All Episodes

August 28, 2023 13 mins

Have a question or comment? Send us a text message here.

Ever caught yourself scrolling through your social media feeds, caught up in the glamorous lives others seem to be living? In this Naked Quickie, we confront a prevalent issue: the incessant comparison of our relationships to what we see on social media and the detrimental effects it has on both our personal well-being and the health of our relationships. 

We dig into why we are naturally drawn to compare ourselves to others, and how social media elevates this instinct to a whole new level. The conversation then takes a turn, through personal stories,  towards solutions as we discuss practical and manageable strategies to keep the comparison in check. 

Join us for this quick yet insightful journey, as we explore the pitfalls of social media and how to rise above the scroll. 

Support the show

Grab your set of the Married and Naked Date Night Questions For Couples card deck HERE



Find us on social:
Instagram @marriednnaked
Facebook @MarriedAndNaked
Pinterest @marriednnaked
TikTok @marriedandnaked
Email marriednnaked@gmail.com

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sometimes we only have time for a quickie, so here
it is your naked quickie.
Welcome in to Married and Nakedpodcast everyone.
How you doing there, tammy?

Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm doing good.
You're so funny.
Like when you did the welcomejust now, you put your arms out.
I'm welcoming everyone.
You're welcoming everybody.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh, my goodness.
Well, this is the Married andNaked quickie version of the
podcast, where we are going topick Tammy's expert brain.
I got one for you, you ready?

Speaker 2 (00:30):
I'm ready, let's do it.
You look nervous.
I'm always nervous Sitting onthe hot seat.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yes, okay, so we recently spent a lot of time
with some friends and it came upin conversation.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Is this going to be okay with our friends at your
site?
We're not saying any names.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
And no, I'm not identifying anybody.
But my question is this Is itright for us to compare
ourselves to what we see onsocial media of other people in
relationships?
Hot seat go.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
My answer to that would be it's very natural and
normal for us to compare.
I think it's innately builtinto us, maybe from our tribal
kind of days where our job is tolook at people around us and to
see do we fit in?
Because then it was life ordeath.

(01:21):
If you didn't fit into yoursurroundings and into your group
, you get exiled or kicked outof the tribe and then you have
no more support or food or allthat.
So I think it can go all theway back to that.
Now this is just a theory, butit makes sense that it's very
innate in us to compare.
Prior to social media, we alwaysstill compared ourselves to our

(01:43):
neighbor keeping up with theJoneses, trying to fit in with
groups at school.
That's very normal thing thateach and every one of us do.
But social media has kicked thatup a thousand notches, where
we're bombarded with images ofother people and how they live
and how they relate to eachother and what their
relationships look like and howthey parent and all these things

(02:06):
where we are suddenly hours andhours out of the day comparing
ourselves to others, and I thinkthat can be very detrimental as
a person and very detrimentalas a relationship.
So I think it becomes veryimportant for us to then check
ourselves on that.

(02:28):
Somebody very famous and I'mdrawing a blank on the person
right now and whoever everybodywho's listening is probably
going to say I know who saidthat, but the quote comparison
is the thief of joy, and I knowI even I'm getting that quote
wrong.
However, the idea is comingthrough Right the minute we

(02:50):
start comparing ourselves toother people, no matter what we
have, no matter how good ourrelationship is, we're going to
feel like it's not good enough.
I think it comes down, then, towhat are some of the strategies
that we can check ourselves onthis constant comparison life
that we are all living, becauseI think it's just going to get

(03:11):
worse and worse and worse as wejust grow into more and more of
an instant media.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, you're right.
It's not like the social mediais going away.
Heck no, and it's not likepeople are putting their phones
down more.
It's part of our life and it'sbecoming more and more part of
our life to the fact we'regetting new ways to have our
phones on our person, connectedto our car, connected to our
screen, perhaps wearing them asgoggles and virtual.

(03:44):
So it's not like it's going tostop.
Images are going to be in frontof us more.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Right, and we were just listening to a comedian
last night who was joking abouthow we feel when we leave our
phones at home.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Now, it's so true though.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Imagine having a few days without your phone, or
imagine traveling without yourphone, even though we did it
just fine, you and I.
When we were 18 years old, westarted traveling.
We didn't have any phones, wehad no GPS or Google.
We took a map with us.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Thomas Barrow's map.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
We would go to AAA and we would get all these maps,
and then, of course, we'd takethe Thomas map and we found our
way and we would call ourparents whenever we got to a pay
phone.
So it's very possible.
But literally right now, whenyou say, oh, imagine traveling
without your phone, or imaginedays like are we have a like a
literal, visceral response tothat.

(04:40):
My body gets a little likeanxious with the idea of doing
that.
So no, it's not going away and Ithink we will just continually
be bombarded.
So it's going to come to areally clear recognition of what
that comparison is doing to you, because sometimes we're just
sitting in it, we don't evenrealize we're comparing

(05:03):
ourselves until we get offsocial media after we've done
our two three hour scroll orwhatever it is, and we don't
feel very good about our livesall of a sudden, and sometimes
it's hard to realize that'sbecause you just spent three
hours comparing yourself toother people.
So what are some of the waysthat we can limit that

(05:25):
comparison or keep check of thatcomparison?
I think that's the question.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, so you're asking me or you just saying I'm
just saying it out loud- Shutthe phone off.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
That's one thing, no well, I think that that's true,
like one of the most importantthings I think we can do, and
possibly one of the hardestthings, is to turn your phone
off or have several hours a daythat are not where you're not
allowing yourself to scroll.
You and I just took a cruiseand a little literally going to

(06:01):
make to this.
Yeah, a little Mexican cruiseand a little cruise to Mexico as
a four day cruise.
And on cruises, if you haven'tcruised before, unless you pay a
lot of money, it's reallydifficult to get a signal.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
What did I tell you?
I said it twice.
We were sitting at breakfastand I was just looking around
and I say breakfast, we're outin the middle of the ship open,
but there's having breakfastwith everybody.
Yeah, having breakfasteverybody.
And I'm looking around and whatis that Like?
Do you notice something that'sgoing on here?
I did not see one person with acell phone in their hand and if

(06:33):
they are, they're takingpictures.
Yeah, everybody was talking andcommunicating and sitting around
a table with other peoplewithout a phone in their hand,
because you're forced to yeah,which was actually really lovely
.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
We just left our phone in the cabin and we just
hung out and talked all day andlaughed and we played games and
we were involved in all theactivities on the ship.
I mean, we wouldn't do thathere, but what a lesson to us
and how valuable that was to ourlives to fully unplug for a
period of time.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Sure.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
So I think putting that into a daily routine, maybe
a weekly routine, whatever itis that you can manage, or start
with a little bit of time a dayand working up to a significant
time where you're givingyourself some a break from
social media.
And I think the other thingthat can be really powerful, and
one thing that you're alwaystouting to me, is the power of
gratitude and to make sure thatgratitude's at the forefront of

(07:32):
your life.
And why don't you share one ofthe ways that you do that?

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Well, I owe it to you .
You forced me to take a tripaway last year, and by yourself,
by myself and it was sowonderful and I guess I didn't
realize the true benefit of ituntil I fast forward two, three,
four, five.
True benefit of what Of thistrip away?

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Because I gleaned such an important lesson from
this, and it wasn't anythingplanned, it just organically
happened.
I literally sat down while Iwas in the beach in San Diego
and literally wrote out in agratitude journal.
And I'd done this before, I'ddone this many times, but I was
literally writing what I wasgrateful for in that moment.
The very next day I was there,I did the same thing.

(08:20):
The day after that, I did thesame thing.
So here I am almost to.
Actually it's been a year now,and every time I end up in the
steam room for some reason, I'min there for 10 to 12 minutes.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Every time I'm in the steam room not the steam room,
the sauna, because the steamroom you wouldn't be able to see
anything.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
I'm sorry, the sauna you take your phone in with you
and you write it in your phone.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
right, yeah, and tell my phone dies of overheating or
I die of overheating, but I'llsit there and I'll write, and
this is three days a week.
At this point and or when I'mby myself, I just went to pick
up our son at school.
I had a few minutes to pick amap at school and I pulled out
my gratitude journal.
I'm like I'm so grateful that Iget to pick up my son from

(09:00):
school.
So I'm writing, you know, notparagraphs, but just something
that I'm literally thinking.
I'm so grateful I got to spendthis morning with my wife.
I'm so honored that we're goingto get to do a podcast here to
help other people.
I'm like just writing downthings of gratitude in my life,
therefore bringing more of it tomy life just by the law of

(09:21):
attraction.
I know it sounds woo, wee andwoo.
You know I'm off my rockerright there, but I truly I've
lived by this.
I just didn't know I was doingit.
I'm always doing it in my head,but I wasn't doing it
purposeful, writing it down.
And now I am and I truly seethat.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Right.
So I think the first thing Ishould have said is become aware
of that feeling of comparison,because when you do, this is a
powerful tool to combatcomparison.
The minute you start to feellike you're comparing yourself
to other, you're not feelinglike your life is good enough,
or you're feeling likeeverything everybody else has it
better than you.
That's the moment to pull out alist similar to you, or a piece

(10:02):
of paper or something where youcan write down a handful of
things that you do feel gratefulfor.
It's so important to keep thatin check when you're imagining
everybody else's lives arebetter than yours.
So I think that's a reallygreat strategy that you have.
And lastly, just remember thatjust because you're seeing it on
a video, just because this isone of your favorite people that

(10:26):
you follow and you know theymust be 100% authentic what you
see is not reality.
It may be sometimes, but trulywhat we're watching is
entertainment, and it'simportant for us to keep that in
mind that we really don't knowthe true story.
We don't know if that couplewe're watching he brought

(10:46):
flowers to or they look so inlove, but they didn't have just
a massive fight the night before.
I mean, it's really importantto remember that we're all human
.
Nobody's perfect.
No life is perfect.
We all have our own challenges,so keep that in mind when
you're scrolling through.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, I always think of this when I see social media,
because we are both contentcreators on social media you and
I and I always think about this.
I just saw it again while wewere on the cruise ship.
There were some teenagers thatwere taking a picture of
themselves with something in thebackground and they took this
picture.

(11:21):
I stopped counting at 10 timesbefore they were like oh, I got
it.
It was over and over and overand it was the most curated,
spontaneous looking pictureyou've ever seen Curated,
curated spontaneity.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
And I'm thinking you know what, and it's kind of true
, when you and I create content,we don't always get it right
the first time.
Even doing this podcast, I'vehad to reset my what I'm saying
because I have something in mythroat right now.
A couple times You've editedout those spots where I'm
coughing or you know.
So just know what you'rewatching or what you're seeing

(11:59):
may even look perfect, but itmight have taken them 50 times
to get that perfect look.
So I always want to think aboutthat curated spontaneity, but
even more than that.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
I mean, how many pictures have we posted?
Maybe of us as a couple,because they're really great
pictures.
But every time I look at thosepictures I remember, oh yeah, on
that trip, 15 minutes afterthat picture, we had a huge
fight.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
So I don't remember every having a fight, but I'm
sorry I can pull up the picturesand remind you.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
I promise you that, because those things stick, so
keep that in mind.
Sure, yeah, there you go.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right.
Well, thank you so much,sweetheart.
You are wonderful.
This is awesome.
So I love the insight Be awareof what you're seeing Like, just
be aware that you're comparing,unplug.
And I love the last two thatyou said.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Gratitude.
Write it down when you'renoticing that you're feeling
comparison.
And lastly, just remember thatthe grass isn't always greener.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Thank you, everybody.
We'll talk to you next time onthe Married and Naked podcast.
Bye, everybody.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Cold Case Files: Miami

Cold Case Files: Miami

Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides.  Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer  Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.

Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.