July 20, 2021 • 54 mins
Meghan went from experiencing postpartum anxiety to creating a safe space for mothers of young kids to find community and support. Meghan and Leo discuss the anxiety that comes with major life changes (even the positive ones!) and the importance of creating time for yourself, especially once your schedule gets busy.
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By: Leo Yockey
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:14):
Hello, and welcome to anotherepisode of the Leo Yockey show,
the podcast where i Leo Yockeyinterview guests about how their
unique life path led them todefine success and fulfillment.
The goal is to provide,honestly, all of us some relief
for our existential dread.
Because the answer is inside allof us, the more we listening to
other stories, the easier it isto define our own truth. Right?
(00:38):
Isn't that what life is allabout? Now, just a little bit of
housekeeping before I getstarted with the show. I said
last week that I'd have anannouncement and that I'd be on
tik tok more. None of that ishappening yet. I also mentioned
that I'm in the middle of amove. So I have a few things on
(00:59):
pause for the time being. I'mhoping to have some more updates
for y'all by next week. So thankyou for bearing with me. And to
that end, thank you forsupporting the show. Y'all are
leaving some amazing, heartfeltfive star reviews. And hello
again, to my listeners inCanada, France, and of course,
(01:19):
Tanzania, we are still rankingin all of those countries in
addition to the United States.
And as soon as I've settled downfrom this move, I'm going to be
bringing you a lot more stuff tomake this experience even
better. And spoiler alert, itinvolves you and your own
individual life stories. So I'mvery excited. I'm also excited
(01:44):
about today's guest, Megan qBarrett. I say it all the time.
There are parts of the humanexperience that are universal. I
think today's episode makes thatabundantly clear. I met Megan in
a book club and on the surface,we are very different. She is
you know, cisgendered a mom, Iam child free the transgender
(02:07):
man. But there's something thatfirst time mothers and
transgender people early on intheir transition have in common,
and that is a major sudden shiftin identity. Megan is a
podcaster, a business owner, acoach, a mom, and we talk about
all these things. Also, ifyou're listening to this on the
(02:30):
day that it comes out July 20check out Megan's Instagram and
wish her a happy birthday. Yes,today is her birthday. So Happy
birthday, Megan. And the link toher Instagram is in the show
notes. I believe it's Megan qBarrett. So without further ado,
here is the birthday girl Meganq Barrett.
(02:59):
Hey, Megan, how's it going? Howyou doing? I'm good. How are
you? I'm good. I'm good. It isit is 6:30am my time but you
know, we're here. We're chuggingalong. I usually wake up around
530 ish, but I'm usually notsocial yet. At this time. I
understand that. I understandthat. Thank you. Thank you for
making an exception for me.
Yeah, of course. Of course.
(03:21):
Yeah. You and another eitherguests, or I think probably
former guests of the show. Bythe time this comes out Mwamba
in Tanzania, you know, had towake up early for him because of
the extreme timezone difference.
Which I guess is the case here.
You're in? You're on the EastCoast somewhere, right? Yes, I'm
in North Carolina right outsideof Raleigh. Nice. Nice. Okay.
(03:41):
And, and from from NorthCarolina. I know you I feel like
you're a doer of many thingslike myself, but primarily, I
think a lot of your stuffcenters around your business.
All you Mama. So can youdescribe for the listeners what
that is? Exactly. Yeah. SoI started all you mama after I
had about with postpartumanxiety. And I was just kind of
(04:03):
like, in a deep, dark place inmy life at that point. And one
morning, I woke up and I waslike, You know what, I'm just
gonna get up five minutes beforemy kids and got up, had some
coffee had a little bit of timeto myself. And in less than a
week, I completely felt like adifferent person. And I was
(04:28):
like, you know, what, if thiscan change my life that much,
five minutes a day, it can helpso many other moms. Yeah. And so
that's where it started. Andit's just about helping moms to
put themselves as the priority.
You know, because you can't takecare of all the other crap and
(04:49):
all the other people in yourlife if you have nothing to
give, and I feel like a lot ofit has been glorified, that moms
are like the selfless People,you know, and if you give
everything to your kids and yourfamily and your work or whatever
it is, and you don't haveanything for yourself, then
you're really not giving allthat you can give, as well. So
(05:14):
it's all about taking care ofyourself so that you can fully
take care of the other peopleand things in your life.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
Yeah, I think that a lot of thestuff that you share on social
media, I love following onsocial media. And we'll, we'll
probably get into some of yoursocial media content in a second
because I love it. And I'mprobably gonna want to talk
about it. But but I love it.
(05:36):
Because I think a lot of whatyou talk about is is universal
and can apply to anyone. Butjust like he said, you know,
moms in general, are kind ofviewed as people who are
expected to be selfless. So allof the things that you talk
about, while they're universal,they're like so much more
magnified for people who havekids, for people who are moms.
(05:56):
And you said, So you said thatthis all started with, you know,
having postpartum anxiety. Andmaybe this is ignorance from
like me being a man and also notreally wanting kids, but I'd
only ever really heard ofpostpartum depression. I've
never heard of postpartumanxiety. So can you can you kind
of explained in more detail likewhat you were going through at
that time.
So I never had heard ofpostpartum anxiety, either. To
(06:18):
be totally honest with you, Iam much better. Thank you. Yeah,
no, I had no idea like I, Iobviously, I knew about
postpartum depression. And afriend of mine had actually
posted on Facebook, about herexperience with postpartum
anxiety. And I was like, Oh,hey, that kind of sounds like
me. I had no idea. This was likea thing. I thought. I really
(06:39):
just thought it was like momworries, right? Because Yeah,
once you have children, and youare like, solely responsible for
these little human lives, it'slike, you worry, like, you have
no choice but to worry. Butlike, I was staying up late at
night, basically planning like,if there was a fire in my house,
like, which child would I go sayfirst? How would I do it? How
(07:02):
would I like punch out thewindow, and I would just go down
these holes. And I alsoremember, right? When the
pandemic started, my husband waslike, I don't know, 10 minutes
late home from work. And so I'mlike, oh, he obviously just got
in a car accident. Okay,so no other option, no other
possibility.
And so I have a two year old anda five month old, and I'm like,
(07:24):
Okay, well, I have to bring thefive month old with me because
he's breastfeeding. But now I'mgonna have to bring him into a
hospital when there's COVID. Sowhat am I going to do with that?
I don't think I can drop themoff at the neighbors. So it's
like, I would have thesethoughts. That seemed like a
little bit crazy. But then Iwould go through these logical
steps. So like, I felt totallylogical, but like, a little bit
(07:47):
crazy. At the same time. Yeah.
And so I talked to my friend,and you know, she's like, I'm
obviously not a medicalprofessional, you should
probably go talk to your midwifeor ob and I did. And she said,
Yeah, I mean, that's what itsounds like. And this was about
three weeks before, of COVIDwent down. And I had decided at
(08:11):
the time, I didn't want to go onmedication. And I wanted to do
talk therapy. So I went abouttwo times before the world
shutdown. And then that didn'thappen. And I was home with my
kids and trying to find a timeto like dedicate an hour to
therapy was giving me moreanxiety, then you're not and so
(08:36):
around June, so maybe like fourmonths or so after I was
diagnosed, I decided to go onmedication. And it definitely
helped me and I think it was thebest choice for me at the time.
But then I kind of gotten thisit, I would take it at night, it
(08:59):
would make me really drowsy. Ibasically pass out and then wake
up when my son came in at seveno'clock in the morning,
complaining that he wanted milkand to watch Peppa Pig. So then
I basically just kind of it wasgreat because I was able to
sleep which I needed sleep, butI was just kind of using it to
Okay, Now's my time to likecheck out of the world. And
(09:20):
yeah, go to sleep, and then doit all over again tomorrow. And
I started drinking more too,which is not the best with that
medication. And I just I reallygot to this place where I didn't
like myself as a wife, as amother as a person. You know, I
(09:41):
was just stuck at home with twosmall children that aren't great
conversationalists and I justfelt really alone and really
isolated. And that was my way ofescaping with you know, social
media drinking and themedication. So, while it did
help me, there were other partsthat I contributed to, I have to
(10:05):
take that responsibility thatreally didn't help with the
medication. So, towards the endof 2020, when my son turned just
just a little over one, which Ihave to say, as a mother, when
your kids turn one, you kind ofstart feeling like a real human
again to okay. And I was justlike, you know, it was like, I
(10:29):
woke up, I can't even sayexactly what it was, it was just
like, I woke up one day, and Iwas like, This is it, like, I
can't do this, like, my kidsdeserve much better than this. I
deserve much better. My husbanddoes, like, I can't be doing
this shit. So that's when Istarted waking up early. And I
decided to wean off mymedication as well. And I'm now
back in therapy, which isamazing, which I highly suggest
(10:54):
for anybody, whether you havepostpartum anxiety, depression,
postpartum, whatever, whoeveryou are, yeah. has been a big
light in my life and making thattime for myself for that, too,
and just having someone to talkto you about those things. But
yeah, I mean, it was definitelyone of the darkest times in my
(11:17):
life, there's like a lot ofthings that I look back on. I
don't know if I'd say I regretthem. Because, you know, it
brought me to where I am now.
But it's, it's a lot of thingsthat I wasn't happy about. And
I'm not proud of, I wouldn'tchange it. Right, because they
all bring us here. And now. I'mfeeling much better, and I'm
(11:40):
able to help a lot of people.
But you know, at the time, Idefinitely think all the people
in my life deserve a lot betterfrom me.
Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you,thank you for for sharing that
in in such detail. I thinkyou've touched on a lot of
really, really interestingthings. I'm going to bring it
back to, you know, when you werefirst kind of going through that
(12:01):
spiral when your husband waslate from work, and now you're
like worried that your child isgoing to have COVID, because you
will have to go to the hospital.
You said something that I thinkwas was so key said you felt
like you were kind of goingthrough the step by step like,
Okay, well, I'm gonna have to dothis, which will cause that, and
then this, and you said, Youfelt totally logical, and
totally crazy. And I think youtouched on something really
(12:26):
important, which is that, youknow, every trait that we have,
as people has kind of like agood and a bad side, or a dark
and a light side, you know,like, You're, you're kicking
into that high gear of like,Well, what about this? And then
that? And then what if thishappens? And which kid do I
bring in? And what about COVIDexposure? And how am I going to
handle that? You know, this iskind of like, being able to set
(12:48):
goals turned into a monster.
Right? Yeah, very goal orientedperson. I do that all the time.
Yeah, absolutely. And so andkind of the same thing with the,
with your decision to takemedication, because you said
something that I think is truefor a lot of people, which is
that finding the time to toactually go and be able to see
(13:12):
that therapist sometimes createsmore anxiety than you had
before. And, you know, so atthat time, that medication
served a very important purposefor you. Because if you couldn't
do therapy or medication, wherewould you be? And of course, the
downside was that it made it alittle bit easier to slip into
more unhealthy habits, likedrinking and being on social
(13:35):
media too much, you know, but itdefinitely served its purpose at
one point, you know, and so itreally kind of speaks to the
complexity of a lot of thesethings. Like it's not just black
and white all the time. You knowwhat I mean? So you were a
personal trainer, or like aCrossFit coach, before starting
all you, Mama, was thatsomething that you had stopped
(13:58):
at the point that you were inyour postpartum anxiety? Were
you no longer doing that at thattime, or at least taking a break
from it to kind of be onmaternity leave at that time?
Yes. SoI took a break from pretty much
everything. When my oldest wasabout six months old, because I
just kind of felt like I washalf assing everything in my
life. Like I was kind of halfass and being a coach, my health
(14:21):
coaching business, being a mombeing a wife, and I just didn't,
I wasn't able to focus on anyone thing. So at that time, I
decided, Okay, I'm going tofocus on being a mom, and I'm
just going to be the best momthat I can be. And so I stepped
away from the coaching my healthcoaching business, as well as
(14:41):
another part time job that I hadto be fully a mom and it was
really scary. And I was excitedto do it. And then you know, I
get a few months in and I'mlike, Okay, now I feel like I
need to do something else. Ineed to do something more. Yeah,
I need to do something formyself, really, I need to find
(15:02):
something for me. And I tried afew other things like here and
there. And I would always startthem and then quit them and keep
going back. And then what weresome of the things you tried? I
did as as many stay at home momsdo, I did an MLM or network
marketing, whatever you want tocall it, which I mean, I don't,
I don't hate them. If you it'skind of like any business, if
(15:25):
you really work on it, you canbe super successful in it. But
the majority of people are not.
I did okay in it. But in theend, what it really taught me
was it actually really taught meto bring me back to my
businesses that I wanted to havefull control over whatever my
product or service is, you know,and in network marketing, you
(15:47):
don't you're selling thisproduct, but I have, I have no
control over the price, how it'smade, things like that. So when
I started my business, I waslike, Okay, this is this is me,
this is fully in my control, Ican make it what I want it to
be. So that was an experiencethat like really brought me back
to like, okay, that's what Iwant to do. I want my business
(16:09):
and I want to do things my way.
Yeah, yeah, I think that's,that's really interesting. You
said, you're half asking I have,I have a little Funko Pop that I
keep on my desk of Ron Swanson.
And, quote of his that I reallylike is don't don't half ass two
things whole last one thing.
(16:30):
Yes. But I think that's, that'sreally interesting, because you
are a very goal oriented person.
And I know like, you've alwaysbeen involved in sports, like
you just posted this morning onInstagram, something about you
know, playing softball, allthrough school, and, and even as
an adult, and you were apersonal trainer, and a coach,
and you're doing all thesethings. And then you know, kind
(16:51):
of realizing that you were like,not able to, to do everything to
the full capacity you wanted to,instead of at that point, kind
of figuring out the things thatyou're now encouraging your
clients to deal with all youMama, you just suddenly stopped
everything. And so I wonder ifsome of that postpartum anxiety
(17:11):
was, you know, obviously, a lotof the the specifics of your
anxiety came about, like, whatdo I do with my kids, but I
wonder if some of it also waslike, just because you were not
living your truth. Because yourtruth is that you have this like
big, full, expansive life whereyou're doing a lot of things in
and, you know, you want to beable to both raise kids that are
(17:35):
gonna be able to change theworld and change the world
yourself. And I'll just get tothat in a minute, too. But it
seems like, you know, this is atheme a lot with a lot of
people, it's like, we have tokind of know who we are, know
what we want. And it seems likethis was kind of all part of
your journey to figuring thatout. Right? Because even if you
hadn't, I don't know if that wasalso the case, as a coach, where
(17:56):
you were like, working withinlike some sort of like gym or
program where you kind of had toto follow their, their course.
But it seems like you know, kindof from taking that step back,
you were at least able to figureout more like what it was that
you want to do what it was thatyou do and don't like about
about, you know, running thesedifferent types of businesses to
kind of get you to where you'reat with, with all you Mama.
(18:20):
Yeah, I think I mean, I feellike all moms have an identity
crisis at some point, because itis so quickly that your life
changes, right. You know, likewhen you're pregnant and stuff,
it's like you can imagine it andthen all of a sudden, that baby
comes here. And life is totallydifferent. Like you, there's
(18:41):
just no way you can take all theclasses, you can talk to all the
people, but there's just reallyno way to prepare for it. And
it's funny, because I hadtotally forgotten about this
until I even started my company.
It's funny how like, things comeback up. And like, you know, the
world is all interconnected. ButI actually so I grew up in my
mom was a full time working mom.
(19:04):
And most of the females I grewup around, were all full time
working moms. And so I justassumed that's what I would do,
because that's what I saw.
That's what I grew up with. Andin college, we had to write my
freshman year, we had to writean argumentative paper. And my
argument was actually on whetherI wanted to be a stay at home
mom or a working mom. And in theend, I wanted to be a stay at
(19:30):
home mom, because I felt like Ireally wanted to be there for my
kids. I wanted to go to all thesports games and I I just wanted
to be there. And you know, it'slike we kind of either mirror
what our our parents did, or wewant to go the way opposite end
of the spectrum. And that's whatI felt I wanted to do. And then
(19:54):
when I was in that position, Iwas like wait, I don't know if
this What I want to doYeah, sometimes we have to
experience it. I was talking toone of my friends about this
recently, Laura actually, she'sin the she's in the book club
too, because she, you know, wewere saying like, you know, we
can't think our way into asolution or think our way
(20:15):
entirely into what we want to bebecause yeah, like being a stay
at home mom sounded great intheory. And then once you're in
it, your body, like revolted,you know, you're it said no, and
it created all this anxiety andand it just straight up just
didn't work for you. So, yeah,that's a that's a great segue.
Can you kind of speak to whatyou were saying before? I know
(20:37):
this was a quote, or not aquote, I guess, I don't know
what you want to call it asnippet from your podcast,
Mama's daily dose, you saidsomething like, I yeah, it man,
you're gonna butcher you just gointo a you know, I know,
I know exactly what you'retalking about. So I actually, I
(20:58):
heard this quote, even before Ihad children, and I thought it
was like, this really beautifulquote, it was something along
the lines of, I may not be ableto change the world, but I can
raise kids that can. And I waslike, okay, you know, what,
like, maybe that is not mypurpose on this earth is to
(21:19):
change the world, maybe mypurpose is to raise kids that
will do that. And when I firststarted staying home with my
son, it was like, okay, like,that's what I'm going to do, I'm
going to pour myself into mychild, and I'm going to do the
best that I can to raise him.
And he can go out and change theworld. And I really, truly
believe that for a while. Andthen I was like, dude, like, EFF
that, like, if I raised the bar,right, if I can change the
(21:45):
world, I've raised the bar. Andnow my children can change the
world and raise the bar evenmore. And on top of that, like,
they see, you can say all youwant to kids, but it's really
what you do. Right? So if mykids see me, like working hard,
and trying to help people andand essentially change the
(22:07):
world, then they're going tomimic that to you know, I was
just like, that's not the way itis, it's not do what I say it's
like, right, what I do. So letme be the example. And then I'm
going to raise the bar for you.
And then you go out there andyou want to up me, essentially,
yeah, I love that. And I think,you know, kind of kind of
(22:30):
bringing everything back, youknow, doing either by itself
takes a lot, right, likechanging the world Diem, leaving
a significant mark on the world,or raising kids, you know, that
that leaves the house witheverything that they need to be
able to do that themselves. Bothof those are very big task, very
big undertakings, and anotherformer guest of the show,
(22:53):
Marshall, whew, you know, he isdoing a lot of different stuff,
he's involved in a lot ofactivism, he's probably one of
the busiest people that I know.
And he talks so much about theimportance of his self care
routine, and his self careroutine, you know, takes up, you
know, hours every single day,you know, because he's going out
into the world. And he's, he's,you know, he's giving a lot of
(23:15):
his energy, he's receiving a lotof other people's energy,
because he's on a stage and he'sin front of the public a lot and
stuff like that. And, you know,kind of going back to what you
were saying earlier with, withyour medication and stuff like
that, and how all those thingswere kind of compounding, it's
like, to be able to kind of doall of these things, it's like
(23:36):
one, you have to know exactlywhat it is that you want to do,
which, you know, you were kindof on your journey to figuring
out and, and really landed onsomething that I think, you
know, from everything thatyou're saying it sounds like it
really hits like everythingperfectly perfectly for you.
This all you mama business, butit definitely also asks so much
more of you than just, you know,raising your kids and and again,
(23:59):
you know, all the power toanybody who raises kids at all.
But to do more than that toquote unquote, want to have it
all basically, you know, thereare certain trade offs and want
to you know, in some of that is,you know, really being mindful
about that, about that time, youknow, to take for yourself, and
it's so early.
(24:26):
I get where you're going. And Imean, like, I make sure that the
end, the big thing that I tellevery mom that I meet is wake up
before your children, like yes,start the day off on your terms.
And my biggest thing, especiallywhen you have children is start
(24:47):
small. Like I tell, I tell moms,I'm like wake up two minutes
early. You know, just go take acouple sips of hot coffee by
yourself. And you can slowlymove that back like when I
started You know, back inDecember, I was waking up five
minutes before my kids. And thatwas it. And I've slowly moved it
forward and forward, and I havemy own routine, you know, like,
(25:10):
I drink my coffee, I write downmy goals, I meditate I journal,
I need that time for myself tokind of Zen myself out, and get
ready for the chaos of my kidsthe rest of the day. And I know
a lot of moms that I've talkedto, would wait until the evening
(25:30):
time to get their me time. Andby that time, you're drained and
you have no patience throughoutthe day, like, a lot of times
what I talked about is like,losing your shit on your kids,
because that happens. Becauseall these little things compound
and then all of a sudden, it'slike, because you haven't taken
(25:50):
that time for yourself, and youaren't caring for yourself, like
you said, with your friend, liketaking all that other energy in
and giving energy. You know,that's what, like, kids like,
you can't you can't blame them.
my four year old does not knowhow to regulate his emotions,
right? I'm, I'm still learninghow to regulate my emotions.
(26:11):
But never learned.
Right? Yeah, I'm like justlearning starting this year. So
I'm only like, what six monthsin. So you know, so I have to be
able to like distance, hisemotions from mine, be there for
him, but not take that into,which can be extremely,
extremely difficult. And, youknow, it's just an I mean, I
(26:36):
have, I have an awesome supportsystem. And that's what anybody
needs, whether you're a mom ornot I talk about this is coming
up in my podcast, I think in it.
And very soon, I talked aboutone of the best investments that
I've made, is a regularbabysitter. Yeah, I have a
babysitter come every Mondayafternoon. And just having that
guaranteed time to myself, likeI can work on my business, I can
(26:59):
get stuff done around the house,I can just sit there. And like
look at my phone, I couldliterally just sit there and
stare at the wall for a while.
But I have some guaranteed timeto myself. And I feel like a lot
of moms feel guilty about thattaking, like taking time away
(27:22):
from their kids. But what Ithink is more important than and
if COVID and all that stuff istaught us everything is not the
time that you spend with yourkids. But the quality. I mean,
that sounds so cliche, but it'strue. Like I would rather spend
five minutes uninterrupted withmy kids put the phone in another
room and focus on them, then sitin that room on my phone for an
(27:47):
hour, I'm not really with them.
Yeah. And that's so much of whatwe do not even just with our
kids, but with other people ingeneral. So if I get that time
to recharge those two hours,then I am ready to put
everything else away and focusback on my kids. So anytime that
you can take for yourselves. AndI know that not all moms are
(28:10):
like in a situation where theycan hire a babysitter. But
there's so many ways you can getcreative about it. Do you have
friends? Do you have familynearby? Do you have another mom
with kids that one week, you cantake their kids and then the
next week, they take your kidsso you guys both get it, you
know? So I just other than thewaking up five minutes early,
like seriously one of the bestinvestments that I've made, and
(28:34):
it's not just paying out moneythat is seriously an investment,
that's an investment inyourself, to make yourself
better and to keep yourselfsane.
And in all reality.
Yeah. And I think that's such animportant point that you touched
on there. At the end, it's youknow, you don't, it's not
(28:55):
necessarily that you have tohire a babysitter as much as it
is that you just need to figureout what that support looks like
for for you. if if if you knowif you're financially strapped
or whatever the case may be. AndI think in general, it's like
being able to kind of thinkoutside the box and think what
do I need? Because I rememberwhen I first saw on social media
that you hire a babysitter oncea week, I was like, Wow, I've
(29:18):
I've never heard of that before.
But that totally makes sense.
Like I can see how just a fewhours a week could make a huge
difference. You know, and it's,I'm kind of blown away by how
many similarities I'm seeingbetween, you know, the, the life
of a mother and especially a newmother with younger kids, to you
know, some of the experiencesthat I've had in my life or my
(29:39):
friends have had in my life, youknow, like that sudden change,
where all of a sudden your lifeis completely different. Your
identity is completelydifferent, is something that I
can actually relate to, frombeing transgender. And, you
know, before you know, longbefore I transitioned, you know,
I was this like super butchlesbian, and people could look
at me and clock Me and Me As amember of the LGBT community,
(30:02):
and it was like, almostovernight, that was removed, you
know what I mean? And I was, youknow, I found myself having to
really kind of figure out who,who I am and who I want to be,
you know, navigating this worldas a man. And it does create a
lot of that, like, sudden, youknow, like, anxiety, and
sometimes even depression, eventhough these are good things,
(30:23):
you know, becoming a mother isthis great, wonderful thing,
being able to live your truth isthis great, wonderful thing. And
sometimes it still comes withwith, you know, these mental
health issues, just becausechange, change creates a lot of
change, and change is scary, andchange brings about a lot of
unknown and makes us really haveto face ourselves. And, and,
(30:44):
again, he had the way that youtalk about the importance of
taking care of yourself in themorning, as opposed to at night,
which, by the way, I'm sure as amother at night, you know, you
might have like a kid, that'sall of a sudden sick or can't
sleep or something, he knows, Ifeel like there's less of a
guarantee that that time is evengoing to be available for you at
night versus during the morning.
And I just have like, no focus,but by the end of the day, it's
(31:05):
like, my brain is just mush.
Yeah, but then you're probablyjust like, you know, EFF it, I'm
just gonna go to bed. And that,you know, and, and just sleeping
isn't quite the same as havingtime to, like, really fill your
cup. And, and again, you know,that was something that that
Marshall and I talked about, andhe told me about his, you know,
(31:26):
wake and create, we're for thefirst two hours, his phones on
airplane mode, and he's, youknow, working on writing a song.
And he's kind of inspired me todo the same thing like with my
comedy and stuff. And it's somuch easier to have that taken
care of in the beginning of theday, because once everybody has
kind of taken, you know, onceI've given my energy to other
(31:46):
people, I have so much less formyself. But if I start with
giving energy to myself andfilling up that cup, I have so
much more energy and like yousaid, it's like that even the
five minutes with your kidsversus an hour is going to
actually feel like so much morebecause you're fully engaged,
versus being you know,disengaged, and just kind of
(32:06):
going through the motions. Ithink that's really cool. I have
a question that was so with thebabysitter thing is this. Is
this specifically supposed to beseparate from any kind of like,
date night with your partner?
Yeah, sowe have a babysitter or my mom.
Luckily, my mom lives nearby tothat comes and you know, we'll
(32:27):
do date nights or actually sohere's another mom hack here. So
we don't do date nights anymore.
Because you know what? Our kidsgo to sleep at seven so I'm
like, why are we paying someoneto sit at our house while our
kids are asleep? So we go onlike day dates we go at like 3pm
so when my youngest son likewakes up from his nap the
(32:48):
babysitter's they feed themdinner, they give him a bath, we
come back, tuck them in for bed,and then what? And then we got
some more time to ourselves.
Yeah, that's brilliant. Again,there's that creativity again
and figuring out what do I want?
How can I How can I maximizethis and then for the kids. I
remember when I was a kid, itwas so much fun when they were
babysitters. You know, they werebabysitters that I love so it's
(33:08):
like it's exciting for them toit's not like it's not like
you're like abandoning them oranything? Yeah, exactly.
So that's it. So that's like mylittle bomb hack. And just we my
husband, I like to try out likenew things instead of just going
out to eat for dinner. So duringthe day, you know, we tried, we
went golfing, possibly donebatting cages, things like that.
(33:32):
We're also we're pretty athletictoo. So we'd like those things
too.
Yeah, that's really cool. I lovethat. And I also love to like
the Start small thing, becauseit can feel like a lot to
actually kind of goes back tothings changing quickly. You
know, it's like, again, positivechanges can also be overwhelming
and to feel like, you know, ohmy god, I have to wake up an
(33:52):
hour before my kids. How am Igoing to do that? How am I going
to do it feels almostimpossible, but waking up just a
couple minutes before, you know,listen to something, you know,
read read a little snippet ofsomething inspirational. Maybe
listen to Mama's daily dose onyour favorite podcast app. but
preferably Apple you know, likethere's just little little
(34:15):
things that that can be donethat it almost feels like hokey.
When you when you when you'rewhen you haven't done it yet.
It's like two minutes reallylike outside. That's not going
to make a difference. And it'sit's really surprising. You said
that you started waking up fiveminutes before your kids. And
you started to feel the effectsin less than a week. Yeah, I
mean, five minutes. Anybody cando that anybody can start waking
(34:38):
up five minutes earlier rightnow without having a major
change in like their energylevels and things like that. And
it is really cool to kind of seehow those incremental steps kind
of make a difference. And in thesame way that you know, like
social media has a way ofpulling us in right like we go
on to like, send a DM to ourfriend to confirm plans and then
(35:01):
an hour later, you're like, whyam I watching this reel of like
a dog doing backflips? You know?
Like, why was I even on here andyou close the app and you
haven't even sent the DM to yourfriend. And so you have to do it
all over again later. And Ithink that the same thing can
kind of happen, it's slower,right, because there's not like
algorithms that are playing withhow our brain works. But it does
(35:21):
kind of work in the same way,where once you get really into a
routine, because I actually dothe same thing. I started waking
up only, like, you know, 30minutes extra, you know, and
then it went to 45 minutes, andthen an hour and so on. And now
I'm like regularly waking up atlike, 530 in the morning, even
though I rarely have anythingthat starts before like 8am. And
the reason why is because I gotso into what I was doing, you
(35:46):
know, at first it was justgetting up to meditate, then it
was getting up to meditate andjournal, then it was getting up
to meditate and journal andread. And then I got really
hooked into reading. And now I'mlike, I want to find and I am
very intentional about what I'llread first thing in the morning,
because I'll read a lot of stuffthat, you know, kind of covers
some some, like unhappiertopics, you know, kind of going
(36:08):
into darker moments in historyand stuff like that. I don't
read those first thing in themorning, you know, I'll read,
I'll read stuff that makes mefeel like inspired. I'll read
you know, memoirs from athletesbecause I, I don't have a huge
history of sports in my past,but I also feel like I really
relate to the athletes mindset.
So I love reading aboutathletes, I love reading stuff
(36:30):
about you know, likespirituality and things like
that anything that we're readingin Book Club, you know, I can, I
can feel comfortable reading inthe morning, because those are
all personal development books.
And it gets the point where it'salmost like a switch happens.
And I'm like, starting to feellike I don't even want to go on
social media, I don't even wantto spend an hour reading you
(36:52):
just like there's a differencebetween staying informed and
saying consumed with the news,right? You know, it's like, and
I don't want to cross that lineover into being consumed
anymore. And it takes it takes awhile, right? Because we there's
all these ways that the dopaminegets released when we're on
these apps. And and it takes awhile to almost like wean off of
that. But it is truly amazing.
(37:15):
Like how how little it takestruly to be able to start that.
Yeah, I've done I have a programthat's five, five minutes to
patient's presence and power.
And that's exactly what it is.
And I say, right in there, it'slike, turn your alarm off, and
then put your phone in adifferent room. You know,
(37:37):
because as soon as you open itup like that, five minutes is
gone. And then so what was thewhat was the point of that?
Right? So being intentional withthat time, kind of like, you
know, with spending time withpeople, it's really about being
more intentional than the actualamount of time on there. Because
it can make the biggestdifference in your life waking
(38:00):
up five minutes early, and beingintentional with that time. Or
you can wake up five minutesearly and you get sucked into
Instagram, or whatever and thenwhat was it worth it? You know,
seeing the dog do a backflip? Idon't think that's really going
to change your life.
Right exactly. And speaking ofsocial media now that we've told
(38:22):
everybody to leave social medialet's talk about your social
media. My Instagram I find yourreels very funny you sometimes
involve your kids you sometimesdon't but they're they're
usually you know I would almostcall it like a real look into
parenting right because you'reyou're showing like the the less
(38:42):
than glamorous side but in areally fun, even comedic way.
Like I'll say right here on therecord I invited you to my to my
stand up comedy class right nowbecause I I truly think that you
have like, Great comedic timinggreat comedic instincts and it
comes out on your on your socialmedia a lot. So I'm so curious
as to like, what, what kind ofinspired you to start doing
(39:05):
that, like did you did you haveexperience doing creative stuff
in in the past that you know,and this is kind of like a new
outlet for you? Or did this kindof just come out of nowhere once
you got on to social? Yeah,well, that's actually really
funny because I never reallyconsidered myself like, a
creative or artistic kind ofperson. I quit every instrument
(39:28):
I tried. I I commissioned otherpeople to do my art homework in
high school. Like I was justlike, you know, I'm, I'm like
the sporty person. I'm just notlike really a creative person,
whatever, it's not me. And thenI just started making these
videos and I'm like, Oh my gosh,like this is really fun. And I'm
(39:49):
like, oh, like this is mycreative outlet. And you know,
it's just it's a fun way for meto be creative and It really is.
I had I had somebody asked methey're like, Where do you come
up with all these ideas? And Iwas like, this, this is my life.
Yeah. I was like, This isseriously my life, I just, I
(40:12):
have a running tab on my phone,like a notes of just like, when
ideas come to me, I was like,oh, that would make a great
video that would make a greatvideo. And so I just keep a list
of them, and then go through andstart making some videos. But
essentially, it is my life. AndI mean, I want to showcase that,
(40:32):
you know, obviously, being amother is like, really fun.
Yeah, it's super difficult. And,you know, I'm extremely grateful
for it. But I think there's beenthe stigma on, you know, you
just, you have to be gratefulthat you have these children.
You know, it could be tough, butyou know, just gloss over that.
(40:53):
And that can be, you know, thatcan like really tear a person
down. Because then you feelalone, you're like, Oh, my gosh,
is this supposed to be the wayit is? And gaslighting? Yeah. Am
I supposed to feel this way. Andwhat I found in the almost four
years that I've been a mother islike, moms do this to each other
(41:16):
all the time. You know, like alot of women that have older
children or like come up to youand be like, oh, cherish these
days, you're gonna miss them.
And you're like, Ihaven't slept in days. Yeah, am
I really gonna miss that?
Exactly. And well, that'stotally true. It is. And I get
it, it also puts this pressureon moms to like, I have to enjoy
(41:40):
every single second ofmotherhood. Because it is
fleeting, right in, in the grandscheme of things, essentially,
your kids are with you for 18years, a friend of mine put it
one way that she's like, She'slike, I have 18 summers with my
kids. And I want to make themworth it. And now that her kids
(42:01):
are teenagers, she puts it like,I have three summers left with
my kids. And you're like, wow,like that really isn't like, if
you think about three summers,that's really not that long of a
time. Not at all. But you know,it's okay to not like parts of
motherhood, it's okay to saythis is really crappy. And this
(42:22):
is really hard. Becauseessentially, that's what makes
the good times better to write.
But I don't think we need to sitthere and just forget about
them, you know, we need to bringthem to spotlight and the best
way to be okay with it is tobring it out right shame like
lives in the darkness. Yeah, Ijust talked about this on, I
(42:42):
think on one of my podcasts,too, is that so I'm just if you
look at my social media, I am asuper open person. But with
postpartum anxiety, I didn't sayanything until, like 10 months,
for 10 months, I didn't mentionanything about postpartum
anxiety. I had friends in reallife that I talked to about it,
(43:04):
but they were very, very few.
And so I felt bad about it. Ifelt like it was something I had
to hide. And then when I cameout, and I brought it to light,
it's like It Wasn't this heavything anymore. Yeah. So and I'm
(43:25):
sure you can relate to that,too. I'm sure everyone has
something like that, that theycan relate to, that you held on
to for so long, and didn't tellanybody. And as soon as you told
somebody, it's like this hugerelease, that's like, okay,
yeah, that really wasn'tthat bad. Yeah, exactly. And,
you know, all of this kind ofcomes full circle again, right?
Because, you know, your, yourpostpartum anxiety in a lot of
(43:47):
ways was kind of the, the darkside or, or maybe we'll see a
potential side effect of youbeing a very driven very goal
oriented person. And, and Iwould say even, like, being used
to probably having like, adegree of control over your
life, that that motherhood tookaway on multiple levels, right,
you know, and, you know, like,literally having less time in
(44:11):
your day, and, you know, having,having, you know, these people
that you know, you can only helpthem so much, and then they're
kind of off on their own, youknow, and, and so this kind of
comes out, but overall, youknow, being a very goal oriented
person is a positive trait and agood trait. And it allows you
to, you know, like, live thislife that you love and, and be
able to do both, you know,change the world and raise kids
(44:33):
that are changing the world. Andthat's kind of the same thing
here. You know, that kind ofturned into the theme of all you
mama is that, you know, yes,cherish these moments, but also,
you know, acknowledge that it'snot all rainbows and
butterflies, and that there arehard times in that it's totally
normal. This is totally human.
(44:53):
And hey, you're not alone, andyou're essentially paying
forward. What that friend didfor you. When she shared on
Facebook about her postpartumanxiety before you even knew
that it was a thing. I thinkthat's, that's wonderful.
And I have to say, when I sharedabout my postpartum anxiety,
like, it was amazing, the amountof women that came out and said,
(45:17):
like, Hey, I had experiencedsomething like that, or I am
experiencing something likethis. And I would always direct
people to a medicalprofessional, but sometimes you
just need someone to tell or youneed someone to talk to about
it.
And someone who gets it and hasbeen their personality. And
(45:37):
that's what we need to do.
And that's really what I wantedto create with all you mama is
just like this place to shareour experiences, and connect
with one another because being amom can be super, super
isolating, even though you'resurrounded by people all day.
Yeah. And I, I would you know, Ido like the mom things I go to
(46:02):
storytime I'd go to theplaydates and things like that.
But I just didn't feel superconnected to a lot of the people
that I was around. And so I leftand I felt isolated. After being
with people all day, I'm stilllike, Why do I feel so alone?
And I needed that deeperconnection that deeper shared
(46:24):
experiences, beyond just like,how my kid is pooping and
sleeping. Right? You know, like,I wanted to talk about myself.
Yeah, I like I haven't neededto, I have a name to like, it's
not just Mom, you know, and youhave a name too. I'm not just
Anderson and Saxons mom, becausethat's what you end up being
(46:45):
when you hang around a bunch ofother kids. It's like Anderson's
mom. Well, I'm no longer Megan.
Yeah, and I just wanted tocreate that space for moms.
Because especially when yourkids are younger, it's just
like, you can lose who you are.
And it's okay. It's okay to losewho you are. But it's also okay
(47:05):
to want to find out who you are,and to watch or create someone
that you are outside of being amom.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
And you know, so if you're, ifyou're a mother out there, and
you're listening to this, andany of this is striking a chord
for you, you know, all you mamais a great resource. If you are
not a mom, and you're still kindof recognizing you know that
(47:29):
that need to, you're stillfeeling like you're not being
heard or acknowledged forsomething that you're going
through, you know, I reallychallenge you to figure out you
know, what, what that part ofyou is, that's, that's aching
and find those people who havebeen through the same thing,
whether it has to do with youridentity in relationship to your
(47:49):
parents, or your job, or yourgender, or, you know, whatever
the case may be, you know, onceyou find those people and you're
able to share in, you know, in asafe space where people get it,
and can say, hey, me, too, youknow that there's a lot of
healing that can happen there.
And from there, you know,whatever it is that you want to
(48:10):
do with your life, it justbecomes so much more feasible.
Right? So, Megan, thank you somuch for coming on. I think
that's about all the time thatwe have. Do you have anything
else that you'd be remiss if youif you didn't include this in
there? I will sayon what you just said, too, is
it's like, you know, find yourpeople find your place where you
can share those experiences. Andyou know, what, if it doesn't
(48:33):
exist, create it? Yeah, yes. Andpeople, and people will come
because that's how I feltthere's a ton of mom groups out
there, but not mom groups thatfocus on the moms. And so I'm
like, Alright, well, let mecreate it. So if if you're
yearning for something, and youdon't find it, like, create it,
and I promise you that peoplewill come.
(48:56):
Yes, 100% thank you so much forincluding that and that's true,
you know, you did it. Anotherguest of the show, I'm not sure
if she's going to be on beforeor after you but Valerie
Phoenix, you know, did somethingvery similar in the in the tech
space, and creating a place forbasically anybody that's not
like a cisgender white man, youknow, to be able to get both
(49:17):
resources and community supportto both get and stay in tech,
you know, and so, there, there'sabsolutely a way to do that.
And, you know, one thing that Ilike to it's, you know, these
support groups, these meetings,these, these, these connections,
it's anytime there's a gatheringof two or more people, you know,
it really can start with justyou and a friend and grow from
(49:40):
there. It doesn't have to bethis big thing. Start small. As
we as you said, right. I lovethat. Megan, thank you so much
for coming on. This is a greatconversation. I'm glad that the
zoom Gods weren't too horribleto you got 1.0 It's okay. Like I
said, my internet has been anightmare too. Yeah, where?
(50:01):
Where can people find you?
Check me out. Check me out onInstagram at Meghan q Barrett.
And that's Megan with an H. Andthen there's the links to
everything through Instagram.
And you can check out some ofthe videos to.
Yeah, and definitely if you'reif you're looking for, you know,
(50:22):
just small, a small Daily Doseof Inspiration, you got your
mama's daily dose podcast, too.
Yes. So speaking on that, youknow, starting off small. I
mean, all moms are short ontime. So I was like, how can I
make this the most effectivething and I make daily two to
three minute podcasts, focusedon moms with young children,
(50:45):
some inspiration, motivation,and then also just some humorous
stories that all moms can relateto. So that's mom, his daily
dose?
Yeah, it's great. And I'velistened to it, it definitely
has, like I said, I think a lotof what you say a lot of your
message, it's definitely you'redefinitely speaking to mothers,
you know, so a lot of what yousay, you know, you're always
saying you like, like, we gotthis right, mamas, you know,
(51:07):
like, probably not that exactly,but you're always addressing the
mothers in the room. But, youknow, the message behind it is
always I think, very universal,maybe especially relevant to
mothers, but, but definitelysome some relevance to
everybody. So anybody that'slooking to just get, you know, a
couple extra minutes, you know,would would probably get
(51:27):
something out this podcast,definitely recommended and to
speak again, to your goalsetting. I mean, once I started
this podcast, I had a bunch offriends asked me, you know,
like, how do I start a podcast?
What do I do, I gave them prettymuch the exact same information
that I gave you. You're so farthe only person to execute on
it, so you know, not edit. So itdoes take a lot of work. And
(51:48):
it's really scary and all thisstuff, you know, so this is
absolutely in no way any shadeto anybody else who asked me if
any of y'all are listening, I'mjust just to speak to you know,
when you when you want to dosomething, you do it so I'm so
I'm so happy for you that youwere able to kind of figure out
what was missing for your lifeand be able to create that for
yourself and create that spacewith all you mama and be able to
(52:10):
have that creative outlet to youknow, it's it's really cool.
Yeah, and I thank you for allyour help, because I was crazy
overwhelmed. And I was justlike, feeling like it shouldn't
be this difficult. Leo's gottaknow what's up. He'll help me
out.
Yeah, I'm happy to help. Youknow, we're definitely in
community together. And and II'm always happy to help. So
(52:33):
yeah, thank you. Thank you somuch. And I will talk to you
later. Thanks.
All right, once again, that wasMegan q Barrett. And once again,
happy birthday, Megan, I have afeeling that you're going to
listen to this on the day thatit comes out because we had such
(52:55):
a good conversation. And I know,I was really looking forward to
listening to it again, whileediting. And honestly, I want to
be a little bit real with y'all.
I think it's amazing how thetiming of this worked out. You
know, we talked about majorlifestyle changes and how they
can affect us and the anxietythat can come from them. You
know, I plan these releasesweeks and weeks in advance. And
(53:17):
I had no idea at the time thatthis would be the first episode
I edited in my new apartment,fresh off of a breakup. So yeah,
I have a lot of changes going onin my life, my anxiety has been
high. But you know, listening tothis, I feel like I've been
reminded, you know, just takecare of myself because, you
(53:38):
know, I don't want somethingthat is normally a strength to
kind of turn into somethingthat's going to tear me down.
And I think the more that we'rekind of aware of of who we are,
and what our strengths are andwhat our weaknesses are, you
know, the the easier it is toget ahead of those things. So
again, thank you, Megan, andthank you all for listening. I'm
(54:00):
so happy to have you all alongfor this journey. Have a great,
great week. Stay evolving.
Hello, and welcome to anotherepisode of the Leo Yockey show,
the podcast where i Leo Yockeyinterview guests about how their
unique life path led them todefine success and fulfillment.
The goal is to provide,honestly, all of us some relief
for our existential dread.
Because the answer is inside allof us, the more we listening to
other stories, the easier it isto define our own truth. Right?
(00:38):
Isn't that what life is allabout? Now, just a little bit of
housekeeping before I getstarted with the show. I said
last week that I'd have anannouncement and that I'd be on
tik tok more. None of that ishappening yet. I also mentioned
that I'm in the middle of amove. So I have a few things on
(00:59):
pause for the time being. I'mhoping to have some more updates
for y'all by next week. So thankyou for bearing with me. And to
that end, thank you forsupporting the show. Y'all are
leaving some amazing, heartfeltfive star reviews. And hello
again, to my listeners inCanada, France, and of course,
(01:19):
Tanzania, we are still rankingin all of those countries in
addition to the United States.
And as soon as I've settled downfrom this move, I'm going to be
bringing you a lot more stuff tomake this experience even
better. And spoiler alert, itinvolves you and your own
individual life stories. So I'mvery excited. I'm also excited
(01:44):
about today's guest, Megan qBarrett. I say it all the time.
There are parts of the humanexperience that are universal. I
think today's episode makes thatabundantly clear. I met Megan in
a book club and on the surface,we are very different. She is
you know, cisgendered a mom, Iam child free the transgender
(02:07):
man. But there's something thatfirst time mothers and
transgender people early on intheir transition have in common,
and that is a major sudden shiftin identity. Megan is a
podcaster, a business owner, acoach, a mom, and we talk about
all these things. Also, ifyou're listening to this on the
(02:30):
day that it comes out July 20check out Megan's Instagram and
wish her a happy birthday. Yes,today is her birthday. So Happy
birthday, Megan. And the link toher Instagram is in the show
notes. I believe it's Megan qBarrett. So without further ado,
here is the birthday girl Meganq Barrett.
(02:59):
Hey, Megan, how's it going? Howyou doing? I'm good. How are
you? I'm good. I'm good. It isit is 6:30am my time but you
know, we're here. We're chuggingalong. I usually wake up around
530 ish, but I'm usually notsocial yet. At this time. I
understand that. I understandthat. Thank you. Thank you for
making an exception for me.
Yeah, of course. Of course.
(03:21):
Yeah. You and another eitherguests, or I think probably
former guests of the show. Bythe time this comes out Mwamba
in Tanzania, you know, had towake up early for him because of
the extreme timezone difference.
Which I guess is the case here.
You're in? You're on the EastCoast somewhere, right? Yes, I'm
in North Carolina right outsideof Raleigh. Nice. Nice. Okay.
(03:41):
And, and from from NorthCarolina. I know you I feel like
you're a doer of many thingslike myself, but primarily, I
think a lot of your stuffcenters around your business.
All you Mama. So can youdescribe for the listeners what
that is? Exactly. Yeah. SoI started all you mama after I
had about with postpartumanxiety. And I was just kind of
(04:03):
like, in a deep, dark place inmy life at that point. And one
morning, I woke up and I waslike, You know what, I'm just
gonna get up five minutes beforemy kids and got up, had some
coffee had a little bit of timeto myself. And in less than a
week, I completely felt like adifferent person. And I was
(04:28):
like, you know, what, if thiscan change my life that much,
five minutes a day, it can helpso many other moms. Yeah. And so
that's where it started. Andit's just about helping moms to
put themselves as the priority.
You know, because you can't takecare of all the other crap and
(04:49):
all the other people in yourlife if you have nothing to
give, and I feel like a lot ofit has been glorified, that moms
are like the selfless People,you know, and if you give
everything to your kids and yourfamily and your work or whatever
it is, and you don't haveanything for yourself, then
you're really not giving allthat you can give, as well. So
(05:14):
it's all about taking care ofyourself so that you can fully
take care of the other peopleand things in your life.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
Yeah, I think that a lot of thestuff that you share on social
media, I love following onsocial media. And we'll, we'll
probably get into some of yoursocial media content in a second
because I love it. And I'mprobably gonna want to talk
about it. But but I love it.
(05:36):
Because I think a lot of whatyou talk about is is universal
and can apply to anyone. Butjust like he said, you know,
moms in general, are kind ofviewed as people who are
expected to be selfless. So allof the things that you talk
about, while they're universal,they're like so much more
magnified for people who havekids, for people who are moms.
(05:56):
And you said, So you said thatthis all started with, you know,
having postpartum anxiety. Andmaybe this is ignorance from
like me being a man and also notreally wanting kids, but I'd
only ever really heard ofpostpartum depression. I've
never heard of postpartumanxiety. So can you can you kind
of explained in more detail likewhat you were going through at
that time.
So I never had heard ofpostpartum anxiety, either. To
(06:18):
be totally honest with you, Iam much better. Thank you. Yeah,
no, I had no idea like I, Iobviously, I knew about
postpartum depression. And afriend of mine had actually
posted on Facebook, about herexperience with postpartum
anxiety. And I was like, Oh,hey, that kind of sounds like
me. I had no idea. This was likea thing. I thought. I really
(06:39):
just thought it was like momworries, right? Because Yeah,
once you have children, and youare like, solely responsible for
these little human lives, it'slike, you worry, like, you have
no choice but to worry. Butlike, I was staying up late at
night, basically planning like,if there was a fire in my house,
like, which child would I go sayfirst? How would I do it? How
(07:02):
would I like punch out thewindow, and I would just go down
these holes. And I alsoremember, right? When the
pandemic started, my husband waslike, I don't know, 10 minutes
late home from work. And so I'mlike, oh, he obviously just got
in a car accident. Okay,so no other option, no other
possibility.
And so I have a two year old anda five month old, and I'm like,
(07:24):
Okay, well, I have to bring thefive month old with me because
he's breastfeeding. But now I'mgonna have to bring him into a
hospital when there's COVID. Sowhat am I going to do with that?
I don't think I can drop themoff at the neighbors. So it's
like, I would have thesethoughts. That seemed like a
little bit crazy. But then Iwould go through these logical
steps. So like, I felt totallylogical, but like, a little bit
(07:47):
crazy. At the same time. Yeah.
And so I talked to my friend,and you know, she's like, I'm
obviously not a medicalprofessional, you should
probably go talk to your midwifeor ob and I did. And she said,
Yeah, I mean, that's what itsounds like. And this was about
three weeks before, of COVIDwent down. And I had decided at
(08:11):
the time, I didn't want to go onmedication. And I wanted to do
talk therapy. So I went abouttwo times before the world
shutdown. And then that didn'thappen. And I was home with my
kids and trying to find a timeto like dedicate an hour to
therapy was giving me moreanxiety, then you're not and so
(08:36):
around June, so maybe like fourmonths or so after I was
diagnosed, I decided to go onmedication. And it definitely
helped me and I think it was thebest choice for me at the time.
But then I kind of gotten thisit, I would take it at night, it
(08:59):
would make me really drowsy. Ibasically pass out and then wake
up when my son came in at seveno'clock in the morning,
complaining that he wanted milkand to watch Peppa Pig. So then
I basically just kind of it wasgreat because I was able to
sleep which I needed sleep, butI was just kind of using it to
Okay, Now's my time to likecheck out of the world. And
(09:20):
yeah, go to sleep, and then doit all over again tomorrow. And
I started drinking more too,which is not the best with that
medication. And I just I reallygot to this place where I didn't
like myself as a wife, as amother as a person. You know, I
(09:41):
was just stuck at home with twosmall children that aren't great
conversationalists and I justfelt really alone and really
isolated. And that was my way ofescaping with you know, social
media drinking and themedication. So, while it did
help me, there were other partsthat I contributed to, I have to
(10:05):
take that responsibility thatreally didn't help with the
medication. So, towards the endof 2020, when my son turned just
just a little over one, which Ihave to say, as a mother, when
your kids turn one, you kind ofstart feeling like a real human
again to okay. And I was justlike, you know, it was like, I
(10:29):
woke up, I can't even sayexactly what it was, it was just
like, I woke up one day, and Iwas like, This is it, like, I
can't do this, like, my kidsdeserve much better than this. I
deserve much better. My husbanddoes, like, I can't be doing
this shit. So that's when Istarted waking up early. And I
decided to wean off mymedication as well. And I'm now
back in therapy, which isamazing, which I highly suggest
(10:54):
for anybody, whether you havepostpartum anxiety, depression,
postpartum, whatever, whoeveryou are, yeah. has been a big
light in my life and making thattime for myself for that, too,
and just having someone to talkto you about those things. But
yeah, I mean, it was definitelyone of the darkest times in my
(11:17):
life, there's like a lot ofthings that I look back on. I
don't know if I'd say I regretthem. Because, you know, it
brought me to where I am now.
But it's, it's a lot of thingsthat I wasn't happy about. And
I'm not proud of, I wouldn'tchange it. Right, because they
all bring us here. And now. I'mfeeling much better, and I'm
(11:40):
able to help a lot of people.
But you know, at the time, Idefinitely think all the people
in my life deserve a lot betterfrom me.
Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you,thank you for for sharing that
in in such detail. I thinkyou've touched on a lot of
really, really interestingthings. I'm going to bring it
back to, you know, when you werefirst kind of going through that
(12:01):
spiral when your husband waslate from work, and now you're
like worried that your child isgoing to have COVID, because you
will have to go to the hospital.
You said something that I thinkwas was so key said you felt
like you were kind of goingthrough the step by step like,
Okay, well, I'm gonna have to dothis, which will cause that, and
then this, and you said, Youfelt totally logical, and
totally crazy. And I think youtouched on something really
(12:26):
important, which is that, youknow, every trait that we have,
as people has kind of like agood and a bad side, or a dark
and a light side, you know,like, You're, you're kicking
into that high gear of like,Well, what about this? And then
that? And then what if thishappens? And which kid do I
bring in? And what about COVIDexposure? And how am I going to
handle that? You know, this iskind of like, being able to set
(12:48):
goals turned into a monster.
Right? Yeah, very goal orientedperson. I do that all the time.
Yeah, absolutely. And so andkind of the same thing with the,
with your decision to takemedication, because you said
something that I think is truefor a lot of people, which is
that finding the time to toactually go and be able to see
(13:12):
that therapist sometimes createsmore anxiety than you had
before. And, you know, so atthat time, that medication
served a very important purposefor you. Because if you couldn't
do therapy or medication, wherewould you be? And of course, the
downside was that it made it alittle bit easier to slip into
more unhealthy habits, likedrinking and being on social
(13:35):
media too much, you know, but itdefinitely served its purpose at
one point, you know, and so itreally kind of speaks to the
complexity of a lot of thesethings. Like it's not just black
and white all the time. You knowwhat I mean? So you were a
personal trainer, or like aCrossFit coach, before starting
all you, Mama, was thatsomething that you had stopped
(13:58):
at the point that you were inyour postpartum anxiety? Were
you no longer doing that at thattime, or at least taking a break
from it to kind of be onmaternity leave at that time?
Yes. SoI took a break from pretty much
everything. When my oldest wasabout six months old, because I
just kind of felt like I washalf assing everything in my
life. Like I was kind of halfass and being a coach, my health
(14:21):
coaching business, being a mombeing a wife, and I just didn't,
I wasn't able to focus on anyone thing. So at that time, I
decided, Okay, I'm going tofocus on being a mom, and I'm
just going to be the best momthat I can be. And so I stepped
away from the coaching my healthcoaching business, as well as
(14:41):
another part time job that I hadto be fully a mom and it was
really scary. And I was excitedto do it. And then you know, I
get a few months in and I'mlike, Okay, now I feel like I
need to do something else. Ineed to do something more. Yeah,
I need to do something formyself, really, I need to find
(15:02):
something for me. And I tried afew other things like here and
there. And I would always startthem and then quit them and keep
going back. And then what weresome of the things you tried? I
did as as many stay at home momsdo, I did an MLM or network
marketing, whatever you want tocall it, which I mean, I don't,
I don't hate them. If you it'skind of like any business, if
(15:25):
you really work on it, you canbe super successful in it. But
the majority of people are not.
I did okay in it. But in theend, what it really taught me
was it actually really taught meto bring me back to my
businesses that I wanted to havefull control over whatever my
product or service is, you know,and in network marketing, you
(15:47):
don't you're selling thisproduct, but I have, I have no
control over the price, how it'smade, things like that. So when
I started my business, I waslike, Okay, this is this is me,
this is fully in my control, Ican make it what I want it to
be. So that was an experiencethat like really brought me back
to like, okay, that's what Iwant to do. I want my business
(16:09):
and I want to do things my way.
Yeah, yeah, I think that's,that's really interesting. You
said, you're half asking I have,I have a little Funko Pop that I
keep on my desk of Ron Swanson.
And, quote of his that I reallylike is don't don't half ass two
things whole last one thing.
(16:30):
Yes. But I think that's, that'sreally interesting, because you
are a very goal oriented person.
And I know like, you've alwaysbeen involved in sports, like
you just posted this morning onInstagram, something about you
know, playing softball, allthrough school, and, and even as
an adult, and you were apersonal trainer, and a coach,
and you're doing all thesethings. And then you know, kind
(16:51):
of realizing that you were like,not able to, to do everything to
the full capacity you wanted to,instead of at that point, kind
of figuring out the things thatyou're now encouraging your
clients to deal with all youMama, you just suddenly stopped
everything. And so I wonder ifsome of that postpartum anxiety
(17:11):
was, you know, obviously, a lotof the the specifics of your
anxiety came about, like, whatdo I do with my kids, but I
wonder if some of it also waslike, just because you were not
living your truth. Because yourtruth is that you have this like
big, full, expansive life whereyou're doing a lot of things in
and, you know, you want to beable to both raise kids that are
(17:35):
gonna be able to change theworld and change the world
yourself. And I'll just get tothat in a minute, too. But it
seems like, you know, this is atheme a lot with a lot of
people, it's like, we have tokind of know who we are, know
what we want. And it seems likethis was kind of all part of
your journey to figuring thatout. Right? Because even if you
hadn't, I don't know if that wasalso the case, as a coach, where
(17:56):
you were like, working withinlike some sort of like gym or
program where you kind of had toto follow their, their course.
But it seems like you know, kindof from taking that step back,
you were at least able to figureout more like what it was that
you want to do what it was thatyou do and don't like about
about, you know, running thesedifferent types of businesses to
kind of get you to where you'reat with, with all you Mama.
(18:20):
Yeah, I think I mean, I feellike all moms have an identity
crisis at some point, because itis so quickly that your life
changes, right. You know, likewhen you're pregnant and stuff,
it's like you can imagine it andthen all of a sudden, that baby
comes here. And life is totallydifferent. Like you, there's
(18:41):
just no way you can take all theclasses, you can talk to all the
people, but there's just reallyno way to prepare for it. And
it's funny, because I hadtotally forgotten about this
until I even started my company.
It's funny how like, things comeback up. And like, you know, the
world is all interconnected. ButI actually so I grew up in my
mom was a full time working mom.
(19:04):
And most of the females I grewup around, were all full time
working moms. And so I justassumed that's what I would do,
because that's what I saw.
That's what I grew up with. Andin college, we had to write my
freshman year, we had to writean argumentative paper. And my
argument was actually on whetherI wanted to be a stay at home
mom or a working mom. And in theend, I wanted to be a stay at
(19:30):
home mom, because I felt like Ireally wanted to be there for my
kids. I wanted to go to all thesports games and I I just wanted
to be there. And you know, it'slike we kind of either mirror
what our our parents did, or wewant to go the way opposite end
of the spectrum. And that's whatI felt I wanted to do. And then
(19:54):
when I was in that position, Iwas like wait, I don't know if
this What I want to doYeah, sometimes we have to
experience it. I was talking toone of my friends about this
recently, Laura actually, she'sin the she's in the book club
too, because she, you know, wewere saying like, you know, we
can't think our way into asolution or think our way
(20:15):
entirely into what we want to bebecause yeah, like being a stay
at home mom sounded great intheory. And then once you're in
it, your body, like revolted,you know, you're it said no, and
it created all this anxiety andand it just straight up just
didn't work for you. So, yeah,that's a that's a great segue.
Can you kind of speak to whatyou were saying before? I know
(20:37):
this was a quote, or not aquote, I guess, I don't know
what you want to call it asnippet from your podcast,
Mama's daily dose, you saidsomething like, I yeah, it man,
you're gonna butcher you just gointo a you know, I know,
I know exactly what you'retalking about. So I actually, I
(20:58):
heard this quote, even before Ihad children, and I thought it
was like, this really beautifulquote, it was something along
the lines of, I may not be ableto change the world, but I can
raise kids that can. And I waslike, okay, you know, what,
like, maybe that is not mypurpose on this earth is to
(21:19):
change the world, maybe mypurpose is to raise kids that
will do that. And when I firststarted staying home with my
son, it was like, okay, like,that's what I'm going to do, I'm
going to pour myself into mychild, and I'm going to do the
best that I can to raise him.
And he can go out and change theworld. And I really, truly
believe that for a while. Andthen I was like, dude, like, EFF
that, like, if I raised the bar,right, if I can change the
(21:45):
world, I've raised the bar. Andnow my children can change the
world and raise the bar evenmore. And on top of that, like,
they see, you can say all youwant to kids, but it's really
what you do. Right? So if mykids see me, like working hard,
and trying to help people andand essentially change the
(22:07):
world, then they're going tomimic that to you know, I was
just like, that's not the way itis, it's not do what I say it's
like, right, what I do. So letme be the example. And then I'm
going to raise the bar for you.
And then you go out there andyou want to up me, essentially,
yeah, I love that. And I think,you know, kind of kind of
(22:30):
bringing everything back, youknow, doing either by itself
takes a lot, right, likechanging the world Diem, leaving
a significant mark on the world,or raising kids, you know, that
that leaves the house witheverything that they need to be
able to do that themselves. Bothof those are very big task, very
big undertakings, and anotherformer guest of the show,
(22:53):
Marshall, whew, you know, he isdoing a lot of different stuff,
he's involved in a lot ofactivism, he's probably one of
the busiest people that I know.
And he talks so much about theimportance of his self care
routine, and his self careroutine, you know, takes up, you
know, hours every single day,you know, because he's going out
into the world. And he's, he's,you know, he's giving a lot of
(23:15):
his energy, he's receiving a lotof other people's energy,
because he's on a stage and he'sin front of the public a lot and
stuff like that. And, you know,kind of going back to what you
were saying earlier with, withyour medication and stuff like
that, and how all those thingswere kind of compounding, it's
like, to be able to kind of doall of these things, it's like
(23:36):
one, you have to know exactlywhat it is that you want to do,
which, you know, you were kindof on your journey to figuring
out and, and really landed onsomething that I think, you
know, from everything thatyou're saying it sounds like it
really hits like everythingperfectly perfectly for you.
This all you mama business, butit definitely also asks so much
more of you than just, you know,raising your kids and and again,
(23:59):
you know, all the power toanybody who raises kids at all.
But to do more than that toquote unquote, want to have it
all basically, you know, thereare certain trade offs and want
to you know, in some of that is,you know, really being mindful
about that, about that time, youknow, to take for yourself, and
it's so early.
(24:26):
I get where you're going. And Imean, like, I make sure that the
end, the big thing that I tellevery mom that I meet is wake up
before your children, like yes,start the day off on your terms.
And my biggest thing, especiallywhen you have children is start
(24:47):
small. Like I tell, I tell moms,I'm like wake up two minutes
early. You know, just go take acouple sips of hot coffee by
yourself. And you can slowlymove that back like when I
started You know, back inDecember, I was waking up five
minutes before my kids. And thatwas it. And I've slowly moved it
forward and forward, and I havemy own routine, you know, like,
(25:10):
I drink my coffee, I write downmy goals, I meditate I journal,
I need that time for myself tokind of Zen myself out, and get
ready for the chaos of my kidsthe rest of the day. And I know
a lot of moms that I've talkedto, would wait until the evening
(25:30):
time to get their me time. Andby that time, you're drained and
you have no patience throughoutthe day, like, a lot of times
what I talked about is like,losing your shit on your kids,
because that happens. Becauseall these little things compound
and then all of a sudden, it'slike, because you haven't taken
(25:50):
that time for yourself, and youaren't caring for yourself, like
you said, with your friend, liketaking all that other energy in
and giving energy. You know,that's what, like, kids like,
you can't you can't blame them.
my four year old does not knowhow to regulate his emotions,
right? I'm, I'm still learninghow to regulate my emotions.
(26:11):
But never learned.
Right? Yeah, I'm like justlearning starting this year. So
I'm only like, what six monthsin. So you know, so I have to be
able to like distance, hisemotions from mine, be there for
him, but not take that into,which can be extremely,
extremely difficult. And, youknow, it's just an I mean, I
(26:36):
have, I have an awesome supportsystem. And that's what anybody
needs, whether you're a mom ornot I talk about this is coming
up in my podcast, I think in it.
And very soon, I talked aboutone of the best investments that
I've made, is a regularbabysitter. Yeah, I have a
babysitter come every Mondayafternoon. And just having that
guaranteed time to myself, likeI can work on my business, I can
(26:59):
get stuff done around the house,I can just sit there. And like
look at my phone, I couldliterally just sit there and
stare at the wall for a while.
But I have some guaranteed timeto myself. And I feel like a lot
of moms feel guilty about thattaking, like taking time away
(27:22):
from their kids. But what Ithink is more important than and
if COVID and all that stuff istaught us everything is not the
time that you spend with yourkids. But the quality. I mean,
that sounds so cliche, but it'strue. Like I would rather spend
five minutes uninterrupted withmy kids put the phone in another
room and focus on them, then sitin that room on my phone for an
(27:47):
hour, I'm not really with them.
Yeah. And that's so much of whatwe do not even just with our
kids, but with other people ingeneral. So if I get that time
to recharge those two hours,then I am ready to put
everything else away and focusback on my kids. So anytime that
you can take for yourselves. AndI know that not all moms are
(28:10):
like in a situation where theycan hire a babysitter. But
there's so many ways you can getcreative about it. Do you have
friends? Do you have familynearby? Do you have another mom
with kids that one week, you cantake their kids and then the
next week, they take your kidsso you guys both get it, you
know? So I just other than thewaking up five minutes early,
like seriously one of the bestinvestments that I've made, and
(28:34):
it's not just paying out moneythat is seriously an investment,
that's an investment inyourself, to make yourself
better and to keep yourselfsane.
And in all reality.
Yeah. And I think that's such animportant point that you touched
on there. At the end, it's youknow, you don't, it's not
(28:55):
necessarily that you have tohire a babysitter as much as it
is that you just need to figureout what that support looks like
for for you. if if if you knowif you're financially strapped
or whatever the case may be. AndI think in general, it's like
being able to kind of thinkoutside the box and think what
do I need? Because I rememberwhen I first saw on social media
that you hire a babysitter oncea week, I was like, Wow, I've
(29:18):
I've never heard of that before.
But that totally makes sense.
Like I can see how just a fewhours a week could make a huge
difference. You know, and it's,I'm kind of blown away by how
many similarities I'm seeingbetween, you know, the, the life
of a mother and especially a newmother with younger kids, to you
know, some of the experiencesthat I've had in my life or my
(29:39):
friends have had in my life, youknow, like that sudden change,
where all of a sudden your lifeis completely different. Your
identity is completelydifferent, is something that I
can actually relate to, frombeing transgender. And, you
know, before you know, longbefore I transitioned, you know,
I was this like super butchlesbian, and people could look
at me and clock Me and Me As amember of the LGBT community,
(30:02):
and it was like, almostovernight, that was removed, you
know what I mean? And I was, youknow, I found myself having to
really kind of figure out who,who I am and who I want to be,
you know, navigating this worldas a man. And it does create a
lot of that, like, sudden, youknow, like, anxiety, and
sometimes even depression, eventhough these are good things,
(30:23):
you know, becoming a mother isthis great, wonderful thing,
being able to live your truth isthis great, wonderful thing. And
sometimes it still comes withwith, you know, these mental
health issues, just becausechange, change creates a lot of
change, and change is scary, andchange brings about a lot of
unknown and makes us really haveto face ourselves. And, and,
(30:44):
again, he had the way that youtalk about the importance of
taking care of yourself in themorning, as opposed to at night,
which, by the way, I'm sure as amother at night, you know, you
might have like a kid, that'sall of a sudden sick or can't
sleep or something, he knows, Ifeel like there's less of a
guarantee that that time is evengoing to be available for you at
night versus during the morning.
And I just have like, no focus,but by the end of the day, it's
(31:05):
like, my brain is just mush.
Yeah, but then you're probablyjust like, you know, EFF it, I'm
just gonna go to bed. And that,you know, and, and just sleeping
isn't quite the same as havingtime to, like, really fill your
cup. And, and again, you know,that was something that that
Marshall and I talked about, andhe told me about his, you know,
(31:26):
wake and create, we're for thefirst two hours, his phones on
airplane mode, and he's, youknow, working on writing a song.
And he's kind of inspired me todo the same thing like with my
comedy and stuff. And it's somuch easier to have that taken
care of in the beginning of theday, because once everybody has
kind of taken, you know, onceI've given my energy to other
(31:46):
people, I have so much less formyself. But if I start with
giving energy to myself andfilling up that cup, I have so
much more energy and like yousaid, it's like that even the
five minutes with your kidsversus an hour is going to
actually feel like so much morebecause you're fully engaged,
versus being you know,disengaged, and just kind of
(32:06):
going through the motions. Ithink that's really cool. I have
a question that was so with thebabysitter thing is this. Is
this specifically supposed to beseparate from any kind of like,
date night with your partner?
Yeah, sowe have a babysitter or my mom.
Luckily, my mom lives nearby tothat comes and you know, we'll
(32:27):
do date nights or actually sohere's another mom hack here. So
we don't do date nights anymore.
Because you know what? Our kidsgo to sleep at seven so I'm
like, why are we paying someoneto sit at our house while our
kids are asleep? So we go onlike day dates we go at like 3pm
so when my youngest son likewakes up from his nap the
(32:48):
babysitter's they feed themdinner, they give him a bath, we
come back, tuck them in for bed,and then what? And then we got
some more time to ourselves.
Yeah, that's brilliant. Again,there's that creativity again
and figuring out what do I want?
How can I How can I maximizethis and then for the kids. I
remember when I was a kid, itwas so much fun when they were
babysitters. You know, they werebabysitters that I love so it's
(33:08):
like it's exciting for them toit's not like it's not like
you're like abandoning them oranything? Yeah, exactly.
So that's it. So that's like mylittle bomb hack. And just we my
husband, I like to try out likenew things instead of just going
out to eat for dinner. So duringthe day, you know, we tried, we
went golfing, possibly donebatting cages, things like that.
(33:32):
We're also we're pretty athletictoo. So we'd like those things
too.
Yeah, that's really cool. I lovethat. And I also love to like
the Start small thing, becauseit can feel like a lot to
actually kind of goes back tothings changing quickly. You
know, it's like, again, positivechanges can also be overwhelming
and to feel like, you know, ohmy god, I have to wake up an
(33:52):
hour before my kids. How am Igoing to do that? How am I going
to do it feels almostimpossible, but waking up just a
couple minutes before, you know,listen to something, you know,
read read a little snippet ofsomething inspirational. Maybe
listen to Mama's daily dose onyour favorite podcast app. but
preferably Apple you know, likethere's just little little
(34:15):
things that that can be donethat it almost feels like hokey.
When you when you when you'rewhen you haven't done it yet.
It's like two minutes reallylike outside. That's not going
to make a difference. And it'sit's really surprising. You said
that you started waking up fiveminutes before your kids. And
you started to feel the effectsin less than a week. Yeah, I
mean, five minutes. Anybody cando that anybody can start waking
(34:38):
up five minutes earlier rightnow without having a major
change in like their energylevels and things like that. And
it is really cool to kind of seehow those incremental steps kind
of make a difference. And in thesame way that you know, like
social media has a way ofpulling us in right like we go
on to like, send a DM to ourfriend to confirm plans and then
(35:01):
an hour later, you're like, whyam I watching this reel of like
a dog doing backflips? You know?
Like, why was I even on here andyou close the app and you
haven't even sent the DM to yourfriend. And so you have to do it
all over again later. And Ithink that the same thing can
kind of happen, it's slower,right, because there's not like
algorithms that are playing withhow our brain works. But it does
(35:21):
kind of work in the same way,where once you get really into a
routine, because I actually dothe same thing. I started waking
up only, like, you know, 30minutes extra, you know, and
then it went to 45 minutes, andthen an hour and so on. And now
I'm like regularly waking up atlike, 530 in the morning, even
though I rarely have anythingthat starts before like 8am. And
the reason why is because I gotso into what I was doing, you
(35:46):
know, at first it was justgetting up to meditate, then it
was getting up to meditate andjournal, then it was getting up
to meditate and journal andread. And then I got really
hooked into reading. And now I'mlike, I want to find and I am
very intentional about what I'llread first thing in the morning,
because I'll read a lot of stuffthat, you know, kind of covers
some some, like unhappiertopics, you know, kind of going
(36:08):
into darker moments in historyand stuff like that. I don't
read those first thing in themorning, you know, I'll read,
I'll read stuff that makes mefeel like inspired. I'll read
you know, memoirs from athletesbecause I, I don't have a huge
history of sports in my past,but I also feel like I really
relate to the athletes mindset.
So I love reading aboutathletes, I love reading stuff
(36:30):
about you know, likespirituality and things like
that anything that we're readingin Book Club, you know, I can, I
can feel comfortable reading inthe morning, because those are
all personal development books.
And it gets the point where it'salmost like a switch happens.
And I'm like, starting to feellike I don't even want to go on
social media, I don't even wantto spend an hour reading you
(36:52):
just like there's a differencebetween staying informed and
saying consumed with the news,right? You know, it's like, and
I don't want to cross that lineover into being consumed
anymore. And it takes it takes awhile, right? Because we there's
all these ways that the dopaminegets released when we're on
these apps. And and it takes awhile to almost like wean off of
that. But it is truly amazing.
(37:15):
Like how how little it takestruly to be able to start that.
Yeah, I've done I have a programthat's five, five minutes to
patient's presence and power.
And that's exactly what it is.
And I say, right in there, it'slike, turn your alarm off, and
then put your phone in adifferent room. You know,
(37:37):
because as soon as you open itup like that, five minutes is
gone. And then so what was thewhat was the point of that?
Right? So being intentional withthat time, kind of like, you
know, with spending time withpeople, it's really about being
more intentional than the actualamount of time on there. Because
it can make the biggestdifference in your life waking
(38:00):
up five minutes early, and beingintentional with that time. Or
you can wake up five minutesearly and you get sucked into
Instagram, or whatever and thenwhat was it worth it? You know,
seeing the dog do a backflip? Idon't think that's really going
to change your life.
Right exactly. And speaking ofsocial media now that we've told
(38:22):
everybody to leave social medialet's talk about your social
media. My Instagram I find yourreels very funny you sometimes
involve your kids you sometimesdon't but they're they're
usually you know I would almostcall it like a real look into
parenting right because you'reyou're showing like the the less
(38:42):
than glamorous side but in areally fun, even comedic way.
Like I'll say right here on therecord I invited you to my to my
stand up comedy class right nowbecause I I truly think that you
have like, Great comedic timinggreat comedic instincts and it
comes out on your on your socialmedia a lot. So I'm so curious
as to like, what, what kind ofinspired you to start doing
(39:05):
that, like did you did you haveexperience doing creative stuff
in in the past that you know,and this is kind of like a new
outlet for you? Or did this kindof just come out of nowhere once
you got on to social? Yeah,well, that's actually really
funny because I never reallyconsidered myself like, a
creative or artistic kind ofperson. I quit every instrument
(39:28):
I tried. I I commissioned otherpeople to do my art homework in
high school. Like I was justlike, you know, I'm, I'm like
the sporty person. I'm just notlike really a creative person,
whatever, it's not me. And thenI just started making these
videos and I'm like, Oh my gosh,like this is really fun. And I'm
(39:49):
like, oh, like this is mycreative outlet. And you know,
it's just it's a fun way for meto be creative and It really is.
I had I had somebody asked methey're like, Where do you come
up with all these ideas? And Iwas like, this, this is my life.
Yeah. I was like, This isseriously my life, I just, I
(40:12):
have a running tab on my phone,like a notes of just like, when
ideas come to me, I was like,oh, that would make a great
video that would make a greatvideo. And so I just keep a list
of them, and then go through andstart making some videos. But
essentially, it is my life. AndI mean, I want to showcase that,
(40:32):
you know, obviously, being amother is like, really fun.
Yeah, it's super difficult. And,you know, I'm extremely grateful
for it. But I think there's beenthe stigma on, you know, you
just, you have to be gratefulthat you have these children.
You know, it could be tough, butyou know, just gloss over that.
(40:53):
And that can be, you know, thatcan like really tear a person
down. Because then you feelalone, you're like, Oh, my gosh,
is this supposed to be the wayit is? And gaslighting? Yeah. Am
I supposed to feel this way. Andwhat I found in the almost four
years that I've been a mother islike, moms do this to each other
(41:16):
all the time. You know, like alot of women that have older
children or like come up to youand be like, oh, cherish these
days, you're gonna miss them.
And you're like, Ihaven't slept in days. Yeah, am
I really gonna miss that?
Exactly. And well, that'stotally true. It is. And I get
it, it also puts this pressureon moms to like, I have to enjoy
(41:40):
every single second ofmotherhood. Because it is
fleeting, right in, in the grandscheme of things, essentially,
your kids are with you for 18years, a friend of mine put it
one way that she's like, She'slike, I have 18 summers with my
kids. And I want to make themworth it. And now that her kids
(42:01):
are teenagers, she puts it like,I have three summers left with
my kids. And you're like, wow,like that really isn't like, if
you think about three summers,that's really not that long of a
time. Not at all. But you know,it's okay to not like parts of
motherhood, it's okay to saythis is really crappy. And this
(42:22):
is really hard. Becauseessentially, that's what makes
the good times better to write.
But I don't think we need to sitthere and just forget about
them, you know, we need to bringthem to spotlight and the best
way to be okay with it is tobring it out right shame like
lives in the darkness. Yeah, Ijust talked about this on, I
(42:42):
think on one of my podcasts,too, is that so I'm just if you
look at my social media, I am asuper open person. But with
postpartum anxiety, I didn't sayanything until, like 10 months,
for 10 months, I didn't mentionanything about postpartum
anxiety. I had friends in reallife that I talked to about it,
(43:04):
but they were very, very few.
And so I felt bad about it. Ifelt like it was something I had
to hide. And then when I cameout, and I brought it to light,
it's like It Wasn't this heavything anymore. Yeah. So and I'm
(43:25):
sure you can relate to that,too. I'm sure everyone has
something like that, that theycan relate to, that you held on
to for so long, and didn't tellanybody. And as soon as you told
somebody, it's like this hugerelease, that's like, okay,
yeah, that really wasn'tthat bad. Yeah, exactly. And,
you know, all of this kind ofcomes full circle again, right?
Because, you know, your, yourpostpartum anxiety in a lot of
(43:47):
ways was kind of the, the darkside or, or maybe we'll see a
potential side effect of youbeing a very driven very goal
oriented person. And, and Iwould say even, like, being used
to probably having like, adegree of control over your
life, that that motherhood tookaway on multiple levels, right,
you know, and, you know, like,literally having less time in
(44:11):
your day, and, you know, having,having, you know, these people
that you know, you can only helpthem so much, and then they're
kind of off on their own, youknow, and, and so this kind of
comes out, but overall, youknow, being a very goal oriented
person is a positive trait and agood trait. And it allows you
to, you know, like, live thislife that you love and, and be
able to do both, you know,change the world and raise kids
(44:33):
that are changing the world. Andthat's kind of the same thing
here. You know, that kind ofturned into the theme of all you
mama is that, you know, yes,cherish these moments, but also,
you know, acknowledge that it'snot all rainbows and
butterflies, and that there arehard times in that it's totally
normal. This is totally human.
(44:53):
And hey, you're not alone, andyou're essentially paying
forward. What that friend didfor you. When she shared on
Facebook about her postpartumanxiety before you even knew
that it was a thing. I thinkthat's, that's wonderful.
And I have to say, when I sharedabout my postpartum anxiety,
like, it was amazing, the amountof women that came out and said,
(45:17):
like, Hey, I had experiencedsomething like that, or I am
experiencing something likethis. And I would always direct
people to a medicalprofessional, but sometimes you
just need someone to tell or youneed someone to talk to about
it.
And someone who gets it and hasbeen their personality. And
(45:37):
that's what we need to do.
And that's really what I wantedto create with all you mama is
just like this place to shareour experiences, and connect
with one another because being amom can be super, super
isolating, even though you'resurrounded by people all day.
Yeah. And I, I would you know, Ido like the mom things I go to
(46:02):
storytime I'd go to theplaydates and things like that.
But I just didn't feel superconnected to a lot of the people
that I was around. And so I leftand I felt isolated. After being
with people all day, I'm stilllike, Why do I feel so alone?
And I needed that deeperconnection that deeper shared
(46:24):
experiences, beyond just like,how my kid is pooping and
sleeping. Right? You know, like,I wanted to talk about myself.
Yeah, I like I haven't neededto, I have a name to like, it's
not just Mom, you know, and youhave a name too. I'm not just
Anderson and Saxons mom, becausethat's what you end up being
(46:45):
when you hang around a bunch ofother kids. It's like Anderson's
mom. Well, I'm no longer Megan.
Yeah, and I just wanted tocreate that space for moms.
Because especially when yourkids are younger, it's just
like, you can lose who you are.
And it's okay. It's okay to losewho you are. But it's also okay
(47:05):
to want to find out who you are,and to watch or create someone
that you are outside of being amom.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
And you know, so if you're, ifyou're a mother out there, and
you're listening to this, andany of this is striking a chord
for you, you know, all you mamais a great resource. If you are
not a mom, and you're still kindof recognizing you know that
(47:29):
that need to, you're stillfeeling like you're not being
heard or acknowledged forsomething that you're going
through, you know, I reallychallenge you to figure out you
know, what, what that part ofyou is, that's, that's aching
and find those people who havebeen through the same thing,
whether it has to do with youridentity in relationship to your
(47:49):
parents, or your job, or yourgender, or, you know, whatever
the case may be, you know, onceyou find those people and you're
able to share in, you know, in asafe space where people get it,
and can say, hey, me, too, youknow that there's a lot of
healing that can happen there.
And from there, you know,whatever it is that you want to
(48:10):
do with your life, it justbecomes so much more feasible.
Right? So, Megan, thank you somuch for coming on. I think
that's about all the time thatwe have. Do you have anything
else that you'd be remiss if youif you didn't include this in
there? I will sayon what you just said, too, is
it's like, you know, find yourpeople find your place where you
can share those experiences. Andyou know, what, if it doesn't
(48:33):
exist, create it? Yeah, yes. Andpeople, and people will come
because that's how I feltthere's a ton of mom groups out
there, but not mom groups thatfocus on the moms. And so I'm
like, Alright, well, let mecreate it. So if if you're
yearning for something, and youdon't find it, like, create it,
and I promise you that peoplewill come.
(48:56):
Yes, 100% thank you so much forincluding that and that's true,
you know, you did it. Anotherguest of the show, I'm not sure
if she's going to be on beforeor after you but Valerie
Phoenix, you know, did somethingvery similar in the in the tech
space, and creating a place forbasically anybody that's not
like a cisgender white man, youknow, to be able to get both
(49:17):
resources and community supportto both get and stay in tech,
you know, and so, there, there'sabsolutely a way to do that.
And, you know, one thing that Ilike to it's, you know, these
support groups, these meetings,these, these, these connections,
it's anytime there's a gatheringof two or more people, you know,
it really can start with justyou and a friend and grow from
(49:40):
there. It doesn't have to bethis big thing. Start small. As
we as you said, right. I lovethat. Megan, thank you so much
for coming on. This is a greatconversation. I'm glad that the
zoom Gods weren't too horribleto you got 1.0 It's okay. Like I
said, my internet has been anightmare too. Yeah, where?
(50:01):
Where can people find you?
Check me out. Check me out onInstagram at Meghan q Barrett.
And that's Megan with an H. Andthen there's the links to
everything through Instagram.
And you can check out some ofthe videos to.
Yeah, and definitely if you'reif you're looking for, you know,
(50:22):
just small, a small Daily Doseof Inspiration, you got your
mama's daily dose podcast, too.
Yes. So speaking on that, youknow, starting off small. I
mean, all moms are short ontime. So I was like, how can I
make this the most effectivething and I make daily two to
three minute podcasts, focusedon moms with young children,
(50:45):
some inspiration, motivation,and then also just some humorous
stories that all moms can relateto. So that's mom, his daily
dose?
Yeah, it's great. And I'velistened to it, it definitely
has, like I said, I think a lotof what you say a lot of your
message, it's definitely you'redefinitely speaking to mothers,
you know, so a lot of what yousay, you know, you're always
saying you like, like, we gotthis right, mamas, you know,
(51:07):
like, probably not that exactly,but you're always addressing the
mothers in the room. But, youknow, the message behind it is
always I think, very universal,maybe especially relevant to
mothers, but, but definitelysome some relevance to
everybody. So anybody that'slooking to just get, you know, a
couple extra minutes, you know,would would probably get
(51:27):
something out this podcast,definitely recommended and to
speak again, to your goalsetting. I mean, once I started
this podcast, I had a bunch offriends asked me, you know,
like, how do I start a podcast?
What do I do, I gave them prettymuch the exact same information
that I gave you. You're so farthe only person to execute on
it, so you know, not edit. So itdoes take a lot of work. And
(51:48):
it's really scary and all thisstuff, you know, so this is
absolutely in no way any shadeto anybody else who asked me if
any of y'all are listening, I'mjust just to speak to you know,
when you when you want to dosomething, you do it so I'm so
I'm so happy for you that youwere able to kind of figure out
what was missing for your lifeand be able to create that for
yourself and create that spacewith all you mama and be able to
(52:10):
have that creative outlet to youknow, it's it's really cool.
Yeah, and I thank you for allyour help, because I was crazy
overwhelmed. And I was justlike, feeling like it shouldn't
be this difficult. Leo's gottaknow what's up. He'll help me
out.
Yeah, I'm happy to help. Youknow, we're definitely in
community together. And and II'm always happy to help. So
(52:33):
yeah, thank you. Thank you somuch. And I will talk to you
later. Thanks.
All right, once again, that wasMegan q Barrett. And once again,
happy birthday, Megan, I have afeeling that you're going to
listen to this on the day thatit comes out because we had such
(52:55):
a good conversation. And I know,I was really looking forward to
listening to it again, whileediting. And honestly, I want to
be a little bit real with y'all.
I think it's amazing how thetiming of this worked out. You
know, we talked about majorlifestyle changes and how they
can affect us and the anxietythat can come from them. You
know, I plan these releasesweeks and weeks in advance. And
(53:17):
I had no idea at the time thatthis would be the first episode
I edited in my new apartment,fresh off of a breakup. So yeah,
I have a lot of changes going onin my life, my anxiety has been
high. But you know, listening tothis, I feel like I've been
reminded, you know, just takecare of myself because, you
(53:38):
know, I don't want somethingthat is normally a strength to
kind of turn into somethingthat's going to tear me down.
And I think the more that we'rekind of aware of of who we are,
and what our strengths are andwhat our weaknesses are, you
know, the the easier it is toget ahead of those things. So
again, thank you, Megan, andthank you all for listening. I'm
(54:00):
so happy to have you all alongfor this journey. Have a great,
great week. Stay evolving.
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