The Liquored Up Low Down: A Bizarre News Podcast

In this week's episode, learn about one practically perfect safety product for infants and toddlers, flawless with the exception of one small design flaw:

https://www.pennlive.com/life/2022/05/federal-safety-agency-issues-warning-about-babyrescue-rapid-evacuation-devices.html#:~:text=Published%3A%20May.,the%20child%20inside%20the%20bag.%E2%80%9D

Already working on the cover art for Mutant Rage Hamsters 2: Thi...

Cats are being locked down in a town in Germany because they like to eat endangered birds. At last, we have located the species responsible for environmental problems. Good thing we know where the fault lies! 
https://boingboing.net/2022/05/23/cats-put-on-lockdown-in-germany.html

 Child abductors beware, you may be exposed to salty language during the commission of your crimes.
https://nypost.com/2022/05/13/the-ult...

In case you didn't know, killing people can be bad for you. The process of body disposal can be quite exerting, so be sure to check with your doctor and ensure you're healthy enough to bury someone before you murder. In other news, you'll be able to rest easy knowing your Parmesan cheese is legit. No more sleepless nights! And listen as we enjoy the freedom of being able to say the c word multiple times because it&ap...

First we talk about two Real Estate Agents who have some sexy times during an alleged Open House. Then we move on to a woman who drove down stairs because her GPS told her to. Florida does not like Farts or Butt stuff on the Vanity plates. We talk about Miska the cat who was a victim of government over-reach. Canada is the first to prosecute crimes . . . on the moon.

Our Linktree: https://linktr.ee/liquoreduplowdown

The Dri...

We're drinking Martini's again, which succeeded in making Tom REALLY drunk. We first talk about a man who drinks his own pee. We then talk about the world's most terrifying teacher. An Art Collector buys a very expensive receipt from invisible art shows from the 50's. We did not know that "Fictosexuals" are really a thing. We close out the show with TWID: "Fractal Wood Burning" and its variou...

We first talk about Pit Toilets and how your phone will just be replaced . . . they just give you a new one, right? A Romance Novelist who wrote an essay on how to kill your husband is going on trial for (allegedly) killing her husband. Bryan tells a story about Customer Service at Blockbuster while he was in college.  We then talk about an Anus that is not very smart about fake names. This Week in Duh is about dumb Americans not b...

First, we delve into the cottage industry of being a jerk at Funerals by speaking for the dead and telling the living things they may not know about the deceased. Next we tally up items from the most recent cleanup of Jersey Beaches and count up items from what could be the world's biggest party. Take cover because John Hinckley Jr. is on tour! Let's all go to Cementland and it's creepy aftermath. We talk about a man...

We start with a hoarder who does a surprisingly good job of burying his mom and his sister. Did you know that most people would be OK with a sex robot as a third partner? There are racists in Canada, and they are not polite. One woman loses her Appendix because she didn't fart around her boyfriend for 2 years. And we close out with a woman who was body checked into pressing the "right" button to win $10 million.

Our L...

Bryan tries to help Tom with his "barking dogs" problem. Did you know that McDonalds locations are part of a 5th Dimensional Plane of existence? Laundering money through Earth, Wind and Fire covers. A racist gets her comeuppance. "Here, you take care of my kids for me while I sleep." A construction worker drops poop from a crane and we ask "why?" for quite some time. Tom saves the day again with a &quo...

We start with The Fajita Thief and talk about what's the Gentlemanly thing to do with $1.2M dollars of Fajitas. Bryan's met Super Mario: the man who jumps cruise ship to cruise ship. Ambassador Kid Rock (thankfully) refrains from telling DJT what do do about North Korea. We talk about a Japanese Man who is paid to be a silent companion for people but ponder what a toll this must take on him. Turns out the CEO of Goldman S...

Did you know that snakes can go dormant for years and then bite a mother fucker? Tom brings you your food porn with a pretentious Italian Chef. We throw you some red meat: a Florida Man story about meth and dumbness. Hidden Valley Ranch gets into the jewelry business. They can print balls now! Towards the end of the episode we admit we will sell out and we beg for sponsors. Still waiting, Diageo. This week in Duh: If you bash the c...

We start with a harrowing Bus Ride heading down to Robben Island. Fans of money and Cadbury Eggs will like the story about a man who gobbled down a rare Cadbury egg but didn't get the prize money. We then get into our first story about someone putting something up their ass and requiring Medical help (and it probably won't be the last). Our fourth story is a follow up story about contraband Bologna. Chicken SVU: India set...

This week we try to find a job for Tom. A man thought a picture of a hipster was a stolen image of him, but it wasn't (the irony!). There is a job opening in Montana as a Bear Whisperer. A dog food company is paying people to sniff their own dog's poop. We discuss whether one can call dibs on baby names (spoiler alert: no, one can't). A St. Louis man tried to photocopy his butt in a crowded lobby because he thought i...

Did you know that using the wrong incantation as a Priest can make people go to Hell? "I am here for the interview . . . . cool tip jar." Our 3rd story is about attaching the wrong thing to your job application. Fatal attraction out there in Wyoming, PA. What would you change your name to, if you had the chance? Marie Unicorn Sparkles maybe? We also talk about another cool Valentine's Day gift. And finally, we educat...

Looking for a great Valentine's Day gift? Try the latest perfume . . . Frîtes . . . By Idaho. Did you know that Tesla's don't drive themselves? In the year 2022, someone uses the word "Sorcerer" in a Press Conference non-ironically. Husband upgrades to Business Class without his wife and Social Media is not a fan. A 5-year old kid attempts to drive to California to buy a Lamborghini.  Security Guard becomes...

Our accidental theme this week is Dogs and Meats. Our first story includes an "expert" on dogs' olfactory senses and their ability to sniff out zombies. Our second story is about meat-based vending machines in Germany and Singapore (thanks, COVID!). Then, we continue with a story about contraband bologna brought into the US from Mexico. Tom discloses another art story. This time it's about a very pretentious art...

It turns out all those horror movies about haunted dolls are real. Buying a baby from a stranger is not really the way to go, especially at a Wal Mart. Did you know that some churches have Batman suits? Garden Torches are not good for clearing snow, but are great for burning down your house! Who's tougher, the Irish, or the Russians? We find out this episode.  We discuss the phenomenon of people dying by Selfie. And we close o...

This week we discuss the fate of Margo, the Divorced Sex Doll and what she's missing from Yuri, her very flamboyant ex. A dog that can ride the train is framed for pooping there for Political reasons, apparently. Did you know that just saying you are getting out of jail is an escape plan? An Oklahoma Kid saves two lives in one day and Bryan gets jealous because he's only saved one life. Los Angeles, PD: as in "Pokémo...

This episode is packed with the most serious of topics: everything from science to dystopia to farts. We start with an in-depth discussion of fart jar science and connoisseurship. We then learn that the Earth is getting a Black Box (like in planes!) and we quote Carl Sagan. Do we really need a lickable TV? Bryan's not buying one anytime soon. There is more speculation about biological life on Venus and we quote Carl Sagan agai...