May 5, 2025 • 29 mins
In this week's episode, we explore the complex realities of being new to motherhood with Gabby Morreale, LPC, and owner of Recovered and Restored Eating Disorder Therapy Center. We dive into conversations about mental load, body image, and finding support through the challenging seasons. Whether you are a new mom, know a new mom, or are a partner or caregiver, this episode is a great listen! And to all the moms out there - you are doing a great job! May you know God is with you every step of the way.
Contact Gabby: gabby@recoveredandrestored
Mentioned in this podcast:
- Gabby's Free Course for New Moms: https://www.recoveredandrestoredtherapy.com/journey-of-motherhood-course
- Podcasts:
- The Motherhood Body Chronicles
- Mom Well
- Holding Space
- The Power of &
- The Mom Hour
- The Birth Hour
- The Fertility Journey
- Instagram:
- @drcolleenreichmann
- @gabriellelpc
- @motherthrivetherapy
- @jennifer_rollin
- Books:
- Rattled: the Postpartum Pregnancy and Mood Workbook
- Beyond the Blues
Thanks for being a part of the HOPE community as we continue conversations about faith and hope! You can learn more at meethope.org or find us on socials @meethopechurch. Join in for worship on Sundays at meethope.online.church! Have a question? Contact us at podcast@meethope.org.
Enjoy what you heard? Be sure to rate us on Apple Podcasts and click the subscribe button so you don't miss new episodes every Monday!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Meet Hope Podcast, where we have
conversations about faith andhope.
Hope is one church made ofpeople living out their faith
through two expressions inperson and online.
We believe a hybrid faithexperience can lead to a growing
influence in our community andour world for the sake of others
.
Welcome to Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Welcome to the Meet Hope Podcast.
I'm Amanda Cavallari.
I'm the director of Tomorrow'sHope Preschool and the marriage
and parenting coordinator hereat Hope, and I am excited today
to be sitting down with GabbyMorreale.
Hi, gabby, hi, thank you forhaving me.
Yes, tell everybody aboutyourself before we jump into
what we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Sure, so I am Gabby.
As Amanda mentioned, I am theowner and clinical director of
Recovered and Restored EatingDisorder Therapy Center.
I am Cassie Joy's mom If you'veseen her wandering the halls,
please send her back to me andAndrew's wife.
Andrew's the worship artsdirector here.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yes, so happy to have you.
Thank you, and this is kind ofa tribute to moms and a
celebration of moms today.
So I'm excited to talk to youabout motherhood.
But we also acknowledge thatthere are people listening who
want to be a mom and aren't momsyet, or who have lost their mom
or strained relationship withtheir moms, and so we know that
this isn't always a happy andeasy topic and conversation.
(01:23):
It's complicated, but we arehaving this conversation.
We see all women and all aregood and beautiful and we are
happy to be talking today tothose who are moms and
celebrating Mother's Day thiscoming Sunday.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yes, yes.
All women in some capacity, Ibelieve, are mothers or have the
heart of the mother or gifts ofmothers.
So just thank you nurturers,nurturers, yes, thank you for
all you do.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All the women out there, all the women out there,
yes, and so there is a scripturethat I love that says that
children are a gift from theLord and they are a reward from
him.
That is from Psalm 127.
I love that verse, but in asurvey from Scary Mommy among
(02:11):
mothers of young children, thetop most wanted gift by moms for
Mother's Day was alone time.
I do believe that.
I do believe that.
So children are a gift, but fora gift we want time alone.
Why, why.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Gabby, tell me why why, gabby, tell me I think it's
a great question, but I alsothink like it makes sense.
So we were people first, right.
We were women first.
We were children first, right.
So we had an identity before wewere mothers and of course,
motherhood adds to that identityin such a beautiful,
(02:44):
all-consuming at times way.
But we're human and it's okayto want time for yourself, it's
okay to want time with yourchild.
Whatever you're feeling, it'sokay.
And being a mom is the greatestgift.
But also being a woman, being awife, a sister, a friend, an
artist, an athlete, whateverroles and identity you find in
(03:05):
yourself, that makes you feelgood.
That's okay too.
And God created mothers andmotherhood, but he also created
you too.
Just as an individual first, andthat's totally okay.
It's totally okay.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
And normal, right, like so, normal.
Yes, I remember, as a new mom,feeling guilty that I was like I
could just use a couple hoursto myself, right and feeling bad
, and it's like no, no, it'sokay, it's totally okay.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Take a nap, go get a coffee right.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Whatever fills you right, Whatever you need yes.
Yeah, yeah.
So I feel like, yes, there'slike you said, there's room for
God to work in us for, howeverwe were made, but like moms
carry so much mental load yeah,so much, right, which is part of
why we crave that alone timeright, yes, totally yes so like
(03:54):
what is this mental load thatmoms are carrying?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
So if you're a mom, you already know.
But for anyone else listeningFor, maybe the dads.
You're like what do you mean?
You can't stop thinking.
I remember saying to Andrew onetime like yeah, that's on my
mental list.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And he was like huh, I was like oh yeah, you don't
have one of those running listsin your head.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
I got it.
So anyway, but he does do manygreat things.
So the mental load is justdefined as the invisible load
that encompasses the emotionaland mental labor, planning and
organization needed to maintaina household, family and personal
life, and it is often, oralmost always, uncompensated.
So, yes, and it's not exclusiveto moms, but statistics would
(04:35):
tell us that womendisproportionately carry this
load very often, or at leastreport to carry this load very
often.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, Whether you're working at home whether you stay
at home, whether you workremotely have a full-time job.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yes, yeah, we're all kind of carrying these unseen
things, right.
Yeah, we carry our own livesand our own jobs and our own
agendas.
And then it's like, oh, I gotto make dentist appointments for
the kids and I got to run hereand pick up that and it's all
these things, and it's no wonderwhy we're exhausted.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, no wonder why we need that a lot of times.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yes, yes, totally, and I feel like expectations are
another big challenge Totally,so talk to me about navigating
expectations.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, it's like I think we have this idea that
having a baby and havingchildren is just all blissful
and although it is so fun a lotof the time and magical, it's
also incredibly hard.
And if motherhood is not whatyou've envisioned or you're in a
season of your motherhood thatjust isn't going how you
envisioned, please know that'sso normal.
(05:39):
I dabble I would love to sayI'm an expert, but I dabble in
maternal mental health and havethe privilege of seeing clients
who are also mothers, and thisis something we talk about all
the time.
And if you're worried aboutbeing a good mom, you're a great
one, so you're already doingbetter than you probably expect.
We are often our own worstcritics.
We also think that theseexpectations right, that we have
(06:02):
to do blank, blank and blank tobe a good parent they're often
untrue.
If you show up and you lovethem, you're knocking out of the
park.
Yes, oh gosh, yes, it's a bigchange.
Right, it's a big change.
It's a big change.
And one thing people don't eventalk about a lot I haven't
experienced this yet, butsomeone mentioned it to me on
(06:22):
Friday was going from one to two, and that's a really big change
.
So whether you have one, two,five.
It's all changing and evolvingand the expectations they just
get higher and higher.
But you don't always have tomeet them.
We don't always have to meetthose expectations.
Let's figure out, what do Ineed in this moment, what does
(06:45):
my child need in this moment,and just do our best.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And offer ourselves a lot of grace.
Oh my gosh, so much.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
So much, just like we offer it to them, right, right,
we want to give our childrengrace and we want them to see us
being kind to ourselves.
Because how can we tell them bekind, be kind.
That's the message we want tosend.
But if you're berating yourselfand being unkind to yourself
for the things you think you'renot doing right, what message
does that send them?
(07:13):
So just proceed with kindnessand grace.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yes, yes and gosh.
I feel like something also sospecific to women and moms is
just the range of emotions.
Oh my gosh, yeah, I mean wefeel on a typical month, but
through pregnancy, postpartum,those early years, I mean all
the way through my kids areolder and I'm like mid forties,
perimenopause, like there'salways these emotions, right,
(07:36):
talk to me about that.
Yeah, talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I think sometimes in our society we like run from
emotion, right, like we're likewhat do I just need to do to get
by?
Which is kind of understandablebecause being a human is hard.
But we were made to feel thoseemotions, we were given those
emotions.
Emotions aren't bad or good.
They're feelings and they helpus grow and they are part of who
we are.
But I feel like in motherhoodthere's a lot of holding both.
(08:02):
So, like during pregnancy, Iknow I can say I feel so excited
and thankful and I also do feelscared, right, and that's okay
and I can hold both and I canexperience both, just like I can
have multiple roles, I can havemultiple feelings.
So the power of and goes reallyfar, I think, in motherhood in
life and when it comes tofeelings.
(08:23):
But so you might be really happyand also holding grief.
You might be feeling joy andpain, right.
There is a plethora of emotionswe can feel, which is really
cool, but we don't just have tohave one, and sometimes our
feelings do get overwhelming.
Yes, they do, and it's okay.
Right, that's okay, that's okay.
Yes, I do and it's okay.
(08:44):
That's okay, that's okay.
Sometimes emotions can lead usto struggle with, you know,
things that are a little beyondjust a bad day, right.
Or just even a hard season.
Sometimes.
You know some things.
Commonly during pregnancy andpostpartum is the baby blues is
the first one that came to mymind.
It's like the first six weeksyou might feel a little more
(09:05):
down.
Also, in fairness, yourhormones are basically crashing
right now and it is, you know,it's okay, it's the natural part
of postpartum.
So if you're feeling down inthe beginning, that's okay.
But also know that it's okay towant to talk to someone.
It's okay to talk about it andif you need help, reach out 100%
.
But if it goes past six weeks,a lot of times there's perinatal
(09:28):
and postpartum anxiety.
As well as perinatal anxiety,perinatal depression, ocd,
post-traumatic stress disorder,eating disorders can develop and
body dysmorphia are just someof the typical perinatal and
postpartum diagnosis we see aswell, as there is a rare one
which is postpartum psychosis,but again, very, very rare but
(09:48):
it does happen.
But really, no matter what'sgoing on, if you're struggling,
get help.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It's okay, yes, yeah, and the other thing that we, as
women, and really any womanstruggling with is our body
image right.
And so we get to to know ourbodies and then we have kids and
now they're different.
And I remember when I had myson, um, I remember after he was
born, and at one point I waslike, okay, I'm feeling, you
(10:15):
know, back down to my, mypre-baby size and I got in the
scale, which is never a goodidea after you have a them and
it's had the same number asbefore.
I was pregnant, yeah, so I wasso excited, okay, but then I
went to put on my jeans and theydid not fit and that is okay.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I don't understand what's happening, because my
body was totally different,totally different, right?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yes, so like what's going on?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I mean, bodies change , right, like seven, eight
pounds, thank goodness, becausewe're not babies anymore.
Bodies change.
It's just a part of life andthat is okay and all bodies are
good, but bodies are going tochange.
You grew a human inside of you,right?
(11:04):
We grew humans, that's that'samazing.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
There is this like feel this you call it.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Talk to us about bounce back culture right, yes,
yes, yes, yes, we can thesemommies having babies, isn't
that the word?
Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yeah, so it's definitely like you see, like
Brittany Mahomes on TV.
You know, two weeks at theSuper Bowl, postpartum, like I
mean.
More power to you girl, yes, goahead.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
But talk to me about that.
Yeah, I mean, it definitelysends, you know, some unhealthy
messaging right, but I thinksome people's bodies are able to
do that, sure, and that istotally fine, but I think most
women's bodies that's just notwhat happens.
Also, like the whole six weeksand your body's healed.
That is just not true.
That was not my experience.
That is just not true.
And our bodies don't even justchange in appearance.
(11:49):
They often change, you know, inhow they're, and not just how
they're shaped, but also like onthe inside.
We might feel different,different parts of our body may
just feel different, and it'sgoing to take healing.
But so bounce back.
Culture is basically dietculture, nonsense.
It is the ultimate gaslighter.
Okay Again you just grew ahuman being in your body, be
(12:12):
gentle with yourself.
In your body, be gentle withyourself.
It often comes from societalexpectations that individuals,
particularly women, shouldquickly return to their
pre-birth or pre-event physicalexperience.
But that's just not true.
It's not realistic.
Yeah, it's unfair.
Your body did change, butchange isn't bad.
Different isn't bad, right, andI think learning to embrace
(12:34):
your body where it's at andmaybe where you hope it'll go
both places we can hold spacefor that.
Can you talk about?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
how we can do that.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Yeah, please, yes, I can.
So it's really hard, right.
So, like again, motherhood ishard, postpartum is hard, it's
just wonderful, amazing, hardright.
We can hold all the feelings.
But so with our bodies, I thinkfirst we can think about what
it just did, right, like I keepcoming back to you just grew a
(13:02):
human.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Like wow.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Wow, like just pause for a minute.
You did that, I think, for the10 months that our body is
pregnant, it's equivalent torunning a marathon every day or
something equivalent likesomething wild, like that.
I remember reading that andbeing like, oh, I don't have to
do anything today, I just ran amarathon.
I didn't know I was amarathoner, but really it's just
(13:27):
amazing.
So holding space for that aweof what you just did, also space
for that awe of what you justdid Also allowing yourself to
fall in love with your baby,because your baby loves you just
as you are, just as you are.
Try to embrace the soft.
Yes, your body is going to bedifferent.
That doesn't mean it can't goback, but also it doesn't have
(13:49):
to.
Your body will always bedifferent and that's okay, I
think also, just again,proceeding with grace, right,
leading with grace.
If you can just be neutraltowards your body, you don't
have to love it, right, likewe're all going to have we all
have parts of our bodies.
we just don't love it's okay,but that doesn't mean you have
to be mean to it, doesn't meanyou have to berate it, doesn't
(14:14):
mean you have to do anything tochange it.
Maybe we just sit with thatdiscomfort and maybe we just
have a bad body image day.
It's okay, right.
My mom used to say and when Iwas a kid I hated this, but now,
being a mom, I love this sayingoh, you're mad, okay, you'll
get glad again.
She wasn't wrong, I did getglad again.
And when it comes to body image, we're gonna have bad days.
Not every day will be bad, butif you find that days are
(14:35):
building and building andbuilding and they're bad whether
it's body image wise or mentalhealth wise or anything reach
out for support.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So there's going to be bad days?
Yeah, there's going to be baddays.
There might be a lot.
It's okay, not all moments ofmotherhood are those roses and
sunshine, right.
And unfortunately, when we goon social media, that's
typically what we see right, wesee everybody's best moments,
and then what it does, at leastto me, is I go, oh, oh, I didn't
do that with my kid, or I don'tlook like that, or I didn't
(15:04):
take that trip, or you know,it's the comparison trap.
It's the worst.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
The comparison trap right.
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yes yes, it's hard and sometimes even just that
idea oh, you have this beautifulbaby and you should always be
happy and only be thankful, andnobody talks about how hard that
is going from, I mean, just awoman without a child to a woman
with a child.
There's a huge change, hugeidentity change there, and some
(15:32):
birth stories are very, verytraumatic Again it's not talked
about.
It's not talked about soeverybody thinks, oh, they have
this baby and everything's greatand let's move on.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So that trauma is real, those expectations that
you're feeling, that pressure,it's all real.
Allow yourself to feel it, it'sokay.
So I thought I didn't reallyknow, right, you have no idea
Before you give birth, you justdon't know, right?
So I got induced and was inlabor for 40 hours and I did
(16:02):
have a scare post giving birthto Cassie where she had to go to
the NICU, and then I actuallyblacked out for a while, don't?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
really remember.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
But it's okay and I can say it's okay now because I
processed it right.
I went to therapy, I did thework, but just because we both
came home and we're fine, whichis a true blessing of God, does
not mean that I was okay becauseI wasn't.
And I had to do that work and Ihad to talk about it.
And now I can talk about it.
I can almost joke about it, butthat took time.
(16:30):
And if you had an experiencewhere I think the expectation is
well, you both went home,everybody's okay, but you didn't
even have your expectationwhether it was your birth plan,
because some people go in andthey have this beautiful list
that they thought up, they madea playlist, they did all these
things.
I love that for you.
I'm not that person.
My plan is to stay alive.
That's about it.
(16:55):
But it didn't go that way.
It didn't go as planned.
Maybe you didn't get to listento your playlist or maybe there
were more serious complications,but you both went home.
That's great, you both wenthome.
It's okay to need to processthat.
It's okay to need to heal fromthat.
Or maybe there were nocomplications, but it just
wasn't what you expected.
That's okay too.
It's okay if that hurts, right,like I think we see on TV, like
in the shows, like, oh, youjust go in, you yell a little
(17:18):
bit, you scream for your partnerand then and it's all bliss and
it is beautiful Again, sowonderful, and there's a lot of
heart.
in between there's a lot ofheart in between and that's okay
, and I think again learning totalk about it.
I think, as women, I think it'sgetting better, yes, but I think
, like, talk about your story,share your story, because you
(17:41):
never know who can relate to you.
You never know who you may helpby just being brave enough to
open up and be authentic.
And social media can we justturn it off?
Right, right, like.
That's something I know Istruggle with, because part of
me does some of my businessonline, where I like to put
positive messaging out there formy clients or for people to see
that may help them come to findus.
(18:02):
So I'm always like, well, Ihave to do it for my business?
Okay, I do, but does my mentalhealth matter more?
Yes, hold me to that, but yes,so it's okay to hit pause, it's
okay to turn it off.
Sometimes with clients, whatI'll say is what if you set a
timer, if you're like me and youdo enjoy the scroll?
What if we set a 10-minutetimer, right, and we do it for
(18:24):
10 minutes?
Or we put it down when we startto not feel good?
If you're starting to feel thaticky comparison hit pause
Enough Doesn't mean you can't goback.
Let's take a break.
Let's go do something thatmakes you feel like you.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
That's what I'd recommend.
Yeah, so what kinds ofresources and encouragement do
you have for moms andeverybody's journey looks
different in motherhood but giveus some things that we can take
away.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
So I think first maybe doing some affirmations to
just build yourself up, if youare constantly berating yourself
in your brain and moms, I knowwhat that sounds like.
Right, we all know what thatsounds like when you're just oh,
I forgot this, I didn't do that, why can't I ever get it right?
You know all the things.
Am I failing?
Will she go to college?
(19:09):
You know all the things ourbrains can tell us.
A mental load, A mental loadright, or sometimes the anxiety
spiral, because sometimes onceit starts, it just keeps going.
But if we can feed ourselvespositive affirmation and
positive words, that's what ourbrains will give back to us,
because our brains are reallycool and if we're able to kind
(19:29):
of take time each day, itdoesn't have to be, it could be
30 seconds in the mirror.
I am brave, I am strong, I'mresilient, right.
Whatever it is that you want tosay to your body, whatever it
is you want to say back toyourself as a mother, whatever
it is you want your motherhoodto look like, speak that to
yourself, speak that to yourmind, even if you don't believe
it, even if you don't believe it.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I struggle with this.
And one thing that I'm workingon is, if I wouldn't say this to
a friend, then I can't say itto myself.
Love that Right, and I catchmyself.
I know this is not how I talkto a friend.
Well, why do I think it's okayto talk to myself this way?
I know so it's challenging, butyou can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Right, yes, yes, and mom's listening, you can do it
too.
Yes, and you're not going toget it right every time.
No, I don't get it right everytime.
Sometimes I'm like I don't wantto say that I am not capable.
Puff my arms and puff, huff andpuff and have it.
I am not.
Yes, I am, but in that momentdo I want to do it?
No, it's fine, try again thenext day.
(20:31):
It's okay, a bad day.
It has to be hard forever.
But so some just speaking lifeto yourself Again, that grace,
that compassion Again.
The more you do that foryourself, the more it will come
naturally to teach that to ourchildren.
Yes, which is what we want themto develop that positive
self-talk, to quiet that innercritic.
That's what we want for them.
(20:52):
We deserve that too.
So I think just some otherthings Tap into people that make
you feel good, okay, yes, so Ithink just some other things Tap
into people that make you feelgood.
Yes, I can't say enough Support,support and yes, of course, I
am pro-therapy as a therapist.
Find a great therapist if thatfeels like what you need, and
there are plenty out there.
Also, find other moms who justalign with what you're hoping to
(21:17):
share in motherhood or withkids around the same age or just
who make you feel good.
Also, find older moms becausethey have been through it.
They've survived.
Yes, they are coming out theother side.
Find older moms who can pourinto you and you can share the
joy of your little ones with,because that will just make you
feel so much better and alsogive you hope.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
They give you hope, because sometimes you're in a
stage of sleepless nights orpotty training or who knows what
, and it feels like it's nevergoing to end, and so you do need
those parents just a little bitahead of you to say you'll get
there.
You'll get there, yes, andthere's something on the other
side too.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Yes, yes yes, we know the little problems often
become big problems, but even inthat, that camaraderie and just
that, that friendship canreally be so valuable.
I think too, also just likegetting back in touch with
yourself, as we talked about inthe beginning that alone time.
You're allowed to be a personand a mother, so re-embrace and
(22:19):
relearn who you are, as yourselfand as a mother, and see where
you can bring it together,because that will only help your
mothering journey.
I think, accepting thatperfection is an illusion, oh
yes, yeah, I think, if we dothat, we'll get really because
it is right, it is such anillusion.
(22:40):
Are there going to be greattimes?
Yeah, are there times where youare going to be like, wow, okay
, this is a great day?
Absolutely, and I hope all ofthose days for all the moms and
all the ladies come that they'replentiful.
I really do and there areseasons where they might be Sure
, but there are also going to beseasons where you're just not
checking the boxes, and it'sokay, it's okay.
(23:02):
Perfection is just an illusion.
Whether it's the perfect body,the perfect mom, the perfect
wife, we don't exist.
The only person who's perfectis God.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yes.
So we need to stop chasing theidea of perfection.
Remember that your baby andyour child all they want is you,
right.
Your love is more than enough,which is so cool and definitely
something I really lean into.
On the hard days Right, likewhen we've had seven tantrums
and we peed on the floor, youknow, I remember that's all she
(23:31):
needs and I'm thankful for this.
It's my love, yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
And that's what matters.
So you're already enough byjust showing up and being who
you are.
So, Gabby, if there is a spouseor partner listening here, how
can they help that special mom,how can they help their wife or
their new new parent thatthey're supporting in in all of
this motherhood journey?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
So the first thing that comes to mind is just ask.
But I actually don't want youto do that.
What I would like you to do, asthe partner or husband or
helper in some way, is observeand anticipate.
So I definitely rememberpostpartum people being like
what do you need?
I didn't know.
I didn't know because I wassleep deprived and overwhelmed
(24:18):
and just doing the new mom thing, but when people would say I'm
bringing you dinner, thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Did I maybe need dinner that night, maybe not,
but you know what?
That went a long way, becausethen we had dinner for the rest
of the week?
Yes, or can I send you $5 for acoffee?
Oh my God, you sure can,because, would, I think, thought
to ask for that?
No, I'd be like I'm fine.
Thanks so much, or you need togo take a nap let me take the
baby right like just observe andbe mindful.
(24:45):
Also, if you have the luxury ofyou know knowing your partner,
well, talk to them again.
Don't ask, and I know thatprobably feels annoying.
Don't ask, but just listen towhat they're saying.
If they're telling you oh, Ihate going to the grocery store,
go to the darn grocery store.
If you buy the wrong groceries.
It's okay, I promise you, wewill be so appreciative of the
(25:07):
effort.
We might tell you to takethings back, but we will be so
appreciative of the effort.
So, listen, listen and just tryto observe.
Also again, please know it isokay to ask, but if you find
that you're asking and you'reasking again and the person
keeps telling you they're fineor they don't know, grab a box
of diapers and some wipes.
They never go bad.
You can always do something orask someone close to them.
(25:31):
But for immediate partners, Ithink, listen, observe, be
mindful.
Also, just try to pick up whereyou can and don't be afraid to
mess up.
Yes, because you're not goingto get it right, and we know
you're not going to get it right, and it's okay.
We love you anyway and I thinkthe effort goes a really long
way, especially on thosesleep-deprived nights.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah, it's challenging.
Yeah, it's very challenging forboth partners.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
For sure and, as a partner, take care of yourself
too, because that matters,because I think sometimes,
especially husbands and partnerswho just love us so deeply,
they will do anything for us,even when they don't know what
to do.
They'll do anything, but ifyou're not taking care of you
too, that's going to fall moreon mom.
So make sure you're taking careof you as well, because that's
important.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
There are some podcasts, so a couple of the
ones that I love.
First, the Motherhood BodyChronicles is actually a podcast
by my good friend, dr ColleenReichman, and she talks about
motherhood and how motherhoodexists in our bodies and what
it's like to exist in our bodiesas moms and people share their
birth stories, their fertilityjourneys, also their challenges
(26:39):
as mothers.
It's really beautiful andauthentic and raw.
I remember she had me on forone episode and I was like can I
say that?
And she said you can sayanything here.
So if you want like a rawexperience of motherhood, I
highly recommend that one.
Also, mom.
Well, it's just really again,motherhood stories and just some
tips from another psychologistHolding space.
(27:01):
Right, we talked about we'regoing to hold lots of space.
We're going to have lots offeelings, lots of ands, the
power of and right yeah by DrCassidy.
She's great.
I definitely like that one.
We'll put all these in the shownotes too Okay cool the mom
(27:23):
hour, the birth hour.
If you are in the, if you aregoing to be having a child or
having another child, just somegood birth stories.
I will encourage you, as notonly a mom, but as a mental
health professional listen tothe good ones, don't listen to
the scary ones.
You can, but it will increaseyour anxiety about birth.
So just listen to the good onesand they tell you so you can
read, you'll know.
And then, if you're in themidst of a fertility journey,
the Fertility Warriors and thensome Instagram accounts are Dr
(27:47):
Colleen Reichman, mothers ThriveTherapy, jennifer Rollins and
some great books Rattled, thePregnancy and Postpartum Mood
Workbook and Beyond the Blues.
So these are just some Awesomeand we'll put all these in the
show notes for everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So if there's somebody listening who wants to
get in touch with you, how dothey do?
Speaker 3 (28:05):
that Okay.
Well, they could go torecoveredandrestoredtherapycom.
They could go to my Instagram,which is at Gabrielle LPC.
They also could email me atGabby at recovered and restored
therapycom, or they could botherAndrew.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Okay, down the hall.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
He'll get you, he'll get me the message, but I would
love to chat, even as a friend.
If you're a mom out there andyou need a mom friend, I need
mom friends.
So I am so happy to chat anytime.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
We don't have to do it alone, absolutely, and that's
the biggest piece right, thatthere is so much power in just
that.
Me too, you know this is hard,hey, me too, because sometimes
we feel like we're the only oneand we're doing it all wrong and
hearing somebody else say I'mstruggling with that too, you go
okay, it's okay, and all thepressure gets released.
(28:54):
So thanks for being here today.
I always love chatting with youand so encouraging, and we are
so grateful for all the womenout there caring for children,
moms and teachers and all ofthose nurturing our little ones.
They are wonderful and weappreciate them.
It takes a village to raise achild.
It really really does.
It really really does.
And so thanks for listeningtoday.
(29:15):
Feel free to like and share anddownload our podcast and we
hope to have you listen againsoon.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Thanks for being a part of the Hope Community as we
continue our conversationsabout faith and hope.
If you don't already, pleasejoin us for worship on Sundays
or on demand.
You can learn more atmeethopeorg or find us on
socials at meethopechurch.
Welcome to the Meet Hope Podcast, where we have
conversations about faith andhope.
Hope is one church made ofpeople living out their faith
through two expressions inperson and online.
We believe a hybrid faithexperience can lead to a growing
influence in our community andour world for the sake of others
.
Welcome to Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Welcome to the Meet Hope Podcast.
I'm Amanda Cavallari.
I'm the director of Tomorrow'sHope Preschool and the marriage
and parenting coordinator hereat Hope, and I am excited today
to be sitting down with GabbyMorreale.
Hi, gabby, hi, thank you forhaving me.
Yes, tell everybody aboutyourself before we jump into
what we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Sure, so I am Gabby.
As Amanda mentioned, I am theowner and clinical director of
Recovered and Restored EatingDisorder Therapy Center.
I am Cassie Joy's mom If you'veseen her wandering the halls,
please send her back to me andAndrew's wife.
Andrew's the worship artsdirector here.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yes, so happy to have you.
Thank you, and this is kind ofa tribute to moms and a
celebration of moms today.
So I'm excited to talk to youabout motherhood.
But we also acknowledge thatthere are people listening who
want to be a mom and aren't momsyet, or who have lost their mom
or strained relationship withtheir moms, and so we know that
this isn't always a happy andeasy topic and conversation.
(01:23):
It's complicated, but we arehaving this conversation.
We see all women and all aregood and beautiful and we are
happy to be talking today tothose who are moms and
celebrating Mother's Day thiscoming Sunday.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yes, yes.
All women in some capacity, Ibelieve, are mothers or have the
heart of the mother or gifts ofmothers.
So just thank you nurturers,nurturers, yes, thank you for
all you do.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All the women out there, all the women out there,
yes, and so there is a scripturethat I love that says that
children are a gift from theLord and they are a reward from
him.
That is from Psalm 127.
I love that verse, but in asurvey from Scary Mommy among
(02:11):
mothers of young children, thetop most wanted gift by moms for
Mother's Day was alone time.
I do believe that.
I do believe that.
So children are a gift, but fora gift we want time alone.
Why, why.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Gabby, tell me why why, gabby, tell me I think it's
a great question, but I alsothink like it makes sense.
So we were people first, right.
We were women first.
We were children first, right.
So we had an identity before wewere mothers and of course,
motherhood adds to that identityin such a beautiful,
(02:44):
all-consuming at times way.
But we're human and it's okayto want time for yourself, it's
okay to want time with yourchild.
Whatever you're feeling, it'sokay.
And being a mom is the greatestgift.
But also being a woman, being awife, a sister, a friend, an
artist, an athlete, whateverroles and identity you find in
(03:05):
yourself, that makes you feelgood.
That's okay too.
And God created mothers andmotherhood, but he also created
you too.
Just as an individual first, andthat's totally okay.
It's totally okay.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
And normal, right, like so, normal.
Yes, I remember, as a new mom,feeling guilty that I was like I
could just use a couple hoursto myself, right and feeling bad
, and it's like no, no, it'sokay, it's totally okay.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Take a nap, go get a coffee right.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Whatever fills you right, Whatever you need yes.
Yeah, yeah.
So I feel like, yes, there'slike you said, there's room for
God to work in us for, howeverwe were made, but like moms
carry so much mental load yeah,so much, right, which is part of
why we crave that alone timeright, yes, totally yes so like
(03:54):
what is this mental load thatmoms are carrying?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
So if you're a mom, you already know.
But for anyone else listeningFor, maybe the dads.
You're like what do you mean?
You can't stop thinking.
I remember saying to Andrew onetime like yeah, that's on my
mental list.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And he was like huh, I was like oh yeah, you don't
have one of those running listsin your head.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
I got it.
So anyway, but he does do manygreat things.
So the mental load is justdefined as the invisible load
that encompasses the emotionaland mental labor, planning and
organization needed to maintaina household, family and personal
life, and it is often, oralmost always, uncompensated.
So, yes, and it's not exclusiveto moms, but statistics would
(04:35):
tell us that womendisproportionately carry this
load very often, or at leastreport to carry this load very
often.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, Whether you're working at home whether you stay
at home, whether you workremotely have a full-time job.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yes, yeah, we're all kind of carrying these unseen
things, right.
Yeah, we carry our own livesand our own jobs and our own
agendas.
And then it's like, oh, I gotto make dentist appointments for
the kids and I got to run hereand pick up that and it's all
these things, and it's no wonderwhy we're exhausted.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, no wonder why we need that a lot of times.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yes, yes, totally, and I feel like expectations are
another big challenge Totally,so talk to me about navigating
expectations.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, it's like I think we have this idea that
having a baby and havingchildren is just all blissful
and although it is so fun a lotof the time and magical, it's
also incredibly hard.
And if motherhood is not whatyou've envisioned or you're in a
season of your motherhood thatjust isn't going how you
envisioned, please know that'sso normal.
(05:39):
I dabble I would love to sayI'm an expert, but I dabble in
maternal mental health and havethe privilege of seeing clients
who are also mothers, and thisis something we talk about all
the time.
And if you're worried aboutbeing a good mom, you're a great
one, so you're already doingbetter than you probably expect.
We are often our own worstcritics.
We also think that theseexpectations right, that we have
(06:02):
to do blank, blank and blank tobe a good parent they're often
untrue.
If you show up and you lovethem, you're knocking out of the
park.
Yes, oh gosh, yes, it's a bigchange.
Right, it's a big change.
It's a big change.
And one thing people don't eventalk about a lot I haven't
experienced this yet, butsomeone mentioned it to me on
(06:22):
Friday was going from one to two, and that's a really big change
.
So whether you have one, two,five.
It's all changing and evolvingand the expectations they just
get higher and higher.
But you don't always have tomeet them.
We don't always have to meetthose expectations.
Let's figure out, what do Ineed in this moment, what does
(06:45):
my child need in this moment,and just do our best.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And offer ourselves a lot of grace.
Oh my gosh, so much.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
So much, just like we offer it to them, right, right,
we want to give our childrengrace and we want them to see us
being kind to ourselves.
Because how can we tell them bekind, be kind.
That's the message we want tosend.
But if you're berating yourselfand being unkind to yourself
for the things you think you'renot doing right, what message
does that send them?
(07:13):
So just proceed with kindnessand grace.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yes, yes and gosh.
I feel like something also sospecific to women and moms is
just the range of emotions.
Oh my gosh, yeah, I mean wefeel on a typical month, but
through pregnancy, postpartum,those early years, I mean all
the way through my kids areolder and I'm like mid forties,
perimenopause, like there'salways these emotions, right,
(07:36):
talk to me about that.
Yeah, talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I think sometimes in our society we like run from
emotion, right, like we're likewhat do I just need to do to get
by?
Which is kind of understandablebecause being a human is hard.
But we were made to feel thoseemotions, we were given those
emotions.
Emotions aren't bad or good.
They're feelings and they helpus grow and they are part of who
we are.
But I feel like in motherhoodthere's a lot of holding both.
(08:02):
So, like during pregnancy, Iknow I can say I feel so excited
and thankful and I also do feelscared, right, and that's okay
and I can hold both and I canexperience both, just like I can
have multiple roles, I can havemultiple feelings.
So the power of and goes reallyfar, I think, in motherhood in
life and when it comes tofeelings.
(08:23):
But so you might be really happyand also holding grief.
You might be feeling joy andpain, right.
There is a plethora of emotionswe can feel, which is really
cool, but we don't just have tohave one, and sometimes our
feelings do get overwhelming.
Yes, they do, and it's okay.
Right, that's okay, that's okay.
Yes, I do and it's okay.
(08:44):
That's okay, that's okay.
Sometimes emotions can lead usto struggle with, you know,
things that are a little beyondjust a bad day, right.
Or just even a hard season.
Sometimes.
You know some things.
Commonly during pregnancy andpostpartum is the baby blues is
the first one that came to mymind.
It's like the first six weeksyou might feel a little more
(09:05):
down.
Also, in fairness, yourhormones are basically crashing
right now and it is, you know,it's okay, it's the natural part
of postpartum.
So if you're feeling down inthe beginning, that's okay.
But also know that it's okay towant to talk to someone.
It's okay to talk about it andif you need help, reach out 100%
.
But if it goes past six weeks,a lot of times there's perinatal
(09:28):
and postpartum anxiety.
As well as perinatal anxiety,perinatal depression, ocd,
post-traumatic stress disorder,eating disorders can develop and
body dysmorphia are just someof the typical perinatal and
postpartum diagnosis we see aswell, as there is a rare one
which is postpartum psychosis,but again, very, very rare but
(09:48):
it does happen.
But really, no matter what'sgoing on, if you're struggling,
get help.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It's okay, yes, yeah, and the other thing that we, as
women, and really any womanstruggling with is our body
image right.
And so we get to to know ourbodies and then we have kids and
now they're different.
And I remember when I had myson, um, I remember after he was
born, and at one point I waslike, okay, I'm feeling, you
(10:15):
know, back down to my, mypre-baby size and I got in the
scale, which is never a goodidea after you have a them and
it's had the same number asbefore.
I was pregnant, yeah, so I wasso excited, okay, but then I
went to put on my jeans and theydid not fit and that is okay.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I don't understand what's happening, because my
body was totally different,totally different, right?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yes, so like what's going on?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I mean, bodies change , right, like seven, eight
pounds, thank goodness, becausewe're not babies anymore.
Bodies change.
It's just a part of life andthat is okay and all bodies are
good, but bodies are going tochange.
You grew a human inside of you,right?
(11:04):
We grew humans, that's that'samazing.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
There is this like feel this you call it.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Talk to us about bounce back culture right, yes,
yes, yes, yes, we can thesemommies having babies, isn't
that the word?
Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yeah, so it's definitely like you see, like
Brittany Mahomes on TV.
You know, two weeks at theSuper Bowl, postpartum, like I
mean.
More power to you girl, yes, goahead.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
But talk to me about that.
Yeah, I mean, it definitelysends, you know, some unhealthy
messaging right, but I thinksome people's bodies are able to
do that, sure, and that istotally fine, but I think most
women's bodies that's just notwhat happens.
Also, like the whole six weeksand your body's healed.
That is just not true.
That was not my experience.
That is just not true.
And our bodies don't even justchange in appearance.
(11:49):
They often change, you know, inhow they're, and not just how
they're shaped, but also like onthe inside.
We might feel different,different parts of our body may
just feel different, and it'sgoing to take healing.
But so bounce back.
Culture is basically dietculture, nonsense.
It is the ultimate gaslighter.
Okay Again you just grew ahuman being in your body, be
(12:12):
gentle with yourself.
In your body, be gentle withyourself.
It often comes from societalexpectations that individuals,
particularly women, shouldquickly return to their
pre-birth or pre-event physicalexperience.
But that's just not true.
It's not realistic.
Yeah, it's unfair.
Your body did change, butchange isn't bad.
Different isn't bad, right, andI think learning to embrace
(12:34):
your body where it's at andmaybe where you hope it'll go
both places we can hold spacefor that.
Can you talk about?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
how we can do that.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Yeah, please, yes, I can.
So it's really hard, right.
So, like again, motherhood ishard, postpartum is hard, it's
just wonderful, amazing, hardright.
We can hold all the feelings.
But so with our bodies, I thinkfirst we can think about what
it just did, right, like I keepcoming back to you just grew a
(13:02):
human.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Like wow.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Wow, like just pause for a minute.
You did that, I think, for the10 months that our body is
pregnant, it's equivalent torunning a marathon every day or
something equivalent likesomething wild, like that.
I remember reading that andbeing like, oh, I don't have to
do anything today, I just ran amarathon.
I didn't know I was amarathoner, but really it's just
(13:27):
amazing.
So holding space for that aweof what you just did, also space
for that awe of what you justdid Also allowing yourself to
fall in love with your baby,because your baby loves you just
as you are, just as you are.
Try to embrace the soft.
Yes, your body is going to bedifferent.
That doesn't mean it can't goback, but also it doesn't have
(13:49):
to.
Your body will always bedifferent and that's okay, I
think also, just again,proceeding with grace, right,
leading with grace.
If you can just be neutraltowards your body, you don't
have to love it, right, likewe're all going to have we all
have parts of our bodies.
we just don't love it's okay,but that doesn't mean you have
to be mean to it, doesn't meanyou have to berate it, doesn't
(14:14):
mean you have to do anything tochange it.
Maybe we just sit with thatdiscomfort and maybe we just
have a bad body image day.
It's okay, right.
My mom used to say and when Iwas a kid I hated this, but now,
being a mom, I love this sayingoh, you're mad, okay, you'll
get glad again.
She wasn't wrong, I did getglad again.
And when it comes to body image, we're gonna have bad days.
Not every day will be bad, butif you find that days are
(14:35):
building and building andbuilding and they're bad whether
it's body image wise or mentalhealth wise or anything reach
out for support.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So there's going to be bad days?
Yeah, there's going to be baddays.
There might be a lot.
It's okay, not all moments ofmotherhood are those roses and
sunshine, right.
And unfortunately, when we goon social media, that's
typically what we see right, wesee everybody's best moments,
and then what it does, at leastto me, is I go, oh, oh, I didn't
do that with my kid, or I don'tlook like that, or I didn't
(15:04):
take that trip, or you know,it's the comparison trap.
It's the worst.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
The comparison trap right.
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yes yes, it's hard and sometimes even just that
idea oh, you have this beautifulbaby and you should always be
happy and only be thankful, andnobody talks about how hard that
is going from, I mean, just awoman without a child to a woman
with a child.
There's a huge change, hugeidentity change there, and some
(15:32):
birth stories are very, verytraumatic Again it's not talked
about.
It's not talked about soeverybody thinks, oh, they have
this baby and everything's greatand let's move on.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So that trauma is real, those expectations that
you're feeling, that pressure,it's all real.
Allow yourself to feel it, it'sokay.
So I thought I didn't reallyknow, right, you have no idea
Before you give birth, you justdon't know, right?
So I got induced and was inlabor for 40 hours and I did
(16:02):
have a scare post giving birthto Cassie where she had to go to
the NICU, and then I actuallyblacked out for a while, don't?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
really remember.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
But it's okay and I can say it's okay now because I
processed it right.
I went to therapy, I did thework, but just because we both
came home and we're fine, whichis a true blessing of God, does
not mean that I was okay becauseI wasn't.
And I had to do that work and Ihad to talk about it.
And now I can talk about it.
I can almost joke about it, butthat took time.
(16:30):
And if you had an experiencewhere I think the expectation is
well, you both went home,everybody's okay, but you didn't
even have your expectationwhether it was your birth plan,
because some people go in andthey have this beautiful list
that they thought up, they madea playlist, they did all these
things.
I love that for you.
I'm not that person.
My plan is to stay alive.
That's about it.
(16:55):
But it didn't go that way.
It didn't go as planned.
Maybe you didn't get to listento your playlist or maybe there
were more serious complications,but you both went home.
That's great, you both wenthome.
It's okay to need to processthat.
It's okay to need to heal fromthat.
Or maybe there were nocomplications, but it just
wasn't what you expected.
That's okay too.
It's okay if that hurts, right,like I think we see on TV, like
in the shows, like, oh, youjust go in, you yell a little
(17:18):
bit, you scream for your partnerand then and it's all bliss and
it is beautiful Again, sowonderful, and there's a lot of
heart.
in between there's a lot ofheart in between and that's okay
, and I think again learning totalk about it.
I think, as women, I think it'sgetting better, yes, but I think
, like, talk about your story,share your story, because you
(17:41):
never know who can relate to you.
You never know who you may helpby just being brave enough to
open up and be authentic.
And social media can we justturn it off?
Right, right, like.
That's something I know Istruggle with, because part of
me does some of my businessonline, where I like to put
positive messaging out there formy clients or for people to see
that may help them come to findus.
(18:02):
So I'm always like, well, Ihave to do it for my business?
Okay, I do, but does my mentalhealth matter more?
Yes, hold me to that, but yes,so it's okay to hit pause, it's
okay to turn it off.
Sometimes with clients, whatI'll say is what if you set a
timer, if you're like me and youdo enjoy the scroll?
What if we set a 10-minutetimer, right, and we do it for
(18:24):
10 minutes?
Or we put it down when we startto not feel good?
If you're starting to feel thaticky comparison hit pause
Enough Doesn't mean you can't goback.
Let's take a break.
Let's go do something thatmakes you feel like you.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
That's what I'd recommend.
Yeah, so what kinds ofresources and encouragement do
you have for moms andeverybody's journey looks
different in motherhood but giveus some things that we can take
away.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
So I think first maybe doing some affirmations to
just build yourself up, if youare constantly berating yourself
in your brain and moms, I knowwhat that sounds like.
Right, we all know what thatsounds like when you're just oh,
I forgot this, I didn't do that, why can't I ever get it right?
You know all the things.
Am I failing?
Will she go to college?
(19:09):
You know all the things ourbrains can tell us.
A mental load, A mental loadright, or sometimes the anxiety
spiral, because sometimes onceit starts, it just keeps going.
But if we can feed ourselvespositive affirmation and
positive words, that's what ourbrains will give back to us,
because our brains are reallycool and if we're able to kind
(19:29):
of take time each day, itdoesn't have to be, it could be
30 seconds in the mirror.
I am brave, I am strong, I'mresilient, right.
Whatever it is that you want tosay to your body, whatever it
is you want to say back toyourself as a mother, whatever
it is you want your motherhoodto look like, speak that to
yourself, speak that to yourmind, even if you don't believe
it, even if you don't believe it.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I struggle with this.
And one thing that I'm workingon is, if I wouldn't say this to
a friend, then I can't say itto myself.
Love that Right, and I catchmyself.
I know this is not how I talkto a friend.
Well, why do I think it's okayto talk to myself this way?
I know so it's challenging, butyou can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Right, yes, yes, and mom's listening, you can do it
too.
Yes, and you're not going toget it right every time.
No, I don't get it right everytime.
Sometimes I'm like I don't wantto say that I am not capable.
Puff my arms and puff, huff andpuff and have it.
I am not.
Yes, I am, but in that momentdo I want to do it?
No, it's fine, try again thenext day.
(20:31):
It's okay, a bad day.
It has to be hard forever.
But so some just speaking lifeto yourself Again, that grace,
that compassion Again.
The more you do that foryourself, the more it will come
naturally to teach that to ourchildren.
Yes, which is what we want themto develop that positive
self-talk, to quiet that innercritic.
That's what we want for them.
(20:52):
We deserve that too.
So I think just some otherthings Tap into people that make
you feel good, okay, yes, so Ithink just some other things Tap
into people that make you feelgood.
Yes, I can't say enough Support,support and yes, of course, I
am pro-therapy as a therapist.
Find a great therapist if thatfeels like what you need, and
there are plenty out there.
Also, find other moms who justalign with what you're hoping to
(21:17):
share in motherhood or withkids around the same age or just
who make you feel good.
Also, find older moms becausethey have been through it.
They've survived.
Yes, they are coming out theother side.
Find older moms who can pourinto you and you can share the
joy of your little ones with,because that will just make you
feel so much better and alsogive you hope.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
They give you hope, because sometimes you're in a
stage of sleepless nights orpotty training or who knows what
, and it feels like it's nevergoing to end, and so you do need
those parents just a little bitahead of you to say you'll get
there.
You'll get there, yes, andthere's something on the other
side too.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Yes, yes yes, we know the little problems often
become big problems, but even inthat, that camaraderie and just
that, that friendship canreally be so valuable.
I think too, also just likegetting back in touch with
yourself, as we talked about inthe beginning that alone time.
You're allowed to be a personand a mother, so re-embrace and
(22:19):
relearn who you are, as yourselfand as a mother, and see where
you can bring it together,because that will only help your
mothering journey.
I think, accepting thatperfection is an illusion, oh
yes, yeah, I think, if we dothat, we'll get really because
it is right, it is such anillusion.
(22:40):
Are there going to be greattimes?
Yeah, are there times where youare going to be like, wow, okay
, this is a great day?
Absolutely, and I hope all ofthose days for all the moms and
all the ladies come that they'replentiful.
I really do and there areseasons where they might be Sure
, but there are also going to beseasons where you're just not
checking the boxes, and it'sokay, it's okay.
(23:02):
Perfection is just an illusion.
Whether it's the perfect body,the perfect mom, the perfect
wife, we don't exist.
The only person who's perfectis God.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yes.
So we need to stop chasing theidea of perfection.
Remember that your baby andyour child all they want is you,
right.
Your love is more than enough,which is so cool and definitely
something I really lean into.
On the hard days Right, likewhen we've had seven tantrums
and we peed on the floor, youknow, I remember that's all she
(23:31):
needs and I'm thankful for this.
It's my love, yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
And that's what matters.
So you're already enough byjust showing up and being who
you are.
So, Gabby, if there is a spouseor partner listening here, how
can they help that special mom,how can they help their wife or
their new new parent thatthey're supporting in in all of
this motherhood journey?
Speaker 3 (23:56):
So the first thing that comes to mind is just ask.
But I actually don't want youto do that.
What I would like you to do, asthe partner or husband or
helper in some way, is observeand anticipate.
So I definitely rememberpostpartum people being like
what do you need?
I didn't know.
I didn't know because I wassleep deprived and overwhelmed
(24:18):
and just doing the new mom thing, but when people would say I'm
bringing you dinner, thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Did I maybe need dinner that night, maybe not,
but you know what?
That went a long way, becausethen we had dinner for the rest
of the week?
Yes, or can I send you $5 for acoffee?
Oh my God, you sure can,because, would, I think, thought
to ask for that?
No, I'd be like I'm fine.
Thanks so much, or you need togo take a nap let me take the
baby right like just observe andbe mindful.
(24:45):
Also, if you have the luxury ofyou know knowing your partner,
well, talk to them again.
Don't ask, and I know thatprobably feels annoying.
Don't ask, but just listen towhat they're saying.
If they're telling you oh, Ihate going to the grocery store,
go to the darn grocery store.
If you buy the wrong groceries.
It's okay, I promise you, wewill be so appreciative of the
(25:07):
effort.
We might tell you to takethings back, but we will be so
appreciative of the effort.
So, listen, listen and just tryto observe.
Also again, please know it isokay to ask, but if you find
that you're asking and you'reasking again and the person
keeps telling you they're fineor they don't know, grab a box
of diapers and some wipes.
They never go bad.
You can always do something orask someone close to them.
(25:31):
But for immediate partners, Ithink, listen, observe, be
mindful.
Also, just try to pick up whereyou can and don't be afraid to
mess up.
Yes, because you're not goingto get it right, and we know
you're not going to get it right, and it's okay.
We love you anyway and I thinkthe effort goes a really long
way, especially on thosesleep-deprived nights.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah, it's challenging.
Yeah, it's very challenging forboth partners.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
For sure and, as a partner, take care of yourself
too, because that matters,because I think sometimes,
especially husbands and partnerswho just love us so deeply,
they will do anything for us,even when they don't know what
to do.
They'll do anything, but ifyou're not taking care of you
too, that's going to fall moreon mom.
So make sure you're taking careof you as well, because that's
important.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
There are some podcasts, so a couple of the
ones that I love.
First, the Motherhood BodyChronicles is actually a podcast
by my good friend, dr ColleenReichman, and she talks about
motherhood and how motherhoodexists in our bodies and what
it's like to exist in our bodiesas moms and people share their
birth stories, their fertilityjourneys, also their challenges
(26:39):
as mothers.
It's really beautiful andauthentic and raw.
I remember she had me on forone episode and I was like can I
say that?
And she said you can sayanything here.
So if you want like a rawexperience of motherhood, I
highly recommend that one.
Also, mom.
Well, it's just really again,motherhood stories and just some
tips from another psychologistHolding space.
(27:01):
Right, we talked about we'regoing to hold lots of space.
We're going to have lots offeelings, lots of ands, the
power of and right yeah by DrCassidy.
She's great.
I definitely like that one.
We'll put all these in the shownotes too Okay cool the mom
(27:23):
hour, the birth hour.
If you are in the, if you aregoing to be having a child or
having another child, just somegood birth stories.
I will encourage you, as notonly a mom, but as a mental
health professional listen tothe good ones, don't listen to
the scary ones.
You can, but it will increaseyour anxiety about birth.
So just listen to the good onesand they tell you so you can
read, you'll know.
And then, if you're in themidst of a fertility journey,
the Fertility Warriors and thensome Instagram accounts are Dr
(27:47):
Colleen Reichman, mothers ThriveTherapy, jennifer Rollins and
some great books Rattled, thePregnancy and Postpartum Mood
Workbook and Beyond the Blues.
So these are just some Awesomeand we'll put all these in the
show notes for everybody.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So if there's somebody listening who wants to
get in touch with you, how dothey do?
Speaker 3 (28:05):
that Okay.
Well, they could go torecoveredandrestoredtherapycom.
They could go to my Instagram,which is at Gabrielle LPC.
They also could email me atGabby at recovered and restored
therapycom, or they could botherAndrew.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Okay, down the hall.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
He'll get you, he'll get me the message, but I would
love to chat, even as a friend.
If you're a mom out there andyou need a mom friend, I need
mom friends.
So I am so happy to chat anytime.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
We don't have to do it alone, absolutely, and that's
the biggest piece right, thatthere is so much power in just
that.
Me too, you know this is hard,hey, me too, because sometimes
we feel like we're the only oneand we're doing it all wrong and
hearing somebody else say I'mstruggling with that too, you go
okay, it's okay, and all thepressure gets released.
(28:54):
So thanks for being here today.
I always love chatting with youand so encouraging, and we are
so grateful for all the womenout there caring for children,
moms and teachers and all ofthose nurturing our little ones.
They are wonderful and weappreciate them.
It takes a village to raise achild.
It really really does.
It really really does.
And so thanks for listeningtoday.
(29:15):
Feel free to like and share anddownload our podcast and we
hope to have you listen againsoon.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Thanks for being a part of the Hope Community as we
continue our conversationsabout faith and hope.
If you don't already, pleasejoin us for worship on Sundays
or on demand.
You can learn more atmeethopeorg or find us on
socials at meethopechurch.
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