February 28, 2025 • 19 mins
Have a question or comment? Send us a text message here.
In this episode, we introduce the bold concept that is helping Tammy rediscover herself and her dreams.
We share how Tammy has spent most of her life putting herself on the back burner to help Joel and the kids reach their dreams. Decades of this left her lost and feeling like she was a sailboat without wind.
But that has all changed.
Tune in to learn what changed everything for Tammy and how Joel is supporting her in her newfound purpose and direction.
And discover a fresh idea to help us all chase our dreams like our time is limited. Because it is.
*** Update*** Since recording this episode Tammy has checked another thing off her list. How to make focaccia :) !!!!
Check out the reel that inspired Tammy to change everything.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cwx-L_lL_yn/
Grab your set of the Married and Naked Date Night Questions For Couples card deck HERE
Find us on social:
Instagram @marriednnaked
Facebook @MarriedAndNaked
Pinterest @marriednnaked
TikTok @marriedandnaked
Email marriednnaked@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Married and Naked podcast.
I'm Tammy, founder of the blogMarried and Naked, certified
sexuality coach and speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Joel, tv host , motivational speaker and the
guinea pig to the lessons you'reabout to learn.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We're high school sweethearts, married over two
decades, and we're on a missionto help you create the marriage
you desire and deserve.
Let's get naked.
Welcome to the Married andNaked podcast.
Hi everybody, hi everybody, hi,sweetie, how are we today?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
We are doing dandy today, my love.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Dandy, dandy.
Okay, that's a word no one usesanymore.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Well, I'm old, so why not that's?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
true, we are old, we are old.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Gosh, dang it.
You know what?
We didn't even talk aboutcelebrating our 50th birthday
last year.
You and I are now in our half acentury mark.
We hit our 50th birthday lastyear.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, I have nothing to say about that.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah, you know it's funny, when we turned 50, I was
excited about being 50 justbecause I felt vibrant and I was
still felt young and I stillplayed basketball and I still do
really all the things I lovedoing.
You, on the other hand, had adifferent perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I just feel it's scary getting older.
I live in a lot of anxiety thatyou don't necessarily live in.
So getting older means our kidsare going to be moving out soon
.
In fact, our daughter willprobably move out in the next
few months and, you know, ourson is not too far behind.
So we're close to empty nestersand our family is older.
Our parents are older.
I worry about disease and whatit's going to mean for us when
(01:36):
we're 70 and 80, which doesn'tseem very far away now.
It feels overwhelming to me andscary.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I mean, when I think of it like that, how you
just word it all.
Yeah, it does sound like itsucks.
Okay, I was just thinking aboutbeing 50 years old still being
able to hoop on some kid who's19 years of age and walk off the
court saying, hey, you just gotbeat by a senior citizen bro.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
You're not quite senior, Well.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm sorry, 55, right.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Or did we start getting AARP?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
We did.
We got AARP last year before wewere 50.
Anyways, to me that was theexciting part.
But you know what's interesting, though?
Because the older we get, themore we realize how important
days, months, years and what wedo with our time truly is.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, it feels short and fragile and precious.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And obviously we have different experiences on this
journey, but as a couple, a lotof it we experienced together.
You know how we're looking atthings, how we're attacking
things, and you've kind of takena different road of how you
want to attack your next fewyears.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Well, I said on the last podcast episode that a few
months ago I was feeling veryburnt out and very overwhelmed
and then we turned 50 and it allwas kind of happening at the
same time.
It's probably just a flat outmidlife crisis they would call
it, but it is a lot related tomidlife actually, because this
(03:11):
past year I started goingthrough menopause, I'm dealing
with hormone stuff, turn 50,we're dealing with aging parents
.
It's like all of a sudden, thisstuff has just hit us so hard
Empty nesters soon.
Like that's right around thecorner.
It's hit really hard and I knowmany of you relate, have been
(03:32):
there or are there with us.
It's very overwhelming to me,very scary.
So I decided I was going totake a little step back and try
to figure out what I want mynext half century to be be, if
I'm so lucky.
And I happened to come acrossthis Instagram reel of a guy
showing all these things that hewas doing, like on a bucket
(03:54):
list kind of thing, like he wasjumping out of a plane and he
was running and I don't rememberall the other things, but this
reel caught my attention.
I was like, oh, what's this guydoing?
And he was saying that he hadmade a list of 100 things.
And so a young guy not middleaged like me, a young guy but he
made a list of 100 things thathe wanted to do and he was going
(04:17):
to do it in the next five years.
So he was checking these thingsoff of his list.
So I went and did a littleresearch.
You know I'm following himtrying to figure out what this
guy's all about.
I don't know why.
I just felt like I needed topay attention to what he was
saying and realize that he isthe creator I guess I don't know
(04:37):
what you call this, but of whathe calls, and pardon my
language, and I'm going to saythis throughout the whole.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are we going to get an explicit rating on this?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
We've done it before but not necessarily because of
language, because of content, weare married and naked baby.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yes, Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But I am going to say this throughout.
So if you have kids listeningor whatever probably not if it's
a married and naked right, youdon't have kids listening to
this.
Anyway, he has created what hecalls the fuck it list, so I'm
sorry, is that with a B or an F?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
It's with an F.
Okay, continue on.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
The fuck it list.
He calls it that instead of abucket list because he says the
bucket list essentially isthings you want to do before you
die.
And most people make the listand then they don't do the
things.
And the fuck it list is, youknow, like fuck it, I'm just
gonna do it.
And he puts a deadline on it.
So for him the deadline wasfive years and he's got 100
(05:30):
things and some of them are justlike these wild, crazy things
and some are just small things,whatever he wants to do before
he dies.
But he's gonna do it in thenext five years and and then,
when he's done with those, he'sgoing to create another fuck it
list.
So essentially, you're takinglife by the horns and not
letting it pass you by and notdoing the things you say you
always want to do.
You're actually doing thosethings.
(05:52):
So I felt incredibly inspired.
I joined his free community andI created my own fuck it list.
He did like little videos thatshow how to do it list.
He did like little videos thatshow how to do it and super easy
.
But I went by myself on alittle getaway for like two or
three days and I created my list.
I've got like 120 things onthere.
(06:13):
When I went I I honestly, onthe drive to my little getaway I
was like I have no idea whatI'm going to put on.
I don't think there's anything.
I don't know what I want to dowith my life or anything I want
to do, and then I left with like120 things.
So I put it on this big posterboard, as you know, and it's
hanging in our bathroom so thatI see it multiple times a day.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And we see it.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I put I had to put a deadline on it, as as he
tells us to do, and thatdeadline is really tight.
That's the whole point.
He doesn't want you to giveforever.
And so it's five years, and nowI'm working on checking things
off my bucket list and reallythat's a huge part of my focus
right now, and it feels good tohave direction and purpose and
(07:00):
they're little things that I'mstarting with.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, you know what I got to say.
A couple of things.
It's really sexy seeing youcuss like that.
Second of all I just learned Iwant to say it was on Armchair
Expert, the whole term bucketlist.
Did you hear that?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
I did that.
It was from the movie I did notknow that.
I didn't know that either.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I just figured it was a guest and he was saying oh
yeah, they created the term forthe movie bucket list with him
and Jack Nicholas.
I always get him, Thank you.
I always get him in the golfermixed up and now the term is
unanimous.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Everybody uses it.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, so anyways, I thought that was fascinating.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah, it is yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And it's weird because I created a bucket list
years ago.
I didn't call it a bucket list.
I said 100 things I want to dobefore I die and that was from
Tim Ferriss and I think I'veknocked off about 40 of them.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Which that puts you in a very small percentage of
people that actually work atcrossing things off their list.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But to be fair, I had a completely.
So, if I'm self, what do youcall that?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Self Telling on yourself, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
If I'm telling on myself, uh, I had an unfair
advantage because we werefilming a TV show.
We did a kid's TV show for many, many, many years that you were
the host of.
I was the host of curiosityquest.
You guys can look at it.
I'm super proud.
Tammy was a producer on it andI was the host of it.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
And still airs on Amazon and no new episodes, but
our old shows do yes we did 252episodes.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
All that to say.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I got to travel around the country and do
incredible things, things thatmost people would never be able
to do, like you had access toplaces most people would don't
have right access to, like howthey make the.
You're one of your favoriteshows in the Louisville Slugger
bats.
Like you went into the factoryand got to see the whole process
Like got the whole Babe Ruth'sbat.
(08:53):
Yeah, you had some incredibleexperiences and access to dream
things.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I mean film in Hawaii , film in Alaska, I mean.
So all that to say.
I kind of had an unfair, if I'mbeing fair.
So a lot of the things Icrossed off were as a result of
oh, I always want to go here, dothis meet, this, experience
this, and I got to cross thoseoff.
But the way you have this listis so inspiring.
(09:20):
It really is what's inspiring?
It's inspiring because we knowthat's about each other.
Like I, every year, I january1st or in that time frame, I
always sit down and write goalsfor things I want to accomplish
and want to do, and I feel verygoal oriented, always have been
like you write down goals, yeahand I don't, at the end of every
year, accomplish all of thegoals, but I'm pretty focused
(09:44):
and I'm pretty like, like yousaid, goal-driven, goal-oriented
, whereas you've never been that.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And it's not-.
I've tried to be like you.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I'm just not like that, yeah, and it's not a bad,
not good or bad.
I've said this to you manyyears in the past.
I kind of feel like it worksagainst you because you are
looking at how I am and what Ido and you're trying to do that
and it's not how you were builtRight, whereas this, what you
wrote down, what you have onthat list, this is exactly what
(10:12):
you've needed for a very longtime.
Yeah, so it's super inspiringand I, if I look at it like you,
even asked me oh, you want tocreate yours, and I'm like, nah,
I'm, I'm good, I feel like I'vedone so.
Even the things I didn't do onmy list Some of them, I've
already made the decision Like Idon't want to do that anymore.
I don't want to ride a Harleyfrom one coast to the next,
(10:34):
because now I know all thedangers of being on a motorcycle
.
When I wrote that I didn't want, to father.
I wasn't a father and I didn'tknow two other fathers that have
died on a motorcycle.
So just to give reference ofwhy some of that's changed, and
there's a couple of things elseon there on my list like that.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
So anyways, I think that is a very interesting
difference between you and I, inthat I feel like my life has
been so focused on you andhelping your dreams come true
and our children, like that'sbeen my sole focus.
So, even like the work that wedo, it's been so much because
(11:14):
it's been dreams of yours and Iwant to support those.
And so I do work for you, tosupport your dreams, and I've
never really been good atfiguring out well, what do I
want to do, what do I want, whatdo I like, what work makes me
feel good?
And Now that we're in thatmiddle life phase, I so feel
(11:35):
this pressure to figure it out,whereas you got to do all that.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
You did everything you pretty much ever wanted to
do before 50.
And now, after 50, you'relooking at it as a different way
.
So you're not like, on thisrush to be like, okay, I got to
do all these things.
Most people feel the clockticking like, oh crap, I got to
get this done.
That's how I feel.
And you're like, oh crap, I gotto get this done.
That's how I feel.
And you're like, oh, I've doneit all.
Now I'm figuring out what isthe second half look like when
(12:01):
I'm not doing it all, BecauseI've done it all, you know.
So it's a really interestingjuxtaposition between you and I,
and my hope now is that yourfocus is then and you've already
shown this to be true but thenon helping me check off all the
things I want to do.
And so you sit in the bathroomand you look at my list too.
You're like, okay, so when arewe going to do this?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You're referencing the conversation we literally
had last night.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Like Ooh, so can we work on this right now?
And you were like hey, honey,this is my list, Right?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
but a lot of the things obviously in well, a good
portion of them involve you,obviously, because you're my
husband, so all of the travelwhich I have massive amounts of
travel that I want to doobviously include you, you know
so, anyway.
So I've got this big list andI'm I picked a handful of things
that I'm working on.
(12:55):
Some are very small, like learnto make focaccia bread.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
But don't diminish that.
Remember you put that on therebecause it's something you've
always wanted to do, but younever made the time for you to
actually do it, Right.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So I'm sorry I'm not just trying to.
I don't want somebody to listento that and go, oh, how
ridiculous is that?
Yeah, but when you look at yourlife and how it's structured,
it's like something you've neverbeen able to do.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, but little things like that do feel small,
like I only crossed one thingoff my list so far and that was
to clean out my closet, becausethat's been literally something
I needed to do for years andthat felt good to cross it off.
I got it done and now I'mmoving on to other things.
Some are big, like work towardsgetting in the best shape of my
(13:50):
life.
Some are little, like improvingmy flossing, but really, in the
grand scheme of things that'spretty big, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And I'm learning to play piano.
I've been doing that for a fewmonths with my sister, so I've
got a few things that I'mworking on at a time and it's
going to take me a long time andI don't know that I'll cross
off all these things.
But the point is that I nowhave this sense of direction and
purpose for myself, which feelsreally exciting and something
(14:20):
I've never felt in my whole life, something like that for me.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, I mean, I could truly attest that, because you,
for years, you've always beenthat like I don't know what I
want to do.
I love that you found this,what I want to do.
I love that you found this andI'm telling you, if you're
anything like Tammy, you'rethere to serve everyone else
around you and maybe you feellike you're missing out on
(14:45):
serving you.
I'm telling you this has beensuch a great transformation for
you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Well, I mean, it's only been like a few, no, no,
but Like a month or so.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
But it's the transformation of your focus to
where you're not.
You know I've said this, soyou're like in a dead calm out
in the ocean and the boat's notmoving at all.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, that's exactly how I felt.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Your sails are now full and you got wind behind you
now and you're talking I mean,just last night we out date,
date night last night and youknow you're talking about like
oh, piano, and how you've youknow again, you can't, you can't
brush that aside, that you'vebeen doing it now for ever since
you started the list and you'rebeing consistent in a couple
(15:27):
months.
Yeah, and it's not just going tothe lesson, you're actually
practicing each day, you know.
And then the the fun thing thatyou you recently put on your
checkoff I don't know if youwant to talk about it, but your
party, that you have foryourself every day- well, I'm
doing five minutes of dancing aday.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
It's fantastic.
My goal is to do that for asolid year, but I have to start
somewhere.
So really I'm working onincorporating habits and so I'm
working on five minutes a day ofdancing, which I feel really
silly doing.
But I do find that and thereason I'm doing it is because
(16:06):
I've seen research and I've seenother people say, like moving
your body, jumping up and downfor like five minutes, and it
energizes you and it changesyour mental state and all that.
So I feel like it's a good movetowards being the best version
of myself, being healthymentally.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
So anyway, yes, I know you just started.
All I'm trying to say is youcan help out any marriage.
You can help out any human thatcomes to you and ask for help.
But sometimes for you to helpyourself has been really hard,
and the reason for that is is,like you've said, you lack
direction.
You didn't know what you wantto do, you don't know how to do
(16:44):
it, and now you have a focus.
And that focus isn't just afleeting thing.
It wasn't like oh, I wrote itone week and I feel great, and
then the week goes by and youkind of forget it.
No, you're like you've got achecklist now that making sure
you're doing multiple thingsevery day and it's giving you,
it's added, a little joy to yourlife that you desperately need
(17:05):
it for you, not for anyone else,for you, so it's so cool.
All that to say, I'm tellingyou, if you are anyone like
Tammy, this is something youmight want to do, or not.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
If you just have things that you want to do in
your life and you're tired ofprocrastinating, yeah, this is a
great way to do it.
I can post a link to thisgentleman's instagram because
I'm all about.
I think really everybody shoulddo this and you're a rare
person because you actually havegotten to do the things.
(17:34):
But I think most people have acrap ton of things they dream
about doing and they just feellike, well, either I'm never
going to do it or I don't havethe time, or I don't have the
money.
You got to figure it out.
Just put it down and startmaking the small steps towards
it.
I'm just making little stepstowards big ultimate goals.
(17:56):
I think it's for everybody.
So if you're sounding like meand you can relate, I'm going to
put the post in and get yourbucket list going and then I
think, it would be fun to.
I'm going to start sharing alittle bit about it on Instagram
and kind of keep you guys up todate on some things I'm working
on, and then I think it'll befun to kind of update here too,
as I'm check things off or moveon to new tasks, things like
(18:19):
that absolutely.
I appreciate your support andletting me post that big old
piece of paper in our bathroom.
It's not pretty, but it ismotivating for me to look at it
every single day so you're likeoh, it doesn't look very pretty.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
No, it's not about that, it's about it's being put
in your subconscious and you'reworking towards it.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
That's the key yeah, making effort towards it.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
It's so cool.
That's so cool.
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Well, thank you.
I'm excited to share my bucketlist journey with you.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Say it one more time your what list journey.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
No, we're not, Embarrass everybody.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Thanks for being here with us today.
I'll post that link, give you alittle inspiration if you're
interested in starting your ownlist, and we will talk to you
next time on the Married andNaked podcast.
Bye, everybody.
Welcome to the Married and Naked podcast.
I'm Tammy, founder of the blogMarried and Naked, certified
sexuality coach and speaker.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Joel, tv host , motivational speaker and the
guinea pig to the lessons you'reabout to learn.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We're high school sweethearts, married over two
decades, and we're on a missionto help you create the marriage
you desire and deserve.
Let's get naked.
Welcome to the Married andNaked podcast.
Hi everybody, hi everybody, hi,sweetie, how are we today?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
We are doing dandy today, my love.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Dandy, dandy.
Okay, that's a word no one usesanymore.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Well, I'm old, so why not that's?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
true, we are old, we are old.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Gosh, dang it.
You know what?
We didn't even talk aboutcelebrating our 50th birthday
last year.
You and I are now in our half acentury mark.
We hit our 50th birthday lastyear.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, I have nothing to say about that.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah, you know it's funny, when we turned 50, I was
excited about being 50 justbecause I felt vibrant and I was
still felt young and I stillplayed basketball and I still do
really all the things I lovedoing.
You, on the other hand, had adifferent perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I just feel it's scary getting older.
I live in a lot of anxiety thatyou don't necessarily live in.
So getting older means our kidsare going to be moving out soon
.
In fact, our daughter willprobably move out in the next
few months and, you know, ourson is not too far behind.
So we're close to empty nestersand our family is older.
Our parents are older.
I worry about disease and whatit's going to mean for us when
(01:36):
we're 70 and 80, which doesn'tseem very far away now.
It feels overwhelming to me andscary.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I mean, when I think of it like that, how you
just word it all.
Yeah, it does sound like itsucks.
Okay, I was just thinking aboutbeing 50 years old still being
able to hoop on some kid who's19 years of age and walk off the
court saying, hey, you just gotbeat by a senior citizen bro.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
You're not quite senior, Well.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm sorry, 55, right.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Or did we start getting AARP?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
We did.
We got AARP last year before wewere 50.
Anyways, to me that was theexciting part.
But you know what's interesting, though?
Because the older we get, themore we realize how important
days, months, years and what wedo with our time truly is.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, it feels short and fragile and precious.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And obviously we have different experiences on this
journey, but as a couple, a lotof it we experienced together.
You know how we're looking atthings, how we're attacking
things, and you've kind of takena different road of how you
want to attack your next fewyears.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Well, I said on the last podcast episode that a few
months ago I was feeling veryburnt out and very overwhelmed
and then we turned 50 and it allwas kind of happening at the
same time.
It's probably just a flat outmidlife crisis they would call
it, but it is a lot related tomidlife actually, because this
(03:11):
past year I started goingthrough menopause, I'm dealing
with hormone stuff, turn 50,we're dealing with aging parents
.
It's like all of a sudden, thisstuff has just hit us so hard
Empty nesters soon.
Like that's right around thecorner.
It's hit really hard and I knowmany of you relate, have been
(03:32):
there or are there with us.
It's very overwhelming to me,very scary.
So I decided I was going totake a little step back and try
to figure out what I want mynext half century to be be, if
I'm so lucky.
And I happened to come acrossthis Instagram reel of a guy
showing all these things that hewas doing, like on a bucket
(03:54):
list kind of thing, like he wasjumping out of a plane and he
was running and I don't rememberall the other things, but this
reel caught my attention.
I was like, oh, what's this guydoing?
And he was saying that he hadmade a list of 100 things.
And so a young guy not middleaged like me, a young guy but he
made a list of 100 things thathe wanted to do and he was going
(04:17):
to do it in the next five years.
So he was checking these thingsoff of his list.
So I went and did a littleresearch.
You know I'm following himtrying to figure out what this
guy's all about.
I don't know why.
I just felt like I needed topay attention to what he was
saying and realize that he isthe creator I guess I don't know
(04:37):
what you call this, but of whathe calls, and pardon my
language, and I'm going to saythis throughout the whole.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are we going to get an explicit rating on this?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
We've done it before but not necessarily because of
language, because of content, weare married and naked baby.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yes, Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But I am going to say this throughout.
So if you have kids listeningor whatever probably not if it's
a married and naked right, youdon't have kids listening to
this.
Anyway, he has created what hecalls the fuck it list, so I'm
sorry, is that with a B or an F?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
It's with an F.
Okay, continue on.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
The fuck it list.
He calls it that instead of abucket list because he says the
bucket list essentially isthings you want to do before you
die.
And most people make the listand then they don't do the
things.
And the fuck it list is, youknow, like fuck it, I'm just
gonna do it.
And he puts a deadline on it.
So for him the deadline wasfive years and he's got 100
(05:30):
things and some of them are justlike these wild, crazy things
and some are just small things,whatever he wants to do before
he dies.
But he's gonna do it in thenext five years and and then,
when he's done with those, he'sgoing to create another fuck it
list.
So essentially, you're takinglife by the horns and not
letting it pass you by and notdoing the things you say you
always want to do.
You're actually doing thosethings.
(05:52):
So I felt incredibly inspired.
I joined his free community andI created my own fuck it list.
He did like little videos thatshow how to do it list.
He did like little videos thatshow how to do it and super easy
.
But I went by myself on alittle getaway for like two or
three days and I created my list.
I've got like 120 things onthere.
(06:13):
When I went I I honestly, onthe drive to my little getaway I
was like I have no idea whatI'm going to put on.
I don't think there's anything.
I don't know what I want to dowith my life or anything I want
to do, and then I left with like120 things.
So I put it on this big posterboard, as you know, and it's
hanging in our bathroom so thatI see it multiple times a day.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And we see it.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I put I had to put a deadline on it, as as he
tells us to do, and thatdeadline is really tight.
That's the whole point.
He doesn't want you to giveforever.
And so it's five years, and nowI'm working on checking things
off my bucket list and reallythat's a huge part of my focus
right now, and it feels good tohave direction and purpose and
(07:00):
they're little things that I'mstarting with.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, you know what I got to say.
A couple of things.
It's really sexy seeing youcuss like that.
Second of all I just learned Iwant to say it was on Armchair
Expert, the whole term bucketlist.
Did you hear that?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
I did that.
It was from the movie I did notknow that.
I didn't know that either.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I just figured it was a guest and he was saying oh
yeah, they created the term forthe movie bucket list with him
and Jack Nicholas.
I always get him, Thank you.
I always get him in the golfermixed up and now the term is
unanimous.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Everybody uses it.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, so anyways, I thought that was fascinating.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah, it is yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And it's weird because I created a bucket list
years ago.
I didn't call it a bucket list.
I said 100 things I want to dobefore I die and that was from
Tim Ferriss and I think I'veknocked off about 40 of them.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Which that puts you in a very small percentage of
people that actually work atcrossing things off their list.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But to be fair, I had a completely.
So, if I'm self, what do youcall that?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Self Telling on yourself, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
If I'm telling on myself, uh, I had an unfair
advantage because we werefilming a TV show.
We did a kid's TV show for many, many, many years that you were
the host of.
I was the host of curiosityquest.
You guys can look at it.
I'm super proud.
Tammy was a producer on it andI was the host of it.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
And still airs on Amazon and no new episodes, but
our old shows do yes we did 252episodes.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
All that to say.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I got to travel around the country and do
incredible things, things thatmost people would never be able
to do, like you had access toplaces most people would don't
have right access to, like howthey make the.
You're one of your favoriteshows in the Louisville Slugger
bats.
Like you went into the factoryand got to see the whole process
Like got the whole Babe Ruth'sbat.
(08:53):
Yeah, you had some incredibleexperiences and access to dream
things.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I mean film in Hawaii , film in Alaska, I mean.
So all that to say.
I kind of had an unfair, if I'mbeing fair.
So a lot of the things Icrossed off were as a result of
oh, I always want to go here, dothis meet, this, experience
this, and I got to cross thoseoff.
But the way you have this listis so inspiring.
(09:20):
It really is what's inspiring?
It's inspiring because we knowthat's about each other.
Like I, every year, I january1st or in that time frame, I
always sit down and write goalsfor things I want to accomplish
and want to do, and I feel verygoal oriented, always have been
like you write down goals, yeahand I don't, at the end of every
year, accomplish all of thegoals, but I'm pretty focused
(09:44):
and I'm pretty like, like yousaid, goal-driven, goal-oriented
, whereas you've never been that.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And it's not-.
I've tried to be like you.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I'm just not like that, yeah, and it's not a bad,
not good or bad.
I've said this to you manyyears in the past.
I kind of feel like it worksagainst you because you are
looking at how I am and what Ido and you're trying to do that
and it's not how you were builtRight, whereas this, what you
wrote down, what you have onthat list, this is exactly what
(10:12):
you've needed for a very longtime.
Yeah, so it's super inspiringand I, if I look at it like you,
even asked me oh, you want tocreate yours, and I'm like, nah,
I'm, I'm good, I feel like I'vedone so.
Even the things I didn't do onmy list Some of them, I've
already made the decision Like Idon't want to do that anymore.
I don't want to ride a Harleyfrom one coast to the next,
(10:34):
because now I know all thedangers of being on a motorcycle
.
When I wrote that I didn't want, to father.
I wasn't a father and I didn'tknow two other fathers that have
died on a motorcycle.
So just to give reference ofwhy some of that's changed, and
there's a couple of things elseon there on my list like that.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
So anyways, I think that is a very interesting
difference between you and I, inthat I feel like my life has
been so focused on you andhelping your dreams come true
and our children, like that'sbeen my sole focus.
So, even like the work that wedo, it's been so much because
(11:14):
it's been dreams of yours and Iwant to support those.
And so I do work for you, tosupport your dreams, and I've
never really been good atfiguring out well, what do I
want to do, what do I want, whatdo I like, what work makes me
feel good?
And Now that we're in thatmiddle life phase, I so feel
(11:35):
this pressure to figure it out,whereas you got to do all that.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
You did everything you pretty much ever wanted to
do before 50.
And now, after 50, you'relooking at it as a different way
.
So you're not like, on thisrush to be like, okay, I got to
do all these things.
Most people feel the clockticking like, oh crap, I got to
get this done.
That's how I feel.
And you're like, oh crap, I gotto get this done.
That's how I feel.
And you're like, oh, I've doneit all.
Now I'm figuring out what isthe second half look like when
(12:01):
I'm not doing it all, BecauseI've done it all, you know.
So it's a really interestingjuxtaposition between you and I,
and my hope now is that yourfocus is then and you've already
shown this to be true but thenon helping me check off all the
things I want to do.
And so you sit in the bathroomand you look at my list too.
You're like, okay, so when arewe going to do this?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You're referencing the conversation we literally
had last night.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Like Ooh, so can we work on this right now?
And you were like hey, honey,this is my list, Right?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
but a lot of the things obviously in well, a good
portion of them involve you,obviously, because you're my
husband, so all of the travelwhich I have massive amounts of
travel that I want to doobviously include you, you know
so, anyway.
So I've got this big list andI'm I picked a handful of things
that I'm working on.
(12:55):
Some are very small, like learnto make focaccia bread.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
But don't diminish that.
Remember you put that on therebecause it's something you've
always wanted to do, but younever made the time for you to
actually do it, Right.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So I'm sorry I'm not just trying to.
I don't want somebody to listento that and go, oh, how
ridiculous is that?
Yeah, but when you look at yourlife and how it's structured,
it's like something you've neverbeen able to do.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, but little things like that do feel small,
like I only crossed one thingoff my list so far and that was
to clean out my closet, becausethat's been literally something
I needed to do for years andthat felt good to cross it off.
I got it done and now I'mmoving on to other things.
Some are big, like work towardsgetting in the best shape of my
(13:50):
life.
Some are little, like improvingmy flossing, but really, in the
grand scheme of things that'spretty big, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And I'm learning to play piano.
I've been doing that for a fewmonths with my sister, so I've
got a few things that I'mworking on at a time and it's
going to take me a long time andI don't know that I'll cross
off all these things.
But the point is that I nowhave this sense of direction and
purpose for myself, which feelsreally exciting and something
(14:20):
I've never felt in my whole life, something like that for me.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, I mean, I could truly attest that, because you,
for years, you've always beenthat like I don't know what I
want to do.
I love that you found this,what I want to do.
I love that you found this andI'm telling you, if you're
anything like Tammy, you'rethere to serve everyone else
around you and maybe you feellike you're missing out on
(14:45):
serving you.
I'm telling you this has beensuch a great transformation for
you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Well, I mean, it's only been like a few, no, no,
but Like a month or so.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
But it's the transformation of your focus to
where you're not.
You know I've said this, soyou're like in a dead calm out
in the ocean and the boat's notmoving at all.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, that's exactly how I felt.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Your sails are now full and you got wind behind you
now and you're talking I mean,just last night we out date,
date night last night and youknow you're talking about like
oh, piano, and how you've youknow again, you can't, you can't
brush that aside, that you'vebeen doing it now for ever since
you started the list and you'rebeing consistent in a couple
(15:27):
months.
Yeah, and it's not just going tothe lesson, you're actually
practicing each day, you know.
And then the the fun thing thatyou you recently put on your
checkoff I don't know if youwant to talk about it, but your
party, that you have foryourself every day- well, I'm
doing five minutes of dancing aday.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
It's fantastic.
My goal is to do that for asolid year, but I have to start
somewhere.
So really I'm working onincorporating habits and so I'm
working on five minutes a day ofdancing, which I feel really
silly doing.
But I do find that and thereason I'm doing it is because
(16:06):
I've seen research and I've seenother people say, like moving
your body, jumping up and downfor like five minutes, and it
energizes you and it changesyour mental state and all that.
So I feel like it's a good movetowards being the best version
of myself, being healthymentally.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
So anyway, yes, I know you just started.
All I'm trying to say is youcan help out any marriage.
You can help out any human thatcomes to you and ask for help.
But sometimes for you to helpyourself has been really hard,
and the reason for that is is,like you've said, you lack
direction.
You didn't know what you wantto do, you don't know how to do
(16:44):
it, and now you have a focus.
And that focus isn't just afleeting thing.
It wasn't like oh, I wrote itone week and I feel great, and
then the week goes by and youkind of forget it.
No, you're like you've got achecklist now that making sure
you're doing multiple thingsevery day and it's giving you,
it's added, a little joy to yourlife that you desperately need
(17:05):
it for you, not for anyone else,for you, so it's so cool.
All that to say, I'm tellingyou, if you are anyone like
Tammy, this is something youmight want to do, or not.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
If you just have things that you want to do in
your life and you're tired ofprocrastinating, yeah, this is a
great way to do it.
I can post a link to thisgentleman's instagram because
I'm all about.
I think really everybody shoulddo this and you're a rare
person because you actually havegotten to do the things.
(17:34):
But I think most people have acrap ton of things they dream
about doing and they just feellike, well, either I'm never
going to do it or I don't havethe time, or I don't have the
money.
You got to figure it out.
Just put it down and startmaking the small steps towards
it.
I'm just making little stepstowards big ultimate goals.
(17:56):
I think it's for everybody.
So if you're sounding like meand you can relate, I'm going to
put the post in and get yourbucket list going and then I
think, it would be fun to.
I'm going to start sharing alittle bit about it on Instagram
and kind of keep you guys up todate on some things I'm working
on, and then I think it'll befun to kind of update here too,
as I'm check things off or moveon to new tasks, things like
(18:19):
that absolutely.
I appreciate your support andletting me post that big old
piece of paper in our bathroom.
It's not pretty, but it ismotivating for me to look at it
every single day so you're likeoh, it doesn't look very pretty.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
No, it's not about that, it's about it's being put
in your subconscious and you'reworking towards it.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
That's the key yeah, making effort towards it.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
It's so cool.
That's so cool.
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Well, thank you.
I'm excited to share my bucketlist journey with you.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Say it one more time your what list journey.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
No, we're not, Embarrass everybody.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Thanks for being here with us today.
I'll post that link, give you alittle inspiration if you're
interested in starting your ownlist, and we will talk to you
next time on the Married andNaked podcast.
Bye, everybody.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.