The Kink Perspective

On today’s show, I discuss the difference between hurt and harm in power exchange. We look at how emotional coercion hides behind consent, how both Doms and subs can cross lines without realizing it, and what recovery looks like after control or manipulation. It’s about learning to hold power with care, not fear, because while we can consent to hurt, we cannot consent to harm.

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Don...

On today’s show, I discuss Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, how trauma shapes our reactions to rejection, and what happens in the body when the nervous system mistakes discomfort for danger. We’ll look at the science behind it, the patterns it creates in relationships, and the practical ways to start retraining the body toward safety and calm.

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On today’s show, I discuss what happens when the body starts reaching for connection before the mind feels ready. After loss or betrayal, the drive for closeness doesn’t disappear, it just gets confused. I talk about why attachment and grief are inseparable, how avoidant and anxious patterns develop as survival strategies, and why betrayal grief feels so different from death loss. This episode breaks down what’s really happening in...

On today’s show, I discuss what happens when the scene ends and connection turns quiet. This episode concludes a two-part series exploring avoidance, intimacy, and what it means to stay when the instinct is to run. We look at the drop from both sides: the person who retreats and the one left in the silence, and how the nervous system tries to find safety when closeness starts to feel unfamiliar. I talk about emotional pacing, repai...

On today’s show, I explore the body as the place where memory, desire, and truth all live. We move through what happens when the body betrays us through trauma and disconnection, when it begins to command through craving and impulse, and when it finally speaks with clarity. This episode looks at how kink, embodiment, and awareness can help us understand the body not as an enemy, but as a guide back to presence and trust.

Continue th...

On today’s show, I discuss what it really means to be met by someone instead of simply being seen by them. This episode concludes the Intimacy vs Exposure series, exploring how fear, hunger, and repair shape the way we love, connect, and reveal ourselves. We look at the psychology of mutual risk, the balance between safety and openness, and how real intimacy becomes a living practice rather than a performance.

Whether in kink or in ...

On today’s show, I discuss the role of friendship as the most overlooked form of intimacy. This isn’t “just friends” in the casual sense. It’s friendship as radical intimacy, the kind that offers safety, recognition, and patience. It is the ground where conditional value loses its grip and where desire wired for depth can finally thrive.

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On today’s show, I discuss what it means to care for a partner when both of you are hurting. We look at the risks of one-sided care, the pressure of roles in D/s and other relationships, and the shifts that make support sustainable. This episode explores how to stay present without losing yourself, and how honesty and flexibility keep relationships strong in times of crisis.

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Don'...

On today’s show, I discuss how the rise of silencing, exclusion, and conformity is affecting kink communities. We look at the psychology of groupthink, the danger of rhetoric turning violent, and why protecting difference is essential to the foundations of BDSM. At its heart, kink depends on consent, creativity, and dignity. When fear takes their place, the culture erodes. This episode is a call to remember what kink was built for ...

On today’s show, I discuss the sting of jealousy and envy in the digital age, and how even a simple like on social media can trigger deep insecurities. We’ll break down the difference between jealousy and envy, explore how exclusivity is tested in public spaces, and talk about practical ways to respond when those pangs hit. I’ll also bring this into the kink and D/s dynamic, where attention and validation carry heightened meaning.

C...

On today’s show, I sit down with redwarrior, a Leatherwoman, author, teacher, and titleholder who has been part of the BDSM community for decades. We talk about what first drew her into the lifestyle, how she discovered her roles as both sadist and masochist, dominant and submissive, and her passion for the Leather community. We explore her views on submission as a spiritual path, the psychology of risk and surrender, the ethics of...

On today’s show, I discuss how social pressure and conditioning shape the way we experience power dynamics in kink. We’ll look at why curiosity about crossing the slash often collides with fear, shame, and self-judgment, and how internalized expectations can hold us back from exploring roles that might feel authentic. This episode challenges the idea that our choices are purely personal and asks whether we’re living by desire or by...

On today’s show, I discuss the messy middle of kink, that stage where the thrill of being new has faded but you do not yet feel fully grounded. We explore what this phase looks like, why it often feels awkward or isolating, and how psychology helps explain identity drift, loss of novelty, and comparison traps. I also talk about how to reframe this stage as a chance to clarify values and build depth, not as a failure. And at the end...

On this episode, I discuss the real process of reclaiming your kink after it has been used to harm you. From understanding the unique impact of abuse in kink, to navigating the messy middle of recovery, to taking small steps toward safety and choice, this conversation is about rebuilding trust in yourself and others without losing the parts of you that still want to feel and play. I also introduce a new segment to the show, “You’re...

On today’s show, I discuss what happens when sadism shifts from a chosen erotic expression to the only way a top feels seen, safe, or connected. We’ll explore how dominance can begin with presence and intention, but over time, turn into emotional regulation or even identity. This episode isn’t about shame, it’s about reflection. I’ll walk through the psychological dynamics that can make control feel necessary, the signs that domina...

On today’s show, I discuss what happens when someone in the kink community is outed, whether by carelessness or intent, and why it’s a serious breach of trust and consent. I share real stories, including my own recent experience, and explore the psychological fallout, community responsibility, and the quiet ways outing erodes safety. This episode isn’t about drama, it’s about the ethics we claim to live by and how we show up when s...

On this episode, I discuss what happens when BDSM and swinger cultures overlap in shared spaces, and why the differences between them matter. Prompted by a listener’s question, I break down how consent, structure, and intention can quickly get blurred in environments that weren’t built with kink ethics in mind. From navigating pickup play to holding your values in sexually open venues, this episode is about staying grounded, clear,...

On today's show, I discuss the often misunderstood concept of agency, what it is, what it isn’t, and why so many people unknowingly live without it. We explore how agency gets eroded through trauma, family systems, cultural roles, and relationship dynamics, including in kink and power exchange. I break down the difference between agency and control, autonomy, rebellion, and codependency, and offer real steps for reclaiming your...

On today's show, I discuss the challenge of feeling like you're "too much" in relationships, especially when your emotional and sexual needs aren't being met. We explore how emotional needs are not too big but are often about finding the right compatibility with someone who can truly meet you where you are. Whether you’re in a traditional or BDSM relationship, understanding your own needs and recognizing emotional compatibility is ...