How To Receive Praise Without Shrinking

When was the last time a compliment made you squirm instead of smile? We’re digging into the compliment conundrum—why kind words can feel uncomfortable, how cultural conditioning shapes our reactions, and what it takes to receive praise with grace instead of shrinking from it. As Black women, many of us were taught to be careful with attention and wary of being seen as boastful, which can turn a positive moment into a stressful one. We name that history with care, then offer practical steps to unlearn it.

We walk through a simple, repeatable flow: say thank you, add a short acknowledgment that honors your effort, and resist the urge to minimize or explain it away. You’ll hear language you can steal for work, relationships, and friendships so the next kind word doesn’t send you scrambling. We also explore why downplaying makes both people feel awkward and how a sincere response strengthens trust and connection.

To help the change stick, we share mirror work that retrains your nervous system to let praise land. Looking yourself in the eye, practicing a calm thank you, and pairing it with breath can make compliments feel safe rather than suspicious. Over time, this builds self-acceptance and creates a positive feedback loop—when you receive generosity well, others feel encouraged to spread more of it. By the end, you’ll have clear steps, grounded examples, and a mindset shift that makes room for joyful recognition.

If this resonates, share the episode with a friend who’s ready to stop arguing with compliments and start owning them. Subscribe for more real talk on small habits that unlock big change, and leave a review to help our community grow.

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Episode Transcript

Kerry (00:11):
Hey, hey, hey tribe! Welcome back to the Melanin
Unicorn Podcast, where weexplore the little habits and
mindsets that lead to bigchanges for black women.
I'm your host, Kerry, and todaywe're diving into a
surprisingly tricky topic.
And that is how to receivecompliments.

(00:36):
That's right, those lovelylittle moments when someone
offers us kind words, which cansometimes leave us feeling
awkward, dismissive, or evenskeptical.
But why is that?
And how can we learn to embraceand enjoy compliments instead

(00:57):
of brushing them off?
Well, stick around because bythe end of this episode, you
will feel empowered to own yourcompliments like a pro.
So let's get into this episode.
The compliment conundrum.

(01:23):
That's what I like to call it.
So let's start by asking why dowe struggle to receive
compliments?
And if you've ever foundyourself saying, Oh, it was
nothing, or this whole thing,when someone compliments you,

(01:46):
you're not alone.
Many of us tend to deflectpraise instead of accepting it
graciously.
But what's behind this reflex?
There are a few reasons, Ithink.
Sometimes it's about humility.

(02:08):
We are taught not to brag orseem full of ourselves.
And other times it'sinsecurity.
We might not fully believe thecompliment is deserved.
And then there's socialconditioning, which can make

(02:33):
receiving attention feeluncomfortable.
But whatever the reason,learning to accept compliments
is about more than justpoliteness.
It's about building confidenceand deepening connection with
others.

(02:53):
Now, for many of us blackwomen, we grew up with that
notion of, you know, um notbeing taught to receive
compliments, right?
Because it's it's likebragging, you know, like I said

(03:17):
a few minutes ago.
Um, and it's and it's not, it'snot, I don't know if our
parents, grandparents, theguardian, um, whoever raised you
taught us to not be soaccepting of compliments.
I think a lot of it is wasbased out of fear and also

(03:43):
trauma.
And so because those uh thingswere taught to us as we got
older and then we came intoadulthood, it is uncomfortable
for many of us to acceptcompliments.

(04:03):
And so this is just anotherthing that we as black women are
unlearning because it isunfortunately something that we

(04:26):
as black women have had tobattle through and battle with.
Now, whether you are on yourjob and it's hard for you, or
you're in a relationship andit's hard for you, a romantic
relationship, or in yourfriendships, it's hard for you.

(04:48):
This is just another thing thatwe are unlearning.
So have grace with yourself,have mercy, love on yourself
because you are coming out ofthis on the other side.
So, okay, so how do we go fromawkward deflection to confident

(05:14):
reception?
Well, let's break it down intoa few simple steps.
Say thank you.
Those two words, thank you, arebig.
Very big, right?
And it sounds basic.

(05:37):
It really does, thank you, butit's the easiest way to accept a
compliment, is just to simplysay thank you.
That's it, that's it.
No qualifiers, no minimizing,just a heartfelt thank you shows

(05:59):
appreciation for those kindwords, and it makes the giver
feel valued.
Try it out.
It's like a complimentsuperpower.

And let me also say this (06:12):
when someone compliments you, and
then you go through this wholedeflection, what it does, it
makes the person whocomplimented you feel very

(06:32):
awkward, and it makes them feellike they did something wrong.
So I just want you to take thatinto consideration.
Because why is it so easy forus to give compliments?
But the minute someonecompliments us, we become

(06:54):
flustered.
And then we just start makingexcuses.
No, no, no, no, no.
Because if the person hascomplimented you, an easy thank
you, it suffices.
That's it.
That is it.
Because, and you have to askyourself, how would you feel if

(07:19):
you complimented somebody andthen they deflect it?
And now you're both standingthere feeling awkward, looking
awkward, and now your mind issaying, Okay, we got to get out
of here.
So that's just something I wantyou to think about when um when

(07:44):
someone compliments you andwhen you are complimenting
someone else.
And also have grace too.
Because these are things thatwe are learning to unlearn.
All right, perfect.
So after you said thank you,you can add something personal.

(08:11):
Like, for example, if someonesays, You did a great job on
that presentation today, youmight say, Thank you.
I really put a lot of thoughtinto it.
This shows that you are proudof your work and it opens the
door for a genuine conversation.

(08:34):
And so it goes back to what Iwas saying.
If someone compliments you,it's thank you, and then you can
say something behind it, andvice versa.
If you compliment someone andthey say thank you, it may also
invite an added conversation.

(08:57):
But again, we are learning tounlearn these patterns that were
taught to us, okay.
Also, I want you to avoiddownplaying again.
Please, please, please resistthe urge to diminish the

(09:24):
compliment.
Okay, because phrases like, oh,it wasn't a big deal, or oh, I
just got lucky.
Again, it makes the person whogave you the compliment feel
awkward and dismissed.
Please trust that your kindwords are genuine and deserved.

(09:52):
Okay.
Learn how to practiceself-acceptance.
Sometimes our discomfort withcompliments stems from our own
self-doubt.
And we need to take the time toreflect on those strengths and

(10:15):
accomplishments.
So when you start to see yourvalue, accepting compliments
will feel much more natural.
So here's the thing learning toreceive compliments gracefully

(10:38):
doesn't just benefit you, italso creates a positive feedback
loop.
When someone gives you acompliment and you accept it
warmly, it makes them feel goodtoo.
And then they're more likely togive compliments in the future,
creating this atmosphere ofkindness and mutual

(11:01):
appreciation.
Number one, say thank you, keepit simple, and sincere.

(11:41):
Number two, add a littleacknowledgement to show you
appreciated the sentiment.
Number three, avoid downplayingor dismissing the compliment.

(12:01):
Number four, working onself-acceptance to make
receiving compliments feel morenatural.
And if this feels tricky atfirst, don't worry.

(12:22):
Like any skill, it takespractice.
Start small, and over time,you'll find that accepting
compliments becomes secondnature.
One of the things that helpedme to really learn how to accept
compliments was by doing mirrorwork.

(12:46):
Standing in a mirror,pretending that I am
complimenting me, and me inreturn saying, Oh, thank you,
thank you so much.
I really appreciate that.
That was so key for me.

(13:07):
Because again, you know, I wasraised to just, you know, oh,
you know, be careful when peoplecompliment you because you
don't really know what themotive is behind it, you know,
which which caused fear aroundsomeone complimenting me.

(13:30):
And and then just learning nowas an adult that a lot of that
that was taught to us again,that I said earlier, was out of
fear and trauma that our parentsexperienced.
So again, mirror work workedwonders, and you can try it.

(13:56):
And maybe at first, as you arebeginning, it feels awkward
looking yourself in the face, inthe eye, as you are pretending
to be someone who is giving youthe compliment, and then you
responding, but just keep at it,and the more that you keep at

(14:21):
it, the more it becomes morecomfortable, and then the more
it becomes safe for you toreceive the compliments, okay?
And that's a wrap for today'sepisode.

(14:42):
Thank you so much for tuningin.
And if you found this helpful,please share this episode with a
friend or sister friend whocould use a little confidence
boost.
And don't forget to subsubscribe, excuse me, to
subscribe so you'll never missan episode, which I can be found

(15:04):
on Instagram under the MelanieUnicorn Podcast.
So until next time, rememberyou deserve all the kind words
that come your way.
Embrace them.
Don't be afraid, embrace them.

(15:26):
Okay, and remember to have awonderful, remarkable, and
magical day because that is whatyou deserve.
I love you, and until nexttime, we'll talk soon.
Bye.