December 15, 2025 • 21 mins
What if the goodbye that shattered you was the very thing that saved you? We open a tender conversation about how God sometimes protects our purpose by closing doors we were too afraid to shut. From friendships that dimmed our light to romances that capped our growth, we trace the quiet signs of separation we often ignore, and we talk about how gratitude can coexist with grief without drifting into toxic positivity.
Together we name the hard truth: letting go is not petty, it’s prophetic. We unpack boundaries that honor both love and honesty, including the courage to love some family from a distance. We explore how reclaiming worth and voice can unsettle old dynamics, why misalignment resists your healing, and how Psalm 34:18 anchors us when heartbreak is loud. You’ll hear practical prompts for journaling through loss, a framework for not repeating old lessons with new people, and a reframing of “subtraction” as divine strategy that makes room for healthier friendships, stronger love, and deeper intimacy with God.
By the end, you’ll have language for the ache, permission to mourn without shame, and a simple practice for thanking God not only for what He gave but also for what He removed. If your spirit knows it’s time to release, this conversation offers clarity, courage, and calm. Listen, share it with a sister who needs it, and if it speaks to you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what door are you finally letting close?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kerry (00:12):
Hey, hey, hey tribe, and welcome back to the Melanin
Unicorn Podcast.
A space for black women to dohard work, to do healing, and
hearing from God in the stillsoft and quiet moments.
I'm your host, Kerry, andtoday's episode might touch a
(00:34):
tender place.
Because we are talking aboutsomething we don't always
realize until much much later.
And that is being thankful forthe people God has removed from
our lives.
I know, I know, I know.
(00:58):
It's not always easy to admitthat.
Sometimes it feels like such agreat loss.
Sometimes it hurts so deeplythat you can feel it in your
bones.
And other times, we questionGod's timing, his reasoning, and
(01:21):
if he even loves us.
But what if I told you some ofthe greatest blessings come
disguised as departures?
Let's start the show.
I remember the times in my lifewhen I begged God, prayed
(02:03):
relentlessly to keep peoplearound.
Because I could not imagine mylife without them.
From friends, relationships,circles that I thought and
(02:23):
believed I needed to survive.
But praise God for his eye ofseeing it all.
The beginning, the middle, andthe end.
Because he saw what I trulycould not see.
(02:47):
He saw who they were becoming.
Right?
(03:12):
But looking back now, I seethat it was mercy.
Because doors needed to beclosed for my protection.
Connections needed to be brokento set me free.
(03:34):
And people needed to exitbecause they were never meant
for the next chapter andchapters of my life.
And I know that many of you aregoing through this very thing
(03:56):
right now.
And I'm here to tell you fromexperience that although the
hurt will be there, it will soonfade.
Because God truly knows what isbest for us.
(04:20):
And most of the times we thinkand we believe we know exactly
what is best for us.
And let me tell you, we do not.
Okay?
Because when I look back, whenI really remember the instances
(04:49):
and the interactions, there wasalready a separation happening.
I just was not aware.
I couldn't see it.
That's the word I'm lookingfor.
(05:10):
I could not see it because I'veknown these people for a very
long time.
Um, the romantic relationshipor friendships that I was in,
you know, I thought that theywould last forever, and it would
end in marriage and children.
(05:33):
And the Lord saw so much betterand greater for me that I did
not see for myself.
And so I am here to encourageyou that there is greater for
(05:57):
you on the other side of thatdoor.
It may not seem like it now,but I'm telling you, it is
because when you so desperatelyhold on to something, and you
know deep down in your spiritthat you need to release it, you
(06:19):
need to let it go because it isnot good for you.
Correct?
And when we don't let go, weblock our own blessings.
We block God from doing what hewants to do in our life, and
(06:46):
not that God couldn't circumventus and do it anyway, but he is
a gentleman and he will not moveor take action until we give
him permission to do it in ourlives.
(07:08):
And this is not an accusatoryepisode, because it is not, it
really is something that I needfor us to really take into our
spirits and understand that Godis for us, He is not against us,
(07:35):
He is truly for us, He is inthe front of us, the back of us,
to our left and to our right.
But we have to give Himpermission, and that means
coming into agreement with Himabout letting people go,
(08:00):
releasing them, because whereGod is taking you, they cannot
go.
And that also includes family,believe it or not.
There are some family membersyou can you can still love them,
but you will have to love themfrom a distance because they too
(08:22):
cannot go where God is takingyou.
So be encouraged, my sisters.
Be encouraged.
When God removes people fromour lives, it's really random.
(09:07):
And when you again, when youthink back, when you look back,
you can see the separationstarting to begin.
If you choose to be honest withyourself, maybe you learned
(09:32):
your worth, maybe you realizejust how worthy you truly are.
Maybe you found your voice.
You no longer sit in silence,you no longer remain silent, and
(09:54):
once you began to use yourvoice, you realize that those
friends did not like it, theydidn't like it one bit because
they enjoyed you when you weresilent.
The same thing with your worthwhen you start stepping out
(10:17):
without them, or you start doingthings, and now and now they
are looking at you like you havetwo heads.
Oh my sister, you are learningyour worth.
Maybe now you were beginning toheal, to grow, and to breathe,
(10:46):
and those things come when weopen up ourselves to God and we
invite him in to do those thingsthat we cannot do on our own.
Because healing, growing,breathing, these are the
supernatural attributes of God.
(11:10):
Amen.
And maybe, just maybe, theirabsence has now brought you
closer to God's presence.
Psalm thirty-four, verseeighteen says, and it reads as
(11:33):
such, the Lord is close to thebrokenhearted and saves those
who are crushed in spirit.
Sometimes he allows theheartbreak to happen so we can
finally hear him whisper again.
(11:57):
And again, I encourage you, Iencourage you to journal about
the loss as well, becauseheartbreak is a very real thing,
and you will never ever heartoxic positivity from me or this
(12:23):
podcast because I do notbelieve in that.
I believe that we are to gothrough the stages of grief
because an ending offriendships, relationships,
circles, that's that's pain.
And that is that is grief.
(12:44):
And so we need to go throughthe grieving period of the
ending of those relationships,and God will help us, He will
mend our broken hearts, and thenhe opens up doors for all the
(13:09):
things that he has already hadfor us.
So again, be encouraged, mysisters.
Be encouraged.
Having your gratitude forgrowth.
(13:45):
So here's what I want you tohear today.
That it is okay to miss themand still be thankful that they
are gone.
It's okay to honor the rolethey played and still release
(14:06):
them with peace and blessings.
God doesn't just subtract, Heis the Redeemer.
So He redeems us.
He makes space for betteralignments in our lives, for
(14:29):
stronger friendships, healthierlove, and most importantly, a
deeper relationship with Him.
So today, please take a momentnot to dwell on who left, but to
(14:52):
thank God for who He's becomingin you, who He's becoming in me
because of it.
So let's recap our episodetoday.
The first one is learning thegift of goodbye.
(15:17):
That is a big thing becausemany of us, and it's just in our
human nature, we don't want tosay goodbye, we don't want to
let go.
But God orchestrates thosethings in our lives for us to
have to say goodbye and for usto have to let go.
(15:42):
Number two, again, lessons inloss.
Because if you don't, thelikelihood of you repeating
those lessons, meaning thelikelihood of you bringing back
(16:11):
people who God delivered youfrom, but now in new people is a
hundred percent greater.
So we need to learn our lessonsin loss.
And third is the gratitude forgrowth.
We must have gratitude ineverything, and I know that
(16:38):
gratitude and loss for many ofus is like oil and water.
But when you learn to havegratitude in everything, no
matter the situation, no matterthe circumstance, everything
(16:59):
shifts for you.
Because gratitude opens up thedoor for God to come in, sup
with us, and work beautiful andtremendous blessings in our
lives.
(17:20):
And that is, God isn't cruel,he is very, very wise.
(18:02):
If he removed someone from yourlife, trust and believe that it
was absolutely necessary.
He's not just editing yourstory, he is protecting your
(18:23):
purpose.
Get that.
Remember that.
(18:51):
Remember that.
And if you only come back tothis episode just to play that
part, remember He is protectingyour purpose because each and
every one of us has a purpose.
God is protective over ourpurpose, and we need to be
(19:17):
protective over our purpose.
Thank you, thank you, thankyou.
And I'm so grateful that youchose to spend this time with
me.
And if this episode has spokento you, take a second to pause
(19:44):
and thank God.
Not just for what he has givenyou, but also, also, also, also,
for what he has removed out of.
Your life because I promiseyou, and I know this: you are so
(20:06):
much better for it.
I am so much better for theremoval.
In the beginning, it hurt likehell.
I was brokenhearted.
But let me tell you something,my sisters.
I am so much better for theremoval.
(20:29):
And please, share this episodewith someone who you think would
need to hear it.
And until next time, stay soft,stay grounded, trust the author
(20:54):
of your story.
Now you go and have anincredible, remarkable, and
magical day because that is whatyou deserve.
I love you, and I will see youin the next episode.
(21:16):
Take care.
Bye.
Hey, hey, hey tribe, and welcome back to the Melanin
Unicorn Podcast.
A space for black women to dohard work, to do healing, and
hearing from God in the stillsoft and quiet moments.
I'm your host, Kerry, andtoday's episode might touch a
(00:34):
tender place.
Because we are talking aboutsomething we don't always
realize until much much later.
And that is being thankful forthe people God has removed from
our lives.
I know, I know, I know.
(00:58):
It's not always easy to admitthat.
Sometimes it feels like such agreat loss.
Sometimes it hurts so deeplythat you can feel it in your
bones.
And other times, we questionGod's timing, his reasoning, and
(01:21):
if he even loves us.
But what if I told you some ofthe greatest blessings come
disguised as departures?
Let's start the show.
I remember the times in my lifewhen I begged God, prayed
(02:03):
relentlessly to keep peoplearound.
Because I could not imagine mylife without them.
From friends, relationships,circles that I thought and
(02:23):
believed I needed to survive.
But praise God for his eye ofseeing it all.
The beginning, the middle, andthe end.
Because he saw what I trulycould not see.
(02:47):
He saw who they were becoming.
Right?
(03:12):
But looking back now, I seethat it was mercy.
Because doors needed to beclosed for my protection.
Connections needed to be brokento set me free.
(03:34):
And people needed to exitbecause they were never meant
for the next chapter andchapters of my life.
And I know that many of you aregoing through this very thing
(03:56):
right now.
And I'm here to tell you fromexperience that although the
hurt will be there, it will soonfade.
Because God truly knows what isbest for us.
(04:20):
And most of the times we thinkand we believe we know exactly
what is best for us.
And let me tell you, we do not.
Okay?
Because when I look back, whenI really remember the instances
(04:49):
and the interactions, there wasalready a separation happening.
I just was not aware.
I couldn't see it.
That's the word I'm lookingfor.
(05:10):
I could not see it because I'veknown these people for a very
long time.
Um, the romantic relationshipor friendships that I was in,
you know, I thought that theywould last forever, and it would
end in marriage and children.
(05:33):
And the Lord saw so much betterand greater for me that I did
not see for myself.
And so I am here to encourageyou that there is greater for
(05:57):
you on the other side of thatdoor.
It may not seem like it now,but I'm telling you, it is
because when you so desperatelyhold on to something, and you
know deep down in your spiritthat you need to release it, you
(06:19):
need to let it go because it isnot good for you.
Correct?
And when we don't let go, weblock our own blessings.
We block God from doing what hewants to do in our life, and
(06:46):
not that God couldn't circumventus and do it anyway, but he is
a gentleman and he will not moveor take action until we give
him permission to do it in ourlives.
(07:08):
And this is not an accusatoryepisode, because it is not, it
really is something that I needfor us to really take into our
spirits and understand that Godis for us, He is not against us,
(07:35):
He is truly for us, He is inthe front of us, the back of us,
to our left and to our right.
But we have to give Himpermission, and that means
coming into agreement with Himabout letting people go,
(08:00):
releasing them, because whereGod is taking you, they cannot
go.
And that also includes family,believe it or not.
There are some family membersyou can you can still love them,
but you will have to love themfrom a distance because they too
(08:22):
cannot go where God is takingyou.
So be encouraged, my sisters.
Be encouraged.
When God removes people fromour lives, it's really random.
(09:07):
And when you again, when youthink back, when you look back,
you can see the separationstarting to begin.
If you choose to be honest withyourself, maybe you learned
(09:32):
your worth, maybe you realizejust how worthy you truly are.
Maybe you found your voice.
You no longer sit in silence,you no longer remain silent, and
(09:54):
once you began to use yourvoice, you realize that those
friends did not like it, theydidn't like it one bit because
they enjoyed you when you weresilent.
The same thing with your worthwhen you start stepping out
(10:17):
without them, or you start doingthings, and now and now they
are looking at you like you havetwo heads.
Oh my sister, you are learningyour worth.
Maybe now you were beginning toheal, to grow, and to breathe,
(10:46):
and those things come when weopen up ourselves to God and we
invite him in to do those thingsthat we cannot do on our own.
Because healing, growing,breathing, these are the
supernatural attributes of God.
(11:10):
Amen.
And maybe, just maybe, theirabsence has now brought you
closer to God's presence.
Psalm thirty-four, verseeighteen says, and it reads as
(11:33):
such, the Lord is close to thebrokenhearted and saves those
who are crushed in spirit.
Sometimes he allows theheartbreak to happen so we can
finally hear him whisper again.
(11:57):
And again, I encourage you, Iencourage you to journal about
the loss as well, becauseheartbreak is a very real thing,
and you will never ever heartoxic positivity from me or this
(12:23):
podcast because I do notbelieve in that.
I believe that we are to gothrough the stages of grief
because an ending offriendships, relationships,
circles, that's that's pain.
And that is that is grief.
(12:44):
And so we need to go throughthe grieving period of the
ending of those relationships,and God will help us, He will
mend our broken hearts, and thenhe opens up doors for all the
(13:09):
things that he has already hadfor us.
So again, be encouraged, mysisters.
Be encouraged.
Having your gratitude forgrowth.
(13:45):
So here's what I want you tohear today.
That it is okay to miss themand still be thankful that they
are gone.
It's okay to honor the rolethey played and still release
(14:06):
them with peace and blessings.
God doesn't just subtract, Heis the Redeemer.
So He redeems us.
He makes space for betteralignments in our lives, for
(14:29):
stronger friendships, healthierlove, and most importantly, a
deeper relationship with Him.
So today, please take a momentnot to dwell on who left, but to
(14:52):
thank God for who He's becomingin you, who He's becoming in me
because of it.
So let's recap our episodetoday.
The first one is learning thegift of goodbye.
(15:17):
That is a big thing becausemany of us, and it's just in our
human nature, we don't want tosay goodbye, we don't want to
let go.
But God orchestrates thosethings in our lives for us to
have to say goodbye and for usto have to let go.
(15:42):
Number two, again, lessons inloss.
Because if you don't, thelikelihood of you repeating
those lessons, meaning thelikelihood of you bringing back
(16:11):
people who God delivered youfrom, but now in new people is a
hundred percent greater.
So we need to learn our lessonsin loss.
And third is the gratitude forgrowth.
We must have gratitude ineverything, and I know that
(16:38):
gratitude and loss for many ofus is like oil and water.
But when you learn to havegratitude in everything, no
matter the situation, no matterthe circumstance, everything
(16:59):
shifts for you.
Because gratitude opens up thedoor for God to come in, sup
with us, and work beautiful andtremendous blessings in our
lives.
(17:20):
And that is, God isn't cruel,he is very, very wise.
(18:02):
If he removed someone from yourlife, trust and believe that it
was absolutely necessary.
He's not just editing yourstory, he is protecting your
(18:23):
purpose.
Get that.
Remember that.
(18:51):
Remember that.
And if you only come back tothis episode just to play that
part, remember He is protectingyour purpose because each and
every one of us has a purpose.
God is protective over ourpurpose, and we need to be
(19:17):
protective over our purpose.
Thank you, thank you, thankyou.
And I'm so grateful that youchose to spend this time with
me.
And if this episode has spokento you, take a second to pause
(19:44):
and thank God.
Not just for what he has givenyou, but also, also, also, also,
for what he has removed out of.
Your life because I promiseyou, and I know this: you are so
(20:06):
much better for it.
I am so much better for theremoval.
In the beginning, it hurt likehell.
I was brokenhearted.
But let me tell you something,my sisters.
I am so much better for theremoval.
(20:29):
And please, share this episodewith someone who you think would
need to hear it.
And until next time, stay soft,stay grounded, trust the author
(20:54):
of your story.
Now you go and have anincredible, remarkable, and
magical day because that is whatyou deserve.
I love you, and I will see youin the next episode.
(21:16):
Take care.
Bye.
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