Transforming Conflict into Connection: The Art of Communication in Relationships

Visit  https://go.bettermarriage.co/trauma for some free training.

What if the key to resolving conflicts in your marriage lies not in who’s right or wrong, but in how you communicate? Join us as we unravel the art of communication that shifts the focus from conflict to connection. We promise you'll walk away with insights that could transform your relationships, turning misunderstandings into meaningful conversations. Our discussion kicks off with a provocative question: Have you ever set out to hurt your partner at the start of your day? The answer might surprise you and set the stage for understanding the roots of miscommunication.

In this enlightening episode, we challenge the conventional mindset that often pits partners against each other in a battle of right versus wrong. Instead, we champion a curious approach to dialogue, one that seeks to learn and understand. Imagine engaging in a conversation where the goal is not to win but to grow together. We explore how substituting the need to be understood with the desire to understand can lead to groundbreaking reconciliation. Whether you're navigating marriage or any relationship, tune in for transformative strategies that advocate for communication as a tool for connection rather than division.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What are some of the particular techniques couples
can use to improve an open,honest communication in their
marriage?
Great, great, great question.
So there's a couple of parts tothe answer.
So the first question when I'mworking with a couple, I'll ask
them both the question.
Question to both of them haveeither of you woken up in the
morning and gone?
I'm going to be a real dickheadand hurt my partner today.

(00:21):
I'm going to intentionally setout to hurt my partner and, of
course, the answer is I've neverhad a yes to that.
No one's ever woken up and gone.
I'm going to be a real dickheadand hurt my partner today.
Okay, so neither one of youstarted the day with the
intention of hurting each other,yet you hurt each other.
So can we agree that the hurtcame out of a miscommunication
somewhere?
Can we see that the hurt wasnot personal, or the or the the

(00:45):
offense was not personal.
Neither of you started the daywith the intention of hurting
each other, yet you did so canwe agree that it was a
miscommunication?
And the answer is always yes.
It's like.
So the secret to the, thereconciliation, is in the
communication, isn't it?
It's not in.
It's not in the issue that thestory that we're telling about
what happened.
It's in the way that the storywas communicated to each other.

(01:06):
So the next part of that isgoing to be we're taught I don't
I say in the west, I don't knowabout other cultures, but I
know we're taught for sure thatwe, we communicate in a right
wrong paradigm.
I'm right, you're wrong.
I'm right, you're, it's, it's,we're in opposition to each
other.
But you don't have tocommunicate in a right wrong
paradigm.
There is another option.
The other option is what can Ilearn from you, amanda?

(01:27):
We're going to have some viewswe don't agree on for sure 100.
But you know, it's like thetraditional form of
communication is we're going togo into a right wrong paradigm
and we're going to, we're goingto debate each other and
there'll be a winner andthere'll be a loser.
But it's like the betterquestion is well, you had this
belief, amanda.
It's different to mine, butmaybe I'm wrong.
Can you help me see why youhave that belief, because maybe
there's some validity to it.

(01:48):
Wow, and it's basically it's.
We communicate, I say in amarriage, but period.
We communicate.
Period, most of us in a lowerstate, before we're able to
reach a high state ofsophistication.
We communicate to be understood, not to understand.