August 7, 2025 • 13 mins
Remember in your childhood when you went to the swimming pool and you were very frightened, but also really curious about the deep end of the pool? Come join me in this episode as we talk about the deep and shallow parts of the pool...and also of our lives.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Laura Wakefield (00:00):
Remember in your childhood when you went to
the swimming pool and you werevery frightened, but also really
curious about the deep end ofthe pool?
Welcome to The JoyfulicityPodcast.
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
(00:22):
It's almost summer.
It's time to be thinking againabout going back to the swimming
pool.
But do you remember being a kidat the pool or watching your
own children as they werelearning to swim?
A little scared at first,sitting on the edge, but too
afraid to actually get into thewater.
Eventually, brave enough tomaybe venture onto the steps and
(00:43):
blow some bubbles or cling tothe side, wanting so much to
splash and play like the otherkids, but also terrified of
drowning.
With inflatable armbandsbouying up your body and your
confidence, finally you got towhere you could paddle around in
the shallow end.
It was so much fun there,frolicking and laughing.
(01:04):
Maybe you even got bold enough,to the point of jumping off of
the side into your parents'arms.
You felt safe, knowing it wasonly three or four feet deep and
the stairs were close by.
But always there in the cornerof your eye and your mind.
was the deep end of the pool,that mysterious place where the
(01:26):
older kids got to go.
You wanted to go down there,but you've been warned of the
perils of going near the deepwaters until you knew how to
swim well, so you avoided itwith nervous respect.
But you'd glance over thereoften with curiosity, too.
The diving board was down atthat end.
You saw the teenagers doingtheir flips and their tricks.
(01:49):
It looked so fun.
But you thought maybe youneeded to be an expert swimmer
already before heading overthere.
I mean, that was the dangerzone.
The truth is, though, and whatyou ultimately discovered, was
that it wasn't until you finallysummoned the courage to test
those deeper waters that youactually learned to really swim.
(02:13):
It was a combination, somehow,of the depth and the space and
the maturity that came fromfacing those fears that led to
the freedom.
So you honed your skills at dogpaddling and floating until the
day that you were finally readyto swim freely.
(02:33):
If you haven't caught on yet,I'm not just talking about the
swimming pool.
This is life.
I'm talking about theprogressions of life.
And with that in mind...
Let's go back to the poolimagery for just a minute.
Have you ever sat back andnoticed that as people age,
(02:55):
their pool behavior tends to goin reverse?
After working so hard to earnyour right to hang out down in
the deep end and having the timeof your life down there for a few years,
if you observe closely, you'llsee that most people begin to
migrate back into the shallowend and often back out of the
(03:16):
water altogether.
Pool time for adults becomesmore and more about wading in
hip-deep water or sitting on theside, dipping in only your
feet.
Sometimes it's because we'rechasing our own kids around at
this point, trying to keep themsafe.
But even when not...
the older people are oftenmanifesting as more inhibited
(03:39):
than the little ones.
Maybe just standing backdrinking a beer at a pool party
or sunbathing in chairs watchingother people swim and worrying
about your tan.
Of course, this isn't true foreveryone, but if you pay
attention and sit back andwatch, you'll see what I mean.
Check it out next time you'reat the pool.
(03:59):
Why in the world do we stopswimming?
Some might tell themselves it'sbecause they just don't like it
as much as they get older, thatswimming with abandon and
running around like that at thepool is just for kids, and
they've outgrown it.
But I don't think that this isusually why, actually.
When we get older, we're notusually worried about drowning
(04:24):
anymore.
But as we age, other, even morepowerful and frightening fears
emerge.
Suddenly, It matters very muchto us what others think of us,
and if we're coming across ascool.
Body insecurities crop up inforce.
We aren't always comfortable inour own uniqueness, so we just
(04:49):
model what everybody else seemsto be doing.
There's a level of nakedexposure at the pool, in the
actual sense, of course, that wewear less clothing there, but
also being childlike and playfulcan feel intensely vulnerable,
revealing parts of us that areclosest to our natural and
(05:09):
genuine state.
The more pains and rejectionsthat we've encountered, the more
guarded we become, returning tothe shallow to protect our
hearts from even the chance ofgetting hurt.
In the shallow end or up on thedeck, we can cover up,
literally and figuratively, toproject the images that we want
(05:30):
to convey, so it just feelssafer there.
It's not surprising, then, thatpeople often retreat to the
shallow sides of theirpersonalities for protection,
too.
It's scary over on the deepside of life.
That's where all of thosepowerful emotions reside.
Maybe we've been hurt before.
(05:50):
Or maybe we've seen loved oneswho have been, or both.
So we develop fears thatsomehow we are not enough.
That others won't find usbeautiful.
or capable, or worthy, orlovable.
When we go shallow, so tospeak, we can convince ourselves
(06:13):
that we don't care, so itdoesn't matter, and therefore
can't hurt us.
Aloofness becomes like armorthat helps us to feel
bulletproof.
Like the player that sleepsaround rather than taking a
chance at falling in love, andpossibly being abandoned or
(06:34):
rejected.
Or the person that focuses onthe pursuit of money or
accomplishments in lieu of closepersonal relationships.
Money isn't as likely to have adirect negative effect on us.
Now, the pursuit of money cansometimes, but money itself
brings us usually immediaterewards.
We earn money and we can go buythe things that we want.
(06:57):
So that feels like it's almostalways a positive reward,
whereas a personal relationshipsometimes is much more
complicated.
Or what about those people thatbecome obsessed with their
image or their personalappearance to keep life and
other people at a safe,superficial distance?
It's much easier, say, on asocial media profile to curate
(07:23):
your image.
You can choose exactly whatpictures, from what angles.
You can slap filters on there.
Let's not even get startedtalking about all these AI
images that aren't even entirelyus at all.
But we can feel like we have alot more control about how we
are coming across to otherpeople than we can in person.
(07:44):
In person, they're going to seemore of the real us.
Maybe we can curate that tosome degree, but they're going
to see more of the real us, andthat can feel a lot scarier.
Or what about the people thatstay at a secure, steady job
that they despise, instead ofreaching for a vocation that
(08:05):
calls to them, or a dream thatthey've had for a long time, in
case they might ultimately fail?
Failure doesn't crush us quiteas hard if we never cared much
in the first place.
So, for instance, if I'm doingsomething that I don't care that
much about, like, say, minigolf.
(08:26):
Mini golf is fun, but if I'mnot good at it, it's not really
going to affect my life thatmuch.
I don't care.
That compared to, say, thedream that I have of writing a
book someday, well, that's muchscarier because if I put my
heart and soul onto the paperand put that out there for the
world, and that's rejected,nobody likes it, or I get bad
(08:47):
reviews, that's going to cut tothe heart in a way that failing
at mini golf isn't.
So I might be braver to go outmini golfing with abandon, but I
might run away from that dreamto protect myself from maybe
getting hurt or maybe failing.
The walls that we build aroundourselves, though, they create
these pools of shallow watersthat, while they are possibly
(09:11):
safer in some ways.
They also keep us perpetuallyexisting in a shallow way of
living, even though we alwayssense and crave more.
We know it's out there, butwe're uncertain how to access
it.
Here's the thing about deeperwaters, though.
(09:33):
They are where the bestswimming can be found.
One of the most beautifulafternoons of my entire life was
spent swimming in the open seaoff of the coast of Mykonos.
Far enough from the crowds tofeel the majesty of the water
and the world at large, I justfloated there.
Communing with nature, thewater was warm.
(09:56):
It was exceptionally freeingand very peaceful.
I found myself in a state ofmind that that I don't think I
could have achieved had Iremained closer to the shore
where everybody else was.
The same can be said of deepconnections and deep pursuits as
well.
(10:16):
They are where the best of whatlife has to offer begins.
Only the courage to reachbeyond the shallow will lead us
to lasting love and friendship,to a life of true passion and
purpose, to spiritual centeringand peace.
Is there potential for pain inthese areas?
(10:38):
Well, of course.
In fact, I would say thatsuffering is almost guaranteed.
We're not perfect people.
None of us are.
So when we try new things, it'salmost certain that we'll have
stumbles and falls.
Sometimes we fail altogether.
We feel that a lot ininterpersonal relationships.
(11:00):
In dating, it can become verydiscouraging to go on dates and
end up getting little microrejections all the time to where
we feel like, I don't even wantto try that anymore.
Or when we try new hobbies, forinstance, that we aren't
proficient at yet, it feelsbetter sometimes to stick with
the stuff that we already knowhow to do well.
(11:20):
But when we're trying anythingnew, whether it's relationship
or goal setting or anythingthat we are new at or that we
haven't gained the skills for,it's going to feel very awkward
at first.
And we are almost guaranteed tofail on some level.
(11:42):
That's actually part ofreaching for success.
You sort of fail forward, so tospeak.
I love that phrase.
I've heard that before.
But there's a lot of truth tobe found in that phrase.
that you don't move forwardsometimes without failing along
the way.
So if we can learn to embracethat and to celebrate it, then
(12:05):
how much further along are wetoward just simply enjoying the
journey?
So reaching beyond the shallowand having the courage to swim
there is also the key to themost exquisite joy.
It's worth the risk, theeffort, and the baring of the
(12:26):
soul to brave the deep, and thennot retreat from it the moment
it feels a little scary.
Because remember, safety isn'treally safe at all if it becomes
the thief of a life fullyexpressed.
So keep swimming.
(12:47):
Just keep right on swimming.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
(13:07):
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
Remember in your childhood when you went to
the swimming pool and you werevery frightened, but also really
curious about the deep end ofthe pool?
Welcome to The JoyfulicityPodcast.
I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
(00:22):
It's almost summer.
It's time to be thinking againabout going back to the swimming
pool.
But do you remember being a kidat the pool or watching your
own children as they werelearning to swim?
A little scared at first,sitting on the edge, but too
afraid to actually get into thewater.
Eventually, brave enough tomaybe venture onto the steps and
(00:43):
blow some bubbles or cling tothe side, wanting so much to
splash and play like the otherkids, but also terrified of
drowning.
With inflatable armbandsbouying up your body and your
confidence, finally you got towhere you could paddle around in
the shallow end.
It was so much fun there,frolicking and laughing.
(01:04):
Maybe you even got bold enough,to the point of jumping off of
the side into your parents'arms.
You felt safe, knowing it wasonly three or four feet deep and
the stairs were close by.
But always there in the cornerof your eye and your mind.
was the deep end of the pool,that mysterious place where the
(01:26):
older kids got to go.
You wanted to go down there,but you've been warned of the
perils of going near the deepwaters until you knew how to
swim well, so you avoided itwith nervous respect.
But you'd glance over thereoften with curiosity, too.
The diving board was down atthat end.
You saw the teenagers doingtheir flips and their tricks.
(01:49):
It looked so fun.
But you thought maybe youneeded to be an expert swimmer
already before heading overthere.
I mean, that was the dangerzone.
The truth is, though, and whatyou ultimately discovered, was
that it wasn't until you finallysummoned the courage to test
those deeper waters that youactually learned to really swim.
(02:13):
It was a combination, somehow,of the depth and the space and
the maturity that came fromfacing those fears that led to
the freedom.
So you honed your skills at dogpaddling and floating until the
day that you were finally readyto swim freely.
(02:33):
If you haven't caught on yet,I'm not just talking about the
swimming pool.
This is life.
I'm talking about theprogressions of life.
And with that in mind...
Let's go back to the poolimagery for just a minute.
Have you ever sat back andnoticed that as people age,
(02:55):
their pool behavior tends to goin reverse?
After working so hard to earnyour right to hang out down in
the deep end and having the timeof your life down there for a few years,
if you observe closely, you'llsee that most people begin to
migrate back into the shallowend and often back out of the
(03:16):
water altogether.
Pool time for adults becomesmore and more about wading in
hip-deep water or sitting on theside, dipping in only your
feet.
Sometimes it's because we'rechasing our own kids around at
this point, trying to keep themsafe.
But even when not...
the older people are oftenmanifesting as more inhibited
(03:39):
than the little ones.
Maybe just standing backdrinking a beer at a pool party
or sunbathing in chairs watchingother people swim and worrying
about your tan.
Of course, this isn't true foreveryone, but if you pay
attention and sit back andwatch, you'll see what I mean.
Check it out next time you'reat the pool.
(03:59):
Why in the world do we stopswimming?
Some might tell themselves it'sbecause they just don't like it
as much as they get older, thatswimming with abandon and
running around like that at thepool is just for kids, and
they've outgrown it.
But I don't think that this isusually why, actually.
When we get older, we're notusually worried about drowning
(04:24):
anymore.
But as we age, other, even morepowerful and frightening fears
emerge.
Suddenly, It matters very muchto us what others think of us,
and if we're coming across ascool.
Body insecurities crop up inforce.
We aren't always comfortable inour own uniqueness, so we just
(04:49):
model what everybody else seemsto be doing.
There's a level of nakedexposure at the pool, in the
actual sense, of course, that wewear less clothing there, but
also being childlike and playfulcan feel intensely vulnerable,
revealing parts of us that areclosest to our natural and
(05:09):
genuine state.
The more pains and rejectionsthat we've encountered, the more
guarded we become, returning tothe shallow to protect our
hearts from even the chance ofgetting hurt.
In the shallow end or up on thedeck, we can cover up,
literally and figuratively, toproject the images that we want
(05:30):
to convey, so it just feelssafer there.
It's not surprising, then, thatpeople often retreat to the
shallow sides of theirpersonalities for protection,
too.
It's scary over on the deepside of life.
That's where all of thosepowerful emotions reside.
Maybe we've been hurt before.
(05:50):
Or maybe we've seen loved oneswho have been, or both.
So we develop fears thatsomehow we are not enough.
That others won't find usbeautiful.
or capable, or worthy, orlovable.
When we go shallow, so tospeak, we can convince ourselves
(06:13):
that we don't care, so itdoesn't matter, and therefore
can't hurt us.
Aloofness becomes like armorthat helps us to feel
bulletproof.
Like the player that sleepsaround rather than taking a
chance at falling in love, andpossibly being abandoned or
(06:34):
rejected.
Or the person that focuses onthe pursuit of money or
accomplishments in lieu of closepersonal relationships.
Money isn't as likely to have adirect negative effect on us.
Now, the pursuit of money cansometimes, but money itself
brings us usually immediaterewards.
We earn money and we can go buythe things that we want.
(06:57):
So that feels like it's almostalways a positive reward,
whereas a personal relationshipsometimes is much more
complicated.
Or what about those people thatbecome obsessed with their
image or their personalappearance to keep life and
other people at a safe,superficial distance?
It's much easier, say, on asocial media profile to curate
(07:23):
your image.
You can choose exactly whatpictures, from what angles.
You can slap filters on there.
Let's not even get startedtalking about all these AI
images that aren't even entirelyus at all.
But we can feel like we have alot more control about how we
are coming across to otherpeople than we can in person.
(07:44):
In person, they're going to seemore of the real us.
Maybe we can curate that tosome degree, but they're going
to see more of the real us, andthat can feel a lot scarier.
Or what about the people thatstay at a secure, steady job
that they despise, instead ofreaching for a vocation that
(08:05):
calls to them, or a dream thatthey've had for a long time, in
case they might ultimately fail?
Failure doesn't crush us quiteas hard if we never cared much
in the first place.
So, for instance, if I'm doingsomething that I don't care that
much about, like, say, minigolf.
(08:26):
Mini golf is fun, but if I'mnot good at it, it's not really
going to affect my life thatmuch.
I don't care.
That compared to, say, thedream that I have of writing a
book someday, well, that's muchscarier because if I put my
heart and soul onto the paperand put that out there for the
world, and that's rejected,nobody likes it, or I get bad
(08:47):
reviews, that's going to cut tothe heart in a way that failing
at mini golf isn't.
So I might be braver to go outmini golfing with abandon, but I
might run away from that dreamto protect myself from maybe
getting hurt or maybe failing.
The walls that we build aroundourselves, though, they create
these pools of shallow watersthat, while they are possibly
(09:11):
safer in some ways.
They also keep us perpetuallyexisting in a shallow way of
living, even though we alwayssense and crave more.
We know it's out there, butwe're uncertain how to access
it.
Here's the thing about deeperwaters, though.
(09:33):
They are where the bestswimming can be found.
One of the most beautifulafternoons of my entire life was
spent swimming in the open seaoff of the coast of Mykonos.
Far enough from the crowds tofeel the majesty of the water
and the world at large, I justfloated there.
Communing with nature, thewater was warm.
(09:56):
It was exceptionally freeingand very peaceful.
I found myself in a state ofmind that that I don't think I
could have achieved had Iremained closer to the shore
where everybody else was.
The same can be said of deepconnections and deep pursuits as
well.
(10:16):
They are where the best of whatlife has to offer begins.
Only the courage to reachbeyond the shallow will lead us
to lasting love and friendship,to a life of true passion and
purpose, to spiritual centeringand peace.
Is there potential for pain inthese areas?
(10:38):
Well, of course.
In fact, I would say thatsuffering is almost guaranteed.
We're not perfect people.
None of us are.
So when we try new things, it'salmost certain that we'll have
stumbles and falls.
Sometimes we fail altogether.
We feel that a lot ininterpersonal relationships.
(11:00):
In dating, it can become verydiscouraging to go on dates and
end up getting little microrejections all the time to where
we feel like, I don't even wantto try that anymore.
Or when we try new hobbies, forinstance, that we aren't
proficient at yet, it feelsbetter sometimes to stick with
the stuff that we already knowhow to do well.
(11:20):
But when we're trying anythingnew, whether it's relationship
or goal setting or anythingthat we are new at or that we
haven't gained the skills for,it's going to feel very awkward
at first.
And we are almost guaranteed tofail on some level.
(11:42):
That's actually part ofreaching for success.
You sort of fail forward, so tospeak.
I love that phrase.
I've heard that before.
But there's a lot of truth tobe found in that phrase.
that you don't move forwardsometimes without failing along
the way.
So if we can learn to embracethat and to celebrate it, then
(12:05):
how much further along are wetoward just simply enjoying the
journey?
So reaching beyond the shallowand having the courage to swim
there is also the key to themost exquisite joy.
It's worth the risk, theeffort, and the baring of the
(12:26):
soul to brave the deep, and thennot retreat from it the moment
it feels a little scary.
Because remember, safety isn'treally safe at all if it becomes
the thief of a life fullyexpressed.
So keep swimming.
(12:47):
Just keep right on swimming.
Thank you for joining me todayon The Joy fulicity podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,please like and share and come
follow me on all major socialmedia sites at Joy fulicity or
on my website, joyfulicity.com.
(13:07):
You can follow the link in thedescription for this episode to
all of the places that we canconnect.
Have a great day, everybody.
And remember, dare to dream,plan to play, live to learn.
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