July 7, 2025 • 34 mins
What would you tell your younger self? That question sparked a fascinating exploration of life lessons, hard-won wisdom, and the unexpected gifts that come with age and experience.
The magical thing about turning 40 isn't just the physical changes – it's the powerful ability to look back across two decades of adulthood and recognize how much knowledge you've gained. Like having coffee with your 20-year-old self, this reflective vantage point reveals truths that could have changed everything.
Financial literacy tops the list of crucial knowledge many wish they'd gained earlier. Understanding how to make your money work for you, managing student debt, and avoiding the trap of spending every dollar you earn creates freedom that compounds over time. Equally important is developing a value-driven plan for life – not just career goals, but clarity about what truly matters to you. When your choices align with your core values, fulfillment follows naturally.
Perhaps the most liberating realization? Nobody is paying as much attention to your choices as you think they are. The freedom to fail, change direction, and reimagine your path without fear of judgment opens worlds of possibility. Your education and experience equip you with transferable skills that can flourish in countless contexts – you're not locked into any single trajectory.
Creating boundaries, developing a meditation practice, freeing yourself from body image obsessions, and simply taking the trip when your gut tells you to – these lessons emerge repeatedly as game-changers. The most painful regrets center not on what we did, but what we didn't do when we felt that internal pull.
Whether you're approaching 40, looking back from beyond it, or still navigating your 20s, this conversation offers perspective that might just change how you view the journey ahead. What would you tell your younger self over coffee? And perhaps more importantly – what might your future self wish you understood right now?
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I think people give so much fear around the turning
40, but there's really somesomething magical that happens,
and I'm not talking aboutperimenopause.
It's the ability to reflect onthe last two decades of your
life and realize all theknowledge that you've gained,
(00:32):
and there's something superpowerful about that, or at least
that's what I've experienced.
Would you?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
agree, I don't know.
It's kind of like a reallyreflective point in time where
it allows you to, like you said,learn and reflect upon what
you've done, but also thenmanage more effectively because
we have the experience theknowledge the mistakes whatever.
And now we can form new dreamsor new possibilities for our
(00:58):
life, and so it is.
I think it's a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Well, there's something trending I'm sure
you've seen this on social mediaand it's I had coffee with my
younger self today.
Have you seen this?
You know what I'm talking about?
No, you haven't seen it.
Yeah, and so people say youknow, I had coffee with my
younger self, my 20-year-oldself, my 30-year-old self,
(01:47):
because there is so muchknowledge that comes from
looking in the rearview mirror.
From all your mistakes, fromall your successes, you really
can glean some life lessons.
And so what are some thingsthat you would tell yourself and
I think you know I got lots ofthings wrote down, of things.
I would go back and tell myself, if I could have coffee with
(02:09):
20-year-old Jenny, 29-year-oldJenny, hell, 35-year-old Jenny,
like, there's definitely somethings that I would share that I
think would have maybe changedor maybe not.
You know the trajectory ofthings, but certainly some
things that I have learned inthe last two decades.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
And as we were talking aboutthis topic, I was even thinking
about like my clinical career,whenever I would work with young
adults, adolescents, peoplewithin their you know
transitional periods of time andjust to hear the masses amounts
of just like confusion,dissonance, disappointment,
(02:48):
excitement, you know.
A whole host of differentemotions kind of come up
whenever we find ourselveswithin this place, and it can
really be a big challenge.
And so I think it is fun tokind of go back and like speak
to ourself or to just say, hey,these are some things that just
might be helpful.
Keep them in your back pocket,you know, or give yourself some
(03:11):
grace If you were one of thepeople that did some of the
things that we're going to talkabout.
Give yourself some grace forwalking that walk, going through
it and now seeing yourself atwhere you're at today.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, giving herself some grace.
So what's the first thing thatcomes to mind?
What would you tell yourself,your younger self?
I?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
know right, you want me to go first.
I got my list in front of me.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think one of the things that comes to mind is get
a hold of, or get a goodunderstanding of, finances, and
I don't, you know, I still don'tknow that I have a good grasp
on that.
I just happen to have a husbandthat is super interested and
really takes initiative with ourfamily finances, and he's
(03:57):
taught me a lot.
But I wish that was somethingthat I had learned on my own as
a young 20 year old.
Not, you know my parents.
I learned on my own as a young20 year old.
You know my parents, I think,did the best they could.
I just wasn't maybe ready to tolearn it, but you really do set
yourself up that's one thingI've learned from my husband is
like you pay yourself first andyou, you don't spend every
dollar you make, and that's not,you know, that's not innate for
(04:21):
me.
That's something I've had tolearn, and so really having a
good understanding of how youmake your money make money.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
That's a good one.
Yeah, you're right, becausethat really does set you up for
the rest of your life issometimes just getting that
first credit card and thenmaxing it out or, you know, not
understanding bills and thefluctuation that comes with all
of that.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Understanding student debt.
Like I mean, I took out a tonof student loans and, you know,
had no real plan of how I wasgoing to pay those off and I
wish I had a crash course youknow the 19-year-old on what
that means when you're takingout this money and how much
money that's going to end upcosting you long-term.
And you know, really, justhaving a.
(05:05):
It took me so many, so manyhours of my life to figure all
of that out, and so I woulddefinitely go back and say to
her, like, make sure you have afull understanding of what this
entails.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good one, that's a really good
one For me.
I think one of the first thingsthat come to mind is that I
think it's important to havesome type of value-driven plan
for life in general, and thatdoesn't mean that I'm being like
very concrete and saying, youknow, I want to have this job, I
(05:40):
want to make this much money, Iwant to do like all of these
very specific types of like goalachievement types of things.
It means more.
It's like I want my values, Ivalue my health, I value my
spirituality, I value myrelationship with my family or
the one that I want to have withmy kids.
(06:01):
I value time and I think that bytaking some moments back at
those different points andreally making sure that my
values are as concrete as theycan and specific, or at least
that I know what ones are mostimportant to me, and then
(06:22):
deciding what my educationalpath or what my relationships or
where I want to live, like, allof these things then have to
fit within my values, becausethe box doesn't work.
It doesn't work in reverse, andso if I choose the career, the
relationship, the place I'mliving, and I still feel unhappy
(06:46):
, even though I have successwithin those areas.
It's not because of mydissatisfaction with what I'm
doing.
It's that I'm not living a lifein accordance with my values,
in a sense, and so, with mycareer, it took a lot of time.
It took a lot of time away froma lot of things Myself, my kid
(07:10):
relationships, you know, my dog,whatever, like these silly
things that we all just are like.
Well, we're doing it for them.
I don't think that that wasworth it for me.
I think that having more time tohave actually been present.
You know what I mean.
Within some of those thingswould have been just better.
In some ways, I think I wouldhave gotten a lot more out of it
(07:32):
.
And whenever I look back at mycareer again, very happy, still
maintain the license, loved allthe people that I worked with,
but I was stuck in a damn boxfor eight hours a day and that
wasn't good for me.
That was not.
And in the last part of mycareer like the last, like I
(07:53):
don't know eight years of it Ididn't even have a window and
even though I would come homeand like take your opinion,
those things yeah, those thingsdidn't work for me.
And I think knowing, or atleast having a sense, if you
don't have like this is whatworks for me, this is what
doesn't, but at least having asense of that and then choosing
a path or a career that is morealigned with those values and
(08:18):
those kind of needs would havebeen much more fulfilling all
the way around, would have beenmuch more fulfilling all the way
around.
And so that's what I really.
I value time at the top of mypriority list now, like it's the
most important thing I have,because it's the thing that gets
.
I mean it's draining all thetime.
I can't save time.
You know what I mean?
You can save money.
(08:38):
You can save all kinds ofthings, not that.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
But you can't.
You can't get that time back,and I completely agree with you.
And to build on what you justsaid, one of the things I wrote
down was don't be afraid to fail, don't be afraid to change your
mind, don't be afraid torealize that you don't know
everything and that that's okayYou're not supposed to know
everything and that you know.
Similarly, I stayed in a careerthat I loved.
(09:01):
In those beginning years Iloved that job so much and I was
thriving.
But there was a turning pointand it was right around the time
I had kids and I couldn't give,you know, 90 percent of myself
to that career anymore because Ihad my own family then to take
care of.
And you know, I really kind ofdid a little like
(09:22):
self-destruction for a few years.
And you know I've said it amillion times I should have
walked away a long time agobecause what I have learned
since is that there are amillion things I can do with my
skill set and I was so afraidthat I had gone to college and
graduate school and I had allthis expert.
You know, at that point I had adecade of expertise.
(09:43):
Like this was my path.
I was going to be a retiredschool psychologist someday, and
the bottom line is like thatdoesn't have to be your path,
just because you chose that asyour education right, that
that's a.
There's a skill set that you'regoing to develop and you really
can take those skills and applyit to many different types of
(10:04):
professions.
And so, similarly, you know andI say this to several friends
now who want to take a leap I'mlike, just do it.
The time will never be right.
If you wait for the right time,you will wait for the rest of
your life.
So just jump off the boat andyou will swim eventually.
At first you might feel likeyou're drowning, but eventually
(10:25):
you'll find your footing or youwill find your.
You know, you'll remember howto swim and you will figure it
out.
And I think that we're so afraidto fail that we stay in unhappy
or unhealthy situations forfear of failure and fear that.
What are people gonna think?
And this is another thing Iwould tell myself nobody really
(10:46):
cares.
Nobody's paying that muchattention to you and if they are
, that's on them because nobodyreally cares.
You know, nobody cares.
I was a school psychologist for17 years.
Nobody cares.
I could have done it for 10years.
I could have done it for fiveyears.
Nobody cares, and uh.
So yeah, I think.
I think.
Don't be afraid to fail, don'tbe afraid to say I'm not happy,
(11:10):
I'm going to find somethingdifferent to do.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, and that goes for anything Like.
It's just on the same thread Ihave Don't stay in something
that isn't working.
It does not mean if that is thejob, the relationship, the
degree choice.
If it's not working, then it'snot working.
Maybe you've tried everything,maybe you've done everything,
but continuing to stay stagnantin a place that isn't working
(11:34):
will lead to other negativeconsequences for you.
I mean for your mental health,for your physical health, your
emotions everything will startto deteriorate if you are
staying in something that isn'tgood for you.
And that gut feeling is strong,it's echoing you for a reason
(11:56):
and at some point you just gotto be like, like you said, take
the jump, do it.
You know there's so much,whenever we talked about this
before, that people have a lotof fear with that.
Your body physiologicallydoesn't know the difference
between fear and anxiety.
It is your thoughts in thosemoments that is dictating
everything.
Physiologically, your bodyrespond in the same damn way.
(12:18):
It is what you were thinkingabout, that situation that is
dictating your emotionallabeling at that point in time.
And so I would definitely dothat, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, I think too.
I'm just thinking about, likemy personal experience with my
career.
I became so attached to thefamilies and the community I was
working in and I felt likealmost like this sense of self,
like they need me.
Who's going to be able to dothis role if I'm not here?
And a very good friend andcolleague of mine said, jenny,
somebody else will come alongthat will care about these kids.
(12:51):
Somebody else will come andfill this office and do this job
day in and day out, like loveya, but somebody else will
assume the role, right, right.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, I mean, that would probably be a lesson to
myself in my 40s, or maybe evenlike mid 30s would be that you
know again, like you're saying,you got attached to a job in a
community.
I got attached to a title Iliked being Dr Stevens.
That was kind of fun, right?
You know you can walk aroundand flash that just about
(13:21):
anywhere.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
My God, it's like immediate respect right, look at
her.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Right, yeah, right, I didn't have any limits, I could
waltz into anywhere and thatwas, I mean it's a bad thing in
a way, but it was very, you know, ego attached.
And I mean now it's almostwhenever I hear that I get like
the heebie jeebies, likesomebody will walk up and be
like hey, and I'll be like ohGod you know not that I again,
(13:45):
I'm ashamed or regret any ofthat.
But it was just, you know, youjust become so attached to one
thing and then that notnecessarily defines you, but it
becomes so much a part of yourego that it just it's best to
kind of like step away from itAgain.
Very happy with all theeducation, do I still use that?
(14:05):
You know?
What is it Prefix?
Is that what it is?
English wise Sometimes?
Yes, but I just I don't know.
It's a good thing that not toget so attached to a title of
something too, or the idea of atitle I think that was probably
part of it in my 20s and 30sLike I just wanted to have that
title, I wanted to have thatposition, I wanted to have that
(14:27):
control, I wanted to have thatpower because I knew that it
would help me reach other thingswithin my life.
But that in and of itself canalso become its own poison as
well, life, but that in and ofitself can also become its own
poison as well.
And so you know, I'm not sayingdon't pursue the degree or the
career, but be mindful of whatyou're attaching yourself to as
part of it.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, I mean I didn't write that down, but I think be
mindful of the people you'reattaching yourself to.
If I could go back and tell 30somethingsomething Jenny, you
know well, 29-year-old Jenny,right as she's about to walk
down the aisle A it's the bestdecision you've ever made in
your entire life.
And B buckle up, bitch, because30s are about to rock your
(15:08):
world.
You know, and it is about all Iwent through in my 30s losing
my dad, you know, having amiscarriage.
You know, losing deepfriendships, experiencing mental
health issues and I thoughtthat you know 20s were stressful
being in college and gradschool and figuring out your.
(15:30):
You know who you're going tomarry and all those things, and
I thought that was hard, but boywas I not prepared for what was
about to come in that nextdecade.
And so I think just realizing,like you know, get your mind
right, because things are aboutto get hard.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, no doubt, buckle up.
I like that.
Yeah, 30s are a reallytransformational time.
I mean, I don't know that wegive them.
We focus so much on likemidlife and these midlife crisis
, whatever all this other stuffis.
But 30s really are a burst ofthings happening, whether that
be births, deaths, you know,career changes, divorces, like
(16:14):
everything.
Like a lot of things happenwithin that very delicate period
of time.
So, yeah, in your 20s, like,let's take some time to
self-care and really just kindof ground ourselves so that way,
whenever this shit reallystarts to hit the fan, that you
have some good friends, that youhave some solid points within
(16:34):
your life that you can turn to,so that way it doesn't feel like
it's all and everything youknow.
That's.
That's a good point.
It is that's.
The 30s are a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
These.
I really learned how to createboundaries and it took me a long
time.
I would say I didn't reallynail it until the end of my 30s
and it's still a work inprogress.
You know you got every day.
Those are things you have towork out.
But learning how to createboundaries to protect yourself
and you know, I think we don'trealize how much other people
(17:08):
and their behavior affect ussometimes and so just being sure
enough of ourselves orconfident enough in ourselves
and our needs that you cancreate a boundary and really
hold to it, and I think thatjust takes time.
But you know, that was somethingthat I really had to develop in
(17:28):
the last decade, and so youknow it's hard, but choosing
yourself and your mental healthis one of the most important
things that we can do.
It's not selfish, it'simportant in order for you to
thrive and be the person thatyou want to show up as every day
, that people pleasing rolewe've talked about a lot Like.
If that's you, that's reallyhard for you to create a
(17:51):
boundary, because you wanteverybody to be happy and you
want to please everybody andmake sure everything's
homeostasis and that's reallynot your job to be happy and you
want to please everybody andmake sure everything's
homeostasis, and that's reallynot your job.
Your job is to make sure thatyour head's right and that your
needs are met so that you canshow up and be the best version
of yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, and attract the kind of people then that you
need and want to have in yourlife.
You're not going to get thosebest people likely if you're in
your worst spot.
It's going to be really reallyhard.
If you're in your worst spot,it's going to be really really
hard if you're not taking careof yourself because you're not
putting you as a priority atthat point.
So, yeah, yeah, and you doattract what you put out and
that's so true.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
You know, I look at my life now versus in my 30s and
the people, like your coregroup of people, like they're so
much more aligned with who I amnow versus who I was back then,
like my core group was verymuch aligned to who I was then,
you know, and she's still a lotof the same, but she's, she's
come a long way.
I'll say that there's been alot of evolution there.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, which is good.
And again, like we talked aboutin the previous episodes,
friendships and things like thatfade.
But maybe they're supposed to,because you know we're kind of
moving in a direction, you know,with our life.
And whenever people are againmaybe not or stagnant or still
or just kind of stuck, I don'tknow that it's helpful for us to
continue to try to tug them out, because then it keeps us
(19:11):
pulled back on something and notmoving forward and moving on
with our life.
Even yeah, yeah, you've heardme say this a million times.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
If you listen to this podcast, one of the biggest
things I would go back and tellmy younger self is develop a
meditation practice, learn tosit in silence with yourself and
your thoughts and that willhelp you hone in on what your
heart's greatest desires are.
And that will help you hone inon what your heart's greatest
desires are and that will helpyou kind of build like you're
talking about that trajectoryfor your life, like what's the
(19:44):
most important things to you,and help you align your behavior
and your life to those goalsand and help you to achieve
those.
And you know, there's one thingthat I could do differently.
There's not much I would dodifferently, but I would have
started meditating like way backwhen, as early as possible,
(20:05):
just to develop a really strongsense of self and to understand
who I am and who I want to beand and how to you know how am I
going to achieve this?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, yeah, it would have been nice to have known all
those cool self-care things atthat kind of point, huh, or
maybe just even did them Goshfor sure.
There's a few other things Iwas thinking about.
I think that it's okay to goback and again, if you're having
(20:36):
coffee with yourself or youknow whatever at any point in
time, to say that you did a goodjob, that in those there may
have been some hard things thatyou did, or you know ways that
you acted or respond tosituations that at that moment
you had.
You were using all the skills,knowledge, tools, whatever that
(21:00):
you had at that moment.
And I think it's okay to goback and say you know what.
You did a good job and youshould be proud of what you did
at that point because it helpedyou to kind of get to where you
eventually wanted to be.
It may have been hard, it mayhave had a lot of conflict
associated with it.
A lot of people may not likeyou or like you even today or
(21:20):
anything else, but because youdid that, it was a good thing
and I just I think that that'simportant to go back and say you
know what you did.
You did good, you know not justthat.
We're making mistakes andlearning.
Yeah, you did good kid.
This was the way you were dealtwith at that point in time and
at that moment it would havebeen easy to have I don't know
(21:43):
given in.
You could have becomecomplacent.
You could have given in, youcould have acquiesced to
groupthink or whatever else washappening, just kind of like
giving in.
It just sounds prettier.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I've got that up in the dictionary.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Well, I can't spell it, so good luck, but it would
have been.
I think that that would havebeen.
I think that's a nice thing foryou to do for yourself, because
I do.
I look back on my career atdifferent points and you know,
building and creating thingsoften has a lot of conflict and
a lot of discord.
That can come with it a lot ofstrong opinions, but I think
(22:19):
that it you know it was hard atthose points but it was worth it
.
And again, telling yourself thatyou did a good job during those
hard points, because now if youlook back at all of that, then
it's growing, flourishing,things are great, and if you
hadn't been willing to do that,I don't know that that outcome
would have been where it's atnow.
So sometimes you just gotta sayyou know what you did.
(22:41):
Okay, you did all right, youdid all right, not just you know
you kind of screwed up on thisone, or you know you could have
handled this better ordifferently.
You know, you know what you did, everything that you could have
and you did a good job.
Everything that you could haveand you did a good job.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
So, cheers, you know, have have some time with that
for a moment.
Or just acknowledge what wasthe lesson there.
Right, you might've, youmight've, screwed up, but like
what'd you learn from it?
And then how'd you move forward?
And acknowledging like how hardeven that is to do to say like
oh yeah, that was my bad andthat won't happen again because
I've I've certainly learned mylesson.
(23:32):
I think the thing I would goback and tell young Jenny the
most and this is still somethingI was so focused on in my 20s
and in my 30s and I have somehowcome to this just, I am who I
am.
I'm 5'2".
I live a very active lifestyle.
(23:53):
I eat pizza for dinner lastnight, I love to have a cocktail
on the weekends, like it's okay, because whether you're five or
10 pounds heavier than you werea year ago, you know, certainly
I don't want to let weightcontinue to creep up because I
am concerned about you know, I'malways going to be concerned
about health and wellness.
You don't have to be abouthealth and wellness, you don't
(24:21):
have to be a size zero to thinkthat you're worthy of happiness.
And so I wish that I had notbeen so hard on myself and, you
know, just constantly liketrying to chase this idea that I
thought was like the perfectfigure, this idea that I thought
was like the perfect figure.
You know the perfect figure islike happy and healthy, and so
(24:44):
that's taken me a long time toget here.
Certainly, you know I'm likeeverybody else I want to look
good, I want to feel good in myswimsuit, and I mean, even as
recent as last year, I wasreally struggling.
But something has flicked aswitch in me in the last 12
months where I am just I'mreally proud of, like the
(25:04):
choices I make every day tochoose my health and to focus on
being healthy.
And that doesn't just mean,like you know, a certain size or
a certain weight, but like thatI am truly taking care of my
body, my soul, my mind, all thethings.
All of that is more importantto me than how much I weigh.
(25:26):
Can't remember the last time Istepped on the scale.
Well, I can when I go to thedoctor, but I purposefully look
the other direction.
Don't really care what thenumber says anymore.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yeah, those things that we used to call them the
fortune teller, like if you're aperson that gets up and weighs
yourself every morning.
Whatever that number isdictates if you're going to have
a good day or a bad day.
Dictates if you're going tohave a good day or a bad day.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
One thousand percent, yeah, lived it for two decades.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
So not important.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
And I, you know, I was not one of those people that
had babies and breastfed andweight fell off like my.
My weight never fell off untilI quit breastfeeding because I
was so freaking hungry when Iwas breastfeeding.
And so, like these people thatare like, oh, I'm back in nice
skinny jeans and I had a babylong swing, I was never her and
I was never going to be her andI was really hard on myself
after both babies and uh, youknow just like why, why is this
(26:19):
so easy for everybody else?
Like I am doing fuckingeverything that they tell you to
do, you know, and everybodyelse blinks in their back in
their jeans.
You know, that's just.
That just wasn't me and I wishI would have had a lot more
grace for myself, particularlypostpartum.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
That was some of the hardest times, yeah that is a
great piece of advice Don't gethung up on those types of things
.
I say this I think that this isimportant.
I try to live my life by this.
I think I've even said it onour podcast before.
It's a quote from a musicalRent Forget regret, or life is
yours to miss.
(27:00):
And that was one thing I wouldalways tell my patients.
I can help you out with maybealmost anything that you bring
in here, but I can't help youout with regret, like there's a
line there that I'm not able toreally be very assistive at.
And so, with that, what I'msaying is, if you are feeling
(27:20):
again within your gut a constantecho compelled to do something,
do it.
And I know we said that aminute ago, but for me it really
comes down to like take thetrip and have the life
experience.
Because within my career,within my life, I saw a lot of
young people dying from cancers,from accidents their partners
(27:42):
or spouses did, and that theywould always say that they wish
they would have done and itcould have.
I mean again, it could havebeen something like really small
.
Or even whenever I'm at otheractivities or events and I hear
people talking like I reallywant to do this.
I think that would be reallygood for me.
My first thing is do it.
(28:04):
We were at a conference withJeff's work the last week and
somebody was saying I reallywant to go to Ireland or
something.
It expressed a lot of emotionand thoughts and feelings about
it.
I was like, well, go.
Well, I don't know how you geta passport, you get on a plane
and you go.
I mean, yeah, you might have toset a budget or all this other
stuff, but don't make somethingmore complicated than what it
(28:26):
needs to be.
If you have something that'simportant to you, it doesn't
take a whole lot of complexsteps, it takes simplification.
So simplify it and then workthe plan.
Don't just leave this thinglingering out there, because if
it's speaking to you, it'ssomething that you're going to
benefit from doing, and it mightnot just, you know whenever you
(28:49):
get back.
Yeah, I did it.
That thing that you did at thatpoint of time is going to
benefit you for years to come.
Like you know it, just, it justis what it is.
Whenever you have those moments, you've got got to give into
them because it's setting afoundation or giving you a gift
that you thought was actuallygoing and happening in that
(29:11):
moment, but it's one that you'regoing to open up and really
receive its benefits later.
So just don't take those things.
Take the trip.
Take the trip.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
And that is it.
One final thought for me and Ihad to.
This wasn't on my list but Ijust popped in my head while you
were talking about, you know,just shared experiences.
I wish I would have asked youknow, particularly my dad since
he's gone but I wish I wouldhave asked more questions about,
(29:43):
like their life at that time intheir twenties and thirties,
like even though I was around asa kid, you kind of assume you
knew things.
But, like you know, my mom was.
She texted me on Sunday and shewas like, oh, you're watching,
you know, early morning CBS.
I'm like no, mom, I don't watchTV.
And she's like, oh well,they're talking about this like
battle of Saigon or something.
(30:05):
I'm sure I'm saying that wrong.
She goes that's what your dadwas involved in with Vietnam.
He was a Marine and he was atthe end of Vietnam.
And she was like, yeah, he hadPTSD from that.
She's like telling me and I'mlike I never knew that.
Like I never, I never onceasked him about his experiences
in the Marines.
I knew it was something he wasvery proud of and you know like,
(30:28):
but it was.
I never asked him.
Just like, well, tell me somestories.
Let me write these down to tellyour grandkids someday.
Like I, I wish I had you know.
My mom's family does a greatjob, but they tend we, when we
all get together, we tend totell a lot of stories, we retell
stories, so they're sort ofingrained in me.
But I didn't necessarily havethat experience with my dad's
family and so, yeah, I wish Iwould have you know, not just
(30:52):
like asked the questions, butlike maybe wrote down the
answers, because you do forgetthings as you get older and I
wish I you know, I wish I knewwhat his experience was like.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
No, I think that's great, yeah, even of your
grandparents or theirexperiences with things,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
If you still have your grandparents in your 20s
and 30s.
God bless you, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
What a gift.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, but sit down and ask some questions, fill
those blanks in.
It makes it.
You may not again.
You may not understand thepurpose of doing it now, but the
gift is given later.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
So take it, or even like a respected person.
Yeah, or even like a respectedfamily, friend or person.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yeah, in your life, like right, take the time, take
the time.
And again it may seem like ahassle, whatever we call them
visits.
Up here we're going for a visit, which means you don't know how
long you're going to be stayingin a place it's going to
probably be awful in thatpresent moment, yeah, but maybe
15 years from now.
(31:54):
There's a nugget that was givenin that visit.
That is going to be a whole lotand it's all going to make
sense.
So take the time to do thevisit time to do the visit, make
the visit.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
People don't visit anymore.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Just go sit on the porch have a visit, have some
tea, listen to the birds.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
God, we're right, listen to our advice.
Um, but true, have the visit,have the visit.
Well, I've enjoyed coffee withour younger self today, I know.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I hope she heeds the advice.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, I hope she's proud, right, right I hope she's
proud.
I think she is.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I mean I know she is yeah.
So if you've got a youngersibling, you're a loyal listener
.
Send this to your youngersibling, your loyal listeners.
Send this to your youngersibling.
Hopefully they'll get a littlenugget of information, a little
nudge maybe, to think about someof these things You're just not
aware.
We're so wrapped up inourselves at those ages it's
(33:03):
hard to and that's the gift ofstill being alive is you can
reflect and learn from it.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
And thanks to Seth too, because, sweet Seth, he
helped to come up with thistopic whenever he's coming up
with such great ideas.
And so thanks to Seth, becausethis was one of his few ones.
And then we were sitting therethinking about it.
I was like, yeah, I wish that'sa good one.
That's a good one and it'strending, as Rachel would say.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And we were sitting there thinking about it, I was
like, yeah, I wish that's a goodone.
That's a good one and it'strending as.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Rachel would say I know she's big on it, it's
trending, it's trending.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
All right, y'all.
That's all we got for this week.
Until next week.
Glylus, we're out.
I think people give so much fear around the turning
40, but there's really somesomething magical that happens,
and I'm not talking aboutperimenopause.
It's the ability to reflect onthe last two decades of your
life and realize all theknowledge that you've gained,
(00:32):
and there's something superpowerful about that, or at least
that's what I've experienced.
Would you?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
agree, I don't know.
It's kind of like a reallyreflective point in time where
it allows you to, like you said,learn and reflect upon what
you've done, but also thenmanage more effectively because
we have the experience theknowledge the mistakes whatever.
And now we can form new dreamsor new possibilities for our
(00:58):
life, and so it is.
I think it's a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Well, there's something trending I'm sure
you've seen this on social mediaand it's I had coffee with my
younger self today.
Have you seen this?
You know what I'm talking about?
No, you haven't seen it.
Yeah, and so people say youknow, I had coffee with my
younger self, my 20-year-oldself, my 30-year-old self,
(01:47):
because there is so muchknowledge that comes from
looking in the rearview mirror.
From all your mistakes, fromall your successes, you really
can glean some life lessons.
And so what are some thingsthat you would tell yourself and
I think you know I got lots ofthings wrote down, of things.
I would go back and tell myself, if I could have coffee with
(02:09):
20-year-old Jenny, 29-year-oldJenny, hell, 35-year-old Jenny,
like, there's definitely somethings that I would share that I
think would have maybe changedor maybe not.
You know the trajectory ofthings, but certainly some
things that I have learned inthe last two decades.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
And as we were talking aboutthis topic, I was even thinking
about like my clinical career,whenever I would work with young
adults, adolescents, peoplewithin their you know
transitional periods of time andjust to hear the masses amounts
of just like confusion,dissonance, disappointment,
(02:48):
excitement, you know.
A whole host of differentemotions kind of come up
whenever we find ourselveswithin this place, and it can
really be a big challenge.
And so I think it is fun tokind of go back and like speak
to ourself or to just say, hey,these are some things that just
might be helpful.
Keep them in your back pocket,you know, or give yourself some
(03:11):
grace If you were one of thepeople that did some of the
things that we're going to talkabout.
Give yourself some grace forwalking that walk, going through
it and now seeing yourself atwhere you're at today.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, giving herself some grace.
So what's the first thing thatcomes to mind?
What would you tell yourself,your younger self?
I?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
know right, you want me to go first.
I got my list in front of me.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think one of the things that comes to mind is get
a hold of, or get a goodunderstanding of, finances, and
I don't, you know, I still don'tknow that I have a good grasp
on that.
I just happen to have a husbandthat is super interested and
really takes initiative with ourfamily finances, and he's
(03:57):
taught me a lot.
But I wish that was somethingthat I had learned on my own as
a young 20 year old.
Not, you know my parents.
I learned on my own as a young20 year old.
You know my parents, I think,did the best they could.
I just wasn't maybe ready to tolearn it, but you really do set
yourself up that's one thingI've learned from my husband is
like you pay yourself first andyou, you don't spend every
dollar you make, and that's not,you know, that's not innate for
(04:21):
me.
That's something I've had tolearn, and so really having a
good understanding of how youmake your money make money.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
That's a good one.
Yeah, you're right, becausethat really does set you up for
the rest of your life issometimes just getting that
first credit card and thenmaxing it out or, you know, not
understanding bills and thefluctuation that comes with all
of that.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Understanding student debt.
Like I mean, I took out a tonof student loans and, you know,
had no real plan of how I wasgoing to pay those off and I
wish I had a crash course youknow the 19-year-old on what
that means when you're takingout this money and how much
money that's going to end upcosting you long-term.
And you know, really, justhaving a.
(05:05):
It took me so many, so manyhours of my life to figure all
of that out, and so I woulddefinitely go back and say to
her, like, make sure you have afull understanding of what this
entails.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good one, that's a really good
one For me.
I think one of the first thingsthat come to mind is that I
think it's important to havesome type of value-driven plan
for life in general, and thatdoesn't mean that I'm being like
very concrete and saying, youknow, I want to have this job, I
(05:40):
want to make this much money, Iwant to do like all of these
very specific types of like goalachievement types of things.
It means more.
It's like I want my values, Ivalue my health, I value my
spirituality, I value myrelationship with my family or
the one that I want to have withmy kids.
(06:01):
I value time and I think that bytaking some moments back at
those different points andreally making sure that my
values are as concrete as theycan and specific, or at least
that I know what ones are mostimportant to me, and then
(06:22):
deciding what my educationalpath or what my relationships or
where I want to live, like, allof these things then have to
fit within my values, becausethe box doesn't work.
It doesn't work in reverse, andso if I choose the career, the
relationship, the place I'mliving, and I still feel unhappy
(06:46):
, even though I have successwithin those areas.
It's not because of mydissatisfaction with what I'm
doing.
It's that I'm not living a lifein accordance with my values,
in a sense, and so, with mycareer, it took a lot of time.
It took a lot of time away froma lot of things Myself, my kid
(07:10):
relationships, you know, my dog,whatever, like these silly
things that we all just are like.
Well, we're doing it for them.
I don't think that that wasworth it for me.
I think that having more time tohave actually been present.
You know what I mean.
Within some of those thingswould have been just better.
In some ways, I think I wouldhave gotten a lot more out of it
(07:32):
.
And whenever I look back at mycareer again, very happy, still
maintain the license, loved allthe people that I worked with,
but I was stuck in a damn boxfor eight hours a day and that
wasn't good for me.
That was not.
And in the last part of mycareer like the last, like I
(07:53):
don't know eight years of it Ididn't even have a window and
even though I would come homeand like take your opinion,
those things yeah, those thingsdidn't work for me.
And I think knowing, or atleast having a sense, if you
don't have like this is whatworks for me, this is what
doesn't, but at least having asense of that and then choosing
a path or a career that is morealigned with those values and
(08:18):
those kind of needs would havebeen much more fulfilling all
the way around, would have beenmuch more fulfilling all the way
around.
And so that's what I really.
I value time at the top of mypriority list now, like it's the
most important thing I have,because it's the thing that gets
.
I mean it's draining all thetime.
I can't save time.
You know what I mean?
You can save money.
(08:38):
You can save all kinds ofthings, not that.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
But you can't.
You can't get that time back,and I completely agree with you.
And to build on what you justsaid, one of the things I wrote
down was don't be afraid to fail, don't be afraid to change your
mind, don't be afraid torealize that you don't know
everything and that that's okayYou're not supposed to know
everything and that you know.
Similarly, I stayed in a careerthat I loved.
(09:01):
In those beginning years Iloved that job so much and I was
thriving.
But there was a turning pointand it was right around the time
I had kids and I couldn't give,you know, 90 percent of myself
to that career anymore because Ihad my own family then to take
care of.
And you know, I really kind ofdid a little like
(09:22):
self-destruction for a few years.
And you know I've said it amillion times I should have
walked away a long time agobecause what I have learned
since is that there are amillion things I can do with my
skill set and I was so afraidthat I had gone to college and
graduate school and I had allthis expert.
You know, at that point I had adecade of expertise.
(09:43):
Like this was my path.
I was going to be a retiredschool psychologist someday, and
the bottom line is like thatdoesn't have to be your path,
just because you chose that asyour education right, that
that's a.
There's a skill set that you'regoing to develop and you really
can take those skills and applyit to many different types of
(10:04):
professions.
And so, similarly, you know andI say this to several friends
now who want to take a leap I'mlike, just do it.
The time will never be right.
If you wait for the right time,you will wait for the rest of
your life.
So just jump off the boat andyou will swim eventually.
At first you might feel likeyou're drowning, but eventually
(10:25):
you'll find your footing or youwill find your.
You know, you'll remember howto swim and you will figure it
out.
And I think that we're so afraidto fail that we stay in unhappy
or unhealthy situations forfear of failure and fear that.
What are people gonna think?
And this is another thing Iwould tell myself nobody really
(10:46):
cares.
Nobody's paying that muchattention to you and if they are
, that's on them because nobodyreally cares.
You know, nobody cares.
I was a school psychologist for17 years.
Nobody cares.
I could have done it for 10years.
I could have done it for fiveyears.
Nobody cares, and uh.
So yeah, I think.
I think.
Don't be afraid to fail, don'tbe afraid to say I'm not happy,
(11:10):
I'm going to find somethingdifferent to do.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, and that goes for anything Like.
It's just on the same thread Ihave Don't stay in something
that isn't working.
It does not mean if that is thejob, the relationship, the
degree choice.
If it's not working, then it'snot working.
Maybe you've tried everything,maybe you've done everything,
but continuing to stay stagnantin a place that isn't working
(11:34):
will lead to other negativeconsequences for you.
I mean for your mental health,for your physical health, your
emotions everything will startto deteriorate if you are
staying in something that isn'tgood for you.
And that gut feeling is strong,it's echoing you for a reason
(11:56):
and at some point you just gotto be like, like you said, take
the jump, do it.
You know there's so much,whenever we talked about this
before, that people have a lotof fear with that.
Your body physiologicallydoesn't know the difference
between fear and anxiety.
It is your thoughts in thosemoments that is dictating
everything.
Physiologically, your bodyrespond in the same damn way.
(12:18):
It is what you were thinkingabout, that situation that is
dictating your emotionallabeling at that point in time.
And so I would definitely dothat, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, I think too.
I'm just thinking about, likemy personal experience with my
career.
I became so attached to thefamilies and the community I was
working in and I felt likealmost like this sense of self,
like they need me.
Who's going to be able to dothis role if I'm not here?
And a very good friend andcolleague of mine said, jenny,
somebody else will come alongthat will care about these kids.
(12:51):
Somebody else will come andfill this office and do this job
day in and day out, like loveya, but somebody else will
assume the role, right, right.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, I mean, that would probably be a lesson to
myself in my 40s, or maybe evenlike mid 30s would be that you
know again, like you're saying,you got attached to a job in a
community.
I got attached to a title Iliked being Dr Stevens.
That was kind of fun, right?
You know you can walk aroundand flash that just about
(13:21):
anywhere.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
My God, it's like immediate respect right, look at
her.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Right, yeah, right, I didn't have any limits, I could
waltz into anywhere and thatwas, I mean it's a bad thing in
a way, but it was very, you know, ego attached.
And I mean now it's almostwhenever I hear that I get like
the heebie jeebies, likesomebody will walk up and be
like hey, and I'll be like ohGod you know not that I again,
(13:45):
I'm ashamed or regret any ofthat.
But it was just, you know, youjust become so attached to one
thing and then that notnecessarily defines you, but it
becomes so much a part of yourego that it just it's best to
kind of like step away from itAgain.
Very happy with all theeducation, do I still use that?
(14:05):
You know?
What is it Prefix?
Is that what it is?
English wise Sometimes?
Yes, but I just I don't know.
It's a good thing that not toget so attached to a title of
something too, or the idea of atitle I think that was probably
part of it in my 20s and 30sLike I just wanted to have that
title, I wanted to have thatposition, I wanted to have that
(14:27):
control, I wanted to have thatpower because I knew that it
would help me reach other thingswithin my life.
But that in and of itself canalso become its own poison as
well, life, but that in and ofitself can also become its own
poison as well.
And so you know, I'm not sayingdon't pursue the degree or the
career, but be mindful of whatyou're attaching yourself to as
part of it.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, I mean I didn't write that down, but I think be
mindful of the people you'reattaching yourself to.
If I could go back and tell 30somethingsomething Jenny, you
know well, 29-year-old Jenny,right as she's about to walk
down the aisle A it's the bestdecision you've ever made in
your entire life.
And B buckle up, bitch, because30s are about to rock your
(15:08):
world.
You know, and it is about all Iwent through in my 30s losing
my dad, you know, having amiscarriage.
You know, losing deepfriendships, experiencing mental
health issues and I thoughtthat you know 20s were stressful
being in college and gradschool and figuring out your.
(15:30):
You know who you're going tomarry and all those things, and
I thought that was hard, but boywas I not prepared for what was
about to come in that nextdecade.
And so I think just realizing,like you know, get your mind
right, because things are aboutto get hard.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, no doubt, buckle up.
I like that.
Yeah, 30s are a reallytransformational time.
I mean, I don't know that wegive them.
We focus so much on likemidlife and these midlife crisis
, whatever all this other stuffis.
But 30s really are a burst ofthings happening, whether that
be births, deaths, you know,career changes, divorces, like
(16:14):
everything.
Like a lot of things happenwithin that very delicate period
of time.
So, yeah, in your 20s, like,let's take some time to
self-care and really just kindof ground ourselves so that way,
whenever this shit reallystarts to hit the fan, that you
have some good friends, that youhave some solid points within
(16:34):
your life that you can turn to,so that way it doesn't feel like
it's all and everything youknow.
That's.
That's a good point.
It is that's.
The 30s are a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
These.
I really learned how to createboundaries and it took me a long
time.
I would say I didn't reallynail it until the end of my 30s
and it's still a work inprogress.
You know you got every day.
Those are things you have towork out.
But learning how to createboundaries to protect yourself
and you know, I think we don'trealize how much other people
(17:08):
and their behavior affect ussometimes and so just being sure
enough of ourselves orconfident enough in ourselves
and our needs that you cancreate a boundary and really
hold to it, and I think thatjust takes time.
But you know, that was somethingthat I really had to develop in
(17:28):
the last decade, and so youknow it's hard, but choosing
yourself and your mental healthis one of the most important
things that we can do.
It's not selfish, it'simportant in order for you to
thrive and be the person thatyou want to show up as every day
, that people pleasing rolewe've talked about a lot Like.
If that's you, that's reallyhard for you to create a
(17:51):
boundary, because you wanteverybody to be happy and you
want to please everybody andmake sure everything's
homeostasis and that's reallynot your job to be happy and you
want to please everybody andmake sure everything's
homeostasis, and that's reallynot your job.
Your job is to make sure thatyour head's right and that your
needs are met so that you canshow up and be the best version
of yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, and attract the kind of people then that you
need and want to have in yourlife.
You're not going to get thosebest people likely if you're in
your worst spot.
It's going to be really reallyhard.
If you're in your worst spot,it's going to be really really
hard if you're not taking careof yourself because you're not
putting you as a priority atthat point.
So, yeah, yeah, and you doattract what you put out and
that's so true.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
You know, I look at my life now versus in my 30s and
the people, like your coregroup of people, like they're so
much more aligned with who I amnow versus who I was back then,
like my core group was verymuch aligned to who I was then,
you know, and she's still a lotof the same, but she's, she's
come a long way.
I'll say that there's been alot of evolution there.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, which is good.
And again, like we talked aboutin the previous episodes,
friendships and things like thatfade.
But maybe they're supposed to,because you know we're kind of
moving in a direction, you know,with our life.
And whenever people are againmaybe not or stagnant or still
or just kind of stuck, I don'tknow that it's helpful for us to
continue to try to tug them out, because then it keeps us
(19:11):
pulled back on something and notmoving forward and moving on
with our life.
Even yeah, yeah, you've heardme say this a million times.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
If you listen to this podcast, one of the biggest
things I would go back and tellmy younger self is develop a
meditation practice, learn tosit in silence with yourself and
your thoughts and that willhelp you hone in on what your
heart's greatest desires are.
And that will help you hone inon what your heart's greatest
desires are and that will helpyou kind of build like you're
talking about that trajectoryfor your life, like what's the
(19:44):
most important things to you,and help you align your behavior
and your life to those goalsand and help you to achieve
those.
And you know, there's one thingthat I could do differently.
There's not much I would dodifferently, but I would have
started meditating like way backwhen, as early as possible,
(20:05):
just to develop a really strongsense of self and to understand
who I am and who I want to beand and how to you know how am I
going to achieve this?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, yeah, it would have been nice to have known all
those cool self-care things atthat kind of point, huh, or
maybe just even did them Goshfor sure.
There's a few other things Iwas thinking about.
I think that it's okay to goback and again, if you're having
(20:36):
coffee with yourself or youknow whatever at any point in
time, to say that you did a goodjob, that in those there may
have been some hard things thatyou did, or you know ways that
you acted or respond tosituations that at that moment
you had.
You were using all the skills,knowledge, tools, whatever that
(21:00):
you had at that moment.
And I think it's okay to goback and say you know what.
You did a good job and youshould be proud of what you did
at that point because it helpedyou to kind of get to where you
eventually wanted to be.
It may have been hard, it mayhave had a lot of conflict
associated with it.
A lot of people may not likeyou or like you even today or
(21:20):
anything else, but because youdid that, it was a good thing
and I just I think that that'simportant to go back and say you
know what you did.
You did good, you know not justthat.
We're making mistakes andlearning.
Yeah, you did good kid.
This was the way you were dealtwith at that point in time and
at that moment it would havebeen easy to have I don't know
(21:43):
given in.
You could have becomecomplacent.
You could have given in, youcould have acquiesced to
groupthink or whatever else washappening, just kind of like
giving in.
It just sounds prettier.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I've got that up in the dictionary.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Well, I can't spell it, so good luck, but it would
have been.
I think that that would havebeen.
I think that's a nice thing foryou to do for yourself, because
I do.
I look back on my career atdifferent points and you know,
building and creating thingsoften has a lot of conflict and
a lot of discord.
That can come with it a lot ofstrong opinions, but I think
(22:19):
that it you know it was hard atthose points but it was worth it
.
And again, telling yourself thatyou did a good job during those
hard points, because now if youlook back at all of that, then
it's growing, flourishing,things are great, and if you
hadn't been willing to do that,I don't know that that outcome
would have been where it's atnow.
So sometimes you just gotta sayyou know what you did.
(22:41):
Okay, you did all right, youdid all right, not just you know
you kind of screwed up on thisone, or you know you could have
handled this better ordifferently.
You know, you know what you did, everything that you could have
and you did a good job.
Everything that you could haveand you did a good job.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
So, cheers, you know, have have some time with that
for a moment.
Or just acknowledge what wasthe lesson there.
Right, you might've, youmight've, screwed up, but like
what'd you learn from it?
And then how'd you move forward?
And acknowledging like how hardeven that is to do to say like
oh yeah, that was my bad andthat won't happen again because
I've I've certainly learned mylesson.
(23:32):
I think the thing I would goback and tell young Jenny the
most and this is still somethingI was so focused on in my 20s
and in my 30s and I have somehowcome to this just, I am who I
am.
I'm 5'2".
I live a very active lifestyle.
(23:53):
I eat pizza for dinner lastnight, I love to have a cocktail
on the weekends, like it's okay, because whether you're five or
10 pounds heavier than you werea year ago, you know, certainly
I don't want to let weightcontinue to creep up because I
am concerned about you know, I'malways going to be concerned
about health and wellness.
You don't have to be abouthealth and wellness, you don't
(24:21):
have to be a size zero to thinkthat you're worthy of happiness.
And so I wish that I had notbeen so hard on myself and, you
know, just constantly liketrying to chase this idea that I
thought was like the perfectfigure, this idea that I thought
was like the perfect figure.
You know the perfect figure islike happy and healthy, and so
(24:44):
that's taken me a long time toget here.
Certainly, you know I'm likeeverybody else I want to look
good, I want to feel good in myswimsuit, and I mean, even as
recent as last year, I wasreally struggling.
But something has flicked aswitch in me in the last 12
months where I am just I'mreally proud of, like the
(25:04):
choices I make every day tochoose my health and to focus on
being healthy.
And that doesn't just mean,like you know, a certain size or
a certain weight, but like thatI am truly taking care of my
body, my soul, my mind, all thethings.
All of that is more importantto me than how much I weigh.
(25:26):
Can't remember the last time Istepped on the scale.
Well, I can when I go to thedoctor, but I purposefully look
the other direction.
Don't really care what thenumber says anymore.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yeah, those things that we used to call them the
fortune teller, like if you're aperson that gets up and weighs
yourself every morning.
Whatever that number isdictates if you're going to have
a good day or a bad day.
Dictates if you're going tohave a good day or a bad day.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
One thousand percent, yeah, lived it for two decades.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
So not important.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
And I, you know, I was not one of those people that
had babies and breastfed andweight fell off like my.
My weight never fell off untilI quit breastfeeding because I
was so freaking hungry when Iwas breastfeeding.
And so, like these people thatare like, oh, I'm back in nice
skinny jeans and I had a babylong swing, I was never her and
I was never going to be her andI was really hard on myself
after both babies and uh, youknow just like why, why is this
(26:19):
so easy for everybody else?
Like I am doing fuckingeverything that they tell you to
do, you know, and everybodyelse blinks in their back in
their jeans.
You know, that's just.
That just wasn't me and I wishI would have had a lot more
grace for myself, particularlypostpartum.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
That was some of the hardest times, yeah that is a
great piece of advice Don't gethung up on those types of things
.
I say this I think that this isimportant.
I try to live my life by this.
I think I've even said it onour podcast before.
It's a quote from a musicalRent Forget regret, or life is
yours to miss.
(27:00):
And that was one thing I wouldalways tell my patients.
I can help you out with maybealmost anything that you bring
in here, but I can't help youout with regret, like there's a
line there that I'm not able toreally be very assistive at.
And so, with that, what I'msaying is, if you are feeling
(27:20):
again within your gut a constantecho compelled to do something,
do it.
And I know we said that aminute ago, but for me it really
comes down to like take thetrip and have the life
experience.
Because within my career,within my life, I saw a lot of
young people dying from cancers,from accidents their partners
(27:42):
or spouses did, and that theywould always say that they wish
they would have done and itcould have.
I mean again, it could havebeen something like really small
.
Or even whenever I'm at otheractivities or events and I hear
people talking like I reallywant to do this.
I think that would be reallygood for me.
My first thing is do it.
(28:04):
We were at a conference withJeff's work the last week and
somebody was saying I reallywant to go to Ireland or
something.
It expressed a lot of emotionand thoughts and feelings about
it.
I was like, well, go.
Well, I don't know how you geta passport, you get on a plane
and you go.
I mean, yeah, you might have toset a budget or all this other
stuff, but don't make somethingmore complicated than what it
(28:26):
needs to be.
If you have something that'simportant to you, it doesn't
take a whole lot of complexsteps, it takes simplification.
So simplify it and then workthe plan.
Don't just leave this thinglingering out there, because if
it's speaking to you, it'ssomething that you're going to
benefit from doing, and it mightnot just, you know whenever you
(28:49):
get back.
Yeah, I did it.
That thing that you did at thatpoint of time is going to
benefit you for years to come.
Like you know it, just, it justis what it is.
Whenever you have those moments, you've got got to give into
them because it's setting afoundation or giving you a gift
that you thought was actuallygoing and happening in that
(29:11):
moment, but it's one that you'regoing to open up and really
receive its benefits later.
So just don't take those things.
Take the trip.
Take the trip.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
And that is it.
One final thought for me and Ihad to.
This wasn't on my list but Ijust popped in my head while you
were talking about, you know,just shared experiences.
I wish I would have asked youknow, particularly my dad since
he's gone but I wish I wouldhave asked more questions about,
(29:43):
like their life at that time intheir twenties and thirties,
like even though I was around asa kid, you kind of assume you
knew things.
But, like you know, my mom was.
She texted me on Sunday and shewas like, oh, you're watching,
you know, early morning CBS.
I'm like no, mom, I don't watchTV.
And she's like, oh well,they're talking about this like
battle of Saigon or something.
(30:05):
I'm sure I'm saying that wrong.
She goes that's what your dadwas involved in with Vietnam.
He was a Marine and he was atthe end of Vietnam.
And she was like, yeah, he hadPTSD from that.
She's like telling me and I'mlike I never knew that.
Like I never, I never onceasked him about his experiences
in the Marines.
I knew it was something he wasvery proud of and you know like,
(30:28):
but it was.
I never asked him.
Just like, well, tell me somestories.
Let me write these down to tellyour grandkids someday.
Like I, I wish I had you know.
My mom's family does a greatjob, but they tend we, when we
all get together, we tend totell a lot of stories, we retell
stories, so they're sort ofingrained in me.
But I didn't necessarily havethat experience with my dad's
family and so, yeah, I wish Iwould have you know, not just
(30:52):
like asked the questions, butlike maybe wrote down the
answers, because you do forgetthings as you get older and I
wish I you know, I wish I knewwhat his experience was like.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
No, I think that's great, yeah, even of your
grandparents or theirexperiences with things,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
If you still have your grandparents in your 20s
and 30s.
God bless you, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
What a gift.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, but sit down and ask some questions, fill
those blanks in.
It makes it.
You may not again.
You may not understand thepurpose of doing it now, but the
gift is given later.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
So take it, or even like a respected person.
Yeah, or even like a respectedfamily, friend or person.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yeah, in your life, like right, take the time, take
the time.
And again it may seem like ahassle, whatever we call them
visits.
Up here we're going for a visit, which means you don't know how
long you're going to be stayingin a place it's going to
probably be awful in thatpresent moment, yeah, but maybe
15 years from now.
(31:54):
There's a nugget that was givenin that visit.
That is going to be a whole lotand it's all going to make
sense.
So take the time to do thevisit time to do the visit, make
the visit.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
People don't visit anymore.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Just go sit on the porch have a visit, have some
tea, listen to the birds.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
God, we're right, listen to our advice.
Um, but true, have the visit,have the visit.
Well, I've enjoyed coffee withour younger self today, I know.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I hope she heeds the advice.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, I hope she's proud, right, right I hope she's
proud.
I think she is.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I mean I know she is yeah.
So if you've got a youngersibling, you're a loyal listener
.
Send this to your youngersibling, your loyal listeners.
Send this to your youngersibling.
Hopefully they'll get a littlenugget of information, a little
nudge maybe, to think about someof these things You're just not
aware.
We're so wrapped up inourselves at those ages it's
(33:03):
hard to and that's the gift ofstill being alive is you can
reflect and learn from it.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
And thanks to Seth too, because, sweet Seth, he
helped to come up with thistopic whenever he's coming up
with such great ideas.
And so thanks to Seth, becausethis was one of his few ones.
And then we were sitting therethinking about it.
I was like, yeah, I wish that'sa good one.
That's a good one and it'strending, as Rachel would say.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And we were sitting there thinking about it, I was
like, yeah, I wish that's a goodone.
That's a good one and it'strending as.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Rachel would say I know she's big on it, it's
trending, it's trending.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
All right, y'all.
That's all we got for this week.
Until next week.
Glylus, we're out.
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