How To Stop Caring What People Think (3 Confidence Hacks)

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We explore three powerful strategies to build confidence and overcome the fear of judgment that holds many leaders back. Fear of judgment is the number one obstacle I've observed in 12 years of coaching leaders, entrepreneurs, and visionaries – but there are practical ways to move forward despite this fear.

• The goal isn't to eliminate all fear but to prevent fear from stopping you from sharing your gifts
• Being concerned about criticism is natural, but allowing it to silence you completely isn't acceptable
• Fear of judgment is deeply rooted in our evolutionary need for group acceptance
• Nervous system regulation helps manage emotional responses to criticism
• Depersonalize your mission by remembering it's bigger than your personal fears
• The people you're meant to impact are often quiet observers, not vocal critics
• Getting committed to your vision makes fear of judgment less powerful
• Confidence is innate but gets diminished by words spoken over us during formative years
• Consistent practice is the key to building confidence in any skill
• What others say about you has everything to do with them, not you

If you've been holding back due to fear of judgment, book a test drive consult at LisaJeffs.com or through the link in the show notes. I'd love to help you overcome these fears so you can achieve your vision and beyond.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:32):
Welcome to the show leader.
Today we're talking about threeways to be more confident so you
can stop caring so much aboutwhat people think.
Let's get right into thisbecause this is such an
important topic.
I've been working with leaders,entrepreneurs, visionaires,
creatives for almost 12 yearsnow.

(00:54):
And fear of judgment is thenumber one thing that holds
people.
Fear of what people will thinkof them, fear of what people
might say.
And a lot of this is a part ofbeing a human.
So number one is the goal isn'tto stop caring.

(01:20):
The goal is to not allow thatfear to stop you from doing what
you want to do, from puttingyourself out there, from going
after the goal you want, and notto allow it to stop you from
inspiring others.
So when we think that we need toeliminate all fear before we put

(01:45):
ourselves out there, this is alosing battle.
Ultimately, it's okay to notwant to experience online trolls
or Sally in Department XYZ fromthinking this.
Or whomever on the internet isputting stuff out on the

(02:09):
internet.
It's okay not to want to receiveback hate or rude comments.
What's not okay is if we allowthat fear to become such a
roadblock that we are notputting ourselves out there.
And let me tell you, fear ofjudgment, it will steal your

(02:34):
life if you allow it to.
It is that strong.
I hear it over and over and overand over.
It is so number one, be okay,not loving the fact that the
more I put myself out there, themore likely it is that I'm going

(02:55):
to attract a mix of people.
Some absolutely loving the workthat I'm putting out, and some
people disliking part of being ahuman being, right?
When we think about what lifewas like many, many years ago,
we needed to be in a safetyrelied on the people around us,

(03:22):
right?
It is within us to want to be ina grave, to not want to be
outcasted from a group.
The problem with this is itmanifests itself into wanting to
placate the masses.
Put on top of that the wholeissue with cancel culture that

(03:46):
erupted a few years ago.
And people are afraid to saywhat's on their heart, they're
afraid to share theirperspectives, or they're afraid
to put themselves out intotality.
The first step that I need to dois understand that we don't need

(04:06):
to eliminate all fear complete.
One thing that really helped mewas doing nervous system work.
So the first time that I had, wecan call it my my first fool,
which was many years ago, Iwanted to go into the fetal
position for two weeks.
And it took me a while to putanother video out to be

(04:31):
vulnerable again.
Took me a while.
So doing work to regulate yournervous system, to doing work
around emotional regulation.
So when you see being'scomments, if you do, or if
you're not online and you're inan environment where you are

(04:55):
worried that the people aregoing to start talking, or you
are unsure of how the people inyour environment are going to
take you, putting yourself outthere, then doing the work to
regulate yourself.
Number two is depersonalize themission.
So this is something that helpedme early on in my journey when

(05:19):
that fear or that worry aboutjudgment sometimes became so
paralyzing that I really had totell myself, Lisa, this mission
that you have to help people, touse your hearing gifts, to use
your coaching gifts, to truly beliving your purpose here on this

(05:42):
planet.
This is bigger than the fear ofwhat people might say.
Because the people that you arehere to impact are not going to
be the ones that are being loud,that are saying things that are
not supportive.
A lot of times the people thatyou're here to impact are going

(06:03):
to be the quiet ones.
They're going to be the onesthat read your post or watch
your video, and they don't sayanything right away.
Maybe they reach out with anemail.
I can't tell you how many emailsI get from people who tell me
that they are supported by thepodcast or by my blog or by

(06:24):
something I put online.
Rarely are they the ones thatcomment underneath.
A lot of times, what you'regoing to find when you start
putting yourselves out there isthat you're going to get these
messages from people that arethe heartfelt messages, the more
private messages.

(06:45):
And the people that just want todrop a rude comment because
something you said triggeredthem, or they are just lashing
out on individuals on theinternet or in whatever space
that you're in, those are theones that can be very loud.
And those are the ones that youcan want to hide from.
But again, if you have a missionto help the world in whatever

(07:10):
way, shape, or fashion that is,we have to de-personalize and
not make it so much about us,our worries, our fears, our
limitations, even though it isour journey, it's a part of our
soul journey.
It's not just about otherpeople, it is about you too.

(07:30):
But to help work through thefear and to feel the fear and do
it anyways, which is a greatbook.
I believe it's Susan JeffersFeel the fear, do it anyways.
Number one, be okay with havingsome of the fear.

(07:53):
It's okay to have some fear ofjudgment.
It's okay to not want to bejudged.
We're human beings.
Number three, this one issimilar to number two by
depersonalizing the mission.
But this is getting so committedto your vision.
And if you don't have a vision,this is a huge part of the

(08:14):
Magnetic Leadership Accelerator,where we help you get crystal
clear on what is that corevision that is in complete
alignment with your core values,which is extremely important.
The fear that we feel ofjudgment or the worry that comes

(08:34):
over us, it becomes irrelevantbecause we get so married into
our vision.
It becomes so viscerallypowerful that there is no doubt
in our mind that that vision issomething that you're here to
live, to create, to bring intothe world, that it's a done deal

(08:57):
as long as you remain inalignment moving forward, that
these other little pieces thenbecome much, much smaller.
The problem is when we don'thave a visceral vision, when we
don't have something that is ourNorth Star, it is really easy to

(09:19):
allow the fear of judgment orthe worry of what are people
gonna say to become thisinsurmountable mountain that
then takes precedence overeverything else.
And what we find is when wedon't have this powerful North

(09:40):
Star that guides in light overour is very easy for the voices
in our mind to then take overthe worries and the doubts and
the fears.
It is very easy for them to getbecome so big and so loud that

(10:06):
we don't we don't share ourmessage, we don't help the
people that we know that we canhelp.
And the people that we as ahuman being, we as a soul came

(10:26):
to this planet to impact withour leadership, with our
perspective, with the uniquegift that only we couldn't have
this gift, we wouldn't have thisvision, we wouldn't have this
purpose if there wasn't peopleon the planet to benefit from

(10:49):
it.
If we allow those voices to stopus from sharing what we're here
to share, that those people willnot get to be impacted.
Now, this isn't to put judgment.
I don't want you to have anyjudgment.
I don't want you to judgeyourself if if you haven't been
putting yourself out there or ifyou want to, but you have

(11:12):
stopped yourself because that ispart of your journey.
That is part of your soul world.
That is part of the work thatyou also came here to do is to
work through it and to becomemore comfortable.
When I first started doing thiswork, I was not comfortable on
camera.

(11:33):
I was not even comfortable onjust audio.
And how I became morecomfortable was just doing it,
just practicing it, not tryingto be perfect, not trying to do
a whole bunch of research andthen do it, literally just

(11:53):
putting up the camera andpracticing.
And then once you startpracticing, wow, and you start
doing, then you can figurethings out a little bit more, do
more research if you really wantto master your craft.
But at the beginning, it's justabout turning it on and putting
it up there.
So this is for anyone who hassomething inside of them,

(12:18):
whether you label or consideryourself a leader, a visionary,
a creative, someone that hassomething that they want to
bring into the world and sharewith others.
This is your message to do soand to be okay with not being

(12:40):
100% comfortable, with feelinglike, oh, you know what, there's
people that look so much moreconfident than I am.
They look so natural, it looksso easy for them.
Believe me, it's not easy for alot of them.
I work with a lot of them.
A lot of them are my clients.
And a lot of the work that we dois to get them comfortable.

(13:04):
I believe that confidence issomething that we come into this
world with.
But because of the words thatare spoken over us by our
caregivers, a lot of timesunintentionally, but still by
our teachers, our mentors, ourguides, people that we grow up

(13:25):
with, a lot of this stuff startsto chip, chip, chip away at that
confidence that we had when wewere a young child.
And a lot of the work is simplyto let go, let go of what was
spoken over us, let go of otherpeople's limitations, let go of

(13:50):
the fears of judgment, whatpeople might say, because you
know what?
People are gonna say whateverthey say, they have no control
over that.
And the more love you're gonnaget, right, there's always a
polar to everything.
So love, and you're gonna getsome of this too, and being okay

(14:11):
with the fact that this, right?
The stuff that's thrown at you,or maybe thrown at you, has
absolutely nothing to do withyou, and everything to do with
the person throwing it.
And our path is about bringingforth what we want despite all

(14:33):
of stuff.
And it takes a lot of courageand it takes a lot of
discipline, and it takes a lotof consistency.
And the more you can step intothat courage, the more you can
be consistent, the more you canlet go of the stories and the
words that have been spoken overyou that have been other

(14:56):
people's limitations, paths downthrough generations, the more
you are going to walk inconfidence, the more you are
going to feel the confidencecome over you, the more you're
going to embody it and it'sgoing to ripple out.
I'm going to wrap it up.
Let me know if you want me to godeeper in any aspects.

(15:17):
Again, fear of judgment is oneof the biggest fears that I work
with my private clients toovercome so they can continue
moving forward, so they cancontinue breaking through the
ceiling, achieving their visionand beyond.
Fear of judgment is even moreprevalent than fear of failure

(15:41):
and fear of success.
So if you've been worried, ifyou've been unsure, if you've
been holding back, head on overto my website at LisaJoffs.com.
You can book a test driveconsult, or if you're listening
to the podcast on audio orthrough YouTube, head on over to
the description or show notesand you can book there.

(16:02):
Leader, I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for listening.
And as always, let's stayconnected.

SPEAKER_01 (16:17):
Big dreams, believing in it.
Wisdom, we speak and makeeverything that you look for.
Brought to you by Lisa Jack.