September 20, 2024 • 43 mins
In our first guest interview we discuss relationships and Self-Love with Brittany's cousin Kelsey.
Ever wondered how long you should wait between relationships or how to recognize when one has run its course? Kelsey opens up about the lies we tell ourselves to stay in failing relationships and the importance of self-worth in making those tough decisions. We dive into personal stories about losing oneself in a relationship and the critical notion of choosing oneself to avoid self-abandonment. It's a candid, introspective look at how self-awareness and readiness are more important than any prescribed timeline.
Love is complex, and we tackle its multifaceted nature by examining how it manifests differently across partnerships. From the impact of minor habits on compatibility to the transformative power of self-awareness and supportive friendships, this episode covers it all. We even share our favorite books that guided us on a path of self-discovery and personal growth. Whether you're navigating love, enduring breakups, or seeking personal growth, this episode promises valuable insights and practical tools to help you on your journey.
Links....
The Mastery of Love - Miguel Ruiz
Your word is your wand - Florence Scovel Shinn
Dr. Joe Dispenza
Kelsey's Instagram
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
If that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
I can't with Brian's intro.
I think we need to start doingvideo so you guys can see how
ridiculous this guy is before westart our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Definitely extra.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome to our first interview.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And who do?
We got today.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Well, it's definitely somebody you're not expecting
and you're going to love thisone.
We don't know what we'retalking about, but we have a
general idea.
We're talking to my littlecousin, kelsey Howdy, and, yeah,
we're going to start doing moreinterviews, but this, this is a
test thanks for being ourgetting big, you bet, and on
(01:08):
this podcast we're gonna talkabout self-love, breakups and
moving on and I feel like we'vebeen here to witness a lot of
that with kelsey it's.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's been a drama from the sidelines.
Who've been watching this drama?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
you're welcome, but brian has been here for the
entire adventure yeah, everyphase of it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
From the first tooth of yours I pulled out to you
know all the boyfriends.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, all the in-betweens, it's true.
What were you going to say?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Just, I don't know.
I feel like this is girl talkand I'm just here to fill in the
spaces in between.
Give us the men's perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah yeah, this is Kelsey.
Was like aren't we practicingmore?
I'm like no, this is just aconversation, and the best part
about Kelsey is she's usuallypretty witty, so whatever comes
out of her mouth is going to beexactly what's supposed to come
out of her mouth.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
But I wanted you to just tell the listeners a little
bit about you and, like youknow, we're cousins.
Not all cousins are close.
I feel like you're more of likewhat do we call each other
Sister cousins, sister cousins,so like tell the people.
Tell the people why am I yourfavorite cousin.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Bold question.
Well, we're so close becauseyou moved in with us when I was
five and you were my favoriteperson.
I was telling her stories how Iused to follow her around and I
just wanted her to loveeverything that I loved, and I
loved everything she loved.
Like Hammy Jones, I was like ananimal.
I was like me first, and then,of course, brian.
(02:37):
I don't know Brittany withoutBrian, which is a weird thought
to have Ever since you guys, youwere 15 and you were 16?
.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I was 17.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yeah, so that's why we're so close.
You're my favorite cousin Causeyou always gave me
hand-me-downs um, which built areally strong foundation for
that just carried us through.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
That's why you come around so often.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
That's why I come around so often, just in case
there's a scrap that I can grab.
Oh my, gosh.
And then Brian, of course.
I've been here for a week andI've had supper every single
night.
It's been a dream truly, you'rewelcome.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Not many people can just have your unlimited amounts
of time, but you are one ofthose people.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yes, you're an easy person to have around Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You're definitely an easy person to have around, so
tell us a little bit what do youwant people to know about you
before we jump into?
Speaker 3 (03:24):
you know the topic oh boy, it's a loaded question
that is a loaded question umwhat do I want people to know
about me?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
do you want to talk about when you were like four
and you were already in lovewith yourself?
I?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
wish it was a video.
Yeah, yeah I.
Yeah, I've always loved myself,always been a free spirit.
Just kind of go with the flow.
Everybody loves Kelsey, alwayskind of changing what I'm doing,
who.
I am Just figuring it all out,yeah, trying not to take it all
too serious.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I have to tell you guys a funny story though.
When Kelsey was, I think youwere four and she had I don't
know if you even know thoselittle shirts that they look
like a doll shirt and they'reall sort of like crunched up and
then you put them on a bodythat stretch out.
I don't know how to describethat shirt.
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Do you have a better description?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It's like very 90s, very 90s, it was purple.
A scrunchie shirt, kind of likea scrunchie shirt.
You're four years old, keep inmind, so like six months older
than marty, just to put thatinto perspective, since you've
been hanging out with him allweek and you said does this make
(04:33):
my boobs look big?
And I died.
And I just feel like thatlittle like kelsey spirit of
when you were four is just likestill who you are at 28.
Yeah, you're not worried aboutif your boobs are big, though,
but Because they are, I know youcan't see, but they are.
Oh my gosh.
No, but one thing that we can,I guess, like we have a lot of
(04:59):
similarities.
I feel like more peopleprobably think we're sisters
than cousins.
But one thing that we can'tspeak to on this podcast, brian
and I, is the breakup piece ofthings, because we have never
broken up and we don't have thatto offer.
But you have, boy, have I donethat?
But this is more relatable topeople and we're going to circle
this around and bring it backto, like, the concept of
self-love, because you have,like I said, always had this
(05:21):
level of self-love, no matterwhat you have gone through or
relationships that you've beenin.
So, first of all, I thinkpeople listening might be
wondering okay, you're 28 yearsold, how many breakups have
there really been?
Like what would you consider?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I would say three breakups for sure that were like
impacted you?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
yeah, okay, and we're not gonna like name names or go
into details here.
No, but would you say thatthere is like some kind of
common thread in any of thesebreakups?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, I would say, like infidelity is the common
thread, or cheating, or lack oftrust.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's on the other side.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Their side.
I've never cheated on anyone,yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
We're taking applications, if anybody would
like to go on a date with KelseyJust kidding, We'll post her
profile show notes.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
And her big boobs.
Yeah, you know about my boobsnow.
Yeah, that's the common thread.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Okay, so where do you want to start with this?
Because I feel like I don'twant to go into necessarily
detail, but I just feel likewhat perspective can you offer
to people listening that mightbe going through a breakup but
don't know how to like move onfrom it?
Right, because you I feel likeI'm not saying it was never hard
, you've always had a transitionperiod.
That's hard, but I feel likeyou always kind of come out
(06:34):
better and stronger and thenit's like this other great
relationship, like we're allsort of like a leveling up kind
of relationship yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I think the first breakup I ever had like really
shook me.
But I think I tied a lot of myidentity into that relationship.
So it's like what I was goingto college for and how I
pictured my life was likewrapped up in that relationship.
And when that ended I was like19.
Like I wasn't very old.
All of a sudden I was like wait, like who am I?
(07:02):
What do I actually want to do?
Like I dropped out of nursingschool because I was like wait,
like who am I?
What do I actually want to do?
Like I dropped out of nursingschool because I was like well,
that was crazy that I tried thatand had to like figure out my
identity.
And each time it was kind of ina place where I had to get like
better and better at figuringthat out.
So then the second one I was ata position where I didn't
really have a career.
I couldn't support myself.
I was in a city that like Ididn't really know myself and
(07:27):
again I was like, okay, I knowwho I am, but I can't support
myself.
Then the last one I'm now in aplace where I know who I am, I
have a career, I'm like good onmy own.
So each time I feel like I tookthe lessons with me and applied
them to the next relationship,um, but I think those times in
between it was just a greatopportunity to be.
(07:47):
Like you can't be in thatposition again, like you have to
figure that out.
For one it's your identity, forthe next it's finances, because
that's a big reason people stay.
That's a big reason, you know,I thought about like I can't
live here by myself, like I havea like a minimum wage job, like
what am I going to do?
(08:07):
And that was scary.
But I think, just like knowingwho I am and what I have to
offer, I've just like never beenscared to figure it out.
And this is also maybe wild tosay, but like lots of times I
remind myself like no one'sgetting out of here alive, like
it's not that deep, which likeis maybe like a stretch, but
(08:29):
it's true.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's like it's you know, at the end of the day, it
is what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's really relatableto people because there are,
like you said, a lot of peoplethat stay in relationships for
far too long and a lot of thetimes it is for finances.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Especially relationships for far too long,
um, and a lot of the times it isfrom finances, especially with
women.
Yeah, do you feel like theserelationships like held you back
from finding your true self?
Or was it like the in betweenwhere you're like, okay, now I
know who I am a little bit more,and then you got in a
relationship and then it waskind of like pause on kelsey and
then that one ended and nowyou're discovering yourself a
little more, or how did that go?
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Yeah, I think like the first relationship was
definitely a pause on Kelsey orlike putting myself into a box
of like who I thought I shouldbe.
And then the otherrelationships that I were in,
like one was a big discoveryperiod where it's like I just
explored everything.
I traveled, I moved to a newcity, I had a bunch of different
jobs, I made new friends, sothere was a lot of discovery in
(09:26):
that.
But I still didn't like havelike in the core I know who I am
, but not so much like as anadult, like you know what are my
hobbies now as an adult, orlike what kind of people do I
want to be with?
Like that kind of stuff.
But that was a lot of discovery.
The in-betweens is like the hardgrowth, the things that you
don't want to think about, likewhy don't I want to be alone,
(09:47):
like why am I not progressing inmy career?
Like the hard things I feellike came in the in-between.
But the during like I stillfeel like maybe that's something
that people miss is like youdon't stop.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
you keep growing and keep discovering and don't hold
back just because you're in arelationship do you feel like
you wanted to grow when you'rein the relationships and you
felt like held back a little bit?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, definitely in certain aspects, Like in one
maybe I held back on likebecause you want to compromise
in a relationship, right, if youthink that this is going to be
your person, you're like okay,maybe it's not smart to like
pack up my life and move acrossthe country if we're going to
try and make this work andthat's not your end goal.
So there's definitely likecompromise, um, and I think it's
(10:33):
just like human nature to liketry and make it work when you
really love someone, um, but Ithink like you can still grow in
a relationship and that's like100% what you should do, because
if I didn't grow in thoserelationships, like I mean, I
got my finances figured out in arelationship and so, like you
(10:54):
have to keep figuring thosethings out, regardless of where
you are.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Good questions, brian .
Yeah, thanks, you thought thiswas girl talk.
Yeah, good questions, brian.
Yeah, thanks, you thought thiswas girl talk.
A lot of things that you weresaying.
I was just like thinking ofother questions to ask you
because I feel like you aresomeone who you like really know
your self-worth and that's whyI think you don't stay stuck in
a relationship when you knowit's sort of like run its course
.
Is there like a signal or athing that you like when you
(11:21):
realize it's like nearing theend?
Because I guess I'm trying tofigure out how do we help people
that are maybe don't know howto figure out what that is right
.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
If you are listening to this podcast, you know it's
like a pet in your stomach in arelationship you know okay, and
lots of times you lie toyourself and you're like, yeah,
I know, but it's a tough periodI was just gonna ask that how
much do you lie to yourself to?
Speaker 2 (11:44):
say like this is where I should be, but deep down
you're like no, this actuallyisn't where I should be, you
know things are gonna get better.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Think as soon as he quits doing xyz, or as soon as
he starts doing xyz, or as soonas we get the new house, or as
soon as we get this finances inorder.
Like you're lying to yourself,I know, in one of my
relationships I knew, but peoplekept telling me like the
opposite of what I felt.
So I like made myself believeit.
But you know and you can callyourself out Like you know, when
(12:13):
you're lying or it feels heavy,it's off.
You know, for me I struggledbetween like having empathy and
like wanting to make it work andwanting to help them through a
tough period.
But then like like choosingmyself.
And I think for me thatbreaking point is always when I
start losing myself, like when Istart feeling like I'm nagging
or I'm procrastinating or I'mfeeling tired or not.
(12:35):
You know myself, that's when Icall it off, that's when I'm
like now it's going deeper.
But you know, you always know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Well, this thing just came to my head.
I had to write it down as wewere talking.
But I feel like every time youdon't choose yourself, you're
abandoning yourself 100%.
That was a good one-liner, hey,yep, write that down.
People, heavy hitter, heavyhitter, yeah.
So I don't know, like, do youfeel and this is maybe kind of
(13:07):
shifting the question butgetting older, I mean, you're
getting older, you're?
Close to 20, relax 28, yeah, Isaid 28, did I say just in case,
someone thought she said 20.
Um, do you feel like now dating?
Well, a couple questions likeshould there be a certain amount
of time in betweenrelationships, because I'm
always like, or is it just likeyou know when you're ready, you
(13:28):
know when you're ready and thisis funny because a lot of people
said this to me I did take acouple years.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Like for what?
Like, like.
What's the difference betweenme taking two months and doing
some, like radicalself-discovery and growth and
like whatever, and someonetaking three years and doing
nothing?
There's like, just because theytook three years, that's the
same, I think, knowing yourselfenough to know like, am I ready?
I mean, I've been in betweenbreakups and in situations where
it's like I'm maybe talking tosomeone and I feel myself get
(13:57):
really attached, but I know it'slike I'm just trying to fill a
void right of like feeling emptyand like this person isn't
actually you know the love of mylife.
It's just me feeling empty andlike this person isn't actually
you know the love of my life.
It's just me feeling empty.
So just knowing yourself enough, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So now, you brought up another question in my mind
love, because I've only everbeen in love with brian, yeah,
so like when you're in, say,these three different
relationships and you love thosepeople.
It's like I guess the questionto be more than one kid, like,
can you love all your kids thesame or different?
Like it's like that, like, isthe love the same, is it
different?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
like, how does that work?
Yeah, does your love grow inthe different?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
it's so relationships like so different.
Like one is very like poppylove and you're just like
excited and like it's the firsttime you've ever really gone on
dates and it's all like new andexciting.
One is like fun and adventurousand like you're getting a
thrill, like you're doing themost and the craziest things and
it's fun.
And then one is like probablywhat you guys feel like safe and
(14:55):
like secure and like you knowlike they've got you.
So it's different loves.
But it's just like if you havelike three best friends, they're
not my best friends, but likeright.
They all kind of serve adifferent purpose.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
So what are you looking for and like, is that
changing now that you're getting, you know, closer to 30?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Okay, you have to quit saying that I'm like 20,
something 28.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
In your mid upper 20s In your mid upper 20s.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I don't think it's changing.
I'm also not in like a rush,like I don't feel like, okay, I
need to have kids, or like Ineed to like get a house or I
need to do all these things.
I don't feel in a rush for anyof that, but I feel like, yeah,
it is changing.
Like I think when you're youngyou're just like this guy's so
hot and they're like dumb as apotato, but you're like whatever
he's hot, now it's likewhatever.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
On top of changing, have any relationships the
person that you started datingor you were falling in love with
?
Did they become a differentperson in the relationship than
they were before?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Like you're like oh, this is actually how they are.
I thought they were this way,but now they're this way, Like
good or bad, though.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Well, both ways, good and bad.
Like one where you're like whois this person?
Like they get comfortable andthey let the wall down.
They're like okay, I don't haveto pretend I don't know if you
remember the scene from Cat inthe Hat?
Like not, the cartoon got likea belly band.
He takes it off and the buttonpops and like his belly pops out
(16:27):
and like he's a piece of pizzathis is me like that's how
sometimes it feels.
It's like they let their guarddown, but also in a good way.
It's like if you're gonna fightfor me, you have to figure out
xyz, and sometimes they do, andthat's great, they change in a
good way or you change together,but definitely like sometimes
they get comfortable and it getsweird.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Well, and change is inevitable.
I mean, like, think of us, liketomorrow is our 24 year dating
anniversary, yeah, and like weare not the same people.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
No, not even close to the same people.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Not even two years ago.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But we've grown together like in parallel.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
So do you think that that's maybe like, like why did
that happen for us versus why isit not for you?
Like is it like you justhaven't found that person to
grow with?
Did you find you were growingwith them or were you growing at
different?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
I think like one definitely growing at different
paces and one like growing verysimilarly, but then realizing
like that's not what I think Iwant, like you want something
else than what I want, and thensaying that's okay too right.
So like maybe, yeah, just notlike finding someone who's going
in the same direction as I'mgoing.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
That makes sense yeah , I think you have to be aligned
with the person that you'regoing to spend your time with,
like especially in values andsimilar goals.
You can have your own interests, you can have your own hobbies
Absolutely but you should begoing the same general direction
in life.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Yeah, we're talking kids, we're talking.
Where do you want to live?
Is it important to be close toyour parents?
Are you good with moving away?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, there's a lot of factors.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
There's a lot of factors.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
There's a bunch of different things that you need
to talk about Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Do you feel like it's harder, like being?
I keep coming back to your age?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
No, because I'm so pretty.
It's not hard in these streets.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I just feel like when I was 15, these were not
conversations we had Like thatwould be dumb.
We didn't think about that.
We just we just were together.
We knew we were together andmaybe know exactly what you want
, but the next person doesn't.
So it's like you justimmediately call it off like
(18:33):
this is a waste of my time.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
no, second date like yes and no, I think for me
because I am like like kind oflike a free spirit, like I could
live anywhere and be happy.
I could, you know, do whateverand be fine because I know who,
like I am as a person and thatwas a big lesson is like home is
within me.
Man, that was like the hardestlesson.
Um, like that's not a hugefactor to me.
(18:55):
I'm not like set that I need tobe in swift current like that's
not a factor, so it makes iteasier.
But the hard thing is like whenyou move in with someone and
you're like, oh, your dish is inthe morning type of person,
like that's not gonna work, likethose things right, that would
not work so the big thingsaren't an issue for me, but like
the small things, I'm like oh,we don't do that.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah, I could definitely seethat.
So, on the topic of like,because you keep choosing you,
obviously you're getting out ofrelationships.
That doesn't mean the personwas like it was bad or negative
or anything, but like you'rechoosing to choose yourself and
to move forward to the nextthing.
So you have that level of like,self-love and self-worthiness.
First of all, like, where didthat come from?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Like I don't know.
I don't remember ever a timewhere it wasn't like you're the
prettiest girl at the party,like I've always had so much
confidence.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
But in a humble way, like you're not the person that
would be like.
No, like I say this in a humbleway.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Like you're not the person that would be.
Like no, like I say this in ajoking way.
Like I don't really think I'mthe prettiest girl at the party,
but like I don't like walkinginto a room full of people.
I'm not like okay.
Or like are these boots weirdwith this pant?
Like what's my hair doing?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
like you're not concerned like I'm not worried
about that.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I never have been you just do you yeah, yeah I feel
like that's everybody loves you.
Obviously, um, what?
What does self-love mean to you?
Because I feel like this meanssomething different for
everybody.
Yeah, what would?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
you say, and for me, when I was like in my like teen
years, like 16, 19, figuring itout, it was like very external,
like people would say like oh,you're so funny or you're fun to
have around, or like I was goodat doing hair and makeup.
Like it was very external.
Now it's very like internal,and self-love to me is just like
(20:40):
the home is inside which likewas the toughest lesson to learn
.
I remember I always had anxietyattacks because I needed, like I
didn't feel like I had a homeand I was kind of bouncing
around, I was like at my parentsand at SIDS and in Ontario and
kind of all over the place and Ijust kept having panic attacks.
And then when I realized, likehome is inside, then it's like
(21:03):
that's where my self-love comesfrom, is like who I am as a
person, like I know that I'llshow up for my friends, I know
that I'll take care of myselffinancially, I know I'll make
the good decision for myself andI'm still funny and good at
hair and makeup.
Like now it's very likeinternal about how I feel about
myself and like that I'll takecare of myself where did you
learn that?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
to take care of myself?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
no, like that, home isn't within you um, it was I
don't even know if, like, Ilearned it from somewhere or
just like crying after a breakup, which always happens and it's
okay to be really, really sad.
I was just like crying becauseI kept having these panic
attacks and I lost like so muchweight and I couldn't figure it
out and I was just likejournaling and meditating and
(21:46):
doing Reiki and trying to figureout what was the problem.
And I think it was that I likefelt so unstable, like I felt
like I didn't know where I wasgoing to go next, and then I
just had to like come to therealization of, like you've got
to figure it out and I don'tknow, I just figured it out,
that I've just got to be okay.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I love that do you have any other questions?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I just feel like when a person really wants to like
level up in any area of theirlife, they're going to be tested
in some way and they're goingto be shown.
It's not like, oh, I want thisand it just comes easy.
The universe throws you somehard stuff so you grow from it.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
That's 100% it.
I remember crying once and Iwas like, why is this all
happening to me?
The universe throws you somehard stuff so you grow from it.
That's 100% it.
I remember crying once and Iwas like, why is this all
happening to me?
And I found an old journal andI wrote what I wanted in my
dream life and it was like noneof it is where I was at and it
literally all had to be rippedaway and I was like, oh my bad,
that hurt pretty bad, but that'sliterally what I asked for.
And the universe was like okay,then we have to get rid of all
(22:54):
these other things.
Yeah Right.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
You just have to take it and level up.
So what are some like?
Do you have actual tools ortangible things that like either
you did or that you wouldencourage other people to do if
they're like going through thisseason?
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, first choose yourself.
Like the worst, the best timeto plant a tree is 10 years ago.
The next best time is right now.
So if you're feeling like Idon't know if this is how it's
supposed to be, or I don't knowif this is my person, or I don't
know what I'm supposed to do,or even like a job or a city,
like any of that, trust yourself.
(23:29):
Like that's number one is likeyou can't move forward if you're
not trusting yourself becauseyou're the tour guide.
Like you got to take yourselfon this tour.
So that's step one.
And then step two, like itreally depends on where you are.
So, like for me and this waswild I would like get naked and
dance and sing and like tellmyself that I left myself in my
bedroom because I just felt likea skeleton.
(23:49):
I didn't know who I was.
I felt so out of place in mybody.
No-transcript season thathelped me.
(24:22):
And then listen to yourself,talk like really listen to it.
So for me, I would set timerson my phone and like it would
kind of like pull you out ofwhatever headspace you were in
and like just take them in andbe like hey, what was I just
thinking about and like kind ofcheck in with yourself, cause
it's like fun to say that, butthen you forget about it.
Some self-awareness, yeah,that's a really good tip.
(24:43):
You just like forget that you'resupposed to be doing that and
so set like I had like fiveyourself on walks, like start
doing things that are good foryou.
Even if it sucks, like don'tthink about it, just do it.
Walk, drink your water, likejust do things that are good for
(25:05):
you.
And then start doing things sothat you can trust yourself,
because I think that's a big one.
It's like, whether it's I'llnever find someone else or I
financially need this or what'sgoing to happen with xyz, like a
lot of that I think comes fromnot trusting yourself.
Like not trusting thatfinancially you'll be okay, or
not trusting that you'll find abetter person.
Yeah, so start doing thingsthat will help you trust
(25:28):
yourself.
So like, if you tell yourselfthat you're going to go on the
walk, go on the walk, right.
If you tell yourself you'regoing to eat healthy, eat
healthy.
If you tell yourself you'regoing to find a better job, like
find a better job, just startdoing that it's good stuff,
feels like it's easier said thandone.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I feel like every day I'm like tomorrow I'm not
eating the rice crispy cake well, that's just lying to yourself
be honest, okay, okay that'swhen I said like be honest with
yourself, I'm gonna eat therecords of you, but I'm just not
gonna feel like shit about it.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Also, I think the last thing I'll say about that
is giving yourself permission.
Like so many times it was likeokay, it's been three months
like quit crying, but it's likeno, I'm sad, I'm gonna cry like
honor.
Or I do feel like a tacotonight, like I am going to go
get a taco.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Like give yourself permission.
You can't hold those emotionsin, because that's not healthy
either.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Not at all, but like, don't deprive yourself of like
the human emotions, yeah, andlike how you feel.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Like trauma, has stuck energy in your body, if
you if you hold it inside you,it's going to present somewhere
down the line with your nextpartner.
So you're just giving yourselfpermission to let this energy
move through you and out.
So the next time you're in arelationship you're not bringing
that old stuff in absolutelyyeah.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
That's why I needed to dance is because that felt
like it was getting through yeah, yeah, for sure it was.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
It's definitely moving energy.
So what are you excited aboutin the future?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Well, I want to ask oh, okay, I want to ask if you
have anything you're currentlydoing to attract or manifest
your perfect partner, or if youhave an idea of who that person
is Not specifically the person,but the kind of person and the
qualities, the lifestyle.
(27:18):
They have Like, do you?
Speaker 3 (27:20):
I think I have like a rough idea of like what I want,
but I also need to get moreclear on like what I
specifically want.
Um, I think, like attractingthem, I'm just, like, more so
than ever, doing whatever I want.
Like I got a dog, I got anotherdog.
I like wanted to go on a trip.
I went on a trip.
(27:41):
I want to extend it, I'llextend it.
I wanted to get a green velvetcouch I got the green.
Like I'm just doing things thatlike I really want to do.
Yeah, I'm feeling like I'mbeing really authentic in it,
versus like trying to set myselfup for marriage.
But lots of like meditation andvisualization and like figuring
out where I want to go.
I think I've been like floatingaround for a while.
(28:02):
You've been out here a coupleof times.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I try to bring you our way.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I think I'll keep floating around, but I want
someone who's like fun and loyal.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That accepts your dogs.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, obviously that was a given package deal.
Package deal mean two dogs umone and a half.
I share custody, but I thinkthose are my main ones, like
loyal, someone who's fun andthen someone who's also goal
orientated, career, careerdriven.
Yeah, I would love if someoneretired me, because working is
(28:37):
not for me.
No, I'm just kidding.
I love my job, I love working,but we're going to get a lot of
messages.
But I'm tired, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
I'm 28.
I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
I've been slaving for 10 years now.
Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
So why don't you tell me a little bit, if you can go
into detail, of like one of yourlowest points in this like
in-between?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah.
So my lowest point was after arelationship, obviously, and I
was the thinnest I'd ever been,and it was so ironic because
everyone kept like complimentingme, being like you look so good
, and I was like I was one ofthem, yeah, and I was so ironic
because everyone kept likecomplimenting me, being like you
look so good, and I was like Iwas one of them, yeah, and I was
like thanks, I feel like a bagof smashed assholes, like I'm
(29:20):
just trying to survive out here,and it was so bad I couldn't
keep anything in, like I wouldwake up and I wouldn't eat until
I felt like I would have likethe shakes and feel really
lightheaded and then have like asmoothie until, like I felt
(29:41):
like that again and not onpurpose, like I wanted to eat.
I was like crying, I wanted toeat so bad, but I just couldn't.
I was so anxious and so I keptlosing weight.
My skin was bad, but peoplekept complimenting me and
telling me like how good Ilooked and I was like dying
inside and finally I justdecided like I don't know what
else to do and so I just startedto like I said get naked,
lotion my body, like look at mybody, tell myself that I loved
(30:04):
myself, started to like feel athome again, cause I really felt
like I couldn't trust my body.
It was like if someone wantedto go on a walk I would be like
I might fall over, like I don'tknow.
Like I was, wow, somalnourished and so, yeah,
that's what I started doing wasjust like looking at myself and
like looking in my eyes andlooking at how I looked and like
(30:26):
getting okay with it and, um,meditating and reading and just
doing things that made me feelbetter, even if it was like
waking up, wash my hair and likecurling it, like that made me
feel prettier and like betterand doing those like kind of
superficial things to get me outof it, and then also just like
having a good support system.
(30:47):
So after that I've got the bestfriends and like I just started
doing fun things with them andat first I don't know if anyone
can relate to this Like Iremember I was going to a
concert and I was in a party busand I felt like I was going to
have a panic attack and that'sthe worst feeling to have when
you're out is like you mightstart panicking and that sucked.
(31:11):
But then the next weekend againI was just like what are we
doing?
Like I was just getting myselfout of the house and slowly but
surely started like having funagain and feeling better and
eating more.
And just like kept looking atmyself naked in the mirror and
telling myself I loved myselfand journaling and slowly but
surely like got myself back outof that hole and gaining weight
(31:31):
again and now I feel better.
I'm probably the best I've everfelt, but I'm probably like 10
pounds heavier than I was atthat time.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
But yeah, it's so funny because, like I'm opposite
, where I feel like I've hadproblems with my weight since I
had my son.
So it's like all I would wantto do is like lose those 10
pounds, but it's so crazy thatyou were like the skinniest
you've ever been, but you feltthe worst.
And I think just that, likeactivity alone, where you
(32:00):
literally just get naked anddance around, lotion yourself,
talk to yourself, see yourself,is something that, regardless if
you're in a breakup or not,it's just the relationship that
you have.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
That's a huge, just self-love thing connecting with
your body and I think what itwas was like one.
I felt so disconnected from mybody.
But the other thing, too, islike I felt skinny and like,
yeah, clothes look great on me,I could wear anything.
I wasn't thinking aboutanything like that, but I didn't
feel like strong.
Right like we went on a hikeand like I wasn't worried about
(32:27):
like can I make it through thishike?
Right.
Like and now, like during thathike, like I was just thinking
like how awesome that I can dothis, or like how great that we
get to be out here today.
Or how I kept saying to Marty,like your dad's the best, I'll
carry you on his back.
Yeah, and it's like why do wecare about like a little pooch
or whatever, like arm flab?
It's like you just have to likechange your perspective of how
(32:50):
you look.
Yeah.
Or like what you are thankfulfor your body for.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well what you are thankful for your body for well,
and it's just like our soul'svessel.
And I remember when our grandmadied, like in 2018 I'll never,
still never forget laying likestanding all around her body
after she passed, and some ofthe family was like, should we
take turns and like talk to her?
And brian and I were a coupleof the last people that had like
a conversation with her beforeshe passed that night.
My biggest regret is notrecording that conversation, but
(33:17):
anyways, I just rememberthinking like I don't need to
have a conversation with her andthis body because she's not in
this body anymore, like I justit was so like the disconnect
was so obvious.
And after that, I just rememberthinking about life so
differently because I was likegrandma's not in that body, like
she's passed on, her soul islike out of her body.
That was just her vessel yeahlike, yes, I'll miss her soft
(33:38):
skin.
I feel like I'm sure you feel,because you just smell her still
is like out of her body.
That was just her vessel.
Yeah, like, yes, I'll miss hersoft skin.
I feel like I'm sure you feellike you just smell her still
and like her perfect wrinkles,like she's like nice wrinkles
you know, I was just gonna saythat's.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
The other thing is, if you think about the people
that you love the most, yeah,it's like her soft wrinkles, or
like how good a hug feels fromthem.
Yeah, or whatever it is, it'snot like her.
But good Lord, if she got ridof that muffin top Exactly, I'm
sure it would be a lot better.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
You're not judging them at all, you're just
accepting them Exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And I just remember thinking like why do we put so
much emphasis on our physicalshell that we're just here to
experience life in as the soul,when, like same thing, no one's
looking at me, even even if Ifeel more insecure in my body?
No one's looking at me like, ohwell, she's not worthy of that,
because look at her, she'sgained 10 pounds and she had her
kid.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, exactly, and it's just like we need to
remember that the most ourselfyeah, and I think getting in
touch with your body, likefeeling connected to all of it,
is one way to do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
That's such a good tip.
I feel like there's anythingyou got out of this whole
podcast.
It's like that one tip.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Yeah, I just I feel like the more you realize that
you're an infinite being andlike where you actually come
from, not like your mom, butlike you come from source,
you're made of this infiniteenergy you can love yourself
more.
100, because your energy,you're not like this body, is
(35:05):
just a thing that we'reexpressing ourselves through.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's not who we really are at our core and also
our soul, chose this body thatwe each have to experience this
life in.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
That's exactly so, like love, the body that you
chose and am I not going toenjoy, you know, going out with
friends because I can't find anoutfit to wear, because, like,
the pants are too tight.
It's like, no, I'm gonna havethe experience.
And like being an infinitebeing also like how cool, like
that you have legs that can takeyou on hikes and eyes that can
(35:37):
see.
And like, like I, you don't getout of it alive, so like, don't
miss out on it, cause you're 10pounds more than what you want
to be.
Oh, it's so true.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Nothing feels heavier than that low vibration of like
shame and guilt andself-judgment, and just like it
just feels so gross.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
It's going to be a whole other podcast for all the
postpartum moms, because, my god, that has been, for sure, my
biggest um struggle and journeylast three and a half years.
For sure, yeah, um, but yeah,that's an awesome tip.
I love that that you did thatand helped you get out of that.
How long of a time frame wasthat for you?
Do you think it's probably liketwo months, two months?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
it was intentional two months, like you didn't want
to stay there.
You weren't.
We've been self-pity.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You were like the last month of the relationship
is when it really startedhappening and there was like
that rapid weight loss and kindof like what I said.
It's like I know to leave whenit starts affecting me and
that's what it was.
It started affecting me and so Ileft and then after that it was
like two months of likeintentional, like I do not want
to feel like this, I do not wantto do this.
I've got to figure it out.
(36:40):
So that's what it was.
Was that?
And I think it was like abuildup of, I mean, self-love we
talk about our bodies but a lotof it was like financial
anxiety.
Like I didn't have a job for amonth.
I was just like like I'm gladwe planned on going on a trip,
so I had a lot of savings forthe trip and I lived off that
Like financially, I didn't havea plan when I was going to live.
(37:01):
I didn't have a plan, I didn'tlike my body.
It was all of that.
That for two months I gotreally serious about like how do
I never get in this positionagain?
And that's what it was.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You said some books.
Do you have any specific booksthat?
Speaker 3 (37:17):
helped you.
Can I pull it up?
Is that cheating?
Speaker 1 (37:23):
No, you're allowed to .
Speaker 3 (37:24):
This is your podcast.
You guys can make the rules.
We make all the rules here.
I don't know if I actually havethis one downloaded.
It's the Mastery of Love.
That's one that's so, so good.
If you haven't read that, it'sMiguel Such a short, that's so
so good if you haven't read thatis miguel.
Yeah, such a short, short read,but so good.
Um, another one.
(37:45):
It and it kind of depends onlike what, what floats your boat
, what tickles your pickle, thelike I've said it a couple times
like you don't make it, make itout alive, like sometimes, if I
feel too like microscopic, Itake a big picture and I'm like
I'm literally on a floating rock, like you're okay, a really
good one, for that is.
Um, the world is your wand.
(38:08):
It just really talks about likeenergy and like being, and like
it really takes you a bigpicture.
That one's really good as well.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Um, we'll link these in the show notes if anybody
wants to yeah, I'm writing themdown access them.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Also dolores cannon, anything by her, the convoluted
universe is really good again,just kind of a different thought
process to kind of shake it upif you're feeling stuck yeah,
you've been all about dolorescannon and you really got me on
her and I can't stop listeningto her.
Yeah, it's just good for her.
You can't unhear the thingsthat she tells you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
No, what a good person Like shift on how you
think about everything so much,because I think so much.
We're just like put in a box ofhow we should think about
things always, and it's notalways like that.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Yeah, one more, and it's not a book recommendation.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
It's an yeah, if you feel out of control.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Listen to him.
Brian, you're a huge dr joe fan.
What would you say for books?
Um man, he's got so many books.
You're the placebo breaking thehabit of being yourself you
were supernatural yeah, uh,becoming supernatural becoming
supernatural yeah, and then he'sgot so many meditations, um,
like you could go down a massiverabbit hole with all sorts of
(39:23):
stuff that's.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
A goal of mine is to go to one of his seminars yeah,
and do seven day intensive withhim.
Yeah, amazing it's like a greatthing about personal growth and
discovery, is like you're alwayson the journey, and I think
that's where, when you said, thepartner that you want to have
is goal oriented and probably onthat same path with you, like
that's probably one of the bestthings about our relationship, I
would say, is like we love thatstuff, like going to seminars
(39:47):
and like reading books andtalking about them and I mean,
if you're not, if you're notgrowing, you're dying.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
And what a better way to give yourself, like
self-love is the gift ofknowledge and understanding, and
, like you, pass it on to peopleright, yeah, along your way,
exploring adventuring theworld's so big and fun, like
there's so many things to doyeah, so many avenues, infinite,
infinite, infinite.
Yeah, stop learning when youdid exactly.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, I think the one other thing that I would say
about, like you asked me aboutwhat kind of relationship I want
.
I think it's a blessing and acurse that my examples have been
you guys.
Like I said, I don't knowbritney without brian also my
parents, very like you guys,have very different
relationships, but they're stillhappily married and so, like
lots of times, I don't put upwith it, because I've seen what
(40:37):
it can be like.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
It's like don't settle.
That makes sense yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
So if someone doesn't have a role model like that,
like a couple that they can lookup to in their immediate family
or something, I think theyshould find someone Well.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I'm just thinking about that Like a perspective,
something to model, because wedidn't have that yet we found it
Well, we kind of just did theopposite of what we were shown.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
Yeah, but you also had mom and dad, like you've
seen, healthy relationships.
Yes, for sure Like find like acouple that you like listening
to, on podcasts Like the lovemovement.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Like the love movement.
Yeah, you can like I.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Like the love movement.
Like the love movement.
Yeah, I feel like there'sexamples everywhere.
Mine was like right in my face,right, but there's examples
everywhere.
Or, like Brian said, just dothe opposite.
Yeah, yeah 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Well, that's amazing.
Any other questions there,Brian?
Speaker 2 (41:34):
No, I mean, this could go a thousand different
ways, but I think we, I think wegot the gist of it.
You asked the, the mainquestion what does self-love
mean to you?
And I think we can.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
We can wrap it up we can raise the vibration if
everybody just takes some ofthese tips into their own
journeys, because everybody'sgoing through it, everyone and
everybody has that in between,and it's what are you going to
do with the in between?
Are you going to binge all thegarbage tv that's on netflix?
Or are you going to, like dothe inside work that, take
yourself for the walk, you know,go to bed early, like drink the
water, the things that you said, to build that trust with
(42:08):
yourself, to like make the nextrelationship even better.
So you know, whoever you'regoing to end up with is lucky to
have you.
Amen, and I also too I wassaying this to you when we were
chatting.
It's like, probably whoeveryou're supposed to be with has
just been unavailable for thelast how long, like you don't
know.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
I don't know what if he's 40?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
You feel like that's old.
Well not old.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Not old at all, but maybe for me, unless he's got a
youthful heart.
If you are 40 with a youthfulheart or any age under upper
mid-20s.
We're talking like 25 to 35okay, we're talking like dogs I
(42:54):
love it well.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Thanks, kelsey, for being on the podcast and being
our first official guest.
So much.
I hope you guys got some valueout of this and thanks for being
here yeah, you guys stayawesome.
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
If that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
I can't with Brian's intro.
I think we need to start doingvideo so you guys can see how
ridiculous this guy is before westart our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Definitely extra.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome to our first interview.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And who do?
We got today.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Well, it's definitely somebody you're not expecting
and you're going to love thisone.
We don't know what we'retalking about, but we have a
general idea.
We're talking to my littlecousin, kelsey Howdy, and, yeah,
we're going to start doing moreinterviews, but this, this is a
test thanks for being ourgetting big, you bet, and on
(01:08):
this podcast we're gonna talkabout self-love, breakups and
moving on and I feel like we'vebeen here to witness a lot of
that with kelsey it's.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
It's been a drama from the sidelines.
Who've been watching this drama?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
you're welcome, but brian has been here for the
entire adventure yeah, everyphase of it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
From the first tooth of yours I pulled out to you
know all the boyfriends.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, all the in-betweens, it's true.
What were you going to say?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Just, I don't know.
I feel like this is girl talkand I'm just here to fill in the
spaces in between.
Give us the men's perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah yeah, this is Kelsey.
Was like aren't we practicingmore?
I'm like no, this is just aconversation, and the best part
about Kelsey is she's usuallypretty witty, so whatever comes
out of her mouth is going to beexactly what's supposed to come
out of her mouth.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
But I wanted you to just tell the listeners a little
bit about you and, like youknow, we're cousins.
Not all cousins are close.
I feel like you're more of likewhat do we call each other
Sister cousins, sister cousins,so like tell the people.
Tell the people why am I yourfavorite cousin.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Bold question.
Well, we're so close becauseyou moved in with us when I was
five and you were my favoriteperson.
I was telling her stories how Iused to follow her around and I
just wanted her to loveeverything that I loved, and I
loved everything she loved.
Like Hammy Jones, I was like ananimal.
I was like me first, and then,of course, brian.
(02:37):
I don't know Brittany withoutBrian, which is a weird thought
to have Ever since you guys, youwere 15 and you were 16?
.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I was 17.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yeah, so that's why we're so close.
You're my favorite cousin Causeyou always gave me
hand-me-downs um, which built areally strong foundation for
that just carried us through.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
That's why you come around so often.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
That's why I come around so often, just in case
there's a scrap that I can grab.
Oh my, gosh.
And then Brian, of course.
I've been here for a week andI've had supper every single
night.
It's been a dream truly, you'rewelcome.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Not many people can just have your unlimited amounts
of time, but you are one ofthose people.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yes, you're an easy person to have around Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You're definitely an easy person to have around, so
tell us a little bit what do youwant people to know about you
before we jump into?
Speaker 3 (03:24):
you know the topic oh boy, it's a loaded question
that is a loaded question umwhat do I want people to know
about me?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
do you want to talk about when you were like four
and you were already in lovewith yourself?
I?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
wish it was a video.
Yeah, yeah I.
Yeah, I've always loved myself,always been a free spirit.
Just kind of go with the flow.
Everybody loves Kelsey, alwayskind of changing what I'm doing,
who.
I am Just figuring it all out,yeah, trying not to take it all
too serious.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I have to tell you guys a funny story though.
When Kelsey was, I think youwere four and she had I don't
know if you even know thoselittle shirts that they look
like a doll shirt and they'reall sort of like crunched up and
then you put them on a bodythat stretch out.
I don't know how to describethat shirt.
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Do you have a better description?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It's like very 90s, very 90s, it was purple.
A scrunchie shirt, kind of likea scrunchie shirt.
You're four years old, keep inmind, so like six months older
than marty, just to put thatinto perspective, since you've
been hanging out with him allweek and you said does this make
(04:33):
my boobs look big?
And I died.
And I just feel like thatlittle like kelsey spirit of
when you were four is just likestill who you are at 28.
Yeah, you're not worried aboutif your boobs are big, though,
but Because they are, I know youcan't see, but they are.
Oh my gosh.
No, but one thing that we can,I guess, like we have a lot of
(04:59):
similarities.
I feel like more peopleprobably think we're sisters
than cousins.
But one thing that we can'tspeak to on this podcast, brian
and I, is the breakup piece ofthings, because we have never
broken up and we don't have thatto offer.
But you have, boy, have I donethat?
But this is more relatable topeople and we're going to circle
this around and bring it backto, like, the concept of
self-love, because you have,like I said, always had this
(05:21):
level of self-love, no matterwhat you have gone through or
relationships that you've beenin.
So, first of all, I thinkpeople listening might be
wondering okay, you're 28 yearsold, how many breakups have
there really been?
Like what would you consider?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I would say three breakups for sure that were like
impacted you?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
yeah, okay, and we're not gonna like name names or go
into details here.
No, but would you say thatthere is like some kind of
common thread in any of thesebreakups?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, I would say, like infidelity is the common
thread, or cheating, or lack oftrust.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's on the other side.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Their side.
I've never cheated on anyone,yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
We're taking applications, if anybody would
like to go on a date with KelseyJust kidding, We'll post her
profile show notes.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
And her big boobs.
Yeah, you know about my boobsnow.
Yeah, that's the common thread.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Okay, so where do you want to start with this?
Because I feel like I don'twant to go into necessarily
detail, but I just feel likewhat perspective can you offer
to people listening that mightbe going through a breakup but
don't know how to like move onfrom it?
Right, because you I feel likeI'm not saying it was never hard
, you've always had a transitionperiod.
That's hard, but I feel likeyou always kind of come out
(06:34):
better and stronger and thenit's like this other great
relationship, like we're allsort of like a leveling up kind
of relationship yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I think the first breakup I ever had like really
shook me.
But I think I tied a lot of myidentity into that relationship.
So it's like what I was goingto college for and how I
pictured my life was likewrapped up in that relationship.
And when that ended I was like19.
Like I wasn't very old.
All of a sudden I was like wait, like who am I?
(07:02):
What do I actually want to do?
Like I dropped out of nursingschool because I was like wait,
like who am I?
What do I actually want to do?
Like I dropped out of nursingschool because I was like well,
that was crazy that I tried thatand had to like figure out my
identity.
And each time it was kind of ina place where I had to get like
better and better at figuringthat out.
So then the second one I was ata position where I didn't
really have a career.
I couldn't support myself.
I was in a city that like Ididn't really know myself and
(07:27):
again I was like, okay, I knowwho I am, but I can't support
myself.
Then the last one I'm now in aplace where I know who I am, I
have a career, I'm like good onmy own.
So each time I feel like I tookthe lessons with me and applied
them to the next relationship,um, but I think those times in
between it was just a greatopportunity to be.
(07:47):
Like you can't be in thatposition again, like you have to
figure that out.
For one it's your identity, forthe next it's finances, because
that's a big reason people stay.
That's a big reason, you know,I thought about like I can't
live here by myself, like I havea like a minimum wage job, like
what am I going to do?
(08:07):
And that was scary.
But I think, just like knowingwho I am and what I have to
offer, I've just like never beenscared to figure it out.
And this is also maybe wild tosay, but like lots of times I
remind myself like no one'sgetting out of here alive, like
it's not that deep, which likeis maybe like a stretch, but
(08:29):
it's true.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's like it's you know, at the end of the day, it
is what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's really relatableto people because there are,
like you said, a lot of peoplethat stay in relationships for
far too long and a lot of thetimes it is for finances.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Especially relationships for far too long,
um, and a lot of the times it isfrom finances, especially with
women.
Yeah, do you feel like theserelationships like held you back
from finding your true self?
Or was it like the in betweenwhere you're like, okay, now I
know who I am a little bit more,and then you got in a
relationship and then it waskind of like pause on kelsey and
then that one ended and nowyou're discovering yourself a
little more, or how did that go?
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Yeah, I think like the first relationship was
definitely a pause on Kelsey orlike putting myself into a box
of like who I thought I shouldbe.
And then the otherrelationships that I were in,
like one was a big discoveryperiod where it's like I just
explored everything.
I traveled, I moved to a newcity, I had a bunch of different
jobs, I made new friends, sothere was a lot of discovery in
(09:26):
that.
But I still didn't like havelike in the core I know who I am
, but not so much like as anadult, like you know what are my
hobbies now as an adult, orlike what kind of people do I
want to be with?
Like that kind of stuff.
But that was a lot of discovery.
The in-betweens is like the hardgrowth, the things that you
don't want to think about, likewhy don't I want to be alone,
(09:47):
like why am I not progressing inmy career?
Like the hard things I feellike came in the in-between.
But the during like I stillfeel like maybe that's something
that people miss is like youdon't stop.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
you keep growing and keep discovering and don't hold
back just because you're in arelationship do you feel like
you wanted to grow when you'rein the relationships and you
felt like held back a little bit?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, definitely in certain aspects, Like in one
maybe I held back on likebecause you want to compromise
in a relationship, right, if youthink that this is going to be
your person, you're like okay,maybe it's not smart to like
pack up my life and move acrossthe country if we're going to
try and make this work andthat's not your end goal.
So there's definitely likecompromise, um, and I think it's
(10:33):
just like human nature to liketry and make it work when you
really love someone, um, but Ithink like you can still grow in
a relationship and that's like100% what you should do, because
if I didn't grow in thoserelationships, like I mean, I
got my finances figured out in arelationship and so, like you
(10:54):
have to keep figuring thosethings out, regardless of where
you are.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Good questions, brian .
Yeah, thanks, you thought thiswas girl talk.
Yeah, good questions, brian.
Yeah, thanks, you thought thiswas girl talk.
A lot of things that you weresaying.
I was just like thinking ofother questions to ask you
because I feel like you aresomeone who you like really know
your self-worth and that's whyI think you don't stay stuck in
a relationship when you knowit's sort of like run its course
.
Is there like a signal or athing that you like when you
(11:21):
realize it's like nearing theend?
Because I guess I'm trying tofigure out how do we help people
that are maybe don't know howto figure out what that is right
.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
If you are listening to this podcast, you know it's
like a pet in your stomach in arelationship you know okay, and
lots of times you lie toyourself and you're like, yeah,
I know, but it's a tough periodI was just gonna ask that how
much do you lie to yourself to?
Speaker 2 (11:44):
say like this is where I should be, but deep down
you're like no, this actuallyisn't where I should be, you
know things are gonna get better.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Think as soon as he quits doing xyz, or as soon as
he starts doing xyz, or as soonas we get the new house, or as
soon as we get this finances inorder.
Like you're lying to yourself,I know, in one of my
relationships I knew, but peoplekept telling me like the
opposite of what I felt.
So I like made myself believeit.
But you know and you can callyourself out Like you know, when
(12:13):
you're lying or it feels heavy,it's off.
You know, for me I struggledbetween like having empathy and
like wanting to make it work andwanting to help them through a
tough period.
But then like like choosingmyself.
And I think for me thatbreaking point is always when I
start losing myself, like when Istart feeling like I'm nagging
or I'm procrastinating or I'mfeeling tired or not.
(12:35):
You know myself, that's when Icall it off, that's when I'm
like now it's going deeper.
But you know, you always know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Well, this thing just came to my head.
I had to write it down as wewere talking.
But I feel like every time youdon't choose yourself, you're
abandoning yourself 100%.
That was a good one-liner, hey,yep, write that down.
People, heavy hitter, heavyhitter, yeah.
So I don't know, like, do youfeel and this is maybe kind of
(13:07):
shifting the question butgetting older, I mean, you're
getting older, you're?
Close to 20, relax 28, yeah, Isaid 28, did I say just in case,
someone thought she said 20.
Um, do you feel like now dating?
Well, a couple questions likeshould there be a certain amount
of time in betweenrelationships, because I'm
always like, or is it just likeyou know when you're ready, you
(13:28):
know when you're ready and thisis funny because a lot of people
said this to me I did take acouple years.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Like for what?
Like, like.
What's the difference betweenme taking two months and doing
some, like radicalself-discovery and growth and
like whatever, and someonetaking three years and doing
nothing?
There's like, just because theytook three years, that's the
same, I think, knowing yourselfenough to know like, am I ready?
I mean, I've been in betweenbreakups and in situations where
it's like I'm maybe talking tosomeone and I feel myself get
(13:57):
really attached, but I know it'slike I'm just trying to fill a
void right of like feeling emptyand like this person isn't
actually you know the love of mylife.
It's just me feeling empty andlike this person isn't actually
you know the love of my life.
It's just me feeling empty.
So just knowing yourself enough, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So now, you brought up another question in my mind
love, because I've only everbeen in love with brian, yeah,
so like when you're in, say,these three different
relationships and you love thosepeople.
It's like I guess the questionto be more than one kid, like,
can you love all your kids thesame or different?
Like it's like that, like, isthe love the same, is it
different?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
like, how does that work?
Yeah, does your love grow inthe different?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
it's so relationships like so different.
Like one is very like poppylove and you're just like
excited and like it's the firsttime you've ever really gone on
dates and it's all like new andexciting.
One is like fun and adventurousand like you're getting a
thrill, like you're doing themost and the craziest things and
it's fun.
And then one is like probablywhat you guys feel like safe and
(14:55):
like secure and like you knowlike they've got you.
So it's different loves.
But it's just like if you havelike three best friends, they're
not my best friends, but likeright.
They all kind of serve adifferent purpose.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
So what are you looking for and like, is that
changing now that you're getting, you know, closer to 30?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Okay, you have to quit saying that I'm like 20,
something 28.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
In your mid upper 20s In your mid upper 20s.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I don't think it's changing.
I'm also not in like a rush,like I don't feel like, okay, I
need to have kids, or like Ineed to like get a house or I
need to do all these things.
I don't feel in a rush for anyof that, but I feel like, yeah,
it is changing.
Like I think when you're youngyou're just like this guy's so
hot and they're like dumb as apotato, but you're like whatever
he's hot, now it's likewhatever.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
On top of changing, have any relationships the
person that you started datingor you were falling in love with
?
Did they become a differentperson in the relationship than
they were before?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Like you're like oh, this is actually how they are.
I thought they were this way,but now they're this way, Like
good or bad, though.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Well, both ways, good and bad.
Like one where you're like whois this person?
Like they get comfortable andthey let the wall down.
They're like okay, I don't haveto pretend I don't know if you
remember the scene from Cat inthe Hat?
Like not, the cartoon got likea belly band.
He takes it off and the buttonpops and like his belly pops out
(16:27):
and like he's a piece of pizzathis is me like that's how
sometimes it feels.
It's like they let their guarddown, but also in a good way.
It's like if you're gonna fightfor me, you have to figure out
xyz, and sometimes they do, andthat's great, they change in a
good way or you change together,but definitely like sometimes
they get comfortable and it getsweird.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Well, and change is inevitable.
I mean, like, think of us, liketomorrow is our 24 year dating
anniversary, yeah, and like weare not the same people.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
No, not even close to the same people.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Not even two years ago.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But we've grown together like in parallel.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
So do you think that that's maybe like, like why did
that happen for us versus why isit not for you?
Like is it like you justhaven't found that person to
grow with?
Did you find you were growingwith them or were you growing at
different?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
I think like one definitely growing at different
paces and one like growing verysimilarly, but then realizing
like that's not what I think Iwant, like you want something
else than what I want, and thensaying that's okay too right.
So like maybe, yeah, just notlike finding someone who's going
in the same direction as I'mgoing.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
That makes sense yeah , I think you have to be aligned
with the person that you'regoing to spend your time with,
like especially in values andsimilar goals.
You can have your own interests, you can have your own hobbies
Absolutely but you should begoing the same general direction
in life.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Yeah, we're talking kids, we're talking.
Where do you want to live?
Is it important to be close toyour parents?
Are you good with moving away?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, there's a lot of factors.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
There's a lot of factors.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
There's a bunch of different things that you need
to talk about Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Do you feel like it's harder, like being?
I keep coming back to your age?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
No, because I'm so pretty.
It's not hard in these streets.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I just feel like when I was 15, these were not
conversations we had Like thatwould be dumb.
We didn't think about that.
We just we just were together.
We knew we were together andmaybe know exactly what you want
, but the next person doesn't.
So it's like you justimmediately call it off like
(18:33):
this is a waste of my time.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
no, second date like yes and no, I think for me
because I am like like kind oflike a free spirit, like I could
live anywhere and be happy.
I could, you know, do whateverand be fine because I know who,
like I am as a person and thatwas a big lesson is like home is
within me.
Man, that was like the hardestlesson.
Um, like that's not a hugefactor to me.
(18:55):
I'm not like set that I need tobe in swift current like that's
not a factor, so it makes iteasier.
But the hard thing is like whenyou move in with someone and
you're like, oh, your dish is inthe morning type of person,
like that's not gonna work, likethose things right, that would
not work so the big thingsaren't an issue for me, but like
the small things, I'm like oh,we don't do that.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah, I could definitely seethat.
So, on the topic of like,because you keep choosing you,
obviously you're getting out ofrelationships.
That doesn't mean the personwas like it was bad or negative
or anything, but like you'rechoosing to choose yourself and
to move forward to the nextthing.
So you have that level of like,self-love and self-worthiness.
First of all, like, where didthat come from?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Like I don't know.
I don't remember ever a timewhere it wasn't like you're the
prettiest girl at the party,like I've always had so much
confidence.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
But in a humble way, like you're not the person that
would be like.
No, like I say this in a humbleway.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Like you're not the person that would be.
Like no, like I say this in ajoking way.
Like I don't really think I'mthe prettiest girl at the party,
but like I don't like walkinginto a room full of people.
I'm not like okay.
Or like are these boots weirdwith this pant?
Like what's my hair doing?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
like you're not concerned like I'm not worried
about that.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I never have been you just do you yeah, yeah I feel
like that's everybody loves you.
Obviously, um, what?
What does self-love mean to you?
Because I feel like this meanssomething different for
everybody.
Yeah, what would?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
you say, and for me, when I was like in my like teen
years, like 16, 19, figuring itout, it was like very external,
like people would say like oh,you're so funny or you're fun to
have around, or like I was goodat doing hair and makeup.
Like it was very external.
Now it's very like internal,and self-love to me is just like
(20:40):
the home is inside which likewas the toughest lesson to learn
.
I remember I always had anxietyattacks because I needed, like I
didn't feel like I had a homeand I was kind of bouncing
around, I was like at my parentsand at SIDS and in Ontario and
kind of all over the place and Ijust kept having panic attacks.
And then when I realized, likehome is inside, then it's like
(21:03):
that's where my self-love comesfrom, is like who I am as a
person, like I know that I'llshow up for my friends, I know
that I'll take care of myselffinancially, I know I'll make
the good decision for myself andI'm still funny and good at
hair and makeup.
Like now it's very likeinternal about how I feel about
myself and like that I'll takecare of myself where did you
learn that?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
to take care of myself?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
no, like that, home isn't within you um, it was I
don't even know if, like, Ilearned it from somewhere or
just like crying after a breakup, which always happens and it's
okay to be really, really sad.
I was just like crying becauseI kept having these panic
attacks and I lost like so muchweight and I couldn't figure it
out and I was just likejournaling and meditating and
(21:46):
doing Reiki and trying to figureout what was the problem.
And I think it was that I likefelt so unstable, like I felt
like I didn't know where I wasgoing to go next, and then I
just had to like come to therealization of, like you've got
to figure it out and I don'tknow, I just figured it out,
that I've just got to be okay.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I love that do you have any other questions?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I just feel like when a person really wants to like
level up in any area of theirlife, they're going to be tested
in some way and they're goingto be shown.
It's not like, oh, I want thisand it just comes easy.
The universe throws you somehard stuff so you grow from it.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
That's 100% it.
I remember crying once and Iwas like, why is this all
happening to me?
The universe throws you somehard stuff so you grow from it.
That's 100% it.
I remember crying once and Iwas like, why is this all
happening to me?
And I found an old journal andI wrote what I wanted in my
dream life and it was like noneof it is where I was at and it
literally all had to be rippedaway and I was like, oh my bad,
that hurt pretty bad, but that'sliterally what I asked for.
And the universe was like okay,then we have to get rid of all
(22:54):
these other things.
Yeah Right.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
You just have to take it and level up.
So what are some like?
Do you have actual tools ortangible things that like either
you did or that you wouldencourage other people to do if
they're like going through thisseason?
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, first choose yourself.
Like the worst, the best timeto plant a tree is 10 years ago.
The next best time is right now.
So if you're feeling like Idon't know if this is how it's
supposed to be, or I don't knowif this is my person, or I don't
know what I'm supposed to do,or even like a job or a city,
like any of that, trust yourself.
(23:29):
Like that's number one is likeyou can't move forward if you're
not trusting yourself becauseyou're the tour guide.
Like you got to take yourselfon this tour.
So that's step one.
And then step two, like itreally depends on where you are.
So, like for me and this waswild I would like get naked and
dance and sing and like tellmyself that I left myself in my
bedroom because I just felt likea skeleton.
(23:49):
I didn't know who I was.
I felt so out of place in mybody.
No-transcript season thathelped me.
(24:22):
And then listen to yourself,talk like really listen to it.
So for me, I would set timerson my phone and like it would
kind of like pull you out ofwhatever headspace you were in
and like just take them in andbe like hey, what was I just
thinking about and like kind ofcheck in with yourself, cause
it's like fun to say that, butthen you forget about it.
Some self-awareness, yeah,that's a really good tip.
(24:43):
You just like forget that you'resupposed to be doing that and
so set like I had like fiveyourself on walks, like start
doing things that are good foryou.
Even if it sucks, like don'tthink about it, just do it.
Walk, drink your water, likejust do things that are good for
(25:05):
you.
And then start doing things sothat you can trust yourself,
because I think that's a big one.
It's like, whether it's I'llnever find someone else or I
financially need this or what'sgoing to happen with xyz, like a
lot of that I think comes fromnot trusting yourself.
Like not trusting thatfinancially you'll be okay, or
not trusting that you'll find abetter person.
Yeah, so start doing thingsthat will help you trust
(25:28):
yourself.
So like, if you tell yourselfthat you're going to go on the
walk, go on the walk, right.
If you tell yourself you'regoing to eat healthy, eat
healthy.
If you tell yourself you'regoing to find a better job, like
find a better job, just startdoing that it's good stuff,
feels like it's easier said thandone.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
I feel like every day I'm like tomorrow I'm not
eating the rice crispy cake well, that's just lying to yourself
be honest, okay, okay that'swhen I said like be honest with
yourself, I'm gonna eat therecords of you, but I'm just not
gonna feel like shit about it.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Also, I think the last thing I'll say about that
is giving yourself permission.
Like so many times it was likeokay, it's been three months
like quit crying, but it's likeno, I'm sad, I'm gonna cry like
honor.
Or I do feel like a tacotonight, like I am going to go
get a taco.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Like give yourself permission.
You can't hold those emotionsin, because that's not healthy
either.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Not at all, but like, don't deprive yourself of like
the human emotions, yeah, andlike how you feel.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Like trauma, has stuck energy in your body, if
you if you hold it inside you,it's going to present somewhere
down the line with your nextpartner.
So you're just giving yourselfpermission to let this energy
move through you and out.
So the next time you're in arelationship you're not bringing
that old stuff in absolutelyyeah.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
That's why I needed to dance is because that felt
like it was getting through yeah, yeah, for sure it was.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
It's definitely moving energy.
So what are you excited aboutin the future?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Well, I want to ask oh, okay, I want to ask if you
have anything you're currentlydoing to attract or manifest
your perfect partner, or if youhave an idea of who that person
is Not specifically the person,but the kind of person and the
qualities, the lifestyle.
(27:18):
They have Like, do you?
Speaker 3 (27:20):
I think I have like a rough idea of like what I want,
but I also need to get moreclear on like what I
specifically want.
Um, I think, like attractingthem, I'm just, like, more so
than ever, doing whatever I want.
Like I got a dog, I got anotherdog.
I like wanted to go on a trip.
I went on a trip.
(27:41):
I want to extend it, I'llextend it.
I wanted to get a green velvetcouch I got the green.
Like I'm just doing things thatlike I really want to do.
Yeah, I'm feeling like I'mbeing really authentic in it,
versus like trying to set myselfup for marriage.
But lots of like meditation andvisualization and like figuring
out where I want to go.
I think I've been like floatingaround for a while.
(28:02):
You've been out here a coupleof times.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I try to bring you our way.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I think I'll keep floating around, but I want
someone who's like fun and loyal.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That accepts your dogs.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, obviously that was a given package deal.
Package deal mean two dogs umone and a half.
I share custody, but I thinkthose are my main ones, like
loyal, someone who's fun andthen someone who's also goal
orientated, career, careerdriven.
Yeah, I would love if someoneretired me, because working is
(28:37):
not for me.
No, I'm just kidding.
I love my job, I love working,but we're going to get a lot of
messages.
But I'm tired, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
I'm 28.
I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
I've been slaving for 10 years now.
Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
So why don't you tell me a little bit, if you can go
into detail, of like one of yourlowest points in this like
in-between?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah.
So my lowest point was after arelationship, obviously, and I
was the thinnest I'd ever been,and it was so ironic because
everyone kept like complimentingme, being like you look so good
, and I was like I was one ofthem, yeah, and I was so ironic
because everyone kept likecomplimenting me, being like you
look so good, and I was like Iwas one of them, yeah, and I was
like thanks, I feel like a bagof smashed assholes, like I'm
(29:20):
just trying to survive out here,and it was so bad I couldn't
keep anything in, like I wouldwake up and I wouldn't eat until
I felt like I would have likethe shakes and feel really
lightheaded and then have like asmoothie until, like I felt
(29:41):
like that again and not onpurpose, like I wanted to eat.
I was like crying, I wanted toeat so bad, but I just couldn't.
I was so anxious and so I keptlosing weight.
My skin was bad, but peoplekept complimenting me and
telling me like how good Ilooked and I was like dying
inside and finally I justdecided like I don't know what
else to do and so I just startedto like I said get naked,
lotion my body, like look at mybody, tell myself that I loved
(30:04):
myself, started to like feel athome again, cause I really felt
like I couldn't trust my body.
It was like if someone wantedto go on a walk I would be like
I might fall over, like I don'tknow.
Like I was, wow, somalnourished and so, yeah,
that's what I started doing wasjust like looking at myself and
like looking in my eyes andlooking at how I looked and like
(30:26):
getting okay with it and, um,meditating and reading and just
doing things that made me feelbetter, even if it was like
waking up, wash my hair and likecurling it, like that made me
feel prettier and like betterand doing those like kind of
superficial things to get me outof it, and then also just like
having a good support system.
(30:47):
So after that I've got the bestfriends and like I just started
doing fun things with them andat first I don't know if anyone
can relate to this Like Iremember I was going to a
concert and I was in a party busand I felt like I was going to
have a panic attack and that'sthe worst feeling to have when
you're out is like you mightstart panicking and that sucked.
(31:11):
But then the next weekend againI was just like what are we
doing?
Like I was just getting myselfout of the house and slowly but
surely started like having funagain and feeling better and
eating more.
And just like kept looking atmyself naked in the mirror and
telling myself I loved myselfand journaling and slowly but
surely like got myself back outof that hole and gaining weight
(31:31):
again and now I feel better.
I'm probably the best I've everfelt, but I'm probably like 10
pounds heavier than I was atthat time.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
But yeah, it's so funny because, like I'm opposite
, where I feel like I've hadproblems with my weight since I
had my son.
So it's like all I would wantto do is like lose those 10
pounds, but it's so crazy thatyou were like the skinniest
you've ever been, but you feltthe worst.
And I think just that, likeactivity alone, where you
(32:00):
literally just get naked anddance around, lotion yourself,
talk to yourself, see yourself,is something that, regardless if
you're in a breakup or not,it's just the relationship that
you have.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
That's a huge, just self-love thing connecting with
your body and I think what itwas was like one.
I felt so disconnected from mybody.
But the other thing, too, islike I felt skinny and like,
yeah, clothes look great on me,I could wear anything.
I wasn't thinking aboutanything like that, but I didn't
feel like strong.
Right like we went on a hikeand like I wasn't worried about
(32:27):
like can I make it through thishike?
Right.
Like and now, like during thathike, like I was just thinking
like how awesome that I can dothis, or like how great that we
get to be out here today.
Or how I kept saying to Marty,like your dad's the best, I'll
carry you on his back.
Yeah, and it's like why do wecare about like a little pooch
or whatever, like arm flab?
It's like you just have to likechange your perspective of how
(32:50):
you look.
Yeah.
Or like what you are thankfulfor your body for.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well what you are thankful for your body for well,
and it's just like our soul'svessel.
And I remember when our grandmadied, like in 2018 I'll never,
still never forget laying likestanding all around her body
after she passed, and some ofthe family was like, should we
take turns and like talk to her?
And brian and I were a coupleof the last people that had like
a conversation with her beforeshe passed that night.
My biggest regret is notrecording that conversation, but
(33:17):
anyways, I just rememberthinking like I don't need to
have a conversation with her andthis body because she's not in
this body anymore, like I justit was so like the disconnect
was so obvious.
And after that, I just rememberthinking about life so
differently because I was likegrandma's not in that body, like
she's passed on, her soul islike out of her body.
That was just her vessel yeahlike, yes, I'll miss her soft
(33:38):
skin.
I feel like I'm sure you feel,because you just smell her still
is like out of her body.
That was just her vessel.
Yeah, like, yes, I'll miss hersoft skin.
I feel like I'm sure you feellike you just smell her still
and like her perfect wrinkles,like she's like nice wrinkles
you know, I was just gonna saythat's.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
The other thing is, if you think about the people
that you love the most, yeah,it's like her soft wrinkles, or
like how good a hug feels fromthem.
Yeah, or whatever it is, it'snot like her.
But good Lord, if she got ridof that muffin top Exactly, I'm
sure it would be a lot better.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
You're not judging them at all, you're just
accepting them Exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And I just remember thinking like why do we put so
much emphasis on our physicalshell that we're just here to
experience life in as the soul,when, like same thing, no one's
looking at me, even even if Ifeel more insecure in my body?
No one's looking at me like, ohwell, she's not worthy of that,
because look at her, she'sgained 10 pounds and she had her
kid.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, exactly, and it's just like we need to
remember that the most ourselfyeah, and I think getting in
touch with your body, likefeeling connected to all of it,
is one way to do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
That's such a good tip.
I feel like there's anythingyou got out of this whole
podcast.
It's like that one tip.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Yeah, I just I feel like the more you realize that
you're an infinite being andlike where you actually come
from, not like your mom, butlike you come from source,
you're made of this infiniteenergy you can love yourself
more.
100, because your energy,you're not like this body, is
(35:05):
just a thing that we'reexpressing ourselves through.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's not who we really are at our core and also
our soul, chose this body thatwe each have to experience this
life in.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
That's exactly so, like love, the body that you
chose and am I not going toenjoy, you know, going out with
friends because I can't find anoutfit to wear, because, like,
the pants are too tight.
It's like, no, I'm gonna havethe experience.
And like being an infinitebeing also like how cool, like
that you have legs that can takeyou on hikes and eyes that can
(35:37):
see.
And like, like I, you don't getout of it alive, so like, don't
miss out on it, cause you're 10pounds more than what you want
to be.
Oh, it's so true.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Nothing feels heavier than that low vibration of like
shame and guilt andself-judgment, and just like it
just feels so gross.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
It's going to be a whole other podcast for all the
postpartum moms, because, my god, that has been, for sure, my
biggest um struggle and journeylast three and a half years.
For sure, yeah, um, but yeah,that's an awesome tip.
I love that that you did thatand helped you get out of that.
How long of a time frame wasthat for you?
Do you think it's probably liketwo months, two months?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
it was intentional two months, like you didn't want
to stay there.
You weren't.
We've been self-pity.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You were like the last month of the relationship
is when it really startedhappening and there was like
that rapid weight loss and kindof like what I said.
It's like I know to leave whenit starts affecting me and
that's what it was.
It started affecting me and so Ileft and then after that it was
like two months of likeintentional, like I do not want
to feel like this, I do not wantto do this.
I've got to figure it out.
(36:40):
So that's what it was.
Was that?
And I think it was like abuildup of, I mean, self-love we
talk about our bodies but a lotof it was like financial
anxiety.
Like I didn't have a job for amonth.
I was just like like I'm gladwe planned on going on a trip,
so I had a lot of savings forthe trip and I lived off that
Like financially, I didn't havea plan when I was going to live.
(37:01):
I didn't have a plan, I didn'tlike my body.
It was all of that.
That for two months I gotreally serious about like how do
I never get in this positionagain?
And that's what it was.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You said some books.
Do you have any specific booksthat?
Speaker 3 (37:17):
helped you.
Can I pull it up?
Is that cheating?
Speaker 1 (37:23):
No, you're allowed to .
Speaker 3 (37:24):
This is your podcast.
You guys can make the rules.
We make all the rules here.
I don't know if I actually havethis one downloaded.
It's the Mastery of Love.
That's one that's so, so good.
If you haven't read that, it'sMiguel Such a short, that's so
so good if you haven't read thatis miguel.
Yeah, such a short, short read,but so good.
Um, another one.
(37:45):
It and it kind of depends onlike what, what floats your boat
, what tickles your pickle, thelike I've said it a couple times
like you don't make it, make itout alive, like sometimes, if I
feel too like microscopic, Itake a big picture and I'm like
I'm literally on a floating rock, like you're okay, a really
good one, for that is.
Um, the world is your wand.
(38:08):
It just really talks about likeenergy and like being, and like
it really takes you a bigpicture.
That one's really good as well.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Um, we'll link these in the show notes if anybody
wants to yeah, I'm writing themdown access them.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Also dolores cannon, anything by her, the convoluted
universe is really good again,just kind of a different thought
process to kind of shake it upif you're feeling stuck yeah,
you've been all about dolorescannon and you really got me on
her and I can't stop listeningto her.
Yeah, it's just good for her.
You can't unhear the thingsthat she tells you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
No, what a good person Like shift on how you
think about everything so much,because I think so much.
We're just like put in a box ofhow we should think about
things always, and it's notalways like that.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Yeah, one more, and it's not a book recommendation.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
It's an yeah, if you feel out of control.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Listen to him.
Brian, you're a huge dr joe fan.
What would you say for books?
Um man, he's got so many books.
You're the placebo breaking thehabit of being yourself you
were supernatural yeah, uh,becoming supernatural becoming
supernatural yeah, and then he'sgot so many meditations, um,
like you could go down a massiverabbit hole with all sorts of
(39:23):
stuff that's.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
A goal of mine is to go to one of his seminars yeah,
and do seven day intensive withhim.
Yeah, amazing it's like a greatthing about personal growth and
discovery, is like you're alwayson the journey, and I think
that's where, when you said, thepartner that you want to have
is goal oriented and probably onthat same path with you, like
that's probably one of the bestthings about our relationship, I
would say, is like we love thatstuff, like going to seminars
(39:47):
and like reading books andtalking about them and I mean,
if you're not, if you're notgrowing, you're dying.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
And what a better way to give yourself, like
self-love is the gift ofknowledge and understanding, and
, like you, pass it on to peopleright, yeah, along your way,
exploring adventuring theworld's so big and fun, like
there's so many things to doyeah, so many avenues, infinite,
infinite, infinite.
Yeah, stop learning when youdid exactly.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, I think the one other thing that I would say
about, like you asked me aboutwhat kind of relationship I want
.
I think it's a blessing and acurse that my examples have been
you guys.
Like I said, I don't knowbritney without brian also my
parents, very like you guys,have very different
relationships, but they're stillhappily married and so, like
lots of times, I don't put upwith it, because I've seen what
(40:37):
it can be like.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
It's like don't settle.
That makes sense yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
So if someone doesn't have a role model like that,
like a couple that they can lookup to in their immediate family
or something, I think theyshould find someone Well.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I'm just thinking about that Like a perspective,
something to model, because wedidn't have that yet we found it
Well, we kind of just did theopposite of what we were shown.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
Yeah, but you also had mom and dad, like you've
seen, healthy relationships.
Yes, for sure Like find like acouple that you like listening
to, on podcasts Like the lovemovement.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Like the love movement.
Yeah, you can like I.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Like the love movement.
Like the love movement.
Yeah, I feel like there'sexamples everywhere.
Mine was like right in my face,right, but there's examples
everywhere.
Or, like Brian said, just dothe opposite.
Yeah, yeah 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Well, that's amazing.
Any other questions there,Brian?
Speaker 2 (41:34):
No, I mean, this could go a thousand different
ways, but I think we, I think wegot the gist of it.
You asked the, the mainquestion what does self-love
mean to you?
And I think we can.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
We can wrap it up we can raise the vibration if
everybody just takes some ofthese tips into their own
journeys, because everybody'sgoing through it, everyone and
everybody has that in between,and it's what are you going to
do with the in between?
Are you going to binge all thegarbage tv that's on netflix?
Or are you going to, like dothe inside work that, take
yourself for the walk, you know,go to bed early, like drink the
water, the things that you said, to build that trust with
(42:08):
yourself, to like make the nextrelationship even better.
So you know, whoever you'regoing to end up with is lucky to
have you.
Amen, and I also too I wassaying this to you when we were
chatting.
It's like, probably whoeveryou're supposed to be with has
just been unavailable for thelast how long, like you don't
know.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
I don't know what if he's 40?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
You feel like that's old.
Well not old.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Not old at all, but maybe for me, unless he's got a
youthful heart.
If you are 40 with a youthfulheart or any age under upper
mid-20s.
We're talking like 25 to 35okay, we're talking like dogs I
(42:54):
love it well.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Thanks, kelsey, for being on the podcast and being
our first official guest.
So much.
I hope you guys got some valueout of this and thanks for being
here yeah, you guys stayawesome.
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