November 20, 2023 • 15 mins
Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey and unlock the healing power of forgiveness? This episode of Melanin Unicorn Podcast, inspired by Iyanla Vanzant's insightful book "Forgiveness 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything," is a beacon of light for those eager to liberate themselves from the shackles of anger, bitterness, resentment, and fear. We transverse the complex labyrinth of emotions and thoughts, unraveling the intricate connections between our thoughts, feelings, and reality.
Moving onto the second segment, we pull the curtain back on the underrated yet vital concept of forgiveness and how its mastery can lead to personal freedom. Through embracing practices like meditation, prayer, and therapy, we can train our minds to become havens of self-love, acceptance, and positive energy. We urge you to tune in and arm yourself with the knowledge and tools you need to cultivate emotional liberation and personal growth. Be prepared to rewrite your narrative and step into a more fulfilled life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kerry (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Melanin Unicorn Podcast, a
weekly podcast that is dedicatedto the upliftment of black
women.
I'm your host, Kerry, and thankyou for tuning in for episode
number three.
But before we start, I wouldlike to take this time to thank
Directly Nia de Costa forbringing us a brilliant movie
(00:20):
called the Marvels.
It was refreshing to see anall-woman cast doing the damn
thing.
Nia DaCosta, we see you, wehonor you and we salute you,
queen, and keep doing your thing.
And now let's start the show.
Thank you for tuning intotoday's show.
(00:45):
Before we start, pleaseremember to rate, review, and
follow from whichever streamingplatform you're listening to
this show from.
In episode three, I will bedoing a reading from Iyanla
Vanzant's book calledForgiveness 21 Days to Forgive
(01:06):
Everyone for Everything.
Forgiveness by Iyanla Vanzantsays only forgiveness can
liberate minds and hearts onceheld captive by anger,
bitterness, resentment, and fear.
Forgiveness is a true path tofreedom that can renew faith,
(01:28):
build trust, and nourish thesoul.
So forgiveness doesn't meanagreeing with, condoning, or
even liking what has happened.
Forgiveness means letting goand knowing that, regardless of
how challenging, frightening, ordifficult an experience may
seem, everything is just as itneeds to be in order for you to
(01:49):
grow and learn.
When you focus on how thingsshould be, you deny the presence
and power of love, except theevents of the past, while being
willing to change yourperspective on them.
So we're going to start readinga few pages, and it is coming
from part one, the practice, andit is called Why Forgive?
(02:13):
You might be asking yourself whywould I want to practice
forgiveness?
The answer is simple practicedevelops skill.
Skill leads to mastery.
When you master the practice offorgiveness, it becomes as
natural as breathing, and whenyou know how to forgive, you
eliminate excess mental andemotional weight that keeps you
(02:34):
stuck in repetitive situations,circumstances and experiences
that are not healthy orproductive.
The only true way to create amore loving, productive and
fulfilling life is by forgivingthe past.
Releasing the past restores usto the full energy of the
present moment.
(02:55):
Everything we do and experiencein life is born from the energy
we carry.
People and experiences show upin response to the conscious and
unconscious energeticinvitations we issue.
Many of us believe that whathappens to us gives rise to the
feelings we experience.
(03:16):
The truth is it's the other wayaround.
Forgiveness addresses how wethink and feel about others and
ourselves, and how thosethoughts manifest within our
lives as energy.
Every feeling has its originand a thought, because each
thought that we have createsenergy.
(03:36):
If you can remove the thought,the underlying feeling will
bubble to the surface.
That's why we are forgiving ourthoughts throughout this
process.
As Michael Grant, author of theTwelve Laws of Life, reminds us
, your mind controls your mood.
In fact, it is safe to say thatyou always have some thought,
(03:58):
mind before you feel somethingemotionally moved.
The thought might be so fastand seemingly automatic that you
don't even see it or think youare thinking it, but you are.
The truth is that what you thinkdetermines what you feel.
It's a basic law of life.
If you can tap into andidentify the feeling, you will
(04:22):
discover that there's a thoughtlinked to it.
Once you remove the feeling,the thought will also dissipate.
Whether you explore the sourcethought or the feeling doesn't
matter.
What matters is if a situation,circumstance or relationship
doesn't feel good, that's a signthere's someone or something
(04:44):
you have to forgive.
It's all about energy.
The true and pure energy oflife, good and God is positive
energy.
In this practice, we deal withthe thought because the mind is
a powerful creative energy.
Everything we think, do andfeel begins in the mind.
For this reason, we have toaddress the thoughts, beliefs,
(05:08):
judgments, learnings andperceptions that we hold in our
minds.
When we can identify the stuff,feelings, underneath our
constant thoughts and neutralizethem, we will be good.
Forgiveness helps to transformand eliminate the energy
blockages that we hold in ourminds about who we are and who
(05:32):
others are, and the subsequentissues or upsets that grow From
the thoughts, beliefs andjudgments we hold.
Creating a loving, healthy andfulfilling life, plus loving,
healthy and fulfillingrelationships, begins in the
mind.
Many of us live in our heads.
(05:52):
Because feelings can befrightening, it's easier to stay
in our heads thinking,believing and judging, since
doing so seems safer thannavigating through uncomfortable
feelings.
I refer to folks who live likethis, as neck down, dead because
there's no life below the neck.
They think about everything andoften come across as cold,
(06:14):
detached and unfeeling, and inmany cases they are just that.
The energy of a feeling doesn'tdie or go away because we
ignore or resist it.
In fact, it is the energy ofthe unacknowledged feeling
beneath the distorted thoughtsthat keep us stuck.
Our feelings send harmonious ordisharmonious energy signals
(06:36):
throughout our bodies.
Yet if we drop our hands to oursides, sit in the feeling for a
moment and just breathe.
Instead of numbing out, thefeeling will pass.
Too often we choose to avoidfeelings because they frighten
us, but once we learn how toharness the energy behind our
thoughts, our emotions will nolonger be in control of how we
(06:59):
feel and what we do.
Forgiveness is a practice thathelps us to realign our thoughts
and feelings under newconscious management.
Think of it this way the mindis like a little puppy.
A puppy will run around allover the place until we train
him to do otherwise.
If we don't train the puppy,he'll grow into a full grown dog
(07:22):
that will pee on the carpet,shoe on our shoes and hump our
guests.
When we train our own puppymind to sit, stay and roll over
on command, our thoughts becomeclearer and our negative
feelings become easier toidentify, navigate and release.
Of course, training the mindcan be difficult.
(07:43):
That's when meditation andforgiveness come into play.
These two practices, meditationand forgiveness, still the
puppy mind so that the energyblock in our bodies can bubble
up to the surface and bereleased.
Until we learn how to meditate,we cannot clear our puppy mind
thoughts, and unless we practiceforgiveness, we have no way of
(08:08):
releasing the hidden feelingsattached to those thoughts.
Quite often, we are stuck in thememories of what we have done
or not done, what others havedone to us or not done for us.
How we think and feel aboutothers and ourselves can keep us
stuck in a swamp of toxicemotions.
(08:28):
More often than not, we areself-righteous about what we
think and feel.
We become quick to judge andslow to forgive.
We believe what we believe andwe stubbornly stick to it.
Unfortunately, our toxicthoughts and feelings do not
nurture or nourish us, nor dothey make or keep us peaceful
(08:50):
and loving.
Wow, I'm going to stop there.
This is really an interestingpassage that I just read for you
, because I remember living in astate of unforgiveness for a
very long time, and in myunforgiveness I thought I was
(09:12):
right.
And the truth of the matter isI was not right.
What it was doing was killingme, it was depleting my life
force.
You know, I thought I had joy,but I really didn't, and so I
was just going through lifethinking I was okay, thinking,
(09:33):
oh it's, I don't have to forgivethat person or persons.
Look what they did to me, lookwhat they said to me and in my
reaction to that.
I became just like them, and soit took me quite a while to
(09:53):
realize that forgiving someoneisn't for them, it's for me.
Forgiving someone frees me,lets me go on to live an amazing
life, and that's what I alwayswanted, and I know that that's
what you want too for your ownlife, and I'm here to tell you
(10:17):
that it's possible.
It is incredibly possible.
You can do it.
It will take time.
It doesn't happen overnight,but I promise you that if you
practice little by little ofletting go, the forgiveness will
begin to grow inside of you.
(10:40):
And for many and for many of us,therapy has to be included in
that, and that is okay, becausefor too long, within our
community, therapy wasn't anoption.
It was the, the narration of oh, black people don't need
therapy, we don't do therapy.
(11:02):
That's for other people.
And, and because that narrativewas so strong at one time, many
people have suffered in theirlives and, unfortunately, have
died in their unforgiveness.
But I don't want that for you,and I sure didn't want that for
(11:23):
me.
So I challenge you, I ask you towrite down those who have hurt
you, the names of those who havehurt you.
Write them down and next to thename right, I forgive you.
Now, this isn't going to be aquick fix.
(11:46):
This isn't going to be.
Oh, I just wave make believemagic wand and it'll all go away
.
No, no, no.
This starts the beginning ofyour healing journey.
So, getting out a piece ofpaper or, if you are a journal,
(12:07):
like I am you can begin to writedown the names, all those who
have hurt you.
Sometimes we don't evenremember who the person was that
had hurt us because it happenedso long ago, and that's okay if
you don't remember their names,just write I forgive you, and
(12:27):
then you take it from there.
So, however, you need thisjourney to look for you.
What is therapy?
Prayer, meditation, all three,which I recommend.
You will see that your lifewill start to become lighter,
(12:48):
and that's what I want.
That's what I want for all ofus, specifically for black women
, because we carry so much stuffand that we shouldn't even be
carrying, and so we have tolearn how to release that and
let it go.
So my Again, my challenge toeach and every one of us is to
(13:13):
learn how to forgive everyoneand To let them go.
As we wind down the show, Iwould like to leave you with a
quote from the great NikkiGiovanni.
She is an American poet, writer, commentator, activist and
(13:36):
educator, one of the world'smost well-known African-American
poets.
Her work includes poetryanthologies, poetry recordings
and non fiction essays, andcovers topics ranging from race
and social issues to children'sliterature.
Miss Giovanni says I reallydon't think life is about the I
(13:59):
could have been.
Life is only about the I try todo.
I don't mind the failure, but Ican't imagine that I forgive
myself if I didn't try.
So, as we close this episode,when Miss Giovanni says that she
couldn't imagine not trying, Iwant you to imagine and I want
(14:23):
you to see yourself forgiving.
Forgiving, releasing, lettinggo.
However, you need to phrase itin your mind.
That's what I need you to startmoving towards and, on that
note, I would like to thank youfor tuning in and I'm so
appreciative.
Show notes will be available onbus sprout.
(14:46):
You can also follow the show onInstagram at the melanin
unicorn podcast.
I will see everyone again soonand, before we close out, I want
you to remember that you arelove, you are excellent, you are
beautiful, you are well, youare safe and, most importantly,
(15:10):
you are you.
I will speak with everyone soon.
Take care you.
Hello and welcome to the Melanin Unicorn Podcast, a
weekly podcast that is dedicatedto the upliftment of black
women.
I'm your host, Kerry, and thankyou for tuning in for episode
number three.
But before we start, I wouldlike to take this time to thank
Directly Nia de Costa forbringing us a brilliant movie
(00:20):
called the Marvels.
It was refreshing to see anall-woman cast doing the damn
thing.
Nia DaCosta, we see you, wehonor you and we salute you,
queen, and keep doing your thing.
And now let's start the show.
Thank you for tuning intotoday's show.
(00:45):
Before we start, pleaseremember to rate, review, and
follow from whichever streamingplatform you're listening to
this show from.
In episode three, I will bedoing a reading from Iyanla
Vanzant's book calledForgiveness 21 Days to Forgive
(01:06):
Everyone for Everything.
Forgiveness by Iyanla Vanzantsays only forgiveness can
liberate minds and hearts onceheld captive by anger,
bitterness, resentment, and fear.
Forgiveness is a true path tofreedom that can renew faith,
(01:28):
build trust, and nourish thesoul.
So forgiveness doesn't meanagreeing with, condoning, or
even liking what has happened.
Forgiveness means letting goand knowing that, regardless of
how challenging, frightening, ordifficult an experience may
seem, everything is just as itneeds to be in order for you to
(01:49):
grow and learn.
When you focus on how thingsshould be, you deny the presence
and power of love, except theevents of the past, while being
willing to change yourperspective on them.
So we're going to start readinga few pages, and it is coming
from part one, the practice, andit is called Why Forgive?
(02:13):
You might be asking yourself whywould I want to practice
forgiveness?
The answer is simple practicedevelops skill.
Skill leads to mastery.
When you master the practice offorgiveness, it becomes as
natural as breathing, and whenyou know how to forgive, you
eliminate excess mental andemotional weight that keeps you
(02:34):
stuck in repetitive situations,circumstances and experiences
that are not healthy orproductive.
The only true way to create amore loving, productive and
fulfilling life is by forgivingthe past.
Releasing the past restores usto the full energy of the
present moment.
(02:55):
Everything we do and experiencein life is born from the energy
we carry.
People and experiences show upin response to the conscious and
unconscious energeticinvitations we issue.
Many of us believe that whathappens to us gives rise to the
feelings we experience.
(03:16):
The truth is it's the other wayaround.
Forgiveness addresses how wethink and feel about others and
ourselves, and how thosethoughts manifest within our
lives as energy.
Every feeling has its originand a thought, because each
thought that we have createsenergy.
(03:36):
If you can remove the thought,the underlying feeling will
bubble to the surface.
That's why we are forgiving ourthoughts throughout this
process.
As Michael Grant, author of theTwelve Laws of Life, reminds us
, your mind controls your mood.
In fact, it is safe to say thatyou always have some thought,
(03:58):
mind before you feel somethingemotionally moved.
The thought might be so fastand seemingly automatic that you
don't even see it or think youare thinking it, but you are.
The truth is that what you thinkdetermines what you feel.
It's a basic law of life.
If you can tap into andidentify the feeling, you will
(04:22):
discover that there's a thoughtlinked to it.
Once you remove the feeling,the thought will also dissipate.
Whether you explore the sourcethought or the feeling doesn't
matter.
What matters is if a situation,circumstance or relationship
doesn't feel good, that's a signthere's someone or something
(04:44):
you have to forgive.
It's all about energy.
The true and pure energy oflife, good and God is positive
energy.
In this practice, we deal withthe thought because the mind is
a powerful creative energy.
Everything we think, do andfeel begins in the mind.
For this reason, we have toaddress the thoughts, beliefs,
(05:08):
judgments, learnings andperceptions that we hold in our
minds.
When we can identify the stuff,feelings, underneath our
constant thoughts and neutralizethem, we will be good.
Forgiveness helps to transformand eliminate the energy
blockages that we hold in ourminds about who we are and who
(05:32):
others are, and the subsequentissues or upsets that grow From
the thoughts, beliefs andjudgments we hold.
Creating a loving, healthy andfulfilling life, plus loving,
healthy and fulfillingrelationships, begins in the
mind.
Many of us live in our heads.
(05:52):
Because feelings can befrightening, it's easier to stay
in our heads thinking,believing and judging, since
doing so seems safer thannavigating through uncomfortable
feelings.
I refer to folks who live likethis, as neck down, dead because
there's no life below the neck.
They think about everything andoften come across as cold,
(06:14):
detached and unfeeling, and inmany cases they are just that.
The energy of a feeling doesn'tdie or go away because we
ignore or resist it.
In fact, it is the energy ofthe unacknowledged feeling
beneath the distorted thoughtsthat keep us stuck.
Our feelings send harmonious ordisharmonious energy signals
(06:36):
throughout our bodies.
Yet if we drop our hands to oursides, sit in the feeling for a
moment and just breathe.
Instead of numbing out, thefeeling will pass.
Too often we choose to avoidfeelings because they frighten
us, but once we learn how toharness the energy behind our
thoughts, our emotions will nolonger be in control of how we
(06:59):
feel and what we do.
Forgiveness is a practice thathelps us to realign our thoughts
and feelings under newconscious management.
Think of it this way the mindis like a little puppy.
A puppy will run around allover the place until we train
him to do otherwise.
If we don't train the puppy,he'll grow into a full grown dog
(07:22):
that will pee on the carpet,shoe on our shoes and hump our
guests.
When we train our own puppymind to sit, stay and roll over
on command, our thoughts becomeclearer and our negative
feelings become easier toidentify, navigate and release.
Of course, training the mindcan be difficult.
(07:43):
That's when meditation andforgiveness come into play.
These two practices, meditationand forgiveness, still the
puppy mind so that the energyblock in our bodies can bubble
up to the surface and bereleased.
Until we learn how to meditate,we cannot clear our puppy mind
thoughts, and unless we practiceforgiveness, we have no way of
(08:08):
releasing the hidden feelingsattached to those thoughts.
Quite often, we are stuck in thememories of what we have done
or not done, what others havedone to us or not done for us.
How we think and feel aboutothers and ourselves can keep us
stuck in a swamp of toxicemotions.
(08:28):
More often than not, we areself-righteous about what we
think and feel.
We become quick to judge andslow to forgive.
We believe what we believe andwe stubbornly stick to it.
Unfortunately, our toxicthoughts and feelings do not
nurture or nourish us, nor dothey make or keep us peaceful
(08:50):
and loving.
Wow, I'm going to stop there.
This is really an interestingpassage that I just read for you
, because I remember living in astate of unforgiveness for a
very long time, and in myunforgiveness I thought I was
(09:12):
right.
And the truth of the matter isI was not right.
What it was doing was killingme, it was depleting my life
force.
You know, I thought I had joy,but I really didn't, and so I
was just going through lifethinking I was okay, thinking,
(09:33):
oh it's, I don't have to forgivethat person or persons.
Look what they did to me, lookwhat they said to me and in my
reaction to that.
I became just like them, and soit took me quite a while to
(09:53):
realize that forgiving someoneisn't for them, it's for me.
Forgiving someone frees me,lets me go on to live an amazing
life, and that's what I alwayswanted, and I know that that's
what you want too for your ownlife, and I'm here to tell you
(10:17):
that it's possible.
It is incredibly possible.
You can do it.
It will take time.
It doesn't happen overnight,but I promise you that if you
practice little by little ofletting go, the forgiveness will
begin to grow inside of you.
(10:40):
And for many and for many of us,therapy has to be included in
that, and that is okay, becausefor too long, within our
community, therapy wasn't anoption.
It was the, the narration of oh, black people don't need
therapy, we don't do therapy.
(11:02):
That's for other people.
And, and because that narrativewas so strong at one time, many
people have suffered in theirlives and, unfortunately, have
died in their unforgiveness.
But I don't want that for you,and I sure didn't want that for
(11:23):
me.
So I challenge you, I ask you towrite down those who have hurt
you, the names of those who havehurt you.
Write them down and next to thename right, I forgive you.
Now, this isn't going to be aquick fix.
(11:46):
This isn't going to be.
Oh, I just wave make believemagic wand and it'll all go away
.
No, no, no.
This starts the beginning ofyour healing journey.
So, getting out a piece ofpaper or, if you are a journal,
(12:07):
like I am you can begin to writedown the names, all those who
have hurt you.
Sometimes we don't evenremember who the person was that
had hurt us because it happenedso long ago, and that's okay if
you don't remember their names,just write I forgive you, and
(12:27):
then you take it from there.
So, however, you need thisjourney to look for you.
What is therapy?
Prayer, meditation, all three,which I recommend.
You will see that your lifewill start to become lighter,
(12:48):
and that's what I want.
That's what I want for all ofus, specifically for black women
, because we carry so much stuffand that we shouldn't even be
carrying, and so we have tolearn how to release that and
let it go.
So my Again, my challenge toeach and every one of us is to
(13:13):
learn how to forgive everyoneand To let them go.
As we wind down the show, Iwould like to leave you with a
quote from the great NikkiGiovanni.
She is an American poet, writer, commentator, activist and
(13:36):
educator, one of the world'smost well-known African-American
poets.
Her work includes poetryanthologies, poetry recordings
and non fiction essays, andcovers topics ranging from race
and social issues to children'sliterature.
Miss Giovanni says I reallydon't think life is about the I
(13:59):
could have been.
Life is only about the I try todo.
I don't mind the failure, but Ican't imagine that I forgive
myself if I didn't try.
So, as we close this episode,when Miss Giovanni says that she
couldn't imagine not trying, Iwant you to imagine and I want
(14:23):
you to see yourself forgiving.
Forgiving, releasing, lettinggo.
However, you need to phrase itin your mind.
That's what I need you to startmoving towards and, on that
note, I would like to thank youfor tuning in and I'm so
appreciative.
Show notes will be available onbus sprout.
(14:46):
You can also follow the show onInstagram at the melanin
unicorn podcast.
I will see everyone again soonand, before we close out, I want
you to remember that you arelove, you are excellent, you are
beautiful, you are well, youare safe and, most importantly,
(15:10):
you are you.
I will speak with everyone soon.
Take care you.
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