October 19, 2021 • 45 mins
Leo interviews musical artist TRISHES about her upcoming album, The Id. They also discuss morality, zero sum politics, and their unique positions between privilege and oppression.
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Album release show 10/25 in Hollywood:
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By: Leo Yockey
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
Hello, and welcome to anotherepisode of the Leo Yockey show,
the podcast where i Leo Yockeyinterview guests about the
universal truths in their uniquelife path. Okay, I know I say
this every week, but I am reallyexcited about this week's
guests. I, I say it in theinterview a few times, but I
(00:36):
have to try not to be a fanboyhere. You know, one of the
really cool things about havingthis podcast is just being able
to meet and talk to people who Ithink are doing really cool
things. Honestly, it's one ofthe benefits of being involved
in my community to the artiststhat I'm interviewing today.
Trish is she's a musician. She'sgot a really great message
(00:59):
behind a lot of her work. And Imet her through the nonprofit
that I work with no homeAlliance, an organization that
provides services to theunhoused in my neighborhood, and
in our neighborhood. That'swhere I met Trish she does all
of the Instagram reels for forour account, which is a lot of
fun. Anyway, if you enjoy thispodcast, I know that you would
(01:22):
enjoy Patricia's music, go andcheck it out. And her she
actually has an album coming outthis Friday. And if you're
listening to this before Monday,October 25 and you're in the LA
area Trisha is is having arelease an album release Show.
I'm going to be there it's atthe hotel cafe in Hollywood
(01:43):
there's a link for that in theshow notes as well and if you're
listening to this after go andcheck out that link anyway
because it's just a link to herupcoming live shows on her
website so anything that she mayhave going on in the future I
assume would also be there.
Anyway I'm really excited aboutthis I also have another meeting
coming up in three minutes Idon't know why I'm trying to
record this right now I'm beingchaotic anyway. Trisha is is
(02:05):
great, you're gonna love hermusic you're gonna love this
interview. So let's get into it.
All right, Trish, here we go.
You ready? How's it going?
I'm ready. I'm good. Thank youfor having me.
(02:26):
Oh, thank you so much for comingon. I feel I feel a little bit
for the first time sincestarting this podcast that I got
to like make sure that I don'tventure into like fanboy
territory because I really likeyour music I really enjoy your
music so peek behind the curtainfor the listeners. We're
recording this a little bitahead of time but as far as
(02:48):
you're hearing this this Friday,Trish is has an album coming out
to Ed and I've heard some of thesingles already and I've started
doing like a little bit of adive to some of your other music
that came out before that and Ireally love all of it I love
your sound I love your content.
I think it's all really cool ithink that i don't know i just
(03:09):
love it so I'm gonna try not toramble too much.
I feel like you can do ityou're like Yes please. What are
you talking about please manI love hearing how great I am
well Trish you are great Noseriously I I've been on a
(03:34):
little bit of a journey mylisteners know I talk about it a
lot you know a lot of why Istarted this podcast you know
for me it came out of a bit ofan identity crisis like I didn't
know what I wanted to do with mycareer I was you know I had had
so many personal changes thatyou know my my identity as you
know a biracial person as afirst generation American on one
(03:58):
side as a trans man like there'sall these different identities
that I hadn't really likeconsolidated and made peace with
and then also the career peaceand you know my experiences with
privilege and capitalism andwhere I fit into all that is and
so I I mentioned to you rightbefore we start recording your
(04:19):
song venom which that isavailable right now so listeners
definitely go check that outright now. venom was a very that
was my introduction she to yourmusic. And I love any medium
where anybody is going to putout anything that that's very
Hey, this is who I am helloworld. This is me. And I feel
(04:41):
like that's what what venom wasand I love the the loops the
loops are really cool. And youknow the the technical side of
me loves the like. I don't knowcraftsmanship, for lack of a
better term of like what you cando with the loops because I've
seen you do some of your stuffon it live and just Land, you
know, layering on these loops?
And I don't know, I just thinkit's all like, so cool. So like,
(05:03):
Can you can you talk to us alittle bit about, about this
album The ID and, and just kindof like in your own words like
what it what it means for you.
Yeah, so the ID is my first fulllength album and it's my second,
like body of work, I released anEP called ego in 2019. So Trisha
(05:30):
is really based around these,like Freud and constructs of
self. Just because I think thatthey are a good framework, at
least for me to be able to,like, understand different wants
and desires within myselfbecause our wants and desires
are constantly conflicting,that's just part of the human
(05:56):
experience. So, um, this, thisframework of the Freud in
constructs, is, is the sort oflike, cultural myth that is
embedded into society. And itjust, for me, helps me
(06:20):
understand these, thesedifferent wants and needs. And
so, so I developed the projectkind of after college to help me
understand, like, who I was,when I began doing the looping
(06:40):
and stuff during a time of a lotof internal conflict, and having
the ability to both manipulatemy voice to represent several
selves, but also to loop myvoice in a way that it could be
in the world. And these threeselves could be all represented
(07:03):
at the same time, was justreally therapeutic for me. And
so the whole project sort ofcame together in a really
organic way, I think a lot washappening subconsciously, like,
I think I was attracted to livelooping, because that's how my
(07:25):
brain just thinks, like, I canbe very fixated on different
things. And it's like sort ofthe same thing when you have
like, when you have a long listof things to do, and it's easier
once you write it out. For me,if I have these like, constant,
(07:49):
if I have like loops in my headof like the same thought, it's
easier for me once it's like outin real space, that makes any
sense. So ego really dealt with,with constructs that I felt made
us human, and sort of separatedus from the primal animal self,
(08:13):
like what was the crossover. Andso ego was based around like
government and money andcreativity and things like that.
And it is really me diving intothis self that is essentially
like a suppression of fear andshame that lives inside of us,
(08:38):
that we like really often areavoiding. And so that so the it
is really just a chance for thatself within myself to express
itself, if that makes sense.
(08:58):
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you forsharing all that. I really, I
really love what you had to sayabout, about the looping and how
that's how your brain works. AndI was wondering, would you feel
comfortable sharing like whatwhat exactly were like the
internal conflicts that you weregoing through at the time when
(09:21):
when you started that loopingprocess?
The main thing I think, was avery, very basic, the most basic
human conflict, which is thebalance between selfishness and
morality. So I think at first mymy main question was, what is
(09:45):
morality? And is it necessary?
Because you know, a lot of a lotof our ideals they're just made
up like, why do we believe thatall people are equal? Like why
we just decided, we just decidedthat all people are equal? Some
people, you know, right. Butthroughout time, you know, we've
(10:09):
had caste systems, and we'velike, had slavery and all of
these things. So all of these,all of these ideas are really
just made up. And like human ormorality developed, because we
cannot exist alone. So moralitydeveloped, because we needed
some way that we needed some wayto take care of each other,
(10:30):
because that's the only way thathumans can exist. Yeah. So it's,
it's this interesting thing,that for, as long as humans have
existed, we have been balancingbetween caring for other people
and selfishness. And that's kindof the point I was I was like,
(10:52):
really just questioningeverything I was taught by
religion or society or myparents and being like, why is
this true? And just in certainsituations, being like, I could
just be selfish right now. Like,I could just disregard anyone
else's wants, or needs. Whywould I not do that?
(11:18):
Yeah, like what even happened?
consequentially, if I did that,right? So it was really this.
This type end, and what happenedwas that I, I was selfish in a
lot of ways. And I was like,terribly unhappy. And so for,
for me, the eventual conclusionwas that I serve others because
(11:44):
that is because serving othersmakes me happy. Yeah. And I
don't know if there's, ifthere's a true morality, but I
do, I do think a lot about whyfor some people, it is clear, or
(12:07):
we come to the conclusion thattaking care of each other is
incredibly important forourselves, and some people don't
come to that conclusion. So Ithink, you know, I think I'm
(12:29):
going to be dealing with a lotof that in superego. But the EDD
was, was me grappling with thoseconcepts and just being like, if
I was 100%, those things thatlike, I've been told not to be,
what would that sound like andfeel like?
(12:51):
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I thinkthat that is also interesting,
because I've been, I've alsobeen kind of on this journey of
really thinking about moralityand values, and why do we choose
the values that we do? And itdoes seem like people, there are
people who will live perfectlyfulfilling lives without serving
(13:15):
others, or at least what we seefrom their highlight reels, what
we see from the sidelines, isthey're living perfectly
fulfilling lives. And it's like,Why Why? Why is there that that
difference? And I think, I thinkso much about how the
environment that I was broughtup in Actually, let me let me
(13:36):
take a step back. It almostfeels, you know, convenient. Is
that the word I want to use,yeah, I guess convenient, that
I'm not white that I'm trans,that I, you know, it's like it
was easy for me to fall into,like, what I believe to be the
(13:58):
moral high ground, so to speak,you know, what I mean? Because
it, it is actually most selfserving for me. Whereas, like,
if I were to grow up in a muchdifferent environment, you know,
and I was maybe led down a paththat say, for example, I don't
(14:19):
know, just pulling somethingrandom out of my hat. at the
Capitol on January 6, you knowwhat I mean? Like, it's so easy
for me to say like, Oh, thesepeople are bad, but it's like,
so much of what got me to thepoint where I feel like that's
bad. A lot of a lot of that ispersonal choice. But also there
are a lot of things that areoutside of my control. It was
(14:41):
just a I'm just a product of myenvironment and stuff like that.
And yeah, I don't quite knowwhere I'm going with that, but
I'm attempting to segue into pigsunglasses. How am I doing but
But you have you do you do havea song called Big sunglasses
(15:02):
that I think kind of explores alot of this I really love the
music video for it. I'm I'mgonna forget the not going to
I've already forgotten the wordfor the experiment but I think a
lot of people are familiar withthat experiment where people
were giving electric shocks topeople and and they were being
told to turn up the voltage andand in the big sunglasses video,
(15:24):
you're kind of exploring everyangle of that, in that video,
you are simultaneously theperson receiving the shocks, the
person giving the shocks, andthe person telling the person
given the shocks to like, turn,turn up the crank or whatever.
And and, you know, like, youkind of say, when you're
(15:45):
explaining that project thatlike we we are all all of these
things. And yeah, I don't know.
Sorry, I'm so all over theplace. Again, fanboy mode. But
can you can you talk a littlebit about like, about how you
like, kind of came up with thatidea for the for that project?
(16:06):
And how, how that video came tobe birthed from that particular
song?
Yeah, I don't know why that wasalways what I wanted to do. I
just always wanted to see Iwanted to be all of the
characters in that experiment isthe Milgram experiment. Thank
(16:28):
you. So actually, so so the thevideo was inspired by both the
Milgram experiment and also theStanford Prison Experiment. So
the illusion, the illusion tothe big sunglasses, I thought a
lot about, here's how we gotfrom A to B to C. So a was
(16:51):
there's a study that was done inthe 2000s, I think, there was a
study that was done that showedthat when people were wearing
sunglasses, there were a lotless likely to stop and give
money to a homeless person. Andthey connected this study, often
(17:14):
to the Stanford PrisonExperiment, where the prison
guards would wear these likeaviator reflective sunglasses.
And one of the one thing thatpeople gathered from this was
that it was easier for them forthe, for the guards to enact any
(17:37):
sort of cruelty because theywere wearing these sunglasses.
And the man who did the StanfordPrison Experiment was also fired
by the Milgram experiment. So Ithink that's kind of the rabbit
hole I went down, was just goinginto these ideas of authority.
(18:03):
And identity. Because becauselike, for me, I think that
anyone in the situation of beinga police policing another
person, or controlling anotherperson, will be very likely to
(18:29):
abuse that power. I thinkthere's something that is human
nature about that. I don't thinkit's inevitable. But I think you
know, it's that, who will watchthe watchmen, I think, when we
don't have accountability, we,we really revert to like, a, we
(18:56):
really just kept sort ofdevolve. So I think the, I
wanted to incorporate those twostudies, to talk about the ideas
of identity and authority, butalso, I wanted to be all of the
characters as a reminder thatwe're all of these. We're all of
(19:21):
the players. And, you know, whenpeople think about the state of
the Milgram experiment, whenpeople think about the Milgram
experiment, they either thinkthey most likely think I
wouldn't have done that. Yeah.
Because they're always puttingthemselves in the position of
the participant. But they'renever putting themselves in the
(19:43):
position of the supervisor. Likepeople don't hear about the
experiment and think I wouldn'thave performed this experiment
because I feel like it's immoralto challenge someone's more And
that way, like, we don'tquestion the morality of the
people putting on theexperiment? Yeah, we don't
(20:06):
question the morality of theactor pretending to be shocked,
right? So, yeah, it's just tosay that we're all all of those
things. And everyday, you know,we're deciding which of those
things we're going to be. And itwas also just a great way for me
(20:26):
to be able to show the dynamicbetween these characters that
essentially make up my projects.
Yeah, that's, that's so cool.
Thank you for taking me downdown that whole path. And I
think you're right, I think youyou touched on something that
has been so interesting for mefor a while you said the
(20:46):
policing when you're put in aposition to police other people.
I'm gonna paraphrase. You saidthat, you know, it lends itself
to to that person acting in acruel manner, but it's not
necessarily inevitable, right?
Because we're, as, as heavily aswe are influenced by our
environment and ourcircumstances, we are at the end
(21:09):
of the day, a product of ourchoices above all else, and
there's always that freedom ofchoice to, to do something
differently. But I again, I goback to like, I, it almost
feels, you know, it to somedegree, I think about like,
well, what if I was a straightcisgender? Christian, man? Like,
(21:33):
I don't know how I would be, youknow, I don't know how I would
act because it's so it's so faraway from my reality, that it's
so easy to say, Oh, I would, Iwould never treat marginalized
people in a bad way. Because Iknow better, but it it's almost
(21:54):
not even about knowing better.
And what even is better? It'sit's all kind of a matter of
perspective. And then there'salways that. That like, I guess,
psychological, I don't know,there's always that urge to be
like, you know, better. I thinkthere's always a better you than
me mentality that leads us tobehave in a cruel way. You know
(22:16):
what I mean? Like, if I'm inthis position of power, it's
like, well, let me let me makesure that I exert that power,
because I don't want to end upin a position where I show too
much weakness, and thus, thetables get turned on me. You
know what I mean?
Right? Yeah, it's a, like a zerosum game, essentially. Yeah. Um,
(22:38):
so I'm reading Have you heard ofthe some of us by Heather,
Mickey?
I don't think so. Actually, it'sa great book,
it's really a great book. Andshe's essentially talking about
that America was founded on thisidea that privilege is a zero
sum game. So most, I don't wantto I don't want to I don't want
(23:08):
to miss say, the study. Butbasically, we have this culture
idea, especially within whitethe white population, that in
order for minorities to havemore power, they will have less
power. Yeah, they think thatlike, there's only so much power
to go around. And in communitiesof color, communities of color
(23:32):
don't tend to see see power andprivilege as a zero sum game.
Which is actually true. It'sreally actually like the one
person and the rest of us isworth the power dynamic shifts.
(23:53):
Right. But yeah, it's likereally it's really really
interesting like the the mainthing I've heard her talk about
in like interviews and stuff, ishow when pools were like
mandated to be segregated, someof them are just shut down. So
instead of integrating a pool,they would rather just lose the
(24:14):
pool. Yeah, so it's just so as ametaphor for the greater public
works as a as a whole in theUnited States is that so many
people would rather someone elsedoesn't get something that they
won't get it themselves. Solike, we see that in healthcare
and stuff. It's like, Oh, yeah,we would people, people vote
(24:38):
against their own interests,because they don't want like
freeloaders getting you the samethings they are, when it's just
like, we could all have thesethings. It's not a zero sum
game, but yeah, so but whatyou're saying I, I would, I
would encourage you to to lookup Get this book called The some
(25:03):
of us.
Definitely going to check outthe some of us I yeah, that
sounds great. I mean, we even weeven see it in the work that we
do, you know, peek behind thecurtain, Trish and I know each
other through an organizationthat provides services to the
unhoused. And it's like, youcan't even find like a park
(25:24):
bench to sit in half the timebecause it's like they take them
all away, or they put spikes inthem because they don't want
homeless people to like sleep onthem. You know, and it's like
all night and you can't findlike a decent clean public
restroom because they don't wantto make them too comfortable
and, and usable because thenhomeless people are going to use
them. And it's like, well, I goto the I go to the park, and we
need to go to the bathroom too.
Sometimes, like, what what isthis? But you know, God, God
(25:46):
forbid the freeloaders getanything. And that's such a
loaded statement, too. You knowwhat I mean? And yeah,
I especially because like peoplejust don't understand, like
history and like how, how muchpublic works we had before,
before integration anddesegregation. But I think the
(26:10):
other thing is I was reading,because I post on our page, I
like make like reels and tictocs for our page. And there was
one that I posted aboutaffordable housing, and it got,
like so many like trolls on theinternet. And one guy was just
like, I'm sick of seeing thesepeople at our parks, and our,
(26:34):
like, bus stations andeverywhere. And I was like,
okay, so you do want affordablehousing, so you don't see them
everywhere. Like, where do youwant them to go? Like it, it
just made no sense to me, I waslike, I'm offering a solution
for the thing you don't want,but you don't want them to have
(26:55):
that either. Like, we couldsolve the problem, we could
solve your problem. But thesolution would be giving people
something and you have you dohate this group of people so
much that you wouldn't give themsomething to get something in
return. It's just so bizarre.
It's so bizarre like I thinkabout the other thing, kind of
(27:18):
speaking to what you weretalking about a little earlier,
is that I've always felt likeuniquely positioned to speak on
issues of privilege because I'mincredibly privileged so in the
ways that you would like thatare just that I would appear
(27:40):
that like I'm a brown woman, I'ma kid of immigrants. But I'm
also like, very educated. I'vealways been very financially
stable and have just genuinegenerally other privileges in
life. So I always felt prettyuniquely privileged in that way
(28:01):
so like I didn't pay to go tocollege my parents paid for me
to go to college. And the ideathat like other people should
have to pay to go to college.
Like I've seen people you know,be against like absolving
(28:25):
student debt because they'relike well, I had to pay my way
Yeah, and I'm just like, whywould you like didn't that suck
that sounds like it's soft andthat they wouldn't want other
pupils to not do that but yeah,for me I think about like what a
privilege it was that I didn'thave to do that wouldn't like
(28:51):
Yeah, I just would i would likethat for everyone else as well.
Right so it's um yeah it's veryit's very strange because but I
do think it's helpful to havelike a balance of privileges and
when you are at the end whereyou kind of have all of them
it's it's more difficult to seethat it's not a zero sum game
(29:18):
100% and it as far as it's thestudent loan absolving thing
it's like that you literallywant to block progress. It's
like okay, you had to pay forcollege but isn't the whole
point is that life is supposedto get better and better and
better with each generation aswe learn what works and what
doesn't work. Shouldn't we beevolving, but I guess that's
neither here nor there. But Ialso related to you know, kind
(29:42):
of feeling really uniquelypositioned to talk about
privilege because, you know,like, on the one hand, you know,
my dad is from Tanzania. Hardlyanyone's ever even heard of
Tanzania. And you know, even inyou Even within that society, he
came from a very underprivilegedbackground, still one of only
(30:06):
two people from his home villagewho have ever gotten the
equivalent of a high schooleducation. The second person
being now my stepmother. Andthen on the other hand, I have
my other side of the family, I'moutside the family is, you know,
why, why why, like, been been inAmerica and privileged and
(30:30):
middle, like, I guess theequivalent middle class or
better, pretty much forever. Andwhen I look at the financial
privileges, that like my mom,and uncles and grandma and
grandfather had, a lot of it allkind of starts and ends with one
(30:52):
thing. And that was the housethat my grandparents bought. And
they bought it on a VA loan thatwas given to all of the world
war two vets that was notavailable to people of color,
even if they served in the war.
And then on top. So on top ofgetting this loan, they also
essentially won a lotterybecause they decided, you know,
(31:14):
my great grandparents said thatthey were being foolish for
buying a house on a dirt roadwhere they did in the middle of
nowhere, say middle nowhere,because it was the middle of
nowhere at the time. We knowwhere that house is. It's a
Manhattan Beach. So over adecade after decade after
decade, that $15,000 house thatthey bought was Wow, quite a bit
(31:35):
more than that when it was soldin 2005. Yeah, I mean, so it's
like, and that all came from agovernment handout. I mean, it
came from the VA loan that itcame from them serving the
government. And if it wasn't forthat, nobody on this side of the
family would have the privilegeand comfort that we have, I
(31:58):
mean, it trickled all the waydown into my generation. And
yeah, it just blows my mind.
Again, it's like when you it'slike you don't you can take
things for granted so easily,right, like we take for granted
that like we just have runningwater and electricity and all
these things. You know, when youjust have money in your in your
(32:22):
family's always had money, it'sso easy not to see the line of
privilege that it took to getthere. You know, at some point,
at some time, whether it wasyour generation or several
generations prior at some point,someone had to either get
really, really lucky and get aleg up, or they had to like
(32:44):
really bust their butt to get towhere they're at. And I feel
like I see, I see both ends ofthe spectrum. So well I feel
like I'm like uniquelypositioned to be able to see and
appreciate both ends of it. Andit's where a lot of that
conflict comes from me too.
Because everything that I do youget to accomplish I'm like,
(33:04):
well, it's only because of thisprivilege. But then on the other
hand when I'm when I'm in thesespaces that like in tech, for
example that are only usuallyoccupied by by, you know, people
who are privileged, I see how myexperience with marginalization
that I do have helps to havethat voice in the room to be
like, hey, maybe we don't buildthis in a way that like people
(33:26):
with hearing impairments can'tuse it. You know what I mean?
Like just just whatever the casemay be, or Hey, maybe our work
environment isn't the mostcomfortable for any women that
we may or may not hire in thefuture but probably won't
because y'all suck but you know,it's it's it's so it is so
(33:47):
complicated. It feels socomplicated to balance that
because I don't feel like wereally have a blueprint for
that. I feel like everything inAmerica drives me crazy. But I
feel like everything in Americais always so damn binary. You're
either good or you're bad,you're this or that you're
privileged or not. And I feellike you know, people like you
(34:07):
and me, we are in this uniqueposition where we do live
somewhere in that in between.
And they're, I don't really knowwhat that looks like who like
who is our leader? Like who dowe look to for for guidance at
all, it almost feels like we'rea new breed. And if we're not,
then the people who came beforeus certainly didn't have a voice
or a platform in the way that wedo today. Because I don't know
(34:30):
where they are. But it's justit's it's it's a very
interesting position to be in. Agreat Yeah, well, anyway, on
that.
(34:52):
I've said all I have to sayabout
fair fair enough. So let's goback to like the Music Music So
I see in the background in yourin your in your shot here on on
the old zoom.
This is a nice side this is thedirty kitchen
(35:12):
yeah I see again talking aboutyou know what you want people to
see and what you don't wantpeople to see right
not clean. didn't clean it. It'salways stays nice.
That's that's okay no definitelyno genuine over here dirty
kitchen just means that it'sit's getting used and that's
that's a good thing my kitchen.
That's what I tell myself atleast I'm like, hey, at least I
(35:36):
cookyou know, such a positive way.
I like that. I grew up in a Areyou familiar with like toxic
positivity? Yeah, that that'sthe kind of house that I grew up
in. So I'm telling you, I cansee any man Dang. Yeah.
(36:01):
I definitely texted my friendyesterday who was like going
through a breakup and he waslike, yeah, it's really hard.
But like, you know, I it's couldbe worse. And I was like, you
could also just like, be like,this really fucking sucks. And
like, that's okay. Like, that'slike, you could just say that.
You could just feel that rightnow. It's okay, you know?
(36:21):
Yeah. I've had to have so manypeople tell me that and like,
practically grab my shouldersand shake me and be like, it's
okay to feel and that's, that'skind of how I ended up like,
rage quitting my job. Ragequitting is a little term as
well, I guess maybe not. It wasthe first time I quit without
any notice. And I enjoyed seeingthe look on my supervisors face
(36:44):
when I told them but that'sneither here nor there. I didn't
even have I have almosteverything working against me
when it comes to like feeling myfeelings because not only did I
grow up in like a toxicpositivity household, but I'm
also an Aquarius, like anythingthat's like Uber analytical. I
like habit. And I didn't realizefor the longest time that what I
(37:11):
was experiencing was burnoutthat I was experiencing things
as job that weren't okay. And itwas okay to be stressed about
it. I was just like, no, this isfine. This is good. And if this
isn't working out for you, well,I then then fuck them. I just I
just probably have to leavebecause they're bad as opposed
to just being like, No, I'mburnt out like, I need a break.
Like this is deteriorating mymental health. I ended up with
(37:32):
two on two different occasions Iended up with like stress
induced illnesses in my career.
And without like, really, if Ihad never taken that time to
look at like, how did I gethere? Why did I get here? Let me
just feel that I'm feeling itwould have just been an endless
loop that would have happenedover and over and over again.
(37:52):
Yeah, 100%is, is astrology. I know you
kind of mentioned somethingabout being a Scorpio in the
song venom is Oh, yeah. Is thatsomething that you're like deep
into it? Or is it just somethingthat like, kind of worked for
the song because I, I have a lotof Scorpios in my life, and I
(38:15):
have a lot of feelings aboutAquarius, and Scorpio
connection, but I won't gothere. If it's not your so
well, so from venom. venom wasessentially about like, people
continually. And people I likemostly mean white people
(38:37):
continually telling me that Iwas like, and still do, like,
continually telling me that I amangry or were just like negative
for just being really vocalabout things that like art.
Okay. Yeah, I'm, I'm very muchnot afraid to tell people like
(39:03):
when something is not okay. Butthe thing is, like, I'm not
angry. But that's somethingthat's like, projected on me so
much. That's something that'sgenerally like projected on
women of color in the firstplace. Yeah. But I think if you
(39:24):
stand up for yourself, even ifyou do it in a gentle way, in a
kind way, or a loving way,people still will project that
anger onto you because that'slike what they want to see. They
don't want to see that. That Oh,maybe I've done something wrong,
and I can correct my behavior.
They just want to see it aslike, you are angry. So like any
(39:44):
internet trolls I get they'realways like, I don't know how
you. How do you live being thisangry all the time, and it's
like, I'm like, I'm I'm probablyhappier. than they are because I
don't think that I truly thinkit is possible to want to see
(40:08):
progress and like be fightingfor progress and be be happy I
think communities of color areparticularly good at this
because I think it's been asurvival mechanism so I think in
that song I'm I'm sort of likelisting all of these reasons I'm
(40:34):
just listing reasons why I'm inI'm inherently angry or
inherently like perceived thatway fiery you know the things
that they like like to call likewomen of color, like um because
for so long I believed I wasthose things because people
(40:59):
projected that onto me so for solong I just thought it was like
this is who I am this is justlike inherent so when I say I
was born in the month thescorpion it's just me like
saying well this must be why I'mso angry as opposed to a maybe
I'm not that angry and be if Iam that angry it's probably on
(41:24):
this it's probably because ofthese like incredibly well
founded reasons like roar beingangry so yeah, the that's that's
more of what that's talkingabout. I don't I don't know much
about astrology I think it's funI think as in like anything that
(41:44):
is spiritual I sort of see itlike as a spiritual practice
that I believe there's validityin like all spiritual practices.
And I also think where there maylack validity all spiritual
(42:06):
practices give us give us aframework for understanding and
processing our lives indifferent ways. So to me that's
like what astrology is it's it'sa way of processing your life in
a in a specific way.
(42:34):
Cool Yeah, I agree. I thinkthat's great. Yeah, I think
we're pretty much at a time Ilove that we got to end this on
you giving me kind of abreakdown on how you came about
venom because like I said, thatwas the first song that they
introduced me to your music Iloved it. It is got that loop in
that song is so freakin cool.
And like the harmonies you dowith that loop anyway. Everyone
(42:56):
go check out venom everyone gocheck out clay all of my songs
literally all of them your olderstuff money hydric Gaslight like
love all riled up. They're sogood. Yeah, they're so good.
Some of them are already in mylike, the like top 100 like most
played for the year like I'mtruly digging I'm so thank you
(43:16):
coming on the show. Is thereanything else that you'd like to
add the feel like you'd beremiss if you hadn't brought it
up?
Um, pre save the album. And ifyou're in the Los Angeles area,
I'm doing a release show onOctober 25 at Hotel cafe. Oh,
(43:38):
great. So come to that.
I think I'll come to that. I'llbe around for that. Yeah,
absolutely. Anybody thatshouldn't be my second live
thing. I'll see a second show.
Yeah, that's right. Love it.
Love it. Love it. That's great.
Trish, thank you so much forcoming on. All the links for
everything that we've talkedabout are in the BIOS listeners.
(44:00):
Please check that out. And thankyou again. I will see you soon.
See you soon. Thank you forhaving me.
Once again, that was trashes.
Thank you Trish for coming on tothe show. I had a great time.
Love me a guest that gives me abook recommendation. I've got
(44:23):
the some of us in my in my to beread list. Anyway, thank you for
listening to this episode of theLeo Yockey show. If you'd like
to support this show, pleaseleave me a five star rating
review on Apple or whateverplatform you may be listening to
this on. It helps me out a lot.
let your friends know thatyou're listening to this take a
(44:44):
screenshot and make yourInstagram story. You can tag me
at LEOYOCKEY and you can followme on your favorite social media
accounts. All the links are inthe show notes. I'm on
Instagram, Twitter and tik tok.
I've been having a lot of fun ontik tok. I've been posting stuff
every day. Yeah pre saved Trishais album The aged. Follow her on
(45:06):
social media. If you're in LA Ihope to see you at her album
release show. I'll be back nextweek with a brand new episode.
Stay evolving.
Hello, and welcome to anotherepisode of the Leo Yockey show,
the podcast where i Leo Yockeyinterview guests about the
universal truths in their uniquelife path. Okay, I know I say
this every week, but I am reallyexcited about this week's
guests. I, I say it in theinterview a few times, but I
(00:36):
have to try not to be a fanboyhere. You know, one of the
really cool things about havingthis podcast is just being able
to meet and talk to people who Ithink are doing really cool
things. Honestly, it's one ofthe benefits of being involved
in my community to the artiststhat I'm interviewing today.
Trish is she's a musician. She'sgot a really great message
(00:59):
behind a lot of her work. And Imet her through the nonprofit
that I work with no homeAlliance, an organization that
provides services to theunhoused in my neighborhood, and
in our neighborhood. That'swhere I met Trish she does all
of the Instagram reels for forour account, which is a lot of
fun. Anyway, if you enjoy thispodcast, I know that you would
(01:22):
enjoy Patricia's music, go andcheck it out. And her she
actually has an album coming outthis Friday. And if you're
listening to this before Monday,October 25 and you're in the LA
area Trisha is is having arelease an album release Show.
I'm going to be there it's atthe hotel cafe in Hollywood
(01:43):
there's a link for that in theshow notes as well and if you're
listening to this after go andcheck out that link anyway
because it's just a link to herupcoming live shows on her
website so anything that she mayhave going on in the future I
assume would also be there.
Anyway I'm really excited aboutthis I also have another meeting
coming up in three minutes Idon't know why I'm trying to
record this right now I'm beingchaotic anyway. Trisha is is
(02:05):
great, you're gonna love hermusic you're gonna love this
interview. So let's get into it.
All right, Trish, here we go.
You ready? How's it going?
I'm ready. I'm good. Thank youfor having me.
(02:26):
Oh, thank you so much for comingon. I feel I feel a little bit
for the first time sincestarting this podcast that I got
to like make sure that I don'tventure into like fanboy
territory because I really likeyour music I really enjoy your
music so peek behind the curtainfor the listeners. We're
recording this a little bitahead of time but as far as
(02:48):
you're hearing this this Friday,Trish is has an album coming out
to Ed and I've heard some of thesingles already and I've started
doing like a little bit of adive to some of your other music
that came out before that and Ireally love all of it I love
your sound I love your content.
I think it's all really cool ithink that i don't know i just
(03:09):
love it so I'm gonna try not toramble too much.
I feel like you can do ityou're like Yes please. What are
you talking about please manI love hearing how great I am
well Trish you are great Noseriously I I've been on a
(03:34):
little bit of a journey mylisteners know I talk about it a
lot you know a lot of why Istarted this podcast you know
for me it came out of a bit ofan identity crisis like I didn't
know what I wanted to do with mycareer I was you know I had had
so many personal changes thatyou know my my identity as you
know a biracial person as afirst generation American on one
(03:58):
side as a trans man like there'sall these different identities
that I hadn't really likeconsolidated and made peace with
and then also the career peaceand you know my experiences with
privilege and capitalism andwhere I fit into all that is and
so I I mentioned to you rightbefore we start recording your
(04:19):
song venom which that isavailable right now so listeners
definitely go check that outright now. venom was a very that
was my introduction she to yourmusic. And I love any medium
where anybody is going to putout anything that that's very
Hey, this is who I am helloworld. This is me. And I feel
(04:41):
like that's what what venom wasand I love the the loops the
loops are really cool. And youknow the the technical side of
me loves the like. I don't knowcraftsmanship, for lack of a
better term of like what you cando with the loops because I've
seen you do some of your stuffon it live and just Land, you
know, layering on these loops?
And I don't know, I just thinkit's all like, so cool. So like,
(05:03):
Can you can you talk to us alittle bit about, about this
album The ID and, and just kindof like in your own words like
what it what it means for you.
Yeah, so the ID is my first fulllength album and it's my second,
like body of work, I released anEP called ego in 2019. So Trisha
(05:30):
is really based around these,like Freud and constructs of
self. Just because I think thatthey are a good framework, at
least for me to be able to,like, understand different wants
and desires within myselfbecause our wants and desires
are constantly conflicting,that's just part of the human
(05:56):
experience. So, um, this, thisframework of the Freud in
constructs, is, is the sort oflike, cultural myth that is
embedded into society. And itjust, for me, helps me
(06:20):
understand these, thesedifferent wants and needs. And
so, so I developed the projectkind of after college to help me
understand, like, who I was,when I began doing the looping
(06:40):
and stuff during a time of a lotof internal conflict, and having
the ability to both manipulatemy voice to represent several
selves, but also to loop myvoice in a way that it could be
in the world. And these threeselves could be all represented
(07:03):
at the same time, was justreally therapeutic for me. And
so the whole project sort ofcame together in a really
organic way, I think a lot washappening subconsciously, like,
I think I was attracted to livelooping, because that's how my
(07:25):
brain just thinks, like, I canbe very fixated on different
things. And it's like sort ofthe same thing when you have
like, when you have a long listof things to do, and it's easier
once you write it out. For me,if I have these like, constant,
(07:49):
if I have like loops in my headof like the same thought, it's
easier for me once it's like outin real space, that makes any
sense. So ego really dealt with,with constructs that I felt made
us human, and sort of separatedus from the primal animal self,
(08:13):
like what was the crossover. Andso ego was based around like
government and money andcreativity and things like that.
And it is really me diving intothis self that is essentially
like a suppression of fear andshame that lives inside of us,
(08:38):
that we like really often areavoiding. And so that so the it
is really just a chance for thatself within myself to express
itself, if that makes sense.
(08:58):
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you forsharing all that. I really, I
really love what you had to sayabout, about the looping and how
that's how your brain works. AndI was wondering, would you feel
comfortable sharing like whatwhat exactly were like the
internal conflicts that you weregoing through at the time when
(09:21):
when you started that loopingprocess?
The main thing I think, was avery, very basic, the most basic
human conflict, which is thebalance between selfishness and
morality. So I think at first mymy main question was, what is
(09:45):
morality? And is it necessary?
Because you know, a lot of a lotof our ideals they're just made
up like, why do we believe thatall people are equal? Like why
we just decided, we just decidedthat all people are equal? Some
people, you know, right. Butthroughout time, you know, we've
(10:09):
had caste systems, and we'velike, had slavery and all of
these things. So all of these,all of these ideas are really
just made up. And like human ormorality developed, because we
cannot exist alone. So moralitydeveloped, because we needed
some way that we needed some wayto take care of each other,
(10:30):
because that's the only way thathumans can exist. Yeah. So it's,
it's this interesting thing,that for, as long as humans have
existed, we have been balancingbetween caring for other people
and selfishness. And that's kindof the point I was I was like,
(10:52):
really just questioningeverything I was taught by
religion or society or myparents and being like, why is
this true? And just in certainsituations, being like, I could
just be selfish right now. Like,I could just disregard anyone
else's wants, or needs. Whywould I not do that?
(11:18):
Yeah, like what even happened?
consequentially, if I did that,right? So it was really this.
This type end, and what happenedwas that I, I was selfish in a
lot of ways. And I was like,terribly unhappy. And so for,
for me, the eventual conclusionwas that I serve others because
(11:44):
that is because serving othersmakes me happy. Yeah. And I
don't know if there's, ifthere's a true morality, but I
do, I do think a lot about whyfor some people, it is clear, or
(12:07):
we come to the conclusion thattaking care of each other is
incredibly important forourselves, and some people don't
come to that conclusion. So Ithink, you know, I think I'm
(12:29):
going to be dealing with a lotof that in superego. But the EDD
was, was me grappling with thoseconcepts and just being like, if
I was 100%, those things thatlike, I've been told not to be,
what would that sound like andfeel like?
(12:51):
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I thinkthat that is also interesting,
because I've been, I've alsobeen kind of on this journey of
really thinking about moralityand values, and why do we choose
the values that we do? And itdoes seem like people, there are
people who will live perfectlyfulfilling lives without serving
(13:15):
others, or at least what we seefrom their highlight reels, what
we see from the sidelines, isthey're living perfectly
fulfilling lives. And it's like,Why Why? Why is there that that
difference? And I think, I thinkso much about how the
environment that I was broughtup in Actually, let me let me
(13:36):
take a step back. It almostfeels, you know, convenient. Is
that the word I want to use,yeah, I guess convenient, that
I'm not white that I'm trans,that I, you know, it's like it
was easy for me to fall into,like, what I believe to be the
(13:58):
moral high ground, so to speak,you know, what I mean? Because
it, it is actually most selfserving for me. Whereas, like,
if I were to grow up in a muchdifferent environment, you know,
and I was maybe led down a paththat say, for example, I don't
(14:19):
know, just pulling somethingrandom out of my hat. at the
Capitol on January 6, you knowwhat I mean? Like, it's so easy
for me to say like, Oh, thesepeople are bad, but it's like,
so much of what got me to thepoint where I feel like that's
bad. A lot of a lot of that ispersonal choice. But also there
are a lot of things that areoutside of my control. It was
(14:41):
just a I'm just a product of myenvironment and stuff like that.
And yeah, I don't quite knowwhere I'm going with that, but
I'm attempting to segue into pigsunglasses. How am I doing but
But you have you do you do havea song called Big sunglasses
(15:02):
that I think kind of explores alot of this I really love the
music video for it. I'm I'mgonna forget the not going to
I've already forgotten the wordfor the experiment but I think a
lot of people are familiar withthat experiment where people
were giving electric shocks topeople and and they were being
told to turn up the voltage andand in the big sunglasses video,
(15:24):
you're kind of exploring everyangle of that, in that video,
you are simultaneously theperson receiving the shocks, the
person giving the shocks, andthe person telling the person
given the shocks to like, turn,turn up the crank or whatever.
And and, you know, like, youkind of say, when you're
(15:45):
explaining that project thatlike we we are all all of these
things. And yeah, I don't know.
Sorry, I'm so all over theplace. Again, fanboy mode. But
can you can you talk a littlebit about like, about how you
like, kind of came up with thatidea for the for that project?
(16:06):
And how, how that video came tobe birthed from that particular
song?
Yeah, I don't know why that wasalways what I wanted to do. I
just always wanted to see Iwanted to be all of the
characters in that experiment isthe Milgram experiment. Thank
(16:28):
you. So actually, so so the thevideo was inspired by both the
Milgram experiment and also theStanford Prison Experiment. So
the illusion, the illusion tothe big sunglasses, I thought a
lot about, here's how we gotfrom A to B to C. So a was
(16:51):
there's a study that was done inthe 2000s, I think, there was a
study that was done that showedthat when people were wearing
sunglasses, there were a lotless likely to stop and give
money to a homeless person. Andthey connected this study, often
(17:14):
to the Stanford PrisonExperiment, where the prison
guards would wear these likeaviator reflective sunglasses.
And one of the one thing thatpeople gathered from this was
that it was easier for them forthe, for the guards to enact any
(17:37):
sort of cruelty because theywere wearing these sunglasses.
And the man who did the StanfordPrison Experiment was also fired
by the Milgram experiment. So Ithink that's kind of the rabbit
hole I went down, was just goinginto these ideas of authority.
(18:03):
And identity. Because becauselike, for me, I think that
anyone in the situation of beinga police policing another
person, or controlling anotherperson, will be very likely to
(18:29):
abuse that power. I thinkthere's something that is human
nature about that. I don't thinkit's inevitable. But I think you
know, it's that, who will watchthe watchmen, I think, when we
don't have accountability, we,we really revert to like, a, we
(18:56):
really just kept sort ofdevolve. So I think the, I
wanted to incorporate those twostudies, to talk about the ideas
of identity and authority, butalso, I wanted to be all of the
characters as a reminder thatwe're all of these. We're all of
(19:21):
the players. And, you know, whenpeople think about the state of
the Milgram experiment, whenpeople think about the Milgram
experiment, they either thinkthey most likely think I
wouldn't have done that. Yeah.
Because they're always puttingthemselves in the position of
the participant. But they'renever putting themselves in the
(19:43):
position of the supervisor. Likepeople don't hear about the
experiment and think I wouldn'thave performed this experiment
because I feel like it's immoralto challenge someone's more And
that way, like, we don'tquestion the morality of the
people putting on theexperiment? Yeah, we don't
(20:06):
question the morality of theactor pretending to be shocked,
right? So, yeah, it's just tosay that we're all all of those
things. And everyday, you know,we're deciding which of those
things we're going to be. And itwas also just a great way for me
(20:26):
to be able to show the dynamicbetween these characters that
essentially make up my projects.
Yeah, that's, that's so cool.
Thank you for taking me downdown that whole path. And I
think you're right, I think youyou touched on something that
has been so interesting for mefor a while you said the
(20:46):
policing when you're put in aposition to police other people.
I'm gonna paraphrase. You saidthat, you know, it lends itself
to to that person acting in acruel manner, but it's not
necessarily inevitable, right?
Because we're, as, as heavily aswe are influenced by our
environment and ourcircumstances, we are at the end
(21:09):
of the day, a product of ourchoices above all else, and
there's always that freedom ofchoice to, to do something
differently. But I again, I goback to like, I, it almost
feels, you know, it to somedegree, I think about like,
well, what if I was a straightcisgender? Christian, man? Like,
(21:33):
I don't know how I would be, youknow, I don't know how I would
act because it's so it's so faraway from my reality, that it's
so easy to say, Oh, I would, Iwould never treat marginalized
people in a bad way. Because Iknow better, but it it's almost
(21:54):
not even about knowing better.
And what even is better? It'sit's all kind of a matter of
perspective. And then there'salways that. That like, I guess,
psychological, I don't know,there's always that urge to be
like, you know, better. I thinkthere's always a better you than
me mentality that leads us tobehave in a cruel way. You know
(22:16):
what I mean? Like, if I'm inthis position of power, it's
like, well, let me let me makesure that I exert that power,
because I don't want to end upin a position where I show too
much weakness, and thus, thetables get turned on me. You
know what I mean?
Right? Yeah, it's a, like a zerosum game, essentially. Yeah. Um,
(22:38):
so I'm reading Have you heard ofthe some of us by Heather,
Mickey?
I don't think so. Actually, it'sa great book,
it's really a great book. Andshe's essentially talking about
that America was founded on thisidea that privilege is a zero
sum game. So most, I don't wantto I don't want to I don't want
(23:08):
to miss say, the study. Butbasically, we have this culture
idea, especially within whitethe white population, that in
order for minorities to havemore power, they will have less
power. Yeah, they think thatlike, there's only so much power
to go around. And in communitiesof color, communities of color
(23:32):
don't tend to see see power andprivilege as a zero sum game.
Which is actually true. It'sreally actually like the one
person and the rest of us isworth the power dynamic shifts.
(23:53):
Right. But yeah, it's likereally it's really really
interesting like the the mainthing I've heard her talk about
in like interviews and stuff, ishow when pools were like
mandated to be segregated, someof them are just shut down. So
instead of integrating a pool,they would rather just lose the
(24:14):
pool. Yeah, so it's just so as ametaphor for the greater public
works as a as a whole in theUnited States is that so many
people would rather someone elsedoesn't get something that they
won't get it themselves. Solike, we see that in healthcare
and stuff. It's like, Oh, yeah,we would people, people vote
(24:38):
against their own interests,because they don't want like
freeloaders getting you the samethings they are, when it's just
like, we could all have thesethings. It's not a zero sum
game, but yeah, so but whatyou're saying I, I would, I
would encourage you to to lookup Get this book called The some
(25:03):
of us.
Definitely going to check outthe some of us I yeah, that
sounds great. I mean, we even weeven see it in the work that we
do, you know, peek behind thecurtain, Trish and I know each
other through an organizationthat provides services to the
unhoused. And it's like, youcan't even find like a park
(25:24):
bench to sit in half the timebecause it's like they take them
all away, or they put spikes inthem because they don't want
homeless people to like sleep onthem. You know, and it's like
all night and you can't findlike a decent clean public
restroom because they don't wantto make them too comfortable
and, and usable because thenhomeless people are going to use
them. And it's like, well, I goto the I go to the park, and we
need to go to the bathroom too.
Sometimes, like, what what isthis? But you know, God, God
(25:46):
forbid the freeloaders getanything. And that's such a
loaded statement, too. You knowwhat I mean? And yeah,
I especially because like peoplejust don't understand, like
history and like how, how muchpublic works we had before,
before integration anddesegregation. But I think the
(26:10):
other thing is I was reading,because I post on our page, I
like make like reels and tictocs for our page. And there was
one that I posted aboutaffordable housing, and it got,
like so many like trolls on theinternet. And one guy was just
like, I'm sick of seeing thesepeople at our parks, and our,
(26:34):
like, bus stations andeverywhere. And I was like,
okay, so you do want affordablehousing, so you don't see them
everywhere. Like, where do youwant them to go? Like it, it
just made no sense to me, I waslike, I'm offering a solution
for the thing you don't want,but you don't want them to have
(26:55):
that either. Like, we couldsolve the problem, we could
solve your problem. But thesolution would be giving people
something and you have you dohate this group of people so
much that you wouldn't give themsomething to get something in
return. It's just so bizarre.
It's so bizarre like I thinkabout the other thing, kind of
(27:18):
speaking to what you weretalking about a little earlier,
is that I've always felt likeuniquely positioned to speak on
issues of privilege because I'mincredibly privileged so in the
ways that you would like thatare just that I would appear
(27:40):
that like I'm a brown woman, I'ma kid of immigrants. But I'm
also like, very educated. I'vealways been very financially
stable and have just genuinegenerally other privileges in
life. So I always felt prettyuniquely privileged in that way
(28:01):
so like I didn't pay to go tocollege my parents paid for me
to go to college. And the ideathat like other people should
have to pay to go to college.
Like I've seen people you know,be against like absolving
(28:25):
student debt because they'relike well, I had to pay my way
Yeah, and I'm just like, whywould you like didn't that suck
that sounds like it's soft andthat they wouldn't want other
pupils to not do that but yeah,for me I think about like what a
privilege it was that I didn'thave to do that wouldn't like
(28:51):
Yeah, I just would i would likethat for everyone else as well.
Right so it's um yeah it's veryit's very strange because but I
do think it's helpful to havelike a balance of privileges and
when you are at the end whereyou kind of have all of them
it's it's more difficult to seethat it's not a zero sum game
(29:18):
100% and it as far as it's thestudent loan absolving thing
it's like that you literallywant to block progress. It's
like okay, you had to pay forcollege but isn't the whole
point is that life is supposedto get better and better and
better with each generation aswe learn what works and what
doesn't work. Shouldn't we beevolving, but I guess that's
neither here nor there. But Ialso related to you know, kind
(29:42):
of feeling really uniquelypositioned to talk about
privilege because, you know,like, on the one hand, you know,
my dad is from Tanzania. Hardlyanyone's ever even heard of
Tanzania. And you know, even inyou Even within that society, he
came from a very underprivilegedbackground, still one of only
(30:06):
two people from his home villagewho have ever gotten the
equivalent of a high schooleducation. The second person
being now my stepmother. Andthen on the other hand, I have
my other side of the family, I'moutside the family is, you know,
why, why why, like, been been inAmerica and privileged and
(30:30):
middle, like, I guess theequivalent middle class or
better, pretty much forever. Andwhen I look at the financial
privileges, that like my mom,and uncles and grandma and
grandfather had, a lot of it allkind of starts and ends with one
(30:52):
thing. And that was the housethat my grandparents bought. And
they bought it on a VA loan thatwas given to all of the world
war two vets that was notavailable to people of color,
even if they served in the war.
And then on top. So on top ofgetting this loan, they also
essentially won a lotterybecause they decided, you know,
(31:14):
my great grandparents said thatthey were being foolish for
buying a house on a dirt roadwhere they did in the middle of
nowhere, say middle nowhere,because it was the middle of
nowhere at the time. We knowwhere that house is. It's a
Manhattan Beach. So over adecade after decade after
decade, that $15,000 house thatthey bought was Wow, quite a bit
(31:35):
more than that when it was soldin 2005. Yeah, I mean, so it's
like, and that all came from agovernment handout. I mean, it
came from the VA loan that itcame from them serving the
government. And if it wasn't forthat, nobody on this side of the
family would have the privilegeand comfort that we have, I
(31:58):
mean, it trickled all the waydown into my generation. And
yeah, it just blows my mind.
Again, it's like when you it'slike you don't you can take
things for granted so easily,right, like we take for granted
that like we just have runningwater and electricity and all
these things. You know, when youjust have money in your in your
(32:22):
family's always had money, it'sso easy not to see the line of
privilege that it took to getthere. You know, at some point,
at some time, whether it wasyour generation or several
generations prior at some point,someone had to either get
really, really lucky and get aleg up, or they had to like
(32:44):
really bust their butt to get towhere they're at. And I feel
like I see, I see both ends ofthe spectrum. So well I feel
like I'm like uniquelypositioned to be able to see and
appreciate both ends of it. Andit's where a lot of that
conflict comes from me too.
Because everything that I do youget to accomplish I'm like,
(33:04):
well, it's only because of thisprivilege. But then on the other
hand when I'm when I'm in thesespaces that like in tech, for
example that are only usuallyoccupied by by, you know, people
who are privileged, I see how myexperience with marginalization
that I do have helps to havethat voice in the room to be
like, hey, maybe we don't buildthis in a way that like people
(33:26):
with hearing impairments can'tuse it. You know what I mean?
Like just just whatever the casemay be, or Hey, maybe our work
environment isn't the mostcomfortable for any women that
we may or may not hire in thefuture but probably won't
because y'all suck but you know,it's it's it's so it is so
(33:47):
complicated. It feels socomplicated to balance that
because I don't feel like wereally have a blueprint for
that. I feel like everything inAmerica drives me crazy. But I
feel like everything in Americais always so damn binary. You're
either good or you're bad,you're this or that you're
privileged or not. And I feellike you know, people like you
(34:07):
and me, we are in this uniqueposition where we do live
somewhere in that in between.
And they're, I don't really knowwhat that looks like who like
who is our leader? Like who dowe look to for for guidance at
all, it almost feels like we'rea new breed. And if we're not,
then the people who came beforeus certainly didn't have a voice
or a platform in the way that wedo today. Because I don't know
(34:30):
where they are. But it's justit's it's it's a very
interesting position to be in. Agreat Yeah, well, anyway, on
that.
(34:52):
I've said all I have to sayabout
fair fair enough. So let's goback to like the Music Music So
I see in the background in yourin your in your shot here on on
the old zoom.
This is a nice side this is thedirty kitchen
(35:12):
yeah I see again talking aboutyou know what you want people to
see and what you don't wantpeople to see right
not clean. didn't clean it. It'salways stays nice.
That's that's okay no definitelyno genuine over here dirty
kitchen just means that it'sit's getting used and that's
that's a good thing my kitchen.
That's what I tell myself atleast I'm like, hey, at least I
(35:36):
cookyou know, such a positive way.
I like that. I grew up in a Areyou familiar with like toxic
positivity? Yeah, that that'sthe kind of house that I grew up
in. So I'm telling you, I cansee any man Dang. Yeah.
(36:01):
I definitely texted my friendyesterday who was like going
through a breakup and he waslike, yeah, it's really hard.
But like, you know, I it's couldbe worse. And I was like, you
could also just like, be like,this really fucking sucks. And
like, that's okay. Like, that'slike, you could just say that.
You could just feel that rightnow. It's okay, you know?
(36:21):
Yeah. I've had to have so manypeople tell me that and like,
practically grab my shouldersand shake me and be like, it's
okay to feel and that's, that'skind of how I ended up like,
rage quitting my job. Ragequitting is a little term as
well, I guess maybe not. It wasthe first time I quit without
any notice. And I enjoyed seeingthe look on my supervisors face
(36:44):
when I told them but that'sneither here nor there. I didn't
even have I have almosteverything working against me
when it comes to like feeling myfeelings because not only did I
grow up in like a toxicpositivity household, but I'm
also an Aquarius, like anythingthat's like Uber analytical. I
like habit. And I didn't realizefor the longest time that what I
(37:11):
was experiencing was burnoutthat I was experiencing things
as job that weren't okay. And itwas okay to be stressed about
it. I was just like, no, this isfine. This is good. And if this
isn't working out for you, well,I then then fuck them. I just I
just probably have to leavebecause they're bad as opposed
to just being like, No, I'mburnt out like, I need a break.
Like this is deteriorating mymental health. I ended up with
(37:32):
two on two different occasions Iended up with like stress
induced illnesses in my career.
And without like, really, if Ihad never taken that time to
look at like, how did I gethere? Why did I get here? Let me
just feel that I'm feeling itwould have just been an endless
loop that would have happenedover and over and over again.
(37:52):
Yeah, 100%is, is astrology. I know you
kind of mentioned somethingabout being a Scorpio in the
song venom is Oh, yeah. Is thatsomething that you're like deep
into it? Or is it just somethingthat like, kind of worked for
the song because I, I have a lotof Scorpios in my life, and I
(38:15):
have a lot of feelings aboutAquarius, and Scorpio
connection, but I won't gothere. If it's not your so
well, so from venom. venom wasessentially about like, people
continually. And people I likemostly mean white people
(38:37):
continually telling me that Iwas like, and still do, like,
continually telling me that I amangry or were just like negative
for just being really vocalabout things that like art.
Okay. Yeah, I'm, I'm very muchnot afraid to tell people like
(39:03):
when something is not okay. Butthe thing is, like, I'm not
angry. But that's somethingthat's like, projected on me so
much. That's something that'sgenerally like projected on
women of color in the firstplace. Yeah. But I think if you
(39:24):
stand up for yourself, even ifyou do it in a gentle way, in a
kind way, or a loving way,people still will project that
anger onto you because that'slike what they want to see. They
don't want to see that. That Oh,maybe I've done something wrong,
and I can correct my behavior.
They just want to see it aslike, you are angry. So like any
(39:44):
internet trolls I get they'realways like, I don't know how
you. How do you live being thisangry all the time, and it's
like, I'm like, I'm I'm probablyhappier. than they are because I
don't think that I truly thinkit is possible to want to see
(40:08):
progress and like be fightingfor progress and be be happy I
think communities of color areparticularly good at this
because I think it's been asurvival mechanism so I think in
that song I'm I'm sort of likelisting all of these reasons I'm
(40:34):
just listing reasons why I'm inI'm inherently angry or
inherently like perceived thatway fiery you know the things
that they like like to call likewomen of color, like um because
for so long I believed I wasthose things because people
(40:59):
projected that onto me so for solong I just thought it was like
this is who I am this is justlike inherent so when I say I
was born in the month thescorpion it's just me like
saying well this must be why I'mso angry as opposed to a maybe
I'm not that angry and be if Iam that angry it's probably on
(41:24):
this it's probably because ofthese like incredibly well
founded reasons like roar beingangry so yeah, the that's that's
more of what that's talkingabout. I don't I don't know much
about astrology I think it's funI think as in like anything that
(41:44):
is spiritual I sort of see itlike as a spiritual practice
that I believe there's validityin like all spiritual practices.
And I also think where there maylack validity all spiritual
(42:06):
practices give us give us aframework for understanding and
processing our lives indifferent ways. So to me that's
like what astrology is it's it'sa way of processing your life in
a in a specific way.
(42:34):
Cool Yeah, I agree. I thinkthat's great. Yeah, I think
we're pretty much at a time Ilove that we got to end this on
you giving me kind of abreakdown on how you came about
venom because like I said, thatwas the first song that they
introduced me to your music Iloved it. It is got that loop in
that song is so freakin cool.
And like the harmonies you dowith that loop anyway. Everyone
(42:56):
go check out venom everyone gocheck out clay all of my songs
literally all of them your olderstuff money hydric Gaslight like
love all riled up. They're sogood. Yeah, they're so good.
Some of them are already in mylike, the like top 100 like most
played for the year like I'mtruly digging I'm so thank you
(43:16):
coming on the show. Is thereanything else that you'd like to
add the feel like you'd beremiss if you hadn't brought it
up?
Um, pre save the album. And ifyou're in the Los Angeles area,
I'm doing a release show onOctober 25 at Hotel cafe. Oh,
(43:38):
great. So come to that.
I think I'll come to that. I'llbe around for that. Yeah,
absolutely. Anybody thatshouldn't be my second live
thing. I'll see a second show.
Yeah, that's right. Love it.
Love it. Love it. That's great.
Trish, thank you so much forcoming on. All the links for
everything that we've talkedabout are in the BIOS listeners.
(44:00):
Please check that out. And thankyou again. I will see you soon.
See you soon. Thank you forhaving me.
Once again, that was trashes.
Thank you Trish for coming on tothe show. I had a great time.
Love me a guest that gives me abook recommendation. I've got
(44:23):
the some of us in my in my to beread list. Anyway, thank you for
listening to this episode of theLeo Yockey show. If you'd like
to support this show, pleaseleave me a five star rating
review on Apple or whateverplatform you may be listening to
this on. It helps me out a lot.
let your friends know thatyou're listening to this take a
(44:44):
screenshot and make yourInstagram story. You can tag me
at LEOYOCKEY and you can followme on your favorite social media
accounts. All the links are inthe show notes. I'm on
Instagram, Twitter and tik tok.
I've been having a lot of fun ontik tok. I've been posting stuff
every day. Yeah pre saved Trishais album The aged. Follow her on
(45:06):
social media. If you're in LA Ihope to see you at her album
release show. I'll be back nextweek with a brand new episode.
Stay evolving.
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