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Why do narcissists lose their minds when you show them a video or screenshot of their own behavior? In this episode, I explain why holding up a mirror to a narcissist's actions triggers them so intensely - and why their reaction tells you everything about their shame.
🔗 Check out my courses "Understanding the 7 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship" and "Finding Your W.H.Y!" at https://mentalhealness.net
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I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
1 on 1's and all my links - https://beacons.page/mentalhealness
Remember, It's not your fault - https://a.co/d/2WNtdKJ
Episode Transcript
Why do so many narcissists lose their minds when you simply show
them a video of how they've beenacting?
That's what we're talking about today, Yeah.
How showing a narcissist a video, like you recorded them,
showing them a video, like, look, look how you've been
(00:22):
treating me. Look how you're acting.
Look what you've done. Showing them that can make them
blow their damn top, can make them explode and lose their
minds for good. That's what we're talking about.
Yeah, that's what we're talking about today.
That's what we're hopping on today.
Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
I'm a diagnose narcissist myself.
And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code, y'all.
(00:42):
We're going to be shifting to the mental illness podcast here
pretty soon, y'all, But the Narcissist Code is still here to
stay right now for the time being.
But yes, y'all First off, as youBob Lee, already know,
narcissistic people hate it whenyou hold a mirror to them when
you show when they when you showa mirror to them of how they've
(01:04):
been treating you of how they'vebeen behaving.
They can't stand it. It makes them feel like a bad
person. Like the damn near y'all seen
those movies. What a reflection takes over and
is evil and replaces the good person.
That's how it that's that's whatwe going on in the mind of a
narcissist about. It's kind of like you're showing
(01:25):
me a reflection of myself that brings so much shame to me.
I feel like a horrible human being, and maybe I am.
I know leave. I know I know y'all like leave.
Well, damn it If the if the if the cleft boot fits, you wear
that cleft boot. If that high heeled lug boot
fits you wear that high heeled lug boot to the heels were off
(01:49):
that thing. Lee if the boot fits where it
which I agree, right, If they'rebad people, then they are bad
people, but they don't want to see it, right?
They don't want to see it. It's not just let me say this as
well. It's not just videos that
narcissists hate. It's not just videos of them
being abusive or manipulative orhorrible.
(02:09):
It's text messages too. Something.
If you show them a screenshot ofsomething that they've sent you,
will you say something evil to them?
Seriously, they hate that too, because you're holding up that
mirror and you're showing them aversion of themselves that they
don't think exists. Or they don't want to see it.
They don't want it. They don't want to admit that
this evil version of themselves actually, actually exists.
(02:32):
So what they're doing instead isall this manipulative BS.
They're showing you exactly who they are, but they don't want to
see it. They want to hide it.
They want to run from it. So when you show it to them,
there's proof. It's proof it's right there in
front of their faces and they cannot stand it.
They hate it so damn much, right?
(02:54):
Y'all know it. You know what I'm talking about
it. They hate they can't stand it.
And the fact that they can't stand it is why they get so damn
angry. You have their their shame in
the palm of your hands and they hate that they really cannot
look because you you're showing me that I'm a bad person and I
don't want to admit to it, but you have the proof right there.
(03:17):
Like the other day. And this is based on the real
life thing as well. Y'all, the other day my wife,
she showed me a screenshot. I was like September, what's the
date? She's it was like September the
14th, the right. And she's like, it was like 11
years ago. It was September 14th of 2014,
eleven years ago, and she had wrote me a letter.
It was just saying, yeah, I'm, I'm going to do a video with
that letter. I told her I apologize for 11
(03:38):
years later, right. It's pretty much the letter was
saying that like you so emotionally shut off, I can't do
anything right. You make me feel in love.
It was so bad. Yeah, it was so bad.
I had been treating her. So I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so ashamed of it. Like I've seen it and I was
reading. I'm like, did I write?
Did she write this to me about how I was treating her?
I was so embarrassed. It made me feel like this big.
(03:59):
But because I've done 8 years oftherapy, I was able to look at
that, realized what I had done wrong, go upstairs and apologize
to my wife for something I did 11 years ago.
Like I'm so sorry I treated you that way.
You didn't deserve that. I you absolutely did not deserve
that. I was in a completely different
space than it back back then. I hated myself for that, right?
I hate my I hate the new me. The me right now hates the old
(04:21):
version of me. But if she has showed me that
letter, I mean, I probably read the letter 11 years ago and
probably said some mess up to it.
What what you've done. You don't support me, you don't
do this, you don't do that. She held up a mirror to my
behaviors and I was angry as hell when I read it.
Probably I don't remember it because I blocked stuff like
that out right, but that type ofstuff is embarrassing to me.
(04:43):
Old videos, old messages that you showed me look at you, you
remember you caught me fat. I'm like, oh, I hate it.
It makes me feel this big. So that's why a lot of times
you're narcissistic person losestheir minds because they feel
this big because you have to you, you have to shame in your
hands and another reason they lose their minds y'all because
(05:03):
guess what you have this, you have this evidence.
So guess what, you can show other people this one thing
ain't cracked. You have this evidence so you
can show other people. Somebody requested a cameo.
Y'all I do, y'all don't know. I do cameoscameos.com/mental
(05:24):
Illness, I do cameos. Birthdays, shout outs, questions
and answers do cameos. But yeah, y'all, you see how
that goes? Like that's realistically the
point of it. You see, you now have the proof,
you showing me how I'm enacting and how I've been treating you.
So guess what? Not only are you showing me, you
could show other people, right? Yes.
(05:46):
So now that's another reason I lose my mind.
That's another reason you're a narcissistic partner or parent
or friend, whoever it is. That's why they lose their minds
too. Because now the you might not do
it, but you have the ability to do it.
You could expose me. You can show people who I really
am. You have the power in the palm
of your hands just like you. It's not like a old an old
(06:11):
animated cartoon, right? They have the power in a palm of
my hands. I cannot think of.
I know it's a if you know a movie I'm talking about, drop it
in the comment section. The power in the palm of your
hand, like drop it in the comment section, 'cause I can't
think about it, but I know y'allknow, y'all be on the movie
references. I worked at Blockbuster for a
long, I, I worked at BlockbusterVideo for a long time.
(06:31):
So I watched a ton of movie. I watched the Blockbuster Video
on Farmington Drive in Greensboro, NC back and what was
it? O seven O 8.
Yeah, right. When my son was born.
O7O8O9, about 3-4, five years, whatever you know, but that was
that's what happened. Y'all like you have that power
in the palm of your hands. You could literally ruin my
(06:53):
life. You could literally expose me.
You can literally shatter the image that I've been portraying
to people. Let's just say, for instance,
I'm a pastor in the church, right?
I'm a church pastor and I've been treating you horribly
behind the scenes. Now I go to church every Sunday.
I'm like, praise God, praise him.
Yeah, yeah, I'm leading the, I'mleading the choir and prayer.
(07:16):
I'm like, we jamming in church, right?
We jamming in there. We bopping and we look, we
bopping and we bouncing. We doing all the, we doing all
the dance, right? We doing all our little dance
that we want to do right? So at home I'm treating you
horribly. I didn't cheated on you.
I had babies. I was deciding to wait outside
(07:37):
the marriage. I got to put my hands on you.
I got to do some horrible stuff.Now you show me if you have this
footage, you going to you going to share with the congregation,
right? So this image that I have of
being this good pastor, this great pastor, this great man,
guess what? You have the power to shatter
that image now, and I don't likethat.
(08:01):
I actually hate it with a wrong seething passion.
I cannot stand it. It is the bane of my existence.
It absolutely is. This is what goes on.
This is what be happening. So this is as we trans, as you
transitioning into the next stages of the relationship.
Understand if you are recording your narcissistic partner or you
(08:23):
have evidence, you have documentation of how they've
been treating you. Yeah, you need to protect that
documentation. You need to put it in a drop
box. You need to put it in a Tara
box. iCloud, it needs to go somewhere where they can't get a
hold to it because what's happened before is they will
find it and they will delete it.Because guess what?
(08:43):
Once it's deleted, prove that I did it to you, right?
Prove it. Prove that I hit you.
You don't have those pictures anymore of your bruises, right?
Prove that I lied to or cheated on you.
You don't have those pictures ofthe evidence.
What is the stuff in my affair partner sent you?
Prove it. If you have recorded them, if
you have documentation that they've been doing horrible
(09:05):
stuff to you, you need to protect that documentation.
You need to put it somewhere where they cannot get a hold to
it. Because if they get a hold to
it, guess what's going to happen?
They're going to delete it and they're going to act like
nothing happened. Sometimes they'll hurt you if
they know you've been recording them.
Sometimes they can get physically dangerous.
Not just the not just the emotional stuff.
(09:27):
They can become physically dangerous because them near a
good reputation is almost as good as breathing to a
narcissist, right? As long as I have a good
reputation, I feel like I'm alive.
I feel like I can breathe. So that's something you need to
think about when you're dealing with a possibly narcissistic,
toxic, abusive, manipulative, horrible ass person.
Because the more they feel like they can get away with it, the
(09:47):
more that they can delete, the more the behind, the more they
can do behind the scenes, the less likely you are to have
proof of it. Like they feel like.
The more I do behind the scenes without evidence, without proof,
I'm good. And the longer you stay, the
more in my mind, I think you're OK with this behavior.
I think you're OK with how I'm treating you.
I think you're OK with what I'm putting you through.
(10:09):
Because if you're, if you were not OK, what are you still doing
here? Why haven't you left just yet?
If you're not OK, you need to leave me then because the
evidence points to the contrary.The evidence says you are OK
because you haven't left. The evidence says that you are.
Everything is smooth because you're still here with me.
(10:32):
If you are documenting these narcissistic people or
documenting what they have been doing to you, put this diary,
this journal, this Manila envelope.
Put it somewhere where they cannot get a hold to it.
Put it somewhere where they cannot find it.
Put it somewhere where they don't know exists.
But I'm just telling you becausethere's so many people I talk to
(10:52):
that are heartbroken that their stuff got deleted and that
narcissistic partner or parent or whoever it is is gallivanting
around like nothing has happened.
That breaks so many people's hearts because they feel like
now their story would never be told.
And now it's going to be a he said or she said or they said
type of battle. I didn't do this.
Prove it. You had to prove.
(11:13):
But they deleted it because theyfound out exactly where it was.
So that's literally why you haveto protect yourself in these
situations. That's literally why it's so
important for you to protect theevidence, protect yourself,
protect your peace at all costs in the situations they go crazy
because they don't want to face themselves and they go crazy
because you could expose them aswell.
If this, if this video, if this video brought you some clarity,
(11:34):
if it brought you some peace, ifit answers some of those trying
questions that you might have had.
Y'all hit the subscribe button, hit the like button, leave a
comment as well. Y'all.
The Mental Illness podcast is launching pretty soon and Mental
illness.net for all things Lee Hammock and I am Out Peace.
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