January 27, 2025 • 22 mins
What are your hopes as a parent in 2025? What are you happy to say good bye to and leave behind in 2024? Hear from Amanda Cavaliere - Preschool Director & Marriage and Family Coordinator as we talk about navigating the unrelenting pressures of being a parent in 2025. You're invited to continue to conversation at Parenting 2025 in person on February 8! Sign up at meethope.org/parenting now!
Thanks for being a part of the HOPE community as we continue conversations about faith and hope! You can learn more at meethope.org or find us on socials @meethopechurch. Join in for worship on Sundays at meethope.online.church! Have a question? Contact us at podcast@meethope.org.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Meet Hope podcast, where we have
conversations about faith andhope.
Hope is one church made ofpeople living out their faith
through two expressions inperson and online.
We believe a hybrid faithexperience can lead to a growing
influence in our community andour world for the sake of others
.
Welcome to Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hi everyone, welcome to the Meet Hope podcast.
My name is Ashley Black and I'mexcited to be here with you
today.
Today, joining me is AmandaCavalieri.
Hey, amanda, how are you doing?
Hi, ashley, I'm great.
How is your new year going?
It's going fast.
Yeah, I mean, when this comesout, we'll be.
I feel like we're well into thenew year going.
It's going fast.
Yeah, I mean, when this comesout, we'll be we'll be I feel
like we'll we're well into thenew year, yeah, yeah, we're
(01:09):
going to have a conversationabout parenting and families and
all that kind of stuff in thenew year today, yes.
So, but before we do that, Ithought we could kind of do some
reflecting.
So, because you and I havetalked about parenting and
families and all of that acouple of times over the past
year and sometimes we've sharedour own anecdotes and whatnot.
(01:30):
So if you think about 2024 as aparent, what comes to mind,
like what was a highlight foryou?
What are you happy to saygoodbye to and hope to not have
in 2025?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
It's probably.
The answer is probably the sameto both questions yeah, so my
kids, I'm living you're livingin the toddler era and I'm
living in the teen era.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That's why I wanted us both to answer this question.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
There's lots of similarities between teens and
toddlers.
Um, because I work withtoddlers during the morning and
then I go home to teens later inthe day.
Um, so really my brainfunctions more in school year.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But last school year my son moved into high school,
my daughter moved into middleschool.
And so it was a big fall forboth kids at once.
It was this huge transition,big change, lots of back school
anxieties and, just you know,navigating all new waters for
both of them, and probably thehighlight was both adjusted and
(02:35):
tried new things that werecompletely unexpected.
And that was exciting.
So my daughter is athletic andplay sports, but never played
field hockey, and she went outfor the team and made it.
So my daughter is athletic andplay sports, but never played
field hockey and she went outfor the team and made it.
So that was, that was awesome.
And then my son joined roboticsand it was trying a whole new
realm there.
So seeing them, um, adjust welland reach out and try new
(02:59):
things, take some risks, thatwas probably my parenting Hi.
The thing I'm happy to saygoodbye to is starting new
schools with both kids at once.
No thanks.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I don't care to do that again.
I remember you talking aboutthat because I think I'm right
that you and Beth did a podcastand because hers one was going
to college, suzanne.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Suzanne.
Yes, thank you, suzanne.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
And you guys talked about all those transitions back
in that episode.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So I don't ever want to do that.
Two kids in two new schoolsagain.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Well, I'll be coming to you in, like, whatever years,
that will be our life.
We figured that out, thatthat'll be their school life,
and so how?
about you and your, yeah, so Ias a reminder for everyone, I
have a four-year-old and aone-year-old and I think, yeah,
(03:54):
it's actually probably like yousaid, it falls into the same
category of what was hard.
What I'm happy to say goodbyeto is the shift of going from
one to two kids was hard.
My second kid was born in theend of 2023, but really felt
like the first half of 2024 wasthat adjustment of there being
two of them.
It's a big change.
It's really big and we knew itwas going to be as best we could
(04:16):
know.
We talked about it a lot and wejust were like we're going to
just be flexible for whateverthis looks like.
But it was.
Yeah, the winter and the springwere just a hard adjustment,
just like for our, for ourfour-year-old.
Just figuring that out, thatdynamic out, and just you know
it was a big, it was a big shift.
So I'm happy to say goodbye tothat.
(04:36):
Our family is is, you know,shifted more now and and that.
But that also became thehighlight because my one year
old started walking right aroundThanksgiving of 2024.
And something switched in mykids where, when the second went
vertical, suddenly the oldestwas 20 times more interested in
(04:59):
him, was so excited to play withhim New playmate, yeah, and
like and so all of a sudden itwas like oh you're, you can play
with me because you can walkaround now.
And this like shift happenedmore.
Now they have so much funplaying together because the
youngest loves to follow theoldest around and the oldest
loves that the younger one wantsto follow him around and so
(05:20):
they just like.
they'll just like run back andforth around my house house
through the hallway, and they'relaughing the whole time because
the one is like come on, Otto,let's go.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
And he's pretending they're pirates or pretending
they're superheroes and he getsto be the leader and he's the
leader.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Sure, he loves that and Otto is just like ha ha ha
ha, just toddling after him.
But it's really sweet and Ottois comfortable with Kale kind of
rolling around with him alittle bit and, you know, in a
safe way.
But like, yeah, there's beenthis shift in them that it's
been really nice to see.
So I would say that that's cool, that would be mine, so that
(05:54):
I'm sure that everybody hastheir own thoughts about
parenting.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I would encourage you to think about your.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
You know it's funny for both of us how the thing
that was hard was also the thingthat was joy, and so to think
about that.
But as we head into 2025, whatare you thinking about?
What are you hoping for as aparent?
But also, you are a marriageand parenting coordinator.
You are a preschool director.
You know you keep an ear to theground for all of us as parents
(06:19):
.
What are you hoping for?
What are you thinking about?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I constantly think of the scripture from Psalm 127
that says children are a gift ofthe Lord.
They are his reward and I lovethat Our kids are our gifts,
that our kids are our rewards.
But in conversations that Ihave with either preschool
parents, parents in small groupsthat I run or just my friends
(06:47):
who are parents, parents arestressed, Parents are
overwhelmed, Parents areconstantly questioning decisions
they're making, overthinkingthings, overwhelmed.
I don't feel like many parentslive in that space that their
children are rewards.
(07:09):
It sometimes feels more likechildren are a burden and
parenting is hard.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, it is really hard and it can sometimes feel
really lonely, even thoughyou're doing it right next to
somebody and it's so busy thatit can be easy to get caught up
in, like all the stuff you feellike you have to do.
Yes, and am I doing it right?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, am I doing it right?
And there is constant pressurefrom so many places.
So there's pressures from justsociety, culture, um others in
just a far away removed sense oflike oh, everybody looks like
they've got it together.
Or this is what the perfect momlooks like, or this is what the
(07:52):
perfect dad does, and so thispressure to at least try and
live up to that, or put theperception out that you can.
And you know, if we read theBible, there's not one perfect
parent.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That's really very true, entire Bible.
It's so true and I say this allthe time with parenting, but
also just with the whole Bible.
We put the I don't we just wemake this false presumption that
everybody in there is perfect.
And if you just read like threepages, you'll find out that
none of them are.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I open every parenting small group like this
yeah, there's not a single onein that whole bible and yet we
come along and think we can bethat perfect parent, right, the
only perfect parent is god,right?
So if, if we want some exampleto follow, it's really not
anybody in scripture.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
As far as parenting goes, I I love that, though.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So there's this pressure from society, right.
Then there's this pressure from, maybe, extended family who
means so well love us so well,but I can't tell you how many
times, especially when my kidsare little.
But even now I get the.
We didn't do that when you werea kid and you turned out just
fine, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And you're like, yes, I know, but I were a kid and
you turned out just fine.
Yeah, and you're.
And you're like, yes, I know,but I'm the kid and I know what
I internalized, or what I longedfor, and I'm trying to change
change for different reasons andmy kid's going to have their
own stuff from me, and it's justan ongoing cycle and the world
keeps changing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yes, the world keeps changing, that's so true.
So, there's these pressuresfrom well-meaning loved ones.
Right, are you going to do this?
You should do it this way, youshould do it that way, this is
the better way, and so weinternalize that.
And then there's the pressurewe just put on ourselves.
Yeah, right, it's really trueOf what we maybe expected
parenting to be like.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
And wow, this is looking a whole lot different.
Or yeah, I think it's so easyto go into parenting, like with
your, like we're gonna do thesethings and have these values,
and and I think the thing thatlike no, you're not coached on
or like encouraged in is that,like we know, our children are
their own individual humanbeings.
But until you experience theactual lack of control you have
over them, like like not that wedon't have control over our
kids, like we like guide themand teach them in a specific way
(10:10):
, but sometimes they're justgoing to be who they are and you
have to bounce with it.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You know what I?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
mean Like I think there was a sense, like if I do
it, if I do things this way, mykids will turn out this way and
that's the right way.
And it's so much pressure.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And it's so much pressure.
Well, we think of that as analgebraic equation.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
A plus B equals C.
Yeah, but not always no.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
No, and child number two, this is my life right now,
child number two is not at allgoing to follow the same
equation that child number onedid, and so on, because each
child is their own unique person.
Yes, they're all that rewardand that gift from God, but they
are all their own people too.
So, just when we feel like wefigured it out, they change.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, I'm thinking about two things.
One I'm thinking about howyou're talking about being this
being perfect thing, and how Goddoesn't invite us towards
perfection.
God doesn't invite us towardsperfection.
God invites us towards love andgrace and understanding and
hospitality and all those things.
Yeah, I was just thinking aboutthat.
So I was thinking about, whenyou were saying about the A plus
(11:18):
B does not equal C that Irecently saw a woman who I
follow on social media but herchildren are all much older,
they're all either in college orout of college or they're like
seniors in high school, and shehad something that made me
really laugh a lot was she saidI don't understand how they all
came out of me so differently,because she showed she shared
her children's clothing piles,basically, and the one her son,
(11:42):
it was like his drawer, she likecarried down and it was like
neatly folded and they were alllined up in color order.
And then she brought the otherone and they're all just like
stuffed in like different placesand she's like they were
trained how to put their clothesaway the same way.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Yeah, I thought it was a good example of that yeah
so you know, if we want to havethis viewpoint, like god does
that children?
Are a gift that, that they arehis reward.
It starts with our ownviewpoint of our kids right and
seeing them as a gift, seeingthem as reward, and we have to
(12:16):
be able to relieve some of thatpressure that we are living
under, whether it be fromsociety, whether it be from
ourselves, whether it be fromourselves whether it be from our
parents or kids spouses,whatever wherever that pressure
is, we need to be able torelieve it so that we can love
our kids the way that Goddesigned for us to.
(12:39):
So I'm excited for anopportunity coming up in
February where we started lastyear running a parenting
workshop Just simple parentingin 2025.
But the theme, the overalltheme, is just helping parents
navigate the pressures ofparenting in 2025 and trying to
(13:06):
a say Hey're not alone, right,because so often, so important,
that's how we feel.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
yeah, there's so many moments I've been aware of
recently where I'm like standingin a circle with other parents
and we're all kind of doing thisdance of like.
We kind of want to talk aboutwhat's hard, what's going on,
but then we also like, don'twant to, because what if I'm the
only one?
And then like, and it's, it's,and then every time somebody
does share everybody else goes.
(13:31):
Oh yeah, me too, me too, butlike we, but I'm just so aware
of how like we put this pressureon ourselves to even be perfect
around other parents.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, and well, I think, we.
We think that every choice andword and way that our child has
acted or reacted is a directreflection of us Right, and
that's just not true we cannotcarry all of their actions and
reactions.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yeah, Right, yeah, that's what I mean when I said
like when you, when you take inthe knowledge that they are
their own human being and youdon't have control over every
piece of it.
That it also isn't, it isn't upto you to Right.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, have control over every piece of
it.
That it also isn't.
It isn't up to you to right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the older our kids get, theless control we have.
Yeah, right, and the less wetalk about it too with other
parents.
Yeah, that's.
I hear that a lot yeah yeah.
So creating a space whereparents can be together, where
they can learn from one another,where where they can be
encouraged, where I havebenefited so much from being
(14:28):
around parents whose kids are alittle bit older than mine who
can say I went through that too,I survived, you're going to
survive.
And then the benefit of beingwith parents whose kids are the
same age to say yeah, us too, ustoo, right yeah.
So some of the things we'regoing to be talking about are
(14:50):
more global and some are morespecific right.
So financial pressures?
Oh my gosh, it's so expensiveto raise children right now.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I know you feel that.
Yeah, we feel it all the timeand it just feels like you feel
like you figure it out, and thenthere's something else.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Yeah, it's just, you know, everything seems the
everything seems more expensiveand you want, we want our kids
to do things, be part of things,and things and how do we?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
and there's so much pressure and they come home
because so-and-so did this andso-and-so did this and it's yeah
.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, so how financial pressure um can impact
our.
If you are married, right, howjust bringing in two parenting
styles?
Yes, huh, what that does to Canyou speak to this?
Feels like you can relate tothis?
I can.
What conflict can arise fromparenting within your marriage?
(15:39):
You?
Know, and those pressures, orif you are parenting solo, those
single parents.
They are heroes.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Oh, my God, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Absolutely.
The pressure that they carry,and carry alone sometimes, is
intense, right?
Um, new babies, right?
I mean we, we think whatparenting is going to be like
and then we have a baby and itit's.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
It's not at all and it kind of throws you because I
always I kind of giggle nowbecause I've had babies where,
whenever our friends, who Chrisand I, I often talk about, chris
and I were the first of a lotof our friends to have kids.
And so we feel like we kind ofwent first and now we love
getting to support others andwhenever they, whenever someone
has a baby, the first likecouple of months they're like
(16:22):
this is not as bad as we thoughtit's, so I'm like it's because
the baby's sleeping all the timeRight.
And then it's so I'm like it'sbecause the baby's sleeping all
the time right.
And then, like six months hitand the baby's busy and we're
like we're here for you, whatcan we?
Speaker 1 (16:31):
do you know?
And?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
so we just try to be aware and helpful and not not
like be a know-it-all about itbut just feel like we'll be over
here when the baby starts tobecome a person you know, yeah,
it's a, it's a lot.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Yeah, you think new baby is going to go one way and
they go different every time,like I had you know, yeah, baby
toddler, those early years ofparenting, they have their own
pressures and stresses, yeah,very different from other years.
And so wanting to talk aboutthat, um, wanting to talk about
raising a neurodivergent, childthat's a whole different kind it
(17:01):
is yeah, you know these parentswho are raising children with
special needs, um who areraising children that may always
live with them.
You know, this is very, verydifferent viewpoint that these
parents bring in and differentpressures that some of us who
aren't in that boat can fullyunderstand.
Yeah, talking to our aboutsocial justice, racial equality,
(17:31):
hard topics these are somepressures going on in our
society, in our country rightnow.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Which are so important because I find they're
coming up, they're alreadyhaving the conversations, a lot
of them as they get older and weneed to be able to, to know how
to join them in thoseconversations.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
um, yeah, yeah and if parents don't know how, what
happens is they just don't yesright, yeah, so that's not good.
Yeah, right.
So teaching parents how to havethese conversations absolutely
types of situations.
And then there's the pressureof social media and tech on our
kids and how do we, as parents,navigate those waters?
(18:12):
And that can be, you know, thatstarts younger and younger, I
know so there's a lot and thisis just.
These are just the things thatwe're touching on in this
workshop.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
There's a whole lot more, of course there is, but
these are so relevant andpervasive to what, like I, I
also encounter with so manyparents is the things that are
at the forefront of their mindsof yeah, so just creating a
space where we can be together,have coffee and refreshments no
kids around, you know, becausewe will provide child care for
(18:44):
the little ones and have adultconversations, have some laughs,
learn from one another and knowthat we have other people
around us who understand whounderstand, and also, like I
know, you've been talking aboutthe importance of parenting in
community, and I think when wedo something like this,
somewhere like Hope, wherethere's some of the faith
(19:05):
community piece of it, there'san opportunity for us to not
only see our kids as gifts andrewards from god, but also for
us to start to understand how weare gifts from god too like
that like, like, I think beingin community helps us maybe love
ourselves a little bit moreyeah, see ourselves as more
(19:26):
beloved by god and then be alittle bit more see ourselves as
more beloved by God and then bea little bit more gentler on
ourselves.
So then, like you know, we'restriving so hard to want our
kids to feel that way.
But if we, if they don't see usfeeling that way, then yeah.
I've just been thinking aboutthat while you're talking.
That that would be my hope foranybody that comes to is that
they would just experience beingin a place of love and
encouragement Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yeah, cause, yeah it's sometimes feels really hard
to find and you know what ourkids are very little, very, very
what's the word I want to say?
Are seldom going to say thanks,mom, you're just crushing it,
so somebody else needs to tellus.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I know mine when.
When he gets something he wants, You're the best mom, right.
But if I say no, it's like I'mso mad at you.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
So you're not getting that kind of encouragement from
home?
No, right yeah exactly.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Well, this is very exciting.
So it's on February 8th, theParenting Workshop.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
It's a Saturday morning.
Like I said, we do coffeerefreshments and just time
together.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And if somebody wants to sign up for that, how would
they do that?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
They would just go to the today page and we're listed
under events.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Register there, register for childcare there,
yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Invite a friend.
Yeah, all are welcome.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
That's awesome.
Yes, yeah, and then I thinkwe'll probably plan to do like
we did last year, where we triedto get some of your, your guest
speakers, in to do a podcast,or two, yeah, that'd be great so
then if you sign up for twoseminars and you can't sign up
for one, maybe you can stillhear more about it from from
those people yeah, lots of greatinformation, lots of great
(21:01):
people presenting.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
So I'm really excited .
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I'm excited for you and I'm excited to go um, and if
parenting is something thatmeans something to you, I would
also encourage our listeners toscroll back through our feed and
look for kind of early in 2024,we did a bunch of parenting
episodes as well, so you canlook for those, you can look for
new ones.
And, yeah, what would you say?
Your hope for parents are in2025, amanda.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah, I think my hope is, what I'm working on is
slowing down.
I'm working on slowing down metoo.
Yeah, and just let's takethings daily yeah and enjoy what
each day brings.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah, and not live so hurried in our parenting I
would really say like that'sexactly where I find myself too
at the beginning of this year,so I hope that for everybody.
Yeah, so come slow down and cometo Parenting 2025.
And yeah, so until next time.
This is the Meet Hope Podcast.
We're so grateful that you werelistening.
(22:03):
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Speaker 1 (22:22):
Thanks for being a part of the Hope Community as we
continue our conversationsabout faith and hope.
If you don't already, pleasejoin us for worship on Sundays
or on demand.
You can learn more atmeethopeorg or find us on
socials at Meet Hope Church.
Welcome to the Meet Hope podcast, where we have
conversations about faith andhope.
Hope is one church made ofpeople living out their faith
through two expressions inperson and online.
We believe a hybrid faithexperience can lead to a growing
influence in our community andour world for the sake of others
.
Welcome to Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hi everyone, welcome to the Meet Hope podcast.
My name is Ashley Black and I'mexcited to be here with you
today.
Today, joining me is AmandaCavalieri.
Hey, amanda, how are you doing?
Hi, ashley, I'm great.
How is your new year going?
It's going fast.
Yeah, I mean, when this comesout, we'll be.
I feel like we're well into thenew year going.
It's going fast.
Yeah, I mean, when this comesout, we'll be we'll be I feel
like we'll we're well into thenew year, yeah, yeah, we're
(01:09):
going to have a conversationabout parenting and families and
all that kind of stuff in thenew year today, yes.
So, but before we do that, Ithought we could kind of do some
reflecting.
So, because you and I havetalked about parenting and
families and all of that acouple of times over the past
year and sometimes we've sharedour own anecdotes and whatnot.
(01:30):
So if you think about 2024 as aparent, what comes to mind,
like what was a highlight foryou?
What are you happy to saygoodbye to and hope to not have
in 2025?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
It's probably.
The answer is probably the sameto both questions yeah, so my
kids, I'm living you're livingin the toddler era and I'm
living in the teen era.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That's why I wanted us both to answer this question.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
There's lots of similarities between teens and
toddlers.
Um, because I work withtoddlers during the morning and
then I go home to teens later inthe day.
Um, so really my brainfunctions more in school year.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But last school year my son moved into high school,
my daughter moved into middleschool.
And so it was a big fall forboth kids at once.
It was this huge transition,big change, lots of back school
anxieties and, just you know,navigating all new waters for
both of them, and probably thehighlight was both adjusted and
(02:35):
tried new things that werecompletely unexpected.
And that was exciting.
So my daughter is athletic andplay sports, but never played
field hockey, and she went outfor the team and made it.
So my daughter is athletic andplay sports, but never played
field hockey and she went outfor the team and made it.
So that was, that was awesome.
And then my son joined roboticsand it was trying a whole new
realm there.
So seeing them, um, adjust welland reach out and try new
(02:59):
things, take some risks, thatwas probably my parenting Hi.
The thing I'm happy to saygoodbye to is starting new
schools with both kids at once.
No thanks.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I don't care to do that again.
I remember you talking aboutthat because I think I'm right
that you and Beth did a podcastand because hers one was going
to college, suzanne.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Suzanne.
Yes, thank you, suzanne.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
And you guys talked about all those transitions back
in that episode.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So I don't ever want to do that.
Two kids in two new schoolsagain.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Well, I'll be coming to you in, like, whatever years,
that will be our life.
We figured that out, thatthat'll be their school life,
and so how?
about you and your, yeah, so Ias a reminder for everyone, I
have a four-year-old and aone-year-old and I think, yeah,
(03:54):
it's actually probably like yousaid, it falls into the same
category of what was hard.
What I'm happy to say goodbyeto is the shift of going from
one to two kids was hard.
My second kid was born in theend of 2023, but really felt
like the first half of 2024 wasthat adjustment of there being
two of them.
It's a big change.
It's really big and we knew itwas going to be as best we could
(04:16):
know.
We talked about it a lot and wejust were like we're going to
just be flexible for whateverthis looks like.
But it was.
Yeah, the winter and the springwere just a hard adjustment,
just like for our, for ourfour-year-old.
Just figuring that out, thatdynamic out, and just you know
it was a big, it was a big shift.
So I'm happy to say goodbye tothat.
(04:36):
Our family is is, you know,shifted more now and and that.
But that also became thehighlight because my one year
old started walking right aroundThanksgiving of 2024.
And something switched in mykids where, when the second went
vertical, suddenly the oldestwas 20 times more interested in
(04:59):
him, was so excited to play withhim New playmate, yeah, and
like and so all of a sudden itwas like oh you're, you can play
with me because you can walkaround now.
And this like shift happenedmore.
Now they have so much funplaying together because the
youngest loves to follow theoldest around and the oldest
loves that the younger one wantsto follow him around and so
(05:20):
they just like.
they'll just like run back andforth around my house house
through the hallway, and they'relaughing the whole time because
the one is like come on, Otto,let's go.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
And he's pretending they're pirates or pretending
they're superheroes and he getsto be the leader and he's the
leader.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Sure, he loves that and Otto is just like ha ha ha
ha, just toddling after him.
But it's really sweet and Ottois comfortable with Kale kind of
rolling around with him alittle bit and, you know, in a
safe way.
But like, yeah, there's beenthis shift in them that it's
been really nice to see.
So I would say that that's cool, that would be mine, so that
(05:54):
I'm sure that everybody hastheir own thoughts about
parenting.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I would encourage you to think about your.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
You know it's funny for both of us how the thing
that was hard was also the thingthat was joy, and so to think
about that.
But as we head into 2025, whatare you thinking about?
What are you hoping for as aparent?
But also, you are a marriageand parenting coordinator.
You are a preschool director.
You know you keep an ear to theground for all of us as parents
(06:19):
.
What are you hoping for?
What are you thinking about?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I constantly think of the scripture from Psalm 127
that says children are a gift ofthe Lord.
They are his reward and I lovethat Our kids are our gifts,
that our kids are our rewards.
But in conversations that Ihave with either preschool
parents, parents in small groupsthat I run or just my friends
(06:47):
who are parents, parents arestressed, Parents are
overwhelmed, Parents areconstantly questioning decisions
they're making, overthinkingthings, overwhelmed.
I don't feel like many parentslive in that space that their
children are rewards.
(07:09):
It sometimes feels more likechildren are a burden and
parenting is hard.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, it is really hard and it can sometimes feel
really lonely, even thoughyou're doing it right next to
somebody and it's so busy thatit can be easy to get caught up
in, like all the stuff you feellike you have to do.
Yes, and am I doing it right?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, am I doing it right?
And there is constant pressurefrom so many places.
So there's pressures from justsociety, culture, um others in
just a far away removed sense oflike oh, everybody looks like
they've got it together.
Or this is what the perfect momlooks like, or this is what the
(07:52):
perfect dad does, and so thispressure to at least try and
live up to that, or put theperception out that you can.
And you know, if we read theBible, there's not one perfect
parent.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That's really very true, entire Bible.
It's so true and I say this allthe time with parenting, but
also just with the whole Bible.
We put the I don't we just wemake this false presumption that
everybody in there is perfect.
And if you just read like threepages, you'll find out that
none of them are.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I open every parenting small group like this
yeah, there's not a single onein that whole bible and yet we
come along and think we can bethat perfect parent, right, the
only perfect parent is god,right?
So if, if we want some exampleto follow, it's really not
anybody in scripture.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
As far as parenting goes, I I love that, though.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So there's this pressure from society, right.
Then there's this pressure from, maybe, extended family who
means so well love us so well,but I can't tell you how many
times, especially when my kidsare little.
But even now I get the.
We didn't do that when you werea kid and you turned out just
fine, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And you're like, yes, I know, but I were a kid and
you turned out just fine.
Yeah, and you're.
And you're like, yes, I know,but I'm the kid and I know what
I internalized, or what I longedfor, and I'm trying to change
change for different reasons andmy kid's going to have their
own stuff from me, and it's justan ongoing cycle and the world
keeps changing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yes, the world keeps changing, that's so true.
So, there's these pressuresfrom well-meaning loved ones.
Right, are you going to do this?
You should do it this way, youshould do it that way, this is
the better way, and so weinternalize that.
And then there's the pressurewe just put on ourselves.
Yeah, right, it's really trueOf what we maybe expected
parenting to be like.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
And wow, this is looking a whole lot different.
Or yeah, I think it's so easyto go into parenting, like with
your, like we're gonna do thesethings and have these values,
and and I think the thing thatlike no, you're not coached on
or like encouraged in is that,like we know, our children are
their own individual humanbeings.
But until you experience theactual lack of control you have
over them, like like not that wedon't have control over our
kids, like we like guide themand teach them in a specific way
(10:10):
, but sometimes they're justgoing to be who they are and you
have to bounce with it.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You know what I?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
mean Like I think there was a sense, like if I do
it, if I do things this way, mykids will turn out this way and
that's the right way.
And it's so much pressure.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And it's so much pressure.
Well, we think of that as analgebraic equation.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
A plus B equals C.
Yeah, but not always no.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
No, and child number two, this is my life right now,
child number two is not at allgoing to follow the same
equation that child number onedid, and so on, because each
child is their own unique person.
Yes, they're all that rewardand that gift from God, but they
are all their own people too.
So, just when we feel like wefigured it out, they change.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, I'm thinking about two things.
One I'm thinking about howyou're talking about being this
being perfect thing, and how Goddoesn't invite us towards
perfection.
God doesn't invite us towardsperfection.
God invites us towards love andgrace and understanding and
hospitality and all those things.
Yeah, I was just thinking aboutthat.
So I was thinking about, whenyou were saying about the A plus
(11:18):
B does not equal C that Irecently saw a woman who I
follow on social media but herchildren are all much older,
they're all either in college orout of college or they're like
seniors in high school, and shehad something that made me
really laugh a lot was she saidI don't understand how they all
came out of me so differently,because she showed she shared
her children's clothing piles,basically, and the one her son,
(11:42):
it was like his drawer, she likecarried down and it was like
neatly folded and they were alllined up in color order.
And then she brought the otherone and they're all just like
stuffed in like different placesand she's like they were
trained how to put their clothesaway the same way.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Yeah, I thought it was a good example of that yeah
so you know, if we want to havethis viewpoint, like god does
that children?
Are a gift that, that they arehis reward.
It starts with our ownviewpoint of our kids right and
seeing them as a gift, seeingthem as reward, and we have to
(12:16):
be able to relieve some of thatpressure that we are living
under, whether it be fromsociety, whether it be from
ourselves, whether it be fromourselves whether it be from our
parents or kids spouses,whatever wherever that pressure
is, we need to be able torelieve it so that we can love
our kids the way that Goddesigned for us to.
(12:39):
So I'm excited for anopportunity coming up in
February where we started lastyear running a parenting
workshop Just simple parentingin 2025.
But the theme, the overalltheme, is just helping parents
navigate the pressures ofparenting in 2025 and trying to
(13:06):
a say Hey're not alone, right,because so often, so important,
that's how we feel.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
yeah, there's so many moments I've been aware of
recently where I'm like standingin a circle with other parents
and we're all kind of doing thisdance of like.
We kind of want to talk aboutwhat's hard, what's going on,
but then we also like, don'twant to, because what if I'm the
only one?
And then like, and it's, it's,and then every time somebody
does share everybody else goes.
(13:31):
Oh yeah, me too, me too, butlike we, but I'm just so aware
of how like we put this pressureon ourselves to even be perfect
around other parents.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, and well, I think, we.
We think that every choice andword and way that our child has
acted or reacted is a directreflection of us Right, and
that's just not true we cannotcarry all of their actions and
reactions.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yeah, Right, yeah, that's what I mean when I said
like when you, when you take inthe knowledge that they are
their own human being and youdon't have control over every
piece of it.
That it also isn't, it isn't upto you to Right.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, have control over every piece of
it.
That it also isn't.
It isn't up to you to right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the older our kids get, theless control we have.
Yeah, right, and the less wetalk about it too with other
parents.
Yeah, that's.
I hear that a lot yeah yeah.
So creating a space whereparents can be together, where
they can learn from one another,where where they can be
encouraged, where I havebenefited so much from being
(14:28):
around parents whose kids are alittle bit older than mine who
can say I went through that too,I survived, you're going to
survive.
And then the benefit of beingwith parents whose kids are the
same age to say yeah, us too, ustoo, right yeah.
So some of the things we'regoing to be talking about are
(14:50):
more global and some are morespecific right.
So financial pressures?
Oh my gosh, it's so expensiveto raise children right now.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I know you feel that.
Yeah, we feel it all the timeand it just feels like you feel
like you figure it out, and thenthere's something else.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Yeah, it's just, you know, everything seems the
everything seems more expensiveand you want, we want our kids
to do things, be part of things,and things and how do we?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
and there's so much pressure and they come home
because so-and-so did this andso-and-so did this and it's yeah
.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, so how financial pressure um can impact
our.
If you are married, right, howjust bringing in two parenting
styles?
Yes, huh, what that does to Canyou speak to this?
Feels like you can relate tothis?
I can.
What conflict can arise fromparenting within your marriage?
(15:39):
You?
Know, and those pressures, orif you are parenting solo, those
single parents.
They are heroes.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Oh, my God, yes.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Absolutely.
The pressure that they carry,and carry alone sometimes, is
intense, right?
Um, new babies, right?
I mean we, we think whatparenting is going to be like
and then we have a baby and itit's.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
It's not at all and it kind of throws you because I
always I kind of giggle nowbecause I've had babies where,
whenever our friends, who Chrisand I, I often talk about, chris
and I were the first of a lotof our friends to have kids.
And so we feel like we kind ofwent first and now we love
getting to support others andwhenever they, whenever someone
has a baby, the first likecouple of months they're like
(16:22):
this is not as bad as we thoughtit's, so I'm like it's because
the baby's sleeping all the timeRight.
And then it's so I'm like it'sbecause the baby's sleeping all
the time right.
And then, like six months hitand the baby's busy and we're
like we're here for you, whatcan we?
Speaker 1 (16:31):
do you know?
And?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
so we just try to be aware and helpful and not not
like be a know-it-all about itbut just feel like we'll be over
here when the baby starts tobecome a person you know, yeah,
it's a, it's a lot.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Yeah, you think new baby is going to go one way and
they go different every time,like I had you know, yeah, baby
toddler, those early years ofparenting, they have their own
pressures and stresses, yeah,very different from other years.
And so wanting to talk aboutthat, um, wanting to talk about
raising a neurodivergent, childthat's a whole different kind it
(17:01):
is yeah, you know these parentswho are raising children with
special needs, um who areraising children that may always
live with them.
You know, this is very, verydifferent viewpoint that these
parents bring in and differentpressures that some of us who
aren't in that boat can fullyunderstand.
Yeah, talking to our aboutsocial justice, racial equality,
(17:31):
hard topics these are somepressures going on in our
society, in our country rightnow.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Which are so important because I find they're
coming up, they're alreadyhaving the conversations, a lot
of them as they get older and weneed to be able to, to know how
to join them in thoseconversations.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
um, yeah, yeah and if parents don't know how, what
happens is they just don't yesright, yeah, so that's not good.
Yeah, right.
So teaching parents how to havethese conversations absolutely
types of situations.
And then there's the pressureof social media and tech on our
kids and how do we, as parents,navigate those waters?
(18:12):
And that can be, you know, thatstarts younger and younger, I
know so there's a lot and thisis just.
These are just the things thatwe're touching on in this
workshop.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
There's a whole lot more, of course there is, but
these are so relevant andpervasive to what, like I, I
also encounter with so manyparents is the things that are
at the forefront of their mindsof yeah, so just creating a
space where we can be together,have coffee and refreshments no
kids around, you know, becausewe will provide child care for
(18:44):
the little ones and have adultconversations, have some laughs,
learn from one another and knowthat we have other people
around us who understand whounderstand, and also, like I
know, you've been talking aboutthe importance of parenting in
community, and I think when wedo something like this,
somewhere like Hope, wherethere's some of the faith
(19:05):
community piece of it, there'san opportunity for us to not
only see our kids as gifts andrewards from god, but also for
us to start to understand how weare gifts from god too like
that like, like, I think beingin community helps us maybe love
ourselves a little bit moreyeah, see ourselves as more
(19:26):
beloved by god and then be alittle bit more see ourselves as
more beloved by God and then bea little bit more gentler on
ourselves.
So then, like you know, we'restriving so hard to want our
kids to feel that way.
But if we, if they don't see usfeeling that way, then yeah.
I've just been thinking aboutthat while you're talking.
That that would be my hope foranybody that comes to is that
they would just experience beingin a place of love and
encouragement Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yeah, cause, yeah it's sometimes feels really hard
to find and you know what ourkids are very little, very, very
what's the word I want to say?
Are seldom going to say thanks,mom, you're just crushing it,
so somebody else needs to tellus.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I know mine when.
When he gets something he wants, You're the best mom, right.
But if I say no, it's like I'mso mad at you.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
So you're not getting that kind of encouragement from
home?
No, right yeah exactly.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Well, this is very exciting.
So it's on February 8th, theParenting Workshop.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
It's a Saturday morning.
Like I said, we do coffeerefreshments and just time
together.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And if somebody wants to sign up for that, how would
they do that?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
They would just go to the today page and we're listed
under events.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Register there, register for childcare there,
yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Invite a friend.
Yeah, all are welcome.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
That's awesome.
Yes, yeah, and then I thinkwe'll probably plan to do like
we did last year, where we triedto get some of your, your guest
speakers, in to do a podcast,or two, yeah, that'd be great so
then if you sign up for twoseminars and you can't sign up
for one, maybe you can stillhear more about it from from
those people yeah, lots of greatinformation, lots of great
(21:01):
people presenting.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
So I'm really excited .
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I'm excited for you and I'm excited to go um, and if
parenting is something thatmeans something to you, I would
also encourage our listeners toscroll back through our feed and
look for kind of early in 2024,we did a bunch of parenting
episodes as well, so you canlook for those, you can look for
new ones.
And, yeah, what would you say?
Your hope for parents are in2025, amanda.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah, I think my hope is, what I'm working on is
slowing down.
I'm working on slowing down metoo.
Yeah, and just let's takethings daily yeah and enjoy what
each day brings.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah, and not live so hurried in our parenting I
would really say like that'sexactly where I find myself too
at the beginning of this year,so I hope that for everybody.
Yeah, so come slow down and cometo Parenting 2025.
And yeah, so until next time.
This is the Meet Hope Podcast.
We're so grateful that you werelistening.
(22:03):
If this meant something to youand you know somebody else who
would enjoy it, please share itwith a friend.
You can also rate us on iTunesand give us a great rating so
more people can find the podcast, and then we will see you next
episode.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Thanks for being a part of the Hope Community as we
continue our conversationsabout faith and hope.
If you don't already, pleasejoin us for worship on Sundays
or on demand.
You can learn more atmeethopeorg or find us on
socials at Meet Hope Church.
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