Your Body Holds Memories (Stephanie Somatics)

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In the season 1 finale, Leo is joined by an old friend and Somatic Healer, Stephanie Somatics. Stephanie explains the body's ability to communicate with us, the similarities between the gut and the brain, and specific challenges that empaths face. Leo and Stephanie both open up about their healing journeys.

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By: Leo Yockey

Episode Transcript

(00:14):
Hello, and welcome to thisseason one finale of the Leo
Yockey show, the show where ILeo Yockey interview guests
about how their unique life pathled them to define success and
fulfillment. Y'all, I can'tbelieve we're here, I cannot
believe it's time to close out aseason. But hey, if you've been

(00:35):
here before, welcome back, ifyou're new, welcome. And I
invite you to also check out theprevious episode, the best of
season one, to just kind of geta feel for the journey that
we've been on together. So far.
It's been a lot of fun. Now, Iam so excited for this last
interview that it honestly I sithalfway through the interview, I

(00:56):
said to myself, this has to bemy season finale, I had been
thinking for a while that maybeI was going to want to close out
the season at some point. And assoon as I was in this interview,
I knew that this was going to behow I had to close out my
season. My guest today isStephanie somatics. She is a
somatic healer. I'll let herexplain all that in the

(01:19):
interview. She's also a verydear old friend of mine, whom I
hadn't had a chance to talk tomuch before this interview. I
mean, we we haven't talked inover a decade. So you're hearing
a raw, real catch up between twofriends, I purposely made sure
that we didn't have any kind oflike, pre interview or anything

(01:39):
like that we didn't have anycalls before the interview,
because I wanted you to justhear that authenticity. And I
think that she'll enjoy it. LikeI said, I'm so I'm so excited
about this, I just want to divestraight into it. So I'll talk
to you a little bit more on thetail end of this interview. And
I'll let you know why there wassome significance to this date,

(02:01):
and a little bit of what toexpect in season two. So here's
Stephanie.
Stephanie. Hello, hello. Hello.
Hello. I'm so excited to bedoing this. How are you doing?

(02:21):
I'm so good. Leo, I'm so excitedto be here with you. I'm so
excited to have thisconversation. But mostly I'm
excited to have it with youbecause this is like a
rekindling, a reuniting of ourfriendship but also like a very
crucial moment of who I was inmy life that really correlates
to who I am now. And so likethis, I'm so excited to be here.

(02:44):
Me too. Same, same same. Ditto,ditto, ditto. Just a peek behind
the curtain for the listenersreal quick. I mean, I'm excited
about this, this interview forthree different reasons. One,
Stephanie has a poppin. BusinessOnline, very excited about that.
Congratulations. You're aproduct of the 21st century. I

(03:04):
love it. You have what 15 16,000followers on Instagram, great
reels, you know, a lot of coolstuff going on there. You work
it as a somatic healer, which issomething which is a topic that
I've really been into and ifanybody is has felt like they
want to get better about likelistening to their gut or their

(03:25):
intuition or anything like that.
That is exactly what we're goingto be talking about. You've
totally comes to the rightplace. And three, like Stephanie
was just saying, I mean, gosh, Idon't even remember the last
time we actually chatted face toface like this even virtually, I
mean, it could have easily been10 years at this point, if not
more.
Absolutely. I mean, we wereprobably 12 or 13. Last time,

(03:47):
maybe 14 last time we saw eachother in person.
Yeah. It's been a very longtime. I mean, we we grew up in
the same spiritual community ina hippie ass church. I always
used to be how I described, Igrew up in a very conservative
Christian town, I was like, I goto a hippie church. Like, that's

(04:07):
just the easiest way to describeit. And yeah, it's so you know,
that's one of the things thatwe'll be talking about today,
too, because you know, therethere are some correlations
between that community and whatStephanie does now and you know,
we've seen it in some episodes Ithink by the time you This
episode will have aired Ibelieve that episode with
Valerie Phoenix will havealready come out. And she's the

(04:28):
one I was telling you before westarted recording, there's so
many connections between whatshe does now and her childhood.
So there's there's a lot ofthat. I don't know why I'm
wasting interview time sayingall these things I could have
been saved in the intro, but I'mvery excited. And yeah, I mean,
so without without further ado,Stephanie. I mean, let's just
get right into it. But you know,for people who are unfamiliar,

(04:52):
what exactly is somatic healingand and if you can piggyback off
that what what do you dospecifically in that world?
Yeah, absolutely. So, somatichealing is really what I have
coined as the phrasing for whatI do, because it's based in
somatic psychology, which is theblend of the way our psychology

(05:16):
and our mind pairs with ourbodies experience. So, so much
is how we say body in Latin. Andso the soma experience with the
psychology, we're blending thosetwo together. And then the
healing component for me isreally about bringing in the
intuition and the spiritualaspect as well being able to

(05:37):
understand that sometimes, it'snot about how much knowledge or
information I have, the largerworld and the energy outside of
me is the thing that will helpguide my clients or people who
follow me or the collective as awhole through this process. So
what I do specifically is I workwith people right now one on

(06:00):
one, to overcome their pasttraumas, their current
relationship with anxiety,unhealthy coping mechanisms, or
unhealthy patterns, to livetheir life in a more embodied
way. And we do that through areally nuanced focus on

(06:20):
sensations in the body, and theinformation that we're getting
from your body in real time. Andthis works, because your body
holds memory, in senses, sounds,textures, tastes, auditory
components, and we can actuallyaccess those memories. If we can

(06:42):
drop into areas of your bodythat it's being held in through
either movement, or guidedmeditation, or even like a
sensory practice, like feelingyour belly, maybe you've done a
guided meditation where theysay, okay, breathe into the
belly, something just like that,we would do that in session. And
we follow those sensations tothe memory. And sometimes it can

(07:07):
be a literal memory. I've hadpeople say things like, Oh, my
gosh, I remember the room I wasstanding in, I remember what it
smelled like and the sound. Andsometimes it's actually a little
more sensory than that I workedwith folks who have really young
childhood trauma and have theexperience of actually sensing
themselves as a very, very youngchild before they were pre

(07:30):
verbal. And having the thephysical, tactile sensations, I
can feel the blanket I waswrapped in, I can hear people
yelling in the background, but Ican't, I know I can't talk right
now. And that is really likesome of the coolest parts of
this work is we are using ourbrain to make the connections to

(07:53):
connect the dots so to speak.
But really, the breadth ofinformation we're working with
is coming from your body. Andthat doesn't need the same kind
of cognitive stream of thoughtthat our brain works with. And
that's what makes this sointuitive and quite frankly,
really neat.
Yeah. No, that sounds reallycool. I mean, the way that

(08:14):
you're talking about some ofthese memories that people can,
like, feel and hear, you know, Iknow you're setting up
environments so that people caneat your words really
deliberate. And you're kind oftrying to to bring these
sensations to light. But I thinkI think what you're talking
about sounds like something thatcan kind of happen accidentally.

(08:34):
Sometimes when you like, smellsomething that smells like just
like your grandma's house, nowyou feel like you're at
Grandma's or, you know what Iactually had this otter
recently, to break toincorporate the past again, I
was listening to a bunch ofmusic that I hadn't listened to
since high school, and the songsnap your fingers by little
john, do you remember? With thisStill, he did. So we used to do

(08:57):
that at Asilomar that, that thatis associated with us
specifically amongst some otherpeople. Yeah, you know, I think
all of us can relate to that.
There's certain smells, there'sespecially certain like music
and movies where it's like, italways brings you back. And it
does almost feel like in a waylike you're, you're putting on a
blanket, it just really feelslike you're being transported
back to that time. So whatyou're saying is you you make

(09:19):
that happen, almost kind of likedeliberately in your sessions,
right?
Right, right, we are goingtowards that direction, but that
your body is going to bring tothe session exactly what needs
to be worked on. And that's partof the intuitive component of
the healing is, it's not reallyabout me as the facilitator.

(09:41):
It's about creating a space anda container where your body can
do what it's meant to donaturally. I think we, in this
culture, have a tendency to putthe brain on a pedestal that
thinking our way through thingsis paramount that that that's
what tells us when so Somebodyis like really powerful and
strong when they're a goodthinker. Yeah. But what it does

(10:04):
is it cuts off, you know, likethe 90% of us that doesn't hold
our brain. It's really just likea very small part of our body.
And when we can add in all theinformation that we're getting
from the rest of our body, we'reletting it do what it's meant to
do. And honoring the wisdom thatis naturally in there, your body

(10:25):
is a functioning organism. Andit's always trying to return
itself to homeostasis, which islike a safe neutral middle zone.
And in order to do that yourbody knows exactly what it needs
to do to get there. And so itwill bring up the memories,
it'll give us the information.
And I've learned typically whatthe path is that we're going to

(10:46):
go just from repetition, havingdone it myself, still practicing
it daily with myself sometimes,yeah, but that really, I think
of it almost like a, likebowling. Like, your body knows
that it's going to roll the balldown the track. And once it's
rolling, it's going to keeprolling. And I'm only here to be

(11:06):
the bumpers. When it starts tokind of veer to one side,
whether that's from unhealthycoping mechanisms, past traumas,
current family situations,whatever it is, I'm kind of your
bumpers to go, let's come backto the middle, come back to the
middle, so that it can keepdoing what it's meant to do. And
then really, it's about you andI getting out of the way.

(11:31):
Yeah, I love that. That's sointeresting, because that that
was gonna be one of myquestions, too, is like, if the
whole point of this is like, I'mtrying to listen to my body, and
I'm trying to listen to myintuition. Why do I need
somebody at all right? Like,why? Why are you here? Like,
yeah, like, it's, it's my life.
It's my body. But that totallymakes sense. Because, yeah,
like, like, it's so easy, Ithink, I think especially to

(11:53):
it's so easy to let the mindkind of want to take over
because listen, you don't haveto tell me twice. Thinking
centered our society is becauseI'm an Aquarius. I'm a Ravenclaw
I, you know, I used to be anengineer, like anything that's
analytical, like I was it like,period, like, math was my

(12:13):
favorite subjects in school,like all of it all, literally,
all of the enneagram type five,like, like, you name it, I got
it, you know, and it reallydoes. It feels like, I think the
way that I've heard it recentlythat I really like is, you know,
you have the mind, the body andthe spirit. All of these things
are important, and letting anyof them kind of take over and

(12:37):
get out of control. Could be abad thing. And, you know, like
for In my case, you know, like,I tend to overthink so like I
might have something that Ithink is my intuition, or I
think is a gut reaction, butthen I overthink it, right? I
mean, that's something that Ihear from people all the time is
like, Oh, well, I think thismight be my gut. But like, what

(12:59):
if I'm wrong, or like, inhindsight, they're like, Oh, I
should have listened to my gut.
But like, I don't know, I don'treally trust myself. Like, what?
What exactly do you say topeople like that? So I imagine
that's probably where a lot ofpeople are at when they start
working with you. Right?
Totally.
I can't tell you how many timesI've heard that is like, how do

(13:20):
I trust my gut? What am Ilistening for? Exactly? Like,
how do I know when it's actuallytalking to me? And it's not me
tricking myself into thinkingit's talking to me? Yeah, like,
just tell me what to do. So Ican do. Exactly instructions to
follow.
Yes, we so badly want somebodyjust to write a script, ABC, I

(13:41):
can do these things, and thenI'll feel better. But we're all
a little different. Like, sure.
There's some rough steps. And Ithink the number one is learning
how to listen to your body. Andthat is hard. That that how
piece is going to be uniquelyfor you, but is most likely
going to involve having to slowdown and intentionally make that

(14:04):
connection with your body. Ithink folks who have the hardest
time with this work are peoplewho are under the perception
that they already listen totheir body. Oh, I already do
that. I already know I alreadyknow how to do that. No, I I

(14:26):
exercise I do yoga. No, no, I'mbreathing. I'm fine. Actually,
therapists sometimes reallystruggle with somatic work even
because this is not I think Iknow what I'm doing right? I
think this is how I feel. It'ssitting in the feeling of
discomfort. Not I I know whatdiscomfort is. I know what the

(14:50):
problems are. I know whathappened when I was a kid. It's
feeling what happened as a kidand that's uncomfortable, no
matter how many times You'vegot, yeah, because really the
biggest thing that I findmyself, you know, teaching
folks, and helping them learn isthat this work isn't about

(15:11):
feeling better. This work isabout learning to be okay in
discomfort. I'm not here to healyour soul or to fix your
problems. I'm here to make youfeel comfortable with the fact
that you have problems. Yeah.
And that's tough. That's hard.
And so this question of, how doI know when to listen to my

(15:36):
body? How do I do that? We canlook at it from this intuitive
side of the, you know, wisdomtraditions that tell us that
your body naturally knows, wecan also look at it from a
sciency side, there's quite abit of neuroscience and
anatomical information thattells us that your gut is
literally thinking, the liningof your gut has over a million

(15:59):
neurons that are the same onesthat we find in the brain for
when you think about feelings.
Oh, I didn't know that. Well, Ithink so your gut is literally
thinking about how you feel it'sfeeling. And it's telling you
like, here's the feeling, here'swhat I think about it. But
because our gut doesn't havethat same train of thought it

(16:19):
doesn't say like, Leo, this is abad idea. It just kind of like
squeezes and it feels like a pitin your stomach. Yeah, we go,
Well, my stomach's just weirdand queasy today, I'm fine. And
we keep moving. Yeah. Butthere's those sensations. That's
like the way that our bodycommunicates with us. Like the
memories, they're storedthrough. tactile, our five

(16:41):
senses touch, sound, smell,taste, it's the same way that
our bodies gonna communicate tous. It makes you feel nauseous,
it will taste bile in our mouth,our stomach will contract and
will feel sick. It's saying,don't do that thing. That thing
makes me feel sick. And we go,Oh, I just must have eaten

(17:02):
something weird today. I'm fine.
Let's go do that. And that as asomatic, healer, and then
somatically living person now. Ilook at it every time. And I'm
like,well, well, you look at look at
what you're doing. Of course,you
don't feel good. Your body issaying listen to me, listen to
me, listen to me, and you keeppushing it aside. And so when we

(17:24):
ask this question of how do Iknow how to listen to it, that's
where the slowing down comes in.
That's where the practices gettough. Because you have to make
the time to do that. You got tobe intentional about that. It's
like having a friendship or arelationship, especially like a
relationship with a kid. Ourbodies typically reaching out to
us from like, our inner childplace. And that isn't always

(17:46):
like 789. Sometimes my innerchild is my 20 year old self.
Oh, no. It can be all thesedifferent ages that I very
firmly believe that all the ageswe've been are in there. Because
in each of those differentstages and phases and ages, that
rhymed. I love that. You haddifferent life experiences, we

(18:06):
learn different things, we sawthe world from a different
perspective, how I experiencedmyself at 15 is different than I
how I experienced myself at 20.
And we know that your prefrontalcortex, which is part of the
brain that is what in the front,but also really helps you make
decisions and understandconsequences. Doesn't really

(18:27):
finish developing until you're25. Yeah. And that tells me Oh,
my gosh, I wasn't really fullydeveloped until 25. Of course, I
was a kid when I was 20. I hadno idea what I was doing, right?
And so when we ask thisquestion, how do I listen, we
have to slow down, we have toacknowledge that whatever's
coming up is valid is real isimportant. And having the

(18:51):
patience to make that connectionis really tough. We want to take
a magic pill and just get to theanswer like this. Yeah, we don't
really want to sit down for 20minutes and be like, okay, body
having a feeling Tell me what'swrong. Why do you feel this way?
Can you give me more informationlike that would mean you would
have to stop what you were doingand take the time to maintain

(19:13):
that relationship? Right? Why wesee like you think about when
you see kids throwing a tantrum,and they don't want to put their
shoes on. This is a great one.
They don't want to put theirshoes on. But we need to leave
the house and I need I need youto put your shoes on. I need you
to put your shoes on right now.
We could just shove the shoes onthe little feet and put them in
a car seat. We could do that.
Sure. It would be faster. Or wecan sit down on the floor. Or

(19:36):
you can say what's going on?
What's happening right now.
Yeah. Do you not like the shoes?
Do they feel too tight? Do youhate your socks? Are you hungry?
What's happening? But it takesmore time and is probably going
to be a little uncomfortablesitting on the floor with a
screaming toddler. Not exactlylike a pleasant afternoon. But

(19:57):
that's what we're doing to ourbody is every time We just
shoved the shoes on there andget out the door, we're saying,
I am going to chooseconvenience, over your health
over your feelings, yourfeelings come secondary to my
time management, my job, my needto be productive, whatever it

(20:17):
is, what is the thing you'recommunicating to your body when
you don't take the time tolisten to it. And that's
actually when people end upcoming to somatic therapy. All
of a sudden realize, Oh my God,I've been living my whole life
ignoring my body. I gotta, Igotta get back on track, I gotta
listen to this thing again. Andthat's when they're gonna start

(20:38):
asking that question that you'reposing, how do I do this, we do
it by putting that relationshipas a priority. And by taking the
time to go slow enough, so thatthe priority is consistent.
Oh, my gosh, there's so muchstuff that you said that just
like, it's like, I already toldyou that, you know, like, I was
sick for most of 2019. I alreadyknow that, you know, from from

(21:01):
the work that I've done that alot of this was like, my body
trying to talk to me, but somuch of it now just like, makes
so much more sense. You know,like, I Oh, I got to start with
this. But it makes sense that Iactually I love that analogy of
I mean, I guess not analogy.
It's a real example of with the,with the toddler with the shoes,

(21:21):
because kind of like what wewere talking about before we
started recording, you know,we're the first generation to
really experience a paradox ofchoice when it comes to our
careers. And one of the reasonswhy we have that Paradox of
Choice is because, you know,it's not that if you want to do
something, you have to you know,go to school for a million

(21:42):
years, and then you know, dothis that yet, like a lot of
times, you can learn a lot ofstuff really quickly, and kind
of pivot and make that changereally fast. That's what I did.
When I got into tech, I had beenin casino security in Vegas, and
I had done all these things. Andjust hope like swerved right
into, you know, doing techwithout really taking into

(22:04):
account the traumatic stuff thatI've seen in that tribe. I mean,
I have someone die right infront of me at one point during
that job, you know what I meanby suicide, you know, so it's
like, and I never took the timeto process any of that. And
sorry, to like, dump it rightout of nowhere, but but you
know, but it kind of just, youknow, and I was only like 20 to

(22:25):
23 at that time. So like youwere saying to like, you know,
our brains aren't fullydeveloped yet. Like I was a
child. And I was like, this isfine swerve into this thing
about and I startedtransitioning my medical
transition writer, and this samemonth that I started that my
first tech job, so I had all ofthese changes, without taking
the time to process them. Andthen by the time I was about a

(22:48):
year deep into those changes in2019, I'm telling you,
Stephanie, it was a flip of aswitch. I was in Vegas, I was
visiting, I was going to a SuperBowl party, I was in my hotel,
waiting for my friends to pickme up. All of a sudden, out of
nowhere, I started feeling sick.
And I basically stayed sick forthe rest of the year. Like it

(23:09):
was just like, all of a sudden,my body was just like, nope, we
are done. You have done too muchlike this is it and like you're
saying like that feeling of thestomach contracting. Like, I
just I had so much inflammation,and the doctors were like, yeah,
we see that there'sinflammation, but like, we don't
know what's causing it, you mustbe stressed. And I was like, Oh
my god, you know, it feels alittle bit like a blessing and a

(23:31):
curse. Like it felt reallycrappy. kind of realize, like,
Oh, I had done this to myself.
It's just stress. Like, if I haddone X, Y and Z differently in
the past, maybe I wouldn't havegotten here. But at the same
time, I was like, Oh, it wasjust stress. It was just me
like, I can change this. Like,that's really great. And it has
been a process like I'm stillyou know, this was 2019 you
know, two years later, I'm stilllearning, you're still learning

(23:53):
like this is a lifelong thing.
And it makes sense that, youknow, the more we live life, the
more experiences we have, themore memories we're creating,
the more stuff that's kind ofstacking on top of, you know,
all the different memories. Andso the the way that our body
responds to things, I'm guessingthat mean that changes over
time, right? Like, I can't justlike learn this today, and then

(24:14):
expect that like, you know, if Ifeel my stomach tighten up that
that means this, you know, fiveyears from now, right? Like it
evolves as we grow andexperience things, right.
Absolutely. And I think I lovethis piece you spoke to about,
we're lifelong learners in thisthat where you and I are in our
journeys is great, because lookat where we were two years ago,

(24:37):
oh my gosh, I have so much morenew knowledge. But I'm also so
excited for two years from nowwhen I'm going to have more
knowledge and I know that it'sgoing to be new hurdles, new
experiences, the feeling in mygut. I could think that's about
my seven year old inner childbut the way this work works is
it kind of takes us to deeperand deeper layers. I think I I

(25:00):
am absolutely a huge sucker forthis. I'll go into see my
therapist, and I'll be like,yeah, I feel really good. I've
figured it out. I've got myskills, I know how to use the
tools. And she'll be like, hmm,how important is it for you to
feel in control? And I'm like,you even though I can? No, I

(25:21):
have a relationship with theneed for control. Even though
I've worked through experiencesof that I have had sensations in
my body that have helped melearn how to manage that,
sometimes. Or not. SometimesActually, it's more like,
perpetually, we're going to begetting to deeper and deeper
layers. And there's always moreunfolding, because we're always

(25:42):
continuing with life. What weexperienced today, we might need
to work through tomorrow. And sothe skills that I have from
yesterday are really great. Thatgives me a really good jumping
off point. Yeah, biggest skillis what I what I mentioned
before, is knowing that I'mgoing to be okay, even though
I'm uncomfortable while I feelthis. It's not how do I fix it?

(26:04):
How do I get past it? Well, myold tool don't work anymore.
Sure you built those tools foran old experience, you're going
to need to build tools for thisnew experience. But the one that
we can take with us throughoutthem is I'm going to be okay.
Even though I'm uncomfortableright now. And even as I say
that, I still struggle withthat, because who wants to feel

(26:26):
uncomfortable? That doesn'tsound good at all. It sounds
like getting the short end ofthe stick forever in life. Yeah,
but it's, it's such a freeingfreeing moment. And I recently
started doing ice baths, likefully submerging in freezing
cold water, and doing breathwork while in there. And that

(26:47):
was not something I wasinterested in doing a month ago.
Not even remotely, I was like,that sounds terrible. You want
me to sit in peak discomfort,and like, chill out literally.
Right? I'm gonna take a hardpass on that. And through a
conversation with my partner, Irealized, Oh, this is just

(27:09):
another version of the thingthat I actually strive to
practice. I want to learn how tobe comfortable in discomfort.
And I'm not saying that means weshould be putting ourselves in
dangerous situations,discomfort, and unsafe are very
different things, right. But Ican go sit and submerge myself
in that ice bath, know thatthere's somebody here who's

(27:30):
going to make sure I don't havehypothermia. And I can learn how
to be there and be okay with it.
And I think that like that'sreally the crux of why somatic
work is so powerful for us.
Because we learn that eventhough my body is like losing
its marbles in whatever way itis. I can be with it. I can be

(27:50):
friends with my body and sitdown with her and look at her
and be like, I get it, and I'vegot your back. It's gonna be
okay, we're gonna figure thisout together. And that unity
that connecting of therelationship with your body.
Like I don't even have words forhow powerful that is. Yeah.

(28:11):
I love that and I love I lovethat it's like layers and I love
that you know, you recognizethat the the ice baths are
something that even like a monthago, you would have been like
No, absolutely not get out ofhere with that ice. That's all
the way baby but it reminds youof like, you know, like life
really is like like a video gamelike an RPG specifically because

(28:35):
it's like you can you can be inthis you know world and you can
be at the level that you're at,and have fun and go on
experiences and do adventuresand things like that, you know,
and it would be great. But thenonce you you know, kind of go
into a deeper level and kind ofaccomplish the specific tasks
that it takes to move on to thenext level. Then it's like all

(28:58):
of a sudden you have all thesedifferent tools, but then you
also seemingly have biggerchallenges and again, it's like
you can fill in this spot andjust be okay and kind of just do
the side missions or whateveryou know kind of live live and
yeah, I mean cuz I'm kind of thesame way I've started to run and
I just got to the point whereI'm like i mean it's it's more

(29:20):
of a jog let's be real but inthis like non walking state for
the entirety of a mile now whichbefore I would have never been
able to do but it's that samething I'm to me I see it not so
much as being okay with beinguncomfortable as much as it is
like learning to like trust mybody learning that my body knows

(29:42):
what it needs to do to be ableto get me through that and that
even if it hurts that it's goingto be able to like recover so I
guess that is still it's anotherwording of being okay in the
discomfort but I love that. Ilove that so much. This is
yes. And there's something aboutI even though I'm uncommitted
Trouble right now, even in thisrun, even if I'm like tired, and

(30:03):
I'm hot, and I'm not enjoying itright now, I know that I'm going
to feel good at the end of therun. I know that even though I'm
freezing my literal toes off inthis ice water, when I get out,
I'm going to feel more alivethan I ever have before. And so
I will sit in this cold water.
Because I know on some level,we're gonna be okay.

(30:23):
Yeah, I love that. So I, I feellike I could talk about this
with you forever. But like,What? What brought you down this
path? So like, did you? Did youalready, like, you know, because
like I said, like, there thereare, you know, some of the
things that we've talked about,like, you know, some of how we
were brought up spiritually,like there, there's some overlap

(30:45):
in intersection. And so like,did you want to be like a
somatic therapist or somatichealer? So then you kind of went
to school? Or did you kind ofwant to study psychology and
become a therapist, and thensomewhere along your journey,
learn about somatic and kind ofswitched lanes? Like how? How

(31:06):
did Stephanie specifically gethere?
Absolutely. It's such a goodquestion. And I think this is I
love, I love the journey. I lovehearing about how people got to
where they are, because it givesus so much rich information
about why they're here now.
Right? Yeah. So I, I've alwaysbeen a feeler, I've always been

(31:27):
an emotional little bug, I wasone of those kids that if
somebody else cried, I wascrying too, like that was very
early on. I was like, Oh, youfeel a thing. I'll feel it with
you. Let's do it. And that wasgreat in some ways, because it
was like a very naturalinclination towards empathy,
which is awesome, because itmakes me very good at my job.

(31:49):
But in some other ways, it was ahindrance. It's hard to feel
what everyone around you isfeeling. Because when do you
feel your own stuff? When do Ifeel my own feelings. And I had
really become so overwhelmed andfrustrated. And looking back now

(32:10):
I can know this is what'shappening. But in my younger
years, I had no clue that thisis what was going on. When
somebody else in my closeproximity, my parents, my
siblings, close friends wouldhave a bad feeling sad, angry,
scared, frustrated, whatever itwas, I would feel that with

(32:32):
them. But I wouldn't necessarilyknow. I was feeling it with
them. And oftentimes as afeeler, I would feel like it was
my job to fix it for them. Iwant to fix your anger, let me
help you not be angry, I want tofix your sadness, I want to help
you not be sad. And there was alittle cartoon like stick figure

(32:53):
drawing I'd seen a long time agothat feels like a really good
analogy for an empath. There'slike a little person. And
they're sitting on a park benchand someone comes over with like
a cloud above their head. Andthey sit next to the bench on
next to this person. And asthey're talking, you watch that
little rain cloud shift over tothe empath, and the other person

(33:13):
ends up standing up and smilingand being like, thanks and walks
away. The empath is sittingthere with somebody else's rain
cloud. Yeah. And that is like areally heavy experience. And it
really was challenging. It wasscary, it was overwhelming. And
so what my body did to cope withthe intensity with the pain with
the confusion was dissociate.

(33:37):
And I would energetically andliterally like my little
Stephanie spirit would lift upand out of her body. And a lot
of people experience this aslike a feeling of floating, or
in an intense dramatic moment,people will have a memory of
being above themselves and beingable to look at themselves going

(33:57):
through the thing. Yeah, andthat that dissociation is a
natural, like escape tool thatwe use as a survival mechanism.
But what happens is, if we areonly doing that as our only tool
of coping, then we're not reallyhear, we're not on Earth. We're
not present, we're not beingable to meet our expectations

(34:18):
and duties as humans, we got tofeed ourselves, we got to eat,
and walk through the world andsleep and things like that, and
I wasn't taking care of myself.
And that looks like drinking toomuch getting into reckless
behavior, not being able to havefuture decision making skills.
And there were a series ofevents, essentially, where my

(34:39):
family had the wherewithal tosit down and say we think we
think something's wrong. We'renot sure what's going on, but we
don't know what it is, but wedon't think you know what it is
either. Yeah, and my family. Mymom in particular helped me find
a somatic therapist. And it wasBy literal happenstance that she

(34:59):
happened to be a somatictherapist, I have seen other
therapists over the years to tryto help me with this experience.
But the semantics of it wasradically shifting. For me, that
was the most powerful thingbecause she, right away was
like, you're not in your body atall, are you? And I was like,

(35:20):
What are you talking about? Ofcourse, I'm sitting in front of
you, aren't I? Right? He waslike, well, you're, you're
physically sitting in front ofme, but energetically, you're
not here at all. Where are youright now? And it was the first
time that somebody was able toidentify, oh, this is what's
wrong, you don't feel like youcan be on the ground right now.

(35:42):
Yeah,you know, a good two years of
like, hard work. I mean, I sawher sometimes three times a
week, because I was I reallystruggled to feel like I could
be in my body and tolerate thehuman experience. And we see
that be very similar for otherpeople who are sensitive for
empaths. Yeah, it's hard. It'spainful. And it's hard to human

(36:05):
for them. It is. Yeah, it ishard to human, it's intense down
here. bad stuff happens. Peopleare mean people get hurt, people
hurt you so much down here, itfeels much safer, to up and
away. Yeah, for me working witha somatic therapist was so
powerful. And it led me to aparticular kind of facilitation

(36:29):
called relational familyconstellations, where you're
working with the family system,or with an individual's internal
family system. And you're theway I was taught you really are
using less verbal cues, and alot more sensory information.
And the more that I learned thispractice, the more that I helped

(36:51):
facilitate and participate, themore I found that I just loved
this work. And by happenstance,I also happened to be an artist
and was introduced to a groupcalled tribal markers back in,
oh, gosh, maybe late 2015 2016.

(37:14):
And what they do is, you know,at first glance is its body
painting, they have markers, andthey paint on
it. I remember seeing this stuffon social media. Yeah, that was
cool.
And that's what it you know,again, at face value, it's
pretty, it's fun. It looks likea fun hippie activity, which was

(37:35):
just right in line withme in my life.
But what the deeper layer ofthis practice that tribal
markers teaches, is aboutwitnessing, it's about
connecting. And they taught mehow to be able to stand with
somebody feel their feelings,and not be swallowed by it.

(37:57):
Yeah, that was radicallypowerful. And I found that I had
this innate skill to feel withsomebody without even hearing
their story. I was havingexperiences with folks of
holding them while they cried, Ihad a woman Tell me about her
son's passing. And I was justpainting her I was just being

(38:18):
present with whatever I felt.
And through tribal markers andthe relational constellations, I
really started to practice.
Okay, what is mine? And what isyours? How do I be in this space
with you without taking on everysingle rain cloud? And really
like that, that I don't think Icould do what I do, I couldn't

(38:39):
see 567 people a day sometimes,if I didn't know how to say it,
okay? And close it and be like,okay, we're done. And that you
take that with you. I can hearit, I can hold space for you.
But that was yours now. Yeah.
And through these practices, Irealized I wanted to do somatic
work with people, I wanted tohelp people be in their bodies,
because that was what was soradical for me, I wouldn't, I

(39:01):
wouldn't be as alive as I amright now, if I didn't have that
practice. And so I startedlooking at different graduate
programs and ended up going toNaropa University out in
Colorado, which is acontemplative program. So that
means it's, it's taught under adifferent paradigm, I guess, I

(39:22):
would say, than a classicalacademic institution, your
teachers are, they're not as theall saying power. They're like
the top information source. Theteachers are there to say, this
is what we've learned so far.
You recognize that you also havewisdom and knowledge coming into

(39:44):
this program. And we're justhere to share the information
that we have together. The goalisn't for you to shove all the
information in and eat it andthen regurgitate it out back
onto a test. The goal is for youto eat the information digested
and enjoy corporated into youressence into your being. And
that way of learning for meagain, was right in line with

(40:07):
the why the somatic had been sorevolutionary for me was not
just like, here's the thing youshould know about it. lalala It
was like, here's the thing. Canyou feel it? Can you sit with
it? Okay, now can you digest it?
Okay, now what's left? What doyou still have here? Do it
again? What's here? What do youfeel? How do you eat it? How do
you digest it? Okay, now what'sleft? And it was that over and
over through that program, andit really, I mean, I can't

(40:30):
fangirl enough about it. But itwas three years. And then I
moved back to California andstarted the Instagram as like a
side. fun thing. I was justwanting to talk about somatics.
And I didn't have the samesomatic community out in

(40:51):
California, as I did inColorado, because the graduate
program was. So it literally waslike a fun thing that I did
sometimes. And maybe a littleover six months ago, Instagram
introduced reels, onto theirplatform. And I made a couple of
them just giving basic somaticinformation. And it blew

(41:16):
people's minds. Yeah, where itgot shared and went viral. I had
multiple videos go viral, and Iwas sitting there watching these
numbers tick up going, what ishappening right now what do I
do? Am I supposed to dosomething with this? And at the
time, I was working with teenboys and addiction, which was so

(41:38):
much fun, which I know is gonnashock people. Because that
sounds like a very challenginggroup age group to work with and
a challenging experience. But I,I honestly loved working with
them, because I find thatteenagers keep it very real.

(41:59):
Yeah, they will. Not if you'rebullshitting them, they'll pick
it up. But if you're just you,if you're just honest, and frank
with them, it's much easier, andthey can level with that. Yeah.
And adults have sometimeslearned to not listen to their
bullshit meter. They've startedto say, What am I right? Am I

(42:22):
wrong? Is this good? Is thisbad? But teenagers are still
young enough to go on? Thatdoesn't feel good. So I don't
like it. Yeah.
And there's such power in that.
And when the Instagram took off,I found that I had client or not
client, excuse me, followersreaching out from all over the
states all over the world,actually, you know, outside of

(42:43):
the US included and saying, CanI work with you? Can I work with
you. And I have been building aprivate practice slowly, pre
COVID to work with people inperson and therapists in the US
can only work within theirstate. And so I was like, Okay,
I'm going to be a therapist, I'mgoing to get licensed. This is
where I'm going, I'm gonna workwith teen boys, this is our

(43:05):
plan. And then suddenly,Instagram was offering me a
client basis outside ofCalifornia, outside of the
person to person range. And thenCOVID happened. And all of a
sudden, I couldn't leave myhouse anyways, I couldn't go see
my clients at all, even thoughthey were 15 minutes from my

(43:25):
house. Yeah, I was just me andmy computer, and whoever was on
the other end. And so I kind ofshifted, and I have become a
somatic healer and coach, ratherthan a somatic therapist. I
don't know if I'll get licensedin California, because I'm able
to offer this work to a widerrange of people if I'm not

(43:47):
licensed. Yeah, and, and that,for me is really why I'm in this
work is to bring thisinformation to people. It's not
to guide their bowling ball downthe lane for them, it's just to
bumper it, so that they can dowhat they're naturally meant to
do. And that is how I got towhere I am. I was very long,
sorry.

(44:09):
No, I love it. That that's socool. Because I you know, I, I
was thinking, you know, at onepoint as you're talking about
this, what kept coming up to mewas, man, you really live this
like this really is your lifeand everything that I'm learning
about social media branding, andthe way to be successful in
branding is two things. One, youhave to be fully authentically

(44:32):
you, you got to be real. Andalso you have to really know
your audience. And the way thatit's been taught to me is the
best niche audience to reach outto is like a younger version of
yourself, right? So when you'remaking these reels, you know
exactly what people need to hearand those beginning stages
because you went through it, youknow what it feels like to have

(44:55):
someone say, hey, it doesn'teven seem like you're in your
body at all. So you know exactlythe The exact language that
would take for someone goingthrough that stage to feel like
someone connects with them andgets them. So it totally makes
sense to me that it just tookoff. Because you're being new,
you're being real. And you knowexactly how to reach out to
because you're basically justreaching out to your past self

(45:15):
in a way.
Spot on. Absolutely. And I thinkthat's what makes this, like 10
multiplied tenfold is, everytime I talk about this to a
person, they go, Oh, my body hasa feeling, I should check in
with it. And we'll who, who isthe best client for this kind of

(45:36):
work. Every client, everybodyhas a body, everybody could
benefit from somatic work. Andthat there's different kinds of
therapy, you know, the talktherapy, CBT, EMDR, there's all
these different varieties, whichis great. But I find that
somatics overlays beautifullywith all of them. Yeah, we got

(45:56):
to know how your brain works. Weshould understand what your
thought patterns are. You shouldalso know what's happening in
your body. When those thoughtpatterns are firing. How often
do you have anxious thoughts,but don't feel your body
experience of anxiety? Well, I'manxious. Okay, well, how's your
breath? Oh, I'm not evenbreathing. Like that. That is

(46:19):
like, I hear that one all thetime. I know I'm anxious. But I
don't know. I'm anxious. Yeah,we're thinking it. We're not
feeling it. And then the thing Itell my clients all the time, is
they're called feelings. Notthings like that.
Is this catchy? Oh, my God.
Okay, so we're just about readyout of time. I do have one
question that came up. It's kindof a curveball. It's not on the

(46:41):
list. But you said you wanted tochallenge this is this is some
that I keep thinking that I feellike the listeners are probably
thinking, you know, those whoare who still might be a little
bit skeptical about the thecymatics. And the their ability
to heal in general, is like, wegot to get real, right. Okay. So
like the the toddler shoes, ofcourse, it makes more sense to

(47:02):
sit with the kids and to, butlike, we got to get to a
doctor's appointment in 30minutes. I don't have time to do
that. That sounds great. But weboth essentially said it took
two years to really get out of areally bad state into a better
place. Who has two years. Sowhat do you say to people that
say like, great for you must benice to have the time? What

(47:23):
would you say to people like?
Absolutely. Leo, such a goodquestion. Two things. The first
one. Time is a privilege?
Absolutely. I think it is aprivilege to get to slow down to

(47:44):
listen to our bodies. And if youdon't make time for your body,
oh, it'll make you slow down. Wesee people with suddenly getting
violently ill, and they can'trecover. We see people
developing chronic illnesses andare going I don't know what's

(48:05):
happening. People. I thinkeating disorders are another
one. People are going Oh, well.
They just need cognitivebehavioral therapy. Their
relationship with their body istelling us something. There's
something going on there. And soif you don't make time for your
body, it'll make time it'll makeyou make time for it. We see

(48:26):
stress being like the number onecause of illness, right? Yeah,
actually, I'm pulling thatstatistic out of the air. I
don't know that. But we see thatstress can make you sick,
tangibly. Yeah. And that. Imean, your experience spot on
100 problem was that I was sick.
And you know, we can even lookat your experience of like,
okay, you went back to the placethat area, you were in town, and

(48:47):
then you were sick. That was thearea that the trauma happened.
And so your body said, Okay,here's the place. Here's the
memory. Have you looked at thistrauma yet? And suddenly we're
sick?
Wow, quote unquote. Yeah, that'sthat's a very good point. I
actually never even made thatconnection. Yes. Going back to

(49:08):
Vegas. Absolutely. And being ina casino most spending most of
my time in a casino.
Yes, sounds your body was likeoh, I've been here before I have
a memory here like it's gonnahappen. It's here now and stuff
and everything startedhappening.
Down. Boom somaticsSeriously? Oh, my goodness.

(49:29):
That's great. And I will say tothat, you know, for time isn't
privileged but this this kind ofgoes back to what former guests
the show, Megan q Barrett wassaying, like, take five minutes,
find a way to find five minutesto start, you know, working on
yourself focusing on yourself.
You know, she she's a she's amother and she helps other moms

(49:50):
kind of take their time back andshe her big thing is start
waking up five minutes beforeyour kids and she said she
started doing that and within aweek she started feeling a
difference and five minutes issomething I believe time is a
privilege 100%. But everybodycan find five minutes in their
day,I believe. I agree. And I think
you know what the kids thing. Ithink that brings me to my

(50:10):
second point. Yeah, we don'talways have time to sit down and
do the whole shoe dance. And I'mgonna be honest, I sometimes
have done this little thing tomy nephew. That's where this
story comes from. His name isalso Leo. And I've been like,
Leo, I know you hate this. Iknow you hate it right now. I'm
gonna put your shoes on, we'regonna get in the car, we're
gonna go. Like he's screaming,he's thrashing. We're getting in

(50:30):
the car anyways. And then atsome point, if I can come back
and repair, I can sit down withhim and say, Leo, I'm really
sorry, I put your shoes on foryou. Hmm, I know that that you
didn't like that. Sometimes, youknow, sometimes that inner
child, we're literally the childcan be like, okay, I don't know
what you're talking about. But alot of times your inner child,

(50:55):
it does remember that. And weknow that secure attachment
comes from rupture, and repair,we need to build security is to
know that even if things gowrong, you're going to come back
and repair with me. So eventhough I am making you eat

(51:16):
carrots right now, like I didwith my niece, this last
weekend, you are going to eatthose, if you try to eat that
cookie, I'm gonna slap it outyour hand. She didn't like that.
And that's fine. You can be madat me about that. But you will
eat that carrot. And then later,when the cookies are there, I
can sit down with her and belike, Hey, I'm really sorry, I
was kind of mean about thecarrots. I want to make sure

(51:37):
that you you had food in yourbelly. We can't just eat sugar
all the time. I know you didn'tlike it. And I'm sorry that it
happened that way. I'm notsaying I'm not going to do it
again. I'm not saying that I'mgoing to fix it or that she can
throw the carrots up. I'm notchanging anything about what
happened. I'm acknowledging herfeelings she didn't like I'm
recognizing, yeah, I could havebeen nicer about that. I'm sorry

(52:01):
that I did it that way. Andthat's the repair. And then I
gave her okay. And she I help Ibe with her. And the thing that
she's excited about, we canfrost the cookies, we can
crumble them and throw them inthe air, whatever. It's the
being with that so much of whatthe somatic work is about is not
fixing it, we're not going to goback and change that the trauma
happened. We're going to go backand help your body. No, it's not

(52:23):
alone. Know that you are herefor it. You understand? And I'm
so sorry. That happened. Andthat's, that's what we all
really want. I know I'm going toI want to know that I'm going to
be okay, even though bad thingshappen. Because they're going to
happen. We're going to have tobe uncomfortable. Life is not
always pretty. And I want toknow that when it's not pretty.

(52:45):
I'm not alone. And then it'sgoing to be okay at some point.
I'm not saying I never want badthings to happen. I want to know
that when they happen. I'm notalone, and it's gonna be okay.
Eventually,you'll be able to turn to return
to normal. This too shall passone of my favorite sayings. This
too shall pass.
And this is what makes our bodyfeel like home. Yeah. Back to

(53:08):
ourselves that needing thatrelationship. That's when this
feels like home.
Yeah. Cool. I love that. Oh, myGod, man. That's so cool.
Stephanie. We are met. Like Isaid I could I say this to
almost every guest. But I reallymean it this time, I could talk
to you for hours. Do you haveanything that you'd like to add

(53:30):
before before we close out? Um,I think one of the biggest ways
to get started with this peoplethat are like, Where do I begin
is by creating a reflective andintentional practice with
yourself, whether that'sjournaling or meditating or
doing something like reallybasic and sensory, like doing a

(53:51):
body scan. And you can do those,you know, whenever, however,
however often, but the goal isto start talking to your body,
start showing your body thatyou're listening, and start
doing that on a consistentbasis. That consistency is what
builds the trust. It's whatbuilds the relationship, just

(54:12):
like with people, when you showup for your friends. That's how
they know they can trust you.
Same thing with your body.
That's so cool. I love that man.
Stephanie, thank you so much.
This has been Wow, this has beena very powerful episode. I
think, at least for me. I don'tknow about my listeners, but I
definitely got a lot out ofthis. I'm sure they will too.

(54:35):
Holy moly. So yeah, I am surethat a bunch of people have
already paused and looked at theshow notes to figure out where
they could find you because theyalready knew they wanted to be
following you. But if peoplewant to work with you, people
just want to see some of thesereels that you've been talking
about, you know, where where canyou be found on the internet?
Absolutely. So my website isStephanie somatics with an s.com

(55:00):
But I'm also on Instagram,Stephanie somatics again, and
somatics is s o m a t ICS. Um, Ihave a link in my Instagram and
on my website where we can booka consultation. I think it's
really important for us to like,have a quick check in before we
start working together. And sofolks are absolutely welcome to

(55:20):
do that. Right now I work withpeople just through zoom, as I
get ready to transition to a newhome and a new space, hoping to
be able to invite people to workin person in like the next six
to eight months. So for rightnow we're on zoom. And that is
where folks can find me.
That's awesome. That's great.
Because I have listeners I Iwon't shut up about it. I'm

(55:44):
raking in Tanzania, my dad'shome country. I'm in Canada.
Free. Yeah. Exciting. Exciting.
I feel very fortunate. But yeah,so So I love that you're on
zoom. I love that people canconnect with you from anywhere.
And yeah, definitely giveStephanie a follow up. All those
links you just mentioned aregonna be in the show notes. Ah,

(56:07):
Stephanie, this was fantastic.
Thank you so much for coming on.
It was so good to see you. Itwas so good to see you in a chat
with you. And I can't wait to doit again. Some time, we will
have to do an AEG live orsomething to follow up on this.
I would love that. It's beensuch a pleasure and an honor to
be here. Leo, I'm so happy tohave gotten this chance to share
with you to hear your story andyour journey with your body.

(56:30):
This just wove in so beautifullytogether. And a part of me would
love to end the show with and soit is
you have right yes. To our toour for our spiritual
upbringing. I'm I'm down withit. And so it is a whole thing.
Thank you. Thank you.

(56:58):
Oh, my God wasn't it wasn't thatamazing? You see why that had to
be my season finale. Once again,that was Stephanie somatics.
Stephanie, thank you again, Ireally appreciate everything
that Stephanie had to say abouthealing and how what we need and
what our how our bodies respond,it all changes over time. I said

(57:19):
in last week's episode thatthere was some significance
behind the date of this seasonfinale, August 31. On this date,
in 2014, I actually got soberfor the first time, I learned a
lot during my time in a 12 stepprogram, a lot of principles
that I still carry with me tothis day. But I didn't stay
sober. I was sober for a littleunder three years, and then

(57:43):
started drinking and smokingweed again for another four
years. And I just got soberagain about three months ago.
Now. This experience reallyexemplifies for me, one of my
favorite sayings, which isprogress, not perfection. You
and I mean, you know, there werejust some things that I think I
had to experience before I wasreally ready to get sober. But

(58:07):
the date August 31, still holdsa lot of significance to me, I
think it always will. So I'mreally glad that I got to end
the season today. And that thatwas just kind of a coincidence.
I didn't realize it until afterI planned everything out. So
yeah, paint. Thank you all forbeing on this journey with me. I
hope that you've enjoyed thisfirst season as much as I have.

(58:28):
And hey, if you have enjoyed it,share it with a friend, take a
screenshot and make it yourInstagram story. You can tag me
at LEOYOCKEY we also haveStephanie both mine and
Stephanie's links in the shownotes. So next season, we're
going to be taking things in aslightly different direction.

(58:50):
for season two, it's going to bea little bit more of a
conversation. I mean, I knowthese are conversations, but
it's going to be a little bitless guided by my guests career
path, and a little bit moreabout who they are as a person.
The conversations are going tobe a little bit more raw.
Because if I've learned anythingin this first season, is that

(59:11):
the best antidote to existentialdread is to talk to each other
to share our stories. Thank youagain for being on this journey
with me. Next week. I'll bereleasing the trailer for season
two. Then in two weeks onSeptember 14, we'll be diving
right in. Have a Have a greatday. Just just have a great time

(59:33):
have Have a great week, have agreat day would have a great
holiday, whatever is coming foryou. I hope that it's wonderful.
I'll see you with the trailernext week in season two in two
weeks. Stay evolving.