All Episodes

December 12, 2024 • 56 mins

🔥 Struggling to reconnect with your wife? Join our FREE Win Your Wife Back workshop and learn proven strategies to reignite love and trust! 💑✨ >>Click Here To Watch In Now

Ready to transform your marriage and discover the secrets to a happier, more fulfilling relationship? Join us as Cody Butler, founder of Better Marriage and creator of the Marriage Recovery Program, shares his journey from business success to personal relationship challenges and how he developed groundbreaking strategies to save marriages without traditional therapy. Cody's firsthand experiences and expert insights provide a fresh perspective on restoring intimacy, communication, and love in as little as four weeks.

Explore the pivotal concept of the "get real stage" in marriage recovery, where addressing root issues is essential for lasting change. Cody explains how unresolved problems can escalate conflicts, using real-life examples to illustrate the importance of identifying foundational causes rather than merely treating symptoms. Discover how recognizing and understanding these core issues can lead to breakthroughs in conflict resolution, creating a more harmonious and loving relationship.

Cody dives into the profound impact of rewiring internal beliefs, introducing his Marriage Recovery Removal Process to help individuals confront and reprogram limiting beliefs. Learn practical strategies for breaking negative cycles and fostering a positive mindset to enhance intimacy and connection. With invaluable advice on personal growth, accountability, and creating emotional safety, Cody's principles offer actionable steps to unlock your relationship potential and achieve lasting marital success.

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, joseph Aaron, here and today I have
really a powerful mission and apowerful guest that I want to
share with you all.
So here's what we're going tobe talking about today, and then
I'll introduce our guests.
So what if I told you guys whojust really want to save your
marriage and this is such animportant mission?
Cody helps people save theirmarriage in as little as four
weeks without traditional talk,therapy or painful counseling,

(00:25):
even if she's told you it's 100%over or she already left.
Cody, say hello to everyone.
Hey, how's it going?
Man, that's a big promise.
So I want to read to everyoneyour bio real quick to let them
know who it is that's talking tothem.
I'm so excited for thisconversation because it's such a
worthy calling and such aworthy effort that you're doing,
so I just want to honor youfirst.

(00:46):
Cody Butler is the founder ofthe Better Marriage.
He's the creator of theMarriage Recovery Program,
teaching couples how to repair,restore and rebuild intimacy,
communication and love in theirmarriage.
He's also the author of thenumber one bestselling book Cut
the BS A No-Nonsense Guide toHappiness.
He's been featured on Fox, abcand NBC and has worked with over

(01:09):
2,000 people to date.
Okay, you may have a littleexperience there, cody.
Through Better Marriage, cody'shelping couples to get the
skills needed to succeed intoday's new normal.
Ladies and gentlemen, put yourhands together for Cody Butler.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Thank you, joe, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
I should come around more often.
Thank you for that.
Well, it's so cool to talk toyou, joe.
Thank you, I should come aroundmore often, thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Well, it's so cool to talk to you, and all of us
Americans really love hearingyour accent as well.
It's just like candy to ourears.
So thank you for being on andfor your mission.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Thank you for having me, Joe.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Man.
That mission pulls at theheartstrings for me because I
literally just had some friendswho went through kind of a
brutal divorce and it hurt me somuch to see because I know that
my friend really wanted torecover in that marriage.
I hadn't met you yet, I didn'tknow about this, and so I'm so
excited to hear in thisinterview what you're doing.
But what made you decide to getstarted helping men recover

(01:56):
their marriages?

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh look, here's the thing, right, it doesn't matter.
You know, we think thathappiness has a number of paths.
It's money, it's fitness, it'sthis, it's that, it's everything
else.
But the reality is, if yourrelationships are not working in
your life, and particularlyyour most intimate romantic
relationship with your wife oryour husband, if you're a woman
nothing else matters.
It's like it doesn't matter howmuch money you've got.

(02:19):
If your relationship's broken,it doesn't matter how much
success you've got in businessor in life.
If your relationship with yourchildren is breaking down, it's
all for nothing, it meansabsolutely nothing.
So it really is.
It's the underlying foundationthat underpins every aspect of
life.
And having gone through longperiods of depression and

(02:39):
unhappiness and seeking thathappiness, it was realizing that
, ultimately, that it's in therelationships to where that
ultimate happiness exists.
And if you find it, you, you,if you have that relationship,
you're going to find what you'relooking for, and if you don't,
you don't.
It's really that simple, joe,you've helped 2 000 men.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Um, specifically men, specifically right, not men and
women.
Well, I mean, you're helpingthe man, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, I do Like I do what I do.
You know I do help women too,but generally speaking, I you
know I work.
I work with men.
It's like we need a little bitmore help.
You know, if there's any ladiesout there that can say amen to
that.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
The ladies are like you.
Guys are like ogres.
You know nothing aboutrelationships.
It's hilarious.
So what are you seeing Like,tell me about?
You know just the story ofdiscovering how to, how to
figure out how to help thesepeople work through the bowl of
spaghetti.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
That is a dysfunctional relationship in
many cases.
Yeah well, it's really solvingmy own problems.
I mean, I went through a longperiod of time where nothing
really worked for me.
And it's like I'll give you anexample I, you know, I was very
I've always, I've always beenvery good at finding stuff and
and getting stuff, but I've beenvery poor at keeping it.
And the example is that I was Iwas a millionaire in business
by 23, which I found quiteimpressive, but I was bankrupt

(03:56):
by the age of 24.
Equally, I'd get a nice car andI'd wreck it.
I'd get, I'd get a house andI'd lose it.
I'd build a business and andI'd bankrupt it.
It'd get, I'd get a house andI'd lose it.
I'd build a business and I'dbankrupt it.
It's like I'd get into arelationship and I'd lose her.
I could, I could find stuff andI could get stuff, but I
couldn't keep it and ultimatelyit was like it was a great
source of, of unhappiness for meand I just, I just couldn't.

(04:18):
Really, I couldn't understandwhy I could get it but I could
never keep it and I thought itwas just something about me.
But it was that desperatesearch to to overcome my own
challenges and my ownunhappiness that led me to
finding the solutions to theseproblem and ultimately
overcoming these problems andrealizing that I'm not the only
one man.
It's like there's a lot ofpeople out there that are really

(04:39):
, really struggling and they'relooking for the for the
solutions to not just theirmarriage but a happier life in
general.
It's like success is formulaic,you know.
I'll give you a quick example,jay.
It's like is there a course ofaction that you could take right
now that would guaranteefailure within your life, that
would wreck your lifepermanently and irreversibly
within the next 20 minutes?

(05:01):
Absolutely there is, and we can.
We can see that.
On the other side, it's likethere's a course of action that
will 100 times out of 100 leadto failure, but success is
exactly the same.
It's formulaic.
There's a path and a course ofactions and behaviors that will
lead to success 100 times out of100.
Wow, we just don't know them,we're just not told them.

(05:23):
We understand the path tofailure and we get that, but we
don't understand that there'sequally a path to success, and
it's really very easy once youunderstand it.
But here's the thing you takeany man out of his area of
expertise and you're dealingwith an imbecile.
You take me out of my area ofexpertise and you're dealing
with an idiot.
And you're great at doing whatyou do, and men are great at
doing what they do, but it'slike relationships are not their

(05:45):
area of expertise and thereforeyou're dealing with somebody
that just doesn't have the skilland, by default, we tend to go
to the path of failure versusthe path of success.
Where it's no, it's no, it'snot harder to succeed than it is
to fail.
Joe, it really isn't, andthat's what I want to share.
You know it's bringing, havingdiscovered that in my own life
out of my own necessity.
It was like it was then thenext stage of my own personal

(06:06):
journey and my own recovery andmy own sustained happiness is
sharing the path with others.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
I've never heard anyone say that so perfectly.
Success is formulaic.
I would have doubted thatbefore you said it.
But once you explain thereverse and you're like, oh, if,
what can you do right now?
That I've never heard anyonesay and I've I've listened to a
lot of interviews cody, that'sbrilliant, I love that.
So when you say formulaic, haveyou talked to me about that?

(06:34):
Have you?
Have you seen as a?
Has a pattern emerged, um thatallows um relationships to
recover?

Speaker 2 (06:41):
absolutely, absolutely brother 100, 100 and
this is true.
He said I've worked with 2 000men.
It's actually probably closerto 5 000 now I haven't updated
my bio at some level or another.
Like I, at a very close level,worked with probably, yeah, 2
000 or so men and couples.
And, as tony robbins says, joe,success leaves clues.
It's like it's very, it's very,easy.

(07:02):
Again, is there a course ofaction that you could take right
now that would utterly destroyyour marriage within the next 24
hours?
Of course, of course is there.
Is there a path that we cantake that that will start the
reconciliation process?
Of course, of course, and we'veseen that.
And there there are steps youcan take that your wife is going

(07:23):
to go wow, that's didn't seethat coming in a good way.
And there's steps that wenaturally and instinctively take
, as you beautifully call it.
You call it throwing spaghettiagainst the wall.
When we're trying to reconcilemarriages, men tend to throw
spaghetti against the wall andsee what sticks.
I like to call it monkey with amachine gun.
It's like when men move intothe reconciliation or they, they

(07:47):
realize that their marriage isin trouble.
They're like a monkey with amachine gun.
They just go into the room andstart spraying everywhere and
it's like, look, you're justgonna hurt people, man, people
are gonna get hurt.
It's like can I share a quickstory with you about this please
?
It's an interesting one.
I, when I was younger man, I got, I got, I had some.
I had a traffic violation.
It was a fairly fairly serioustraffic violation.

(08:08):
I had to go to court and I gota lawyer and we was on the court
steps ready to go in and thelawyer said to me he looked at
me, said look at me, he goes.
I need you to understandsomething.
I said what he goes you are theone stupid enough to get in
this mess.
I'm the one smart enough to getyou out of this mess.
It's like you are not the one.
Your mind is not the one that'sgoing to get you out of this
mess.
My mind is going to get you outof this mess.

(08:29):
So you would do well, ifanybody asked you a question or
anybody talks to you about this,to look at me and get my advice
, and I'm like that was reallyprofound for me.
I'm like you know what?
You're absolutely right.
The attitude and the mentalityand the mindset that got me into
this mess isn't the one that'sgoing to get me out of it.
That was.

(08:50):
It was a hot-headed, recklessyoung man that got me into that
mess and it was not a hot-headed, reckless young man that was
going to get me out of it.
And this is the mentality thatwe need to take into the
marriage reconciliation process.
It's like if you can humbleyourself, which is the first
step of the process well, one ofthe first steps really is like
humble yourself and say, hey,the mindset that got me into

(09:11):
this mess isn't the mindsetthat's going to get me out of it
.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
It's amazing it's so much easier to tear something
down than is to build it back up.
I mean you could blow up abuilding in a second but it
takes, you know, years to buildthat same structure back up and
it's wild.
So this is.
I mean it takes a.
It's a more.
You could destroy it with asledgehammer, but you can't

(09:35):
rebuild the whole thing with asledgehammer, so it's a more
sophisticated process to buildsomething than it is to destroy
it, which is obvious.
So I want to is to destroy it,which is obvious, so I want to.
You know, I don't know.
I just want to go ahead and diginto the system because you
know, I know a lot of men, youknow pay a lot of money to help
you with this.
But I'm going to dig as muchout of you as I can in this

(09:56):
interview.
So tell me a little bit aboutthe system, like walk us through
it.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
So every aspect of our life is being governed by a
program.
We can call it a thermostat.
We have thermostats withinevery aspect of our life our
weight, our health, ourrelationships and all we can
call it self-image.
Right, so you're not going toexceed that.
So an issue is like a lot ofmen they try to.

(10:25):
They look at problems withintheir marriage and they go I'm
getting lemons on this treeright now.
I don't like the fruit that I'mgetting in this marriage and
they look at the fruit and theytry to change the fruit.
But the reality is it's like alemon tree is when is a lemon
tree, joe, ever going to producean orange?
It's like you can't address thelemons on the tree.

(10:50):
It's like if your, if your treeis producing lemons, you've got
one choice you've got.
And you want oranges.
You've got one choice you'vegot to chop that tree down,
throw it into the fire and planta new tree, and I don't care
how many books you sit there andread on.
The seven love languages ofwomen or men are from mars women
, it doesn't.
It doesn't, it doesn't matterto me.
It's like you can sit and readbooks to that tree all day long.
You can give that tree programson how to be an orange tree all
day long, but the reality is alemon tree is only going to

(11:11):
produce lemons and the only wayto change that is you've got to
chop that tree down and you'vegot to plant a new tree.
And that is the marriage stepone of the marriage
reconciliation process.
It's like we've got torecognize what kind of tree we
have right now.
And the way we do that is welook at the, we look at the

(11:31):
fruit, we look at the fruit.
And if your marriage isproducing fruit that's bitter
and you don't like it right now,it's like that's because the
root.
If you want to change the fruitin your marriage, you have to
change the root.
You have to change the root inyour marriage.
You have to change the root.
You have to change the root.
That's the only way to do it.
And if you want to know the root, look at the fruit.
If you don't like the fruit,you've got to chop that tree
down and you've got to startagain.
And that's really the firststage of what we do.

(11:54):
We call it the get real stage.
It's like you've got to getreal as what the problem is, and
it's like right now, you've gota lemon tree and you're
expecting oranges, so we tearthat tree down, we throw it in
the fire and we plant new seeds.
We plant seeds of trees thatare going to produce the fruit

(12:14):
that you're looking for, anduntil you do that as step one,
without that being thefoundation, it's like you're
never going to get anythingother than the fruit that you're
getting.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
It's like you're never going to get anything
other than the fruit that you'regetting.
So, to be clear, I mean OK, sothis is.
So step one of your marriagerecovery process is the marriage
recovery get real process.
So and I feel like you're right, I think most times, especially
men, we deal with the symptomsand not the problem that's

(12:43):
causing the symptoms.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yes, the fruit and not the root.
What's going on, joe, in mostmarriages is men are looking in
the mirror and seeing spots ontheir face and they're saying
these spots are causing measles.
It's like no brother, thosemeasles are causing that spots.
As long as you think thosespots are causing measles,
you're going to have a prettyunhappy marriage.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Well, you're battling everything right, All of the
symptoms of it.
It's a never-ending octopus ofspaghetti and problems, because
you're dealing with symptoms andyou're not dealing with root
issues.
And so my understanding then isin this part of the system is
like a discovery is what you'resaying.
You have to understand what theroot is in order to address the
real problem, otherwise it justcauses more fights.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
Basically, if you're attacking all of the fruit,
You're just putting ointments onthe spots instead of addressing
the fact you've got measles.
There's all that's going on andyou're never going to resolve
anything.
You're just going to continueto be very frustrated and not
understand what's going on.
Basically.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
Have you seen this?
A lot in men, I imagine.
Since it's part of the process,what tell me a little bit about
you?
Know how this manifests inpeople's lives and like a in
real marriage.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Oh, well, I'll use an example I had in in my life not
too long ago.
A couple, a couple ofchristmases ago we was at the my
wife's parents house and, uh, Ihad a big blow up with the
mother-in-law.
Like, to my shame, I ruinedchristmas for everybody.
But I had a big blow up withthe mother-in-law, like to my
shame, I ruined Christmas foreverybody.
But I had a big blow up withthe mother-in-law and my wife
said I need to understand whatshe said to you.

(14:11):
I need to understand what shesaid that made you react like
that.
And I said well, you'd just beangry with me if I told you
because I wasn't reacting towhat she said.
I was reacting to 10 years ofme bottling up the way she talks
to me and me bottling up someof the things that she said to
me in 10 years of how, how Ifeel like I've been treated.
I'm like what?
What happened?

(14:31):
What the actual argument wasabout was was not what the
argument was about.
There was a root cause to thatargument that you have to
understand the root cause.
When you understand the rootcause, you'll understand the
blow-, up.
And this is what's going on.
I got an email from a clienttoday and says my wife keeps
raging over nothing.
It's like no, brother, it's notover nothing.
There's a root cause of whatshe's raging about that you

(14:53):
don't understand.
That's what's going on and it'slike we have to understand what
the root cause is.
And what she's raging abouttoday is not what she's angry
about.
That's not what she's angryabout.
She's angry about a lot ofstuff and the littlest things
are setting her off.
And if we just address thoselittle things, guess what?
She's going to get more angry.

(15:14):
Because she's like it's noteven you know, it's not even
about that your wife might go.
You didn't take the trash outand you take the trash out.
That's exactly what I wasthinking of yeah, I took the
trash out and she goes well,it's not even about the trash,
you don't understand anything.
It's like we got to get to theroot cause of what's been going
on, and when we do that, we'regoing to see some success.

(15:36):
We're going to, we're going to.
She's going to feel understood.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
So when you actually go through the marriage recovery
, get real process, you actuallyfinally see, for the first time
ever, the real root problemsthat are causing all of the
fruit that's annoying her andannoying you and causing fights
and battles like, and until youdo step one, you're constantly
just going to be swatting atflies or almost like I see, I
see a hornet's nest and justeverything's flying everywhere
right, and the root issue isreally like the hornet's nest.

(16:06):
You upset the hornet's nest.
It's not the individual hornets, it's the root of the problem.
And so that's step one.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, so many of the men that we work with.
It's like a light bulb moment.
It's like, oh, I get it now.
I understand what she's madabout.
I'm such a butthead I justcan't believe.
And it's like, yeah, no, it'ssimple man.
It's like these problems areeasy to fix.
But if you don't know what theyare, you know.
It's like you can't fix aproblem you don't understand.
And as soon as you understandthe problem, most guys go I get

(16:37):
it now.
Because, look, here's the thing, right, like I don't like to
offend people, like I don't liketo upset people, but Like I
don't like to upset people, butI do upset people.
So a lot of times if I upsetyou, joe, and you said, cody,
you've upset me, it would offendme more than it's offended you
Probably.
I just don't know that I'mdoing it.
I just don't know the behaviorthat I'm engaging in that's
upsetting you, right?
And as soon as you say, cody,this is what's upset me, I go,

(17:00):
oh, not a problem at all, I'mgoing to change that behavior.
And then we have a greatrelationship.
It's like you can't fix what youdon't understand.
That's the problem.
And let me share with you, joe,if I may, the three most
dangerous words in the Englishlanguage.

(17:20):
I know that.
I know that as soon as yourmind says I know that that's
when you're in trouble.
Wow, that's when you're introuble because your mind is now
shut down to any futureinformation, any future input
into the process, and a lot oftimes guys go.
I know that, I know that.
I know that it's like you don'tlook at the fruit within your
marriage.
If you want to know the root,look at the fruit.

(17:42):
The evidence is there.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
So good.
I'm thinking of not that I'veever had an argument with my
wife, but I'm thinking of timeswhere I just wanted to get my
point across, or I assume that Iknew I'm totally seeing this,
and the problem is when, formany of your clients, I'm sure,
when they get to your stage,it's more difficult to even have
that conversation becausethere's so many years of battle
in that that's probably happened, and so like identifying it

(18:12):
clearly and quickly has got tobe more important, because you
haven't got time to screw around, right.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Time's not your friend, right now.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
So that's step one.
Right the marriage recovery getreal process.
Talk to me about step two.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
So step two is, once you understand what's going on,
is to remove those issues.
So again, I'll give you a quickstory to help illustrate.
When I said earlier on, rightlike I was really struggling to
hold on to anything, I could getthings but I couldn't hang on
to them.
And that's what's going on herewith a lot of people, right,

(18:49):
it's like they've got abeautiful wife, they've got a
beautiful family, they've got it, but they haven't been able to
hang on to it.
And that was my situation.
I couldn't understand.
As I began to understand, Iremembered, as a five-year-old,
my father coming home from workone day and said he was holding
a glove and he said is this yourglove, cody?
I said yeah, and he goes.
Well, do you know where I foundthat?
I said no, he goes down theroad, falling out of my pocket,

(19:12):
walking down the road, and hegoes.
You don't deserve nice things,cody.
You don't deserve nice things.
And that was the authorityfigure in my life, that was my
mentor, that was the person thatI was learning life from, that
was the person that I wasdeveloping my identity from, and
I accepted everything he saidwithout condition, without
reservation.
And when somebody at the age offive tells you you don't

(19:34):
deserve nice things?
What happens if you believethat?
Oh wow what happens if youbelieve that.
Wow, guess what.
You get a million dollars, andguess what your little inner
voice inside says you don'tdeserve that Cody.
You get a nice house, and guesswhat that little inner voice
inside your head says you don'tdeserve that Cody.
You get a beautiful wife, andguess what that inner voice

(19:57):
inside your head says you don'tdeserve that Cody.
In the program program we callit the stupid button.
Why do you hit the stupidbutton?
Why did you do what you did,knowing that it was damaging,
detrimental and going to damage,hurt your relationship?
You knew it and you did itanyway.
Why?
Why did you hit that stupidbutton?
Because there are hidden thingsinside of you, beliefs that have

(20:20):
come from somewhere, that aregoverning you, that are ruling
you right now.
For me it was my father saidyou don't deserve nice things.
I believed him.
I believed him, wow, and thatwrecked.
Until I was 40 years old.
It wrecked my life, wrecked it.
But hey, guess what?
Like as a five-year-old, Ididn't have that.

(20:40):
I didn't have an opportunity toquestion that and go.
Is that true?
Or is that just my dad?
Is that just hyperbole?
Is my dad just talking?
Does he not really mean that?
Is he just saying it?
Because as a five-year-old I hadno ability to you know, decide
if that was true or not.
It was true, whereas now, likewhen we say we're going to
remove and replace what we'regoing to do, is we're going to?

(21:02):
We have to identify those,those they're hidden.
You don't know they're therebut they're ruling and governing
you.
Right and like, I don't want toget too spiritual and religious
here, but it's like this is thedeception, like the deception is
it's, it's slight, it's hidden,it's it's it's it's deep, it's
you don't even know it's goingon.
And you've got all of thesehidden patterns running that are

(21:24):
wrecking your life, that arewrecking your marriage, that are
wrecking your relationships,that are wrecking your house, uh
, your, your relationship withyour kids, and we've got to
remove them with the marriage,the, the marriage recovery
process.
Removal step we've got toremove those beliefs because as
long as they're there, you'regoing to continue to produce the

(21:45):
same fruit.
So step number two is we removethem and then we create removal
.
Yes, we create the space toreplace with new, positive, On
step two.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
Let's talk about step two.
So the marriage recovery,removal process.
That story was really powerfulto me and for those of you
listening.
I'm guessing it was powerfulfor you too, because what are
the?
I think the question thatyou're answering here for men or
, through the process, helpingthem determine, is, I think, men
and women, we respond certainways to things that are

(22:22):
happening from certain I'm goingto use a big word but certain
paradigms, certain value systems, certain beliefs that are
internal, that we've neveractually challenged.
You may not even see that thatway of thinking about that issue
is there because of somethingthat happened that wasn't even
necessarily bad, or what yourfather said to you.
He wasn't trying to abuse youin any way, he was talking to a

(22:47):
five-year-old and frustratedthat he left his glove, you know
, down the street.
He paid good money for it,right.
And yet the words have so muchpower and it makes me wonder,
you know, what are the thingsfor those of you listening, that
are in your life that you can'teven see, that need to be
removed.
If that doesn't get removed,the patterns of abuse or
dysfunction continue in yourrelationship because you haven't

(23:08):
removed the operating systemthat is the root of some of the
fruit, as you said earlier, isthat right, that's exactly.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
That's spot on.
I couldn't have said thatbetter myself, Jeff.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
That's so powerful.
And so when you identify thecore issues in step one and then
you go to the marriage recoveryremoval process, specifically
the removal, it has to beidentified.
But the removal is like what?
Now the men or women but inmost cases I know you help a lot
of men they're able to, nowthat they know that, identify it

(23:43):
and before they operate in thatpattern they can recognize it
and change their behaviorbecause now they've removed that
from the operating system.
Is that kind of it?

Speaker 2 (23:53):
that that that's exactly right.
The only power that the let'sjust call them limiting beliefs
or programs that the only powerthat they have is they operate
in darkness.
As soon as light shine, shinein there, that the power
disappears.
Yeah, you know, I, I tellpeople, I talk to people all the
time they go.
I'm in darkness, cody.
I'm in darkness in my marriage.
I'm in darkness in my health.

(24:13):
I'm in darkness.
It's like we'll turn the lighton, then you fall.
It's like here's the thing.
Here's the thing, joe.
That again it's obvious once youspeak it, but people don't
understand it.
Light wins every time.
There's no negotiation.
When you turn the light on,dark goes away.
There's no negotiation.
There's no question of theoutcome.
There's no.
Who's going to win, light ordark?

(24:35):
Turn the light on in your roomwhen it's dark and see what wins
light or dark.
There's no negotiation.
There's no negotiation If youwant to defeat the darkness and

(25:05):
whatever that is, whether it bea dysfunctional marriage,
dysfunctional relationship withonce you, once you, once I
realized that my father told meyou don't deserve nice things.
It's like that had no poweranymore.
I'm like, well, that's nonsense, that's rubbish, and
immediately reprogrammed with anew empowering belief and it's
like guess what I've got.
You know, I'm punching wellabove my weight with my wife.
I'm punching well above myweight with my finance.
I'm punching well above myweight with my wife.
I'm punching well above myweight with my finance.
I'm punching well above myweight with my children.

(25:26):
I'm punching well above myweight, brother, in every aspect
of my life.
And it's as easy to punch abovemy weight as it was to get
beaten up on the other side.
It's just as easy.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Can I just tell every man here and this is your
interview, but I just feel thatI just want to tell every man
listening to this, like youdon't have to be the you you've
always been, that there's a youand you you haven't met yet,
right and identify.
When you said that and I mean,look, I think everyone
recognizes the Bible is the bestselling book and, whether

(26:05):
you're a Christian or not, likethere's some really good
principles in it.
And as soon as you said that,it reminded me of John 1.
It says the light shined indarkness, but the darkness did
not comprehend it.
But I got to use my philosophydegree at some point.
All right, cody, like you know,I got to find a way to make it
worth the hundreds of thousandsof dollars in investment and so.
I love the ancient Greek and theword there, when the light
shines in darkness and thedarkness is not comprehended.
Men will really like this.
The word is like and I I'm notgoing to get it exact and I

(26:27):
doubt anyone will challenge meon it, but the word is like
apocrythea, and, and that's theverb there, and it literally
means that the darkness isunable to kill the light.
It's a literal battle word andit means when they go to battle,
it is literally impossible fordarkness to murder light.
Light will always murderdarkness.
It will always win the battle.
Right, and so that's what youjust said there and it's so

(26:47):
powerful, it's such a powerfulprinciple.
Well put, I love it.
It's exactly right.
Okay, so men come into yourworld, they identify the
marriage recovery, get realprocess and really find the root
.
And then, once they found theroot some of which may be in the

(27:10):
partner, some of which may bein them then you got to go
through the process of themarriage recovery, removal
process, and because the things,the operating systems, need to
be adjusted and the badoperating systems need to be
removed, and so now you'reidentifying them, you're shining
light on them, and that bringsus to step three.
So talk to me about step three.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
So step three is going to be to rewire, or to
replace like you know, I like tocall it to rewire your brain.
And this is where we take thoseprocesses that have been
removed and we replace them withsupportive, powerful processes
that are going to produce thelife that you want.
Because, look, guess what,guess what, like life's the
easiest game in the world, joe.

(27:52):
It's the easiest game in theworld.
You're the player, theparticipant, the opposition on
the field.
You're the umpire, referee,judge.
You get to make the rules, youget to blow the whistle.
You get to blow the whistle,you get to do all of those
things.
We get to set life up as wewant it to be, yet we're losing.
How is that so?
How is it when we get to makethe rules, we get to be the

(28:14):
judge, we get to be the jury, weget to be the umpire, we get to
be the participant that we'restill losing.
When we're given everything,we're still losing.
How is that?
It's because we don'tunderstand the process of having
the life that you want.
And, to be honest with you, joe, the reason most men don't have
the life that they want isbecause they don't have any idea
of what the life, what the lifethat they want would actually

(28:35):
look like nine times out of 10.
When I, when I talk to men, youknow, say what do you want?
Say what do you want, what doyou, and they go.
Well, I don't want to arguewith my wife, I don't want to do
that.
I don't want to do that.
It's like no, I didn't ask youwhat you don't want.
I'm asking you what you want,like what you focus on grows,
where energy goes or where focusgoes, energy flows, whatever

(28:57):
you focus on grows.
And it's like you go and Idon't want to argue with my wife
.
Well, what are you talkingabout right now?
What are you focusing right onright now?
The I don't want is neitherhere nor there.
It's like all your mind ishearing is like argue with my
wife.
You're looking to argue with mywife and and here's the reality
I talked to so many men andthey go.
I just don't argue with my wifeanymore.

(29:18):
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
Like your wife doesn't evenhave to be present for you to
have an argument with her.
If she's not present, you'llhave an argument in the future
about a future event that hasn'thappened yet in your mind and
it's like you'll practicearguing with her.
You'll rehearse arguing withher.
You are perpetuating this cycle.
In your lack of understandingof how, how all of this works

(29:41):
and the success principles thatwe talked about earlier on works
.
You're perpetuating the cycle.
You're creating the argumentsthat you're saying that you
don't want, you're creating thelack of intimacy that you say
you don't want, and what we needto do now is now we've
previously uncovered and we'veremoved those.
Now we need to replace them.
We need to rewire the brainwith thought processes and

(30:04):
patterns that are going to besupportive.
Because here's the thing, right?
Here's how we talked aboutfruit, right?
What do you know?
How fruit grows?
Let me let me explain to you.
Joe, that's all right, yes,please.
All things start as a thought,or things start as a thought,

(30:24):
and those thoughts become afeeling, feelings become an
action and then those actionsbecome a result or a physical
reality.
Everything starts as a thought.
There's nothing you've done inyour life that didn't begin as a
thought.
Facts.
If you, if you went and got acoffee before you started this
interview, thought I'm gonna goget a coffee, right that that it
starts as a thought.
So it's like thoughts are veryimportant.

(30:45):
It's like we've got tounderstand what are thoughts
that's that that create anenvironment that we want, and
what are thoughts that createenvironments that we don't want.
We've removed the thoughts thatwe don't want.
Now we've got to start toreplace, replace and rewire the
brain with thoughts that thesupportive to what we want, the
outcomes that we want moreintimacy, more sex, more

(31:06):
connection, more love, more,whatever you know, filling your
blank.
More right, more is better,more is good and what?
What?
Here's the thing.
Right, take this away.
If you take one thing away fromyou, from this, from this call
today, guys, it's like thoughtsare things, thoughts are things.
If you think it in your mind,it's gonna become a thing.

(31:28):
Thoughts are things and this iswhat we need to do here.
If we, if we can help you putthose, rewire your mind with
those supportive thoughts andthose supportive beliefs.
What do you tell me?
What you want, I'll show youhow to get it.
You tell me what you want, I'llshow you how to get it.
You tell me what you need, I'lltell you how to get it.
Yeah, so good, all things arepossible to us, joe.

(31:49):
All things right.
Not some things, not mostthings, not a few things.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
All things are possible to us you're telling me
and it's a little wild.
Okay, I'm going to challenge itjust for a second.
I know that it's true, right,and I've seen this, by the way,
in entrepreneurship, I've seenthis in relationships, health,
all the things.
Every act of creation beginswith the first act of creation

(32:15):
which happens in the mind.
So what you're telling me isthat you can imagine a different
relationship.
You can find the things thatare inhibiting that relationship
because of the programming thatyou already have and maybe the
programming that they have.
There's, there's takes two totango.
You can only control yourselfto start with, but then you can

(32:35):
imagine a new reality of howyour relationship would work and
you can replace the old coding,the, the old habits, the old
thought patterns with a newthought pattern that will
produce a completely differentoutcome in your relationship.
Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 2 (32:51):
100, one of the one of the things that we talk about
.
We got, we got somecatchphrases right in, okay,
that I work with, and, and myfavorite one and the favorite
blood of the man is like whenyour attitude is right, the
facts don't matter.
When your attitude is right,the facts don't matter.
And I'm here to tell you frompersonal experience that that is
absolutely, 100% true.

(33:13):
When your attitude is right,the facts don't matter.
And, to be honest with you,that's the most beautiful thing
in the world, because right now,if the facts mattered, a lot of
us would be in a lot of trouble.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
You're so good.
I love that.
I love that.
Okay, I think we got themarriage recovery replacement
process, which is step three.
By the way, can I just ask allthe men here Do you all already
see why people like to hang outwith Cody?
Do you see how, literally, justgoing through the mental

(33:46):
frameworks that he goes throughto help men recover their
marriage quickly, do you see howthese things can shift?
We're not to step four yet, but, um, look, if you're serious
about recovering in yourmarriage, um, I just want to
invite you guys can.
If you're watching thisinterview, probably right below
you is a button where you canbook a call with cody and or his
team and have a conversationabout how they can help.

(34:06):
Lots of men have done this.
If you're feeling this, likethat's what Cody does, right, we
want to help more men recovertheir marriage and we just want
to tell you, can you just tellthem that, like it's possible,
right, it's like it's possible.
Can you tell them?

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Look, I just said, brother, like when your attitude
is right, the facts don'tmatter.
Well, if that's true, there'sonly one valid question at this
point right?
What's the right attitude,right?
Well, let me tell you step one.
There's a bunch, but I'll giveyou one for free.
The right attitude is possible.
A lot of you right now watchingthis going I don't, it's
possible.
I don't think you know, thefacts do matter to you, right?

(34:45):
You're going?
Well, my wife's with anotherman.
She's told me she's 100, notgonna do this anymore.
She's told me it's over.
Well, those are the, those arethe facts.
And it's like, if you want to,if you want to believe the facts
, then I, you know, I can't, Ican't help you, but I'm here to
tell you through personalexperience, brother, that the
facts, when your attitude isright, the facts don't matter,
and the first attitude that youhave to adopt is it's possible,

(35:09):
it's possible.
I talked to I've got a clientthat I work with.
He's a very well and I'm notgoing to give his name, but he's
a very well-known surgeon and Italked to him a few days ago
and I said, brother, don't evertell a patient that they're
terminal, don't ever tell themthat this is it for them,
because what if they believe you?

(35:29):
I'm like what you actually meanis in my limited experience as
a doctor, I've neversuccessfully seen this treated.
In my limited experience,that's what you need to tell
them and this is what I'm whenyou, if you're watching this and
you're going, it's not possibleto save my marriage because you
don't understand, cody, youdon't understand what my wife's

(35:50):
doing, you don't understand whatI've done.
What I'm saying to you, brother,is that what you mean to say is
, in my limited experience oflife, I've not seen this
recovered.
My limited experience ofmarriage.
This recovered my limitedexperience of marriage in my
limited experience with mylimited friends.
Nobody has told me this ispossible.

(36:11):
I'm here to tell you it ispossible, categorically it is
possible, and I don't care whatyou call it, I don't care what
your religious orientation is.
Miracles are real, brother.
Miracles are real sister, andI'm like, I highly encourage you
to believe in it because it'syour only hope right now.
For a lot of you, a miracle isyour only hope.
But hey, what?
Guess what?
We're in the business ofmiracles.
That's what we're in thebusiness of.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
It's promised to us well also and also, you know, I
I think, just just as youstarted this whole interview
with you know, if you follow thewrong system and you do the
wrong stuff, yeah, you're.
You're significantly getting inyour own way.
If you're working under the oldoperating system, you're
probably going to do the samethings you did before, which has
caused the problem in the firstplace, right, and so it's like

(36:52):
you need a system that hasworked many, many, many times
before.
Like surgeons don't go in andtry new things.
They follow a proven path.
I mean, you know, unless you'rein a, that's what you want your
surgeon to do, right?
You don't want them like usingyou as the guinea pig, and it's
the same thing here.
And your system is principledand obviously you know.

(37:14):
It just makes sense to me.
But I want to go to step four tohelp everyone out.
So you know, now that you'vereplaced and you followed your
process, that you have to helppeople go through the marriage
recovery replacement process.
What's the next step in theprocess?
Because now you're operatingdifferent or you're getting a
different output and then you'regetting a different response,

(37:35):
because before you were usingthe same stuff and getting the
responses you've been getting,but now that you've replaced
that, you're getting a differentfeedback loop.
What happens next?
What do you see happens next inthe process?

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Well, this is where success becomes automatic.
This is where you reap therewards of your hard work on
autopilot, whereas right now,many of us, we're in a position
to where failure is automatic.
We screw things upautomatically, we cause fights
automatically.
We don't know how, we don'tknow why we're doing it, we
don't know any of that stuff, itjust happens automatically.

(38:08):
Now we go, now we now we switchover to the reward stage, where
we can call it the Midas touch.
Right, we all, we all knowpeople that whatever they touch
turns to gold.
Whatever they touch succeeds.
But we also know people that,whatever you know, you could
give them $100 and they'd sellit for $50.
Those people as well this isnot accidental, this is not.

(38:30):
They were, just, like I said,just born under a star or
something happened.
It's like this is process, thisis the system, and once you put
those processes in place, wemove over to the Midas touch
side.
We move over to the place whereeverything we touch turns to
gold, versus somebody give us$100 and we turn around and sell
it for $50 and then the nextday go.
Oh, that was a bit silly.
And this is every aspect oflife.

(38:54):
So here's another nugget that'sreally good to take away is how
you do anything is how you doeverything.
How you do anything is how youdo everything.
If you're failing in yourmarriage, do everything.
How you do anything is how youdo everything.
If you, if you're failing inyour marriage right now, if your
marriage is failing, it'sbecause you're under uh, you're
underperforming.
So if you're underperforming inyour marriage, you're

(39:16):
underperforming in all of yourrelationships.
You're underperforming in yourfinances.
So when we, when we go throughthis, it's like it's like with
me, for example, like we'retalking specifically about
relationships here, but Icouldn't.
Once I unrooted the core issueof I don't deserve nice things
as one of those issues.
Then everything came that thefinances came, the better health
came, the better relationshipsaround me came, the better

(39:39):
business came, the bettermarriage, the better marriage
with my wife came.
Everything came, because howyou do anything is how you do
everything and we're going toput all of those things on
autopilot for you.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Do you feel like between step three and four,
where it's like the marriagerecovery replacement process,
and then step four, the marriagerecovery rewards process, where
you start to reap the rewards,is there kind of a dance that
happens there for men where it'slike um, they, they put out a
new output and then they, theysee the rewards of that change.
But sometimes they put out anew output and it just kind of
falls flat and so they're kindof trying to find the rewards.

(40:12):
Talk to me about that dancethat happens there yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
So you have to assume you assume you're that you have
to build the house before youcan move into it is what we're
talking about here.
So, for example, if you want,if you want you, if you want a
new house, you have to get theblueprint, you have to do the
work.
But there's a period of timewhere it's just a building site.
There's a period of time whereyou look at it, go, this is
never going to happen, or thiswas a mistake, this was.

(40:37):
This is a lot of work, buteventually that that house
appears and then you move intoit and you've got a beautiful,
beautiful house.
Same with there's a delay innature.
For example, you put an acornin the ground.
There's going to be a delayfrom when that acorn is put into
the ground to when it grows,and there's going to be times

(40:58):
when you think it's not working.
There's going to be times whenyou go is that acorn growing?
But hey, guess what?
You can't keep digging it up oryou'll kill it.
You just have to trust.
This is where faith comes intothe process.
If you want to become a doctor,joe, like you decide and you
become a doctor.
In your mind, thoughts becomefeelings, feelings become
actions, actions become things.
You have a thought of being adoctor.

(41:20):
You get the feeling, you takeaction, you go to medical school
and then it manifests as amedical degree and you become a
doctor.
And that's how this process,this process here, works between
the, the replace, and thereward is you replace those
unsupportive beliefs andidentities with supportive ones.
But there is, there can be, adelay between when that happens,

(41:40):
but when it happens, younapoleon hill said it in think
and grow rich.
When your riches finally come,they will come so fast and so
furiously that you will wonderwhere they were all of these
years.
The same is true with yourmarriage.
When, when, when the richesthat are your marriage starts to
come back to you, they'll it'llcome so fast and so furious

(42:01):
you'll wonder what was going on,where it was all of these years
.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Well, when you talk about the marriage recovery
rewards process, the reward isin the relationship.
But just seeing what you'regoing through, because I've
experienced this as anentrepreneur I think the reward
isn't merely and it's a big one,but it isn't merely the rewards
that come as a result of arecovered marriage, but the
rewards are also the person thatyou become in this process.
You literally are transformingpeople to become a different
version of themselves, a betterversion of themselves absolutely

(42:37):
like just to be blunt.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I know it's not probably the nicest thing to say
, but here's the reality of thesituation is, the reason that we
find ourselves in thissituation is because we've been
weighed, we've been measured andwe've been found wanting and we
can look at that and go.
So you know, so I'm supposed togo.
I'm not good enough.
No, no one's saying you're notgood enough.
Life is giving you theopportunity to be better because

(43:03):
you have it in you.
Like life is telling you look,look, joe, you can be better
than you are.
Like you need you have theopportunity to be better.
It's not that you're not goodenough, you are absolutely good
enough.
But we we said an acorn, right.
Well, how big does an oak treegrow?
Wow, big as it can, is theanswer.
As big as it can, is the answer.
As big as it can.
How big should you grow, joe?

(43:23):
As big as you can is the answer.
And the reason that life isjust feeding back to you right
now saying, hey, you're not asbig as you could be.
Are you good enough?
Are you enough?
You're enough, but could you bemore?
A hundred percent.
And ultimately, the reason youcan have more, joe, is because
you can be more.
The reason you can have more isyou can become more, and this

(43:48):
is what we're doing Ultimately.
This is the reward.
This is the reward process iswhen you become more, you can
have more and you can have moreonly because you've become more.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
I think that's part of the blessing of any good
relationship.
A good relationship.
Iron sharpens iron, you, youboth become better because you
get real feedback in arelationship.
You can't hide it when with,especially in a marriage, uh,
you, you are who you are andthey know who you are.
And so there's this uh buildingtogether, which is so beautiful
.
It's really, it is a reward inand of itself.
That's, I imagine, that's whymen want to keep their marriage,

(44:20):
because they recognize thevalue of it right and ultimately
, it's this is true leadership.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Like you, you, every, every single man, every single
man without exception that Iwork with says my wife won't
follow me, or my wife doesn'trespect me, or my wife doesn't
do this or my wife doesn't dothat.
She won't follow my lady.
Well, give her something worthfollowing, brother.
It's like give lead.
Well, give her something worthfollowing, brother.
It's like give her somethinginspiring.
Give her somethinginspirational.

(44:49):
It's like is she looking at youright now going?
This man's got a spark abouthim.
This man's got something goingon.
This man's got something I wantto be around.
Or is she looking at him going?
He's a bit of a sad sack, justto be perfectly honest.
Is she looking at is shelooking at you going?
This man's a bit of a sad sack.
It's like, if you want peopleto follow you, be going

(45:11):
somewhere worth going to begoing somewhere worth going to
be advancing in your health, beadvancing and be ambitious, like
in this.
Honestly, this is why your wifewas attracted to you in the
first place is because youprobably were ambitious.
You probably did have direction.
She probably looked at you andwent wow, this guy's got
something about him and thisguy's going somewhere and I want

(45:32):
to be a part of that, whereasnow you know, life's happened.
As men, we get the success, weget the money, we get the
whatever.
It's like we get what we wantand what's important.
And it's like we get what wewant and what's important and
it's like, well, that's that'sme, I'm good.
And you sit on the couch andyou pop open a beer and you
watch the football game andyou're like I'm good man and
your wife's looking at you going.
Well, I'm glad you're good, butthat's not enough for me.

(45:55):
It's like there's only tworeasons.
There's only two reasons, joe,that your wife said to said yes
to you in the first place.
Only two.
You want to know what they are?
No, tell me please.
It's because she loved the wayyou made her feel.
And the second reason is shelooked at you and saw that a
life with you was significantlybetter than a life without you.

(46:17):
She loved how you made her feeland she looked at you and said
a life with this man is betterthan a life without him.
That's what she said.
Yes to that.
Everything else falls into oneof those categories.
Now she's leaving.
The exact opposite is true.
She's looking at you, going, Idon't like the way this man
makes me feel and and I see thata future without him is better

(46:38):
than a future with him.
And ultimately we've got to askthe question like are you happy?
If you're not happy?
How the hell is your wife goingto be happy with you?
If you can't find happiness,how are you leading your wife to
happiness when she looks at youand goes he can't even find his
own happiness.
How the heck is he going tobring me to a place of happiness

(46:59):
?
He can't even find his own joy.
How has he got?
How, if I follow him, how am Igoing to be led to she's, she,
she needs happiness, she needsjoy, she needs to see a future,
she needs to see something, andthis is the, this is the reward
of what we do.
When we do this work, we, we, wecreate a vision that's

(47:20):
inspiring.
We create a vision that isworth buying into.
We create a vision that isbigger than every vision around
them.
And your wife looks at youagain and goes I want some of
that.
You know I had a.
I had a conversation with mywife.
We do, we do reviews regularlyof our marriage and my wife said

(47:41):
to me she goes, cody, when,when we got together and I
agreed to go on this journeywith you, we both agreed that we
wanted exceptional.
We both agreed that we weren'tgoing to settle for ordinary.
She goes, do you agree?
I said, yes, I agree with that.
And she goes well.
Is the life that we live intoday exceptional?
And I said, if I'm beingbrutally honest with you,

(48:03):
sweetheart, no, it's quiteordinary.
She's like well, what are wegoing to do about it?
Are we going to accept that orare we going to do something
about it?
We want to, with we want to dowhat other people can't do.
And if we want to do what otherpeople can't do, joe, we've got
, we've got to be willing to dowhat other people won't do.
And that involves go on, brother, that that involves taking a

(48:25):
very hard look at myself going.
Am I, am I living up to mypromises to my wife?
I promised her an exceptionallife.
Am I delivering that?
I promised her a life that shecouldn't have with somebody else
.
Am I delivering that?
I promised her all kinds ofthings to get her to say, yes,
she's a beautiful woman withbeautiful soul.
She could have married anybodyshe wanted to and she chose me.

(48:46):
I've got an obligation to her,joe.
I promised her a certain leveland I've got to look at myself
as a man and go am I measuringup?
Am I meeting my promises, am Imeeting my obligations?
And if the answer is no, am Igoing to do something about that
?

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, and I think the message that you send to the
people you serve is that thatlook in the mirror.
Do we have your attention, bythe way, like that?
Look in the mirror that youhave to do.
It may be painful, but itdoesn't have to be permanent.
Yeah, and so if you're serious,if you want to go all in and

(49:34):
find the you and you, that youhaven't even met, yet right and
restore the relationships thatare valuable and important to
you.
that's what cody and his team do.
And so, cody, this has been ajust an amazingly eye-opening
interview.
It's very difficult to disagreewith anything you're saying
because there is so muchprinciple behind it, just like

(49:55):
proven principles.
It's sort of undeniable as youthink through it.
And so you help people throughthis process, and if you're
listening to this and you canfeel the growth happening, you
can feel your thinking and yourparadigm shifting just by
listening to this.
We want to help you make thechange permanent in your life,

(50:16):
because how many otherinterviews have you listened to?
How many books have you read?
How many seminars have you beento?
Like all that's great, but togo through this level of
transformation many of youalready know like it's so much
easier and so much faster with aguide, someone who will really
give you the feedback and showyou what's happening, and so

(50:37):
that's what we want to help youwith.
If you want that, all you gotto do is click the link below.
You'll fill out an applicationon the next page and you'll
schedule a time to talk withCody and or his team and have a
conversation to see if we canactually help you.
So that's the big idea.
Cody, what's your vision forpeople who go through the

(50:58):
process?
Let's say you know someone's onthis call.
I know there's a lot of peoplethat you don't take because
you're like it's not a fit right.
You only want to help thepeople that you can actually
help, but what's your vision forthe people that you can
actually help?

Speaker 2 (51:18):
What do you want their life to look like as a
result of going through thisprocess with you?
Well, ultimately, our goal is,like we can say a lot of things,
it's a lot of, there's a lot ofthings that I would like to see
happen, but ultimately is toget your wife back.
Like that's how we measuresuccess.
Ultimately, is the therestoration of the marriage now
in order.
In order to restore yourmarriage, you've got to become
bigger and you've got to becomebetter and, as a result of that,
you're going to see a lot ofimprovements in every aspect of

(51:39):
your life.
You're going to start to seewho you really are, because I'm
telling you right now, brother,you don't have a freaking clue.
You've got no idea who you are.
You've got no idea what you'recapable of in a good way capable
of in a good way.
You've got no idea of how muchpotential is contained within
you right now and what you canactually do and actually achieve

(51:59):
.
So, throughout that processit's like you know, we're going
to help you get in touch withthat, because there are three
things that you need in order torestore with your wife you need
emotional safety and security,you need mutual admiration and
respect and you need a sharedvision and goal.
And the problem is people justjump to the straight to the
shared vision and goal.
But if your wife doesn't haveemotional safety with you and
she doesn't have mutualadmiration and respect for you,

(52:22):
she's not going to want to havea shared vision with you.
So we're going to get you to aplace to where there's safety
within the marriage to be 100 of100% of the time for both of
you, to where it's a place oftrue I can really be myself and
your wife can go.
I can really be myself, andit's that safe haven it's like.
Well, let me tell you, whenCOVID came along, people go oh,

(52:43):
that's going to be really hardon your marriage.
I said bring it on, man.
I'm like you lock it down,we'll just get stronger.
You lock us in, you lock me andmy wife and my me and our house
together.
We'll get stronger and strongerand stronger and stronger.
The longer you lock us down,the stronger we're going to get,
because our home is a sanctuary.
Our home is a place that's freefrom strife.
Our home is a place thatglorifies and builds up marriage

(53:08):
and love.
And it's like you lock us down,we'll just get stronger, and
that's what I want for you.
And to do that, you've got tohave that emotional safety to
where you can both be 100 ofyourself, 100 of the time you
can express yourself, you.
We have to create mutualadmiration and respect to where
you, you have utmost respect foryour wife and she has the

(53:28):
utmost respect for you.
That's the foundation of anyrelationship.
Joe, if you didn't respect meright now, we couldn't be having
a conversation.
If I didn't respect you, Iwouldn't want to be on your show
, right?
The mutual admiration andrespect is the foundation of of
everything.
Without it, you're going tohave discord and strife and
everything else with it.
You're going to look, you'regoing to, you're going to you

(53:50):
can find true peace within yourhome.
And then, and then, once youlook at your wife and go I can
be myself with this woman, andshe looks at you and goes I can
be myself with this man and yougo, wow, you're a great person.
And she goes, wow, you're agreat person.
Now we have the foundation for ashared vision.
Now we have the foundation tobuild a shared vision for life,

(54:11):
and this is what is lacking.
It says in the Bible my peopleperish for lack of vision.
It doesn't say they perish forlack of resources.
It doesn't say they perish forlack of information or finances
or access to certain things.
It says my people perish forlack of vision and that is what
is killing your marriage,brother, is the lack of vision,

(54:32):
and ultimately we're going toget you there to where that is.
What is killing your marriage,brother, is the lack of vision.
Ultimately, we're going to getyou there, to where that shared
vision for a shared life isthere again.
But in order to do that, we'vegot to get you to a place of
emotional safety and mutualadmiration and respect.
And how you do anything is howyou do everything as you see
your marriage improve.
You're going to see everyaspect of your life.

(54:53):
You're going to.
You're going to look in themirror and you're going to see a
man in the very, very nearfuture and go.
You're a good looking guy, butyou're not getting the job done.
You got to go.
You know.
I looked at myself in themirror and I said you've had 30
years to sort this out and thisis the job that you've done.
You're not getting the job done, cody.

(55:14):
You're fired.
We need to get a new headhoncho around here, who I had
turned into was inadequate toget the job done.
He had to go.
And I know a lot of guys saywell, you're saying that you
know I've got to completelyreplace my personality.
Well, no, but I am encouragingyou to ask the question is your

(55:37):
current identity supporting you?
Is your current identityproducing the results that
you're looking for?
If the answer is yes, then justdisregard everything I've said.
But if the answer is no, if yougo well, no, the fruit on this
tree is not, it's sour, it'sbitter, it's not what I'm
looking for Then I encourage youto question your identity and
say is, is who I am, who I needto be, or, even more importantly

(56:04):
, who I, who I could be, am Ireaching my full potential?
So, ultimately, joe, the two,two, two aspects, that one we're
going to.
We're going to help you reachyour full potential.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
This is legitimately the best interview I've ever
done on relationships.
Such powerful principles youshared, cody, it's been an honor
interviewing you.
For all of you listening youalready know.
If you spent this much timewith us, you know how valuable a
voice like this would be inyour relationship, so we look
forward to talking to you on theother side.

(56:33):
Cody, thanks so much for beinga part of this, and everyone
else Thank you.
Have a great day.
Bye.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Crime Junkie

Crime Junkie

Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.

24/7 News: The Latest

24/7 News: The Latest

The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.