The Liquored Up Low Down: A Bizarre News Podcast

The Liquored Up Low Down: A Bizarre News Podcast

The most entertaining news stories aren't always on page one, and there's a good chance you missed the best of the best. The Liquored Up Low Down collects the finest obscure news stories, steeps them in alcohol, and passes them on to you, so you can stay informed and up to date on the most useless current events of the week.The cocktails are mixed and the Low Down is about to begin!

Episodes

The Great Slug Chase, How (Not) to Be a Drug Mule, "Beer Run Ken": Crying Kids Sold Separately, Scam From Outer Space

October 28, 2025 • 49 mins
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Justin Bieber (Not) in the House, Hooters Just Needs Better Butter, The DA and the Drug Dealer, I Will Have 18,000 Cups of Water Please

October 14, 2025 • 50 mins
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The French Know How to Mourn, Diving Deep Into Douchbro Culture, A Treatise on Hooters, Turns Out Tom and Bryan Are More Evolved

September 30, 2025 • 48 mins

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There's a nice out-take in here you don't want to miss!

Stories:

Tomb of the Unknown Cigarette Lighter:
https://www.rfi.fr/en/france/20250806-man-arrested-after-lighting-cigarette-using-french-war-memorial-flame

Cybertruck Driver Does Not Deny He Has a Small Penis:
https://wtop.com/dc/2025/08/virginia-man-seeks-help-finding-the-woman-who-vandalized-his-tesla-cybertruck/

Cultural Relativism at It's F...

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I'm Suing . . . Coldplay?, Serial Butt-sniffing is a Thing, A Cat Knows His Gucci, Exaggerated Numbers Going Down Doesn't Work Because Math

September 16, 2025 • 54 mins
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The Time Travel Love Triangle, Man Moves to Russia for Freedom, Tom's Epic Rant, (Not) Everyone's Favorite MILF

September 2, 2025 • 55 mins

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In this episode, Tom goes on an epic rant that made editing harder for Bryan, but the final product is, we hope, quite funny.

The B and B (Brandy or Bourbon and Benedictine):
https://www.thespruceeats.com/brandy-and-benedictine-recipe-759285

The Stories:

No more Red Pandas as Wake Up Calls:
https://www.nbcnews.com/world/china/china-red-panda-wake-call-service-hotel-viral-video-red-note-rcna215162

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A Bed That's Also a Tank, A Felon Reports His Own Felony and Commits Another Felony, A Hospital That's Also a Waterpark

August 19, 2025 • 57 mins
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DJ Can Collector, Wedding Guns and Lambos, Amazon's Peeing Robots, Louisiana Bans Chemtrails

August 5, 2025 • 49 mins

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We list off some of the worst songs ever. Later, Bryan does one of his impressions!

The Drink: The Piña Colada

  • 1/2 medium lime
  • 1/2 cups frozen pineapple chunks (about 2 1/2 ounces)
  • 3 ounces well-stirred coconut cream (not cream of coconut)
  • 2 ounces white rum
  • 2 ounces simple syrup

But it all in a blender and enjoy!

DJ Can Collector:
https://www.oddee.com/australian-man-buys-a-house-by-recycling-half-a-mi...

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Read the ChatGPTLeaves, Man Really Loves Lowe's Sheds, New Orleans Escape ROFLCOPTER

July 22, 2025 • 55 mins

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This episode is packed with song and dance and Jell-O shots. We have animal stories, and Bryan talks about his disdain for pickles.

The Drink: The Long Island Iced Tea

  • ½ fluid ounce vodka
  • ½ fluid ounce rum
  • ½ fluid ounce gin
  • ½ fluid ounce tequila
  • ½ fluid ounce triple sec (orange-flavored liqueur)
  • 1 fluid ounce sweet and sour mix
  • 1 fluid ounce cola, or to taste
  • 1 lemon slice

The Stories:

Woman divorced husband a...

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The Canadian Parking Garage Fiasco, The (Florida) Man With Three Wives, Your Grandpas Pokemon Cards

July 8, 2025 • 50 mins

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It's a good thing our mics stifle laughter. Hopefully it's contagious and you laugh with us. Bryan gets really drunk due to a risky cocktails substitution.

The Drink:
https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a62599833/cherry-lime-margarita-recipe/

Parking Garage Fiasco:
 https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/winnipeg-pedestrian-run-over-st-james-1.7491149

The (Florida) Man With Three Wi...

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Incels and Migrant Wives, The Staten Island Sex Toy Fire, Emotional Support Tigers

June 24, 2025 • 57 mins
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Police Chief Shenanigans Go Too Far, First Date Fiasco, Alien Invasion List Make Sense . . . Unless You've Seen the Movie Predator

June 10, 2025 • 53 mins
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Vape or Your Tamagotchi Will Die, There's a Turtle In My Pants, The Dough Ball Anti-Theft Fashion Accessory

May 27, 2025 • 53 mins
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Yes We Have No Gorillas, Could You Please Pass Those Diamonds, Measuring the Resting Bitch Face . . . of Cats

May 13, 2025 • 42 mins
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HashtagDroppingThingsOnYourFoot, Valentine's Murder "in Paris" Kinda, Burning Loins (of a Sex Doll)

April 29, 2025 • 45 mins
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The End Is Nigh (According to AI), That's a Lovely Lake of Death You Have There, That's a Spicy (Stolen) Meatball

April 15, 2025 • 48 mins
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Cholesterol is Not Your Friend, Literal Liar Whose Pants are On Fire, 'G-night Mumsie!'

April 1, 2025 • 53 mins
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Fascist Falconer Fired for Phallus, The Great Bear Insurance Scam, Safe Pooping in the Mosh Pit

March 19, 2025 • 62 mins

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The drink:

The Gimlet: https://www.liquor.com/recipes/gimlet/

Bears and Rolls Royces and Mercedeses, oh my!
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/nov/14/california-bear-costume-car-insurance-fraud

Florida man has secret underground lair:
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article298231938.html

Monkeys escape (our theory is they used the "3 monkeys in a trenchcoat" metho...

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Death of a Fart Commander, Axes and Alcohol, and Rover the Alligator

June 16, 2022 • 30 mins

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Perhaps there really was an Israeli Mossad Commander whose name translates to "Made A Fart" and he got into military operations because high school was so terribly, terribly hard for him.
https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/article-709031
Axes! Coming to a bar near you!
https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/state-votes-allow-axe-throwing-businesses-with-liquor-licenses/YKWBQXOD7FG3RLH2YXHFZUNW6Q/
Be...

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Unsafe Babies, Mutant Rage Hamsters, and Bear Wrassling

June 7, 2022 • 26 mins

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In this week's episode, learn about one practically perfect safety product for infants and toddlers, flawless with the exception of one small design flaw:

https://www.pennlive.com/life/2022/05/federal-safety-agency-issues-warning-about-babyrescue-rapid-evacuation-devices.html#:~:text=Published%3A%20May.,the%20child%20inside%20the%20bag.%E2%80%9D

Already working on the cover art for Mutant Rage H...

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Criminal Cats, Penis Plants, and Fake Snakes

May 25, 2022 • 25 mins

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Cats are being locked down in a town in Germany because they like to eat endangered birds. At last, we have located the species responsible for environmental problems. Good thing we know where the fault lies! 
https://boingboing.net/2022/05/23/cats-put-on-lockdown-in-germany.html

 Child abductors beware, you may be exposed to salty language during the commission of your crimes.
https://nypost.com/2022...

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