ourselves,
you're not good enough.
Right.
People don't like you, youknow, those kinds of things, but
they can be so destructive.
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
Just incredibly destructivebecause they'll, they'll hold

(11:41):
you back from really reachingfor your potential because
you're making an assumption inadvance that you can't do that.
Right.
And yes.
And what's so interesting to meis, um, and everything we've
talked about so far has beenvery neuroscience, practical
neuroscience, you know, um, Butwhat's so interesting to me is
that each of our unconsciousminds and our bodies have so

(12:07):
much wisdom in them.
We already know who we want tobe.
We already know how we want tofeel.
We already know how we want toreact.
And we just maybe don't knowhow to execute that, right?
And so what's beautiful aboutcoaching the unconscious mind is
that I get to hold space andcreate space for people and for

(12:29):
myself.
I use these tools on myself.
I get to hold space and createspace for people to kind of shed
some of these ideas that we'vealways been given about what it
means to change or that we needan external authority to tell us
what to do different.
What I love about what I get todo is I follow my clients,

(12:52):
right?
Whoever's sitting in mycoaching space, I'm just helping
them reconnect to the wisdomthat's already inside of them.
I don't have to feed them howthey should feel.
It's about how they want tofeel and creating this space for
them to reconnect to their ownwisdom and move forward in their
life from their own authority.

(13:12):
It's not my authority.
I just know how to help you usethe tools to reconnect to your
wisdom and your authority andand create space for you to make
different decisions.
And I think that's what's soexciting to me.
Well, yeah.
And I think that we do know ona deep soul level, sometimes

(13:32):
we're running a little bit fromthat.
And what I mean by that is Ihave found in myself that some
of my deepest fears, I willactually deny that I have it
because I'm not, it seems reallyscary.
Like, okay, if I open up thatlittle box and, in my brain or
admit to myself that I'm afraidof that, then I have a
responsibility to do somethingabout it.
So sometimes I'm actually, I'mfine.

(13:53):
I don't even want that.
I don't even need that, youknow?
And how do you help someonediscover that wisdom when even
they themselves aren't maybeeven aware that they have it?
Right.
Yes.
This is a great question,right?
Because when you hear somethinglike I follow my client, you're
like, so what?
You're not allowed to offeradvice anymore, right?

(14:13):
Which, you know, As I listen topeople talk, I'm always
scanning against the backdrop ofmy own experience, right?
And as a coach who's committedto following my client and
giving them the change theywant, not the change that I
think they need, right?
That doesn't mean that I amhands off, right?
If I hear something, this isone of the brilliant things I

(14:36):
found when I was coachedone-on-one, my first one-on-one
coach, right?
he was brilliant at listeningto me and going, this is what's
happening underneath that.
And I was like, you're a mindreader.
Right.
And so it's like, now as acoach, now I can understand
like, Oh, he just had the sameexperiences and he was, was,

(14:58):
went through the same processesalready.
So I still will bring in, youknow, Hey, when you said this,
it reminded me this story frommy own life.
Like, but, but I'm doing it ina way that's not like, Hey, you
should do this.
It's more like, Hey, theremight be some treasure here for
you to dig around and find.
So let me offer you my story.

(15:20):
Let me offer you what I hearmight be going on and you can
feedback and you can tell me,does that land with you?
Does it not land with you?
And so, you know, there aredefinitely times where I have a
hit of intuition and I'm like,I'm just going to say this to
you and we'll just see what, seeif it's accurate.
And sometimes people are like,are you a psychic?

(15:41):
Seriously, though, but I thinkyou are very intuitive.
I will say that having gonethrough a session of coaching
with you.
That's cool.
Everybody's listening.
Jenny has a very nurturingenergy about her.
That makes you feel like you'rein a very safe space and able
to open up even in ways that Ididn't know what was going to

(16:05):
happen when I entered thatcoaching session with you,
Jenny.
I had no expectations.
And yet somehow you managed injust a few minutes to get right
to the heart of my deepest fear.
I was like, what is happeningright now?
But yet I didn't feel afraid toshare that with you.
And that's super significantbecause that was a big point of

(16:29):
fear for me.
So you would think that a lotof fear would have come up, but
you have a way of creating avery safe, nurturing space as
those things come up.
And I've heard much about you.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
That's such good feedback.
I love, I love to hear that.
That's my goal.
So, yay.
So one of the things you didwith me and, and I can't

(16:50):
remember exactly how we did it,but we created a, Kind of of the
ball.
Can you recall what we weredoing?
Yes.
So was it, there's a thingcalled the metaphoric two-step.
Maybe this might be it.
Let me see if it is.
What happens is when you'refeeling something in your body
and emotion shows up in yourbody and you may be like, you

(17:12):
feel tense and like yourshoulders are squeezing in or
you feel like there's a heavyweight on you or something like
this.
This is an unconscious mindtrick because everything our
brains do is a projection.
And we have so much controlover what's happening in our
brains.
Like we don't even know, right?
Like our brain is creatingspace and colors and volumes
internally.

(17:33):
And we don't even recognize it,which we can just keep going on
forever.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I'll write it in.
So, but one of the things thatI've done probably did with you
and I do with a lot of myclients, especially singing
clients is I, people will oftensay, I just feel like there's
something blocking my throat orI feel like there's this ball of
like 10 chicken in my chest.

(17:53):
And one of the things that wedo, and I love it because I'm an
imaginative person is we say,you know what, let's imagine you
can hold that, that ball.
Now imagine as you're holdingthat ball, you can bring it out
in front of you and look at it.
And what does that look like?
Right.
And I'm not, I can't rememberwhat you said it looked like,

(18:15):
but let's just say, so you,maybe you say, you know, well,
it looks like this dark, gray,you know, smoky thing.
And it's obviously a negativething.
You know, that's why we'repulling it out to work on it.
And then I basically asked thequestion, what would have to
happen to that thing for it tochange?

(18:37):
And your unconscious mind willvery easily provide you with an
answer.
And it might not make sense,right?
You know, I think, I thinksomeone, you know, in this
scenario, people have saidreally things that make sense.
Like, well, light needs to comeand shine through it and dispel
it.
Okay.
Imagine that happening.
But some people are like, itneeds to be sent love and light.

(18:59):
And you're like, okay, great.
Send it love and light.
What happens to that?
And so this is just a way tointeract with your unconscious
mind and let all the weird stuffinside of you lead and And it
changes things in insane ways.
I do this for myself.
I'm like, I feel something inmy body.

(19:20):
It's weird.
I'm going to pull it out andimagine it.
And like, and it just like, youjust, you feel a release of
tension.
You feel a release of anxiety.
You feel whatever is happeningwhen you allow your unconscious
mind to lead and you tap intothe wisdom of your body, no
matter how weird it sounds toyour logical brain.
Right.
The changes.

(19:41):
It's unbelievable.
It's really fun.
That was so powerful to mebecause I think once I pulled it
out, I think you had me name italso and say, what would you,
what is it?
You know?
And, and so I named my, my ballof chaos.

Jenny Baird (20:00):
Okay.

Laura Wakefield (20:02):
Then I did, again, I don't know if this was
part of the same exercise, butyou had me, it sort of
dissipated and you had me find amantra to say to myself
whenever that would come up.
And I did that.
And what happened when I wasdoing that with Jenny, I thought
I was feeling perfectlyordinary.
And when I named it and said mymantra, all this emotion came

(20:26):
up that I was not expecting.
And all of a sudden I was like,oh my goodness.
But it wasn't scary emotion.
It was like this very warm,loving emotion that said you're
safe.
Oh, so good.
You know, and so I have beendoing that ever since our
session.
When I start feeling someanxiety about certain things

(20:48):
come up, I'll just put my handon my heart and I'll say I am
safe.
And like you said, there's nowthere's now this connection to
that experience.
I'll have an immediate.
Physical change, mental change,but it's a physical change.
The calm will come just fromsort of repeating that pathway
that we created.

(21:09):
And it's so powerful.
It truly is.
And it was easy.
Like you said, not that allthings to do with this would be
easy in that facet, but some ofit really is.
Some of it is right.
There is that quantum, theycall it my, you know, my coaches
always call it quantum leap,miraculous change.
And that does happen.

(21:30):
And there are things that dotake time.
You still, we still use thetools on the things that take
time, but what's cool to me iseven in myself, noticing the
things that take time, choosingthe new path is so much easier
because Like choosing the newincremental step is so much

(21:52):
easier.
Before it was like, okay, Ihave to think about the thought
that I'm thinking and I have todecide to change it.
But the change doesn't feelreal.
I just feel like I'm sayingsomething that's not true,
right?
Like when you try to change,just change your thoughts, it
can feel like you're sloggingthrough things.
mud to do that because it's nothitting that unconscious level.

(22:16):
It's not fully integrated,right?
So my certification is anintegrative life coaching,
right?
So we're integrating both theconscious and the unconscious
mind so that you're feeling thatchange on, I like to say on a
body level, like you feel it inyour body.
Well, and I think it's, it'seasy to have sort of like an

(22:37):
experience while you're withyour coach and then You end the
session, but then a real worldexperience comes up that
challenges this.
And you can like run back toyour habits, run back to what
you're used to.
And it can feel like, ah, itdidn't do any good.
What do you say to that?
Yeah, you know, so here's thething.
This is the way we talk aboutthese issues that we deal with.

(22:58):
Social anxiety, fear of publicspeaking, whatever it is, like
the way you respond to asignificant other, the habit
that you have with drinking thatdrink over and over again that
you wish you could break.
What, what we talk about asunconscious mind coaches is that
like some of these issues feellike a big table top and they,
they like, that's the metaphor.

(23:19):
It's a table top.
And there's different triggersin your life that triggered this
habit in your brain, thispattern in your brain to
activate.
Right.
And so what we do in coachingthe unconscious mind is we go
after the individual triggers,right?
So for my social anxiety, theone trigger is walking into a
room of people I don't know.

(23:40):
So when we change the neuralpathway of that trigger, that
particular trigger has beenchanged.
And that change of that neuralnetwork does affect the rest.
It weakens the effect of therest.
But if I don't specificallydeal with every trigger, the
tabletop doesn't collapse,right?
And so even in my own life,I've noticed as I've gotten

(24:04):
coached, I'm like, I got coachedon that trigger, but this is a
new trigger that I didn'texpect.
And now I still feel the sameway, right?
I have this fear again, butwhat's cool is it's the same
process for every trigger.
And so as you know, once you'vereceived coaching, you can, you
will have new tools to startto, okay, let's regulate my

(24:26):
nervous system.
How do I want to feel instead?
And if I were to feel that, youknow, so it's, you will have
other triggers.
Like we said, sometimes thingsjust happen immediately.
And sometimes there's a lotmore triggers.
You have to work with each one.
But it's, it's really coolbecause every, every time you do

(24:47):
it, you're strengthening thechange.
for the other parts of theneural network as well it's not
just the one so anywayssometimes i don't know how clear
it is when i say neural networkbut does that make sense to you
yes absolutely and i feel liketoo that just like anything else
it takes practice so once wesort of start to address this we

(25:07):
might have to we might have totest it yes And it might take a
few times before we feel superproficient at it.
Yes.
You know, but I think that themore you do that, the less fear
you're going to have aboutjumping into maybe the next
thing.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And one of the important thingstoo is, and I can share, you

(25:28):
know, I can share something withour audience if you want, but
there are really simple physicaltools to downregulate your
nervous system.
So when you have that anxiety,there's simple ways to knock it
down a few notches or a lot ofnotches or to zero so that you
can make a different decision,right?

(25:49):
And even that, With differentthings in your life, that'll be
different.
For me, relational conflict isso difficult.
And I'm still learning how tofully downregulate my nervous
system and choose a differentway of operating.
There's a level to which I'mlike, yeah, I'm not freaking out
nearly as much as I used to.

(26:09):
And I'm still a little bitlike, right?
I think that that idea of howto stay calm.
Yeah.
it will affect every aspect ofyour life.
You're not in a relationshipgoing to shoot that quite so
quickly with a response.
You're going to calmly thinkabout it.
In a room full of crowdedpeople, you're not going to jump

(26:32):
so quick.
You know, staying calm isreally the key to almost
everything.
So can you share maybe one ortwo simple things that somebody
can do right now today to helpthem to do that, to reach that
calm space quickly?
Yes, I'll definitely share two,two, at least two things that
are very quick.
So the first one, especiallysince we're on audio, not
necessarily, I actually dovideo.

(26:54):
Yeah, it's on video too.
Okay, great.
So we'll do the video stufftoo.
So, but if you're justlistening, here's a really good,
really great thing you can do.
You can take a deep breath inand then you can breathe out for
twice as long.
Then when you breathe out fortwice as long, what that does

(27:15):
is, is that activates your vagusnerve and that triggers your
nervous system that, hey,there's no threat.
We're not panting here.
We're not assessing a threat.
So if you can take a couple ofdeep breaths in and then breathe
out for twice as long, that'sgoing to immediately start to
make a difference.

(27:35):
And I can already feel myselflike slowing my speech because
I'm feeling the difference,right?
So you're speaking directly toyour physical body.
Oh, yes.
And the way that it's trainedto take in information.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And then the other thing youcan do is if you, you can, you
can do this with something inyour hand.

(27:56):
or you can you can just kind ofdo it without um what you're
gonna do is you're gonna holdsomething in your hand kind of
in the middle of your body rightin front of you sure yep and
you're gonna start passing itback and forth between your
hands and you're just gonna likelet your arms really swing out
to the side as you pass thisanyone can and you can probably

(28:20):
hear my hands swishing a littlebit as they meet in the middle
So you don't need to holdsomething if you don't have
anything handy close by.
You do not have to.
I do this all the time with orwithout something in my hand.
But what this does is anxietytypically lives on one side of
your brain or any negativeemotion that you have.
And this is what we callbilateral stimulation.

(28:43):
And by moving both sides ofyour body, swinging your arms
across the midline of your body,this activates both sides of
your brain.
And essentially gets the bloodflowing and dislodges that heavy
or, you know, activatedemotion.
And again, my brain, after 10seconds of doing this, I'm like

(29:05):
starting to lose my wordsbecause my nervous system is
down regulating.
So it's redirecting yourenergy, your physical and mental
energy towards something else.
Yes.
And this is what I was talkingabout earlier.
This is what gives you theemotional distance.
and make a different decision,right?
As you have a little more calmand a little more clarity,

(29:29):
you're no longer spinningthoughts with that anxiety or
with that rage or whateveremotion it is.
And so this is what it's about.
It's about giving us distanceand autonomy to make different
decisions.
And I'm just obsessed withthat.
So if you're about to walkinto, say, a room, if public

(29:50):
speaking is your fear, andyou're about to have to get up
on stage and do some publicspeaking, you could just run
real quickly somewhere quiet anddo these two things and sort of
just center yourself beforegetting up.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I love that.
I love that.
Because it is so effective.
It is.
It truly is.
I used to do theater, and Itwas sort of a similar process

(30:13):
that I was doing, I guess.
I would sort of just like goback and forth from one foot to
the other.
It's getting back into yourbody and out of your head,
basically, because our head isgoing everywhere at once when
we're nervous and afraid.
Absolutely.
So it's hard to remember.
There's not an actual threathere.
It's okay.
Yes.

(30:34):
And what's so interesting, Ifeel like something popped into
my head as you said that when weare spinning in anxious
thoughts.
Doomsday scenarios.
What if I mess up?
That's actually neurologically,that is actually a hypnotic
state because we are thinkingthe same thought over and over
and we are creating thisemotional state.
And what would I do?

(30:55):
And what we do with coachingthe unconscious mind is we just
do a different hypnotic stateintentionally, right?
Like, If I was confident, Iwould feel this way.
Oh my gosh, that would beamazing.
Can you imagine if you feltthis way instead?
It's exactly the same processthat we're already doing.
We're just choosing differentlythan the habituated pattern

(31:17):
that we've always had.
I love, love, love that.
Because we all have something,you know, and it's different for
everybody.
It can be things like fear ofpublic speaking and social
anxiety, but it can also be Youknow, maybe we've experienced
loss and we become afraid of,you know, or somebody rejected

(31:40):
us at some point in time.
So we become convinced that wewill always be rejected and that
we're not good enough.
And there's so many differentways that our brains can get in
there and start directing ourlives for us, but not from a
place of truth, from a place offear.
Yeah.
And yeah, if I could just sharea quick story.
Absolutely.

(32:00):
One of the things I got coachedon during the course of my
certification, because I'm newlycertified.
It was the last three monthsthat I was getting certified.
I got coached a ton because weall practiced on each other all
the time.
And one of the things I gotcoached on was interacting with
dating apps.
Which is something I'm doingcurrently in my life.

(32:21):
I hated it.
And I was like, I really wantto meet someone though.
So I want to feel differentlyabout interacting with these
dating apps.
Right.
And so as I started gettingcoached on it, I, you know, when
was the last time I did this?
Well, this is how I felt aboutit.
I felt like, Oh, it's so muchwork trying to like talk about
who I am and the profile andit's the same way.

(32:42):
And it's just, I feel dread.
Right.
So cringe.
I know.
Right.
So as I got coached on that, Istarted to feel like I can
totally do this.
Who cares?
I'll just say whatever.
It doesn't even matter.
The right person's going tofind me at the right time.
So I felt good about creating aprofile.
The next thing I felt, the nexttable leg trigger that came up
was like, oh, when I messagepeople, it's like hard to like

(33:05):
weed through the people.
Or when I, when I look at thepeople, it's hard to weed
through and pick.
And I feel like it's such a bigdeal.
And, and I got coached on that.
And like, we did this wholeprocess of like, how do I want
to feel instead?
Well, I'm just going to be ableto trust my instincts and
whoever I, you know, hit like onis going to be, It's trusting
my instincts, right?
And then I was like, when Imessage people, it just feels

(33:28):
like so much pressure and somuch, it's so hard to express
myself in writing.
And it was so funny because oneof the coaches, she did
something brilliant because sheasked me, how do you want to
feel instead?
And I was like, I just want tofeel like it's not a big deal.
Like it's everything isadventurous and great and blah,

(33:49):
blah, blah.
And she goes, when was the lasttime you went on an adventure?
And I was just picturinggetting ready to go on this road
trip to Montana and Wyoming.
I'm in Ohio.
So it's far out West for me,those places.
And I just was realizing, she'slike, how do you feel when
you're getting ready to go on aroad trip?
And I was just like, I justfeel like it's where I belong.

(34:13):
And it's like so good.
And, and it just struck me whenI said that I was like, I'm
assuming that I don't belong.
when I'm on a dating app and inthe message when I'm messaging
people, I'm fighting for mybelonging.
And and I was like, I literallystarted crying about using a
dating app.

(34:33):
Oh, no, I absolutely hear youon this one.
This is these are real feelingsthat so many of us that are
single feel about this wholedating process.
Yes.
And it was amazing becausesuddenly.
You know how in coaching wetalk about, oh, you're going to
find your limiting beliefs.
Well, this work, as I haveengaged this work of coaching
the unconscious mind and beingcoached in my unconscious mind,

(34:57):
I don't even have to look forlimiting beliefs because all of
a sudden they're just there.
When I'm in this state of who Iwant to be, which is getting
ready to go on a road trip, onan adventure where I belong,
suddenly I have thisrealization, oh my gosh, I'm
believing that I don't belong.
I don't know if I could havegotten to that thought in 10

(35:17):
coaching sessions about onlinedating.
If I like, you know what Imean?
I do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so it was just incredibleto me that like, as I'm
interacting with the parts of methat are not seen by the
reasonable, logical brain, I'msuddenly getting so much deeper
truths than I would if I hadgone digging and digging and

(35:38):
digging through my consciousthoughts.
And so I, And it was reallycool because like the next
couple of days I was like, maybeI'll make a profile.
And my brain was like, we'resupposed to have dread right
now.
But I was like, but I can'tfind the dread because I like
changed the neural pathway.
And it's like that my brain wasgoing, isn't this our correct

(35:59):
response?
And the rest of me was like,well, no, that's not how we feel
now.
And it wasn't me consciouslygoing, I don't feel dread
anymore.
It was just the reality now.
And so that's a ratherinnocuous example, right?
And like we said, some thingstake more time, but just to see
the sense of like control that Ihave to be able to regulate and

(36:25):
to be able to change myemotional state more quickly and
suffer less, I get to sufferless and Oh my gosh, makes me
want to cuss it so good.
And what I love about that,Jenny, is that I think sometimes
people aren't sure if theyshould reach out to a coach
because they're thinking, well,I don't have any like real

(36:46):
problems.
I just have these sort of dumbproblems, like I'm scared to set
up my dating profile.
But you know, the truth is,that's not a dumb problem.
That's not a small problem,because you want a relationship.
And so finding that is actuallyreally important to you.
And so I love that you gavethat example, because it just

(37:06):
shows what a difference thattackling something that you may
not have even maybe recognizedas a serious enough problem to
call a coach.
But if it's impacting you andyour confidence and the way that
you're behaving and puttingyourself out there in the world
in these areas, it's absolutelycoachable.
Yeah.

(37:27):
And these are the perfect kindsof things for coaching,
actually, because they can makea very concrete, tangible
difference in your life today,right now, this minute.
And dating is...
It's a big one.
It's a really big one.
Most of us feel a little bit.
I always like to say that Ifeel kind of deer in the
headlights.
You know, I was married formost of my life and kind of get

(37:50):
tossed back into the datingworld in my 50s.
And you're like, what ishappening?
Like it's changed.
And I feel like a fish out ofwater sometimes.
But that really is an importantthing.

Speaker 02 (38:02):
Yes.

Laura Wakefield (38:04):
The more smaller details of our lives can
make a big difference.
yeah time we have because Iwanted to ask you oh we're we're
good I um well first before Iask you the last question and
I'll have you on I'd like tohave you on again if you
wouldn't mind in the future totalk about your music because I

(38:24):
have one of Jenny's songs Austinum on her website and I'll tell
you what I had all the feelslistening to you It's fantastic.
So I'm going to link to all ofJenny's places in the bio for
this episode, but go listen toher music too.
And hopefully she'll come backon another time to talk to me
more about that.
But before I ask you the finalquestion, tell everybody where

(38:49):
they can find you.
How do we find Jenny Baird?
Absolutely.
So I have a website.
It's just JennyBaird.com.
J-E-N-N-Y-B-A-I-R-D.com.
And on social media, I mostlyuse Instagram and Facebook.
I am Jenny Baird Music.
That's, you know, still havethat handle from my musician

(39:13):
only days.
So yeah, I would love, love toconnect on social media, on my
website.
So that's where you can findme.
I'm always there.
Awesome.
And like I said, I will put thelinks to all of her places in
the description.
That's great.
So as you know, Jenny, thispodcast is primarily focused
around living a joy filled life.

(39:33):
And of course, all this goesalong really well with that.
But that's my final questionfor you is how does neuromagic
coaching and just that way ofthinking in general, help
somebody to who's trying to livetheir life with a little bit
more joy?
Absolutely.

(39:54):
And I think the answer isdefinitely kind of what we've
been saying, right?
This work and these tools thatare essentially able to be used
yourself, you know, you usingthese tools gives you that
ability to recognize, man, Idon't like the way I'm feeling
right now.
I don't like the way I'minteracting and change is

(40:19):
possible and this is how i canregulate my nervous system and
choose differently right and sothere's obviously spectrums and
levels right there's some thingsyou don't want to just change
immediately grief is notsomething that you want to just
bypass right right we're notsupposed to blow through all of
that right so it's not aboutbypassing those emotions but

(40:40):
getting enough getting enoughdistance from them that we can
be curious recognize how they'reserving us recognize how
they're not serving us and thentap into a different emotional
state.
I love, love, love that.
Jenny, thank you so much forbeing a guest on the show today.
And everybody go check outJennyBaird.com and Jenny Baird

(41:01):
Music on Facebook and Instagram.
Have a great

Speaker 02 (41:04):
day,

Laura Wakefield (41:04):
everybody.
Thank you for joining me todayon the Joy Felicity Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy Felicity or
on my website, joyfelicity.com.

(41:25):
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.