Finding Courage in Uncertainty

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Have you ever felt paralyzed by the fear of not being ready to face a challenge? Imagine standing in front of a crowd, guitar in hand, and realizing that no amount of preparation could replace the experience of a live performance. This episode unpacks that transformative moment, sharing personal stories and hard-earned wisdom about the necessity of immersing yourself fully into life's greatest challenges. From the exhilarating world of performance art to the intricate process of reconciliation, we shed light on why real growth happens when you step into the arena, not from the sidelines.

Join us as we deconstruct the myth of control and the power of letting go, using the metaphor of a sat-nav to navigate the unpredictable paths toward our goals. We challenge the preconceived notions of rigid planning, urging you to trust the process and embrace flexibility. Learn why trusting your journey, even when it seems off course, is crucial for personal and professional growth. Whether you're looking to rekindle a relationship or achieve a professional milestone, this episode offers actionable insights and inspires the courage to let your ego take a back seat.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a great example is I used to teach music and I
had a lot of students said mygoal is to play live, I want to
play live.
And I said, well, I host anopen mic every Thursday night.
Come down and I'll let you havea crack.
And they go, I'm not ready forthat.
When I'm ready to play live,I'll do that.
And I'm like, no, no, no,you'll never be ready.
You can't learn in aperformance art to the exclusion

(00:21):
of performance.
Learn in a performance art tothe exclusion of performance.
You will never develop theskills to play live except in
the playing live environment.
You'll never be ready.
You'll never understand what'sneeded to play live without
playing live.
And once you play live, you go.
I get it now.
I understand now, because theskills that you think you need,
that they're just fantasy, it'simagination.
You've never played live, sohow do you know what skills you

(00:44):
need?
The only way you're going tounderstand it is to get on the
stage and do it.
And the same is true here.
It's like we've got thesepreconceived ideas of well, I
need to do this and I need tosay that and to get my wife back
.
This is the path.
It's like, well, you've nevergot your wife back.
So how do you know?
You've just got to let go ofwhat of your own, of your own
ideas, really, and go.
Well, I'm not, some of thisstuff doesn't make sense.

(01:05):
Well it's.
It can't make sense because youcan only stand, understand it
post event, like colin was justsaying.
You can only look back and gookay, I've had the experience.
Okay, now it makes sense.
Now I get what you're talkingabout.
Now I'm free to move forward.
And this is where, to someextent, like this, this is the
control freakishness right's,like it's not that we're
necessarily trying to controlthe other person, but we feel

(01:29):
like, unless things happen as Ithink that they should happen,
this is all screwed up and noneof this is working.
Versus going, you know the satnav example, right, I don't know
how I'm.
My destination isreconciliation with my wife.
I don't know how I'm going toget there.
I'm just going to trust, trust,trust and I'm going to let it
go.
And if this doesn't make sense,then I'm just going to trust

(01:50):
that it's working anyway.
It's recalculated.
If I make a mistake, if I hitthe stupid button, I'm just
going to trust that itrecalculates, starts
recalculating and it's only whenyou take control of the
situation with the sat-nav right.
If you trust the sat-nav, youwill get to your destination.
It's only when you go thissat-nav's broken and you start

(02:11):
to take control and go all right, I'm taking control of the
directions now.
Now there's a chance you're notgetting to your destination.
Was the sat-nav broken?
No, it wasn't.
It was the need.
It was that lack of detachment,and that's what I mean.
Don't, don't think for a secondthat detachment means walking
away or not caring, orstonewalling or just acting like
you don't give a shit.

(02:31):
It's none of those things.
It's like yeah, we know wherewe're going.
That's why I said at thebeginning of this court
reconciliation is the only goal,only outcome that's acceptable
to me for your lives.
So we just got to know we never, we never for one second, let
go of that as the destination.
What we let go of is the paththat we're going to take to get

(02:51):
there and we just go.
Well, the path, I don't knowwhat it looks like, I'm just
going to trust.
I'm just going to trust, whichis honestly, probably the
hardest thing in the world to do, to tell your ego that you're
not in charge.
You just got to take a backseat.
Well, your ego is going to go.
Well, where's the map?
There is no map.
Well, is that a good idea, cody?
Do you really think that's agood idea?
But you know, the truth is, iswhat you're doing working?

(03:11):
It is controlling the process.
Working is needing to directand, you know, go okay.
Well, that doesn't make sense.
So I'm going to do this.
Is it working?
No, if it worked for me, Iwouldn't be here, because the
only reason I'm here is becauseI've been where you are.
That's the only reason I'm here.
We're all here for exactly thesame reasons.
We're just at different stageson that journey and really
honestly, I think a lot of us wejust need to be a passenger on

(03:36):
the journey for a while.
We've been the driver for toolong, we've been lost for a very
long time and we're justexhausted.
It's like we just got to sit,we just got to get in the
passenger seat and go.
I trust the destination is mywife.
I trust, don't know how longit's going to take, doesn't
matter that detachment, right,it don't.
Doesn't matter how long ittakes, I don't know what the
path is, but it's all right.

(03:56):
That's detachment.
I don't know what the path is.
You don't have to know.