What should you do when a narcissists tries to make you feel guilty? How do you survive the moments when narcissistic people are trying their hardest to make you feel bad about what you have done by trying to leave them or holding them accountable.
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I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
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Episode Transcript
What's going on, beautiful people?
So how do you survive the narcissist guilt trip?
When a narcissistic toxic persontries to make you feel bad about
holding them accountable or tries to make you feel bad about
wanting to relieve, wanting to leave a relationship that is no
longer serving you, how do you survive that?
(00:22):
That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the inside look at
the mind of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
(00:52):
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Y'all know I love the intro. I love it, I love it, I love it
again, y'all, we're transitioning to the mental
illness podcast here pretty soon.
The episodes about narcissists will still continue.
I'm just interviewing people across all spectrums of the
mental health dynamic gal. But get in the car, folks.
Get in the car and Pat, we're going on a guilt trip.
(01:14):
That's what that's what most narcissistic people will do to
you. They will take you on a guilt
trip. They will take you on a ride.
They want you to feel bad about the things holding them
accountable for the things that they do to you now.
Yeah. How crazy is this?
Does that sound? They want to hold you.
(01:35):
They want to make you feel bad for holding them accountable for
things that they did to you. Make that make sense.
Does that make sense to y'all? Does that make sense to y'all
how somebody could try to make you feel bad for something that
(01:57):
they did? Like, let's just say you want to
leave a toxic relationship with an Arcis is right.
Like they've cheated on you. They've done the most horrible
things in the world to you. They put you through hell,
right? They put you through hell and
back and then took you to hell again.
They put you through hell, pulled you back up and put you
back through hell again. They pulled you back up, right?
(02:18):
That's what they do. And then you finally decide to
just be like, I'm leaving, I'm out.
And they then they try to make you feel bad about you know
what? You know what?
Lisa Lisa, Lisa Lisa latte. You know what?
You really going to leave me? Wow, You going to abandon your
(02:40):
family? You going to leave me for a
little cheating? You going to leave me for crack
for for clapping some cheeks on the side?
I didn't even give them a round.I didn't even give them a round
of applause. I gave them a solo hand clap, A1
hand clap. It just bare.
It barely made any sound. And you going to leave me for
(03:00):
that? And I'm the bad guy at the
everybody else in my life has left me.
You going to leave me too? You going to leave me just like
my other girlfriend did, My wifedid, my 7 ex wives, my 14 ex
girlfriends? You going to leave me just like?
Are you just like everybody else?
(03:21):
You told me that you was different and I believed you.
I trusted you and you going to do me like this?
Is it working? And the scene?
I know, yeah, I know, I know. I know that that sounds
(03:45):
ridiculous, but that's how it goes.
Sometimes it really does What's going on, what's going on.
But that's how it goes without. For real.
They try to make you feel bad about the things that they do.
You want to leave after I've done something horrible to you,
you should leave, right? But they got to make you feel
bad about leaving. So how do you survive that,
(04:07):
right? How do you survive that?
First off, you need to realize that it's not your guilt.
I call this false guilt or projected guilt.
It's not really yours. It's theirs.
It's their guilt. It's them feeling.
(04:28):
Look, they know that they've done you wrong and they feel bad
about it. So they put it on to you, right?
They put it on to you. They project their guilt on to
you. That's what they do.
They'll put it. They'll put it directly on to
you and make you feel bad about holding them accountable for
(04:51):
what they did. Yeah.
Ain't that crazy? Isn't that insane?
Just think about how insane. Yeah, just think about how
insane that is right there of how they put it on to you to
feel this way, to go through this type of stuff with them,
Right? Yes.
This is like, like Joey said, this is life.
This is absolutely life, you know?
(05:11):
But this is what you have to deal with.
It's not your guilt. Release it.
Take that guilty pigeon and release it into the wild.
It's them projecting their feelings onto you.
It's false guilt. It's like a it's like a trap
door. It's like an easy exit.
It's them putting their bad feelings, their bad juju on to
(05:33):
you. It's not your fault.
It's not anything that you've done wrong.
Yeah. How they explain this to me
right here? How the hell is holding them
accountable? You doing something wrong to
them? You see what I'm saying?
How how is that? How is you holding them
accountable? You doing something wrong?
(05:53):
Unless they're just so emotionally immature or
delusional to think that it's your fault.
Like you and you. Like what?
I I did What? Yeah.
Who said that Lady or less. You're absolutely right that
false guilt is hurtful because it feels real, doesn't it?
I know. Like Lee, you say it.
You. Lee, you said it's false.
But if you're real. Yeah.
It's supposed to feel real. That's why it hurts, right?
(06:16):
That's why it hurts. That's why it sucks, because it
feels real. It's supposed to feel real.
It's supposed to make you question everything that's going
on and what not, right? And sometimes it's not just
about cheating and stuff like that.
Sometimes, just like Saeed Ahmadsaid, my narc father uses
religion to guilt me. Absolutely.
(06:37):
And it doesn't have to be 1 specific religion.
They can all they can use all different types of religions
against you, all of them, all ofit, right?
All different types of religionscan be used to make you feel
bad. You know what you going to lead?
You going to abandon your father.
(06:59):
You know what the Bible says? You know what the Quran says
about disrespectful little bastards like you.
I know the word bastard ain't inthe Quran.
I know it's not in the Bible, but I put it there because you
little bastard, it need to be there and they need to rewrite
the Bible. It is to include little bastards
like you, you little bastard, you know what I'm saying?
(07:20):
This is what they do. They will use religion to make
you feel guilty. Again, that's not your guilt,
that's manipulative. That's projected guilt.
Again, that's religious manipulation.
That's religious abuse. That's spiritual abuse right
there. This is the type of things that
they will do to make you feel bad.
You know, they really, they really want to make you feel bad
(07:41):
and that's what, and they will keep doing this type of stuff
over and over and over again because it works.
If, if one guilt trip works, if it continuously works, why would
they stop doing something that works?
You know what I mean? Why would they stop doing
something that works for them? Why would they stop doing that?
You got to ask yourself that question.
Well, Lee, why? Why don't they stop doing it?
(08:02):
Because they feel like it works,right?
They they feel like it works. And this is absolutely true.
Like Angela said, narcissists use guilt to make sure that you
will stay with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Or have they? But seriously, they absolutely
will make you feel guilty in order to keep you there with
(08:23):
them. Because it works, doesn't it?
It absolutely works. It keep.
This type of stuff consistently happens when you deal with
narcissistic people. They want you to feel bad.
And the more the better. The worse you feel about
leaving, The more you will. The worse you feel about
leaving, the more you tend to stay.
Wow. You really going to leave me
after you know my my husband cheated on me.
(08:45):
You know I cheat. My husband left me for cheating
on him. He didn't give me a second
chance. You going to leave me to you
just like him? Guilt works.
What's going on? Rhyme.
Guilt works. What's going on, Michael?
Guilt works, it does. Every Muslim uses Quran, every
Muslim woman says no marriage isperfect.
(09:06):
Guys like themselves. There you go.
Guilt absolutely does work. God bless you as well.
God bless you. Guilt works, it does.
They'll make you like sometimes y'all.
They'll make you feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with
them. Like y'all.
They can have the dirtiest private area ever.
They can have bumps, bruises, hickeys everywhere, right?
(09:30):
They got bumps, bruises, hickeys, a a tattoo of the other
person's name down there, Dirty,stinking, and make you feel bad
about not wanting to sleep with them, right?
How do you survive that? Don't do it.
Yeah, just 'cause they're tryingto make you feel bad doesn't
mean you have to feel bad. I know it's easier said than
done. Take a breath.
If they all bumped up and stinking, you don't want to put
(09:53):
that anywhere around your own private area or in your mouth.
Don't be crazy as hell. Don't be crazy.
Put a bumpy put a bumpy Willie anywhere near your yourself or
bumpy, bumpy bumpy private area.Sting in private.
I don't put that anywhere near your face.
You doing? Don't let them flip back while
you want to. You want to sleep with me?
(10:14):
You must be sleeping somebody else then.
Yeah, I got bumps. Yeah, I got hickeys.
Yeah, I got scars and warts. I got a wart.
Wow, you're so perfect, right? You're so perfect.
You got a perfect mind. I can't help.
I got warts. Ain't that crazy?
Ain't that crazy? Darcy used the Bible as an
excuse for eternal forget. They absolutely will try bumps,
(10:35):
bruises and infections. Oh, it's just nasty.
And try to make you feel bad about bad about not wanting to
do it. Come on, now.
Come on, Come on, man. Even if they good looking and
smell good, still don't know? Yeah, even.
Yeah. Especially if they try to make
you feel bad about it. If they're trying to make you
feel bad, you don't have to do it.
(10:56):
Because guess what? If you do something because they
made you feel bad, you're going to feel bad after you do it.
Understand that as well. That's how you survive it.
Understand that you're going to feel bad even after you do it.
You're not going to feel better.You're not going to feel better
after they. You didn't put put a bumpy Willy
in your mouth here. You're not going to feel bad
about that. I probably yeah, you're not
going to feel better. I'm just keep it hot and ready
(11:17):
with you. You're not going to feel better.
You're going to feel worse. You're going to want to go get a
Plan B or tetanus shot or syphilis shot or whatever you
want. You you going to want to get
some meds or some prep. What you got that prep you're
going to get some prep for it right?
You're going to want to do so. You're going to feel bad about
doing it later on. You're going to feel bad about
staying. You don't feel bad about
sleeping with them. You're going to feel bad about
(11:38):
letting them drive your car. You're going to feel bad about
giving them money. Just understand you're going to
feel bad even if you do it. They're trying to make you feel
bad for not doing it, but understand they're going to make
you feel bad even if you do it. It's in.
Is that y'all y'all hear Thano, what Thano said I am inevitable.
You're going to feel bad. It is inevitable.
(11:58):
Snap. They're going.
You're going to feel bad about it.
Regardless of how it goes, you're going to feel bad.
That's the type of stuff that's going to happen.
Yes, Alex Brie said yes. Felt bad before it even worse
after, because you gave into it.You gave in and did something.
You were coerced into doing something that you didn't want
to do. You didn't want to give up the
(12:20):
cheeks. They coerced you.
You gave up the cheeks and now you feel bad about giving up the
cheeks. You see what I'm saying?
They made you feel bad about, not about not wanting to eat the
booty like groceries. And then you ate the booty like
groceries. And now you feel bad for doing
it. You know you shouldn't have did
it. You know you shouldn't.
You knew you know you shouldn't have did it.
But now you feel bad. You know you.
(12:48):
You know you shouldn't have doneit, but now you feel bad for
doing it. Stop.
I'm sorry. Yeah, stop.
Yeah. I've been joking too much.
I've been joking, Adam. I'm good.
(13:09):
I'm good. Yeah, I've been joking too much.
I am surprised by the consistency of their lives.
The guilt trip never ends. You finally give in after the
hundred time delusion. Yep.
And then if you give in after the hundred time, they're going
to do it 101 time, right? 101st times, 100 and 101
Dalmatians, right? It's always the Peach.
(13:31):
Yeah, it's always the cheeks. Yeah, yeah.
I'll be cranking myself up sometime.
I I don't even know what I'm going to say sometimes.
Y'all it just, yeah, it just be coming out.
I just let it flow. Whatever come, whatever comes to
my mind, I just let it flow and it comes out and I just feel
it's just, I feel OK after I sayit, right?
They have no morals. So the crazy thing about it is I
(13:52):
think a lot of narcissists have morals for other people.
I'll say it like that. They have morals for other
people. They have morals overall, in
general, but they don't just, you know, I, I'm a morally sound
person. I don't believe in cheating.
They'll cheat on you, but they'll hold you to account if
they think that you're cheating on them.
(14:14):
They have morals. They just don't.
The morals don't apply to them. You see what I'm saying?
The morals don't apply to me. You see that's what's going on.
My narc hits his lip. It looks like he smelled his
like this. I bet it does.
Nick, what does it mean when a narc doesn't mention your name
as a victim after a smear? We kind of, I'm kind of confused
(14:37):
by the question when they don't mention your name as a victim.
I'm, I'm kind of confused by thequestion.
Heidi said. I'm not living in guilt anymore,
but I did for four years. Now I feel a lot better 'cause I
used to think I used I 'cause I 'cause I think the set boundary
for myself think what's best formyself.
There you go. Good job for you right there.
Good job. Good job.
Absolutely true that they have double standards.
(14:57):
Yeah. The is the truth you are saying
out loud and they some can't handle it.
Yeah, I'll be. Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes I spit a little bit, right.
I do spit a little bit sometimes, right?
Oh my God. I had a guy who was cheating say
that exact same thing. He believes cheating is wrong,
but cheats the most. Yeah, because they had they they
had that they're morally bankrupt.
(15:18):
They will absolutely try to holdyou to account for cheating or
think they think you cheating onthem, but they will absolutely
won't do it. Right there.
You see what I'm saying? That's the way it goes right
there. That's literally how it goes.
Would a rich narc marry a strongwoman but let her control his
phone and everything he can and can't do?
Even after two years, he still love bombs.
(15:39):
How can this even be? If he lets her control him, who
let? So he married somebody else?
Rich narc marry a strong woman. I mean, sometimes they will.
So they smeared you? The smear collapse.
All of a sudden, the narcissist avoids the name of the.
Yeah, Yeah, I couldn't see that.They.
The. The shame will make them avoid
it. Yeah, I would say the shame
(15:59):
would make them avoid. I can see that happening.
Yeah, but anyways, y'all let me hop off this thing.
I got to hop off this thing really, really quick.
The podcast is on and popping. My courses and support groups
are available at mentalillness.net.
My support group is available atmentalillness.net.
We go live every single Sunday afternoon, every single Sunday
(16:20):
evening in the support group on Zoom.
It's a private Zoom. Joy's a member.
Joy can tell you we have great lives every single Sunday in a
support group. The mental healers is own and
poppin. You can find it at
mentalillness.net. Mental illness.net for all
things Lee hammock into the codemothers or fathers for 50% off
(16:40):
everything on there. Y'all show me your Willy.
Somebody said look, show me yourWilly.
It was a kind of crazy request Later see even Joey said it's a
very good support group. So yay.
Anyway y'all let me help out this thing I'm out.
Peace. How big is itching?
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