September 24, 2025 • 21 mins
Marriage is warfare. The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy what God has joined together, and far too many Christian men find themselves unprepared for the battle. Drawing from personal experience, including the pain of divorce and the journey of rebuilding, this episode offers hard-won wisdom for men who are ready to fight for their marriages God's way. We explore the fundamental truth that love is a choice—not merely an emotion—requiring daily commitment regardless of circumstances. When the Hollywood fantasy of effortless romance collides with reality, men need practical strategies to navigate the gap.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving
Christian men who are hungry tobe the leaders God intends you
to be.
I'm your host, chris Granger.
Let's jump in.
All right, guys, meat episodetime.
Let's get into it, okay?
So the scripture of the weekthis week is Colossians 3.13.
It says bear with each otherand forgive one another.
If any of you has a grievanceagainst someone, forgive, as the
Lord forgave you.
(00:23):
Guys, I unpacked that verse inour spiritual kickoff episode so
hopefully you get a chance togo back and listen to that,
really trying to give you waysto simplify and apply that to
your life.
As a reminder, we do thatMonday through Friday in our
line within us community yourdaily spiritual kickoffs, what
we call it.
So go to the line withinus.
That's completely free, bro.
Like you got no excuses forthat one.
(00:44):
We just give it away.
We don't post that contentanywhere else.
So if you're just looking forthat daily little boost, so much
better than anything that junkyou get from Starbucks, head
over to TheLionWithinus and getstarted today.
Okay, the whole idea for thisweek, fellas, is fighting for
our marriage.
I wrote this Devo called I'mjust a guy fighting for my
(01:07):
marriage.
Guys seem to really be likingit because, at the end of the
day, the evil one wants yourmarriage to fail.
He did that for me 2015.
It happened and and I know hewants to steal, kill, destroy
everything good that God hasdesigned, and I'm done.
I'm done being a victim and I'mdone for guys being victims and
it's time to fight back, andthat's what this is all about,
okay, so I'm telling for guysbeing victims and it's time to
fight back, and that's what thisis all about, okay.
So I'm just going to give you acouple of reflections on that
(01:28):
and hopefully you'll find someencouragement in this podcast
episode.
It's just me today.
This is one where we justunpack some of the writing
because we take the time to dothat and I know not not all of
you guys go to the Bible app andstuff like that.
So, hey, we put on here on thepodcast.
Hopefully you enjoy it, okay.
And it like at the verybeginning of marriage.
We have to recognize that it'sa choice and we just have to.
(01:51):
I mean, first, corinthianstalks about being patient, being
kind, not immune, not boast.
Like you go, you get to all,all the verses in the, the way
the Bible talks about love in 1Corinthians 13.
Like that, you've been to anywedding in your life.
You've heard those verses andAll right, it is a choice.
And I think about the firstwords that I said when I saw a
(02:12):
picture of my wife.
It was like who is that?
Like whoa, because I saw apicture of her and I was
captivated, man.
I was captivated by her smile.
I'm still captivated by hersmile, and at that point in my
life that when I saw her, thesting of the divorce that I had
just went through it was fresh,bro, it was really fresh.
And so the whole idea ofopening up to someone new, that
(02:35):
was scary.
And I had a decision to make.
Am I going to take the risk ofexperiencing further pain and
put myself out there, or I'mgoing to stay safe and isolated?
Because at least if I isolatemyself I won't get hurt?
At least I didn't think I would, because I was in control.
And that initial choice to takea risk led God to reveal what he
(02:58):
truly had in mind when hecreated that whole covenant of
marriage.
I didn't recognize that.
And look, our journey's had itsshares of peaks and valleys,
just like everything else, butthe commitment to choose each
other daily has never waned Onebit, and God blesses us each day
.
And each day also is anopportunity to honor the vow we
(03:23):
made.
And we didn't make a vow toeach other, we made that vow to
him.
Okay, and when I start thinkingabout our relationship today,
back to when we were dating, man, so much has changed, bro.
So much has changed.
I mean, hey, my pants a littlebit tighter, hers are too.
It's all good, but we've bothgrown in our thoughts and our
(03:43):
beliefs.
We've had different experiences, you know, and we've gone
through these different seasonsand trials and they're each
shaping us in different ways.
I mean, we've gone throughchanged careers, we've moved a
couple of times, we've had acouple of babies and we've lost
a child together.
I mean, I'm telling you there'snothing that could have
(04:06):
prepared me as a man for theadventure that began after.
I said I do, and I don't know.
Maybe that's why 1 Corinthians13 is hit so hard, because it
gives us a glimpse of what lovelooks like in action.
Because those words are justthat.
They're just words until westart living them out.
(04:27):
You see, what I'm saying andthat's where the challenge lies
is the application of the words.
Knowing what loves is is onething, okay.
Choosing to live it out is hard, it's inconvenient and
sometimes it costs a lot ofmoney.
And that's where thatrefinement happens, though,
(04:47):
because love, to me, could bedescribed as the aligned action
of developing a meaningfulfamily life.
You know, I find my wifebeautiful in many activities,
but sometimes even more whenshe's just doing the work, like
she's just doing the work on thefarm or helping our family,
(05:09):
like those are the times where Ifall in love with her the most,
and that's where we continue tobe renewed and aligned.
And Hollywood, let's just bereal.
And social media, too, socialmedia sucks, let's just be
honest about that.
They've just distorted all thisstuff about what God intends
for love, and then we startfinding ourselves, pushing
ourselves, comparing ourselvesto a standard.
(05:31):
It's just not fair, it'scompletely false, and I've had
to do a reframe, and maybe thiswill help you.
The filtered version of love istransactional and short term,
but choosing your spouse dailyI'm talking about daily bro,
(05:52):
flaws, mess, beauty, all of itthat's long term and that's an
avenue for personal andrelationship growth, and it
always works best when we keepChrist at the center, because
love is not some feeling.
It's a choice, and when wechoose to love the way Christ
showed us day in, day out, webuild something so much stronger
(06:15):
than any just fleeting emotioncould sustain.
And we have to be careful asguys in looking for also what
are the things that distract usfrom pursuing our spouse each
day.
And once you recognize whatthose restraints are and what
those distractions are, then yougot to go on attack bro, attack
(06:36):
mode.
Okay.
Then also our marriage.
Marriage in general selflessnesssomething to think about
marriage in general.
Selflessness.
Something to think about.
Ephesians talks about husbandloving our wives just as Christ
left the church and gave himselfup.
Right, I get that.
Then I start hearing these movielines, like Jerry Maguire,
(06:58):
where he says you complete me,and I get it, man, it makes for
a powerful moment on the screen.
But I don't know if that's true, though, because as much as I
love her, my wife can't completeme because she's a sinner, and
I can't complete her eitherbecause that's a pretty unfair
burden that I put on her and noone human can carry.
(07:25):
The completion only comes, atleast as far as I can see, from
Christ, and what marriages Ithink at least my marriage needs
isn't completion.
It's selflessness.
And I start thinking back towhen I started first dating my
wife and I wanted to get to knowher and there were sacrifices I
wanted to make, and one ofthose sacrifices was buying some
(07:45):
opera tickets.
Look, I grew up in the Southy'all.
I should be honest, the closestI came to the opera was like
Bugs Bunny and the Viking Helmetlet's just be real.
And, by the way, that is aclassic, am I not right?
But ain't the same?
I mean, I felt like a straightup boy in a china shop when I
went to the opera with her and Iasked more questions than you
(08:06):
probably should ask.
And, by the way, you shouldn'tyell, play free bird at a cop at
opera.
That's completely frowned upon,but that's another.
You know that's a sidebar, butat the moment I wasn't trying to
impress her, I was trying toget to know her.
Right, it wasn't about me, it'sabout learning her, learning
what she loved and reflectingback.
That was selflessness andaction.
(08:29):
She's done the same for memotorcycles and races and
pretending to be interested instuff that I'm interested in and
we've discovered that ourmarriage grows strongest when we
stop looking inward and startleaning outward.
We let go of that idea ofwhat's in it for me and instead
focus on what does my spouseneed?
And that's what Paul's reallychallenging us here in Ephesians
(08:51):
, because he didn't Christ, hedidn't just love us with words,
no, he gave himself up fully,sacrificially, intentionally,
and that's a model and a missionwe're pursuing.
And that's a model and amission we're pursuing, and my
sense is that when we look atthe world this way as a place to
say, where can I serve?
(09:12):
You know not, what can I getfrom it, we're a whole lot more
aligned to God's intention.
And then our marriage hasbecome a whole lot more aligned.
See how that works.
And that little reframe ofseeking to pursue what I can do
to make this marriage morefulfilling to my partner, that's
(09:33):
when the fruit starts beingproduced.
And this is not easy stuff,fellas, but it is totally worth
it.
So just think about that.
Are you placing someunrealistic expectations on your
wife?
And, if so, what do you need todo to start reframing that?
All right, guys, we'll take aquick break.
(09:59):
We'll be right back.
We'll keep unpacking this idea.
I've got something big to share.
We're making a major shiftbecause we know the battle is
real and it's time more men hadaccess to the support they need.
For too long, guys have beentrying to carry the weight alone
pressure at work, tension athome, wounds from the past in a
world that demands strength butoffers no place to rest.
We see it, we've lived it, andthat's exactly why we built our
(10:21):
community.
It's a stronghold, a placewhere warriors can find rest,
truth and a band of brothersstanding beside them.
And starting now, we're makingit easier than ever to step in.
We've lowered the barrier tojust $15.99 a month.
That means, for less than thecost of a drive-thru lunch, you
can join a brotherhood that'scentered on Christ and built for
(10:41):
growth.
Inside you'll find access toour daily spiritual kickoffs
every Monday through Friday, ourLion Lunches, our Bible Studies
, our Friday Forge Gatheringsall that and so much more.
Every man needs a strongholdand you don't have to fight
alone.
If you've been waiting for theright time to jump in, this is
it.
Go to thelionwithinus and jointhe community and see for
(11:03):
yourself what happens when irontruly sharpens iron.
All right, fellas.
Now when you think about trustokay, in Genesis 33, you kind of
get Jacob and Esau thereconciliation there.
Then you get that embrace whereEsau ran to meet Jacob and they
embraced him.
We had that complete moment oftrust back together and
(11:26):
naturally, be honest, I'm justnot a natural trusting person.
Okay, and that's been a hurdlefor our marriage and, after
being hurt a few times by thepeople that I trusted, I found
it easier just to build up wallsthan risk being hurt again and
the walls that my wife has hadto deal with.
(11:47):
The crazy part is, most ofthose walls weren't built
because of anything she did.
They were scars from otherpeople from other seasons of
life.
Yet she's the one who had toclimb them, man, and, quite
frankly, sometimes she gets themost guarded, distance, distant
version of me, and that's notbecause she's untrustworthy,
(12:09):
she's the most trustworthyperson I know Because.
But she gets that because I'velet that past pain shape my, my,
present posture.
And yet that girl still staysman.
She stays with me, she tells meover and over she ain't going
nowhere and her quiet strengthand unwavering commitment to our
(12:30):
marriage have started reallysoftening the walls.
And I'm learning that trust is atwo-way street, because it
doesn't grow by staying safe,guys.
I do know that it grows when wechoose, as men, to open up.
Okay, because it doesn't growby staying safe God, I do know
that it's.
It grows when we choose, as men, to open up, okay, and and
(12:50):
cause men.
Let's face it we're, we'reraised and you're not supposed
to be weak.
We're supposed to keep yourcars close to you and trust
nobody.
Right, that's things, at leastthat we just for the South,
that's stuff we talked about.
Then you get married andsuddenly you're supposed to just
tell everybody right and justbe vulnerable.
That just wasn't for me andthat transition is hard.
(13:15):
But those worldly mindsets ofkeeping it all in don't build a
godly marriage.
They build isolation, theybuild distance and suspicion.
And then Genesis 33, like whatan incredible moment between two
brothers who absolutely hatedeach other.
They completely had justreasons to stay divided because
(13:41):
there had been significantbetrayal and the wounds were
real.
But when you see, when theyembraced each other, they wept
and that's a beautiful pictureof reconciliation.
And it wasn't easy and itwasn't instant, but it was
(14:01):
possible, because in marriage,trust is going to be tested, it
just will.
Sometimes it's going to bebroken.
But what are you going to dowhen it does happen?
Because rebuilding that trustdoesn't just happen through
words alone.
It takes humility to admit thatwe failed and it takes action
(14:25):
to show up and to show thatwe're changing.
But it also takes time to letthe healing do its work.
So if you're working onrebuilding trust that's been
lost or tearing down old wallsthat shouldn't be there in the
first place, recognize that Godis in the business of
restoration.
Boys OK, he restored Jacob andEsau.
(14:47):
He can restore your marriage.
Just trust his timing.
Okay, and lean in.
And the final area we're goingto talk about for this simple
idea for marriage is utilizingprayer as a weapon.
In Philippians it tells usdon't be anxious about anything
(15:09):
Right, but in every situation,by prayers and petition with
thanksgiving, present yourrequest to God.
And I'll be straight up.
Sometimes I've been a hypocriteabout praying with my wife.
I've written articles, guys,I've done talks about this with
rooms full of men, I've donepodcasts about it and I've sat
(15:30):
knee-to-knee, eyeball-to-eyeballwith guys challenging them to
pray with their spouse.
And yet every few months I findmyself like dang.
We've been praying together.
That rhythm slips again andagain and I'm sharing my
personal struggle with that withyou for one simple reason Grace
(15:53):
, grace, grace.
Because if you decide to pray toyour wife, the enemy is going
to notice.
He's going to do all he can tothrow a curveball at you.
He's going to throwdistractions, he's going to make
you tired, because there'snothing more dangerous to the
enemy than a husband and a wifewho pray together.
(16:15):
And a praying couple becomesdifficult to divide and powerful
in spirit.
And my encouragement to you, asone guy to another, is just
simply this bro, lean into theheart, hold her hand, speak the
words, even if they're clunky,don't worry about it, man.
Just lay down your requeststogether before the Father, who
(16:38):
wants your marriage to thrive.
And I'm not going to give you aformula or a perfect time of
the day.
That's for you to figure out,man, between you and your wife.
But I will tell you this itstarts with you and, as a
spiritual leader of your home,the responsibility is yours, not
hers.
And I've learned more than oncehow easy it is to blame Becca.
(17:04):
Why aren't we praying together?
It was my fault.
It's ridiculous for me to saythat.
Remember, boy, god had pickedyou to lead, not because you're
perfect, but because you're his.
So go to him in prayer, withher beside her, humble, trusting
(17:24):
and thanking him.
So don't see it as a burden,See it as a weapon, because
you're in the fight, and I honorthat.
Guys, if you listen to this,you're fighting, you're looking
at love as a daily choice,you're thinking about
selflessness, you're thinkingabout conflict, you're thinking
about trust and how to rebuildthat, and now you're anchoring
(17:47):
your home in prayer.
Guys, lean in, be present,because that's the type of man
that God uses to protect,provide and preside over our
marriages, and our marriagedoesn't build on these grand
gestures and big vacations.
No, man, it's in the quietmoments where we surrender,
where we sacrifice, where weshow up, where we choose her,
(18:11):
where we forgive, where we showup, where we choose her, where
we forgive, where we lead.
Because every time when youlean in right, it's particularly
when it's easier to check out,when you speak life to her, when
you're tired, when you pray,when it's inconvenient, when you
(18:33):
do those things, guys, you'renot just surviving marriage,
you're fighting for it.
God's way, I just encourage youto stay in the battle, because
the lion within you let's justbe real.
You're made for this.
So, fellas, we've talked about alot on this episode and I felt
(18:55):
like I went too fast.
I don't know.
I'm still learning how to pacemyself with some of this.
I just know one thing Marriageis hard, it can be war, but it's
worth it.
Until we put Christ at thecenter, you're going to find
yourself struggling.
(19:16):
I don't want you to struggle.
I want you to thrive, toabsolutely thrive.
But it starts by surrenderingto Him and then choosing to
follow Him every day as a couple.
So that's my encouragement toyou guys.
Thanks for listening.
(19:36):
Thelionwithinus is where you canfind all our resources.
You guys know what they areDaily Spiritual Kickoff,
community Leadership Mastermind.
If you're struggling in yourmarriage right now and you need
someone to talk, to, go tothelinewithinus and let's
connect, okay, let's connect.
There's all sorts of ways toconnect with me on the website.
(19:56):
You're not in this fight alone,okay.
You're not in this fight alone.
Sign up for anything.
I'll send you a note, I promise, and from there we'll jump on a
call.
Okay, it could be the weeklyrule or whatever.
Just get a free download orsomething.
Just something to get me youremail address.
I'll send you a note, we'lljump on a call and we'll go to
(20:18):
battle in prayer for yourmarriage together.
All right, guys, good afternoon, come back for our fun Friday
episode.
Look forward to seeing you nexttime and keep unleashing the
lion within.
Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving
Christian men who are hungry tobe the leaders God intends you
to be.
I'm your host, chris Granger.
Let's jump in.
All right, guys, meat episodetime.
Let's get into it, okay?
So the scripture of the weekthis week is Colossians 3.13.
It says bear with each otherand forgive one another.
If any of you has a grievanceagainst someone, forgive, as the
Lord forgave you.
(00:23):
Guys, I unpacked that verse inour spiritual kickoff episode so
hopefully you get a chance togo back and listen to that,
really trying to give you waysto simplify and apply that to
your life.
As a reminder, we do thatMonday through Friday in our
line within us community yourdaily spiritual kickoffs, what
we call it.
So go to the line withinus.
That's completely free, bro.
Like you got no excuses forthat one.
(00:44):
We just give it away.
We don't post that contentanywhere else.
So if you're just looking forthat daily little boost, so much
better than anything that junkyou get from Starbucks, head
over to TheLionWithinus and getstarted today.
Okay, the whole idea for thisweek, fellas, is fighting for
our marriage.
I wrote this Devo called I'mjust a guy fighting for my
(01:07):
marriage.
Guys seem to really be likingit because, at the end of the
day, the evil one wants yourmarriage to fail.
He did that for me 2015.
It happened and and I know hewants to steal, kill, destroy
everything good that God hasdesigned, and I'm done.
I'm done being a victim and I'mdone for guys being victims and
it's time to fight back, andthat's what this is all about,
okay, so I'm telling for guysbeing victims and it's time to
fight back, and that's what thisis all about, okay.
So I'm just going to give you acouple of reflections on that
(01:28):
and hopefully you'll find someencouragement in this podcast
episode.
It's just me today.
This is one where we justunpack some of the writing
because we take the time to dothat and I know not not all of
you guys go to the Bible app andstuff like that.
So, hey, we put on here on thepodcast.
Hopefully you enjoy it, okay.
And it like at the verybeginning of marriage.
We have to recognize that it'sa choice and we just have to.
(01:51):
I mean, first, corinthianstalks about being patient, being
kind, not immune, not boast.
Like you go, you get to all,all the verses in the, the way
the Bible talks about love in 1Corinthians 13.
Like that, you've been to anywedding in your life.
You've heard those verses andAll right, it is a choice.
And I think about the firstwords that I said when I saw a
(02:12):
picture of my wife.
It was like who is that?
Like whoa, because I saw apicture of her and I was
captivated, man.
I was captivated by her smile.
I'm still captivated by hersmile, and at that point in my
life that when I saw her, thesting of the divorce that I had
just went through it was fresh,bro, it was really fresh.
And so the whole idea ofopening up to someone new, that
(02:35):
was scary.
And I had a decision to make.
Am I going to take the risk ofexperiencing further pain and
put myself out there, or I'mgoing to stay safe and isolated?
Because at least if I isolatemyself I won't get hurt?
At least I didn't think I would, because I was in control.
And that initial choice to takea risk led God to reveal what he
(02:58):
truly had in mind when hecreated that whole covenant of
marriage.
I didn't recognize that.
And look, our journey's had itsshares of peaks and valleys,
just like everything else, butthe commitment to choose each
other daily has never waned Onebit, and God blesses us each day
.
And each day also is anopportunity to honor the vow we
(03:23):
made.
And we didn't make a vow toeach other, we made that vow to
him.
Okay, and when I start thinkingabout our relationship today,
back to when we were dating, man, so much has changed, bro.
So much has changed.
I mean, hey, my pants a littlebit tighter, hers are too.
It's all good, but we've bothgrown in our thoughts and our
(03:43):
beliefs.
We've had different experiences, you know, and we've gone
through these different seasonsand trials and they're each
shaping us in different ways.
I mean, we've gone throughchanged careers, we've moved a
couple of times, we've had acouple of babies and we've lost
a child together.
I mean, I'm telling you there'snothing that could have
(04:06):
prepared me as a man for theadventure that began after.
I said I do, and I don't know.
Maybe that's why 1 Corinthians13 is hit so hard, because it
gives us a glimpse of what lovelooks like in action.
Because those words are justthat.
They're just words until westart living them out.
(04:27):
You see, what I'm saying andthat's where the challenge lies
is the application of the words.
Knowing what loves is is onething, okay.
Choosing to live it out is hard, it's inconvenient and
sometimes it costs a lot ofmoney.
And that's where thatrefinement happens, though,
(04:47):
because love, to me, could bedescribed as the aligned action
of developing a meaningfulfamily life.
You know, I find my wifebeautiful in many activities,
but sometimes even more whenshe's just doing the work, like
she's just doing the work on thefarm or helping our family,
(05:09):
like those are the times where Ifall in love with her the most,
and that's where we continue tobe renewed and aligned.
And Hollywood, let's just bereal.
And social media, too, socialmedia sucks, let's just be
honest about that.
They've just distorted all thisstuff about what God intends
for love, and then we startfinding ourselves, pushing
ourselves, comparing ourselvesto a standard.
(05:31):
It's just not fair, it'scompletely false, and I've had
to do a reframe, and maybe thiswill help you.
The filtered version of love istransactional and short term,
but choosing your spouse dailyI'm talking about daily bro,
(05:52):
flaws, mess, beauty, all of itthat's long term and that's an
avenue for personal andrelationship growth, and it
always works best when we keepChrist at the center, because
love is not some feeling.
It's a choice, and when wechoose to love the way Christ
showed us day in, day out, webuild something so much stronger
(06:15):
than any just fleeting emotioncould sustain.
And we have to be careful asguys in looking for also what
are the things that distract usfrom pursuing our spouse each
day.
And once you recognize whatthose restraints are and what
those distractions are, then yougot to go on attack bro, attack
(06:36):
mode.
Okay.
Then also our marriage.
Marriage in general selflessnesssomething to think about
marriage in general.
Selflessness.
Something to think about.
Ephesians talks about husbandloving our wives just as Christ
left the church and gave himselfup.
Right, I get that.
Then I start hearing these movielines, like Jerry Maguire,
(06:58):
where he says you complete me,and I get it, man, it makes for
a powerful moment on the screen.
But I don't know if that's true, though, because as much as I
love her, my wife can't completeme because she's a sinner, and
I can't complete her eitherbecause that's a pretty unfair
burden that I put on her and noone human can carry.
(07:25):
The completion only comes, atleast as far as I can see, from
Christ, and what marriages Ithink at least my marriage needs
isn't completion.
It's selflessness.
And I start thinking back towhen I started first dating my
wife and I wanted to get to knowher and there were sacrifices I
wanted to make, and one ofthose sacrifices was buying some
(07:45):
opera tickets.
Look, I grew up in the Southy'all.
I should be honest, the closestI came to the opera was like
Bugs Bunny and the Viking Helmetlet's just be real.
And, by the way, that is aclassic, am I not right?
But ain't the same?
I mean, I felt like a straightup boy in a china shop when I
went to the opera with her and Iasked more questions than you
(08:06):
probably should ask.
And, by the way, you shouldn'tyell, play free bird at a cop at
opera.
That's completely frowned upon,but that's another.
You know that's a sidebar, butat the moment I wasn't trying to
impress her, I was trying toget to know her.
Right, it wasn't about me, it'sabout learning her, learning
what she loved and reflectingback.
That was selflessness andaction.
(08:29):
She's done the same for memotorcycles and races and
pretending to be interested instuff that I'm interested in and
we've discovered that ourmarriage grows strongest when we
stop looking inward and startleaning outward.
We let go of that idea ofwhat's in it for me and instead
focus on what does my spouseneed?
And that's what Paul's reallychallenging us here in Ephesians
(08:51):
, because he didn't Christ, hedidn't just love us with words,
no, he gave himself up fully,sacrificially, intentionally,
and that's a model and a missionwe're pursuing.
And that's a model and amission we're pursuing, and my
sense is that when we look atthe world this way as a place to
say, where can I serve?
(09:12):
You know not, what can I getfrom it, we're a whole lot more
aligned to God's intention.
And then our marriage hasbecome a whole lot more aligned.
See how that works.
And that little reframe ofseeking to pursue what I can do
to make this marriage morefulfilling to my partner, that's
(09:33):
when the fruit starts beingproduced.
And this is not easy stuff,fellas, but it is totally worth
it.
So just think about that.
Are you placing someunrealistic expectations on your
wife?
And, if so, what do you need todo to start reframing that?
All right, guys, we'll take aquick break.
(09:59):
We'll be right back.
We'll keep unpacking this idea.
I've got something big to share.
We're making a major shiftbecause we know the battle is
real and it's time more men hadaccess to the support they need.
For too long, guys have beentrying to carry the weight alone
pressure at work, tension athome, wounds from the past in a
world that demands strength butoffers no place to rest.
We see it, we've lived it, andthat's exactly why we built our
(10:21):
community.
It's a stronghold, a placewhere warriors can find rest,
truth and a band of brothersstanding beside them.
And starting now, we're makingit easier than ever to step in.
We've lowered the barrier tojust $15.99 a month.
That means, for less than thecost of a drive-thru lunch, you
can join a brotherhood that'scentered on Christ and built for
(10:41):
growth.
Inside you'll find access toour daily spiritual kickoffs
every Monday through Friday, ourLion Lunches, our Bible Studies
, our Friday Forge Gatheringsall that and so much more.
Every man needs a strongholdand you don't have to fight
alone.
If you've been waiting for theright time to jump in, this is
it.
Go to thelionwithinus and jointhe community and see for
(11:03):
yourself what happens when irontruly sharpens iron.
All right, fellas.
Now when you think about trustokay, in Genesis 33, you kind of
get Jacob and Esau thereconciliation there.
Then you get that embrace whereEsau ran to meet Jacob and they
embraced him.
We had that complete moment oftrust back together and
(11:26):
naturally, be honest, I'm justnot a natural trusting person.
Okay, and that's been a hurdlefor our marriage and, after
being hurt a few times by thepeople that I trusted, I found
it easier just to build up wallsthan risk being hurt again and
the walls that my wife has hadto deal with.
(11:47):
The crazy part is, most ofthose walls weren't built
because of anything she did.
They were scars from otherpeople from other seasons of
life.
Yet she's the one who had toclimb them, man, and, quite
frankly, sometimes she gets themost guarded, distance, distant
version of me, and that's notbecause she's untrustworthy,
(12:09):
she's the most trustworthyperson I know Because.
But she gets that because I'velet that past pain shape my, my,
present posture.
And yet that girl still staysman.
She stays with me, she tells meover and over she ain't going
nowhere and her quiet strengthand unwavering commitment to our
(12:30):
marriage have started reallysoftening the walls.
And I'm learning that trust is atwo-way street, because it
doesn't grow by staying safe,guys.
I do know that it grows when wechoose, as men, to open up.
Okay, because it doesn't growby staying safe God, I do know
that it's.
It grows when we choose, as men, to open up, okay, and and
(12:50):
cause men.
Let's face it we're, we'reraised and you're not supposed
to be weak.
We're supposed to keep yourcars close to you and trust
nobody.
Right, that's things, at leastthat we just for the South,
that's stuff we talked about.
Then you get married andsuddenly you're supposed to just
tell everybody right and justbe vulnerable.
That just wasn't for me andthat transition is hard.
(13:15):
But those worldly mindsets ofkeeping it all in don't build a
godly marriage.
They build isolation, theybuild distance and suspicion.
And then Genesis 33, like whatan incredible moment between two
brothers who absolutely hatedeach other.
They completely had justreasons to stay divided because
(13:41):
there had been significantbetrayal and the wounds were
real.
But when you see, when theyembraced each other, they wept
and that's a beautiful pictureof reconciliation.
And it wasn't easy and itwasn't instant, but it was
(14:01):
possible, because in marriage,trust is going to be tested, it
just will.
Sometimes it's going to bebroken.
But what are you going to dowhen it does happen?
Because rebuilding that trustdoesn't just happen through
words alone.
It takes humility to admit thatwe failed and it takes action
(14:25):
to show up and to show thatwe're changing.
But it also takes time to letthe healing do its work.
So if you're working onrebuilding trust that's been
lost or tearing down old wallsthat shouldn't be there in the
first place, recognize that Godis in the business of
restoration.
Boys OK, he restored Jacob andEsau.
(14:47):
He can restore your marriage.
Just trust his timing.
Okay, and lean in.
And the final area we're goingto talk about for this simple
idea for marriage is utilizingprayer as a weapon.
In Philippians it tells usdon't be anxious about anything
(15:09):
Right, but in every situation,by prayers and petition with
thanksgiving, present yourrequest to God.
And I'll be straight up.
Sometimes I've been a hypocriteabout praying with my wife.
I've written articles, guys,I've done talks about this with
rooms full of men, I've donepodcasts about it and I've sat
(15:30):
knee-to-knee, eyeball-to-eyeballwith guys challenging them to
pray with their spouse.
And yet every few months I findmyself like dang.
We've been praying together.
That rhythm slips again andagain and I'm sharing my
personal struggle with that withyou for one simple reason Grace
(15:53):
, grace, grace.
Because if you decide to pray toyour wife, the enemy is going
to notice.
He's going to do all he can tothrow a curveball at you.
He's going to throwdistractions, he's going to make
you tired, because there'snothing more dangerous to the
enemy than a husband and a wifewho pray together.
(16:15):
And a praying couple becomesdifficult to divide and powerful
in spirit.
And my encouragement to you, asone guy to another, is just
simply this bro, lean into theheart, hold her hand, speak the
words, even if they're clunky,don't worry about it, man.
Just lay down your requeststogether before the Father, who
(16:38):
wants your marriage to thrive.
And I'm not going to give you aformula or a perfect time of
the day.
That's for you to figure out,man, between you and your wife.
But I will tell you this itstarts with you and, as a
spiritual leader of your home,the responsibility is yours, not
hers.
And I've learned more than oncehow easy it is to blame Becca.
(17:04):
Why aren't we praying together?
It was my fault.
It's ridiculous for me to saythat.
Remember, boy, god had pickedyou to lead, not because you're
perfect, but because you're his.
So go to him in prayer, withher beside her, humble, trusting
(17:24):
and thanking him.
So don't see it as a burden,See it as a weapon, because
you're in the fight, and I honorthat.
Guys, if you listen to this,you're fighting, you're looking
at love as a daily choice,you're thinking about
selflessness, you're thinkingabout conflict, you're thinking
about trust and how to rebuildthat, and now you're anchoring
(17:47):
your home in prayer.
Guys, lean in, be present,because that's the type of man
that God uses to protect,provide and preside over our
marriages, and our marriagedoesn't build on these grand
gestures and big vacations.
No, man, it's in the quietmoments where we surrender,
where we sacrifice, where weshow up, where we choose her,
(18:11):
where we forgive, where we showup, where we choose her, where
we forgive, where we lead.
Because every time when youlean in right, it's particularly
when it's easier to check out,when you speak life to her, when
you're tired, when you pray,when it's inconvenient, when you
(18:33):
do those things, guys, you'renot just surviving marriage,
you're fighting for it.
God's way, I just encourage youto stay in the battle, because
the lion within you let's justbe real.
You're made for this.
So, fellas, we've talked about alot on this episode and I felt
(18:55):
like I went too fast.
I don't know.
I'm still learning how to pacemyself with some of this.
I just know one thing Marriageis hard, it can be war, but it's
worth it.
Until we put Christ at thecenter, you're going to find
yourself struggling.
(19:16):
I don't want you to struggle.
I want you to thrive, toabsolutely thrive.
But it starts by surrenderingto Him and then choosing to
follow Him every day as a couple.
So that's my encouragement toyou guys.
Thanks for listening.
(19:36):
Thelionwithinus is where you canfind all our resources.
You guys know what they areDaily Spiritual Kickoff,
community Leadership Mastermind.
If you're struggling in yourmarriage right now and you need
someone to talk, to, go tothelinewithinus and let's
connect, okay, let's connect.
There's all sorts of ways toconnect with me on the website.
(19:56):
You're not in this fight alone,okay.
You're not in this fight alone.
Sign up for anything.
I'll send you a note, I promise, and from there we'll jump on a
call.
Okay, it could be the weeklyrule or whatever.
Just get a free download orsomething.
Just something to get me youremail address.
I'll send you a note, we'lljump on a call and we'll go to
(20:18):
battle in prayer for yourmarriage together.
All right, guys, good afternoon, come back for our fun Friday
episode.
Look forward to seeing you nexttime and keep unleashing the
lion within.
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