August 8, 2024 • 50 mins
This is actually our first episode we recorded, it was not planned at all, Brittany just grabbed her phone and hit record.
Can a mushroom trip really transform your life? Join us as we recount Brian's profound five-hour journey with magic mushrooms that brought a deep emotional release unseen in our 23-year relationship. We begin with our cautious introduction to psychedelics, sparked by a friend and the rich fungi of Vancouver Island, which led Brian to start microdosing. This new practice significantly improved his mood and patience, especially as a parent.
Experience the emotional highs and lows of Brian's intense trip on blue meanies, a stronger strain of mushrooms. We delve into the importance of setting intentions, the guided visualizations by music, and the profound moments of confronting and healing long-standing personal issues. By bypassing the ego, Brian unlocked childhood memories, confronted feelings of shame, and discovered a deeper sense of self-worth. The surreal experience of communicating with the planet through the mycelium of mushrooms reignited his passion for nature and emphasized the healing power of inner work.
As our journey unfolds, we explore the concept of raising vibrations and using guided psychedelic sessions for personal growth. Sharing our own insights, we underscore the significance of integration and acting on discoveries for continuous self-improvement. Listen in as we discuss embracing new experiences, such as riding a horse, and the evolving path of self-discovery and connection with the world around us.
Our next episode is loaded with lots of shroomy info and a great resource to begin your plant medicine journey :)
Brian's Mushroom Playlist
James Xander Mushroom Trip Checklist
James Xander, Beginners guide to psychedelic trips: 8 things to know before your first trip.
James Xander Mushroom Podcast - Psychedelic podcast with amazing interviews.
Andrew Hubberman, How Psilocybin can rewire your brain, it's therapeutic Benefits & risks (he has many other mushrooms related ones as well) -
Disclaimer:
1. Legal Considerations: Personal use of psilocybin (the primary psychoactive compound in magic mushrooms) is legal in some places, but retail sales are generally not permitted. Adults can grow, possess, and share psilocybin for personal use, but selling it is prohibited.
2. Responsible Use: While some people explore the therapeutic potential of psilocybin, it’s essential to emphasize responsible use. Always verify the legality of psilocybin in your specific location and follow any local regulations. If you choose to consume magic mushrooms, consider factors like set, setting, and dosage to ensure a safe and positive experience.
3. Never eat or pick wild mushrooms. This discussion is solely for entertainment purposes and is not intended to persuade anyone to try mushrooms. The discussion is our own personal view and should not be taken as fact, always do your own research.
Disclaimer:
Remember that individual responses to psychedelics can vary, and it’s crucial to approach them with respect and caution. 🍄✨
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
if that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Okay, here we are.
What's the date?
March?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
March 9th 8th 8th.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
8th March 8th, 2024.
At 9pm.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
We have a sleeping toddler.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
We were just about to make dream boards and I just
had this tug to like have theconversation I was having with
Brian, but to record it becauseI don't know.
I've had this tug on my heartfor a while, this nudge saying
to do a podcast, but I keep notdoing it because brian's not
(01:06):
into it and we don't even knowif this is like episode one of a
podcast.
If it was a podcast, we don'teven know what it's called.
Well, uh, so we just thought wewould hit record and talk about
this very interesting topic, butI have to like rewind before we
(01:26):
talk about it.
So what we're actually going totalk about is a pretty big
mushroom trip journey that briantook today for about five hours
yeah um, I can tell you, beingwith brian for over 23 years,
that I have never, ever seen himcry like that.
I mean, maybe when I had Martyyou cried.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, that was a hard cry yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
But like I was busy having a baby so I didn't really
notice how much you were crying.
Like I noticed but didn'treally notice, like, but today
you were like letting it out, um, and so I just have to like
backtrack, because, if anybodyis listening to this and doesn't
know us, we are two people who,like, don't do any drugs or
smoke any anything like we'rethe biggest anti, for sure,
(02:14):
cigarette people you've ever met.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, very health conscious.
Where I don't like being, I hadto do what I had to take that
one time for my, my back.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Oh, something Um, um.
What was that called?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
hydromorphone yeah for my back and it just.
I just felt disconnected frommy body and I didn't like it.
So I just dealt with the pain.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I don't like drugs basically don't do drugs, we
don't do drugs.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
I don't like weed.
I don't like how that makes youfeel.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Just yeah, I like being straight up, but somehow
this mushroom business and Idon't know if this happened
since we moved to VancouverIsland in the fall of 2022 or
what or like.
Where did this mushroom journeystart for me?
I was inspired by a friend whoactually went to I think it was
Costa Rica and did a intensivelike.
I don't know what it would becalled, but she did a mushroom
(03:06):
trip with like a mushroomceremony ceremony type thing,
yeah, and she did a podcasttalking about her journey and I
was like Whoa, that was so deepand so amazing and I want that
experience.
And I remember coming out andtalking to you and saying I want
to do mushrooms and you werelike what, the girl who's never
tried a drug in her life andthen it got you, I think,
(03:27):
opening up to me talking abouthow you wanted to do micro
dosing I wanted to do so when wemoved out here.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Well, even before we moved out here, I always thought
mushrooms were really cool.
And then we got to the islandand there's freaking fungus
everywhere so many mushrooms, somany different kinds of
mushrooms.
I started cataloging them and itwas just like this really neat
world all about fungus out here,like it's crazy, the cool kinds
of fungus.
I started learning about thedifferent things yeah,
(03:52):
cataloging it and then I startedlooking up stuff on magic
mushrooms because I know they,they grow out here and I started
actually actively looking forthem all around here.
This is before britney eventold me that her friend was
doing this mushroom thing.
It's like I was called to findthese magic mushrooms, just
(04:12):
weird.
Yeah, just weird, and I startedlearning about the.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And you had an app on your phone that he literally
takes a picture of the mushroomand it pulls up exactly what it
is.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, you take a picture of a mushroom in a
couple different angles and thenit'll give you some results and
you can kind of verify whatmushroom it is, and yeah, so I
started looking for magicmushrooms and then Brittany
tells me her friend's doing them.
She wants to do them, and I'mlike, huh, this has been
something I wanted to do for awhile.
And then it turns out I've beenlooking high and low all over
(04:43):
the island here for mushroomsand we've had magic mushrooms
growing on our front doorstep.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Literally our front doorstep, Our front doorstep the
whole time.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's like that story where the guy's trying to find
diamonds and he yeah.
Yeah, he goes all over.
You know he sells his farmbecause he wants to go find
these diamonds and he goes allover the countryside finding
diamonds and he comes back likeend of his life, to where his
farm was and the farm has gotthe you know big giant fence
around it and there's guardseverywhere and he tries to get
(05:15):
in and he's asking him like whatis this?
He's like oh, it's the beer'sdiamond, mind.
Yeah, he was sitting on it thewhole time.
So I'm looking all over theworld for these mushrooms and
they're outside my front doorand I'm okay, that's a sign that
I need to explore this a littlemore, because we have magic
mushrooms on our front doorstep,like so then you start.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You then you ordered for micro dosing yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So I ordered some stuff for micro dosing and do
that like four times a week.
I kind of have a schedule and Isay it's, it's helped my mood a
lot it's definitely helped mypatience with our toddler, who
likes to test me a lot.
I get annoyed very easily.
(05:57):
Well, human design could beanother topic that we talk about
, because you and him have veryopposite human designs, designs,
which is part of thefrustration so yeah, I don't
know, I feel makes me feel likemore present and less definitely
less anxious about things andless worrisome and, I don't know
(06:20):
, maybe judgmental.
It's just like just go with theflow more and stop worrying
about all the little things.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I mean it's not.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It doesn't make you perfect, but it definitely helps
with some of the bullshit.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I haven't got into it , but I also haven't been
consistent like you and I feltlike when I did try a little bit
, I just felt like not me, andso I just stopped, but I might
try again later, anyways.
So then he's really beenlooking to do like a bigger trip
and I'm worried because I thinkhe needs to go to costa rica
and spend thousands of dollarsto go to a ceremony somewhere.
But you found this guy online.
(06:52):
That's been sort of like amentor in a way yeah, I found a
dude from.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
He's actually from vancouver, he's living in bali
now.
His name is james zander.
He's got is his podcast.
He's on Spotify, apple, all thestuff and he's done, oh man,
like 50 plus trips and he helpspeople, you know, with mushroom
trips and his podcast.
(07:15):
He gives you all kinds ofinformation.
So I just started like when Iwant to do something, I go like
all in learning about it.
So I started learningeverything I could about
mushrooms.
You know the pros, the cons,what to expect on a mushroom
trip, and this guy's got a goodchecklist too.
I started listening to AndrewHuberman, you know the.
(07:36):
Huberman labs stuff.
He's got some really goodpodcasts with some interviews on
some like major academic dudesthat have done studies and stuff
.
So I went through all that kindof what actually happens in
your body when you're doing it.
So it's like the science partof it that I was learning and
(07:58):
then also what's happening inyour head, what can potentially
happen, what can go wrong, whatcan go right, yeah, so I felt I
gathered enough information.
I was like, okay, well, I can,I can do this on my own.
I can do a trip.
I don't need to go spendthousands of dollars, and I
think when you do want to do atrip, it's a pretty personal
(08:21):
thing and I, for myself, I feellike I would have a better
experience with Not havingsomeone else's energy around me,
right, just solo my energy,everything.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Everything me.
I'm the trip sitter.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah, so Bernie was a trip sitter.
So you need a trip sitter youdo need a trip sitter, just
someone.
So people need to know whereyou're at and when you're, when
you're going to do this.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, but I don't go in the room.
He's in the bedroom doing itand he's in a dark room.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You have to have a blind.
Yeah, so if you listen to JamesZander's thing, he's got a
checklist and everything isabout set in setting.
So you want to get a safe roomset up.
Um, you know you have all yourthings ready.
You know you got your water,you got your Kleenex, you got
(09:14):
your blankets, you got all yourstuff.
A safe environment that whenyou're in another world, you're
never going to feel scared aboutanything happening around you.
Like you don't do this shit ina park, you don't do it at a
party, this isn't someone inyour house has to know you're
doing it you have to know you'redoing it.
This isn't like when peoplethere's a stigma around doing
(09:36):
mushrooms that people would.
That's out there and it'sbecause of people would just
like take mushrooms and go toparties and it's raving and
seeing fricking goblins and thislike there's different ways to
do things and that's doingmushrooms for like an
entertainment factor.
The way I wanted to do it wasfor a therapeutic factor to you
(10:01):
know, work through innerstruggles and stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, they say that you know that a big trip on
mushrooms is like years andyears of therapy in a five to
eight-hour session.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I can confirm that after today.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, so when you do want to start, you need to start
small.
So with the microdosing I couldnotice a little bit of effect
if I took a little bit too much.
So you gotta, you know, getyour micro dose um, potent, or
your micro dose, uh, your dose,I guess.
(10:33):
Right, you can have too muchbut too little.
You just want to have enough ofa micro dose when you're micro
dosing.
So it doesn't really doanything like it doesn't affect
you mentally.
It's actually.
It actually is doing something.
So you just want to have it solow that you don't notice any
like mental changes from takingthe drug, if that makes sense,
(10:53):
and then when you're gonna theplant medicine it's plant
medicine.
It's plant medicine.
That's what it is, and that's awhole other topic.
We'll call it instead of thedrug yeah, I feel like we're
drug addicts over here well ifwe're talking about if you want
to go down the whole rabbit holeof big pharma and all that
stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, well, I think we might have content for a
podcast we could anyway when youdo.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
When you do want to do a, a trip, you need to start
small.
You know, start low, go slow.
It's kind of the thing so youdon't know how you're going to
react to mushrooms, you don'tknow how much of a dose you need
, like some like britney mighttake like one gram, and it could
be like me taking three grams,because we get said it, we get a
(11:40):
tolerance to it right becauseI'm microdosing.
Every day I have more of atolerance now.
So the first time I did it Itook uh, I think it was like two
grams, and so you take it.
You wait about an hour seeinghow you're feeling and if you
need to redose you can take alittle bit more at that next
hour.
But I I didn't take enough thefirst time to get really crazy I
(12:04):
did.
There's no visuals.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
There was do you know how much you took?
Do you remember?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
uh, I have this book I have here.
It's got all my notes for everytime I've taken anything your
mushroom book it's my mushroombook, so the first time I took
it you took golden teacher wasthe kind right the first time uh
, it's a golden teacher.
Yeah, so it was 1.8 grams iswhat it was, and it was really
cool, like you like the musicthe music was super intense,
(12:32):
like I've got he's wearing aneye mask.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
He's had his headphones on in a dark room
yeah, so you do have to haveheadphones on.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You need to have a good playlist.
Music is everything.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Music is going to set the tone for maybe you could
share your mushroom playlist Ihave an amazing mushroom
playlist that I absolutely loveand if you know brian, he used
to be a dj.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
So yeah, who knew you'd?
be djing for mushroom, yeah, Ikind of curated this list and
I've set it up so it kind of hasa flow start to finish and at
the end it's when you're comingout.
Yeah, it's really good, um,anyway, so I know, know some
neat things on that very firsttrip I did, but it wasn't
anything like therapeutic, itwas just kind of like fun and
(13:12):
interesting and at this point Iwas just trying to explore my
boundaries and my limits andwhere I needed to be.
So then I did a second one onFebruary 2nd so it was Groundhog
Day and I took more than I didthe first time and these were a
little bit stronger mushroomsthey're called blue meanies and
(13:32):
it was a little bit more intenseand some neat things happened,
but it wasn't like just toclarify too, like it wasn't the
actual mushroom, like you haveit in a capsule yeah, it's
ground up in a capsule and it'sgot, like you know, ginger root
in it and some other nootropic,some other mushrooms in there,
like non-psychoactive mushrooms,and they have effects.
(13:54):
They interact with the mushroomin different ways in your brain.
Anyway, whole other story.
But, um, yeah, there's a secondtrip I did.
It wasn't super intense oranything, but very neat
experience and I knew I justneeded to go further with it, so
I planned for today.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
He told me two days ago hey, PS, I'm doing this
mushroom trip on Friday.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I get lots done.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Like yeah you know it's a good work day for me, so
I.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I took them out of the capsules and I just put the
powder directly in a small shakethis morning, and usually
mushrooms take about an hour tostart working in your system.
15 minutes later I'm like I'mdoing a meditation and I
couldn't even finish thismeditation.
I was like, okay, I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And then half hour later I was like full into this
trip, which was like do you feellike you're like in another
planet, or like what does itfeel like?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
it's you, it's like you, almost like you start to to
disconnect and your, your body,kind of.
You know it.
You know it's going to bedifferent for every single
person.
It's going to depend on yourphysiology, your mental state.
And then when you do go into atrip, besides the set and
(15:14):
setting, you need to setintentions for what you're doing
, because it's a plant medicine,there's a lot of energy around
it.
You need to have an intentionof what you want to experience.
But when you're in it, youcan't have expectations of where
you want it to go.
(15:34):
You have to let it guide you.
You have to.
It's a surrendering, it's yeah.
So the way you did four grams, Idid four grams and mixed
directly in powder with a shake.
I cannot believe how fast thatwas working.
They say an hour like half hourlater I was toast, wow, and it
(15:56):
would come over.
Sensation came over me in waves.
My lips and arms would go alittle bit numb.
Came over me in waves.
My nipped lips and arms wouldgo a little bit numb and Then I
would go like it almost likegoing like another layer deeper,
another layer deeper, andthere's like it's like there was
like a Veil or like a boundarythat I need to cross in this.
(16:23):
You start getting the musickind of guides you, but you
start having like a visuals tothe music almost, and it's like
you're dreaming, but you'reawake and like you're aware of
your physical body, but you'reso aware of your physical body,
but you can detach from italmost and like say like I had a
lump in my throat lots todayand I had to like clear my
(16:45):
throat a bit, so I would be.
Actually heard you doing that,yeah, so I'd be in the you know,
in my mind doing whatever, andthen I go and it brings me back
to my body in that moment, butthen you just like go right back
into, like whatever you werevisualizing, whatever rabbit
hole you're, you're going down,but I had to cross this, this
veil, this boundary, and it'skind of like your ego yeah, I
(17:08):
was just gonna say that's whatit sounds like you gotta go
because when you're in the, whenyou get into the mushroom chip,
it it kind of your ego goesaway and you can be vulnerable,
and you can.
You can go layers deep intothings that have been bothering
(17:29):
you your whole life, that you'vepushed down, and you're able to
bring them up.
You're able to work throughthem.
But in your daily, consciousstate you never would, because
your ego's in the way, alwaystrying to protect yourself.
But when you take, so, when Igot through that veil, it was
like, okay, I'm going anotherlevel deep.
(17:50):
And every time my lips and myhands would go numb and tingly,
I'd have this wave of sensationand I was like, okay, we're
going to go another level deep.
And it was just like goingdeeper and deeper every time.
Wow, and it was just.
It's insane, the stuff that Iseen, that I didn't even stuff I
(18:10):
didn't even know I needed towork on.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Came up, but I'm still trying to figure out.
Yeah, I know Ask more questions.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
What's the first thing you want to share, the
part that you first shared withme?
Is that one of the first thingsthat happened with you?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
The one that got you really emotional.
Yeah, so a bunch of stuffhappened with my brother and my
mom and being in a womb.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So let's just give some backstory about your
sibling situation here.
First for context.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Okay, so my sister passed away when she was five
months old.
Um, this was six years before Iwas born and I think I found
out in grade seven, grade six Ifound out that this happened I
didn't know she existed until Iwas in grade six and that really
really affected me at thatpoint how?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
How did it affect?
Speaker 2 (19:00):
you.
I cried a lot.
I think I felt almost betrayedby my parents.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, for not telling you.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
For not telling me and I don't know.
I just remember I got a picturebook together for her.
I had all these little photoalbums and I was carrying it
around at school.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Aw.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And I remember I was going to the counselor lots at
that time to talk about it.
It was just like a weird thing.
It's like somebody died thatyou didn't even know existed,
but they would have been yoursister.
It was a really weird thing.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And it was like I was in grade 6 at the time.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
It's a vulnerable age .
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I was just going to say I'm really vulnerable
because of how teenagers are andin school and there's all that
pressure stuff going on there.
And then people would make funof me from this book.
What?
Oh yeah, like it's just, kidsare dumb.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Kids are dumb.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And then your younger brother is nine.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Eight and a half years younger than me.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so lots of gaps between the three
of you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
but anyways, okay, back to the trip.
So you were in the womb, thiswomb space.
Yeah, I was in this like reallywild womb space Um PS.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
it's international women's day today.
As he did this trip, he didn'teven know.
And so much of the story he'sabout to tell you guys is so
much feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It's actually the amount of feminine energy in
this is crazy okay, so back back, yeah, so we're like me and my
bro were like in this weird,like almost like a beehive womb
space and we're just likebouncing around and it came back
to this like singular point,and it was in my mom's like
(20:45):
belly, and it was like my mom'swomb and it was like where me
and my bro initially connectedas we shared the same womb as
right, we shared the same spacein my mom's womb and it was just
like this really weird, likeholy shit, and I just had this
absolutely insane lovingconnection to him.
When that was happening and youhave emotions that come over
(21:07):
you can't even explain my facewas just like pulling back with
like tears of like there werejoyous tears though right and
you just said you felt soconnected to him.
Yeah, I just, and I was justcrying because I just like had
so much love and connection forhim and it was just deep, like
you don't have feelings likethat in like real life, in real
(21:31):
life.
So having that there, it's justlike I just wanted to like
phone him right there and belike I love you, bro, and even
just you saying this again hourslater, like you're getting all
emotional again yeah, so thatwas really neat.
There's just like thatconnection and how we shared
this womb and like weird rightlike eight and a half years
(21:52):
apart yeah, it's just like astrange.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
It's weird because you felt that connected, but in
real life it was eight and ahalf years apart, but you felt
that connected in that, yeah,space we're bouncing around like
little kids, but we're bees onlike a spider net trampoline
thing inside thisthree-dimensional space
influenced by the show marty'swatching on prime called the
hive.
Yeah, probably, little bees.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah, anyways okay so then, the next part is the
coolest part so then I'm in justpicture, just internal
blackness with a little box inthe middle and it's your
childhood bedroom from above,with, like, the ceiling peeled
off and you're like peeking intothis box.
You're looking down into yourbedroom, okay and then I'm in my
(22:34):
bedroom and I start rememberingall the times I was in that
bedroom, you know, living it up,doing my bedroom, just whatever
I did in my bedroom, and thenmoments where I felt shameful
for you know this, that or theother thing.
And I like this.
I think I moved into thatbedroom when I was four or five,
(22:57):
what?
Yeah, into that bedroom, and Ileft when I was like 15 or 16.
So I had a lot of different, lotof years in that same bedroom
and I just was like wanting to,wanting to escape that feeling
of all the shame I was feeling.
But I was like, no, you need tostay here and confront this and
(23:19):
um like overcome whatever youknow.
All these moments like thisisn't, this, isn't you, it's
things, it's how you felt, butit was like I could witness
myself as a little kid.
I just want to like hug myselfalmost yeah and be like it's
okay yeah, it's so strange.
Yeah, getting emotional becausethis is a crazy part.
So something that actuallyhappened in real life in that
(23:43):
bedroom is it was getting darkand I was in the back of my
closet and I was like, oh man, Iwish I had light on.
And at that moment the light inthe bedroom turned on.
This is a real life story now.
So I was in my dreamremembering that moment, or in
(24:04):
the trip.
I was in the dream rememberingthat moment, or in in the trip.
I was in the trip rememberingthat moment.
And then I went into the closetand the light turned on, just
like it did in real life it hadin real life, and I was like I
want to know what's on the otherside of of that, like that
light.
That's like I want to know the,the energy, the power how did
that happen?
what turned that light on?
(24:24):
It was just like a question oflike I want to know something
from like another realm, or itwas like one of those like
really deep kind of questionsscared no, I wasn't scared.
So at the back of this closetwas just like a black door and I
crawled back there and it has alittle white dot, was like the
(24:44):
doorknob and it was like almostlike there's light shine through
it.
And I pushed it open and I wentin to this like eternal
blackness and soon as thathappened, I got embraced by just
(25:10):
overwhelming love, like overfucking whelming love, like
you've no idea.
And it was my sister and I likeit was just like this strong
embrace and I felt like I wasbeing absolutely squished up
onto like a ceiling, justsquished with love, like trying
to like hug me so hard.
(25:32):
And it was my freaking sisterthis whole time and I just had
this insane realization.
It was like she was holding myarm but I couldn't see her.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She was like an energy it was an energy, not
like a person.
I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
There was no form, it was just like you just knew it
was her it was her and it wasjust like I had all these, like
a flashback of all thesedifferent moments of my life,
and that she was with me thewhole time you're turning 41
this year and you've justrealized she's been with you the
whole time.
I always had felt that, but Inever.
It was just like a feeling.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well, and you've never said that to me even.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
You know what I mean Like at the things that we hold
to ourself.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And yeah, wow.
So while this is happening, myface is just like feels like
it's melting off.
It's just like wants to.
I'm just blubbering and cryingwith just not sadness, with just
like joy, like just the amountof love that I felt there was
just off the fricking charts.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
It reminds me of when you hear people talk about like
past or like um near death,near death encounters, yeah and
that's everybody explains, isthis like overwhelming feeling
of love and I feel like that'slike somehow you experience that
without like actually the dyingpart yeah and is that just like
the removal of the ego?
Or like, how could youexperience that it's because,
(26:59):
also when you die, you'd havethe removal of the ego?
Or like, how could youexperience that?
It's because also when you die,you'd have the removal of the
ego.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Well, yeah, it's uh, one of those things they they
talk about a mushroom chip beingineffable, which is like you
can't explain to someone what'sgoing on, how you like what
happened, like you can try toexplain things in words, but you
just it's just impossible, it'sineffable, it's ineffable.
Yeah, so that was likeridiculously deep.
(27:32):
And then from there, when shewas hugging me and I had this
realization that she's been withme my whole life, it's circled
back to being in the womb, inthe womb thing with my brother,
and it was like there was three,three of us there.
Now it wasn't like people, itwas just like three, like little
energies, almost like bouncingaround, and it's like we're just
(27:53):
three like there's just thisconnection between the three of
you.
That's unreal yeah, and you'rejust like it's a little easier
to talk about it now than I didokay you guys have.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
You would have seen or heard him talk about this
after he came.
I've he couldn't even talk,like you were just crying so
hard and went through a lot ofkleenexes and I just was like,
let it out, like that's whatthis was for.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Obviously this is your therapy oh, there's just so
much therapy like this could belike a three-hour thing just
talking about all the stuff thathappened is there anything else
I want to talk about next,because you said that cool part
too about like the like youholding the earth or something
oh, there was.
Yeah, there was a one.
(28:41):
At one point I was and stuffwas happening like it was upside
down like yeah, you said,everything was upside down yeah,
it's like I was hugging theearth, but I like it's like I'm.
The earth is like up, likeeverything was like up.
Weird, it was strange, but Iwas hugging the earth and I was
just like feeling its energy andit was just like I want to cry
(29:03):
just thinking about everything.
It was just like all the likeinjustices and how we, how we
treat the earth and all thedamage we're doing to it, and it
was just like I just got imagesof all of the things that I've
seen, like oil spills anddeforestation and just pollution
and fucking everything, and itwas just you said the earth felt
(29:23):
sad.
It felt sad and I could like.
It's like I could feel it and Ijust was picking up its energy
and I just started to freakingcry again.
It's like I just wanted to cryfor it because it's like we're
just treating this planet like afucking garbage dump and it's
horrible.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I mean, if you know brian, you know that he's always
been so passionate about theenvironment yeah, so that was it
was almost like confirmation ofyeah, your feelings yeah, so
that was.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
That was really hard.
But there's like the neat thingabout going on a mushroom trip
is it's like you have tosurrender because you can't just
like get up and walk away.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Like you're in it.
Once you take it, you have tolet this journey go through.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
You can't try to force it.
You have to allow it to do itsthing and let it take you on the
journey.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
It's like forced meditation yeah, what was the
part about?
It was like with the earth, butlike the communicating or
something like communicatinglike something with the earth or
like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I don't remember what you're saying maybe or with the
mushrooms oh the mushrooms.
Oh right, so yeah, man, this isactually the second time this
came up, but this was way morepowerful than the first time on
that other trip I had.
It was like.
It was like we've lost oursense of communication with the
(31:03):
earth and the trees and theanimals and everything, because
as a society we segregateourselves, we think we're
separate from nature, so we'reover here and nature's over
there.
We're unable to communicatewith it anymore.
(31:24):
And then it's like thesemushrooms came along and they
naturally evolved to get youknow magic mushrooms.
They naturally did their way.
That's not a man-made drug oranything right, it's a plant.
It's a plant.
So we take this plant and allof a sudden, those like waves of
communication with the earth,like open up again.
(31:45):
It was like the weirdest thing.
It's like I, it's like themushroom mycelium were like
growing into my feet and into mybody and it's like I could talk
to the planet again the planetyeah wow it's like I could talk
to nature and everything it'slike.
(32:07):
It's like it was like a channelthat we had, just like we
stopped using our natural skillsto talk to the planet and then
these came along and now we'reable to speak to the planet
again through mushrooms.
It was so crazy Just seeinglike roots and mycelium and
whatever growing up through inyour body and just like it was
(32:28):
wild and is that the one where,then, you started like flying?
oh, that was a different thingoh my god, there's a lot of
things going on yeah, it's justweird because you have these
like crazy moments where youwant to cry and then something
beautiful happen and you justcan't get this smile off your
face.
You'll just be sitting there inthe dark by yourself with mask
on, listening to music and youjust like you're smiling and
(32:51):
emotions are so high, it's justso much joy.
I had this one where I washiking on the.
It was down the wanfuka trail,where I just love being out
there, and I was like dancingjust on the trail, just like
soaking all in, and all of asudden I just kind of became
like a bird and I went above andI was flying everywhere and I
(33:14):
started going up the coast ofthe island, up the coast of
British Columbia, over likeAlaska, over to like Russia, and
while I was doing this, thewhole planet was like being, I
was like spreading love and itwas like wow.
I was just spreading loveeverywhere I went and it was
(33:35):
just this insane joy of love andI just like watched everything.
It's like wherever my love went, everything was turning kind of
like an orangey, yellow, justlike on like a map almost.
And I was way above and I wasjust going so fast.
I was spreading my love to likethe whole almost and I was way
above and I was just going sofast I was spreading my love to
like the whole planet and I justhad so much joy just giving
love everywhere.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Oh, my god it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
And then the song changed while I was in the
middle of it.
And it's weird when a songchanges because whatever thought
plane you were on shiftsbecause that's when it went from
like if this more feminineenergy to like masculine.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
But that was a different time.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
That was a different time, but it was like.
It was like I want to finishsending all this love and the
song's changing and it's tryingto pull me out.
So then it goes into likesomething else.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
So where did the lion part come in?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So yeah, I had all this men.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
So yeah, I had all this, this um a lot of feminine
energy, which is internationalwoman's day.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
That's so weird, it's very.
It's just like a lot of a lotof love and uh, joy.
And and then there was justlike a time where I was the the
music change and it was like adominant kind of music with like
a drum beat, and I just feltlike powerful and I was like a
lion and I was in like field andI was like charging forward and
(34:57):
it was just like a you knowlike a scene, a movie almost,
where this lion comes out andhe's just like gonna take charge
and whatever, he's going to gokill it with his prey or
whatever.
And I just felt so powerful andI said to myself I said, oh, my
masculine energy is coming outand it's taking over.
(35:21):
Now, now that we've had so much, this is like conversation
going on in my head.
I'm like I feel this masculineenergy.
It feels like raw and then allof a sudden it was like I
cowered down and I stopped and Ijust felt tiny and it was like
(35:41):
myself feeling like unworthyalmost, and I just so you, when
you're in like a trip, you'reexperiencing it Like it's like
you're the person that's firstperson, kind of thing, and then
you can zoom out, take a stepback and assess something from
(36:04):
like the outside.
And I noticed I said this is acycle that you always do.
You almost like it's like youself-sabotage it's like you.
You get excited about something, you go after it and then you
talk yourself out of achievingwhat you deserve.
And I just had to like yell atmyself almost.
(36:27):
And there's points in this coolspot where I was hugging
(36:49):
there's a completely differenttime than the first time when I
was hugging the earth.
But I just held the earth andthere was a message that came.
It was like it's like, you'relike everything, just as you are
, you're, I see you just the wayyou are, or something like that
.
It's like it.
Just the earth just loved mefor who I was.
(37:11):
I didn't have to impress anyone, I didn't have to change, I
didn't have to, just which isworthiness.
Yeah, it's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
We've been talking about the book Worthy by Jamie
Kern Lima, and that's what shesaid is.
Worthiness is like fullyaccepting yourself exactly as we
are right now, not having to besomebody different.
That's exactly what you'redescribing.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Yeah, and the earth so cool tell, told me this, and
I mean that's why I feel socomfortable in nature, because
it doesn't judge me, it doesn'tit just lets me be right it was
just like the neatest thing.
And then I started to cry again.
It was just like you know morecrying today, then oh man, I did
more crying today than I havesince Marty was born yeah, what
(37:58):
was the biggest, what was thebiggest lesson out of all of
this?
Speaker 1 (38:01):
like, what are you taking away?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Well that my sister's beside me.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, that's very powerful.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Yeah, that makes me want to tear up.
And just that I guess I'm yeah,I'm worthy, and like there was
a lot of moments where I wentthrough my life and it's like I
could pinpoint all the like painpoints I had where I felt less
than I didn't feel worthy, but Icould watch myself as like a
(38:35):
third you know person from youknow, zoomed out, looking at
myself, not feeling worthy inthat moment or doing this or
yeah, it was just, it's justweird.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It's so neat.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
It's very neat.
It's like you're watching amovie of your life and you can
see how you were reacting indifferent times and where you
weren't treating yourself justly, I guess weren't treating
yourself, justly, I guess.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
So you said to me today that, like I feel like
this was the trip you werealways wanting to go on and it
just never happened until today.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, this is one of many.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
And you said you wouldn't want to do that every
month and I said, oh, maybeabout every six months and
you're like, maybe every three,like how often do?
You think you'll actually dothis?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Well, I've done it the last three months in a row
because I didn't get what Iwanted the first two.
Now I kind of know my limits.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Because you had to take a break.
Today you said I had to take abreak today.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
It was so much.
This isn't even half of all thestuff that I went through.
It was pretty wild.
That I went through Like thisis.
It was pretty wild, but I thinkif, knowing how intense this
can be, you really have to bementally prepared for it, you
(40:01):
really have to know what toexpect and be ready to surrender
and go through some shit.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
You really have to want to change and know that
there's going to be shit thatcomes up.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, this is like some deep frickin' inner healing
work.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And another book that I bought that I had on our
coffee table just sitting therecollecting dust and brian picked
it up and it's called themountain, is you?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
yeah, well, I've started reading that the last
couple days, but I walked out ofthe bedroom today still buzzing
.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Wasn't quite done, but I looked at that and hungry
I was very hungry he alwayswants a grilled cheese after his
mushroom dress.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I looked at this book called the Mountain Is you and
I'm like God damn, the mountainis definitely you.
Nothing outside is ever goingto fix.
No amount of money or anythingcan ever fix what's going on on
the inside.
It has to be done by yourself.
(41:10):
Well, yourself, but you gottawork it's inner work and you
have to want to want to do it,but you have to recognize that
there's things there and I thinkyou gotta look at your life
where you're being held back andwhat this, what limits you're
hitting, and that's yeah, like,it's like your worth, right?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
I just think the timing of this is also insane,
because you did this oninternational women's day, which
we just put together.
That that's weird with all thefeminine energy and the things
that came through that youweren't expecting, and that also
I had a body talk sort ofintuitive energy healing session
yesterday with my friend Julieand she said that the year 2024
in neurology is number eight.
(41:52):
If you add it up it's numbereight, which is like um, a year
of abundance.
And she said there'sopportunity all around us but
the only people that will likebe able to take advantage of the
opportunity are people that arevibrating at a very high level,
like if you're vibrating at alow frequency, like, you know,
(42:14):
just feeling low, and like theanxiety, depression, like low
kind of vibe, you're not goingto have that year of abundance,
that you have to raise thevibration.
And I feel like when you're ina mushroom trip and you sort of
like, like you said, said gothrough that veil and you like
drop the ego or whatever it isand you're, those emotions are
so intense that you're having.
It's almost like um.
(42:34):
Julie has this like diagram orthis image of a it's a conscious
, it's the consciousness chart.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
I can't remember exactly something of
consciousness, so the top islike the highest frequency you
can vibrate at.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
That's enlightenment, yeah, and the bot, and like
love that you were feeling thisintense amount of love, love,
gratitude, yeah, and at thebottom is like the fear and
grief and very low, lowfrequency, but it's almost like
when you do mushroom trip itjust like takes you like zing
right to the top.
Yeah, like fast, right top, yeah, like fast, right.
(43:08):
Whereas in my session yesterdayI was like around the middle,
like around the courage level.
She said it was about 100frequency and you want to get up
to about 500 frequency in orderto like attract this abundance
that's coming yeah, 700, I think, is this year which we'll never
no forget, or like maybe, ifyou do, you get like bits of it
in, like a trip like that.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
It almost seems like to me yeah, but like you
couldn't, you couldn't get anyof the stuff that you get out of
a mushroom trip by talking tosomeone, because your ego's
there you?
Yeah, because when you're intherapy, your ego is still there
you can't do so much sense you.
There's no way you like youhear people.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Oh yeah, I've been in therapy for 10 years and like
you're in the same fucking placebro yeah, well, I had a person,
I had a friend who said thatthey did a five gram mushroom
trip with their therapist.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It was an eight hour day five or three I think it was
five five, that's heroic dose,that's no, it's a lot that's
insane.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Yeah, I could be wrong, but I'm caught.
I double checked but I think itwas five, but that's why, like
I, I want this experience, butI'm scared to do it alone, like
you are.
Like, I'm like, take me to costarica and put me in a situation
like that not necessary I justwant the experience, I want to
go deep and let my ego go and,just like you know, because I
(44:18):
love this stuff, and I want toknow what my messages are too
and the healing that I got to do, because we all have like
generational trauma, all of usyeah, I still have more things
that the things I went overtoday.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Some of like I got through today, some of its stuff
I wanted to explore and go deepon.
Some of that I didn't evenexpect was coming.
But there's still other thingsthat in my day-to-day life I
still want to tackle.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Well, and let's face it, you're 40 years old, turning
41 this year, you've been onthis so-called personal
development journey.
For when would you say, youreally dove into it?
I mean, I started my business 18years ago and I guess that's
when I started, 26 or so I think, is when I really started to do
personal growth and it's likethe first little stepping stone
and dipping your toe in, andthen it gets like deeper, and
(45:08):
then you got into more energywork, and then you got into like
other things, and now it's likethis, like the next layer and
level, yeah, right of like whatyou can uncover, and then you
can keep doing it every fewmonths to keep yeah, like
there's going to be more layers,like I definitely want to do
more.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I just what I expect now.
It's like I'm gonna I gottamentally prepare mentally
prepare myself even more becauseit's it's hard, it's hard work
well, emotionally exhausting,obviously it's very emotionally
exhausting, like I was likehappy at one point.
I had to get up to go to thebathroom but I was like I'm
(45:46):
sitting there trying to take aleak and I'm like I'm not done.
I got to go back in there andand do more, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
So do you think this is something everybody should do
?
Speaker 2 (45:55):
I think everyone should do this, but most people
a will never want to go afterthe shit that's holding them
back.
Um, they don't want to do theresearch and stuff to figure it
out, like to educate themselveson what this experience would be
(46:17):
, and you know, some people arejust going to be like oh,
mushrooms are, they're fordruggies and hippies and that
took me a little bit to get overbecause that's a stigma well,
and the reason I listen to myfriend's podcast is because the
title of it was my experiencewith plant medicine.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
I was like, oh, what's her plant medicine?
Then I realized it wasmushrooms.
I was like, oh my god, she wasdoing mushrooms, because even I
had that stigma.
I am like the last person thatwill do a drug.
I've never done a drug in mylife.
Yeah, I've never smoked asingle thing in my life.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I have no desire.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yeah, it's not a drug but it's not a drug, it's plant
medicine.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah, the earth makes it on its own in our front yard
in our front yard.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Anyways, we just wanted to get this on audio for
anybody that wants to learn moreabout this and just learn about
that journey, and just forBrian to have this, uh like as a
keepsake for himself and hisreally like his brother, I feel
like will want to listen to this.
Um, just a really coolexperience I didn't want you to
(47:15):
forget.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yeah, anyone's ever done mushrooms in like a, like a
party setting.
You've never really donemushrooms.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
This is, this is mushrooms as a tool.
Yeah, that's the difference.
This is the yeah is this ismushrooms as a tool, yeah,
that's the difference this isyeah, this is mushrooms as a
tool to to heal, and a lot ofyeah, it's it's self, a lot of
self-work.
So you got to really be wantingto.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Well, I think it's helping you vibe high and that's
what you want in 2024.
And then I also.
Ironically, tomorrow is thesuper moon yeah, new moon.
So it's a heightened time ofmanifesting, which is why we're
sitting down to do dream boardsand here we are recording our
first possible podcast.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We don't know yeah, apparently I'm in love with a
horse, oh yeah oh my god, yougotta say that part quickly I
had this crazy all my horsefriends, I had this crazy part
where I was like on a horse andit was taking me on this trip
and I was just like so I wasriding a horse and I just like
bent forward and I had my handaround its like neck and I was
(48:21):
like hugging it and squeezing itand like rubbing his side and I
just freaking loved this horseand it was taking me all over
and it was like because thishorse was grounded to the earth
through its feet and it was justlike I felt connected to the
horse and the earth and it wasjust weird.
I just like, after that littlemoment happened with this horse,
I just how much love I felt forthis, like I was tearing up, I
(48:43):
was so in love with this horse.
It was so fucked up and I justgot out of there well, I'm
terrified of horses.
Yeah, I finished that moment.
I was like you know, I'm justgonna go ride a horse.
In town there's horses here.
A lot of people have horses.
I'm just gonna go do this.
I feel like maybe this issomething I should do.
I wouldn't normally want tojust go ride a horse, but sounds
(49:04):
great, so we're gonna go ride ahorse, but it sounds great, so
we're going to go ride a horse.
You got to follow through onthis stuff, and that's the other
thing.
When it's not just goingthrough the trip and
experiencing all those things,the biggest part is called
integration.
You got to have a journal andyou have to write the stuff down
you got to, you know act on itact on it.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
So that there's progress between now and the
next trip and the next lessonand the next layer, exactly it's
.
Uh, yeah, you're going throughlayers so, friends, what do you
think should I do it?
To keep up giving my low downon the journey?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
and should she come on the horse with me?
Speaker 1 (49:42):
definitely no, oh my gosh, okay everybody.
Thanks for tuning in andlistening to whatever this is.
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
if that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Okay, here we are.
What's the date?
March?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
March 9th 8th 8th.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
8th March 8th, 2024.
At 9pm.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
We have a sleeping toddler.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
We were just about to make dream boards and I just
had this tug to like have theconversation I was having with
Brian, but to record it becauseI don't know.
I've had this tug on my heartfor a while, this nudge saying
to do a podcast, but I keep notdoing it because brian's not
(01:06):
into it and we don't even knowif this is like episode one of a
podcast.
If it was a podcast, we don'teven know what it's called.
Well, uh, so we just thought wewould hit record and talk about
this very interesting topic, butI have to like rewind before we
(01:26):
talk about it.
So what we're actually going totalk about is a pretty big
mushroom trip journey that briantook today for about five hours
yeah um, I can tell you, beingwith brian for over 23 years,
that I have never, ever seen himcry like that.
I mean, maybe when I had Martyyou cried.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, that was a hard cry yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
But like I was busy having a baby so I didn't really
notice how much you were crying.
Like I noticed but didn'treally notice, like, but today
you were like letting it out, um, and so I just have to like
backtrack, because, if anybodyis listening to this and doesn't
know us, we are two people who,like, don't do any drugs or
smoke any anything like we'rethe biggest anti, for sure,
(02:14):
cigarette people you've ever met.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, very health conscious.
Where I don't like being, I hadto do what I had to take that
one time for my, my back.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Oh, something Um, um.
What was that called?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
hydromorphone yeah for my back and it just.
I just felt disconnected frommy body and I didn't like it.
So I just dealt with the pain.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I don't like drugs basically don't do drugs, we
don't do drugs.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
I don't like weed.
I don't like how that makes youfeel.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Just yeah, I like being straight up, but somehow
this mushroom business and Idon't know if this happened
since we moved to VancouverIsland in the fall of 2022 or
what or like.
Where did this mushroom journeystart for me?
I was inspired by a friend whoactually went to I think it was
Costa Rica and did a intensivelike.
I don't know what it would becalled, but she did a mushroom
(03:06):
trip with like a mushroomceremony ceremony type thing,
yeah, and she did a podcasttalking about her journey and I
was like Whoa, that was so deepand so amazing and I want that
experience.
And I remember coming out andtalking to you and saying I want
to do mushrooms and you werelike what, the girl who's never
tried a drug in her life andthen it got you, I think,
(03:27):
opening up to me talking abouthow you wanted to do micro
dosing I wanted to do so when wemoved out here.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Well, even before we moved out here, I always thought
mushrooms were really cool.
And then we got to the islandand there's freaking fungus
everywhere so many mushrooms, somany different kinds of
mushrooms.
I started cataloging them and itwas just like this really neat
world all about fungus out here,like it's crazy, the cool kinds
of fungus.
I started learning about thedifferent things yeah,
(03:52):
cataloging it and then I startedlooking up stuff on magic
mushrooms because I know they,they grow out here and I started
actually actively looking forthem all around here.
This is before britney eventold me that her friend was
doing this mushroom thing.
It's like I was called to findthese magic mushrooms, just
(04:12):
weird.
Yeah, just weird, and I startedlearning about the.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And you had an app on your phone that he literally
takes a picture of the mushroomand it pulls up exactly what it
is.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, you take a picture of a mushroom in a
couple different angles and thenit'll give you some results and
you can kind of verify whatmushroom it is, and yeah, so I
started looking for magicmushrooms and then Brittany
tells me her friend's doing them.
She wants to do them, and I'mlike, huh, this has been
something I wanted to do for awhile.
And then it turns out I've beenlooking high and low all over
(04:43):
the island here for mushroomsand we've had magic mushrooms
growing on our front doorstep.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Literally our front doorstep, Our front doorstep the
whole time.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's like that story where the guy's trying to find
diamonds and he yeah.
Yeah, he goes all over.
You know he sells his farmbecause he wants to go find
these diamonds and he goes allover the countryside finding
diamonds and he comes back likeend of his life, to where his
farm was and the farm has gotthe you know big giant fence
around it and there's guardseverywhere and he tries to get
(05:15):
in and he's asking him like whatis this?
He's like oh, it's the beer'sdiamond, mind.
Yeah, he was sitting on it thewhole time.
So I'm looking all over theworld for these mushrooms and
they're outside my front doorand I'm okay, that's a sign that
I need to explore this a littlemore, because we have magic
mushrooms on our front doorstep,like so then you start.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You then you ordered for micro dosing yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So I ordered some stuff for micro dosing and do
that like four times a week.
I kind of have a schedule and Isay it's, it's helped my mood a
lot it's definitely helped mypatience with our toddler, who
likes to test me a lot.
I get annoyed very easily.
(05:57):
Well, human design could beanother topic that we talk about
, because you and him have veryopposite human designs, designs,
which is part of thefrustration so yeah, I don't
know, I feel makes me feel likemore present and less definitely
less anxious about things andless worrisome and, I don't know
(06:20):
, maybe judgmental.
It's just like just go with theflow more and stop worrying
about all the little things.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I mean it's not.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It doesn't make you perfect, but it definitely helps
with some of the bullshit.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I haven't got into it , but I also haven't been
consistent like you and I feltlike when I did try a little bit
, I just felt like not me, andso I just stopped, but I might
try again later, anyways.
So then he's really beenlooking to do like a bigger trip
and I'm worried because I thinkhe needs to go to costa rica
and spend thousands of dollarsto go to a ceremony somewhere.
But you found this guy online.
(06:52):
That's been sort of like amentor in a way yeah, I found a
dude from.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
He's actually from vancouver, he's living in bali
now.
His name is james zander.
He's got is his podcast.
He's on Spotify, apple, all thestuff and he's done, oh man,
like 50 plus trips and he helpspeople, you know, with mushroom
trips and his podcast.
(07:15):
He gives you all kinds ofinformation.
So I just started like when Iwant to do something, I go like
all in learning about it.
So I started learningeverything I could about
mushrooms.
You know the pros, the cons,what to expect on a mushroom
trip, and this guy's got a goodchecklist too.
I started listening to AndrewHuberman, you know the.
(07:36):
Huberman labs stuff.
He's got some really goodpodcasts with some interviews on
some like major academic dudesthat have done studies and stuff
.
So I went through all that kindof what actually happens in
your body when you're doing it.
So it's like the science partof it that I was learning and
(07:58):
then also what's happening inyour head, what can potentially
happen, what can go wrong, whatcan go right, yeah, so I felt I
gathered enough information.
I was like, okay, well, I can,I can do this on my own.
I can do a trip.
I don't need to go spendthousands of dollars, and I
think when you do want to do atrip, it's a pretty personal
(08:21):
thing and I, for myself, I feellike I would have a better
experience with Not havingsomeone else's energy around me,
right, just solo my energy,everything.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Everything me.
I'm the trip sitter.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah, so Bernie was a trip sitter.
So you need a trip sitter youdo need a trip sitter, just
someone.
So people need to know whereyou're at and when you're, when
you're going to do this.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, but I don't go in the room.
He's in the bedroom doing itand he's in a dark room.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You have to have a blind.
Yeah, so if you listen to JamesZander's thing, he's got a
checklist and everything isabout set in setting.
So you want to get a safe roomset up.
Um, you know you have all yourthings ready.
You know you got your water,you got your Kleenex, you got
(09:14):
your blankets, you got all yourstuff.
A safe environment that whenyou're in another world, you're
never going to feel scared aboutanything happening around you.
Like you don't do this shit ina park, you don't do it at a
party, this isn't someone inyour house has to know you're
doing it you have to know you'redoing it.
This isn't like when peoplethere's a stigma around doing
(09:36):
mushrooms that people would.
That's out there and it'sbecause of people would just
like take mushrooms and go toparties and it's raving and
seeing fricking goblins and thislike there's different ways to
do things and that's doingmushrooms for like an
entertainment factor.
The way I wanted to do it wasfor a therapeutic factor to you
(10:01):
know, work through innerstruggles and stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, they say that you know that a big trip on
mushrooms is like years andyears of therapy in a five to
eight-hour session.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I can confirm that after today.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, so when you do want to start, you need to start
small.
So with the microdosing I couldnotice a little bit of effect
if I took a little bit too much.
So you gotta, you know, getyour micro dose um, potent, or
your micro dose, uh, your dose,I guess.
(10:33):
Right, you can have too muchbut too little.
You just want to have enough ofa micro dose when you're micro
dosing.
So it doesn't really doanything like it doesn't affect
you mentally.
It's actually.
It actually is doing something.
So you just want to have it solow that you don't notice any
like mental changes from takingthe drug, if that makes sense,
(10:53):
and then when you're gonna theplant medicine it's plant
medicine.
It's plant medicine.
That's what it is, and that's awhole other topic.
We'll call it instead of thedrug yeah, I feel like we're
drug addicts over here well ifwe're talking about if you want
to go down the whole rabbit holeof big pharma and all that
stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, well, I think we might have content for a
podcast we could anyway when youdo.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
When you do want to do a, a trip, you need to start
small.
You know, start low, go slow.
It's kind of the thing so youdon't know how you're going to
react to mushrooms, you don'tknow how much of a dose you need
, like some like britney mighttake like one gram, and it could
be like me taking three grams,because we get said it, we get a
(11:40):
tolerance to it right becauseI'm microdosing.
Every day I have more of atolerance now.
So the first time I did it Itook uh, I think it was like two
grams, and so you take it.
You wait about an hour seeinghow you're feeling and if you
need to redose you can take alittle bit more at that next
hour.
But I I didn't take enough thefirst time to get really crazy I
(12:04):
did.
There's no visuals.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
There was do you know how much you took?
Do you remember?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
uh, I have this book I have here.
It's got all my notes for everytime I've taken anything your
mushroom book it's my mushroombook, so the first time I took
it you took golden teacher wasthe kind right the first time uh
, it's a golden teacher.
Yeah, so it was 1.8 grams iswhat it was, and it was really
cool, like you like the musicthe music was super intense,
(12:32):
like I've got he's wearing aneye mask.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
He's had his headphones on in a dark room
yeah, so you do have to haveheadphones on.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You need to have a good playlist.
Music is everything.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Music is going to set the tone for maybe you could
share your mushroom playlist Ihave an amazing mushroom
playlist that I absolutely loveand if you know brian, he used
to be a dj.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
So yeah, who knew you'd?
be djing for mushroom, yeah, Ikind of curated this list and
I've set it up so it kind of hasa flow start to finish and at
the end it's when you're comingout.
Yeah, it's really good, um,anyway, so I know, know some
neat things on that very firsttrip I did, but it wasn't
anything like therapeutic, itwas just kind of like fun and
(13:12):
interesting and at this point Iwas just trying to explore my
boundaries and my limits andwhere I needed to be.
So then I did a second one onFebruary 2nd so it was Groundhog
Day and I took more than I didthe first time and these were a
little bit stronger mushroomsthey're called blue meanies and
(13:32):
it was a little bit more intenseand some neat things happened,
but it wasn't like just toclarify too, like it wasn't the
actual mushroom, like you haveit in a capsule yeah, it's
ground up in a capsule and it'sgot, like you know, ginger root
in it and some other nootropic,some other mushrooms in there,
like non-psychoactive mushrooms,and they have effects.
(13:54):
They interact with the mushroomin different ways in your brain.
Anyway, whole other story.
But, um, yeah, there's a secondtrip I did.
It wasn't super intense oranything, but very neat
experience and I knew I justneeded to go further with it, so
I planned for today.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
He told me two days ago hey, PS, I'm doing this
mushroom trip on Friday.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I get lots done.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Like yeah you know it's a good work day for me, so
I.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I took them out of the capsules and I just put the
powder directly in a small shakethis morning, and usually
mushrooms take about an hour tostart working in your system.
15 minutes later I'm like I'mdoing a meditation and I
couldn't even finish thismeditation.
I was like, okay, I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And then half hour later I was like full into this
trip, which was like do you feellike you're like in another
planet, or like what does itfeel like?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
it's you, it's like you, almost like you start to to
disconnect and your, your body,kind of.
You know it.
You know it's going to bedifferent for every single
person.
It's going to depend on yourphysiology, your mental state.
And then when you do go into atrip, besides the set and
(15:14):
setting, you need to setintentions for what you're doing
, because it's a plant medicine,there's a lot of energy around
it.
You need to have an intentionof what you want to experience.
But when you're in it, youcan't have expectations of where
you want it to go.
(15:34):
You have to let it guide you.
You have to.
It's a surrendering, it's yeah.
So the way you did four grams, Idid four grams and mixed
directly in powder with a shake.
I cannot believe how fast thatwas working.
They say an hour like half hourlater I was toast, wow, and it
(15:56):
would come over.
Sensation came over me in waves.
My lips and arms would go alittle bit numb.
Came over me in waves.
My nipped lips and arms wouldgo a little bit numb and Then I
would go like it almost likegoing like another layer deeper,
another layer deeper, andthere's like it's like there was
like a Veil or like a boundarythat I need to cross in this.
(16:23):
You start getting the musickind of guides you, but you
start having like a visuals tothe music almost, and it's like
you're dreaming, but you'reawake and like you're aware of
your physical body, but you'reso aware of your physical body,
but you can detach from italmost and like say like I had a
lump in my throat lots todayand I had to like clear my
(16:45):
throat a bit, so I would be.
Actually heard you doing that,yeah, so I'd be in the you know,
in my mind doing whatever, andthen I go and it brings me back
to my body in that moment, butthen you just like go right back
into, like whatever you werevisualizing, whatever rabbit
hole you're, you're going down,but I had to cross this, this
veil, this boundary, and it'skind of like your ego yeah, I
(17:08):
was just gonna say that's whatit sounds like you gotta go
because when you're in the, whenyou get into the mushroom chip,
it it kind of your ego goesaway and you can be vulnerable,
and you can.
You can go layers deep intothings that have been bothering
(17:29):
you your whole life, that you'vepushed down, and you're able to
bring them up.
You're able to work throughthem.
But in your daily, consciousstate you never would, because
your ego's in the way, alwaystrying to protect yourself.
But when you take, so, when Igot through that veil, it was
like, okay, I'm going anotherlevel deep.
(17:50):
And every time my lips and myhands would go numb and tingly,
I'd have this wave of sensationand I was like, okay, we're
going to go another level deep.
And it was just like goingdeeper and deeper every time.
Wow, and it was just.
It's insane, the stuff that Iseen, that I didn't even stuff I
(18:10):
didn't even know I needed towork on.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Came up, but I'm still trying to figure out.
Yeah, I know Ask more questions.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
What's the first thing you want to share, the
part that you first shared withme?
Is that one of the first thingsthat happened with you?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
The one that got you really emotional.
Yeah, so a bunch of stuffhappened with my brother and my
mom and being in a womb.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So let's just give some backstory about your
sibling situation here.
First for context.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Okay, so my sister passed away when she was five
months old.
Um, this was six years before Iwas born and I think I found
out in grade seven, grade six Ifound out that this happened I
didn't know she existed until Iwas in grade six and that really
really affected me at thatpoint how?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
How did it affect?
Speaker 2 (19:00):
you.
I cried a lot.
I think I felt almost betrayedby my parents.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, for not telling you.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
For not telling me and I don't know.
I just remember I got a picturebook together for her.
I had all these little photoalbums and I was carrying it
around at school.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Aw.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And I remember I was going to the counselor lots at
that time to talk about it.
It was just like a weird thing.
It's like somebody died thatyou didn't even know existed,
but they would have been yoursister.
It was a really weird thing.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
And it was like I was in grade 6 at the time.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
It's a vulnerable age .
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I was just going to say I'm really vulnerable
because of how teenagers are andin school and there's all that
pressure stuff going on there.
And then people would make funof me from this book.
What?
Oh yeah, like it's just, kidsare dumb.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Kids are dumb.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And then your younger brother is nine.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Eight and a half years younger than me.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so lots of gaps between the three
of you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
but anyways, okay, back to the trip.
So you were in the womb, thiswomb space.
Yeah, I was in this like reallywild womb space Um PS.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
it's international women's day today.
As he did this trip, he didn'teven know.
And so much of the story he'sabout to tell you guys is so
much feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It's actually the amount of feminine energy in
this is crazy okay, so back back, yeah, so we're like me and my
bro were like in this weird,like almost like a beehive womb
space and we're just likebouncing around and it came back
to this like singular point,and it was in my mom's like
(20:45):
belly, and it was like my mom'swomb and it was like where me
and my bro initially connectedas we shared the same womb as
right, we shared the same spacein my mom's womb and it was just
like this really weird, likeholy shit, and I just had this
absolutely insane lovingconnection to him.
When that was happening and youhave emotions that come over
(21:07):
you can't even explain my facewas just like pulling back with
like tears of like there werejoyous tears though right and
you just said you felt soconnected to him.
Yeah, I just, and I was justcrying because I just like had
so much love and connection forhim and it was just deep, like
you don't have feelings likethat in like real life, in real
(21:31):
life.
So having that there, it's justlike I just wanted to like
phone him right there and belike I love you, bro, and even
just you saying this again hourslater, like you're getting all
emotional again yeah, so thatwas really neat.
There's just like thatconnection and how we shared
this womb and like weird rightlike eight and a half years
(21:52):
apart yeah, it's just like astrange.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
It's weird because you felt that connected, but in
real life it was eight and ahalf years apart, but you felt
that connected in that, yeah,space we're bouncing around like
little kids, but we're bees onlike a spider net trampoline
thing inside thisthree-dimensional space
influenced by the show marty'swatching on prime called the
hive.
Yeah, probably, little bees.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah, anyways okay so then, the next part is the
coolest part so then I'm in justpicture, just internal
blackness with a little box inthe middle and it's your
childhood bedroom from above,with, like, the ceiling peeled
off and you're like peeking intothis box.
You're looking down into yourbedroom, okay and then I'm in my
(22:34):
bedroom and I start rememberingall the times I was in that
bedroom, you know, living it up,doing my bedroom, just whatever
I did in my bedroom, and thenmoments where I felt shameful
for you know this, that or theother thing.
And I like this.
I think I moved into thatbedroom when I was four or five,
(22:57):
what?
Yeah, into that bedroom, and Ileft when I was like 15 or 16.
So I had a lot of different, lotof years in that same bedroom
and I just was like wanting to,wanting to escape that feeling
of all the shame I was feeling.
But I was like, no, you need tostay here and confront this and
(23:19):
um like overcome whatever youknow.
All these moments like thisisn't, this, isn't you, it's
things, it's how you felt, butit was like I could witness
myself as a little kid.
I just want to like hug myselfalmost yeah and be like it's
okay yeah, it's so strange.
Yeah, getting emotional becausethis is a crazy part.
So something that actuallyhappened in real life in that
(23:43):
bedroom is it was getting darkand I was in the back of my
closet and I was like, oh man, Iwish I had light on.
And at that moment the light inthe bedroom turned on.
This is a real life story now.
So I was in my dreamremembering that moment, or in
(24:04):
the trip.
I was in the dream rememberingthat moment, or in in the trip.
I was in the trip rememberingthat moment.
And then I went into the closetand the light turned on, just
like it did in real life it hadin real life, and I was like I
want to know what's on the otherside of of that, like that
light.
That's like I want to know the,the energy, the power how did
that happen?
what turned that light on?
(24:24):
It was just like a question oflike I want to know something
from like another realm, or itwas like one of those like
really deep kind of questionsscared no, I wasn't scared.
So at the back of this closetwas just like a black door and I
crawled back there and it has alittle white dot, was like the
(24:44):
doorknob and it was like almostlike there's light shine through
it.
And I pushed it open and I wentin to this like eternal
blackness and soon as thathappened, I got embraced by just
(25:10):
overwhelming love, like overfucking whelming love, like
you've no idea.
And it was my sister and I likeit was just like this strong
embrace and I felt like I wasbeing absolutely squished up
onto like a ceiling, justsquished with love, like trying
to like hug me so hard.
(25:32):
And it was my freaking sisterthis whole time and I just had
this insane realization.
It was like she was holding myarm but I couldn't see her.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She was like an energy it was an energy, not
like a person.
I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
There was no form, it was just like you just knew it
was her it was her and it wasjust like I had all these, like
a flashback of all thesedifferent moments of my life,
and that she was with me thewhole time you're turning 41
this year and you've justrealized she's been with you the
whole time.
I always had felt that, but Inever.
It was just like a feeling.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well, and you've never said that to me even.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
You know what I mean Like at the things that we hold
to ourself.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And yeah, wow.
So while this is happening, myface is just like feels like
it's melting off.
It's just like wants to.
I'm just blubbering and cryingwith just not sadness, with just
like joy, like just the amountof love that I felt there was
just off the fricking charts.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
It reminds me of when you hear people talk about like
past or like um near death,near death encounters, yeah and
that's everybody explains, isthis like overwhelming feeling
of love and I feel like that'slike somehow you experience that
without like actually the dyingpart yeah and is that just like
the removal of the ego?
Or like, how could youexperience that it's because,
(26:59):
also when you die, you'd havethe removal of the ego?
Or like, how could youexperience that?
It's because also when you die,you'd have the removal of the
ego.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Well, yeah, it's uh, one of those things they they
talk about a mushroom chip beingineffable, which is like you
can't explain to someone what'sgoing on, how you like what
happened, like you can try toexplain things in words, but you
just it's just impossible, it'sineffable, it's ineffable.
Yeah, so that was likeridiculously deep.
(27:32):
And then from there, when shewas hugging me and I had this
realization that she's been withme my whole life, it's circled
back to being in the womb, inthe womb thing with my brother,
and it was like there was three,three of us there.
Now it wasn't like people, itwas just like three, like little
energies, almost like bouncingaround, and it's like we're just
(27:53):
three like there's just thisconnection between the three of
you.
That's unreal yeah, and you'rejust like it's a little easier
to talk about it now than I didokay you guys have.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
You would have seen or heard him talk about this
after he came.
I've he couldn't even talk,like you were just crying so
hard and went through a lot ofkleenexes and I just was like,
let it out, like that's whatthis was for.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Obviously this is your therapy oh, there's just so
much therapy like this could belike a three-hour thing just
talking about all the stuff thathappened is there anything else
I want to talk about next,because you said that cool part
too about like the like youholding the earth or something
oh, there was.
Yeah, there was a one.
(28:41):
At one point I was and stuffwas happening like it was upside
down like yeah, you said,everything was upside down yeah,
it's like I was hugging theearth, but I like it's like I'm.
The earth is like up, likeeverything was like up.
Weird, it was strange, but Iwas hugging the earth and I was
just like feeling its energy andit was just like I want to cry
(29:03):
just thinking about everything.
It was just like all the likeinjustices and how we, how we
treat the earth and all thedamage we're doing to it, and it
was just like I just got imagesof all of the things that I've
seen, like oil spills anddeforestation and just pollution
and fucking everything, and itwas just you said the earth felt
(29:23):
sad.
It felt sad and I could like.
It's like I could feel it and Ijust was picking up its energy
and I just started to freakingcry again.
It's like I just wanted to cryfor it because it's like we're
just treating this planet like afucking garbage dump and it's
horrible.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I mean, if you know brian, you know that he's always
been so passionate about theenvironment yeah, so that was it
was almost like confirmation ofyeah, your feelings yeah, so
that was.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
That was really hard.
But there's like the neat thingabout going on a mushroom trip
is it's like you have tosurrender because you can't just
like get up and walk away.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Like you're in it.
Once you take it, you have tolet this journey go through.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
You can't try to force it.
You have to allow it to do itsthing and let it take you on the
journey.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
It's like forced meditation yeah, what was the
part about?
It was like with the earth, butlike the communicating or
something like communicatinglike something with the earth or
like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I don't remember what you're saying maybe or with the
mushrooms oh the mushrooms.
Oh right, so yeah, man, this isactually the second time this
came up, but this was way morepowerful than the first time on
that other trip I had.
It was like.
It was like we've lost oursense of communication with the
(31:03):
earth and the trees and theanimals and everything, because
as a society we segregateourselves, we think we're
separate from nature, so we'reover here and nature's over
there.
We're unable to communicatewith it anymore.
(31:24):
And then it's like thesemushrooms came along and they
naturally evolved to get youknow magic mushrooms.
They naturally did their way.
That's not a man-made drug oranything right, it's a plant.
It's a plant.
So we take this plant and allof a sudden, those like waves of
communication with the earth,like open up again.
(31:45):
It was like the weirdest thing.
It's like I, it's like themushroom mycelium were like
growing into my feet and into mybody and it's like I could talk
to the planet again the planetyeah wow it's like I could talk
to nature and everything it'slike.
(32:07):
It's like it was like a channelthat we had, just like we
stopped using our natural skillsto talk to the planet and then
these came along and now we'reable to speak to the planet
again through mushrooms.
It was so crazy Just seeinglike roots and mycelium and
whatever growing up through inyour body and just like it was
(32:28):
wild and is that the one where,then, you started like flying?
oh, that was a different thingoh my god, there's a lot of
things going on yeah, it's justweird because you have these
like crazy moments where youwant to cry and then something
beautiful happen and you justcan't get this smile off your
face.
You'll just be sitting there inthe dark by yourself with mask
on, listening to music and youjust like you're smiling and
(32:51):
emotions are so high, it's justso much joy.
I had this one where I washiking on the.
It was down the wanfuka trail,where I just love being out
there, and I was like dancingjust on the trail, just like
soaking all in, and all of asudden I just kind of became
like a bird and I went above andI was flying everywhere and I
(33:14):
started going up the coast ofthe island, up the coast of
British Columbia, over likeAlaska, over to like Russia, and
while I was doing this, thewhole planet was like being, I
was like spreading love and itwas like wow.
I was just spreading loveeverywhere I went and it was
(33:35):
just this insane joy of love andI just like watched everything.
It's like wherever my love went, everything was turning kind of
like an orangey, yellow, justlike on like a map almost.
And I was way above and I wasjust going so fast.
I was spreading my love to likethe whole almost and I was way
above and I was just going sofast I was spreading my love to
like the whole planet and I justhad so much joy just giving
love everywhere.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Oh, my god it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
And then the song changed while I was in the
middle of it.
And it's weird when a songchanges because whatever thought
plane you were on shiftsbecause that's when it went from
like if this more feminineenergy to like masculine.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
But that was a different time.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
That was a different time, but it was like.
It was like I want to finishsending all this love and the
song's changing and it's tryingto pull me out.
So then it goes into likesomething else.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
So where did the lion part come in?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So yeah, I had all this men.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
So yeah, I had all this, this um a lot of feminine
energy, which is internationalwoman's day.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
That's so weird, it's very.
It's just like a lot of a lotof love and uh, joy.
And and then there was justlike a time where I was the the
music change and it was like adominant kind of music with like
a drum beat, and I just feltlike powerful and I was like a
lion and I was in like field andI was like charging forward and
(34:57):
it was just like a you knowlike a scene, a movie almost,
where this lion comes out andhe's just like gonna take charge
and whatever, he's going to gokill it with his prey or
whatever.
And I just felt so powerful andI said to myself I said, oh, my
masculine energy is coming outand it's taking over.
(35:21):
Now, now that we've had so much, this is like conversation
going on in my head.
I'm like I feel this masculineenergy.
It feels like raw and then allof a sudden it was like I
cowered down and I stopped and Ijust felt tiny and it was like
(35:41):
myself feeling like unworthyalmost, and I just so you, when
you're in like a trip, you'reexperiencing it Like it's like
you're the person that's firstperson, kind of thing, and then
you can zoom out, take a stepback and assess something from
(36:04):
like the outside.
And I noticed I said this is acycle that you always do.
You almost like it's like youself-sabotage it's like you.
You get excited about something, you go after it and then you
talk yourself out of achievingwhat you deserve.
And I just had to like yell atmyself almost.
(36:27):
And there's points in this coolspot where I was hugging
(36:49):
there's a completely differenttime than the first time when I
was hugging the earth.
But I just held the earth andthere was a message that came.
It was like it's like, you'relike everything, just as you are
, you're, I see you just the wayyou are, or something like that
.
It's like it.
Just the earth just loved mefor who I was.
(37:11):
I didn't have to impress anyone, I didn't have to change, I
didn't have to, just which isworthiness.
Yeah, it's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
We've been talking about the book Worthy by Jamie
Kern Lima, and that's what shesaid is.
Worthiness is like fullyaccepting yourself exactly as we
are right now, not having to besomebody different.
That's exactly what you'redescribing.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Yeah, and the earth so cool tell, told me this, and
I mean that's why I feel socomfortable in nature, because
it doesn't judge me, it doesn'tit just lets me be right it was
just like the neatest thing.
And then I started to cry again.
It was just like you know morecrying today, then oh man, I did
more crying today than I havesince Marty was born yeah, what
(37:58):
was the biggest, what was thebiggest lesson out of all of
this?
Speaker 1 (38:01):
like, what are you taking away?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Well that my sister's beside me.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, that's very powerful.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Yeah, that makes me want to tear up.
And just that I guess I'm yeah,I'm worthy, and like there was
a lot of moments where I wentthrough my life and it's like I
could pinpoint all the like painpoints I had where I felt less
than I didn't feel worthy, but Icould watch myself as like a
(38:35):
third you know person from youknow, zoomed out, looking at
myself, not feeling worthy inthat moment or doing this or
yeah, it was just, it's justweird.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It's so neat.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
It's very neat.
It's like you're watching amovie of your life and you can
see how you were reacting indifferent times and where you
weren't treating yourself justly, I guess weren't treating
yourself, justly, I guess.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
So you said to me today that, like I feel like
this was the trip you werealways wanting to go on and it
just never happened until today.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, this is one of many.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
And you said you wouldn't want to do that every
month and I said, oh, maybeabout every six months and
you're like, maybe every three,like how often do?
You think you'll actually dothis?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Well, I've done it the last three months in a row
because I didn't get what Iwanted the first two.
Now I kind of know my limits.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Because you had to take a break.
Today you said I had to take abreak today.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
It was so much.
This isn't even half of all thestuff that I went through.
It was pretty wild.
That I went through Like thisis.
It was pretty wild, but I thinkif, knowing how intense this
can be, you really have to bementally prepared for it, you
(40:01):
really have to know what toexpect and be ready to surrender
and go through some shit.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
You really have to want to change and know that
there's going to be shit thatcomes up.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, this is like some deep frickin' inner healing
work.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And another book that I bought that I had on our
coffee table just sitting therecollecting dust and brian picked
it up and it's called themountain, is you?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
yeah, well, I've started reading that the last
couple days, but I walked out ofthe bedroom today still buzzing
.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Wasn't quite done, but I looked at that and hungry
I was very hungry he alwayswants a grilled cheese after his
mushroom dress.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I looked at this book called the Mountain Is you and
I'm like God damn, the mountainis definitely you.
Nothing outside is ever goingto fix.
No amount of money or anythingcan ever fix what's going on on
the inside.
It has to be done by yourself.
(41:10):
Well, yourself, but you gottawork it's inner work and you
have to want to want to do it,but you have to recognize that
there's things there and I thinkyou gotta look at your life
where you're being held back andwhat this, what limits you're
hitting, and that's yeah, like,it's like your worth, right?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
I just think the timing of this is also insane,
because you did this oninternational women's day, which
we just put together.
That that's weird with all thefeminine energy and the things
that came through that youweren't expecting, and that also
I had a body talk sort ofintuitive energy healing session
yesterday with my friend Julieand she said that the year 2024
in neurology is number eight.
(41:52):
If you add it up it's numbereight, which is like um, a year
of abundance.
And she said there'sopportunity all around us but
the only people that will likebe able to take advantage of the
opportunity are people that arevibrating at a very high level,
like if you're vibrating at alow frequency, like, you know,
(42:14):
just feeling low, and like theanxiety, depression, like low
kind of vibe, you're not goingto have that year of abundance,
that you have to raise thevibration.
And I feel like when you're ina mushroom trip and you sort of
like, like you said, said gothrough that veil and you like
drop the ego or whatever it isand you're, those emotions are
so intense that you're having.
It's almost like um.
(42:34):
Julie has this like diagram orthis image of a it's a conscious
, it's the consciousness chart.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
I can't remember exactly something of
consciousness, so the top islike the highest frequency you
can vibrate at.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
That's enlightenment, yeah, and the bot, and like
love that you were feeling thisintense amount of love, love,
gratitude, yeah, and at thebottom is like the fear and
grief and very low, lowfrequency, but it's almost like
when you do mushroom trip itjust like takes you like zing
right to the top.
Yeah, like fast, right top, yeah, like fast, right.
(43:08):
Whereas in my session yesterdayI was like around the middle,
like around the courage level.
She said it was about 100frequency and you want to get up
to about 500 frequency in orderto like attract this abundance
that's coming yeah, 700, I think, is this year which we'll never
no forget, or like maybe, ifyou do, you get like bits of it
in, like a trip like that.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
It almost seems like to me yeah, but like you
couldn't, you couldn't get anyof the stuff that you get out of
a mushroom trip by talking tosomeone, because your ego's
there you?
Yeah, because when you're intherapy, your ego is still there
you can't do so much sense you.
There's no way you like youhear people.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Oh yeah, I've been in therapy for 10 years and like
you're in the same fucking placebro yeah, well, I had a person,
I had a friend who said thatthey did a five gram mushroom
trip with their therapist.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It was an eight hour day five or three I think it was
five five, that's heroic dose,that's no, it's a lot that's
insane.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Yeah, I could be wrong, but I'm caught.
I double checked but I think itwas five, but that's why, like
I, I want this experience, butI'm scared to do it alone, like
you are.
Like, I'm like, take me to costarica and put me in a situation
like that not necessary I justwant the experience, I want to
go deep and let my ego go and,just like you know, because I
(44:18):
love this stuff, and I want toknow what my messages are too
and the healing that I got to do, because we all have like
generational trauma, all of usyeah, I still have more things
that the things I went overtoday.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Some of like I got through today, some of its stuff
I wanted to explore and go deepon.
Some of that I didn't evenexpect was coming.
But there's still other thingsthat in my day-to-day life I
still want to tackle.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Well, and let's face it, you're 40 years old, turning
41 this year, you've been onthis so-called personal
development journey.
For when would you say, youreally dove into it?
I mean, I started my business 18years ago and I guess that's
when I started, 26 or so I think, is when I really started to do
personal growth and it's likethe first little stepping stone
and dipping your toe in, andthen it gets like deeper, and
(45:08):
then you got into more energywork, and then you got into like
other things, and now it's likethis, like the next layer and
level, yeah, right of like whatyou can uncover, and then you
can keep doing it every fewmonths to keep yeah, like
there's going to be more layers,like I definitely want to do
more.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I just what I expect now.
It's like I'm gonna I gottamentally prepare mentally
prepare myself even more becauseit's it's hard, it's hard work
well, emotionally exhausting,obviously it's very emotionally
exhausting, like I was likehappy at one point.
I had to get up to go to thebathroom but I was like I'm
(45:46):
sitting there trying to take aleak and I'm like I'm not done.
I got to go back in there andand do more, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
So do you think this is something everybody should do
?
Speaker 2 (45:55):
I think everyone should do this, but most people
a will never want to go afterthe shit that's holding them
back.
Um, they don't want to do theresearch and stuff to figure it
out, like to educate themselveson what this experience would be
(46:17):
, and you know, some people arejust going to be like oh,
mushrooms are, they're fordruggies and hippies and that
took me a little bit to get overbecause that's a stigma well,
and the reason I listen to myfriend's podcast is because the
title of it was my experiencewith plant medicine.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
I was like, oh, what's her plant medicine?
Then I realized it wasmushrooms.
I was like, oh my god, she wasdoing mushrooms, because even I
had that stigma.
I am like the last person thatwill do a drug.
I've never done a drug in mylife.
Yeah, I've never smoked asingle thing in my life.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I have no desire.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yeah, it's not a drug but it's not a drug, it's plant
medicine.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah, the earth makes it on its own in our front yard
in our front yard.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Anyways, we just wanted to get this on audio for
anybody that wants to learn moreabout this and just learn about
that journey, and just forBrian to have this, uh like as a
keepsake for himself and hisreally like his brother, I feel
like will want to listen to this.
Um, just a really coolexperience I didn't want you to
(47:15):
forget.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yeah, anyone's ever done mushrooms in like a, like a
party setting.
You've never really donemushrooms.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
This is, this is mushrooms as a tool.
Yeah, that's the difference.
This is the yeah is this ismushrooms as a tool, yeah,
that's the difference this isyeah, this is mushrooms as a
tool to to heal, and a lot ofyeah, it's it's self, a lot of
self-work.
So you got to really be wantingto.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Well, I think it's helping you vibe high and that's
what you want in 2024.
And then I also.
Ironically, tomorrow is thesuper moon yeah, new moon.
So it's a heightened time ofmanifesting, which is why we're
sitting down to do dream boardsand here we are recording our
first possible podcast.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We don't know yeah, apparently I'm in love with a
horse, oh yeah oh my god, yougotta say that part quickly I
had this crazy all my horsefriends, I had this crazy part
where I was like on a horse andit was taking me on this trip
and I was just like so I wasriding a horse and I just like
bent forward and I had my handaround its like neck and I was
(48:21):
like hugging it and squeezing itand like rubbing his side and I
just freaking loved this horseand it was taking me all over
and it was like because thishorse was grounded to the earth
through its feet and it was justlike I felt connected to the
horse and the earth and it wasjust weird.
I just like, after that littlemoment happened with this horse,
I just how much love I felt forthis, like I was tearing up, I
(48:43):
was so in love with this horse.
It was so fucked up and I justgot out of there well, I'm
terrified of horses.
Yeah, I finished that moment.
I was like you know, I'm justgonna go ride a horse.
In town there's horses here.
A lot of people have horses.
I'm just gonna go do this.
I feel like maybe this issomething I should do.
I wouldn't normally want tojust go ride a horse, but sounds
(49:04):
great, so we're gonna go ride ahorse, but it sounds great, so
we're going to go ride a horse.
You got to follow through onthis stuff, and that's the other
thing.
When it's not just goingthrough the trip and
experiencing all those things,the biggest part is called
integration.
You got to have a journal andyou have to write the stuff down
you got to, you know act on itact on it.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
So that there's progress between now and the
next trip and the next lessonand the next layer, exactly it's
.
Uh, yeah, you're going throughlayers so, friends, what do you
think should I do it?
To keep up giving my low downon the journey?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
and should she come on the horse with me?
Speaker 1 (49:42):
definitely no, oh my gosh, okay everybody.
Thanks for tuning in andlistening to whatever this is.
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