January 23, 2024 • 53 mins
Discover the intricacies of human connection as we navigate the subtle dance of communication, where every gesture and word can open doors or build walls between us. Our journey begins with a reflection on two high school students whose lives diverge due to their contrasting abilities to express themselves effectively. Their story is a powerful reminder that our paths are often paved by the quality of our interactions with those around us. As we dissect the art of communication, we'll uncover the pivotal role empathy plays and how nonverbal cues can speak volumes, often louder than words.
Have you ever contemplated how your body language might be shaping the narrative of your interactions without a single word being spoken? This episode peels back the curtain on the silent conversations we have every day, exploring how our stance, gestures, and expressions can comfort or challenge, sometimes without our conscious intent. We'll also tackle the cultural tapestry that colors our exchanges and the delicate balance needed to navigate these diverse waters with respect and understanding. Through practical insights and candid discussions, we're equipping you with the tools to communicate with confidence across any cultural divide.
Wrapping up our exploration, we sit down with the heartbeat behind Seller 54, where passion for wine and storytelling intertwine. In an intimate chat with the owner, we're uncorking the rich history and personal tales that have shaped this boutique brand into my personal favorite. It's a conversation that illustrates the profound link between our passions and how we share them with the world. So, pour yourself a glass and join us for a toast to the myriad ways we connect, convey, and captivate through the power of communication.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Take a breath, let's dive in.
I am not perfect and we allhave things we need to work on,
(00:21):
and that's okay.
One of the areas that I ampersonally focusing on is how to
communicate more effectively,and I think that most people in
general have that same issue.
Communication isn't simply justsaying something and that is
(00:42):
the end, all be all.
Communication is listening andalso comprehending, and there is
an equal exchange, becausewithout a certain level of
understanding, then we cease toget our point across.
(01:08):
Communication is also trust.
When you trust someone, youtend to listen more to what they
have to say.
Communication is such a dynamicthing to think about and it's
(01:29):
nuanced and it's multifaceted.
For example, in a professionalenvironment, you may have a
mixed demographic of age groups.
Maybe you have to work with alady that is 60 years old or a
gentleman that is 80 years old.
In corporate America today, howI communicate with that person
(01:49):
or those people is vastlydifferent than how I communicate
with an 18 year old or a 25year old.
Like I can say, dude, I can saywhat's up to younger people,
but even in the professionalenvironment, I didn't have to
change how I speak to beunderstood If I don't say yes,
(02:12):
ma'am, or yes, sir, regardlessif I'm the superior of someone
else, it's taken as a form ofdisrespect.
So you have to navigate thosesocial situations and know that
you have to cater to youraudience in order to get your
point across.
(02:33):
Sometimes you have to be roundabout with the younger
generation, because if you shootstraight they don't listen,
because more times than noteverything's about feelings.
And you know, for the oldergeneration they may say, well,
facts don't care about feelings.
But again, if the point is tobe understood, then you have to
(02:57):
speak to your audience.
How they understand you, and alot of the times that's how you
end up with toxic communications, because people may yell,
people may talk at you asopposed to talking to you, and
maybe they don't actively listenor even allow you to rebuttal.
(03:19):
But we'll go back into thatlater on when we on the matter
of toxic communication.
But for now we're just going tofocus on this communication in
general and how communicationcan drastically alter your life,
even if you've done nothingwrong.
(03:43):
Here's an example.
Say that you have two studentsin high school and one of them
is extremely athletic and whenit comes to academics they're a
stellar performer and they makeroughly 90 to 100 on their tests
(04:07):
, homework, assignments and soforth.
However, when it comes to groupprojects and, excuse me, when
it comes to group projects, whenit comes to class participation
, they falter in that areaBecause they don't know how to.
(04:27):
Maybe they're nervous whenthey're in groups, maybe they're
shy, so they don't participateat the same level as the other
students and maybe they don'traise their hand and engage with
the teacher as often as theother students.
Regardless, their academicmerits are still 90 to 100.
(04:48):
That student has now lost 25%of their entire great average
because of the fact that they donot participate in the class or
engage enough.
On the other hand, you haveanother student that is not as
(05:10):
academically gifted not, as youknow, as not a stellar performer
when in when matters of sports,they're not.
They lack physicality.
However, they're charismatic,they're charming, they know how
to speak very well, they aresociable and they engage with
(05:31):
all the other students and onaverage maybe they get a 78%.
You know, 75, 78% average onhomework, assignments and and so
forth.
Well, 25% of their overallgrade is based on participation
and that C student just becamean A student because of class
(05:55):
participation.
At the end of the day, onecommunicated better and so life
favored them more because theyknew how to engage with people.
They knew how to connect andmaybe that person that could
connect more they're notnecessarily qualified, they just
(06:16):
have a better personality theperson that was more qualified
they got left behind.
Neither person did anythingwrong, it's just that one could
connect and we can connect andform relationship relationships.
Life tends to favors you more,the people that are more
(06:39):
outgoing.
They tend to be better publicspeakers.
You know everyone likes theperson that.
They know that when they talkto them they feel understood and
they can form relationshipswith.
People don't tend to enjoy thecompany of others that there's
awkward silence or they feellike there's tension or it just
(07:02):
feels unnerving because youdon't know how to relate to the
other person.
When you can't relate tosomething, what do you do?
You avoid it, but again, in thesnare that I just mentioned,
neither person did anythingwrong, but the world is going to
perceive one as being better,and the one that's going to be
(07:27):
perceived as better is the onethat can be heard more, not the
shy one.
As I mentioned earlier,communication has to also deal
with trust, and it's amazingthat the other day I encountered
(07:49):
something that was kind ofprofound and I laughed at it in
the moment until I saw it cometo light.
So a friend of mine was tellingme that their mom makes their
dad die their beard and Ilaughed and I said, you know, if
I was older I would love tojust be gray, or you know, I
(08:14):
can't wait until I start havingthat pepper-hered.
Look, I know I'm 15 years awayfrom that, but I'm looking
forward to it personally.
And in that moment, yes, youknow, we laughed and we joked
about it.
And then I saw one of myneighbors that I hadn't seen in
a while and I said, man, yourbeard looks like it's darker
(08:38):
than mine.
And he told me that his wifealso told him to dye his beard.
And that kind of added to thisepisode, because I realized
something Both people dyingtheir beard weren't dying their
beard for them, they were dyingtheir beard for their
(09:00):
significant other.
Because the truth of the matteris it's a roundabout way of
saying, if I'm dyeing my hairand my hair has color and it's
not gray, and your hair is gray,then the world knows how old I
(09:21):
am, by proxy of you.
So, instead of the significantother saying I don't want the
world to know how old I reallyam, they go hey, husband, dye
your beard, because that can bea touchy subject for some people
(09:42):
.
Some people don't want to getolder and they don't want
everyone to know how old theyare.
And yeah, and everyone has adifferent viewpoint on that, but
it would take a great level ofsecurity to tell your
significant other that I wantyou to dye your beard because I
(10:03):
want to feel young.
That's where communication andtrust is important, because you
want to trust that when you saysomething to another human being
, that one, they're activelylistening and two, if you say
(10:23):
something, you're not going tobe hurt by being vulnerable.
And trust is such a key part inthat.
Being vulnerable is to be nakedand to just let someone know
you're in security.
That's scary, I know.
(10:49):
I myself.
One of the areas that I thinkthat I struggle in is
professionally speaking.
I communicate very well, I getmy point across and I speak to
individuals how they need to bespoken to.
In my personal life, I realizethat sometimes I tend to over
talk.
You know people sometimes and Icut them off, and I do it
(11:13):
because I'm so excited becauseI'm always busy, I'm always
doing things and I feel likeeverything that's in my head I
just want to get it out becauseI hadn't seen my friends or
maybe a family member in so longthat I tend to occupy most of
the conversation and I realizethat now I have to kind of reel
that in a little bit to give theother person more time to get
(11:36):
their thoughts out and that justas I'm excited, they're excited
too and in order to reciprocatethat, I care I need to just
shut up sometimes so that theycan have room to breathe and
talk, and when I'm over talkingthem, I'm cutting off how they
(11:59):
feel, I'm cutting off theirsense of security and it makes
it seem like I'm selfish.
Probably it also makes it seemlike I'm self-centered or that
it's all about me, and I had totake some time to think about
that and my conclusion is that Ineed to slow down when speaking
(12:23):
to people closest to me andtreat it as if it was my
professional in my professionallife and I'm working and I'm
growing in that area.
But I'm happy that I'm workingon it now because I see that so
many people are struggling in itand I know that I'm not the
(12:43):
only one and communication isdifferent for every human being.
I had the privilege of learningabout the art of rhetoric, the
art of public speaking, and hadamazing professors to help me
become a great professionalspeaker, but not a great
(13:07):
personal speaker in my everydaylife.
And, yes, it's nice when youcan deliver a speech.
It's nice when you feelcomfortable in your own skin
talking to strangers and howeasy it may be.
But then the people closest toyou it's harder to communicate
(13:28):
with them at times because theyknow who you are.
Think about how vulnerable youfeel just to stare in someone's
eyes Like anyone you could beyour best friend.
Try staring into their eyes.
Just look into their eyes for30 seconds, see how unnerving
that is, and that's your bestfriend, you know.
Or or your significant others.
It just makes you feel nakedand that's a scary place to be.
(13:52):
All right, let's switch gears abit.
If Communication is Not yourstrong suit, let's go into Five
areas in which I think it canhelp you.
It's helping me currently as wespeak, and if something works,
(14:15):
I like to share it with othersso they can have it as a benefit
in their life.
So we're gonna start off with.
If you want to be an effectivecommunicator, you have to
actively Listen to the personyou are speaking to or the
groups of people you're speakingwith.
It's important to pay attentionand genuinely understand, know
(14:39):
what the other person is sayingwithout interrupting.
Does someone speaking?
Let them speak and don't justRush in and cut them off.
I'm guilty of that personally,and the reason being is that by
you allowing someone to get itall out, it helps to build
rapport.
You know the other person cantruly feel like you know what.
(15:03):
You're not interrupting me.
I can now trust you and alsoGive you the same respect that
you have given me, and in theperfect world, that's hard work.
I'm not saying that it'sperfect, but chances are.
If you take the moral highground and Always Choose to
(15:26):
listen, you're not interrupt.
You can always understand wherethe other person is coming from
.
Secondly, and you always want tobe clear and concise in your
messaging, be straightforwardand you want to avoid
unnecessary jargon, and whatjargon is is basically people
(15:48):
who Speak in certainterminologies that are specific
to them.
So if you are a Doctor and youonly use medical terms and
you're speaking to an everydayperson and Instead of saying you
know you say cardiac arrest asopposed to saying heart attack,
then Most people might not knowwhat cardiac cardiac arrest is,
(16:13):
but most people may know what aheart attack is.
So that's why clear and concisemessaging is important.
The other component to and I'lldive into this more later is
nonverbal communication.
Your body language, your facialexpressions, gestures those are
(16:36):
also messages that can Indicatewhether or not you're paying
attention.
If someone's speaking to youand you're on your phone, that
might not be a good, good way tosay that hey, I'm listening to
you.
It's important to be aware of,you know these things, because
Sometimes they completelycontradict the message that
(16:58):
you're trying to have the otherperson receive.
I Think that Empathy also getsoverlooked when we're
communicating with others,understanding and sharing
feelings you know of otherpeople.
It really enhances thecommunications because if you're
coming from the viewpoint of Iunderstand, and that
(17:25):
understanding is is conveyed,then chances are you know you
have.
The goal is to build trust andI think that outcome is more
than likely guaranteed.
It's not always going to bePerfect, but empathy definitely
(17:46):
helps when resolving conflicts,because if you don't understand
me, I don't understand you, thenwe have resolved nothing, we
have built nothing and we aregoing nowhere.
And, lastly, feedback isessential.
When someone's speaking to you,you want to always give them
(18:08):
feedback.
You know this can help theperson that's giving you
information.
Or if you're giving theminformation, it you're getting
the clarification.
You know the clarification,it's okay, this is how I think,
or this is how I feel.
And or you know, or saying, Idon't understand.
You know you're letting theperson know that, hey, more
(18:30):
information is needed.
Or you know let's dive deeper.
Or or you're saying, or you cansay that, hey, I got it,
message received.
In either way, the feedbackportion of speaking with someone
is essential, because that'show the resolution takes place.
Whatever the resolution is,resolution doesn't necessarily
(18:52):
mean that two individuals or agroup of people are having a
fight with each other.
The resolution means that wehave left the situation with
full understanding of what wasbeing conveyed, and that's
important.
So I definitely want to takethe time to go into um things
(19:13):
that lead to toxiccommunications or create toxic
communication.
Before that, though, I want todive back into nonverbal
communication and how that cansignificantly impact verbal
communication in multiple ways.
You know, as I was sayingearlier, you know nonverbal
(19:37):
communication can eitherreinforce or contradict the
message that someone is tryingto to communicate.
You know nonverbal cues can.
They can either reinforce whata person's verbally saying or it
could just be like the the bombthat goes off right.
For example, a person might saythey're I'm doing great, I'm
(20:01):
fine, and you know their facialexpressions saying I'm red, hot
like a chili pepper.
You know it.
It it can add emotions, likenonverbal communication can
sometimes Be out of emotionalcontext.
You know the tone of your voice.
(20:21):
Your body language can helpexpress feelings like happiness
or anger, or like I'm surprised,afraid, or you know, or many
other things.
So what are you doing thosesituations?
You have to be aware of whatyour body is doing when you're
speaking to people.
You know if you're talking tosomeone and you're not looking
(20:44):
them in the eye or you seemdistracted, what kind of message
are you trying to say?
But regardless, wheneversomeone's speaking to you,
they're, they're Looking at youfor reassurance and they want to
feel like they're being heard.
So it's important to be awareof whatever your nonverbal cues
(21:07):
are or what your body is doingwhen you're speaking to other
people.
You know Nonverbalcommunication can reveal the
nature of relationships betweenpeople.
You know, for example, thedispens, you know, people
maintain between each other.
Their body, language, bodyorientation and touch can
(21:29):
indicate a level of comfort orintimacy or dominance.
You know, there, there are sometimes and I'm sure you know
we've seen this in passing thattwo individuals are speaking and
it's as if One person is tryingto make themselves as small as
possible and the other personmay be trying to make themselves
as large as possible, andthat's, you know, messaging in
(21:53):
itself, and we could look at itas one person is being dominant
and the other person is beingdominated, or the other person
may seem, you know, like they'rebeing controlled or what have
you.
This is again the outsider'sperspective, but how we speak,
in our, in our body, gestures,they, they also convey a message
(22:15):
, and we want to always be awareof what that message is, is
conveying or how it can beperceived.
Here's a few tips that I wouldlike to share that could enhance
Some positive communication.
(22:36):
You know, when speaking withothers, it's important to
Remember that communication is atwo-way street.
One person cannot dominate aconversation.
Multitasking when, whenspeaking with other people, can
be seen as being disrespectful.
You want to give individualsyour undivided attention at all
(23:01):
times when you know you'retalking with another person or
groups of people.
Clarity is important andsometimes, when You're too wordy
, it may seem as though You'retrying to To not be genuine or
(23:21):
you don't know how to, how toget your point across.
Simplicity is important when acomplication, when a
conversation is overly complex,that means the message is not
being received and thereforeunderstanding is not being had.
(23:44):
And listening Doesn't justinvolve you know you just
responding to something, becauseIf you're just responding, that
means you're hearing.
Remember, listening Meansunderstanding, listening means
attentiveness and listeningultimately also means care.
So there has to be an ethic ofcare involved to actively listen
(24:10):
.
And when we were speaking aboutnonverbal cues and body
languages, if you're Foldingyour arms while listening, or
folding your arms whilesomeone's speaking to you, that
means you're closed off from it.
Your body language is conveyingthat I don't want to hear this,
I don't.
But if I'm open, my arms areopen.
(24:32):
That means I'm also Open toreceive whatever it is that
you're trying to give me or ortrying to convey for lack of
know, a better terminology.
And we also have to take intoconsideration cultural
differences when we talk topeople.
I think that's something that'scompletely overlooked in
(24:55):
communication in general iscultural differences.
You know, maybe the culturaldifferences is simply a
difference in age, or it couldbe a difference in race or
ethnicity, and we have to beaware of those things.
In some cultures it's and I'vementioned this before it's not
polite to stare someone in theeyes right, and so you have to
(25:16):
be aware of that.
Maybe that's why someonedoesn't want to talk to you,
because they feel like you'redisrespecting them.
Some cultures, people, don'tshake hands, and so we have to
be culturally aware of who isaround us, because everyone's
equally important and everyoneyou know gets to have a say.
(25:39):
You never want someone leavingfeeling that they're not valued
because you're not acknowledgingthe cultural differences
between the individuals.
And sure you can have themindset and mentality that well,
this is America.
But at the end of the day,america is a melting pot and so
(26:00):
long as everyone is here, wehave to get along with each
other.
So you might as well not try todisrespect an individual if it
can be avoided.
So cultural the differencesdefinitely matter.
You know, you have to rememberthat you can't speak to everyone
the same way, and culturaldifferences could also mean that
(26:23):
we're all the same race, butthe generation, the generational
gap, separates the things thatwe like.
So, you know, if you're aperson that's 25 years old and
you're in a working environmentwhere everyone's a baby boomer,
chances are you can't just talkabout video games.
(26:43):
You have to talk about thingsthat everyone kind of have an
understanding of, because theage gap separates us and our
experience separates us and wecould be of the same race, but
that doesn't matter because westill have our own cultural
differences, regardless of whatour races are.
(27:07):
You know, in preparing for thisepisode, I started to think
about marketing and branding andthings of that nature, and I've
realized that throughouthistory, communication is
something that has always beenweaponized, whether we know it
(27:28):
or not.
Communication is a weapon, andweaponizing communication
essentially means that usingcommunication strategies or like
information with the intent toharm or manipulate others.
What I must emphasize that thisis unethical, because it
(27:49):
completely is unethical.
It's important to understandthat these tactics exist and you
have to be aware of them sothat you can protect who you are
, you know, as a person and inthose you love, and you can't
protect or understand somethingunless you take the time to
study it, for example,propaganda.
You know, in this case, thisinvolves spreading information,
(28:12):
specifically, that's biased innature, right, and everyone
knows that.
It's biased and misleading andit influences people's attitudes
, their beliefs, their actions,and this is mostly in political
context.
And, you know, the mostimportant thing is to be aware
of the fact that you're not justa person.
(28:32):
You're a person who has a lotof connections, and this is
mostly in political context.
And you know, the most famousexample of this is is Hitler's
Germany.
That's the perfect example ofhow propaganda can be used.
The second you know context inwhich it's commonly used is the
(29:01):
young Americans that signed up.
That, you know, to be a part ofthe Second World War.
You had teenagers ready to go.
It wasn't just because of adraft, there were people who
were ready to go.
Not saying it's good or bad,I'm just saying that propaganda.
(29:22):
Look at, look at diamonds.
You know diamonds are a girl'sbest friend.
The information and who we areas people today came from
somewhere.
Things that we believe, the waywe shop, communication.
Something was communicated tous and we live those things.
(29:44):
You know.
A new terminology that's, youknow, came up in recent years as
well is gaslighting, andgaslighting, you know, this is
simply a form of psychologicalmanipulation where someone tries
to make another person doubttheir own perception, memories
(30:06):
or sanity, and this can be donethrough constant denial of facts
, dismissal of feelings ortesting of information.
Again, I'm sure we all knowsomeone that does this, and if
we don't, it's important to beaware that people do these
(30:27):
things in our everyday lives,and this is just regular
communication that we may noteven realize that it's taking
place.
Sometimes you go around anindividual and you don't know
why is it that whenever you'rearound them you feel uplifted
and inspired and you feel likeyou could accomplish anything.
And there are other times yougo around an individual and you
(30:50):
feel constricted.
You feel like your thoughts arenot where they need to be.
You feel constrained or youfeel small or you don't feel
free.
You feel as though you can't beyourself.
Maybe that's being taken place,you know, in different forms of
(31:14):
communication.
You know like someone dogwhistling and this could be a
coded message that you know isinnocent to some people of a
different generation, but itcould completely mean something
different for someone that's,you know, being targeted.
It's definitely one of thosethings that I personally think
(31:37):
it's dumb, but it does happen.
I mean, there's also characterassassination and this involves
like simple things, like in any,whether it's the work
environment or a high school, or, you know, a playground in the
(31:59):
kindergarten.
You know when someone spreadrumors or lies or just tell half
truths to damage the reputationof another person or group, and
this is done in a lot ofpersonal relationships.
You know, when you have a largefriend groups, this is done in
the workplace or in a publicsphere, like you know college.
(32:19):
You know where maybe you'rejust succeeding a little bit
better than everyone else aroundyou, and so the rumors ensue,
the choppy down a peg.
If you know what's going on,then you know how to handle it
better.
(32:41):
And some people, whether it'spolitically speaking or
professionally speaking, theyuse fear mongering in order to
be in power.
So instead of someone buildingup, you know, a relationship of
understanding and trust andrespect, what they do is they
(33:04):
tell you worst case scenarios.
They tell you things to makeyou always on edge so they can
constantly be in control, andthat's abusive.
But let's just be honest witheach other.
Everyone I'm sure that mostpeople knows circumstances in
which there's someone thatalways tells you worst case
(33:24):
scenario, as if that's the worstcase scenario, and it's the
only scenario that is possible,and you do everything, you work
faster or you do more becausesomeone told you something that
man, the consequences of notgetting this thing done or not
getting it done fast enough isit's going to be devastating,
(33:45):
it's toward detriment and that'salso manipulation.
But again, it's something thatwe face in our everyday lives.
Now I want everyone to rememberthat communication should be
(34:05):
used to build understanding andtrust and respect and not to
manipulate and harm others.
It's important to identify likethese things, like when you see
them, and be like you know whatthat's gaslighting, you know
what that's fear mongering.
Oh, this commercial isdefinitely propaganda.
(34:26):
The things that we see and thethings that we say and the
things that we hear, sometimesthey're a lot bigger than what
we make them out to be.
You know, I'd like to conveythat and all of the schooling
(34:55):
that I've ever done and I'm suremost people have done, and
there's far more people that aremore qualified and will verse
to speak on this, the subject ofcommunication, than myself, and
I'm acutely aware of that.
But rarely have I ever comeacross, and I don't think that I
(35:15):
have come across that in any ofthe communication classes that
I've taken or leadership classesthat I've taken, I don't think
that any of them have evermentioned introspection and or
communicating with yourself.
And I'm not referring to thepeople who talk to themselves
(35:39):
and then respond out loud.
It's not what I'm referring to.
What I am talking about is if weare able to communicate what
with ourselves, effectivelymeaning we know what we want, we
know what we don't like, we areconfident in the things that we
(36:06):
believe and we have the toughconversations with ourselves,
like, for example, if I say, amI a good communicator?
That's me having a conversationwith myself.
I don't know.
Let me analyze this.
Oh, yes, I cut people off whenthat I'm close to, when I'm
talking to them.
That's not good communication.
Okay, how did I arrive to thatpoint?
(36:28):
I arrived there by askingmyself that question Am I
financially versed?
Let's see.
I believe in saving, I believein investing, I do the necessary
things to have a great future.
Okay, I asked myself a question.
(36:49):
I internalized, I reflected, Iwas able to come to the
conclusion that, yes, butcommunication has to start with
you.
The more self-aware that youare is, the better your
communication is going to bewith others.
(37:10):
Then the expression thatself-love is important, but love
starts with you, and if youdon't love yourself, you cannot
love others, because love has tocome from you.
Therefore, my conclusion is ifyou cannot communicate with
yourself, how can youcommunicate with others?
If you don't know who you are,if you don't know what it is
(37:35):
that you want, how can someoneelse know those things?
If you're lost, you're theperfect target for someone to
gaslight.
You're the perfect target forsomeone to use fear mongering
tactics against.
You're the perfect specimen forpropaganda, because you don't
(38:01):
think internally.
How does my actions affectthose around me?
What do I believe in?
Where do I stand?
What are my boundaries?
If you're not asking yourselfthese questions?
That also goes in line withmaybe that's why your New Year's
(38:22):
resolution never come true, andyou know.
What's also important is thatnot everyone is going to be able
to give some immaculate speech.
Not everyone speaks eloquently,that's true, but there is
(38:42):
someone that does whatever it isthat you do better than you.
Maybe watch a couple of YouTubevideos on how to navigate,
communicating in the workplace.
Youtube's available, tiktok'savailable.
All these resources areavailable.
Maybe you don't understand that.
(39:05):
You know you're bad atcommunicating, and you do you
are, but you know that someoneelse is better than you.
Maybe ask them what they dothat you don't, you know.
I believe in a system of havinga coach and I believe in going
to those who know more than I doand surrounding myself with
(39:28):
people like that.
They're far better and I thinkthat lowers the times of take
for me to get to where I need tobe.
I'm not perfect by any meanswhen it comes to communicating,
and I'm working on being betterbecause I want those they're in
my personal life to have thesame level of appreciation that
(39:53):
those in my professional life do, because, at the end of the day
, they're not perfect, becauseat the end of the day, they
matter more.
So we have to think about that.
You know, as I mentioned in aprevious episode, that in every
(40:18):
episode that I release, my goalis also to share a story about
life experiences that I've had,because I want all of you to
have a deeper understanding ofwho I am.
My aim is to have my platformgrow so I have the strength
(40:40):
numerical strength and reach toconfront the things in society
or in my personal life that I'mnot at the level to do as of yet
, and so, in being as honest asI possibly can be, my aim is to
(41:01):
grow with all of you out there.
I'm relatively still new tothis podcasting thing, but I
think that people tend to likethings they understand and,
again, my goal is to beunderstood, and so, being that
(41:23):
this episode is aboutcommunication, I would like to
share a story aboutcommunication with you In one of
my internships.
I was a paid internship and itpaid very well and, being on the
younger side of things, whenyou're being paid well, it's a
(41:48):
great feeling, because now wecan.
You know, I've always been asaver and, regardless of the
fact that it was an internship,I still worked full time.
I still went to college fulltime and I interned full time as
well.
I wasn't dating anyone.
I just had school, the gym andmy job, internship.
(42:13):
So I was literally.
I was not spending money, I wassimply just making money and
starting out.
The internship wasn't bad initself.
The corporation wasn't bad.
It was actually a greatcorporation and it was
(42:34):
relatively new as well, so ithad a lot of life and vibrancy.
I think where the corporationwent wrong was with their lower
leadership, everyone in thehigher leadership positions.
They were seasoned, they had,you know, multiple job
(42:58):
experiences in the financialindustry and that's where it was
.
It was in the financialindustry and confidence that
comes with people who haveexperience in what they do and
they're great at what they dogenuinely, and when they speak,
you actively listen, becauseit's like being given gems or
(43:23):
nuggets of gold that you get totake with you.
And that was and I considerthat an investment, just to even
have a conversation with someof these upper management people
.
The lower level management ofthings were complete opposite.
There were people who wereinsecure, very, you know,
(43:45):
manipulative and the you knowthe olden days terminology of
like complete slave drivers.
And you know they wereextremely belittling, had very
unrealistic expectations andjust lazy.
And, to make matters worse, youknow, there were people who
were, you know, closer in age tothe interns.
(44:07):
So the fact that you know, likeyou have, like these I mean I'm
not saying I'm saying this, youknow, with a grain of salt I
don't think that because someonegraduated from college, it
makes them better than peoplewho did not go to college or
what have you.
College is no indication of likehow intelligent a person is.
There's lots of amazing peoplethat didn't even graduate or
(44:30):
didn't go to college, that havecompletely revolutionized the
world of today.
And you look at people likeMark Zuckerberg, I don't like
him personally, but he didn'tfinish college.
When you look at people likeBill Gates, I don't like him,
but he's still, you know, anintelligent person that has done
extremely well and hascompletely revolutionized the
(44:52):
world around us.
But there's a difference betweena person that is confident and
a person that is insecure, thatis constantly surrounded by
people who are younger than them, that are doing better than
them, and these people didn'ttreat the interns with any form
of respect whatsoever, like thebelittling, the cond, you know,
(45:16):
just the condescending comments,the constant micro management.
And I remember one of the otherinterns, completely brilliant
guy, and he never made a mistakeever, and I remember the team
(45:38):
lead at the time was justconstantly just Looking for
things, you know, just lookingfor things to just make a
problem, essentially To justshow how you know how much
authority they held or what haveyou.
And he made his first mistakeas a result, because someone's
(46:01):
constantly being a burden andthey're just, you know, hovering
over you and it makes younervous because you're not used
to that kind of stress, andneither was I.
And then I made my firstmistake.
Just even witnessing that, Imade my first mistake.
And the more the condescending,you know, things would occur in
(46:26):
the belittling comments and themicro-management, the more
mistake all of us made.
And we're all top tier students.
And again, this is a paidinternship and it wasn't a
situation in which we were evencompeting against each other in
the sense that, oh, only two jobslots would be available.
It was one of those thingswhere everyone there was so
(46:49):
qualified that all of us, unlesswe didn't want to, could get a
job, you know, directly afterinternship.
But by the end of it, none ofus actually finished that
internship.
And I remember the final straw,like that day, like we were
(47:13):
there with each other and thesupervisor, you know, made a
mistake and the supervisor, asopposed to owning their mistake,
was saying things like you know, if I had better help, you know
this wouldn't happen and youguys suck, and things of that
(47:35):
nature.
And you know I'm one of thosepeople that I'm always calm and
reserved, you know, until I'mlike, okay, this is a level of
my threshold.
It has to do with respect,especially if I give an
individual respect and I realizethat something is being harmful
(47:57):
to me.
I will always retaliate,because there's a point in which
someone is being critical andprofessional and there's also a
fine line when someone is beingjust a piece of crap and just
(48:17):
you know, just again would nottake any responsibility for
their actions, for their directmistake.
And I remember looking at theperson that day.
I looked at them.
You know, I literally I took mybadge off and I looked at the
person and I said STFU.
(48:48):
And I remember saying you areone of the dumbest people I've
ever encountered in my entirelife and you are over us and
we're all more brilliant thanyou are.
Like, where do you get off?
Like, like I said, great peoplewho do great things every
single day, who are good people,should never have to be
(49:09):
subjected to someone that isincompetent and insecure.
It wasn't our negligence thatled to this mistake, it was your
incompetence.
You are one of the dumbest,effing people that I've ever met
.
I was like I don't know how yougot this job.
I really don't.
(49:30):
And then I said the worst partis that you're over all of us
and we're all brilliant.
Like, none of us have ever madea mistake until you started
doing the things that you weredoing, like the constant burden
and what have you.
And when, when, by the time Iwas, I was done and you know,
(49:53):
honestly, like I did it out of,like you know I was just like
this is enough, this is themoney doesn't matter.
I was like I already have a jobby the time I was done.
Now, three of us left at thesame time, and then this, this
other person whom we know, wenever really spoke to, they left
too.
So four of us total left thatinternship together that day
(50:17):
because it was we had enough.
And in any situation today thatcan happen, where, if you're not
communicating respectfully, ifyou're not taking the other
people's thoughts and feelingsinto account, you can't blame
them for leaving and neverwanted to come back.
(50:40):
There's a certain point wherethe money isn't enough, when
your, your mental health isbeing affected by your
environment, it's time to leave.
And if someone is constantlybeing in some way in my personal
view, like abusive and you'reconstantly just listening to
(51:01):
this, day in and day out, allthat stress and all that anger,
you're holding onto it.
It's not going anywhere andyou're hearing that over and
over again.
Eventually, a dam is going tobreak.
Just so happens that that daydid, and they lost four of us in
(51:22):
one day.
So be mindful of what you sayand how you treat people,
because communication trulymatters, and if you're not good
at communicating, let's changethat.
(51:45):
And once again, you know, thankyou so much.
Thank you, thank you and thankyou.
I'm so happy with howeverything is going and I just
want to continue growing witheveryone.
It was very privileged to seethat the podcast has reached,
you know, a total of 17countries and to know that in 17
(52:09):
countries, individuals careenough to tune in and listen.
That's a very, very big deal tome and I'm grateful and just so
blessed to be able to havepeople tuning in, and I'm
grateful for that.
(52:29):
So thank you.
The next episode will be aninterview with the owner of my
favorite wine company.
So let's talk about Seller 54.
In the next episode, you guyswill get to learn the origins of
my favorite wine and thehistory behind.
(52:50):
You know the owner, and maybeyou guys will check out the wine
yourselves and also fall inlove with it.
So once again, thank you,magnificent ones, for everything
.
Thank you for subscribing, youknow.
Thank you for tuning in.
Thank you for your likes, thankyou for everything you know.
(53:11):
I'm truly, truly happy andthank you for the growth that
I'm receiving and just know thatthere's so much more to come
and I am working diligently tomake sure that all that comes in
due time.
Thank you.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Take a breath, let's dive in.
I am not perfect and we allhave things we need to work on,
(00:21):
and that's okay.
One of the areas that I ampersonally focusing on is how to
communicate more effectively,and I think that most people in
general have that same issue.
Communication isn't simply justsaying something and that is
(00:42):
the end, all be all.
Communication is listening andalso comprehending, and there is
an equal exchange, becausewithout a certain level of
understanding, then we cease toget our point across.
(01:08):
Communication is also trust.
When you trust someone, youtend to listen more to what they
have to say.
Communication is such a dynamicthing to think about and it's
(01:29):
nuanced and it's multifaceted.
For example, in a professionalenvironment, you may have a
mixed demographic of age groups.
Maybe you have to work with alady that is 60 years old or a
gentleman that is 80 years old.
In corporate America today, howI communicate with that person
(01:49):
or those people is vastlydifferent than how I communicate
with an 18 year old or a 25year old.
Like I can say, dude, I can saywhat's up to younger people,
but even in the professionalenvironment, I didn't have to
change how I speak to beunderstood If I don't say yes,
(02:12):
ma'am, or yes, sir, regardlessif I'm the superior of someone
else, it's taken as a form ofdisrespect.
So you have to navigate thosesocial situations and know that
you have to cater to youraudience in order to get your
point across.
(02:33):
Sometimes you have to be roundabout with the younger
generation, because if you shootstraight they don't listen,
because more times than noteverything's about feelings.
And you know, for the oldergeneration they may say, well,
facts don't care about feelings.
But again, if the point is tobe understood, then you have to
(02:57):
speak to your audience.
How they understand you, and alot of the times that's how you
end up with toxic communications, because people may yell,
people may talk at you asopposed to talking to you, and
maybe they don't actively listenor even allow you to rebuttal.
(03:19):
But we'll go back into thatlater on when we on the matter
of toxic communication.
But for now we're just going tofocus on this communication in
general and how communicationcan drastically alter your life,
even if you've done nothingwrong.
(03:43):
Here's an example.
Say that you have two studentsin high school and one of them
is extremely athletic and whenit comes to academics they're a
stellar performer and they makeroughly 90 to 100 on their tests
(04:07):
, homework, assignments and soforth.
However, when it comes to groupprojects and, excuse me, when
it comes to group projects, whenit comes to class participation
, they falter in that areaBecause they don't know how to.
(04:27):
Maybe they're nervous whenthey're in groups, maybe they're
shy, so they don't participateat the same level as the other
students and maybe they don'traise their hand and engage with
the teacher as often as theother students.
Regardless, their academicmerits are still 90 to 100.
(04:48):
That student has now lost 25%of their entire great average
because of the fact that they donot participate in the class or
engage enough.
On the other hand, you haveanother student that is not as
(05:10):
academically gifted not, as youknow, as not a stellar performer
when in when matters of sports,they're not.
They lack physicality.
However, they're charismatic,they're charming, they know how
to speak very well, they aresociable and they engage with
(05:31):
all the other students and onaverage maybe they get a 78%.
You know, 75, 78% average onhomework, assignments and and so
forth.
Well, 25% of their overallgrade is based on participation
and that C student just becamean A student because of class
(05:55):
participation.
At the end of the day, onecommunicated better and so life
favored them more because theyknew how to engage with people.
They knew how to connect andmaybe that person that could
connect more they're notnecessarily qualified, they just
(06:16):
have a better personality theperson that was more qualified
they got left behind.
Neither person did anythingwrong, it's just that one could
connect and we can connect andform relationship relationships.
Life tends to favors you more,the people that are more
(06:39):
outgoing.
They tend to be better publicspeakers.
You know everyone likes theperson that.
They know that when they talkto them they feel understood and
they can form relationshipswith.
People don't tend to enjoy thecompany of others that there's
awkward silence or they feellike there's tension or it just
(07:02):
feels unnerving because youdon't know how to relate to the
other person.
When you can't relate tosomething, what do you do?
You avoid it, but again, in thesnare that I just mentioned,
neither person did anythingwrong, but the world is going to
perceive one as being better,and the one that's going to be
(07:27):
perceived as better is the onethat can be heard more, not the
shy one.
As I mentioned earlier,communication has to also deal
with trust, and it's amazingthat the other day I encountered
(07:49):
something that was kind ofprofound and I laughed at it in
the moment until I saw it cometo light.
So a friend of mine was tellingme that their mom makes their
dad die their beard and Ilaughed and I said, you know, if
I was older I would love tojust be gray, or you know, I
(08:14):
can't wait until I start havingthat pepper-hered.
Look, I know I'm 15 years awayfrom that, but I'm looking
forward to it personally.
And in that moment, yes, youknow, we laughed and we joked
about it.
And then I saw one of myneighbors that I hadn't seen in
a while and I said, man, yourbeard looks like it's darker
(08:38):
than mine.
And he told me that his wifealso told him to dye his beard.
And that kind of added to thisepisode, because I realized
something Both people dyingtheir beard weren't dying their
beard for them, they were dyingtheir beard for their
(09:00):
significant other.
Because the truth of the matteris it's a roundabout way of
saying, if I'm dyeing my hairand my hair has color and it's
not gray, and your hair is gray,then the world knows how old I
(09:21):
am, by proxy of you.
So, instead of the significantother saying I don't want the
world to know how old I reallyam, they go hey, husband, dye
your beard, because that can bea touchy subject for some people
(09:42):
.
Some people don't want to getolder and they don't want
everyone to know how old theyare.
And yeah, and everyone has adifferent viewpoint on that, but
it would take a great level ofsecurity to tell your
significant other that I wantyou to dye your beard because I
(10:03):
want to feel young.
That's where communication andtrust is important, because you
want to trust that when you saysomething to another human being
, that one, they're activelylistening and two, if you say
(10:23):
something, you're not going tobe hurt by being vulnerable.
And trust is such a key part inthat.
Being vulnerable is to be nakedand to just let someone know
you're in security.
That's scary, I know.
(10:49):
I myself.
One of the areas that I thinkthat I struggle in is
professionally speaking.
I communicate very well, I getmy point across and I speak to
individuals how they need to bespoken to.
In my personal life, I realizethat sometimes I tend to over
talk.
You know people sometimes and Icut them off, and I do it
(11:13):
because I'm so excited becauseI'm always busy, I'm always
doing things and I feel likeeverything that's in my head I
just want to get it out becauseI hadn't seen my friends or
maybe a family member in so longthat I tend to occupy most of
the conversation and I realizethat now I have to kind of reel
that in a little bit to give theother person more time to get
(11:36):
their thoughts out and that justas I'm excited, they're excited
too and in order to reciprocatethat, I care I need to just
shut up sometimes so that theycan have room to breathe and
talk, and when I'm over talkingthem, I'm cutting off how they
(11:59):
feel, I'm cutting off theirsense of security and it makes
it seem like I'm selfish.
Probably it also makes it seemlike I'm self-centered or that
it's all about me, and I had totake some time to think about
that and my conclusion is that Ineed to slow down when speaking
(12:23):
to people closest to me andtreat it as if it was my
professional in my professionallife and I'm working and I'm
growing in that area.
But I'm happy that I'm workingon it now because I see that so
many people are struggling in itand I know that I'm not the
(12:43):
only one and communication isdifferent for every human being.
I had the privilege of learningabout the art of rhetoric, the
art of public speaking, and hadamazing professors to help me
become a great professionalspeaker, but not a great
(13:07):
personal speaker in my everydaylife.
And, yes, it's nice when youcan deliver a speech.
It's nice when you feelcomfortable in your own skin
talking to strangers and howeasy it may be.
But then the people closest toyou it's harder to communicate
(13:28):
with them at times because theyknow who you are.
Think about how vulnerable youfeel just to stare in someone's
eyes Like anyone you could beyour best friend.
Try staring into their eyes.
Just look into their eyes for30 seconds, see how unnerving
that is, and that's your bestfriend, you know.
Or or your significant others.
It just makes you feel nakedand that's a scary place to be.
(13:52):
All right, let's switch gears abit.
If Communication is Not yourstrong suit, let's go into Five
areas in which I think it canhelp you.
It's helping me currently as wespeak, and if something works,
(14:15):
I like to share it with othersso they can have it as a benefit
in their life.
So we're gonna start off with.
If you want to be an effectivecommunicator, you have to
actively Listen to the personyou are speaking to or the
groups of people you're speakingwith.
It's important to pay attentionand genuinely understand, know
(14:39):
what the other person is sayingwithout interrupting.
Does someone speaking?
Let them speak and don't justRush in and cut them off.
I'm guilty of that personally,and the reason being is that by
you allowing someone to get itall out, it helps to build
rapport.
You know the other person cantruly feel like you know what.
(15:03):
You're not interrupting me.
I can now trust you and alsoGive you the same respect that
you have given me, and in theperfect world, that's hard work.
I'm not saying that it'sperfect, but chances are.
If you take the moral highground and Always Choose to
(15:26):
listen, you're not interrupt.
You can always understand wherethe other person is coming from
.
Secondly, and you always want tobe clear and concise in your
messaging, be straightforwardand you want to avoid
unnecessary jargon, and whatjargon is is basically people
(15:48):
who Speak in certainterminologies that are specific
to them.
So if you are a Doctor and youonly use medical terms and
you're speaking to an everydayperson and Instead of saying you
know you say cardiac arrest asopposed to saying heart attack,
then Most people might not knowwhat cardiac cardiac arrest is,
(16:13):
but most people may know what aheart attack is.
So that's why clear and concisemessaging is important.
The other component to and I'lldive into this more later is
nonverbal communication.
Your body language, your facialexpressions, gestures those are
(16:36):
also messages that can Indicatewhether or not you're paying
attention.
If someone's speaking to youand you're on your phone, that
might not be a good, good way tosay that hey, I'm listening to
you.
It's important to be aware of,you know these things, because
Sometimes they completelycontradict the message that
(16:58):
you're trying to have the otherperson receive.
I Think that Empathy also getsoverlooked when we're
communicating with others,understanding and sharing
feelings you know of otherpeople.
It really enhances thecommunications because if you're
coming from the viewpoint of Iunderstand, and that
(17:25):
understanding is is conveyed,then chances are you know you
have.
The goal is to build trust andI think that outcome is more
than likely guaranteed.
It's not always going to bePerfect, but empathy definitely
(17:46):
helps when resolving conflicts,because if you don't understand
me, I don't understand you, thenwe have resolved nothing, we
have built nothing and we aregoing nowhere.
And, lastly, feedback isessential.
When someone's speaking to you,you want to always give them
(18:08):
feedback.
You know this can help theperson that's giving you
information.
Or if you're giving theminformation, it you're getting
the clarification.
You know the clarification,it's okay, this is how I think,
or this is how I feel.
And or you know, or saying, Idon't understand.
You know you're letting theperson know that, hey, more
(18:30):
information is needed.
Or you know let's dive deeper.
Or or you're saying, or you cansay that, hey, I got it,
message received.
In either way, the feedbackportion of speaking with someone
is essential, because that'show the resolution takes place.
Whatever the resolution is,resolution doesn't necessarily
(18:52):
mean that two individuals or agroup of people are having a
fight with each other.
The resolution means that wehave left the situation with
full understanding of what wasbeing conveyed, and that's
important.
So I definitely want to takethe time to go into um things
(19:13):
that lead to toxiccommunications or create toxic
communication.
Before that, though, I want todive back into nonverbal
communication and how that cansignificantly impact verbal
communication in multiple ways.
You know, as I was sayingearlier, you know nonverbal
(19:37):
communication can eitherreinforce or contradict the
message that someone is tryingto to communicate.
You know nonverbal cues can.
They can either reinforce whata person's verbally saying or it
could just be like the the bombthat goes off right.
For example, a person might saythey're I'm doing great, I'm
(20:01):
fine, and you know their facialexpressions saying I'm red, hot
like a chili pepper.
You know it.
It it can add emotions, likenonverbal communication can
sometimes Be out of emotionalcontext.
You know the tone of your voice.
(20:21):
Your body language can helpexpress feelings like happiness
or anger, or like I'm surprised,afraid, or you know, or many
other things.
So what are you doing thosesituations?
You have to be aware of whatyour body is doing when you're
speaking to people.
You know if you're talking tosomeone and you're not looking
(20:44):
them in the eye or you seemdistracted, what kind of message
are you trying to say?
But regardless, wheneversomeone's speaking to you,
they're, they're Looking at youfor reassurance and they want to
feel like they're being heard.
So it's important to be awareof whatever your nonverbal cues
(21:07):
are or what your body is doingwhen you're speaking to other
people.
You know Nonverbalcommunication can reveal the
nature of relationships betweenpeople.
You know, for example, thedispens, you know, people
maintain between each other.
Their body, language, bodyorientation and touch can
(21:29):
indicate a level of comfort orintimacy or dominance.
You know, there, there are sometimes and I'm sure you know
we've seen this in passing thattwo individuals are speaking and
it's as if One person is tryingto make themselves as small as
possible and the other personmay be trying to make themselves
as large as possible, andthat's, you know, messaging in
(21:53):
itself, and we could look at itas one person is being dominant
and the other person is beingdominated, or the other person
may seem, you know, like they'rebeing controlled or what have
you.
This is again the outsider'sperspective, but how we speak,
in our, in our body, gestures,they, they also convey a message
(22:15):
, and we want to always be awareof what that message is, is
conveying or how it can beperceived.
Here's a few tips that I wouldlike to share that could enhance
Some positive communication.
(22:36):
You know, when speaking withothers, it's important to
Remember that communication is atwo-way street.
One person cannot dominate aconversation.
Multitasking when, whenspeaking with other people, can
be seen as being disrespectful.
You want to give individualsyour undivided attention at all
(23:01):
times when you know you'retalking with another person or
groups of people.
Clarity is important andsometimes, when You're too wordy
, it may seem as though You'retrying to To not be genuine or
(23:21):
you don't know how to, how toget your point across.
Simplicity is important when acomplication, when a
conversation is overly complex,that means the message is not
being received and thereforeunderstanding is not being had.
(23:44):
And listening Doesn't justinvolve you know you just
responding to something, becauseIf you're just responding, that
means you're hearing.
Remember, listening Meansunderstanding, listening means
attentiveness and listeningultimately also means care.
So there has to be an ethic ofcare involved to actively listen
(24:10):
.
And when we were speaking aboutnonverbal cues and body
languages, if you're Foldingyour arms while listening, or
folding your arms whilesomeone's speaking to you, that
means you're closed off from it.
Your body language is conveyingthat I don't want to hear this,
I don't.
But if I'm open, my arms areopen.
(24:32):
That means I'm also Open toreceive whatever it is that
you're trying to give me or ortrying to convey for lack of
know, a better terminology.
And we also have to take intoconsideration cultural
differences when we talk topeople.
I think that's something that'scompletely overlooked in
(24:55):
communication in general iscultural differences.
You know, maybe the culturaldifferences is simply a
difference in age, or it couldbe a difference in race or
ethnicity, and we have to beaware of those things.
In some cultures it's and I'vementioned this before it's not
polite to stare someone in theeyes right, and so you have to
(25:16):
be aware of that.
Maybe that's why someonedoesn't want to talk to you,
because they feel like you'redisrespecting them.
Some cultures, people, don'tshake hands, and so we have to
be culturally aware of who isaround us, because everyone's
equally important and everyoneyou know gets to have a say.
(25:39):
You never want someone leavingfeeling that they're not valued
because you're not acknowledgingthe cultural differences
between the individuals.
And sure you can have themindset and mentality that well,
this is America.
But at the end of the day,america is a melting pot and so
(26:00):
long as everyone is here, wehave to get along with each
other.
So you might as well not try todisrespect an individual if it
can be avoided.
So cultural the differencesdefinitely matter.
You know, you have to rememberthat you can't speak to everyone
the same way, and culturaldifferences could also mean that
(26:23):
we're all the same race, butthe generation, the generational
gap, separates the things thatwe like.
So, you know, if you're aperson that's 25 years old and
you're in a working environmentwhere everyone's a baby boomer,
chances are you can't just talkabout video games.
(26:43):
You have to talk about thingsthat everyone kind of have an
understanding of, because theage gap separates us and our
experience separates us and wecould be of the same race, but
that doesn't matter because westill have our own cultural
differences, regardless of whatour races are.
(27:07):
You know, in preparing for thisepisode, I started to think
about marketing and branding andthings of that nature, and I've
realized that throughouthistory, communication is
something that has always beenweaponized, whether we know it
(27:28):
or not.
Communication is a weapon, andweaponizing communication
essentially means that usingcommunication strategies or like
information with the intent toharm or manipulate others.
What I must emphasize that thisis unethical, because it
(27:49):
completely is unethical.
It's important to understandthat these tactics exist and you
have to be aware of them sothat you can protect who you are
, you know, as a person and inthose you love, and you can't
protect or understand somethingunless you take the time to
study it, for example,propaganda.
You know, in this case, thisinvolves spreading information,
(28:12):
specifically, that's biased innature, right, and everyone
knows that.
It's biased and misleading andit influences people's attitudes
, their beliefs, their actions,and this is mostly in political
context.
And, you know, the mostimportant thing is to be aware
of the fact that you're not justa person.
(28:32):
You're a person who has a lotof connections, and this is
mostly in political context.
And you know, the most famousexample of this is is Hitler's
Germany.
That's the perfect example ofhow propaganda can be used.
The second you know context inwhich it's commonly used is the
(29:01):
young Americans that signed up.
That, you know, to be a part ofthe Second World War.
You had teenagers ready to go.
It wasn't just because of adraft, there were people who
were ready to go.
Not saying it's good or bad,I'm just saying that propaganda.
(29:22):
Look at, look at diamonds.
You know diamonds are a girl'sbest friend.
The information and who we areas people today came from
somewhere.
Things that we believe, the waywe shop, communication.
Something was communicated tous and we live those things.
(29:44):
You know.
A new terminology that's, youknow, came up in recent years as
well is gaslighting, andgaslighting, you know, this is
simply a form of psychologicalmanipulation where someone tries
to make another person doubttheir own perception, memories
(30:06):
or sanity, and this can be donethrough constant denial of facts
, dismissal of feelings ortesting of information.
Again, I'm sure we all knowsomeone that does this, and if
we don't, it's important to beaware that people do these
(30:27):
things in our everyday lives,and this is just regular
communication that we may noteven realize that it's taking
place.
Sometimes you go around anindividual and you don't know
why is it that whenever you'rearound them you feel uplifted
and inspired and you feel likeyou could accomplish anything.
And there are other times yougo around an individual and you
(30:50):
feel constricted.
You feel like your thoughts arenot where they need to be.
You feel constrained or youfeel small or you don't feel
free.
You feel as though you can't beyourself.
Maybe that's being taken place,you know, in different forms of
(31:14):
communication.
You know like someone dogwhistling and this could be a
coded message that you know isinnocent to some people of a
different generation, but itcould completely mean something
different for someone that's,you know, being targeted.
It's definitely one of thosethings that I personally think
(31:37):
it's dumb, but it does happen.
I mean, there's also characterassassination and this involves
like simple things, like in any,whether it's the work
environment or a high school, or, you know, a playground in the
(31:59):
kindergarten.
You know when someone spreadrumors or lies or just tell half
truths to damage the reputationof another person or group, and
this is done in a lot ofpersonal relationships.
You know, when you have a largefriend groups, this is done in
the workplace or in a publicsphere, like you know college.
(32:19):
You know where maybe you'rejust succeeding a little bit
better than everyone else aroundyou, and so the rumors ensue,
the choppy down a peg.
If you know what's going on,then you know how to handle it
better.
(32:41):
And some people, whether it'spolitically speaking or
professionally speaking, theyuse fear mongering in order to
be in power.
So instead of someone buildingup, you know, a relationship of
understanding and trust andrespect, what they do is they
(33:04):
tell you worst case scenarios.
They tell you things to makeyou always on edge so they can
constantly be in control, andthat's abusive.
But let's just be honest witheach other.
Everyone I'm sure that mostpeople knows circumstances in
which there's someone thatalways tells you worst case
(33:24):
scenario, as if that's the worstcase scenario, and it's the
only scenario that is possible,and you do everything, you work
faster or you do more becausesomeone told you something that
man, the consequences of notgetting this thing done or not
getting it done fast enough isit's going to be devastating,
(33:45):
it's toward detriment and that'salso manipulation.
But again, it's something thatwe face in our everyday lives.
Now I want everyone to rememberthat communication should be
(34:05):
used to build understanding andtrust and respect and not to
manipulate and harm others.
It's important to identify likethese things, like when you see
them, and be like you know whatthat's gaslighting, you know
what that's fear mongering.
Oh, this commercial isdefinitely propaganda.
(34:26):
The things that we see and thethings that we say and the
things that we hear, sometimesthey're a lot bigger than what
we make them out to be.
You know, I'd like to conveythat and all of the schooling
(34:55):
that I've ever done and I'm suremost people have done, and
there's far more people that aremore qualified and will verse
to speak on this, the subject ofcommunication, than myself, and
I'm acutely aware of that.
But rarely have I ever comeacross, and I don't think that I
(35:15):
have come across that in any ofthe communication classes that
I've taken or leadership classesthat I've taken, I don't think
that any of them have evermentioned introspection and or
communicating with yourself.
And I'm not referring to thepeople who talk to themselves
(35:39):
and then respond out loud.
It's not what I'm referring to.
What I am talking about is if weare able to communicate what
with ourselves, effectivelymeaning we know what we want, we
know what we don't like, we areconfident in the things that we
(36:06):
believe and we have the toughconversations with ourselves,
like, for example, if I say, amI a good communicator?
That's me having a conversationwith myself.
I don't know.
Let me analyze this.
Oh, yes, I cut people off whenthat I'm close to, when I'm
talking to them.
That's not good communication.
Okay, how did I arrive to thatpoint?
(36:28):
I arrived there by askingmyself that question Am I
financially versed?
Let's see.
I believe in saving, I believein investing, I do the necessary
things to have a great future.
Okay, I asked myself a question.
(36:49):
I internalized, I reflected, Iwas able to come to the
conclusion that, yes, butcommunication has to start with
you.
The more self-aware that youare is, the better your
communication is going to bewith others.
(37:10):
Then the expression thatself-love is important, but love
starts with you, and if youdon't love yourself, you cannot
love others, because love has tocome from you.
Therefore, my conclusion is ifyou cannot communicate with
yourself, how can youcommunicate with others?
If you don't know who you are,if you don't know what it is
(37:35):
that you want, how can someoneelse know those things?
If you're lost, you're theperfect target for someone to
gaslight.
You're the perfect target forsomeone to use fear mongering
tactics against.
You're the perfect specimen forpropaganda, because you don't
(38:01):
think internally.
How does my actions affectthose around me?
What do I believe in?
Where do I stand?
What are my boundaries?
If you're not asking yourselfthese questions?
That also goes in line withmaybe that's why your New Year's
(38:22):
resolution never come true, andyou know.
What's also important is thatnot everyone is going to be able
to give some immaculate speech.
Not everyone speaks eloquently,that's true, but there is
(38:42):
someone that does whatever it isthat you do better than you.
Maybe watch a couple of YouTubevideos on how to navigate,
communicating in the workplace.
Youtube's available, tiktok'savailable.
All these resources areavailable.
Maybe you don't understand that.
(39:05):
You know you're bad atcommunicating, and you do you
are, but you know that someoneelse is better than you.
Maybe ask them what they dothat you don't, you know.
I believe in a system of havinga coach and I believe in going
to those who know more than I doand surrounding myself with
(39:28):
people like that.
They're far better and I thinkthat lowers the times of take
for me to get to where I need tobe.
I'm not perfect by any meanswhen it comes to communicating,
and I'm working on being betterbecause I want those they're in
my personal life to have thesame level of appreciation that
(39:53):
those in my professional life do, because, at the end of the day
, they're not perfect, becauseat the end of the day, they
matter more.
So we have to think about that.
You know, as I mentioned in aprevious episode, that in every
(40:18):
episode that I release, my goalis also to share a story about
life experiences that I've had,because I want all of you to
have a deeper understanding ofwho I am.
My aim is to have my platformgrow so I have the strength
(40:40):
numerical strength and reach toconfront the things in society
or in my personal life that I'mnot at the level to do as of yet
, and so, in being as honest asI possibly can be, my aim is to
(41:01):
grow with all of you out there.
I'm relatively still new tothis podcasting thing, but I
think that people tend to likethings they understand and,
again, my goal is to beunderstood, and so, being that
(41:23):
this episode is aboutcommunication, I would like to
share a story aboutcommunication with you In one of
my internships.
I was a paid internship and itpaid very well and, being on the
younger side of things, whenyou're being paid well, it's a
(41:48):
great feeling, because now wecan.
You know, I've always been asaver and, regardless of the
fact that it was an internship,I still worked full time.
I still went to college fulltime and I interned full time as
well.
I wasn't dating anyone.
I just had school, the gym andmy job, internship.
(42:13):
So I was literally.
I was not spending money, I wassimply just making money and
starting out.
The internship wasn't bad initself.
The corporation wasn't bad.
It was actually a greatcorporation and it was
(42:34):
relatively new as well, so ithad a lot of life and vibrancy.
I think where the corporationwent wrong was with their lower
leadership, everyone in thehigher leadership positions.
They were seasoned, they had,you know, multiple job
(42:58):
experiences in the financialindustry and that's where it was
.
It was in the financialindustry and confidence that
comes with people who haveexperience in what they do and
they're great at what they dogenuinely, and when they speak,
you actively listen, becauseit's like being given gems or
(43:23):
nuggets of gold that you get totake with you.
And that was and I considerthat an investment, just to even
have a conversation with someof these upper management people
.
The lower level management ofthings were complete opposite.
There were people who wereinsecure, very, you know,
(43:45):
manipulative and the you knowthe olden days terminology of
like complete slave drivers.
And you know they wereextremely belittling, had very
unrealistic expectations andjust lazy.
And, to make matters worse, youknow, there were people who
were, you know, closer in age tothe interns.
(44:07):
So the fact that you know, likeyou have, like these I mean I'm
not saying I'm saying this, youknow, with a grain of salt I
don't think that because someonegraduated from college, it
makes them better than peoplewho did not go to college or
what have you.
College is no indication of likehow intelligent a person is.
There's lots of amazing peoplethat didn't even graduate or
(44:30):
didn't go to college, that havecompletely revolutionized the
world of today.
And you look at people likeMark Zuckerberg, I don't like
him personally, but he didn'tfinish college.
When you look at people likeBill Gates, I don't like him,
but he's still, you know, anintelligent person that has done
extremely well and hascompletely revolutionized the
(44:52):
world around us.
But there's a difference betweena person that is confident and
a person that is insecure, thatis constantly surrounded by
people who are younger than them, that are doing better than
them, and these people didn'ttreat the interns with any form
of respect whatsoever, like thebelittling, the cond, you know,
(45:16):
just the condescending comments,the constant micro management.
And I remember one of the otherinterns, completely brilliant
guy, and he never made a mistakeever, and I remember the team
(45:38):
lead at the time was justconstantly just Looking for
things, you know, just lookingfor things to just make a
problem, essentially To justshow how you know how much
authority they held or what haveyou.
And he made his first mistakeas a result, because someone's
(46:01):
constantly being a burden andthey're just, you know, hovering
over you and it makes younervous because you're not used
to that kind of stress, andneither was I.
And then I made my firstmistake.
Just even witnessing that, Imade my first mistake.
And the more the condescending,you know, things would occur in
(46:26):
the belittling comments and themicro-management, the more
mistake all of us made.
And we're all top tier students.
And again, this is a paidinternship and it wasn't a
situation in which we were evencompeting against each other in
the sense that, oh, only two jobslots would be available.
It was one of those thingswhere everyone there was so
(46:49):
qualified that all of us, unlesswe didn't want to, could get a
job, you know, directly afterinternship.
But by the end of it, none ofus actually finished that
internship.
And I remember the final straw,like that day, like we were
(47:13):
there with each other and thesupervisor, you know, made a
mistake and the supervisor, asopposed to owning their mistake,
was saying things like you know, if I had better help, you know
this wouldn't happen and youguys suck, and things of that
(47:35):
nature.
And you know I'm one of thosepeople that I'm always calm and
reserved, you know, until I'mlike, okay, this is a level of
my threshold.
It has to do with respect,especially if I give an
individual respect and I realizethat something is being harmful
(47:57):
to me.
I will always retaliate,because there's a point in which
someone is being critical andprofessional and there's also a
fine line when someone is beingjust a piece of crap and just
(48:17):
you know, just again would nottake any responsibility for
their actions, for their directmistake.
And I remember looking at theperson that day.
I looked at them.
You know, I literally I took mybadge off and I looked at the
person and I said STFU.
(48:48):
And I remember saying you areone of the dumbest people I've
ever encountered in my entirelife and you are over us and
we're all more brilliant thanyou are.
Like, where do you get off?
Like, like I said, great peoplewho do great things every
single day, who are good people,should never have to be
(49:09):
subjected to someone that isincompetent and insecure.
It wasn't our negligence thatled to this mistake, it was your
incompetence.
You are one of the dumbest,effing people that I've ever met
.
I was like I don't know how yougot this job.
I really don't.
(49:30):
And then I said the worst partis that you're over all of us
and we're all brilliant.
Like, none of us have ever madea mistake until you started
doing the things that you weredoing, like the constant burden
and what have you.
And when, when, by the time Iwas, I was done and you know,
(49:53):
honestly, like I did it out of,like you know I was just like
this is enough, this is themoney doesn't matter.
I was like I already have a jobby the time I was done.
Now, three of us left at thesame time, and then this, this
other person whom we know, wenever really spoke to, they left
too.
So four of us total left thatinternship together that day
(50:17):
because it was we had enough.
And in any situation today thatcan happen, where, if you're not
communicating respectfully, ifyou're not taking the other
people's thoughts and feelingsinto account, you can't blame
them for leaving and neverwanted to come back.
(50:40):
There's a certain point wherethe money isn't enough, when
your, your mental health isbeing affected by your
environment, it's time to leave.
And if someone is constantlybeing in some way in my personal
view, like abusive and you'reconstantly just listening to
(51:01):
this, day in and day out, allthat stress and all that anger,
you're holding onto it.
It's not going anywhere andyou're hearing that over and
over again.
Eventually, a dam is going tobreak.
Just so happens that that daydid, and they lost four of us in
(51:22):
one day.
So be mindful of what you sayand how you treat people,
because communication trulymatters, and if you're not good
at communicating, let's changethat.
(51:45):
And once again, you know, thankyou so much.
Thank you, thank you and thankyou.
I'm so happy with howeverything is going and I just
want to continue growing witheveryone.
It was very privileged to seethat the podcast has reached,
you know, a total of 17countries and to know that in 17
(52:09):
countries, individuals careenough to tune in and listen.
That's a very, very big deal tome and I'm grateful and just so
blessed to be able to havepeople tuning in, and I'm
grateful for that.
(52:29):
So thank you.
The next episode will be aninterview with the owner of my
favorite wine company.
So let's talk about Seller 54.
In the next episode, you guyswill get to learn the origins of
my favorite wine and thehistory behind.
(52:50):
You know the owner, and maybeyou guys will check out the wine
yourselves and also fall inlove with it.
So once again, thank you,magnificent ones, for everything
.
Thank you for subscribing, youknow.
Thank you for tuning in.
Thank you for your likes, thankyou for everything you know.
(53:11):
I'm truly, truly happy andthank you for the growth that
I'm receiving and just know thatthere's so much more to come
and I am working diligently tomake sure that all that comes in
due time.
Thank you.
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