November 18, 2025 • 29 mins
Send a text with a question you want answered on a podcast episode!!
We explore why midlife often triggers self-sabotage and how it can actually be a signal to realign with your values. We reframe “crisis” as a remembering, map the safety line, and share practical steps to build congruence, safety, and courageous action.
• midlife as remembering rather than crisis
• outgrowing survival-built identities
• inner saboteur and the safety line
• misalignment versus apathy or burnout
• shame reduction by depersonalizing sabotage
• practical signs of subtle self-sabotage
• values-first vision and congruence
• fear versus faith as a daily practice
• client case study on identity work and safety
• accountability and high-leverage actions
Go check out the program page if you're interested. And if it speaks to you, fill out an application and we will be in touch for a connection call
Thanks for Listening! We appreciate you. Sending you love and gratitude.
FOLLOW
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisajeffs/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lisa_jeffs/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lisajeffscoach/
BOOK A TEST-DRIVE CONSULT: https://lisajeffs.youcanbook.me/
FREE Quiz: Learn Your Magnetic Leadership Archetype: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/68a395b0dc92bdc25f49e621
Grab a copy of Action Speaks Louder: https://a.co/d/6DPWZGD
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:15):
Welcome to the show leaders.
Today we're talking about aninteresting subject.
I've talked about sabotage andself-sabotage many times.
It's simply a form ofself-protection.
That's it.
But I haven't really dove intosabotage that can sometimes rear
(00:37):
its head in midlife.
Now, midlife can be differentfor different people.
I've heard people say that theyfeel like they're in midlife in
their 30s, which I can tell youwhen I was in my 30s, I did not
feel like I was in midlife.
Whether you're in your 30s, your40s, your 50s, your 60s, and
(00:57):
you're thinking, okay, I havethe wisdom, I have the
knowledge, I have the education,but why do I feel like I'm
shrinking, maybe delaying,overthinking, sabotaging,
drifting through decisions thatare not aligned, stalling
(01:19):
myself.
What is going on?
If this is something you'reexperiencing, by the way, it is
very normal.
If you've been feeling thistension inside, like you're
meant for more, but you can'treally articulate it.
(01:39):
The old ways of pushing andgrinding and making things
happen, they suddenly stopworking.
Maybe you're questioning yourchoices, you've tried in a way,
and it just doesn't fix thingsanymore.
(02:00):
Then this is a conversation foryou.
We're gonna talk about it.
Before we get into theconversation, shout out to
everyone that is applied to themagnetic leader accelerator.
If you are finding that you'renot where you want to be in your
business, in your career, youpreviously set goals and you
(02:24):
feel like you're not progressingat the speed you want, or you're
not progressing at all, oryou're struggling with the
clarity to really craft avisceral vision that's gonna
pull you forward.
The magnetic leader acceleratorhits on the main points that I
(02:46):
see holds leaders back clarity,confidence, and accountability.
And we're gonna be working in2026, truly going big on the
vision.
Not just big for the sake ofgoing big, but big for the sake
of going aligned, aligned withyour values, aligned with your
(03:09):
desires, releasing thelimitations that hold you back,
and really focusing in onhigh-leverage, courageous
actions.
This is what the program is allabout.
Obviously, as always, mixed withthe evidence-based and the
intuitive, metaphysical, andpractical.
(03:34):
So go check out the program pageif you're interested.
And if it speaks to you, fillout an application and we will
be in touch for a connectioncall.
All right, let's get into this.
So everyone, you know, that'stalked about midlife in prior
(03:56):
years with a lower level ofconsciousness, often talks about
midlife as being a crisis or afreakout, a meltdown, a
collapse.
Oh my God, he bought a Ferrari.
He must be having a midlifecrisis.
Midlife is not a crisis at all.
(04:18):
It is a remembering.
It's a calling back.
It's, oh my God, what have Ibeen doing these last few
decades?
Haven't really been living forme.
Haven't really been tuned in tomy values, what I actually want,
(04:42):
what actually matters to me.
So many of us high achievershave spent so long proving and
doing things to prove we areworthy or prove we are this or
that, whatever it is, whateverwe feel we are lacking, we've
spent so long proving that inour middle season of life, a lot
(05:10):
of that starts to crumble.
And it's a reckoning.
Midlife sabotage often happens,not because things are
completely falling apart, butbecause you've outgrown the
identity that got you here.
(05:30):
You've outgrown it.
And a lot of times you'veoutgrown it a long time ago.
So the strategies that worked inyour twenties, in your early
thirties, they're no longergoing to work.
And a lot of times they're nolonger gonna work because they
(05:53):
were built from survival,self-abandonment, proving,
hustling, people pleasing,perfectionism.
They were built from aperformance version of you.
And midlight is where a lot ofyour soul comes online again and
(06:24):
it's gonna say, you know,enough.
This is not working.
We are not gonna do it like thisanymore.
And it really just depends.
Are you gonna listen to that orare you gonna push it away?
Push it away.
So a lot of the sabotage thathappens is because we are not
(06:52):
congruent with ourselves, right?
We got one part of us going thisway.
We got one part of us trying tokeep ourselves safe.
We got another part going thataway.
And sometimes what happens isnothing happens.
We make no progress on what oursoul is calling us toward
(07:16):
because we're too busy trying tomanage the chaos that is
actually just a distraction.
The inner saboteur is verysneaky and it will create
obstacles, distractions that arenot based in truth and reality.
(07:40):
They are simply a protectivemechanism and it will keep you
exactly where it wants you inyour safety line.
If you're familiar with my work,I talk about the safety line a
lot because the safety line iswhere your body, your mind,
(08:01):
yourself feels safe.
So let's look at the identitythat you've built that is no
longer the identity that youwant to live in.
Success built from performanceor survival has an expiry date.
(08:22):
It's not going to work forever.
I've had clients come to me intheir 40s and 50s, they've
achieved a lot, they've made alot of money, and they're
absolutely miserable.
They are disconnected from theirwork, they feel resentful of all
(08:47):
the expectations that they onceagreed to.
They are exhausted whennothing's even real wrong, but
they feel exhausted.
They're like so exhausted, andthey're bored with the old
version of ambition because itwas never truly fitting.
(09:11):
Sometimes they've just grown outof it, they've passed the
season.
So this is misalignment.
A lot of times people think it'sapathy, or maybe they're
depressed, or they're just goingthrough the motions.
It's typically when we dig in,misalignment.
(09:36):
Your internal identity, right,has already changed.
Your values have changed.
The things that are important toyou have changed, but your
external life, it hasn't caughtup yet.
And you're doing the samethings, but the internal you is
no, this is not fitting anymore.
(09:56):
We don't like this.
But we keep doing it because ourbody, our system, our inner
saboteurs trying to keep us safeand protected.
So it keeps things the same.
It views the same as being safe.
So a lot of times people,they're in their 40s or 50s,
(10:21):
their 50s, they come to me andthey're like, oh, I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm getting older.
I'm getting tired.
No, you're not getting tiredbecause you're aging.
You're tired because for 20years you've been overriding
every signal your body has sentyou.
(10:42):
Your body's saying, no, wedon't, we don't want this, while
at the same time your body istrying to keep you safe.
unknown (10:51):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
It's this vicious cycle that loops around.
This is why it is reallyimportant if sabotage,
self-sabotage is something youexperience to get help, because
there's so many blind spots withsabotage.
One of the reasons why I like tohelp people with sabotage, and I
(11:18):
can get down to the root and mapout a plan very easily is
because I've gone through itmyself.
And it can be very tricky as theblind spots will show themselves
as real when they're not, or theroadblocks, I should say, as
(11:38):
real roadblocks.
But they're not.
They're an illusion.
And they're just an illusion tokeep you safe.
That's it.
So midlife, when you're inmidlife, mid-season, the
midseason of your life, it doesnot tolerate hustling nonstop,
(11:59):
overgiving, emotional labor,proving yourself, performing,
suppressing your needs.
It's not going to cut itanymore.
Your body starts telling you adifferent story.
You suddenly may realize thatyou've been living according to
(12:22):
everyone else's values, but yourown.
And then everything starts toslip, right?
The mask starts to slip.
You start to see things withmore clarity.
You start to ask questions.
What do I want?
(12:43):
What do I not want?
What feels completely dead now?
What feels alive to me?
What can I no longer tolerate?
And this clarity can be quitescary when your life has been
built around a certainframework, a certain identity.
(13:06):
And then you're, ooh, what?
This is not working for meanymore.
I want something else.
I want something else.
And sometimes that somethingelse can feel so big.
It can feel so new and so fresh.
(13:26):
That part of you comes in and isno.
This is not, this isn't gonnawork for us.
This is new.
This is big.
This pushes us out of ourcomfort zone.
And that's where thesesabotaging patterns come in.
Sabotage is just it's a group ofpatterns meant to keep you
(13:49):
exactly how you are.
That's it.
Releasing the shame, because theshame and the judgment that
comes with sabotage is typicallythe worst part of it.
If you can see it as just apattern, it's just something
operating within you that isdoing its job when you don't put
(14:12):
yourself out there, when youdon't take action, when you
don't do the thing, it's doingits job.
That's the only thing it caresabout.
We can start to depersonalizewhat it actually is.
So how it can show up in yourlife is in many different ways.
(14:39):
So it can sneak in subtly withoverthinking every decision,
feeling just a constant lowgrade anxiety, procrastinating
on the things you normally doquite easily.
It can show up as startingprojects and then dropping them.
(15:04):
And a lot of times you're inyour mind, you're gonna have a
reason why you dropped it, andit's gonna be like, oh yeah,
that makes sense.
But it's not actually a validreason, it's simply the pattern
operating.
So you can start to feel like,uh, meh, but the work you used
(15:24):
to love, avoiding opportunitiesthat you used to pray for,
feeling resentful, but you'renot sure why, can look like
self-isolating, shopping,scrolling, overeating to soothe
yourself, distracting yourself.
(15:49):
You might feel like something ismissing, but you can't really
name it, just kind of looparound that thought pattern.
So part of it is there's adeeper part within you, your
soul, why you came here, beyondthe human identity, and it's
(16:09):
trying to move you forward, butyour survival patterns are
trying to keep you safe.
It's like you're ch s someonetrying to pull you forward, and
someone's trying to pull youbackward.
Imagine if you can justvisualize that.
Someone's pulling you one arm,someone's pulling you the other.
What's gonna happen?
(16:29):
You're not gonna really goanywhere.
You're just gonna be in themiddle, in pain, hurting.
The sabotage is the tug of warbetween who you've been and who
you are becoming.
So in midlife, when you'renoticing these patterns, nothing
(16:51):
is wrong with you.
You're not becomingundisciplined or losing your
edge, you're not falling behind.
And it's really important youdon't allow yourself to indulge
in these thought patterns.
And when I say indulge, this isusually the victim shadow
(17:13):
archetype coming out because itloves to indulge in the stories,
and this just perpetuates thesabotage, it continues it.
You're not falling behind, youare awakening.
Sabotage in midlife isn'tsomething you need to fix.
(17:35):
A lot of times, people go in itwith a fixing mentality,
especially if you're a highachiever, you want to fix
things.
It's not about fixing anything,it's about listening to it.
It's your inner knowing comingthrough, saying the old way.
(17:56):
It's not coming with us.
We're not going to self-abandon,we're not gonna prove anymore.
It's time to lead differently,it's time to get clear and truly
honor our real values.
It's time to become the nextversion of you.
(18:18):
Not a better version.
A lot of times the word betteror become my best self is thrown
around in personal development.
It's quite harmful, right?
It often perpetuates this ideathat we're not good enough as we
are right now.
It's not about becoming a betterversion of you, it's becoming
(18:43):
the next version.
You're here to grow and expandand experience life.
So often the resistance is justpart of the rebirth.
The tricky part of it is peoplecan stay in their resistance
way, way too long.
(19:04):
Way, way too long.
People can stay in theresistance for years and years.
And unfortunately, some peoplenever get to where they want to
get because the resistance istoo overpowering.
Can you use your will to breakfree from sabotage?
(19:25):
Yes, you can.
I've done it.
Sheer will, when I've beenabsolutely rock bottom,
literally could not go anylower, or I'd probably be dead
through addiction.
However, a lot of times inmidlife, things aren't rock
(19:46):
bottom, even though they mayseem like rock bottom if you've
experienced somethingchallenging.
But usually they're okay, evenif it's not where you want it to
be, in whatever area comes upfor you.
It's usually not rock bottom.
So that will often isn't strongenough to push you forward,
(20:09):
right?
This is where complacency comesin, right?
Or golden handcuffs, or it'sjust good enough.
And people can get reallycomplacent with that.
So it's truly honoring yourvalues.
What are you here for?
(20:30):
If you're listening to podcasts,you obviously have a desire for
something more.
Not everyone listens to apersonal growth, a development
podcast.
So if you're listening to it,you obviously have a value of
growing and expanding.
And part of that is reallyunderstanding and working
(20:54):
through the resistance.
Because as soon as we let go ofresistance, we close the gap on
where we are to where we want tobe.
And that's part of theexperience here on planet Earth
is seeing resistance for what itis: fear.
(21:16):
That's all it is.
Resistance is simply fear.
You're either in fear or you'rein love.
You can't have fear and faith atthe same time.
You can't be in fear and aninner knowing that all is well
at the same time.
And the path to releasing thesabotaging patterns is leaning
(21:40):
more on the side of faith, moreon the side of love, more on the
inner knowing that you are adivine being here for an
experience, and you can let goof the fear and truly move
forward in the path that yoursoul is calling you towards.
(22:04):
I had a client who was in herlate 40s, very successful,
respected.
Inside, however, she didn't feelgreat.
She had a history of really notseeing her true value, as many
(22:27):
of us have.
It's so easy for us to seeourselves with dirty glasses on
and see all the fault and noneof the good stuff.
And this client would often sayshe should be happier, she
(22:48):
should be further ahead, sheshould be more grateful for what
she's created, but part of whatgot her there was her creating
from what she thought she shouldcreate.
(23:09):
From her ego driving, this formof proving.
And then in the mid-life, shestarted to awaken to something
different, something more.
She started to sabotage hergrowth, things such as missing
(23:34):
deadlines, avoiding calls,starting to fantasize about
leaving everything and runningaway, running away to a mountain
somewhere.
She would doubt herself.
And it was an inner story thatwas happening.
(23:56):
She felt like she was comingapart at the seams, but she
wasn't breaking down.
She was really breaking through.
Part of the work that reallyhelped this client was on deep
identity work, uncovering hertrue values, what she valued,
(24:22):
not what she learned to valuethrough other people's story.
We reconnected her to what lither soul on fire.
I know that sounds a little bitcheesy, but it's true.
And she started to build fromthere.
(24:44):
And one of the hugest parts tothis client's journey was she
started to feel safe.
She started to feel safe movingin the direction, which allowed
her to be in congruence.
Where she was going, herthoughts, her emotions were all
(25:07):
in alignment.
So when you are feeling safe,when you feel worthy, your inner
saboteur does not need to comeon strong and keep you safe
(25:29):
anymore.
So it settles down.
It calms down.
You integrate the innersaboteur.
It's remember, all it is,sabotage is only protection.
That's it.
So you working on getting intoalignment, true alignment with
(25:55):
your values, with your thoughts,with your beliefs.
You start working on your bodyfeeling safe.
You will start moving in thedirection and making progress.
It's not always easy, but thisis the beginning.
(26:19):
Right?
Sabotage is not all always theenemy.
It's often the compass showingyou exactly what needs to be
worked through to get to theother side.
I highly suggest if you've beenin a pattern for a while to get
support, get the support.
Again, it can be challenging todo this on your own because of
(26:43):
the blind spots and because ofthe subtlety that can show up.
It's really helpful to havesomeone shining a spotlight on
certain things that can gounnoticed when you're in these
patterns.
And it's often the things thatkind of go unnoticed, like the
(27:05):
subtle sabotaging patterns thatare the ones that are really
keeping you from experiencingand living the life and the
business or the career that youtruly desire that's calling you
forward in this season of life.
(27:26):
Again, if this is calling youand you want to have a
conversation about the magneticleader accelerator, the magnetic
leader accelerator is yourgateway to understanding what it
takes to achieve your visionfrom the clarity, from the
(27:48):
confidence, from the practical,and from the courageous actions.
It's built to take you through asequence to help you to
understand what are those corevalues that you need to know and
have in place for congruence,your vision, which we develop, a
(28:13):
12-month vision, which iscompletely aligned with those
values.
Because if our vision is notaligned with our values, again,
this is where a lot of sabotagehappens.
And then the accountability toactually take the actions,
because we can do the innerwork, we can do all that stuff,
(28:34):
we can have our vision, but ifwe don't actually have
accountability to take theactions, nothing is gonna
happen.
So it's built on that to reallyhelp get you to the place in
your business or in your workthat is calling you forward.
(28:54):
Leader, I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for listening.
And as always, let's stayconnected.
SPEAKER_00 (29:10):
Big dreams believing in wisdom, we seek and make up
everything that you're lookingfor.
Brought to you by Lisa Jack.
The magnetic leader is done.
Welcome to the show leaders.
Today we're talking about aninteresting subject.
I've talked about sabotage andself-sabotage many times.
It's simply a form ofself-protection.
That's it.
But I haven't really dove intosabotage that can sometimes rear
(00:37):
its head in midlife.
Now, midlife can be differentfor different people.
I've heard people say that theyfeel like they're in midlife in
their 30s, which I can tell youwhen I was in my 30s, I did not
feel like I was in midlife.
Whether you're in your 30s, your40s, your 50s, your 60s, and
(00:57):
you're thinking, okay, I havethe wisdom, I have the
knowledge, I have the education,but why do I feel like I'm
shrinking, maybe delaying,overthinking, sabotaging,
drifting through decisions thatare not aligned, stalling
(01:19):
myself.
What is going on?
If this is something you'reexperiencing, by the way, it is
very normal.
If you've been feeling thistension inside, like you're
meant for more, but you can'treally articulate it.
(01:39):
The old ways of pushing andgrinding and making things
happen, they suddenly stopworking.
Maybe you're questioning yourchoices, you've tried in a way,
and it just doesn't fix thingsanymore.
(02:00):
Then this is a conversation foryou.
We're gonna talk about it.
Before we get into theconversation, shout out to
everyone that is applied to themagnetic leader accelerator.
If you are finding that you'renot where you want to be in your
business, in your career, youpreviously set goals and you
(02:24):
feel like you're not progressingat the speed you want, or you're
not progressing at all, oryou're struggling with the
clarity to really craft avisceral vision that's gonna
pull you forward.
The magnetic leader acceleratorhits on the main points that I
(02:46):
see holds leaders back clarity,confidence, and accountability.
And we're gonna be working in2026, truly going big on the
vision.
Not just big for the sake ofgoing big, but big for the sake
of going aligned, aligned withyour values, aligned with your
(03:09):
desires, releasing thelimitations that hold you back,
and really focusing in onhigh-leverage, courageous
actions.
This is what the program is allabout.
Obviously, as always, mixed withthe evidence-based and the
intuitive, metaphysical, andpractical.
(03:34):
So go check out the program pageif you're interested.
And if it speaks to you, fillout an application and we will
be in touch for a connectioncall.
All right, let's get into this.
So everyone, you know, that'stalked about midlife in prior
(03:56):
years with a lower level ofconsciousness, often talks about
midlife as being a crisis or afreakout, a meltdown, a
collapse.
Oh my God, he bought a Ferrari.
He must be having a midlifecrisis.
Midlife is not a crisis at all.
(04:18):
It is a remembering.
It's a calling back.
It's, oh my God, what have Ibeen doing these last few
decades?
Haven't really been living forme.
Haven't really been tuned in tomy values, what I actually want,
(04:42):
what actually matters to me.
So many of us high achievershave spent so long proving and
doing things to prove we areworthy or prove we are this or
that, whatever it is, whateverwe feel we are lacking, we've
spent so long proving that inour middle season of life, a lot
(05:10):
of that starts to crumble.
And it's a reckoning.
Midlife sabotage often happens,not because things are
completely falling apart, butbecause you've outgrown the
identity that got you here.
(05:30):
You've outgrown it.
And a lot of times you'veoutgrown it a long time ago.
So the strategies that worked inyour twenties, in your early
thirties, they're no longergoing to work.
And a lot of times they're nolonger gonna work because they
(05:53):
were built from survival,self-abandonment, proving,
hustling, people pleasing,perfectionism.
They were built from aperformance version of you.
And midlight is where a lot ofyour soul comes online again and
(06:24):
it's gonna say, you know,enough.
This is not working.
We are not gonna do it like thisanymore.
And it really just depends.
Are you gonna listen to that orare you gonna push it away?
Push it away.
So a lot of the sabotage thathappens is because we are not
(06:52):
congruent with ourselves, right?
We got one part of us going thisway.
We got one part of us trying tokeep ourselves safe.
We got another part going thataway.
And sometimes what happens isnothing happens.
We make no progress on what oursoul is calling us toward
(07:16):
because we're too busy trying tomanage the chaos that is
actually just a distraction.
The inner saboteur is verysneaky and it will create
obstacles, distractions that arenot based in truth and reality.
(07:40):
They are simply a protectivemechanism and it will keep you
exactly where it wants you inyour safety line.
If you're familiar with my work,I talk about the safety line a
lot because the safety line iswhere your body, your mind,
(08:01):
yourself feels safe.
So let's look at the identitythat you've built that is no
longer the identity that youwant to live in.
Success built from performanceor survival has an expiry date.
(08:22):
It's not going to work forever.
I've had clients come to me intheir 40s and 50s, they've
achieved a lot, they've made alot of money, and they're
absolutely miserable.
They are disconnected from theirwork, they feel resentful of all
(08:47):
the expectations that they onceagreed to.
They are exhausted whennothing's even real wrong, but
they feel exhausted.
They're like so exhausted, andthey're bored with the old
version of ambition because itwas never truly fitting.
(09:11):
Sometimes they've just grown outof it, they've passed the
season.
So this is misalignment.
A lot of times people think it'sapathy, or maybe they're
depressed, or they're just goingthrough the motions.
It's typically when we dig in,misalignment.
(09:36):
Your internal identity, right,has already changed.
Your values have changed.
The things that are important toyou have changed, but your
external life, it hasn't caughtup yet.
And you're doing the samethings, but the internal you is
no, this is not fitting anymore.
(09:56):
We don't like this.
But we keep doing it because ourbody, our system, our inner
saboteurs trying to keep us safeand protected.
So it keeps things the same.
It views the same as being safe.
So a lot of times people,they're in their 40s or 50s,
(10:21):
their 50s, they come to me andthey're like, oh, I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm getting older.
I'm getting tired.
No, you're not getting tiredbecause you're aging.
You're tired because for 20years you've been overriding
every signal your body has sentyou.
(10:42):
Your body's saying, no, wedon't, we don't want this, while
at the same time your body istrying to keep you safe.
unknown (10:51):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
It's this vicious cycle that loops around.
This is why it is reallyimportant if sabotage,
self-sabotage is something youexperience to get help, because
there's so many blind spots withsabotage.
One of the reasons why I like tohelp people with sabotage, and I
(11:18):
can get down to the root and mapout a plan very easily is
because I've gone through itmyself.
And it can be very tricky as theblind spots will show themselves
as real when they're not, or theroadblocks, I should say, as
(11:38):
real roadblocks.
But they're not.
They're an illusion.
And they're just an illusion tokeep you safe.
That's it.
So midlife, when you're inmidlife, mid-season, the
midseason of your life, it doesnot tolerate hustling nonstop,
(11:59):
overgiving, emotional labor,proving yourself, performing,
suppressing your needs.
It's not going to cut itanymore.
Your body starts telling you adifferent story.
You suddenly may realize thatyou've been living according to
(12:22):
everyone else's values, but yourown.
And then everything starts toslip, right?
The mask starts to slip.
You start to see things withmore clarity.
You start to ask questions.
What do I want?
(12:43):
What do I not want?
What feels completely dead now?
What feels alive to me?
What can I no longer tolerate?
And this clarity can be quitescary when your life has been
built around a certainframework, a certain identity.
(13:06):
And then you're, ooh, what?
This is not working for meanymore.
I want something else.
I want something else.
And sometimes that somethingelse can feel so big.
It can feel so new and so fresh.
(13:26):
That part of you comes in and isno.
This is not, this isn't gonnawork for us.
This is new.
This is big.
This pushes us out of ourcomfort zone.
And that's where thesesabotaging patterns come in.
Sabotage is just it's a group ofpatterns meant to keep you
(13:49):
exactly how you are.
That's it.
Releasing the shame, because theshame and the judgment that
comes with sabotage is typicallythe worst part of it.
If you can see it as just apattern, it's just something
operating within you that isdoing its job when you don't put
(14:12):
yourself out there, when youdon't take action, when you
don't do the thing, it's doingits job.
That's the only thing it caresabout.
We can start to depersonalizewhat it actually is.
So how it can show up in yourlife is in many different ways.
(14:39):
So it can sneak in subtly withoverthinking every decision,
feeling just a constant lowgrade anxiety, procrastinating
on the things you normally doquite easily.
It can show up as startingprojects and then dropping them.
(15:04):
And a lot of times you're inyour mind, you're gonna have a
reason why you dropped it, andit's gonna be like, oh yeah,
that makes sense.
But it's not actually a validreason, it's simply the pattern
operating.
So you can start to feel like,uh, meh, but the work you used
(15:24):
to love, avoiding opportunitiesthat you used to pray for,
feeling resentful, but you'renot sure why, can look like
self-isolating, shopping,scrolling, overeating to soothe
yourself, distracting yourself.
(15:49):
You might feel like something ismissing, but you can't really
name it, just kind of looparound that thought pattern.
So part of it is there's adeeper part within you, your
soul, why you came here, beyondthe human identity, and it's
(16:09):
trying to move you forward, butyour survival patterns are
trying to keep you safe.
It's like you're ch s someonetrying to pull you forward, and
someone's trying to pull youbackward.
Imagine if you can justvisualize that.
Someone's pulling you one arm,someone's pulling you the other.
What's gonna happen?
(16:29):
You're not gonna really goanywhere.
You're just gonna be in themiddle, in pain, hurting.
The sabotage is the tug of warbetween who you've been and who
you are becoming.
So in midlife, when you'renoticing these patterns, nothing
(16:51):
is wrong with you.
You're not becomingundisciplined or losing your
edge, you're not falling behind.
And it's really important youdon't allow yourself to indulge
in these thought patterns.
And when I say indulge, this isusually the victim shadow
(17:13):
archetype coming out because itloves to indulge in the stories,
and this just perpetuates thesabotage, it continues it.
You're not falling behind, youare awakening.
Sabotage in midlife isn'tsomething you need to fix.
(17:35):
A lot of times, people go in itwith a fixing mentality,
especially if you're a highachiever, you want to fix
things.
It's not about fixing anything,it's about listening to it.
It's your inner knowing comingthrough, saying the old way.
(17:56):
It's not coming with us.
We're not going to self-abandon,we're not gonna prove anymore.
It's time to lead differently,it's time to get clear and truly
honor our real values.
It's time to become the nextversion of you.
(18:18):
Not a better version.
A lot of times the word betteror become my best self is thrown
around in personal development.
It's quite harmful, right?
It often perpetuates this ideathat we're not good enough as we
are right now.
It's not about becoming a betterversion of you, it's becoming
(18:43):
the next version.
You're here to grow and expandand experience life.
So often the resistance is justpart of the rebirth.
The tricky part of it is peoplecan stay in their resistance
way, way too long.
(19:04):
Way, way too long.
People can stay in theresistance for years and years.
And unfortunately, some peoplenever get to where they want to
get because the resistance istoo overpowering.
Can you use your will to breakfree from sabotage?
(19:25):
Yes, you can.
I've done it.
Sheer will, when I've beenabsolutely rock bottom,
literally could not go anylower, or I'd probably be dead
through addiction.
However, a lot of times inmidlife, things aren't rock
(19:46):
bottom, even though they mayseem like rock bottom if you've
experienced somethingchallenging.
But usually they're okay, evenif it's not where you want it to
be, in whatever area comes upfor you.
It's usually not rock bottom.
So that will often isn't strongenough to push you forward,
(20:09):
right?
This is where complacency comesin, right?
Or golden handcuffs, or it'sjust good enough.
And people can get reallycomplacent with that.
So it's truly honoring yourvalues.
What are you here for?
(20:30):
If you're listening to podcasts,you obviously have a desire for
something more.
Not everyone listens to apersonal growth, a development
podcast.
So if you're listening to it,you obviously have a value of
growing and expanding.
And part of that is reallyunderstanding and working
(20:54):
through the resistance.
Because as soon as we let go ofresistance, we close the gap on
where we are to where we want tobe.
And that's part of theexperience here on planet Earth
is seeing resistance for what itis: fear.
(21:16):
That's all it is.
Resistance is simply fear.
You're either in fear or you'rein love.
You can't have fear and faith atthe same time.
You can't be in fear and aninner knowing that all is well
at the same time.
And the path to releasing thesabotaging patterns is leaning
(21:40):
more on the side of faith, moreon the side of love, more on the
inner knowing that you are adivine being here for an
experience, and you can let goof the fear and truly move
forward in the path that yoursoul is calling you towards.
(22:04):
I had a client who was in herlate 40s, very successful,
respected.
Inside, however, she didn't feelgreat.
She had a history of really notseeing her true value, as many
(22:27):
of us have.
It's so easy for us to seeourselves with dirty glasses on
and see all the fault and noneof the good stuff.
And this client would often sayshe should be happier, she
(22:48):
should be further ahead, sheshould be more grateful for what
she's created, but part of whatgot her there was her creating
from what she thought she shouldcreate.
(23:09):
From her ego driving, this formof proving.
And then in the mid-life, shestarted to awaken to something
different, something more.
She started to sabotage hergrowth, things such as missing
(23:34):
deadlines, avoiding calls,starting to fantasize about
leaving everything and runningaway, running away to a mountain
somewhere.
She would doubt herself.
And it was an inner story thatwas happening.
(23:56):
She felt like she was comingapart at the seams, but she
wasn't breaking down.
She was really breaking through.
Part of the work that reallyhelped this client was on deep
identity work, uncovering hertrue values, what she valued,
(24:22):
not what she learned to valuethrough other people's story.
We reconnected her to what lither soul on fire.
I know that sounds a little bitcheesy, but it's true.
And she started to build fromthere.
(24:44):
And one of the hugest parts tothis client's journey was she
started to feel safe.
She started to feel safe movingin the direction, which allowed
her to be in congruence.
Where she was going, herthoughts, her emotions were all
(25:07):
in alignment.
So when you are feeling safe,when you feel worthy, your inner
saboteur does not need to comeon strong and keep you safe
(25:29):
anymore.
So it settles down.
It calms down.
You integrate the innersaboteur.
It's remember, all it is,sabotage is only protection.
That's it.
So you working on getting intoalignment, true alignment with
(25:55):
your values, with your thoughts,with your beliefs.
You start working on your bodyfeeling safe.
You will start moving in thedirection and making progress.
It's not always easy, but thisis the beginning.
(26:19):
Right?
Sabotage is not all always theenemy.
It's often the compass showingyou exactly what needs to be
worked through to get to theother side.
I highly suggest if you've beenin a pattern for a while to get
support, get the support.
Again, it can be challenging todo this on your own because of
(26:43):
the blind spots and because ofthe subtlety that can show up.
It's really helpful to havesomeone shining a spotlight on
certain things that can gounnoticed when you're in these
patterns.
And it's often the things thatkind of go unnoticed, like the
(27:05):
subtle sabotaging patterns thatare the ones that are really
keeping you from experiencingand living the life and the
business or the career that youtruly desire that's calling you
forward in this season of life.
(27:26):
Again, if this is calling youand you want to have a
conversation about the magneticleader accelerator, the magnetic
leader accelerator is yourgateway to understanding what it
takes to achieve your visionfrom the clarity, from the
(27:48):
confidence, from the practical,and from the courageous actions.
It's built to take you through asequence to help you to
understand what are those corevalues that you need to know and
have in place for congruence,your vision, which we develop, a
(28:13):
12-month vision, which iscompletely aligned with those
values.
Because if our vision is notaligned with our values, again,
this is where a lot of sabotagehappens.
And then the accountability toactually take the actions,
because we can do the innerwork, we can do all that stuff,
(28:34):
we can have our vision, but ifwe don't actually have
accountability to take theactions, nothing is gonna
happen.
So it's built on that to reallyhelp get you to the place in
your business or in your workthat is calling you forward.
(28:54):
Leader, I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for listening.
And as always, let's stayconnected.
SPEAKER_00 (29:10):
Big dreams believing in wisdom, we seek and make up
everything that you're lookingfor.
Brought to you by Lisa Jack.
The magnetic leader is done.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.