196: The One Shift That Instantly Improves Every Negotiation | Stan Christensen

Negotiation isn’t about squeezing the most out of your opponent—it’s about solving problems and building relationships that last.  

In this powerful episode, Damon sits down with Stan Christensen—Stanford Lecturer, former international mediator, and host of the podcast All Things Negotiation. Stan shares riveting stories from negotiating with guerrilla leaders in Colombia and mediating strikes in Chile, offering a fresh perspective: the best negotiators aren’t tactical hardballers, but creative, open-minded problem solvers. Drawing on decades of high-stakes experience and a legendary negotiation framework, Stan reveals why preparation, curiosity, and long-term thinking consistently win out over one-off tactics. Whether you’re dealing with a hostage taker, a procurement team, or your own spouse, this episode brims with real-world strategies and memorable lessons that anyone can use to get better outcomes—in their job, their family, and their life. 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

• Why most people approach negotiation the wrong way—and why it’s time to ditch tactical “win/lose” thinking 
• The must-have negotiation framework from Getting to Yes—and how to actually use it 
• How to prep for a salary or job negotiation using the principles of alternatives and objective criteria 
• What hostage takers, procurement teams, and spouses all have in common (and how to negotiate with each) 
• How culture, emotion, and relationships dramatically change negotiation dynamics—and what to do about it 
• Why the most important negotiation skill is shifting from “tell” to “learn”—and the simple mindset shift that changes everything 

Timestamps: 

00:00 – Stan’s golden rule: “Negotiate for the 99%, not the 1%” 

01:20 – Why tactics can backfire—and negotiation is rarely one-off 

02:02 – How Stan became a negotiation expert (from Harvard to hostage mediation) 

03:26 – Stories from negotiating with guerrilla leaders in Colombia 

04:51 – Why “relationship management” is the real secret to success 

05:41 – Can anyone become a great negotiator? Innate skill vs. learned ability 

06:52 – Case study: Helping an underdog labor union in Chile 

10:59 – Hostage takers: Why listening is the most powerful negotiation tool 

12:45 – How to uncover what the other side really wants 

14:00 – The 7 elements of the Stanford/Harvard negotiation framework 

17:15 – Salary negotiation tips: Preparation, alternatives, and criteria 

20:04 – How (not) to frame a “fairness” argument at work 

21:14 – When do tactics ever work? The 1% rule and car negotiation 

25:43 – What to do when you’ve “burned” someone in a negotiation 

27:03 – How culture affects negotiation—stories from Mexico, Indonesia, and Mauritania 

32:38 – Not everything’s negotiable: Israel/Palestine case study 

34:00 – Negotiation as creative problem solving 

41:43 – Dealing with emotions and pausing in heated negotiations 

43:07 – Stan’s toughest deals? Family negotiations 

46:37 – Mediation story: How finding one point of common ground changed everything 

49:38 – The #1 negotiation skill: Check your assumptions, stay curious 

52:37 – Stan’s top negotiation movies and book recommendations 

53:57 – Stan’s final mindshift: How “shifting to a learning stance” changes negotiation outcomes 

About Stan Christensen 

Stan Christensen is a globally recognized negotiation expert, mediator, and educator. For over two decades, he has taught the...