Find my course "Finding Your W.H.Y. Healing From Narcissistic Abuse" at https://mentalhealness.netHow long should you stay No Contact with a narcissist? In this video, I explain the real answer to how long No Contact should last - whether it's with a narcissistic partner, parent, or toxic person in your life. As a diagnosed narcissist, I break down why No Contact is meant to be permanent, how long it takes to heal, and when (if ever) it's okay to break No Contact.
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I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
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Remember, It's not your fault - https://a.co/d/2WNtdKJ
Episode Transcript
So how long should you stay no contact with your narcissistic
partner or parent? Whoever it is in your life?
Y'all? That's what we're talking about
today. How long should you cease
contacting this person? How long should you cut off
access to you from or by this person, this narcissistic toxic
(00:26):
ass person that has brought you so much pain, strife, emotional
trauma, physical trauma? How long should you do it?
Y'all? That's what we're talking about
today. Y'all?
That's the that's today's topic on a narcissist code.
If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammond.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself and I give you the inside
look at the mind of a narcissist, how a narcissist
thinks, and what a narcissist will do sometimes.
(00:47):
Right. But yes, no contact is exactly
what it sounds like. A if you don't know what no
contact is, it's exactly what itsounds like.
It means no contact. It means we are not talking
anymore. It means no access.
I think people think that no contact just means ignoring a
person. Like, no, I'm no, I'm no
contact, but I, I get texted emails and I haven't blocked
(01:10):
them. No contact is shutting the door,
closing the windows up. No contact is going in.
No contact. Pretty much y'all is like going
into a safe room with no entrances and no exits, right?
There's no other way to get intothis safe room other than you
allowing them into your safe room other than you allowing
them into your space. That's what no contact is.
(01:31):
That's what no contact really is, y'all.
And that's why I just tell so many people in these situations,
they're like, no contact is meant to protect you.
It's meant to keep you safe physically, emotionally,
mentally, all the other stuff, verbally, right?
Spiritually, all the other stuff.
It's meant to protect you and keep you safe.
(01:56):
This really it now, how long should you do it?
As long as it takes, right? As long as it takes to heal,
like most times. Let's keep it real y'all.
Most times when you're going no contact with a narcissist, it's
supposed to be permanent. No contact is supposed to be a
(02:17):
permanent solution. No contact is supposed to be
this is it. Like this is it, this is it.
There is no we we this this lasttime I'm talking to you, this
last e-mail that I send to you, this last text that I send
whatever it is, right, Whatever it is, this is supposed to be
(02:38):
it. There's nothing after this.
There's no future contact after this, ever.
That's why you have before you go no contact that that's why
it's so important that you understand this.
That's why it's so important that you understand the
necessity that is going no contact for good.
Like damn, I got. I need to go no contact forever.
Yes, you do. You do need to go no contact
(03:00):
forever. Like you do need to cut off
contact with this person probably forever because drum
roll it helps you heal. No contact is like you have to
build up a muscle y'all. It's like doing going to the
gym, doing curls right, I'm going to the gym, I'm doing
curls like the first day I do curls, I might not have nothing
here like there's nothing popping up.
There's nothing here. The first day I have no contact
(03:22):
is going to hurt. It's going to suck and for no
results damn near right. But over time, the more we do,
the more we got a little we got a little egg right here.
We get the no contact muscle. You have to build it up over
time. It's not a quick fix.
No contact is a concerted effort.
It takes effort and energy. I know when people hear the word
no contact, they think is automatically just like is
(03:44):
nothingness like it takes no effort, no energy just to block
and just stop talking to somebody.
It's this, it, it's so easy. No, no contact is going to have
to, it's going to take a toll. You have to pay.
It's damn it, you have to pay the toll to go no contact,
right? The emotional toll, the mental
toll, the toll toll, right? It's going to hurt.
(04:04):
It's going to suck. Because most times the person
that you're going no contact with, you've had a loan, like
you had some semblance of a future with, you've had some
semblance of longevity with thisperson.
It could be your parent, the person who raised you, maybe
they abused you or what not, butit's still your parent, right?
So you're thinking about that I might not ever talk to my Mama
(04:25):
again. This might be the last time I
talked to my dad. It's like them, they're, they're
passing away, right? It's damn near like this person
is gone for good. Like there's, there's nothing
else you're going to hear from this person.
This person is pretty much unalived.
You know what I mean? This person is pretty much gone
and that's going to suck to hear.
That's going to suck to deal with as a human being when you
(04:45):
are no longer talking to your mom or dad, husband, wife,
fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whoever it is.
Best friend, right? Your BFF, your bestie of 25
years that was banging your husband behind your back.
It's time to go no contact and go, right?
Your bestie that was sleeping with your wife, your homeboy
that was sleeping with your wifefor years behind your back.
(05:08):
Your kids, not yours, right? That might be going somewhere
else. But you see what I'm saying?
That's the type of stuff you have to prepare for.
There's going to be a, there's going to be a plethora of
emotions that you experience in this situation.
So you need to be prepared to gono contact forever.
That's one of those things. Now, is no contact always going
(05:30):
to be a permanent solution? No, let's be real.
It should be most times, but being realistic is not always
going to be a permanent solutionbecause no contact.
You might be no contact for 5-10years and you feel like you've
healed enough. So you might reach out to your
mom. You might try to reach out to
your dad with some new bound with boundaries and a newfound
(05:50):
strength. You might go to a therapist.
Your therapist said, hey, look, you've been no contact long
enough. If you're ready, you're ready.
Your therapist might tell you totalk to somebody, tell you the
therapist might encourage you torekindle those relationships
because you miss them or becauseyou're hurting going no contact,
right? So, but you have newfound
boundaries or you have unanswered questions or whatever
(06:10):
the case may be, right? I'm not telling you to break no
contact, but I've heard people tell me before in the past,
they're therapist. They've been I've been no
contact with my mom for five years and my therapist, it's
been affecting me greatly is I suck everyday.
I miss my mom. She was my best friend until I
realized that she was abusive and narcissistic and I had to
cut her off. And I've been no contact for
years that she keeps sending me gifts to my house and keeps
messaging, keeps emailing my kids, whatever the case may be
(06:33):
like I've been no contact. She she keeps creating fake
numbers. My mom has been harassing me
pretty much like my therapist told me.
Yeah, if I'm ready, I could break no contact to tell.
Either tell them to leave me alone or to reach out with new
boundaries and whatnot. If they don't respect my
boundaries, I can go no contact again.
Because now I know the truth. Now I know that I'm not.
(06:53):
Now I know the fact that I'm thefact that I've been questioning
myself for years. I've been right to go no contact
because this person doesn't respect my boundaries and she
broke no contact with her mom and she this has been the years
ago I haven't talked to in a while, but she end up breaking
no contact with her mom and talking to her for a little bit.
And I haven't know she's like she just told me she did it, but
(07:13):
I don't know how it actually went after that.
She she broke no contact and I don't know if it went bad or
good. She just, you know, it was kind
of the end of the call. But the one-on-one zoom we did,
but she said I proved no contactand I talked to my mom for a
little bit and I don't even knowwhat to say about it.
So maybe your mom is still the same person.
Maybe she wasn't, I don't know. But she ended up breaking no
contact. So in that situation right
there, it had no contact lasted for five years.
(07:36):
Sometimes no contact might be broken because of the law,
right? Legally, you have kids with this
person, you're trying to go no contact with your toxic
ex-husband or ex-wife or whatever, right?
And because you have kids together, it can be very
difficult to navigate that landscape because now you have
to talk to the person sometimes unless you have a, unless you
have a qualified third party or somebody like that, or you
(08:00):
might, you might have talked viaa parenting app.
You say you've been no contact, able to have a third party pick
and pick up and drop off the kids right through the kid
exchanges. So you haven't had to talk to
the person, but now they, they took you to court and the court
ordered you to use a parenting app to communicate with them
because the third party wasn't working.
You see, they that went on for afew months or whatever the case
may be, and then they had to break no contact because the
(08:23):
court ordered parenting app. So no contact.
That's not always going to be forever.
And I feel like, but if you're dealing with an abusive,
manipulative, horrible, evil assperson, then you have to set the
goal for no contact to be forever.
That's me. That's, that's what I this is my
thoughts right here. If it's your mom, dad or
somebody and they just were refusing to hear your side, if
(08:43):
anything refuses and take accountability for anything that
they've put you through, refusing to hear your side of
the story, refusing to hear you out at all, then yeah, yeah, it
might absolutely be time to go no contact for good.
You should absolutely set the goal to go no contact for good.
It should be that way. Let's keep you hot.
Let's keep it real and I know everybody.
(09:05):
Some people get afraid of the permanence like lay damn forever
yes, y'all forever. You might not ever talk to this
person again. So before you make the decision
to go no contact, make sure thatyou have all the questions that
you need answered answered. Even if they never going to get
an answer. I'm not telling you to reach out
to them to ask it to to to get these answers because they
(09:25):
probably would never give them to you.
I'm telling you internally that you have to be OK with not
getting the answers to some of these questions right.
I have a course about finding your why.
It's about healing for narcissistic abuse.
And one of the main thing that you need to heal in order to
move forward is being OK. We're not getting the answer to
every single question being OK We're not.
(09:46):
You said being OK with things like that going down and not
happening, right? Being OK with not ever seeing
this person again. Being OK without ever hearing
this person's voice again. It's called finding your why.
You can find on my website mentalillness.net, but that's
literally how it goes. So many people are battling
(10:06):
this. You have to set the goal for
what benefits you most. It takes as long as it takes.
No Contact is not meant to punish the other person.
There's so many people out therethat just like Lee, I don't
want. I'm not trying to punish my
narcissistic partner. I know you're not.
What I'm saying is you have to be OK.
Releasing yourself right where you have to be OK is not
(10:27):
punishment, it's preservation. You're preserving yourself,
you're saving yourself. You're protecting yourself.
You know all those words stalwart AP but the, the, the
punishment thing you're not doing, you're not trying to
punish them. You're just protecting yourself.
You're just guarding your own mental health.
You're just guarding your own physical health.
You're doing this stuff for yourown well-being.
(10:47):
And that's the most important part that people need to
realize. You're doing this to protect
yourself and to preserve yourself.
You're not doing this to punish that person.
That is not that that doesn't have to exist together in the
same space. These two things do not have to
exist together. I promise you.
So the people are going to be battling this literally.
I don't want to punish them. You're not punishing them.
You're protecting yourself. So going no contact, it takes as
(11:11):
long as it takes y'all seriouslyanyway, y'all?
I hope this video butchers in peace.
I hope it butchers some clarity.If it did hit that subscribe
button. Leave a like get a comment like
leave a comment. Y'all let me also let me know
what you say about the new editing, the new editing of the
videos. I like it.
I like the new editing video. Shout out to my editor Tom.
Appreciate you man anyways, y'all hit the subscribe button.
(11:34):
You haven't already? Mental illness.net for all
things Lee Hammock and I'm out. Peace.
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