Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
All right, what's
going on?
Everybody?
Welcome back.
Thanks for tuning into thisepisode of the LNBE podcast,
where LNBE stands for literallynothing but everything.
I'm Mike Rispoli and I got toadmit after doing 56 episodes of
this.
The introduction never seems toget any easier.
Every single time I record thatdamn thing, I'm always just
(00:31):
like that is just so fuckingcringy.
But we're all here.
Hopefully you guys have made itto episode 56.
Thank you for tuning in everyweek.
If you guys do want to check meout on my socials, you can find
me at the LNBE Podcast, onTikTok and Instagram, and also,
if you guys want to feel free towrite in, you can email me at
lnbemedia at gmailcom.
(00:52):
But with that, I hope everybodyhad a fantastic weekend.
There was no football on thisweekend.
Well, what do you mean?
There wasn't football on thisweekend?
You didn't watch the Pro Bowl.
Fuck, no, what was I gonna do?
Sit around and watch a bunch ofprofessional athletes play flag
football.
I can go and see that at a recleague anywhere.
I'm not gonna watch flagfootball.
(01:13):
I'll wait in a few years, whenthat shit makes the Olympics,
then I'll watch it.
That, I think, would actuallybe more fun to watch, because
I've already seen Josh Allenhurtling linebackers in the NFL.
Watching him hurdle somebeer-bellied walk-on who thinks
mass is all you need to playdefensive line from another
(01:34):
country, I think is going to beway more entertaining than
watching a bunch of people whodo this for a living playing
flag football.
So I'll wait three years, onceit hits the olympics, to watch
that.
But, um, hopefully your guys'sweekend was fantastic.
Well, what else did you do overthe weekend?
All right, well, since youasked, I actually went bowling
(01:55):
with a lady friend and I haven'tbeen bowling in years.
I think the last time I wentwas when I was a junior in
college, but I will say I thinkit was the first time that I
went bowling for a date and Ithink after going I kind of
realized why.
Because if you've ever gonebowling, you got to walk up.
You take that big old ball, rubit close to your chest, you
(02:19):
take three dainty steps forward,seven if you're a little person
, you swing your arm back andthen you fling it forward and,
no matter what, you always endup in the curtsy position.
I don't care who you are youcould be the biggest, baddest,
toughest dude, you could be therock and you're still gonna look
gay bowling.
(02:39):
I don't know.
I mean I could be soundingtotally arrogant right now, but
am I on to something?
I'll tell you what.
You probably never thoughtabout that before.
But, ladies, you take yourboyfriend or your fiance or your
husband out bowling.
I don't think you're going tosee him in the same way now.
But you know what, while I wasthere, I had a thought.
(03:03):
But you know what, while I wasthere, I had a thought and I was
thinking that if you ever hadto explain bowling to somebody
who has never gone before, it isprobably the most sexual shit
ever.
All right, so the first thingthat you're going to want to do
is you're going to want to takethat big, shiny, smooth ball,
put it in the palm of your hand,move it around a bit, get a
(03:25):
good feel.
Then what?
Then?
You're gonna finger it right inthe three holes, get a good
grip on it, but make sure it'snot too tight and not too loose.
You want the grip to beGoldilocks.
Just right, keep going.
All right.
Then you step up to whereyou're gonna thrust that ball
(03:46):
forward.
You don't want too much force,but you want to thrust your arm
back and forth to generate justthe right amount of speed.
But when you do, you want torelease that big old ball at
just the right angle in order topipe it in for a strike.
Oh heavens, I don't knowAnybody else hard right now.
(04:09):
But um, yeah, no, I actuallylost pretty bad one round.
It was actually the first round.
She got me on the first one and, not to diminish her skills, I
have no problem if I get beat bya woman at something.
That is not the case, guys.
I grew up with two sisters.
My ass would get beat by womenall the time.
Growing up I've gotten prettyaccustomed to get my ass beat by
(04:32):
women at things.
But I would like to say in mydefense it was because it took
me a while to get my groove.
Um, I hadn't been.
If I was a junior in collegethat would mean that it would be
like eight years since the lasttime I had been.
But then, once I kind of gotthe hang of it, I showed no
(04:54):
mercy.
Dude, this is feminist America,you gotta earn the win.
Plus, I gotta say it doesn'thelp that I'm just like a
naturally competitive person.
So once I lost I was like ain'tno way I'm gonna lose the next
round, which, in all honesty, Iblame my parents growing up,
because growing up my dad wouldbe playing basketball with me
(05:18):
and my sisters and my dad I mean, he's not the tallest guy, he's
like maybe five, eight, five,nine, so he would actually lower
the rim to like eight feet andhe we were like seven, eight
years old he would be dunking onus.
He's like, hey, you guys wantto win, you guys got to earn the
win, which at the time it waslike, well, fuck you, dad.
(05:38):
But honestly, now as an adult,I'm glad that he did that and I
also really respect it, becausegrowing up in my house there was
no such thing as aparticipation award, so if I
wanted to beat my dad atbasketball, I had to do it by
beating him fair and square.
He wasn't gonna go easy on meand it also just absolutely did
not help that basketball was myworst sport and there's a lot of
(06:00):
life lessons to be taught inthat as well.
Because, number one, it taughtme the feeling of what it was
like to lose as a kid and losingis never fun.
But it also taught me thatwinning is not just a guaranteed
thing you might be thinking.
Oh well, it also wasn't fairthat your dad would lower the
rim, so it gave him an advantage.
But you know what?
There is no fairness in thegame of life.
(06:20):
So even if there is somebodywith an advantage over you, you
got to do what it takes and adrive to have within yourself to
say you know what, fuck youradvantage, I'm gonna do what it
takes to beat your ass.
But yeah, that first round ofbowling did not go according to
plan.
If, if you guys saw it, youwould have had to start calling
(06:40):
me homeless Mike, cause Ifucking lived in that gutter,
which, in all honesty, mightturn into more than just my
bowling name quite soon, becauseI still have yet to find a
fucking job.
Job searching for me is goingabout as well as a baby sucking
on a trans tit.
Putting in all this work,applying to all these jobs for
(07:05):
nothing to come out of it.
I don't know, man, it reallydoes just fucking suck.
It is just exhausting gettingrejection letter after rejection
letter.
I've been on three interviewsfor three companies.
I made it to the third round ofeach interview just for them to
pass up on me, go dark on me,or I had one case where they
(07:27):
just postponed.
They were like oh yeah, we'rejust stopping all interviews for
all applicants.
And it's just like, why are yougonna decide to internally hire
for the role?
Did you realize that youactually don't have it in your
budget for this year to hire forthe role?
Like, why are you stopping thisinterview?
It is just so exhausting havingto deal with this bullshit.
(07:49):
Seriously, like that's thething.
Why would you put up a post fora job and then come back and
say, oh yeah, we actually don't.
Either they don't know whatthey want out of the role, or
they come back and they're like,oh, it's actually not within
our budget.
Well, if it's not within yourbudget, then why the fuck did
you post the job?
Oh my god, the fuckingstupidity of corporate america.
(08:12):
It just never ceases to amazeme.
And I might sound totally crazyand honestly by now if you've
listened to me long enough, youshould already know this, but
I'm just saying fuck it.
And I don't know what it was.
I love Nashville so much.
I was only there for four days,but there was something about
(08:35):
that city and I started toexpand my job search to
Nashville.
Oh, but you haven't lived there, you have no idea what it's
like down there.
I'll tell you this it can't beany fucking worse than it is up
here in stupid-ass Connecticut.
I'll tell you that.
Plus, it's amazing how manymore job opportunities there
(08:57):
actually are in that city.
That was the only reason I evenstarted applying.
I just looked out of curiosity,like what's it like down there?
And the amount of jobs thatpopped up on Indeed was
astronomical.
I couldn't even believe it.
Oh well, what's your supportsystem?
Do you have any friends andfamily down there?
What's your plan if it doesn'twork out?
(09:17):
What are you going to even dodown there?
All right, I, I'm listening toyou, but respectfully fuck off,
because, in all honesty, whatare any of us really doing in
this game of life?
First of all and second of all,you know what.
I've lived in Connecticut for 22years.
(09:37):
I lived in Rhode Island for acombined six, if you include my
years in college and I.
I just need a change.
Like I know, this isn't likethe funniest podcast that you've
ever listened to.
This is definitely more of aserious note.
This is just more me.
And in the age of feelings, letme tell you and the whole world
(10:00):
how I'm feeling right now.
But I don't know, guys Like youthink I'm crazy if I dare to go
down to Nashville Like I don'tknow.
Maybe, like you think I'm crazyif I dare to go down to
Nashville Like I don't know.
Maybe astrology TikTok isrubbing off on me and I'm just
throwing my manifestations outinto the world.
Nah, I still think that shit'sbullshit.
Excuse me, sorry, but I justkeep thinking, like what did
(10:23):
living in Rhode Island bring me,except for some of the closest
friends that I could have everimagined having?
But it brought me into a jobwhere I was making no money,
where I've just always been likelowballed my whole corporate
career.
And then, even when I movedback to Connecticut, I never
(10:46):
felt like I could get aheadbecause that was all I knew.
And then what has Connecticutbrought me since I moved back?
I was laid off twice last year,so it's brought me nothing but
bullshit.
So maybe if I moved, that wouldbe the change that I need in my
life to maybe do something withit.
(11:08):
Like I don't fucking know.
I don't know what I'm doing andpart of me wonders if me going
down to Nashville wasn't justpart of a bachelor party.
Um, but it was actually part oflike, maybe God's bigger plan
and what he wanted out of mylife, like maybe I had to go
experience a new city,experience a new vibe, and see
(11:33):
what else was out there.
I mean, hell, if it wasn't forme going on that bachelor party,
I never would have even thoughtabout like applying to jobs
down there until I I came back.
Um, I was also talking to justpeople down there.
They were all just so nice.
I mean, I was talking to aperson down there and I was like
(11:54):
, yeah, in the New York, bostonarea, gfy isn't just an insult
to somebody, it's also a term ofendearment.
And she goes what's GFY?
And I'm like, holy crap, youdon't even know what GFY stands
for.
Bless your little heart.
It means go, fuck yourself, iswhat it means.
And she was like, oh my God, soI don't know.
(12:19):
Just the fact that everybodywas so nice, like you do have
some of that Southern charm.
It really did seem like everyonedown there was really willing
to help you out, whereas in thisarea I feel like it's more of a
what can you do for me ratherthan what can I do for you.
And it was kind of crazy,because I was telling somebody
about my situation and she waslike, oh my God, like, look at
(12:42):
my company.
I know we're hiring, take alook and see if it's anything
that you can do.
I was.
I was like holy crap, you don'teven know me and you're already
willing to help me out.
That was just so likeUnprecedented from what I'm used
to, because up here in thenorth it's so competitive where
it's like, even if you fuckingknow somebody at the company,
(13:03):
they wouldn't even be able toguarantee you an interview.
I don't know, I really justdon't know.
So maybe God wanted me toexperience what a true southern
city would be like and see whatelse might be out there, and
maybe that was maybe his planall along.
I have no idea, but all I knowis I just gotta have faith in
(13:25):
what his plan is for me and whathe wants me to get out of this
life, and that's all I'm gonnasay about that.
But also, with that, I'm notgonna try and force an
additional seven minutes,because I genuinely got nothing
else to talk about.
And in this new year of thepodcast, I'm not gonna just try.
Got nothing else to talk about.
And in this new year of thepodcast.
I'm not going to just try andforce shit to talk about when I
have nothing to talk about,because that's not fun for you
(13:47):
and it's definitely not fun forme.
So with that, I hope you guyslike this episode.
I know it wasn't the quoteunquote norm, but hopefully you
guys enjoyed it and maybe writein.
Tell me if you think I'm crazy.
You can email me at lmb mediaat gmailcom, and if you did like
the pod, please continue toshare it with a friend, like it,
subscribe, comment, do whateverit is that you guys normally
(14:10):
would do to help boost it,because without your help this
podcast will go nowhere.
So thank you for doing all ofthat.
Um, and with that, I hope youguys all have a fantastic week
and I will see you on Friday.
Thank you,