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July 11, 2025 5 mins

Beloved,

Set the scene…..

Mid-life hits you.

You’re in a feedback loop of living on autopilot, repeating the same limiting stories about who you are and what you can’t do?

You’re not alone.

It’s as if—since birth—we’ve been steeped in a trance.

We speak these stories on loop, and they shape our reality more than we might realize.

Ive learned that the key to escaping this trance, to truly coming alive, is to pause.

When we catch ourselves mid-thought—especially with self-criticism—each pause becomes an invitation to rewrite our story.

Let’s explore how patterns of thought keep us stuck, how negative “shadow” frequencies run the show, and how to shift to higher perspectives through self-regulation.

The Power of the Pause

1. Recognizing the Trance

Every belief we hold about ourselves is fueled by a story.

Repeated long enough, these stories become trance-like.

From feeling “sick and tired of being sick and tired” to having your nervous system locked in a loop of anxiety or self-criticism, a pause in your inner monologue marks the start of transformation.

2. Changing the Narrative

When you consciously stop negative self-talk, you leave space for something helpful to emerge. In that silence, new possibilities unfold. Over time, inserting these pauses retrains your mind to choose empowering stories instead of limiting ones.

Shadow Frequencies: When Strengths Turn Toxic

Many of our defining traits have a light and a shadow side. Society often honors the shadow side without realizing its damage. Consider these pairs:

* Commander → Dictator: Leading becomes controlling.

* Challenger → Manipulator: Healthy challenge mutates into covert pressure.

* Motivator → Performer: Inspiring others degrades into seeking approval.

* Healer → Wounded Healer: Helping morphs into self-neglect and bitterness.

* Professor → Diminisher: Teaching becomes belittling others to feel in control.

* Seer/Mystic → Perfectionist: Vision becomes obsession with an unachievable ideal.

We may adopt these shadow frequencies because our culture celebrates them: the most forceful commander, the cut-throat competitor, and the relentless perfectionist are often applauded.

Yet these traits, left unchecked, can hollow out our souls.

Regulating Your Nervous System

No matter how deep your insights, if your nervous system is overloaded, transformation can remain out of reach.

Feeling perpetually stressed, triggered, or anxious means your body is in constant fight-or-flight mode, and it’s challenging to access inner wisdom from that state.

Working from the “bottom up” (beginning with the actual physiological patterns of tension, trauma, or overwhelm) allows you to:

* Release the Energy: Stored trauma—large or small—can hold us back.

* Access New Storylines: A calmer body helps you reclaim choice over your internal narrative.

* Ground Your Insights: Self-regulation ensures your knowledge becomes lived wisdom, not just theoretical understanding.

From the Shadow to the Light

* Burn Down the Old House

Sometimes, to build the life you truly desire, you have to let the old structure collapse: the beliefs, identities, or illusions that no longer serve you.

This means acknowledging the bitterness, jealousy, or resentment clinging within you.

* Build the Penthouse

Picture your best self in a penthouse with a clear panoramic view, rather than stuck on the ground floor with garbage piling up around you.

From “the top,” you see life with more clarity and fresh air. Your perspective expands.

* Make New Agreements

Our culture might habitually favor the shadow, but you can choose differently.

The conscious choice to spotlight light rather than shadow transforms how you self-lead, how you relate to others, and how you impact the world.

Above all…..Your Story’s Light

Above all, know that you are exactly where you need to be.

If you expected to be further along in life or if you’re grappling with patterns you thought you would have outgrown, remember: personal evolution doesn’t follow a rigid timeline.

Shifting from the shadow to the light is a lifelong practice.

Hey, Begin Today!

* Pause: Notice negative self-talk or resentment “stories” the moment they arise.

* Check In

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