The Things We Say | Jon Kidwell

Ever wondered why seemingly simple phrases like "as soon as possible" can lead to such hilarious misunderstandings? On this episode of the Leadwell Podcast, we're breaking down the comical chaos and confusion that arise from everyday language, especially in leadership and business settings. From the murky waters of "I'm available while I'm off" to the unintended directives hidden in "I think," we share personal stories—including the humorous perils of asking a child to do a chore—that underline the necessity of clear communication. Join us as we help you recognize and refine your communication skills to become a more effective leader and avoid the pitfalls of ambiguity.

Clear communication isn't just about avoiding confusion; it's a crucial ingredient for building strong relationships and achieving outstanding results. This episode emphasizes the power of asking clarifying questions to determine whether a statement is an idea, an update, a decision, or an action. We also touch on the importance of extending grace during those inevitable awkward moments of unclear communication. Ultimately, we aim to inspire honesty and clarity in all interactions, fostering a productive and harmonious environment. Tune in, take care, and keep communicating well!

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Send your Leadership and Business questions to Jon at [e-mail].

For more information visit https://leadwell.com

The Leadwell Podcast gives mission-driven leaders principled and practical advice to do just that, lead well.

In each episode, your host Jon Kidwell, interviews leaders with great stories, to share strategies that help leaders navigate complex, confusing, and often down-right challenging leadership, personal growth, business, and workplace culture situations.

Jon is a nonprofit executive turned coach, speaker, author, and CEO of a leadership development company. In working with nonprofits and businesses, big and small, he realized the unique challenges leaders face when they are committed to keeping the mission and people the top priority. Those leaders’ commitment to their principles and the people they lead, plus seeing the need for more leaders who strive to do the right thing, the right way, for the right reasons, is what inspired Jon to start a leadership development company dedicated to the success of mission-driven leaders and their organiza...

Episode Transcript

Jon Kidwell (00:04):
If I'm being honest , the things we say are
hilarious and sometimesdownright confusing.
If I'm being honest, sometimesthe things we say are hilarious
and they are downright confusing.
Let's get into today's episodeso we can clarify these things,

(00:26):
what we can do, and all have abetter understanding.
Hey y'all, this is the LeadwellPodcast.
It is the podcast formission-driven leaders, where we
dive into what is mostimportant so that you can lead
your business and your peoplewell and, if I'm being honest,
that is a hilarious statement.
Are you saying that you haven'tbeen honest all of the other

(00:49):
times that we've been talking?
And listen, I'm so guilty of somany of the phrases that we're
going to talk about on thethings we say and just how
confusing and strange.
And leaders, sometimes we fitinto the camp of being the worst
at this with cliches andeuphemisms and just ambiguous
language, because sometimes weare facing uncertainty ourselves

(01:11):
.
So how can we have some funwith the things that we say?
How can we get clear so that wedon't have the confusion?
And if I'm sitting therethinking my leader is the worst
at this, what can I do?
Let's dive into some of thosethings.
So what got me thinking aboutthe things that we say Well, we
were sitting there at dinner onenight and we're getting ready

(01:32):
to clear the table and I turnedto one of the kids and I said,
hey, can you take your dishes tothe dishwasher?
And they had the audacity to sayno, which is fine.
Like, looking back at it, itwas a question, but it kind of
catches you.
And then it hit me like a tidalwave of oh, my goodness, how
many times have I said to a teammember, hey, can you do this?

(01:53):
And I've just taken for grantedthe fact that that was a
direction, that was a taskassignment, that was all of
those things.
But what it wasn't was aquestion.
So you know, out of the mouthof babes and the kid just saying
no, oh well, let me rephrasethat Please take your dishes to

(02:13):
the dishwasher.
And all of a sudden it's thesame thing, it's just worded
more properly because of what Iwas trying to get across.
So it got me thinking aboutthat.
And then now I go sit withleaders and coaching calls and
all over the place, and I'm just, you can't help but unhear and
unsee some of the things thatyou see.
So here are some of thosephrases, right?

(02:33):
If I'm being honest, we kind ofalready went into that one.
Here's another one that's justhilarious but also way, way
confusing.
Get that done as soon aspossible.
Like my as soon as possiblealways focuses on the soon your
as soon as possible might focuson when it's possible of your

(02:54):
task list of 37 things, or, oh,asap.
I generally think that'sprobably by the end of the week
and I'm generally thinkingthat's by the end of this
meeting.
I mean, it's just one of thosewhere it's like, oh goodness,
like we can see how so muchfrustration and confusion comes
on both sides of that person theasker and the one that is the
receiving end of that like woof.

(03:15):
Okay, here's, here's one thatis it's, it's on all of us.
We all just have to hear itbecause we're so bad at
disconnecting.
But when you're getting ready togo on vacation and the last
line out the door is I just wantto let you all know I'm going
to be available while I'm off, Imean one just the stark

(03:36):
contradiction, especially if wesay things inside of our work
like, oh, we want to have abetter work-life balance, we
want to do all these things,da-da-da-da-da.
But really, what's beingcommunicated to everybody else
that just heard.
That is okay, you are going tobe off and I have a feeling you
expect me to keep you in theloop on things.

(03:56):
You probably want to makedecisions on some critical
things, not me.
And when it comes time for meto be away, you've clearly said
I need to be available as well.
Even if your words saydifferently, those actions and
what you just said and then thebehaviors that follow totally
align with it and it's like oh,it's a gut check for me on so
many.
Of course, I'm like I can justdo this one little thing.

(04:16):
But hilarity of words.
I just want you to know thatI'm going to be available while
I am off, so I know that youhave these things right, you're
thinking of them.
There's no way that I couldbuild an exhaustive list of the
hilarity of all that goes on, sosend them to me social media,

(04:38):
dm, meme it whatever you got todo, but would love to see it.
And then take a second andshare this episode with somebody
else, especially the personthat you're like.
Oh, you and I both know that wesay these things or that
somebody says these things, andhere's what we can do to start
figuring out the things we sayand how we can get better at it.
And you know where we do this.

(04:59):
The worst, honest to goodness,it happens so much, especially
in a work context and in aleader context is inside of
meetings.
And here's the one about thethings that we say and kind of
how it goes.
And I catch this and I thinkabout this one all the time, and
it is those two words, I think.
When's the last time?
Maybe today?

(05:19):
When's the last time you werein a meeting where somebody said
you know, I think we should doX?
And everybody in that meeting,whether the leader said that or
any of us, we just heard that asoh, we are doing X, the, I
think without that preface ofall of us.

(05:40):
Every single time we're goingin there saying I have an idea,
I have this couple of thingsgoing on there, like strangely.
But just think about how muchwe all do that.
And especially if you, like me,were in an organization where
the first idea was the winningidea, if you said I think it
became okay and we immediatelywent into how do we problem

(06:00):
solve the, I think, so that wecan actually all go out and do
this instead of calling it outas an, I think, oh, that's a
thought, it's not an action,it's not an initiative, it's not
a direction, it's not a command, that's a thought, right.
And taking it as a thought onface value, I think Okay.
So how do we untangle all ofthat?

(06:23):
Because we can't just sit therein guilt and shame and make our
leader feel bad for sayingthings like I think and then
each of us running out and doingthings based on what they said
and at the flip side, like ifsomebody says I think and
somebody reads that as that's athought, that's an idea, didn't

(06:44):
do anything with it because Ididn't hear any specific
decision or action that was made, like we are in the land of
gray and that is ambiguous.
So how can we think about thethings we say and change the
words?
Even though that might beawkward, it will save us from
the confusing awkwardness lateron once we've gone through that.
So, just using that, I thinkright, what might we be able to

(07:06):
do?
There is one question, and Ihave found this profoundly
helpful in going into differentorganizations, different
cultures, different places, tobe able to engage and try to
figure out what's going on,because usually I'm the most
confused one in the room whenpeople start talking.
And so here's the question youcan use it and it really helps
untangle the things we say sothat we have a clear

(07:28):
understanding, and it isespecially in meetings.
That's great.
Is that an idea, an update, adecision, or do we need to take
action on that?
It's a question that reallyjust drives at the clarification

(07:49):
oh, just sharing an idea, boom.
Now everybody there andeverybody in the meeting is
going to be so grateful that youhad the courage to step in and
ask that question, and Iunderstand it takes courage
because we all want to be likeyes, we are tracking 100% and,
and everybody just got what yousaid, even though nobody
understood what you said, I getthat stepping out of that.

(08:10):
It takes some courage.
You got to do it, but everybodywill be grateful.
You'll walk out of that meetingand others are going to be like
so glad you asked that questionbecause I had no idea.
So when you get into those andyou get into that rhythm of like
you're talking, you're solvingproblems, somebody says
something that's confusing, likeI just want you to know that
I'm available while I'm off.

(08:31):
Is that something where you'reasking us to send information to
you, or are you working whileyou're away and you're just
working from a differentlocation?
How do you want me to handlethat?
How do you want me to engagewith that information?
Asking the follow-up questionIs this an idea, an update, a

(08:51):
decision, an action?
When does as soon as possiblemean for you Whatever that is
flipping it back on the personwhere, all of a sudden, they're
just kindly gonna see like, well, yeah, that's a little
confusing.
And working to clarity so thatit serves the person who said it
and the person or people whoare receiving it is massively

(09:14):
helpful.
So ask the question, clarify ifthis is an idea, an update, a
decision, an action, and getwhat you need so that we can
clarify the things we say, sothat we can all keep moving
forward, working well, havinggreat relationships and
producing great results.
Can't wait to hear some of thethings that you say.
We can give each other gracefor all the things that we say

(09:34):
that are just weird, and if I'mbeing honest, that one is the
weirdest one because we need tooperate honestly as much as we
can.
Let's go forth and do that andit'll all work out pretty well.
So until next time, my friendsbe well.
God bless and lead on.