March 19, 2025 • 23 mins
We are closing out Season 4! And, much like the start of the year, it's been rough! Looking ahead to Season 5, we're excited to bring expert voices to the podcast, including specialists in education, behavior management, hormone therapy, relationships, and perimenopause. With a refreshed look (new LOGO and new website design) and enhanced production quality, we're committed to creating content that provides not just validation, but practical strategies for life's challenges. What topics would you like us to cover? Send us your suggestions as we prepare to launch our newly revamped podcast experience.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I feel like we need to first just let everybody know
that we're still kicking it,even though we've been a little
inconsistent of late with ourpostings.
The last few months have justbeen hectic.
So we are very excited what'sto come for season five, but
just trying to wrap up seasonfour, would you agree, sarah?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
100% and I think that we accidentally, like preluded
to this, not knowing that thiswas going to happen.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Whenever we talked about how difficult of a start
2025 was, like we just felt likeit was hard to get in a rhythm
and a routine because of weather, school sickness, whatever it
happened to be.
You know, maybe this cloud isgoing to start to raise here
pretty soon, but it hasdefinitely lingered for a bit.
Yeah, and we were just likegoing over schedules and ours
are pretty much opposite at themoment, like one week on one
week off and it's just whole newappreciation for just anybody
out there that's managingmultiple schedules and whether
that's, like you know,caregiving for other people,
(01:07):
elderly or children.
You know, if you're trying tomanage all the things, it really
is like quite the juggling act.
And we, you know, as two notneurodivergent adults, you know
we still struggle with this.
I know I mean, maybe I'm justspeaking for myself here, but
it's definitely something that Iam a work in progress and
constantly feels like I'mdropping a ball and you know so,
(01:30):
then I'm like all right.
Well, now I got something totalk about, because I just drop
balls left and right and I'msure other people out there are
doing the same thing.
At least that's what I tellmyself, not so rough on myself
when it happens, 100%.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, rough on myself when it happens.
Yeah, I don't think humans weredesigned to actually carry
balls.
I don't like that's not.
I don't think a thing our handswere meant to do, and
definitely not our minds forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So I don't know why we keep trying.
It's pretty silly, you know welove to talk life lessons here,
because that's all we do is tryagain If at first you don't
succeed, right.
So I wanted to share a littlerecent life lesson and we're
going to really dive into thisnext season, season five, six
because one thing I've learnedagain is that a lot of
experience.
You know I still make mistakesand still need to reach out to
(02:30):
other people, right, but I knowwho to reach out to and that's
kind of a perk of being in thisfield.
But wanted to sort of dive intoa couple of things that I've
come up with recently.
I think a lot of parents canagree with is as tough as when
kids are mean to your kids.
You know, and so I experiencedthis recently.
Did you ever experience thiswith Cam?
Were kids where somebody wasmean to him, picked on him at
(02:52):
any point?
Was that ever in his experiencethat you knew of I?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
think a little bit.
I think what we may have saw alittle bit more of is just
adults not treating our kidswith like dignity, kindness and
respect, and that's a differentdynamic than a young child and a
an adult, you know and so.
I.
You have to ask Cameron wherethings 21, I don't remember.
(03:17):
I don't remember a whole lot oflike negative peer stuff.
He always kind of self managesthat pretty well, yeah, yeah it
is.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
It is interesting when it's like kid on kid,
because as an adult you, andespecially as a parent like you,
can't march up there, right.
Let me tell you something.
I mean I guess you can, butthat's probably not gonna work
out so well.
But it is like I said, I'mtrained in behavior.
I've worked with many kids inschools.
But when somebody is mean toyour child and it has and it
affects them, right, it affectsyou because and it's like you
(03:49):
you go blind and you can't thinkanymore about like even all the
things you know you're supposedto do.
So I've had this with both of mykids.
With you know, somebody beingmean.
I want to distinguish betweenlike they weren't being bullied.
Kids said mean things to mykids.
Right, I'm sure my kids havesaid mean things to other kids.
I'm not going to pretend thatthey are perfect by any stretch,
(04:10):
but this isn't a bullyingsituation.
That's habitual.
That is something that happensrepeatedly in someone that is,
you're telling them to stop andthey're not, and it continues on
.
This is like an incident wheresomeone said something mean to
my kid and so instantly I wantedto be like well, let me give
you some comebacks.
This is what you're going to saynext time this kid says
(04:30):
something you know which is sowrong, all that does is like
exacerbate or just like breathesmore life into the person
that's name calling because theyknow they've got your goat
Right.
They know they've got you.
And that's exactly what they'retrying to do, because they know
they've got your goat right,they know they've got you and
that's exactly what they'retrying to do.
So, you know, I phoned a friendI have a great lifeline who has
a lot of experience in behaviormanagement and teaching
(04:53):
expectations and behavior plansand interventions and she's like
Jenny, you know better than togive them comebacks.
I'm like I know, but like I wasseeing red and I just wanted my
kid to be armed with some likereally good comebacks.
So wrong, right.
She's like well, you know, theresearch tells us like that's
going to do the opposite.
That's just going to like givethat kid like more to go on.
(05:16):
I'm like, yeah, I know, but orit's going to, like you know,
escalate to a fightno-transcript adult, because
(05:46):
it's you know you've done thosethings right and it's actionable
and it gives them power versusyou, kind of like coming into
the rescue.
It really empowers your kids.
So that's just one example ofwhat you can expect to hear more
about in the new season.
We are going to have mycolleague, dr Susan Thomas, come
on and she's going to share notonly some behavioral I don't
(06:09):
want to say like tricks,techniques, some behavioral type
management types of things buthopefully get to explain some
more things around education andsystems and give parents a
little bit more insight intowhat all these things mean.
If you have a child that isschool-aged, so you can look for
that to come in season five andI'm excited to have her on.
(06:30):
I think she's going to be agreat ad for or addition for our
listeners to really get someinsight into education.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, I think that first I appreciate your
differentiation between a kidsaying something mean to your
kid and then bullying, becausethose are two different things
that we seem to kind of lumpinto one category, and you know
that's not fair.
I mean, bullying to me soundseven in the context that you're
kind of putting it more as alegalized term, whereas you know
(07:01):
people are just kind of mean toeach other at different points,
whereas you know people arejust kind of mean to each other
at different points.
And so I think, even as parents, for us to understand and be
able to differentiate those twothings helps to improve the
language that we use with ourkids oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It's all about the language that we, the common
language that we use to teachthem these things I could have
easily said oh so so, and so isbullying you?
and they would have said theyare, even if they know that's
not the definition of bullying.
You know, if I use that termthey're going to latch onto that
, and we actually talked aboutthat when it happened with my
younger child.
I said, you know, she mighthave even said something like
(07:36):
bullying and I'm like, well,let's talk about what is that.
You know, I could say somethingmean.
I could say, well, your saysomething mean.
I could say, well, your shirt'sreally ugly and I'm not
bullying you.
I said something that's notnice, right?
But there's a difference.
If I am coming in and constantlydegrading you, or like saying
things to you or making you feeluncomfortable, consistently and
(07:58):
regularly, that's differentright Versus me just like kind
of saying something that's notnice, both not fun for the
person on the receiving end, butjust like giving that clear
language of there's a differencebetween the two.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, I could have done better at that.
Rachel also had an incidenthere a few weeks ago where she
felt like and the word I thinkthat was used was bullying that
she was being bullied by someolder kids, but it wasn't
habitual, it was one incident ona playground and it sounded
like that.
There was just I don't knowkids spat and probably back and
(08:34):
forth, but it's never happenedagain.
But that word was used by meand probably by her, and so
that's where, again, I reallyappreciate you making that kind
of differentiation, because itjust means it carries a heavier
weight and it takes away ageneralization of a common
behavior Kids are going to bejerks, adults are going to be
(08:55):
jerks.
So we don't want to put it intokind of one big lump.
Let's actually be specificabout what's happening.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Well, we don't want to.
I mean, we don't want to labela kid a bully because they said
something mean one time, or theymight say a few mean things,
but that I think again likethere's power in words, right?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
And once we start to label kids.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Whether we like it or not, it becomes part of their
identity.
They hear it at some point,other people hear it, and that's
what they think of when theysee that kid.
And so we have to, I think, beespecially careful when it's a
child in question, you know, oreven adults like you just don't.
Sometimes you have to take astep back, but in the moment
when it's your child and you'rethe parent, it is very hard and
(09:38):
I want to acknowledge thatbecause you can have all the
training in the world.
It all goes out the window whenit's so personal to you.
You can't.
It's like you can't see theforest for the trees right and I
feel that way about, even likeone of my child.
One of my kids has somedifficulty learning to read and
I feel like, like in the sametune, like this is what I do for
a living.
You talk about impostersyndrome.
(09:59):
Like you know, I think I'vetalked about this before Like
I've struggled with what to dowith her and what I have learned
through having my lifelines andlots of educator friends with
way more experience than myself,is that it's really hard, no
matter who you are, to teachyour own kids and to not get
frustrated with them when you'retrying to work with them, and
(10:20):
so one of the best things thatI've done is hire someone else
to work with my kid because itwas not working, but that's
really hard to do when, likethis, is what you do for a
living right.
This is very specific to mytraining and so, even though I'm
not a teacher, I obviously haveworked in education for almost
20 years, and so it's yeah, lotsof learning opportunities
(10:43):
lately, but hopefully you knowyou can hear it.
If you're a parent that'sstruggling with your kids in
school, whether it'sacademically or socially, you
know we're all in this together.
We're all struggling with someaspect of that, whether you know
we're trained professionals inthis area or not, and so
hopefully you will be able toget some tips and some things in
(11:06):
our episodes next season thatare specific to school-aged kids
, because that's where most ofus are middle-aged women.
A lot of us have school-agedchildren right now.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Gosh, maybe at the wrong time.
I guess we can't undo it atthis point, but we're going
through all these changes andnow we're raising kids at the
same time.
This whole biology thingprobably didn't work out in all
of our favors too well.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I do wonder about that sometimes.
I thought it was so great thatI waited later in life to have
kids.
I, I thought it was so greatthat I waited later in life to
have kids.
You know, I was moreestablished and like in my
career and I felt like I was acalmer human being, but like I
was so ill prepared for thetidal wave that is perimenopause
, like, when I tell you, I hadno idea what it was three years
ago.
Two years ago, I feel like,yeah, I might have planned my
(11:52):
life choices a littledifferently, realizing I'll be
going through menopause at thesame time that my daughter hits.
Puberty is going to be fun,it's going to be a fun time in
our house.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I know there's that huh.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
There's that right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
No changing now?
No, it's all been done, it'sall said and done.
Yeah, I wonder about thatsometimes if I look back, like I
have one that's 21 and 110.
I can, I mean, and just things,things are easier.
You know, maybe it was sexist,maybe it was different thing,
there's many things that justseemed easier.
But I also I don't think I'mbeing fair to myself if I don't
take that other factor intoconsideration as to why it was
(12:32):
easier.
You know, because there areother things that were hard.
It was hard going to grad schoolwith a you know five-year-old
toddler.
Yeah right, yeah, I mean it'shard to you know yeah, those
things were hard too, but I justfeel like that they were more
external and situational and bydefault they were easier to
manage as opposed to a moreinternal biological kind of
(12:56):
process.
So I mean, that's what I'musing as my excuse at the moment
.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Anyways, I'm going to throw that on the table.
It's a wild, wild ride.
Speaking of which, I also havea guest coming on to talk about
perimenopause, and not just anyold guest, but a real expert in
this area.
So excited to have her on, andI want to firm up the details
before I share her name, butthat is definitely in the works.
(13:22):
Yeah, so I'm excited to justkeep talking about, I mean, a
lot of the things that wealready talk about, but sort of
getting some experts to thepodcast to answer some of our
questions, because you know, youand I often have many questions
.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
At the end we're like , yeah, it's fun to talk about
it, but like, still a lot ofquestions Still learning a lot
yeah, you're not kidding whichis good, but I do think that
having some other sources ofgrounding or, if nothing else,
validation, you know, are alwaysvery welcomed.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I think they're big goals.
Big goals, yeah, the bigbuckets, and having somebody
that can really weigh in from,like you know, an area of
expertise, particularly when itcomes to perimenopause.
I feel like that's been a bigtopic for us recently.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It has.
It almost gets brought up innearly a lot of our podcasts.
But I think that that's justbecause of awareness, as we've
kind of mentioned before, andthen, I don't know, it's
something that's not been talkedabout and now it's just kind of
flooding in a little bit more.
There are certificationprograms now for practitioners,
which is important continuing ed, more research, all of this
(14:36):
kind of stuff, and people arejust talking about it.
So it's a destigmatizationthat's also happening as part of
that process, and so it doescontinue to get talked about.
But I find that by it gettingtalked about, we're making what
was once a big hush topic morecomfortable to discuss, just
like having heart disease.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Right, or just like having a cycle in general, Like
you know you think about all thewomen now experiencing the
symptoms of perimenopause.
You think about all the womenand all the marriages, all the
women that, like, potentiallyhurt themselves or you know,
just really lived with thesesymptoms and didn't know what
they were and probably thoughtthey were going crazy because
(15:18):
there are times you do but thenalso all the marriages that
probably couldn't survive.
You know because you do.
You see how it impactseverything, every person you
interact with.
Sometimes you know if it'sthose closest to us, then they
sometimes get the worst of it,and so I can easily see how it
(15:40):
impacted you know a lot of womenuntil we started talking about
it and recognizing that theseare all symptoms that a lot of
people feel and a lot of womenfeel and that nobody just was
talking about it before andhopefully there's more access to
treatment.
I think that's been justlistening to my group of
girlfriends and how many of usare going about it different
(16:01):
ways.
right, I have friends that areon hormone replacement therapy,
I have some who are more intolike cycle thinking.
I have some that are doingnothing you know like, or just
like working out and eating,right, you know.
So it's interesting to seeeverybody taking a different
approach, but at least we're alllike aware, you know and can
(16:24):
seek out like what's right forus.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Well, and having those conversations about the
wide array of options that areout there, I think, is again
part of that whole first step inthis.
So, yeah, it's just somethingwe got to do Some friends are on
medications.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You know I have a couple of friends that we talked
about the what's it called, theGLP-1 medication when we had
Lisa Klein, and you know I'vegot a couple of friends who have
accessed that recently and had,you know, great results with
that.
And so just, you know, I think,just releasing that stigma
around all the things, whateverit is like, if you're with your
(17:02):
medical professional makingthese decisions about what's
best for you and your body andyour family, then no hate, no
shade, right, you're going aboutit the right way.
So you know, it's just it'snice to see people like getting
what they need or what they feellike they need to live a
healthier life.
That's why we started all this.
Come together, talk about thiscrap and put it on the table.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, and I think, even in just kind of coming back
to what we originally startedtalking about, with people being
mean to your kids or bullying,I think that that's an area
where we need clarification asto what we can actually do as
parents, to be empowered and notreactive, I think you know, to
have an understanding of thewhole social media context and
(17:48):
how it plays into this, yeah,and what role like even schools
have in it, because I have agood friend whose daughter was
getting horrific and the actualterm that would be right in this
case, now that I know thedefinition is habitual, like
bullying no-transcript.
(18:36):
Actually, I can't, I'm, probablywouldn't be doing the podcast.
Might be wearing some orangebehind, I don't know, but it
probably wouldn't went too well.
But with that being said, it'slike what do we do in those kind
of contexts?
And I think, again, having moreexpertise, having, if not a
direct, like I don't knowtriptych, like back in the day
as a roadmap, or using ourGoogle Maps to know that there's
(18:57):
at least a general pathway thatwe can go down to understanding
whether that's perimenopausebullying with our kids,
relationship issues, I don'tknow anything financials, just
keeping our head above water,having information and
validation seems to be the wayto kind of go, and I think
that's what our big focus isgoing to be in coming into
(19:21):
season five.
I think we've been prettyvalidating and, at times, pretty
expert oriented, but to have alittle bit more of that mixed in
with this, I think is one ofour big aspirations.
Just to again kind of, if thisinformation is out there.
Let's actually talk to thepeople that have the information
, so that way that we don't haveto spend hours in our echo
chamber on social media or youknow looking up research
(19:44):
articles, that again, those arefine and dandy, but I don't care
about a bunch of studies doneon college students.
Sorry, not sorry, you know, Ireally actually want to know
what's happening within real agepeople and so forth.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Well, and that's the thing, Sarah is people don't
have time to come throughresearch and to make informed
decisions, and so we do.
We tend to rely on social mediaor podcasts or, you know, those
types of things to get ourinformation, and so I think
that's really just all we'retrying to do is give resources,
like talk about it and, like yousaid, bring that more expert
(20:17):
aspect to a lot of theseconversations, and then provide
resources on our website.
So that's, you know, not liketotally revamping the podcast,
but you will see a new look inseason five.
We are redoing the website.
It'll have a different likebranding and everything.
We're very excited to switch itup.
We love the 90s, you know, savedby the Bell sort of theme that
(20:39):
we rolled out with for the first80 episodes, but we are super
excited to bring just like, Ithink, a little bit more
sophisticated like style to it,and with that comes like a
little bit more of an expertright and like just being able
to not just talk about thingsbut really give some like good
advice as well.
So, yeah, I'm excited to, to tostart season five off, like I
(21:03):
think, I always secretly hadlike a goal of doing a hundred
episodes, and so it feels likeit's like achievable at this
point, and so you know I we'regonna go all in for season five.
We hope you guys are gonna tunein and, yes, keep sending us
your suggestions.
We're always open to any topics.
We definitely have our you knowfirst few planned out.
(21:24):
We know exactly some thingswe've wanted to talk about, so
send us any ideas that you haveand let us know.
It can even be like somethingwe've already talked about.
If you just want to hear, likemore of an expert opinion or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Like, let us know yeah, we are totally into
rolling all of this out andagain whole new look, same great
podcast.
But we're amping it up and Iwould like to give a nice little
shout out to Seth again becausewe were having a meeting as we
were kind of closing down seasonfour and you know so much of
the suggestions that we're kindof doing actually came from Seth
(21:58):
.
So, seth, thank you so much foryour input on a upgrading our
sound and our look to a newplatform.
So you guys will see thathopefully we'll have more social
media kind of postings that areupdated and that are part of
what's going on.
But the whole new look, this usincluding other experts and as
well at times like highlightingour own expertise, because we're
(22:19):
not just, we're not schmoesevery year.
You know we put some work.
We're not just pretty faces,people Pretty 40.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Faces.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
We did some work, we got some degrees.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
We got some degrees, but not in like we don't know,
like perimenopause, right, it'sthat kind of stuff where we want
to bring in some other people.
But you're so right.
Shout out to Seth because hedid have some great ideas.
And if you watch this onYouTube, you will notice that
our videos were upgraded.
So notice that our videos wereupgraded.
(22:50):
So, yeah, lighting, sound, thewhole shebang.
So stay tuned for season five.
And is there anything elsebefore we sign off for this week
?
I guess not, folks, just besure to send us those
suggestions.
We need them, we want them.
Yeah, you can check out.
I was actually on a podcastlast week.
I had another medium readingfor a research study here at the
College of Charleston and so ifyou want to listen to that, you
(23:12):
can check out.
House Guests with.
Haley Fennell and listen to myreading for that research study.
It was very interesting.
If you've listened to ourprevious episode where I talked
about my reading with TylerHenry, kind of like similar
feelings, you know definitely ifyou've never had one.
It's quite an experience.
So check that out, houseguestwith Haley Fennell wherever you
(23:34):
get your podcasts.
And until next time, y'all.
That's all we got for this week.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
We'll see you soon with season five coming out Hot.
I feel like we need to first just let everybody know
that we're still kicking it,even though we've been a little
inconsistent of late with ourpostings.
The last few months have justbeen hectic.
So we are very excited what'sto come for season five, but
just trying to wrap up seasonfour, would you agree, sarah?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
100% and I think that we accidentally, like preluded
to this, not knowing that thiswas going to happen.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Whenever we talked about how difficult of a start
2025 was, like we just felt likeit was hard to get in a rhythm
and a routine because of weather, school sickness, whatever it
happened to be.
You know, maybe this cloud isgoing to start to raise here
pretty soon, but it hasdefinitely lingered for a bit.
Yeah, and we were just likegoing over schedules and ours
are pretty much opposite at themoment, like one week on one
week off and it's just whole newappreciation for just anybody
out there that's managingmultiple schedules and whether
that's, like you know,caregiving for other people,
(01:07):
elderly or children.
You know, if you're trying tomanage all the things, it really
is like quite the juggling act.
And we, you know, as two notneurodivergent adults, you know
we still struggle with this.
I know I mean, maybe I'm justspeaking for myself here, but
it's definitely something that Iam a work in progress and
constantly feels like I'mdropping a ball and you know so,
(01:30):
then I'm like all right.
Well, now I got something totalk about, because I just drop
balls left and right and I'msure other people out there are
doing the same thing.
At least that's what I tellmyself, not so rough on myself
when it happens, 100%.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, rough on myself when it happens.
Yeah, I don't think humans weredesigned to actually carry
balls.
I don't like that's not.
I don't think a thing our handswere meant to do, and
definitely not our minds forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So I don't know why we keep trying.
It's pretty silly, you know welove to talk life lessons here,
because that's all we do is tryagain If at first you don't
succeed, right.
So I wanted to share a littlerecent life lesson and we're
going to really dive into thisnext season, season five, six
because one thing I've learnedagain is that a lot of
experience.
You know I still make mistakesand still need to reach out to
(02:30):
other people, right, but I knowwho to reach out to and that's
kind of a perk of being in thisfield.
But wanted to sort of dive intoa couple of things that I've
come up with recently.
I think a lot of parents canagree with is as tough as when
kids are mean to your kids.
You know, and so I experiencedthis recently.
Did you ever experience thiswith Cam?
Were kids where somebody wasmean to him, picked on him at
(02:52):
any point?
Was that ever in his experiencethat you knew of I?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
think a little bit.
I think what we may have saw alittle bit more of is just
adults not treating our kidswith like dignity, kindness and
respect, and that's a differentdynamic than a young child and a
an adult, you know and so.
I.
You have to ask Cameron wherethings 21, I don't remember.
(03:17):
I don't remember a whole lot oflike negative peer stuff.
He always kind of self managesthat pretty well, yeah, yeah it
is.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
It is interesting when it's like kid on kid,
because as an adult you, andespecially as a parent like you,
can't march up there, right.
Let me tell you something.
I mean I guess you can, butthat's probably not gonna work
out so well.
But it is like I said, I'mtrained in behavior.
I've worked with many kids inschools.
But when somebody is mean toyour child and it has and it
affects them, right, it affectsyou because and it's like you
(03:49):
you go blind and you can't thinkanymore about like even all the
things you know you're supposedto do.
So I've had this with both of mykids.
With you know, somebody beingmean.
I want to distinguish betweenlike they weren't being bullied.
Kids said mean things to mykids.
Right, I'm sure my kids havesaid mean things to other kids.
I'm not going to pretend thatthey are perfect by any stretch,
(04:10):
but this isn't a bullyingsituation.
That's habitual.
That is something that happensrepeatedly in someone that is,
you're telling them to stop andthey're not, and it continues on
.
This is like an incident wheresomeone said something mean to
my kid and so instantly I wantedto be like well, let me give
you some comebacks.
This is what you're going to saynext time this kid says
(04:30):
something you know which is sowrong, all that does is like
exacerbate or just like breathesmore life into the person
that's name calling because theyknow they've got your goat
Right.
They know they've got you.
And that's exactly what they'retrying to do, because they know
they've got your goat right,they know they've got you and
that's exactly what they'retrying to do.
So, you know, I phoned a friendI have a great lifeline who has
a lot of experience in behaviormanagement and teaching
(04:53):
expectations and behavior plansand interventions and she's like
Jenny, you know better than togive them comebacks.
I'm like I know, but like I wasseeing red and I just wanted my
kid to be armed with some likereally good comebacks.
So wrong, right.
She's like well, you know, theresearch tells us like that's
going to do the opposite.
That's just going to like givethat kid like more to go on.
(05:16):
I'm like, yeah, I know, but orit's going to, like you know,
escalate to a fightno-transcript adult, because
(05:46):
it's you know you've done thosethings right and it's actionable
and it gives them power versusyou, kind of like coming into
the rescue.
It really empowers your kids.
So that's just one example ofwhat you can expect to hear more
about in the new season.
We are going to have mycolleague, dr Susan Thomas, come
on and she's going to share notonly some behavioral I don't
(06:09):
want to say like tricks,techniques, some behavioral type
management types of things buthopefully get to explain some
more things around education andsystems and give parents a
little bit more insight intowhat all these things mean.
If you have a child that isschool-aged, so you can look for
that to come in season five andI'm excited to have her on.
(06:30):
I think she's going to be agreat ad for or addition for our
listeners to really get someinsight into education.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, I think that first I appreciate your
differentiation between a kidsaying something mean to your
kid and then bullying, becausethose are two different things
that we seem to kind of lumpinto one category, and you know
that's not fair.
I mean, bullying to me soundseven in the context that you're
kind of putting it more as alegalized term, whereas you know
(07:01):
people are just kind of mean toeach other at different points,
whereas you know people arejust kind of mean to each other
at different points.
And so I think, even as parents, for us to understand and be
able to differentiate those twothings helps to improve the
language that we use with ourkids oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It's all about the language that we, the common
language that we use to teachthem these things I could have
easily said oh so so, and so isbullying you?
and they would have said theyare, even if they know that's
not the definition of bullying.
You know, if I use that termthey're going to latch onto that
, and we actually talked aboutthat when it happened with my
younger child.
I said, you know, she mighthave even said something like
(07:36):
bullying and I'm like, well,let's talk about what is that.
You know, I could say somethingmean.
I could say, well, your saysomething mean.
I could say, well, your shirt'sreally ugly and I'm not
bullying you.
I said something that's notnice, right?
But there's a difference.
If I am coming in and constantlydegrading you, or like saying
things to you or making you feeluncomfortable, consistently and
(07:58):
regularly, that's differentright Versus me just like kind
of saying something that's notnice, both not fun for the
person on the receiving end, butjust like giving that clear
language of there's a differencebetween the two.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, I could have done better at that.
Rachel also had an incidenthere a few weeks ago where she
felt like and the word I thinkthat was used was bullying that
she was being bullied by someolder kids, but it wasn't
habitual, it was one incident ona playground and it sounded
like that.
There was just I don't knowkids spat and probably back and
(08:34):
forth, but it's never happenedagain.
But that word was used by meand probably by her, and so
that's where, again, I reallyappreciate you making that kind
of differentiation, because itjust means it carries a heavier
weight and it takes away ageneralization of a common
behavior Kids are going to bejerks, adults are going to be
(08:55):
jerks.
So we don't want to put it intokind of one big lump.
Let's actually be specificabout what's happening.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Well, we don't want to.
I mean, we don't want to labela kid a bully because they said
something mean one time, or theymight say a few mean things,
but that I think again likethere's power in words, right?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
And once we start to label kids.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Whether we like it or not, it becomes part of their
identity.
They hear it at some point,other people hear it, and that's
what they think of when theysee that kid.
And so we have to, I think, beespecially careful when it's a
child in question, you know, oreven adults like you just don't.
Sometimes you have to take astep back, but in the moment
when it's your child and you'rethe parent, it is very hard and
(09:38):
I want to acknowledge thatbecause you can have all the
training in the world.
It all goes out the window whenit's so personal to you.
You can't.
It's like you can't see theforest for the trees right and I
feel that way about, even likeone of my child.
One of my kids has somedifficulty learning to read and
I feel like, like in the sametune, like this is what I do for
a living.
You talk about impostersyndrome.
(09:59):
Like you know, I think I'vetalked about this before Like
I've struggled with what to dowith her and what I have learned
through having my lifelines andlots of educator friends with
way more experience than myself,is that it's really hard, no
matter who you are, to teachyour own kids and to not get
frustrated with them when you'retrying to work with them, and
(10:20):
so one of the best things thatI've done is hire someone else
to work with my kid because itwas not working, but that's
really hard to do when, likethis, is what you do for a
living right.
This is very specific to mytraining and so, even though I'm
not a teacher, I obviously haveworked in education for almost
20 years, and so it's yeah, lotsof learning opportunities
(10:43):
lately, but hopefully you knowyou can hear it.
If you're a parent that'sstruggling with your kids in
school, whether it'sacademically or socially, you
know we're all in this together.
We're all struggling with someaspect of that, whether you know
we're trained professionals inthis area or not, and so
hopefully you will be able toget some tips and some things in
(11:06):
our episodes next season thatare specific to school-aged kids
, because that's where most ofus are middle-aged women.
A lot of us have school-agedchildren right now.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Gosh, maybe at the wrong time.
I guess we can't undo it atthis point, but we're going
through all these changes andnow we're raising kids at the
same time.
This whole biology thingprobably didn't work out in all
of our favors too well.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I do wonder about that sometimes.
I thought it was so great thatI waited later in life to have
kids.
I, I thought it was so greatthat I waited later in life to
have kids.
You know, I was moreestablished and like in my
career and I felt like I was acalmer human being, but like I
was so ill prepared for thetidal wave that is perimenopause
, like, when I tell you, I hadno idea what it was three years
ago.
Two years ago, I feel like,yeah, I might have planned my
(11:52):
life choices a littledifferently, realizing I'll be
going through menopause at thesame time that my daughter hits.
Puberty is going to be fun,it's going to be a fun time in
our house.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I know there's that huh.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
There's that right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
No changing now?
No, it's all been done, it'sall said and done.
Yeah, I wonder about thatsometimes if I look back, like I
have one that's 21 and 110.
I can, I mean, and just things,things are easier.
You know, maybe it was sexist,maybe it was different thing,
there's many things that justseemed easier.
But I also I don't think I'mbeing fair to myself if I don't
take that other factor intoconsideration as to why it was
(12:32):
easier.
You know, because there areother things that were hard.
It was hard going to grad schoolwith a you know five-year-old
toddler.
Yeah right, yeah, I mean it'shard to you know yeah, those
things were hard too, but I justfeel like that they were more
external and situational and bydefault they were easier to
manage as opposed to a moreinternal biological kind of
(12:56):
process.
So I mean, that's what I'musing as my excuse at the moment
.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Anyways, I'm going to throw that on the table.
It's a wild, wild ride.
Speaking of which, I also havea guest coming on to talk about
perimenopause, and not just anyold guest, but a real expert in
this area.
So excited to have her on, andI want to firm up the details
before I share her name, butthat is definitely in the works.
(13:22):
Yeah, so I'm excited to justkeep talking about, I mean, a
lot of the things that wealready talk about, but sort of
getting some experts to thepodcast to answer some of our
questions, because you know, youand I often have many questions
.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
At the end we're like , yeah, it's fun to talk about
it, but like, still a lot ofquestions Still learning a lot
yeah, you're not kidding whichis good, but I do think that
having some other sources ofgrounding or, if nothing else,
validation, you know, are alwaysvery welcomed.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I think they're big goals.
Big goals, yeah, the bigbuckets, and having somebody
that can really weigh in from,like you know, an area of
expertise, particularly when itcomes to perimenopause.
I feel like that's been a bigtopic for us recently.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It has.
It almost gets brought up innearly a lot of our podcasts.
But I think that that's justbecause of awareness, as we've
kind of mentioned before, andthen, I don't know, it's
something that's not been talkedabout and now it's just kind of
flooding in a little bit more.
There are certificationprograms now for practitioners,
which is important continuing ed, more research, all of this
(14:36):
kind of stuff, and people arejust talking about it.
So it's a destigmatizationthat's also happening as part of
that process, and so it doescontinue to get talked about.
But I find that by it gettingtalked about, we're making what
was once a big hush topic morecomfortable to discuss, just
like having heart disease.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Right, or just like having a cycle in general, Like
you know you think about all thewomen now experiencing the
symptoms of perimenopause.
You think about all the womenand all the marriages, all the
women that, like, potentiallyhurt themselves or you know,
just really lived with thesesymptoms and didn't know what
they were and probably thoughtthey were going crazy because
(15:18):
there are times you do but thenalso all the marriages that
probably couldn't survive.
You know because you do.
You see how it impactseverything, every person you
interact with.
Sometimes you know if it'sthose closest to us, then they
sometimes get the worst of it,and so I can easily see how it
(15:40):
impacted you know a lot of womenuntil we started talking about
it and recognizing that theseare all symptoms that a lot of
people feel and a lot of womenfeel and that nobody just was
talking about it before andhopefully there's more access to
treatment.
I think that's been justlistening to my group of
girlfriends and how many of usare going about it different
(16:01):
ways.
right, I have friends that areon hormone replacement therapy,
I have some who are more intolike cycle thinking.
I have some that are doingnothing you know like, or just
like working out and eating,right, you know.
So it's interesting to seeeverybody taking a different
approach, but at least we're alllike aware, you know and can
(16:24):
seek out like what's right forus.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Well, and having those conversations about the
wide array of options that areout there, I think, is again
part of that whole first step inthis.
So, yeah, it's just somethingwe got to do Some friends are on
medications.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You know I have a couple of friends that we talked
about the what's it called, theGLP-1 medication when we had
Lisa Klein, and you know I'vegot a couple of friends who have
accessed that recently and had,you know, great results with
that.
And so just, you know, I think,just releasing that stigma
around all the things, whateverit is like, if you're with your
(17:02):
medical professional makingthese decisions about what's
best for you and your body andyour family, then no hate, no
shade, right, you're going aboutit the right way.
So you know, it's just it'snice to see people like getting
what they need or what they feellike they need to live a
healthier life.
That's why we started all this.
Come together, talk about thiscrap and put it on the table.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, and I think, even in just kind of coming back
to what we originally startedtalking about, with people being
mean to your kids or bullying,I think that that's an area
where we need clarification asto what we can actually do as
parents, to be empowered and notreactive, I think you know, to
have an understanding of thewhole social media context and
(17:48):
how it plays into this, yeah,and what role like even schools
have in it, because I have agood friend whose daughter was
getting horrific and the actualterm that would be right in this
case, now that I know thedefinition is habitual, like
bullying no-transcript.
(18:36):
Actually, I can't, I'm, probablywouldn't be doing the podcast.
Might be wearing some orangebehind, I don't know, but it
probably wouldn't went too well.
But with that being said, it'slike what do we do in those kind
of contexts?
And I think, again, having moreexpertise, having, if not a
direct, like I don't knowtriptych, like back in the day
as a roadmap, or using ourGoogle Maps to know that there's
(18:57):
at least a general pathway thatwe can go down to understanding
whether that's perimenopausebullying with our kids,
relationship issues, I don'tknow anything financials, just
keeping our head above water,having information and
validation seems to be the wayto kind of go, and I think
that's what our big focus isgoing to be in coming into
(19:21):
season five.
I think we've been prettyvalidating and, at times, pretty
expert oriented, but to have alittle bit more of that mixed in
with this, I think is one ofour big aspirations.
Just to again kind of, if thisinformation is out there.
Let's actually talk to thepeople that have the information
, so that way that we don't haveto spend hours in our echo
chamber on social media or youknow looking up research
(19:44):
articles, that again, those arefine and dandy, but I don't care
about a bunch of studies doneon college students.
Sorry, not sorry, you know, Ireally actually want to know
what's happening within real agepeople and so forth.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Well, and that's the thing, Sarah is people don't
have time to come throughresearch and to make informed
decisions, and so we do.
We tend to rely on social mediaor podcasts or, you know, those
types of things to get ourinformation, and so I think
that's really just all we'retrying to do is give resources,
like talk about it and, like yousaid, bring that more expert
(20:17):
aspect to a lot of theseconversations, and then provide
resources on our website.
So that's, you know, not liketotally revamping the podcast,
but you will see a new look inseason five.
We are redoing the website.
It'll have a different likebranding and everything.
We're very excited to switch itup.
We love the 90s, you know, savedby the Bell sort of theme that
(20:39):
we rolled out with for the first80 episodes, but we are super
excited to bring just like, Ithink, a little bit more
sophisticated like style to it,and with that comes like a
little bit more of an expertright and like just being able
to not just talk about thingsbut really give some like good
advice as well.
So, yeah, I'm excited to, to tostart season five off, like I
(21:03):
think, I always secretly hadlike a goal of doing a hundred
episodes, and so it feels likeit's like achievable at this
point, and so you know I we'regonna go all in for season five.
We hope you guys are gonna tunein and, yes, keep sending us
your suggestions.
We're always open to any topics.
We definitely have our you knowfirst few planned out.
(21:24):
We know exactly some thingswe've wanted to talk about, so
send us any ideas that you haveand let us know.
It can even be like somethingwe've already talked about.
If you just want to hear, likemore of an expert opinion or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Like, let us know yeah, we are totally into
rolling all of this out andagain whole new look, same great
podcast.
But we're amping it up and Iwould like to give a nice little
shout out to Seth again becausewe were having a meeting as we
were kind of closing down seasonfour and you know so much of
the suggestions that we're kindof doing actually came from Seth
(21:58):
.
So, seth, thank you so much foryour input on a upgrading our
sound and our look to a newplatform.
So you guys will see thathopefully we'll have more social
media kind of postings that areupdated and that are part of
what's going on.
But the whole new look, this usincluding other experts and as
well at times like highlightingour own expertise, because we're
(22:19):
not just, we're not schmoesevery year.
You know we put some work.
We're not just pretty faces,people Pretty 40.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Faces.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
We did some work, we got some degrees.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
We got some degrees, but not in like we don't know,
like perimenopause, right, it'sthat kind of stuff where we want
to bring in some other people.
But you're so right.
Shout out to Seth because hedid have some great ideas.
And if you watch this onYouTube, you will notice that
our videos were upgraded.
So notice that our videos wereupgraded.
(22:50):
So, yeah, lighting, sound, thewhole shebang.
So stay tuned for season five.
And is there anything elsebefore we sign off for this week
?
I guess not, folks, just besure to send us those
suggestions.
We need them, we want them.
Yeah, you can check out.
I was actually on a podcastlast week.
I had another medium readingfor a research study here at the
College of Charleston and so ifyou want to listen to that, you
(23:12):
can check out.
House Guests with.
Haley Fennell and listen to myreading for that research study.
It was very interesting.
If you've listened to ourprevious episode where I talked
about my reading with TylerHenry, kind of like similar
feelings, you know definitely ifyou've never had one.
It's quite an experience.
So check that out, houseguestwith Haley Fennell wherever you
(23:34):
get your podcasts.
And until next time, y'all.
That's all we got for this week.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
We'll see you soon with season five coming out Hot.
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