October 21, 2025 • 12 mins
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We unpack why high achievers turn success into struggle and how to lead with ease without losing ambition. We share a personal story, name control as fear, and map a path from worthiness work to somatic safety and real support.
• achievements used as proof of worth
• childhood praise shaping identity and drive
• the empty high of stacking wins
• control reframed as fear and how to release it
• receiving help and the joy of shared achievement
• getting out of survival mode through somatic work
• practical shifts for rest, presence and results
Thank you for always being here. And as always, let’s stay connected.
Thanks for Listening! We appreciate you. Sending you love and gratitude.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:14):
The magnetic leader of an entrepreneur level up.
Step it up because I believe it.
SPEAKER_01 (00:34):
The hidden struggles of high achievers.
This is the number one downloadon the magnetic leader.
So, what is one of the biggeststruggles that I have seen in
the leaders, entrepreneurs, andfounders that I've worked with
for almost 12 years?
It is the wonderful ability tomake things so much harder than
(00:56):
they need to be.
And I laugh because I've beenthere.
And if you're watching this, myguess is you've been there too.
So, why does this happen?
Why do so many high achieversmake things harder than they
need to be?
And I'm gonna answer in thisepisode what do we do to release
(01:19):
that need and make things somuch easier on ourselves?
Because I can tell you, when youbreak free from that pattern and
you allow yourself to receiveand be the leader, the
entrepreneur, the founder, whoreleases the belief that you
(01:41):
need to do it all on your own,and you accept the help, whether
divine or through other people,the journey becomes so much more
enjoyable.
Not to mention your results aregoing to increase.
So why do we make things so muchharder than they need to be?
(02:02):
Well, one of the patterns of thehigh achiever is that often
we've become a high achieverbecause we are using our
achievements as proof ofvalidation of our worth, of our
self-worth.
Every time we get anachievement, it puts another
(02:27):
coin in our jar.
The problem with this is we'reoften just stacking
achievements, not fully enjoyingor leaning into the gratitude of
each one.
And if we look back at ourchildhood, a lot of times we got
(02:48):
praise for our achievements.
So we associated that with loveand acceptance and significance.
The problem is when we don'tachieve or we don't get the win,
we can then go down aself-critical spiral and think
we are not deserving of love, orwe are not significant, or we
(03:13):
have no value to give.
This creates the never-endingspiral of always needing to
achieve, always need to climbthe mountain.
The problem is we're not evenenjoying climbing the mountain,
we're just focused on the peak.
And then when we get to thepeak, we're not even enjoying
(03:34):
that.
And then it's off to the next.
So part of the work to shiftthis pattern, one, is of course
doing the inner work aroundworthiness, around self-love,
self-acceptance, loving theparts of us that at one time
(03:56):
didn't feel enough and needed toachieve to feel that sense of
belonging, that sense of beingcherished, whatever it is for
you.
For me, it was a sense of justfeeling enough.
Funny enough, it's interestingthat I didn't do very well in
(04:18):
school.
I shouldn't say I didn't do verywell.
It was, it was somewhat average,but in my mind, I didn't do very
well because I struggled tounderstand certain things that
were being taught simply becauseit's the method of teaching that
I didn't resonate with.
However, I had this beliefsystem that I was somehow not
(04:43):
enough, not smart, not as smartas the other people as the other
students.
And after having my daughter andgoing back to college and going
back to university and doingreally well, it started to feed
this part of me that was like,oh, I'm getting really good
(05:05):
marks.
Oh, I'm graduating with honors.
It's giving me a sense that Ididn't have before of I am
smart.
But it wasn't feeding ahorrible, healthy place in me.
It was feeding a part of me thatwas like, yes, this is what I
(05:26):
need.
I need more of this.
I need to feel more of this.
And it, but it was an empty, itwas like going in and it was
just kind of dropping in andfizzling out.
And then I would need the nextachievement.
unknown (05:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (05:39):
And then I would sign up for a marathon, or I
would sign up for somethingathletic.
And I would go and I would doit, but I wasn't really being
present and enjoying everymoment of the experience and
what my body was doing and whatmy body was capable of.
It was again feeding this voidinside of me that was saying,
(06:02):
oh, those old feelings of notbeing smart or not being enough,
we're pushing those away nowbecause we have all these
achievements.
The problem is with this, again,going back to circling back to
what we talked about at thebeginning, was everything was
really feeling hard.
Everything was always pushing, Iwas always pushing for
(06:24):
something, striving, trying toclimb the mountain.
And I wasn't allowing divinesource energy to come in and
support me.
I wasn't even allowing otherpeople to come in and support
me.
It was this mission to doeverything myself.
(06:45):
So, how do we shift from this?
First, again, is doing the innerwork.
It's knowing that we are not ourachievements, that we are
beautiful divine beings.
Our birth is our worth.
We don't need anything externalto prove that we are worthy.
We are completely worthy inourselves.
I'm simplifying the processhere.
(07:06):
Obviously, everyone has theirown experience.
Your journey with self-worth andinner work may be a long one.
It may be a short one.
It's always personal.
But that is the first step.
The second step is being open toreceive, getting to a place
(07:28):
where you can release control.
What is control based in?
Fear.
That's it.
That's all that's all controlis.
And it's funny.
Sometimes I'll be talking with aperson and we'll be talking
about control.
It's funny because highachievers will often have no
problem saying that they lovecontrol.
(07:49):
Sometimes they'll even callthemselves control freak,
control freaks.
And I'm guilty of this too.
But when you phrase it in a wayof control is actually fear.
So maybe you're a fear freak andyou just you're you just love to
be scared.
They don't like that.
I didn't like that either.
(08:11):
But it's a mirror, but it's areflection that you need to be
honest with yourself.
Because if you weren't scared,and by the way, there's nothing
wrong with fear.
Fear is part of the humanexperience.
There's absolutely nothing wrongwith admitting that you have
fear towards something, or thatyou want to control something
(08:33):
because you are scared.
That is being human.
It takes a very courageousperson to admit that yes, I am
scared of something, and that iswhy I'm trying to control it.
When we deal with the fear, whenwe don't push it away, when we
don't ignore it, when we gethonest with it, we bring it to
the surface, we see it for whatit actually is.
(08:57):
It dissolves the illusion thatfear is, and we can release the
control.
Sometimes it happens quitequickly, sometimes it happens in
stages.
But this is part of learningthat you don't need to do
everything on your own, youcertainly don't need to control
(09:18):
everything, and that bringingother people in and sharing the
weight of something is not onlygoing to feel better for you,
it's going to feel much moresoul fulfilling.
Because when you can achievewith others, this is a next
(09:39):
level of joy.
We're already high achievers.
We've already achieved plenty onour own.
When you can allow someone elsein to help you and you can go on
this journey together and bepresent with the journey, it
brings in a whole nother elementof the process.
(10:01):
Third, how do we make things somuch easier for us?
One, again, we're gonnareiterate is working on the
worthiness piece.
Two, it's releasing control,allowing people to come in and
help you.
And three, it's being safe inyour body.
(10:24):
Many of the high achievers thatI work with are all running in a
survival program.
It is very hard for them torest, even when they are in a
place designed for rest.
If you've ever gone on avacation and you can't seem to
sit still, you go and you tellyourself you're not gonna check
(10:47):
your phone or you're not gonnago on your laptop, which maybe
you shouldn't even bring yourlaptop.
But if you do bring your laptop,uh you find yourself checking
it.
You find yourself going on.
Right?
There's this innate feeling of Ialways need to be going, I
always need to be busy.
That rest is dangerous.
(11:08):
This is a critical piece of thehealing is getting yourself out
of survival, of getting yourbody out of survival.
Because a lot of the highachievers that I work with are
very in their head.
So they like to conceptualizeeverything.
But this isn't the work of thehead.
(11:29):
This is the work of the body.
So whether you're working with abody worker, whether you're
working with someone trained intrauma release of the body,
whether you're doing somatichealing, whether you're doing
work on your own.
We do some of this work in themagnetic leadership accelerator,
but it's very, very importantthat you have a system that
(11:49):
allows you to get out ofsurvival mode so you can finally
know what it feels like to rest,to truly rest and receive.
It's about reprogramming thewhole system, it's about letting
go and reprogramming.
(12:10):
I hope this was helpful.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for always being here.
And as always, let's stayconnected.
The magnetic leader of an entrepreneur level up.
Step it up because I believe it.
SPEAKER_01 (00:34):
The hidden struggles of high achievers.
This is the number one downloadon the magnetic leader.
So, what is one of the biggeststruggles that I have seen in
the leaders, entrepreneurs, andfounders that I've worked with
for almost 12 years?
It is the wonderful ability tomake things so much harder than
(00:56):
they need to be.
And I laugh because I've beenthere.
And if you're watching this, myguess is you've been there too.
So, why does this happen?
Why do so many high achieversmake things harder than they
need to be?
And I'm gonna answer in thisepisode what do we do to release
(01:19):
that need and make things somuch easier on ourselves?
Because I can tell you, when youbreak free from that pattern and
you allow yourself to receiveand be the leader, the
entrepreneur, the founder, whoreleases the belief that you
(01:41):
need to do it all on your own,and you accept the help, whether
divine or through other people,the journey becomes so much more
enjoyable.
Not to mention your results aregoing to increase.
So why do we make things so muchharder than they need to be?
(02:02):
Well, one of the patterns of thehigh achiever is that often
we've become a high achieverbecause we are using our
achievements as proof ofvalidation of our worth, of our
self-worth.
Every time we get anachievement, it puts another
(02:27):
coin in our jar.
The problem with this is we'reoften just stacking
achievements, not fully enjoyingor leaning into the gratitude of
each one.
And if we look back at ourchildhood, a lot of times we got
(02:48):
praise for our achievements.
So we associated that with loveand acceptance and significance.
The problem is when we don'tachieve or we don't get the win,
we can then go down aself-critical spiral and think
we are not deserving of love, orwe are not significant, or we
(03:13):
have no value to give.
This creates the never-endingspiral of always needing to
achieve, always need to climbthe mountain.
The problem is we're not evenenjoying climbing the mountain,
we're just focused on the peak.
And then when we get to thepeak, we're not even enjoying
(03:34):
that.
And then it's off to the next.
So part of the work to shiftthis pattern, one, is of course
doing the inner work aroundworthiness, around self-love,
self-acceptance, loving theparts of us that at one time
(03:56):
didn't feel enough and needed toachieve to feel that sense of
belonging, that sense of beingcherished, whatever it is for
you.
For me, it was a sense of justfeeling enough.
Funny enough, it's interestingthat I didn't do very well in
(04:18):
school.
I shouldn't say I didn't do verywell.
It was, it was somewhat average,but in my mind, I didn't do very
well because I struggled tounderstand certain things that
were being taught simply becauseit's the method of teaching that
I didn't resonate with.
However, I had this beliefsystem that I was somehow not
(04:43):
enough, not smart, not as smartas the other people as the other
students.
And after having my daughter andgoing back to college and going
back to university and doingreally well, it started to feed
this part of me that was like,oh, I'm getting really good
(05:05):
marks.
Oh, I'm graduating with honors.
It's giving me a sense that Ididn't have before of I am
smart.
But it wasn't feeding ahorrible, healthy place in me.
It was feeding a part of me thatwas like, yes, this is what I
(05:26):
need.
I need more of this.
I need to feel more of this.
And it, but it was an empty, itwas like going in and it was
just kind of dropping in andfizzling out.
And then I would need the nextachievement.
unknown (05:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (05:39):
And then I would sign up for a marathon, or I
would sign up for somethingathletic.
And I would go and I would doit, but I wasn't really being
present and enjoying everymoment of the experience and
what my body was doing and whatmy body was capable of.
It was again feeding this voidinside of me that was saying,
(06:02):
oh, those old feelings of notbeing smart or not being enough,
we're pushing those away nowbecause we have all these
achievements.
The problem is with this, again,going back to circling back to
what we talked about at thebeginning, was everything was
really feeling hard.
Everything was always pushing, Iwas always pushing for
(06:24):
something, striving, trying toclimb the mountain.
And I wasn't allowing divinesource energy to come in and
support me.
I wasn't even allowing otherpeople to come in and support
me.
It was this mission to doeverything myself.
(06:45):
So, how do we shift from this?
First, again, is doing the innerwork.
It's knowing that we are not ourachievements, that we are
beautiful divine beings.
Our birth is our worth.
We don't need anything externalto prove that we are worthy.
We are completely worthy inourselves.
I'm simplifying the processhere.
(07:06):
Obviously, everyone has theirown experience.
Your journey with self-worth andinner work may be a long one.
It may be a short one.
It's always personal.
But that is the first step.
The second step is being open toreceive, getting to a place
(07:28):
where you can release control.
What is control based in?
Fear.
That's it.
That's all that's all controlis.
And it's funny.
Sometimes I'll be talking with aperson and we'll be talking
about control.
It's funny because highachievers will often have no
problem saying that they lovecontrol.
(07:49):
Sometimes they'll even callthemselves control freak,
control freaks.
And I'm guilty of this too.
But when you phrase it in a wayof control is actually fear.
So maybe you're a fear freak andyou just you're you just love to
be scared.
They don't like that.
I didn't like that either.
(08:11):
But it's a mirror, but it's areflection that you need to be
honest with yourself.
Because if you weren't scared,and by the way, there's nothing
wrong with fear.
Fear is part of the humanexperience.
There's absolutely nothing wrongwith admitting that you have
fear towards something, or thatyou want to control something
(08:33):
because you are scared.
That is being human.
It takes a very courageousperson to admit that yes, I am
scared of something, and that iswhy I'm trying to control it.
When we deal with the fear, whenwe don't push it away, when we
don't ignore it, when we gethonest with it, we bring it to
the surface, we see it for whatit actually is.
(08:57):
It dissolves the illusion thatfear is, and we can release the
control.
Sometimes it happens quitequickly, sometimes it happens in
stages.
But this is part of learningthat you don't need to do
everything on your own, youcertainly don't need to control
(09:18):
everything, and that bringingother people in and sharing the
weight of something is not onlygoing to feel better for you,
it's going to feel much moresoul fulfilling.
Because when you can achievewith others, this is a next
(09:39):
level of joy.
We're already high achievers.
We've already achieved plenty onour own.
When you can allow someone elsein to help you and you can go on
this journey together and bepresent with the journey, it
brings in a whole nother elementof the process.
(10:01):
Third, how do we make things somuch easier for us?
One, again, we're gonnareiterate is working on the
worthiness piece.
Two, it's releasing control,allowing people to come in and
help you.
And three, it's being safe inyour body.
(10:24):
Many of the high achievers thatI work with are all running in a
survival program.
It is very hard for them torest, even when they are in a
place designed for rest.
If you've ever gone on avacation and you can't seem to
sit still, you go and you tellyourself you're not gonna check
(10:47):
your phone or you're not gonnago on your laptop, which maybe
you shouldn't even bring yourlaptop.
But if you do bring your laptop,uh you find yourself checking
it.
You find yourself going on.
Right?
There's this innate feeling of Ialways need to be going, I
always need to be busy.
That rest is dangerous.
(11:08):
This is a critical piece of thehealing is getting yourself out
of survival, of getting yourbody out of survival.
Because a lot of the highachievers that I work with are
very in their head.
So they like to conceptualizeeverything.
But this isn't the work of thehead.
(11:29):
This is the work of the body.
So whether you're working with abody worker, whether you're
working with someone trained intrauma release of the body,
whether you're doing somatichealing, whether you're doing
work on your own.
We do some of this work in themagnetic leadership accelerator,
but it's very, very importantthat you have a system that
(11:49):
allows you to get out ofsurvival mode so you can finally
know what it feels like to rest,to truly rest and receive.
It's about reprogramming thewhole system, it's about letting
go and reprogramming.
(12:10):
I hope this was helpful.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for always being here.
And as always, let's stayconnected.
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