September 3, 2025 • 54 mins
What if your season of singleness isn't a waiting room but an advantage? That's the provocative question at the heart of my conversation with Bob Wheatley, former professional baseball player turned author, who returns to unpack his new book "Single-Minded: Finding Purpose and Strength in Your Season of Singleness."
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris Grainger (00:03):
Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast
serving Christian men who arehungry to be the leaders God
intends you to be.
I'm your host, chris Granger.
Let's jump in.
All right, fellas, this is meatepisode time.
Let's get into it, okay?
So the scripture of the weekthis week is the book of 1
Corinthians, the 7th chapter,the 26th verse.
Okay, because of the presentcrisis, I think that it is good
(00:24):
for a man to remain as he is,and we'll be unpacking that
really that verse a lot today inour conversation, but we also
unpack that in our spiritualkickoff episode.
So just back up one of yourpodcast feed.
When we take this verse, we tryto simplify and apply it to our
life as Christian men.
And look, we do this Mondaythrough Friday within the Lion
(00:45):
Within Us community.
We call it our daily spiritualkickoff.
So if you are encouraged by thecontent, the messages that
you're getting from the LionWithin Us podcast, hey, monday
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And guess what?
It's completely free.
It's just our way of servingand encouraging you and your
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You can come along everymorning, live, or check out the
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(01:08):
right there within the linewithin us.
So head over to the linewithinus to get started today.
Okay, so we've got a returnguest this week.
I'm super pumped up BobWheatley, bestselling author,
podcaster.
He is a former pro athlete,guys.
If you remember, he was on ashow about two years ago and
he's doing a lot of great thingsout there and he's focusing
(01:31):
really on the whole idea ofsingleness because he's spent a
lot of time, obviously, in hislife.
He finds himself in this seasonof singleness and he's put
together a wonderful resourcethat we're going to talk about.
It's.
It's live now.
It just hit, just just justcame out.
So hopefully you guys are goingto enjoy this, particularly for
(01:51):
you guys that are single outthere.
Okay, and maybe you justhaven't found that spouse yet
and you're just you're searching.
Bob's going to unpack it.
He's going to hopefully giveyou some encouragement.
He played four years of proball for the Blue Jays and the
Cardinals.
Fun guy, full of energy, lotsof wisdom, working through the
(02:12):
season.
Right now he's actually in theseason of singleness.
Hopefully you're going to enjoythis and just sit back and soak
in the wisdom from Bob Wheatley.
Welcome back to the Lion man.
How are you doing today?
Bob Wheatley (02:28):
I'm doing great Better now.
Good to talk to you.
Chris Grainger (02:31):
You too man.
Bob Wheatley (02:32):
Long time.
No see, it's been too long.
Chris Grainger (02:34):
It's been.
I was looking like two yearsman.
It's crazy.
Since we connect, I feel likeit was just yesterday.
But time flies when you'rehaving fun the length of an eye.
That's it, man.
So what's new with you in twoyears?
What's new on Bob's radar?
Bob Wheatley (02:49):
Yeah, still chugging along.
I know when we first connectedis around my first book, our
Heart's Desire.
I love to write, I love to read, and so ended up cranking out a
second book and hadn't reallyplanned on it.
It was just kind of happened.
But everything's great.
I'm supposed to be, uh.
Uh, I'll be an uncle a coupleof times over this fall, which
(03:10):
is nice.
So, yeah, both brother and asister are expecting, which is
awesome.
So I'll be uncle Bob for thefirst time, which I'm looking
forward to.
And, yeah, everything,everything's great.
Chris Grainger (03:22):
I'm excited to be here man, you're gonna be a
fun uncle man.
I can already tell you're gonnabe the uncle they want to come
hang out with.
That's up, that's good.
I hope so.
Bob Wheatley (03:30):
I hope so though I'm sure they'll make it easy.
Yeah, I have a bunch of friendsnow that are getting married.
They have young kids and, man,it is just so fun to to be
around them and see them grow.
So, yeah, now that'll haveWheatleys that are running
around doing that it'll be anawesome thing.
Chris Grainger (03:53):
That's cool, man , that's cool.
Well, I know this projectthat's live now, by the way,
guys, but it's out aroundsingle-minded.
It's something that's been onyour heart and maybe just break
down the whole framework aroundwhat single-minded is, because
the Christian world it can bevery difficult for us to think
this way.
Bob Wheatley (04:10):
Yeah, totally so.
The name of the book isSingle-Minded Finding Purpose
and Strength in your Season ofSingleness.
I'm 33, single, no wife, nokids, and I've always wanted to
be married.
I've always wanted to be ahusband, always wanted to be a
father and for some reason thatjust has not been written into
my story just yet.
And, whether right or wrong, Igrew up, I was the oldest kid.
(04:32):
I I'm literally named after myfather, so I'm Bob Jr, and I
always assumed that my lifewould follow a similar path to
his.
It doesn't have to be a carboncopy, but my parents mom and dad
met in college, fell in lovethere, got married quickly, Then
they had me at 28 years old.
So my whole life, like I said,whether right or wrong, I was
(04:55):
kind of looking at my dad, bobsenior, and saying, okay, this
is basically how my life willunfold.
Then, all of a sudden, when youturn 28 and there's no wife, no
kids, turn 29, 30, 31, 32,you're like, shoot, I'm falling
behind.
And so in the first chapter ofthe book I share this story
where, like I said, I love toread and I was reading this book
(05:18):
called Bonhoeffer by EricMetaxas and, like, like in most
books.
When I was reading I wasfinding a lot of things in
Dietrich Bonhoeffer that I foundin myself just his personality
type and the way he went aboutlife.
And even our birthdays are onthe same day.
So it was just, it was very.
I was seeing a lot of myself inhim for hundreds of pages and
(05:41):
the books 700 pages long orwhatever it is.
So you know, once I hit page100, 150, 200, I'm just, I'm
having this bromance withDietrich Bonhoeffer.
I'm like this dude is awesome.
I want to walk in this guy'sfootsteps.
Then there was a quote byanother pastor who was a mentor
and friend of his.
(06:02):
His name is Theodore Heckel andDietrich Bonhoeffer.
He was hanged by the Nazis at39 years old.
He was engaged to be marriedbut he was never married.
He always kind of went throughhis ministry as a single man.
And this quote by TheodoreHeckel as I'm in my Dietrich
(06:24):
Bonhoeffer bromance moment.
He says he's praisingBonhoeffer.
He says he has, in addition,the special Pauline advantage in
that he is unmarried thePauline advantage of being
unmarried.
And I'm this guy.
I kind of had two thingscompeting in my head.
Number one I wanted to be likeDietrich Bonhoeffer because for
200 pages.
(06:44):
He seemed really awesome.
And then I also had thechildhood version of Bob, or
just the young man who wants tobe a husband and father.
So I had kind of those twocompeting things.
And then there's this quote,this catalyst moment in the
middle, where being single forme at that point when I was
(07:04):
reading it a late 20s guy, nowan early 30s guy is a challenge.
It's not something that I love.
I do want to be married, I dowant to be a father.
But then I see this quote whereTheodore Heckel is praising
Bonhoeffer for being single.
And that was just a, it was areally.
(07:25):
That moment really stopped mein my tracks to consider okay,
even though I don't, I hadn'tplanned on being single at 33
years old.
That has been my journey andbased off of what the apostle
Paul actually writes in 1Corinthians 7, which is just an
incredibly challenging passagein scripture where I'll just
(07:50):
paraphrase but Paul is writingto the Christians in Corinth and
he says hey guys, I, paul, am asingle man trusted by God, and
if I had it my way, you wouldremain single as I am.
And he's saying that becausethe married man has divided
interests, you're concerned notjust with pleasing the Lord,
(08:11):
you're also concerned withpleasing your wife.
But he goes on to say that thesingle man has no such division,
he can be wholeheartedlyfocused on God, and so bringing
things full circle.
That's why the name of my bookis Single-Minded, sort of that
double entendre, in that everysingle person has a single
person's mind.
(08:31):
But we also have a distinctadvantage in our seasons of
singleness to be wholeheartedlydevoted to God, like an Apostle
Paul, like a Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
And that doesn't mean that youwon't be married, but it does
mean you're not married now.
So how do you wrestle with thatverse in first Corinthians
seven where Paul says hey guys,if I had it my way, you would
(08:53):
never get married, it would justbe soldiers for the Lord, ready
for deployment at all times.
That was a really challengingmoment for me, and so what I did
over time is I just continuedto journal my thoughts and had
different subjects that came up.
There ended up being 30different buckets of my life
(09:15):
where I kind of invited Jesus inand said, ok, and you know,
when it comes to my, myfriendships, or when it comes to
my work, when it comes to mysexuality, how would I, as a
single person, approach thesefacets of me by inviting Jesus
in.
If I have more time, if I havemore bandwidth and ability to
(09:36):
truly be that single-minded,wholehearted disciple, what
would my life look like?
So I ended up writing the bookas a 30 day challenge.
It's just 10, 15 minutes a day.
There's 30 different areas ofyour life where you, as a single
person, are finding theadvantage that you have, and
that's something that can bereally overlooked because I mean
(09:58):
, I don't want to, I don't wantto blow smoke and pretend that
being single is awesome.
All the time there are distinctpain points and frustrations
and you deal with loneliness.
So it's not that the grass isgreener on either side.
The grass isn't greener as asingle person.
The grass isn't greener as amarried person.
There's pros and cons with bothseasons of life.
(10:23):
Where I am today as a singleperson, I just want to encourage
other other believers that arestruggling in this season, that
maybe haven't read about aDietrich Bonhoeffer, that
haven't read a first Corinthiansseven and they feel like it's
just this death wish where, ohman, my life will never start
until I get married.
That might be a good desire.
(10:45):
That is slightly perverted,because in your Bible, that book
on your nightstand, firstCorinthians seven.
It does say I, the apostle Paul, say if you are single, I wish
you remained single.
That's nuts.
That's a really challenging andalso very encouraging thing for
somebody that's in that season.
So basically, in a nutshell, mybook is to help people crush it
when they're single, justmaking the's in that season.
So basically, in a nutshell, mybook is to help people crush it
(11:06):
when they're single, justmaking the most of that season.
Chris Grainger (11:11):
Well, I love the way you talked about the
comparison that you had withyour dad and your parents.
I had the same, with no, I'dsee.
My parents got married rightout of high school.
My mom just turned 18 and twodays later they got married and,
and and that was my verysimilar to me because I got to
be mid-20s, I wasn't married,didn't have a girlfriend, and
get to be almost 30 years old.
All right, what's going on?
(11:31):
And the pressure just reallybuilt up and built up and.
But you talked about you knowmany people die copycats and
we're trying to be that copycatin life.
I just think that reallyresonated man just versus.
That holds us back fromsometimes doing what God's
called us to do, because ifwe're in a season of singleness,
you've got a great opportunityto really bless a lot of people,
(11:52):
if you see it that way.
So I really appreciate youwalking through that copycat.
I hadn't thought about thatbefore.
Bob Wheatley (11:59):
Yeah, and we make these assumptions about how our
life is going to unfold.
Usually our parents will havesome sort of impact on that,
maybe Hollywood movies but wewrite this script where we say,
ok, this is, this is my perfectlife, and then, all of a sudden,
if our actual life deviatesfrom that through line, we're
like, all right, god's late tothe party or God doesn't know
what he's doing.
It really it exposes thetension between our flesh and
(12:23):
our spirit.
It really it exposes thetension between our flesh and
our spirit, our spirit.
I believe, for the renewedbeliever, somebody with the Holy
Spirit in them, we do want totrust God.
We do want to believe that he'sreal and he's close and he has
a purpose for our sufferings andall these different things.
The flesh is a captive of themoment and if it hurts, if it's
(12:45):
painful, then it must be bad andthat's just not the case.
But yeah, for me, going back tothe copycat thing, just I have
awesome parents, I had anawesome childhood and I assumed,
okay, that's how life operates.
But as I go through my own lifeand I Read more of read more
scripture and internalize thestories there, or read about
(13:07):
different Christians, saints,throughout history.
It is not always promised thatyou're going to be married with
kids at 28 years old.
Because your dad was that'sright Like a CS Lewis.
He wasn't married until his mid, late 50s Change the world.
People are still reading hisstuff, that's right.
50s Change the world.
(13:28):
People are still reading hisstuff.
And it's not that in order tolive, to have a life well lived,
you have to be a CS Lewis andhave millions of books that are
read and stuff like that.
I mean, the greatest person inthe kingdom is the one who
serves, but just understandingthat God's direction for your
(13:51):
life.
If you're listening to this,you might very well have to walk
through a season of singlenessand not be in love with it.
But what is God attaching toyou?
What is he grafting into you?
Your strengths, your talents,your passions, maybe the burdens
(14:12):
on your heart?
So I think sometimes and I talkabout this in the book sometimes
people, when they feel a verygood desire to be married, a
very good desire to be incompanionship, sometimes we date
sort of as a bandaidaid.
We date too early or, evenworse, we get married too early
(14:32):
and this this is going to soundstrange for for me to say, but
we actually rob ourself of somesuffering.
I think we are so focused on ifsomething is painful.
We need to get out of thatsituation.
But, like I was, I was anathlete my whole life and I
would literally hire coaches,whether it's weight trainers or
(14:56):
nutritionists.
I said, hey, you are aprofessional, this is the result
that I want.
Let's say, it's a weightliftingcoach.
I would pay that coach to hurtme on purpose.
There's a specific program.
We're doing 10 sets of 10.
Here's the rest time, and itwould hurt.
My time in the gym would hurt,but coming out of that session,
(15:16):
my body would be stronger, moreresilient, ready for the next
task.
And so and I talk about this inthe book all pain is painful,
but not all pain is harmful.
All pain is painful, but notall pain is harmful.
Sometimes we step into datingor even the wrong marriages
(15:36):
because we're trying to avoidpain.
Loneliness is painful.
Isolation is painful.
A lack of companionship ispainful.
I totally understand that.
But not all pain is harmful toyou.
God might be doing somethingthat you have.
I mean, it says in the wordthat we have good works prepared
in advance for us.
You might have something thatyou're supposed to do five years
(15:59):
from now that this season ofsingleness is preparing you for.
That doesn't mean the pain goesaway, right.
It just means it'll make sensefive years from now.
It's like Joseph being soldinto slavery.
He had to wait 13 years fromthe dream to the fulfillment.
13 years in a Bible verse isvery easy to fly through because
(16:19):
it's one verse Turn of the pagesuper easy.
Joseph was a human and he had tolive 13 years.
That is thousands of days.
That took a long time.
So yeah, it's.
There are a lot of distinctivechallenges within singleness, no
(16:41):
question about it.
But I wrote the book to helpthe single Christian really take
advantage of that season aswell, because it's both.
It's both.
It's just trusting God'sdirection 100%, 100%.
Chris Grainger (16:55):
Hey guys, we'll take our first break.
We'll be right back.
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(17:18):
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If you've been waiting for theright time to jump in, this is
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Go to thelionwithinus and jointhe community and see for
(18:04):
yourself what happens when irontruly sharpens iron.
You know, Bob, I'm supercurious because you made a point
in the book about, hey, asChristians we're not called to
everything, and that discernmentand understanding that that
takes a level of maturity.
And so what's yourencouragement to that single
(18:25):
person out there right now?
It seems like optionseverywhere.
There's options galore, but howdo you lock it in, Okay, On
what God truly is calling you toin that single season of life?
Bob Wheatley (18:37):
Yeah, I have an entire chapter of the book.
It's called your silence andit's it's a daily exercise on
that specific day.
It's helping the reader tounderstand the value of silence
and the value of space in theirlife.
We live in such a noisy, busyculture where you have a million
pings and you got a bunch ofemails that are hitting your
(18:59):
inbox every morning.
Because we don't make room forsilence, because we don't make
room for space, make room forsilence.
Because we don't make room forspace, it's almost hard to maybe
hear what God is saying or eveninternalize what you yourself
are thinking.
So, yes, I mean, you're exactlyright that we have so many
options today, so many thingsthat you could do.
(19:19):
It's a very first world problem, but in a sense we're getting
overwhelmed by that.
If we were living with ourancestors 200 years ago and 80,
90% of us were farmers and wewere just in the fields all day,
we'd have time to think.
Our bodies might be physicallytired, but we'd have time to
(19:39):
think, we'd have time to processand we'd have time if God is
leading us in a specificdirection.
Our time would not be robbed bya bunch of different competing
influences, and today that isone thing that you really have
to protect against is every timeyou say yes to something,
(20:01):
you're saying no to somethingelse else.
So if you are, let's say youwant to, you want to go to the
gym or you want to get intomartial arts or you're joining a
you know you're joining acooking class or whatever.
Your kids play Little League.
Every yes means there's a nosomewhere else.
And yeses are fun.
(20:21):
It's fun to say yes to thevacation, fun to say yes to the
additional expenditure.
So by leaving a little bit ofspace, a little bit of margin in
your life, that will help youto be available.
And I think that's one of themain advantages of somebody who
is single because you don't havethe spouse, you don't have the
(20:46):
kids.
With the Little League games,I'm speaking to somebody who has
never been married.
This isn't like a single mother, divorcee.
This is somebody who's justwaiting.
If it is truly just you,Dietrich Bonhoeffer, style the
Apostle Paul, then you do havethe space, or at least you have
the opportunity to have thespace.
I tell a story in the book abouta friend named connor, and
(21:07):
connor is, you know, he's in hismid-40s at this point and at
the age of 22 he made thedetermination yeah, I think I'm
supposed to be celibate.
I think I've been given thespiritual gift of celibacy.
I will never be married.
I'm not enticed by sex, I'mjust going to be one of those
(21:29):
quote unquote eunuchs for thekingdom.
And now, 20 years later, he'sstill walking that out and he
actually loves that lifestylehe's.
I mean, he told me that two orthree days a week he'll walk
into his house and he'll say Iam so glad that I'm not married.
And he'll say I am so glad thatI'm not married, and it's not
(21:49):
because he doesn't like the factof you know, of having a spouse
, or he despises children oranything like that.
He is truly wired to be a singleperson.
And so what does that do?
That gives him a ton of space,that gives him a ton of
bandwidth to be able to servethe church.
So he's very involved in hischurch.
He'll set up barbecues andpicnics with 200 people.
(22:14):
He'll go on mission trips toAfrica at a second's notice.
It's not difficult for him tosay yes to those things because
he doesn't have a spouse at home.
He doesn't have a literallygame tomorrow that he has to
worry about.
It is just him.
And so he's sitting before theLord saying Lord, what do you
have for me?
That is and that's not to saythat every single person
(22:37):
listening to this is going to bea lifelong celibate not at all.
But what it does mean is, ifyou are single right now, you do
have more space is, if you aresingle right now, you do have
more space.
You have more space to serveyour church.
You have more space to figureout God's call for your life.
You have more time to developyour talents.
(23:01):
Maybe you want to be an authoror a speaker, maybe you want to
be a missionary?
Okay, what does that entail?
Because you're so available,god can just plug and play, and
as long as you're beingprayerful, I believe he'll have
you walk right in the center ofhis will for your life.
That's one of the mainadvantages and that's exactly
what Paul talks about in firstCorinthians seven.
(23:21):
You do not have dividedinterests.
You can be wholeheartedlydevoted to the Lord.
That's what it's all about.
Chris Grainger (23:30):
I'm super curious too, though.
You mentioned church a fewtimes Because when I think of
church and the way thattraditional churches are set up
to serve they're heavy onchildren's programs, youth
programs, senior adult programs,marriage programs, couples type
stuff Do you think there's agap there.
Do you think they're servingthe single community well?
(23:56):
And if so, what are they doingwell?
And then maybe, what are someheadwinds or some blind spots?
If you had a magic wand, whatdo you think would serve better
for the single community?
Bob Wheatley (24:03):
Yeah, Admittedly it is a tricky demographic, just
because most people don't havethat gift of celibacy like my
friend Connor.
Most people, if they are single, they don't want to be single
forever.
So it's not like a young adultsministry where people are like,
yeah, I'm super excited to be ayoung adult.
What a fun time of life.
(24:23):
So there's some nuances there.
Also, too, I'm I'd imagine thatchurches don't want to have the
dating app vibe or you know.
Yeah, we call it a singlesministry, but really it's a
speed dating group and the ideais, if being single, according
(24:44):
to Paul, is actually anadvantaged season, then let's
say there's a singles ministryat a church.
It should not be necessarilyabout how do I find a spouse.
It should be how do I crush itin this season, how do I make
the most of this season?
Now, if you want to be marriedand you find somebody in that
group, awesome, that's just.
(25:06):
That's just a symptom of peoplegetting together.
But yeah, to answer yourquestion, I don't feel like the
church specifically does a greatjob in serving singles.
It is few and far between whenit comes to churches that
actually have a devoted singlesministry.
I'm sure there's a number ofdifferent reasons why it could
(25:27):
be number one.
Who's going to lead that group?
Who has the heart specificallyto serve that group?
Second thing the people thatare in it, the singles, probably
want to leave.
They'd much rather go to themarriage ministry.
So I think maybe a good firststep is just having this
conversation to help people thatare single understand there's
(25:49):
nothing wrong with you.
You're not less than, in fact,the apostle Paul says.
You're actually in a sense moreadvantaged than your married
counterparts and likewise forthose that are married, just
helping them, I think, maybechanging the conversation around
people that are single in thechurch.
If you're 33 and single, ifyou're 43 and single, you are
(26:10):
not behind.
Chris Grainger (26:13):
You're not behind.
Bob Wheatley (26:15):
Yeah, you're not weird or an outcast.
God is doing something in yourlife and we just have to wait
and see for the rest of thestory.
I have a good friend of minehere in Nashville.
He just got married.
He's 53.
He had written off the idea,said I don't think it'll ever
happen for me, just got marrieda couple months ago.
(26:47):
Version of me I can't be at abunch of different places at
once, but I did want to createsomething where, of course, the
book is like the catalystresource.
That's where you start.
But the vision is to have thesechurches have a resource where
it is done for you.
It is a plug and play, youinsert it.
It's a five week curriculumwhere they're able to walk
through.
The book itself is a 30-daychallenge.
(27:09):
So the vision is sort of allright, four Sundays in a row or
four Tuesdays in a row, thischurch that might not have a
full-time singles ministry cansay all right, you mean, this is
a singles ministry in a box,it's just done for us and we
have not only a resource to helpthese people but an actual
(27:30):
excuse to do it, to make it easy.
Yeah, that was my vision for it,because this is a very big and
growing demographic within thechurch and it is very
underserved, not to mention justin the inherent nature.
With somebody who is single,you are isolated.
You have your own challengeswithin marriage.
(27:52):
You might go see a marriagecounselor, but it's
interpersonal conflict whenyou're single.
For a lot of people, if they'redealing with depression and
loneliness, you are isolated.
So having something like thisat your church, even if it's a
one month deal hey, come to thesingle minded group.
(28:12):
We're doing this cool littlegathering with this specific
resource, that would besomething that is sorely needed.
It's just not available in mostplaces.
Chris Grainger (28:24):
Curious for the research you did for the book,
because I mean all thedemographics and the data.
I look at it looks like the theage of marriage is just keeps
getting pushed further andfurther out.
I don't.
I think it's early thirties,now is the average age, and and
for kids the average age for thefirst child is being pushed out
further and further than itever has been.
Did any of that data startcoming up as you were doing the
(28:48):
research for this book and wasthere any connection points to
the church?
Because I know that's somethingjust for me.
It's a very curious point tomaybe unpack.
Bob Wheatley (28:57):
Yeah, I was actually very encouraged by the
research that I did and theconversations that I had, so I
ended up sitting down with 82single Christian men over the
course of a handful of months isbasically a man per day,
whether over coffee or over zoom.
I met with 82 of them and myassumption was that a lot of
(29:17):
these guys just really wouldn'tcare about this stuff.
It'd be out of sight, out ofmind, is not really on their
radar.
And I found the exact opposite.
My assumption was the femaledemographic.
The single Christian femaleswould be all over this stuff.
They're reading books and theyhave it's tugging at their
heartstrings.
I figured the men would bethinking about their fantasy
(29:39):
football team and the state oftheir 401k and building their
life, and what I found was themen were equally frustrated.
Equally frustrated, and a lotof it came down to communication
or lack thereof.
Number one men and women arejust wired differently.
Shocker, I think everybody cancan understand that.
(30:01):
But with the way that our worldis constructed today, in 2025,
that our world is constructedtoday in 2025, we're very mobile
, we're very virtual, we arevery separated.
Versus the the world of 50years ago, it was all in person,
so it's difficult for men tomeet women and vice versa.
(30:24):
And then once you the causemaybe you met on a dating app or
a friend of a friend connectionyou saw somebody on Instagram.
It's, it starts virtual, thenit becomes in person.
The encouragement that I had isthese men really do care.
And, in sharing that with someof my female friends after I
(30:45):
conducted all those interviews,we're on the same page, men and
women.
We want to meet, we want tohonor one another.
We also want to even if it'snot a romantic situation.
We want to, like I said, wewant to crush it in our season
of singleness.
But there are distinctchallenges that we're rubbing up
(31:06):
against, just with the cultureand the technology and
everything that we're dealingwith today.
So that's one of the reasonswhy I wrote the book.
That's one of the reasons why Icreated the curriculum.
I just want to give the church atool, as best I can, to help
alleviate some of these painpoints.
That's not to say that it'sgoing to be done perfectly, but,
as it says in the word, we havegood works prepared in advance
(31:29):
for us.
Maybe I'm single at this age tohelp other people that are
struggling with that season.
God's given me a desire towrite.
I love it.
I love to speak from stage.
He's put me in this seat tocreate this resource and who
(31:50):
knows what happens from it.
But yeah, I'm just doing thebest I can, given that I'm I'm
being facetious, but I'm fiveyears behind, based off of Bob
senior's timeline.
I need to make the most of thisseason and this is one thing.
That's come of it, man.
I love it.
Bob Love it.
Chris Grainger (32:03):
Guys, we'll take a quick break.
We'll be right back.
We're making a big change thatI think you're really going to
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I spent a lot of time thinkingabout our spiritual kickoffs and
, honestly, I love doing themeach week, so much so we started
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(32:24):
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(32:44):
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Let's grow together.
I'm super curious, bob, becauseI've met with single guys mainly
.
Well, 100%.
I don't meet with single women.
(33:25):
So that's just because I'mmarried, it's just a personal
rule.
But me with a lot of singleguys and so many of them, man.
It feels like they're comparingthemselves to what they think
they should be.
You mentioned it a little bitearlier.
So if a guy comes to you, he'sfeeling disqualified, he feels
like he's he's no good, he'snever going to find a girl or
(33:46):
he's insignificant.
What counsel do you offer tothose guys in those moments?
And maybe just as part of your,of your curriculum, but just
that maybe there's one guylistening right now.
He's like all right, he don'tunderstand.
Like no, no, chick's going toever want me.
Like what do you tell that guyin that moment?
Bob Wheatley (34:01):
Yeah, I, I shared a story before the break about
the friend of mine who's in hisfifties.
He was thinking the exact samethings where he had dated a
little bit as a younger man, butin his own words he felt like
he kind of self-sabotage, likehe just blew it.
There was women that wereinterested in him and he said
the wrong things or he pushedthem away and he felt like he he
(34:24):
was never going to be marriedand it was his fault.
He felt like it was just itwasn't going to happen.
You know, maybe there was somesome insecurities there or
whatever the reason.
If somebody came to me and feltsomething similar, first thing
is I would just share thatindividual story and if you look
hard enough, they're everywhere.
This is just Bob's individualanecdote, right?
(34:47):
But I'd also say this, and thisis the challenge I'm not saying
this is an easy thing, but I goback to first Corinthians seven
where Paul says if you aresingle, I wish you would remain
as I am.
The question that I would haveto that single man is are you
(35:08):
willing, are you ready, toactually take Paul at his word?
Because in your Bible it saysthat you, as a single person,
have an advantage to serve theLord.
That doesn't mean you're goingto be the happiest it's not what
Paul's saying but it does meanyou can be wholeheartedly
devoted to him and, of course,as you seek him more, there is
(35:32):
love, joy, peace, patience.
There's everything that you getin living with him, but it's
the catch 22.
It's the challenge for thesingle person where and I'll be
honest with you, chris I dealwith this myself.
I still do.
There are plenty of days whereI feel lonely.
(35:53):
There are plenty of days whereI wish that I was married and
life would, I'm assuming, lifewould just feel easier.
I'd wake up and there'd besomebody.
You know, the other half of mybed wouldn't be cold in the
morning.
There'd be somebody at the endof my day, whether it was good
or bad to talk to or to listento.
(36:14):
Hey, tell me about your day.
I don't have those things andit's difficult on me.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, that can be true.
And the other thing can be trueas well.
Where, like one of my heroes ofthe faith is Joseph I mentioned
his story earlier where, at 17years old, god gave him this
dream.
(36:35):
This vision says your brotherswill bow down to you.
This vision says your brotherswill bow down to you.
And then there's a bunch ofjust awful stuff that happened
to him year after year afteryear he's sold into slavery,
he's falsely accused, he'sthrown into prison, he's
forgotten in prison all theseterrible things for years.
Meanwhile, if we could justkind of remove ourselves from
(36:58):
our story and look down andrealize, shoot, god is going to
save the world through me, thenthe prison doesn't feel so
terrible.
So the challenge if you'relistening to this and you
haven't had great success withwomen or you feel like marriage
is something that you want, butit's just impossible, I'd say
(37:20):
this Number one you have anenemy who hates you.
Don't forget that.
So take every thought captiveand even if you literally need
to write it down, maybe that'syour capturing of the thought.
Is this biblical?
Is this something that a lovingfather would tell me?
Second thing I would say andthis is sort of the athlete in
me coming out charge the hill,like, just because life is
(37:45):
difficult right now does notmean that God's not in it.
So I would say, my friend, keepgoing, keep going.
What like when we think aboutthe stories in scripture, when
we think about even the secularHollywood movies that we watch.
What are the stories that weactually tell?
It's moments of courage.
It's moments of men pushingthrough difficult things and
(38:09):
then, however long it takes,reaping the reward of that.
And it says in the word whatour rewards will be, even if we
don't see anything until theother side of death.
Like a Dietrich Bonhoefferhanged by the Nazis.
At 39 years old he was engagedto be married.
(38:30):
Never married, assuming, neverconsummated, never procreated.
This is a guy who sort of hadhis life torn away from him.
He is being rewarded in heaven.
Well done, good and faithfulservant.
So, yeah, that would be mytwofold response to that single
(38:50):
Christian man who's kind of,who's down in the dumps, who's
feeling it.
Number one, you're not alone.
Number two, you can do this.
This is where we, as men,buckle up, we do the hard thing
and this is where God is forgingyour character, because that's
something that we need to stateas well.
(39:11):
Happiness, good times.
That is not where character isforged.
Character is forged throughsuffering.
It says in Hebrews that evenJesus was made perfect through
suffering.
So, going back to what I said,all pain is painful, but not all
pain is harmful.
If you're going through apainful season of singleness.
(39:32):
It might be awesome five yearsfrom now and you might be
married with a young daughterand you're like, yeah, it was
worth it.
It sucks, it was still painful,but it's worth it.
So, yeah, that would be, that'dbe my, my encouragement, and
I'd also say, my brother, I amright there with you.
I am in that season.
That's why I wrote this book.
Chris Grainger (39:54):
Man.
Well said, bro, and I think forguys in particular, the
rejection hurts and thatrejection, I think we're
prideful guys, man.
I mean that's just the way Godmade us.
So anytime we get that, if thatdoes happen, sometimes that can
be just a stumbling block andhold us back from really just
(40:16):
leaning in and doing what God'scalled us to do.
So I appreciate your honestythere and your candor.
Well, if you start thinkingabout, if I'm single and I read
this book, what do you think ifthey read it?
What do you hope that stickswith them six months from now,
after going throughsingle-minded, after going
(40:37):
through the course, there's gotto be a few salient truths that
you really hope they're notgoing to meet.
Remember 30, but what's?
What's maybe one or two thatyou know you really want to
hammer home and just encouragethe listener out there with yeah
, I would go to the subtitle ofthe book finding purpose and
strength in your season ofsingleness.
Bob Wheatley (40:56):
I think that those would be two main takeaways
from the experience.
So the purpose is God, down, itis.
All the days ordained for mewere written in your book before
one of them came to be.
It is answering the questionsof why am I in this season?
Why would a loving father allowme to go through so much pain,
isolation, depression, whateveryou're dealing with.
(41:18):
Once you have that purpose,then it helps you to continue
pushing through.
I'd imagine with Joseph, whenhe finally saw the dreams
fulfilled and his brothers werebowing down.
He had that moment where he'slike okay, god, you are an
amazing storyteller.
This, this all makes sense.
(41:40):
So my hope for somebody who'sreading the book is they have a,
maybe, a preamble, they have apreview of of their purpose in
that where God is actively usingthis season and it's just
helpful to know, okay, yeah, it,even though it's painful or
challenging, this will paybenefits.
(42:00):
This does make sense.
So number one would be purpose.
Number two would be strengthAgain, kind of going back to my
challenge for the listener acouple minutes ago is we as men?
I believe that our country andworld history is really dictated
by the character and actions ofmen, and we have an opportunity
as Christian men to be thatsalt and light, to really lead
(42:23):
from the front, to dochallenging things.
And by walking through this 30day challenge, my hope is that
as you grow closer to God, youunderstand yourself more, you
embody the person of Christ more, and that's what Christians are
.
We are a bunch of little Christrunning around.
That's the idea.
(42:44):
We are a little Christ, we areChristians running around, and
so my hope is that you arestrengthened, you're emboldened
in this season to conquer thenext challenge, to climb the
next mountain, whatever it is,so that you can walk in the good
works prepared for you.
Chris Grainger (43:01):
Love it, man, love it.
Well, bob, this has been greatand we always, towards the end
of our episodes, we love to havelightning rounds.
So you've done one lightninground before, so I have to mix
it up for you this time.
So if you're still willing toplay, we'll jump in and have
some fun.
Man, let's play, let's do it.
All right, man?
So I'm just going completelyoff the cuff here.
What's your go-to pump-up song,man?
(43:21):
Like, I'm sure you're anathlete pre-game you probably
had a certain playlist, but like, what's the song to get fired
up?
Bob Wheatley (43:30):
It was always Lose Yourself by Eminem.
That was a big movie that cameout with 8 Mile.
Yeah, that was in high school.
That's what I was bumping, forsure.
Chris Grainger (43:38):
That's what I was bumping for sure.
That's awesome Great song man.
That definitely will get theblood flowing.
How about if you look throughthe Bible?
You mentioned Joseph a fewtimes.
I'm super curious, though.
You look through scripture.
If you could go back andwitness any of those moments
firsthand be like a firsthandaccount witness of it what
moment would it be?
Bob Wheatley (43:57):
I know Joseph has been a theme in this show, but
it's just because you're talkingto me, and that's that's truly
what I believe.
I've been asked this questionbefore, like if you could talk
to any bible character, whowould it be?
I would like to talk to josephin prison and just know all
right, you've been for you'vebeen forgotten.
These dreams happened eightyears ago.
(44:19):
What are are you thinking, bro?
What?
What do you think is going tohappen here?
Is God real?
Is he close?
Are you the biggest fool on theplanet?
Because I, bob Wheatley, knowthe end of the story and it's
going to work out awesome foryou.
But what do you, joseph, think?
So, yeah, I would.
I would if I could have atelephone and talk to Joseph in
(44:40):
prison when he was forgotten andabandoned and falsely.
Yeah, I would.
I would if I could have atelephone and talk to Joseph in
prison when he was forgotten andabandoned and falsely accused.
That would be the first thing,sure.
Chris Grainger (44:47):
Sure, all right, if you had a day and it's never
going to happen, so let's justpretend where you wake up and
you have zero responsibilitiesbecause you're you're a crusher,
you go get it.
But if you had that day, we'dhave no responsibilities.
What would you do?
What would that day look like?
Bob Wheatley (45:03):
Man, it's hard for me to answer that question,
because responsibilities are notbad.
Responsibilities can be fun andconquering things.
Man, it would probably dependon where I am and who I'm with.
It might be if I could pre-planmy destination and all of a
sudden I was in Italy orsomething.
I might want to explore thecity of Rome.
(45:24):
If I was with my family inCalifornia, I might just do
whatever they like and go toDisneyland or spend time at the
beach.
Yeah, it's there you go.
Yeah, life is good.
It's responsibilities or not?
Yeah, I'd want to make the mostof the day.
Chris Grainger (45:41):
There you go.
How about a boundary?
So this may help for it.
We can keep this single-mindedas well.
So is there a boundary you setthat's made a big difference for
you in this season of life.
Bob Wheatley (45:53):
Man, uh, a boundary.
I would say that I, for better,for worse, I am pretty good
about protecting my time, andthat means I'm not the person
who's always going to pick upthe phone.
I'm not the person who's alwaysgoing to respond to a text an
hour later.
Now I make I make a, a, apersonal commitment to
(46:16):
responding.
But yeah, my boundary is wetalked about earlier on the show
today where you can be sodistracted and you're just
pulled in a million differentdirections.
If you know what you're supposedto do or you believe that God
has given you a call, then Ibelieve you have a
(46:36):
responsibility to that.
And especially as you startserving more people and, Chris,
I'm sure that you experiencedthis in your own ministry you
might have a lot of people thatare reaching out to you, and we
are one man, we are one humanbeing.
So there's always going to bepriorities.
It just it has to be.
(46:57):
Even Jesus had his disciplesand he had different factions
within the disciples and youtalk about Moses and Jethro.
There's a lot of delegation inministry and you just do the
best you can.
So maybe a boundary that I'veestablished is protecting my
time, and when I'm with somebody, I want to be a hundred percent
(47:17):
there.
My phone is almost always onairplane mode because I'm having
coffee with somebody.
They are the most importantperson in the world to me in
that moment.
I don't want my phone buzzingand falling off the table, so
that'd be a boundary, I'd say.
Chris Grainger (47:32):
What about spiritual disciplines for the
season of life you're in?
I'm sure there's differentthings that we all work through
this, but anything that jumpsout lately that you've been
working on.
Bob Wheatley (47:43):
I would say this is less of a lately answer, just
something that has reallyimpacted my life and my walk.
So when I moved to Nashvilleseven years ago and I started
reading the Bible cover to coverin a year with a group of guys
of mine, and we did seven yearsin a row so that does not mean
(48:05):
that I'm an expert in the thingsof scripture, but it does mean
I am constantly reminding myselfof the story.
I know that it took Joseph 13years from vision to reality,
from from dream to fulfillment.
And again, I'm not a pastor,I've not gone to seminary.
(48:28):
That's not really my walk.
I'm a professional, I have afull-time job.
But I'd say, as far as spiritualdiscipline and I know we talked
about my book on this showthere's only one book that is
the number one bestselling bookof all time.
That is without error.
That will cover everything thatneeds to be covered for the
(48:49):
Christian walk.
It's not my book, it is thegood book.
So, yeah, I would just saymaking it a habit, getting into
the word every morning.
It could be reading through theBible in a year or just having
a specific plan on it, but it isthe word, it is the Bible that
changes lives.
So yeah, I'd say that's thespiritual discipline that's
(49:10):
meant the most to me in my walk.
Chris Grainger (49:13):
Amen, brother.
Well, your last question forlightning round is and speak
specifically to that singlelistener out there right now
what would be your rally cry tothem?
What do you hope they rememberthe most from just our
conversation today?
Bob Wheatley (49:30):
You have a distinct advantage as a single
person.
Sometimes that is lost, both byus in the moment and also by
the church.
But that'd be my encouragementto you, remember I go back to
that quote by Theodore Heckel hehas an advantage, he has an
addition, the special Paulineadvantage, and that he is
unmarried.
If you're listening to this andyou're unmarried, my friend,
(49:53):
you have an advantage.
Chris, love you.
We have an advantage over you.
Our interests are not divided.
We have.
We can be wholeheartedlydevoted to God.
We can be sort of a red bloodcell in the body of Christ.
We can go on a mission trip toAfrica at a drop of a hat, no
problem.
So that'd be my encouragementto the single person, and that
(50:16):
is not to.
I'm not at all belittling themarried life.
I want to life, I want to bemarried, I want to be a husband,
I want to be a father, and yetI'm single right now.
We might as well crush it.
Chris Grainger (50:28):
There you go, brother, there you go.
Where do you want to send them?
Bob, to connect with you I knowyou're pretty big on social
media as well as get a copy ofthe new book.
Bob Wheatley (50:35):
Yeah, books available now.
Best place is just going to bebobwheatleycom.
Hopefully we can throw a linkin the in the show notes there.
Yeah, bob Wheatley is going to.
Uh, bobwheatleycom is going tohave all the info for you.
And yeah, love to see you guysthere.
Chris Grainger (50:47):
Awesome brother.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
It's always good to catch upand best of luck with the new
venture here.
Bob Wheatley (50:53):
Thank you, appreciate you having me.
Chris Grainger (51:04):
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All right, guys, I told youthat was going to be a good one.
So thankful for Bob for showingup, for helping us out.
The question of the week thisweek is how can I, as an
(51:54):
individual, glorify God witheverything that we've been given
right now?
And maybe you're in that seasonof singleness, or maybe you're
married, or maybe you're in aseason where you're post-kids
and you got the empty nest.
Maybe you're married, maybeyou're in a season where you're
post kids and you got the emptynest.
Whatever it is, what are wedoing to glorify God every day,
because that's what it's allabout.
So thankful for Bob for sharing.
Hopefully you guys areencouraged Again.
Thelionwithinus is where you canfind all our resources, from
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(52:36):
That helps big time.
Share this stuff out withothers, particularly other
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Hey, let them know you're notalone and this, this message,
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So we'll see you on our nextfun Friday and just keep
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Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast
serving Christian men who arehungry to be the leaders God
intends you to be.
I'm your host, chris Granger.
Let's jump in.
All right, fellas, this is meatepisode time.
Let's get into it, okay?
So the scripture of the weekthis week is the book of 1
Corinthians, the 7th chapter,the 26th verse.
Okay, because of the presentcrisis, I think that it is good
(00:24):
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And look, we do this Mondaythrough Friday within the Lion
(00:45):
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Okay, so we've got a returnguest this week.
I'm super pumped up BobWheatley, bestselling author,
podcaster.
He is a former pro athlete,guys.
If you remember, he was on ashow about two years ago and
he's doing a lot of great thingsout there and he's focusing
(01:31):
really on the whole idea ofsingleness because he's spent a
lot of time, obviously, in hislife.
He finds himself in this seasonof singleness and he's put
together a wonderful resourcethat we're going to talk about.
It's.
It's live now.
It just hit, just just justcame out.
So hopefully you guys are goingto enjoy this, particularly for
(01:51):
you guys that are single outthere.
Okay, and maybe you justhaven't found that spouse yet
and you're just you're searching.
Bob's going to unpack it.
He's going to hopefully giveyou some encouragement.
He played four years of proball for the Blue Jays and the
Cardinals.
Fun guy, full of energy, lotsof wisdom, working through the
(02:12):
season.
Right now he's actually in theseason of singleness.
Hopefully you're going to enjoythis and just sit back and soak
in the wisdom from Bob Wheatley.
Welcome back to the Lion man.
How are you doing today?
Bob Wheatley (02:28):
I'm doing great Better now.
Good to talk to you.
Chris Grainger (02:31):
You too man.
Bob Wheatley (02:32):
Long time.
No see, it's been too long.
Chris Grainger (02:34):
It's been.
I was looking like two yearsman.
It's crazy.
Since we connect, I feel likeit was just yesterday.
But time flies when you'rehaving fun the length of an eye.
That's it, man.
So what's new with you in twoyears?
What's new on Bob's radar?
Bob Wheatley (02:49):
Yeah, still chugging along.
I know when we first connectedis around my first book, our
Heart's Desire.
I love to write, I love to read, and so ended up cranking out a
second book and hadn't reallyplanned on it.
It was just kind of happened.
But everything's great.
I'm supposed to be, uh.
Uh, I'll be an uncle a coupleof times over this fall, which
(03:10):
is nice.
So, yeah, both brother and asister are expecting, which is
awesome.
So I'll be uncle Bob for thefirst time, which I'm looking
forward to.
And, yeah, everything,everything's great.
Chris Grainger (03:22):
I'm excited to be here man, you're gonna be a
fun uncle man.
I can already tell you're gonnabe the uncle they want to come
hang out with.
That's up, that's good.
I hope so.
Bob Wheatley (03:30):
I hope so though I'm sure they'll make it easy.
Yeah, I have a bunch of friendsnow that are getting married.
They have young kids and, man,it is just so fun to to be
around them and see them grow.
So, yeah, now that'll haveWheatleys that are running
around doing that it'll be anawesome thing.
Chris Grainger (03:53):
That's cool, man , that's cool.
Well, I know this projectthat's live now, by the way,
guys, but it's out aroundsingle-minded.
It's something that's been onyour heart and maybe just break
down the whole framework aroundwhat single-minded is, because
the Christian world it can bevery difficult for us to think
this way.
Bob Wheatley (04:10):
Yeah, totally so.
The name of the book isSingle-Minded Finding Purpose
and Strength in your Season ofSingleness.
I'm 33, single, no wife, nokids, and I've always wanted to
be married.
I've always wanted to be ahusband, always wanted to be a
father and for some reason thatjust has not been written into
my story just yet.
And, whether right or wrong, Igrew up, I was the oldest kid.
(04:32):
I I'm literally named after myfather, so I'm Bob Jr, and I
always assumed that my lifewould follow a similar path to
his.
It doesn't have to be a carboncopy, but my parents mom and dad
met in college, fell in lovethere, got married quickly, Then
they had me at 28 years old.
So my whole life, like I said,whether right or wrong, I was
(04:55):
kind of looking at my dad, bobsenior, and saying, okay, this
is basically how my life willunfold.
Then, all of a sudden, when youturn 28 and there's no wife, no
kids, turn 29, 30, 31, 32,you're like, shoot, I'm falling
behind.
And so in the first chapter ofthe book I share this story
where, like I said, I love toread and I was reading this book
(05:18):
called Bonhoeffer by EricMetaxas and, like, like in most
books.
When I was reading I wasfinding a lot of things in
Dietrich Bonhoeffer that I foundin myself just his personality
type and the way he went aboutlife.
And even our birthdays are onthe same day.
So it was just, it was very.
I was seeing a lot of myself inhim for hundreds of pages and
(05:41):
the books 700 pages long orwhatever it is.
So you know, once I hit page100, 150, 200, I'm just, I'm
having this bromance withDietrich Bonhoeffer.
I'm like this dude is awesome.
I want to walk in this guy'sfootsteps.
Then there was a quote byanother pastor who was a mentor
and friend of his.
(06:02):
His name is Theodore Heckel andDietrich Bonhoeffer.
He was hanged by the Nazis at39 years old.
He was engaged to be marriedbut he was never married.
He always kind of went throughhis ministry as a single man.
And this quote by TheodoreHeckel as I'm in my Dietrich
(06:24):
Bonhoeffer bromance moment.
He says he's praisingBonhoeffer.
He says he has, in addition,the special Pauline advantage in
that he is unmarried thePauline advantage of being
unmarried.
And I'm this guy.
I kind of had two thingscompeting in my head.
Number one I wanted to be likeDietrich Bonhoeffer because for
200 pages.
(06:44):
He seemed really awesome.
And then I also had thechildhood version of Bob, or
just the young man who wants tobe a husband and father.
So I had kind of those twocompeting things.
And then there's this quote,this catalyst moment in the
middle, where being single forme at that point when I was
(07:04):
reading it a late 20s guy, nowan early 30s guy is a challenge.
It's not something that I love.
I do want to be married, I dowant to be a father.
But then I see this quote whereTheodore Heckel is praising
Bonhoeffer for being single.
And that was just a, it was areally.
(07:25):
That moment really stopped mein my tracks to consider okay,
even though I don't, I hadn'tplanned on being single at 33
years old.
That has been my journey andbased off of what the apostle
Paul actually writes in 1Corinthians 7, which is just an
incredibly challenging passagein scripture where I'll just
(07:50):
paraphrase but Paul is writingto the Christians in Corinth and
he says hey guys, I, paul, am asingle man trusted by God, and
if I had it my way, you wouldremain single as I am.
And he's saying that becausethe married man has divided
interests, you're concerned notjust with pleasing the Lord,
(08:11):
you're also concerned withpleasing your wife.
But he goes on to say that thesingle man has no such division,
he can be wholeheartedlyfocused on God, and so bringing
things full circle.
That's why the name of my bookis Single-Minded, sort of that
double entendre, in that everysingle person has a single
person's mind.
(08:31):
But we also have a distinctadvantage in our seasons of
singleness to be wholeheartedlydevoted to God, like an Apostle
Paul, like a Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
And that doesn't mean that youwon't be married, but it does
mean you're not married now.
So how do you wrestle with thatverse in first Corinthians
seven where Paul says hey guys,if I had it my way, you would
(08:53):
never get married, it would justbe soldiers for the Lord, ready
for deployment at all times.
That was a really challengingmoment for me, and so what I did
over time is I just continuedto journal my thoughts and had
different subjects that came up.
There ended up being 30different buckets of my life
(09:15):
where I kind of invited Jesus inand said, ok, and you know,
when it comes to my, myfriendships, or when it comes to
my work, when it comes to mysexuality, how would I, as a
single person, approach thesefacets of me by inviting Jesus
in.
If I have more time, if I havemore bandwidth and ability to
(09:36):
truly be that single-minded,wholehearted disciple, what
would my life look like?
So I ended up writing the bookas a 30 day challenge.
It's just 10, 15 minutes a day.
There's 30 different areas ofyour life where you, as a single
person, are finding theadvantage that you have, and
that's something that can bereally overlooked because I mean
(09:58):
, I don't want to, I don't wantto blow smoke and pretend that
being single is awesome.
All the time there are distinctpain points and frustrations
and you deal with loneliness.
So it's not that the grass isgreener on either side.
The grass isn't greener as asingle person.
The grass isn't greener as amarried person.
There's pros and cons with bothseasons of life.
(10:23):
Where I am today as a singleperson, I just want to encourage
other other believers that arestruggling in this season, that
maybe haven't read about aDietrich Bonhoeffer, that
haven't read a first Corinthiansseven and they feel like it's
just this death wish where, ohman, my life will never start
until I get married.
That might be a good desire.
(10:45):
That is slightly perverted,because in your Bible, that book
on your nightstand, firstCorinthians seven.
It does say I, the apostle Paul, say if you are single, I wish
you remained single.
That's nuts.
That's a really challenging andalso very encouraging thing for
somebody that's in that season.
So basically, in a nutshell, mybook is to help people crush it
when they're single, justmaking the's in that season.
So basically, in a nutshell, mybook is to help people crush it
(11:06):
when they're single, justmaking the most of that season.
Chris Grainger (11:11):
Well, I love the way you talked about the
comparison that you had withyour dad and your parents.
I had the same, with no, I'dsee.
My parents got married rightout of high school.
My mom just turned 18 and twodays later they got married and,
and and that was my verysimilar to me because I got to
be mid-20s, I wasn't married,didn't have a girlfriend, and
get to be almost 30 years old.
All right, what's going on?
(11:31):
And the pressure just reallybuilt up and built up and.
But you talked about you knowmany people die copycats and
we're trying to be that copycatin life.
I just think that reallyresonated man just versus.
That holds us back fromsometimes doing what God's
called us to do, because ifwe're in a season of singleness,
you've got a great opportunityto really bless a lot of people,
(11:52):
if you see it that way.
So I really appreciate youwalking through that copycat.
I hadn't thought about thatbefore.
Bob Wheatley (11:59):
Yeah, and we make these assumptions about how our
life is going to unfold.
Usually our parents will havesome sort of impact on that,
maybe Hollywood movies but wewrite this script where we say,
ok, this is, this is my perfectlife, and then, all of a sudden,
if our actual life deviatesfrom that through line, we're
like, all right, god's late tothe party or God doesn't know
what he's doing.
It really it exposes thetension between our flesh and
(12:23):
our spirit.
It really it exposes thetension between our flesh and
our spirit, our spirit.
I believe, for the renewedbeliever, somebody with the Holy
Spirit in them, we do want totrust God.
We do want to believe that he'sreal and he's close and he has
a purpose for our sufferings andall these different things.
The flesh is a captive of themoment and if it hurts, if it's
(12:45):
painful, then it must be bad andthat's just not the case.
But yeah, for me, going back tothe copycat thing, just I have
awesome parents, I had anawesome childhood and I assumed,
okay, that's how life operates.
But as I go through my own lifeand I Read more of read more
scripture and internalize thestories there, or read about
(13:07):
different Christians, saints,throughout history.
It is not always promised thatyou're going to be married with
kids at 28 years old.
Because your dad was that'sright Like a CS Lewis.
He wasn't married until his mid, late 50s Change the world.
People are still reading hisstuff, that's right.
50s Change the world.
(13:28):
People are still reading hisstuff.
And it's not that in order tolive, to have a life well lived,
you have to be a CS Lewis andhave millions of books that are
read and stuff like that.
I mean, the greatest person inthe kingdom is the one who
serves, but just understandingthat God's direction for your
(13:51):
life.
If you're listening to this,you might very well have to walk
through a season of singlenessand not be in love with it.
But what is God attaching toyou?
What is he grafting into you?
Your strengths, your talents,your passions, maybe the burdens
(14:12):
on your heart?
So I think sometimes and I talkabout this in the book sometimes
people, when they feel a verygood desire to be married, a
very good desire to be incompanionship, sometimes we date
sort of as a bandaidaid.
We date too early or, evenworse, we get married too early
(14:32):
and this this is going to soundstrange for for me to say, but
we actually rob ourself of somesuffering.
I think we are so focused on ifsomething is painful.
We need to get out of thatsituation.
But, like I was, I was anathlete my whole life and I
would literally hire coaches,whether it's weight trainers or
(14:56):
nutritionists.
I said, hey, you are aprofessional, this is the result
that I want.
Let's say, it's a weightliftingcoach.
I would pay that coach to hurtme on purpose.
There's a specific program.
We're doing 10 sets of 10.
Here's the rest time, and itwould hurt.
My time in the gym would hurt,but coming out of that session,
(15:16):
my body would be stronger, moreresilient, ready for the next
task.
And so and I talk about this inthe book all pain is painful,
but not all pain is harmful.
All pain is painful, but notall pain is harmful.
Sometimes we step into datingor even the wrong marriages
(15:36):
because we're trying to avoidpain.
Loneliness is painful.
Isolation is painful.
A lack of companionship ispainful.
I totally understand that.
But not all pain is harmful toyou.
God might be doing somethingthat you have.
I mean, it says in the wordthat we have good works prepared
in advance for us.
You might have something thatyou're supposed to do five years
(15:59):
from now that this season ofsingleness is preparing you for.
That doesn't mean the pain goesaway, right.
It just means it'll make sensefive years from now.
It's like Joseph being soldinto slavery.
He had to wait 13 years fromthe dream to the fulfillment.
13 years in a Bible verse isvery easy to fly through because
(16:19):
it's one verse Turn of the pagesuper easy.
Joseph was a human and he had tolive 13 years.
That is thousands of days.
That took a long time.
So yeah, it's.
There are a lot of distinctivechallenges within singleness, no
(16:41):
question about it.
But I wrote the book to helpthe single Christian really take
advantage of that season aswell, because it's both.
It's both.
It's just trusting God'sdirection 100%, 100%.
Chris Grainger (16:55):
Hey guys, we'll take our first break.
We'll be right back.
I've got something big to share.
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(17:18):
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yourself what happens when irontruly sharpens iron.
You know, Bob, I'm supercurious because you made a point
in the book about, hey, asChristians we're not called to
everything, and that discernmentand understanding that that
takes a level of maturity.
And so what's yourencouragement to that single
(18:25):
person out there right now?
It seems like optionseverywhere.
There's options galore, but howdo you lock it in, Okay, On
what God truly is calling you toin that single season of life?
Bob Wheatley (18:37):
Yeah, I have an entire chapter of the book.
It's called your silence andit's it's a daily exercise on
that specific day.
It's helping the reader tounderstand the value of silence
and the value of space in theirlife.
We live in such a noisy, busyculture where you have a million
pings and you got a bunch ofemails that are hitting your
(18:59):
inbox every morning.
Because we don't make room forsilence, because we don't make
room for space, make room forsilence.
Because we don't make room forspace, it's almost hard to maybe
hear what God is saying or eveninternalize what you yourself
are thinking.
So, yes, I mean, you're exactlyright that we have so many
options today, so many thingsthat you could do.
(19:19):
It's a very first world problem, but in a sense we're getting
overwhelmed by that.
If we were living with ourancestors 200 years ago and 80,
90% of us were farmers and wewere just in the fields all day,
we'd have time to think.
Our bodies might be physicallytired, but we'd have time to
(19:39):
think, we'd have time to processand we'd have time if God is
leading us in a specificdirection.
Our time would not be robbed bya bunch of different competing
influences, and today that isone thing that you really have
to protect against is every timeyou say yes to something,
(20:01):
you're saying no to somethingelse else.
So if you are, let's say youwant to, you want to go to the
gym or you want to get intomartial arts or you're joining a
you know you're joining acooking class or whatever.
Your kids play Little League.
Every yes means there's a nosomewhere else.
And yeses are fun.
(20:21):
It's fun to say yes to thevacation, fun to say yes to the
additional expenditure.
So by leaving a little bit ofspace, a little bit of margin in
your life, that will help youto be available.
And I think that's one of themain advantages of somebody who
is single because you don't havethe spouse, you don't have the
(20:46):
kids.
With the Little League games,I'm speaking to somebody who has
never been married.
This isn't like a single mother, divorcee.
This is somebody who's justwaiting.
If it is truly just you,Dietrich Bonhoeffer, style the
Apostle Paul, then you do havethe space, or at least you have
the opportunity to have thespace.
I tell a story in the book abouta friend named connor, and
(21:07):
connor is, you know, he's in hismid-40s at this point and at
the age of 22 he made thedetermination yeah, I think I'm
supposed to be celibate.
I think I've been given thespiritual gift of celibacy.
I will never be married.
I'm not enticed by sex, I'mjust going to be one of those
(21:29):
quote unquote eunuchs for thekingdom.
And now, 20 years later, he'sstill walking that out and he
actually loves that lifestylehe's.
I mean, he told me that two orthree days a week he'll walk
into his house and he'll say Iam so glad that I'm not married.
And he'll say I am so glad thatI'm not married, and it's not
(21:49):
because he doesn't like the factof you know, of having a spouse
, or he despises children oranything like that.
He is truly wired to be a singleperson.
And so what does that do?
That gives him a ton of space,that gives him a ton of
bandwidth to be able to servethe church.
So he's very involved in hischurch.
He'll set up barbecues andpicnics with 200 people.
(22:14):
He'll go on mission trips toAfrica at a second's notice.
It's not difficult for him tosay yes to those things because
he doesn't have a spouse at home.
He doesn't have a literallygame tomorrow that he has to
worry about.
It is just him.
And so he's sitting before theLord saying Lord, what do you
have for me?
That is and that's not to saythat every single person
(22:37):
listening to this is going to bea lifelong celibate not at all.
But what it does mean is, ifyou are single right now, you do
have more space is, if you aresingle right now, you do have
more space.
You have more space to serveyour church.
You have more space to figureout God's call for your life.
You have more time to developyour talents.
(23:01):
Maybe you want to be an authoror a speaker, maybe you want to
be a missionary?
Okay, what does that entail?
Because you're so available,god can just plug and play, and
as long as you're beingprayerful, I believe he'll have
you walk right in the center ofhis will for your life.
That's one of the mainadvantages and that's exactly
what Paul talks about in firstCorinthians seven.
(23:21):
You do not have dividedinterests.
You can be wholeheartedlydevoted to the Lord.
That's what it's all about.
Chris Grainger (23:30):
I'm super curious too, though.
You mentioned church a fewtimes Because when I think of
church and the way thattraditional churches are set up
to serve they're heavy onchildren's programs, youth
programs, senior adult programs,marriage programs, couples type
stuff Do you think there's agap there.
Do you think they're servingthe single community well?
(23:56):
And if so, what are they doingwell?
And then maybe, what are someheadwinds or some blind spots?
If you had a magic wand, whatdo you think would serve better
for the single community?
Bob Wheatley (24:03):
Yeah, Admittedly it is a tricky demographic, just
because most people don't havethat gift of celibacy like my
friend Connor.
Most people, if they are single, they don't want to be single
forever.
So it's not like a young adultsministry where people are like,
yeah, I'm super excited to be ayoung adult.
What a fun time of life.
(24:23):
So there's some nuances there.
Also, too, I'm I'd imagine thatchurches don't want to have the
dating app vibe or you know.
Yeah, we call it a singlesministry, but really it's a
speed dating group and the ideais, if being single, according
(24:44):
to Paul, is actually anadvantaged season, then let's
say there's a singles ministryat a church.
It should not be necessarilyabout how do I find a spouse.
It should be how do I crush itin this season, how do I make
the most of this season?
Now, if you want to be marriedand you find somebody in that
group, awesome, that's just.
(25:06):
That's just a symptom of peoplegetting together.
But yeah, to answer yourquestion, I don't feel like the
church specifically does a greatjob in serving singles.
It is few and far between whenit comes to churches that
actually have a devoted singlesministry.
I'm sure there's a number ofdifferent reasons why it could
(25:27):
be number one.
Who's going to lead that group?
Who has the heart specificallyto serve that group?
Second thing the people thatare in it, the singles, probably
want to leave.
They'd much rather go to themarriage ministry.
So I think maybe a good firststep is just having this
conversation to help people thatare single understand there's
(25:49):
nothing wrong with you.
You're not less than, in fact,the apostle Paul says.
You're actually in a sense moreadvantaged than your married
counterparts and likewise forthose that are married, just
helping them, I think, maybechanging the conversation around
people that are single in thechurch.
If you're 33 and single, ifyou're 43 and single, you are
(26:10):
not behind.
Chris Grainger (26:13):
You're not behind.
Bob Wheatley (26:15):
Yeah, you're not weird or an outcast.
God is doing something in yourlife and we just have to wait
and see for the rest of thestory.
I have a good friend of minehere in Nashville.
He just got married.
He's 53.
He had written off the idea,said I don't think it'll ever
happen for me, just got marrieda couple months ago.
(26:47):
Version of me I can't be at abunch of different places at
once, but I did want to createsomething where, of course, the
book is like the catalystresource.
That's where you start.
But the vision is to have thesechurches have a resource where
it is done for you.
It is a plug and play, youinsert it.
It's a five week curriculumwhere they're able to walk
through.
The book itself is a 30-daychallenge.
(27:09):
So the vision is sort of allright, four Sundays in a row or
four Tuesdays in a row, thischurch that might not have a
full-time singles ministry cansay all right, you mean, this is
a singles ministry in a box,it's just done for us and we
have not only a resource to helpthese people but an actual
(27:30):
excuse to do it, to make it easy.
Yeah, that was my vision for it,because this is a very big and
growing demographic within thechurch and it is very
underserved, not to mention justin the inherent nature.
With somebody who is single,you are isolated.
You have your own challengeswithin marriage.
(27:52):
You might go see a marriagecounselor, but it's
interpersonal conflict whenyou're single.
For a lot of people, if they'redealing with depression and
loneliness, you are isolated.
So having something like thisat your church, even if it's a
one month deal hey, come to thesingle minded group.
(28:12):
We're doing this cool littlegathering with this specific
resource, that would besomething that is sorely needed.
It's just not available in mostplaces.
Chris Grainger (28:24):
Curious for the research you did for the book,
because I mean all thedemographics and the data.
I look at it looks like the theage of marriage is just keeps
getting pushed further andfurther out.
I don't.
I think it's early thirties,now is the average age, and and
for kids the average age for thefirst child is being pushed out
further and further than itever has been.
Did any of that data startcoming up as you were doing the
(28:48):
research for this book and wasthere any connection points to
the church?
Because I know that's somethingjust for me.
It's a very curious point tomaybe unpack.
Bob Wheatley (28:57):
Yeah, I was actually very encouraged by the
research that I did and theconversations that I had, so I
ended up sitting down with 82single Christian men over the
course of a handful of months isbasically a man per day,
whether over coffee or over zoom.
I met with 82 of them and myassumption was that a lot of
(29:17):
these guys just really wouldn'tcare about this stuff.
It'd be out of sight, out ofmind, is not really on their
radar.
And I found the exact opposite.
My assumption was the femaledemographic.
The single Christian femaleswould be all over this stuff.
They're reading books and theyhave it's tugging at their
heartstrings.
I figured the men would bethinking about their fantasy
(29:39):
football team and the state oftheir 401k and building their
life, and what I found was themen were equally frustrated.
Equally frustrated, and a lotof it came down to communication
or lack thereof.
Number one men and women arejust wired differently.
Shocker, I think everybody cancan understand that.
(30:01):
But with the way that our worldis constructed today, in 2025,
that our world is constructedtoday in 2025, we're very mobile
, we're very virtual, we arevery separated.
Versus the the world of 50years ago, it was all in person,
so it's difficult for men tomeet women and vice versa.
(30:24):
And then once you the causemaybe you met on a dating app or
a friend of a friend connectionyou saw somebody on Instagram.
It's, it starts virtual, thenit becomes in person.
The encouragement that I had isthese men really do care.
And, in sharing that with someof my female friends after I
(30:45):
conducted all those interviews,we're on the same page, men and
women.
We want to meet, we want tohonor one another.
We also want to even if it'snot a romantic situation.
We want to, like I said, wewant to crush it in our season
of singleness.
But there are distinctchallenges that we're rubbing up
(31:06):
against, just with the cultureand the technology and
everything that we're dealingwith today.
So that's one of the reasonswhy I wrote the book.
That's one of the reasons why Icreated the curriculum.
I just want to give the church atool, as best I can, to help
alleviate some of these painpoints.
That's not to say that it'sgoing to be done perfectly, but,
as it says in the word, we havegood works prepared in advance
(31:29):
for us.
Maybe I'm single at this age tohelp other people that are
struggling with that season.
God's given me a desire towrite.
I love it.
I love to speak from stage.
He's put me in this seat tocreate this resource and who
(31:50):
knows what happens from it.
But yeah, I'm just doing thebest I can, given that I'm I'm
being facetious, but I'm fiveyears behind, based off of Bob
senior's timeline.
I need to make the most of thisseason and this is one thing.
That's come of it, man.
I love it.
Bob Love it.
Chris Grainger (32:03):
Guys, we'll take a quick break.
We'll be right back.
We're making a big change thatI think you're really going to
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I spent a lot of time thinkingabout our spiritual kickoffs and
, honestly, I love doing themeach week, so much so we started
doing them live every Mondaythrough Friday inside our
(32:24):
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Every day, we go live to readthe word, to encourage each
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(32:44):
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Let's grow together.
I'm super curious, bob, becauseI've met with single guys mainly
.
Well, 100%.
I don't meet with single women.
(33:25):
So that's just because I'mmarried, it's just a personal
rule.
But me with a lot of singleguys and so many of them, man.
It feels like they're comparingthemselves to what they think
they should be.
You mentioned it a little bitearlier.
So if a guy comes to you, he'sfeeling disqualified, he feels
like he's he's no good, he'snever going to find a girl or
(33:46):
he's insignificant.
What counsel do you offer tothose guys in those moments?
And maybe just as part of your,of your curriculum, but just
that maybe there's one guylistening right now.
He's like all right, he don'tunderstand.
Like no, no, chick's going toever want me.
Like what do you tell that guyin that moment?
Bob Wheatley (34:01):
Yeah, I, I shared a story before the break about
the friend of mine who's in hisfifties.
He was thinking the exact samethings where he had dated a
little bit as a younger man, butin his own words he felt like
he kind of self-sabotage, likehe just blew it.
There was women that wereinterested in him and he said
the wrong things or he pushedthem away and he felt like he he
(34:24):
was never going to be marriedand it was his fault.
He felt like it was just itwasn't going to happen.
You know, maybe there was somesome insecurities there or
whatever the reason.
If somebody came to me and feltsomething similar, first thing
is I would just share thatindividual story and if you look
hard enough, they're everywhere.
This is just Bob's individualanecdote, right?
(34:47):
But I'd also say this, and thisis the challenge I'm not saying
this is an easy thing, but I goback to first Corinthians seven
where Paul says if you aresingle, I wish you would remain
as I am.
The question that I would haveto that single man is are you
(35:08):
willing, are you ready, toactually take Paul at his word?
Because in your Bible it saysthat you, as a single person,
have an advantage to serve theLord.
That doesn't mean you're goingto be the happiest it's not what
Paul's saying but it does meanyou can be wholeheartedly
devoted to him and, of course,as you seek him more, there is
(35:32):
love, joy, peace, patience.
There's everything that you getin living with him, but it's
the catch 22.
It's the challenge for thesingle person where and I'll be
honest with you, chris I dealwith this myself.
I still do.
There are plenty of days whereI feel lonely.
(35:53):
There are plenty of days whereI wish that I was married and
life would, I'm assuming, lifewould just feel easier.
I'd wake up and there'd besomebody.
You know, the other half of mybed wouldn't be cold in the
morning.
There'd be somebody at the endof my day, whether it was good
or bad to talk to or to listento.
(36:14):
Hey, tell me about your day.
I don't have those things andit's difficult on me.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, that can be true.
And the other thing can be trueas well.
Where, like one of my heroes ofthe faith is Joseph I mentioned
his story earlier where, at 17years old, god gave him this
dream.
(36:35):
This vision says your brotherswill bow down to you.
This vision says your brotherswill bow down to you.
And then there's a bunch ofjust awful stuff that happened
to him year after year afteryear he's sold into slavery,
he's falsely accused, he'sthrown into prison, he's
forgotten in prison all theseterrible things for years.
Meanwhile, if we could justkind of remove ourselves from
(36:58):
our story and look down andrealize, shoot, god is going to
save the world through me, thenthe prison doesn't feel so
terrible.
So the challenge if you'relistening to this and you
haven't had great success withwomen or you feel like marriage
is something that you want, butit's just impossible, I'd say
(37:20):
this Number one you have anenemy who hates you.
Don't forget that.
So take every thought captiveand even if you literally need
to write it down, maybe that'syour capturing of the thought.
Is this biblical?
Is this something that a lovingfather would tell me?
Second thing I would say andthis is sort of the athlete in
me coming out charge the hill,like, just because life is
(37:45):
difficult right now does notmean that God's not in it.
So I would say, my friend, keepgoing, keep going.
What like when we think aboutthe stories in scripture, when
we think about even the secularHollywood movies that we watch.
What are the stories that weactually tell?
It's moments of courage.
It's moments of men pushingthrough difficult things and
(38:09):
then, however long it takes,reaping the reward of that.
And it says in the word whatour rewards will be, even if we
don't see anything until theother side of death.
Like a Dietrich Bonhoefferhanged by the Nazis.
At 39 years old he was engagedto be married.
(38:30):
Never married, assuming, neverconsummated, never procreated.
This is a guy who sort of hadhis life torn away from him.
He is being rewarded in heaven.
Well done, good and faithfulservant.
So, yeah, that would be mytwofold response to that single
(38:50):
Christian man who's kind of,who's down in the dumps, who's
feeling it.
Number one, you're not alone.
Number two, you can do this.
This is where we, as men,buckle up, we do the hard thing
and this is where God is forgingyour character, because that's
something that we need to stateas well.
(39:11):
Happiness, good times.
That is not where character isforged.
Character is forged throughsuffering.
It says in Hebrews that evenJesus was made perfect through
suffering.
So, going back to what I said,all pain is painful, but not all
pain is harmful.
If you're going through apainful season of singleness.
(39:32):
It might be awesome five yearsfrom now and you might be
married with a young daughterand you're like, yeah, it was
worth it.
It sucks, it was still painful,but it's worth it.
So, yeah, that would be, that'dbe my, my encouragement, and
I'd also say, my brother, I amright there with you.
I am in that season.
That's why I wrote this book.
Chris Grainger (39:54):
Man.
Well said, bro, and I think forguys in particular, the
rejection hurts and thatrejection, I think we're
prideful guys, man.
I mean that's just the way Godmade us.
So anytime we get that, if thatdoes happen, sometimes that can
be just a stumbling block andhold us back from really just
(40:16):
leaning in and doing what God'scalled us to do.
So I appreciate your honestythere and your candor.
Well, if you start thinkingabout, if I'm single and I read
this book, what do you think ifthey read it?
What do you hope that stickswith them six months from now,
after going throughsingle-minded, after going
(40:37):
through the course, there's gotto be a few salient truths that
you really hope they're notgoing to meet.
Remember 30, but what's?
What's maybe one or two thatyou know you really want to
hammer home and just encouragethe listener out there with yeah
, I would go to the subtitle ofthe book finding purpose and
strength in your season ofsingleness.
Bob Wheatley (40:56):
I think that those would be two main takeaways
from the experience.
So the purpose is God, down, itis.
All the days ordained for mewere written in your book before
one of them came to be.
It is answering the questionsof why am I in this season?
Why would a loving father allowme to go through so much pain,
isolation, depression, whateveryou're dealing with.
(41:18):
Once you have that purpose,then it helps you to continue
pushing through.
I'd imagine with Joseph, whenhe finally saw the dreams
fulfilled and his brothers werebowing down.
He had that moment where he'slike okay, god, you are an
amazing storyteller.
This, this all makes sense.
(41:40):
So my hope for somebody who'sreading the book is they have a,
maybe, a preamble, they have apreview of of their purpose in
that where God is actively usingthis season and it's just
helpful to know, okay, yeah, it,even though it's painful or
challenging, this will paybenefits.
(42:00):
This does make sense.
So number one would be purpose.
Number two would be strengthAgain, kind of going back to my
challenge for the listener acouple minutes ago is we as men?
I believe that our country andworld history is really dictated
by the character and actions ofmen, and we have an opportunity
as Christian men to be thatsalt and light, to really lead
(42:23):
from the front, to dochallenging things.
And by walking through this 30day challenge, my hope is that
as you grow closer to God, youunderstand yourself more, you
embody the person of Christ more, and that's what Christians are
.
We are a bunch of little Christrunning around.
That's the idea.
(42:44):
We are a little Christ, we areChristians running around, and
so my hope is that you arestrengthened, you're emboldened
in this season to conquer thenext challenge, to climb the
next mountain, whatever it is,so that you can walk in the good
works prepared for you.
Chris Grainger (43:01):
Love it, man, love it.
Well, bob, this has been greatand we always, towards the end
of our episodes, we love to havelightning rounds.
So you've done one lightninground before, so I have to mix
it up for you this time.
So if you're still willing toplay, we'll jump in and have
some fun.
Man, let's play, let's do it.
All right, man?
So I'm just going completelyoff the cuff here.
What's your go-to pump-up song,man?
(43:21):
Like, I'm sure you're anathlete pre-game you probably
had a certain playlist, but like, what's the song to get fired
up?
Bob Wheatley (43:30):
It was always Lose Yourself by Eminem.
That was a big movie that cameout with 8 Mile.
Yeah, that was in high school.
That's what I was bumping, forsure.
Chris Grainger (43:38):
That's what I was bumping for sure.
That's awesome Great song man.
That definitely will get theblood flowing.
How about if you look throughthe Bible?
You mentioned Joseph a fewtimes.
I'm super curious, though.
You look through scripture.
If you could go back andwitness any of those moments
firsthand be like a firsthandaccount witness of it what
moment would it be?
Bob Wheatley (43:57):
I know Joseph has been a theme in this show, but
it's just because you're talkingto me, and that's that's truly
what I believe.
I've been asked this questionbefore, like if you could talk
to any bible character, whowould it be?
I would like to talk to josephin prison and just know all
right, you've been for you'vebeen forgotten.
These dreams happened eightyears ago.
(44:19):
What are are you thinking, bro?
What?
What do you think is going tohappen here?
Is God real?
Is he close?
Are you the biggest fool on theplanet?
Because I, bob Wheatley, knowthe end of the story and it's
going to work out awesome foryou.
But what do you, joseph, think?
So, yeah, I would.
I would if I could have atelephone and talk to Joseph in
(44:40):
prison when he was forgotten andabandoned and falsely.
Yeah, I would.
I would if I could have atelephone and talk to Joseph in
prison when he was forgotten andabandoned and falsely accused.
That would be the first thing,sure.
Chris Grainger (44:47):
Sure, all right, if you had a day and it's never
going to happen, so let's justpretend where you wake up and
you have zero responsibilitiesbecause you're you're a crusher,
you go get it.
But if you had that day, we'dhave no responsibilities.
What would you do?
What would that day look like?
Bob Wheatley (45:03):
Man, it's hard for me to answer that question,
because responsibilities are notbad.
Responsibilities can be fun andconquering things.
Man, it would probably dependon where I am and who I'm with.
It might be if I could pre-planmy destination and all of a
sudden I was in Italy orsomething.
I might want to explore thecity of Rome.
(45:24):
If I was with my family inCalifornia, I might just do
whatever they like and go toDisneyland or spend time at the
beach.
Yeah, it's there you go.
Yeah, life is good.
It's responsibilities or not?
Yeah, I'd want to make the mostof the day.
Chris Grainger (45:41):
There you go.
How about a boundary?
So this may help for it.
We can keep this single-mindedas well.
So is there a boundary you setthat's made a big difference for
you in this season of life.
Bob Wheatley (45:53):
Man, uh, a boundary.
I would say that I, for better,for worse, I am pretty good
about protecting my time, andthat means I'm not the person
who's always going to pick upthe phone.
I'm not the person who's alwaysgoing to respond to a text an
hour later.
Now I make I make a, a, apersonal commitment to
(46:16):
responding.
But yeah, my boundary is wetalked about earlier on the show
today where you can be sodistracted and you're just
pulled in a million differentdirections.
If you know what you're supposedto do or you believe that God
has given you a call, then Ibelieve you have a
(46:36):
responsibility to that.
And especially as you startserving more people and, Chris,
I'm sure that you experiencedthis in your own ministry you
might have a lot of people thatare reaching out to you, and we
are one man, we are one humanbeing.
So there's always going to bepriorities.
It just it has to be.
(46:57):
Even Jesus had his disciplesand he had different factions
within the disciples and youtalk about Moses and Jethro.
There's a lot of delegation inministry and you just do the
best you can.
So maybe a boundary that I'veestablished is protecting my
time, and when I'm with somebody, I want to be a hundred percent
(47:17):
there.
My phone is almost always onairplane mode because I'm having
coffee with somebody.
They are the most importantperson in the world to me in
that moment.
I don't want my phone buzzingand falling off the table, so
that'd be a boundary, I'd say.
Chris Grainger (47:32):
What about spiritual disciplines for the
season of life you're in?
I'm sure there's differentthings that we all work through
this, but anything that jumpsout lately that you've been
working on.
Bob Wheatley (47:43):
I would say this is less of a lately answer, just
something that has reallyimpacted my life and my walk.
So when I moved to Nashvilleseven years ago and I started
reading the Bible cover to coverin a year with a group of guys
of mine, and we did seven yearsin a row so that does not mean
(48:05):
that I'm an expert in the thingsof scripture, but it does mean
I am constantly reminding myselfof the story.
I know that it took Joseph 13years from vision to reality,
from from dream to fulfillment.
And again, I'm not a pastor,I've not gone to seminary.
(48:28):
That's not really my walk.
I'm a professional, I have afull-time job.
But I'd say, as far as spiritualdiscipline and I know we talked
about my book on this showthere's only one book that is
the number one bestselling bookof all time.
That is without error.
That will cover everything thatneeds to be covered for the
(48:49):
Christian walk.
It's not my book, it is thegood book.
So, yeah, I would just saymaking it a habit, getting into
the word every morning.
It could be reading through theBible in a year or just having
a specific plan on it, but it isthe word, it is the Bible that
changes lives.
So yeah, I'd say that's thespiritual discipline that's
(49:10):
meant the most to me in my walk.
Chris Grainger (49:13):
Amen, brother.
Well, your last question forlightning round is and speak
specifically to that singlelistener out there right now
what would be your rally cry tothem?
What do you hope they rememberthe most from just our
conversation today?
Bob Wheatley (49:30):
You have a distinct advantage as a single
person.
Sometimes that is lost, both byus in the moment and also by
the church.
But that'd be my encouragementto you, remember I go back to
that quote by Theodore Heckel hehas an advantage, he has an
addition, the special Paulineadvantage, and that he is
unmarried.
If you're listening to this andyou're unmarried, my friend,
(49:53):
you have an advantage.
Chris, love you.
We have an advantage over you.
Our interests are not divided.
We have.
We can be wholeheartedlydevoted to God.
We can be sort of a red bloodcell in the body of Christ.
We can go on a mission trip toAfrica at a drop of a hat, no
problem.
So that'd be my encouragementto the single person, and that
(50:16):
is not to.
I'm not at all belittling themarried life.
I want to life, I want to bemarried, I want to be a husband,
I want to be a father, and yetI'm single right now.
We might as well crush it.
Chris Grainger (50:28):
There you go, brother, there you go.
Where do you want to send them?
Bob, to connect with you I knowyou're pretty big on social
media as well as get a copy ofthe new book.
Bob Wheatley (50:35):
Yeah, books available now.
Best place is just going to bebobwheatleycom.
Hopefully we can throw a linkin the in the show notes there.
Yeah, bob Wheatley is going to.
Uh, bobwheatleycom is going tohave all the info for you.
And yeah, love to see you guysthere.
Chris Grainger (50:47):
Awesome brother.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
It's always good to catch upand best of luck with the new
venture here.
Bob Wheatley (50:53):
Thank you, appreciate you having me.
Chris Grainger (51:04):
Most men are fighting battles.
No one sees strained marriages,silent wounds, pressure to lead
without a place to rest.
That's why we created ourcommunity to help build,
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Join today at thelionwithinusthat's thelionwithinus and get
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All right, guys, I told youthat was going to be a good one.
So thankful for Bob for showingup, for helping us out.
The question of the week thisweek is how can I, as an
(51:54):
individual, glorify God witheverything that we've been given
right now?
And maybe you're in that seasonof singleness, or maybe you're
married, or maybe you're in aseason where you're post-kids
and you got the empty nest.
Maybe you're married, maybeyou're in a season where you're
post kids and you got the emptynest.
Whatever it is, what are wedoing to glorify God every day,
because that's what it's allabout.
So thankful for Bob for sharing.
Hopefully you guys areencouraged Again.
Thelionwithinus is where you canfind all our resources, from
(52:14):
our daily spiritual kickoff toour community, to our leadership
masterminds guys.
It's every level.
We try to serve and try to help.
Check us out on the Bible appTons and tons of resources out
there.
Love putting those out there,so hopefully you'll be
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to serve again, thelionwithinusis where you find us.
Okay, so give us a rating andreview.
(52:36):
That helps big time.
Share this stuff out withothers, particularly other
single type of guys.
Hey, let them know you're notalone and this, this message,
may be encouraging for them.
So we'll see you on our nextfun Friday and just keep
unleashing the lion within.
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