Building Gratitude in Relationships

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What if the secret to a fulfilling relationship was simply to have more fun together? In our latest episode, we explore the essential elements that shift relationships from emotionally taxing to lighthearted and joyous. We discuss the impact of unconditional positive regard, the importance of de-escalation and validation, and cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Discover how these principles can help you foster a more appreciative and enjoyable partnership, steering clear of the pitfalls of constant invalidation and conflict.

Letting go of preconceived notions about your soulmate can open doors to unexpected and beautiful outcomes. Just as a GPS recalculates its route, staying flexible and open-hearted can lead to deeper connections and reconciliation with your partner. This episode is packed with insights and practical tips to help you embrace the unpredictability of love and maintain a supportive, carefree relationship. Tune in and learn how to navigate the journey of love with an open mind and a playful spirit.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And we've got all of the principles and pillars and
stuff in the programunconditional positive regard,
attitude of gratitude, heart ofthe servant, de-escalation,
validation.
Well, what do all these thingspoint towards?
It's just the map to how do youhave just a lighthearted, fun
relationship.
I'm just going to be gratefulfor our time together.

(00:20):
I'm just going to appreciateour time together.
I'm just here to help you havea good time.
I'm just here to have a goodtime with you.
Escalation, de-escalate what isescalation?
It's heavy, right?
If every time a conversationcomes up there's the possibility
of escalation, it's becauseit's heavy.
There's an emotional tax thathas to be paid in every
conversation.
Invalidation, like if we'reinvalidating the other person.

(00:42):
Well, how much fun is it to bearound somebody that's
invalidating you all the time,that's telling you you're wrong
all the time?
You know who likes to be aroundpeople that can't be wrong or
or even worse, somebody that'sgot a real inferiority complex,
and the way they get their kicks, you know they feel they become
.
They have to make you wrong sothey feel good about themselves,

(01:03):
right?
You know, some of us are inthat category.
I've been in that category.
I probably still am in thatcategory to some extent it's
like I probably argue points toomuch sometimes because I feel
like, unless I can show somebodyI'm intellectually superior,
there's something wrong with me.
You know, we're all there tosome extent, so it's just a case
of let's make this fun.
You know, it's just a case oflet's make this fun.

(01:27):
Yeah, she's not.
It's not over, colin, it's notover by any stretch of the
imagination.
The iteration of your marriageas it is is over, as it should
be.
Like, I'm sure that you wouldnot.
You know you would not.
You know, if you're the judgeand jury, you would not condemn
your wife to a life of hercurrent, existing existence.
What ruins the outcome is that,like, we've got to know every
step of the process and we'vegot to know, like, for many of
you that are going to reconcilewith your wives, it's not going

(01:48):
to happen how you think it'sgoing to happen, and it's not
going to happen when you thinkit's going to happen and it's
not going to happen for thereasons that you think it's
going to happen.
Yeah, and I remember I wasreading a book a long time ago
and it was about talking about,like, finding a wife, something
like that along those lines,finding a partner, and it said
that the biggest obstacle inthat most men have in finding a

(02:09):
lifelong partner or soulmate isthat their soulmate doesn't look
like they think they're goingto.
So they're looking forsomething that it's not going to
be.
You know, they think they havethis preconceived idea that
their soulmate is going to looka certain way or have certain
characteristics, and the realityis your soulmate isn't going to
look like who you think they'regoing to look like and
therefore you could be stoodnext to your soulmate in a line
and you're not open to thatbecause you've got these

(02:31):
preconceived ideas that arewrong.
And the same is very much truehere.
It's like you just you just gotto let go.
In the same way that when youput a destination into a sat nav
, you just know it's going totake you there and if it goes
off course, it's going to gorecalculate, recalculate,
recalculate.
Or if you miss a turning, it'sgoing to go recalculate,
recalculate.
You make a mistake, it's goingto go recalculate, recalculate,

(02:52):
but ultimately it doesn't matter.
You can't screw it up bad enoughto where it's like being
detached is not letting go ofthe outcome.
It's like the outcome is to getyour wife back 100, 100.
The detachment is letting go ofthe path that's going to get

(03:14):
you there.
You like I say you don't.
You don't know how it's goingto happen yet.
You don't know when it's goingto happen.
You don't know where it's goingto happen and it's probably
probably going to happen in manyways.
That really hasn't even enteredinto your mind yet.
And the best way to reallyunderstand this stuff or really
the only way you can understandthis stuff, to be honest with
you is you do it and then youget the understanding.

(03:35):
You don't get the understandingand then you do it.