October 12, 2024 • 37 mins
What if the key to personal peace and healing is hidden in the act of forgiveness?
Join us as Brian shares his deeply personal journey of overcoming a turbulent childhood and relationship with his father. Through his story, we uncover how unresolved grievances, if left unchecked, can lead to a cycle of resistance, resentment, and revenge.
Brittany and Brian talk about the importance of forgiveness and breaking free from negativity to raise our collective vibration.
By reflecting on Brian's experiences with his father, we emphasize the role of empathy in understanding generational trauma and the necessity of forgiveness for personal peace.
By shifting the lens inward, we explore the transformative power of self-forgiveness and through adopting the mindset that life happens FOR us, not TO us, we can move beyond a victim mentality to embrace growth and learning.
Listen in as we share personal stories and practical tools like Vishen Lakhiani's six-phase meditation, guiding you on a path to emotional well-being and empowerment through forgiveness.
Links
6 Phase guided Meditation - Vishen Lakhiani
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
If that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Welcome to episode eight of thepodcast.
Today, we're talking aboutforgiveness.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
That's a big topic.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
But first Brian has something he wants to tell you.
I was like you don't need totell them this.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Well, I was feeling a little under the weather this
week and my throat's been kindof scratchy, so I feel like I'm
just going to randomly have acough attack.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And we're not stopping the recording, so stay
tuned for that.
Tonight's topic though it's abig one.
We're talking about forgiveness, which is a super broad topic
because it can apply to smallthings, like someone cutting you
off in traffic or taking yourparking spot, to unimaginable
life events that can shatterentire families.
(01:15):
So Brian had said it reallywell.
He said the bigger the eventusually the harder it is to
forgive.
So I'm not sure whoever islistening to this, like where
you're coming from when it comesto events in your life and
things that you either haveforgiven or working on
forgiveness, or maybe realizethat you need to forgive, but
just sort of know that this is apretty broad range when it
(01:36):
comes to forgiveness.
So this was Brian's idea tohave this conversation about
this topic.
So what made you like want totalk about this about?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
this topic.
So what made you like want totalk about this?
I feel like it's like every daythere's something that comes up
in the conversation, or likeyou see it right in your face in
the world, where something ishappening to someone because
they haven't forgave, and likewe can even even look at the
(02:05):
wars right now that arehappening because one side
didn't forgive the other sideand there's just people dying
from unforgiveness.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And it could just be over.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
It could just be over If there was just forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, so my first place that I remember in my life
learning about forgiveness waswhen we worked with our first
mentor, Keith Kokner for anybodythat's heard of him, so we
worked with him about gosh 2009,I think, is when we started.
Yeah, like going on close to 15years ago now, a long time ago.
We worked with him for a longtime and one of the biggest
things that he always talkedabout was the three R's, as he
(02:39):
said it.
So the first R is resistance,which is basically cutting off
communication or like putting upa wall.
So think of any time thatyou're maybe annoyed with
somebody or pissed off at themor whatever it's like.
You just sort of like resistthem and you do that.
You're just like I'm just notgoing to talk to them.
I mean, have you done that?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
All the time.
Yeah, do it to you sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I do it to you sometimes too.
I feel like relying if we saywe have never done that.
As humans, we do that, but thenit leads to resentment, which
is just a negative emotiontowards something, and then that
leads to revenge, which is anattempt to get even.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
No, it's an attempt.
You can never actually get,even it's an attempt.
It's an attempt, you can neveractually get, even it's an
attempt it's an attempt, yeah,so he.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What keith always said was the three r's will
always, always, always lead toself-destruction.
And it's funny because aroundthe time that we were learning
this, we had kind of a I don'tknow an event in our life, your
life, yeah, sort of um, yeah,I'm gonna talk about that.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Um, but when you're in these three states, or any
one of them, for a long periodof time, you just automatically
become a negative person.
Oh yeah, like we know peoplethat are just bitter all the
time think of it.
Everybody knows those peopleyeah, I remember our neighbor in
the, our first house we boughtoh my god I just met this guy.
(04:09):
I'm then I'm like one of thenicest guys y'all ever meet.
And as soon as I meet this guy,he already hates me.
And I'm like what the hell iswrong with this dude?
And I found out a lot of stuffabout him.
Well, he worked in a meatpacking plant, so all he did he
was around death all day.
So that would be, that would behard on someone's you know
psyche every day.
(04:29):
But uh, he was just a verynegative person he was.
He was getting mad at me aboutpeople who lived at the house
before me.
I might have nothing to do withthat yeah and there's just
people like that out in theworld and they're just hurting
themselves, just being bitterall the time.
Yeah, so we don't want.
We don't want to be a bitterperson yeah, for sure and but a
(04:49):
perfect example.
Uh, like britain was talkingabout.
Um, let me go back.
I just want to make this a longor a short, shorter version of
a lifelong story here.
Um, so it's pretty vulnerable.
I'm going to share a personalstory about my dad.
So, growing up, my dad was.
He was an asshole growing up.
(05:11):
Let's just be real, he was anasshole.
There's some physical abuse,verbal abuse, like you wouldn't
believe, all the time, like myhousehold was always.
It was always very stressful.
You never knew when somethingwas going to go off.
(05:32):
You say the wrong thing and itcould be.
It could be totally normal,happy and just flick a switch
and there'd be things beingthrown around, yelling,
screaming.
It was stressful and I'm apretty sensitive guy.
So imagine a kid being in thisstate all the time, where you
don't.
It's unpredictable and just theway he was with my mom is
(05:55):
horrible.
So he was like this growing up.
And then we had this one eventin oh man, what year is it?
Yeah, 2009.
My dad.
Eventually he flipped out.
He destroyed my mom's wholehouse.
It was a huge thing.
(06:15):
We sent him to the psych ward2010.
Oh yeah, 2010, sorry, 2010.
Sent him to the psych ward.
It was a lot.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
There's a lot of little thingswe can talk about there, but
eventually, what happened is Iwas working at a town.
I was on the highway comingback into town, it was dark and
(06:40):
my mom's calling me.
So I pick up the phone and mymom's friend starts talking to
me and I hear my mom in thebackground screaming her bloody
head off and I don't know what'sgoing on.
And this lady's like Brian,what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Pull over.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I'm driving like pull over and she's like there's
been an incident here.
Pull over.
I'm driving like pull over andshe's like there's been an
incident here.
So what happened is my dad.
He attempted to commit suicideAttempted yeah, he was not
successful and it was absolutelyhorrible.
The pain he caused my familywas unbearable at the time and
(07:29):
this was right not long after westarted working with Keith.
So we had some of these toolsin our life to to deal with some
of this stuff like this.
I remember my mom, my brother.
They couldn't believe how I wasdealing with this because they
were like completely broken andI was dealing with it very
different and they couldn'tbelieve how I was dealing with
it because I had these tools andI don't know.
(07:51):
It was just really hard.
I'm just thinking about this.
It's like bringing the emotionsback up.
But, oh man, it's like thinkingabout this all right now.
It's just making.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It's making me sweat yeah, I can tell, I can see I'm
losing my train of thought.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Just just talking about this.
Um, uh, yeah, I'm trying tothink of what direction you want
to take.
I don't even know where I wasgoing to go with this well, just
about how you got that phonecall um, yeah, so I got this
phone call, but oh the thing,the thing with forgiveness is,
when you have, um, some tools inyour life to deal with them, it
(08:34):
doesn't need to be a thing thatyou that needs to affect you
for a long time and you have toforgive down the road, you, you
can deal with events as theyhappen, yeah, instead of
dragging them on.
It's like when we have someoneto something to forgive, it's
(08:55):
because we have that stuckenergy.
I think I might talk aboutanother podcast, but we have
this stuck energy in us.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Samskara is what it would be called yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
And it just builds and builds in us and every time
we think about that thing, thatemotion comes up again.
So, just letting this flowthrough us and we release it,
and it doesn't have to be a bigthing.
So okay, 10 years go by.
Oh, I guess it would be 13years go by.
(09:25):
Um, I don't know.
This is actually when, whenMarty was just before Marty was
conceived, even we realized wehad some work to do.
I think we talked about us onthe other podcast too, but I
wrote my dad a big letter,basically forgave him for a
bunch of stuff, and, um, hestarted calling the police on me
saying I stole his bike fromhim back in 1999 and all this
(09:48):
stuff, right.
And so it's like Well, andsaying all this stuff that's
untrue about the letter to otherfamily members and just
completely twisting the truth.
Yeah, it's like so I'm, I'mtrying to forgive him and he's
making it harder to forgiveagain, right?
So years go by, uh, we move outto Sook here and at this point,
like I'm not even thinkingabout him anymore, like I'd have
(10:09):
no negative emotion to him.
It's just like, okay, he's justa sad old man, whatever.
And he's RCMP are calling meagain and he's like they're
saying okay, well, you stole hisbike, what's the deal here?
So I had to explain to him whathis mental state is, all this
stuff.
And I'm like man, what I'mtrying to forgive this dude and
(10:30):
he just will not let things go.
And he's a perfect example ofsomeone who's in the three r's.
Yes, all the time he my wholelife he's always been um in
resentment towards someone.
He's got a thousand stories.
He's told them to me a milliontimes.
So people have wronged him.
The revenge he's tried to geton them.
Like I remember there was adude at a video store growing up
(10:52):
and something happened.
So he stole a bunch of videogames from this guy and that was
his revenge.
Like just stupid things likethat he would do.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
He's always in these three states, and it ended up
actually echoingself-destruction and he tried to
end his life.
Remember, keith would say thatall the time he's like no matter
what, if you were in thesethree hours, it will be
self-destruction, and it wasliterally so soon after we
learned this that this happenedwith your dad yeah, this was
right before our wedding, sowe're like well, the day that it
(11:19):
happened was also ironic.
I don't know if you want to gothere or not, but yeah, well, I
ended up being the exact same.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh, yeah, this, I'm gonna get into that actually.
So after this was going on,where um just last year, when he
was telling me, um, or hephoned the cops and said that I
stole his bike and all the stuff, and I ended up talking to him
on the phone and he's just likegoing absolutely mental on me
again, like he was when I wasyoung, like who is this person?
(11:47):
Why is he doing this?
I'm like, okay, well, he's,he's got a mental illness.
So I started thinking aboutthis and I started thinking
about forgiveness and love, likethrough love and compassion.
So I started to think about himas a person.
What makes him be like this?
Why is he doing this stuff tome?
(12:08):
Why was he doing this stuff toum, to everyone in his life all
the time, the ones he's supposedto love?
So I looked into his past.
His dad was even more of anasshole than he was my one
uncle's the day he died.
My grandpa died said it was thebest day of his life because he
(12:30):
wasn't scared he wasn't scaredanymore.
He had to live in fear all thetime like that's pretty crazy to
think about.
And then, okay, so his, his dad, was an abusive a-hole right.
And then when my dad was 20 waswhen my sister died.
My dad was the one who was withmy sister when this thing
(12:52):
happened to her and he had a lotof guilt about it.
A lot of family members andstuff were saying that he did
all this stuff on purpose andcan you imagine having that kind
of guilt on you?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
So he's got self-abuse, um he has a lot of
self forgiveness to do as well,and he didn't have any kind of
tools growing up.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
So so I started realizing all this stuff.
Okay, hang on, my dog is undermy feet tapping train to no, he
wants us to hold Um.
So he didn't have any of thesetools.
He didn't have any kind of like.
There was no help back thenthere was no mentorship.
There was no mentorship.
There was no mental anything.
It was like whatever's going onin your life, you just deal
(13:36):
with it.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Well, nobody talked about it either.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Probably no one talked about anything, so I just
started looking at this throughlove and compassion.
That's the experience he had.
He didn't know any better, andI just started feeling sorry for
him.
So, instead of me being mad athim for doing all this stuff, I
(13:59):
was just like, oh man, he justneeded some love, he needed some
guidance.
He didn't know any better.
And once I started having theserealizations about him, I was
just like, oh man, that's reallysad and I didn't have to.
I didn't have to have thesefeelings towards him anymore,
cause it was just like that'sjust, that's how he grew up.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
So it's like to forgive cause.
Would you say that you'veforgiven him?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, like I, just I don't think about it anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And that's actually when we were learning from Keith
.
I remember asking him oncecause at this particular time I
was struggling a lot with therelationship I had with my
stepmom growing up and I saidhow do I know if I've really
forgiven her?
And he said if you hear hername how do you?
(14:49):
Word that Do you remember whenyou?
hear the name is there anynegative emotion and I was like,
oh, okay, I haven't forgivenher.
I just remember thinking like,okay, I'm not there yet.
And then it was a few yearslater.
We were at my stepbrother'swedding in Mexico and I remember
feeling like sick to my stomachto go because I hadn't seen her
in years.
But that trip really was thetrip for me that allowed me to
give that forgiveness to her,because I truly haven't had any
(15:11):
of those negative emotions thatI've had towards her growing up
since then and that was in 2015because I just don't think about
it anymore.
It doesn't affect my life and Ithink that's how you kind of
know when you've forgivensomebody, would you say that you
just like don't.
It's almost like you don'tthink of it, in a sense.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, cause it's just , it's a negative thing that
comes up in your head and itfeels gross.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
so it's like when you think of that thing do you have
a gross feeling right and it'sfunny, the revenge piece that
people just like want thisattempt right, like getting even
or getting back at people orwhatever, which you never really
can.
It's like that saying of youknow, it's like drinking the
poison yourself and thinkingit's going to kill the other
person yeah, but when in when infact it's actually it's hurting
(15:55):
you.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, and it really, really does.
There's so many studies on this, like negative emotions
unforgiveness is one of thebiggest ones has negative
effects on your health, like alot of disease is caused by
unforgiveness, resentment wellwhat's?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
disease, it's dis ease in your body.
And think about if you'relistening to this.
Think about somebody who, whenyou hear their name, your skin
just kind of crawls you.
You like your body sort of likeclenches up a little bit and
you just like you feel maybe alittle bit nauseous.
You want to avoid them, youdon't want to talk to them or
whatever like that's dis ease inyour body.
That is someone that needs tobe forgiven, and the cool thing
(16:37):
about forgiveness, I find when Ilearned about this, was that
they don't have to know thatyou're forgiving them.
It's not like you need to callthem up or write them a letter
like you did.
You know you, it's you forgivefor your peace, yeah, and to get
your power back and to get yourhealth back.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah, and on that, like thoughts have thoughts or
energy.
Like thoughts have actualphysiological effects in your
body that can cause disease, butthey can also heal you.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, there's a show on Netflix called heal.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Literally Joe dispenses.
Whole thing is about thoughtshealing your body, right?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
the other thing, too, about forgiveness that I was
reading about was that itdoesn't always mean restoring
the relationship, and when Ithink back to any of the bigger,
you know situations in my lifethat I've needed to forgive.
I haven't restored thoserelationships, so just know that
that's not the goal.
The goal isn't to have the samerelationship you had before.
It's to not have any negativeemotions towards that person
when their name is brought up,when you see them yeah, it's,
(17:38):
it's literally just moving onyeah, because forgiveness is
about you, it's not about theother person.
It's the biggest, I think, thingthat you can get from this
podcast yeah it's, it's notabout you, but like so.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Humans were designed like evolutionary level,
whatever.
We're always looking out forourself.
So I think a lot of people whowrong someone else, it wasn't
their intention to harm youTechnically, you just might've
been there at the time, right,you might've had nothing to do
(18:13):
with with that or with harmingyou, it was all it was them.
Yeah, you just happen to bequote unquote, you know the
victim of it and but you don'tnecessarily have to be a victim
like.
There's a whole victimmentality.
My dad was a victim abouteverything.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
He still is.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, but some people are victims to everything.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
And again, listening to this, you know who those
people are.
Hopefully it's not you.
Likely it's not you if you'relistening to a podcast on
forgiveness.
Not likely, but yeah, it's sotrue.
So you're reading that book, oris that what that was from that
book?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Which one?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
The soul book.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Oh yeah.
So there's a couple ways Iwanted to go with this so you
can forgive people through loveand compassion, like I said with
my dad, where you realize wherethe person came from and you
maybe don't know where they camefrom and the stuff that
happened to them, but you canmake up a story oh, that person
(19:18):
did that because of this thathappened to them.
You can make up a story aboutwhy they did something that
serves you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Right, that's like to protect your ego.
Yeah, the other way I wanted tolook at this is that everything
was planned out.
Now, this is kind of adifferent concept.
It's basically you have like asoul planning group, so this is
a soul planning like a soulgroup of people that are in your
(19:48):
life, and this is before youwere.
You were even born.
So these are people that youthis has to do with like
reincarnation, almost Believe itor not.
It's a neat way to view theworld and I think it's an easier
way to look at forgiveness whenyou can think about events that
(20:12):
happen in your life that arehard, that are planned out Like
all this was planned out.
So everything that's happenedto you was planned out with your
soul group on purpose and itwas for your evolution of your
soul's growth basically Soundspretty out there.
(20:33):
Read the book.
Soul's Plan is one of them.
There's a lot of books on this.
Glorious Canon, I think, hassome stuff on that as well.
You don't have to subscribe tothis for you, but if you just
think about it a little bit,like I said, it's easier to look
(20:53):
at hard events yeah, for sure,through all this was oh this.
This happened to me because thisis exactly how it was supposed
to happen when's that quote thatyou've probably heard a million
times?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
it's like life is happening for you and not to you
, because a lot of times inevents like shitty events happen
in our life, we think, well,why does this have to happen to
me?
And you play, and it's easy tofall into that victim role and
to then like not do theforgiving whether it's to
yourself or to other peoplebased on the event.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
But everything in life, when you look back,
actually happens like for youand part of exactly what you're
saying with this like it's partof your soul's growth and if you
don't believe in the soul thing, just believe that things
happen to you or for you so youcan learn a lesson from it.
Yeah, and that's the wholething about this soul's plan is
(21:44):
every like you come back indifferent lifetimes and your
evolution as your soul, you havedifferent lessons, you have
different life experiences tolive and in this lifetime you
got to learn these things and ifyou don't learn, you got to
come back the next lifetime andlearn, learn it again I love
looking at it through that.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's a neat concept.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But it's easier to for these hard to get through
these hard things when yourealize, oh, like this is what's
happened to me well, just ashift in perspective, is a tool
in your tool belt, essentiallyto go through and navigate hard
times yep so forgiveness, do youthink this has to be like it,
you know, because you need to alot of us, I think to forgive
(22:21):
ourselves for a lot of thingsyeah, I think that's that's the
biggest one is self-forgiveness,like think about your
day-to-day life and negativeself-talk that you do all the
time, or thinking about thingsyou did in the past that you
(22:41):
yeah, you're just, you just beatyourself up for stupid things.
Like every time I record apodcast, I've done the podcast
and then I'm like oh man, Iforgot to talk about this thing,
forgot to talk about this thing.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I could have said that better and you just like
beat yourself up but then youget feedback and you're like oh
well, that didn't, let's focuson who this is impacting.
Who did listen to it?
Yeah you know, and then itmakes you feel better.
It's so true, though.
We're our own worst criticalways, and they're and it's
little things you can forgiveyourself about like mine is like
I.
I wake up and I'm like I'mgoing to eat healthy today, and
(23:13):
then I'm eating a tub of icecream.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Well, you know, you hear stories about someone who
passed away and, because ofsomeone, others actions
potentially, and they'll blamethemselves for that person's
death.
Like mom if you're listening,I'm you you were blaming
yourself for what dad did tohimself.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And then my brother was blaming himself for what my
dad did to himself.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Like you weren't there, it was his actions, yeah.
I could have done the samething, but I knew better because
I was just learning thesethings.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, you didn't blame yourself for what he did.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
No, not at all.
I could have.
I could easily had thatjustification in my head.
I could have been oh, becausethis isn't this.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Well, that's the thing, right.
Like events happen in life,it's what we make them mean.
That's going to, like um,determine how we feel about it,
whether it's a positive ornegative emotion or just neutral
.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah, anything else.
You feel like, like.
I guess, do you think it's moreimportant to forgive yourself
or forgive others?
Is it equal, like on that topic?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I think it's.
It's just a continuous thingthat we always need to be doing
Like.
Here's an example, actuallyfrom last year.
I don't even know if I told youabout this, britt, but there
was someone in high school I hadwronged big time and it,
honestly was been eating me upfor like 20 years.
(24:47):
You did not tell me that, Okayso last year I was like man, I
just want to message this personand send them a voice note and
apologize.
I tried to find them online andmaybe they blocked me or
something.
I cannot find this person forthe life of me.
So I just put it out there thatyou know my apologies and
(25:09):
they're never going to get thisapology.
They're never going to know Idid it, but I felt better after
and I needed to do that so Icould forgive myself, because
what I had done was so far outof alignment with who I actually
was or who I actually am thatI've been beating myself up
about it for 20 years.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
That's insane.
I did not know that.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
And after this podcast, you're going to tell me
what you're talking about.
We won't type all thatinformation on the podcast.
Oh, but, yeah, but it raisedyour vibration right, like when
you can, like put that stuff onpaper or put it out into the
universe somehow, and how youjust felt like that weight
lifting off of you, so to speak.
Yeah, it raises your vibrationand like, isn't that the goal of
(25:52):
what we're doing here?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yeah, to speak, yeah, it raises your vibration and
like, isn't that the goal ofwhat we're doing here?
Yeah, and you've got to loveexactly, and you've got to
realize that the you know if youdid something in the past and
you are not forgiving yourselffor it.
That was the old you.
That was part of what youneeded to do to grow, to get you
to the person you are now, thatnow you're like, well, I'd
never do that again.
Well, good, yeah, you learned.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
You learned something from it and that's how it
should be, but don't let thatlinger over you your whole life.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
No, and but it can.
It can be hard, but like theperson that did that, they
weren't as evolved as you now.
They were a younger, dumberself.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yeah so how?
If someone's like, okay, I needto forgive this person for this
stupid thing that I did, what'sthe advice Like?
How does someone even begin onthe path of forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Well, there's, you know.
Look at them, look at itthrough love and compassion,
Kind of like I did with my dad.
Why did this?
Why was this person that way?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
What made them do that.
Typically you hear the sayingtoo, too, maybe you've heard it
is hurt people hurt people.
So whether you're doing the one, you're doing the hurting.
Then there's maybe some traumaand some hurt that you need to
deal with yourself.
Because I feel like that'sdefinitely I've been the like,
I've done that before.
And if other people are hurtingyou, it's like, yeah, where in
their life have they been hurt,just like you recognize with
your dad.
(27:09):
When you looked at that throughlove and compassion, you all of
a sudden realized, okay, well,it makes sense that he's hurting
me because he was hurt 100 andit was the same thing with my
stepmom, like there was thingsthat I realized in an energy
healing session that I didactually was weird, because I
did this energy healing sessionprobably two, three months ago
and the first person that cameup and it was my stepmom and I
hadn't honestly thought muchabout her um, since like 2015 at
(27:31):
this you know my stepbrother'swedding when I sort of like felt
like I released it all.
But it came up again and itjust was almost like a full
circle moment and it was like Ireally could just close the door
on that chapter and that partof my life I mean, I lived with
her from when I was in gradefour until I was grade 10,
happened for a reason when Ilook back, like if my dad hadn't
married her and we didn't moveto Swift Current, I wouldn't be
(27:52):
with you.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
So like thank you, dad, for marrying her and having
that relationship.
And then the ironic piece.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
What a sacrifice he did.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
No, but like it's so funny when nothing makes sense.
When you look forward in life,when you look back on it, it
makes sense.
You can connect the dots whenyou look backwards.
It's neat, it's super cool.
And then, of course, you guys,it's neat, it's super cool.
And then, of course, you guysthis is so random and weird.
Brian asks me to be hisgirlfriend on their wedding
anniversary.
That's right.
(28:22):
I just always kind of felt alittle bad about that.
But just change your story.
That's something Keith alwaystaught us, too was just change
your story, because eventshappen in life, but what matters
is what we make them mean,which is the story that we're in
control of, right?
Brian's dad attempted to killhimself.
That's an event.
What you made that mean isdifferent than what your brother
made that mean.
(28:42):
It's different from what yourmom made that mean.
And whatever story you eachmade that mean is, then, how you
feel about it, and all thatmatters is how you feel.
You have to figure out how toget yourself in a positive
emotion, and you do that bychanging the story to be
something that is a positive andempowering way to look at it,
through a different perspective,through a different lens, you
(29:04):
know exactly what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yeah, and these are just things we need to learn.
These are tools like um uh,meditation is a is amazing tool.
Um vision lakiani he what washis first book?
Code of the extraordinary mindcode of the extraordinary mind.
Yeah, he's got a few other goodones, um, but he's got a
meditation called the six phasemeditation oh, I love that one,
(29:27):
it's 20 minute.
Um, I've done it lots.
I should probably just startdoing that one again.
But the third phase is actuallyforgiveness.
So if you do this every day,you're and he actually
recommends, uh forgiving peopleevery single day.
But yeah, the third phase is isforgiveness.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
So every day you'd be forgiving someone for something
and it might be the same personit could be, the same person
could be the person you'reliving with, like, for example,
right before this podcaststarted, brian decided to make a
bowl of cereal and he literallysomehow threw the carton of
milk onto my brand new flowersthat my company just sent me in
the mail, like these beautifulthanksgiving flowers, just
ruined the flower on them.
I'm like first of all, when haveyou ever thrown a carton of
(30:05):
milk on the counter?
He's like, will you forgive me?
So it seemed it could be sillythings like that, but it can
also be really like big things,because we're all going to go
through things in life that areso hard, so insurmountable, so
unfathomable that's not even aword unfathomable, um.
But if you just can think abouthow can you reframe it and look
(30:27):
at it through love andcompassion, it will help you to
forgive and to move on quickerand to not let those negative
feelings sit in your body,because the three r's resistance
, resentment and revenge willalways lead to self, not others.
Self-destruction, yes, whetherthat's in the form of an illness
, which I think a lot of peopleactually end up really ill
(30:48):
simply because of all of thisunforgiveness and dis-ease in
their body.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Yeah, like there is example after example.
You can find online actualresearch studies where people
being in this unforgivenessstates yeah, they are sick, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
For sure, well, we had a friend.
I actually want to get her onthe podcast and interview her.
For sure, well, we had a friend.
I actually want to get her onthe podcast, interview her.
She had a very likelife-threatening um liver thing
that had happened, liver yeah,it was liver yeah and she'll
tell the whole story when we getaround here, because we were
just talking in costa rica aboutthis.
But she literally watched thatmovie heal on net, netflix and
(31:32):
started implementing some ofwhat she had watched and the
doctors basically considered hera miracle because her liver
started regenerating on its own,like literal miracles will
happen because of forgiveness.
It seems so silly but it's sohuge.
So, yeah, meditation's greatJournaling, getting it out like
(31:55):
just literally taking a piece ofpaper, putting a line down the
middle, writing down the eventon one side and what you've made
that mean on the other side,and then flip the page, write it
again, line down the middle,same event on the left side, but
then change what you're goingto make it mean that one event
of just like rewriting a newstory.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
And Keith would always say and lie to yourself.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yeah, exactly, keith would always say it.
Like you feel like you're lyingto yourself when you're writing
this new story, he goes, butyou've been lying to yourself
the whole time anyways.
So if you're going to lie toyourself, anyways, lie to
yourself on the right directionand like that is a tool that was
so ingrained in us with him forthe last 10 years that like we
do it subconsciously now.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Yeah, but part of us sharing and spreading the love
movement is like we got to showsome of these tools to other
people that don't have thoseresources.
I think that schools should beteaching.
There should be an Emotions 101in schools.
Have you ever seen Emotemotions 101 in schools?
(32:56):
Have you ever seen emotions 101in schools?
No, like kids are going throughthe most ridiculous crazy
things in schools because theydon't know anything about
emotions.
No one's teaching them anything.
Yeah, and just think like howmuch drama would not be in
schools, like I always think oflike high school girls.
Oh my God, the worst, it'sinsane.
I remember all the stuff youguys went through, but most of
(33:19):
that stuff was made up stories,it all was.
It's crazy.
I'm glad we have a boy.
I'm just going to say so.
Like how much drama would beeliminated and like how many
wars would be avoided.
How many deaths would beavoided.
How many deaths would beavoided if we knew how to do our
emotions properly from a youngage.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I don't know where this thought just came from, but
like I even think of, like allthe drunk driving incidences.
Like why are the people drunkand driving in the first place?
Like the people that are doingthat also need to probably do
some forgiving so they're notjust numbing their emotions
talking about emotions withalcohol Circle back to our
episode on alcohol.
Like there's just so much morewe can do to raise the vibration
(34:01):
than just live in this low vibeenergetic state that's going to
help nobody and no one.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
There is actually psilocybin therapies that deal
with this exact thing right here, here we go, again turning into
a mushroom podcast we'returning into a mushroom podcast,
but there there's a lot ofstored um unforgiveness and
(34:29):
negative emotions and stuff thatare that's in our subconscious,
that we don't even think of dayto day.
That's affecting our life.
And the neat thing with umpsilocybin therapy is it brings
that out and brings it to thesurface so you can release it,
so you can move on like it'sbrilliant, yeah isn't that
amazing?
(34:49):
yeah, isn't it.
There's a plant that grows inthe ground from Mother Earth
that has all these amazingbenefits.
Oh my gosh.
And most people are too scaredto try them because of what
they've heard on you know in thepast from someone who wasn't
qualified Basically.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, Is there anything else you want to say,
so that we don't end thispodcast and that you're kicking
yourself because you didn't saysomething.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
as a spirit, you know yourself as like on a spiritual
level and to truly do that youneed to move forward with
self-forgiveness, or withself-forgiveness and just
forgiveness in general.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, so who can?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
you forgive today.
Yeah, like I was just thinkingabout this topic, I was like man
, there's still that guy fromhigh school that wrecked my, my
one record that I don't eventhink I ever forgave him.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
when I was a dj, he wrecked my one record and I was
like I don't think I forgave himand catch yourself maybe, hey,
and like all the differentscenarios that come up, and
you're like, oh, and you get youfeel yourself getting annoyed
or angry about a situation.
It's like get rid of that, getit out of your body.
Yeah, there's.
There's literally so manylittle things that we can
forgive and how forgiveness islike a lifelong journey and I
(36:18):
think it's like a muscleprobably the more you use it,
the easier it is the forgivenessmuscle.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
The forgiveness movement.
We're starting another podcast.
It's just going to be calledthe forgiveness podcast.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Oh my goodness, what is happening.
We need to go to bed.
It.
Oh my goodness, what ishappening.
We need to go to bed.
It's really late.
You guys don't want to knowwhat time it is.
Anyways, we're so happy that wefinally got another episode out
here, because we have a lotthat we want to do.
We just got to get them doneand this one, hopefully, is
helpful for anybody that wasinterested in learning more on
this topic of forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Yeah, please, we really want to hear from you
guys.
Message us if this has beenhelpful, if you got any advice
or any other topics you want usto talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
If there's something that you think of when you're
listening to this podcast, thismight really help them.
Share it with them.
Yeah, share the podcast.
I have a rule when I listen topodcasts, I always share it with
someone.
Any podcast I listen to,someone has to get it after I've
listened to it.
Yeah, and usually I'm soexcited about the podcast I'm
forwarding it like 10 minutesinto the podcast, not even
having listened to the wholething that is absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yep, right now.
Okay, love you guys.
Uh, you guys stay awesome andwe will see you on the next one.
Peace out, bye, everyone.
you're listening to the love movement with your
hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We're starting a movement centered around love to
help raise the vibration ofthis beautiful planet.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
If that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat
about many topics all centeredaround three main pillars Loving
yourself, loving each other andloving the planet.
So if you're ready, let's jumpin.
Welcome to episode eight of thepodcast.
Today, we're talking aboutforgiveness.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
That's a big topic.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
But first Brian has something he wants to tell you.
I was like you don't need totell them this.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Well, I was feeling a little under the weather this
week and my throat's been kindof scratchy, so I feel like I'm
just going to randomly have acough attack.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And we're not stopping the recording, so stay
tuned for that.
Tonight's topic though it's abig one.
We're talking about forgiveness, which is a super broad topic
because it can apply to smallthings, like someone cutting you
off in traffic or taking yourparking spot, to unimaginable
life events that can shatterentire families.
(01:15):
So Brian had said it reallywell.
He said the bigger the eventusually the harder it is to
forgive.
So I'm not sure whoever islistening to this, like where
you're coming from when it comesto events in your life and
things that you either haveforgiven or working on
forgiveness, or maybe realizethat you need to forgive, but
just sort of know that this is apretty broad range when it
(01:36):
comes to forgiveness.
So this was Brian's idea tohave this conversation about
this topic.
So what made you like want totalk about this about?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
this topic.
So what made you like want totalk about this?
I feel like it's like every daythere's something that comes up
in the conversation, or likeyou see it right in your face in
the world, where something ishappening to someone because
they haven't forgave, and likewe can even even look at the
(02:05):
wars right now that arehappening because one side
didn't forgive the other sideand there's just people dying
from unforgiveness.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And it could just be over.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
It could just be over If there was just forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, so my first place that I remember in my life
learning about forgiveness waswhen we worked with our first
mentor, Keith Kokner for anybodythat's heard of him, so we
worked with him about gosh 2009,I think, is when we started.
Yeah, like going on close to 15years ago now, a long time ago.
We worked with him for a longtime and one of the biggest
things that he always talkedabout was the three R's, as he
(02:39):
said it.
So the first R is resistance,which is basically cutting off
communication or like putting upa wall.
So think of any time thatyou're maybe annoyed with
somebody or pissed off at themor whatever it's like.
You just sort of like resistthem and you do that.
You're just like I'm just notgoing to talk to them.
I mean, have you done that?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
All the time.
Yeah, do it to you sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I do it to you sometimes too.
I feel like relying if we saywe have never done that.
As humans, we do that, but thenit leads to resentment, which
is just a negative emotiontowards something, and then that
leads to revenge, which is anattempt to get even.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
No, it's an attempt.
You can never actually get,even it's an attempt.
It's an attempt, you can neveractually get, even it's an
attempt it's an attempt, yeah,so he.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What keith always said was the three r's will
always, always, always lead toself-destruction.
And it's funny because aroundthe time that we were learning
this, we had kind of a I don'tknow an event in our life, your
life, yeah, sort of um, yeah,I'm gonna talk about that.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Um, but when you're in these three states, or any
one of them, for a long periodof time, you just automatically
become a negative person.
Oh yeah, like we know peoplethat are just bitter all the
time think of it.
Everybody knows those peopleyeah, I remember our neighbor in
the, our first house we boughtoh my god I just met this guy.
(04:09):
I'm then I'm like one of thenicest guys y'all ever meet.
And as soon as I meet this guy,he already hates me.
And I'm like what the hell iswrong with this dude?
And I found out a lot of stuffabout him.
Well, he worked in a meatpacking plant, so all he did he
was around death all day.
So that would be, that would behard on someone's you know
psyche every day.
(04:29):
But uh, he was just a verynegative person he was.
He was getting mad at me aboutpeople who lived at the house
before me.
I might have nothing to do withthat yeah and there's just
people like that out in theworld and they're just hurting
themselves, just being bitterall the time.
Yeah, so we don't want.
We don't want to be a bitterperson yeah, for sure and but a
(04:49):
perfect example.
Uh, like britain was talkingabout.
Um, let me go back.
I just want to make this a longor a short, shorter version of
a lifelong story here.
Um, so it's pretty vulnerable.
I'm going to share a personalstory about my dad.
So, growing up, my dad was.
He was an asshole growing up.
(05:11):
Let's just be real, he was anasshole.
There's some physical abuse,verbal abuse, like you wouldn't
believe, all the time, like myhousehold was always.
It was always very stressful.
You never knew when somethingwas going to go off.
(05:32):
You say the wrong thing and itcould be.
It could be totally normal,happy and just flick a switch
and there'd be things beingthrown around, yelling,
screaming.
It was stressful and I'm apretty sensitive guy.
So imagine a kid being in thisstate all the time, where you
don't.
It's unpredictable and just theway he was with my mom is
(05:55):
horrible.
So he was like this growing up.
And then we had this one eventin oh man, what year is it?
Yeah, 2009.
My dad.
Eventually he flipped out.
He destroyed my mom's wholehouse.
It was a huge thing.
(06:15):
We sent him to the psych ward2010.
Oh yeah, 2010, sorry, 2010.
Sent him to the psych ward.
It was a lot.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
There's a lot of little thingswe can talk about there, but
eventually, what happened is Iwas working at a town.
I was on the highway comingback into town, it was dark and
(06:40):
my mom's calling me.
So I pick up the phone and mymom's friend starts talking to
me and I hear my mom in thebackground screaming her bloody
head off and I don't know what'sgoing on.
And this lady's like Brian,what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Pull over.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I'm driving like pull over and she's like there's
been an incident here.
Pull over.
I'm driving like pull over andshe's like there's been an
incident here.
So what happened is my dad.
He attempted to commit suicideAttempted yeah, he was not
successful and it was absolutelyhorrible.
The pain he caused my familywas unbearable at the time and
(07:29):
this was right not long after westarted working with Keith.
So we had some of these toolsin our life to to deal with some
of this stuff like this.
I remember my mom, my brother.
They couldn't believe how I wasdealing with this because they
were like completely broken andI was dealing with it very
different and they couldn'tbelieve how I was dealing with
it because I had these tools andI don't know.
(07:51):
It was just really hard.
I'm just thinking about this.
It's like bringing the emotionsback up.
But, oh man, it's like thinkingabout this all right now.
It's just making.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It's making me sweat yeah, I can tell, I can see I'm
losing my train of thought.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Just just talking about this.
Um, uh, yeah, I'm trying tothink of what direction you want
to take.
I don't even know where I wasgoing to go with this well, just
about how you got that phonecall um, yeah, so I got this
phone call, but oh the thing,the thing with forgiveness is,
when you have, um, some tools inyour life to deal with them, it
(08:34):
doesn't need to be a thing thatyou that needs to affect you
for a long time and you have toforgive down the road, you, you
can deal with events as theyhappen, yeah, instead of
dragging them on.
It's like when we have someoneto something to forgive, it's
(08:55):
because we have that stuckenergy.
I think I might talk aboutanother podcast, but we have
this stuck energy in us.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Samskara is what it would be called yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
And it just builds and builds in us and every time
we think about that thing, thatemotion comes up again.
So, just letting this flowthrough us and we release it,
and it doesn't have to be a bigthing.
So okay, 10 years go by.
Oh, I guess it would be 13years go by.
(09:25):
Um, I don't know.
This is actually when, whenMarty was just before Marty was
conceived, even we realized wehad some work to do.
I think we talked about us onthe other podcast too, but I
wrote my dad a big letter,basically forgave him for a
bunch of stuff, and, um, hestarted calling the police on me
saying I stole his bike fromhim back in 1999 and all this
(09:48):
stuff, right.
And so it's like Well, andsaying all this stuff that's
untrue about the letter to otherfamily members and just
completely twisting the truth.
Yeah, it's like so I'm, I'mtrying to forgive him and he's
making it harder to forgiveagain, right?
So years go by, uh, we move outto Sook here and at this point,
like I'm not even thinkingabout him anymore, like I'd have
(10:09):
no negative emotion to him.
It's just like, okay, he's justa sad old man, whatever.
And he's RCMP are calling meagain and he's like they're
saying okay, well, you stole hisbike, what's the deal here?
So I had to explain to him whathis mental state is, all this
stuff.
And I'm like man, what I'mtrying to forgive this dude and
(10:30):
he just will not let things go.
And he's a perfect example ofsomeone who's in the three r's.
Yes, all the time he my wholelife he's always been um in
resentment towards someone.
He's got a thousand stories.
He's told them to me a milliontimes.
So people have wronged him.
The revenge he's tried to geton them.
Like I remember there was adude at a video store growing up
(10:52):
and something happened.
So he stole a bunch of videogames from this guy and that was
his revenge.
Like just stupid things likethat he would do.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
He's always in these three states, and it ended up
actually echoingself-destruction and he tried to
end his life.
Remember, keith would say thatall the time he's like no matter
what, if you were in thesethree hours, it will be
self-destruction, and it wasliterally so soon after we
learned this that this happenedwith your dad yeah, this was
right before our wedding, sowe're like well, the day that it
(11:19):
happened was also ironic.
I don't know if you want to gothere or not, but yeah, well, I
ended up being the exact same.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh, yeah, this, I'm gonna get into that actually.
So after this was going on,where um just last year, when he
was telling me, um, or hephoned the cops and said that I
stole his bike and all the stuff, and I ended up talking to him
on the phone and he's just likegoing absolutely mental on me
again, like he was when I wasyoung, like who is this person?
(11:47):
Why is he doing this?
I'm like, okay, well, he's,he's got a mental illness.
So I started thinking aboutthis and I started thinking
about forgiveness and love, likethrough love and compassion.
So I started to think about himas a person.
What makes him be like this?
Why is he doing this stuff tome?
(12:08):
Why was he doing this stuff toum, to everyone in his life all
the time, the ones he's supposedto love?
So I looked into his past.
His dad was even more of anasshole than he was my one
uncle's the day he died.
My grandpa died said it was thebest day of his life because he
(12:30):
wasn't scared he wasn't scaredanymore.
He had to live in fear all thetime like that's pretty crazy to
think about.
And then, okay, so his, his dad, was an abusive a-hole right.
And then when my dad was 20 waswhen my sister died.
My dad was the one who was withmy sister when this thing
(12:52):
happened to her and he had a lotof guilt about it.
A lot of family members andstuff were saying that he did
all this stuff on purpose andcan you imagine having that kind
of guilt on you?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
So he's got self-abuse, um he has a lot of
self forgiveness to do as well,and he didn't have any kind of
tools growing up.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
So so I started realizing all this stuff.
Okay, hang on, my dog is undermy feet tapping train to no, he
wants us to hold Um.
So he didn't have any of thesetools.
He didn't have any kind of like.
There was no help back thenthere was no mentorship.
There was no mentorship.
There was no mental anything.
It was like whatever's going onin your life, you just deal
(13:36):
with it.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Well, nobody talked about it either.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Probably no one talked about anything, so I just
started looking at this throughlove and compassion.
That's the experience he had.
He didn't know any better, andI just started feeling sorry for
him.
So, instead of me being mad athim for doing all this stuff, I
(13:59):
was just like, oh man, he justneeded some love, he needed some
guidance.
He didn't know any better.
And once I started having theserealizations about him, I was
just like, oh man, that's reallysad and I didn't have to.
I didn't have to have thesefeelings towards him anymore,
cause it was just like that'sjust, that's how he grew up.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
So it's like to forgive cause.
Would you say that you'veforgiven him?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, like I, just I don't think about it anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And that's actually when we were learning from Keith
.
I remember asking him oncecause at this particular time I
was struggling a lot with therelationship I had with my
stepmom growing up and I saidhow do I know if I've really
forgiven her?
And he said if you hear hername how do you?
(14:49):
Word that Do you remember whenyou?
hear the name is there anynegative emotion and I was like,
oh, okay, I haven't forgivenher.
I just remember thinking like,okay, I'm not there yet.
And then it was a few yearslater.
We were at my stepbrother'swedding in Mexico and I remember
feeling like sick to my stomachto go because I hadn't seen her
in years.
But that trip really was thetrip for me that allowed me to
give that forgiveness to her,because I truly haven't had any
(15:11):
of those negative emotions thatI've had towards her growing up
since then and that was in 2015because I just don't think about
it anymore.
It doesn't affect my life and Ithink that's how you kind of
know when you've forgivensomebody, would you say that you
just like don't.
It's almost like you don'tthink of it, in a sense.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, cause it's just , it's a negative thing that
comes up in your head and itfeels gross.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
so it's like when you think of that thing do you have
a gross feeling right and it'sfunny, the revenge piece that
people just like want thisattempt right, like getting even
or getting back at people orwhatever, which you never really
can.
It's like that saying of youknow, it's like drinking the
poison yourself and thinkingit's going to kill the other
person yeah, but when in when infact it's actually it's hurting
(15:55):
you.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, and it really, really does.
There's so many studies on this, like negative emotions
unforgiveness is one of thebiggest ones has negative
effects on your health, like alot of disease is caused by
unforgiveness, resentment wellwhat's?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
disease, it's dis ease in your body.
And think about if you'relistening to this.
Think about somebody who, whenyou hear their name, your skin
just kind of crawls you.
You like your body sort of likeclenches up a little bit and
you just like you feel maybe alittle bit nauseous.
You want to avoid them, youdon't want to talk to them or
whatever like that's dis ease inyour body.
That is someone that needs tobe forgiven, and the cool thing
(16:37):
about forgiveness, I find when Ilearned about this, was that
they don't have to know thatyou're forgiving them.
It's not like you need to callthem up or write them a letter
like you did.
You know you, it's you forgivefor your peace, yeah, and to get
your power back and to get yourhealth back.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah, and on that, like thoughts have thoughts or
energy.
Like thoughts have actualphysiological effects in your
body that can cause disease, butthey can also heal you.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, there's a show on Netflix called heal.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Literally Joe dispenses.
Whole thing is about thoughtshealing your body, right?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
the other thing, too, about forgiveness that I was
reading about was that itdoesn't always mean restoring
the relationship, and when Ithink back to any of the bigger,
you know situations in my lifethat I've needed to forgive.
I haven't restored thoserelationships, so just know that
that's not the goal.
The goal isn't to have the samerelationship you had before.
It's to not have any negativeemotions towards that person
when their name is brought up,when you see them yeah, it's,
(17:38):
it's literally just moving onyeah, because forgiveness is
about you, it's not about theother person.
It's the biggest, I think, thingthat you can get from this
podcast yeah it's, it's notabout you, but like so.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Humans were designed like evolutionary level,
whatever.
We're always looking out forourself.
So I think a lot of people whowrong someone else, it wasn't
their intention to harm youTechnically, you just might've
been there at the time, right,you might've had nothing to do
(18:13):
with with that or with harmingyou, it was all it was them.
Yeah, you just happen to bequote unquote, you know the
victim of it and but you don'tnecessarily have to be a victim
like.
There's a whole victimmentality.
My dad was a victim abouteverything.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
He still is.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, but some people are victims to everything.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
And again, listening to this, you know who those
people are.
Hopefully it's not you.
Likely it's not you if you'relistening to a podcast on
forgiveness.
Not likely, but yeah, it's sotrue.
So you're reading that book, oris that what that was from that
book?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Which one?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
The soul book.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Oh yeah.
So there's a couple ways Iwanted to go with this so you
can forgive people through loveand compassion, like I said with
my dad, where you realize wherethe person came from and you
maybe don't know where they camefrom and the stuff that
happened to them, but you canmake up a story oh, that person
(19:18):
did that because of this thathappened to them.
You can make up a story aboutwhy they did something that
serves you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Right, that's like to protect your ego.
Yeah, the other way I wanted tolook at this is that everything
was planned out.
Now, this is kind of adifferent concept.
It's basically you have like asoul planning group, so this is
a soul planning like a soulgroup of people that are in your
(19:48):
life, and this is before youwere.
You were even born.
So these are people that youthis has to do with like
reincarnation, almost Believe itor not.
It's a neat way to view theworld and I think it's an easier
way to look at forgiveness whenyou can think about events that
(20:12):
happen in your life that arehard, that are planned out Like
all this was planned out.
So everything that's happenedto you was planned out with your
soul group on purpose and itwas for your evolution of your
soul's growth basically Soundspretty out there.
(20:33):
Read the book.
Soul's Plan is one of them.
There's a lot of books on this.
Glorious Canon, I think, hassome stuff on that as well.
You don't have to subscribe tothis for you, but if you just
think about it a little bit,like I said, it's easier to look
(20:53):
at hard events yeah, for sure,through all this was oh this.
This happened to me because thisis exactly how it was supposed
to happen when's that quote thatyou've probably heard a million
times?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
it's like life is happening for you and not to you
, because a lot of times inevents like shitty events happen
in our life, we think, well,why does this have to happen to
me?
And you play, and it's easy tofall into that victim role and
to then like not do theforgiving whether it's to
yourself or to other peoplebased on the event.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
But everything in life, when you look back,
actually happens like for youand part of exactly what you're
saying with this like it's partof your soul's growth and if you
don't believe in the soul thing, just believe that things
happen to you or for you so youcan learn a lesson from it.
Yeah, and that's the wholething about this soul's plan is
(21:44):
every like you come back indifferent lifetimes and your
evolution as your soul, you havedifferent lessons, you have
different life experiences tolive and in this lifetime you
got to learn these things and ifyou don't learn, you got to
come back the next lifetime andlearn, learn it again I love
looking at it through that.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's a neat concept.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But it's easier to for these hard to get through
these hard things when yourealize, oh, like this is what's
happened to me well, just ashift in perspective, is a tool
in your tool belt, essentiallyto go through and navigate hard
times yep so forgiveness, do youthink this has to be like it,
you know, because you need to alot of us, I think to forgive
(22:21):
ourselves for a lot of thingsyeah, I think that's that's the
biggest one is self-forgiveness,like think about your
day-to-day life and negativeself-talk that you do all the
time, or thinking about thingsyou did in the past that you
(22:41):
yeah, you're just, you just beatyourself up for stupid things.
Like every time I record apodcast, I've done the podcast
and then I'm like oh man, Iforgot to talk about this thing,
forgot to talk about this thing.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I could have said that better and you just like
beat yourself up but then youget feedback and you're like oh
well, that didn't, let's focuson who this is impacting.
Who did listen to it?
Yeah you know, and then itmakes you feel better.
It's so true, though.
We're our own worst criticalways, and they're and it's
little things you can forgiveyourself about like mine is like
I.
I wake up and I'm like I'mgoing to eat healthy today, and
(23:13):
then I'm eating a tub of icecream.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Well, you know, you hear stories about someone who
passed away and, because ofsomeone, others actions
potentially, and they'll blamethemselves for that person's
death.
Like mom if you're listening,I'm you you were blaming
yourself for what dad did tohimself.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And then my brother was blaming himself for what my
dad did to himself.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Like you weren't there, it was his actions, yeah.
I could have done the samething, but I knew better because
I was just learning thesethings.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, you didn't blame yourself for what he did.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
No, not at all.
I could have.
I could easily had thatjustification in my head.
I could have been oh, becausethis isn't this.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Well, that's the thing, right.
Like events happen in life,it's what we make them mean.
That's going to, like um,determine how we feel about it,
whether it's a positive ornegative emotion or just neutral
.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah, anything else.
You feel like, like.
I guess, do you think it's moreimportant to forgive yourself
or forgive others?
Is it equal, like on that topic?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I think it's.
It's just a continuous thingthat we always need to be doing
Like.
Here's an example, actuallyfrom last year.
I don't even know if I told youabout this, britt, but there
was someone in high school I hadwronged big time and it,
honestly was been eating me upfor like 20 years.
(24:47):
You did not tell me that, Okayso last year I was like man, I
just want to message this personand send them a voice note and
apologize.
I tried to find them online andmaybe they blocked me or
something.
I cannot find this person forthe life of me.
So I just put it out there thatyou know my apologies and
(25:09):
they're never going to get thisapology.
They're never going to know Idid it, but I felt better after
and I needed to do that so Icould forgive myself, because
what I had done was so far outof alignment with who I actually
was or who I actually am thatI've been beating myself up
about it for 20 years.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
That's insane.
I did not know that.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
And after this podcast, you're going to tell me
what you're talking about.
We won't type all thatinformation on the podcast.
Oh, but, yeah, but it raisedyour vibration right, like when
you can, like put that stuff onpaper or put it out into the
universe somehow, and how youjust felt like that weight
lifting off of you, so to speak.
Yeah, it raises your vibrationand like, isn't that the goal of
(25:52):
what we're doing here?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yeah, to speak, yeah, it raises your vibration and
like, isn't that the goal ofwhat we're doing here?
Yeah, and you've got to loveexactly, and you've got to
realize that the you know if youdid something in the past and
you are not forgiving yourselffor it.
That was the old you.
That was part of what youneeded to do to grow, to get you
to the person you are now, thatnow you're like, well, I'd
never do that again.
Well, good, yeah, you learned.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
You learned something from it and that's how it
should be, but don't let thatlinger over you your whole life.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
No, and but it can.
It can be hard, but like theperson that did that, they
weren't as evolved as you now.
They were a younger, dumberself.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Yeah so how?
If someone's like, okay, I needto forgive this person for this
stupid thing that I did, what'sthe advice Like?
How does someone even begin onthe path of forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Well, there's, you know.
Look at them, look at itthrough love and compassion,
Kind of like I did with my dad.
Why did this?
Why was this person that way?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
What made them do that.
Typically you hear the sayingtoo, too, maybe you've heard it
is hurt people hurt people.
So whether you're doing the one, you're doing the hurting.
Then there's maybe some traumaand some hurt that you need to
deal with yourself.
Because I feel like that'sdefinitely I've been the like,
I've done that before.
And if other people are hurtingyou, it's like, yeah, where in
their life have they been hurt,just like you recognize with
your dad.
(27:09):
When you looked at that throughlove and compassion, you all of
a sudden realized, okay, well,it makes sense that he's hurting
me because he was hurt 100 andit was the same thing with my
stepmom, like there was thingsthat I realized in an energy
healing session that I didactually was weird, because I
did this energy healing sessionprobably two, three months ago
and the first person that cameup and it was my stepmom and I
hadn't honestly thought muchabout her um, since like 2015 at
(27:31):
this you know my stepbrother'swedding when I sort of like felt
like I released it all.
But it came up again and itjust was almost like a full
circle moment and it was like Ireally could just close the door
on that chapter and that partof my life I mean, I lived with
her from when I was in gradefour until I was grade 10,
happened for a reason when Ilook back, like if my dad hadn't
married her and we didn't moveto Swift Current, I wouldn't be
(27:52):
with you.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
So like thank you, dad, for marrying her and having
that relationship.
And then the ironic piece.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
What a sacrifice he did.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
No, but like it's so funny when nothing makes sense.
When you look forward in life,when you look back on it, it
makes sense.
You can connect the dots whenyou look backwards.
It's neat, it's super cool.
And then, of course, you guys,it's neat, it's super cool.
And then, of course, you guysthis is so random and weird.
Brian asks me to be hisgirlfriend on their wedding
anniversary.
That's right.
(28:22):
I just always kind of felt alittle bad about that.
But just change your story.
That's something Keith alwaystaught us, too was just change
your story, because eventshappen in life, but what matters
is what we make them mean,which is the story that we're in
control of, right?
Brian's dad attempted to killhimself.
That's an event.
What you made that mean isdifferent than what your brother
made that mean.
(28:42):
It's different from what yourmom made that mean.
And whatever story you eachmade that mean is, then, how you
feel about it, and all thatmatters is how you feel.
You have to figure out how toget yourself in a positive
emotion, and you do that bychanging the story to be
something that is a positive andempowering way to look at it,
through a different perspective,through a different lens, you
(29:04):
know exactly what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yeah, and these are just things we need to learn.
These are tools like um uh,meditation is a is amazing tool.
Um vision lakiani he what washis first book?
Code of the extraordinary mindcode of the extraordinary mind.
Yeah, he's got a few other goodones, um, but he's got a
meditation called the six phasemeditation oh, I love that one,
(29:27):
it's 20 minute.
Um, I've done it lots.
I should probably just startdoing that one again.
But the third phase is actuallyforgiveness.
So if you do this every day,you're and he actually
recommends, uh forgiving peopleevery single day.
But yeah, the third phase is isforgiveness.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
So every day you'd be forgiving someone for something
and it might be the same personit could be, the same person
could be the person you'reliving with, like, for example,
right before this podcaststarted, brian decided to make a
bowl of cereal and he literallysomehow threw the carton of
milk onto my brand new flowersthat my company just sent me in
the mail, like these beautifulthanksgiving flowers, just
ruined the flower on them.
I'm like first of all, when haveyou ever thrown a carton of
(30:05):
milk on the counter?
He's like, will you forgive me?
So it seemed it could be sillythings like that, but it can
also be really like big things,because we're all going to go
through things in life that areso hard, so insurmountable, so
unfathomable that's not even aword unfathomable, um.
But if you just can think abouthow can you reframe it and look
(30:27):
at it through love andcompassion, it will help you to
forgive and to move on quickerand to not let those negative
feelings sit in your body,because the three r's resistance
, resentment and revenge willalways lead to self, not others.
Self-destruction, yes, whetherthat's in the form of an illness
, which I think a lot of peopleactually end up really ill
(30:48):
simply because of all of thisunforgiveness and dis-ease in
their body.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Yeah, like there is example after example.
You can find online actualresearch studies where people
being in this unforgivenessstates yeah, they are sick, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
For sure, well, we had a friend.
I actually want to get her onthe podcast and interview her.
For sure, well, we had a friend.
I actually want to get her onthe podcast, interview her.
She had a very likelife-threatening um liver thing
that had happened, liver yeah,it was liver yeah and she'll
tell the whole story when we getaround here, because we were
just talking in costa rica aboutthis.
But she literally watched thatmovie heal on net, netflix and
(31:32):
started implementing some ofwhat she had watched and the
doctors basically considered hera miracle because her liver
started regenerating on its own,like literal miracles will
happen because of forgiveness.
It seems so silly but it's sohuge.
So, yeah, meditation's greatJournaling, getting it out like
(31:55):
just literally taking a piece ofpaper, putting a line down the
middle, writing down the eventon one side and what you've made
that mean on the other side,and then flip the page, write it
again, line down the middle,same event on the left side, but
then change what you're goingto make it mean that one event
of just like rewriting a newstory.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
And Keith would always say and lie to yourself.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yeah, exactly, keith would always say it.
Like you feel like you're lyingto yourself when you're writing
this new story, he goes, butyou've been lying to yourself
the whole time anyways.
So if you're going to lie toyourself, anyways, lie to
yourself on the right directionand like that is a tool that was
so ingrained in us with him forthe last 10 years that like we
do it subconsciously now.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Yeah, but part of us sharing and spreading the love
movement is like we got to showsome of these tools to other
people that don't have thoseresources.
I think that schools should beteaching.
There should be an Emotions 101in schools.
Have you ever seen Emotemotions 101 in schools?
(32:56):
Have you ever seen emotions 101in schools?
No, like kids are going throughthe most ridiculous crazy
things in schools because theydon't know anything about
emotions.
No one's teaching them anything.
Yeah, and just think like howmuch drama would not be in
schools, like I always think oflike high school girls.
Oh my God, the worst, it'sinsane.
I remember all the stuff youguys went through, but most of
(33:19):
that stuff was made up stories,it all was.
It's crazy.
I'm glad we have a boy.
I'm just going to say so.
Like how much drama would beeliminated and like how many
wars would be avoided.
How many deaths would beavoided.
How many deaths would beavoided if we knew how to do our
emotions properly from a youngage.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I don't know where this thought just came from, but
like I even think of, like allthe drunk driving incidences.
Like why are the people drunkand driving in the first place?
Like the people that are doingthat also need to probably do
some forgiving so they're notjust numbing their emotions
talking about emotions withalcohol Circle back to our
episode on alcohol.
Like there's just so much morewe can do to raise the vibration
(34:01):
than just live in this low vibeenergetic state that's going to
help nobody and no one.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
There is actually psilocybin therapies that deal
with this exact thing right here, here we go, again turning into
a mushroom podcast we'returning into a mushroom podcast,
but there there's a lot ofstored um unforgiveness and
(34:29):
negative emotions and stuff thatare that's in our subconscious,
that we don't even think of dayto day.
That's affecting our life.
And the neat thing with umpsilocybin therapy is it brings
that out and brings it to thesurface so you can release it,
so you can move on like it'sbrilliant, yeah isn't that
amazing?
(34:49):
yeah, isn't it.
There's a plant that grows inthe ground from Mother Earth
that has all these amazingbenefits.
Oh my gosh.
And most people are too scaredto try them because of what
they've heard on you know in thepast from someone who wasn't
qualified Basically.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, Is there anything else you want to say,
so that we don't end thispodcast and that you're kicking
yourself because you didn't saysomething.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
as a spirit, you know yourself as like on a spiritual
level and to truly do that youneed to move forward with
self-forgiveness, or withself-forgiveness and just
forgiveness in general.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, so who can?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
you forgive today.
Yeah, like I was just thinkingabout this topic, I was like man
, there's still that guy fromhigh school that wrecked my, my
one record that I don't eventhink I ever forgave him.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
when I was a dj, he wrecked my one record and I was
like I don't think I forgave himand catch yourself maybe, hey,
and like all the differentscenarios that come up, and
you're like, oh, and you get youfeel yourself getting annoyed
or angry about a situation.
It's like get rid of that, getit out of your body.
Yeah, there's.
There's literally so manylittle things that we can
forgive and how forgiveness islike a lifelong journey and I
(36:18):
think it's like a muscleprobably the more you use it,
the easier it is the forgivenessmuscle.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
The forgiveness movement.
We're starting another podcast.
It's just going to be calledthe forgiveness podcast.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Oh my goodness, what is happening.
We need to go to bed.
It.
Oh my goodness, what ishappening.
We need to go to bed.
It's really late.
You guys don't want to knowwhat time it is.
Anyways, we're so happy that wefinally got another episode out
here, because we have a lotthat we want to do.
We just got to get them doneand this one, hopefully, is
helpful for anybody that wasinterested in learning more on
this topic of forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Yeah, please, we really want to hear from you
guys.
Message us if this has beenhelpful, if you got any advice
or any other topics you want usto talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
If there's something that you think of when you're
listening to this podcast, thismight really help them.
Share it with them.
Yeah, share the podcast.
I have a rule when I listen topodcasts, I always share it with
someone.
Any podcast I listen to,someone has to get it after I've
listened to it.
Yeah, and usually I'm soexcited about the podcast I'm
forwarding it like 10 minutesinto the podcast, not even
having listened to the wholething that is absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yep, right now.
Okay, love you guys.
Uh, you guys stay awesome andwe will see you on the next one.
Peace out, bye, everyone.
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