June 10, 2023 • 59 mins
What if you could learn the secrets of resilience and adaptability from someone who has faced numerous challenges? Join us for an inspiring conversation with our guest, Edem Assogba, a financial analyst, and self-proclaimed half-baked philosopher. We venture into his incredible journey starting from Togo, West Africa, to the United States, as he navigates marriage, fatherhood, corporate America, and even a traumatic brain injury. Edem's wisdom on embracing a growth mindset and maintaining a daily routine to support his wellbeing is inspiring.
Throughout our discussion, Edem shares the invaluable lessons he gained from facing various inflection points in his life. He opens up about the impact of moving away from home, embracing new environments, and learning to set healthy boundaries. His experience overcoming the challenges of a demanding career, while still being a supportive husband and father, is a testament to the power of self-care and discipline.
Don't miss out on Edems's pocket-sized philosophy on transforming insights into action, and how developing a self-compassionate internal dialogue has helped him thrive in all aspects of his life. His holistic approach to self-care, including sleep, exercise, and being part of a supportive community, will inspire you to make positive changes in your own journey. Tune in for a truly motivating conversation filled with valuable life lessons, and discover the incredible resilience of the human spirit!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I had a whole lot of my identity wrapped in there.
This is what I am, this is whatI want to do.
So when that happened, i wasfaced with a hard choice and I
had to let that part of myidentity die so that I can
reinvent myself and knew to dothe stuff that I needed to do at
the time.
Remember, if you don't have alot of choices, you have to
(00:22):
figure out what you need to do.
You get it done.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
You are and will always be your most valuable
asset.
Welcome to the Me Inc podcast.
a series of conversations withindividuals living happy,
healthy and engaged lives, whileexploring the importance of
emotional intelligence to thrivein this ever-changing world.
My name is Nigel Franklin, aCPA MBA and a certified
(00:47):
emotional intelligence coach.
My mission and passion is toenable others to be that best
version of themselves byunderstanding the importance of
making investments in theirphysical, mental and spiritual
well-being.
Let's start the show.
When I first met Adam, afinancial analyst and
(01:11):
self-proclaimed half-bakedphilosopher, i was immediately
impressed by his unique insightsand perspective.
As we became part of amastermind group exploring
philosophy and personaldevelopment, i've gained from
his insights and it supplementedmy growth journey.
(01:32):
In this episode, we dive intoAdam's inspiring story of
starting over, adapting tochange and finding balance in
all aspects of life.
From moving to the UnitedStates, from Togo, west Africa,
to navigating the challenges ofmarriage, fatherhood and
corporate America, adam'sresilience and adaptability has
(01:55):
been an invaluable asset.
We discussed the importance ofstaying open-minded and willing
to learn from life lessons, aswell as how to let go of our
over-identification with themind, set boundaries and accept
help from others.
Adam's wisdom on embracing agrowth mindset and maintaining a
(02:20):
daily routine to support hiswellbeing is also truly
inspiring.
One of the most impactfulmessages that resonated
throughout our conversation isthe impact of our self-talk on
our interactions with others andour perception of self.
(02:40):
Adam's journey of overcomingobstacles and refining his
internal dialogue has not onlyallowed him to be better support
for his family, but also forgea successful path in life.
Join us as we explore thesevaluable life lessons and delve
(03:01):
into the incredible resilienceof the human spirit.
Super excited for today'sconversation, i have with me
Adam Asopa.
How's that?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Close enough Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
We've had this thing that I was gonna botch his name.
As for Adam and I met in 2018and cultivated a relationship
from then And I would say, as Italked about at the end of the
last episode, what we get toexplore today was the reverse
mentoring relationship, in that,over the last few years, i've
been able to learn a whole lotfrom Adam.
(03:38):
We're also part of a group.
We meet If you would call it amastermind where we talk
philosophy, just ways of beingbetter.
I think we explored all themerits of thinking about
thinking, and then startedlearning that we needed to add
action to thinking.
Adam, welcome, i'm excited forthis conversation more than you
would, i think.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, thank you, very excited as well.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
As we start every episode, who's Adam?
Introduce yourself.
Let the audience get to know alittle bit more about you.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Adam is a husband, a father, a son, a financial
analyst and half big philosopherand recreational meathead.
But that's the short one.
We can get more into more ofthe long answer.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I'm going back to 2018 and one of our first notes
that we shared And for theaudience.
Adam and I met when I wasoverseas, in Indonesia, and if
you know me well enough, youknow that I like to test people
And Adam and I feel bad aboutthis now that I'm talking about
it, adam, but Adam and I starteda conversation on personal
development and I gave him anassignment, and the assignment
(04:47):
was to read this book calledResilience and then come back to
me with as many ideas, as manylearnings, as he possibly could.
This was the first of many,many exchanges that we have, so
we're going to start on thephilosophical quote.
It was from page 16 ofResilience and it's on Shraddha.
(05:10):
You highlighted this and yousend it back to me And it said
the question is are you aware ofthe philosophy you have, the
assumptions, beliefs and ideasthat drive your actions?
Are you aware of the way thoseassumptions, belief and ideas
add up to shape your life?
Can they stand exposure to thelight of day?
(05:30):
So we're going to jump rightinto that half-baked philosopher
that you are And, looking back,philosophy is a way of life.
Let me hear how you found yourway to the half-baked
philosopher that you are.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It has a very interesting before we jump in.
at the time I just closed onour first house, so I had zero
dollars to my name.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
What.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I was portioning food and work, just so I don't go
into the hole.
So most of everything is spentpaying back the credit card
stuff that I dug myself into toget a closing call, fixing stuff
in the house And so like that.
So you say I'll read this book.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I was like, ah, So you had so this book has
probably been the biggest return, has its biggest return on
investments that you've actuallyprobably had then, right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
At one point I was just likeyeah, it seems like a weird guy.
I like weird people, So I gotthe book and the rest is history
.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Wait.
so thank you for calling meweird.
That's usually how everyonecomes in.
Everyone else has said it's apleasure to get invited to the
show.
Thank you, adam Bless you.
I'm weird, so I like weirdpeople Back to that idea of
weird, and I'll just go back intime a little bit.
It's like finding people whodon't make you feel weird, who
(06:56):
talk about the same things thatyou talk about.
And when we started the bookclub I hate calling it a book
club because it was more thanthat.
What it really was it was justfinding a place for like-minded
people to meet and share ideas.
And when I say that, i rememberwalking into the lunch room
that day and there were a lot offolks, a lot of our coworkers,
(07:17):
talking about game of thrones.
And I walk across the otherside and you and Dr Drew,
they're standing there talkingabout philosophy, talking about
stoic philosophy, and I remembergoing these weirdos And I was
like I found my people.
I don't know if I've ever sharedit with you, but I took so much
notes when we first startedhaving those meetings because I
(07:37):
was always so impressed at howfar along or how it evolved, the
thinking of the group was Youguys were meditating, you were
reading a lot, you were tryingto find ways of just being
better.
That was the most self-aware,driving period of time of my
life where I was doing myresearch, But man, it was so
inspiring for me.
So I think when you say you'regrateful, i think I'm more
(07:59):
grateful and I probably don'tshare enough with you guys how
grateful I am that I was able toconnect with you guys when I
was, because I think fastingeverything else that we hear in
that self-mastery space this issome of the things that we
talked about.
So tell me about what'sformative behind the
pocket-sized philosophyPhilosophy as a way of life,
(08:19):
philosophy as a way of what?
what's the foundational part ofhow Edm approaches life?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, thanks.
I like to think about it ininflection points, pick up the
lessons along the way, see whichframework I can put them in and
how I can use them in themoment and later on.
So basically gathering lessonsfrom life and try to put it in
framework that can be used andreused over time.
So I can take you through a fewof the inflection points in my
(08:49):
life So far, the major ones atany rate and then we can go
through some of the lessons thatI picked up along the way so
I'll say.
I'll say the first one Prettymuch is moving to the US.
Prior to that, i was a youngkid in West Africa of
Little-class family, living in asuburb.
That was a high school physicsteacher, mom was a was an
(09:13):
accountant and Everything waspretty good.
Didn't have to work, didn'thave to do anything except just
eat, sleep, wake up, go toschool, get good grade.
So that's what I did at least.
I don't know if my dad wouldagree, but I try to do that to a
certain extent.
I just leave both here andthere, but overall was pretty
(09:33):
decent.
And then we moved to the US andeven before that we had some
relatives and family friendsthat Were living here.
So you hear stories.
Some of them will be all aboutthe ground, others will be all
about opportunities, or even ifit wasn't stated as As
opportunities is more like howthey came and spend the
(09:54):
vacations.
We get a sense that the dollarwas just flowing because they
come in and have fun It's justparties and have nice clothes,
nice shoes, nice everything,gifts.
You're like, oh, this is niceover there, i want to go as well
, right.
And then you land in New York,the airport.
(10:15):
You can't understand the wordof what they're saying over the
speakers.
You were like, wait a minute, itook English, this is not it.
Take me back.
The first thing there is thelanguage barrier.
Then you have The weather.
That's different.
The cold is something That Isometimes you can under estimate
(10:36):
it because we already used oracclimated to it, but it's
something totally different andthe willpower that you have to
muster to go about should bewhen you get hit in the face
With that cold air on the east.
Yeah, so that's just a coupleof the things that were
different.
Now We have to adapt to.
And then you also havedifferent culture, different
school systems and Now alsoresponsibility.
(11:00):
Now, all of a sudden, 19.
I have to start working and, aslucky as I am, i had two jobs.
Just from the start was aserver I have Was a cashier in
Georgetown University inWashington DC.
Funny story about that therewas some Hello African Machinima
(11:23):
brothers.
They came in the one and abison, which is what they were
Muslim.
They were asking me if baconhad pork in it.
I Didn't know what bacon was.
I didn't know that bacon waspork, so I told them no.
So to this day I told youmyself I didn't know, but they
trusted me because I spokeFrench.
So, yeah, that was one of thebiggest barriers, talking about
(11:47):
having to learn and Understandwhat's what, and so you can't
imagine how many things I messedup along.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think language and transmitting ideas, feelings,
whatever else, being able tocommunicate, is something that
actually eases the nervoussystem considerably.
Where do you find theconfidence to go about it?
because change is hard andchange is Changes constant.
Yet But where do you find theconfidence to keep pushing
(12:16):
forward?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
There was no confidence there whatsoever, it
was just the willingness to Goat it fail and the commitment to
get better Speaking, get abetter understanding of the
culture, try to figure out myway in this new land, so to
speak.
So is the commitment to.
I kept me going.
Of course, every time you makea mistake like that Or you mess
(12:38):
up an order, i had someone bailme out, but it was hard.
But it was the idea that I haveto keep going like this because
, like we talk about this a lot,i don't have a lot of other
options, so I have to make thebest of the options that are in
front of me.
And those were just the firstcouple of jobs When I started
(13:00):
university.
The next year, though, i had todrop the cashier job because it
was a bit much, but along theway I had a few other jobs
Anything just to get by,anything not to increase the
student loan.
So at some point I was workingas a home health aide.
At some point I was working asa residential counselor for
(13:21):
individual with disability, workat the airport, cleaning planes
, at tutor I did anything.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It is legal.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Sign me up.
I just need something rightbecause that work ethic.
I need to make money becauseresponsibility is very important
.
Talking about framework, how'dyou get to it?
The first thing is for this onekeep an open mind.
I have no idea what I'm gonnafind along the way, but I'll try
my best and Prepare to losesome things To gain other things
(13:53):
, because it's opportunity cost.
I was already in university.
Back home I was ready to let goof that that.
I started building somethingnew.
All that plus the commitment toAlways trying to improve,
always trying to get better,though those are the lessons
that I pick up from that firstInfliction point so then the
whole student of life stuffthing started early then.
Yes, It started really early,because I have this idea in my
(14:16):
head that every Person that youmeet or every Situation that you
get yourself into has somethingto teach you, and that is life
showing up in those differentforms to teach you a lesson.
So you must Stay ready to getthe lesson Incorporated for the
framework around it so you canreuse and just keep moving
(14:38):
forward.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So you have that framework, but then you get
punched in the nose.
That kind of they'll say youget you landed here, but it
seems like that's starting over,because 19 year fully formed.
So what's that transition likecoming over?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It was a miss bag.
Some aspect of it were morepositive than others.
You always have a little bit ofMore opportunities for sure,
because back home is a lot ofpeople are smart, a lot of
people work hard.
You don't necessarily get theopportunities to get a career
out of what you like doing, wasexcited about the possibility of
(15:14):
actually pursuing somethingthat you enjoy, so, yeah, you're
gonna put in the hard work, butat least you know there's a
greater chance to get The resultthat you want.
So that was great.
The part that wasn't so, whatyou want to say wasn't so
flattering was I had to work forthe first time.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So so you're saying that in moving your, the
socio-economic status that youhad was very different, so you
didn't work up until that point.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
No, it was middle-class kid living in the
suburb.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I'm working, taking care of me.
All I had to do was go toschool, get good grades, and My
dad was happy.
Yeah, creating any trouble, notgetting into fight.
So long as you keep to thebooks, you do what you're
supposed to get good grades.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Life was easy.
You said you were starting withthat first one, but what are
the other inflection points?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
yeah.
So I was going through school.
At that point I was living withthe young lady that was helping
me Fix my orders.
I started dating at some pointalong the way we're going to
school and I Was in junior yearand University Morgan State
University But I got into a caraccident, ended up in the
(16:30):
hospital, was in a couple for acouple of days, had all kinds of
broken stuff, traumatic braininjury and The whole shebang.
I had to take therapy to be ableto Even think properly, suffer
a lot of memory loss, cognitiveDowngrade.
(16:51):
That was another really toughone because I was in the middle
of the semester and I didn'twant to Spoon my graduation.
So I have to take a w if drawon all the classes that was
already taken.
And when I came back And thefollowing semester, i just took
my regular course and then hadto test out of the other classes
(17:12):
.
That's where it got hard,because I went back to work as
well.
So it was a lot on the plateand Having to manage through all
that.
Some of the lessons were youcan't do everything and you
can't expect To be the same whatyou were before, because I had
some issues.
I can't remember some thingsproperly, i can think about some
(17:35):
other things properly.
So one of the lessons is I haveto let go of that over
Identification that I had withthe mind and my ability to think
and do math by that point hadto die, so to speak, and I Have
to take responsibility for thethings that I can do, move for
moving forward and alsoprioritize.
(17:55):
I can't do everything, so Ihave to make sure the stuff that
I'm getting into Are actuallyvery important, because I don't
have a lot of time and I have alot of stuff on my plate.
So Those were the biggestlessons, for sure.
Having to say no to peopleThat's another shifting identity
, if you will.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
How is saying no a shift in identity?
How do you reflect on that?
Because I know I would say thatyou are very agreeable.
But how is that a shift in youridentity?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, you think I'm agreeable.
Now, i was very agreeable.
I was pretty much ready to helpanybody.
Jump in, if you need me, let'sdo it, that kind of thing.
But if you don't have healthyboundaries, then you end up
overworking yourself and it'snot helping anybody The people
(18:50):
that are relying on you.
In some instances there's somethings that they can do for
themselves.
By you offering that orexaggerating or over offering
yourself or overextendingyourself, you're robbing them
from the ability to do forthemselves.
To a certain extent I was doingthat.
I was just all over the place,spread two things and with the
(19:12):
situation I had, i could nothandle doing that.
So I had to become someonedifferent, someone who says no
because he just doesn't have thecapacity, just doesn't have the
bandwidth.
And the flip side of that isstarting accepting help, because
one of the reasons why I wasable to make through is that I
(19:33):
got a lot of help.
My best friend at the time we'restill like really tight to this
day.
He'll pick me up, give me ridesanywhere.
I couldn't drive when I cameoff the hospital, so he'll give
me rides everywhere.
I have friends helping me withpast semester notes and books
(19:54):
and whatever else I needed.
That was another humblingexperience The ability to now
extend the hand and accept helpfrom people, which is something
that if you're always the oneextending, you're not really
good at accepting help.
That's where the shift ofidentity is.
One side of it is being able tosay no, and the other side is
(20:16):
actually accepting and receivinghelp from people because I
didn't have any other choice AndI was very grateful to get that
.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That's a that, again, i'm listening to and then I'm
going that those are at such ayoung age.
Those are very, very deep andstrong life lessons.
Okay, i'm still listening.
Go for it If that isn't thelast inflection point.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Yeah, no.
So after that I was able topass all of my classes.
I did get two B's, but again,try and let go of the
perfectionist thing.
I over identified Mr Smartman,so graduated on time and just
kept going.
Everything went well.
I interned on the company weworked at together.
(21:00):
Then I got a full time offer,but they were in Jersey and I
was in Maryland at the time.
I had to get into the workforcecorporate America no longer
cleaning planes.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I can't imagine how happy you must have been to be
there.
I think sometimes, when I wasstarting out my career as well,
it was really interesting topeople didn't understand why I
was so happy to be there.
But I'm like, if you understoodthe jobs that I had before
right, you would fullyappreciate.
I think the like my first job,i think I made like 30 grand or
(21:35):
something like that, or 32 grand, but the year before I made
$7,000.
So I was still doing extremelywell, but neither say go ahead.
So the third inflection pointyou're in corporate America, now
you're in a different, on adifferent trajectory.
And then what?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
So I had to move to New Jersey.
By the time my life was verypregnant with you married by
this time as well.
So talking about being a grownlittle man and putting the car
before the war, so a lot ofstuff.
Yeah, the young lady thathelped me get the job at IHUB
was helping me fix the orders inthe kitchen, helping me sign up
(22:16):
for community college and allthat.
We ended up getting married andstill married to this day.
We were expecting our firstchild and our daughter came in
two weeks after I startedworking and they were still in
Maryland.
So that was a lot to navigatebetween two states, having the
(22:40):
responsibility for the firsttime to be someone's dad and
also can corporate America.
Like, my dad was a teacher, mymom was was an accountant, but
not in corporate America, andthe cultural background wasn't
there, as you always say.
I couldn't just go to them andask them what to do.
So a lot of stuff.
(23:01):
I needed to learn a lot ofstuff.
I didn't know The idea of howdo you carry yourself in the
corporate world.
that was something completelyforeign to me and I had to
figure that out.
At the same time, i was on theactual where you're track, so I
(23:22):
had to study a lot to keeppassing these exams because I
was on a student program.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
So what's the actuarial?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
path.
Actuarial science is somethingbetween math and finance, or you
can say math applied to risk.
So actuarial science was thatmost of actuaries were working
insurance companies, some workin the government, some work in
consulting, but basically theidea is to study risk and how to
make risk profitable.
(23:49):
And one of my old mentors usedto say an actuary is always
wrong.
The idea is to be the lesswrong possible.
Okay, that encapsulates prettymuch.
If you have a phone and theygive you insurance on it, some
actuary is calculated how muchyou should be charged for that.
(24:09):
To be fair.
If you have a car, you haveinsurance on it.
Say that someone calculated that.
So that's basically what anactuary does.
And to be able to do all thosecalculations you take a lot of
professional exams which arereally hard.
So had to study hours uponhours to be able to pass each
one of them And that wastremendously difficult to do
(24:33):
that And, like I said, the firsttime, being a dad, it was very
important for me to be present.
That it was, if you will, partof my identity.
But my child was a few hoursaway and every weekend I would
drive down.
So I was driving between NewJersey and Maryland for the
(24:54):
first six months.
That took a toll.
I was working.
I think the corporate side ofthings worked pretty well for me
, right, because I was veryobserving.
I would ask questions, i wouldtry to figure things out And I
would watch people how they willwork, carrying themselves, and
I would try to emulate thewinning behaviors.
(25:14):
But that exam and dad part iswhere things broke a little bit,
because it was just too muchand I wasn't really recovering
properly And my idea at the timewas just commitment 100%.
If you're working, 100% workingIf you're studying, 100% if
you've been back home inBaltimore, maryland, you're just
(25:37):
100% a dad and a husband.
You help intensive diapers thewhole nine yard.
And the question becomes when doyou rest?
And the answer was I don't.
And I signed up for an exam.
I forgot the time of the exambecause I usually take my exams
(25:57):
in the late morning.
I showed up at 11, turns outthis exam I signed up at nine.
So I had a technical failure onthat exam.
That counted against me on theprogram.
That was one of the hardlessons I was saying in that
inflection point, because youcannot pour from an empty cup,
as they say.
You always have to find ways toreplenish.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I really like that analogy.
You can pour from an empty cup,so you're not recovering well
and you're still going throughthe inflection point.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, and speaking of pouring, i remember coming back
in the office that Monday andthen my director was like hi,
how was your exam?
and I just broke down crying.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I'm sorry you have me , and if there's no crying in
the office, like you didn't knowthis First law of corporate
emergency.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I shall not pour tears in the office.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
If you go back through that.
That inflection point is thatyou're getting all the things
that you want on the career paththat you want and then, because
you're having everything oryou're doing everything, you
fall down because you weren'tnecessarily recovering, so you
weren't taking care of you.
What was the consequence ofthat?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
The immediate consequences that I lose that
seating so they have a way oftracking exam progress in most
student programs and insurancecompanies and consulting firms
that hire actuaries.
I had a fail for that exam, sothat was the immediate
consequence, the medium termconsequences that ended up
(27:42):
losing my job because I wasn'tpassing exams fast enough.
And that failure caught up withme the next year when I had
another child.
So I was on my second child atthat point and I just lost my
job.
Basically, i went to a meetinglike the usual one-on-ones that
(28:05):
I had with my advisor at thetime and before going to the
meeting.
So there is this food trucks inNewark that I love because if
anybody knows me, everybodyknows I love rice right.
So I go and I get the rice withlamb, white sauce, hot sauce
with salad hours.
Hey, it was awesome.
(28:25):
So I brought it back.
I put it on a counter Let me goto this meeting, i'll come back
and enjoy my rights.
I go to the meeting and thenfound out That I've ended the
rotation, which was a few weeksFrom the closing, or from
termination of the rotation I'llno longer have a job.
So then I had to scramble andTry to figure something out
(28:48):
before this.
This Rotation ends, otherwiseI'll be on the street.
Two kids move someone's childfrom Maryland to New Jersey and
now you don't have a job tosupport them.
So we're going back to theimmigrant mindset.
Right, you have to do whateverit takes.
(29:10):
The season of the crime is backon, so Pull back in the old
days of whatever he takes, ifhe's legal, i'm doing it.
And At that point, basicallythe only thing I could do was to
look at my skill sets, takeresponsibility, and There's one
(29:31):
concept from stoicism that comesto mind here, which is a circle
of influence, what you can do,because there's a whole lot of
things that I couldn't doanything about.
So I had to sit down, be honestwith myself and figure out What
can I do.
So basically, i apply for everyjob I was on my level that
(29:52):
mentioned any skill that I couldMarket to someone to get hired.
Pretty much internally,externally, i was just talking
to everybody.
Mind you, i'm an introvert andat that point I was like more
bigly introverted, i wouldn'ttalk to anybody.
So, by social skills,interpersonal skills, yeah, they
need to work.
(30:12):
So it's hard reaching out topeople and trying to figure out
how am I gonna get a job in thiscouple of weeks before this
rotation?
and but that that was there wasa medium-term consequence of
not recovering properly inPrevious one, so that had a long
tail, if you will.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
So it's interesting that you saying that you started
right back where you Can,because this is that, like the
beauty of life, sometimes ittakes you right back to where
you started.
There are a few things thathumans beings must do.
We need a challenge to masterand a problem to solve.
If we are trapped in a lifewhere everything is provided for
(30:54):
us, our minds fail to grow, ourrelationships atrophy and our
spirits to teary.
There's someone I was chattingwith and we were talking about
that idea of starting over, andit's not really starting over,
it's starting from where you areJust making a good assessment
of the current situation andthen moving, for it's the action
(31:15):
without direction really leadsto progress.
So you know where you've comefrom and you know the direction
you want to go in, so you keep,you keep moving in that
direction.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Plus, like we talked about earlier, right, we have
all the learnings and theframework from the prior
experiences.
That's what I meant by wentback to immigrant mindset,
because that's the framework.
I already got the lesson, so Ijust had to dust off my
notebooks and apply the lessonone more time.
It's like the bike once youlearn how to ride, you know you
can get back on it anytime.
(31:48):
That was the idea behind that.
What do I know?
What am I capable?
What the skills that I have?
What can I do with those skills?
and Just be committed to seeingit through, because I have a
responsibility to my family.
At that point I can't just belike I lost my fingers.
(32:08):
It doesn't buy formulas,doesn't buy diapers, so whatever
buys diapers.
That's what I was going for butthen you did land well.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
And it's funny It says again another thinking is
like the journey of a thousandmiles starts with one step, but
also The.
It's also how the journey tonowhere begins.
So what's the next step?
and I'm going through itbecause I'm still with that
framework Understanding, beinghonest with yourself,
understanding the direction,accountability, understanding
(32:38):
that you'll lose something, butthen still keep moving towards
your goal.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
So, yeah, I'll get into that real quick is the idea
of Letting some part of you dieWe talked about earlier, is
that when I found out about thecareer path of actuary of
science also, this is me, so Ihad a whole lot of my identity
wrapped in there.
This is what I am, this is whatI want to do.
So when that happened, i wasfaced with a hard choice and I
(33:06):
had to let That part of myidentity die so that I can
reinvent myself and new, to dothe stuff that I needed to do at
the time.
Remember, if you don't have alot of choices, you have to
figure out what you need to do.
You get it done.
If there's not a thousandchoices, it's very narrow.
It's clear to provide for myfamily, i need to find something
(33:30):
that is legal, that I can do,is It might be brutal, right,
but I have to let that part ofme died so that I Can't do the
stuff that are in front of methat I need to do.
So that was part of theframework for that I guess,
committed to my family andthey're well-being, letting that
part die and basically focusingon What I could do, what was in
(33:51):
my power, the circle ofinfluence.
But yeah, like you say, movingon from that Transition or that
inflection point, i landed a jobin accounting of all places.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Whenever everyone saw a couple of the guests who've
come on it have talked poorlyabout accountants And you guys
still need to remember I amstill an accountant, that it, so
just be careful.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
No see, I counted is a nice career path.
Some of my best friends.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
All right, thanks for that right there.
If you're enjoying the contentso far, i have a small favor to
ask I would love for you to bepart of this podcast community
by subscribing to the show.
By subscribing, you won't missan episode, ensuring that you
stay up to date on the latestdiscussions and insights.
But wait, there's more.
(34:44):
If you Finding value in thispodcast, i'd kindly ask you to
spread the word, share thiscontent with someone who you
think might enjoy it, which willgreatly help in growing the the
reach of the podcast.
Thank you so much for yoursupport and And let's keep
exploring this fascinatingconversation.
You're 31 years old, three kids, your wife's away at medical
(35:14):
school now.
How the hell do you balance itall?
You still find time to work out.
You still find time toparticipate in our group
meetings.
You still send me stuff to read, to listen to.
I'm always baffled, right.
How do you wrap your headaround Balance and getting all
that stuff done?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
first of all, I'm very triggered.
I am 32.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Be triggered, then I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
I think it goes back to all the lessons along the way
.
You learn a little bit at thetime and then you accumulate all
these frameworks and In lessonsthat you try to apply to the
best of your ability.
At the current moment I wouldsay it's the latest inflection
point, with wife being away,having three young children at
the moment and Basically, theframework that I try to apply is
(36:05):
Self-care is one of the thingsthat I learned from filling that
exam and Because I wasn'trecovering properly, right So I
like working out, and workingout in the morning helped me be
energized for the rest of theday, right, so that's why I do
that.
I make a schedule and make timefor doing some kind of workout
(36:27):
activity walking, running,lifting All those make me feel
energized for the day.
And then we talk about othertenants of overall health making
sure Your sleep is dialing,making sure you get some
sunlight in your eyes in themorning.
If you're taking caffeine, makesure you take it early in the
(36:47):
day So it doesn't negativelyimpact your sleep.
All those little things aretools that I learned about along
the way and in order to do WhatI need to do, in order to show
up as my best self, as you liketo say.
I need to do all those thingsto take care of myself.
So I don't see it necessarilyas a chore, but I see it as
(37:10):
Someone says I think it wasSimon Sinek or someone else who
says it being burned out is notas a consequence of Doing too
much, by doing too little of thethings that re-energize you,
something along those lines.
That's exactly right to Workingout, reading, learning Are
(37:31):
things that really get meexcited.
So I try to find pockets in theday where I could do that.
I try to schedule some of themin 30 minutes here, 15 minutes
here, 45 minutes there, where Ican do that, so that I have the
energy To show up at work and befully committed to that, show
up as a dad, be committed tothat, show up as a brother, as a
(37:53):
husband, because there's a lotthat is Ask of us on a
day-to-day.
So finding opportunities to beable to do all those things that
give us energy And youmentioned also the group meeting
on the calls.
This group is, if you want tothink about Taking care of
(38:14):
yourself holistically mind, bodyand spirit.
Is this the spirit part beingpart of a community Of people
that help each other, keep eachother accountable.
So that gives me a lot ofenergy.
Back Is a lot of recharging sothat I'm able to do other things
that I like to do.
So I would say yeah is allthose come from the mind, come
(38:37):
from the lessons learned alongthe way and Taking care of
yourself so that you can show upas your best self.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
It's back to the resilience book that we're going
through.
Right so says.
Resilience Is the willingnessand ability to endure hardship
and become better by it.
It is a habit that sinks itsroots in the soil of security.
How are you filling your cupnow?
what?
what actually helps you to notmake that mistake again?
(39:08):
I?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Do sleep every now and again, but on the whole, i
think I'm doing much betterbecause We've worked on a daily
routine how to set up yourmorning right, so the things I
would talk about didn't in themorning, even if it's just five
minutes, ten minutes, some kindof Breath work to re-energize
(39:33):
yourself gets on, lighting youreyes on in the morning.
Make sure you're asleep goodbecause, as you say, the best
way to start the morning is howyou go to sleep the night before
.
That's tremendously important.
Making sure you check thatsleep regimen and Really nice
gift I have on my finger hereand all right, that helps me
(39:53):
like check How is the quality ofmy sleep?
It's not just that I'm in bedfor nine hours, eight hours or
however I can squeeze in, butwhat is the quality looking like
?
what are the things that areimpacting my energy level
throughout the day and how can Imanage that and And show up as
my best self?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
you touched on some things and I'm recalling us
setting up the morning routineand what's for the audience As
part of the group that we've had.
So we started meeting in thepandemic when I think I was
starting school And I wasrethinking the way I learned.
I knew I wasn't in school for20 years and just how my mind
works It's how do I read dress,how I learn, how I retain
(40:36):
information.
So I invited the book club atthe time to do a speed reading
course with me.
It was a speed reading andretention course to that filling
your cup and doing things thatwould make you You feel alive.
We actually met every day afterclass for 21 days in August of
2020 And then we continued thatfor the next.
We still do it up until thisday.
(40:57):
We meet twice a week, but bythe end of 2021 we've met more
than 120 times.
One of the things was thatmorning routine structure breeds
Discipline and disciplinebreeds performance.
So we all Practiced for asignificant amount of time What
our morning routine would be andit's actually amazing for me
and I don't know if I've evershared it, but with all of the
(41:19):
tenants, although I pushed backagainst a lot of it at first I
started tracking my sleep once Igot sunlight early enough and
it was really amazing, so Idon't know well.
Maybe share, adam, what thatmorning routine is and don't
take it as something that'sprescriptive, because it's
something that we played aroundwith.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Sure, share what that , that morning routine is yeah,
and some of it involves overtime, but pretty much the idea
of the morning routine is likeyour garden Right, if you want
beautiful flowers, you don't gospraying perfume on the land.
What you do is take care of thesoil.
So the idea of the morningroutine is to make sure the
(41:59):
Accessory, the soil, is takencare of, making sure is sure
that the garden has all thenourishment and everything that
it needs, and the flower wouldjust blossom and bloom of its
own by anyway.
Going back to The morningroutine, the first thing you do
you get up, you make your bed,you brush it it with your not
dominant hand.
(42:20):
You drink eight ounces of water,you get out or, depending on
the order, some people prefer todo the seeding or breath work
before getting out and gettingsunlight.
You can do it in reverse aswell and get some kind of
activities going.
Even if you're not gonna go tothe gym Right away in the
morning because lack of time, oryou just prefer to go in the
(42:40):
afternoon, you can just do someactivity for ten minute, fifteen
minute jumping jack, jumpingrope, whatever it is, just get
your body moving.
So those were the cornerstoneof our morning routine wake up,
make your bed, brush your teethwith your non-dominant hand,
drink It is the water right away.
(43:03):
Do some kind of breath work orseeding Slice meditation work
and then get some sunlight inyour eyes.
That was set off your circadianrhythm for the rest of the day,
for falling asleep later.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah for the audience at some of us.
So I didn't like the makingyour bed thing because I just
thought that I didn't want tosubscribe to everything, but I
think I finally got it, maybeSix months into our practice,
whereas the way you do one thingis the way you do everything.
Although it's small, the smallthings do matter.
They all made fun of me, but Icontinued mine.
(43:36):
Mine was a little bit different, so sometimes I read ten pages
a day can give you a book amonth.
That was the litmus test, that,and then I think from my
portion of it, i added the handabove the door and the Actually
gave myself a high five before Istart the day.
I started you that shit, excusemy language.
That makes me feel good still,even just thinking about the
(43:57):
high five in Meaning just thatway, of all the things that make
you feel great.
But the question where westarted was how else are you
filling your cup?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yes, also, stop and celebrate the winds along the
way.
I think that's something veryimportant that Sometimes we
forget to do, like you get apromotion at work or you help
your kids ride Bike for thefirst time without training
wheels There was a really bigthing and sometimes we just
brush over them.
That's Tremendous to just takethe moment to look back how far
(44:31):
you've come and celebrate thewinds along the way, because
This journey can get hardsometimes and it does help to
take a moment to take it in.
It helps the continuation ofthe journey, if you will.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, but I
think one of the more thecoolest thing that I've reckoned
of witness in in in ourinteraction was I remember you
were Promoted and it was thefirst time you did a quarterly
presentation but we had done thewhole framework of Practice.
So practice you knew when itwas coming.
You can start practicing monthsin advance.
(45:04):
You were so happy when youexecuted against that first
quarterly review But then youtaught your kids to ride the
bike and you were a hundredtimes happier Then when and I
just remember sitting if therewas one time where I figured, ah
, maybe I'm missing somethinghere, that was the time, because
you are so happy in that momentand back into that same the
(45:25):
spirit, part of the, that Tripodof managing us, it's really the
things that make you feel goodover, really what energizes you.
And it's actually amazing tosee that.
I want us to move on to the, thelesson that you're learning.
You share and You share it inthis pocket-sized philosophy on
(45:48):
that handle right.
Where does that come from?
because again I'm going back toall the things are happening.
It's easy to make an excusethat you're not sharing what
you're learning.
You Make the, you have the goalof posting ever so often.
What was what drives that?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Yeah, that was funny.
I remember I was at your house,we were putting together your
desk, right, and you Asked me aquestion and I was like Why
would you ask me that question?
because when I have the sameopinion about that subject,
(46:28):
unless you're looking for theecho chamber or something like
that and then I just went backto fixing the table and you were
like, really Like that justcome out of your face.
That's just one example ofStuff that just come out of my
mouth and I don't necessarilyWay properly, i don't know how
(46:54):
to calibrate properly, becausefor me it's just Something that
came to me and if you ask melater I'll probably forget.
And I remember you telling meThere is this book that you
always had around where we werein the book club, and then you
take notes and then you saySometimes things will come to
you and it's useful to writethem down because Next time you
(47:16):
forget about it and this wasvery precious, it might help you
, it might help somebody else,you never know.
So I always have the habit ofWriting things down when
insights come to you like that.
And I remember you offer me abooklet that you got from Rome
when you went on the trip thattime and you came back with it
and you gave it to me And droveat the time and it says
(47:42):
Basically, you wrote in a bitswitch to action, go back to the
vice.
So that one was the first dayof point.
Then I was talking to ourmutual friend, vanessa and she
mentioned, oh, oh, you're mypocket size philosopher.
And I was like, oh, that'sinteresting.
So that made a connection withthe book, was a small booklet
(48:04):
that was pocket size.
I put those together and that'show I started the Instagram
page and the idea of theInstagram pages.
The same way, eric Gritton orsomeone will write something in
a book That would just sparklesome tuts or some insight and
I'll send me on the path for newlearning, new frameworks.
(48:24):
Well, if I had a question abouthow exactly can I integrate a
lesson, i read something.
So I'm all here.
Someone say something is sparksomething within me.
That's the way I just want togive back.
So if I have an insight, i'llwrite it down.
Then I'll get a poster postedon Instagram That might spark
something within someone.
(48:44):
I don't know, but just the wayof giving back and all the
tremendous Spark moment, live-upmoments that I got from reading
stuff or hearing someone saysomething.
It's just a way of putting thatback out.
You always talk about that whenwe have conversations about all
these ideas And taught a good.
How'd you put it back out?
How do you make someone benefitfrom it?
(49:06):
So that's one way of me tryingto do that.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
That's interesting and thanks for sharing that.
I believe we all live aconnected life.
When we're not, we want toAcknowledge that or not.
We're all intertwined in thisexperience, right?
I think last week for the firsttime.
I always say I always talkedabout this experience called
life and I realized It's myexperience called life.
It's very individual.
I appreciate you sharing it inthat way, because sometimes you
(49:33):
never really connected the dotsright, because you know what
that, that little, and it'simportant for at least for the
audience, like the little thingsthat would Pay it forward or
roll forward, and in thisinstance what I'm talking about
It's.
I think I was just on a trip toRome and on the way back I was
like, let me bring somethingback for the guys who I interact
with.
So how we anchor the show is byexploring what you learned from
(50:02):
your first EQI assessment.
To temper it just a bit, youdid a In our group.
We did one an year one and thenwe followed up the assessment
12 months later to see theprogress that we made.
So maybe you can just, if youdon't mind, sharing what were
some of the key lessons that youlearned in the first assessment
(50:25):
that you have.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, it was a good one.
So the first assessment for me,what came out was that my
internal seftal was not thatgreat.
I was hypercritical of myself.
So what that does is I have alot of ideas in my head but I
want to necessarily express itor speak up in meanings so that
(50:49):
comes out as oh he doesn't know,or this guy isn't competent.
Something that we did take alook at and we tackled.
We utilized very straining formagain practice, set up habits
and checking with each other tosee how we're doing, against the
goal of getting better at that,and I showed up in the second
(51:10):
assessment.
The internal dialogue was muchbetter and also being able to
speak up and ask for some of thethings all of them still work
in progress.
Negotiating, asking for somethings got much better.
But I had some other things wetalked about more of going away
from school, so that kind ofimpacted also the stress
(51:35):
tolerance aspect of things.
How do you manage challenges Andthat's the great thing about
the EQ assessment right, it'snot like this is who you are and
it's stuck to you.
This is how you're showing upnow.
How can we manage and improveit so that you can achieve the
(51:56):
goals that you have on the board, and then we check it again and
see how we're doing, and thenwe continue to improve upon that
.
So those are the things that Ilearned that how you talk to
yourself really matters and thatshows up in your interactions.
And by not speaking up in mycase, for instance, i'm not just
(52:21):
rubbing myself, but I'm rubbingother people of the opportunity
to hear maybe a contributionthat would have helped the team,
that would have helped them.
So that was very important tobe able to work on that And as a
result of some good things cameup.
I was able to ask.
As you always say, if you don'task the answers, always no.
(52:42):
If you have that negativeself-talk within yourself, you
can't even go and ask for stuff.
Being able to ask the questionwith my situation, can we work
on an arrangement whereby I canbe remote so that I can support
my family, because that'simportant to me, but work is
also important to me, right?
(53:02):
Being able to just have thatconversation alone was a result
of all the work we've done intrying to monitor that internal
chatter and stacking up proofsthat you can do, that you have
something of value to contribute, which was something that was
necessarily there in the firstassessment.
So I would say those are themain things that really stood
(53:25):
out to me.
Speaker 2 (53:26):
What's coming to mind is that the subconscious is
eavesdropping on your self-talk.
Back to that same, whether ornot you think you can or you
think you can't.
Either way or right.
That is an actually really onelooping all the way back to
where we started.
You talked about having that anidentity and being able to lose
that identity, understandingthat there's a cost of it.
(53:49):
In the assessment that you did,was there anything that popped
up that you said you can seeyour identity in it?
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Yes, definitely the negative self-talk.
That one was something that wasstuck to me, if you were, and I
had to let that aspect witherand die so that the aspect of me
that could actually speak upcan show up, because I think
about them as both being thereat the same time.
(54:18):
But the negative self-talk ischoking the life out of the
speak up part of it.
The negative self-talk has todie or you have to lose or
loosen or dilute that part a bitso that other aspect of you can
show up, because we are farmore complex and complicated
(54:38):
than we think.
Usually we identify one side orthe other.
That's why we should becomfortable being flexible and
letting some things reduce or godown or turning the volume down
on some aspect of us or lettingthose aspects die so that we
can continue to grow and moveforward.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
So I would say that negative self-talk I like that
one right, turning down certainaspects of ourselves or our
lives or conversations that wehave with ourselves so that we
can amplify the parts of us thatwe need to grow.
So anchor question for uswhat's the through line through
life and how do you tie thatinto the pocket size philosopher
(55:21):
that you look at now?
Speaker 1 (55:24):
As far as I can remember, always being open to
experience as a student of lifeis really the true line for me,
and as a student of life, irecognize that class is always
in session and that life istrying to teach me through
experiences, people andchallenges.
(55:44):
Always being able to listen,take the lessons, incorporate
them in such a way that they canbe evergreen.
We talked about if you have asimilar or another challenge.
You already got the lessonssomewhere in one aspect of your
life because you have to carryit forward in the other aspect.
So it's like a tool belt.
(56:06):
Just keep on collecting thetools.
All of them, or most of them,are going to be useful in one
experience or the other.
So I would say the true linefor me really is being a student
, being open, taking in thelessons, incorporating your life
as much as possible and thepocket size philosophy.
So I would say pay that forward, help somebody else, spark
(56:30):
curiosity, spark an idea withsomeone else so that they can
also take it and move it forward.
It's the small things in life.
Speaker 2 (56:38):
The way you say it makes it seems like it's an easy
task.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
You know what I'm saying.
The exam in life is the hour ofliving, but the exam in life is
not the working hour.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
I was going to end on that quote.
I think it's the first part.
Is it a Socrates quote that theexam in life is the unexamined
life is not worth living?
And I think Willie Allen addedthat the exam in life is no
bargain, in a movie in the 1980s.
So that's one of the thingsthat we follow through on.
(57:12):
We've gone over and over again,i think it's that no man stands
in the same river twice Andalthough you're always seeking
self awareness, you can addaction to it, it's for nothing
And that the work that we'redoing it's hard but it's worth
it, because the exam in life,the unexamined life, is not
(57:33):
worth living.
Speaker 1 (57:33):
No worth living.
But the exam in life is nobargain.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Thank you so much for the time.
I appreciate this.
I also appreciate theopportunity to keep learning
from you And, as always, i lookforward to the next time that we
chat.
Thank you, thank you, thank youAppreciate you, brother.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
You too.
Speaker 2 (57:54):
All right, wrapping up this episode in the most
simply stated manner, whatstayed with me?
Change is constant, but tomanage change, we can actually
work our way through it with anopen mind, having expectations
or standards for ourselves, butwith the understanding that we
(58:17):
will lose something as we change, that we should be willing to
lose something as we grow andevolve.
But balance is in self care.
Whatever we're doing, whateverour goals are, whatever our
situation or circumstances arein life, we can actually manage
(58:39):
it by managing ourselves.
I hope you enjoyed diving intothis fascinating conversation
with Adam and I, but before wego, i want to express my
gratitude to all the listenersfor tuning in.
Your support means the world tome.
If you haven't already done so,be sure to subscribe to the
podcast.
(58:59):
If you haven't done so already,be sure to subscribe to the
podcast so that you never missan episode.
And if you love what you heard,share it with someone.
And I'd appreciate also ifyou'd leave a review.
Your feedback helps me improveand also to reach more listeners
like you.
Remember the conversationdoesn't end here.
(59:22):
Please leave me a note NigelFranklin-Way on Instagram or
Nigelatmeandhelpcom.
Until we meet again in thisspace.
Stay curious, stay inspired.
Thank you so much for yourmental space in these last few
moments.
Take care.
So I had a whole lot of my identity wrapped in there.
This is what I am, this is whatI want to do.
So when that happened, i wasfaced with a hard choice and I
had to let that part of myidentity die so that I can
reinvent myself and knew to dothe stuff that I needed to do at
the time.
Remember, if you don't have alot of choices, you have to
(00:22):
figure out what you need to do.
You get it done.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
You are and will always be your most valuable
asset.
Welcome to the Me Inc podcast.
a series of conversations withindividuals living happy,
healthy and engaged lives, whileexploring the importance of
emotional intelligence to thrivein this ever-changing world.
My name is Nigel Franklin, aCPA MBA and a certified
(00:47):
emotional intelligence coach.
My mission and passion is toenable others to be that best
version of themselves byunderstanding the importance of
making investments in theirphysical, mental and spiritual
well-being.
Let's start the show.
When I first met Adam, afinancial analyst and
(01:11):
self-proclaimed half-bakedphilosopher, i was immediately
impressed by his unique insightsand perspective.
As we became part of amastermind group exploring
philosophy and personaldevelopment, i've gained from
his insights and it supplementedmy growth journey.
(01:32):
In this episode, we dive intoAdam's inspiring story of
starting over, adapting tochange and finding balance in
all aspects of life.
From moving to the UnitedStates, from Togo, west Africa,
to navigating the challenges ofmarriage, fatherhood and
corporate America, adam'sresilience and adaptability has
(01:55):
been an invaluable asset.
We discussed the importance ofstaying open-minded and willing
to learn from life lessons, aswell as how to let go of our
over-identification with themind, set boundaries and accept
help from others.
Adam's wisdom on embracing agrowth mindset and maintaining a
(02:20):
daily routine to support hiswellbeing is also truly
inspiring.
One of the most impactfulmessages that resonated
throughout our conversation isthe impact of our self-talk on
our interactions with others andour perception of self.
(02:40):
Adam's journey of overcomingobstacles and refining his
internal dialogue has not onlyallowed him to be better support
for his family, but also forgea successful path in life.
Join us as we explore thesevaluable life lessons and delve
(03:01):
into the incredible resilienceof the human spirit.
Super excited for today'sconversation, i have with me
Adam Asopa.
How's that?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Close enough Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
We've had this thing that I was gonna botch his name.
As for Adam and I met in 2018and cultivated a relationship
from then And I would say, as Italked about at the end of the
last episode, what we get toexplore today was the reverse
mentoring relationship, in that,over the last few years, i've
been able to learn a whole lotfrom Adam.
(03:38):
We're also part of a group.
We meet If you would call it amastermind where we talk
philosophy, just ways of beingbetter.
I think we explored all themerits of thinking about
thinking, and then startedlearning that we needed to add
action to thinking.
Adam, welcome, i'm excited forthis conversation more than you
would, i think.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, thank you, very excited as well.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
As we start every episode, who's Adam?
Introduce yourself.
Let the audience get to know alittle bit more about you.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Adam is a husband, a father, a son, a financial
analyst and half big philosopherand recreational meathead.
But that's the short one.
We can get more into more ofthe long answer.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I'm going back to 2018 and one of our first notes
that we shared And for theaudience.
Adam and I met when I wasoverseas, in Indonesia, and if
you know me well enough, youknow that I like to test people
And Adam and I feel bad aboutthis now that I'm talking about
it, adam, but Adam and I starteda conversation on personal
development and I gave him anassignment, and the assignment
(04:47):
was to read this book calledResilience and then come back to
me with as many ideas, as manylearnings, as he possibly could.
This was the first of many,many exchanges that we have, so
we're going to start on thephilosophical quote.
It was from page 16 ofResilience and it's on Shraddha.
(05:10):
You highlighted this and yousend it back to me And it said
the question is are you aware ofthe philosophy you have, the
assumptions, beliefs and ideasthat drive your actions?
Are you aware of the way thoseassumptions, belief and ideas
add up to shape your life?
Can they stand exposure to thelight of day?
(05:30):
So we're going to jump rightinto that half-baked philosopher
that you are And, looking back,philosophy is a way of life.
Let me hear how you found yourway to the half-baked
philosopher that you are.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It has a very interesting before we jump in.
at the time I just closed onour first house, so I had zero
dollars to my name.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
What.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I was portioning food and work, just so I don't go
into the hole.
So most of everything is spentpaying back the credit card
stuff that I dug myself into toget a closing call, fixing stuff
in the house And so like that.
So you say I'll read this book.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I was like, ah, So you had so this book has
probably been the biggest return, has its biggest return on
investments that you've actuallyprobably had then, right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
At one point I was just likeyeah, it seems like a weird guy.
I like weird people, So I gotthe book and the rest is history
.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Wait.
so thank you for calling meweird.
That's usually how everyonecomes in.
Everyone else has said it's apleasure to get invited to the
show.
Thank you, adam Bless you.
I'm weird, so I like weirdpeople Back to that idea of
weird, and I'll just go back intime a little bit.
It's like finding people whodon't make you feel weird, who
(06:56):
talk about the same things thatyou talk about.
And when we started the bookclub I hate calling it a book
club because it was more thanthat.
What it really was it was justfinding a place for like-minded
people to meet and share ideas.
And when I say that, i rememberwalking into the lunch room
that day and there were a lot offolks, a lot of our coworkers,
(07:17):
talking about game of thrones.
And I walk across the otherside and you and Dr Drew,
they're standing there talkingabout philosophy, talking about
stoic philosophy, and I remembergoing these weirdos And I was
like I found my people.
I don't know if I've ever sharedit with you, but I took so much
notes when we first startedhaving those meetings because I
(07:37):
was always so impressed at howfar along or how it evolved, the
thinking of the group was Youguys were meditating, you were
reading a lot, you were tryingto find ways of just being
better.
That was the most self-aware,driving period of time of my
life where I was doing myresearch, But man, it was so
inspiring for me.
So I think when you say you'regrateful, i think I'm more
(07:59):
grateful and I probably don'tshare enough with you guys how
grateful I am that I was able toconnect with you guys when I
was, because I think fastingeverything else that we hear in
that self-mastery space this issome of the things that we
talked about.
So tell me about what'sformative behind the
pocket-sized philosophyPhilosophy as a way of life,
(08:19):
philosophy as a way of what?
what's the foundational part ofhow Edm approaches life?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, thanks.
I like to think about it ininflection points, pick up the
lessons along the way, see whichframework I can put them in and
how I can use them in themoment and later on.
So basically gathering lessonsfrom life and try to put it in
framework that can be used andreused over time.
So I can take you through a fewof the inflection points in my
(08:49):
life So far, the major ones atany rate and then we can go
through some of the lessons thatI picked up along the way so
I'll say.
I'll say the first one Prettymuch is moving to the US.
Prior to that, i was a youngkid in West Africa of
Little-class family, living in asuburb.
That was a high school physicsteacher, mom was a was an
(09:13):
accountant and Everything waspretty good.
Didn't have to work, didn'thave to do anything except just
eat, sleep, wake up, go toschool, get good grade.
So that's what I did at least.
I don't know if my dad wouldagree, but I try to do that to a
certain extent.
I just leave both here andthere, but overall was pretty
(09:33):
decent.
And then we moved to the US andeven before that we had some
relatives and family friendsthat Were living here.
So you hear stories.
Some of them will be all aboutthe ground, others will be all
about opportunities, or even ifit wasn't stated as As
opportunities is more like howthey came and spend the
(09:54):
vacations.
We get a sense that the dollarwas just flowing because they
come in and have fun It's justparties and have nice clothes,
nice shoes, nice everything,gifts.
You're like, oh, this is niceover there, i want to go as well
, right.
And then you land in New York,the airport.
(10:15):
You can't understand the wordof what they're saying over the
speakers.
You were like, wait a minute, itook English, this is not it.
Take me back.
The first thing there is thelanguage barrier.
Then you have The weather.
That's different.
The cold is something That Isometimes you can under estimate
(10:36):
it because we already used oracclimated to it, but it's
something totally different andthe willpower that you have to
muster to go about should bewhen you get hit in the face
With that cold air on the east.
Yeah, so that's just a coupleof the things that were
different.
Now We have to adapt to.
And then you also havedifferent culture, different
school systems and Now alsoresponsibility.
(11:00):
Now, all of a sudden, 19.
I have to start working and, aslucky as I am, i had two jobs.
Just from the start was aserver I have Was a cashier in
Georgetown University inWashington DC.
Funny story about that therewas some Hello African Machinima
(11:23):
brothers.
They came in the one and abison, which is what they were
Muslim.
They were asking me if baconhad pork in it.
I Didn't know what bacon was.
I didn't know that bacon waspork, so I told them no.
So to this day I told youmyself I didn't know, but they
trusted me because I spokeFrench.
So, yeah, that was one of thebiggest barriers, talking about
(11:47):
having to learn and Understandwhat's what, and so you can't
imagine how many things I messedup along.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think language and transmitting ideas, feelings,
whatever else, being able tocommunicate, is something that
actually eases the nervoussystem considerably.
Where do you find theconfidence to go about it?
because change is hard andchange is Changes constant.
Yet But where do you find theconfidence to keep pushing
(12:16):
forward?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
There was no confidence there whatsoever, it
was just the willingness to Goat it fail and the commitment to
get better Speaking, get abetter understanding of the
culture, try to figure out myway in this new land, so to
speak.
So is the commitment to.
I kept me going.
Of course, every time you makea mistake like that Or you mess
(12:38):
up an order, i had someone bailme out, but it was hard.
But it was the idea that I haveto keep going like this because
, like we talk about this a lot,i don't have a lot of other
options, so I have to make thebest of the options that are in
front of me.
And those were just the firstcouple of jobs When I started
(13:00):
university.
The next year, though, i had todrop the cashier job because it
was a bit much, but along theway I had a few other jobs
Anything just to get by,anything not to increase the
student loan.
So at some point I was workingas a home health aide.
At some point I was working asa residential counselor for
(13:21):
individual with disability, workat the airport, cleaning planes
, at tutor I did anything.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It is legal.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Sign me up.
I just need something rightbecause that work ethic.
I need to make money becauseresponsibility is very important
.
Talking about framework, how'dyou get to it?
The first thing is for this onekeep an open mind.
I have no idea what I'm gonnafind along the way, but I'll try
my best and Prepare to losesome things To gain other things
(13:53):
, because it's opportunity cost.
I was already in university.
Back home I was ready to let goof that that.
I started building somethingnew.
All that plus the commitment toAlways trying to improve,
always trying to get better,though those are the lessons
that I pick up from that firstInfliction point so then the
whole student of life stuffthing started early then.
Yes, It started really early,because I have this idea in my
(14:16):
head that every Person that youmeet or every Situation that you
get yourself into has somethingto teach you, and that is life
showing up in those differentforms to teach you a lesson.
So you must Stay ready to getthe lesson Incorporated for the
framework around it so you canreuse and just keep moving
(14:38):
forward.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So you have that framework, but then you get
punched in the nose.
That kind of they'll say youget you landed here, but it
seems like that's starting over,because 19 year fully formed.
So what's that transition likecoming over?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It was a miss bag.
Some aspect of it were morepositive than others.
You always have a little bit ofMore opportunities for sure,
because back home is a lot ofpeople are smart, a lot of
people work hard.
You don't necessarily get theopportunities to get a career
out of what you like doing, wasexcited about the possibility of
(15:14):
actually pursuing somethingthat you enjoy, so, yeah, you're
gonna put in the hard work, butat least you know there's a
greater chance to get The resultthat you want.
So that was great.
The part that wasn't so, whatyou want to say wasn't so
flattering was I had to work forthe first time.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So so you're saying that in moving your, the
socio-economic status that youhad was very different, so you
didn't work up until that point.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
No, it was middle-class kid living in the
suburb.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I'm working, taking care of me.
All I had to do was go toschool, get good grades, and My
dad was happy.
Yeah, creating any trouble, notgetting into fight.
So long as you keep to thebooks, you do what you're
supposed to get good grades.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Life was easy.
You said you were starting withthat first one, but what are
the other inflection points?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
yeah.
So I was going through school.
At that point I was living withthe young lady that was helping
me Fix my orders.
I started dating at some pointalong the way we're going to
school and I Was in junior yearand University Morgan State
University But I got into a caraccident, ended up in the
(16:30):
hospital, was in a couple for acouple of days, had all kinds of
broken stuff, traumatic braininjury and The whole shebang.
I had to take therapy to be ableto Even think properly, suffer
a lot of memory loss, cognitiveDowngrade.
(16:51):
That was another really toughone because I was in the middle
of the semester and I didn'twant to Spoon my graduation.
So I have to take a w if drawon all the classes that was
already taken.
And when I came back And thefollowing semester, i just took
my regular course and then hadto test out of the other classes
(17:12):
.
That's where it got hard,because I went back to work as
well.
So it was a lot on the plateand Having to manage through all
that.
Some of the lessons were youcan't do everything and you
can't expect To be the same whatyou were before, because I had
some issues.
I can't remember some thingsproperly, i can think about some
(17:35):
other things properly.
So one of the lessons is I haveto let go of that over
Identification that I had withthe mind and my ability to think
and do math by that point hadto die, so to speak, and I Have
to take responsibility for thethings that I can do, move for
moving forward and alsoprioritize.
(17:55):
I can't do everything, so Ihave to make sure the stuff that
I'm getting into Are actuallyvery important, because I don't
have a lot of time and I have alot of stuff on my plate.
So Those were the biggestlessons, for sure.
Having to say no to peopleThat's another shifting identity
, if you will.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
How is saying no a shift in identity?
How do you reflect on that?
Because I know I would say thatyou are very agreeable.
But how is that a shift in youridentity?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, you think I'm agreeable.
Now, i was very agreeable.
I was pretty much ready to helpanybody.
Jump in, if you need me, let'sdo it, that kind of thing.
But if you don't have healthyboundaries, then you end up
overworking yourself and it'snot helping anybody The people
(18:50):
that are relying on you.
In some instances there's somethings that they can do for
themselves.
By you offering that orexaggerating or over offering
yourself or overextendingyourself, you're robbing them
from the ability to do forthemselves.
To a certain extent I was doingthat.
I was just all over the place,spread two things and with the
(19:12):
situation I had, i could nothandle doing that.
So I had to become someonedifferent, someone who says no
because he just doesn't have thecapacity, just doesn't have the
bandwidth.
And the flip side of that isstarting accepting help, because
one of the reasons why I wasable to make through is that I
(19:33):
got a lot of help.
My best friend at the time we'restill like really tight to this
day.
He'll pick me up, give me ridesanywhere.
I couldn't drive when I cameoff the hospital, so he'll give
me rides everywhere.
I have friends helping me withpast semester notes and books
(19:54):
and whatever else I needed.
That was another humblingexperience The ability to now
extend the hand and accept helpfrom people, which is something
that if you're always the oneextending, you're not really
good at accepting help.
That's where the shift ofidentity is.
One side of it is being able tosay no, and the other side is
(20:16):
actually accepting and receivinghelp from people because I
didn't have any other choice AndI was very grateful to get that
.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That's a that, again, i'm listening to and then I'm
going that those are at such ayoung age.
Those are very, very deep andstrong life lessons.
Okay, i'm still listening.
Go for it If that isn't thelast inflection point.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Yeah, no.
So after that I was able topass all of my classes.
I did get two B's, but again,try and let go of the
perfectionist thing.
I over identified Mr Smartman,so graduated on time and just
kept going.
Everything went well.
I interned on the company weworked at together.
(21:00):
Then I got a full time offer,but they were in Jersey and I
was in Maryland at the time.
I had to get into the workforcecorporate America no longer
cleaning planes.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I can't imagine how happy you must have been to be
there.
I think sometimes, when I wasstarting out my career as well,
it was really interesting topeople didn't understand why I
was so happy to be there.
But I'm like, if you understoodthe jobs that I had before
right, you would fullyappreciate.
I think the like my first job,i think I made like 30 grand or
(21:35):
something like that, or 32 grand, but the year before I made
$7,000.
So I was still doing extremelywell, but neither say go ahead.
So the third inflection pointyou're in corporate America, now
you're in a different, on adifferent trajectory.
And then what?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
So I had to move to New Jersey.
By the time my life was verypregnant with you married by
this time as well.
So talking about being a grownlittle man and putting the car
before the war, so a lot ofstuff.
Yeah, the young lady thathelped me get the job at IHUB
was helping me fix the orders inthe kitchen, helping me sign up
(22:16):
for community college and allthat.
We ended up getting married andstill married to this day.
We were expecting our firstchild and our daughter came in
two weeks after I startedworking and they were still in
Maryland.
So that was a lot to navigatebetween two states, having the
(22:40):
responsibility for the firsttime to be someone's dad and
also can corporate America.
Like, my dad was a teacher, mymom was was an accountant, but
not in corporate America, andthe cultural background wasn't
there, as you always say.
I couldn't just go to them andask them what to do.
So a lot of stuff.
(23:01):
I needed to learn a lot ofstuff.
I didn't know The idea of howdo you carry yourself in the
corporate world.
that was something completelyforeign to me and I had to
figure that out.
At the same time, i was on theactual where you're track, so I
(23:22):
had to study a lot to keeppassing these exams because I
was on a student program.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
So what's the actuarial?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
path.
Actuarial science is somethingbetween math and finance, or you
can say math applied to risk.
So actuarial science was thatmost of actuaries were working
insurance companies, some workin the government, some work in
consulting, but basically theidea is to study risk and how to
make risk profitable.
(23:49):
And one of my old mentors usedto say an actuary is always
wrong.
The idea is to be the lesswrong possible.
Okay, that encapsulates prettymuch.
If you have a phone and theygive you insurance on it, some
actuary is calculated how muchyou should be charged for that.
(24:09):
To be fair.
If you have a car, you haveinsurance on it.
Say that someone calculated that.
So that's basically what anactuary does.
And to be able to do all thosecalculations you take a lot of
professional exams which arereally hard.
So had to study hours uponhours to be able to pass each
one of them And that wastremendously difficult to do
(24:33):
that And, like I said, the firsttime, being a dad, it was very
important for me to be present.
That it was, if you will, partof my identity.
But my child was a few hoursaway and every weekend I would
drive down.
So I was driving between NewJersey and Maryland for the
(24:54):
first six months.
That took a toll.
I was working.
I think the corporate side ofthings worked pretty well for me
, right, because I was veryobserving.
I would ask questions, i wouldtry to figure things out And I
would watch people how they willwork, carrying themselves, and
I would try to emulate thewinning behaviors.
(25:14):
But that exam and dad part iswhere things broke a little bit,
because it was just too muchand I wasn't really recovering
properly And my idea at the timewas just commitment 100%.
If you're working, 100% workingIf you're studying, 100% if
you've been back home inBaltimore, maryland, you're just
(25:37):
100% a dad and a husband.
You help intensive diapers thewhole nine yard.
And the question becomes when doyou rest?
And the answer was I don't.
And I signed up for an exam.
I forgot the time of the exambecause I usually take my exams
(25:57):
in the late morning.
I showed up at 11, turns outthis exam I signed up at nine.
So I had a technical failure onthat exam.
That counted against me on theprogram.
That was one of the hardlessons I was saying in that
inflection point, because youcannot pour from an empty cup,
as they say.
You always have to find ways toreplenish.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I really like that analogy.
You can pour from an empty cup,so you're not recovering well
and you're still going throughthe inflection point.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, and speaking of pouring, i remember coming back
in the office that Monday andthen my director was like hi,
how was your exam?
and I just broke down crying.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I'm sorry you have me , and if there's no crying in
the office, like you didn't knowthis First law of corporate
emergency.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I shall not pour tears in the office.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
If you go back through that.
That inflection point is thatyou're getting all the things
that you want on the career paththat you want and then, because
you're having everything oryou're doing everything, you
fall down because you weren'tnecessarily recovering, so you
weren't taking care of you.
What was the consequence ofthat?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
The immediate consequences that I lose that
seating so they have a way oftracking exam progress in most
student programs and insurancecompanies and consulting firms
that hire actuaries.
I had a fail for that exam, sothat was the immediate
consequence, the medium termconsequences that ended up
(27:42):
losing my job because I wasn'tpassing exams fast enough.
And that failure caught up withme the next year when I had
another child.
So I was on my second child atthat point and I just lost my
job.
Basically, i went to a meetinglike the usual one-on-ones that
(28:05):
I had with my advisor at thetime and before going to the
meeting.
So there is this food trucks inNewark that I love because if
anybody knows me, everybodyknows I love rice right.
So I go and I get the rice withlamb, white sauce, hot sauce
with salad hours.
Hey, it was awesome.
(28:25):
So I brought it back.
I put it on a counter Let me goto this meeting, i'll come back
and enjoy my rights.
I go to the meeting and thenfound out That I've ended the
rotation, which was a few weeksFrom the closing, or from
termination of the rotation I'llno longer have a job.
So then I had to scramble andTry to figure something out
(28:48):
before this.
This Rotation ends, otherwiseI'll be on the street.
Two kids move someone's childfrom Maryland to New Jersey and
now you don't have a job tosupport them.
So we're going back to theimmigrant mindset.
Right, you have to do whateverit takes.
(29:10):
The season of the crime is backon, so Pull back in the old
days of whatever he takes, ifhe's legal, i'm doing it.
And At that point, basicallythe only thing I could do was to
look at my skill sets, takeresponsibility, and There's one
(29:31):
concept from stoicism that comesto mind here, which is a circle
of influence, what you can do,because there's a whole lot of
things that I couldn't doanything about.
So I had to sit down, be honestwith myself and figure out What
can I do.
So basically, i apply for everyjob I was on my level that
(29:52):
mentioned any skill that I couldMarket to someone to get hired.
Pretty much internally,externally, i was just talking
to everybody.
Mind you, i'm an introvert andat that point I was like more
bigly introverted, i wouldn'ttalk to anybody.
So, by social skills,interpersonal skills, yeah, they
need to work.
(30:12):
So it's hard reaching out topeople and trying to figure out
how am I gonna get a job in thiscouple of weeks before this
rotation?
and but that that was there wasa medium-term consequence of
not recovering properly inPrevious one, so that had a long
tail, if you will.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
So it's interesting that you saying that you started
right back where you Can,because this is that, like the
beauty of life, sometimes ittakes you right back to where
you started.
There are a few things thathumans beings must do.
We need a challenge to masterand a problem to solve.
If we are trapped in a lifewhere everything is provided for
(30:54):
us, our minds fail to grow, ourrelationships atrophy and our
spirits to teary.
There's someone I was chattingwith and we were talking about
that idea of starting over, andit's not really starting over,
it's starting from where you areJust making a good assessment
of the current situation andthen moving, for it's the action
(31:15):
without direction really leadsto progress.
So you know where you've comefrom and you know the direction
you want to go in, so you keep,you keep moving in that
direction.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Plus, like we talked about earlier, right, we have
all the learnings and theframework from the prior
experiences.
That's what I meant by wentback to immigrant mindset,
because that's the framework.
I already got the lesson, so Ijust had to dust off my
notebooks and apply the lessonone more time.
It's like the bike once youlearn how to ride, you know you
can get back on it anytime.
(31:48):
That was the idea behind that.
What do I know?
What am I capable?
What the skills that I have?
What can I do with those skills?
and Just be committed to seeingit through, because I have a
responsibility to my family.
At that point I can't just belike I lost my fingers.
(32:08):
It doesn't buy formulas,doesn't buy diapers, so whatever
buys diapers.
That's what I was going for butthen you did land well.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
And it's funny It says again another thinking is
like the journey of a thousandmiles starts with one step, but
also The.
It's also how the journey tonowhere begins.
So what's the next step?
and I'm going through itbecause I'm still with that
framework Understanding, beinghonest with yourself,
understanding the direction,accountability, understanding
(32:38):
that you'll lose something, butthen still keep moving towards
your goal.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
So, yeah, I'll get into that real quick is the idea
of Letting some part of you dieWe talked about earlier, is
that when I found out about thecareer path of actuary of
science also, this is me, so Ihad a whole lot of my identity
wrapped in there.
This is what I am, this is whatI want to do.
So when that happened, i wasfaced with a hard choice and I
(33:06):
had to let That part of myidentity die so that I can
reinvent myself and new, to dothe stuff that I needed to do at
the time.
Remember, if you don't have alot of choices, you have to
figure out what you need to do.
You get it done.
If there's not a thousandchoices, it's very narrow.
It's clear to provide for myfamily, i need to find something
(33:30):
that is legal, that I can do,is It might be brutal, right,
but I have to let that part ofme died so that I Can't do the
stuff that are in front of methat I need to do.
So that was part of theframework for that I guess,
committed to my family andthey're well-being, letting that
part die and basically focusingon What I could do, what was in
(33:51):
my power, the circle ofinfluence.
But yeah, like you say, movingon from that Transition or that
inflection point, i landed a jobin accounting of all places.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Whenever everyone saw a couple of the guests who've
come on it have talked poorlyabout accountants And you guys
still need to remember I amstill an accountant, that it, so
just be careful.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
No see, I counted is a nice career path.
Some of my best friends.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
All right, thanks for that right there.
If you're enjoying the contentso far, i have a small favor to
ask I would love for you to bepart of this podcast community
by subscribing to the show.
By subscribing, you won't missan episode, ensuring that you
stay up to date on the latestdiscussions and insights.
But wait, there's more.
(34:44):
If you Finding value in thispodcast, i'd kindly ask you to
spread the word, share thiscontent with someone who you
think might enjoy it, which willgreatly help in growing the the
reach of the podcast.
Thank you so much for yoursupport and And let's keep
exploring this fascinatingconversation.
You're 31 years old, three kids, your wife's away at medical
(35:14):
school now.
How the hell do you balance itall?
You still find time to work out.
You still find time toparticipate in our group
meetings.
You still send me stuff to read, to listen to.
I'm always baffled, right.
How do you wrap your headaround Balance and getting all
that stuff done?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
first of all, I'm very triggered.
I am 32.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Be triggered, then I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
I think it goes back to all the lessons along the way
.
You learn a little bit at thetime and then you accumulate all
these frameworks and In lessonsthat you try to apply to the
best of your ability.
At the current moment I wouldsay it's the latest inflection
point, with wife being away,having three young children at
the moment and Basically, theframework that I try to apply is
(36:05):
Self-care is one of the thingsthat I learned from filling that
exam and Because I wasn'trecovering properly, right So I
like working out, and workingout in the morning helped me be
energized for the rest of theday, right, so that's why I do
that.
I make a schedule and make timefor doing some kind of workout
(36:27):
activity walking, running,lifting All those make me feel
energized for the day.
And then we talk about othertenants of overall health making
sure Your sleep is dialing,making sure you get some
sunlight in your eyes in themorning.
If you're taking caffeine, makesure you take it early in the
(36:47):
day So it doesn't negativelyimpact your sleep.
All those little things aretools that I learned about along
the way and in order to do WhatI need to do, in order to show
up as my best self, as you liketo say.
I need to do all those thingsto take care of myself.
So I don't see it necessarilyas a chore, but I see it as
(37:10):
Someone says I think it wasSimon Sinek or someone else who
says it being burned out is notas a consequence of Doing too
much, by doing too little of thethings that re-energize you,
something along those lines.
That's exactly right to Workingout, reading, learning Are
(37:31):
things that really get meexcited.
So I try to find pockets in theday where I could do that.
I try to schedule some of themin 30 minutes here, 15 minutes
here, 45 minutes there, where Ican do that, so that I have the
energy To show up at work and befully committed to that, show
up as a dad, be committed tothat, show up as a brother, as a
(37:53):
husband, because there's a lotthat is Ask of us on a
day-to-day.
So finding opportunities to beable to do all those things that
give us energy And youmentioned also the group meeting
on the calls.
This group is, if you want tothink about Taking care of
(38:14):
yourself holistically mind, bodyand spirit.
Is this the spirit part beingpart of a community Of people
that help each other, keep eachother accountable.
So that gives me a lot ofenergy.
Back Is a lot of recharging sothat I'm able to do other things
that I like to do.
So I would say yeah is allthose come from the mind, come
(38:37):
from the lessons learned alongthe way and Taking care of
yourself so that you can show upas your best self.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
It's back to the resilience book that we're going
through.
Right so says.
Resilience Is the willingnessand ability to endure hardship
and become better by it.
It is a habit that sinks itsroots in the soil of security.
How are you filling your cupnow?
what?
what actually helps you to notmake that mistake again?
(39:08):
I?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Do sleep every now and again, but on the whole, i
think I'm doing much betterbecause We've worked on a daily
routine how to set up yourmorning right, so the things I
would talk about didn't in themorning, even if it's just five
minutes, ten minutes, some kindof Breath work to re-energize
(39:33):
yourself gets on, lighting youreyes on in the morning.
Make sure you're asleep goodbecause, as you say, the best
way to start the morning is howyou go to sleep the night before
.
That's tremendously important.
Making sure you check thatsleep regimen and Really nice
gift I have on my finger hereand all right, that helps me
(39:53):
like check How is the quality ofmy sleep?
It's not just that I'm in bedfor nine hours, eight hours or
however I can squeeze in, butwhat is the quality looking like
?
what are the things that areimpacting my energy level
throughout the day and how can Imanage that and And show up as
my best self?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
you touched on some things and I'm recalling us
setting up the morning routineand what's for the audience As
part of the group that we've had.
So we started meeting in thepandemic when I think I was
starting school And I wasrethinking the way I learned.
I knew I wasn't in school for20 years and just how my mind
works It's how do I read dress,how I learn, how I retain
(40:36):
information.
So I invited the book club atthe time to do a speed reading
course with me.
It was a speed reading andretention course to that filling
your cup and doing things thatwould make you You feel alive.
We actually met every day afterclass for 21 days in August of
2020 And then we continued thatfor the next.
We still do it up until thisday.
(40:57):
We meet twice a week, but bythe end of 2021 we've met more
than 120 times.
One of the things was thatmorning routine structure breeds
Discipline and disciplinebreeds performance.
So we all Practiced for asignificant amount of time What
our morning routine would be andit's actually amazing for me
and I don't know if I've evershared it, but with all of the
(41:19):
tenants, although I pushed backagainst a lot of it at first I
started tracking my sleep once Igot sunlight early enough and
it was really amazing, so Idon't know well.
Maybe share, adam, what thatmorning routine is and don't
take it as something that'sprescriptive, because it's
something that we played aroundwith.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Sure, share what that , that morning routine is yeah,
and some of it involves overtime, but pretty much the idea
of the morning routine is likeyour garden Right, if you want
beautiful flowers, you don't gospraying perfume on the land.
What you do is take care of thesoil.
So the idea of the morningroutine is to make sure the
(41:59):
Accessory, the soil, is takencare of, making sure is sure
that the garden has all thenourishment and everything that
it needs, and the flower wouldjust blossom and bloom of its
own by anyway.
Going back to The morningroutine, the first thing you do
you get up, you make your bed,you brush it it with your not
dominant hand.
(42:20):
You drink eight ounces of water,you get out or, depending on
the order, some people prefer todo the seeding or breath work
before getting out and gettingsunlight.
You can do it in reverse aswell and get some kind of
activities going.
Even if you're not gonna go tothe gym Right away in the
morning because lack of time, oryou just prefer to go in the
(42:40):
afternoon, you can just do someactivity for ten minute, fifteen
minute jumping jack, jumpingrope, whatever it is, just get
your body moving.
So those were the cornerstoneof our morning routine wake up,
make your bed, brush your teethwith your non-dominant hand,
drink It is the water right away.
(43:03):
Do some kind of breath work orseeding Slice meditation work
and then get some sunlight inyour eyes.
That was set off your circadianrhythm for the rest of the day,
for falling asleep later.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah for the audience at some of us.
So I didn't like the makingyour bed thing because I just
thought that I didn't want tosubscribe to everything, but I
think I finally got it, maybeSix months into our practice,
whereas the way you do one thingis the way you do everything.
Although it's small, the smallthings do matter.
They all made fun of me, but Icontinued mine.
(43:36):
Mine was a little bit different, so sometimes I read ten pages
a day can give you a book amonth.
That was the litmus test, that,and then I think from my
portion of it, i added the handabove the door and the Actually
gave myself a high five before Istart the day.
I started you that shit, excusemy language.
That makes me feel good still,even just thinking about the
(43:57):
high five in Meaning just thatway, of all the things that make
you feel great.
But the question where westarted was how else are you
filling your cup?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yes, also, stop and celebrate the winds along the
way.
I think that's something veryimportant that Sometimes we
forget to do, like you get apromotion at work or you help
your kids ride Bike for thefirst time without training
wheels There was a really bigthing and sometimes we just
brush over them.
That's Tremendous to just takethe moment to look back how far
(44:31):
you've come and celebrate thewinds along the way, because
This journey can get hardsometimes and it does help to
take a moment to take it in.
It helps the continuation ofthe journey, if you will.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, but I
think one of the more thecoolest thing that I've reckoned
of witness in in in ourinteraction was I remember you
were Promoted and it was thefirst time you did a quarterly
presentation but we had done thewhole framework of Practice.
So practice you knew when itwas coming.
You can start practicing monthsin advance.
(45:04):
You were so happy when youexecuted against that first
quarterly review But then youtaught your kids to ride the
bike and you were a hundredtimes happier Then when and I
just remember sitting if therewas one time where I figured, ah
, maybe I'm missing somethinghere, that was the time, because
you are so happy in that momentand back into that same the
(45:25):
spirit, part of the, that Tripodof managing us, it's really the
things that make you feel goodover, really what energizes you.
And it's actually amazing tosee that.
I want us to move on to the, thelesson that you're learning.
You share and You share it inthis pocket-sized philosophy on
(45:48):
that handle right.
Where does that come from?
because again I'm going back toall the things are happening.
It's easy to make an excusethat you're not sharing what
you're learning.
You Make the, you have the goalof posting ever so often.
What was what drives that?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Yeah, that was funny.
I remember I was at your house,we were putting together your
desk, right, and you Asked me aquestion and I was like Why
would you ask me that question?
because when I have the sameopinion about that subject,
(46:28):
unless you're looking for theecho chamber or something like
that and then I just went backto fixing the table and you were
like, really Like that justcome out of your face.
That's just one example ofStuff that just come out of my
mouth and I don't necessarilyWay properly, i don't know how
(46:54):
to calibrate properly, becausefor me it's just Something that
came to me and if you ask melater I'll probably forget.
And I remember you telling meThere is this book that you
always had around where we werein the book club, and then you
take notes and then you saySometimes things will come to
you and it's useful to writethem down because Next time you
(47:16):
forget about it and this wasvery precious, it might help you
, it might help somebody else,you never know.
So I always have the habit ofWriting things down when
insights come to you like that.
And I remember you offer me abooklet that you got from Rome
when you went on the trip thattime and you came back with it
and you gave it to me And droveat the time and it says
(47:42):
Basically, you wrote in a bitswitch to action, go back to the
vice.
So that one was the first dayof point.
Then I was talking to ourmutual friend, vanessa and she
mentioned, oh, oh, you're mypocket size philosopher.
And I was like, oh, that'sinteresting.
So that made a connection withthe book, was a small booklet
(48:04):
that was pocket size.
I put those together and that'show I started the Instagram
page and the idea of theInstagram pages.
The same way, eric Gritton orsomeone will write something in
a book That would just sparklesome tuts or some insight and
I'll send me on the path for newlearning, new frameworks.
(48:24):
Well, if I had a question abouthow exactly can I integrate a
lesson, i read something.
So I'm all here.
Someone say something is sparksomething within me.
That's the way I just want togive back.
So if I have an insight, i'llwrite it down.
Then I'll get a poster postedon Instagram That might spark
something within someone.
(48:44):
I don't know, but just the wayof giving back and all the
tremendous Spark moment, live-upmoments that I got from reading
stuff or hearing someone saysomething.
It's just a way of putting thatback out.
You always talk about that whenwe have conversations about all
these ideas And taught a good.
How'd you put it back out?
How do you make someone benefitfrom it?
(49:06):
So that's one way of me tryingto do that.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
That's interesting and thanks for sharing that.
I believe we all live aconnected life.
When we're not, we want toAcknowledge that or not.
We're all intertwined in thisexperience, right?
I think last week for the firsttime.
I always say I always talkedabout this experience called
life and I realized It's myexperience called life.
It's very individual.
I appreciate you sharing it inthat way, because sometimes you
(49:33):
never really connected the dotsright, because you know what
that, that little, and it'simportant for at least for the
audience, like the little thingsthat would Pay it forward or
roll forward, and in thisinstance what I'm talking about
It's.
I think I was just on a trip toRome and on the way back I was
like, let me bring somethingback for the guys who I interact
with.
So how we anchor the show is byexploring what you learned from
(50:02):
your first EQI assessment.
To temper it just a bit, youdid a In our group.
We did one an year one and thenwe followed up the assessment
12 months later to see theprogress that we made.
So maybe you can just, if youdon't mind, sharing what were
some of the key lessons that youlearned in the first assessment
(50:25):
that you have.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, it was a good one.
So the first assessment for me,what came out was that my
internal seftal was not thatgreat.
I was hypercritical of myself.
So what that does is I have alot of ideas in my head but I
want to necessarily express itor speak up in meanings so that
(50:49):
comes out as oh he doesn't know,or this guy isn't competent.
Something that we did take alook at and we tackled.
We utilized very straining formagain practice, set up habits
and checking with each other tosee how we're doing, against the
goal of getting better at that,and I showed up in the second
(51:10):
assessment.
The internal dialogue was muchbetter and also being able to
speak up and ask for some of thethings all of them still work
in progress.
Negotiating, asking for somethings got much better.
But I had some other things wetalked about more of going away
from school, so that kind ofimpacted also the stress
(51:35):
tolerance aspect of things.
How do you manage challenges Andthat's the great thing about
the EQ assessment right, it'snot like this is who you are and
it's stuck to you.
This is how you're showing upnow.
How can we manage and improveit so that you can achieve the
(51:56):
goals that you have on the board, and then we check it again and
see how we're doing, and thenwe continue to improve upon that
.
So those are the things that Ilearned that how you talk to
yourself really matters and thatshows up in your interactions.
And by not speaking up in mycase, for instance, i'm not just
(52:21):
rubbing myself, but I'm rubbingother people of the opportunity
to hear maybe a contributionthat would have helped the team,
that would have helped them.
So that was very important tobe able to work on that And as a
result of some good things cameup.
I was able to ask.
As you always say, if you don'task the answers, always no.
(52:42):
If you have that negativeself-talk within yourself, you
can't even go and ask for stuff.
Being able to ask the questionwith my situation, can we work
on an arrangement whereby I canbe remote so that I can support
my family, because that'simportant to me, but work is
also important to me, right?
(53:02):
Being able to just have thatconversation alone was a result
of all the work we've done intrying to monitor that internal
chatter and stacking up proofsthat you can do, that you have
something of value to contribute, which was something that was
necessarily there in the firstassessment.
So I would say those are themain things that really stood
(53:25):
out to me.
Speaker 2 (53:26):
What's coming to mind is that the subconscious is
eavesdropping on your self-talk.
Back to that same, whether ornot you think you can or you
think you can't.
Either way or right.
That is an actually really onelooping all the way back to
where we started.
You talked about having that anidentity and being able to lose
that identity, understandingthat there's a cost of it.
(53:49):
In the assessment that you did,was there anything that popped
up that you said you can seeyour identity in it?
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Yes, definitely the negative self-talk.
That one was something that wasstuck to me, if you were, and I
had to let that aspect witherand die so that the aspect of me
that could actually speak upcan show up, because I think
about them as both being thereat the same time.
(54:18):
But the negative self-talk ischoking the life out of the
speak up part of it.
The negative self-talk has todie or you have to lose or
loosen or dilute that part a bitso that other aspect of you can
show up, because we are farmore complex and complicated
(54:38):
than we think.
Usually we identify one side orthe other.
That's why we should becomfortable being flexible and
letting some things reduce or godown or turning the volume down
on some aspect of us or lettingthose aspects die so that we
can continue to grow and moveforward.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
So I would say that negative self-talk I like that
one right, turning down certainaspects of ourselves or our
lives or conversations that wehave with ourselves so that we
can amplify the parts of us thatwe need to grow.
So anchor question for uswhat's the through line through
life and how do you tie thatinto the pocket size philosopher
(55:21):
that you look at now?
Speaker 1 (55:24):
As far as I can remember, always being open to
experience as a student of lifeis really the true line for me,
and as a student of life, irecognize that class is always
in session and that life istrying to teach me through
experiences, people andchallenges.
(55:44):
Always being able to listen,take the lessons, incorporate
them in such a way that they canbe evergreen.
We talked about if you have asimilar or another challenge.
You already got the lessonssomewhere in one aspect of your
life because you have to carryit forward in the other aspect.
So it's like a tool belt.
(56:06):
Just keep on collecting thetools.
All of them, or most of them,are going to be useful in one
experience or the other.
So I would say the true linefor me really is being a student
, being open, taking in thelessons, incorporating your life
as much as possible and thepocket size philosophy.
So I would say pay that forward, help somebody else, spark
(56:30):
curiosity, spark an idea withsomeone else so that they can
also take it and move it forward.
It's the small things in life.
Speaker 2 (56:38):
The way you say it makes it seems like it's an easy
task.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
You know what I'm saying.
The exam in life is the hour ofliving, but the exam in life is
not the working hour.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
I was going to end on that quote.
I think it's the first part.
Is it a Socrates quote that theexam in life is the unexamined
life is not worth living?
And I think Willie Allen addedthat the exam in life is no
bargain, in a movie in the 1980s.
So that's one of the thingsthat we follow through on.
(57:12):
We've gone over and over again,i think it's that no man stands
in the same river twice Andalthough you're always seeking
self awareness, you can addaction to it, it's for nothing
And that the work that we'redoing it's hard but it's worth
it, because the exam in life,the unexamined life, is not
(57:33):
worth living.
Speaker 1 (57:33):
No worth living.
But the exam in life is nobargain.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Thank you so much for the time.
I appreciate this.
I also appreciate theopportunity to keep learning
from you And, as always, i lookforward to the next time that we
chat.
Thank you, thank you, thank youAppreciate you, brother.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
You too.
Speaker 2 (57:54):
All right, wrapping up this episode in the most
simply stated manner, whatstayed with me?
Change is constant, but tomanage change, we can actually
work our way through it with anopen mind, having expectations
or standards for ourselves, butwith the understanding that we
(58:17):
will lose something as we change, that we should be willing to
lose something as we grow andevolve.
But balance is in self care.
Whatever we're doing, whateverour goals are, whatever our
situation or circumstances arein life, we can actually manage
(58:39):
it by managing ourselves.
I hope you enjoyed diving intothis fascinating conversation
with Adam and I, but before wego, i want to express my
gratitude to all the listenersfor tuning in.
Your support means the world tome.
If you haven't already done so,be sure to subscribe to the
podcast.
(58:59):
If you haven't done so already,be sure to subscribe to the
podcast so that you never missan episode.
And if you love what you heard,share it with someone.
And I'd appreciate also ifyou'd leave a review.
Your feedback helps me improveand also to reach more listeners
like you.
Remember the conversationdoesn't end here.
(59:22):
Please leave me a note NigelFranklin-Way on Instagram or
Nigelatmeandhelpcom.
Until we meet again in thisspace.
Stay curious, stay inspired.
Thank you so much for yourmental space in these last few
moments.
Take care.
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