April 21, 2025 • 46 mins
Grounding isn't just for anxiety attacks. Whether you're feeling frustrated during an unproductive meeting, overwhelmed by a busy schedule, or even experiencing positive excitement that's distracting you from necessary focus – these techniques bring you back to center. We explore practical approaches that take seconds but save hours: conscious breathing to regulate your heart rate, using your five senses to anchor yourself in the present moment, and the surprisingly effective trick of placing ice on your chest for an immediate physiological reset.
Mantras are also discussed as they have emerged as another powerful tool to keep us off the "Ferris wheel of hell." From simple phrases like "just keep swimming" to questions like "When am I at my happiest?", these verbal anchors interrupt unhelpful thought patterns and redirect your energy. The beauty lies in their simplicity – you can create mantras that resonate with your unique needs and challenges.
Other highlights of this episode include the concept of "dopamine menus" – curated lists of healthy activities that boost your mood when you're feeling low. Unlike falling back on potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms, your personalized menu might include simple pleasures like a short outdoor walk, playing with your pet, or connecting with a friend.
No matter what you use, use it to help you! And, stay tuned, Season 5 is on the way!!! Want to suggest a topic? Text the show!!!
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey folks, sarah Stevens with the Lylas Podcast,
thanks for tuning in this weekas we are continuing on with our
re-releases, as we are gearingup for season five.
So again, please text us, findus on social media, get a hold
of us any way that you can sothat way we can hear what you
want to talk about, what youwant to hear us talk about.
For season five of the LylasPodcast, this re-release, we are
(00:23):
talking about grounding andmantras.
How do we get out of those darkphases of our life, whenever we
feel like we're stuck, wheneverwe're having a stressful moment
, the world is just crashingdown on us?
Well, we try to turn to thesetechniques to help us through.
Thanks for tuning in and listennext week, as we have another
fun re-release coming your way,welcome to LILAS.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know
what that stands for.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And, by default, this podcast is for you.
Welcome, loyal, lilesslisteners.
We're so happy to have you here, lll, I know right, that's it.
And remember that we are dyingfor your feedback, your reviews,
your comments, suggestions,questions, because we are
rolling in hot with season four.
I really feel like our contentis just we're already three
(01:28):
episodes in and I'm like, yes,I'm loving everything that we're
doing.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, today's a great topic.
I feel like absolute ass, butthe topic got me to record, so
I'm excited just to talk aboutthis, because I just used it
about an hour ago, when I wasstarting to feel some anxious
feelings that I haven't felt fora long time.
But man, they really came inhot today.
So you know, just add it to thelist of perimenopause symptoms
(01:56):
I'm experiencing these days.
I know Great, great, great.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Add it to life.
Add it to the ingredients thatare the not so pleasant ones at
times, right?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
But we have all these tools now to use whenever you
know, just being able to saylike, hey, I was getting some
really anxious thoughts and Iwas able to use some of the
stuff we're going to talk abouttoday, so that's why it's
important to talk about thisstuff.
You don't have to suffer.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Nope, not all hope is lost, that's for sure.
But with that kind of beingsaid, you know, one thing I
think that we've been talkingabout, like amongst ourselves
and mentioning even on thepodcast, is how we're always
trying to reach that point oflike homeostasis.
We're trying to do all thethings to decrease our cortisol
levels, our stress response.
(02:42):
You know we're staying hydrated.
Everybody's walking around withthose, you know, reusable,
whatever they are jugs.
We're trying to do the workouts, eat clean, eat green, whatever
, and yet sometimes we stillfeel like we're on a slippery
slope and that can be sodefeating, especially whenever
(03:06):
we are doing all the rightthings.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, and do you think I think sometimes we do
too much?
Instead of doing a few thingsreally well and honing and, you
know, really working those toolsand doing those well, we tend
to, oh, that's going well, wegot that in it, let's layer on
something else.
I mean, I'm certainly guilty ofthat.
Like I've talked about thatbefore, like I keep adding to my
daily five and I don't knowthat that's necessarily better.
(03:32):
I like to think of it as waysto keep leveling up, or I'm
trying to like improve thathomeostasis or at least obtain
it.
But we, you know, sometimes Ithink we can do too much.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Um, but we, you know, sometimes I think we can do too
much.
Oh yeah, I mean, our armsextended can only carry so much
weight, and so our emotionalresponse system is the same way.
We just don't have a tangibleexample of that, you know,
except feeling run down or youknow just kind of down in the
dumps, which I think isdifferent, or super anxious, or
(04:05):
just worried.
Or then our cognitive thoughtsstart coming into play and are
like well, we're just not doingenough.
All the failure based thinkingthen starts to have its own kind
of assaults on our psyche andit just it can really be tough
and I say that because it'sreally tough, especially
whenever you have set goals foryourself or for your wellness
(04:27):
plan, or for really just kind ofdiving in into being a bigger
and better you, whether that befor yourself personally, as a
parent, as a spouse, whateverthe goal that we've set for
ourselves, even at work, like wejust really want to do a good
job.
We want to, you know, be onpoint for everything.
Whenever that isn't going right, what are we going really want
to do a good job?
We want to, you know, be onpoint for everything.
Whenever that isn't going right, what are we going to do to
(04:49):
kind of help ourselves out inthose points at times?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And so I don't know I need this episode as much as
anybody does because, you know,even though this episode is not
about the perimenopause, it'slike I had things going on and I
was feeling really good, andit's like, all of a sudden now I
feel like I've taken threesteps backwards.
You know, I've got like I'vegot massive headache today.
I had some like anxiousthoughts earlier.
(05:13):
Um, I feel like I'm on flameson the inside of me now, and in
a minute I will be freezing andreaching for my sweater and it's
just this, like very tired andit's all cyclical.
Right, it's a lot of it has todo with my cycle at the moment,
but when you have been workingso hard and doing all the things
(05:33):
that we talk about over andover again and you still don't
feel good, man, does that knockthe wind out of you, so to speak
?
You know it's like fuck, I'mdoing it.
What's, what's the problem here?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right, right, and then there goes the rabbit hole
at that point, and then we wantto quit or we want to start to
make excuses, and you know whatI mean.
And that's where I think thedanger lies in is that when
those things have like set in,so Like why is that not working,
I think, for me?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I don't want to quit the things I'm doing.
I'm like well, what do I needto add?
What am I?
What am I missing?
You know, and maybe it's notthat, maybe it's just your 42
year old woman experiencingthese symptoms for the first
time, and you need to giveyourself some grace and know
that this too shall pass and thein a couple of days, you might
feel back to that.
You know, superstar, that youfelt like summer, right or if
(06:25):
you just like you're burnt out.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You know, we just reach a point sometimes whenever
we just feel like we're justkind of I hear it a lot, I've
even said it but like we're justdone, like we're just
completely burnt out, and thathappens to whenever our it's
like a candle, but it's not thecandle being burned at both ends
alone.
It's like a candle, but it's notthe candle being burned at both
ends alone.
It's the candle being burned atboth ends, like with, let's say
(06:50):
, work or social life, maybehome, managing kids and, you
know, doing all the chores,things, spousal relationship.
But then the middle of thecandle is also on fire and that
is how we are feeling aboutourselves in that moment and
that point.
And generally speaking, we canhandle it whenever both ends of
(07:11):
the candle on fire because wehave this nice, you know round
fat, whatever wax, that is stillbetween the two points.
But when the middle, which iswhat ourselves like, what we
represent, is also on fire,that's what burnout is.
That's whenever everything elsejust again has that kind of
(07:31):
compiling effect and thatcyclical nature just kind of
kicks in.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So we've been very vague, but today we're really
talking about some of thestrategies that we use.
And we've talked about some ofthe strategies that we use and
we've talked about some of thisbefore, or at least mentioned it
, but really talking about useof mantras and grounding
techniques, and we're going totalk a little bit about what I'm
sure most people are seeing onsocial media these days.
A lot of people are doingdopamine menus, and so we just
(08:02):
want to talk about how we usethese tools, not just mention
them, but really get into howwe're using them to support our
bodies right now and our minds.
And, like I said, I just usedone, you know, an hour ago, when
I was sitting in the cafeteriaat my kid's school, super
overwhelmed, you know I neededground and it's like how do you
(08:22):
ground with a bunch of fourthgrade boys sitting around you,
you know?
So let's kind of dive into that.
Let's first like so what is agrounding technique?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I mean, we could probably look up a great Google
definition for it, but itbasically is something that
allows you to return back tocenter, and that can be a phrase
, it can be a, you know, kind oflike a lyric, it could be an
activity, something that you dothat just pulls you back to
center instead of allowing yourmind, your physiological
(08:55):
responses, to just be removedfrom you and projected out into
space.
And so whenever we do agrounding technique, it really
brings everything back to centerand then allows us to be able
to breathe, to reset, to refocus, to be responsive instead of
(09:17):
reactive.
It allows us to kind of comeinto that place of not
necessarily peace, but almostlike clarity, where before it
was very mucky and difficult.
Now, does that mean it's goingto be clear, as you know, like I
don't know jug of water?
No, but is it going to be asmuddy?
No, and so that's the purposeof a grounding technique is
(09:40):
again to kind of bring us backinto center.
And you know, it's amazing howthey can be used, because
they're anything that you cankind of pull out of your pocket
and use, different ones fordifferent situations, on
different days, doing differenttasks, and so it really is just
finding which ones work for youthe best and then even taking
(10:02):
cues from your body or fromwithin yourself as to what you
need in that moment in order toget back to that center place
and then doing it.
Not making an excuse for notdoing it, but then actually
listening to your body and doingit.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, and sometimes I well, I think that we think a
lot about grounding techniqueswhen we tend to experience like
an anxiety response.
Right, I think a lot of us orat least that's what I tend to
go to I'm like, okay, how do Iground here?
But sometimes it can be likewhen you're super excited and
you need to all of a suddenfocus, Like you maybe just ran
into somebody that you haven'tseen in a long time.
(10:37):
You're super excited and youjust caught up and you have all
these thoughts and feelings.
But now you need to sit downand you know, get into a problem
solving discussion or somethinglike that.
You know you might need to takea minute and sort of ground
yourself back because yourbody's kind of worked up right,
Excitement Woo, I'm excited, I'mhappy, I'm jittery.
So sometimes you need thosegrounding techniques, even if
(10:59):
it's a positive feeling that youare experiencing.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
No, I love that you mentioned that.
That's definitely true.
Any big emotion is not supposedto be meant to be felt long
term, and any big emotion canjust lead to missteps,
especially if we're not kind ofagain coming back to center with
it.
I mean, even whenever it'ssuper, super positive.
We're not supposed to live in aland of euphoria, you know
(11:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
So Much as we want to .
Speaker 1 (11:28):
that's not realistic, no no, no, we're probably
healthy at some points too, no,mm-hmm.
So just curious, since youmentioned it what did you do
that?
You gave the perfect example atthe kids' school, fourth grade,
kids all around you what do youdo?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Well, fourth grade boys are loud, and I forgot.
You know it's been a hot minutesince I've worked in a school
and sat in a cafeteria becauselast year my kids, my son, they
ate in the classroom, so itwasn't as stimulating to go have
lunch with them.
Forgot how stimulatingcafeterias are If you're a
parent of a child in anelementary school and you've
never had lunch with him.
Forgot how stimulatingcafeterias are If you're a
parent of a child in anelementary school and you've
(12:08):
never had lunch with them.
Try it out one day and see whatthat's like and see if you
don't leave feeling like youjust stuck your finger in a
socket Because there's a lot ofenergy right, kids are in there,
they're talking, they'resupposed to be eating, teachers
are getting annoyed, you knowall the things, but they're
talking, they're supposed to beeating.
Teachers are getting annoyed,you know all the things, but
anyway.
So I was in there and I wastrying to have a conversation
with one of his friends and Icould just I could feel the
(12:30):
thoughts, or well, I feel it.
I could feel my heart startingto race when the thoughts
started and I was like, oh shit,I haven't felt this for a hot
minute.
But, like I said, I've sort ofhad these little like waves of
anxiety I don't even want tocall it that Like these, like
waves of uncomfortable feelingsthere remind you of anxiety.
But I was like so I juststarted a mantra in my head.
(12:53):
I'm like you're safe, everyonein this building is safe, you
know.
And so I just kept saying thatover and over to myself you're
safe, they're safe.
And I started focusing on mybreathing, because that really
works for me.
I have noticed if I can get mybreath under control, and that's
where the practice ofmeditation has served me so well
(13:13):
, because now I know what to doand it is like second nature.
I can drop in so fast.
I mean, it probably didn't last45 seconds and I was able.
I mean, the kid that I wastalking to probably didn't even
know this is all going on insidemy head because it was just so
quick.
It was like, oh, I'm feelingthis, oh, I don't like this and
I don't want to spiral.
(13:34):
What can I do?
You're safe, you know,everybody here's safe, and you
know, focus on what you cancontrol.
That that's big for me.
I tend to have a lot of anxietyabout things I have no control
over, and so and it's stupidshit, man, like I'm almost
embarrassed to say this out loud, but I'm going to say it
because somebody else might belike me, freaking too.
(13:56):
But the boy I was talking towas telling me about the game
that he plays.
He has an Oculus and I don'tknow if you've read much about
those, but for children under Ithink it's under the age of 14,
they're not supposed to be on itfor more than 30 minutes at a
time because of their braindevelopment and how it can
affect it.
Right, um, and.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I don't even know what one is.
What is it?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
It's like a VR, a virtual reality.
So you put this head thing on,you put this thing over your
eyes and it feels like you're inthe game, right?
My son has one and that's whywe did some research.
We talk about it, we have a lotof boundaries around it.
I should have more, if I'mbeing totally honest.
But he does.
He knows he can be on it for 30minutes and then he has to take
(14:36):
a break.
And so I start thinking aboutthis kid and I'm like well, does
his mom know that he's supposedto be?
You know that it's only a 30minute thing, because he's
telling me about it all the time.
And I start to get anxious,thinking about this kid's brain
development.
Is that not crazy?
Do I have any control over thiskid's brain development or how
much time he spends on an Oculus, or what's going to happen?
(14:57):
No, why?
Why do I have crazy thoughtslike this?
Why?
I don't know, I don't know, Idon't know, I don't know.
At any rate, once it started,it was, like you know, it was
the spiral effect.
I started thinking about allthe kids that use oculuses, and
do all of their parents knowthat?
Do all the people read thewarnings on these things.
(15:18):
They probably don't Right, soyou can see how it sort of um
snowballs for me there, um, so,yeah, so I just that's when I
was like you're safe, he's saferight now.
We are all safe, right, and youhave no control over this.
So let's get our breathingunder control, because I could
(15:39):
feel my heart rapidly.
Yes, yeah, we know.
If we can control our breath,we can control our heart rate
rapidly.
Yes, yeah, we know.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
If we can't control our breath, we can't control our
heart rate and that is yourentire physiological response
system.
That then kicks into gear rightthereafter.
And so you know, even recentlyand I shared this with you too
like um athletes, novak Djokovicis one that you can look at all
of his social media andInstagrams and everything that
he talks about is number oneskill that he tries to go to in
(16:05):
high performance or adrenalineamped up, you know kind of
moments is using that consciousbreathing where he really has to
.
And now they're not giving hima timeout.
In tennis there's no such thing.
I mean, you can go to thebathroom, but you got it, you're
on the clock.
You know.
There's no such thing as like aplayer's, you know timeout so I
(16:27):
can manage my breathing so much.
It's more like get a towel andget a drink.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Tio talk about things I've never thought about in my
life.
An athlete needing to use thebathroom in the middle of a game
oh yeah, never in my entirelife have I ever thought about
that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah, they take them sometimes in tennis, and that's
when everybody starts to be likewhat are they doing back there?
You know?
So it's one sport where it justhappens.
I think a little bit more.
It's more known whenever thathappens, because they have to
announce the reason why they'releaving the court, but anyways.
So I know right, I'm nervous asabsolute hell, but this whole
physiological system is justoverloaded, got to go, which,
(17:08):
hey, it probably happens, godbless them.
But he does.
He uses different consciousbreathing techniques, and he'll
be the first one to say you knowthat it does it.
Is it always a cure to what'shappening?
No, but in those moments healso says I may have not been
using it as effectively as whatI could have.
You know, I wasn't able.
I was doing the breathing, butI wasn moments.
He also says I may have notbeen using it as effectively as
(17:29):
what I could have.
You know, I wasn't able.
I was doing the breathing, butI wasn't able to necessarily
kind of get my head back in thegame, and so at that point then
it may take another tool inorder to be there.
And that's where you know, hashe quit playing tennis because
he has these moments?
No, I mean, he's the GOAT for areason, but I think it's tuning
into that, and so breathing isone way to do it.
In those moments, the thingsthat you can again use to bring
(17:51):
yourself in are your five senses.
So what can you see?
And but actually like payingattention to that and calling it
out, even if it's in your head.
You know, oh, this little girlhas a pretty bow in her hair, or
you know, I see that there's acrack in the wall.
Even minute things matter,because it's again pulling you
(18:11):
back in instead of allowing theflood to occur.
And that's what can happen ifwe don't use grounding.
I mean, that's what you justperfectly described Water on an
open plain always causes a flood.
So what do we want to do?
We want to try to control thatflow, and we do that through use
of grounding techniques andmantras.
So what can you touch?
(18:31):
And how does that feel?
You know, if you're sitting ona bench, is it a hard bench?
Is it a wet bench, you know, oris it too short?
And my knees up to my chest,you know what is it?
Is it that you feel thedifferent fabric?
You know, maybe you're touchingsomebody close to you, and now
you're aware that you know ourbodies are actually touching,
(18:54):
you want to pay attention towhat you can smell.
Lots of things in differentplaces that you can kind of cue
into, and your acuity increasesas you start to bring notice to
it, and so, like if I'm runningout on a trail or something and
I'm starting to focus on smell,I can get like a woof of
something, and then it's like,oh, okay, and then it's almost
like you're following it or thatit just becomes stronger.
(19:15):
At that point, whatever you payattention to grows.
That works with your senses aswell, and so you know what can
you taste in those moments.
You know, again, going back toall of those different things
like that can be really really,really helpful.
What can you hear?
You know, yes, you're trying tolisten to this kid's voice, but
can you also hear a whistleblowing?
(19:35):
Are there other announcementsgoing?
A lot of things in thatstimulating environment, but
just by being able to name them,it actually decreases their
stimulation and theirstimulating effect on you, and
so you can do that anywhere.
I mean, I remember talking aboutdoing this in different
meetings whenever you know I'dget aggravated about something
that was happening.
Or imagine that Right, or yougot for bed, but it helped.
(20:01):
I mean again, the goal of it isto kind of bring you back into
center.
So at that point I'm notreacting to a situation, I'm
responding to it with clarityand with thought, because I've
allowed myself to kind of comeback into place.
And so you know, using thosethings can be great.
If somebody is having astressful day, like at work or
(20:23):
like a fight, the number onebest thing you can do besides
getting ice and I don't meanlike the cold ice bath thing
that we've talked about before,but just some ice and putting on
your chest it's always going tobe the quickest thing to
physiologically reset you period.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Um, but which I want to make a point about.
That, because that literallysaved me so many times and I'm
so grateful that you taught methat trick, because I can't tell
you how many times I've pulleda nice pack out and stuck it on
my chest and really helped me,because sometimes if you get too
far in a cycle, if you'rehaving anxious thoughts, anybody
that's ever struggled withanxiety knows like there's a
(20:58):
point of return and um, or itfeels that way, and so sometimes
I've tried grounding techniquesafter I've gotten to that point
and it's like I needed that.
That's to me where the coldcompress came in.
You might try that first, butthat's when I'm like oh, I got
to pick a different tool becauseme just using a mantra right
(21:18):
now ain't working for me.
You know, grounding by walkingin the grass isn't.
I'm still having these crazyanxious thoughts, Right?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Right, but that's what that's where the ladder
kind of goes to.
You know what I mean.
So it's like you know you canpull these out at any time or
just go for the one that worksthe first best.
You know what I mean.
Then follow up in reverse order.
So use the ice and then go fora walk, like what Jen's saying.
Um, out in the grass there'sactually like a inner, like a
nutrient, energy, all kinds oftransfer that takes place
(21:49):
whenever you stand barefoot ingrass or lay down Like I'll go
outside and it's weird, I livein West Virginia, so I'm on a
hill and so I'll go outside andjust lay down on the driveway,
which is not necessarily grass,but I'll just lay down on the
earth and it just feels so goodjust to kind of be in that place
(22:11):
and space.
But you use the techniques inthe way that fits best for you.
So use the ice, but then, asyour physiological system is
resetting, without you having tothink about it, then using some
mantras, then you know,focusing on the sight, cells,
smells, touch, taste, whateverelse.
So that way you're thencompiling all those layering
(22:33):
effects on you in those pointsof time and you know, then you
can actually focus in on yourbreathing and doing it in a
different way or in a differentcycle.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And these things don't take forever, but the
amount of time that it takes usif we don't do them is hours to
maybe even days.
Right, and the response likeI'm learning a lot about our
cellular response when we'reputting ourselves in these
stressful situations we'reraising our cortisol, you know,
we're having real impact on ourbodies and so if we can, you
know, try to mitigate that insome way.
(23:10):
You know, I'm all for it, Notjust so that you don't
experience it, but so you don'thave any lasting impact to your
body as well.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's all interconnected as we
keep talking about.
But really seeing thoseinterconnections and following
up with the research about ithighlights its importance even
further.
You know so.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
And I tend to use like you made a good point to
using it when you get worked up,like in a meeting, like if
you're frustrated you don't haveto be like angry, but just like
that frustrated, like nobody'sgetting along, we're not getting
anything accomplished.
You know, everybody has sat inthose types of meetings.
This could have been an emailmeeting, like those types of
things.
I don't even, you know, I'venever thought about tapping into
(23:55):
those, and so I tend to justuse them when it's anxiety
related, not so much just whenI'm frustrated.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Oh gosh, yeah Well, I don't feel anxious, I just get
aggravated, right.
So there's the tool, but it's,it's a thing that it doesn't put
whatever word that you want toput in place amped up, excited,
right.
You know, again, it's just aboutkind of coming back to a point
with things, um, feeling likeyou want to quit or that again
something is too much, wherethat kind of burnout comes into
(24:27):
play.
It's it's really allowingyourself to kind of feel that
grounding.
Or even in a, if I'm aboutready to walk into a situation
that um has a lot of uncertaintyto it and I have the option, I
will actually sit on the ground,like that's my preferred place
to sit, is on the ground, um,and I I really don't care what
people think, but I know itprobably looks weird, cause I'm
(24:49):
sitting there like Crisprill'sapplesauce or in just like some
kind of like folded up position,but being on the ground again,
I'm connecting all points ofcontact to something in a
situation that lacks clarity andcertainty, and so by being able
to physically even be grounded,I'm able to more tap into being
(25:09):
emotionally and cognitivelymore grounded.
So that way the best kind ofpicture of self thing kind of
comes out.
So I love that.
Yeah, I mean, I get it.
It looks odd.
I had to even like I evenapologize.
Sometimes I'll be like hey, I'msorry, I'm sitting on the
ground, but what's going on?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I need this here's where we're at today.
Here's where we're at today.
Here's where we're at.
Let's talk a little bit aboutmantras, because I think that A
maybe people use this, but forme, mantras were super helpful
when I was first starting out inmeditation, having something to
say over, and I still usemantras all the time.
The app that we use you knowone of the providers that I use.
(25:50):
They use mantras in a lot oftheir guided meditation.
So let's talk a little bitabout how you use them and what
is a mantra?
Let's even define that.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I mean, it's just a phrase, a saying, it's something
that, whenever you say it, ithelps you to disconnect away
from an emotion or a thought andagain just kind of pulls you
back, but with a mantra.
It is a saying or a thought,it's a quote, it's a.
You know, it's one of thosethings that you can just repeat
(26:22):
over and over again.
It's something that resonateswith you and it doesn't even
have to be like one identifiedby like Gandhi you know what I
mean Like mine's from Dora fromPixar Sometimes, whenever she
used to go, just keep swimmingyou know, when I was working a
lot, or whenever I had a lotgoing on at that kind of points,
it was just like or I have aday that's stacked, it's just
keeps swimming, just keeps them.
And so I'm not saying it has tocome from Maya Angelou here.
(26:44):
You know, I can come from anysource that allows you to use it
as a resonating connectingforce to help you push through
whatever you're going through inthat moment.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
And generally speaking, they're short two to
three words, like one that Ifrequently use is I am breathing
in, I am breathing out or I amhere.
Now is another one that I willuse, but a lot of times in
meditation you'll use I thinkit's Sanskrit, it's definitely a
(27:18):
language I'm not familiar with,but I will use.
You know, whatever mantra isgiven to us, he usually gives
like a little description ofwhat it means.
And it really is.
It's not about stopping yourmind from thinking.
It's about returning to themantra, practicing that fluidity
of oh, I had a thought about acardinal flying past me.
(27:40):
I'm going to go back to mymantra.
It's that.
It's that practice of flowingin and flowing out.
That, really, for me, when I'mmeditating, that's what I'm
focusing on.
It's not like, oh, I made itthrough the whole meditation and
I didn't have any thoughts.
That's not the point of it.
The point is practicing thatfluidity.
Would you agree?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, yeah, I think, definitely, whenever you come
down to using a mantra formeditation purposes, it is the
easiest way to probably dialback in, you know, and to just
kind of allow yourself to kindof breathe within that space, a
hundred percent, yeah, and likeI'll use one.
It just means peace, peace,peace is shanty, shanty, shanty,
and so it's peace, peace, peace, or again, whatever it happens
(28:24):
to be at that point of time,just to kind of allow you to
check back in, to center back in.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
But I use them a lot too whenever I'm doing an
activity.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Because for me, like, sometimes, whatever, and
sometimes it's even a question,or it's just like a statement,
like if I'm doing a long run andyou know, at different points
in time, or a hot run, like ahot run on a hot day, just a
cold one, whatever the situationmay be, it's just something you
don't want to be doing.
At that time Do I need to quitor do I want to do?
(29:02):
I need to quit or do I want to?
And if, and that really takeslike a self-analysis at that
point.
You know what I mean.
That really takes like aself-analysis at that point.
You know what I mean.
Like, am I physically bulking?
Is this something that is, am Iinjured?
You know, is this a hurt or amI just feeling appropriately
tired for what I'm doing?
And now I want to quit?
(29:24):
And if the answer is want to,then the answer is no, yeah, so
I'll, I'll do that a lot, andthen I will sit there and come
up with others to I focus backon a goal, or I'll use
visualization as not necessarilya mantra, but as a way to kind
of, you know, put yourself in adifferent place, like I've done
(29:48):
worse.
That sounds tough, but you knowI've put myself in other, worse
situations than what I'm inright now.
I've done worse.
I can do this now.
I've done worse, I can do thisnow.
And then it's just somethingyou repeat again over over in
your head and then your bodyautomatically matches that
cadence and so then it takesaway the extra energy that was
(30:09):
being used in the thought ofwanting to quit or wanting to
stop, and then puts it back inthe activity, so that way it
doesn't have that kind ofblockage at that point.
So if I'm experiencingsomething that is unexpected,
then I see no matter what it is.
If it's doing like a physicalactivity or another activity,
(30:29):
then I see that this is practice.
This is practice for wheneverit happens later, this is
practice.
I don't ask why it's happening.
I try not to get frustrated atwhy it's happening.
I think of it as practice forsomething I'm going to
experience later.
So that gives me that Well, itgives yourself some forgiveness.
(30:49):
You know some space againbetween you and whatever you're
trying to get through.
If there's a block in it, thenI'm just using this as practice,
which means that I'm not goingto necessarily quit.
That might change what I'mdoing in that moment.
I might have to slow down, Imight have to pivot or, you know
, partake in a differentactivity until I can get there,
(31:11):
but I'm not quitting.
So it's, it's that whole ideaof like, okay, well, this is
(31:36):
going to be awful, I don't knowwhat's going to happen.
You know, using it in the otherdirection can also be equally
as effective.
We just don't do it because itfeels hokey Whenever.
The other should actually bethe one that feels hokey.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
For sure, for sure.
One of the things I loved atour meditation retreat that we
went to earlier this year wasthe mantras that they had us do
at the beginning of ourmeditations.
And just to paint the picturefor y'all, sarah and I did a
meditation retreat out inArizona and we would meditate
morning and evening for about 30minutes at a time.
So I mean, even for somebodywho meditates every day, 30
(32:11):
minutes is a long time.
It's a long time to sit stilland breathe and focus on your
breath, and so they often gaveus mantras, and very simple ones
who am I?
And the idea is that you're notanswering it, you're just
repeating the mantra over andover again to see if anything
comes up.
You might hear an answer, youmight not, but the idea of these
(32:34):
mantras of who am I, what makesme happy?
What do I need, you knowthinking about some of those
things.
If you're somebody that's reallystuck and maybe you don't know
what your next step is, youdon't know what to do, but you
know you're unhappy those typesof mantras I think would be very
helpful to maybe pull some ofthose answers out of.
(32:55):
What is it that you really want?
When am I at my happiest.
That's one that I use a lot.
When am I at my best?
What are those characteristics?
And that helps me kind of thinkabout what my next step is.
What am I going to do afterthis?
Who is my best self?
What does she look like?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Yeah, and again queuing into that.
And those moments can begrounding, because then it's
putting you back into yourself.
At that point you knownonjudgmentally of who you are
in the moment that you're having.
But what does it look likewhenever it's different?
In a glowing light, Sure, yeah,Um, let me think.
(33:36):
I just have a whole list ofthem here.
Others, One of them I heard inyoga class the other day,
actually told my teacher I likedit a bunch.
It's like this now.
It's like this now, and so Ithought that that was really
nice and helpful, especially ifyou know someone's having a
rough day or bad phone calls,bad whatever's happened.
(33:57):
It's like this now.
So, and that really does bringit back to in this present
moment.
It is here.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
You know that does not mean it shall pass, like
taking those old things that allour grandmas used to say and
making it our mantras.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
I think, another one about like work or, you know,
whenever you've had a bad or astressful day, we're always more
cognizant, I think, of thosemoments than when the wind is
not blowing, and I just thinkthat that's important for us to
pay attention to too.
And just as, like an example,you walk outside, you'll notice
a big gust of wind.
(34:37):
You know whether it's hot orcold or whatever.
You'll feel it in your hair,you'll feel it on your skin,
It'll be a smell associated withthe wind is you can't
necessarily you can see itseffects, but you can't see it.
But we're often not payingattention to whenever it's not
there, and that's that's reallykind of like a big point of like
mindfulness.
Whenever we're stressful,chaotic, overwhelming, trapping,
(34:59):
whatever the word might be,when is it?
(35:25):
When the wind is not blowing?
So just cueing back?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
You got to cue back.
One thing I've noticed onsocial media lately is a lot of
influencers are, you know,putting up their dopamine menus,
and so what that means is whatare the healthy dopamine hits
that you can get throughout theday?
What are the things that kindof lift you up?
And for me, if you're alistener of this show, you know
that I have my daily fiveroutine.
Those are kind of like mydopamine hits right Getting up
(35:53):
before the sun that's a dopaminehit for me.
Meditating, journaling, gettingmy exercise in as the sun's
coming up If I can geteverything done before 830, talk
about a dopamine hit man.
I feel like a freaking rockstar when I sit down at my desk.
So I like this idea of sort ofhaving a menu of things like
(36:16):
this this weekend.
And I mean this might be TMI forour listeners, but I'm really
tracking my cycles and so I knoweverything I'm experiencing is
normal right now.
This is nothing abnormal.
Unfortunately, this is justfucking aging and dealing with
some of these.
You know newer symptoms all ofa sudden, but I was just really
(36:38):
off.
You know, like you ever havethose days where you're just
like I am off, like I can't putmy finger on it.
I just can't.
I don't feel like myself.
I don't know who this person ismasquerading around in my body,
but it ain't me.
And I really felt that way.
And so I was really leaning onmy if you, if you will my
dopamine rewards this weekend.
(36:59):
I was, I mean, I was hittingevery single one of them because
I was doing anything I could tomake myself feel like myself.
Did I ever fully accomplish it?
I don't think I did, but I feltway better than had I not
implemented those things, andthat's what I kept telling us.
I'm like you're, you're doingyour things right, you're just
going to keep focusing on it,and it doesn't mean it's going
(37:19):
to eliminate every symptom thatyou have, but I do feel like it
was better at the end of the day.
I'm certain it could have beenworse had I not implemented some
of those things.
And so have you seen that?
Am I the only I mean?
Is it just an echo chamberright now on Instagram?
No, I mean, is it just that gochamber right now on Instagram?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
No, I've seen them too.
Yeah and um, I've seen themlabeled as that or there's an.
There was another word that Isaw, but it's just.
you know, we're not using thingsthat are super complex, it just
does kind of come back to whatmakes us happy, you know, but
that's hard to identify, Like ifI walked into a room of like 10
(37:56):
other people and I say whatmakes you happy?
We probably all have a fewlittle jokes about different
things here and there, but likeon a daily basis, it would take
a lot of time for people to comeup with it.
We're real good at coming upwith what makes us unhappy, for
sure.
Having that menu comes intoplay, or having like a list on
your cell phone, a screenshot,you know an album, a notes app,
(38:21):
you know something that wheneverthe going gets tough, you can
have that as like the cheat codeyou know to kind of get through
it.
The map whenever Google quitsworking, the trip text from back
in the days whenever we werekids, google quits working.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
The trip ticks from back in the days, whenever we
were kids.
Yeah, I mean that idea of letme trick, because sometimes,
when you're in it and whenyou're in the funk, you can't
think of anything.
You're like I know I need to dosomething for myself, but like
I can't even think of what to do.
It can be as simple as liketaking a 10 minute walk and
getting sunlight on your face,or playing with your dog and
letting it, you know, cuddlewith you or whatever.
Whatever really kind of likelights you up from the inside
(39:00):
out, and so it can be so simpleand that's why you could I mean
I feel like I could make apretty long menu, but I think
about things a lot, right,because there are things that
I'm constantly trying to embedthroughout my day, whether it's
like contact with friends, likethat's a big one for me, like
little you know, like my friendswere all connected, and when we
(39:22):
work out, I get like a littlething on my watch, so and so
just, and I always, if I get it,I always send a response.
That's like a dopamine hit forme.
I love feedback, I love givingfeedback and like pumping
something, like you did it.
So I mean like embedding thatthroughout the day, instead of
like, maybe, stacking everythingat the beginning of your day,
like, yeah, you might feel greattill noon and then you might,
(39:43):
you might need another hit.
Right, yeah, like, tap the vein, give me some dopamine here I
need, I need a walk after lunch,or I need a right chocolate
square, whatever it, whatever itis, whatever it is um, smoothie
, a juice, I don't, whatever.
Decaf coffee, right, right,make your dopamine list.
If you don't have one, or ifyou've never thought about that,
(40:05):
I encourage you to just make alist to see what, what makes you
happy.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, and you know there was actually um, I forgot
about this until you mentionedit.
There was, oh, I forget whatlike therapeutic model or like
handout it came from, butobviously been a long time since
I had used it.
But it was almost like you wantto schedule at least five of
those things if you can, if notjust having that you can pull
out, you know, out of yourpocket or whatnot, like
(40:33):
throughout the day just to giveyourself that kind of a boost.
You know, every single day,yeah, like every single day, and
like one of them was, um, youknow, because so much of us
spend time at work or in a box,like human beings by design
we're not meant to be in boxes.
But go outside, you know, don'tjust, you know, kind of sit in
the same place, go outside.
(40:54):
You know, I don't care ifyou're sitting in the car, you
know what I mean, during theyear, whatever, but just have
something scheduled at differentpoints of time so that way you
can commit to doing just two tothree minutes of an activity.
You know, maybe before you walkin the door after work, and you
know the kids have to get readyfor practice, or X, y and Z,
you got to go out to dinner,stop at the end of the road and
(41:17):
do a quick breathing exercise.
You know, um, anything likethat can be a way just to kind
of help yourself get into atransition place, but also just
to give yourself that boost thatyou might need in order to to
kind of get by.
I love the chocolate, likethose Dove chocolates always
have those sweet little messagesin them.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Right, right, it's one of those, yeah, and also I
think it's important to payattention to like what isn't
filling you up and we've talkedabout that before but like what
doesn't belong on the dopaminemenu, like the glass of wine.
I'm not saying but, honestly,you want to think about things
(41:58):
that are good for your body.
I can think of plenty of thingsthat are not good for my body.
That.
I also like but that shouldn'tbe part of my daily menu to
choose from, right, that's maybelike my weekend menu or, you
know, my vacation menu.
Like those types of things,like also knowing maybe what's
(42:19):
not the best thing.
If you're having a glass ofwine every night, you know.
To each their own.
No judgment, this is a totaljudgment-free zone, but for me I
know that that causes anxiety.
I have noticed quite often herelately, if I drink wine, like
it's giving me anxiety the nextday.
So I mean just being cognizantof like, oh, maybe that's, maybe
(42:43):
that isn't on the menu anymore,right, or at least for a while
let's take a little break andsee if we can't, you know, find
something else.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
And I love that.
Having like a workday menu, aweekend menu.
And I love that Having like aworkday menu, a weekend menu,
whatever you know, there's10,000 different kinds of
restaurants.
Yeah, have your own menu.
Yeah, right.
Your travel day menu.
Yeah, staying in an airport allday or, you know, driving in
cars, that's a hard day.
To maybe come up with a goodmenu that's healthy, you're
(43:14):
right, but you can do it.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yeah, there are plenty of things that you can do
, but all the things you don'thave time to do in your regular
life, you know travel is greatfor that kind of stuff.
Yeah, I'm a big delete.
I delete photos off my phonewhile I'm on an airplane.
So I'll spend a three hourflight and delete tens of
thousands of photos and videosand I feel so much lighter when
I walk off that plane and you godown memory lane and you, you
(43:43):
know those are little dopaminehits to looking at babies when
they were little, and so youknow it can be very, very simple
things.
It doesn't have to be a 10minute walk.
It can literally be likelooking at a picture of your
granny that you haven't thoughtabout in 10 years or whatever.
You know it can be so simple.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yes, I think we.
Just this is another area whereI just feel like we get into
this zone of overcomplication orovercomplicating things.
And you know, again, we'regoing to look out for the best
quote, we're going to look outfor, you know, those super
expensive ice baths or whateverelse it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
All the health costs of a gazillion dollars, all of
my skincare dopamine hit, butnot feasible at all times, you
know.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Right, but that's where it, when it's on the menu,
we partake, that's right, myhydrofacial is on my vacation
menu.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
It's going to happen every time I'm on vacation.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Love a hydrafacial, I know.
Anyway, I think I mean I hopethat our listeners find this
helpful.
If you have a dopamine menu oryou have your favorite mantras,
we would love to hear some ofthem, because I'm probably going
to make a list of otherpeople's mantras and steal some
of them as well.
We want to share ideas.
We don't want to we're notgatekeeping anything here.
(45:02):
So if you have anything youwant to share, we will also put
it on the website and put someexamples on there so that you
can, you know, build from that,just to generate some ideas.
That's really all we're tryingto do is get you thinking about
what are some things that youcould put on your menu.
What are some?
You know, what are some ofthose grounding techniques that
are tried and true for you?
(45:22):
Things that work for Sarah maynot work for me, Right.
So it really is about trial anderror and then making a list of
oh, that really went like thatice pack for me.
I will never give that up Icepack on the chest forever and
ever.
So those are super helpful andI hope that you all found
(45:44):
something helpful in thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Yeah, most definitely remember to text us, to hit us
up on social media to do thereviews Right.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Send it to a friend.
Yeah, share it with your friend.
Review us on the platform whereyou're listening to the Lylas
podcast.
That's the best way you canhelp us out, and we so
appreciate your time and energyand working on yourself, because
I truly believe it starts withourselves.
Amen If we can get ourselfright.
We can do so much more good inthis world, and that's really
what we're here about is helpingus all elevate baby level up.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
There it is.
Just keep swimming, just keepswimming, all right?
Well, I guess until next time.
Right, that's right, thank you.
Hey folks, sarah Stevens with the Lylas Podcast,
thanks for tuning in this weekas we are continuing on with our
re-releases, as we are gearingup for season five.
So again, please text us, findus on social media, get a hold
of us any way that you can sothat way we can hear what you
want to talk about, what youwant to hear us talk about.
For season five of the LylasPodcast, this re-release, we are
(00:23):
talking about grounding andmantras.
How do we get out of those darkphases of our life, whenever we
feel like we're stuck, wheneverwe're having a stressful moment
, the world is just crashingdown on us?
Well, we try to turn to thesetechniques to help us through.
Thanks for tuning in and listennext week, as we have another
fun re-release coming your way,welcome to LILAS.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know
what that stands for.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And, by default, this podcast is for you.
Welcome, loyal, lilesslisteners.
We're so happy to have you here, lll, I know right, that's it.
And remember that we are dyingfor your feedback, your reviews,
your comments, suggestions,questions, because we are
rolling in hot with season four.
I really feel like our contentis just we're already three
(01:28):
episodes in and I'm like, yes,I'm loving everything that we're
doing.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, today's a great topic.
I feel like absolute ass, butthe topic got me to record, so
I'm excited just to talk aboutthis, because I just used it
about an hour ago, when I wasstarting to feel some anxious
feelings that I haven't felt fora long time.
But man, they really came inhot today.
So you know, just add it to thelist of perimenopause symptoms
(01:56):
I'm experiencing these days.
I know Great, great, great.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Add it to life.
Add it to the ingredients thatare the not so pleasant ones at
times, right?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
But we have all these tools now to use whenever you
know, just being able to saylike, hey, I was getting some
really anxious thoughts and Iwas able to use some of the
stuff we're going to talk abouttoday, so that's why it's
important to talk about thisstuff.
You don't have to suffer.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Nope, not all hope is lost, that's for sure.
But with that kind of beingsaid, you know, one thing I
think that we've been talkingabout, like amongst ourselves
and mentioning even on thepodcast, is how we're always
trying to reach that point oflike homeostasis.
We're trying to do all thethings to decrease our cortisol
levels, our stress response.
(02:42):
You know we're staying hydrated.
Everybody's walking around withthose, you know, reusable,
whatever they are jugs.
We're trying to do the workouts, eat clean, eat green, whatever
, and yet sometimes we stillfeel like we're on a slippery
slope and that can be sodefeating, especially whenever
(03:06):
we are doing all the rightthings.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, and do you think I think sometimes we do
too much?
Instead of doing a few thingsreally well and honing and, you
know, really working those toolsand doing those well, we tend
to, oh, that's going well, wegot that in it, let's layer on
something else.
I mean, I'm certainly guilty ofthat.
Like I've talked about thatbefore, like I keep adding to my
daily five and I don't knowthat that's necessarily better.
(03:32):
I like to think of it as waysto keep leveling up, or I'm
trying to like improve thathomeostasis or at least obtain
it.
But we, you know, sometimes Ithink we can do too much.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Um, but we, you know, sometimes I think we can do too
much.
Oh yeah, I mean, our armsextended can only carry so much
weight, and so our emotionalresponse system is the same way.
We just don't have a tangibleexample of that, you know,
except feeling run down or youknow just kind of down in the
dumps, which I think isdifferent, or super anxious, or
(04:05):
just worried.
Or then our cognitive thoughtsstart coming into play and are
like well, we're just not doingenough.
All the failure based thinkingthen starts to have its own kind
of assaults on our psyche andit just it can really be tough
and I say that because it'sreally tough, especially
whenever you have set goals foryourself or for your wellness
(04:27):
plan, or for really just kind ofdiving in into being a bigger
and better you, whether that befor yourself personally, as a
parent, as a spouse, whateverthe goal that we've set for
ourselves, even at work, like wejust really want to do a good
job.
We want to, you know, be onpoint for everything.
Whenever that isn't going right, what are we going really want
to do a good job?
We want to, you know, be onpoint for everything.
Whenever that isn't going right, what are we going to do to
(04:49):
kind of help ourselves out inthose points at times?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And so I don't know I need this episode as much as
anybody does because, you know,even though this episode is not
about the perimenopause, it'slike I had things going on and I
was feeling really good, andit's like, all of a sudden now I
feel like I've taken threesteps backwards.
You know, I've got like I'vegot massive headache today.
I had some like anxiousthoughts earlier.
(05:13):
Um, I feel like I'm on flameson the inside of me now, and in
a minute I will be freezing andreaching for my sweater and it's
just this, like very tired andit's all cyclical.
Right, it's a lot of it has todo with my cycle at the moment,
but when you have been workingso hard and doing all the things
(05:33):
that we talk about over andover again and you still don't
feel good, man, does that knockthe wind out of you, so to speak
?
You know it's like fuck, I'mdoing it.
What's, what's the problem here?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right, right, and then there goes the rabbit hole
at that point, and then we wantto quit or we want to start to
make excuses, and you know whatI mean.
And that's where I think thedanger lies in is that when
those things have like set in,so Like why is that not working,
I think, for me?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I don't want to quit the things I'm doing.
I'm like well, what do I needto add?
What am I?
What am I missing?
You know, and maybe it's notthat, maybe it's just your 42
year old woman experiencingthese symptoms for the first
time, and you need to giveyourself some grace and know
that this too shall pass and thein a couple of days, you might
feel back to that.
You know, superstar, that youfelt like summer, right or if
(06:25):
you just like you're burnt out.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You know, we just reach a point sometimes whenever
we just feel like we're justkind of I hear it a lot, I've
even said it but like we're justdone, like we're just
completely burnt out, and thathappens to whenever our it's
like a candle, but it's not thecandle being burned at both ends
alone.
It's like a candle, but it's notthe candle being burned at both
ends alone.
It's the candle being burned atboth ends, like with, let's say
(06:50):
, work or social life, maybehome, managing kids and, you
know, doing all the chores,things, spousal relationship.
But then the middle of thecandle is also on fire and that
is how we are feeling aboutourselves in that moment and
that point.
And generally speaking, we canhandle it whenever both ends of
(07:11):
the candle on fire because wehave this nice, you know round
fat, whatever wax, that is stillbetween the two points.
But when the middle, which iswhat ourselves like, what we
represent, is also on fire,that's what burnout is.
That's whenever everything elsejust again has that kind of
(07:31):
compiling effect and thatcyclical nature just kind of
kicks in.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So we've been very vague, but today we're really
talking about some of thestrategies that we use.
And we've talked about some ofthe strategies that we use and
we've talked about some of thisbefore, or at least mentioned it
, but really talking about useof mantras and grounding
techniques, and we're going totalk a little bit about what I'm
sure most people are seeing onsocial media these days.
A lot of people are doingdopamine menus, and so we just
(08:02):
want to talk about how we usethese tools, not just mention
them, but really get into howwe're using them to support our
bodies right now and our minds.
And, like I said, I just usedone, you know, an hour ago, when
I was sitting in the cafeteriaat my kid's school, super
overwhelmed, you know I neededground and it's like how do you
(08:22):
ground with a bunch of fourthgrade boys sitting around you,
you know?
So let's kind of dive into that.
Let's first like so what is agrounding technique?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I mean, we could probably look up a great Google
definition for it, but itbasically is something that
allows you to return back tocenter, and that can be a phrase
, it can be a, you know, kind oflike a lyric, it could be an
activity, something that you dothat just pulls you back to
center instead of allowing yourmind, your physiological
(08:55):
responses, to just be removedfrom you and projected out into
space.
And so whenever we do agrounding technique, it really
brings everything back to centerand then allows us to be able
to breathe, to reset, to refocus, to be responsive instead of
(09:17):
reactive.
It allows us to kind of comeinto that place of not
necessarily peace, but almostlike clarity, where before it
was very mucky and difficult.
Now, does that mean it's goingto be clear, as you know, like I
don't know jug of water?
No, but is it going to be asmuddy?
No, and so that's the purposeof a grounding technique is
(09:40):
again to kind of bring us backinto center.
And you know, it's amazing howthey can be used, because
they're anything that you cankind of pull out of your pocket
and use, different ones fordifferent situations, on
different days, doing differenttasks, and so it really is just
finding which ones work for youthe best and then even taking
(10:02):
cues from your body or fromwithin yourself as to what you
need in that moment in order toget back to that center place
and then doing it.
Not making an excuse for notdoing it, but then actually
listening to your body and doingit.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, and sometimes I well, I think that we think a
lot about grounding techniqueswhen we tend to experience like
an anxiety response.
Right, I think a lot of us orat least that's what I tend to
go to I'm like, okay, how do Iground here?
But sometimes it can be likewhen you're super excited and
you need to all of a suddenfocus, Like you maybe just ran
into somebody that you haven'tseen in a long time.
(10:37):
You're super excited and youjust caught up and you have all
these thoughts and feelings.
But now you need to sit downand you know, get into a problem
solving discussion or somethinglike that.
You know you might need to takea minute and sort of ground
yourself back because yourbody's kind of worked up right,
Excitement Woo, I'm excited, I'mhappy, I'm jittery.
So sometimes you need thosegrounding techniques, even if
(10:59):
it's a positive feeling that youare experiencing.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
No, I love that you mentioned that.
That's definitely true.
Any big emotion is not supposedto be meant to be felt long
term, and any big emotion canjust lead to missteps,
especially if we're not kind ofagain coming back to center with
it.
I mean, even whenever it'ssuper, super positive.
We're not supposed to live in aland of euphoria, you know
(11:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
So Much as we want to .
Speaker 1 (11:28):
that's not realistic, no no, no, we're probably
healthy at some points too, no,mm-hmm.
So just curious, since youmentioned it what did you do
that?
You gave the perfect example atthe kids' school, fourth grade,
kids all around you what do youdo?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Well, fourth grade boys are loud, and I forgot.
You know it's been a hot minutesince I've worked in a school
and sat in a cafeteria becauselast year my kids, my son, they
ate in the classroom, so itwasn't as stimulating to go have
lunch with them.
Forgot how stimulatingcafeterias are If you're a
parent of a child in anelementary school and you've
never had lunch with him.
Forgot how stimulatingcafeterias are If you're a
parent of a child in anelementary school and you've
(12:08):
never had lunch with them.
Try it out one day and see whatthat's like and see if you
don't leave feeling like youjust stuck your finger in a
socket Because there's a lot ofenergy right, kids are in there,
they're talking, they'resupposed to be eating, teachers
are getting annoyed, you knowall the things, but they're
talking, they're supposed to beeating.
Teachers are getting annoyed,you know all the things, but
anyway.
So I was in there and I wastrying to have a conversation
with one of his friends and Icould just I could feel the
(12:30):
thoughts, or well, I feel it.
I could feel my heart startingto race when the thoughts
started and I was like, oh shit,I haven't felt this for a hot
minute.
But, like I said, I've sort ofhad these little like waves of
anxiety I don't even want tocall it that Like these, like
waves of uncomfortable feelingsthere remind you of anxiety.
But I was like so I juststarted a mantra in my head.
(12:53):
I'm like you're safe, everyonein this building is safe, you
know.
And so I just kept saying thatover and over to myself you're
safe, they're safe.
And I started focusing on mybreathing, because that really
works for me.
I have noticed if I can get mybreath under control, and that's
where the practice ofmeditation has served me so well
(13:13):
, because now I know what to doand it is like second nature.
I can drop in so fast.
I mean, it probably didn't last45 seconds and I was able.
I mean, the kid that I wastalking to probably didn't even
know this is all going on insidemy head because it was just so
quick.
It was like, oh, I'm feelingthis, oh, I don't like this and
I don't want to spiral.
(13:34):
What can I do?
You're safe, you know,everybody here's safe, and you
know, focus on what you cancontrol.
That that's big for me.
I tend to have a lot of anxietyabout things I have no control
over, and so and it's stupidshit, man, like I'm almost
embarrassed to say this out loud, but I'm going to say it
because somebody else might belike me, freaking too.
(13:56):
But the boy I was talking towas telling me about the game
that he plays.
He has an Oculus and I don'tknow if you've read much about
those, but for children under Ithink it's under the age of 14,
they're not supposed to be on itfor more than 30 minutes at a
time because of their braindevelopment and how it can
affect it.
Right, um, and.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I don't even know what one is.
What is it?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
It's like a VR, a virtual reality.
So you put this head thing on,you put this thing over your
eyes and it feels like you're inthe game, right?
My son has one and that's whywe did some research.
We talk about it, we have a lotof boundaries around it.
I should have more, if I'mbeing totally honest.
But he does.
He knows he can be on it for 30minutes and then he has to take
(14:36):
a break.
And so I start thinking aboutthis kid and I'm like well, does
his mom know that he's supposedto be?
You know that it's only a 30minute thing, because he's
telling me about it all the time.
And I start to get anxious,thinking about this kid's brain
development.
Is that not crazy?
Do I have any control over thiskid's brain development or how
much time he spends on an Oculus, or what's going to happen?
(14:57):
No, why?
Why do I have crazy thoughtslike this?
Why?
I don't know, I don't know, Idon't know, I don't know.
At any rate, once it started,it was, like you know, it was
the spiral effect.
I started thinking about allthe kids that use oculuses, and
do all of their parents knowthat?
Do all the people read thewarnings on these things.
(15:18):
They probably don't Right, soyou can see how it sort of um
snowballs for me there, um, so,yeah, so I just that's when I
was like you're safe, he's saferight now.
We are all safe, right, and youhave no control over this.
So let's get our breathingunder control, because I could
(15:39):
feel my heart rapidly.
Yes, yeah, we know.
If we can control our breath,we can control our heart rate
rapidly.
Yes, yeah, we know.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
If we can't control our breath, we can't control our
heart rate and that is yourentire physiological response
system.
That then kicks into gear rightthereafter.
And so you know, even recentlyand I shared this with you too
like um athletes, novak Djokovicis one that you can look at all
of his social media andInstagrams and everything that
he talks about is number oneskill that he tries to go to in
(16:05):
high performance or adrenalineamped up, you know kind of
moments is using that consciousbreathing where he really has to
.
And now they're not giving hima timeout.
In tennis there's no such thing.
I mean, you can go to thebathroom, but you got it, you're
on the clock.
You know.
There's no such thing as like aplayer's, you know timeout so I
(16:27):
can manage my breathing so much.
It's more like get a towel andget a drink.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Tio talk about things I've never thought about in my
life.
An athlete needing to use thebathroom in the middle of a game
oh yeah, never in my entirelife have I ever thought about
that.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah, they take them sometimes in tennis, and that's
when everybody starts to be likewhat are they doing back there?
You know?
So it's one sport where it justhappens.
I think a little bit more.
It's more known whenever thathappens, because they have to
announce the reason why they'releaving the court, but anyways.
So I know right, I'm nervous asabsolute hell, but this whole
physiological system is justoverloaded, got to go, which,
(17:08):
hey, it probably happens, godbless them.
But he does.
He uses different consciousbreathing techniques, and he'll
be the first one to say you knowthat it does it.
Is it always a cure to what'shappening?
No, but in those moments healso says I may have not been
using it as effectively as whatI could have.
You know, I wasn't able.
I was doing the breathing, butI wasn moments.
He also says I may have notbeen using it as effectively as
(17:29):
what I could have.
You know, I wasn't able.
I was doing the breathing, butI wasn't able to necessarily
kind of get my head back in thegame, and so at that point then
it may take another tool inorder to be there.
And that's where you know, hashe quit playing tennis because
he has these moments?
No, I mean, he's the GOAT for areason, but I think it's tuning
into that, and so breathing isone way to do it.
In those moments, the thingsthat you can again use to bring
(17:51):
yourself in are your five senses.
So what can you see?
And but actually like payingattention to that and calling it
out, even if it's in your head.
You know, oh, this little girlhas a pretty bow in her hair, or
you know, I see that there's acrack in the wall.
Even minute things matter,because it's again pulling you
(18:11):
back in instead of allowing theflood to occur.
And that's what can happen ifwe don't use grounding.
I mean, that's what you justperfectly described Water on an
open plain always causes a flood.
So what do we want to do?
We want to try to control thatflow, and we do that through use
of grounding techniques andmantras.
So what can you touch?
(18:31):
And how does that feel?
You know, if you're sitting ona bench, is it a hard bench?
Is it a wet bench, you know, oris it too short?
And my knees up to my chest,you know what is it?
Is it that you feel thedifferent fabric?
You know, maybe you're touchingsomebody close to you, and now
you're aware that you know ourbodies are actually touching,
(18:54):
you want to pay attention towhat you can smell.
Lots of things in differentplaces that you can kind of cue
into, and your acuity increasesas you start to bring notice to
it, and so, like if I'm runningout on a trail or something and
I'm starting to focus on smell,I can get like a woof of
something, and then it's like,oh, okay, and then it's almost
like you're following it or thatit just becomes stronger.
(19:15):
At that point, whatever you payattention to grows.
That works with your senses aswell, and so you know what can
you taste in those moments.
You know, again, going back toall of those different things
like that can be really really,really helpful.
What can you hear?
You know, yes, you're trying tolisten to this kid's voice, but
can you also hear a whistleblowing?
(19:35):
Are there other announcementsgoing?
A lot of things in thatstimulating environment, but
just by being able to name them,it actually decreases their
stimulation and theirstimulating effect on you, and
so you can do that anywhere.
I mean, I remember talking aboutdoing this in different
meetings whenever you know I'dget aggravated about something
that was happening.
Or imagine that Right, or yougot for bed, but it helped.
(20:01):
I mean again, the goal of it isto kind of bring you back into
center.
So at that point I'm notreacting to a situation, I'm
responding to it with clarityand with thought, because I've
allowed myself to kind of comeback into place.
And so you know, using thosethings can be great.
If somebody is having astressful day, like at work or
(20:23):
like a fight, the number onebest thing you can do besides
getting ice and I don't meanlike the cold ice bath thing
that we've talked about before,but just some ice and putting on
your chest it's always going tobe the quickest thing to
physiologically reset you period.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Um, but which I want to make a point about.
That, because that literallysaved me so many times and I'm
so grateful that you taught methat trick, because I can't tell
you how many times I've pulleda nice pack out and stuck it on
my chest and really helped me,because sometimes if you get too
far in a cycle, if you'rehaving anxious thoughts, anybody
that's ever struggled withanxiety knows like there's a
(20:58):
point of return and um, or itfeels that way, and so sometimes
I've tried grounding techniquesafter I've gotten to that point
and it's like I needed that.
That's to me where the coldcompress came in.
You might try that first, butthat's when I'm like oh, I got
to pick a different tool becauseme just using a mantra right
(21:18):
now ain't working for me.
You know, grounding by walkingin the grass isn't.
I'm still having these crazyanxious thoughts, Right?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Right, but that's what that's where the ladder
kind of goes to.
You know what I mean.
So it's like you know you canpull these out at any time or
just go for the one that worksthe first best.
You know what I mean.
Then follow up in reverse order.
So use the ice and then go fora walk, like what Jen's saying.
Um, out in the grass there'sactually like a inner, like a
nutrient, energy, all kinds oftransfer that takes place
(21:49):
whenever you stand barefoot ingrass or lay down Like I'll go
outside and it's weird, I livein West Virginia, so I'm on a
hill and so I'll go outside andjust lay down on the driveway,
which is not necessarily grass,but I'll just lay down on the
earth and it just feels so goodjust to kind of be in that place
(22:11):
and space.
But you use the techniques inthe way that fits best for you.
So use the ice, but then, asyour physiological system is
resetting, without you having tothink about it, then using some
mantras, then you know,focusing on the sight, cells,
smells, touch, taste, whateverelse.
So that way you're thencompiling all those layering
(22:33):
effects on you in those pointsof time and you know, then you
can actually focus in on yourbreathing and doing it in a
different way or in a differentcycle.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And these things don't take forever, but the
amount of time that it takes usif we don't do them is hours to
maybe even days.
Right, and the response likeI'm learning a lot about our
cellular response when we'reputting ourselves in these
stressful situations we'reraising our cortisol, you know,
we're having real impact on ourbodies and so if we can, you
know, try to mitigate that insome way.
(23:10):
You know, I'm all for it, Notjust so that you don't
experience it, but so you don'thave any lasting impact to your
body as well.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's all interconnected as we
keep talking about.
But really seeing thoseinterconnections and following
up with the research about ithighlights its importance even
further.
You know so.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
And I tend to use like you made a good point to
using it when you get worked up,like in a meeting, like if
you're frustrated you don't haveto be like angry, but just like
that frustrated, like nobody'sgetting along, we're not getting
anything accomplished.
You know, everybody has sat inthose types of meetings.
This could have been an emailmeeting, like those types of
things.
I don't even, you know, I'venever thought about tapping into
(23:55):
those, and so I tend to justuse them when it's anxiety
related, not so much just whenI'm frustrated.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Oh gosh, yeah Well, I don't feel anxious, I just get
aggravated, right.
So there's the tool, but it's,it's a thing that it doesn't put
whatever word that you want toput in place amped up, excited,
right.
You know, again, it's just aboutkind of coming back to a point
with things, um, feeling likeyou want to quit or that again
something is too much, wherethat kind of burnout comes into
(24:27):
play.
It's it's really allowingyourself to kind of feel that
grounding.
Or even in a, if I'm aboutready to walk into a situation
that um has a lot of uncertaintyto it and I have the option, I
will actually sit on the ground,like that's my preferred place
to sit, is on the ground, um,and I I really don't care what
people think, but I know itprobably looks weird, cause I'm
(24:49):
sitting there like Crisprill'sapplesauce or in just like some
kind of like folded up position,but being on the ground again,
I'm connecting all points ofcontact to something in a
situation that lacks clarity andcertainty, and so by being able
to physically even be grounded,I'm able to more tap into being
(25:09):
emotionally and cognitivelymore grounded.
So that way the best kind ofpicture of self thing kind of
comes out.
So I love that.
Yeah, I mean, I get it.
It looks odd.
I had to even like I evenapologize.
Sometimes I'll be like hey, I'msorry, I'm sitting on the
ground, but what's going on?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I need this here's where we're at today.
Here's where we're at today.
Here's where we're at.
Let's talk a little bit aboutmantras, because I think that A
maybe people use this, but forme, mantras were super helpful
when I was first starting out inmeditation, having something to
say over, and I still usemantras all the time.
The app that we use you knowone of the providers that I use.
(25:50):
They use mantras in a lot oftheir guided meditation.
So let's talk a little bitabout how you use them and what
is a mantra?
Let's even define that.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I mean, it's just a phrase, a saying, it's something
that, whenever you say it, ithelps you to disconnect away
from an emotion or a thought andagain just kind of pulls you
back, but with a mantra.
It is a saying or a thought,it's a quote, it's a.
You know, it's one of thosethings that you can just repeat
(26:22):
over and over again.
It's something that resonateswith you and it doesn't even
have to be like one identifiedby like Gandhi you know what I
mean Like mine's from Dora fromPixar Sometimes, whenever she
used to go, just keep swimmingyou know, when I was working a
lot, or whenever I had a lotgoing on at that kind of points,
it was just like or I have aday that's stacked, it's just
keeps swimming, just keeps them.
And so I'm not saying it has tocome from Maya Angelou here.
(26:44):
You know, I can come from anysource that allows you to use it
as a resonating connectingforce to help you push through
whatever you're going through inthat moment.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
And generally speaking, they're short two to
three words, like one that Ifrequently use is I am breathing
in, I am breathing out or I amhere.
Now is another one that I willuse, but a lot of times in
meditation you'll use I thinkit's Sanskrit, it's definitely a
(27:18):
language I'm not familiar with,but I will use.
You know, whatever mantra isgiven to us, he usually gives
like a little description ofwhat it means.
And it really is.
It's not about stopping yourmind from thinking.
It's about returning to themantra, practicing that fluidity
of oh, I had a thought about acardinal flying past me.
(27:40):
I'm going to go back to mymantra.
It's that.
It's that practice of flowingin and flowing out.
That, really, for me, when I'mmeditating, that's what I'm
focusing on.
It's not like, oh, I made itthrough the whole meditation and
I didn't have any thoughts.
That's not the point of it.
The point is practicing thatfluidity.
Would you agree?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, yeah, I think, definitely, whenever you come
down to using a mantra formeditation purposes, it is the
easiest way to probably dialback in, you know, and to just
kind of allow yourself to kindof breathe within that space, a
hundred percent, yeah, and likeI'll use one.
It just means peace, peace,peace is shanty, shanty, shanty,
and so it's peace, peace, peace, or again, whatever it happens
(28:24):
to be at that point of time,just to kind of allow you to
check back in, to center back in.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
But I use them a lot too whenever I'm doing an
activity.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Because for me, like, sometimes, whatever, and
sometimes it's even a question,or it's just like a statement,
like if I'm doing a long run andyou know, at different points
in time, or a hot run, like ahot run on a hot day, just a
cold one, whatever the situationmay be, it's just something you
don't want to be doing.
At that time Do I need to quitor do I want to do?
(29:02):
I need to quit or do I want to?
And if, and that really takeslike a self-analysis at that
point.
You know what I mean.
That really takes like aself-analysis at that point.
You know what I mean.
Like, am I physically bulking?
Is this something that is, am Iinjured?
You know, is this a hurt or amI just feeling appropriately
tired for what I'm doing?
And now I want to quit?
(29:24):
And if the answer is want to,then the answer is no, yeah, so
I'll, I'll do that a lot, andthen I will sit there and come
up with others to I focus backon a goal, or I'll use
visualization as not necessarilya mantra, but as a way to kind
of, you know, put yourself in adifferent place, like I've done
(29:48):
worse.
That sounds tough, but you knowI've put myself in other, worse
situations than what I'm inright now.
I've done worse.
I can do this now.
I've done worse, I can do thisnow.
And then it's just somethingyou repeat again over over in
your head and then your bodyautomatically matches that
cadence and so then it takesaway the extra energy that was
(30:09):
being used in the thought ofwanting to quit or wanting to
stop, and then puts it back inthe activity, so that way it
doesn't have that kind ofblockage at that point.
So if I'm experiencingsomething that is unexpected,
then I see no matter what it is.
If it's doing like a physicalactivity or another activity,
(30:29):
then I see that this is practice.
This is practice for wheneverit happens later, this is
practice.
I don't ask why it's happening.
I try not to get frustrated atwhy it's happening.
I think of it as practice forsomething I'm going to
experience later.
So that gives me that Well, itgives yourself some forgiveness.
(30:49):
You know some space againbetween you and whatever you're
trying to get through.
If there's a block in it, thenI'm just using this as practice,
which means that I'm not goingto necessarily quit.
That might change what I'mdoing in that moment.
I might have to slow down, Imight have to pivot or, you know
, partake in a differentactivity until I can get there,
(31:11):
but I'm not quitting.
So it's, it's that whole ideaof like, okay, well, this is
(31:36):
going to be awful, I don't knowwhat's going to happen.
You know, using it in the otherdirection can also be equally
as effective.
We just don't do it because itfeels hokey Whenever.
The other should actually bethe one that feels hokey.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
For sure, for sure.
One of the things I loved atour meditation retreat that we
went to earlier this year wasthe mantras that they had us do
at the beginning of ourmeditations.
And just to paint the picturefor y'all, sarah and I did a
meditation retreat out inArizona and we would meditate
morning and evening for about 30minutes at a time.
So I mean, even for somebodywho meditates every day, 30
(32:11):
minutes is a long time.
It's a long time to sit stilland breathe and focus on your
breath, and so they often gaveus mantras, and very simple ones
who am I?
And the idea is that you're notanswering it, you're just
repeating the mantra over andover again to see if anything
comes up.
You might hear an answer, youmight not, but the idea of these
(32:34):
mantras of who am I, what makesme happy?
What do I need, you knowthinking about some of those
things.
If you're somebody that's reallystuck and maybe you don't know
what your next step is, youdon't know what to do, but you
know you're unhappy those typesof mantras I think would be very
helpful to maybe pull some ofthose answers out of.
(32:55):
What is it that you really want?
When am I at my happiest.
That's one that I use a lot.
When am I at my best?
What are those characteristics?
And that helps me kind of thinkabout what my next step is.
What am I going to do afterthis?
Who is my best self?
What does she look like?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Yeah, and again queuing into that.
And those moments can begrounding, because then it's
putting you back into yourself.
At that point you knownonjudgmentally of who you are
in the moment that you're having.
But what does it look likewhenever it's different?
In a glowing light, Sure, yeah,Um, let me think.
(33:36):
I just have a whole list ofthem here.
Others, One of them I heard inyoga class the other day,
actually told my teacher I likedit a bunch.
It's like this now.
It's like this now, and so Ithought that that was really
nice and helpful, especially ifyou know someone's having a
rough day or bad phone calls,bad whatever's happened.
(33:57):
It's like this now.
So, and that really does bringit back to in this present
moment.
It is here.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
You know that does not mean it shall pass, like
taking those old things that allour grandmas used to say and
making it our mantras.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
I think, another one about like work or, you know,
whenever you've had a bad or astressful day, we're always more
cognizant, I think, of thosemoments than when the wind is
not blowing, and I just thinkthat that's important for us to
pay attention to too.
And just as, like an example,you walk outside, you'll notice
a big gust of wind.
(34:37):
You know whether it's hot orcold or whatever.
You'll feel it in your hair,you'll feel it on your skin,
It'll be a smell associated withthe wind is you can't
necessarily you can see itseffects, but you can't see it.
But we're often not payingattention to whenever it's not
there, and that's that's reallykind of like a big point of like
mindfulness.
Whenever we're stressful,chaotic, overwhelming, trapping,
(34:59):
whatever the word might be,when is it?
(35:25):
When the wind is not blowing?
So just cueing back?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
You got to cue back.
One thing I've noticed onsocial media lately is a lot of
influencers are, you know,putting up their dopamine menus,
and so what that means is whatare the healthy dopamine hits
that you can get throughout theday?
What are the things that kindof lift you up?
And for me, if you're alistener of this show, you know
that I have my daily fiveroutine.
Those are kind of like mydopamine hits right Getting up
(35:53):
before the sun that's a dopaminehit for me.
Meditating, journaling, gettingmy exercise in as the sun's
coming up If I can geteverything done before 830, talk
about a dopamine hit man.
I feel like a freaking rockstar when I sit down at my desk.
So I like this idea of sort ofhaving a menu of things like
(36:16):
this this weekend.
And I mean this might be TMI forour listeners, but I'm really
tracking my cycles and so I knoweverything I'm experiencing is
normal right now.
This is nothing abnormal.
Unfortunately, this is justfucking aging and dealing with
some of these.
You know newer symptoms all ofa sudden, but I was just really
(36:38):
off.
You know, like you ever havethose days where you're just
like I am off, like I can't putmy finger on it.
I just can't.
I don't feel like myself.
I don't know who this person ismasquerading around in my body,
but it ain't me.
And I really felt that way.
And so I was really leaning onmy if you, if you will my
dopamine rewards this weekend.
(36:59):
I was, I mean, I was hittingevery single one of them because
I was doing anything I could tomake myself feel like myself.
Did I ever fully accomplish it?
I don't think I did, but I feltway better than had I not
implemented those things, andthat's what I kept telling us.
I'm like you're, you're doingyour things right, you're just
going to keep focusing on it,and it doesn't mean it's going
(37:19):
to eliminate every symptom thatyou have, but I do feel like it
was better at the end of the day.
I'm certain it could have beenworse had I not implemented some
of those things.
And so have you seen that?
Am I the only I mean?
Is it just an echo chamberright now on Instagram?
No, I mean, is it just that gochamber right now on Instagram?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
No, I've seen them too.
Yeah and um, I've seen themlabeled as that or there's an.
There was another word that Isaw, but it's just.
you know, we're not using thingsthat are super complex, it just
does kind of come back to whatmakes us happy, you know, but
that's hard to identify, Like ifI walked into a room of like 10
(37:56):
other people and I say whatmakes you happy?
We probably all have a fewlittle jokes about different
things here and there, but likeon a daily basis, it would take
a lot of time for people to comeup with it.
We're real good at coming upwith what makes us unhappy, for
sure.
Having that menu comes intoplay, or having like a list on
your cell phone, a screenshot,you know an album, a notes app,
(38:21):
you know something that wheneverthe going gets tough, you can
have that as like the cheat codeyou know to kind of get through
it.
The map whenever Google quitsworking, the trip text from back
in the days whenever we werekids, google quits working.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
The trip ticks from back in the days, whenever we
were kids.
Yeah, I mean that idea of letme trick, because sometimes,
when you're in it and whenyou're in the funk, you can't
think of anything.
You're like I know I need to dosomething for myself, but like
I can't even think of what to do.
It can be as simple as liketaking a 10 minute walk and
getting sunlight on your face,or playing with your dog and
letting it, you know, cuddlewith you or whatever.
Whatever really kind of likelights you up from the inside
(39:00):
out, and so it can be so simpleand that's why you could I mean
I feel like I could make apretty long menu, but I think
about things a lot, right,because there are things that
I'm constantly trying to embedthroughout my day, whether it's
like contact with friends, likethat's a big one for me, like
little you know, like my friendswere all connected, and when we
(39:22):
work out, I get like a littlething on my watch, so and so
just, and I always, if I get it,I always send a response.
That's like a dopamine hit forme.
I love feedback, I love givingfeedback and like pumping
something, like you did it.
So I mean like embedding thatthroughout the day, instead of
like, maybe, stacking everythingat the beginning of your day,
like, yeah, you might feel greattill noon and then you might,
(39:43):
you might need another hit.
Right, yeah, like, tap the vein, give me some dopamine here I
need, I need a walk after lunch,or I need a right chocolate
square, whatever it, whatever itis, whatever it is um, smoothie
, a juice, I don't, whatever.
Decaf coffee, right, right,make your dopamine list.
If you don't have one, or ifyou've never thought about that,
(40:05):
I encourage you to just make alist to see what, what makes you
happy.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yeah, and you know there was actually um, I forgot
about this until you mentionedit.
There was, oh, I forget whatlike therapeutic model or like
handout it came from, butobviously been a long time since
I had used it.
But it was almost like you wantto schedule at least five of
those things if you can, if notjust having that you can pull
out, you know, out of yourpocket or whatnot, like
(40:33):
throughout the day just to giveyourself that kind of a boost.
You know, every single day,yeah, like every single day, and
like one of them was, um, youknow, because so much of us
spend time at work or in a box,like human beings by design
we're not meant to be in boxes.
But go outside, you know, don'tjust, you know, kind of sit in
the same place, go outside.
(40:54):
You know, I don't care ifyou're sitting in the car, you
know what I mean, during theyear, whatever, but just have
something scheduled at differentpoints of time so that way you
can commit to doing just two tothree minutes of an activity.
You know, maybe before you walkin the door after work, and you
know the kids have to get readyfor practice, or X, y and Z,
you got to go out to dinner,stop at the end of the road and
(41:17):
do a quick breathing exercise.
You know, um, anything likethat can be a way just to kind
of help yourself get into atransition place, but also just
to give yourself that boost thatyou might need in order to to
kind of get by.
I love the chocolate, likethose Dove chocolates always
have those sweet little messagesin them.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Right, right, it's one of those, yeah, and also I
think it's important to payattention to like what isn't
filling you up and we've talkedabout that before but like what
doesn't belong on the dopaminemenu, like the glass of wine.
I'm not saying but, honestly,you want to think about things
(41:58):
that are good for your body.
I can think of plenty of thingsthat are not good for my body.
That.
I also like but that shouldn'tbe part of my daily menu to
choose from, right, that's maybelike my weekend menu or, you
know, my vacation menu.
Like those types of things,like also knowing maybe what's
(42:19):
not the best thing.
If you're having a glass ofwine every night, you know.
To each their own.
No judgment, this is a totaljudgment-free zone, but for me I
know that that causes anxiety.
I have noticed quite often herelately, if I drink wine, like
it's giving me anxiety the nextday.
So I mean just being cognizantof like, oh, maybe that's, maybe
(42:43):
that isn't on the menu anymore,right, or at least for a while
let's take a little break andsee if we can't, you know, find
something else.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
And I love that.
Having like a workday menu, aweekend menu.
And I love that Having like aworkday menu, a weekend menu,
whatever you know, there's10,000 different kinds of
restaurants.
Yeah, have your own menu.
Yeah, right.
Your travel day menu.
Yeah, staying in an airport allday or, you know, driving in
cars, that's a hard day.
To maybe come up with a goodmenu that's healthy, you're
(43:14):
right, but you can do it.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yeah, there are plenty of things that you can do
, but all the things you don'thave time to do in your regular
life, you know travel is greatfor that kind of stuff.
Yeah, I'm a big delete.
I delete photos off my phonewhile I'm on an airplane.
So I'll spend a three hourflight and delete tens of
thousands of photos and videosand I feel so much lighter when
I walk off that plane and you godown memory lane and you, you
(43:43):
know those are little dopaminehits to looking at babies when
they were little, and so youknow it can be very, very simple
things.
It doesn't have to be a 10minute walk.
It can literally be likelooking at a picture of your
granny that you haven't thoughtabout in 10 years or whatever.
You know it can be so simple.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yes, I think we.
Just this is another area whereI just feel like we get into
this zone of overcomplication orovercomplicating things.
And you know, again, we'regoing to look out for the best
quote, we're going to look outfor, you know, those super
expensive ice baths or whateverelse it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
All the health costs of a gazillion dollars, all of
my skincare dopamine hit, butnot feasible at all times, you
know.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Right, but that's where it, when it's on the menu,
we partake, that's right, myhydrofacial is on my vacation
menu.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
It's going to happen every time I'm on vacation.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Love a hydrafacial, I know.
Anyway, I think I mean I hopethat our listeners find this
helpful.
If you have a dopamine menu oryou have your favorite mantras,
we would love to hear some ofthem, because I'm probably going
to make a list of otherpeople's mantras and steal some
of them as well.
We want to share ideas.
We don't want to we're notgatekeeping anything here.
(45:02):
So if you have anything youwant to share, we will also put
it on the website and put someexamples on there so that you
can, you know, build from that,just to generate some ideas.
That's really all we're tryingto do is get you thinking about
what are some things that youcould put on your menu.
What are some?
You know, what are some ofthose grounding techniques that
are tried and true for you?
(45:22):
Things that work for Sarah maynot work for me, Right.
So it really is about trial anderror and then making a list of
oh, that really went like thatice pack for me.
I will never give that up Icepack on the chest forever and
ever.
So those are super helpful andI hope that you all found
(45:44):
something helpful in thisepisode.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Yeah, most definitely remember to text us, to hit us
up on social media to do thereviews Right.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Send it to a friend.
Yeah, share it with your friend.
Review us on the platform whereyou're listening to the Lylas
podcast.
That's the best way you canhelp us out, and we so
appreciate your time and energyand working on yourself, because
I truly believe it starts withourselves.
Amen If we can get ourselfright.
We can do so much more good inthis world, and that's really
what we're here about is helpingus all elevate baby level up.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
There it is.
Just keep swimming, just keepswimming, all right?
Well, I guess until next time.
Right, that's right, thank you.
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