Episode Transcript
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Mike (00:10):
All right, it's Good
Friday, everybody, which means
hopefully at least some of usare thinking about sacrifice,
sin and confession.
Yeah, this episode might be alittle religion heavy, but don't
worry, I'm going to still cracksome jokes and fuck around.
We'll make it through thistogether, I promise, says every
divorced couple before thepapers come out.
(00:30):
But seriously, stay with me onthis.
It's just that, with eastercoming up and reconciliation
monday passing, it just got methinking, which, I be honest, I
didn't partake in, bro.
I went to confession one timeand I think I messed it up.
(00:51):
I can't remember if it wasbefore my first communion or my
confirmation.
It was one of the ones with thesea sacraments.
But I go in, I do my thing.
The priest says, okay, now gooutside and do this amount of
prayers, and I was like, okay,my thing.
The priest says, okay, now gooutside and do this amount of
prayers.
And I was like, okay, but justlike nowadays, I was like, eh, I
don't want to be here anylonger than I need to be, so
(01:12):
I'll just go do it later.
And then later just never came.
So story of my life.
But by the time that Iremembered, I couldn't remember
how many reps I had to do so Iwas just like, eh, I'm sure the
big guy knows I'm sorry.
Anyways, this week I was justhaving all these thoughts and,
given what we talked about lastweek with the direwolves thing,
it just kind of boiled down tois science trying to disprove
(01:35):
God or is science just trying tofigure out how he actually did
his thing?
Like, maybe evolution isn'tanti-God, maybe it was just a
blueprint beneath the miracles?
Like, okay, humans evolvedbiologically, but as apes, and
they had three main goals tohunt, eat, breed and repeat.
(01:58):
In other words, kill, gorge andUntil you were physically
incapable of doing one of thethree.
But trust me, you know what?
I ain't living long if I can'teat or fuck either, I can't
indulge in some of the mostbasic human pleasures.
Take me out.
But then you also got peoplenowadays who are just like oh, I
(02:21):
know how to hunt, oh, do you?
No, you don't't get out therewith nothing but your fists and
a spear and see how well you dogive respect to your ancestors.
You gun toe and think you'rebetter than me.
Hooligans, fuck you.
(02:44):
But I started thinking that, aswe started to evolve
biologically, that it would onlymake sense that we would also
evolve morally, considering thefact that the thing that
separates humans from otheranimal species is the fact that
we don't just act on instinct,we also act on the idea of
thought.
And I say this as if I'm themost evolved person.
(03:06):
I eat cereal out the box likeit's a bag of chips and then I
wonder why I got microplasticsin my balls, like what makes me
qualified to think like this.
But I don't know.
It's holy week and when I wasat church I just let my mind
wander because the priest homilywent long and I got bored.
(03:27):
So I started asking myselfabout the rights and wrongs
behind some of our moral ornatural biological actions and
what that would mean to a higherpower.
Because it's just interesting tome how monotheism came after
polytheistic religions likeRoman and Greek mythology.
Maybe it wasn't correction,maybe that also came from moral
(03:50):
evolution, like, did monotheismevolve through a more moral,
thoughtful lens?
Or is it just based on culturalpivots causing this divine
shift?
And you know, I know I'm amoron, so I definitely know that
I'm not the only person who'sever thought of this question.
And I did some googling and itturns out that there is a book
out there called the History ofGod, by this woman named Karen
(04:11):
Armstrong, who actually was aformer nun.
I haven't read the book, butfrom what I was able to Google
is she basically argues thatmonotheism wasn't just a
religious upgrade, but it was amoral one.
And there was this shift inaccountability, like it pretty
much just came down to the ideathat, instead of someone like me
(04:33):
praying to the god of sex andthe god of wisdom to try and
spread the blame as to why Isuck at having both, now I just
pray to one god that's lookingdown at me saying you know what,
mike, I'm not mad, I'm justdisappointed.
But think about it.
Almost every ancient culturewas polytheistic the Greeks,
(04:55):
romans, egyptians, chinese,japanese, indigenous tribes,
aztecs, incans, mayans they allbelieved in multiple gods that
were tied to nature, war, love,fertility, whatever the fuck,
which is kind of wild,especially considering how
central Egypt is in the OldTestament.
So does this mean that theentire Exodus story was set in a
(05:18):
deeply polytheistic empire andthat was the backdrop for the
idea of one god introducingmorality and spiritual
discipline and you know what?
That is a loaded ass questionand, just like my life, I'm not
going to pretend that I have theanswer for it.
But you know what?
Maybe monotheism wasn't aboutdismissing all of those gods.
(05:41):
Maybe it was more aboutshifting the focus from external
sources to one unified source,like a more moral compass, a
relationship, something a littlebit more internal.
But okay, if God made us thisway, then why am I also supposed
to feel bad for acting like ahuman, Especially if I'm
(06:05):
biologically derived from anape-like animal, like okay,
besides the fact that Ipersonally feel that you're a
general first ballot hall offame asshole if you were to
cheat on somebody, I alsounderstand why cheating is wrong
on a religious standpoint, justbecause if you can't be loyal
to one person, then how couldyou be loyal to God?
(06:25):
And then the whole thing ofAdam and Eve being married and
woven together as one flesh andall of that jazz.
But basic sexual urges,pre-marriage that's biology,
that's the evolutionary aspectthat you derived me from and you
know what Honestly, I resentthat I can get in trouble for
(06:48):
that.
No-transcript.
That's nature.
That's not rebellion.
Have you ever walked into an icecream shop and you've seen some
mouth-breathing moron?
Have the audacity to taste.
Test the three flavors ofvanilla, classic bean or French,
(07:10):
before they commit to buying it.
Newsflash.
It all tastes like vanilla, butyou know what that's low-key
like, figuring out who we wantto have as a sexual partner.
Though Are we all not just outhere trying which flavor of
vanilla that we can tolerate, orif we want something with a
(07:31):
little bit more crunch, maybe arocky road and see if we won't
get flavor fatigue in six months, like if I'm supposed to stick
with someone for life.
I not only want to know if thisbike can handle a tough ride,
but also how much of a pain inthe ass it might be when I go
through some terrain and I don'tgive a fuck.
(07:56):
I'm testing those waters early.
It won't be on contract day.
I've seen way too many busts gonumber one overall.
That's not being sinful, that'sbeing cautious, and you know
what?
Maybe that's why America istrying to be this sexually free
(08:19):
country now too, because wesuppress so many urges from the
1600s to the 1800s and, honestly, the poor women back then, I
mean ladies you complain so muchhow selfish men are in the
present day, but at least someof us are actually doing our
(08:40):
best to try nowadays.
You ever look into how thevibrator got invented?
Women used to go to the doctorwith cases of quote-unquote
hysteria.
So, to relieve this hysteria, adoctor would use a vibrating
machine on their pelvic area andthey would walk out feeling so
much better, for obvious reasons, because none of those women's
(09:05):
husbands were doing the one jobthey had.
And you know what, if I didn'tget off, and god knows how long,
I would have hysteria too.
You know what's crazy is.
Back then, women weren't insane, they were just horny.
I mean, I swear to God, you canlook this up the lines that
(09:27):
these doctors would have out thedoor.
So they just ended up sellingthese things as vibrators so
women can get themselves off.
But you know what's crazy,though, from what I've looked up
, jerking off itself isn't a sin, porn is, but what counts as
porn?
Visuals, memory, like I can'thelp it if my brain wants to get
(09:51):
creative.
So, no, I'm not going to confessfor shit that I know I'm also
going to keep doing based on theway that God made me.
And plus, also, I'm not goingto apologize for something that
I'm actually not that sorry foreither.
Like, trust me, he knows thatI'm not sorry, and if you keep
(10:14):
apologizing for the same thingand you just keep repeating the
offense.
You're not sorry either.
You're just looking for a getout of jail free card.
You're just pissed off that yougot fucking caught.
But do you know what I am sorryfor?
I'm sorry for doubting God.
I'm sorry that I'm questioninghim and not believing I'm going
(10:36):
where he wants me to go.
I'm sorry that right now I feellike I've been being smited for
a reason that I can't see orunderstand, and I had a slip up.
I had a moment of weakness and Ibroke my promise and honestly,
I don't even know why,especially being this fucking
(10:56):
close to the finish line.
That's also what really pissesme off about it.
Maybe it was just a naturalhuman sin type of caving, or
maybe I was thinking, oh, you'renot listening to me, fine, then
I'm not going to listen to youeither.
And you know what really sucksis.
After I had that little slip up, besides the things that I can
(11:17):
complain about, I started torealize that I actually have a
lot of things going on that Ishould recognize as wins and
that I should be grateful andsaying thank you, rather than
also being in a mindset of, ohGod, why this and why that?
And I was just selfish thinkingabout the stuff that made me
upset, and to me, that's thereal sin.
(11:40):
It's not something vanilla likesuccumbing to a basic human
urge such as sex god forbid,it's premarital.
To me, the real sin it's thatlittle silent protest, that
moment of caving and giving intothe things that you
legitimately promise to avoid.
I mean honestly, besides mejust being stuck on a path that
(12:02):
I don't know where it's going, Ihad a moment of spice, when
things are actually going prettyfucking nice.
Actually, you know what?
Speaking of spice, I just had afucking random thought.
Back in the day, anything withspice in it was called deviled,
hence why we get the termdeviled eggs.
But you wouldn't call a womandeviled.
So is that why we get the termsourpuss?
(12:24):
Oh, I'm sorry, I know that wasstupid.
Welcome to The LNBE Podcast,everybody, but bad joke aside.
.
.
This year, on 420, as Christianseverywhere will seemingly be
rising with the Lord, maybe justtake a second to think about
(12:45):
how the season of Lent andEaster is less about perfection
and more about showing up anywayand honestly not focusing on
the negatives, but some of thesmall joys and victories, and
having hope that we can releaseour guilts and just have a fresh
start, like to me.
That's what Easter is about.
It's okay if you fail.
(13:07):
What matters is how you moveforward.
Everything is a learningexperience.
Like last week, I bitched aboutnot being able to fully commit
to a tackle in rugby.
This week I was all abouttrying to rid that mental block,
and you know what I did it.
It didn't look pretty and myform sucked, but at least I can
(13:29):
say it was an attempt to bebetter than I was last week.
But you know what?
I also got humbled because Ialso got fucking hurt in the
process.
Let me tell you.
I have no idea what I did, butwhen I made contact, all of a
sudden I felt a crack in my arm,followed by my whole forearm
going numb.
I was like, oh shit.
Well, that can't be good.
(13:49):
But you know what?
Even though I got hurt, Istayed in that game there.
What?
Even though I got hurt, Istayed in that game.
There was only 10 minutes leftin the game.
I was like you know what?
Pain is temporary, but victoryis forever.
And mama didn't raise no bitcheither.
I mean, we ended up losing, butthat's besides the point.
The message is the same, but youknow what?
I can't really complain becauseit was also low-key my fault,
(14:12):
just like how I broke my Lentenpromise.
It was my fault that I got hurtin my rugby game because I
didn't tackle properly, butbecause I got hurt, I now know
how to better myself and improveon what to do the next time so
it doesn't happen again.
Growth will always continue andyou don't grow a little bit of
strength without a little bit ofpain.
So, with that said, godprobably cares less about our
(14:37):
browser histories than he doesabout whether we're being honest
with them, because humilityisn't weakness.
It's a sign that you canacknowledge your limitations and
learn to grow from them.
I got hurt making a tackle.
That's one of the weak spots inmy game right now, amongst so
many other things.
But now I've learned what notto do because I made the mistake
(14:57):
and I know how to improve,moving forward, just like when I
broke my Lenten promise.
And you know what, if Jesus canrise again, maybe so can we,
even if it's from guilt,confusion or just our own dumb
habits.
I don't think God needs us tobe perfect.
I think he just needs us tostop pretending we are and to
(15:20):
stop assuming science has allthe answers for the stuff that
we haven't had the courage toface in ourselves.
Maybe that's the point, whetheryou believe in one God, many
gods, or you're still figuringthat part out.
What matters is the directionyou're growing in.
Moral evolution doesn't requireperfection, just presence, just
(15:42):
showing up.
That's how it starts and how wegrow morally as humans, with or
without religion.
And if that landed with youeven a little, do me a favor and
share this episode with afriend, rate it, leave a comment
, whatever you're feeling.
It helps push this thing up andkeeps it going.
You can also follow me onTikTok and Instagram, @thelnbep
(16:03):
odcast, and if you ever want towrite in vent or just say what's
on your mind, feel free toemail me at lnbemedia@ gmail.
com.
All right, guys.
Thank you all so much forlistening.
I I hope you all have a greatweek.
Happy Easter to all of thosewho are celebrating and we will
chat next week.