Love And Grief, Side By Side

Love doesn’t disappear when a life ends; it changes form, echoes through memory, and asks us to carry it with care. Kerry opens her heart about losing her brother, tracing the messy, holy overlap where grief and devotion meet. From hospital rooms and hard conversations to late-night prayers and quiet moments of knowing, she explores how faith, family, and the words we speak can soften the sharp edges of loss without denying the pain.

We walk through the realities many Black women face after a death: stepping into logistics, holding space for others, and pushing our own sorrow to the margins. Kerry names that pattern and offers another way—healthy grief that honors both the loved one and the self. She talks about rejecting toxic positivity, meeting people where they are, and recognizing how language shapes our days. If every word is a seed, what are we planting when we speak about our lives, our hopes, and our healing?

This conversation holds tender details from her brother’s final days, including the moment of peace that followed his last breath. It also holds practices you can use now: simple rituals for remembrance, boundaries that protect your heart, and permission to let joy and ache share the same room. Grief is love’s echo, not its enemy. By allowing both to stand together, we build a resilient life—one that remembers, honors, and keeps moving with grace.

If this story meets you where you are, share it with someone who needs the reminder that they’re not alone. And if you have your own story of love and loss, connect with us on Instagram at the Melanin Unicorn Podcast and tell us what helped you keep going. Subscribe, leave a review, and help this message find the people who need it most.

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Episode Transcript

Kerry (00:12):
Hello, hello, hello tribe! Welcome back to another
episode of the Melanin UnicornPodcast.
This podcast is created for mybeautiful black fellow queens.
And I'm your host, Kerry.
And today we are going to talkabout one of the most profound
and universal experiences, theintertwined relationship between

(00:38):
love and grief.
This is going to be an episodethat is not like so cheery.
Um I will be talking about apersonal um experience that I
have dealt with and I'm stillcurrently dealing with.

(01:02):
And with that, let's start theshow.
Love and grief.

(01:24):
Grief and love.
Two sides of the same coin,they say, but at first glance,
grief might seem like the shadowof love.
A heavy, painful thing we tryto avoid.
But what if grief is not theopposite of love?
What if instead it's atestament to it?

(01:48):
Today I'm going to speak aboutlosing my brother and how I'm
standing in the intersection ofgrief and love, love and grief.
And maybe just maybe findcomfort in understanding why

(02:09):
these two emotions are so deeplyconnected.
To understand grief, we mustfirst understand love.
Love is an attachment,connection, and meaning.
And when we love someone, theybecome a part of our identity.

(02:31):
We share laughter, struggles,and moments that define who we
are.
Love weaves itself into thefabric of our lives.
But what happens when that bondis severed?
When you pull the thread, thefabric begins to unravel.

(02:54):
That, my dear sisters, isgrief.
Losing my brother and what thatentails has been like a roller
coaster that doesn't stop.
Some days I'm laughing, joking,and smiling, and on other days

(03:15):
the ache is so unbearable that Ifeel it all over my body.
I feel it in my body.
I haven't really cried all thatmuch, and maybe that is the
problem because sometimes I feellike I'm in disbelief, if I'm
being honest.

(03:36):
It isn't real.
My phone will ring or text willcome through, and I'll exhale a
sigh of relief and say that itwas all a bad dream.
But then reality sets in.
And I realize no, he is reallygone.
And the only thing that remainsare the memories of loss, which

(04:01):
brings both joy and pain andpain and joy.
My brother had a heart attackin September 2023.
And um we didn't live in thesame state.
So that already came with itsown stresses because I know I

(04:27):
needed to get to him.
You see, my brother is theoldest, and um he's the only
boy.
And um always, always, alwayslooked out.
And his saying was, I don'tcare what's going on with me, as
long as you and your sister, mysisters are good, I'm good.

(04:50):
That was that was his saying.
And um, there was there wasserious neurological damage, and

(05:14):
so the doctors sent like, oh,you know, because they're so
quick.
Oh, you know, um, he doesn'tknow who you are, he doesn't
know where he is, and I had torebuke them in the name of Jesus
and tell them, get behind theSatan, because he knows who I

(05:37):
am, he knows where he is.
One thing that I'm gonna sayabout this, and then we we are
we're gonna carry on with theepisode is do not let doctors
tell you or dictate to youanything about your family and

(06:01):
your loved ones.
Because I always say that Godhas the first say, He has the
middle say, and he has the finalsay.
Not the human doctors.
So grief is a natural processof life.

(06:24):
I know this, and I know you dotoo, because black women often
lack a space to grieve properly.
We do it in spurts, as I justmentioned.
Because we have to take care ofthe deceased business, as I had

(06:45):
to take care of my brother'sbusiness, you know.
Then you're tending to otherfamily members and their
friends.
My brother wasn't married andhe didn't have children.
But if you are dealing with afamily member who is, if they

(07:06):
are married and they havechildren, that's another thing
that we often have to deal with.
So what happens?
We put our grief on the backburner, and that's crazy, right?
Because when I look back overfamily and friends I've lost,

(07:32):
I've seen the pattern of mygrief on hold.
It will be doled out piece bypiece over time, which is
unhealthy.
I didn't know I would facethis, and I wonder, how am I
going to do it this time?

(07:52):
I knew I had to grievehealthily, a way that will honor
my brother and myself.
So my brother didn't want to beon this side of eternity

(08:14):
anymore, and he often spokeabout that, that he was just
tired.
Um, and I would often say tohim, You have to be careful what
you say because life and deathis is in the power of the
tongue.
And my brother understood thatbecause he was a follower of the

(08:37):
way, he was a follower ofJesus, he was in relationship.
But there were things in hislife that he believed that he
couldn't come back from.
And that was also a lie, right?

(08:57):
Of the enemy.
Um, you know, when you saycertain things to yourself over
and over and over, that becomesyour reality.
And I spoke about that in aprior episode.
And so we have to be carefulwhat we say out of our mouths,

(09:21):
right?
And I never did toxicpositivity with my brother
because I understood, becauseyou know, I remember, you know,
the things that that happened,right?
So I never wanted to do toxicpositivity.
I think it's awful when whenpeople do that, so please don't

(09:45):
do it.
But I met him where he was, youknow, again, and just wanting
to just tell him that we lovedhim and God loves him, and God
loved him first, you know,before he was even a thought in,

(10:10):
you know, in my parents' mind.
Right.
But here's the thing.
I often find myself not readyto let go.
I believed we had more time.

(10:32):
There were moves that I neededto make so that we can all be
back together again.
And then that phone call came,and my entire world turned
upside down.
Because my brother had theheart attack, and he was

(10:57):
actually dead, and theparamedics resuscitated him, and
I know for a fact that mybrother hated that when he
opened his eyes and saw that hewas still here, and I'm laughing
because I can only imagine histhought process.
Right.

(11:18):
Because as I said before, youknow, my brother was done with
this side of eternity and wantedto leave.
You know, he wanted to beabsent from the body so he can
be with Jesus.
And again, you know, in talkingwith him, I would often say

(11:43):
when we would have ourconversations that wherever you
speak, that is what willmanifest in your life.
So people think of manifestingas only one way.
But manifesting happens all thetime.
Every time you speak, you aremanifesting all day long.

(12:11):
Anything you say out of yourmouth will come to pass.
So I always tell people to becareful, especially if you are
speaking negatively over yourlife.
So we have to be careful, wehave to be careful, we have to

(12:37):
we have to learn how to reframeour thoughts.
And the Lord said to me that Ihave violated what he wanted

(13:22):
because I'm imposing my willupon him because I didn't want
him to leave.
And so, I had to repent and askfor forgiveness.
So, my brother took his finalbreath, April 4th, 2024.

And it was 1 (13:54):
30 a.m.
in the morning, and I know whenhe left because I felt his
spirit glide past me.
And I immediately woke up and Iknew.

(14:21):
I knew, and then my phone rang.
And it was he went quietly andpeacefully as if he was asleep.
And that's what I thank God forbecause I didn't want him to

(14:50):
have any pain.
And God gave him peace withoutpain.
And I'm so thankful for that.
I'm so grateful for that.
So, my fellow sisters, what canwe take away from this?

(15:20):
Grief and love, love and griefare not enemies.
They are partners in this humanjourney.
Grief is love's echo.
It's proof, it's a reminder.

(15:41):
It's messy, painful, andunpredictable.
But it's also a sign that wehave truly cared, truly
connected, truly lived, trulyloved.
And if you're grieving as I am,know that it's okay to feel the

(16:05):
weight of it.
It's okay to cry, to laugh at amemory, to miss someone so much
it aches.
And it's okay to let that griefcoexist with the joy of the
love you shared.
Thank you so much for joiningme on this heartfelt exploration

(16:41):
of love and grief.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please share it with
someone who might need to hearthese words.
And if you have a story aboutlove and grief, I'd love to hear
from you.
Reach out to me on my socialmedia, which is my Instagram at

(17:04):
the Melanin Unicorn Podcast, andsend me a DM and through my
website, which should definitelybe up and running by the time
this episode drops.
And until next time, rememberlove deeply and allow yourself

(17:28):
to grieve deeply too.
For in that space, we find theessence of what it means to be
human.
Have a wonderful, remarkable,and magical day.
Again, thank you for beinghere.
Thank you for allowing me toexpress some semblance of my

(17:53):
love and grief over the loss ofmy brother, which this episode
is dedicated to him.
And remember that I love you.
And don't don't don't don't putyour own feelings on hold

(18:15):
because you matter and you'reimportant.
I love you.
Bye.