May 23, 2025 • 14 mins
Mike runs his mouth about the chaos of restaurant bartending, from misordered fish sandwiches to wine snobs and beer guy brain fog. This week’s episode dives into the differences between dive bars and dine-in service, adjusting to a new system without losing your edge, and why sometimes growth feels more like a slow crawl than a glow-up.
If you would like to share your opinion, send an email to lnbemedia@gmail.com and don't forget to follow me on Instagram and TikTok @thelnbepodcast.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mike (00:10):
All right.
So just in case anyone's new,though I highly doubt it,
because this podcast is growinglike a tree in the shade.
Welcome to the LNBE podcast,where LNBE stands for literally
nothing but everything and I'myour host.
Mike Rispoli stands forliterally nothing but everything
and I'm your host, Mike Rispoli.
I've said it before that I hatedoing intros because they're
cringy and make me want to stabmyself in the eye with a fork
(00:32):
and, honestly, that still holdstrue.
But it's been a while, so Ifigured I'd reintroduce myself
like a semi-functioning adult.
Hopefully you find meentertaining.
If not, go fuck yourself.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Please stay.
I need the followers.
But seriously, if you like thepod, share it, comment, tell
(00:55):
your friends, because that's theonly way that this thing is
going to grow, unless thealgorithm randomly decides to
bless me for spiraling aboutlife while sounding kind of
funny.
Unless the algorithm randomlydecides to bless me for
spiraling about life whilesounding kind of funny.
Oh, and speaking of spiraling,my new job has been going great.
(01:16):
As you know, I recently startedbartending at a restaurant and
I'm still kind of in trainingand I thought I was picking
things up.
But nothing humbles you like acustomer with vague
communication.
It just makes you realize thatthe ball got dropped like Mark
Andrews on a two pointconversion.
So this guy comes in and heorders food and he asks how does
(01:37):
the soul come?
I explained to him that itdepends.
The sandwich comes fried, butthe entree comes baked and he
goes I'll have the baked one.
So I ring in the baked entreeyou want the baked sole?
You got it, no problem,anything for you, sir.
Baked sole coming right up.
Chef's kiss.
The food comes out and he hitsme with this isn't what I
(02:02):
ordered.
I'm like'm like, huh, you saidyou wanted the baked soul.
He goes yeah, but I wanted thebaked soul on the sandwich.
Oh, you did.
Cool, how about I solely giveyou a knuckle sandwich instead?
Huh.
And at that moment managementsteps in.
They see the situation andchalks it up to me, not knowing
(02:24):
the menu.
So I just eat it.
I'm like all right, I'm sorry,I'll do better, because I feel
like I'm still too new to startpushing back and being like well
, here's what he said.
So the next day a differentmanager comes over, clearly
heard about the incident andsays you really need to study
the menu.
I'm like yeah, I know, I'msorry, it won't happen again.
(02:47):
Because, also in my head, I'vealready taken that mental note
ask more follow-up questions andget some better clarity.
But then she hits me with youwent to college, you know how to
study, so study the menu.
Oh, you think I studied incollege?
That's so fucking cute.
(03:08):
But now I'm kind of pissed, notbecause I can't take feedback,
but because clearly no onebothered to actually explain
what happened.
But again, pick your battles.
I mean, I'm not going to bethat guy who argues over a fish
sandwich his third week in, andhonestly she's not totally wrong
.
If I had just said hey, just toclarify, you want the baked
(03:33):
sole on the sandwich instead ofthe fried, we probably could
have avoided this whole thing.
So, moral of the story whetherit's a customer, a boss, your
girlfriend, your boyfriend,whatever it is, communication is
key, especially when seafood isinvolved, and that's kind of
(03:54):
been the running thing lately.
I'm not just learning a new job,I'm learning how to adjust and
how to operate without feelinglike I'm constantly messing up
or losing confidence.
Like I know I'm not stupid.
But being in a new system makesyou kind of question stuff that
used to be second nature, and Ihate feeling slower, like I'm
playing catch up.
But I also know I can't show upto this job with a full
(04:14):
die-bark, chaos, energy.
So I'm trying to figure out howto keep that edge without
cutting myself with it, you know.
But here's what I've come torealize over the past four weeks
.
This isn't a bar.
It's a restaurant that happensto have a bar in it, the bar
that I worked before, which I'malso working at now again on one
(04:36):
of my off days.
At the restaurant that is a barbar, you come in, you get a
Jack and Coke and Maybe a CoorsBanquet if you're feeling classy
, and if you threw up in theurinal, I'd just hand you a
towel and say, well, at least itwasn't on the bar and hey, at
least you made it to the rightspot, unlike the Uber I'm about
(04:56):
to order you, huh, huh.
It's the kind of place wherenobody asks for lemon twists or
gluten-free flatbread.
They ask me to join in on agame of darts, to throw the game
on and for a seat that isn'tsticky that day now at the
restaurant it's not.
Let me get a whiskey, neat andstare into the void.
(05:17):
God forbid whatever else yougot in your system to have that.
Look, it's hi.
Yeah, we'd like to split thefilet mignon wrap and the
chopped salad.
And do you know where yourchardonnay comes from?
No joke, that was a realquestion.
I was just standing therestaring at these wine bottles
like I'm taking a test I didn'tstudy for which, by the way, was
(05:39):
also literally happening.
I got two of our housechardonnays in my hands,
scanning these labels like, um,it looks like they both come
from California.
And she hits me with oh, thatjust won't do what else you got?
And in my head I'm like lady, Idon't have time for this
episode of sommeliers.
So I just hit her with, on theback of the menus, the full wine
(06:03):
list.
Let me know if anything jumpsout at you, although it is funny
, because in some moments I doget to utilize my dive bar
attitude just a little bit.
I had one guy go what do youhave for bottled beer?
I'm like that depends, you wantalcoholic or non-alcoholic.
And he's like well, I came fora drink.
Whoa, all right, somebody had atough day at the office.
(06:25):
So I said well, this is a greatspot for one, but for alcoholic
beer, for you, we have coronaand coors light.
Do you have miller light.
Sir, we have corona and coorslight.
You know how bud light.
Now I'm getting annoyed and inmy head I'm thinking, bro, did
you just od on stupid pills?
I don't see a aid.
(06:47):
Bro probably drives the samespeed limit as his IQ.
So I said I'm sorry, we onlyhave Coors Light and Corona for
bottles and the closest thingthat we have to the two beers
that you just mentioned, I wouldrecommend the Coors Light.
So he's like all right, I'lltake a Coors Light.
Oh, there we go.
Was that that fucking difficult?
(07:07):
Oh, there we go.
Was that that fucking difficult?
Whoever that dude is married to, I'm sorry for you, but also,
is he always that dumb, or washe just trying a little extra
that day?
And, honestly, moments like that, or where my dive bar instincts
still kind of peak out, even ifI can't say what I'm thinking,
I'm definitely thinking itbecause, trust me, in that
(07:30):
moment I would have roasted thatguy like the chicken we have on
the menu.
But I think that's also anexample of how I learned to keep
my edge without screwing myselfin the process.
However, arguably corporatelife taught me that too.
Sometimes you really got tokeep your inside thoughts as
inside, because the last personyou want to see in any company
(07:52):
is HR.
But it's weird how I'mretraining my dive bar muscles
into restaurant style becauseI'm just used to fast pace get
your drink, give me your card,start a tab.
I'll see you on the next roundnext.
But now this place I got tolearn how to be a little bit
slower.
It's like a dive bar is a DodgeChallenger and this place is
(08:15):
more of like a Cadillac.
Like one night, for example, Isaw people done with their food
and I immediately asked if theywere all set and took their
plates.
But then the other bartender,ron, kind of took me aside and
said hey, for future reference,give people a minute or two
before you clear it.
We don't want customers to feelrushed.
It wasn't in a mean way, it wasjust a side note for me.
(08:36):
Like, hey, this is how we dothings here.
And I'm like, oh damn, okay,that's a new learning curve,
because in my head, appetizersdone, cool, cool, clear it.
You got your food great, eat,finish up and get the fuck out.
I want turnover.
Turnover means more peoplesitting and more people sitting
(08:58):
means more tips.
But here it's more like letpeople lounge, let them relax
and hope that great customerservice leads to a better tip,
but I'm also like 20% off thenext bill is more than the extra
two bucks those people aregoing to tack on.
Like, okay, I understand, thisis a restaurant, but here's my
(09:21):
thing, unless it's a dead nightand I've got three people there.
Yeah, absolutely.
Have dessert, have coffee, hangout with me for a bit.
I'm more than willing to talkabout your dog's ACL injury, but
if I've got a full bar andanother row of people waiting,
(09:41):
don't order dessert, don't ordercoffee.
Come for what you came for.
Have a drink or two, eat andget the fuck out of my bar.
I want those next asses inseats.
You want to lounge and havedessert and coffee.
Make a reservation, sit at afucking table, tip your waiter
the extra five At the bar.
(10:03):
My money comes from volume, andif I gotta spend an additional
45 seconds making you acappuccino which now I know how
to do that's time I'm wastingnot checking on another person
or seeing empty glasses orwhatever.
But that's not how this placeruns.
So this is also something Ineed to get used to, with how
(10:23):
this bar operates and while I'mlearning to shift gears and
adjust to the style here.
I'm also trying to figure out myflow behind the bar.
Like we've got all of our wellstuff on the top shelf.
Visually, sure it looks greatSymmetry, clean lines, nice
display.
It's kind of like the idea ofshopping with your eyes.
(10:45):
Could you put the price of yourbottles at eye level so
customers see them?
It's kind of like grocery storepsychology.
You don't just put theexpensive stuff on the bottom
shelf.
But for me at the restaurantI'm reaching for Tito's Kettle
and Grey Goose constantly if I'mslammed.
And now I gotta climb up likeI'm scaling Mount Smirnoff to
refill my well.
(11:06):
Meanwhile someone's wavingtheir empty glass like they're
trapped in the ocean.
I don't need a curated shelflayout, I need speed.
I need those bottles in reachbecause I use them like every
five seconds.
And yeah, maybe that's justanother adjustment.
But I'm starting to think thisjob is just one big metaphor for
(11:27):
life right now, because I'mtrying to keep up, find my
rhythm and work inside systemsthat weren't built for speed,
even though I gotta haul ass ifI'm slammed to bring plates and
glasses into the kitchen to tryto keep the bar clean.
But truthfully, I took this jobfor a few reasons One, because
I wanted to bartend.
(11:48):
Two, because it literallylanded in my lap the last week I
was unemployed.
And three, if Nashville isstill a possibility for me.
This gives me the kind ofexperience those bars out there
are actually looking for, butalso, honestly, it seriously
does feel like God finally threwme a bone and said here, this
(12:11):
one's for you, here's a new path.
What are you going to take fromit?
So yeah, maybe this job isn'tjust a paycheck, maybe it's a
lesson in disguise, becauseevery new environment forces you
to grow in ways that you didn'tnecessarily ask for but you
probably need.
And maybe this whole thing isabout adapting without losing
(12:34):
who I am.
I'm still figuring that partout, but I think that's the
point.
But even if it's slower, evenif it's messy, I'm still showing
up.
One round, one shift, oneawkward bottle grab at a time.
And all right, guys, that'sgoing to do it for this episode.
I know this one's a littleshorter than usual again, but
(12:57):
that's all I got for this week.
Sometimes it's not just aboutfilling time, but sometimes I
just like to bitch about what Igot going on, and that's what I
did.
But if you're still listening,congrats, you made it to the
part where I begged for yourhelp, cue the sad violin.
But seriously, I could use ahand here With this new gig.
(13:18):
I've got limited time to playInstagram Influencer right now,
so here's the deal.
I need you yes, you, you.
That's my best uncle samimpression to be my unofficial
promo team.
If you enjoyed the show, or evenif you didn't, but have art,
please share the pod with yourfriends, your enemies, your ex,
whoever toss a rating and areview up there, five stars, if
(13:41):
you're feeling generous, and hitthat follow or subscribe button
so you don't miss any futureepisodes.
Share it, rate it, spread theword like it's a gossip at
brunch, and don't forget tofollow the pod on Insta and
TikTok @thelnbep odcast or emailme at lnbemedia@ gmail.
com.
All right, I'm done groveling.
Thanks for listening and fordoing whatever you can to help.
(14:04):
I hope all of you have a greatweek and we'll catch up next
time you.
All right.
So just in case anyone's new,though I highly doubt it,
because this podcast is growinglike a tree in the shade.
Welcome to the LNBE podcast,where LNBE stands for literally
nothing but everything and I'myour host.
Mike Rispoli stands forliterally nothing but everything
and I'm your host, Mike Rispoli.
I've said it before that I hatedoing intros because they're
cringy and make me want to stabmyself in the eye with a fork
(00:32):
and, honestly, that still holdstrue.
But it's been a while, so Ifigured I'd reintroduce myself
like a semi-functioning adult.
Hopefully you find meentertaining.
If not, go fuck yourself.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Please stay.
I need the followers.
But seriously, if you like thepod, share it, comment, tell
(00:55):
your friends, because that's theonly way that this thing is
going to grow, unless thealgorithm randomly decides to
bless me for spiraling aboutlife while sounding kind of
funny.
Unless the algorithm randomlydecides to bless me for
spiraling about life whilesounding kind of funny.
Oh, and speaking of spiraling,my new job has been going great.
(01:16):
As you know, I recently startedbartending at a restaurant and
I'm still kind of in trainingand I thought I was picking
things up.
But nothing humbles you like acustomer with vague
communication.
It just makes you realize thatthe ball got dropped like Mark
Andrews on a two pointconversion.
So this guy comes in and heorders food and he asks how does
(01:37):
the soul come?
I explained to him that itdepends.
The sandwich comes fried, butthe entree comes baked and he
goes I'll have the baked one.
So I ring in the baked entreeyou want the baked sole?
You got it, no problem,anything for you, sir.
Baked sole coming right up.
Chef's kiss.
The food comes out and he hitsme with this isn't what I
(02:02):
ordered.
I'm like'm like, huh, you saidyou wanted the baked soul.
He goes yeah, but I wanted thebaked soul on the sandwich.
Oh, you did.
Cool, how about I solely giveyou a knuckle sandwich instead?
Huh.
And at that moment managementsteps in.
They see the situation andchalks it up to me, not knowing
(02:24):
the menu.
So I just eat it.
I'm like all right, I'm sorry,I'll do better, because I feel
like I'm still too new to startpushing back and being like well
, here's what he said.
So the next day a differentmanager comes over, clearly
heard about the incident andsays you really need to study
the menu.
I'm like yeah, I know, I'msorry, it won't happen again.
(02:47):
Because, also in my head, I'vealready taken that mental note
ask more follow-up questions andget some better clarity.
But then she hits me with youwent to college, you know how to
study, so study the menu.
Oh, you think I studied incollege?
That's so fucking cute.
(03:08):
But now I'm kind of pissed, notbecause I can't take feedback,
but because clearly no onebothered to actually explain
what happened.
But again, pick your battles.
I mean, I'm not going to bethat guy who argues over a fish
sandwich his third week in, andhonestly she's not totally wrong
.
If I had just said hey, just toclarify, you want the baked
(03:33):
sole on the sandwich instead ofthe fried, we probably could
have avoided this whole thing.
So, moral of the story whetherit's a customer, a boss, your
girlfriend, your boyfriend,whatever it is, communication is
key, especially when seafood isinvolved, and that's kind of
(03:54):
been the running thing lately.
I'm not just learning a new job,I'm learning how to adjust and
how to operate without feelinglike I'm constantly messing up
or losing confidence.
Like I know I'm not stupid.
But being in a new system makesyou kind of question stuff that
used to be second nature, and Ihate feeling slower, like I'm
playing catch up.
But I also know I can't show upto this job with a full
(04:14):
die-bark, chaos, energy.
So I'm trying to figure out howto keep that edge without
cutting myself with it, you know.
But here's what I've come torealize over the past four weeks
.
This isn't a bar.
It's a restaurant that happensto have a bar in it, the bar
that I worked before, which I'malso working at now again on one
(04:36):
of my off days.
At the restaurant that is a barbar, you come in, you get a
Jack and Coke and Maybe a CoorsBanquet if you're feeling classy
, and if you threw up in theurinal, I'd just hand you a
towel and say, well, at least itwasn't on the bar and hey, at
least you made it to the rightspot, unlike the Uber I'm about
(04:56):
to order you, huh, huh.
It's the kind of place wherenobody asks for lemon twists or
gluten-free flatbread.
They ask me to join in on agame of darts, to throw the game
on and for a seat that isn'tsticky that day now at the
restaurant it's not.
Let me get a whiskey, neat andstare into the void.
(05:17):
God forbid whatever else yougot in your system to have that.
Look, it's hi.
Yeah, we'd like to split thefilet mignon wrap and the
chopped salad.
And do you know where yourchardonnay comes from?
No joke, that was a realquestion.
I was just standing therestaring at these wine bottles
like I'm taking a test I didn'tstudy for which, by the way, was
(05:39):
also literally happening.
I got two of our housechardonnays in my hands,
scanning these labels like, um,it looks like they both come
from California.
And she hits me with oh, thatjust won't do what else you got?
And in my head I'm like lady, Idon't have time for this
episode of sommeliers.
So I just hit her with, on theback of the menus, the full wine
(06:03):
list.
Let me know if anything jumpsout at you, although it is funny
, because in some moments I doget to utilize my dive bar
attitude just a little bit.
I had one guy go what do youhave for bottled beer?
I'm like that depends, you wantalcoholic or non-alcoholic.
And he's like well, I came fora drink.
Whoa, all right, somebody had atough day at the office.
(06:25):
So I said well, this is a greatspot for one, but for alcoholic
beer, for you, we have coronaand coors light.
Do you have miller light.
Sir, we have corona and coorslight.
You know how bud light.
Now I'm getting annoyed and inmy head I'm thinking, bro, did
you just od on stupid pills?
I don't see a aid.
(06:47):
Bro probably drives the samespeed limit as his IQ.
So I said I'm sorry, we onlyhave Coors Light and Corona for
bottles and the closest thingthat we have to the two beers
that you just mentioned, I wouldrecommend the Coors Light.
So he's like all right, I'lltake a Coors Light.
Oh, there we go.
Was that that fucking difficult?
(07:07):
Oh, there we go.
Was that that fucking difficult?
Whoever that dude is married to, I'm sorry for you, but also,
is he always that dumb, or washe just trying a little extra
that day?
And, honestly, moments like that, or where my dive bar instincts
still kind of peak out, even ifI can't say what I'm thinking,
I'm definitely thinking itbecause, trust me, in that
(07:30):
moment I would have roasted thatguy like the chicken we have on
the menu.
But I think that's also anexample of how I learned to keep
my edge without screwing myselfin the process.
However, arguably corporatelife taught me that too.
Sometimes you really got tokeep your inside thoughts as
inside, because the last personyou want to see in any company
(07:52):
is HR.
But it's weird how I'mretraining my dive bar muscles
into restaurant style becauseI'm just used to fast pace get
your drink, give me your card,start a tab.
I'll see you on the next roundnext.
But now this place I got tolearn how to be a little bit
slower.
It's like a dive bar is a DodgeChallenger and this place is
(08:15):
more of like a Cadillac.
Like one night, for example, Isaw people done with their food
and I immediately asked if theywere all set and took their
plates.
But then the other bartender,ron, kind of took me aside and
said hey, for future reference,give people a minute or two
before you clear it.
We don't want customers to feelrushed.
It wasn't in a mean way, it wasjust a side note for me.
(08:36):
Like, hey, this is how we dothings here.
And I'm like, oh damn, okay,that's a new learning curve,
because in my head, appetizersdone, cool, cool, clear it.
You got your food great, eat,finish up and get the fuck out.
I want turnover.
Turnover means more peoplesitting and more people sitting
(08:58):
means more tips.
But here it's more like letpeople lounge, let them relax
and hope that great customerservice leads to a better tip,
but I'm also like 20% off thenext bill is more than the extra
two bucks those people aregoing to tack on.
Like, okay, I understand, thisis a restaurant, but here's my
(09:21):
thing, unless it's a dead nightand I've got three people there.
Yeah, absolutely.
Have dessert, have coffee, hangout with me for a bit.
I'm more than willing to talkabout your dog's ACL injury, but
if I've got a full bar andanother row of people waiting,
(09:41):
don't order dessert, don't ordercoffee.
Come for what you came for.
Have a drink or two, eat andget the fuck out of my bar.
I want those next asses inseats.
You want to lounge and havedessert and coffee.
Make a reservation, sit at afucking table, tip your waiter
the extra five At the bar.
(10:03):
My money comes from volume, andif I gotta spend an additional
45 seconds making you acappuccino which now I know how
to do that's time I'm wastingnot checking on another person
or seeing empty glasses orwhatever.
But that's not how this placeruns.
So this is also something Ineed to get used to, with how
(10:23):
this bar operates and while I'mlearning to shift gears and
adjust to the style here.
I'm also trying to figure out myflow behind the bar.
Like we've got all of our wellstuff on the top shelf.
Visually, sure it looks greatSymmetry, clean lines, nice
display.
It's kind of like the idea ofshopping with your eyes.
(10:45):
Could you put the price of yourbottles at eye level so
customers see them?
It's kind of like grocery storepsychology.
You don't just put theexpensive stuff on the bottom
shelf.
But for me at the restaurantI'm reaching for Tito's Kettle
and Grey Goose constantly if I'mslammed.
And now I gotta climb up likeI'm scaling Mount Smirnoff to
refill my well.
(11:06):
Meanwhile someone's wavingtheir empty glass like they're
trapped in the ocean.
I don't need a curated shelflayout, I need speed.
I need those bottles in reachbecause I use them like every
five seconds.
And yeah, maybe that's justanother adjustment.
But I'm starting to think thisjob is just one big metaphor for
(11:27):
life right now, because I'mtrying to keep up, find my
rhythm and work inside systemsthat weren't built for speed,
even though I gotta haul ass ifI'm slammed to bring plates and
glasses into the kitchen to tryto keep the bar clean.
But truthfully, I took this jobfor a few reasons One, because
I wanted to bartend.
(11:48):
Two, because it literallylanded in my lap the last week I
was unemployed.
And three, if Nashville isstill a possibility for me.
This gives me the kind ofexperience those bars out there
are actually looking for, butalso, honestly, it seriously
does feel like God finally threwme a bone and said here, this
(12:11):
one's for you, here's a new path.
What are you going to take fromit?
So yeah, maybe this job isn'tjust a paycheck, maybe it's a
lesson in disguise, becauseevery new environment forces you
to grow in ways that you didn'tnecessarily ask for but you
probably need.
And maybe this whole thing isabout adapting without losing
(12:34):
who I am.
I'm still figuring that partout, but I think that's the
point.
But even if it's slower, evenif it's messy, I'm still showing
up.
One round, one shift, oneawkward bottle grab at a time.
And all right, guys, that'sgoing to do it for this episode.
I know this one's a littleshorter than usual again, but
(12:57):
that's all I got for this week.
Sometimes it's not just aboutfilling time, but sometimes I
just like to bitch about what Igot going on, and that's what I
did.
But if you're still listening,congrats, you made it to the
part where I begged for yourhelp, cue the sad violin.
But seriously, I could use ahand here With this new gig.
(13:18):
I've got limited time to playInstagram Influencer right now,
so here's the deal.
I need you yes, you, you.
That's my best uncle samimpression to be my unofficial
promo team.
If you enjoyed the show, or evenif you didn't, but have art,
please share the pod with yourfriends, your enemies, your ex,
whoever toss a rating and areview up there, five stars, if
(13:41):
you're feeling generous, and hitthat follow or subscribe button
so you don't miss any futureepisodes.
Share it, rate it, spread theword like it's a gossip at
brunch, and don't forget tofollow the pod on Insta and
TikTok @thelnbep odcast or emailme at lnbemedia@ gmail.
com.
All right, I'm done groveling.
Thanks for listening and fordoing whatever you can to help.
(14:04):
I hope all of you have a greatweek and we'll catch up next
time you.
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