How Lydia Knight Rewired Her Brain for Lasting Change: Deprogramming Fear

Lydia Knight’s powerful journey from cult survivor to a beacon of authenticity and empowerment takes center stage as she shares her deeply personal story. At a pivotal moment, Lydia chose to reveal her struggles with food and mental health during a national health coaching call.

This bold step transformed her life and resonated with countless others facing similar battles. We explore the layers of her experiences, from grappling with the fear instilled in her by her upbringing in a cult to overcoming a life-threatening eating disorder. Lydia’s insights on the healing power of authenticity and the neuroscience behind deprogramming harmful thoughts provide a roadmap for anyone seeking to break free from their own constraints. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a pathway to connection and healing.

Takeaways:

• Lydia Knight's journey as a cult survivor illustrates the immense power of authenticity in overcoming personal struggles, particularly regarding mental health.
• The importance of sharing our stories is profound; it can help others feel less alone and validate their own experiences, creating a ripple effect of healing.
• Lydia emphasizes that deprogramming harmful thought patterns, whether stemming from a cult or an eating disorder, can lead to empowerment and lasting change in one's life.
• Recognizing that our worst moments can be transformed into the strongest parts of our narrative is crucial for personal growth and resilience.
• Through her experiences, Lydia demonstrates that true healing often requires confronting fears and embracing vulnerability instead of hiding behind a facade of perfection.
• The conversation highlights that being open about our challenges can foster connection and support, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles.

Lydia Knight is a paradigm-shifting author, speaker, and executive coach. Her memoir Split chronicles her deprogramming from indoctrination, while her upcoming book Thought Leader explores the personal and social impact of our thought patterns.

As founder and CEO of The She Center, one of the top two percent of woman-owned businesses globally, Lydia’s innovative work has been featured on CBS, NBC, and Fox News, among others. She has also conducted leadership and communication training for the U.S. Army, Forbes 50 Over 50, Disney, Adobe, and National Geographic. A cult survivor doing exceptionally well, Knight's work empowers women to create their path to freedom.

Special page for listeners: https://theshecenter.org/podcast/

Website TheSheCenter.Org https://theshecenter.org/

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@theshecenter

LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/lydia-knight-tsc/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theshecenter

TikTok - The She Center http://tiktok.com/@theshecenter

TikTok - Cult Stories https://www.tiktok.com/@honeststorytime

Facebook Fan Page https://www.facebook.com/CenterOfShe

Resources: To listen in on more conversations about pivotal moments that changed lives forever, subscribe to "The Life Shift" on...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This hiding and this doublelife that I was living just became
unacceptable to me. So whathappened was there was this national
Habits of Health call. It wasat the end of the year, people thought
they were tuning in for, like,healthy tips during the holidays.
And I just decided I couldn'tdo it anymore. Like, I had to be
authentic. And at this point,Matt, I had not found the solution

(00:22):
I'd been searching for years.And I was like, I just, I've got
to be real. So on the call, Itold thousands of people that you
think I'm a healthy person,but here's the truth.
Today's guest is Lydia Knight.She is a cult survivor. She's an
author. She says she's aneuroscience enthusiast slash nerd,

(00:44):
and she's an executive coach.And she's really spent her life trying
to rewrite the narrative offear and shame and control into a
life that is led withempowerment and authenticity and
freedom. Lydia takes us onthis journey through her extraordinary
life, truly, from growing upin a cult led by her grandmother,

(01:05):
to overcoming a lifethreatening eating disorder, to using
neuroscience principles todeprogram harmful thought patterns
and really reclaim her life.And through that, she's helping other
people do the same. Shedoesn't hold back. And she shares
these moments that shaped heras we do on the Life Shift podcast,
including one really specificmoment that stood out to me. And

(01:27):
it was this raw and vulnerabledecision to speak her truth publicly,
which not only changed herlife, but inspired other people.
Because we really just neverknow what other people are feeling
out there and feel a littleless alone. It can be so life changing.
In this episode, Lydiaexplains the power of deprogramming,
the healing power ofauthenticity, and how understanding

(01:50):
the brain can really lead tolasting change. Her story is this
powerful reminder that nomatter how entrenched our struggles
may feel, we really can maketransformation. So whether you're
seeking hope, resilience, orjust a kind reminder of the strength
that we all have, I thinkyou'll really enjoy this episode.
So without further ado, hereis my conversation with Lydia Knight.

(02:14):
I'm Matt Gilhooley, and thisis the Life Shift Candid conversations
about the pivotal moments thathave changed lives forever.
Foreign.
S welcome to the Life Shiftpodcast. I am here with Lydia. Hello,

(02:34):
Lydia.
Hello, Matt. It's so wonderfulto be here.
Well, thank you for being apart of the Life Shift podcast even
before you tell your story,because I can tell that although
your story is probably anintense one to hear, there is so
much value in telling ourstories and Just by talking to you

(02:54):
for these last couple minutesthat people haven't heard. I just
know that you have this greatenergy that I think people out there
that might feel alone in theircircumstance, it might not be the
same as yours, but they'regoing to feel a little less alone
or they're going to havesomething that they can attach to,
to move forward in their life.So just thank you before we even
get started.
Well, I receive that it'swonderful to be here and thank you

(03:15):
for the stories that you sharewith the world. Like it's one of
the most important things forus to connect through story as human
beings. Thank you for beingsuch a, such a big part of that,
Matt.
Well, I will accept that aswell. I think of my 8 year old self
who had just lost his mom. Itwas like the late 80s, early 90s
and no one was prepared toteach me how to grieve or to help

(03:39):
me through the life with.Basically she was like my main parent
because my dad lived so faraway and I was visiting him when
she died and nobody knew whatto do. And what I absorbed from everyone
around me was that they justneeded to see that I was happy. And
so I absorbed that and took onthat responsibility of performing

(04:00):
and being perfect and doingall the things so that my dad wouldn't
also abandon me like it feltwhen a parent dies. And so every
time I have theseconversations I think, what if that
8 year old, that 10 year old,that 15 year old had heard another
story about someone, a guy intheir 40s who had lost their mom
as a kid and was doing fineand having these conversations? Would

(04:22):
I feel different? Would I havegrown up differently hearing these
stories? And so it's just apleasure to be able to have this
space, to hold the space forthese stories. Because as many stories
as I've heard, there's alwayssomething in someone's story that
hits me and helps to heal thatlittle kid in me. So you are so right

(04:45):
about the power of thesestories and holding space for them.
It's just so important. And IHope that in 2025 and beyond, people
get more comfortable sharingthe hard parts of their stories.
Not just the triumphs, butalso like those valleys. Because
I think I connect so much moreto those valley like moments and

(05:07):
how we got to the triumphsfrom those valleys.
Yeah, what, what we talk aboutis the worst part of your story becomes
the best part of the storywhen you're on side of that, when
you're healthy, when you'rehealed and you can look back and
have that contrast. And itreally is, you know, a beautiful
thing that. That creates thewholeness of who we are.

(05:29):
You're right. But it's so truebecause I look back and I'm like,
I'm only this version of mebecause of my worst moments.
Yeah, it's absolutely. Andit's a powerful thing to see. And
when we think about, you know,storytelling, it's like, wow, the
most exciting part was when itwas so bad, because now you're okay.
Like, you live to tell thetale. Like, we've. We've come through,

(05:50):
so it's a beautiful triumph.Those valleys and, yeah, sharing
those is so important.
Early on in this journey withthe Life Shift podcast 2022, I was
talking to people and I wouldhear these really intense, really
sad, really whatever typestories, and I found myself comparing.

(06:10):
I found myself, oh, your storyis so much worse than mine. Or, you
know, like, just losing aparent is not as bad as XYZ or whatever
it might be. Somewhere alongthe way, someone said to your worst
moment is just as bad as myworst moment because it's the worst
moment we've ever experienced,so we don't know anything worse.

(06:31):
And I was like, wow, like,that makes so much sense.
I remember I was, like,complaining to a friend once about,
like, a workout injury, right?Like, I, like, pulled a muscle or
something. And as I'm just,you know, venting to a friend, I
had this moment where Irealized, like, my friend has chronic
pain. She's lived with chronicpain every day for years. And I sort

(06:52):
of have this deer in theheadlights moment where I would,
like, I'm so sorry. Like,you're in pain all the time. And
she said something sobeautiful. She's like, your experience
and my experience don'tdiminish each other. She's like,
your pain is just as valid asmy pain. We're just having different
pain. And I thought that wassuch a wonderful perspective of we
can be our authentic selvesand not need to compare or decide

(07:16):
how much we can sharedepending on how much someone else's
experience is in intensity.
Wow, that's. I mean, that'sreally powerful. I hope. I don't
know. I don't think all of mycircle is like that, but I hope more
people get to be that way inwhich there is less of that. There's
more sharing, more validating,more embracing each other's stories

(07:39):
as uniquely their own. Butalso, we're all kind of intertwined
in some way on this littleride we call Life.
Yeah, absolutely. And, like,the story I'm sharing today, Matt,
this is a story that I thoughtwas, like, too bizarre and a part
of my story that I didn'tshare up until, like, a month ago

(08:00):
or maybe two. Like, it had.Yeah. And sometimes we've even healed
through our story, and we feelsecure in it, but it feels like,
a little too much to share.But I have found that as soon as
you start sharing, like, youknow, our videos started going viral
when I started sharing thestory that, like, I thought that
nobody would want to hearabout. And I've had such a beautiful

(08:20):
response. So I'm. I'm happyand privileged to share this story.
Everyone should share theirstory when they're comfortable, when
they're ready to. I thinkit's. Yeah, it's really healing for
the person sharing as well,but also for those of us that get
to listen. So we'll get intoyour story, but maybe before we do
that, you can tell us whoLydia is in 2025. Like, who are you
right now? How do you identify?

(08:43):
Yes. So I'm an author. We havetwo books coming out this year. A
memoir about the bizarrecircumstance I grew up in, and then
this beautiful book calledThought Leader that's about the principles
that we teach. And so that'sreally fun. I'm a speaker. We do
leadership training for theU.S. army, and leaders at Adobe and

(09:05):
Disney and NationalGeographic. I love the land that
I'm on. I am a lover of thisbeautiful land of Santa Fe. We have
a little hobby farm on sixacres. And I'm an optimist, which
is a lovely thing. Thisbalance between optimism and being

(09:27):
really clear with the truth ofthe world right now, I think is an
interesting balance. I'm anerd about the brain and neuroscience
because that's my life's work.So, yeah, all those things together
is who Lydia is in 2025.
Yeah. And we would be remissif we didn't say thank you to Matt
Drinkon for the EternalOptimus Podcast and for connecting

(09:49):
us. We've both been a part ofhis world, and he made this connection
because he knew that we wouldjive in this story together. Yeah,
absolutely. Hey, Matt.
Shout out to Matt. Adoring all the.
Matt's right. Well, you know,it's a very uncommon name, so it's.
It's hard to. To find anotherMatt out there. So when you find
them, you gotta stick withthem. But in any case, I. I love

(10:12):
that it. I love the way youdescribe your work, too, because
you can see the joy and thepassion that you have behind it.
It just, I mean, you lit uptalking about your work. When I think
myself growing up, I stuckwith these like society checklist
type things in which work wasjust something that was like this

(10:34):
status that was like you hadto reach a certain level and then
you had success, respect, oryou had all these pieces and you're
telling what you do and whatyou drive towards and the things
that you love and there's justso much joy there. Whereas, like,
I felt like I wasn't allowedto have that working until recently
when I was like, oh well, noone cares. I can do whatever I want.

(10:56):
It's a great realization. Thatis a paradigm shift I wish upon everyone.
Right. Well, it took a while,but here we are. So to get into your
story, maybe the best way todo it is to kind of have you paint
your picture of your lifeleading up to this pivotal moment
that we're going to talkaround today. And you can paint how
far back you need to go. Yougo there and paint this picture for

(11:16):
us.
Yes, absolutely. So I mean,just diving right in with the disclaimer
that like, I am happy andhealthy and thriving and like the
story has a very, you know,happy continuance. But just being
real about where my, where mystory started. I grew up terrified
every single day. I'm a cultsurvivor. So my grandmother created

(11:38):
a cult within the Mormonchurch and the story around that
was that my brother and I werebeing constantly chased by Satan
worshipers who had kidnappedus earlier in life. This, this band
of Satan worshipers controlledthe government and the police and
everything. A very conspiracytheory esque and that they had, they

(12:01):
were led by my father and wehad been abused in horrible ways.
So for instance, one day whenI was like maybe 7, 8 years old,
my back hurt and I went to mymom, you know, because you trust
your parents. And I'm like,mom, my back hurts. Like, you know,
what do do? And she's like,well, your back hurts because you
were abused by this sataniccult and they put needles into your

(12:22):
eyes and they broke your spineover and over and over, then healed
you with the power of Satanand that's why your back hurts. These
were the kinds of explanationsthat I was receiving growing up.
So from the people you trusted?
Yes, from the people that Itrusted. And so there was this absolute

(12:43):
fear that I just lived everyday with. You know, my nervous system
was formed in, in fear everyday. Now I was in this cult circumstance
for a long time untilAdulthood. When I finally left the
cult and got back in touchwith my dad, who was a loving parent
who had been looking for hiskids for 25 years. And we had been

(13:07):
separated and, you know, wewere kidnapped away when I was 2
years old. My brother was 1years old when we were reunited and
I left the cult. I on thisjourney, understanding my brain and
neuroscience. And I was ableto deprogram from the cult environment
that I'd grown up in. I wasable to go to college and graduate

(13:28):
summa cum laude and, you know,be successful in so many ways and
get married and have a childof my own. And I was so happy that
I had escaped this cultupbringing. And I thought that, like,
my troubles were behind me. Ilaunched into this wonderful career.
I became a health coach. Ittook off very quickly. I became in

(13:48):
the top 1% of coaches in theworld and we had a team of over 8,000
clients. I became a businesscoach for health coaches, trained
over 400 coaches and Matt. Ideveloped the most horrible life
threatening eating disorder.At the same time that my whole image

(14:11):
and my whole work in the worldwas, this is how you're healthy,
this is how to be healthy. I'ma symbol of health. So I started
living this double life. Iwould say that that life shift was
really at a time where I hadlocked myself in my closet in the
bedroom. That was where Iwould go to cry because you couldn't

(14:32):
hear very well if I was inthat closet and I was on the floor
and I was just weeping andweeping, really down on myself and
terrified because I had doneso much to get out of the cult. I
had done so much to heal mybrain. And now my whole life had
become about being terrifiedabout food and binge eating and restricting

(14:55):
and it was all consuming. Iwas like, I did so much to survive.
And now this, like, this is athing that's going to take me out.
And that was one of thedarkest moments because although
I felt relief in the moment,the relief came from the idea that,
oh, I don't have to keep doingthis. Like, I could end my life and

(15:18):
I wouldn't have to suffer withthis anymore. It was really the first
time that had occurred to meas a possibility and a way out. And
that that was what built up tothat life shift moment.
I mean, like you said, yourstory is like so complex and so like

(15:38):
nuanced in the fact that howyou grew up and was implanted in
you, all these negativethings, you get out, we think, yay,
she's out. Look how successfulshe is. Like on surface, on paper,
when inside you, you stillhave this, like, this control piece
where. In which you need tonavigate this world inside that you

(16:01):
can control this becauseeverything else is so beautiful on
the outside. I'm finding ithard to describe that because I had
the same thing in an eatingdisorder piece that I couldn't escape
as well as a teen. And I thinka lot of it is trauma, like, informed
of something that I cancontrol completely within myself.

(16:21):
Whether that's a negativething or not. Do you look back at
that as like something youwere holding tight to because you
could control? Or why do youthink you. You felt that way with
the. The eating disorder piecethat brought you there?
It's such a great question.And if you look for answers of why
eating disorders exist, youwill find a thousand different reasons.

(16:44):
It's control, it's pasttrauma, it's a hormone imbalance.
It's not about. It's aboutsomething else. What was the thing
that saved my life was arealization that the number one cause
of eating disorders isrestrictive dieting. And I was a
health coach that wasrestricting my diet more and more
to try to make my body look ina certain way. And we've now freed

(17:09):
over a thousand women fromwomen and men. Mostly women come
to us, but we have lots ofgreat men in our community as well,
but freed them from eatingdisorders. And. And it's such a relief
to know that they don't haveto go to 25 years of therapy and
overcome all their trauma.Like, that's a beautiful thing to
do. Like, high five, do it.But to end an eating disorder, it's

(17:29):
actually about deprogrammingfrom diet culture. It's about working
with neuroscience. So I didn'tknow that in that moment, but that
was something that I found.Yes. Did I have control issues? Yes.
Was I still working throughthe cult stuff? Absolutely. But none
of those things were actuallythe reason I was out of control with
food and felt like I couldn'tstop once I started eating.

(17:52):
Why, and this is going tosound so rude, why in that moment,
do you think that it waseither all or nothing for you? Like,
because you said, like, youfeel like you could just pull yourself
out of this experiencecompletely to end it all. What in
that moment brought you, like,why that moment?
Yeah, that's a beautiful,valid question. Like, absolutely.

(18:16):
So I had already been tryingall the traditional methods to end
an eating disorder. I hadalready been doing that for years.
You were fully aware that youhad this issue?
Yes, I Was aware I didn't havethe language of eating disorder for
a long time. I honestlythought, Matt, that I was some unique
kind of crazy, because whatkind of health coach would go and

(18:39):
binge on all this food that Iwould never recommend for anyone
else, have this sort of outerbody experience where I was watching
myself eat spoon afterspoonful of peanut butter and not
being able to stop and thenspend the next month just like killing
myself at the gym and like,you, starving myself to try to even
get back to square zero. So itwas a long lead up to the realization

(19:02):
that I could get out of it. Sowhat happened was, for years, I had
tried everything. I had triedall the traditional methods, and
everything made it worse. Andit was terrifying to me because I
was somebody that could set agoal. I'd overcome so much in my
life. I'm for sure I could seta goal and change it. But nothing

(19:23):
worked. What was so importantabout the darkness of that moment
on the closet floor wasbecause I gave up. Because I was
like, I don't have to liveanymore. Because I went to that place
of darkness. My brain openedup to solutions I hadn't thought
of before because I waslooking to all these traditional

(19:45):
methods to be free. But whathappened was a thought occurred to
me. What if this isn't somedisorder or disease that I'm going
to have for the rest of mylife? What if this is a habit that
I can break? What if thathabit is in my thoughts, in my brain,
and I can change that? I candeprogram from it, just like I did
with the cult. I didn't thinkthat I would go back to those principles

(20:07):
that got me out of a cult. Ithought that was like a one and done.
Glad I figured that out. And Irealized I could apply it to my eating
disorder. Now, within a weekor so after that, I was completely
free of my eating disorder.I've never had the urge to go back
to it since. And that's a verycommon experience with over thousands,
thousand people we've workedwith. But it wasn't like a, you know,

(20:29):
bootstrap my way out of it.Well, I can just stop. It was. I've
been trying for years andnothing works. It was the moment
of maybe I need to trysomething that is really out of the
box. And it happened to work, thankfully.
Yeah. No, I mean, that'samazing. I think that a lot of people,
I think we get so wrapped upin that moment, and I say we. I think

(20:54):
I would probably say that Istill experience disordered Eating
patterns and I excuse themaway. You know, I'll go to the gym,
I'll do this. I'm in control.I'm not in control when I'm in my
grief periods. I just lost mydog over the summer and it's been
the craziest grief journeyI've ever been on. It's, it's brought
some of those things back up.What's funny about it, and I think

(21:17):
a lot of people might relateto this, is like, like I know what
to do, I just don't do it. Andthen I, like you said, it feels like
this outer body experiencewhen I'm like stuffing my face with
an extra or a couple extraOreos or whatever they may be. And
so I love that for you, thisdark moment basically clear the slate

(21:40):
for you in a way to startthinking about things differently
and approaching things in adifferent way. I, I venture to say
that your education and your.What'd you say? Brain nerd. A nerd
for neuroscience. Neurosciencesomething. I think some of that probably
played a lot into your abilityto, to make that switch. Would you

(22:01):
agree, or do you feel thatthat training taught you?
Yes. So the, the neuroscienceprinciples is really what we found.
Break this pattern in a waywhere it's not a lifetime of struggling.
And I, I just want to saythank you for being that like these
are the conversations thatit's so important to be open about

(22:22):
because a lot of times we hidethese stories and it's so important
to, to share and be open,especially when we've been on that
journey and we're, you know,have, have the strength and the choice
to share. So thank you forbeing open. And this is what we found
thousands of times over. Idon't want it to come across as minimizing
anyone's individualexperience. We all have our own experience.

(22:45):
And the beautiful part offreedom is when we realize that it's
not some like, fault of ourown or something broken or like you
said, I know what to do, butI'm not doing it. And we can get
down on ourselves sometimesabout willpower or beating ourselves
up, but what it comes down tois, neuroscience wise, we are in

(23:06):
this habit that is in a lowerpart of our brain. And when we bring
the awareness of that habitand those thought patterns that programming
to the higher part of ourbrain, it's called the prefrontal
cortex. It's the part of ourbrain that can look at, wait, actually,
I do know what to do and I cando it versus I know what to do. Why

(23:27):
Am I not doing it? So it'sreally about moving our awareness
from one part of our brain tothe other. And it's like the spell
is broken and we can followthrough with the things that like,
oh, that's a thing that isgoing to lead me to my goals. So
it's beautiful to see howprinciples apply to so many different
areas. But you know,especially, you know, with food,

(23:48):
that was, that was a big onein my story of, oh, this is the thing
I need to fix.
Could you compare the thoughtsabout eating disorders and those
things and the feelings thatcome with those to moments of grief,
moments of depression? Like,are there similar things that you
see in those patterns that arecreated in those particular moments

(24:09):
as they are in eatingdisordered moments?
Super great question. So whathappens specifically in that moment
where we're like, oh, why didI do that? Again, I know better,
why did I do that? The thoughtthat led up to that, the thought
that drove that action that weregret can be lots of different things.
We absolutely see themes. Butfor some people it's like, well,

(24:33):
I know I'm not gonna be ableto resist, so I might as well just
follow through. For somepeople it's like, well, I'm totally
gonna make up for it tomorrow,so go, I'll just go and eat this.
For some people it's adepressed thought or an anxiety thought.
The beautiful part of thefreedom is that it doesn't really
matter what that thought is.Of course it's going to be related

(24:53):
with, you know, who we are inour lives and our history. But it's
not about the quality of whatthe thought is. It's about the power
of knowing whatever thethought is that's driving this behavior.
You can look at that thoughtwith a different part of your brain
where now you're free to makea choice versus going through with

(25:14):
this compulsion, like, andfeeling powerless. So it's the feeling
around what changes. Butabsolutely there are certain themes,
but those thoughts are goingto be different for everyone because
we all have some differentmeaning attached to what the food
is.
And I was even thinkingoutside of the food just in a sense
of like some people act oncertain anxiety induced moments or

(25:37):
depression or through a griefjourney and they do things that maybe
are traditionally not orsomething they know they shouldn't
be doing. Because so I waskind of wondering if the same like
thought patterns and thehabits and the deep seated things,
if we bring them a little bitmore forward in those moments. If
you've seen any correlation tothat outside of the food.

(25:59):
Oh, yes. Oh, I'm so glad thatyou clarified there because this
is a really fun thing toexplore. Explore, because. Absolutely.
That's why we went fromhelping people with eating disorders,
which we still do withdisordered eating. Eating disorders.
And then that's. We doleadership coaching and executive
coaching. Because the peoplethat come to us, they're like, hold
on, there's this, this thingI'm doing with food that I've wanted

(26:22):
to quit for years and years,and I can use these brain principles
to do what I want instead ofwhat I'll regret. Like, what else
does this apply to? So yes,like, like with anxiety, we've seen
this work with anxiety anddepression and OCD and, you know,
any sort of bad habits, evennegative self talk. We have programming,

(26:43):
we have patterns of thought inour brain that when you know how
to change them, you can, likewe just decide what serves us and
what doesn't. And so all ofthese different things, it's related
to the same principles workbecause it's the same process in
our brain. So I love that youconnected that because absolutely.
Sometimes those things weremore powerful in our lives to change

(27:05):
than even the food thing. It'slike, wow, having my anxiety, like
not be a problem anymore. Likethat's life changing. So yes, and
yes.
Or even your cult upbringingand the things that you were deprogramming
yourself, I would imagine thatit's very similar, some of the approaches
would be similar to pull someof those away from your habits and

(27:28):
the things that you werethinking or the ways that you were
thinking. Because I mean,starting at 2, you said when you
were kind of taken away fromthe quote unquote normal family experience
and brought into this, thisother experience, I would imagine
that there's a lot of deepseated things that come there. So
was that experience,deprogramming that very helpful in
this second part of your journey?

(27:50):
For sure. So it was the sameprinciples. So I, I first learned
these principles anddeprogramming from the cult that
I grew up in. And that had alot to do with deprogramming these
patterns of fear,deprogramming these patterns of.
Well, I intellectually knowthat this is fine and safe to do,
but my body and my nervoussystem is telling me to be afraid

(28:12):
and bringing those things intoharmony. So yes, the deprogramming
principles started with thecult story for, you know, my own
journey. Then they came upagain with ending an eating disorder.
And then it went on to be thesame principles with, you know, building
a business in the top 2% ofwoman owned businesses in the world.
It all goes back to when wehave a relationship, relationship

(28:34):
with our brain, where we arebest friends with our brain and we
can evolve together and we canchange things that don't serve us.
It applies to everythingbecause we see the whole world through
the patterns of our brain.
So when you look back at the,the version of Lydia before the closet
moment, but after thedeprogramming moment, do you see

(28:56):
her differently? Is she adifferent person? Or were you always
kind of this person and you'vejust evolved or were you a different
person in these differentstages of your life?
You know, I think that's suchan interesting journey of life to
think of. What is the core ofwho I am that's authentic, that's
been there the whole timeversus, you know, these different

(29:19):
chapters. Because it'sdifficult for me to relate back to
the person that I used to bebecause I've changed in so many ways.
So, Matt, within a space of acouple of years, I left the Mormon
Church. I left the cult I grewup in. I found my dad after 25 years.
I divorced my abusive husbandand I started my business.

(29:40):
Yeah, that's a different person.
Yeah, that's a crazy couple ofyears. And so looking back, it's
like I would have not hung outwith my past, you know, self, with
what she thought and, youknow, how she viewed the world. But
there is this, this throughline, there's like this golden thread
of there is an authenticLydia, there is an authentic us that's

(30:04):
been there the whole time. AndI think one of the most beautiful
relationships that wecultivate is with, with that, with
like the core of who we are.Knowing that person and really like
connecting with that personis, is a beautiful thing, but definitely
feels like I'm a different person.
Yeah. And I would imaginebefore that it feels like a different
person too. Like you look backat the, the younger version of yourself

(30:28):
when maybe you had more ofthat core and it got taken away a
little bit at a time with thefear and the things and, you know,
like whatever you weresupposed to be when you were born.
Right. I feel like sometimeswe feel this way and then things
were pushed away from you andyou were either bringing them all
inside and maybe it's comingout now. So like the younger version

(30:49):
of Lydia is now able to liveand do those things or maybe not.
I mean, I think, I think ofthe different versions of me like
to kind of not nearly as, youknow, all those things in a row,
but Before I had mybreakthrough moment in therapy after
my mom died, it was like 20years of grief. So mom died when

(31:10):
I was 8. I would say, likeearly 30s was when I was like, finally
ready, I guess, to find atherapist and figure my way out of
it. And I look at that 20something year old version of me
and I'm like, what was hedoing? And at the same time, I also
look at him with like thiscompassion, knowing how lost I was

(31:32):
and how I was really justreaching for so many things. But
I definitely wouldn't hang outwith him. Like, you made a point
of, like, you wouldn't hangout with effort because you're like,
wow, I know so much more now.And it's just so you're. You're right.
Looking back on those people,you're like, there is a through line.
But for me, I'm like, ooh,that's a tough through line. But

(31:52):
it seems like. And I add, thequestion came from. Because you're
so light and joyful and youjust exude this aura of like, happiness
in a way not. Happiness is notthe right word. I think joy is a
better word. And so I was justcurious if the older versions of
you had that, but in different ways.
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Ireceived that. That's a beautiful

(32:14):
compliment. And. And isn't ita good sign where we can look back
at our past self and it feelsa little cringe? I mean, that's the
sign that we've grown, right?Or we're like, oh, man. Hopefully
we keep on feeling that waythroughout our lives because we've
continued to grow. And I thinkwhen we can look back and be like,

(32:35):
oh, man, I can't believethat's who I used to be, but also
have compassion for who thatperson was and a gratitude because
that person took all thebrave, bold, courageous steps so
that we could become who weare now. I think that's a wonderful
combination.
Yeah. Speaking of steps, likewhat. I don't need exact steps, but
like, what did the, like amonth from that closet moment and

(33:00):
the month after, what did yourlife like, how did you start to make
changes in your life and howdid you start to feel different?
Well, I was so, so hopeful andencouraged. I went from maybe I don't
want to do this life thinganymore because I felt powerless.
I would wake up in the morningand I didn't know if I was going

(33:20):
to binge. I would wake up inthe morning and I had behaviors that
I really fundamentally didn'tagree with that I Didn't know if
I was going to do. Like thatwas really scary.
It was like out of controlkind of feeling.
Yeah, it's so, so scary. Ithink for any of us to feel out of
control and so to wake up inthe morning and know that even if

(33:41):
I have an urge to binge, I canwake up my brain out of that, that
craving is going to melt away.And so it turn. Like I would say
the month after was just allof this building trust. Cause you're
just stacking up triumphs ofwow. Like I. I have full power over,
over my life like that. I knowthat the word empowered, empower

(34:03):
is the name of the program andit is that feeling of I am empowered
in my own life because I havethe choice to do otherwise. I can,
you know, know that I can makea choice I'm gonna feel so good about
later. So I think there was alot of hope. There was a lot of stacking
up of triumphs and successes.There was a new standard in my life.

(34:25):
I think I was making a lot ofthose changes because once you realize
that you're someone who'sempowered and free, it. It grows
this self love, it developsthis self love which turns into a
higher standard, whichclarifies other relationships in
your life. Because we only getupset when people treat us worse
than we treat ourselves. Sowhen we love ourselves more, we start

(34:46):
being like, oh, actually theseare the people in my life that make
sense and these are the peoplein my life that don't.
Which is really hard. I thinkthat's a hard thing too, for a lot
of people for sure.
And a beautiful part of the process.
I'm imagining in the way youspeak about this that maybe you didn't
have this, but did you havemoments of fear? Like, when is my

(35:08):
house of cards going to fall?Like, I'm stacking these triumphs,
like, I'm doing good, I'mdoing good. I've done this before
in my eating disorder journey.Felt really good for this long and
then something crashed. Didthat fear kind of melt away or did
you not even have a fear of itkind of dissipating? Because I think
I feel for me, like, I can go,I can go. Two years. Two years, I'm

(35:29):
good. And then, then somethinghappens and you know, and then I'm
like, oh, guess I'm startingover again. So did you have any of
that?
Yeah, I think I'm probablygoing through some of that right
now. Oh yeah. All. All thehuman is here. So in those early
days, although it was thiswonderful, triumphant thing. It wasn't

(35:50):
like I had the experience ofthe clients in our community that
have a coach that cannormalize things for you and let
you know you're right on trackin the journey. Like, I was the pioneer
paving the way. So although Iwas having this triumph and things
were getting so much betterbecause I had so much change in such
a short amount of time in mylife, I remember this untethered

(36:13):
feeling. Like, it's like theway I described it was. It's like
being in free fall, and you'refalling, and you don't know if you
should brace yourself forimpact and be terrified or if you
should just enjoy the ride.And your parachute's gonna happen
in a moment. You're just inthe free fall part, and you're not

(36:33):
sure where this is gonna go.So there were. There were waves of
that. And I think that it'sreally important to normalize that
in the growth journey. Thatfeeling of starting over or that
fear or that, am I doingenough? Or what is this all for?
Those existential moments arepart of our growth because every
time that we go to this nextchapter, we have this new vision

(36:55):
for our lives that's possible,but that also means we're stepping
into this unknown. So torecognize that as part of the growth
journey is. Is so importantversus, like, oh, no, not this again.
Not the free fall, not the.Not the fear. It doesn't make it
easy, but it's good tonormalize it as like, hello, old
friend. I guess I'm on theright track.

(37:17):
Well, and for you too. I mean,I could see how that could get more
complex with the fear that yougrew up with and that internalized
nervous system shakeup, if youwill, of. Of your upbringing. I can
imagine that that free fallfeels very different and very. Could
be scary at times.
Yeah. And it's. It's layers of deprogramming.

(37:37):
Right.
It's like you realize, like.Like, Matt, just the other day, I
realized that I have a reallyhard time using paper in notebooks.
Like, I have all these emptynotebooks, and I'm like, what? I
have notebook scarcity?Because. And, you know, from my background,
it's like, well, the. Theapocalypse is coming. The world is
ending, and you're gonna feelso dumb if you used all of your paper

(37:57):
and you don't have any paperonce the world ends. And I'm like,
oh, okay, I don't know thatanymore. So these. These layers.
And we can be playful with itof, oh, there's Another scarcity
that's coming up or here'sanother layer.
Yeah, it's compassion. I mean,it is. It's being compassionate about
all versions of ourselves, I think.

(38:18):
Yeah.
Were others aware or was thismore of an internal. You kept this
to yourself because you wereso successful in your public life,
or did you have people thatyou were telling that you were facing
these issues?
I kept it a secret like mylife depended on it, because I really
felt like it did. Like itwould be. I was the breadwinner for

(38:39):
my family. This was my wholeidentity was being a health coach.
I had 8,000 people that weredepending on me. I had thousands
more that would tune in to gethealth tips from health coach Lydia.
So for a long time, I hid it,and I was just desperate to find
a solution, and then I wouldjust fix it and nobody would ever
know about it, and then Iwould move on. But what happened

(39:01):
was that this was a beautifullife shift moment as well. I read
the book by Brene Brown, theGifts of Imperfection, and I read
that, too. Yeah, it's so, sogood. And the paradigm shift that
I had was that authenticitywas so much more important than really
anything else. Like that. Thishiding and this. This double life

(39:24):
that I was living just becameunacceptable to me.
So.
So what happened was there wasthis national Habits of Health call.
It was at the end of the year.People thought they were tuning in
for, like, healthy tips duringthe holidays. And I just decided
I couldn't do it anymore.Like, I had to be authentic. And
at this point, Matt, I had notfound the solution I'd been searching

(39:45):
for years. And I was like, Ijust. I've got to be real. So on
the call, I told thousands ofpeople that you think I'm a healthy
person, but here's the truth.I told them I was out of control
with food. I told them how Ifelt. And I essentially committed
career suicide. And it wasterrifying. And I cried myself to

(40:05):
sleep. But I knew I had to bereal. And what happened was, the
next morning, I woke up tohundreds of messages. And I. I thought
at first, like, these arepeople that wanted to, like, yell
at me, because it's like, how.How dare you mislead me? Me? But
the reality was, it washundreds of messages of people saying,
me, too. I thought I was theonly one that was doing this. I've

(40:27):
been keeping it a secret. Sothat was a big motivation to be able
to find, like, a realsolution, because it wasn't just
me anymore. Like, I wasn'talone. And that Ended up being a
huge career pivot into what wedo now with helping people to deprogram.
So, yeah, I kept it a secretuntil I really didn't keep it a secret.

(40:48):
You know, sometimes I thinkthat's such a beautiful moment, and
I'm glad that we got to talkabout that, because there is so much
power in letting it out, youknow, in letting what we feel is
our biggest shame out. I don'tknow if you felt this way, but maybe
you cried yourself to sleep,but the next morning, maybe you felt

(41:10):
a little bit more validated.But things in my head seem so much
scarier if I don't let themout, if I don't write them down,
if I don't speak them outloud, they're so much scarier. But
then I hear myself say it. I'mlike, oh, that's not that bad. Like,
I can handle that. We'removing forward. So do you. Do you

(41:30):
feel any of those moments?
Yeah, absolutely. Just arecent example of that is the cult
deprogramming, that all ofthese principles that we teach now
to 9,000 clients, they allcame from this. This cult story.
And until a couple of monthsago, I didn't tell anyone that story
because I'm like, this is notrelatable. This is so weird. So I

(41:52):
actually created a little,like, separate TikTok account, and
I'm like, this is my personalaccount because I just wanted, Like,
I just felt this need to sharethese stories, and so I'm like, I'll
just have, like, a secretaccount. And I shared a couple stories.
Dip my toe in.
Yeah. And then they wentviral. We were having. We've had,
like, viral videos everysingle week, and it's been a beautiful

(42:17):
experience. And you're totallyright. Like, in my head, I was like,
oh, well, people will hearthis story. They'll think it's way
too weird. They'll think I'm acrazy person. They won't believe
anything that I say becausethey know that I came from this weird
upbringing. My brain had allthis story around it that was totally
different from the reality.There has been so much love and so
much celebration and so muchconnectedness from it. So it's important

(42:41):
to take those bold steps,because we get to find out what the
reality is versus. Versus justbelieving the story in our mind,
because then we don't stack upthat evidence of, oh, actually, when
I'm authentic, things turn outreally well.
Yeah. I mean, you sharing thatwith so many people, I. When you
were telling that story, I'mPicturing these thousands of people
listening and going, oh, I dothe same thing. Like, or I feel the

(43:05):
same way. I didn't even think,which is maybe naive of me, that
it was career suicide. It waslike, you're telling the truth here.
Because any. Like, we all.We're all human. Like, we all have
missteps. We all do thingsthat, like, don't align with what
we're projecting out into theworld just because that's just. It's

(43:27):
just part of the humancondition, I think. And so you telling
that story, like, gavepermission for people to drop the
shame about how they felt,because they probably felt, I'm the
only one that does this. I'mnot going to tell everyone that I,
you know, sneak a donut everymorning just because, like, that's
what I do. Like, I think youjust validated so many experiences

(43:47):
by being your true self withall of them. And I think in the long
run, it ends up being a reallygreat, valuable thing for so much
more than you by doing that.
Yeah, absolutely. I thinkthat's the case anytime that we share
authentically. But it's notthe story that our brain tells us.
Right. Our brain is by defaultgoing to tell us that fear story

(44:08):
of, like, it usually ends up.No one will love you. You're alone
in a ditch, and your health ishorrible, and you're totally unleveled.
Our brains go to this extremeof how bad things are going to be.
I mean, we can dive into thenerdy neuroscience around that, but
there's a reason why. But wecan reprogram our brains so that

(44:32):
we don't go to thecatastrophic stories every time.
I love that you did that. Areyou glad you did that? Did that.
You shared.
I. Yes, it was it. So when Ishared on that call about my real
experience with food before Iknew it was an eating disorder, I
truly thought I was alone. Ididn't think anyone else in the world

(44:53):
did the things that I did. Ireally thought I was alone. And when
I shared, it was probably thescariest thing I'd ever done at that
point in my life.
And you had done a lot before that.
And I had had some scarymoments before that, but this felt
like the most vulnerable,scary thing. And it's been such an

(45:14):
important anchor to look backon. Like, when I started sharing
the stories of growing up in acult, that was the anchor I looked
back on of, like, Lydia,remember when you did that really
scary thing? And then it endedup being, like, the best thing in
your life to that Point.Because you were just real. Like,
keep going. Because we need tokeep reminding ourselves. Because
every time we're vulnerableand we share, it almost feels like

(45:36):
this, this new fear, like thisnew scary level. So to anchor back
is so, so important.
No, I can't stop thinkingabout that now that you shared it.
Like, I'm like, cult. What?No, this, this. This proof to the
beginning of our. Ourconversation where we were talking
about the value of story andhow much other people, whether that's

(46:00):
the same exact experience ornot, something about your story is
going to resonate with someonethat hears it, you know, and then
it can impact their lives inways that you'll never even know.
And it's like that momentright there. Not only did you change
the trajectory of your ownlife in a positive way, I'm sure
so many of those peoplelistening change things about themselves

(46:23):
because for the first time,they realized maybe inside that they
weren't the only ones. Onesdoing that or feeling that way, and
they could release some ofthat shame. And then maybe they shared
their story with. So, youknow, like, there's so much power
in just showing up and beingreal, whether that fear tells us

(46:47):
to or not, 100%.
And we intellectually mightknow that. And it still feels vulnerable
and hard in the moment. But Ihad a friend share something, something
so beautiful with me as I wassharing about, you know, how things
have been popping off andgoing viral. And it's like, really
interesting to see.
That's gonna be scary too.
How many people. Yeah, that's.That's a whole other thing too. But

(47:11):
what she said, because I, Ihad shared, like, I. I didn't share
it for so long. Cause Ithought that it was not very relatable.
Like, not everyone's growingup in a cult. She said that there
is such a power of sharing ourauthentic story because the other
person is hearing somethingthat only we can tell them. Because

(47:31):
we are the only ones that canshare our truly authentic story with
them. And what it does is itresonates with them in a way where
they embody what is myauthentic story. What is the thing
that only I can share? Becauseit's my unique authenticity. And
that's the thing that attractspeople. And I just thought that was

(47:53):
so good. Like, I just.
I love, love that it's sotrue. And it's the reason that I've
kept going with the Life Shiftpodcast. I think it's just because
I hear these stories andthings others say validate those
things, that maybe I haven'tTold anyone yet. They're like, oh,
you know, like, I was talkingto this woman about she had lost

(48:13):
her. Her father when she was akid and her mom was. She was estranged
from her mom. And she wastelling me the story about how in
her teenage years, years, shewould always think, oh, well, my
dad's in witness protectionand he's just hiding now and he'll
come back. And I was like, Iused to tell myself that, like, as
a teenager, and I thought itwas the weirdest. Like, I can't tell

(48:37):
anyone this because, like,they're gonna think I'm crazy. But
that was part of our grief.Kind of trying to fill in things
to help us navigate the worldand. And the grief and. And, you
know, and stay safe and thosekind of things. Things. And when
she said, I was like, well, Iguess I'm not crazy, you know, and
it's like it was. Had she notshared that story, maybe I still

(48:58):
think I was crazy about thatand wouldn't be telling anyone about
it. But it's just. I don'tknow. Showing up authentically and.
And sharing how I'm feelinghas been the most liberating thing
over the last couple yearsthat I've been doing it. If I'm having
a bad day, I'm going to tellpeople that I'm having a bad day.
If my heart's broken becauseof losing my dog. I wrote on social

(49:20):
media the other day, I wrotesomething that was letter to my broken
heart. And I shared that Igrew up thinking boys aren't allowed
to cry. Boys aren't allowed tohave feelings, you know, like, and
all these things. And nowfinally, in my 40s, I'm like, Look,
I'm not perfect. I'm broken.This is why I'm broken. See it because

(49:41):
you might be feeling it, too.And if you feel it, that's okay,
too, you know? And, like,that's all. So I think there's just
so much. I'm just going tokeep talking about this, but there's
so much value in being brokenreal. And not showing up to be, I
don't know, this performativeversion of ourselves, which so many
of us assumed growing up thatthat's what we were supposed to do.

(50:03):
Yeah. And we're taught thatthat's what we're supposed to do.
Like, all of society teachesus, like, this is how you perform.
This is how this is. You know,don't be a nuisance, don't be a bother.
Don't burden other people.Where when we're all Real and moving
through it and being authenticwith each other. It's like, oh, oh,
I'm not alone. Oh, that's ashame that has been lifted from inside

(50:27):
of me because you shared that.That's your experience. And, oh,
we're normalizing it. It's sopowerful, right?
Because, you know, like, we'rejust gonna make bad decisions every
once in a while, and that'sokay, you know, but you have. You
know, you have a new way ofexisting in the world in which you
can change your. Your thinkingor your patterns or those things.

(50:49):
That being said, I think a lotof people might assume that you're
perfect and nothing ever goeswrong and you never make a wrong
decision. Is that true? Or doyou. Do you feel super in control
or do you sometimes makereally, quote, unquote dumb decisions?
I mean, all the time. All thetime. And I think what's different
is, you know, before, when Iwould make a mistake or when I would

(51:12):
make a decision that I'm like,ugh, like, you know, why did I do
that? There was a shame aroundit. There was a. I need to never
do that again. I need to hidethat versus there's. There can be
such a. Such a playfulnessaround it when we. When we practice
that. It is a practice to beauthentic. It is a practice to, you
know, make mistakes or havethings go wrong and to be able to

(51:35):
forgive ourselves very quicklyand be like, oh, of course I did
that silly thing, becausethat's what. That's what people do.
That's a lovable thing aboutme versus something that I need to
hide. So, yeah, all the time.
It's so fascinating. Yourstory is so fascinating because you
were on the outside, soperfect, right? Like, your business

(51:55):
was going well, you know, likeyou were doing all the right things,
and inside you were battlingsomething that was so shameful for
yourself. No one knew, but youwere probably attacking yourself
with so much shame there, somuch so, that this closet moment
really, like, snapped itsfingers on you to kind of start thinking
differently. It's just sointeresting how we can hold both

(52:18):
and how we can somehow. Like,what was that period of time in which
you were holding both so heavily?
I mean, I'll give you anexample that comes to mind. I remember
having a call with a clientwhen I was a health coach, and. And
I was talking to her andgiving her all these great health

(52:38):
tips and being somotivational. And then I asked her
a question, and she respondedback to me. And as she was responding,
I muted my phone and I Wasjust sobbing and sobbing and sobbing
because I felt like such ahypocrite. And I felt just so much
shame and so awful. And thenit was time for me to talk. And muted
like, okay, well, thanks somuch. And all it was like, so there

(53:02):
was just this back and forththat was like. It just grates on
your soul to try to be both.And what's interesting is that all
of the, you know, the mistakesor the shame that we feel or the
ways we beat ourselves up whenwe're just real about it, it's interesting
to see how quickly thosethings move through us, because when
we suppress them, they juststack up and it gets worse and worse.

(53:26):
But letting those thingsthrough is in. This is my authentic
self, even this year, Matt.Like, my word for this year is radiate.
And what that means for me isinstead of, oh, thank you. That's
so sweet.
That was the word I couldn'tfind earlier.
Oh, well, I love that. Sowhat. What that really means for

(53:46):
me is that instead of. Andthis. This question served me well
for a long time, but insteadof asking, who do I need to be? Who
do I need to be to build thisbusiness? Who do I need to be to,
you know, serve my clients?Who do I need to be? That was a wonderful
growth period, But I'veswitched from that question to the
statement of, this is who I am.
Yeah. And I can feel it.

(54:11):
Thank you. And it's apractice, and it feels wonderful.
But it's where we all codeswitch in some sort of way where
it's like, you act differentaround your grandpa than you do around
your daughter. But when thecode switching minimizes and where
everyone knows the sameperson, and when I show up, you know,
in different areas of life andpeople get to know us in the same

(54:35):
way, it's so nice to not haveto keep track of our performances
and to just be us.
Yeah. Yeah, it's. And it's alot easier. Like, I just feel like
you can do a lot more when youdon't have to hold the burden of.
Of performing to whateverstandards you've set for this version
and this version and thatversion. But as you said that that

(54:57):
statement stuck with me of,like, who do I need to be? Thinking
of someone that's escaped aversion of you that you weren't allowed.
Like, someone else formedessentially. So you had to use it.
It's almost like you had touse that statement of who do I need
to be to do the things I wantto do because. Because you didn't
know any other because you hadleft that part behind. Am I?

(55:20):
Yeah.
I mean, it feels like you hadto create something, so you needed
that question.
Yeah. I mean, that wassurvival for a while, and then it
got, you know, incredibleoutcomes for a long while. But it's.
It's beautiful to be at theplace without a judgment of either
place being better. But itfeels good this year to be in a spot
where it's like, oh, this iswho I am. I'm just gonna show up

(55:42):
all year and just be who I amand just trust that good things will
happen versus forcing orpushing things or, you know, questioning
things so much.
It probably leads you tobeautiful things. It probably leads
you to more beautiful things,more beautiful connections, more
success, however we definethat, because you're showing up as
you. You're not, you know,pretending to be this boss lady when

(56:05):
you can just show up as youand be just as successful.
Yeah. And that's a trust thatwe build as well, and sort of a silly
example of that. But, youknow, one reason. Reason that that
honesty has always been animportant value is just the work
that it takes to not be. Tokeep track of all the lies. Like,
I think of my grandmother as acult leader, and she just. She keeps

(56:27):
her story straight. Like, shehas all this detail and all these
stories that aren't true, butshe just takes the energy to keep
track of everything. I'm like, that's.
Well, she probably thinks theyare, you know, at this point. Yeah.
But it's still a lot to keeptrack of.
Yeah, that's fascinating, too.I mean, that's a whole other story.
And naturally, like, part ofme just wants to hear all about that.

(56:49):
That cult upbringing, becauseI think there's such a fascination
to something that I can't. Butwhen you were telling part of your
transitionary story and, like,how you escaped, like, an abusive
relationship and those kind ofthings. I think there are a lot of
people that are in abusiverelationships that don't realize
how much of a cult that islike. And how much of a cult, like,

(57:10):
experience those situationsthat we find ourselves in somehow
are like, the experiences youhad growing up. It's just, you know,
we don't call it that. So Ibet there are people that would hear
those stories and be like, Ifeel like I'm in that now.
Totally. I mean, there's a.There's a lot of overlap. And, I
mean, I'm fully aware at thispoint that the reason that I chose

(57:33):
to marry the person that I didwas the abusive Relationship. Being
with an abusive person feltlike how I learned what love was.
Love was someone with absolutecertainty that knows better how you
feel than you know that isgoing to tell you everything to do
and control you. And I justthought like, oh, that's love. Which

(57:53):
it's not. But you know, I seethat now. But there is a familiarity
of, yeah, an abusiverelationship feels like being in
a occult. I was in both and itfelt similar again.
It's like you don't need to bein that same exact experience to
be able to relate to otherpeople's stories. I don't know how
I'm going to do this. I liketo wrap up these conversations with
a question and I'm thinking ofall the different Lydias that you've

(58:17):
brought us through. Like, Iknow there's this golden through
line and this beautiful threadthat you've brought along with you,
but there are really distinctversions of you. If this, this fully
showing up who you are,radiating who you are in this version
of your life, if you could goback to that Lydia, right before
that zoom call or whatevercall you were on where you were about

(58:40):
to kind of share your truthwith them, is there anything that
you would want to tell thatversion of you?
I would say, Lydia, understandthat this is going to be a model
of courage that will serve youover and over again in your life

(59:03):
and that you not being perfectand showing people that you're not
perfect is not somethingthat's making you weaker. It's something
that is actually going to beone of the most nourishing and healing
pieces of your life for yearsto come.
If only we would have heardthat right? If only, you know, like,

(59:25):
I mean, maybe we wouldn't havedone these things. Maybe if, if our
current versions could go backto those younger versions and say
something, maybe we wouldn'teven say anything. Like, I think
of like my 8 year old selfsitting there and I'm like, what
could I say besides like,you're going to be okay, it's all
going to work out, but it'sgonna be a long road. But I, I, I

(59:47):
just love that and thank youfor letting me take us to that moment
instead of the closet. I thinkthe closet moment is very important.
But this, the shedding thatyou did publicly feels so, like,
that's what I resonate with. Ijust feel so compelling and so honest
and I think affirming for me,like in a sense of, of like, keep

(01:00:11):
sharing your story. Like me,I'm telling myself right now, like,
keep letting the dark partsout because it's going to help you
like in the long run like youjust told your younger self. So thank
you for allowing this story tounfold in its own beautiful way.
Of course. And Matt, I mean weknew that this story was going to

(01:00:32):
unfold in just the way it wassupposed to. So we just get to enjoy
the rest.
I agree. If people want tolearn about this amazing stuff that
you're working on, your couplebooks that are coming, all the things
that you're doing, how do wefind a way into your circle?
Yes. So I warmly invite all ofyou to join us. A great place to

(01:00:52):
land is theshicenter.orgpodcast and there you'll find links
to the double memoir Split toour book upcoming when it's out thought
leader about these principlesof deprogramming. We also have a
three day in person immersivetransformation experience where we

(01:01:12):
deprogram a deep seated thingthat's holding us back in this cool
three day experience. We havebeautiful programs ending eating
disorders, a free community.All of that is linked for [e-mail]
podcast.
Awesome. We will put that inthe show notes so it's easy to find,
easy to connect to. If you arelistening and something, something

(01:01:35):
in Lydia's story resonatedwith you, please visit that link,
please find her on theinterwebs, find her secret TikTok
and, and watch that and helpher go more viral. But I, I'm guessing
that you would love to hearfrom people or their stories and
those kind of things and ifnot, well, I put it out there so
no, I, I love it.
And absolutely it's been sofun to see people share. So you can

(01:01:58):
find us at the she center onall the platforms, but especially
on YouTube. We now have aplaylist with all of those cult stories
that gets updated. It's theHonest Story Time playlist and so
you can find it all there andlove to hear your stories.
Awesome. Well, thank you forbeing a part of the Life Shift podcast.
Thank you for being a part ofwhat I'm calling my healing journey.

(01:02:21):
I think that this has been sowonderful to be able to have these
conversations with people thatI might never have met. So thank
you, thank you.
Appreciate you so much. Thesestories are incredibly valuable and
I love that you pour yourselfinto every one of them.
I sure try. So thank youlisteners. Thank you for being a

(01:02:42):
part of this journey too. Thisis episode 170. I don't have any
plans on stopping, so thankyou for allowing me to continue this.
If something that Lydia saidtoday, maybe, maybe you know someone
in your life that somethingLydia said kind of would help them
do us a favor, send them alink to this episode and let them
hear the story in the way thatit unfolded. And, and maybe it will

(01:03:04):
help them. So thank you forlistening and I will be back next
week with a brand new episodeof the Life Shift podcast. Thanks
again, Lydia. Foreign for moreinformation, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.