September 29, 2025 • 38 mins
What happens when a profound psychedelic experience opens a gateway to healing family wounds that have festered for decades? Brittany and Brian Johnston share their most vulnerable conversation yet, revealing how a therapeutic mushroom journey on Brittany's 40th birthday unexpectedly unlocked deep compassion for family trauma that had shaped Brian's entire life.
The emotional center of this episode revolves around Brian's sister Shannon, who passed away at four months old in 1977, six years before he was born. During their psilocybin experience, Shannon's presence became palpable, allowing Brian to feel—perhaps for the first time—the devastating grief his parents endured. This revelation transformed his understanding of his father, a man whose unprocessed trauma had manifested as anger and bitterness throughout Brian's childhood.
September 28th carries heavy significance in their family story. Through tears and raw vulnerability, the hosts explore how one tragic moment can ripple through generations, especially when people lack the tools and support to process their grief. Brian shares a recent breakthrough conversation with his estranged father that brought unexpected healing after years of distance.
The conversation expands beyond personal experience to explore Kabbalistic wisdom about why souls leave this world early.
This episode will resonate deeply with anyone carrying family wounds, processing grief, or interested in how alternative healing modalities can access emotional truths that traditional therapy sometimes cannot reach. Join us for this heart-opening discussion about generational healing, soul connections, and transforming pain into compassion.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
You're listening to the love movement with your
hosts Britney and BrianJohnston.
SPEAKER_03 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration of thisbeautiful planet.
SPEAKER_00 (00:20):
That's your vibe.
Hang out with us as we chatabout many topics all centered
around three main pillars: loving yourself, loving each (00:24):
undefined
other, and loving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Welcome to episode number 17.
You probably thought we werenever coming back.
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
It kind of felt like we weren't coming back.
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
Like every episode, we're like, we haven't been here
in a long time.
You guys, I went back and lookedat our podcast.
This is so embarrassing becauseit's like the end of September.
We've only released fourpodcasts.
SPEAKER_04 (00:51):
We took the summer off, basically.
SPEAKER_00 (00:53):
Pretty much took most of the year off.
The point is, I just said toBrian before we hit record,
let's have a gold hit a total of25 episodes by the end of 2025.
So that's like, you know, we cando that.
SPEAKER_04 (01:06):
I think it's definitely it's definitely 100%
doable.
SPEAKER_00 (01:09):
We need a goal, we need some accountability, and we
need to schedule things, uh,especially with the interviews
that we have in our minds.
We just haven't scheduled themin.
Um, they're not gonna berecording with us at quarter to
10 at night like this podcast isbeing recorded.
SPEAKER_04 (01:21):
And that's on West Coast time.
So they're not gonna berecording yet like midnight.
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
The middle of the night.
But honestly, you guys, thispodcast was always um something
that we didn't want to havepressure on ourselves to do.
It's a lot of setup when two ofus have to be here to do the
podcast and our kid has to besleeping and we have to not be
falling asleep.
So we just felt like today is avery important day that we had
to get um a certain message outtoday.
(01:47):
So where do you want to startwith this?
Because we'll get to whySeptember 28th is an important
day as we go.
SPEAKER_04 (01:53):
Uh yeah.
So there's a lot of energy abouttoday in my family.
Um but I think what we need todo is just talk about kind of
how the topic came up aboutdoing a podcast about this.
And it all started with your40th birthday.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
It did.
So rewind to basically twomonths ago exactly, July 31st, I
turned 40.
And earlier in the month I had areally fun surprise weekend with
my girlfriends.
That's like maybe a podcastepisode for later time.
But on my actual birthday,Brian's gift to me was an
overnight stay at one of ourfavorite places up island, uh,
Villa Irie or Erie.
(02:34):
I don't even know how to say it,but we loved there.
And he also gave me thischocolate, of course, nice card.
SPEAKER_04 (02:42):
And then in this little box was uh little
packages of mushrooms.
SPEAKER_00 (02:49):
So I knew what that meant.
We were going an overnight toour favorite place, and we were
each gonna do a gram ofmushrooms because it is like
therapy that you could never getat a therapist's office.
SPEAKER_04 (03:02):
There's no way any other experience would even
compare.
Like it's yeah, it's it's it'svery it's deep.
SPEAKER_00 (03:12):
And if you are somebody who's never listened to
our podcast, go back to likewhere this psilocybin sort of
journey began.
Because I was the girl wholooked at mushrooms as that's a
drug and was scared to death ofit, but I saw all the insight
and the work, the personalgrowth Brian was doing through
using psilocybin in a verytherapeutic way that I became
(03:32):
jealous, and then I started myown journey.
So this, you know, when you doone gram, it's more of like it's
not as deep of a journey.
It's not really like a personaljourney, like as a per one
person doing it.
We do it together, it's moresocial.
Like it was fun last time and itwas funny.
I felt like I was a comedian.
SPEAKER_04 (03:48):
You were you're really funny.
And this uh that what we'regonna talk about in this episode
isn't about the mushrooms.
About mushrooms.
It's kind of what they broughtabout and let in that journey.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
In that journey and kind of And it was not what we
expected.
Like, how would you summarizethat night?
SPEAKER_04 (04:05):
Um I thought it was gonna be similar to the last
time we did it.
And you know, when you do in ajourney like this together, it's
it's very it's like two soulsmelting into one.
It's very loving.
It's just, I don't know, youreally can express yourself
(04:28):
more.
You your true feelings about theother person come out, your
things that you don't say on aday-to-day basis.
Like it's like your heart opensup and you're very vulnerable
with the other person.
SPEAKER_00 (04:40):
And it's a very deep connection.
SPEAKER_04 (04:42):
It's a yeah, it's a very deep connection.
And at the end of the night, itturned a little different.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
Like sad.
We literally went through aKleenex box of just the amount
that we cried was unexpected.
SPEAKER_04 (04:58):
Yeah.
It was mind-blowing.
SPEAKER_00 (05:01):
And I wish we would have recorded this episode right
after when it was all fresh inour mind, and neither of us
really properly journaled aboutit, which is part of the
integration work that you shoulddo, which we didn't do, um,
because I'm feeling a littlefuzzy on some of the details.
But I know the main part of whatwe want to share from that
journey is kind of gonna lead usinto why today's an important
date in your family.
(05:22):
And it was something that weweren't really sure to talk
about because to be honest, um,like we don't want to offend
anybody, family-wise,especially, with this message.
But I think the message is moreimportant as this podcast is
about spreading love.
And when you talk about thingsthat are super vulnerable and
lessons that we've learned, Ifeel like it's our job to share
(05:44):
that.
Like it's, you know, kind of howdare our how dare we keep that
in when our message could helpsomeone else.
SPEAKER_04 (05:51):
Yeah, and I don't have any notes for today.
SPEAKER_00 (05:53):
Yeah, there this is literally you guys quarter to 10
at night.
Brian probably responds to go tobed.
But we had the setup, we justgot talking too long about what
we're gonna talk about.
And so we just we just hitrecord and this is gonna go
wherever it's gonna go.
I just remember for me, onething that's kind of just about
the journey was I heard this, itwas almost like an audible
voice.
Like it wasn't, but it was in myhead on repeat.
(06:14):
And it was just like saying overand over, this isn't yours to
carry.
This isn't yours to carry.
And it made me feel like I carrya lot of other people's what's
the word?
SPEAKER_04 (06:27):
Um their burdens.
Yeah.
Like the struggles that they'regoing through, you tend to want
to help them and fix it, but youbring it on as like your own
struggle and it weighs you down.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
And at that time, there was some, you know,
certain specific things thatwere going on that I was holding
on to and carrying that I knewweren't mine to carry, and I had
to, and I have since gotten ridof some of that.
And just a good reminder for me,if if that was like my higher
self talking, it's like thisisn't yours to carry.
And then at one point, you werelike rubbing my chest almost,
and you were like, I had thisreally weird vision.
And I was like, okay, tell themthat.
SPEAKER_04 (07:06):
So I yeah, I was just kind of laying beside her
and I was rubbing kind of likekind of like top of her chest by
your sternum, kind of on herlike declete.
Yeah.
And it was just like, I don'tknow what I was doing with my
hand.
It was really strange, moving itaround and around and around.
And all of a sudden, I just kindof looked at her and it wasn't
her.
(07:26):
She was like she was like a man,but she was someone I was laying
beside that had just like diedin like a a war or a battle or
something like that.
And there was like this, it waslike a hairy chest.
SPEAKER_00 (07:42):
Suddenly I had a hairy chest.
SPEAKER_04 (07:43):
It was like a hairy chest, but it was all bloody.
And you were just, it's like Iwas witnessing I was laying
beside someone who just gotinjured or died in like a
battle.
It was I it was freaking weird.
Let me just tell you that.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
But then you started like almost, it was like you
were pulling something out ofthe invisible hair, you guys
that don't have hair too.
SPEAKER_04 (08:05):
Yeah, it was it was strange, guys.
Let me just tell you that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:07):
But you're pulling it out, and as you were doing,
like it's like you were pullingsomething out.
I felt like a weight was beinglifted from me.
It's almost like you're pullingsomething or someone, or I don't
know what out of me.
SPEAKER_04 (08:18):
And she didn't know what I was seeing at that point
when you're feeling that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
It's so weird.
So that was just like one littlething that I remember from my
experience in the journey.
And then it kind of turned toyou got very emotional.
And I guess you need to explain.
And this kind of circles to whatthis the date September 28th
means.
So I don't know how you want togo about this.
SPEAKER_04 (08:39):
Oh, yeah.
So at one point, um, it was, youknow, everything started to like
wear off.
And I'm like, okay, well, it'swe're close to the end.
So I got up, went to thebathroom, and I was like, yeah,
it's definitely it's starting towear off for sure.
And I went and laid back down,and there was this song playing
with this.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
It was a new song.
SPEAKER_04 (08:59):
It was a new song that I just put on the the
mushroom playlist, and it wasthis very soft voice.
And what was it saying again?
SPEAKER_00 (09:07):
It said it's hard for the heart to say goodbye.
SPEAKER_04 (09:10):
Yeah, hard for the heart to say goodbye, and it's
like really soft, like melodic,neat tones.
Like it was just a soft song.
And I just all of a sudden gotthis.
I laid back down, I got thisinsane, overwhelming feeling of
my sister be like beside me.
And then I had a picture of meat my desk um working, and she
(09:36):
grabbed my arm, just like shedid in my very first journey.
She grabbed my arm and she'slike, she's just like, I'm
always there with you.
SPEAKER_00 (09:46):
No, she said she said, Don't forget about me, I'm
right here.
SPEAKER_04 (09:48):
Oh, yeah, don't forget about me, I'm right here.
But on that first one, oh yeahfirst the first journey I had,
like she grabbed my arm, and itwasn't her, it was like her
energy just took hold of my arm.
And then I just started feelingI could feel her presence, and
then I started feeling like sheokay, so back up a little bit.
(10:10):
So she passed away.
If if you didn't listen to thatepisode when I talked about her,
she passed away six years beforeI was born when she was about
four and a half months old.
SPEAKER_00 (10:19):
So it would have been 1979?
SPEAKER_04 (10:21):
77.
SPEAKER_00 (10:22):
Oh, 77, about a math.
SPEAKER_04 (10:23):
Yeah, so 1977.
Um my parents were very young,they were still in their teens.
SPEAKER_02 (10:28):
Wow.
SPEAKER_04 (10:29):
And yeah, I what I felt then was like the pain my
parents felt when they lost her.
And I was just overwhelmed.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
You were crying so hard you couldn't even um
breathe.
You know, people cry so deep inlike in their gut, it's like
they can't even catch a breath.
That's how you were crying.
SPEAKER_04 (10:52):
I was just like uh Yeah, take your breath away,
blubbering cry.
And I just was feeling all thispain that my parents felt.
And like I can't I know itwasn't the same as they actually
felt in that moment, but that'swhat it I could compare it to or
(11:13):
relate to is the pain that theywere feeling.
And it was it was coming throughme, though.
SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
And I and I'm laying beside you, and like Brian said
in the beginning, your soulssort of feel like they merge
into one.
So it's like everything he wasfeeling, I was feeling so deeply
too.
So then I was crying like wewere both just sitting there
deeply sobbing about thisbecause obviously now we have
our own kid, so it puts a wholeother level of like realism to
(11:38):
what your parents felt.
unknown (11:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:41):
Our son's four and a half, but it's like, and then I
remember you saying to me, theylost their fucking child.
They lost their child, Brittany.
SPEAKER_04 (11:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
Like you said it in such a tone that it was like let
that sink in.
Yeah, like, oh my god, like theyactually lost a child.
A baby, a four-month-old.
SPEAKER_04 (12:00):
Oh, this is getting hard to talk about again right
now.
SPEAKER_00 (12:03):
I feel like it's because her presence is here
again right now.
I feel like she is always aroundyou and so close and near to us.
And that's the thing about thespiritual realm, you guys.
It's like three feet from us.
It's accessible all the time,but we act like it's not.
And a lot of times, I mean, I'vebeen with you, we we've been
together for 25 years this year.
And I really only ever hearShannon, that was her name, when
(12:27):
you talk about her.
No one else really talks abouther ever.
SPEAKER_02 (12:31):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
And it's like that part makes me sad because I know
it's probably just a copingmechanism to not bring it up, to
not talk about it, to not feelthe feelings.
But she was a soul that was onthis planet for four months for
a purpose.
And I don't think that herexistence should be not spoken
of.
And like maybe that's why shekeeps coming to you.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (12:52):
I don't know.
Like that one first journey Ihad, um, I felt her energy
because it was like we shared awomb space with in my mom.
Yeah.
Is really a strange thing.
But when I first found out aboutthis, I was in grade six, and I
don't think I ever really fullygrasped the whole concept of
(13:16):
having a sister and passingaway.
So maybe that was just somesomething in me that was
unresolved that this journeyallowed me to work through a
little bit.
SPEAKER_00 (13:27):
Well, I guess we need to circle this back to a
little bit too.
Like, I don't know if you wantto share how she passed or the
date, like this date, becausethis is the anniversary of her
her death of her passing.
SPEAKER_04 (13:39):
Yeah.
So she uh was in a crib.
The crib was faulty, she fellout of it through the side, hit
her head, and uh yeah, shebasically was stained brain dead
after that and passed away.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
You know, and you wonder like why do horrific
things like this happen?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (13:58):
Like why Yeah, my dad was was was home alone with
her at the time.
SPEAKER_00 (14:03):
Which I think leads to a whole lifetime of insane
guilt for him.
And like you said, they wereyoung who gave them tools to
help cope or deal with any ofthis.
SPEAKER_04 (14:11):
Aaron Powell Yeah, and we'll we'll get into some of
that too.
Because I actually um had aconversation with him a couple
weeks ago about this wholething.
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
Aaron Powell Well, and again, because if if you
guys don't know us, you probablyhave no idea about any of this
background.
You're gonna be like, oh, thisis really your life.
Like it everybody's got theirown bag of shit going through
life with or that they've grownup with.
And it's like the other weirdthing about September 28th is I
don't know if you want to sharethat at this point.
SPEAKER_04 (14:40):
Um so 2010, just before uh we got married, um
this exact same date.
SPEAKER_00 (14:47):
September 28th.
SPEAKER_04 (14:48):
September 28th.
My uh my dad tried to um killhimself as well.
And he was not successful withit.
SPEAKER_00 (14:55):
Aaron Ross Powell So he's still alive?
SPEAKER_04 (14:57):
He's still alive.
He's in uh he's in a home.
Um just living in uh yeah, likea retirement old folks' home,
basically.
SPEAKER_00 (15:06):
And sadly, speaking of all this loss we're talking
about all of a sudden, but Imean loss is a part of life.
You were just back inSaskatchewan for the first time
since we moved to the islandthree years ago almost for your
grandma's funeral, and youactually did take some time and
go see your dad, which youhaven't seen him in.
SPEAKER_04 (15:21):
I haven't seen him in four years, probably or more.
About four years.
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
And prior to that was probably another four years.
Like you don't you don't seeeach other often.
SPEAKER_04 (15:29):
No.
Uh so with him, he's always beena very like angry man, he's
resentful, he's just mad abouteverything all the time, which
is why I don't talk to him.
Um I had I forgave him abouteverything.
Uh I think we did a podcast onforgiveness.
Yep.
Uh I just choose not to talk tohim because he always brings the
(15:52):
brings stuff up, and it's hardto stay forgiving with someone
when they're always likestirring up the past.
So I just distance myself so Idon't have to be in that energy
anymore.
Because it's I don't want it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
Well and you're so sensitive to energy.
SPEAKER_04 (16:06):
Very.
So um yeah, I went and had aconversation with him.
I went and visited him when Iwas uh when I was there.
And it was I didn't know what toexpect, but it was a over two
hours.
SPEAKER_00 (16:21):
Okay, actually wait, you have to pause because there
was a point in going back to themushroom journey that bef this
would have been before your dadum attempted suicide, he like
him and your mom weren'ttogether, and you were helping
him get like his own place.
Yes.
This was a huge part of thejourney, actually, that I think
you need to stay with it.
SPEAKER_04 (16:40):
It is a very part.
So right after we were talkingabout um my sister and we were
feeling that pain of her loss,um, I felt I seen my dad just
sitting on a couch.
And what had happened after, youknow, he got kicked out of the
house and he was in uh, youknow, the mental ward of the
(17:01):
hospital, he got kicked out ofthere, and I went and got him a
house and um like a basementsuite and I set everything up
for him, got him furniture,cleaned the house up, dishes,
food, like I set him up like aparent with their child, right?
Yeah.
And he was just sitting there ona like in a ball on laying on
the couch, just like a I don'tknow.
(17:21):
I was at the time I was like,you're being a pathetic little
bitch, basically.
Yeah.
And during this journey, Iflashed to that, and I'm like,
the dude only all he needed wasa fucking hug.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
Yeah.
So like all of that anger turnedinto just immense compassion.
SPEAKER_04 (17:39):
I had so much compassion for him because
getting emotional again, but Ifelt because I could feel the
pain that he was feeling whenyou lose a child, and I could
see that that was like a pivotalmoment in his life that
(18:00):
completely changed his demeanorfrom what my family said.
And I just seen him from adifferent light.
I seen him through compassion,and I'm like, man, the guy just
needed some love.
It's literally all he needed.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
And I mean, I've carried around a lot of anger
towards him for a long time too.
And I just feel like that wholejourney, it just all of it
melted away and vanished.
And it's like it's only replacedby complete and utter compassion
for I feel so sad for what hehad to witness that day and go
through.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Like I literally holy So this like I said, this
this episode isn't aboutpsychedelics.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
It's about But look what psychedelics brought out.
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
Yes.
So it brought out yes, itbrought out some stuff that's
painful, but the healing thathappens through a channel like
this is very powerful.
So going back to when I I wentto see your dad.
Yeah, I went and seen him.
I he told me straight up, whichhe never has told anyone before,
(19:12):
about the day he tried to killhimself and what happened.
Like it was no BS this time.
It was just he just he told meexactly what what happened, why
he did it.
He just couldn't do it anymore.
There was yeah, there's a lot offactors.
I'm not gonna get into thosedetails, but um so and he just
started bawling.
SPEAKER_00 (19:31):
He was Have you ever seen your dad cry?
SPEAKER_04 (19:33):
No, I don't think so.
He just started crying aboutthat.
And then later on, I talkedabout how I just I just brought
up uh mushrooms a little bit,because I know he did some back
in like the 80s, 70s, probably.
SPEAKER_00 (19:50):
Different kind of mushrooms, probably.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (19:52):
Um, and and uh he you know was telling me his
experience, and I was justsaying, okay, well, I've you
know, I started doing it kind oflike a uh a therapeutic style
mushroom journeys and stuff, andthen I I said uh Shannon came to
me a couple times, and oh mygod, he freaking broke down as
soon as I said her name and hestarted bawling again, like
(20:17):
really hard.
And he just like uncontrollablybent over, just sobbing about
it.
He just he said, and then hestarted to tell me about her.
Um he said, I think about it allthe time.
He said, I can just be standingthere in a doorway, and I think
about her, and I just startcrying.
(20:40):
And it's explained his wholelife that he and I I said to him
at one point, I said, You d didyou have anyone to help you?
Did you have any like tools?
Or were you just left on yourown?
He's like, We had nothing.
He's like, this insane thinghappens to you, and you know,
(21:00):
this is in the 70s, right?
And they had nothing.
They had no tools, they had nohelp, they had no support.
SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
Well, probably why they didn't talk about it,
because you like probablyshouldn't.
It's shameful.
SPEAKER_04 (21:08):
It's yeah, all he had, all he had was there was
family members and stuff makingup stories about he did it on
purpose and he killed her andlike stuff like that.
Not was Do you think that'sgonna be helpful in someone's
healing?
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah, God you know, and how how old was your dad
when she passed?
SPEAKER_04 (21:31):
Um he would have been like I don't know,
nineteen?
unknown (21:35):
Like that.
SPEAKER_04 (21:36):
No, he would have been twenty.
SPEAKER_00 (21:37):
Picture yourself as a twenty-year-old.
SPEAKER_04 (21:39):
No, you're still a kid.
SPEAKER_00 (21:40):
You're literally a kid trying to raise a kid, an
accident happens, and itliterally destroys your entire
life and whether you know it ornot.
SPEAKER_04 (21:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:49):
So he's because how old is he now?
SPEAKER_04 (21:51):
Sixty Um He is sixty-seven, yeah, turned
sixty-eight, I think, somethinglike that.
So it affected his life in a waythat he was just bitter and
angry and resentful all thetime.
SPEAKER_00 (22:10):
He said something to you about how how much he loved
you and your brother and wastrying to protect you, but you
said how it came off not thatway.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
Yeah, he he's a little bit delusional.
He's a little bit he'sdefinitely got some mental
problems, right?
But he said he everything thathe did was to protect us.
He's like, no one can get hurt.
You gotta gotta be safe.
And he was just But the way hedid things was not totally not
right.
It's not how the feeling cameoff, no, the feeling came out
(22:38):
off totally Yeah, you're a totalangry asshole your whole life.
And that was the sentiment thatI had towards him for the
longest time.
Um until I, you know, starteddoing this work with with uh
psychedelics and started thatreally deep forgiveness process,
and now I just see him like I'mjust so sad for his life and
(23:05):
what happened and what didn'thappen in regards to his
healing.
SPEAKER_00 (23:10):
Yeah, and something else I wanted to share, and this
is again a whole other topic,but we've recently gotten into
studying Kabbalah, which isbasically just ancient wisdom
that even predates all religion.
It's just such good informationthat we've been learning.
We've been learning it mainlythrough David Guillaume.
And so I follow David Guillaume.
We can link that in the shownotes.
(23:31):
Um, and there's this one postthat he put out on what was the
date?
September 12th.
And the the caption or whateversays, according to the sages,
there are five reasons thatsouls leave this world.
Um, and it's actually ranked bythe least common to the most
common.
I didn't read that part.
So five is carrying thegeneration's weight.
(23:54):
I won't read that.
But number four is children'spassing.
So under 12 if you're a girl,and under 13 if you're a boy.
So this is what it says.
These are angelic souls whonever needed correction for
themselves.
They volunteer to descend onlyto elevate their parents and
community.
Their short lives are not anaccident, but rather they are
(24:14):
sparks of light sent to awakengreater compassion, unity, and
transformation in those aroundthem.
The Kabbalists teach that suchsouls are like candles, small
flames that ignite many others.
Their existence, even if brief,shifts destinies beyond what we
can comprehend.
We honor these souls byalchemizing our plan, our pain
into personal growth andtransformation, which is
(24:38):
obviously what you're doing.
We elevate our happiness,certainty, and service to
others, and this is what allowsthese souls to come back to us
in many ways.
I have like when I read that andI thought of your sister, and I
think of a lot of people, youknow, I don't know not that I
know a lot of people, but ifyou've lost a child, it's just
(24:59):
interesting that if the soul isthat age, that they're actually
here just to teach a lesson.
But how many people miss thelesson and think that this event
happened to them and thereforeruined their life or it's caused
them to become numb to allemotions and feelings for the
rest of their life?
SPEAKER_04 (25:15):
Oh man, when you're in that deep a pain, it's it's
hard to look at anything throughany other lens than the pain,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (25:23):
I feel like she's coming to you repeatedly because
you are figuring out what thislesson in this is and her soul
is not being forgotten, herlesson is being learned.
And even through us sharingthis, I mean, maybe your dad
will listen to this, hopefullyyour mom is listening to this,
that there's still lessons tolearn from this horrible
passing.
And that it's not too late toever learn it.
SPEAKER_04 (25:45):
And I mean, I tried to talk to him about that.
SPEAKER_00 (25:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (25:49):
And uh I mean it seems like far-fetched for some.
No, it does.
And it's like everything is, youknow, the story you make up
about it, it can either serveyou or it it it won't, right?
So if you look at somethingthrough a lens that, okay, well,
this horrible thing was here tohelp me in a way, you know,
(26:09):
where's the the gift?
Where's the seed?
SPEAKER_00 (26:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (26:13):
And that can help you grow through something.
So if you can if you can shiftyour your train of thought and
your perspective to somethinggood, then it's gonna help you
no matter what.
But I just try to tell him likethat's our you know, we we have
these souls and the soul group,and I think we talked about it
(26:35):
in another episode.
We have the soul group andeverything was kind of planned
out.
And, you know, this whole event,as horrible as it is, it was
planned out for a reason to helpus grow, and our soul is here to
evolve uh in you know, ourlifetimes, every lifetime is is
used to for the evolution ofyour soul.
And uh I can't remember exactlyhow he explained it.
(26:56):
It was a very dumbed-down,simple way to explain it to him,
and he just he's like, I don'tsee it like that.
I'm like, well, he wouldn't.
There's a lot of people it'sit's a new, it's a totally
different way of thinking ofthings, which seems weird.
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
To have a growth mindset to even open up your
eyes to learn something likewhat we've learned through
Kabbalah and just like learningabout the soul, which we've been
learning about for a long time.
Since we started reading thatbook, Your Soul is Plot.
SPEAKER_04 (27:22):
Yeah, everything sounds far-fetched if you don't
have an open mind.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
But a lot of people have fixed minds, right?
Where it's like they believethat they know yes or right, yes
or no, wrong or right, and likeyou can't change them.
And so that's another part ofour lesson is like we can't
change everybody that we wish wecould.
Um, but also it's it's not toolate ever to go from having a
fixed mindset to a growthmindset.
And I would encourage anybody,if any of this Kabbalah chat,
(27:48):
which we'll do another episode,maybe, maybe tomorrow.
Just keep the setup here.
We'll do it tomorrow.
Um, I I think about Kabbalahevery single day, the concept of
the light in the vessel that hetalks about.
And I just think of this wholething with your sister and just
like how she keeps coming to youbecause I feel like her soul
needs to teach the lesson.
And she probably feels like ithasn't taught the lesson because
like no one even speaks of her.
(28:10):
And she just keeps coming to youbecause like you're the vessel
that's going to here we are,talking about on a podcast,
maybe helping healing andawareness for other people who
have lost a loved one, whetherit was a child or not.
I mean, my aunt, she's buriedthree of her four kids.
Like in what world is, and Iremember her saying to me, God
will never give you more thanyou can handle.
And I remember saying to her,Well, I hope that he knows I
(28:31):
can't handle much.
Because how she still gets upand goes on her day and focuses
on the one kid that she stilldoes have and grandkids and all
the other things is beyond me.
But like that was also hersoul's plan.
And so it's interesting too,because back to this post,
number three reason is suicide.
And this was interesting.
And I know I think everybodyknows someone who has suffered
(28:54):
with either suicidal thoughts orwho has completed the task of
suicide.
So this one probably hits closeto home, but this is perhaps the
most tragic form of departurebecause the soul chooses to
leave before its correction iscomplete.
The correction remains, and thesoul must return to face the
same exact lessons again.
Yet even here, the creator'scompassion is infinite.
(29:18):
The soul is not condemned, butrather guided, embraced, and
given another chance.
For us who remain, theconsciousness is twofold.
First, to cultivate empathy andlove, knowing that we cannot
judge the unseen battles ofanother soul, and second, to
strengthen our certainty,because no matter how dark life
feels, light is always concealedwithin it.
(29:38):
The moment you feel the desireto take your own life, know that
you have been in this exactmoment, thousands of lifetimes
before.
Don't give up, for you are ahigh soul, hence why your
darkness is great, but it'stemporary.
Reach out for support.
The creator has a great giftwaiting for you, even if you
don't see it now.
(30:00):
Have you ever thought aboutsuicide like that?
And it's because I've sat herefor 15 years as your dad has
been sitting in this old folks'home, just sitting there,
literally, thinking, what kindof punishment is that?
That that has to be worse thanhim actually, you know, having
actually committed suicide.
Like this is tor it feels liketorture.
SPEAKER_04 (30:17):
He was trapped in a 10 by 10 room all day, every
day.
SPEAKER_00 (30:20):
But like maybe there's still a chance that his
soul is gonna learn somethingbecause he didn't succeed in the
suicide.
SPEAKER_04 (30:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:26):
Like, is that maybe the reason?
SPEAKER_04 (30:27):
That's what we can hope for, right?
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
I mean, that's a story that serves us.
SPEAKER_04 (30:31):
I mean, he's sitting there and us seeing him sit
there, our view of him hasshifted from anger to love and
compassion.
SPEAKER_00 (30:41):
A hundred percent.
SPEAKER_04 (30:42):
Empathy.
100%.
Because we couldn't see theworld through his eyes.
No.
Now I can see what he's beenseeing this whole time.
And how alone he's felt.
Yeah, and how he's been walkingthrough life with just so much
pain.
SPEAKER_00 (31:03):
Yeah, and it's like, how do you turn the pain into
purpose?
SPEAKER_04 (31:06):
Yeah.
So I mean, when you look atsomeone like that and you come
across someone, maybe you havesomeone in in your life that's
angry and you know, got allthese this hate in them and
they're just mad all the time.
Like, there's probably somethingto that that we don't know about
that.
SPEAKER_00 (31:23):
But we know the saying, hurt people, hurt
people.
There's nothing more true thanthat.
SPEAKER_01 (31:28):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (31:30):
And then as David Games says, when something
frustrates you and you want toreact, like someone says
something that pisses you off,you want to like just throw it
back at them or whatever, yourkid has a tantrum and you just
want to smack their butt orthrow them in their bedroom or
whatever, you have to say,pause.
What a gift.
And like we've been practicingthat around here, and it is
(31:50):
really freaking hard sometimes.
SPEAKER_04 (31:54):
So our child is our own test.
It's so true.
SPEAKER_00 (31:58):
Any parent knows this.
Um anyways, I just thought wehave to do, we were out for a
bike ride this afternoon.
And I just said, I feel likewhat if we recorded a podcast
today?
SPEAKER_04 (32:11):
The funny thing is, right when she said that, about
not even 10 seconds before, inmy head, I was thinking, like,
we should do a podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
Oh my God, we are maybe the same person.
After 25 years together, I guessyou start thinking the same
thoughts.
But picking up my vibes, whichis, yeah.
I just feel like it was kind ofa way to honor, honor her and
even honestly, to honor yourdad.
Because 15 years ago today, hewas in a very different
headspace, and he could be inthat room for another 15 years.
But it's like, do you want tostay in that prison in your
(32:41):
mind, or do you want to maybe beopen to learning something that
could help you learn a lesson inall of this?
SPEAKER_04 (32:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:48):
Even in your 60s and 70s and 80s.
SPEAKER_04 (32:51):
The neat part about that conversation I had with him
was it ended with me giving hima hug.
Um and they're, you know, love Ilove you.
SPEAKER_00 (33:04):
That's a lot of healing.
SPEAKER_04 (33:06):
Mm-hmm.
Because he had his own ideas ofwhy I didn't want to talk to him
too, which are completely fine.
Everybody's making up stories.
Yeah, everyone's making upstories.
SPEAKER_00 (33:15):
And believing them.
So much to the point that youthink they're a fact.
SPEAKER_04 (33:18):
So when I walked in that room though, to I didn't
have I had I dropped everyexpectation I had about what was
going to transpire.
SPEAKER_00 (33:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:27):
And I think because I did that, I was completely
open to wherever it was going togo.
And I went to some hard placesand I went to some really good
places and ended on a good notethat I did not see coming.
SPEAKER_00 (33:41):
That's amazing.
I'm so happy that you had thatopportunity.
Because you could have easilynot gone and seen him.
SPEAKER_04 (33:50):
Yeah, I thought about it.
SPEAKER_00 (33:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:54):
And I was like, well, I might not be back here
for uh who knows how many years,and he might he might he might
die.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_00 (34:03):
I just had this thought and I'm just gonna say
it because I don't know why itcame to my head.
Should I say it?
We're just talking aboutSeptember 28th, and it's like
you've dealt with and done allthis work with your dad to get
to this place, and it's like, doyou know what else September
28th is?
SPEAKER_02 (34:19):
Um, I don't remember.
SPEAKER_00 (34:20):
My mom's birthday.
SPEAKER_02 (34:21):
Oh, right.
Yes.
I don't know about your mom.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
But just like 11 p.m.
No, I have not called her, and Idon't actually think I've talked
to her since we moved to theisland.
unknown (34:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (34:30):
Well, it's just another thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:32):
But it's another thing, right?
It's like uh in in Kabbalah,they call it a tikcoon.
It's like your soul'scorrection, it's lessons that
you have to learn to evolve yoursoul, to expand, to cr to
receive more light.
That's another episode, like Isaid.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
But it's just like another thing, just like my dad.
You wanna you're trying to avoidher because every time she comes
into your space, it's alwayssomething negative.
SPEAKER_00 (34:56):
Yeah, it's a bad note.
SPEAKER_04 (34:57):
Yeah, it's a bad note.
So if you just you can love themfrom a distance, you just don't
have to.
SPEAKER_00 (35:03):
It's just so weird that all of this is all
intertwined up on September28th.
SPEAKER_04 (35:08):
It is very weird.
SPEAKER_00 (35:11):
The one positive, it's our chiropractor's
birthday.
So that's a positive.
Happy birthday, Dr.
SPEAKER_04 (35:16):
Jeff, if you were listening.
I'm sure you will be.
Happy birthday, my man.
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
Anyways, I feel like we should end it there.
That was like Do you feel likethere's anything else you want
to say?
SPEAKER_04 (35:24):
Um, I who knows.
I mean, the one thing I did wantto say is when you know, when I
was feeling that pain for myparents, what happens on a level
in like your DNA when there'strauma stuff, that there's
there's some your your DNA getsimprinted with trauma and stuff.
(35:45):
And it carries on through thegenerations.
So stuff that your you know,great, great, great, great,
great, great, great, great,great grandparents have endured
somehow is imprinted in yourDNA.
I don't know what that lookslike, but it's in your DNA.
SPEAKER_00 (36:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (36:03):
Because it when you go through trauma, you have a
chemical, you know, chemicalprocess is going on in your
body, and it can change your DNAand it evolves your DNA when you
pass your DNA on.
SPEAKER_00 (36:15):
Which is why I think doing healing work and sitting
and feeling emotions and goingand doing the hard stuff is so
important, or you just keeppassing it on.
And I feel like I'm so aware ofthat now that we have a son.
SPEAKER_04 (36:26):
Yeah, like we're not just carrying our own shit.
We're carrying stuff that'shappened to us in the that's
happened to, like you said, ourancestors in the past.
SPEAKER_00 (36:35):
Well, I have friends that say, like, I don't have
trauma in my life.
Like I had a great childhood, Ihad I have great parents, I have
great relationships.
Like I have one of my closestfriends has literally on the
outside what seems like thispicture perfect upbringing and
family and relationships, evento this day.
But we were talking about thisonce, and she she basically
said, like, talking about thisconversation, it's like you have
other people's other generationsof trauma that you have.
(36:57):
Like everybody's got shit towork on if you're open enough to
working on it.
Everybody.
SPEAKER_01 (37:02):
Very true.
SPEAKER_00 (37:03):
So it's just something she hadn't thought of,
which is interesting because wewe are so accustomed to thinking
in like this 3D world and likethis is where we are, this is
what we've been through, we'refine, we're good.
And like a lot of the takcoons,again, which in I guess Hebrew
is the soul's correction, islike control.
Like, what woman doesn't have acontrol issue, whether it's
(37:24):
keeping their house immaculateand perfectly aesthetic, or it's
like making sure their kids'toys are always cleaned up, or I
don't know, what are some otherweird things?
SPEAKER_04 (37:33):
You try to control everything, your your hair.
SPEAKER_00 (37:38):
Aging.
Can we make sure we don't get awrinkle?
SPEAKER_04 (37:40):
Can we get a wrinkle?
SPEAKER_00 (37:41):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that list goes on andon.
SPEAKER_04 (37:45):
Like it's all the things, right?
SPEAKER_00 (37:47):
Yeah, literally the control is such a hard one, a
soul correction that I thinkmore people than not have,
especially women.
But anyways, hope you guys gotsomething from this episode.
And if you think about somebodyas you're listening, um, that's
probably a sign that they needto hear something, some message
from this.
So feel free to pass it on.
And um, we'll see you on thenext episode, which will be
(38:08):
sooner than later.
SPEAKER_04 (38:10):
Yeah.
So yeah, lead with love andcompassion.
SPEAKER_00 (38:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (38:14):
Please do.
It feels better.
It definitely does feel better.
SPEAKER_00 (38:18):
And it helps raise the vibration of this beautiful
planet, which is the goal of theLove Movement podcast.
So thanks for listening, youguys.
SPEAKER_04 (38:25):
Stay awesome.
Love ya.
Peace.
You're listening to the love movement with your
hosts Britney and BrianJohnston.
SPEAKER_03 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration of thisbeautiful planet.
SPEAKER_00 (00:20):
That's your vibe.
Hang out with us as we chatabout many topics all centered
around three main pillars: loving yourself, loving each (00:24):
undefined
other, and loving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Welcome to episode number 17.
You probably thought we werenever coming back.
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
It kind of felt like we weren't coming back.
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
Like every episode, we're like, we haven't been here
in a long time.
You guys, I went back and lookedat our podcast.
This is so embarrassing becauseit's like the end of September.
We've only released fourpodcasts.
SPEAKER_04 (00:51):
We took the summer off, basically.
SPEAKER_00 (00:53):
Pretty much took most of the year off.
The point is, I just said toBrian before we hit record,
let's have a gold hit a total of25 episodes by the end of 2025.
So that's like, you know, we cando that.
SPEAKER_04 (01:06):
I think it's definitely it's definitely 100%
doable.
SPEAKER_00 (01:09):
We need a goal, we need some accountability, and we
need to schedule things, uh,especially with the interviews
that we have in our minds.
We just haven't scheduled themin.
Um, they're not gonna berecording with us at quarter to
10 at night like this podcast isbeing recorded.
SPEAKER_04 (01:21):
And that's on West Coast time.
So they're not gonna berecording yet like midnight.
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
The middle of the night.
But honestly, you guys, thispodcast was always um something
that we didn't want to havepressure on ourselves to do.
It's a lot of setup when two ofus have to be here to do the
podcast and our kid has to besleeping and we have to not be
falling asleep.
So we just felt like today is avery important day that we had
to get um a certain message outtoday.
(01:47):
So where do you want to startwith this?
Because we'll get to whySeptember 28th is an important
day as we go.
SPEAKER_04 (01:53):
Uh yeah.
So there's a lot of energy abouttoday in my family.
Um but I think what we need todo is just talk about kind of
how the topic came up aboutdoing a podcast about this.
And it all started with your40th birthday.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
It did.
So rewind to basically twomonths ago exactly, July 31st, I
turned 40.
And earlier in the month I had areally fun surprise weekend with
my girlfriends.
That's like maybe a podcastepisode for later time.
But on my actual birthday,Brian's gift to me was an
overnight stay at one of ourfavorite places up island, uh,
Villa Irie or Erie.
(02:34):
I don't even know how to say it,but we loved there.
And he also gave me thischocolate, of course, nice card.
SPEAKER_04 (02:42):
And then in this little box was uh little
packages of mushrooms.
SPEAKER_00 (02:49):
So I knew what that meant.
We were going an overnight toour favorite place, and we were
each gonna do a gram ofmushrooms because it is like
therapy that you could never getat a therapist's office.
SPEAKER_04 (03:02):
There's no way any other experience would even
compare.
Like it's yeah, it's it's it'svery it's deep.
SPEAKER_00 (03:12):
And if you are somebody who's never listened to
our podcast, go back to likewhere this psilocybin sort of
journey began.
Because I was the girl wholooked at mushrooms as that's a
drug and was scared to death ofit, but I saw all the insight
and the work, the personalgrowth Brian was doing through
using psilocybin in a verytherapeutic way that I became
(03:32):
jealous, and then I started myown journey.
So this, you know, when you doone gram, it's more of like it's
not as deep of a journey.
It's not really like a personaljourney, like as a per one
person doing it.
We do it together, it's moresocial.
Like it was fun last time and itwas funny.
I felt like I was a comedian.
SPEAKER_04 (03:48):
You were you're really funny.
And this uh that what we'regonna talk about in this episode
isn't about the mushrooms.
About mushrooms.
It's kind of what they broughtabout and let in that journey.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
In that journey and kind of And it was not what we
expected.
Like, how would you summarizethat night?
SPEAKER_04 (04:05):
Um I thought it was gonna be similar to the last
time we did it.
And you know, when you do in ajourney like this together, it's
it's very it's like two soulsmelting into one.
It's very loving.
It's just, I don't know, youreally can express yourself
(04:28):
more.
You your true feelings about theother person come out, your
things that you don't say on aday-to-day basis.
Like it's like your heart opensup and you're very vulnerable
with the other person.
SPEAKER_00 (04:40):
And it's a very deep connection.
SPEAKER_04 (04:42):
It's a yeah, it's a very deep connection.
And at the end of the night, itturned a little different.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
Like sad.
We literally went through aKleenex box of just the amount
that we cried was unexpected.
SPEAKER_04 (04:58):
Yeah.
It was mind-blowing.
SPEAKER_00 (05:01):
And I wish we would have recorded this episode right
after when it was all fresh inour mind, and neither of us
really properly journaled aboutit, which is part of the
integration work that you shoulddo, which we didn't do, um,
because I'm feeling a littlefuzzy on some of the details.
But I know the main part of whatwe want to share from that
journey is kind of gonna lead usinto why today's an important
date in your family.
(05:22):
And it was something that weweren't really sure to talk
about because to be honest, um,like we don't want to offend
anybody, family-wise,especially, with this message.
But I think the message is moreimportant as this podcast is
about spreading love.
And when you talk about thingsthat are super vulnerable and
lessons that we've learned, Ifeel like it's our job to share
(05:44):
that.
Like it's, you know, kind of howdare our how dare we keep that
in when our message could helpsomeone else.
SPEAKER_04 (05:51):
Yeah, and I don't have any notes for today.
SPEAKER_00 (05:53):
Yeah, there this is literally you guys quarter to 10
at night.
Brian probably responds to go tobed.
But we had the setup, we justgot talking too long about what
we're gonna talk about.
And so we just we just hitrecord and this is gonna go
wherever it's gonna go.
I just remember for me, onething that's kind of just about
the journey was I heard this, itwas almost like an audible
voice.
Like it wasn't, but it was in myhead on repeat.
(06:14):
And it was just like saying overand over, this isn't yours to
carry.
This isn't yours to carry.
And it made me feel like I carrya lot of other people's what's
the word?
SPEAKER_04 (06:27):
Um their burdens.
Yeah.
Like the struggles that they'regoing through, you tend to want
to help them and fix it, but youbring it on as like your own
struggle and it weighs you down.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
And at that time, there was some, you know,
certain specific things thatwere going on that I was holding
on to and carrying that I knewweren't mine to carry, and I had
to, and I have since gotten ridof some of that.
And just a good reminder for me,if if that was like my higher
self talking, it's like thisisn't yours to carry.
And then at one point, you werelike rubbing my chest almost,
and you were like, I had thisreally weird vision.
And I was like, okay, tell themthat.
SPEAKER_04 (07:06):
So I yeah, I was just kind of laying beside her
and I was rubbing kind of likekind of like top of her chest by
your sternum, kind of on herlike declete.
Yeah.
And it was just like, I don'tknow what I was doing with my
hand.
It was really strange, moving itaround and around and around.
And all of a sudden, I just kindof looked at her and it wasn't
her.
(07:26):
She was like she was like a man,but she was someone I was laying
beside that had just like diedin like a a war or a battle or
something like that.
And there was like this, it waslike a hairy chest.
SPEAKER_00 (07:42):
Suddenly I had a hairy chest.
SPEAKER_04 (07:43):
It was like a hairy chest, but it was all bloody.
And you were just, it's like Iwas witnessing I was laying
beside someone who just gotinjured or died in like a
battle.
It was I it was freaking weird.
Let me just tell you that.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
But then you started like almost, it was like you
were pulling something out ofthe invisible hair, you guys
that don't have hair too.
SPEAKER_04 (08:05):
Yeah, it was it was strange, guys.
Let me just tell you that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:07):
But you're pulling it out, and as you were doing,
like it's like you were pullingsomething out.
I felt like a weight was beinglifted from me.
It's almost like you're pullingsomething or someone, or I don't
know what out of me.
SPEAKER_04 (08:18):
And she didn't know what I was seeing at that point
when you're feeling that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
It's so weird.
So that was just like one littlething that I remember from my
experience in the journey.
And then it kind of turned toyou got very emotional.
And I guess you need to explain.
And this kind of circles to whatthis the date September 28th
means.
So I don't know how you want togo about this.
SPEAKER_04 (08:39):
Oh, yeah.
So at one point, um, it was, youknow, everything started to like
wear off.
And I'm like, okay, well, it'swe're close to the end.
So I got up, went to thebathroom, and I was like, yeah,
it's definitely it's starting towear off for sure.
And I went and laid back down,and there was this song playing
with this.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
It was a new song.
SPEAKER_04 (08:59):
It was a new song that I just put on the the
mushroom playlist, and it wasthis very soft voice.
And what was it saying again?
SPEAKER_00 (09:07):
It said it's hard for the heart to say goodbye.
SPEAKER_04 (09:10):
Yeah, hard for the heart to say goodbye, and it's
like really soft, like melodic,neat tones.
Like it was just a soft song.
And I just all of a sudden gotthis.
I laid back down, I got thisinsane, overwhelming feeling of
my sister be like beside me.
And then I had a picture of meat my desk um working, and she
(09:36):
grabbed my arm, just like shedid in my very first journey.
She grabbed my arm and she'slike, she's just like, I'm
always there with you.
SPEAKER_00 (09:46):
No, she said she said, Don't forget about me, I'm
right here.
SPEAKER_04 (09:48):
Oh, yeah, don't forget about me, I'm right here.
But on that first one, oh yeahfirst the first journey I had,
like she grabbed my arm, and itwasn't her, it was like her
energy just took hold of my arm.
And then I just started feelingI could feel her presence, and
then I started feeling like sheokay, so back up a little bit.
(10:10):
So she passed away.
If if you didn't listen to thatepisode when I talked about her,
she passed away six years beforeI was born when she was about
four and a half months old.
SPEAKER_00 (10:19):
So it would have been 1979?
SPEAKER_04 (10:21):
77.
SPEAKER_00 (10:22):
Oh, 77, about a math.
SPEAKER_04 (10:23):
Yeah, so 1977.
Um my parents were very young,they were still in their teens.
SPEAKER_02 (10:28):
Wow.
SPEAKER_04 (10:29):
And yeah, I what I felt then was like the pain my
parents felt when they lost her.
And I was just overwhelmed.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
You were crying so hard you couldn't even um
breathe.
You know, people cry so deep inlike in their gut, it's like
they can't even catch a breath.
That's how you were crying.
SPEAKER_04 (10:52):
I was just like uh Yeah, take your breath away,
blubbering cry.
And I just was feeling all thispain that my parents felt.
And like I can't I know itwasn't the same as they actually
felt in that moment, but that'swhat it I could compare it to or
(11:13):
relate to is the pain that theywere feeling.
And it was it was coming throughme, though.
SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
And I and I'm laying beside you, and like Brian said
in the beginning, your soulssort of feel like they merge
into one.
So it's like everything he wasfeeling, I was feeling so deeply
too.
So then I was crying like wewere both just sitting there
deeply sobbing about thisbecause obviously now we have
our own kid, so it puts a wholeother level of like realism to
(11:38):
what your parents felt.
unknown (11:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:41):
Our son's four and a half, but it's like, and then I
remember you saying to me, theylost their fucking child.
They lost their child, Brittany.
SPEAKER_04 (11:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
Like you said it in such a tone that it was like let
that sink in.
Yeah, like, oh my god, like theyactually lost a child.
A baby, a four-month-old.
SPEAKER_04 (12:00):
Oh, this is getting hard to talk about again right
now.
SPEAKER_00 (12:03):
I feel like it's because her presence is here
again right now.
I feel like she is always aroundyou and so close and near to us.
And that's the thing about thespiritual realm, you guys.
It's like three feet from us.
It's accessible all the time,but we act like it's not.
And a lot of times, I mean, I'vebeen with you, we we've been
together for 25 years this year.
And I really only ever hearShannon, that was her name, when
(12:27):
you talk about her.
No one else really talks abouther ever.
SPEAKER_02 (12:31):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
And it's like that part makes me sad because I know
it's probably just a copingmechanism to not bring it up, to
not talk about it, to not feelthe feelings.
But she was a soul that was onthis planet for four months for
a purpose.
And I don't think that herexistence should be not spoken
of.
And like maybe that's why shekeeps coming to you.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (12:52):
I don't know.
Like that one first journey Ihad, um, I felt her energy
because it was like we shared awomb space with in my mom.
Yeah.
Is really a strange thing.
But when I first found out aboutthis, I was in grade six, and I
don't think I ever really fullygrasped the whole concept of
(13:16):
having a sister and passingaway.
So maybe that was just somesomething in me that was
unresolved that this journeyallowed me to work through a
little bit.
SPEAKER_00 (13:27):
Well, I guess we need to circle this back to a
little bit too.
Like, I don't know if you wantto share how she passed or the
date, like this date, becausethis is the anniversary of her
her death of her passing.
SPEAKER_04 (13:39):
Yeah.
So she uh was in a crib.
The crib was faulty, she fellout of it through the side, hit
her head, and uh yeah, shebasically was stained brain dead
after that and passed away.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
You know, and you wonder like why do horrific
things like this happen?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (13:58):
Like why Yeah, my dad was was was home alone with
her at the time.
SPEAKER_00 (14:03):
Which I think leads to a whole lifetime of insane
guilt for him.
And like you said, they wereyoung who gave them tools to
help cope or deal with any ofthis.
SPEAKER_04 (14:11):
Aaron Powell Yeah, and we'll we'll get into some of
that too.
Because I actually um had aconversation with him a couple
weeks ago about this wholething.
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
Aaron Powell Well, and again, because if if you
guys don't know us, you probablyhave no idea about any of this
background.
You're gonna be like, oh, thisis really your life.
Like it everybody's got theirown bag of shit going through
life with or that they've grownup with.
And it's like the other weirdthing about September 28th is I
don't know if you want to sharethat at this point.
SPEAKER_04 (14:40):
Um so 2010, just before uh we got married, um
this exact same date.
SPEAKER_00 (14:47):
September 28th.
SPEAKER_04 (14:48):
September 28th.
My uh my dad tried to um killhimself as well.
And he was not successful withit.
SPEAKER_00 (14:55):
Aaron Ross Powell So he's still alive?
SPEAKER_04 (14:57):
He's still alive.
He's in uh he's in a home.
Um just living in uh yeah, likea retirement old folks' home,
basically.
SPEAKER_00 (15:06):
And sadly, speaking of all this loss we're talking
about all of a sudden, but Imean loss is a part of life.
You were just back inSaskatchewan for the first time
since we moved to the islandthree years ago almost for your
grandma's funeral, and youactually did take some time and
go see your dad, which youhaven't seen him in.
SPEAKER_04 (15:21):
I haven't seen him in four years, probably or more.
About four years.
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
And prior to that was probably another four years.
Like you don't you don't seeeach other often.
SPEAKER_04 (15:29):
No.
Uh so with him, he's always beena very like angry man, he's
resentful, he's just mad abouteverything all the time, which
is why I don't talk to him.
Um I had I forgave him abouteverything.
Uh I think we did a podcast onforgiveness.
Yep.
Uh I just choose not to talk tohim because he always brings the
(15:52):
brings stuff up, and it's hardto stay forgiving with someone
when they're always likestirring up the past.
So I just distance myself so Idon't have to be in that energy
anymore.
Because it's I don't want it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
Well and you're so sensitive to energy.
SPEAKER_04 (16:06):
Very.
So um yeah, I went and had aconversation with him.
I went and visited him when Iwas uh when I was there.
And it was I didn't know what toexpect, but it was a over two
hours.
SPEAKER_00 (16:21):
Okay, actually wait, you have to pause because there
was a point in going back to themushroom journey that bef this
would have been before your dadum attempted suicide, he like
him and your mom weren'ttogether, and you were helping
him get like his own place.
Yes.
This was a huge part of thejourney, actually, that I think
you need to stay with it.
SPEAKER_04 (16:40):
It is a very part.
So right after we were talkingabout um my sister and we were
feeling that pain of her loss,um, I felt I seen my dad just
sitting on a couch.
And what had happened after, youknow, he got kicked out of the
house and he was in uh, youknow, the mental ward of the
(17:01):
hospital, he got kicked out ofthere, and I went and got him a
house and um like a basementsuite and I set everything up
for him, got him furniture,cleaned the house up, dishes,
food, like I set him up like aparent with their child, right?
Yeah.
And he was just sitting there ona like in a ball on laying on
the couch, just like a I don'tknow.
(17:21):
I was at the time I was like,you're being a pathetic little
bitch, basically.
Yeah.
And during this journey, Iflashed to that, and I'm like,
the dude only all he needed wasa fucking hug.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
Yeah.
So like all of that anger turnedinto just immense compassion.
SPEAKER_04 (17:39):
I had so much compassion for him because
getting emotional again, but Ifelt because I could feel the
pain that he was feeling whenyou lose a child, and I could
see that that was like a pivotalmoment in his life that
(18:00):
completely changed his demeanorfrom what my family said.
And I just seen him from adifferent light.
I seen him through compassion,and I'm like, man, the guy just
needed some love.
It's literally all he needed.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
And I mean, I've carried around a lot of anger
towards him for a long time too.
And I just feel like that wholejourney, it just all of it
melted away and vanished.
And it's like it's only replacedby complete and utter compassion
for I feel so sad for what hehad to witness that day and go
through.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Like I literally holy So this like I said, this
this episode isn't aboutpsychedelics.
No.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
It's about But look what psychedelics brought out.
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
Yes.
So it brought out yes, itbrought out some stuff that's
painful, but the healing thathappens through a channel like
this is very powerful.
So going back to when I I wentto see your dad.
Yeah, I went and seen him.
I he told me straight up, whichhe never has told anyone before,
(19:12):
about the day he tried to killhimself and what happened.
Like it was no BS this time.
It was just he just he told meexactly what what happened, why
he did it.
He just couldn't do it anymore.
There was yeah, there's a lot offactors.
I'm not gonna get into thosedetails, but um so and he just
started bawling.
SPEAKER_00 (19:31):
He was Have you ever seen your dad cry?
SPEAKER_04 (19:33):
No, I don't think so.
He just started crying aboutthat.
And then later on, I talkedabout how I just I just brought
up uh mushrooms a little bit,because I know he did some back
in like the 80s, 70s, probably.
SPEAKER_00 (19:50):
Different kind of mushrooms, probably.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (19:52):
Um, and and uh he you know was telling me his
experience, and I was justsaying, okay, well, I've you
know, I started doing it kind oflike a uh a therapeutic style
mushroom journeys and stuff, andthen I I said uh Shannon came to
me a couple times, and oh mygod, he freaking broke down as
soon as I said her name and hestarted bawling again, like
(20:17):
really hard.
And he just like uncontrollablybent over, just sobbing about
it.
He just he said, and then hestarted to tell me about her.
Um he said, I think about it allthe time.
He said, I can just be standingthere in a doorway, and I think
about her, and I just startcrying.
(20:40):
And it's explained his wholelife that he and I I said to him
at one point, I said, You d didyou have anyone to help you?
Did you have any like tools?
Or were you just left on yourown?
He's like, We had nothing.
He's like, this insane thinghappens to you, and you know,
(21:00):
this is in the 70s, right?
And they had nothing.
They had no tools, they had nohelp, they had no support.
SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
Well, probably why they didn't talk about it,
because you like probablyshouldn't.
It's shameful.
SPEAKER_04 (21:08):
It's yeah, all he had, all he had was there was
family members and stuff makingup stories about he did it on
purpose and he killed her andlike stuff like that.
Not was Do you think that'sgonna be helpful in someone's
healing?
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah, God you know, and how how old was your dad
when she passed?
SPEAKER_04 (21:31):
Um he would have been like I don't know,
nineteen?
unknown (21:35):
Like that.
SPEAKER_04 (21:36):
No, he would have been twenty.
SPEAKER_00 (21:37):
Picture yourself as a twenty-year-old.
SPEAKER_04 (21:39):
No, you're still a kid.
SPEAKER_00 (21:40):
You're literally a kid trying to raise a kid, an
accident happens, and itliterally destroys your entire
life and whether you know it ornot.
SPEAKER_04 (21:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:49):
So he's because how old is he now?
SPEAKER_04 (21:51):
Sixty Um He is sixty-seven, yeah, turned
sixty-eight, I think, somethinglike that.
So it affected his life in a waythat he was just bitter and
angry and resentful all thetime.
SPEAKER_00 (22:10):
He said something to you about how how much he loved
you and your brother and wastrying to protect you, but you
said how it came off not thatway.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
Yeah, he he's a little bit delusional.
He's a little bit he'sdefinitely got some mental
problems, right?
But he said he everything thathe did was to protect us.
He's like, no one can get hurt.
You gotta gotta be safe.
And he was just But the way hedid things was not totally not
right.
It's not how the feeling cameoff, no, the feeling came out
(22:38):
off totally Yeah, you're a totalangry asshole your whole life.
And that was the sentiment thatI had towards him for the
longest time.
Um until I, you know, starteddoing this work with with uh
psychedelics and started thatreally deep forgiveness process,
and now I just see him like I'mjust so sad for his life and
(23:05):
what happened and what didn'thappen in regards to his
healing.
SPEAKER_00 (23:10):
Yeah, and something else I wanted to share, and this
is again a whole other topic,but we've recently gotten into
studying Kabbalah, which isbasically just ancient wisdom
that even predates all religion.
It's just such good informationthat we've been learning.
We've been learning it mainlythrough David Guillaume.
And so I follow David Guillaume.
We can link that in the shownotes.
(23:31):
Um, and there's this one postthat he put out on what was the
date?
September 12th.
And the the caption or whateversays, according to the sages,
there are five reasons thatsouls leave this world.
Um, and it's actually ranked bythe least common to the most
common.
I didn't read that part.
So five is carrying thegeneration's weight.
(23:54):
I won't read that.
But number four is children'spassing.
So under 12 if you're a girl,and under 13 if you're a boy.
So this is what it says.
These are angelic souls whonever needed correction for
themselves.
They volunteer to descend onlyto elevate their parents and
community.
Their short lives are not anaccident, but rather they are
(24:14):
sparks of light sent to awakengreater compassion, unity, and
transformation in those aroundthem.
The Kabbalists teach that suchsouls are like candles, small
flames that ignite many others.
Their existence, even if brief,shifts destinies beyond what we
can comprehend.
We honor these souls byalchemizing our plan, our pain
into personal growth andtransformation, which is
(24:38):
obviously what you're doing.
We elevate our happiness,certainty, and service to
others, and this is what allowsthese souls to come back to us
in many ways.
I have like when I read that andI thought of your sister, and I
think of a lot of people, youknow, I don't know not that I
know a lot of people, but ifyou've lost a child, it's just
(24:59):
interesting that if the soul isthat age, that they're actually
here just to teach a lesson.
But how many people miss thelesson and think that this event
happened to them and thereforeruined their life or it's caused
them to become numb to allemotions and feelings for the
rest of their life?
SPEAKER_04 (25:15):
Oh man, when you're in that deep a pain, it's it's
hard to look at anything throughany other lens than the pain,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (25:23):
I feel like she's coming to you repeatedly because
you are figuring out what thislesson in this is and her soul
is not being forgotten, herlesson is being learned.
And even through us sharingthis, I mean, maybe your dad
will listen to this, hopefullyyour mom is listening to this,
that there's still lessons tolearn from this horrible
passing.
And that it's not too late toever learn it.
SPEAKER_04 (25:45):
And I mean, I tried to talk to him about that.
SPEAKER_00 (25:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (25:49):
And uh I mean it seems like far-fetched for some.
No, it does.
And it's like everything is, youknow, the story you make up
about it, it can either serveyou or it it it won't, right?
So if you look at somethingthrough a lens that, okay, well,
this horrible thing was here tohelp me in a way, you know,
(26:09):
where's the the gift?
Where's the seed?
SPEAKER_00 (26:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (26:13):
And that can help you grow through something.
So if you can if you can shiftyour your train of thought and
your perspective to somethinggood, then it's gonna help you
no matter what.
But I just try to tell him likethat's our you know, we we have
these souls and the soul group,and I think we talked about it
(26:35):
in another episode.
We have the soul group andeverything was kind of planned
out.
And, you know, this whole event,as horrible as it is, it was
planned out for a reason to helpus grow, and our soul is here to
evolve uh in you know, ourlifetimes, every lifetime is is
used to for the evolution ofyour soul.
And uh I can't remember exactlyhow he explained it.
(26:56):
It was a very dumbed-down,simple way to explain it to him,
and he just he's like, I don'tsee it like that.
I'm like, well, he wouldn't.
There's a lot of people it'sit's a new, it's a totally
different way of thinking ofthings, which seems weird.
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
To have a growth mindset to even open up your
eyes to learn something likewhat we've learned through
Kabbalah and just like learningabout the soul, which we've been
learning about for a long time.
Since we started reading thatbook, Your Soul is Plot.
SPEAKER_04 (27:22):
Yeah, everything sounds far-fetched if you don't
have an open mind.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
But a lot of people have fixed minds, right?
Where it's like they believethat they know yes or right, yes
or no, wrong or right, and likeyou can't change them.
And so that's another part ofour lesson is like we can't
change everybody that we wish wecould.
Um, but also it's it's not toolate ever to go from having a
fixed mindset to a growthmindset.
And I would encourage anybody,if any of this Kabbalah chat,
(27:48):
which we'll do another episode,maybe, maybe tomorrow.
Just keep the setup here.
We'll do it tomorrow.
Um, I I think about Kabbalahevery single day, the concept of
the light in the vessel that hetalks about.
And I just think of this wholething with your sister and just
like how she keeps coming to youbecause I feel like her soul
needs to teach the lesson.
And she probably feels like ithasn't taught the lesson because
like no one even speaks of her.
(28:10):
And she just keeps coming to youbecause like you're the vessel
that's going to here we are,talking about on a podcast,
maybe helping healing andawareness for other people who
have lost a loved one, whetherit was a child or not.
I mean, my aunt, she's buriedthree of her four kids.
Like in what world is, and Iremember her saying to me, God
will never give you more thanyou can handle.
And I remember saying to her,Well, I hope that he knows I
(28:31):
can't handle much.
Because how she still gets upand goes on her day and focuses
on the one kid that she stilldoes have and grandkids and all
the other things is beyond me.
But like that was also hersoul's plan.
And so it's interesting too,because back to this post,
number three reason is suicide.
And this was interesting.
And I know I think everybodyknows someone who has suffered
(28:54):
with either suicidal thoughts orwho has completed the task of
suicide.
So this one probably hits closeto home, but this is perhaps the
most tragic form of departurebecause the soul chooses to
leave before its correction iscomplete.
The correction remains, and thesoul must return to face the
same exact lessons again.
Yet even here, the creator'scompassion is infinite.
(29:18):
The soul is not condemned, butrather guided, embraced, and
given another chance.
For us who remain, theconsciousness is twofold.
First, to cultivate empathy andlove, knowing that we cannot
judge the unseen battles ofanother soul, and second, to
strengthen our certainty,because no matter how dark life
feels, light is always concealedwithin it.
(29:38):
The moment you feel the desireto take your own life, know that
you have been in this exactmoment, thousands of lifetimes
before.
Don't give up, for you are ahigh soul, hence why your
darkness is great, but it'stemporary.
Reach out for support.
The creator has a great giftwaiting for you, even if you
don't see it now.
(30:00):
Have you ever thought aboutsuicide like that?
And it's because I've sat herefor 15 years as your dad has
been sitting in this old folks'home, just sitting there,
literally, thinking, what kindof punishment is that?
That that has to be worse thanhim actually, you know, having
actually committed suicide.
Like this is tor it feels liketorture.
SPEAKER_04 (30:17):
He was trapped in a 10 by 10 room all day, every
day.
SPEAKER_00 (30:20):
But like maybe there's still a chance that his
soul is gonna learn somethingbecause he didn't succeed in the
suicide.
SPEAKER_04 (30:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:26):
Like, is that maybe the reason?
SPEAKER_04 (30:27):
That's what we can hope for, right?
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
I mean, that's a story that serves us.
SPEAKER_04 (30:31):
I mean, he's sitting there and us seeing him sit
there, our view of him hasshifted from anger to love and
compassion.
SPEAKER_00 (30:41):
A hundred percent.
SPEAKER_04 (30:42):
Empathy.
100%.
Because we couldn't see theworld through his eyes.
No.
Now I can see what he's beenseeing this whole time.
And how alone he's felt.
Yeah, and how he's been walkingthrough life with just so much
pain.
SPEAKER_00 (31:03):
Yeah, and it's like, how do you turn the pain into
purpose?
SPEAKER_04 (31:06):
Yeah.
So I mean, when you look atsomeone like that and you come
across someone, maybe you havesomeone in in your life that's
angry and you know, got allthese this hate in them and
they're just mad all the time.
Like, there's probably somethingto that that we don't know about
that.
SPEAKER_00 (31:23):
But we know the saying, hurt people, hurt
people.
There's nothing more true thanthat.
SPEAKER_01 (31:28):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (31:30):
And then as David Games says, when something
frustrates you and you want toreact, like someone says
something that pisses you off,you want to like just throw it
back at them or whatever, yourkid has a tantrum and you just
want to smack their butt orthrow them in their bedroom or
whatever, you have to say,pause.
What a gift.
And like we've been practicingthat around here, and it is
(31:50):
really freaking hard sometimes.
SPEAKER_04 (31:54):
So our child is our own test.
It's so true.
SPEAKER_00 (31:58):
Any parent knows this.
Um anyways, I just thought wehave to do, we were out for a
bike ride this afternoon.
And I just said, I feel likewhat if we recorded a podcast
today?
SPEAKER_04 (32:11):
The funny thing is, right when she said that, about
not even 10 seconds before, inmy head, I was thinking, like,
we should do a podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
Oh my God, we are maybe the same person.
After 25 years together, I guessyou start thinking the same
thoughts.
But picking up my vibes, whichis, yeah.
I just feel like it was kind ofa way to honor, honor her and
even honestly, to honor yourdad.
Because 15 years ago today, hewas in a very different
headspace, and he could be inthat room for another 15 years.
But it's like, do you want tostay in that prison in your
(32:41):
mind, or do you want to maybe beopen to learning something that
could help you learn a lesson inall of this?
SPEAKER_04 (32:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:48):
Even in your 60s and 70s and 80s.
SPEAKER_04 (32:51):
The neat part about that conversation I had with him
was it ended with me giving hima hug.
Um and they're, you know, love Ilove you.
SPEAKER_00 (33:04):
That's a lot of healing.
SPEAKER_04 (33:06):
Mm-hmm.
Because he had his own ideas ofwhy I didn't want to talk to him
too, which are completely fine.
Everybody's making up stories.
Yeah, everyone's making upstories.
SPEAKER_00 (33:15):
And believing them.
So much to the point that youthink they're a fact.
SPEAKER_04 (33:18):
So when I walked in that room though, to I didn't
have I had I dropped everyexpectation I had about what was
going to transpire.
SPEAKER_00 (33:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:27):
And I think because I did that, I was completely
open to wherever it was going togo.
And I went to some hard placesand I went to some really good
places and ended on a good notethat I did not see coming.
SPEAKER_00 (33:41):
That's amazing.
I'm so happy that you had thatopportunity.
Because you could have easilynot gone and seen him.
SPEAKER_04 (33:50):
Yeah, I thought about it.
SPEAKER_00 (33:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:54):
And I was like, well, I might not be back here
for uh who knows how many years,and he might he might he might
die.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_00 (34:03):
I just had this thought and I'm just gonna say
it because I don't know why itcame to my head.
Should I say it?
We're just talking aboutSeptember 28th, and it's like
you've dealt with and done allthis work with your dad to get
to this place, and it's like, doyou know what else September
28th is?
SPEAKER_02 (34:19):
Um, I don't remember.
SPEAKER_00 (34:20):
My mom's birthday.
SPEAKER_02 (34:21):
Oh, right.
Yes.
I don't know about your mom.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
But just like 11 p.m.
No, I have not called her, and Idon't actually think I've talked
to her since we moved to theisland.
unknown (34:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (34:30):
Well, it's just another thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:32):
But it's another thing, right?
It's like uh in in Kabbalah,they call it a tikcoon.
It's like your soul'scorrection, it's lessons that
you have to learn to evolve yoursoul, to expand, to cr to
receive more light.
That's another episode, like Isaid.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
But it's just like another thing, just like my dad.
You wanna you're trying to avoidher because every time she comes
into your space, it's alwayssomething negative.
SPEAKER_00 (34:56):
Yeah, it's a bad note.
SPEAKER_04 (34:57):
Yeah, it's a bad note.
So if you just you can love themfrom a distance, you just don't
have to.
SPEAKER_00 (35:03):
It's just so weird that all of this is all
intertwined up on September28th.
SPEAKER_04 (35:08):
It is very weird.
SPEAKER_00 (35:11):
The one positive, it's our chiropractor's
birthday.
So that's a positive.
Happy birthday, Dr.
SPEAKER_04 (35:16):
Jeff, if you were listening.
I'm sure you will be.
Happy birthday, my man.
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
Anyways, I feel like we should end it there.
That was like Do you feel likethere's anything else you want
to say?
SPEAKER_04 (35:24):
Um, I who knows.
I mean, the one thing I did wantto say is when you know, when I
was feeling that pain for myparents, what happens on a level
in like your DNA when there'strauma stuff, that there's
there's some your your DNA getsimprinted with trauma and stuff.
(35:45):
And it carries on through thegenerations.
So stuff that your you know,great, great, great, great,
great, great, great, great,great grandparents have endured
somehow is imprinted in yourDNA.
I don't know what that lookslike, but it's in your DNA.
SPEAKER_00 (36:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (36:03):
Because it when you go through trauma, you have a
chemical, you know, chemicalprocess is going on in your
body, and it can change your DNAand it evolves your DNA when you
pass your DNA on.
SPEAKER_00 (36:15):
Which is why I think doing healing work and sitting
and feeling emotions and goingand doing the hard stuff is so
important, or you just keeppassing it on.
And I feel like I'm so aware ofthat now that we have a son.
SPEAKER_04 (36:26):
Yeah, like we're not just carrying our own shit.
We're carrying stuff that'shappened to us in the that's
happened to, like you said, ourancestors in the past.
SPEAKER_00 (36:35):
Well, I have friends that say, like, I don't have
trauma in my life.
Like I had a great childhood, Ihad I have great parents, I have
great relationships.
Like I have one of my closestfriends has literally on the
outside what seems like thispicture perfect upbringing and
family and relationships, evento this day.
But we were talking about thisonce, and she she basically
said, like, talking about thisconversation, it's like you have
other people's other generationsof trauma that you have.
(36:57):
Like everybody's got shit towork on if you're open enough to
working on it.
Everybody.
SPEAKER_01 (37:02):
Very true.
SPEAKER_00 (37:03):
So it's just something she hadn't thought of,
which is interesting because wewe are so accustomed to thinking
in like this 3D world and likethis is where we are, this is
what we've been through, we'refine, we're good.
And like a lot of the takcoons,again, which in I guess Hebrew
is the soul's correction, islike control.
Like, what woman doesn't have acontrol issue, whether it's
(37:24):
keeping their house immaculateand perfectly aesthetic, or it's
like making sure their kids'toys are always cleaned up, or I
don't know, what are some otherweird things?
SPEAKER_04 (37:33):
You try to control everything, your your hair.
SPEAKER_00 (37:38):
Aging.
Can we make sure we don't get awrinkle?
SPEAKER_04 (37:40):
Can we get a wrinkle?
SPEAKER_00 (37:41):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that list goes on andon.
SPEAKER_04 (37:45):
Like it's all the things, right?
SPEAKER_00 (37:47):
Yeah, literally the control is such a hard one, a
soul correction that I thinkmore people than not have,
especially women.
But anyways, hope you guys gotsomething from this episode.
And if you think about somebodyas you're listening, um, that's
probably a sign that they needto hear something, some message
from this.
So feel free to pass it on.
And um, we'll see you on thenext episode, which will be
(38:08):
sooner than later.
SPEAKER_04 (38:10):
Yeah.
So yeah, lead with love andcompassion.
SPEAKER_00 (38:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (38:14):
Please do.
It feels better.
It definitely does feel better.
SPEAKER_00 (38:18):
And it helps raise the vibration of this beautiful
planet, which is the goal of theLove Movement podcast.
So thanks for listening, youguys.
SPEAKER_04 (38:25):
Stay awesome.
Love ya.
Peace.
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