Family Team Meetings: The Weekly System That's Transforming Marriages

Episode Transcript
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Doug Smith (00:00):
Hey, leader, and welcome to another episode of
the L three Leadership Podcastwhere we are passionate about
helping you reach your maximumpotential and to amplify your
leadership impact. I'm yourhost, Doug Smith, and we
recorded this episode live fromthe Northway Christian
Community Podcast Studio. Intoday's episode, you're gonna
hear my good friend and pastorof Northway Christian
Community, Dave DeAngelo,having a conversation with me
for his podcast, the 1 6 7podcast. Highly recommend that

(00:23):
you check that out, and we talkabout so many different things
in this podcast. A few of thehighlights where we go into
really good detail on whatLaura and I's system is for
having family team meetings ona weekly basis. We talk about
what generosity looks like toour family and how we can deal
with the homeless crisis inAmerica. It was a wide range of
conversation, and Dave and I goback and forth since we know
each other really well. I lovedthis conversation and I think

(00:43):
you will too. So with thatbeing said, let's dive right
in.

Dave D'Angelo (00:56):
Well, hey everybody. Welcome back to the
1 6 7 Podcast where we talkabout relationships, we talk
about our parenting, and ofcourse we talk about work. All
those things we do for the 167hours where we're not in church
today. I am super excited forour guest, a good friend of
mine, and I'm gonna say this, apodcast mentor of mine , Doug's

(01:16):
the Podcasting pro. So , uh,everybody, this is Doug Smith
from , uh, a couple ofdifferent organizations. So
Doug, why don't you, why don'tyou give a little bit of a bio,
a little bit of background,smile big and what's it like
being on the other side of thetable here? Like Yeah. Yeah.

Doug Smith (01:29):
I'm getting used to it. Yeah. I've been doing this
a little bit more, but it'sgreat to be with you. Okay.
Pastor Dave, I .

Do

Doug Smith (01:35):
You want me to call you Dave for

This neighbor?
Dave Neighbor. How aboutneighbor Dave? We're neighbors,
so, yeah.

Doug Smith (01:40):
Yeah. So neighbor Dave, it's great to be with
you. Yeah . Um , yeah . Andyeah, so we've been friends for
a while . I worked at Light ofLife Rescue Mission. Yep . Uh ,
the nonprofit serving thehomeless on the north side.
What's

Your role there?
Yeah,

Doug Smith (01:50):
I've been there for 14 years, which is

14. Yeah, it's pretty long. That's a long ,
that's that's a long time.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Doug Smith (01:55):
Yeah. So, and I currently serve as the
Assistant executive director.
So basically oversee theday-to-day operations of the
mission. I spend most of mytime at the mission in those 14
years in development, so, okay. A lot of fundraising
experience. And

So development is a code word for

Doug Smith (02:10):
Fundraising,

Giving generosity. Yes . Isn't it?
Yeah . That's part of the tiein for , uh, Doug today, this
past weekend at Northway, thepastor preached on generosity.
So , great message . There's acool natural tie in . You said
that 'cause you had to neighborDave preached a good message.
Yeah , that's right. So , uh,14 years , uh, light of Life
and tell, tell a little bitabout the mission of Light of

(02:31):
Life and what, what you guysare . I think a lot of people
are familiar, but Yeah. Yeah.

Doug Smith (02:33):
We've been on the north side for over 70 years,
and we've been serving men,women, and children in our city
mm-hmm . Who areexperiencing homelessness.
Mm-hmm . And forus, we're a faith-based
organization. So we believeChrist is the answer, and he is
the foundation of everythingthat we do, which is wonderful.
Uh , and then also we have acontinuum of care, which for us
just means wherever someone isin their journey of
experiencing homelessness, wewanna have a next step for

(02:55):
them. So we have streetoutreach teams, we have an
emergency shelter, we havelong-term recovery programs
mm-hmm . Uh , andultimately graduate people to
where they're back out and havehousing, employment, and , uh,
a lot of other things. We cancertainly dive into any of
those, but yeah , generally,and Northway has been a huge
supporter for many, many years.
Mm-hmm . Of lightof life. So thank you to
everyone listening to that, tothis as well. For you .
Northway

Is a generous church, so church . Yeah , yeah
, yeah, yeah. So you guysserve, you clothe, you feed
you, help recover you house ,uh, when it , when it comes to
homelessness right here inPittsburgh. Awesome. Um, I
mean, amazing heartbeatministry here and needed in our
, in our city, Doug . So lemmejust ask this. So I'm , I'm
curious, we're gonna go a lotof different places today. Yeah

(03:35):
. We are gonna talk about the1, 6, 7 areas. We are gonna
talk about , um, generosity andmarriage. But I first thought,
like, I don't think a lot of peI think people know what
homelessness is, but they don'treally know what homelessness
is. What do you , what do youfeel like is like the come the
, the misunderstandings or themyths, myths about homelessness
, um, that, that most peoplesort of hold?

Doug Smith (03:56):
Yeah. I think the number one myth is, is
typically people see someoneout on the street, they're
holding a sign, be for money.
And their assumption is, oh,that person made bad decisions.
Mm . And that's why they'rethere. It's their fault.
They're bum, they're lazy.

They could just choose to get out of this. They
could work harder and Yeah .
Yeah , yeah , yeah . Yeah .

Doug Smith (04:13):
And the reality is homelessness is a com a really,
really complex issue. And theillustration we always use at
the mission is, if you look athomelessness as a whole, we
compare it to Niagara Falls .
So if you ever looked at awaterfall,

Wait a second, you compare homelessness to
Niagara, I'm like , on theedge, let me go, let go edge of
my seat . So I told you, I'mgonna interrupt you here. This
is like interaction. Okay. Go,go. I'm interested. So

Doug Smith (04:33):
If you look at the problem of homelessness is this
waterfall that's, that'sflowing with all of this power
mm-hmm . And youasked how could we ever stop
the waterfall from going overthe edge? You'd say it's
impossible. Uh , but in the 18hundreds when Niagara Falls
actually did stop flowing, andit's because upstream, all of
the tributaries that wereleading into the water that led
to the waterfall froze. And soin homelessness, if you go

(04:55):
upstream from thoseexperiencing homelessness,
you're gonna find manytributaries and reasons for
people becoming homeless. Andso examples of that are, you
have the opioid epidemic.
Mm-hmm . So a fewyears ago, I think it was 2022,
we had over a hundred thousandopioid deaths in the US set a
record. Wow . Which is justdevastating. Right. You know,
drugs are killing peopleeverywhere. Uh, you have a lack

(05:16):
of affordable housing. And justin Allegheny County where we
live, for every a hundredfamilies looking for affordable
housing, there's only 37 unitsavailable. And so

Say that one again. Yeah. By the way, that
noise was our helicopterlanding on the roof. Your ride
is here. Yeah . Thank you .
Just kidding. The HVAC is gonnaturn off here in a second, but
say that again. Say the, saythe stat that you just said.
Yeah . So , because that waslike, really?

Doug Smith (05:37):
Yeah. In Allegheny County, for every a hundred
families looking for affordablehousing, there's only 37 units
available.

So it's a negative ratio of available.
It's an unavailable ratio.
Yeah.

Doug Smith (05:47):
Wow . Yeah . And , and even if people have housing
lined up often, they can't getthere for two or three months.
And if they don't have anymoney to actually pay for
somewhere to stay, they findthemselves out on the street
with nowhere to go or stayingat a shelter. Right. Like light
of life. Right. Um, and thenyou have the mental health
crisis, and there's so many,even since Covid now that
there's all these differentthings in the drugs like
fentanyl, we're seeing mentalhealth issues that we've never

(06:07):
seen before. And to be honest,I don't know who is equipped to
really deal with them. So we'reall kind of in this position of
figuring out how do we dealwith the mental health crisis,
food insecurity. I , I couldkeep going, but So

Lots of streams, tributaries,

Doug Smith (06:20):
Lots of streams.
And those are Yeah .

That's a great picture, by the way.

Doug Smith (06:22):
Yeah. And, and I think we've actually done this.
If you would go out on a streetoutreach with our outreach team
and you went to an encampmentthat had 10, 10 , uh, 10 tents
and met with all theindividuals living there, you
wouldn't just find one solutionthat's required and just say,
Hey everyone, come on intolight of life and we'll solve
all of your problems. Everysingle one of those individuals
has a unique, complex reasonfor what they're going through

(06:45):
and complex solutions to what'sactually required. And so , uh,
it's just a really, reallycomplex issue. And I think if
people realize that they'd havea much bigger heart for, for
those we serve.

Wow. And and you don't realize that from a
distance, do you? No,absolutely not . You gotta get
hands and feet. You gotta getit on the ground. You gotta get
near, gotta get. Um, as our, asour buddy Matt Geer said, you
gotta actually have dust onyour feet. Yeah. Before you
shake something off, you know,

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Doug Smith (08:07):
Yeah . And in , in Pittsburgh, you know, Fred
Rogers is famous, but he saidthere isn't a person.

Wait , who's that? Who is just kidding? Mr.
Rogers.

Doug Smith (08:12):
Yeah . Uh , he has a quote that I love. He said,
there isn't a person that youcouldn't learn to love if you
just learned their story. Mm .
Uh , and talking aboutproximity, that's what I love
about being at light of Life.
When you actually sit down andhave a conversation and get to
know the men and women that weserved . You recognize. Yeah .
They're just like you and I.
Yeah . And you know, if we had,I always say in fact, you know
, I don't know if you wanna gointo this. I have a family

(08:33):
member, my younger sister, whoended up , uh, battling an
addiction with heroin and sheended up homeless twice and
actually was in our programthree different times. And if
you would've ever told me thatI would know someone, let alone
a family member that would needour services, I would've never
believed you. Right. Butthrough my sister and the
people I've come to know, it'sYeah . All of us are one or two
decisions away from being inthe same , same position or the

(08:54):
same circumstance.

Yeah. Yeah. It's nearer than we think. Yeah.
It's closer to our lives. Um ,not just in terms of people we
might know or our circles ofinfluence, but Yeah. I , I
agree with you . I thinkthat's, Hey , so how do we, how
do we be generous , um, towardslight of life? What we go to
the website, phenomenal missionand , and that's why would I
not plug this? Like, the callto be generous is to be rich

(09:16):
towards God. So, yeah . Um ,

Doug Smith (09:19):
Well , surprisingly so I think there's lots of ways
to be generous. And first Iwould actually say generosity
of time if you have it . Noteveryone is in a season of life
where they have the time.
Right. But, you know, ournumber one goal is come and see
if you've never been to themission, if you've never served
a meal, come down and serve ameal. Get to know and talk to
someone and actually experienceand feel it. 'cause that that's
what really starts changing andshaping your heart. Yeah.
There's lots of ways to getinvolved volunteering. Uh , and

(09:41):
then on the financial end,again, at a minimum it costs $2
and 58 cents to provide onemeal for someone.

Someone 2.58.
Yeah. So

Doug Smith (09:47):
It doesn't cost a lot

For one meal.
For

Doug Smith (09:49):
One meal. So, you know, whether you can do that
or, you know, some people havecapacity to give a lot more
than that. We have , uh, apretty large budget and are
doing a lot of great things inthe city. We could use all the
help we can get.

Awesome. So North Side , look for the big
cross up on top of thatbuilding. That's right. Right.
Sort of down by the stadiumsish. Yeah . And yeah. And you
have a second location over byCCAC by CCAC on is , right ? We
met there. Yeah. Yeah , yeah.
Yeah. All in that area where Istill get turned around because
I'm the most directionallychallenged person. Thank God
for GPSs. Yes . Like are yougood with directions? I'm not.

(10:20):
No . No . Okay. I remember thedays of MapQuest when I first
started working. Uh, I'm sothankful for a screen and
A-A-G-P-S . I'm not, I don'tknow , north, south, east and
west. Yeah . It's not mystrength.

Doug Smith (10:30):
I know you're not in social a lot , but there was
this, this video some guy madeand he said, you know, parents
are so worried aboutdistractions with the iPhone
and texting all these things.
And then he's like, this was usin the nineties, . And
he had himself, he had one ofthose CD pouches looking for
what CD to put in.

Funny . And then he was

Doug Smith (10:44):
Funny printing out his map Quest directions

Funny . And we had a big atlas in the back of
our car growing up. I rememberI used to read it like when I
was bored or whatever, driving.
You're

Doug Smith (10:51):
A little bit older than me, so I don't, I don't
know the whole atlas.

Yeah , just a little bit. Just little . So,
okay. Light of life. I messingwith you . Right. And then you
also do the, you have a , youhave a podcast, like how many
episodes in L three podcast?
Just tell us, tell us aboutthat a little bit. So I'm
literally, I'm, I'minterviewing the master right
now. The, the pros pro. So

Doug Smith (11:07):
Yeah, I don't know about that, but , uh, yeah, I
started a podcast in 2012. Go ,

I'm gonna get you to laugh at some point.

Doug Smith (11:12):
I don't understand sarcasm. You know this about
me. He's actually setting meup. Unfortunately, God designed
me in a way that I , I'm verysarcastic. You

Are .

Doug Smith (11:20):
When people are sarcastic with me, I always
take it. Literally. I'm still ,it could be insecurity. I

Dunno , I'm still debating if I believe you
when you say that, but nonenonetheless. I'm kidding. I
believe

Doug Smith (11:27):
You . I think I need more therapy. Yeah .

. Um , but L three leadership. Yeah.
Yeah .

Doug Smith (11:32):
Started a podcast in 2012. Wow. Uh , with my
father-in-law. It was my firstinterview. And now , now we're
420 episodes in , uh, with afocus on leadership. It's been
a lot of fun. Um, so yeah. Ialways say

. So wait , of all your guests, Paul
, the potential guests in thisworld. Yeah. You asked your
father-in-law, was that beforeyou were married to Laura, or
were you Ooh , that's aquestion about to be engaged .
Was this like a strategic Itwas a strategic,

Doug Smith (11:54):
I think it was a few months before we got
married. Okay. No, it wasn'tstrategic . Yeah. It took me 10
years to to grow intothe man. I needed to be a Mary
Laura . A podcast interviewwouldn't have gotten me by.
Yeah. Yeah.

So you got the L three thing you've interviewed.
Yes . Here's what I love aboutDoug. Um, as you're getting to
know Doug just a little bit ,um, tenacious you will, you
will , you really believe youcan get time with someone if
you ask and if you pursue it,and the guests that you've had
on your podcast, they're , it'sphenomenal. I mean, it's, it's
like on par with any sort ofother podcast you hear
nationally. So if you'relooking for leadership

(12:25):
development , uh, the L threepodcast is, is wonderful. You,
you've done this. Um, I don'tthink I've been a guest on the
podcast yet.

Doug Smith (12:34):
I just , it's on my to-do list to schedule that
today right after this. And I'mnot just saying

That. I beat you to it, Doug. I beat you to it.
I'm killing

Doug Smith (12:39):
You . I think I told you this. I'm you . Isn't
this , I've

Told you this on a text anyway . Yeah . Well ,
well, we see who won the race.
I , as long as

Doug Smith (12:44):
We can use the studio, I've been podcasting
for a while , but I'm nowhere .
Yeah. Well ,

I'll pray about that for , for it , Doug. We'll
see , uh, in time. Uh ,okay. So tell us a little bit
about your family too. Your , Imentioned Laura and tell us
about your, your crew. Yeah .
Tell us about the Smiths

Doug Smith (12:57):
Married my high school sweetheart, Laura . I ,
I kind of alluded to it just asecond ago. Yep . But yeah,
long journey to get married.
Married way out of my league.
Hit a home run. God. So, so, sograceful. Graceful and , and
merciful to me. Uh, but we,yeah, we've been married now
for 13 years. Yep . And yeah.
And so we have five kids. Wejust had our fifth Luke Kennedy
in January. Uh ,

That's it .
Congrats.

Doug Smith (13:17):
Yeah . If you would've ever told us we'd have
five kids when we got married,I would've never believed you,
but had

A basketball team. Five kids. Yeah . That's
it. So you got Liv . So I'mstarting , Luke is at the end.
Yeah . Caleb and what am I, whoam I forgetting here? It's a
biblical name. Joshua. James.
James. James. Close . I knew itwas a j . Oh , James. Uh , yeah
. So you got the five, you gotthe crew five. So we're
neighbors. Um, we live together, uh, out in the cranberry Mars
area, live near each other. And, uh, one of my favorite things

(13:44):
is when it's warm, we haven'tseen each other for a while ,
is walks like in the eveninghanging out with you guys. And
, um, you , you've shared someof your story and , and like,
so we're married, Brooke and Imarried almost goodness. We're
, we're coming up on , um,2002. So 23 years. This June
will be , we'll be 23 years.
Wow . Um, so like from momentof honesty, when it comes to

(14:06):
like the, the sermon we talkedabout generosity. Is money ever
a challenge in marriage?

Doug Smith (14:12):
Oh, of course.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, boy , it'sthe , it's if , if it's not
the, it's one of the leadingcauses of divorce. And so yeah.
It's a , it's a huge, hugechallenge. And I think you need
to get this right. I'm a huge,huge Dave Ramsey fan. I don't
know if you've been throughfinancial peace or encourage
it, but , um, that was really agame changer for us to, to lay
a foundation.

Did you do all the steps? Are you like a, a
Dave Ramsey, like to a t ?
Yeah.

Doug Smith (14:34):
Uh , well , yeah, I'm a little bit loose with it,
but in

General, yes .
To a lowercase t not a

Doug Smith (14:39):
Capital T. Yeah .
Yeah . I'm not a great rulefollower, but in general, the
baby steps are, they're short,they're simple. Yeah. Um, my
father-in-law, who before hewas my father-in-law, actually
paid for me to go throughfinancial peace probably as
part of my maturing process.
Um,

That was an investment in his daughter's
future. Yeah. And likeinsurance against his future
. I think that's whatthat was.

Doug Smith (14:57):
Well , it's paid off. I'm sure he's very, very
grateful. Uh , I think the ROIon that was huge.

So you , you feel like the Ramsey material
helped you and Laura get, geton the same page. Um, do you
ever , do you ever have, isthere anything with, with Dave
Ramsey's material that you'relike, I don't know if I agree
with that.

Doug Smith (15:12):
Um, no. I , I tend to just , it's good to go with
it. I , to be honest, we do usethe credit card , so, okay . Uh
, the only, so where we've goneto is

We , it's confession. This is a safe
place. This is confession. Weuse a credit card,

Doug Smith (15:23):
We use credit cards, but we pay 'em off every
month, which it's like a charge

Card.

Doug Smith (15:25):
Yes. But the argument that I can't beat with
Dave, so, you know, you couldargue it's for the points,
which we do take advantage ofthe points. Sure. Yeah . But

It's , we do too. We're the same, same page.
Yeah .

Doug Smith (15:34):
Yeah . Yeah . But his argument that I can't , I
haven't listened to, but I canbeat, is if you are using a
credit card, even if you do allthose things and pay it all
off, you're still supporting anorganization that's keeping
millions of people enslaved anddebt. And I can't argue that.
And, and I wrestle with that.
Yeah . Ethically, to be honestwith you, because I

Never think about that. Yeah.

Doug Smith (15:52):
Yeah. And I'm , I'm be , in general, I'm benefiting
off of other people's and , uh,wow. And now that I'm saying
that on live on camera, I'mlike, oh man, it got dark.
Yeah.

This just got deep. But it ,

Doug Smith (16:03):
It's for real. It's like, I never thought about
that. I might need to makechanges.

I was thinking about the, the fee they charge
businesses, because sometimesit's exorbitant, 3%, could it
be 2% or, or whatever that is.
But you're even saying the ,the whole industry, the whole
credit card industry is builton, what did you say, in danger
or enslavement? They're

Doug Smith (16:22):
Yeah . Keeping people and . That's the same
thing . And you know , yeah.
They're getting a three to 5%fee for the businesses, but
they're charging thoseindividuals 25 to 30% on their
debt, which is almost criminalprobably. So

I didn't think we were gonna go there. So
like, but that , that is, man,that's something to wrestle
through. We need,

Doug Smith (16:38):
Should we do it right here? Pull out to pull
pair of scissors and cut up ourcredit cards? . Oh

Man. Uh , Dave Ramsey.

Doug Smith (16:45):
We might need to, yeah. What do you think ? But I
love Dave. Yeah, yeah.

He is , um, he's definitely jarring in his
approach to stuff. I love theway he , um, I have an uncle
who grew up in West Virginia.
Dave's Tennessee. Right? Yeah .
Like, but my uncle always hasthese , I call him his West
Virginia one-liners. They'rethis way of saying something
like , uh, I never thought, butwhy ? That makes a point. Wow.

Doug Smith (17:05):
Do any come to mind for you that you're

Like putting lipstick on a pig ?
Like, when you have, like, ifyou're making an excuse in your
life and you're trying to likereally sell it, he's like,
you're just putting lipstick ona pig. That's awesome. Like,
just tell the truth. That's a ,you made a bad decision like
that, that's sort of a deal.
That's Dave Ramsey. He's kindof got that like , um, tough
love, no nonsense kind ofapproach. What do you think
though about Dave ? This wasnot, I wasn't even thinking

(17:26):
about going here, but I've ,I've had a point where I've
always wondered, I feel likegenerosity is always buried in
Dave's steps. Mm .

Doug Smith (17:35):
Yeah .

Yeah . Like , 'cause 'cause I don't know that
it's buried biblically. Yeah.

Doug Smith (17:39):
Right . That's

True. Yeah .
What do you , any thoughtsabout that? Uh , as far

Doug Smith (17:41):
As the steps ?

Yeah . Because you're the , you're the
disciple of Dave Ram . I'm

Doug Smith (17:44):
Just curious . Oh , he says if you live like no one
else, you can give like no oneelse. But I do know he
encourages people to tithe,which is, is where I'd
encourage people to start Yeah. Their generosity with. Yeah.
So I know he encourages, it'snot part of the steps, but yeah
. I think it's where everyoneneeds to , to start. And I
certainly think he's a hundredpercent an advocate of that.
Yeah. Um, so that's huge. Butyeah. Yeah . His steps are
really to get people into aplace financially where they
can be more generous. Yeah . Uh, yeah . Be out of and be

(18:06):
financially free. Yeah . Sothey can focus on what God's
called them to do. And that'swhat I love about him.

Like, don't live above your means. That's one of
the biggest things he talksabout. And the more you listen
to that, the more you're like,that makes sense. Yeah. Like,
it is wisdom. It will createfreedom , um, in my life. So
back to the whole differences.
'cause money is a challengingpoint, Brooke and I honestly,
we haven't had a lot of likedisagreements or dust ups . If,

(18:31):
if we do, sometimes it's aboutspending Yeah . Or saving. How
would you say you and Laura areon the like, spend save
continuum? Where do each of youeach if , if Laura doesn't mind
you disclosing this?

Doug Smith (18:43):
No, no. I , well , yeah. She knows I'm , I'm an
open book. I just say whatever.
So she's used to that. She isgreat. Yeah . We've been
together for 20 years. Um ,yeah. Um, as far as spending a
savings , so Patrick Beda hasthis cool, great quote. He
said, you're one system awayfrom changing your life. So the
way I , who was the guy that

Said that

Doug Smith (18:58):
Patrick bet David be , is his name. He's a little
political, so, okay . You know, take that for what it's
worth. But he has a lot ofbusiness wisdom. Okay . He, he
built a insurance company and

Sold it for iss , not necessarily endorsing all
the ideas. Yeah.

Doug Smith (19:08):
I'm not endorsing his podcast necessarily, but
Yeah . Yeah . But you're onesystem away from, from changing
your life. And I would saythat's how Laura and I operate
in general. Like, we give us agood system . So this is why we
like Dave so much. Hey, give usthe system, we're gonna follow
it to a t. Yeah. Great. And sowe got to a point with Dave
where we felt like we had thebaby steps. Like, okay, we got
this. Is there more to that? Sowe gotten a financial advisor

(19:31):
and with him, what do

You remember those baby steps? I'll get back
to the financial

Doug Smith (19:33):
Advisor Oh , sure.
Can walk him through. Yeah .
Take me through this . So stepone is to have a a thousand
dollars emergency fund. And ,and that's certainly not enough
for all the emergencies youwould need, but it's something
to start if something happens,it's

A really good start. Yeah.

Doug Smith (19:44):
Yeah. Step two is to get completely debt free
except for the house. And so hehas a whole debt snowball
approach to how he helps peopleget out of debt,

Pay off the smallest one first, then keep
that payment , uh, like asnowball, get it towards going
towards bigger debts. Yeah.
Yeah .

Doug Smith (19:59):
Okay . So that's great. Uh , step three is a
three to six month emergencyfund. Yep . For what you would
need. Yep . Uh , and then hehas what he would call baby
step three B . If you're in aseason of life where you're
saving for a house, or youwould like to buy a house,
that's where you would savethat additional money for a
down payment. If you alreadyhave a house, you would go to
step four, which is saving 15%of your income to retirement.

(20:19):
Mm-hmm . Uh , andhe has a whole process for, you
know, if you should invest Rothfirst , match first ,

Et cetera . Yeah . It's all available online.
You can find all this

Doug Smith (20:25):
Stuff. Yeah . Uh, five is fund your kids'
college, so your five 20 nines,whatever that looks like for
you and your family. And thenstep six is to pay off your
mortgage completely , uh, asfast as possible with what's
left. And so some people,financial advisors always argue
that , uh, but then baby stepseven is basically max
everything out and live like noone else and give like no one
else. Give, like no one

Else, which is beautiful. Yeah . So, back to
the money . You guys met with afinancial advisor and you have
a system. Yeah. Um, are, whereare you and Laura at? Are you
more spend or save? Are youboth savers? Like what , um,
how does that work?

Doug Smith (20:55):
Yeah, Laura basically lets me do a lot of
that because I have the systemsin place. So she'll, she'll
call me out if there's anythingthat we think is like out of
control. I am definitely, I'mdefinitely a spender. She's
definitely a saver. Okay. Um,but again, it's like, that's
why we have systems. So it'slike, okay, we know we're
putting this, we know exactlywhere all of our money's going.
So we're doing this forretirement. Here's what we're
doing for our five 20 nines.
Here's what we're doing withextra projects and things that

(21:17):
we want to do Yeah . Around thehouse. So, and we'll get into
this, but we have a weeklyfamily team meeting every week.

Let's go there.
This is what , this is anothersystem. Right. Another system.
And , and let me , let me justpause. As you think about the
system and you talk about thatSure . You're probably
wondering, like, so what , whatdoes this have to do with this?
This is a , this is likepractical advice when you think
about generosity. Typically ,uh, one, one spouse wants to be
more generous. The other spouseis like, we can't afford to be
generous. And like, how do weget there? Doug, Doug and Laura

(21:43):
have a system that I havealways thought, wow, that
that's pretty impressive withdiscipline that can free us up
from some of the battles thatmarriages experience when it
comes to differing views aboutmoney. So take us, take us
through that system. Yeah.

Doug Smith (21:57):
And I'll just preface this 'cause you might
be listening to this andsaying, well, I'm not a systems
and process person. And I wouldtell you neither am I ,
even though I just said howmuch I love systems and
processes.

You have learned to love systems. Yes. You
aren't , you're not by natureas just systematic,
disciplined, regimented person,but you've seen the value of
them over time.

Doug Smith (22:17):
You got it . So yeah. I love the outcome of
having a system in place andfollowing it. Okay. So Laura
and I got connected with thisministry called Family teams.
Okay . It's family teams.org, Ithink, or.com , um, net . But
yeah, so they introduced us tothis whole idea of family
rhythms mm-hmm .
And one of them is to have aweekly family team meeting.
Eventually you're supposed toinclude the kids in everything.
Our , our kids were a littleyoung. Okay . Uh , we're

(22:37):
starting to do that, but wemeet every Saturday. We call it
a family team meeting. Uh , andI never look forward to it
every Saturday morning, likeclockwork, I could show you our
text chain . I get an email ora text from Laura at 6:30 AM
after she has her devotionsaying, here's the agenda for
the family team meeting. So

Wait a second.
Laura sets an agenda. Oh, forsure. For a Saturday meeting
Yeah . With you and her. Yep .

Doug Smith (22:57):
Here's everything we need to cover. Now Laura
loves detail . So , so again,I'm not a detail person. I
could go a month and not , butif you're married to someone
detail oriented Yeah . Laurawould rather literally have a
family team meeting where she'sgetting all the information and
knowing what we're doing in ourfamily than to go on a date
and, and go to a nicesteakhouse. So

That's almost like exaggeration. That's like
a, and Gary Chapman would beupset with me, but that's like
a love language of hers. Yeah.
Is is honoring her. Yep . OrEphesians five, submitting
mutual submission, submittingto her need for details. Yes.
Even though you're not a detailguy. Yeah.

Doug Smith (23:29):
Yeah. And again, I, I hate it . I always like find
myself dragging myself. Sogimme some

Example. What's on the agenda. Yeah.

Doug Smith (23:34):
The agenda's not very, very complicated. My
train , text me the other day.
The trash . Yeah. The trash,the

Garbage.

Doug Smith (23:38):
You know , it's always weekend. So, hey, what
are we doing? 'cause it's on aSaturday, what's going on this
weekend? Okay . Then we lookover the week. So, hey , uh,
for us specifically, let's lookover every day . Now again,
both of us work. We have kids,you

Have full calendars going different

Doug Smith (23:51):
Places full calendar. Yeah . So, hey, who's
dropping the kids this day?
Hey, do we need help? Do weneed someone, you know ? Yep .
What's going on at night? Yep .
So we go over the wholecalendar , uh, then we'll go
over finances. So, hey, what ,

You go over finances every week.

Doug Smith (24:04):
Yes. But, but again,

So we would never run our businesses
without looking at finances. Welook at the church finances all
the time. Yeah. Right. It's a ,it's a stewardship. It's a
responsibility. Every personthat's listening who runs a
business or is a part of adepartment looks at their fi .
But sometimes in ourhouseholds, it's been months
before we actually looked.
Yeah. You look at them everysingle week, every

Doug Smith (24:25):
Weekend. Again. So again, we're not like this
detailed budget like lyingonline, but you're on it. We
look at overall expenses,categories. Where are we? Yeah.
What do we need to do? Are weon track for our goals? Are we
following the systems ? Yeah.
So we have that conversation.
And I would just encouragespouses, you know, you may say,
well, hey, my husband's reallygood with finances. I just
trust him all with that. Buthey, let let him bring you into

(24:45):
the journey. You're coming tothat journey together. He
doesn't have to go into adetailed analysis of every
budget line, but you should,and this is why I love Ramsey.
It should be super simple.
Like, Hey, in general, here'show we're doing financially. Or
here's things that, you know,we're aiming for. Here's some
concerns I had. Hey, you spentthis this weekend. Um, so we go
over finances in the familyteam meeting. Uh , and then
basically it's justtroubleshooting whatever issue

(25:07):
. So , uh, and eeo we use asystem at Light of Life called
EOS. And we use this systemcalled Traction IDSing. Right ?
Yeah . So it's identifying,discussing and solving issues.
So basically,

Do you and Laura , IDS things? Yeah. You say
that phrase

Doug Smith (25:19):
. I do. She doesn't, she's she's not as
into the film thing , she'sjust like, yeah, Laura's a
problem solver. You

Need to film one of these meetings. I think this
would be like, phenomenal. Like,

Doug Smith (25:27):
Is Jordan, Jordan, you wanna come over there ? We
can make it a north way .

I don't think he wants to. Yeah.

Doug Smith (25:32):
Um, but yeah. And so, Hey Jordan,

Do you have an IDS meeting? Uh , every week
he's giving us thumbs down,man. Oh no.

Doug Smith (25:38):
Kelly, do you want him to have one every week?

Did she say yes through

Doug Smith (25:42):
Thumbs up? See , see .

Oh , see . So there's

Doug Smith (25:44):
The heart. It's coming, it's coming.

There's the heart of the issue, right?
Yeah. It's like we all, like,usually there's one spouse
who've views it one way andanother spouse who've views it
another way. And this is one ofthese things that has actually
helped you , even though you'redifferent. Yeah. Right.

Doug Smith (25:56):
Yeah. Uh ,

What was IDSing again? I started joking ,

Doug Smith (25:58):
Identifying, discussing, and solving issues.
Okay . So, hey, we have , wehave this coming up and we need
help with this, so let's liketalk through this. Or Hey, you
know, one of our kids iswrestling with this. We need to
talk through how we're gonnadeal with that Uhhuh . Uh , and
then we basically just wrap upon the marriage side . And this
has been really helpful. I gotthis from Jeannie Mayo. We, we
do it , we call it three to one. So we make each other say
three specific things in thelast week that we saw each

(26:20):
other do. And it has to bespecific that we, we loved ,
uh, the person doing. So. Hey,Laura , um, this week I saw
you. Oh , we just had a fifthbaby. Hey Laura , I see you
daily and all the sacrificesyou're making to make sure that
our newborn is fed in additionto everything else we have
going on. Wow . Thank you somuch for that. When I said that
to her last week, just beingopen and honest, she teared up

(26:41):
and , and just feeling seenabout something specific she
was doing was, was a game

Changer for her . And doesn't it matter more
when it comes from your spouse?
Yes. Like, like the , the onewho's closest to you is also
the one who can hurt you themost Mm . And heal you as well.
Yeah. Um, faith four, thewounds of a, of a friend . I
think they're even more from aspouse in a lot of ways. I'm
not adding to the scriptures,but Yeah. Like , that's such a
powerful example. So, so three,what do you call , what do you
call that? Part three to one? Ifeel like you have a name for

(27:07):
everything , uh, inthese , in these meetings.
Like, but, but like a three toone , we can

Doug Smith (27:11):
Create a template for you, for the, for the
listeners.

I think a template would be wonderful. We
could put it maybe in the shownotes or something like that.
But ,

Doug Smith (27:16):
Um, but yeah, three to one and, and I would just
say to your point, had , if ,if that wasn't a part of our
agenda, I probably wouldn'thave said that.

It doesn't come natural to

Doug Smith (27:25):
Us. I would think it, yeah. Right . Maybe it
would come on a date night oflike, Hey, I've really , and
maybe, you know, we try to do adate night once a month
consistently with the seasonthat we're in, but maybe that
would come out. But every weeknow I'm telling her three
encouraging things. And thenKelly will probably love this.
Then the one thing is, what'sone thing I did that annoyed
the crap out of you that youwanted to kill me? So last
week, I'll tell a funny story.
Last week, .

So, so wait, you . That's the question
we fear getting an answer to.
Yes. And what I hear you sayingis, is you push through and ask
it. Yes. So that she can'tanswer it. Well ,

Doug Smith (27:57):
Here's yes, . So here's why. Imagine,
right. I'm all about personalgrowth and development. Yeah.
Imagine if every week you hadone coaching, like one piece of
coaching advice to make yourmarriage better. Yeah . That's,
that's this opportunity. Yeah .
My wife has an opportunityevery week to tell me one thing
I can do to make our marriagebetter. Are

There ground rules ? Like, it's not a
critical thing, it's a set inlove.

Doug Smith (28:19):
Uh, no, we just, Laura and I are very,

I'm gonna advise you to have some ground rules
just for your future. I'm justkidding.

Doug Smith (28:24):
We're pretty blunt and direct.

You guys are, you

Doug Smith (28:26):
Guys are. Yeah .
Yeah . So Laura just wants tohear it as is. I probably am
the one that like needs alittle softer, but I'm used to
Laura's directness. So

That's some icing on that, right? Yeah,
yeah ,

Doug Smith (28:34):
Yeah . Okay . But , uh, last week, and this wasn't
like a huge change I need tomake, but , um, I'm learning
about, like, there was allthis, we had pans that we've
had pots and pans since we gotmarried and they were probably
toxic. 'cause they have allthis chemicals in it. So I'm
like, if I'm all or nothing. Sowhen I find out something new I
gotta do, I'm like, yeah, let'sgo . You're right . Yeah . So
I'm like, Laura , we need toget new pots and pans that are
non-toxic, blah, blah , blah .
And as soon as I feel empoweredto do something, I go all in.

(28:54):
So she said, yeah, go ahead.
You can do it. So I bought allthese parts and

Pain . You're ordering hex clad stuff from
Gordon Ramsey, is that right?
Uh ,

Doug Smith (29:00):
All clad because hex clad all still has a form
of the , the chemical inaccording to my research on ai.

Okay . Okay.

Doug Smith (29:07):
Sorry. Gordon Ramsey or whatever your name
is. Yeah , we went with allclad ,

Sorry , people who are against AI as well.
. Yeah .

Doug Smith (29:13):
Love ai. All clad is local here. They , I found
out they're in Canonsburg, soreally supporting

The bird . I didn't know that. Yeah. So
Sarah's candy and all clad ,

Doug Smith (29:20):
All clad stainless steel. It's awesome. Yeah. So I
bought them, which is great.
Okay. Uh , but at the sametime, I was so excited to ,
those

Are not inexpensive.

Doug Smith (29:28):
Uh , no. They were like ,

Yeah .

Doug Smith (29:31):
Okay . Um , but I was so excited to get rid of
the old pans . I just threw 'emaway, without waiting
for the new pans to arrive. Sodidn't think anything of it.
And I get a text from Laura ,I'm in a meeting with my boss
on Thursday, and I see a mademoji face and she said, did
you really throw away the potsand pans before the new ones
came? I'm like, yep , I didthat. And yeah, Laura doesn't

(29:55):
use the swearing emoji often,and she doesn't swear. But
yeah, I got the swearing emoji.
So we have edit that out. But ,uh, yeah,

We , I mean , that's real . So that was real
life . I understand. Yeah .

Doug Smith (30:04):
So this week was, hey, don't, don't

Have about this audience doesn't use that
emoji, but they're aware ofwhat it's

Doug Smith (30:08):
Yeah , yeah. That's right. They're perfect.

Yes . Wow. So that's, so she gave you that
feedback. That

Doug Smith (30:12):
Was the feedback.
Don't ever do that again. Okay.
Yeah . ,

Were you thinking, don't ever put me in
charge of buying pots and pansagain? ?

Doug Smith (30:19):
No, no. I'm just, I mean , in general. Okay . I , I
can be an impulsive person Okay. And all or nothing. And so
Kelly's worked with me. Sheknows Kelly

Is Kelly Keppner, Kelly k who's on our
staff team and Jordan foreverybody wondering like , who
are these , who are thesepeople? Jordan Kepner is also
on the team as well . So yeah.
If

Doug Smith (30:35):
I don't have process people around me, I'm
in trouble.

So this meeting helps facilitate the points of
contention. Many marriagesexperience not only with
finances, but personalities,responsibilities, even , um,
interpersonal frustrations andrubs like , uh, a lack of
encouragement. Yeah . You're ,you're dealing with that, but
at the same time, hey, thereare some , sometimes we think

(30:59):
we always need outside help tohelp us know where we need to
work. Sometimes we just don'tsay it in a , in a loving,
direct way. A lot of times thethe feedback is there. We may
not be inviting it or settingup an environment that welcomes
it. Yeah . You know, and sothis, this kind of a system ,
um, as you've shared this withme before, I always found it
really, really fascinatingbecause for, for , for Brooke

(31:21):
and myself, we function, I'm ,I do the bills, I do, I manage
the finances as far as likepaying them. Um, we view our
money as our money. Yes . It's, it's all our , it's all ours.
Um, and what I have been, whereI have had frustrations isn't
when she spends, it's if shespends in an area and doesn't

(31:42):
know the overall picture. Andwhat it's always come down to
is, well, if I, if I have theoverall picture, why am I not
sharing it with her? Hmm . Wow. And , and so a lot of it does
come down to, it's not like I'mdoing this to get you. It's why
don't we just get on the samepage? You got it. And so a lot
of like, we are now able to bemore generous because we're

(32:03):
more aligned with where we arefinancially. Yeah. And your
system would, would help , um,surface and present the
opportunity for those kind ofconversations. Yeah.

Doug Smith (32:13):
I mean, you said , you said the language. Oh , at
the end of the day, if youreally had to call what it is ,
it is, it's a same pagemeeting. Yeah. Let's make sure
we're on the same page abouthow we're parenting, how we're
utilizing and stewarding our,our money. Yeah . How we're
utilizing our schedule Yeah .
And how we're pursuing ourdream of the family we wanted
to create. Yeah.

Yeah . And the beauty of same page meetings is
you can be different people,but still get to the same page.
Yeah. Because that's marriage.

Doug Smith (32:35):
Everybody listening to this that's married is
married to someone differentthan them.

Yes. I heard someone say Michael Hyatt,
you're a fan of Michael Hyatt,right? Yeah . Huge. Michael
Hyatt said, I believe God hasgiven us a spouse who's
different from us so that they,we are complimented , um, with
the opposite personality,opposite mindset, opposite
approach. So that we're sowell-rounded, we're completely
complimented for anything thatwe're gonna face in life. Yeah.

Doug Smith (32:57):
And have you seen that with Brooke 23 years?

Absolutely.
Yeah. 100%. Same . Um, she isthe generous one by nature.
Yeah . In our , in our familywhen it comes to generosity.
When I was talking this weekendabout , um, hey, generosity
doesn't come automatic for allof us. Yeah. I think it comes
more natural for some than itdoes for others. But , um,
empowering her, letting herlead, submitting to her has

(33:20):
helped us as a family becausewe're one Yeah. Do we talk
about oneness enough? No. Like,the idea of two different
people really joining togetherin union to be one finances is
a way to really express thatand live into that.

Doug Smith (33:34):
Oh , it's crazy. I listen to Ramsey all the time
and , and it's, it's crazy howoften the question comes up or
the people say like, Hey, I'mmarried, but we have two
separate bank accounts andRamsey, you know, flips a
gasket. But like Yeah. It'slike, you're not one. How, how
could you have separate, you'rebasically having two separate
lives. Yeah . Like it , youhave to be one. Yeah .

Yeah. I so personally, yeah, that's the
way we operate our household.
We, and when we, when wecounsel couples being married,
and there's a lot , everyonehas had different reasons why
we, we didn't get married tilllater in life. And we have
bills already coming out ofthese things. So I understand
everyone's reasons. I think theone bank account forces unity.
Yeah. With no other things.
Yeah . So that's, that's what ,you

Doug Smith (34:10):
Can't hide anything.

You can't hide anything. That's what I
endorse. And I think it reallypushes, pushes you to get onto
the same page and it pushes youto some struggles. Yeah . But
the struggles are worth it,especially , um, especially in
marriage. So,

Doug Smith (34:23):
Yeah . And you mentioned, and we can jump in
now, I'm gonna go into myinterview skills , but , but
you were talking about Brookebeing generous. I do want to ,
like, what does generosity looklike? And we can talk about
this together, but like, whatdoes that look like in your
family or to Brooke? Like whenyou say, wow, she's the
generous one, like how doesthat, how does that come out in
her?

Yeah. So , um, I am all , my first thought is
because I'm the manager is what, what's this gonna cost and do
we have enough? And Brooke is,they need to be loved. So let's
be as generous as we possiblycan. Even if it hurts us. Go
Brooke . So she is, yeah . Imean, that's her heart. She is
, she is beautiful. And , um,she like, like when we have

(34:59):
Nico's friends from collegeover, it's not like, Hey, let's
make sure everyone has a water.
She, she wants there to be like15 different options for them.
Yeah . But what if like,someone might be gluten free ,
someone might like caffeinefree , someone might lock ,
lock this. I'm like, okay, solet's talk about this together.
But she wants to create anenvironment that's generous and
that people feel loved and thatthey want, they want to come

(35:21):
back to. And any , I havelearned , um, whenever we're
about to give a gift, like wehave someone is is getting
married soon that we know andyou're , we're gonna put , uh,
we call it a boost. That's theall right . The , the Italian
handshake. We talked before ,haven't we ? Nice . Um, we're ,
we're gonna put money in there.
And I have like, my firstthought is, well, what did we

(35:41):
give their brother? Hmm . Orwhat did they give us?
and Brooks is is like, what,what , what's God leading us to
give them ? Hmm . Or could wedo more? Not in a negative way.
So what we have learned is I'vejust said like, Hey, is there
something on your heart? Yeah .
And , and really God is leadingme to, to move more into
generosity by trusting thevoice that, that he has given

(36:03):
me through, through my wife.
Yeah . Through Brooke .

Doug Smith (36:05):
So has that been hard for you? Like, do you
always pretty much agree withwhat God Brooke believes God's
putting on her heart ingeneral? Or has there, has that
created tension at all? Yeah,so

Sometimes. So let's, let's just talk about
this. Sometimes we can begenerous for , uh, impure
reasons. Mm .

Doug Smith (36:19):
Say more Dave.

We wanna be liked. Yeah . Right. Um, I
didn't get to talk about this,it was a fourth point in the
sermon about sometimes ourgiving has strings attached to
it. It's a string of control.
It's a string of , um, it'ssteam a relationship or it's a
string of preference. Right?
Yeah. Um, and so there are, soI will sometimes ask like, Hey,
are we doing this to like looka certain way to them? Wow . Or

(36:43):
are we doing this? 'cause thisis actually what God is, is
leading us to do. And so wenavigate that. Um, that's , we
certainly take into account ourbudget, but that, that's the
reality. Yeah . Sometimes we dosomething to overcome our own
insecurities. Hmm . Like, even,even a good thing like
generosity can be done forimpure, impure motives with ,
with strings . So we have veryhonest conversations around
that. We've learned to trusteach other. We've learned to

(37:06):
push into the issue. 'causeit's better to talk about it
and disagree on the front side,then have resentment and
bitterness on the outside, onthe after fact aftermath. So,

Doug Smith (37:15):
Love that. Thanks for sharing. Yeah. Those are
deep questions. Those are greatquestions to ask.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Money is something yougotta talk about. And , um, I
will say this, nine outta 10times Eileen on, on her heart
with generosity. Yeah. Becauseshe's leading me in an area
that I'm, that I'm growing inand I'm, I'm not like stingy.
Yeah. But at the same time ,um,

Doug Smith (37:35):
No , but you are who you are . Like you said
before, it's , that's why youcompliment each other. Yeah .
Like you bring out the best forbook for your household for
finances and she's bringing outthe best in you for the , the
king

Ity . I got system, I pay our bills. There
it is . This , and you knowwhat I've done too , like one
other little, this maybe aquick tidbit. Um, it has
brought freedom to me. 'cause alot of time in our marriage I
have felt like I do all thebill paying and you don't even
know what's going on right nowin our finances. Again, my
fault. Yeah. Tell her. Yeah.
It's not like she doesn't wannaknow, but like I've said, I'll
do this . I don't, I don't knowa lot of the stuff she does

(38:04):
around our house. Yeah . Itjust, you just sort of get
entitled and expect it to bedone. Um, I've, I've, I've
started to communicate to her,here's where we are. And then I
also wrote down my systems.
'cause I am thinking, Hey, ifanything ever happened to me,
wow , she needs to know thisstuff. Yeah. It's not okay for
it to, to go to heaven , uh, inmy, in my brain.

Doug Smith (38:21):
And as , as you've shared that with her, like how
has that impacted her?

She feels trusted. She feels empowered.
She knows even more of the whyif I'm saying like, Hey, we
need to wait till next paycheckfor this. 'cause she's been
brought along in the story andI'm not, I'm not just managing
it and expecting her to know ,um, what , what's there. So
yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. Soany pss you wanna say?
Generosity money, the idss andthe full pagers and the , I

(38:50):
can't believe Laura sends youan actual agenda. I think
that's awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Doug Smith (38:53):
Yeah. Um, I would just say, yeah, if we're
wrapping up on the financialend, I would just encourage
people or challenge people.
It'd be generous for us. Likethe generosity journey, at
least as a person of faithbegins with tithing. So giving
10%. Mm-hmm . We started thatwhen we were teenager. So, you
know , I certainly think it's alot easier to start that when
you're a teenager making, youknow, $200 a pay versus, you
know, yeah . A 30 somethingwith a family and all those

(39:14):
things. But yeah , I do believeit's something that God asks of
us. Yeah . And so I wouldencourage everyone to do that.
And then on the challenge to begenerous side, I've always been
inspired by Rick Warren, who'sa pastor. He did a TED Talk, if
you're unfamiliar with him, hewrote a book called The
Purpose-Driven Life. Uh , it'sthe second bestselling book
next to the Bible. So he didall right. But in his Ted Talk,
he said, when I, when I wrotethe Purpose Driven Life and all

(39:36):
that influence and money camein, I had to ask myself, okay,
God, all this influence ishere. All this money is here.
What's it for? It's not aboutme. Mm . That's actually how he
starts the book. And he said,if it's not about me, then how
am I supposed to steward this?
And the way that he stewardedhis finances is he actually
became a reverse tither. SoRick ,

Explain what that is. Yes . If people don't
know what a reverse tither is,

Doug Smith (39:58):
A reverse tither.
So Rick Warren gives 90% of hisincome away and lives
off 10%. Yeah . And he paidback the church every single
dollar the church has ever paidhim because he never gotten a
ministry for a paycheck. And Ijust think that's beautiful.
Now, am I ever gonna be able toget to 90% be a reversed tether
? Probably not. But I'm notgonna limit God. But I would

(40:19):
say that gives me a benchmarkto shoot for. And so something
Laura and I do do every year,you

Don't have to stop at 10%. You don't

Doug Smith (40:25):
Have to stop at 10%.

'cause God wants to grow us in generosity. Yeah
.

Doug Smith (40:27):
Yeah. And so I'm trying to, I , I try to
challenge, we try to challengeourselves every year and say,
how can we be more generous?
And usually that's justincreasing by a percentage a
year. Um, I've had friends, Ihave a , um, a pastor friend in
Florida who really challengedme. And he's, he , he's given
away 33% of his income. And hesaid, man, we had a , we got a
vision at one point in ourgiving , uh, career where we
wanted to be six figure givers.

(40:49):
And I was like, wow, that'samazing. He's like, it took us
a while to get there, but we'rewe're there now. Wow . And I
said, 33%. Like, that's a lot.
And I said, but what about allyour , you know , your
financial advisor? And what hesaid to me, which challenged me
because I love my system and Iknow exactly what numbers I'm
aiming for in my system. Hesaid, Doug, a financial advisor
is always gonna tell you more.
And , and they're always gonnamake you have way more than you

(41:11):
actually need. Be generous.

They're gonna help you plan it like you need
. You're gonna need more thanyou actually need .

Doug Smith (41:17):
You always have to invest more. He said, what are
you gonna need millions andmillions and millions and
millions of dollars when you're70? Yeah. He goes, wouldn't you
rather look back and say, Igave millions and millions or
however, hundreds of thousandsof dollars to the kingdom of
God. A

Little bit of that American dream thing, the
way the whole system is all setup Yep . For upward mobility
and to have as much as possibleeven when you're gone. Yeah .
There's a little bit of that.
It's like, is that gonna helpthe next generation or
potentially hamper thegeneration that inherits it?

Doug Smith (41:42):
Yeah. And there's a great book called Die With Zero
that I'd recommend people. Uh,and the whole , the whole
premise is , is basically that,that , uh, yes, you need a
certain amount and financialadvisors are great. I have one
do too . So like , I'm notputting those down. Yeah , I do
too . Yeah . You, you need acertain amount for , uh, to ,
to live and retire off of.
Yeah.

There's a stewardship principle. Yes .
We're not saying be recklessand be unwise. Yes.

Doug Smith (42:00):
Yeah . But he said, what you overestimate is what
you'll actually be able to doand want to do when you're in
retirement. Mm-hmm . He's like,when you're 75, you're not
gonna want to go climb MountEverest, so use that money and
invest it now. And he said thesame thing with charitable
giving and giving money to yourkids. If you're, if you're in
your fifties and sixties andyou have kids that are just
getting started, he said, man,buy, help them buy a house.
Don't, don't wait till you dieand they're 60 years old and

(42:23):
don't need your money anymore.
Help them , them , and then you

Can be there to enjoy it as well. Yes. You can
enjoy that blessing of givingand not, not just receiving.
Yeah.

Doug Smith (42:31):
Scott Stevens told me something a few years ago
that really minister to me.
He's the , he's theexecutive pastor of generosity
and , uh, growth. Right.
Expansion. Expansion, yes . Iknew it was one of those words
. Yes .

Yeah . Outdoor development. I don't know what
the title is. He changes it. Hegrows it every time he says
that thing .

Doug Smith (42:46):
We love you Scott.
Scott's the best.

Um ,

Doug Smith (42:48):
But he said, man, when your kids are , when your
kids are like outta the house,I view my job now as my job is
to help them make their dreamscome true. And I thought, wow ,
okay. That's my vision

And that's a vision worth living towards.

Doug Smith (42:59):
Come on. That fired me . I'm , I'm living toward it
now.

That feels like joy. Yes. Along that path, what
do you wanna do when you retire? Do you want to go to like
Yellowstone and see saltformations, ? Is that
something on your, on yourbucket list?

Doug Smith (43:12):
I wanna see every night ? I do have a huge bucket
list, which we won't get into,but Dave, if you ever travel
with Dave, don't go on a hikewith him where there's
repetitive formations. , we went to Yellowstone
together. I don't even knowwhat those things are called. I
don't either. But basically wegot like 20 feet into our hike
and Dave's like, yeah, I'veseen it. I can, I can go back
to the car. I'm like, what? Wejust started.

So everyone was so excited. I'm like, guys,
they all look the same. Whatare we doing? Like ,

Doug Smith (43:33):
Anyways , so every couple months I just send a
picture, a picture to Dave viatext of him with the formations
behind him . It's beautiful.

Doug got really sick on one of those trips and
sometimes I'll return thefavor. He fell asleep in the
airport and I just have thisphoto of him sleeping in an
airport. Just, it's fun. So,hey, I appreciate you big time.
Thanks for what you do , um, inmy life. Yeah. As a, as a
mentor, as a wise example, as asafe place to experience
accountability. Um, and thenalso thanks for what you and

(44:01):
Laura do for the Kingdom , um,through light of life, through
the church, through the localchurch for pastors here in
ministry. Pittsburgh's a betterplace, Doug , um, because
you're here and because you'reprioritizing God's Kingdom,
thanks so much for helping allof us think differently about
marriage and generosity. Yeah .
Hey, we'll see you next time. 16, 7 podcast. Thanks everybody.

Doug Smith (44:36):
Hey, leader, thank you so much for listening to my
conversation with DaveDeAngelo. I hope that you
enjoyed it as much as we did,and if you want to get linked
to anything that we discussed,you could find those in the
show notes. I also wanna give aspecial shout out to our
sponsor and Doha MarketingSolutions. They are the
producers of this podcast, andif your organization has any
needs in marketing, I wholehighly recommend their
services. You can visitthem@enddosha.com, that's

(44:57):
A-N-D-O-C-I a.com, and insteadof a quote today, I actually
wanna recommend a book thatI've been listening to and
loving and it's Mel Robbins newbook called The Let Them
Theory. I think it's absolutelyincredible. I think everyone
needs to , to read it. I highlyencourage you to listen to it.
I love Mel Robin's voice, andso I've really, really enjoyed,
I'm gonna go through it again,the Let Them Theory go out and

(45:18):
get it now. Well, hey, that'sgonna wrap up today's episode,
and as always, leaders,remember this, don't quit. Keep
leading the world desperatelyneeds your leadership. Until
next time, we'll talk to younext episode.

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