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October 17, 2025 14 mins

Mike runs his mouth about bartending idiots, swollen glands, and a wedding trip to Dayton, Ohio that made him rethink what “bad” really means. From diagnosing himself faster than hospital staff to arguing with customers who think cranberry juice belongs in a dirty martini, Mike’s first episode back since July is full of stories, sarcasm, and self-awareness.

Between late-night shifts, ER visits, and small-town adventures that felt straight out of a crime documentary, he realizes things could always be worse — and that might actually be the point.

It’s a brutally honest, darkly funny comeback packed with perspective, punchlines, and just enough chaos to remind you that even when life’s a mess… it’s still pretty damn good.

If you would like to share your opinion, send an email to lnbemedia@gmail.com and don't forget to follow me on Instagram and TikTok @thelnbepodcast.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mike Rispoli (00:09):
Hey, what's going on everyone?
I know it's been a while, butI'm back.
So, on my first week back sincewhat?
July?
I'm thinking that this will bea more reflective episode and
tell you some of the thingsthat's happened since we last
spoke.
Trust me, I haven't totallyforgotten about you or killed

(00:30):
this project, but life just kindof got to me.
As you guys know, I've beenbartending as my main gig, and
the schedule's been a littlerough.
The late nights, the fuckingabsolute morons who come in and
are so picky.
It's like, I want a dirtymartini, but not too dirty, but

(00:50):
dirty enough.
And God forbid you put one droptoo much.
Fucking rich people come inasking for the weirdest shit,
you bend over backwards to makeit, and they'll still leave you
a tip that wouldn't even buy youa fucking gum ball.
I had one person asking for adirty martini with cranberry
juice.
They sent it back to me threetimes because it tasted wrong.

(01:14):
Yeah.
No shit.
You asked for a dirty martiniwith cranberry juice.
You fucking psycho.
What did you expect it to tastelike?
After the third time, I waslike, you know what?
Just come back here and make ityourself.
Because you clearly know betterthan I do.
It's not like this is myprofession or anything.

(01:35):
And then she goes, Oh, I'msorry.
I wanted it dirty, but make itdirty with the cranberry.
You dumb bitch.
You just didn't know how toorder, and now it's my fucking
fault.
You just wanted a vodka cran asa martini.
And yeah, some people aregreat.

(01:57):
But when you're dealing withpeople who go, Can I have a
different wine glass?
This glass is making the winetaste weird.
And the friend going, Oh yeah,that happens sometimes.
No, it fucking doesn't.
But I bet the gum in your mouthwould have an answer for that.
So yeah, just dealing with theneeds of fucktards and talking

(02:20):
to people I could give a fuckabout for hours a day, and then
the thought of, oh my god, Ineed to talk more and do a
podcast.
Yeah, it's a little daunting.
But then even when I wanted toput something out, it became a
thing of how do I even get backinto it after being gone for so
long?

(02:40):
Having so much time away atsomething makes it hard to
restart and build that momentumbecause you don't know how
people are gonna react.
It's like when a parent leavesand you're a kid, and then the
parent just magically justreappears in your life as an
adult, like, hey, I'm back.
And you're just sitting there,like, okay, well, I don't see

(03:02):
the milk in your hand, so whereexactly did you run off to?
Can I trust that you won'tleave me again?
But now I'm back, and what'sgoing on since my last episode?
Well, I ended up in the ER backin July because I don't know
what happened, but I had somesort of a gland issue, and you

(03:24):
know, for living in such anaffluent area, you would think
the hospital in this town wouldbe somewhat competent, but no.
I'm at work one night, and myjaw feels kinda sore.
Oh, whose dick were yousucking?
Nah, no one rich, that's forsure.

(03:45):
But I still have my wisdomteeth, which, if you know me,
makes perfect sense consideringthe big mouth that I have.
So I just chalked it up tomaybe something was caught, and
if I floss, I'll be fine, no bigdeal.
This has happened before.
But as I'm working, the pain isonly getting worse, and I can
feel my face just getting moreand more swollen as the night

(04:08):
goes on.
So I leave work, take anibuprofen, and try to sleep it
off.
I wake up in the early hours ofthe next morning in just some
severe pain, and my face lookslike a chipmunk getting ready to
hibernate.
And I realize now it's not myjaw that's the issue, but it's
my lymph nodes.
And since I don't haveinsurance, I'm like, what the

(04:30):
fuck do I do?
What's the cheapest option?
So I make an appointment withurgent care, but I can't get in
till 8 a.m.
And it's 3:30 a.m.
So great.
Now I'm just up in pain, andfinally around 6 a.m., I'm like,
I just can't wait for urgentcare.
I need to go to the ER.

(04:51):
So I throw on some clothes,throw on my glasses, and book it
over there.
Once I get there, there's onewoman in front of me and they're
dealing with her.
Now I'm waiting and standing atthe desk, two people are there,
and finally, after about 10minutes, I'm like, hey, someone

(05:11):
want to ask me something?
Oh, were you waiting to beseen?
No! I'm just here at 6 a.m.
to see what you guys are up to.
Anyone need a fucking coffee?
Because some of you could usesome of that shit.
Alright, so why are you here?
Asking me this as if my facedoesn't look like Carl Wheezer
from Jimmy Neutron.

(05:32):
And then I finally get backthere, they're taking these
preliminary questions.
Oh, do you wear glasses orcontacts?
Me looking straight at thiswoman with glasses on my face,
pointing, and she's just like,Oh, it's been a rough night.
Really?
Oh my god.
So then finally I get throwninto a room and I'm seen by a

(05:56):
doctor, but no one knows what'sgoing on.
Granted, they didn't ask mewhat my habits were.
All they did was care about ifI'm sexually active and if I
left the country.
And since I don't haveinsurance, they were gonna give
me a CAT scan.
What's a CAT scan gonna do?
Oh, well, we just want to bethorough, and we can't give you

(06:18):
any pain meds until we know whatwe're dealing with, so we know
how to treat it.
Great, but I can tell you thatI have some sort of a gland
infection, so why don't we startwith that?
No, we want to do XYZ.
Alright, great.
So I do the CAT scan, and now Iwant my pain meds because my
face is so swollen that mycheeks are going numb and my

(06:41):
ears hurt.
Another 30 minutes goes by andI'm waiting, I'm ringing, and no
pain meds.
Well, we haven't gotten theresults.
Well, can someone give me afucking ibuprofen?
Another 20 minutes goes by.
Hey, did you guys get those CATscan results yet?
Oh yeah, we got them.
What was someone gonna tell me?

(07:03):
So what's it say?
You have swollen glands.
Oh, oh really?
The bartender diagnosedhimself.
What are you monkeys doing backthere?
For living in such an affluentarea, you'd think the hospital
would have at least one doctorwho didn't get their degree from
WebMD.

(07:23):
So they send me on my way tosome antibiotics and it clears
up within a week.
Now, a couple weeks later, Iend up in Dayton, Ohio for a
wedding.
And if you have a trip toDayton, Ohio planned anytime
soon, cool, fucking cancel it.
So I fly in with my friendwho's also a groomsman, and when

(07:46):
we arrive, the groom picks usup from the airport, and the
whole ride in, I'm like, wow,now I know where The Walking
Dead was actually filmed.
Because this place must be thepants the Rust Belt is holding
up.
But before we get to the hotel,the other groomsman figures
that we should go grab somesnacks and some water for the

(08:07):
room.
So we go to the nearest grocerystore, and what do we see?
Crackhead Chris just chillingin the parking lot, just to be
met inside with a stationed copwho looks like Michael Jackson,
who just looked like they wantedto get the hee-hee hell out of
there.
And on our way out, HookerHaley just strung out, looking

(08:32):
like a Sims character, goingdown one end of the street to
the other, and just to do what?
Get her steps in.
So we finally make it to thehotel.
Just to then meet our newfriend, Fenton all Phil,
dumpster diving for his nextmeal, who became a main side
character as we saw him everynight we were there.

(08:53):
But Dayton's rough, man.
At one point, my friend and Iwere just like, let's just go
see if there's a bar orsomething.
But as we were walking, it justfelt like someone was gonna
come out from behind a cornerand grab us.
Like the best thing I saw was agroup of five women, maybe in
their 40s or 50s, doing adrinking trolley.

(09:16):
And my first thought was, Iwould love to be on that
company's marketing team.
Because how do you get anyoneto do that?
Oh, welcome to historic day inOhio where the fun just never
ends.
Gym's not necessary because thegunshots will ensure your
cardio for the day.
But then I realized they wereall in heels and drinking.

(09:40):
So if gunshots do happen,what's your escape plan?
The only thing running will beyour mascara.
But as shitty as my hospitalvisit was, Dayton reminded me
that things truly could alwaysbe worse.
Like people were telling methat in the past 10 years,
Dayton has really come a longway, and it's such a much better

(10:02):
place than it used to be.
And I'm just sitting therelike, whoa, what's your
definition of bad then?
But I can't help but think thatthis is all perception-based.
Like my view of good is whereI've lived in Connecticut and
Rhode Island.
My privilege is the fact that Ididn't grow up or live in a

(10:23):
crime and drug fuel, chaoticcity.
So, in many ways, maybe Daytonis on its way up, and I should
have taken a moment to reflectthat not every area is as safe
as what I grew up and livedaround.
And you know what?
As much as I bitch andcomplain, things could always be

(10:43):
worse.
I mean, right now, am Inecessarily happy with the fact
that I thought bartending wouldbe my full-time gig, living
paycheck to paycheck, nobenefits and always stressed if
I can make my bills?
Not really.
I thought this would just be astopgap until I found my next
role.
But I'll tell you what, it's alot better than being totally

(11:07):
unemployed like I was a year agoat this time.
So at least now I can say Ihave a job.
But the thing is, I never had agood experience with corporate.
And then with last year beinglaid off twice, and then the job
market being super competitivenow, I think I took what I had
for granted.
The PTO, the benefits, the moreconsistent work schedule and

(11:31):
paycheck.
So I've gone back to applyingfor corporate gigs again in
hopes that I might getsomething.
And I've had a coupleinterviews.
One was for an MLM, whichshould have been my first red
flag when they said limitlessincome potential.
Yeah.
So is OnlyFans.
But then I had another one thatwas for a company in Rhode

(11:54):
Island, but it was listed asremote, which is why I applied
to it.
And I get on the phone withsomebody who then tells me that
it's actually a hybrid role.
But 90% of it can be doneremotely.
So okay, that's the good news.
But I've already been low-keylied to.
So she's asking me the vettingquestions and all this stuff,

(12:15):
and finally at the end, you getthe typical, do you have any
questions for me?
And I'm asking questions aboutthe role itself.
And she goes, Oh, you'll haveto ask these questions to the
manager.
And it's like, then why am Ifucking talking to you?
Just another moron who doesn'tknow what the job entails.
But guys, make sure you tipyour bartenders because the life

(12:40):
of one, especially one who'sfull time, is not for the faint
of heart.
I'm working nights, I'msleeping more during the day,
it's a very physically demandingjob, and it's draining.
I mean, I told you some of thepeople I deal with, and you just
have to smile behind grittedteeth and just say, oh no, it's
fine, hoping that they give youa few bucks for their mistake,

(13:02):
but somehow it's still alwaysyour fault.
But also, a year ago I wassingle, and now I have a
girlfriend where things aregoing really well.
And I need to somewhatapologize to you guys because,
as you know, I met her within afew weeks of me working this new
gig, and then normally, or inmy free time I would be doing

(13:24):
this, it's been filled up withthings to do with my girlfriend.
So I'm sorry that I haven'tbeen around for you guys as
much, but I also haven'tactually found a schedule that
works for me, and that's for amultitude of reasons.
I mean, my sister got married afew weeks after my friend did,
and then a week after that, myother sister had my niece, so
I've just had a lot going on.

(13:45):
But I'm kind of starting tofigure it out, and I also see
that some of you have still beenlistening, so thank you guys
for checking out the old stuff.
I really appreciate it, and I'mhoping I can get this thing
back on track.
Because if there's one thingthe last few months have taught
me, it's that things can alwaysbe worse.
You think your job sucks untilyou're unemployed, you think

(14:07):
your town's bad until you visitDayton.
You think your glands are fineuntil your face looks like a
Pixar character.
And honestly, that's kind offreeing, because it can always
get worse.
And then even in this meshright now, it's pretty damn
good.
So, yeah, I've been gone sinceJuly.
But if I've learned anything,it's that disappearing once in a

(14:29):
while isn't the worst thing.
Because sometimes you come backwith a better story to tell.
So thanks for listening, andwe'll catch up next time.
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