June 26, 2024 • 68 mins
Can traditional values still hold their ground in today's fast-paced world? Join us as Jus Comply and I, Shawna Speaks, dive into the heart of this debate on the Male and Female Perspective Podcast. Through personal stories and heartfelt analysis, we explore the intricate dance between old-school disciplinary methods and contemporary parenting styles. Discover the benefits of traditional values, like respect and discipline, alongside the importance of allowing children to express themselves freely in today's ever-changing landscape.
Have you ever wondered how the scars of past trauma shape our present-day parenting? Together, Jessica and I unpack the long-lasting impact of growing up in environments fraught with abuse and unsupported trauma. We explore the courage it takes to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs and the journey to forge a new path that blends age-old wisdom with modern understanding. From debating the merits of relationship dynamics to navigating the complexities of love, respect, and security, our conversation sheds light on the evolving roles and expectations in today's society.
In our final segments, we tackle the shifting perspectives on aging and the role of women in contemporary society, emphasizing the need for both partners to actively contribute to sustaining desired traditional values. We reflect on the financial struggles and unrealistic expectations that can strain modern relationships, stressing the importance of mutual effort and realistic goals. With a balanced approach to modern parenting and maintaining essential etiquette and boundaries, we wrap up this compelling episode with insights that aim to bridge the gap between traditional and modern values for a fulfilling life. Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion that promises to leave you with a fresh perspective on navigating today's complex world.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
what's going on, y'all?
It's your girl, shauna Speaks,and this is the male and female
perspective podcast, and I'mhere with my dope co-host,
jessica Ply, is in the building.
Shauna, shauna what's up,jessica Ply?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I can't call it, I might spoil it, I know, right
then, I just saw you how youdoing today I'm good, I'm good,
I'm very good, I cannot complain, right, you know?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
happy tuesday, yeah y'all, we got a dope show for
you today, as always.
You know how we do.
Let let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Let's get it.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
What's going on?
What's going on?
This is Jessica Ply, of theMale and Female Perspective, my
lovely host over here.
Shauna Speaks.
Hey, hey, brooklyn in the house, brooklyn in the house,
brooklyn, and the PXs in thehouse, bronx in the building.
What's going on.
(01:34):
You know, I had this one.
I had to give some thought to.
You know what I mean.
Like this was something that Itold you, um, um, you know, when
we first initially talked aboutit, I was like you know, this
is a subject that's kind of kindof different, right, it's kind
of different, but it's it'sdefinitely, it's definitely
(01:57):
worth talking about, right, um,but before we get into it, I
would definitely like foreveryone to subscribe, to share.
Yeah, put on the specs.
Put on the specs now.
We want you to be able to see.
So please subscribe, pleaselike, please share, please
(02:19):
comment the male-femaleperspective on YouTube.
We're on TikTok, we're onSpotify and we're on Apple.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, Wherever you can, social podcast platforms we
are.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
That's exactly where I was going.
Yes, so wherever you want tofind us, you can find us.
The male and female perspective.
That's right.
Today, our topic is going to bethe traditional versus the
modern values, and the reasonwhy I feel like this is
(03:09):
important is because you hear alot on certain platforms.
I hear a lot on certainplatforms.
Well, I want traditional, likeI'm traditional, I'm traditional
and I want that old school.
You hear that all the time.
(03:29):
I want the old school.
Yeah, well, I want to breakthat down.
Okay, because was the oldschool necessarily better?
Was the traditional values thatwe were brought upon?
Was it necessarily better?
Was the traditional values thatwe were brought upon?
Was it necessarily better?
Because there are certainthings that I would argue from
(03:55):
the modern values that hashelped our community more than
the traditional values.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, so let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Let's get into it, because I have a lot to say.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, okay, I'm with it.
You know I'm hopping at anypoint.
You know we can do this Well.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I'm going to say this Go ahead.
Before.
So yeah, I do think that.
So I just it was weird becausebefore we started the second
part of this podcast um, it'sour second one for today um, I
was talking to a friend aboutthe raising of of um, his, his
kid, and he's going through theco-parenting struggle right now.
So what I said to him is Iheard him say some things that
(04:43):
probably triggered from his, hischildhood, of how he was
probably raised in discipline,and I realized that what
traditional I said to him?
I said, hey, there are somethings you know in psychology.
Psychology we say rough, roughdiscipline, right when you know
the beatings, the, the, thecorporal punishment, certain
(05:04):
things that we went through askids.
We thought it was like reallybad how we got our butt wet, but
what I said, I said but some ofthose things that our parents,
especially black mothers thatwas single and didn't have a
father in the household, some ofthe things that our
grandparents and our mothersdisciplined us, we have to take
that into raising of our kids,some of it okay, some of it so
(05:27):
yes.
So to your answer to yourquestion.
Yes, I do think that some ofthe traditional values and
upbringing for for for us, werebetter than what's going on now.
And I say that because nowhere's the down part.
As a kid, we weren't able tospeak up for ourselves.
Every adult was right, everyadult was supposed to be
respected.
(05:47):
You couldn't talk back, so wedidn't have no voice.
So for those of us that didn'thave a voice, now we're
outspoken.
We're too loud, we got a lot tosay.
And then for those of us thatgot children now we let our kids
speak and express themselves.
And guess what happens when youdon't, when you're traumatizing.
(06:07):
You didn't get help from whatyou thought you was traumatized
by your upbringing.
Now you get an outspoken, achild that overtalks.
Don't.
Don't know the differencebetween I don't gotta always
have an answer because we didn'tgive balance.
So when you don't taketraditional values at all and
and then add them into the newgeneration, then you get an
(06:28):
overkill or underkill.
But then when you do balance itout and take some of what
grandma and granddad and andyour mother taught you and
raising of your children,there's a balance you allow to
speak, but I'm gonna tell youwhy when you're not, and why you
don't have to always speak back.
So now I got my sisters and Igot some of my nieces and them
(06:49):
they talk back to the pointwhere there's no respect, to the
point that they can do it to me.
But because I have sometraditional values on how my
grandmother raised me, I ain'ttaking that.
So now they looking at me crazy.
I go, girl, like you're goingto put a handle on my name, like
you're not gonna call me Shaunaright, I'm 49.
So I do believe that thattraditional there are some
(07:09):
traditional values that shouldbe brought in to the new
generation.
I do think that some of some ofthe stuff that we did go
through was better okay, youknow what and you read my mind.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Okay, you read my mind because that was the very
first thing that I was going tomention.
That's what we do, partner.
The children were made to beseen and not heard, and so what
happened is is that there's alot of things that happened to
children that they did not feelcomfortable talking about and
(07:46):
then they grew up with holdingon to because they weren't able
to release that, becausesometimes your best therapy is
to be able to just be heard yes,right just to be heard.
Like people do not realize howfreeing a burden it is just to
(08:08):
talk and be heard, just to beable to say you know what this
happened.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Oh, this did not happen.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
You know what I mean.
Or it did not happen and itjust to get it off of you, right
?
So then what happens is is that, well, you, you, you have
become an uh, uh, you now becomean adult that don't know how to
express Nope, you know what Imean.
So so now you?
(08:37):
now we've grown up and werealize the error of what
happened, and so we swung thependulum completely the opposite
direction.
Yeah, you don't give yourchildren boundaries.
Okay, why, it is necessarysometime to just be quiet?
How to read a room, how to doall the know is you know what?
(09:00):
I want you to use your voiceRight, and in certain instances
it's great.
It's great because I don't haveto guess on what's going on in
your mind, because you'retelling me, you feel the freedom
to tell me.
But then, on the other part ofon the flip side of this, is
that OK, now we out and aboutand now you just want to tell me
(09:24):
whatever's on your mind, youjust want to give me whatever
right, like there's a time andplace for all things under the
sun, and I can't handle thisright now so remember when we
came up with this conversationand I said claire huxtable was a
prime example of traditionalvalues in a modern woman.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Right because she didn't, because because
traditional or traditional womanwas a woman that stayed home
like um, like leave the beaverum mom right um uh, what is it?
I I dream a genie, a bewitched.
Like those women stayed home.
They weren't, they didn't work.
But Claire Huxtable wastraditional values but she was a
(10:06):
modern woman because she was alawyer and she worked and she
took care of kids and she wasover.
Sometimes she was overwhelmed,where she needed days to stay at
home and dad did everything.
Remember.
But do you remember that scenewith Rudy, when Rudy didn't want
the traditional values ofstaying up late to watch her
favorite show and they kepttelling her like no, but then
(10:30):
they let her, they gave her thelesson of doing it and show her
oh, you can stay up as long asyou want.
She was up eating ice cream.
They turned the.
TV on, but she had to go toschool the next day and she was
like no.
I'm tired.
He's like I'm tired, get up.
You got to get up.
No, because you wanted to stayup like an adult and you wanted
so.
Now, you still got to go toschool.
You still got to perform tired.
(10:51):
This is the reason whytradition will be telling you
kids got to go to bed at acertain time and you don't get
to stay up like your olderbrothers like, and your sister,
like Theo and Vanessa.
You got to go to sleep becauseyou're younger, because your
mind can't take it, that's.
But then the lesson in it wasthat now you see why you can't
do it.
So what my friend was sayingtoday is that he feels like from
(11:22):
what he was taught, as for hisfor as a kid, and what he wanted
to give his kid was that hedidn't.
When you got, when we got hit orwe got disciplined or beat,
there was no teaching moment.
Right, it was I'm beating youbecause I love you or I'm
beating you because I said so,but it wasn't a reason.
But I said, I said so.
I said you can't sit there andsay that every time we got beat,
we didn't know why we got beat.
We knew when we did somethingwrong.
We knew that there was a chancethat if we didn't do what we
(11:44):
knew staying at times outsidelate and things like that we
knew when we did something wrong.
We knew that there was a chancethat if we didn't do what we
knew staying at times outsidelate and things like that we
knew that we were gonna get introuble.
But but, but there was noteachable moment right.
So they confused being beatwith love, saying I'm getting
beat because you love me oryou're getting beat but not
telling me that.
Hey, the reason why I did isbecause I don't have a watch so
I lost time.
You know I lost track of time.
(12:06):
So when I get in the house late, it's after 8 o'clock because
the streetlights came on alittle early, but the sun is
still out.
I don't know the differencebetween.
You know you didn't teach metime, so time got away from me.
But I got beat for somethingthat I didn't know.
It goes back to you know howmany people have evil cousins
and aunts that just didn't likeyour mother and didn't like you
(12:28):
because you was raised right.
Her kids is running ragged, soguess what?
This evil aunt lies on you.
But because she's an adult andwe're not supposed to lie on
kids.
Guess what happens.
I get in trouble, but you'renot listening to me.
Let you know that it didn'thappen.
You didn't even ask me if ithappened, you just believed the
adult.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And I think that a lot of the time, especially in
the tradition, you know the, thedays back then Is when you know
A lot of the time the childrenWere not, a lot of the time the
children were not able to feelsafe speaking to, about adults
(13:14):
and what their experience was.
You think about just how manypeople that you know dealt with
like, say, abuse, and you're inan environment where there's no
real support system regardingabusive situations and things of
(13:36):
that nature.
So you grow up with that abuseand you know whether it may be
mental, whether it may bephysical, whether it may be
emotional, whether it may bespiritual.
Abuse is very devastating andit's hard to get over.
You know what I mean,especially once you get to
(13:56):
feeling that or you get tothinking that that's what you
deserve.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
When you don't know that you're worth more than what
you've been through.
That's a hard pill to swallow,very hard right?
Yeah, and as a person that havedealt well, you know they've
done life coach, uh, lifecoaching event I'm I'm sure you
understand that that breakdownof it is extremely because those
(14:31):
people are extremely guarded,they're extremely defended.
You know what I mean.
They're defensive,overprotective, you know what I
mean.
The trauma is real.
The swing that they do iscompletely in the opposite
direction.
You will not thing to do.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's like you know how I'm gonna use a kid you.
I can't wait to get out thishouse.
I can't wait to get my own kids.
I'm gonna get out of here.
I'm gonna get married.
I ain't never come back herebecause of the, because we
didn't understand the discipline, or the, the harshness of the
discipline, or saying, dad, this, this ain't warning me, can't
sit down for the last couple ofdays this ain't warning that
this ain't warrant this.
In my mind, it didn't warrantthis like dang.
(15:12):
So now, guess what?
What happens?
Like you said, we see it now.
Now it becomes fearful.
Now you scared to do anything.
So we're not only just anythingin the in the presence of your
parents and your relatives, butjust in the world going forward.
So now, when you have your ownkids, now you feel like you are
going to right the wrong rightthe wrong.
(15:34):
Or now you're going to tell yourmother I told you so because
now I get to raise my kid theway I want to.
But then guess what happenswith those grandparents?
They become what we wanted.
Now they, grandkids, can't getbeat, don't you yell at them
don't you tell them they can'thave this.
(15:55):
I see my mother in here.
When I tell you the traditionalvalues that my grandmother and
my mother instilled in me, whenI say it to my niece oh, don't
say that to her, or she can havewhat she want I go what.
You gotta be kidding me.
So you gotta become agrandmother in order to be, to
be balanced.
And then, in the same thing, Iwas raised on superstition, so I
(16:21):
remember my mother.
So this is.
This goes with my mother havingsomething that she didn't
understand.
She didn't understandsuperstition.
You know, barring salt, a blackcat, uh, breaking a mirror,
seven years, bad luck, um, yourhand it's somebody's talking
about on the crack, break yourmother right my mother was
(16:41):
raised on that stuff.
Right, you know, spin on a broom, if you touch your feet you
can't get married.
So I'm like so then a lot of usgot our feet touched with
brooms.
That's why we not married.
So I didn't understand it.
So if I didn't understand it,this is how I was coming into
where I'm at now, understandingthat I wasn't gonna march at the
beat of somebody else's drum.
(17:02):
So I stood up to my grandmother,but I'll not in a way that I
was being disrespectful.
I didn't understand, why areyou telling me all these little
weird things?
I didn't understand it and Iexpected her to explain it to me
, but she.
But she couldn't because shedidn't know where it came from.
It was taught to her.
So she taught it to my mother.
My mother and them try to teachit to me, and I wasn't having
(17:23):
it Right.
So my mother.
So one day I said, grandma, thatdon't make sense.
I said I can't borrow salt or acat.
I said but God made a cat.
Why would that be bad luck?
Oh, don't talk back to me.
I almost got beat for it.
My mother.
And my mother admitted to me,maybe a couple of months ago or
like a year ago we talked aboutit.
(17:43):
She said I couldn't say nothing.
She said but I was so happythat you stood up to to my
mother, something that I couldnot do.
She said I thought you wasgonna die or get beat, but when
you stood up to grandma, I was.
So I said you know, my motherhad to still tell me you know,
watch your mouth.
But she, but she couldn'tbelieve that I actually had the
(18:05):
strength and the courage toquestion my grandmother on
something that I didn't.
That didn't add up to me fromwhat you're trying to raise me
biblically to what you'retelling me now about
superstition.
But my grandmother couldn'texplain it because she didn't
have the answer right so I wenton, not believing in
superstition, don't care aboutno mirror and all this stuff.
It comes to Remembrance becauseI was Raised, but it was up to
(18:30):
me to Debunk it.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Now I'm going to say one thing that my grandmother
was right about what's that.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
She said turn your lights off with lightning.
So one day I was in the housebeing defiant.
My grandmother was dead andgone and I'm sitting up there
and it's lightning.
I'm on the computer, I'mwatching tv.
I'm like see my grandma knowshe's talking about no daggone
lightning and turn the light off, comply.
I was in the projects, okay, onthe ninth floor, the corner of
(18:57):
the building, that lightning hit, struck the building, the light
, the sky lit up like it wasdaytime.
My computer said boom.
I saw a spark.
I said I'm sorry, grandma, I'msorry, you're right, you're
right, I turned up everything.
I'm sitting in the middle ofthe floor like this.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, soI say that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
To say it, I land that there's certain things that
you do have to listen, becauseeverything that they did say was
not wrong right every day Ilove you, grandma let me ask you
this then yeah, do, do youbelieve, um, that the
(19:40):
traditional way of thetraditional way of relationships
, do you think that it is, itwas better than the modern way
of relationship?
And hence I'll explain beforebefore, before I let you go,
before I let you out, I'm gonna,I'm gonna go ahead and hold me
(20:02):
back.
Before I let you go, let meexplain.
I ain't got no more juice forthis so the, the traditional way
was to you know the male, youknow speak to the father and you
(20:24):
know you had to get thefather's approval for you to
even start talking to the father.
You had to get the father'sapproval for you to even start
talking to the daughter.
Then, once you start talking tothe daughter, or whatever the
case may be, after a certainamount of time, now it is what
are we doing?
What is your intentions with mydaughter, whatever the case may
(20:48):
be, and we ain't doing a wholelong thing or whatever, like
what's going on?
Right, right, there wasdefinitely.
You had a period of time thatyou courted the woman.
You courted the woman andcourting was basically dating
(21:13):
and getting to know at the sametime.
You know, but what I've, whatI've noticed, because now the,
the, the modern way, isbasically social media.
You don't really like there'sso many different broken homes
(21:33):
that you don't really have toget to know the parent at all.
You know what I mean.
Like some folks, you never evenmeet their parent at all.
You know, or whatever the case,depending on the dynamics
that's going on in the house,you know a lot of the time
you're meeting on, a lot ofpeople are meeting on social
media through, you know,different apps and things of
(21:56):
that nature.
Um, they're going on, um,they're going on dates.
Um, um, after, after, gettingto know each other.
For you know, however long youknow, sometimes months,
sometimes, you know, weeks, justdepend on the vibes or whatever
(22:18):
the case may be, but I candefinitely tell you that there's
the difference between the twoas far as to how you're getting
to know each particular person,because I think that you know,
you like I've not been in yourpresence to feel your vibe, to
(22:47):
say that hey, yo, yeah, I'minterested in you, right, in
this way or that way.
So, um, that's why I asked thequestion like do you believe
that the traditional way, way ofcourting, of dating, of
(23:12):
relationships, is better orworse than the modern day?
And, based off of your answer,I have another question.
But well, let's talk.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I'm not trying to shadow the fence, but again I I
I do see how both of them cancan balance and work for me.
I am a modern day woman withsome traditional values that I
still hold to my heart that Iwill never negate from no one,
(23:44):
care how many years left on thisearth that I am allowed to date
.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I would not negate from allowing a man to come to
my house on the first or secondor third date.
I would not negate from a manbeing the first to pay If he
asked me out on the first date.
I would not negate from uhsexual activities until I'm,
until I know that we're in arelationship, ever not made
(24:13):
mistakes in the past, right,because it's um, certain things
that I've learned, like that.
Or letting a man now pick youup from your home, you know,
because now.
So now picking you up from yourhome was a traditional thing
right but now, because of themodern day crazies, that's not a
thing for safety for a woman,because now you might get with a
(24:36):
guy that you don't like and nowhe knows where you live at
right.
So I don't, I won't use thatanymore.
I don't want you picking me upin your car, even at the corner.
I got my own car, I'll drive.
We can be separate ways because, again, you know, time, the new
modern way, has shown thatdating is very, very scary now
(24:59):
versus when I, when I was datingdating traditional when I was
younger you like somebody thatwas your boyfriend.
You went on a couple of datesand you didn't have to worry
about calling me 15 times andthings like that.
If he was your boyfriend, hemet your parents.
You met his parents.
I was 16, 17, up until maybe20-something years, I was
meeting my boyfriend's parents.
(25:19):
I was spending Thanksgivingwith them.
They were taking my mother,allowed me to go on trips.
If I spent the night, it wasbecause they had a bigger sister
and they knew that we was inseparate rooms and I mean, you
know, things happen whatever.
You still can come out the room, but it was the fact of respect
.
Parents knew each other thesedays, like you said, you were
not meeting nobody parents.
So I do believe that, again,there are some traditional
(25:44):
values that I, as a woman, tokeep my femininity, I would not
negate from, but there are somethings that I do believe that
cannot be traditional anymorebecause of the protection of
being a single woman dating nowin the 21st century.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I can.
I can agree with that, with alot of what you said, and I can
understand your reasoning behind.
But I'll, but, I'll I'll let youknow, because I have other
stuff that I don't want to overoverdrawing it, but yeah okay,
um, I, I can agree with you know, like, for instance, like for
me, like, um, it is, it is a,it's a, it's my ego, I'll put it
(26:23):
, I'll just put it out there.
My ego, I'll just put it outthere, my ego will not allow for
you to pay for the date.
Even if you were the one to askme on the date, my ego will not
allow me to do that.
How about on the second date?
Now, you're never going to payon a date, not if I'm present.
So not the traditional, not ifI'm present.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Okay, so not.
If you're traditional, okay, Iget it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know what I mean.
My ego will not allow me to dothat.
You know what I mean.
It'll be a completely differentother thing.
Say, for instance, if you set areservation and you paid in
advance.
You know what I mean.
So now I don't know that it'shappened, that you've done it
Like, okay, now that's, yeah,that's out of my hands.
(27:07):
You know what I mean.
But if I'm there and a checkcomes on that table, like I
don't want you touching it, youknow just the same way, like, if
I'm in the car with you and wepull up to the gas station, like
there's no need for you to getout the car.
Like you know, like, unless youwant to go in and get you some,
some to snack on, or whateverthe case may be, like there's no
(27:28):
reason for you to get out thecar.
Like I'm pumping the gas andthen I'll.
You know, uh, you know, unlessthere's something specific or
you need to go to the bathroomor something like that.
You know like, cause, in myview, like when you're with me,
you're under my protection atall.
My view, like when you're withme, you're under my protection
at all, like, and so I'mthinking about all scenarios,
whether or not you know theremay be something going on inside
(27:50):
the store that you know, uh, orwhatever, or if on the outside
you know what I mean.
Like I need to make sure that Iam the the focal point not,
exactly not, you agree.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I think that there arecertain things, traditionally,
(28:13):
that I do hold on to, but thenthere are certain things that
are modern, that I definitelylike the independence of a woman
.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I love that.
I love that.
I love it.
I do not think that I wouldhave fit well in a society that
tried to cultivate a woman to me, and the reason why I say that
is because I need someone topush back on some of my impulses
(28:47):
.
You know what I mean,Especially being the young man
that I was coming up Like.
Now that I'm here, now you knowI'm more calculated, I'm more
now less of a risk taker andthings of that nature, but when
I was younger like if I hadsomeone that all you ever do was
listen to what I say orwhatever I'm going to, my
(29:08):
personality is going to runright over the top of you.
You know what I mean.
Like I need that pushback, Ineed that stop.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
So let me ask you a question.
Do you think that, before Ilose it you know, excuse my ADHD
, sorry Do you think that?
I see, I don, I forgot my dangon door.
What was I about to ask you?
Do you think that modern versustraditional is predicated on
(29:37):
age and the walk of life thatwe're in at this moment?
Like what you're saying, youwould run over the person.
Now you know, now that wasn'ttraditional, that was modern,
but now that part is now you.
You may want a woman that's alittle more conditioned and not
(29:58):
so well, I mean, tell you whatto do, right, not so bossy.
Do you think it's like,predicated on our levels of life
, like where we are?
Because I I kind of think likethat.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
If you understand what I'm trying to say yeah, I
do, but I do, but in a certainsense, like it does depend on
your level of maturity and your,your accountability to yourself
.
Right, because I know me, Iknow my personality is a tidal
(30:30):
wave.
You know what I mean.
I know my personality is atidal wave, so I know what I
need in order for me to be thebest version of me, what I need
in order for me to be the bestversion of me, and I don't need
someone that is just going to bealone for the ride to just tell
me, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
You know what I mean.
Like I need you.
Yeah, you need a littlepushback.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I have to have that because, because no relationship
that I have been in where theperson didn't have the right
type of personality that wasable to like it ends fast.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I got you.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
It ends fast, you know, yeah, and it's not
necessarily because so you needthat challenge.
I have to have the challenge.
So the independent, you knowlike I want and see the
independent woman.
What she also allows me to seeis that if something should
Because, see, I was asked aquestion a while ago and then I
(31:41):
had to give this really deepthought- okay.
I was asked what is moreimportant to me in a
relationship level security andI thought about that thing for a
second Shauna.
I thought about that thing fora while and I said you know what
?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I need to write that down because I need to answer
that myself.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
They asked me that question, I was like, for me
it's security.
And it was like, why did yousay that?
And I was like, well, you knowwhat?
I love me better than anybodyelse that could possibly love me
in this world.
Nobody else is going to love mebesides God himself.
No one else is going to love methe way that I love me.
(32:25):
You can't possibly love mebetter than I love me.
Right, amen, Amen.
But I've been homeless before.
I've been neglected andabandoned before.
Neglected and abandoned before.
I run from that every singleday of my life because I
remember how that felt right.
(32:47):
So for me, I can care lessabout your love.
Your love is a bonus to me.
That's all it is.
It's a bonus my security,making sure that I have a house
to come to, I have a safe spacewhere I can be vulnerable, where
(33:08):
I can have peace in my life,all of those things.
That is more important to methan the feeling, because the
feeling is fleeting, gotcha, youknow what I mean.
Like I need to be able to, to,to, to, to, to walk in some
doors or whatever I said.
(33:28):
They didn't feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I'm home Right.
Everything that you just wentthrough, it don't even matter
Once you walk through it don'teven matter.
And a lot of women don't evenunderstand that, like how um
they you know a man equivalatesrespect and vulnerability with
love.
So you can never have to saylike we need I love me, love me,
love me, want me.
Like we need to hear that allthe time, like we can say I love
(33:52):
you at five o'clock, we need tohear it again at 5 15 right
because that's just how we, justhow we built, and then
insecurities and things likethat, but men equate love with
respect and that vulnerabilitythat they can be themselves and
that they don't have to hearsomething, an argument, after
they confided in you because,like we said, you know in our
first podcast, once that happens, that that door is closed.
(34:15):
Like you know, that goes withthe mental health of a man and
it's closed.
So it's like that's soimportant, like you know, that
was a good thing.
Women need to understand that.
You know it's yeah, so that's agood question.
I don't answer it myself, but Ithink I don't know Because I
(34:38):
feel like I'm secure for myself.
So it might be the opposite ofwhat you said and I'm not trying
to make that a beat about it,but that was a good question, I
think for me.
I think the love is important,but what love is to me is what
it is Like.
I just said, love me it's likethe way you show me your love is
(34:58):
.
Whatever my requirements is,then that's what's important to
me.
The security for me, I guess,because you know, if you're not
mad, because you know thingshappen you fall out of love, you
break up and then you securewith this person, but then they
leave and so I don't ever reallythink I get too comfortable
unless I know.
(35:18):
But I get more comfortableknowing that you love me because
there's people that love me andwe're not even together anymore
or we're not like in eachother's presence, like that.
But the love was neverquestionable.
So it might be love for me, butmaybe that's just because I'm a
woman.
That's a good question.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That was good that was a when I was like that that
was good, yeah, that was uh.
Now, when I was asked thatquestion, I really like I had to
deep dive into that, becauseyou know that, you know what
where I go is, you know how Ifelt during times when, um, when
(35:57):
I felt my worst, right, and didI feel my worst because
somebody didn't love me?
Or did I feel my worst becauseI didn't feel secure, I didn't
feel safe?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right.
See, that's the part.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
You know what I mean so that's how I broke it down
was like which one felt worse tome?
And for me, it was that lack ofsecurity, that that that time
where you know where I was, Iwas, uh, out and all alone and
didn't have anybody, you know, Imean I had to, you know, get it
(36:35):
in the mud, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah so, um, now talking about
relationships, uh, because thisis what we modern day woman,
modern day, you know, it'salways the, it's always the
modern, versus, again, it'salways the woman.
Right for me, for I do believe,right now, in the era that we
(36:59):
are in, that there is really nosuch thing as a traditional
woman anymore, because thetraditional way of living is not
even a thing.
Existent anymore it doesn'texist right, Because it takes
two households to work just tomake ends meet um two incomes
(37:23):
two incomes right, yeah, tworight two incomes to make, to
make what I said you said twohouseholds.
Oh right, right, two incomes tomake that right to make the
household right to to make it tomake ends meet it takes.
It takes um two parents to toraise kids now and, you know, to
(37:44):
together, I mean, that's alwaysbeen a thing.
I feel like the traditionalaspect of it is non-existent
because of just that right thereum, the cost of living, uh,
social media influences, uh, we,we were, we were, our parents
was was raised on survival.
(38:07):
We were raised on survival andon free thinking.
These kids are raised on traumafrom the free thinking,
survival parents that they don'thave to be traumatized because
we've given them everything,because we didn't have it.
So now we're giving our kidseverything and we're not,
(38:30):
involuntarily, not raising themup with morals.
They don't know what it is tohave struggle meals or to not go
to, to go to bed hungry or whathand-me-down clothes is,
because we out here buying themeverything right, because we
didn't have it.
So again the trauma shows us.
So our kids are being raised onour trauma and remember we had
(38:53):
that conversation in the livethat we had last two weeks ago.
But but our traditional goesout the window unless you have
somebody that really held on.
I mean, if you can hold on atleast to 15% to 20% of what
grandma raised you with, if weall had the blessing of being
raised by our grandparents orhaving an older mom, then that
(39:14):
could go a long way.
But unfortunately, the moregenerations is happening now,
these younger kids, kids nowbefore babies were being you
know, it seems like it'shappening again.
Our younger, our grandparentshad kids at 14, 13, then we came
and then our mothers had us at17, 18.
Now our kids right us, wehaving our kids, right us, we
(39:37):
having our kids 16, maybe 17.
Now our children for ourgrandkids, they having kids at
25, 26, some of them 30.
They don't want kids.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Yeah, they don't want kids.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
And then the ones that now the Gen Z's.
They're having kids later, sonow it's like, but then now the
kids that had the children at 16, 14, they're hanging out with
their kids.
So how can I have show my kidsmore rules and and um and and
and and integrity if I'm shakingmy butt and twerking with my
(40:12):
daughter?
Right or I'm drinking a beer,smoking with my son yeah right,
there's got to be a separation.
Me and my son, we went out to.
I went to visit him and mygrandkids in Georgia, like two
years ago when COVID was kind ofending, and we were sitting at
the seafood restaurant and weordered some drinks.
(40:35):
I don't drink, he drink.
He ordered a beer.
I don't drink, he drink, heordered a beer.
I almost had a fit but I had tocatch myself cause he's grown
and he's married, right, but Ijust didn't want to see my son
sit with me drinking a beer.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
But it ain't ain't the fact that he disrespected me
by ordering it.
I was like what you doing, andthen I'm like he's.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Like you doing, and then I'm like he's like ma I
said I said just just gottadrink it, but I didn't like
right, right, like me and mymother.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
But it's not a bad reflection you know, I mean,
it's not a bad reflection that Ifeel like there's a certain
type of honor and and andcertain things you just don't do
in front of your parents.
And, like I said, I it was justthat it caught me off guard
because I still look, I'm likemy baby you know, like, know,
like my mother, she get a drink.
You know I've ordered, you know,a drink with her.
Like we'll have a pina coladamine's a B virgin because you
(41:25):
know I got to drive and I don'tdrink but she'll drink in front
of me, but I'll let my motherdrink in front of me before I'll
take a sip with my mom.
But I have I'm, but it's justthat little that the.
I think it's just the, the, the, the birth and the of the
children and the age of us thathave come so close.
The gap is is it's bridged, isa little closer than it was.
(41:48):
That's why now you don't havethe traditional grandmothers or
the traditional aunties, becausethey're partying with the, with
their nieces and their kids.
We don't want to be calledauntie Now when you get called
auntie, it's like a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
That was where I was going to go next.
There's a lot of times I hearpeople say, well, these kids
will call you by your name orwhatever the case may be.
The problem is, because auntso-and-so and uncle so-and-so
don't want to be called auntso-and-so and uncle so-and-so,
they'll tell them don't call methat.
(42:30):
Or if you call me Mr or Mrs,that makes me think of my mother
, and I'm not that old.
Call me so.
So now that I have beenaccustomed to being, um, being
that type to call grown peopleby their first name, because
they don't want me to put a mror mrs or whatever, you're right
(42:55):
or exactly.
So now it's not disrespect.
It's not disrespect, it is ataught behavior.
Now.
Sometimes it's a taught behavior.
No, seriously, like there's.
So I've heard so many times.
When I came from, I came from,I was living in Arkansas, and
(43:16):
when I lived in Arkansas nowimagine that culture shock
moving from South Bronx, newYork, to Arkansas like that that
was wild my goodness, um, andnow.
I used to stay in fights forthat reason, like I couldn't
understand nothing they weretalking about, like it was just
(43:40):
it was wild you know what I mean.
Like, who are these people?
Where did they come from?
Why did they drop me off here,plymouth Rock?
huh, no, that's right, I landedon it but but when I, when I
(44:04):
moved from Arkansas and I movedto Virginia and then I moved
also to Indiana because of theupbringing that I had in
Arkansas where you know theyteach a lot of Southern
hospitality, the old schoolcountry ways, whatever the case
(44:24):
may be.
So it was Mr Mrs Ma'am, sir, da, da, da da.
When I moved to Virginia, likethat was the first place where
it was like man, don't call mema'am, don't call me sir, I
don't like ma'am.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
You right See what that was yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
We were taught to say ma'am, sir, mr, mrs.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
That's what we were taught they can say I'm their
grandmother, but I don't want tobe called grandma.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
But, grandma, you know what I mean.
Nana Gigi is fine or Madea.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Maybe Madea, but it's called.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
Gigi, you know, now it's grandma and all this other
stuff.
Where it used to be to get oldwas a prideful thing.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
And it was an honor.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
It was an honor, it was a badge of honor, it was a
sign of dignity to get old,dignity to get old.
Now it is like so many of us istrying to run away from it, as
if like, as if it's a curse.
And so what happens?
What happens is now you try,now I'm going to make 45, the
(45:55):
new 35, instead of just being 45.
You know what I mean, insteadof just being 45.
You know what I mean, insteadof just being 45.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
I'm proud because I know I don't make 49.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I'm going to be my age.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
I'm going to hold this down.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
I appreciate the grades that's coming out.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
It is what it is.
I'm going to let them come.
I'm going to let them.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
It's different for y'all men, though it look good
on y'all.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You know, the crazy thing is that I don't think that
it looks bad on women.
I think women make other womenfeel self-conscious about their
appearances.
There are certain things thatus men and any men that watch
this, if you agree with me justlet me know.
(46:47):
You know, just let me know.
There are certain things thatwomen do as far as to their
parents that us men, we don'tgive a damn about.
We could care less.
I mean, I do believe, you know,I mean you doing that
specifically, either for you, oryou doing it for some other
female, to to impress anotherfemale, or so that another
(47:10):
female won't talk, or whatever,because we ain't looking at
nothing in regards to that.
You know what I mean.
Like, lashes or edges or stufflike that.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Okay.
Do you believe that it'spossible for a modern woman to
to hold traditional values or betaught traditional values in
this day and age, right now?
Speaker 2 (47:44):
yes, because I see that there are still a lot of
modern women that go out andthey do the nine-to-five and
stuff like that, that still havetraditional values where they
still want to be courted, theystill want to be.
(48:07):
Now there are certain parts ofthe traditional values that is,
that's gone, that I believe isgone.
And, for instance, I think thatthe days of the housewife,
they're done.
You know what I mean.
I think that for For thecollective, for the median, you
(48:32):
know what I mean.
No, there's going to beoutliers where you know this
person may be able to get awaywith it or whatever the case may
be, but for the vast majoritynowadays, the housewife is done
because inflation is too high.
The economy is what it is.
Inflation is too high, theeconomy is what it is.
(48:55):
You know, um, we, we, we can'tafford for, you know, unless you
getting paid to be a housewiferight, there ain't no housewife.
You know what I mean.
Like I need you out hereworking.
Even if it's just a littlepiece of job, I need you to be
working you know what I meanhome or something, yeah
something yeah, so there arethere are certain aspects of the
traditional um values that youknow.
(49:17):
I think that is is no longerrelevant in today's world, but,
um, I do believe that there area lot of women there and I think
there's a lot of men that areout here that still are holding
on to some of the traditionalvalues that we learn from our
(49:40):
parents and our grandparents butit's the men that keep asking
for the traditional, thetraditional woman, but they're
not.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
But they're not giving us that traditional life,
and therein lies the issue yeah, because you're asking
something that you're not givingme the you're not giving me the
soft ever life, to live atraditional life, to cook, clean
and be able to do it, and thenbe okay that all the bills are
going to be met by just oneincome.
So you ask for something thatyou have to be the first
(50:09):
partaker in creating.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah, yeah.
You can't ask for in today'stime, you can't ask for the
traditional woman and only work40 hours a day.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
No, you sure can't.
Or 40 hours a week?
No, you can't ask for it,that's not even possible.
It's not even possible.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
You have to if you want in today's society and
unless you stay home with my sixfigures unless you seven
figures or above no, the onlyway that you could possibly
continue on with a traditionallifestyle is that you have to
(50:46):
work more than 40 hours a week.
You cannot 60 plus 60 plus 60,you know, and then that means
your wife that means I'm not athome I'm not gonna see you that
means I'm not at home, so thesewomen are asking for a lot and
these men are asking for a lot.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
But here go to, here go to the narrowing of this
conversation that we have in thetraditional versus modern um uh
values is non-existent or slimto none, because you have to
provide that atmosphere.
If you are a woman thatrequires this, then you have to
make sure that everything thatyour husband is asking you
(51:27):
didn't.
That needs to be met right.
So if you want to be a modernwoman, like like claire huxtable
, and work, but you start tocome home, cook, clean, attend
to your husband at nighttime,you can't be tired, you got you,
you you got to do two jobs, soyou can't, you can't have.
It's either one or the other.
But if you want to be atraditional woman and and then
(51:50):
and have well, I'm sorry, be amodern woman, have traditional
values, then you got to stand onon those values, yeah.
And if you are a modern day manthat want a traditional wife
but you know that you're notgiving her that lifestyle, then
you have to give her thatlifestyle.
You have to give her thecushion to be able to quit her
job that makes her a modernwoman, to be able to stay home
(52:10):
and do all the things that youcushion to be able to quit her
job.
That makes her a modern womanto be able to stay home and do
all the things that you need tobe done when you come home and
whatever else you need for herif you just want her to be at
your beck and call.
But y'all cannot have it bothways, no, and it's more than
just sex and cleaning andcooking that makes a woman a
traditional woman or modern.
(52:31):
It's more to it than just that.
There's so much more to it thanjust that.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Because there's a lot of women out here that ain't
got no jobs.
Don't mean that theytraditional.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
That part right there .
What are you doing?
They modern broke Right.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
No pockets.
Traditional welfare RightGotitionally no pockets.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Traditional welfare.
Right got traditional land.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:58):
Right.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Right so you got to be careful what you're asking
for.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yeah, yeah, okay, what you?
Speaker 1 (53:05):
going to do though.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Right.
That's why I say you know like,you have to know where you are.
Like, are you in your fantasy,are you in reality?
Because your fantasy is?
Okay, this is my idealsituation.
This is, you know, like ifeverything went right, this is
what I want, right, this is mypreference, this is what you
(53:28):
know.
But then reality.
Reality is is that yo, I onlywork 40 hours a week or less?
Reality is is that, um, thereality is I only make XYZ
amount of dollars per hour andthat's not enough if you're in
today's society to to have awoman that's going to be at home
(53:54):
on your beck and call all thetime like that.
That's just not.
That's not feasible.
That's not going to be afeasible way of thought process
for your lifestyle.
You're going to struggle allthe time.
That's just a guarantee yep andthen it's going to be an unhappy
way of living.
That's just what it is.
(54:15):
It's a guarantee that's goingto be an unhappy way of living
because, contrary to what peoplemay think, um, infidelity isn't
the cause of a lot of thebreakups of a household.
It is that money being funny,dumb finances get funny and I
(54:38):
lose compassion.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
No romance without finance.
That song was real.
What are we talking about?
You know what I'm?
Speaker 2 (54:48):
saying what are we talking about?
Like you ain't got.
You know what I'm saying.
What are we talking about?
Like you ain't got nothing?
What?
The lights got cut off.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
What you want to jump on me?
What we ain't got no food?
What?
Speaker 2 (55:00):
We ain't got no food.
I ain't got no compassion.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
I'm not in the mood Right, I ain't got a headache, I
stress okay, you betterunderstand if you don't scooch
over and leave me alone rightyou're right, fine, why you
ain't?
Why you ain't at work right nowright, you ain't got no job,
better go on tiktok, make avideo man, look here, look here
(55:29):
I walked up.
You better get your car and youbetter do Uber Eats or do it,
ash, I walk about this house andyou in one spot and I come back
and you in the same spot, wegot problems.
The same underwear is on.
You ain't wash your ass either.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
We got problems.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
I don't smell no soap , no, nothing in here.
Speaker 2 (55:48):
Ain't nothing cooking .
Speaker 1 (55:49):
Nothing cooking.
It's nothing cooking, it's drythe clothes are still on the
couch what stuff about?
Speaker 2 (55:57):
to get rough around here where you going.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
I'll be back.
I need to go somewhere becauseI can't do this.
What?
Speaker 2 (56:05):
I'm trying to tell you don finance, look
traditional finance in aterrible household.
That's why I say you know likeit's, I think that the
traditional way of thinking, Ithink that was beneficial, but
because of the modern societythat we have, yeah it may be
(56:28):
unattainable to a certain degree, depending on what part of the
traditional you know, thetraditional lifestyle you want
to, you want to incorporate.
Certain things are definitelystill, you know, they still out
there, they're still being done.
You know, um, you know so Idon't have any issue with that.
(56:49):
But there are certain otherparts of the traditional values
that is definitely in thissociety.
It's now unattainable.
It's going to be slim to noneto see it?
Speaker 1 (57:01):
I definitely, but we, we, we got to come together as
as as, as men and women, cause Ithink we, we be requesting a
lot from each other, um thingsthat, like you said, that that's
not possible at this presentmoment in time.
You know the average theaverage working person makes 45
(57:23):
000 a year, and that's average,and the lowest is about 20 20
yeah 20, about 20.
So and then on on the scale ofsix figures.
The low six figures by the timetax is taken out, you still five
figures yeah you got to be likehigh six figures in order to
really see the bulk of yourmoney yeah you know, I'm, I'm,
(57:44):
I'm mid six figures and it'sstill a lot yeah it's still a
lot.
You think I don't want to.
I've been working too long.
I've been working since I was14.
You think I don't want to comehome and be cute and walk around
here with little teddies andcook dinner all day and sing.
You think I don't want to dothat?
I still sometimes got to comehome after a day of working 12,
(58:08):
16 hours and still cook andclean for myself.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
I can't wait to retire.
I want to know what that feellike.
What that look like, Rightright, I had two days off this
week.
Guess what?
I slept all day yesterday,slept most of this day.
Now I'm doing right here what Ilove to do, and then I got to
go in there and cook dinnerafter I get off this bar, gas
for myself laundry, and then I'mright back in the trenches
tomorrow back in the trenchestomorrow.
(58:36):
That's me, with no help so youthink I don't want another six
figure or coaster six figure manto jump on board with me so we
can make this work together?
I would love that, butaccording to society, I'm too
successful or nobody care aboutmy accolades.
You care about something, butaccording to society, I'm too
successful or nobody care aboutmy accolades.
You care about something.
But again, gotta be carefulwhat you listen to.
Speaker 2 (58:57):
Like we just said in our last podcast, I land you
know, one of the one of the bestthings, one of the best things
that we we as individuals canlearn is to be truthful with
(59:22):
yourself in regards to where youare, where you stand.
Where you stand, you know, likeit's one thing to have a
preference, but is your is, isyour preference, maintainable?
It can you, is it sustainableover a period of time?
Because, yeah, it might startoff a certain type of way, like,
(59:43):
yeah, you know, if you, ifyou're making a certain type of
money and you're in a certaintype, in certain areas of the
country, you know, then you knowwhat, yep, you might be able to
do that, but for the most part,for the most part you have to
yeah, okay, no, guys, I'm sayingbut for the most part, you have
(01:00:03):
to be realistic with where youare in this thing we call life,
because and then also understandthat life continues to life, it
will always continue to life,so you have to be mindful of
that when you're making certainselections.
So, yes, I definitely believethat we should hold on to some
(01:00:26):
of the traditional values thatwe've learned that we were
cultivated under.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
And I love it.
I love the way I hold on to it,because if it texts- me it
really does If I was to let gosome of the things that my
grandmother told me.
You know, like crossing yourlegs.
You know keeping your elbowsoff the table.
You know just wearing a slit.
You know make sure yourintimates and your clothes is
clean slit.
(01:00:51):
You know make sure your youryour intimates on your clothes
is clean and certain things youknow my grandma always say, like
like little nuggets, I hear myyou know, when I'm doing
something I would say my grandmawould say this like those type
of things I would never let goof, regardless of the fact and
and and I think that that shouldbe passed down, like I told my
friend today, like there'scertain things that we should
not negate or let go from ourdiscipline in raising, because
(01:01:13):
especially if we're not going togo get help or talk through our
traumas that our parentsinflicted on us, because they
only knew what they knew.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
They only knew what they knew.
Now we want to blame them.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
And now we're going to be the little kids showing up
raising our kids.
Don't do that, Because rememberwe used to get beat for that.
Let your kids say whatever theywant to say.
And now your kids sayingwhatever they want to say.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Whatever they want to say right.
Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
And now they cursing you out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
And now you don't understand why.
But when they go to grandma'shouse they ain't doing that over
there, or they are.
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Right, there were certain things, though we're
being completely honest andwe're going to land this plane
in a little bit, but we're beinghonest.
There were certain things that,like you were saying earlier,
where you would get, you know,discipline for and it was just a
(01:02:07):
kid being a kid and you didn'thave the space to just be a kid
you know what I mean Like,whereas now we recognize that
you're just being a kid, you'renot being disrespectful, you're
not being, you know this, thatand the third You're just being
a kid, you're just being curious.
Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, he just got himself introuble.
He just got himself in troublea lot of the time.
You're just being curious,you're just.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Yeah, you know, he just right, he just he just got
himself in trouble a lot of thetime and so, but you have to.
Like one of my co-workers, heum, was talking to me and he was
like you know, one of thethings that he learned from when
he was growing up was that henoticed how a lot of times his I
(01:02:56):
think he said his grandmotherwould be like go in there and
clean the bathroom.
And he would go in there andclean the bathroom and he would
clean it to what he thought wasclean, right, right, yeah.
And his grandma would get upsetwith them and whoop him and
tell him to go back in there andclean the bathroom but never.
(01:03:17):
Gave him no type, but never gavehim that part right there that
part right there, if you nevertaught me I'm glad you went
there, because that's where Ithink that's where the
traditional kind of failed usyou know what I mean.
There was no teachable moments,and so, then, what we did was
(01:03:41):
we went and we took it and weswung it completely the opposite
direction to where I'm notgoing to do what they did and we
did nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
Yep.
But, like I said, you can'tbeat a child, yell at a child
without having some type ofdialogue with them, even if you
don't want them to talk back.
Do you know why?
My mother sometimes would sayyou know why I'm beating you?
And I'd be like no, I don'tknow.
And then I can't say no becausethat's talking back.
(01:04:13):
So I'm just sitting up there.
So now you're trying to get meto talk when you're telling me
don't talk.
But you know how I used to bebehind that door.
I can't stand you.
Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
I can't wait till I get grown.
Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
Every curse in the book and you'd be like what you
say Nothing're doing this.
You got me going.
What, like?
I'm gonna lose my breath.
Uh-uh, I'm gonna mess with you.
I can't wait to get out thishouse and I'm gonna be
everything that you, you were,that you were right, to my kid
trauma response yep, and that'swhat I was.
Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
That's what I was going to say physical child yeah
, an adult body.
Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
That's what it is a mental child raising a physical
child and an adult body, andyou're both kids, both of us.
So now your kids running aroundhere doing that kind of stuff,
like I go, walk in and I'm likehow are you a mother and you
smoke weed with your kid?
Explain that to me.
I don't want to be.
I told myself I don't want tobe.
I told him I don't want to behis friend.
(01:05:11):
I'm his friend now because he'solder, he got married.
I don't have no jurisdictionover him.
But even then all I could do isgive advice.
Yeah, but I'm not partying withyou right, right, because I'm
not doing that I'm not yourfriend I don't care if you're
mad, right.
So there's certain things thatmy mother did instill in me and
(01:05:31):
it's crazy because the veryvalues that I got from my
grandmother, because mygrandmother teaching and
discipline raised me up until 26.
And she passed, but when it wasfor my brother he was 15.
So we well, we're eight yearsapart.
So I think I'm saying thatright, this sheet 18, 26, yeah,
(01:05:54):
no, 50, 60.
So when he passed away, when,when she passed away, he started
, he was raised with my, from mymother, from 15 up until now,
and the way he is you could tellhe had no traditional values.
Whatever my grandmother taughthim.
He needed more of it, gotcha.
And then my mother didn't raisehim like I.
(01:06:15):
Like I said, I said, and Ityped it into somebody's chat, I
said we're not, our kids arenot being raised.
I'm not being raised anymore,they're just growing up.
Yeah, they're being grown up.
They they're not being raised.
Raised is with values, morals,do's, don'ts.
Being grown up is just you'rehere, you're going to be grown,
(01:06:36):
you're going to pick up littlethings you hear me say, but I'm
not taking time to instillanything in you and that's the
problem.
I don't even know if the modernday is even the correct
verbiage to say, because a lotof these kids don't have none of
that.
But the day is even the correctum verbiage to say, because a
(01:06:58):
lot of these kids don't don'thave none of that.
But the way they think and thethings they say, the entitlement
, the audacity at some thingsthey can't, they can't been
raised.
There's no way.
There's no way that the mom satdown and took time to help him
with certain stuff.
It was, oh, send him to school,let the teachers and the
strangers teach them stuff.
Kids know songs better, theyknow the ABC's.
I saw a mother on TikTok theother day teaching her daughter
how to twerk at 8 years oldteaching your daughter how to
(01:07:24):
twerk and you know.
You know the trick.
You don't want to arch yourback, push down on her back.
You teaching your daughter howto twerk at eight, I think it's
cute.
Then what does that do for ourcommunity?
Right, when she get older.
Because if your mother taughtyou, then it got to be right.
(01:07:45):
Right, because your mom taughtyou.
There's no way that she wouldteach you anything to harm or
hurt you.
I digress.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
There's no way that she would teach you anything to
harm or hurt you.
I digress there you go andthere you have it.
Well, look, it is always apleasure, shauna, always a
pleasure.
Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
We had another one, another one and another one and
another one, and another one,another one, and another one,
and another one, and another one.
This has been the male andfemale perspective podcast.
I am your host.
Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Shauna Speaks and I am Just Comply.
Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
Like, subscribe, follow and, like he said, just
Comply.
Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
And Just Comply.
Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
Good night y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
Good night, just comply and just comply.
Good night, y'all good night.
what's going on, y'all?
It's your girl, shauna Speaks,and this is the male and female
perspective podcast, and I'mhere with my dope co-host,
jessica Ply, is in the building.
Shauna, shauna what's up,jessica Ply?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I can't call it, I might spoil it, I know, right
then, I just saw you how youdoing today I'm good, I'm good,
I'm very good, I cannot complain, right, you know?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
happy tuesday, yeah y'all, we got a dope show for
you today, as always.
You know how we do.
Let let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Let's get it.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
What's going on?
What's going on?
This is Jessica Ply, of theMale and Female Perspective, my
lovely host over here.
Shauna Speaks.
Hey, hey, brooklyn in the house, brooklyn in the house,
brooklyn, and the PXs in thehouse, bronx in the building.
What's going on.
(01:34):
You know, I had this one.
I had to give some thought to.
You know what I mean.
Like this was something that Itold you, um, um, you know, when
we first initially talked aboutit, I was like you know, this
is a subject that's kind of kindof different, right, it's kind
of different, but it's it'sdefinitely, it's definitely
(01:57):
worth talking about, right, um,but before we get into it, I
would definitely like foreveryone to subscribe, to share.
Yeah, put on the specs.
Put on the specs now.
We want you to be able to see.
So please subscribe, pleaselike, please share, please
(02:19):
comment the male-femaleperspective on YouTube.
We're on TikTok, we're onSpotify and we're on Apple.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, Wherever you can, social podcast platforms we
are.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
That's exactly where I was going.
Yes, so wherever you want tofind us, you can find us.
The male and female perspective.
That's right.
Today, our topic is going to bethe traditional versus the
modern values, and the reasonwhy I feel like this is
(03:09):
important is because you hear alot on certain platforms.
I hear a lot on certainplatforms.
Well, I want traditional, likeI'm traditional, I'm traditional
and I want that old school.
You hear that all the time.
(03:29):
I want the old school.
Yeah, well, I want to breakthat down.
Okay, because was the oldschool necessarily better?
Was the traditional values thatwe were brought upon?
Was it necessarily better?
Was the traditional values thatwe were brought upon?
Was it necessarily better?
Because there are certainthings that I would argue from
(03:55):
the modern values that hashelped our community more than
the traditional values.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, so let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Let's get into it, because I have a lot to say.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, okay, I'm with it.
You know I'm hopping at anypoint.
You know we can do this Well.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I'm going to say this Go ahead.
Before.
So yeah, I do think that.
So I just it was weird becausebefore we started the second
part of this podcast um, it'sour second one for today um, I
was talking to a friend aboutthe raising of of um, his, his
kid, and he's going through theco-parenting struggle right now.
So what I said to him is Iheard him say some things that
(04:43):
probably triggered from his, hischildhood, of how he was
probably raised in discipline,and I realized that what
traditional I said to him?
I said, hey, there are somethings you know in psychology.
Psychology we say rough, roughdiscipline, right when you know
the beatings, the, the, thecorporal punishment, certain
(05:04):
things that we went through askids.
We thought it was like reallybad how we got our butt wet, but
what I said, I said but some ofthose things that our parents,
especially black mothers thatwas single and didn't have a
father in the household, some ofthe things that our
grandparents and our mothersdisciplined us, we have to take
that into raising of our kids,some of it okay, some of it so
(05:27):
yes.
So to your answer to yourquestion.
Yes, I do think that some ofthe traditional values and
upbringing for for for us, werebetter than what's going on now.
And I say that because nowhere's the down part.
As a kid, we weren't able tospeak up for ourselves.
Every adult was right, everyadult was supposed to be
respected.
(05:47):
You couldn't talk back, so wedidn't have no voice.
So for those of us that didn'thave a voice, now we're
outspoken.
We're too loud, we got a lot tosay.
And then for those of us thatgot children now we let our kids
speak and express themselves.
And guess what happens when youdon't, when you're traumatizing.
(06:07):
You didn't get help from whatyou thought you was traumatized
by your upbringing.
Now you get an outspoken, achild that overtalks.
Don't.
Don't know the differencebetween I don't gotta always
have an answer because we didn'tgive balance.
So when you don't taketraditional values at all and
and then add them into the newgeneration, then you get an
(06:28):
overkill or underkill.
But then when you do balance itout and take some of what
grandma and granddad and andyour mother taught you and
raising of your children,there's a balance you allow to
speak, but I'm gonna tell youwhy when you're not, and why you
don't have to always speak back.
So now I got my sisters and Igot some of my nieces and them
(06:49):
they talk back to the pointwhere there's no respect, to the
point that they can do it to me.
But because I have sometraditional values on how my
grandmother raised me, I ain'ttaking that.
So now they looking at me crazy.
I go, girl, like you're goingto put a handle on my name, like
you're not gonna call me Shaunaright, I'm 49.
So I do believe that thattraditional there are some
(07:09):
traditional values that shouldbe brought in to the new
generation.
I do think that some of some ofthe stuff that we did go
through was better okay, youknow what and you read my mind.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Okay, you read my mind because that was the very
first thing that I was going tomention.
That's what we do, partner.
The children were made to beseen and not heard, and so what
happened is is that there's alot of things that happened to
children that they did not feelcomfortable talking about and
(07:46):
then they grew up with holdingon to because they weren't able
to release that, becausesometimes your best therapy is
to be able to just be heard yes,right just to be heard.
Like people do not realize howfreeing a burden it is just to
(08:08):
talk and be heard, just to beable to say you know what this
happened.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Oh, this did not happen.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
You know what I mean.
Or it did not happen and itjust to get it off of you, right
?
So then what happens is is that, well, you, you, you have
become an uh, uh, you now becomean adult that don't know how to
express Nope, you know what Imean.
So so now you?
(08:37):
now we've grown up and werealize the error of what
happened, and so we swung thependulum completely the opposite
direction.
Yeah, you don't give yourchildren boundaries.
Okay, why, it is necessarysometime to just be quiet?
How to read a room, how to doall the know is you know what?
(09:00):
I want you to use your voiceRight, and in certain instances
it's great.
It's great because I don't haveto guess on what's going on in
your mind, because you'retelling me, you feel the freedom
to tell me.
But then, on the other part ofon the flip side of this, is
that OK, now we out and aboutand now you just want to tell me
(09:24):
whatever's on your mind, youjust want to give me whatever
right, like there's a time andplace for all things under the
sun, and I can't handle thisright now so remember when we
came up with this conversationand I said claire huxtable was a
prime example of traditionalvalues in a modern woman.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Right because she didn't, because because
traditional or traditional womanwas a woman that stayed home
like um, like leave the beaverum mom right um uh, what is it?
I I dream a genie, a bewitched.
Like those women stayed home.
They weren't, they didn't work.
But Claire Huxtable wastraditional values but she was a
(10:06):
modern woman because she was alawyer and she worked and she
took care of kids and she wasover.
Sometimes she was overwhelmed,where she needed days to stay at
home and dad did everything.
Remember.
But do you remember that scenewith Rudy, when Rudy didn't want
the traditional values ofstaying up late to watch her
favorite show and they kepttelling her like no, but then
(10:30):
they let her, they gave her thelesson of doing it and show her
oh, you can stay up as long asyou want.
She was up eating ice cream.
They turned the.
TV on, but she had to go toschool the next day and she was
like no.
I'm tired.
He's like I'm tired, get up.
You got to get up.
No, because you wanted to stayup like an adult and you wanted
so.
Now, you still got to go toschool.
You still got to perform tired.
(10:51):
This is the reason whytradition will be telling you
kids got to go to bed at acertain time and you don't get
to stay up like your olderbrothers like, and your sister,
like Theo and Vanessa.
You got to go to sleep becauseyou're younger, because your
mind can't take it, that's.
But then the lesson in it wasthat now you see why you can't
do it.
So what my friend was sayingtoday is that he feels like from
(11:22):
what he was taught, as for hisfor as a kid, and what he wanted
to give his kid was that hedidn't.
When you got, when we got hit orwe got disciplined or beat,
there was no teaching moment.
Right, it was I'm beating youbecause I love you or I'm
beating you because I said so,but it wasn't a reason.
But I said, I said so.
I said you can't sit there andsay that every time we got beat,
we didn't know why we got beat.
We knew when we did somethingwrong.
We knew that there was a chancethat if we didn't do what we
(11:44):
knew staying at times outsidelate and things like that we
knew when we did something wrong.
We knew that there was a chancethat if we didn't do what we
knew staying at times outsidelate and things like that we
knew that we were gonna get introuble.
But but, but there was noteachable moment right.
So they confused being beatwith love, saying I'm getting
beat because you love me oryou're getting beat but not
telling me that.
Hey, the reason why I did isbecause I don't have a watch so
I lost time.
You know I lost track of time.
(12:06):
So when I get in the house late, it's after 8 o'clock because
the streetlights came on alittle early, but the sun is
still out.
I don't know the differencebetween.
You know you didn't teach metime, so time got away from me.
But I got beat for somethingthat I didn't know.
It goes back to you know howmany people have evil cousins
and aunts that just didn't likeyour mother and didn't like you
(12:28):
because you was raised right.
Her kids is running ragged, soguess what?
This evil aunt lies on you.
But because she's an adult andwe're not supposed to lie on
kids.
Guess what happens.
I get in trouble, but you'renot listening to me.
Let you know that it didn'thappen.
You didn't even ask me if ithappened, you just believed the
adult.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And I think that a lot of the time, especially in
the tradition, you know the, thedays back then Is when you know
A lot of the time the childrenWere not, a lot of the time the
children were not able to feelsafe speaking to, about adults
(13:14):
and what their experience was.
You think about just how manypeople that you know dealt with
like, say, abuse, and you're inan environment where there's no
real support system regardingabusive situations and things of
(13:36):
that nature.
So you grow up with that abuseand you know whether it may be
mental, whether it may bephysical, whether it may be
emotional, whether it may bespiritual.
Abuse is very devastating andit's hard to get over.
You know what I mean,especially once you get to
(13:56):
feeling that or you get tothinking that that's what you
deserve.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
When you don't know that you're worth more than what
you've been through.
That's a hard pill to swallow,very hard right?
Yeah, and as a person that havedealt well, you know they've
done life coach, uh, lifecoaching event I'm I'm sure you
understand that that breakdownof it is extremely because those
(14:31):
people are extremely guarded,they're extremely defended.
You know what I mean.
They're defensive,overprotective, you know what I
mean.
The trauma is real.
The swing that they do iscompletely in the opposite
direction.
You will not thing to do.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's like you know how I'm gonna use a kid you.
I can't wait to get out thishouse.
I can't wait to get my own kids.
I'm gonna get out of here.
I'm gonna get married.
I ain't never come back herebecause of the, because we
didn't understand the discipline, or the, the harshness of the
discipline, or saying, dad, this, this ain't warning me, can't
sit down for the last couple ofdays this ain't warning that
this ain't warrant this.
In my mind, it didn't warrantthis like dang.
(15:12):
So now, guess what?
What happens?
Like you said, we see it now.
Now it becomes fearful.
Now you scared to do anything.
So we're not only just anythingin the in the presence of your
parents and your relatives, butjust in the world going forward.
So now, when you have your ownkids, now you feel like you are
going to right the wrong rightthe wrong.
(15:34):
Or now you're going to tell yourmother I told you so because
now I get to raise my kid theway I want to.
But then guess what happenswith those grandparents?
They become what we wanted.
Now they, grandkids, can't getbeat, don't you yell at them
don't you tell them they can'thave this.
(15:55):
I see my mother in here.
When I tell you the traditionalvalues that my grandmother and
my mother instilled in me, whenI say it to my niece oh, don't
say that to her, or she can havewhat she want I go what.
You gotta be kidding me.
So you gotta become agrandmother in order to be, to
be balanced.
And then, in the same thing, Iwas raised on superstition, so I
(16:21):
remember my mother.
So this is.
This goes with my mother havingsomething that she didn't
understand.
She didn't understandsuperstition.
You know, barring salt, a blackcat, uh, breaking a mirror,
seven years, bad luck, um, yourhand it's somebody's talking
about on the crack, break yourmother right my mother was
(16:41):
raised on that stuff.
Right, you know, spin on a broom, if you touch your feet you
can't get married.
So I'm like so then a lot of usgot our feet touched with
brooms.
That's why we not married.
So I didn't understand it.
So if I didn't understand it,this is how I was coming into
where I'm at now, understandingthat I wasn't gonna march at the
beat of somebody else's drum.
(17:02):
So I stood up to my grandmother,but I'll not in a way that I
was being disrespectful.
I didn't understand, why areyou telling me all these little
weird things?
I didn't understand it and Iexpected her to explain it to me
, but she.
But she couldn't because shedidn't know where it came from.
It was taught to her.
So she taught it to my mother.
My mother and them try to teachit to me, and I wasn't having
(17:23):
it Right.
So my mother.
So one day I said, grandma, thatdon't make sense.
I said I can't borrow salt or acat.
I said but God made a cat.
Why would that be bad luck?
Oh, don't talk back to me.
I almost got beat for it.
My mother.
And my mother admitted to me,maybe a couple of months ago or
like a year ago we talked aboutit.
(17:43):
She said I couldn't say nothing.
She said but I was so happythat you stood up to to my
mother, something that I couldnot do.
She said I thought you wasgonna die or get beat, but when
you stood up to grandma, I was.
So I said you know, my motherhad to still tell me you know,
watch your mouth.
But she, but she couldn'tbelieve that I actually had the
(18:05):
strength and the courage toquestion my grandmother on
something that I didn't.
That didn't add up to me fromwhat you're trying to raise me
biblically to what you'retelling me now about
superstition.
But my grandmother couldn'texplain it because she didn't
have the answer right so I wenton, not believing in
superstition, don't care aboutno mirror and all this stuff.
It comes to Remembrance becauseI was Raised, but it was up to
(18:30):
me to Debunk it.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Now I'm going to say one thing that my grandmother
was right about what's that.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
She said turn your lights off with lightning.
So one day I was in the housebeing defiant.
My grandmother was dead andgone and I'm sitting up there
and it's lightning.
I'm on the computer, I'mwatching tv.
I'm like see my grandma knowshe's talking about no daggone
lightning and turn the light off, comply.
I was in the projects, okay, onthe ninth floor, the corner of
(18:57):
the building, that lightning hit, struck the building, the light
, the sky lit up like it wasdaytime.
My computer said boom.
I saw a spark.
I said I'm sorry, grandma, I'msorry, you're right, you're
right, I turned up everything.
I'm sitting in the middle ofthe floor like this.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, soI say that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
To say it, I land that there's certain things that
you do have to listen, becauseeverything that they did say was
not wrong right every day Ilove you, grandma let me ask you
this then yeah, do, do youbelieve, um, that the
(19:40):
traditional way of thetraditional way of relationships
, do you think that it is, itwas better than the modern way
of relationship?
And hence I'll explain beforebefore, before I let you go,
before I let you out, I'm gonna,I'm gonna go ahead and hold me
(20:02):
back.
Before I let you go, let meexplain.
I ain't got no more juice forthis so the, the traditional way
was to you know the male, youknow speak to the father and you
(20:24):
know you had to get thefather's approval for you to
even start talking to the father.
You had to get the father'sapproval for you to even start
talking to the daughter.
Then, once you start talking tothe daughter, or whatever the
case may be, after a certainamount of time, now it is what
are we doing?
What is your intentions with mydaughter, whatever the case may
(20:48):
be, and we ain't doing a wholelong thing or whatever, like
what's going on?
Right, right, there wasdefinitely.
You had a period of time thatyou courted the woman.
You courted the woman andcourting was basically dating
(21:13):
and getting to know at the sametime.
You know, but what I've, whatI've noticed, because now the,
the, the modern way, isbasically social media.
You don't really like there'sso many different broken homes
(21:33):
that you don't really have toget to know the parent at all.
You know what I mean.
Like some folks, you never evenmeet their parent at all.
You know, or whatever the case,depending on the dynamics
that's going on in the house,you know a lot of the time
you're meeting on, a lot ofpeople are meeting on social
media through, you know,different apps and things of
(21:56):
that nature.
Um, they're going on, um,they're going on dates.
Um, um, after, after, gettingto know each other.
For you know, however long youknow, sometimes months,
sometimes, you know, weeks, justdepend on the vibes or whatever
(22:18):
the case may be, but I candefinitely tell you that there's
the difference between the twoas far as to how you're getting
to know each particular person,because I think that you know,
you like I've not been in yourpresence to feel your vibe, to
(22:47):
say that hey, yo, yeah, I'minterested in you, right, in
this way or that way.
So, um, that's why I asked thequestion like do you believe
that the traditional way, way ofcourting, of dating, of
(23:12):
relationships, is better orworse than the modern day?
And, based off of your answer,I have another question.
But well, let's talk.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I'm not trying to shadow the fence, but again I I
I do see how both of them cancan balance and work for me.
I am a modern day woman withsome traditional values that I
still hold to my heart that Iwill never negate from no one,
(23:44):
care how many years left on thisearth that I am allowed to date
.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I would not negate from allowing a man to come to
my house on the first or secondor third date.
I would not negate from a manbeing the first to pay If he
asked me out on the first date.
I would not negate from uhsexual activities until I'm,
until I know that we're in arelationship, ever not made
(24:13):
mistakes in the past, right,because it's um, certain things
that I've learned, like that.
Or letting a man now pick youup from your home, you know,
because now.
So now picking you up from yourhome was a traditional thing
right but now, because of themodern day crazies, that's not a
thing for safety for a woman,because now you might get with a
(24:36):
guy that you don't like and nowhe knows where you live at
right.
So I don't, I won't use thatanymore.
I don't want you picking me upin your car, even at the corner.
I got my own car, I'll drive.
We can be separate ways because, again, you know, time, the new
modern way, has shown thatdating is very, very scary now
(24:59):
versus when I, when I was datingdating traditional when I was
younger you like somebody thatwas your boyfriend.
You went on a couple of datesand you didn't have to worry
about calling me 15 times andthings like that.
If he was your boyfriend, hemet your parents.
You met his parents.
I was 16, 17, up until maybe20-something years, I was
meeting my boyfriend's parents.
(25:19):
I was spending Thanksgivingwith them.
They were taking my mother,allowed me to go on trips.
If I spent the night, it wasbecause they had a bigger sister
and they knew that we was inseparate rooms and I mean, you
know, things happen whatever.
You still can come out the room, but it was the fact of respect
.
Parents knew each other thesedays, like you said, you were
not meeting nobody parents.
So I do believe that, again,there are some traditional
(25:44):
values that I, as a woman, tokeep my femininity, I would not
negate from, but there are somethings that I do believe that
cannot be traditional anymorebecause of the protection of
being a single woman dating nowin the 21st century.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I can.
I can agree with that, with alot of what you said, and I can
understand your reasoning behind.
But I'll, but, I'll I'll let youknow, because I have other
stuff that I don't want to overoverdrawing it, but yeah okay,
um, I, I can agree with you know, like, for instance, like for
me, like, um, it is, it is a,it's a, it's my ego, I'll put it
(26:23):
, I'll just put it out there.
My ego, I'll just put it outthere, my ego will not allow for
you to pay for the date.
Even if you were the one to askme on the date, my ego will not
allow me to do that.
How about on the second date?
Now, you're never going to payon a date, not if I'm present.
So not the traditional, not ifI'm present.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Okay, so not.
If you're traditional, okay, Iget it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know what I mean.
My ego will not allow me to dothat.
You know what I mean.
It'll be a completely differentother thing.
Say, for instance, if you set areservation and you paid in
advance.
You know what I mean.
So now I don't know that it'shappened, that you've done it
Like, okay, now that's, yeah,that's out of my hands.
(27:07):
You know what I mean.
But if I'm there and a checkcomes on that table, like I
don't want you touching it, youknow just the same way, like, if
I'm in the car with you and wepull up to the gas station, like
there's no need for you to getout the car.
Like you know, like, unless youwant to go in and get you some,
some to snack on, or whateverthe case may be, like there's no
(27:28):
reason for you to get out thecar.
Like I'm pumping the gas andthen I'll.
You know, uh, you know, unlessthere's something specific or
you need to go to the bathroomor something like that.
You know like, cause, in myview, like when you're with me,
you're under my protection atall.
My view, like when you're withme, you're under my protection
at all, like, and so I'mthinking about all scenarios,
whether or not you know theremay be something going on inside
(27:50):
the store that you know, uh, orwhatever, or if on the outside
you know what I mean.
Like I need to make sure that Iam the the focal point not,
exactly not, you agree.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I think that there arecertain things, traditionally,
(28:13):
that I do hold on to, but thenthere are certain things that
are modern, that I definitelylike the independence of a woman
.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I love that.
I love that.
I love it.
I do not think that I wouldhave fit well in a society that
tried to cultivate a woman to me, and the reason why I say that
is because I need someone topush back on some of my impulses
(28:47):
.
You know what I mean,Especially being the young man
that I was coming up Like.
Now that I'm here, now you knowI'm more calculated, I'm more
now less of a risk taker andthings of that nature, but when
I was younger like if I hadsomeone that all you ever do was
listen to what I say orwhatever I'm going to, my
(29:08):
personality is going to runright over the top of you.
You know what I mean.
Like I need that pushback, Ineed that stop.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
So let me ask you a question.
Do you think that, before Ilose it you know, excuse my ADHD
, sorry Do you think that?
I see, I don, I forgot my dangon door.
What was I about to ask you?
Do you think that modern versustraditional is predicated on
(29:37):
age and the walk of life thatwe're in at this moment?
Like what you're saying, youwould run over the person.
Now you know, now that wasn'ttraditional, that was modern,
but now that part is now you.
You may want a woman that's alittle more conditioned and not
(29:58):
so well, I mean, tell you whatto do, right, not so bossy.
Do you think it's like,predicated on our levels of life
, like where we are?
Because I I kind of think likethat.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
If you understand what I'm trying to say yeah, I
do, but I do, but in a certainsense, like it does depend on
your level of maturity and your,your accountability to yourself
.
Right, because I know me, Iknow my personality is a tidal
(30:30):
wave.
You know what I mean.
I know my personality is atidal wave, so I know what I
need in order for me to be thebest version of me, what I need
in order for me to be the bestversion of me, and I don't need
someone that is just going to bealone for the ride to just tell
me, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
You know what I mean.
Like I need you.
Yeah, you need a littlepushback.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I have to have that because, because no relationship
that I have been in where theperson didn't have the right
type of personality that wasable to like it ends fast.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I got you.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
It ends fast, you know, yeah, and it's not
necessarily because so you needthat challenge.
I have to have the challenge.
So the independent, you knowlike I want and see the
independent woman.
What she also allows me to seeis that if something should
Because, see, I was asked aquestion a while ago and then I
(31:41):
had to give this really deepthought- okay.
I was asked what is moreimportant to me in a
relationship level security andI thought about that thing for a
second Shauna.
I thought about that thing fora while and I said you know what
?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I need to write that down because I need to answer
that myself.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
They asked me that question, I was like, for me
it's security.
And it was like, why did yousay that?
And I was like, well, you knowwhat?
I love me better than anybodyelse that could possibly love me
in this world.
Nobody else is going to love mebesides God himself.
No one else is going to love methe way that I love me.
(32:25):
You can't possibly love mebetter than I love me.
Right, amen, Amen.
But I've been homeless before.
I've been neglected andabandoned before.
Neglected and abandoned before.
I run from that every singleday of my life because I
remember how that felt right.
(32:47):
So for me, I can care lessabout your love.
Your love is a bonus to me.
That's all it is.
It's a bonus my security,making sure that I have a house
to come to, I have a safe spacewhere I can be vulnerable, where
(33:08):
I can have peace in my life,all of those things.
That is more important to methan the feeling, because the
feeling is fleeting, gotcha, youknow what I mean.
Like I need to be able to, to,to, to, to, to walk in some
doors or whatever I said.
(33:28):
They didn't feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I'm home Right.
Everything that you just wentthrough, it don't even matter
Once you walk through it don'teven matter.
And a lot of women don't evenunderstand that, like how um
they you know a man equivalatesrespect and vulnerability with
love.
So you can never have to saylike we need I love me, love me,
love me, want me.
Like we need to hear that allthe time, like we can say I love
(33:52):
you at five o'clock, we need tohear it again at 5 15 right
because that's just how we, justhow we built, and then
insecurities and things likethat, but men equate love with
respect and that vulnerabilitythat they can be themselves and
that they don't have to hearsomething, an argument, after
they confided in you because,like we said, you know in our
first podcast, once that happens, that that door is closed.
(34:15):
Like you know, that goes withthe mental health of a man and
it's closed.
So it's like that's soimportant, like you know, that
was a good thing.
Women need to understand that.
You know it's yeah, so that's agood question.
I don't answer it myself, but Ithink I don't know Because I
(34:38):
feel like I'm secure for myself.
So it might be the opposite ofwhat you said and I'm not trying
to make that a beat about it,but that was a good question, I
think for me.
I think the love is important,but what love is to me is what
it is Like.
I just said, love me it's likethe way you show me your love is
(34:58):
.
Whatever my requirements is,then that's what's important to
me.
The security for me, I guess,because you know, if you're not
mad, because you know thingshappen you fall out of love, you
break up and then you securewith this person, but then they
leave and so I don't ever reallythink I get too comfortable
unless I know.
(35:18):
But I get more comfortableknowing that you love me because
there's people that love me andwe're not even together anymore
or we're not like in eachother's presence, like that.
But the love was neverquestionable.
So it might be love for me, butmaybe that's just because I'm a
woman.
That's a good question.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That was good that was a when I was like that that
was good, yeah, that was uh.
Now, when I was asked thatquestion, I really like I had to
deep dive into that, becauseyou know that, you know what
where I go is, you know how Ifelt during times when, um, when
(35:57):
I felt my worst, right, and didI feel my worst because
somebody didn't love me?
Or did I feel my worst becauseI didn't feel secure, I didn't
feel safe?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right.
See, that's the part.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
You know what I mean so that's how I broke it down
was like which one felt worse tome?
And for me, it was that lack ofsecurity, that that that time
where you know where I was, Iwas, uh, out and all alone and
didn't have anybody, you know, Imean I had to, you know, get it
(36:35):
in the mud, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah so, um, now talking about
relationships, uh, because thisis what we modern day woman,
modern day, you know, it'salways the, it's always the
modern, versus, again, it'salways the woman.
Right for me, for I do believe,right now, in the era that we
(36:59):
are in, that there is really nosuch thing as a traditional
woman anymore, because thetraditional way of living is not
even a thing.
Existent anymore it doesn'texist right, Because it takes
two households to work just tomake ends meet um two incomes
(37:23):
two incomes right, yeah, tworight two incomes to make, to
make what I said you said twohouseholds.
Oh right, right, two incomes tomake that right to make the
household right to to make it tomake ends meet it takes.
It takes um two parents to toraise kids now and, you know, to
(37:44):
together, I mean, that's alwaysbeen a thing.
I feel like the traditionalaspect of it is non-existent
because of just that right thereum, the cost of living, uh,
social media influences, uh, we,we were, we were, our parents
was was raised on survival.
(38:07):
We were raised on survival andon free thinking.
These kids are raised on traumafrom the free thinking,
survival parents that they don'thave to be traumatized because
we've given them everything,because we didn't have it.
So now we're giving our kidseverything and we're not,
(38:30):
involuntarily, not raising themup with morals.
They don't know what it is tohave struggle meals or to not go
to, to go to bed hungry or whathand-me-down clothes is,
because we out here buying themeverything right, because we
didn't have it.
So again the trauma shows us.
So our kids are being raised onour trauma and remember we had
(38:53):
that conversation in the livethat we had last two weeks ago.
But but our traditional goesout the window unless you have
somebody that really held on.
I mean, if you can hold on atleast to 15% to 20% of what
grandma raised you with, if weall had the blessing of being
raised by our grandparents orhaving an older mom, then that
(39:14):
could go a long way.
But unfortunately, the moregenerations is happening now,
these younger kids, kids nowbefore babies were being you
know, it seems like it'shappening again.
Our younger, our grandparentshad kids at 14, 13, then we came
and then our mothers had us at17, 18.
Now our kids right us, wehaving our kids, right us, we
(39:37):
having our kids 16, maybe 17.
Now our children for ourgrandkids, they having kids at
25, 26, some of them 30.
They don't want kids.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Yeah, they don't want kids.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
And then the ones that now the Gen Z's.
They're having kids later, sonow it's like, but then now the
kids that had the children at 16, 14, they're hanging out with
their kids.
So how can I have show my kidsmore rules and and um and and
and and integrity if I'm shakingmy butt and twerking with my
(40:12):
daughter?
Right or I'm drinking a beer,smoking with my son yeah right,
there's got to be a separation.
Me and my son, we went out to.
I went to visit him and mygrandkids in Georgia, like two
years ago when COVID was kind ofending, and we were sitting at
the seafood restaurant and weordered some drinks.
(40:35):
I don't drink, he drink.
He ordered a beer.
I don't drink, he drink, heordered a beer.
I almost had a fit but I had tocatch myself cause he's grown
and he's married, right, but Ijust didn't want to see my son
sit with me drinking a beer.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
But it ain't ain't the fact that he disrespected me
by ordering it.
I was like what you doing, andthen I'm like he's.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Like you doing, and then I'm like he's like ma I
said I said just just gottadrink it, but I didn't like
right, right, like me and mymother.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
But it's not a bad reflection you know, I mean,
it's not a bad reflection that Ifeel like there's a certain
type of honor and and andcertain things you just don't do
in front of your parents.
And, like I said, I it was justthat it caught me off guard
because I still look, I'm likemy baby you know, like, know,
like my mother, she get a drink.
You know I've ordered, you know,a drink with her.
Like we'll have a pina coladamine's a B virgin because you
(41:25):
know I got to drive and I don'tdrink but she'll drink in front
of me, but I'll let my motherdrink in front of me before I'll
take a sip with my mom.
But I have I'm, but it's justthat little that the.
I think it's just the, the, the, the birth and the of the
children and the age of us thathave come so close.
The gap is is it's bridged, isa little closer than it was.
(41:48):
That's why now you don't havethe traditional grandmothers or
the traditional aunties, becausethey're partying with the, with
their nieces and their kids.
We don't want to be calledauntie Now when you get called
auntie, it's like a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
That was where I was going to go next.
There's a lot of times I hearpeople say, well, these kids
will call you by your name orwhatever the case may be.
The problem is, because auntso-and-so and uncle so-and-so
don't want to be called auntso-and-so and uncle so-and-so,
they'll tell them don't call methat.
(42:30):
Or if you call me Mr or Mrs,that makes me think of my mother
, and I'm not that old.
Call me so.
So now that I have beenaccustomed to being, um, being
that type to call grown peopleby their first name, because
they don't want me to put a mror mrs or whatever, you're right
(42:55):
or exactly.
So now it's not disrespect.
It's not disrespect, it is ataught behavior.
Now.
Sometimes it's a taught behavior.
No, seriously, like there's.
So I've heard so many times.
When I came from, I came from,I was living in Arkansas, and
(43:16):
when I lived in Arkansas nowimagine that culture shock
moving from South Bronx, newYork, to Arkansas like that that
was wild my goodness, um, andnow.
I used to stay in fights forthat reason, like I couldn't
understand nothing they weretalking about, like it was just
(43:40):
it was wild you know what I mean.
Like, who are these people?
Where did they come from?
Why did they drop me off here,plymouth Rock?
huh, no, that's right, I landedon it but but when I, when I
(44:04):
moved from Arkansas and I movedto Virginia and then I moved
also to Indiana because of theupbringing that I had in
Arkansas where you know theyteach a lot of Southern
hospitality, the old schoolcountry ways, whatever the case
(44:24):
may be.
So it was Mr Mrs Ma'am, sir, da, da, da da.
When I moved to Virginia, likethat was the first place where
it was like man, don't call mema'am, don't call me sir, I
don't like ma'am.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
You right See what that was yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
We were taught to say ma'am, sir, mr, mrs.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
That's what we were taught they can say I'm their
grandmother, but I don't want tobe called grandma.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
But, grandma, you know what I mean.
Nana Gigi is fine or Madea.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Maybe Madea, but it's called.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
Gigi, you know, now it's grandma and all this other
stuff.
Where it used to be to get oldwas a prideful thing.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
And it was an honor.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
It was an honor, it was a badge of honor, it was a
sign of dignity to get old,dignity to get old.
Now it is like so many of us istrying to run away from it, as
if like, as if it's a curse.
And so what happens?
What happens is now you try,now I'm going to make 45, the
(45:55):
new 35, instead of just being 45.
You know what I mean, insteadof just being 45.
You know what I mean, insteadof just being 45.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
I'm proud because I know I don't make 49.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I'm going to be my age.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
I'm going to hold this down.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
I appreciate the grades that's coming out.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
It is what it is.
I'm going to let them come.
I'm going to let them.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
It's different for y'all men, though it look good
on y'all.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You know, the crazy thing is that I don't think that
it looks bad on women.
I think women make other womenfeel self-conscious about their
appearances.
There are certain things thatus men and any men that watch
this, if you agree with me justlet me know.
(46:47):
You know, just let me know.
There are certain things thatwomen do as far as to their
parents that us men, we don'tgive a damn about.
We could care less.
I mean, I do believe, you know,I mean you doing that
specifically, either for you, oryou doing it for some other
female, to to impress anotherfemale, or so that another
(47:10):
female won't talk, or whatever,because we ain't looking at
nothing in regards to that.
You know what I mean.
Like, lashes or edges or stufflike that.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Okay.
Do you believe that it'spossible for a modern woman to
to hold traditional values or betaught traditional values in
this day and age, right now?
Speaker 2 (47:44):
yes, because I see that there are still a lot of
modern women that go out andthey do the nine-to-five and
stuff like that, that still havetraditional values where they
still want to be courted, theystill want to be.
(48:07):
Now there are certain parts ofthe traditional values that is,
that's gone, that I believe isgone.
And, for instance, I think thatthe days of the housewife,
they're done.
You know what I mean.
I think that for For thecollective, for the median, you
(48:32):
know what I mean.
No, there's going to beoutliers where you know this
person may be able to get awaywith it or whatever the case may
be, but for the vast majoritynowadays, the housewife is done
because inflation is too high.
The economy is what it is.
Inflation is too high, theeconomy is what it is.
(48:55):
You know, um, we, we, we can'tafford for, you know, unless you
getting paid to be a housewiferight, there ain't no housewife.
You know what I mean.
Like I need you out hereworking.
Even if it's just a littlepiece of job, I need you to be
working you know what I meanhome or something, yeah
something yeah, so there arethere are certain aspects of the
traditional um values that youknow.
(49:17):
I think that is is no longerrelevant in today's world, but,
um, I do believe that there area lot of women there and I think
there's a lot of men that areout here that still are holding
on to some of the traditionalvalues that we learn from our
(49:40):
parents and our grandparents butit's the men that keep asking
for the traditional, thetraditional woman, but they're
not.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
But they're not giving us that traditional life,
and therein lies the issue yeah, because you're asking
something that you're not givingme the you're not giving me the
soft ever life, to live atraditional life, to cook, clean
and be able to do it, and thenbe okay that all the bills are
going to be met by just oneincome.
So you ask for something thatyou have to be the first
(50:09):
partaker in creating.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah, yeah.
You can't ask for in today'stime, you can't ask for the
traditional woman and only work40 hours a day.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
No, you sure can't.
Or 40 hours a week?
No, you can't ask for it,that's not even possible.
It's not even possible.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
You have to if you want in today's society and
unless you stay home with my sixfigures unless you seven
figures or above no, the onlyway that you could possibly
continue on with a traditionallifestyle is that you have to
(50:46):
work more than 40 hours a week.
You cannot 60 plus 60 plus 60,you know, and then that means
your wife that means I'm not athome I'm not gonna see you that
means I'm not at home, so thesewomen are asking for a lot and
these men are asking for a lot.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
But here go to, here go to the narrowing of this
conversation that we have in thetraditional versus modern um uh
values is non-existent or slimto none, because you have to
provide that atmosphere.
If you are a woman thatrequires this, then you have to
make sure that everything thatyour husband is asking you
(51:27):
didn't.
That needs to be met right.
So if you want to be a modernwoman, like like claire huxtable
, and work, but you start tocome home, cook, clean, attend
to your husband at nighttime,you can't be tired, you got you,
you you got to do two jobs, soyou can't, you can't have.
It's either one or the other.
But if you want to be atraditional woman and and then
(51:50):
and have well, I'm sorry, be amodern woman, have traditional
values, then you got to stand onon those values, yeah.
And if you are a modern day manthat want a traditional wife
but you know that you're notgiving her that lifestyle, then
you have to give her thatlifestyle.
You have to give her thecushion to be able to quit her
job that makes her a modernwoman, to be able to stay home
(52:10):
and do all the things that youcushion to be able to quit her
job.
That makes her a modern womanto be able to stay home and do
all the things that you need tobe done when you come home and
whatever else you need for herif you just want her to be at
your beck and call.
But y'all cannot have it bothways, no, and it's more than
just sex and cleaning andcooking that makes a woman a
traditional woman or modern.
(52:31):
It's more to it than just that.
There's so much more to it thanjust that.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Because there's a lot of women out here that ain't
got no jobs.
Don't mean that theytraditional.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
That part right there .
What are you doing?
They modern broke Right.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
No pockets.
Traditional welfare RightGotitionally no pockets.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Traditional welfare.
Right got traditional land.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:58):
Right.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Right so you got to be careful what you're asking
for.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Yeah, yeah, okay, what you?
Speaker 1 (53:05):
going to do though.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Right.
That's why I say you know like,you have to know where you are.
Like, are you in your fantasy,are you in reality?
Because your fantasy is?
Okay, this is my idealsituation.
This is, you know, like ifeverything went right, this is
what I want, right, this is mypreference, this is what you
(53:28):
know.
But then reality.
Reality is is that yo, I onlywork 40 hours a week or less?
Reality is is that, um, thereality is I only make XYZ
amount of dollars per hour andthat's not enough if you're in
today's society to to have awoman that's going to be at home
(53:54):
on your beck and call all thetime like that.
That's just not.
That's not feasible.
That's not going to be afeasible way of thought process
for your lifestyle.
You're going to struggle allthe time.
That's just a guarantee yep andthen it's going to be an unhappy
way of living.
That's just what it is.
(54:15):
It's a guarantee that's goingto be an unhappy way of living
because, contrary to what peoplemay think, um, infidelity isn't
the cause of a lot of thebreakups of a household.
It is that money being funny,dumb finances get funny and I
(54:38):
lose compassion.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
No romance without finance.
That song was real.
What are we talking about?
You know what I'm?
Speaker 2 (54:48):
saying what are we talking about?
Like you ain't got.
You know what I'm saying.
What are we talking about?
Like you ain't got nothing?
What?
The lights got cut off.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
What you want to jump on me?
What we ain't got no food?
What?
Speaker 2 (55:00):
We ain't got no food.
I ain't got no compassion.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
I'm not in the mood Right, I ain't got a headache, I
stress okay, you betterunderstand if you don't scooch
over and leave me alone rightyou're right, fine, why you
ain't?
Why you ain't at work right nowright, you ain't got no job,
better go on tiktok, make avideo man, look here, look here
(55:29):
I walked up.
You better get your car and youbetter do Uber Eats or do it,
ash, I walk about this house andyou in one spot and I come back
and you in the same spot, wegot problems.
The same underwear is on.
You ain't wash your ass either.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
We got problems.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
I don't smell no soap , no, nothing in here.
Speaker 2 (55:48):
Ain't nothing cooking .
Speaker 1 (55:49):
Nothing cooking.
It's nothing cooking, it's drythe clothes are still on the
couch what stuff about?
Speaker 2 (55:57):
to get rough around here where you going.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
I'll be back.
I need to go somewhere becauseI can't do this.
What?
Speaker 2 (56:05):
I'm trying to tell you don finance, look
traditional finance in aterrible household.
That's why I say you know likeit's, I think that the
traditional way of thinking, Ithink that was beneficial, but
because of the modern societythat we have, yeah it may be
(56:28):
unattainable to a certain degree, depending on what part of the
traditional you know, thetraditional lifestyle you want
to, you want to incorporate.
Certain things are definitelystill, you know, they still out
there, they're still being done.
You know, um, you know so Idon't have any issue with that.
(56:49):
But there are certain otherparts of the traditional values
that is definitely in thissociety.
It's now unattainable.
It's going to be slim to noneto see it?
Speaker 1 (57:01):
I definitely, but we, we, we got to come together as
as as, as men and women, cause Ithink we, we be requesting a
lot from each other, um thingsthat, like you said, that that's
not possible at this presentmoment in time.
You know the average theaverage working person makes 45
(57:23):
000 a year, and that's average,and the lowest is about 20 20
yeah 20, about 20.
So and then on on the scale ofsix figures.
The low six figures by the timetax is taken out, you still five
figures yeah you got to be likehigh six figures in order to
really see the bulk of yourmoney yeah you know, I'm, I'm,
(57:44):
I'm mid six figures and it'sstill a lot yeah it's still a
lot.
You think I don't want to.
I've been working too long.
I've been working since I was14.
You think I don't want to comehome and be cute and walk around
here with little teddies andcook dinner all day and sing.
You think I don't want to dothat?
I still sometimes got to comehome after a day of working 12,
(58:08):
16 hours and still cook andclean for myself.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
I can't wait to retire.
I want to know what that feellike.
What that look like, Rightright, I had two days off this
week.
Guess what?
I slept all day yesterday,slept most of this day.
Now I'm doing right here what Ilove to do, and then I got to
go in there and cook dinnerafter I get off this bar, gas
for myself laundry, and then I'mright back in the trenches
tomorrow back in the trenchestomorrow.
(58:36):
That's me, with no help so youthink I don't want another six
figure or coaster six figure manto jump on board with me so we
can make this work together?
I would love that, butaccording to society, I'm too
successful or nobody care aboutmy accolades.
You care about something, butaccording to society, I'm too
successful or nobody care aboutmy accolades.
You care about something.
But again, gotta be carefulwhat you listen to.
Speaker 2 (58:57):
Like we just said in our last podcast, I land you
know, one of the one of the bestthings, one of the best things
that we we as individuals canlearn is to be truthful with
(59:22):
yourself in regards to where youare, where you stand.
Where you stand, you know, likeit's one thing to have a
preference, but is your is, isyour preference, maintainable?
It can you, is it sustainableover a period of time?
Because, yeah, it might startoff a certain type of way, like,
(59:43):
yeah, you know, if you, ifyou're making a certain type of
money and you're in a certaintype, in certain areas of the
country, you know, then you knowwhat, yep, you might be able to
do that, but for the most part,for the most part you have to
yeah, okay, no, guys, I'm sayingbut for the most part, you have
(01:00:03):
to be realistic with where youare in this thing we call life,
because and then also understandthat life continues to life, it
will always continue to life,so you have to be mindful of
that when you're making certainselections.
So, yes, I definitely believethat we should hold on to some
(01:00:26):
of the traditional values thatwe've learned that we were
cultivated under.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
And I love it.
I love the way I hold on to it,because if it texts- me it
really does If I was to let gosome of the things that my
grandmother told me.
You know, like crossing yourlegs.
You know keeping your elbowsoff the table.
You know just wearing a slit.
You know make sure yourintimates and your clothes is
clean slit.
(01:00:51):
You know make sure your youryour intimates on your clothes
is clean and certain things youknow my grandma always say, like
like little nuggets, I hear myyou know, when I'm doing
something I would say my grandmawould say this like those type
of things I would never let goof, regardless of the fact and
and and I think that that shouldbe passed down, like I told my
friend today, like there'scertain things that we should
not negate or let go from ourdiscipline in raising, because
(01:01:13):
especially if we're not going togo get help or talk through our
traumas that our parentsinflicted on us, because they
only knew what they knew.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
They only knew what they knew.
Now we want to blame them.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
And now we're going to be the little kids showing up
raising our kids.
Don't do that, Because rememberwe used to get beat for that.
Let your kids say whatever theywant to say.
And now your kids sayingwhatever they want to say.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Whatever they want to say right.
Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
And now they cursing you out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
And now you don't understand why.
But when they go to grandma'shouse they ain't doing that over
there, or they are.
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Right, there were certain things, though we're
being completely honest andwe're going to land this plane
in a little bit, but we're beinghonest.
There were certain things that,like you were saying earlier,
where you would get, you know,discipline for and it was just a
(01:02:07):
kid being a kid and you didn'thave the space to just be a kid
you know what I mean Like,whereas now we recognize that
you're just being a kid, you'renot being disrespectful, you're
not being, you know this, thatand the third You're just being
a kid, you're just being curious.
Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, he just got himself introuble.
He just got himself in troublea lot of the time.
You're just being curious,you're just.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Yeah, you know, he just right, he just he just got
himself in trouble a lot of thetime and so, but you have to.
Like one of my co-workers, heum, was talking to me and he was
like you know, one of thethings that he learned from when
he was growing up was that henoticed how a lot of times his I
(01:02:56):
think he said his grandmotherwould be like go in there and
clean the bathroom.
And he would go in there andclean the bathroom and he would
clean it to what he thought wasclean, right, right, yeah.
And his grandma would get upsetwith them and whoop him and
tell him to go back in there andclean the bathroom but never.
(01:03:17):
Gave him no type, but never gavehim that part right there that
part right there, if you nevertaught me I'm glad you went
there, because that's where Ithink that's where the
traditional kind of failed usyou know what I mean.
There was no teachable moments,and so, then, what we did was
(01:03:41):
we went and we took it and weswung it completely the opposite
direction to where I'm notgoing to do what they did and we
did nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
Yep.
But, like I said, you can'tbeat a child, yell at a child
without having some type ofdialogue with them, even if you
don't want them to talk back.
Do you know why?
My mother sometimes would sayyou know why I'm beating you?
And I'd be like no, I don'tknow.
And then I can't say no becausethat's talking back.
(01:04:13):
So I'm just sitting up there.
So now you're trying to get meto talk when you're telling me
don't talk.
But you know how I used to bebehind that door.
I can't stand you.
Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
I can't wait till I get grown.
Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
Every curse in the book and you'd be like what you
say Nothing're doing this.
You got me going.
What, like?
I'm gonna lose my breath.
Uh-uh, I'm gonna mess with you.
I can't wait to get out thishouse and I'm gonna be
everything that you, you were,that you were right, to my kid
trauma response yep, and that'swhat I was.
Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
That's what I was going to say physical child yeah
, an adult body.
Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
That's what it is a mental child raising a physical
child and an adult body, andyou're both kids, both of us.
So now your kids running aroundhere doing that kind of stuff,
like I go, walk in and I'm likehow are you a mother and you
smoke weed with your kid?
Explain that to me.
I don't want to be.
I told myself I don't want tobe.
I told him I don't want to behis friend.
(01:05:11):
I'm his friend now because he'solder, he got married.
I don't have no jurisdictionover him.
But even then all I could do isgive advice.
Yeah, but I'm not partying withyou right, right, because I'm
not doing that I'm not yourfriend I don't care if you're
mad, right.
So there's certain things thatmy mother did instill in me and
(01:05:31):
it's crazy because the veryvalues that I got from my
grandmother, because mygrandmother teaching and
discipline raised me up until 26.
And she passed, but when it wasfor my brother he was 15.
So we well, we're eight yearsapart.
So I think I'm saying thatright, this sheet 18, 26, yeah,
(01:05:54):
no, 50, 60.
So when he passed away, when,when she passed away, he started
, he was raised with my, from mymother, from 15 up until now,
and the way he is you could tellhe had no traditional values.
Whatever my grandmother taughthim.
He needed more of it, gotcha.
And then my mother didn't raisehim like I.
(01:06:15):
Like I said, I said, and Ityped it into somebody's chat, I
said we're not, our kids arenot being raised.
I'm not being raised anymore,they're just growing up.
Yeah, they're being grown up.
They they're not being raised.
Raised is with values, morals,do's, don'ts.
Being grown up is just you'rehere, you're going to be grown,
(01:06:36):
you're going to pick up littlethings you hear me say, but I'm
not taking time to instillanything in you and that's the
problem.
I don't even know if the modernday is even the correct
verbiage to say, because a lotof these kids don't have none of
that.
But the day is even the correctum verbiage to say, because a
(01:06:58):
lot of these kids don't don'thave none of that.
But the way they think and thethings they say, the entitlement
, the audacity at some thingsthey can't, they can't been
raised.
There's no way.
There's no way that the mom satdown and took time to help him
with certain stuff.
It was, oh, send him to school,let the teachers and the
strangers teach them stuff.
Kids know songs better, theyknow the ABC's.
I saw a mother on TikTok theother day teaching her daughter
how to twerk at 8 years oldteaching your daughter how to
(01:07:24):
twerk and you know.
You know the trick.
You don't want to arch yourback, push down on her back.
You teaching your daughter howto twerk at eight, I think it's
cute.
Then what does that do for ourcommunity?
Right, when she get older.
Because if your mother taughtyou, then it got to be right.
(01:07:45):
Right, because your mom taughtyou.
There's no way that she wouldteach you anything to harm or
hurt you.
I digress.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
There's no way that she would teach you anything to
harm or hurt you.
I digress there you go andthere you have it.
Well, look, it is always apleasure, shauna, always a
pleasure.
Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
We had another one, another one and another one and
another one, and another one,another one, and another one,
and another one, and another one.
This has been the male andfemale perspective podcast.
I am your host.
Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Shauna Speaks and I am Just Comply.
Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
Like, subscribe, follow and, like he said, just
Comply.
Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
And Just Comply.
Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
Good night y'all.
Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
Good night, just comply and just comply.
Good night, y'all good night.
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